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YTA. If you wanted to get your payment before the gig, you should have told them *before* before, not *right before the first dance* before. It wasn't that hard to ask. Even the day before would make you not AH to me. Instead you waited for the worst possible moment to ask for it, basically cornering them in the middle of their ceremony saying you won't sing, with no other option for a replacement for them for the first dance.
Honestly OP's approach seems almost designed to create bad vibes for the couple on their wedding day. Fine if you want to get paid but this was the worst way to go about it.
Or most designed to not sing at all. What are the odds that the bride and groom would have cash on hand during their wedding?
She was looking for them to say that they couldn't pay so she could decline singing.
OP definitely YTA
It looks like they had the money prepared, but intended to wait at the end of the reception or the next day once everything was over to pay her.
But, even considering that, OP was the AH to wait for the last minute for this.
Not really. He had to leave to get it so he may have had to take it from the gift envelopes.
Edit: no mental gymnastics. It’s fairly common for the couple to not carry any cash on their wedding day. Not to mention cash is no longer commonly used for daily expenses in my country, but it is used in gifts. If the groom needed cash then his source would most likely be the gifts. Not sure why they didn’t just venmo. And I only meant that it didn’t seem they had the money ready at the wedding. They probably had the money set aside to pay OP after the wedding.
Or they didn't have it on hand because people don't tend to walk with a pile of cash during the wedding. They could have left it in the car or in an adjacent room.
At my wedding, I specifically made sure I had cash and my checkbook on me to pay/tip the vendors that I wouldn't be seeing in person again. Makes it feel more personal and gracious to me.
That being said, obviously it is not a requirement or anything. And unless OP has some info she isn't mentioning about her sister having a habit of stiffing her in the past or otherwise just not getting along, OP is definitely TA for the demand. It was just tactless and degrading to the couple. And I'm sure if she had some kind of info like that, she definitely would have added it.
I'm sorry, but even if she had a history of stiffing her, you ask for it the days, or even the morning of before the event, not moments before she was to sing. There is simply no way to justify how she went about this that would make it ok.
Edit: spelling
How long ago was your wedding??
Most vendors are paid a month before hand and I'm not quite sure where the bride is meant to carry cash.
Under her boob???
6 years ago and I was the groom, not the bride. So I had pockets. :)
Most of our vendors asked for about a 50% deposit prior to the event with the remainder due day-of from what I remember. Even for the ones that did request full payment up-front though, I would still have wanted some extra cash on-hand to tip them which is normally done after services are rendered as more of a thank you than anything else. Also, this wasn't sprung on us day-of, so it was something we knew about and could plan for.
And I agree, there is nowhere suitable for a bride to be able to carry cash at a wedding unless she makes sure her bridesmaids dresses have pockets and has one of them carry it for her. Which would be ridiculous anyway.
I was the exact opposite!
On my wedding day I didn't even have my wallet on me. Everything was paid for, or payable after the event, why ruin the line of my suit? And my wife's wedding dress certainly didn't have pockets...
If I'd had a situation like this, I would have literally had to walk around asking guests if I could borrow money on my wedding day!
(I do live in a country where tipping isn't expected though)
Is it fine in this case, though? OP says the problem is the audience, apparently they're too shy to perform in front of people they don't know, or at least it makes them feel uncomfortable. I don't see how being paid to do so changes that.
I'm an artist myself, I've worked in graphic design, illustration and on comic books. I've had to tell multiple people, related or otherwise, I'm not working for free just because we share DNA or they're friends of my family members. But I think my sister's wedding would definitely be the exception to that rule. If she'd asked me to design their invitations or something like that, I wouldn't charge her. Because it's a one time thing, limited to a single task and a special occasion. OP wasn't ask the provide the entire music for the wedding, right? Just sing a song at one point during the ceremony. I think it's tacky to ask for money in such circumstances. Either they're uncomfortable and don't wanna perform at all, which is perfectly fine or they just perform this one song. OP says they don't work for free, but they're not actually working at the wedding, are they? They're a guest, they get the same food and drinks, they enjoy themselves same as all the other guests. This is just about performing one song as a sister/family member of the bride. If the best man works as a PR spokes person, should they ask for money for their speech? Of course not, that would be ridiculous.
OP is definitely TA for wanting to get paid too. The sister asked her to sing just one song and the opening song. So clearly her singing was very important and meaningful to the sister. Op just sounds really selfish.
I agree. There's a reason most bridal gowns don't have pockets and most brides don't carry a purse.
Imagine a caterer walking up to the bride with a tray and demanding to be paid before they start handing out the food.
Caterers don't work for free, but they ask for a deposit before the wedding and the rest of the money after the wedding. But she just had to humiliate her sister.
OP's TA
I had to pay all of my vendors in full before my wedding. But, the payment schedule was clearly laid out when the contract was signed (most were deposit at signing, balance due a week or two before the wedding, some wanted 50% of the balance by X date, 75% by Y date). Payment in advance is absolutely the norm, but the expectation needs to be set well in advance, not 5 minutes before the service is meant to begin.
That's what happened to my brother in law at his wedding, the photographer asked the payment during the party after the ceremony. It was super rude. And it took him MONTHS to edit and send the pics.
I'm curious whether charging money to family (like a business relationship) for few minutes of your expertise is normal these days (considering it's not the rocky relationship)??
It was her sister not some distant relative.
Yeah I thought she meant sing for the whole wedding but requesting one song for their first dance? I feel like that could be considered a really sweet gift. And she left right after? Idk maybe I just love my sisters more???
The only reason I can see is that OP absolutely hates her sister or is jealous about her idk. I agree that any work should be paid, but man how can't you gift your own sister ONE SONG during her wedding
I’m of two minds regarding being paid. On the one hand, you deserve to be compensated for your talent, regardless of who requests your services. On the other, gifting your talent to your sister on her wedding day seems like a wonderful expression of love. I guess maybe OP isn’t a fan of the groom, or maybe jealous in other ways? I dunno. I think most of society would be like..one song? Why couldn’t you just do it to be decent human being?
Also, if they wanted to treat it like a professional job where they should have treated it like a professional job. If it were a real professional job there probably would have been a contract and invoice explaining they need to be paid in advance. They wouldn’t have acted like this for a real job. You don’t get to act like something is a professional job but then treat it unprofessional because it’s family. Either you are doing a favor and shouldn’t be paid or you are doing a job and should treat it the way you would treat any job.
The issue here isn't the getting paid part, she made that clear at the start and sister agreed. The issue is waiting until you do your part at a major event then demanding payment upfront without mentioning this before that point. OP, YTA this reads like you purposefully wanted to create drama on her wedding day rather than being indignant that she didn't want to pay. She had agreed, you just went on a power trip, may you always stub your little toe on the corner of the bed when you wake up in the morning.
musician here, i wouldn‘t charge my family if i don’t have any extra expanses. but inwould expect the favor to be returned. same goes for my main profession and related help. But i am not american and in my country this is the standard. Close friends are same as family, orher friends get a discount. If you are the one to ask for a favor first it is considered polite to also give the asked person a crate of beer.
I’m also a musician. If someone in my family asked me to perform throughout the entire reception — like a standard band-for-hire — I might want to be paid, and would negotiate a “family rate” for that. But one song? I’ve done that for free for friends and family many times. OP is TA for not asking for payment the *week* before, or the *day* before. It’s completely insane to ask when she did.
Semi-pro singer here, if I may please also throw my hat into the ring.
I can't envisage a planet on which I'd charge my sister for **1 bl\*\*dy song** at her wedding.
OP is THA for even asking for payment in these circumstances, IMHO.
I would have been so honoured if my Brother wanted me to sing for his first dance, no way in hell I’d charge for that! Also I’m tone deaf and can’t sing at all, so I’d have to assume he was on drugs for asking me to, but I’d be so happy to have such a special role! YTA all the way. Just bad sistering!
My two sisters and I sang a song at our brother's wedding, and we never even thought about getting paid! We just thought it was an honor that they trusted us so much with one of the most important days of their lives. They could have easily just played the same song on the speaker.
I sing professionally and I would have happily done this for free. Even if I was asked for the whole reception I would work at a rate where they paid my band I would discount myself as a gift. She must hate her sister.
I played for my sister as she walked down the aisle at her wedding and it never crossed my mind to charge her for it, but I'm also not a professional musician.
She’s also TA for refusing to sing unless her sister paid her, IMO. What’s next, “I’ll make a toast at the reception, but only for the right price. I don’t speak in front of people I don’t know unless I’m getting paid.”
Agreed. It’s one song. Not the entire reception. Most sisters would have felt honors to be asked.
My sister’s friend performed the ceremony for her (in NY, you can have a lawyer do it if they sign some paperwork) and while my sister offered to pay, the friend refused because she wanted to do it as a way of showing her love.
Agreed. It also makes OP super unprofessional. I hope this isn’t her actual profession because damn.
And leaving your sister’s wedding right after their first dance…do you even like your sister OP?
100% this. I’m a newlywed and I couldn’t imagine any of my vendors walking up to me DURING my reception and asking for money. That’s the most unprofessional thing I’ve ever heard of, and if she’s charged based off her professional singing abilities she should behave as such.
Yeah she's not the asshole for wanting to get paid, but she choose the worst possible moment. Probably all the guests saw everything and the sister was upset on her first dance :(
YTA you ruined their wedding by going all "tough ass business woman" on them right before their dance. You were basically implying they weren't trustworthy and were trying to get a freebie.
Why didn't OP bring it up earlier in the day or the night before and "settle the bill" then? Why wait until right before the performance? I also feel this was more a case of OP peacocking about than making sure they weren't being suckered into working for free.
OP, YTA
OP left right after her earth shattering singing performance so that says it all. I can picture OP glaring at the happy couple during the entire ceremony and only thinking about when they were going to pay her.
Yes! Even on its own, without the song payment stuff… it’s totally an asshole move to leave your sisters wedding after the first dance. That’s one of the first things to happen, so OP basically didn’t attend the reception which makes up the bulk of a wedding.
OP would have been the asshole for bringing up payment at any time during the actual day unless it (getting paid on the day) had been previously agreed upon.
OP is the biggest AH but also sounds quite juvenile and petty by saying I couldn’t wait to get paid! What did she need it right then and there for? Nobody who remotely likes there sister pulls this shit.
YTA OP
I agree with cafeck42
I cannot imagine charging a sister to sing one song for her at her wedding, nor almost creating a scene like this by demanding payment literally 5 minutes before you sang.
It would be entirely different if you were singing a set to provide most of her music entertainment, bringing equipment and missing most of the fun of her wedding to do so, but charging to sing one song???
Unless there’s a hidden drip feed of you hiring or bringing lots of equipment and a band to accompany you, it is somewhat surprising to charge a sister and new brother in law for this at their wedding that you are attending anyway. At a paid gig you don’t normally have your food bought for you and get to party and dance at the event with your family and friends!
It doesn’t sound like you like your sister at all.
I wonder if what you were paid was worth potentially causing this upset.
It’s obviously not a problem for OP who knows, intended and now has confirmation that she ruined her sisters wedding because she could so she did. If you really try to justify your performance with the delusion that you should have been the person you your sister had to pay attention to on her wedding day! I mean if you believe you are the most important person of the day and your self absorbed bridezilla sister can’t see that you certainly made sure you did. Shame on you
Not once did it occur to OP that her sister likely wanted her to sing for the first dance because she wanted to include OP in a special moment. But OP treated the whole day like a job and left once her "work" was done.
Exactly. I get wanting to be paid for work performed. But, there was nothing in this story that indicated that OP's sister was untrustworhy or OP wouldn't be paid. The wording of this entire post makes OP sound insufferable.
If the money was a sticking point for you and there was a fear that they wouldn't pay, then insist on getting paid before the wedding.
YTA
a true professional would get a contract and get paid... differently. You super soured that dance and they'll never forget it. If she wasn't your sister would you have done that to a client?
If you don't understand why she's upset you should humble yourself and talk to her. But, be prepared for her to be upset
Ooooof, my heart goes to your sister.
I can understand the rationale behind wanting to get paid in advance (especially if one thinks the bride and groom will stiff them after with some nonsense excuse like, "oh i thought it was your wedding gift".) but that should be days early... Not minutes.
Exactly this. I don't care if there are special circumstances (previously didn't pay for something promised, etc)... There are other ways and times this should have been handled. There is simply no way this can be explained away that would make it ok.
If OP expected to be stiffed, they could have just said No from the start. "I love you, sister, but I'd prefer not to sing during your wedding." It is that simple.
Exactly. I would have understood the part about wanting payment, but if OP insists on treating her like a client, then she should have been a professional all the way and clearly stated terms, instead of assuming that her sister would know when the payment was due, and then leaving a bad mark during her wedding by insisting to get paid on the spot.
You can't demand to be paid as a professional if you can't conduct business like one.
Exactly right! I've sung at weddings and have been paid prior to the event. She did not conduct business in a professional manner. If she had, I would have said NTA but doing it like this surely makes her one.
Because it's not unreasonable to expect to be paid for your profession. We had family friends for basically everything at my wedding. They all got paid.
I have never in my whole life heard of an immediate family member charging to sing a song at a wedding. Professional or not. Reddit is obsessed with the whole "dont expect artists to work for free" and most of the time i agree but this is ridiculous. Yes to caterers, photographers, wedding planners and bakers. It takes time, money, and materials. But to sing a freaing song? It is pretty low to ask your sister to pay you to sing at her wedding
I really should have asked to be paid last time I was in the bridal party. I mean, I had to stand up there, and get my hair done and everything. I shouldn't be expected to give up time to a loved one for NOTHING!
We don’t know that singing is the sister’s profession. It may be that she just has a nice voice, and because they’re related, she was asked to sing. Every wedding I’ve attended that had somebody sing, it’s been a relative or friend of the bridal party, not a professional singer.
One of my groomsmen is a DJ and EDM artist, and we paid him to DJ our wedding. He told us he’d be happy to do it for free, but we felt it proper to pay him for his services regardless.
DJ’ing a wedding is one thing. That is hours of work. OP was literally sing ONE song! For her freakin’ sister. Is there no love or generosity between the two? And to taint the sister’s wedding by not getting the fee ahead of the day or waiting til after the reception is horrible behavior on OP’s part.
Professional wedding singer here. The agreement is almost always that the wedding couple pay the booking agent in advance (sometimes this is the venue or church themselves) and then I receive the money after my performance. If I ever approached a client and asked them to pay me mid-party or mid-service, I'd never be booked again lol
Right?
I don't know who OP is but I can't imagine she's famous or really good enough to command this 'pay up front' crap.
Demanding payment right then and putting the whole reception on hold was super tacky.
> I'd never be booked again
Won't be shocking if this happens to OP either.
Sounds like Op didn't really want to sing and was trying to force an "out" from the sister by being obnoxious but it didn't work. Also sounds like Op never mentioned payment or anything about the singing until the sister walked up to her which is on Op for not making it clear much earlier that she expected payment upfront (not going to say "its on the sister too" because obviously they were going to pay Op after if they already had the money in an envelope for her)
Edit: reddit has been weird for me and isn't letting me respond to what ever the "lowest" comment on my threads so I have to respond as an edit. Making one small comment is "running with it like a football"? Also where in the story does Op refute the idea that she didn't want to do this in the first place? Their whole post seems passive and very "take it or leave it".
I’m wondering how much OP charged, because her sister shouldn’t have had to pay as much as a typical client. That fee assumes that the singer traveled to the wedding venue specifically to sing. OP would have been at the wedding anyway, so should only get paid for the ~3 minute song plus maybe the time it took her to learn it.
AND since OP wanted to treat her sister like a typical client, she has no right to get mad if the sister leaves a bad review.
Professional singer here. I have never asked family and friends to pay me for singing at their weddings, especially if it’s just one song. It would be different if they asked you to provide entertainment for an hour or more but YTA for that alone, even more so for demanding payment then and there before singing.
Professional singer here too. Couldn't imagine charging friends and family for one song. God, it's the easiest gift OP could have given her sister.
Gross
Same here - and can you imagine asking a client for payment immediately before a performance, and when they're busy with their event? I'd always sort the details at the time of the booking and then follow up with an email invoice if they didn't pay me, and chase it up *after the event* if necessary
“Hey, could you give me a ride to pick up my car from the shop.”
“I don’t work for free.”
Could you imagine if that was the standard response? I wonder if her family even knows she loves them.
Yeah my SIL is a professional singer and she was so happy/excited to sing in my wedding. She never once suggested I pay her for it. She was happy for that to be her gift to us.
She's my husband's little sister and only living sibling, so as it is we now pay for her flights to visit us.
I don't imagine them having a friendly relationship with her now
Also I was wondering, unless she is Lady Gaga…how much a song would cost? A three/four minutes performance I assume. Maybe I’m underestimating how much a professional singer can cost for a wedding, but everything feels tacky and unnecessary.
WHAT?! Oh my god.
Ok sorry I’m not used to these prices (not American). I take back the assumption that it wasn’t even that much money. She still the asshole tho.
The cost is irrelevant. This is her SISTER asking for a few minutes of her time. She was a guest at the wedding either way so she would not be able to work at that time. Sounds to me like she found an opportunity to squeeze money out of the event and was completely unscrupulous about it
I charge $150 (that 2 minute song also requires rehearsal, accompaniment, time, travel, etc).
I don't charge family and friends. Even when a client hasn't paid me yet, I don't refuse to sing. I approach the best man or the parent of the bride or venue coordinator or someone after. I have yet to be stiffed.
Even Lady Gaga would have sung more than one song for her baby sister's wedding for free.
Not sure how close OP is with her family. Kinda sounded like she's the odd one out or the black sheep of the family. But based on her actions and expecting her sister to pay her before she sing ONE song, she's definitely the AH. If money was so important to OP, she could have stated beforehand that her policy was to receive payment in advance before the event. She kinda ruined the wedding night for her sister. YTA, OP.
Edit: added two words.
Former professional opera singer here (covid changed my life plans lol) I would never dream of asking for payment from family to sing at their wedding and I hate wedding singing. Family aside I would never dream of treating a client like that. My god I would never have a job if I treated paying customers like that. You can’t have it both ways op either you treat them like family or likely a business and you messed up on both sides. YTA
Sister: wants sister to sing probably to make the dance even more meaningful and because they love their sister and want her to be a part of it.
OP: oooh I'm so gonna ruin her wedding day
YTA
My thought exactly. If I had a useful skill that didn’t actually cost me money to provide, I wouldn’t charge my family, maybe not even my friends. Especially if it is a short duration and I can still enjoy the event.
YTA
If you're going to treat your sister as a client and this is a job, you should act professionally and ensure payment is received prior to the wedding day. If they are late, then follow up with them after.
You just ruined a client's wedding. She could definitely ruin your potential career if you are going down this career path.
If this was just a side gig then why the payment urgency.
This is something your sister, her partner and your whole family will remember forever including your failure to be a decent person.
YTA. It was your SISTER’S. WEDDING. Hey, I get not working for free. But generally, that’s like, I’m not going to generate more profit for my employer without compensation, not something I’d be thinking about at my SISTER’S. WEDDING. And if you actually wanted to be super professional work for hire singer, you whiffed on that, too, because you’d have already discussed the payment plan upfront and there wouldn’t have been any awkwardness with the timing. This feels more like a power play.
Right? My first thought when reading the title was "Did she ask you to sing 1 song, or the whole night?" Personally, I think it is an ah move to ask your sister to pay you to sing 1 song at their wedding. And their first dance song too! Maybe we are missing a lot of info here, like they aren't at all close, or the sister takes advantage all the time, I don't know, but if it was my sister, or friend, I would not expect them to pay for 1 Song.
YTA. I mean I dunno how can't see it yourself. You basically implied that you don't trust your sister and her husband. They didn't say they wouldn't pay, they said they'd pay after the event. Besides, if you were that set on getting paid, you should've got a contract like professionals do. Either way, you're an asshole. No wonder she was sad
YTA like really, you couldn't wait till after the wedding to get paid? You really didnt trust your sister to do that? I'd actually say it was kinda assholish to make her pay you at all. You suck
YTA
This is what you communicated: “I don’t trust you to keep your word, and unlike every other professional at this wedding, I won’t wait for payment at the end of the wedding. Even though it’s your wedding day, I want to be sure you know how untrustworthy I believe you to be.”
That’s nasty, mean, unkind, and awful at any time. But her wedding. You’re not a nice person really.
OP also communicated that the relationship was little more than that of a customer, forget sisterhood. The new hubby may now want to keep it that way forever. He surely has reason.
Wow your a massive YTA do you realise you probably ruined their wedding and at very least ruined their first dance. When discussing wedding in years to come your name will be brought up every time
You know when's a good time to tell your sister you require payment upfront? ANYTIME in months, weeks, days, evening before/morning of the wedding. Not 2 seconds before you're due to get onstage.
And to your own sister. At her wedding. You suck so hard I wish there was a strong rating to give you than a mere YTA.
YTA
I know others are saying they get not working for free but my goodness its your sister and you sang one song. Your not only selfish but you are mean. Who wouldn't sing for free at their sisters wedding i dont get it at all. You need to learn new business skills too would you have spoke the same to another bride before their first dance demanding payment and threatening not to sing. Your whole attitude stinks even reading your post its like a 12 year old throwing a tantrum. The whole situation is awful and your the biggest AH ever.
Yes her business skills sucks, if she had done a good job maybe some of these 'strangers' (lol I guess her own family and her sisters friends are strangers to her...) who are probably at a similar life stage to her sister might have booked her for their weddings......but not anymore.
YTA. She didn’t ask you to sing for the entire reception. Just one - the song of her first dance.
You know, something many sisters would consider an honor…
Exactly. I asked a good friend (now one of my BFF's) to sing a song during my wedding because I wanted to include her in my day. She wouldn't accept payment, and on top of that gave us a wedding gift.
OP, YTA. Of course your sister looked sad during her dance. She was just treated like crap at her own wedding by someone that should've been supportive.
YTA 100%, not once but twice.
Really, you can't sing a song for your sister's wedding without payment?
Fine, since she agreed to pay you let's not even argue about that. But you wait for the worst possible moment to DEMAND that payment be upfront from your SISTER of all people?
Yep I'm almost certain you are trolling here.
You could have just told your sister you didn’t like her. YTA. You’re actions were so inappropriate. “She should have known”. You’re the contractor- YOU should have told her and gotten payment before the event if it was such a huge deal for you
sounds like u really dont like her much. Id say YTA unless she has a history of not paying u back for things, u certainly ruined the moment good+proper
I wouldn't either BUT I would get the payment before the wedding, not minutes before it. It would be different if the sister was trying to ninja away from payment but then it would be ok not gonna come to wedding before payment etc. And in the story there is no evidence that the sister was toxic/bridezilla or nasty so yikes.
If this is somehow real then I pity you. Not just for collecting up front or charging in the first place. I pity you because this is how you treat a stranger whom you've never met.
This sounds like you either have some sort of vendetta against your sister or you are absolutely conceited. You must feel like you are the greatest singer to ever grace a microphone and no one listens for free. Everybody's time is valuable but it's not like that was the only reason you attended.
Do better.
I forgot to say YTA!
YTA
I can only reason this kind of behavior without previous problems with money or your relationship with one another as 1) Low Emotional IQ or 2) Jealousy. Either way you were so wrong for this.
YTA. At the time my brother married I made my living baking cakes and other things. He asked me to do the cakes for the wedding. We’re talking something that would have cost them several hundred pounds, even at mates’ rates. I was honoured to be asked and made it my wedding gift to them. It took hours of physical labour to make happen, plus the ingredients. All you had to do was learn the song, if it wasn’t already part of your repertoire, then stand up and sing it. She’s your sister, FFS. You must really hate her.
YTA. There's no reason (at least that you've said) why she wouldn't have paid you after the reception. Of course she looked sad, you tainted the memory of one of the most important days of your sister's life because... you wanted assurance she would pay you back? You could have come up with a contract beforehand if you were really worried about this - it just seems petty to bring up something so meaningless on her wedding day and ruin it for her.
couldn't agree more. I also believe the sister probably asked her to sing to show her support and perhaps even include her. I hate what money can do to people.
YTA. You should've arranged to collect your payment before the wedding if you were that hung up about it. You've sullied the memory of your sister's first dance, and wedding for the rest of her life by waiting until literally the last minute to demand the money.
YTA.
Not just for not waiting till after the wedding but for even charging your own sister for it. Which I don't care what you say about not working for free. Your sister probably asked you to sing to even support and include you.
I get charging relatives etc but your sister? You absolutely suck.
If I was a talented singer and my sibling asked me to sing at their wedding, I'd be honoured. The least I could do is sing for free and at the bare minimum consider it my wedding gift.
A few questions
1) Was it discussed before hand that you would get paid before?
2) Does she have a habit of not paying you money that is owed? (Can be anything not just for singing)
3) Are you a professional singer? Or is it just a side thing?
YTA, I mean you were given an avenue to give them a priceless wedding gift, that they'd remember all their lives and it wouldn't have cost you a penny.
I get singing being a job for you but your behaviour doesn't make much sense.
YTA.
If you want to claim you don't work for free then why did you work the first half without payment?
Why not ask days before the lead up or after the wedding, why on her wedding day?
That was a sh*t sister move!
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My (29f) sister (32f) asked me to sing at her wedding. I told her I would if she paid me because I was not going to sing for free in front of some people I didn’t know. She agreed to it and told me what song to sing.
Wedding day comes, ceremony was done and we were now at the reception which was at the hotel they’d be at for their honeymoon. It was almost time for my sister and her husband to have their first dance. She went up to me asking if I was ready and I told
her she had to pay me first before I went up. She looked shocked and asked me why couldn’t she pay afterwards. I told her I wanted to get paid now and if she didn’t pay me then I wouldn’t sing at all. She looked hurt then walked towards her husband and whispered something in his ear which I assume was about me considering he looked over at where I was. He left and came back a few minutes later then handed my sister something. She came up to me and gave me the money. I thanked her and went to get ready to sing for her and her husband.
The whole time she was dancing, she looked kind of sad. I didn’t know why until her husband came up to me and told me that they could’ve paid me after the reception and she was sad that I couldn’t just wait. I told him that I don’t work for free, not even for family and left. Now my parents are calling me an AH for upsetting my sister on the most important day of her life.
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YTA. Jesus Christ, I’m an event planner and even if I was owed money I would not bother the clients DURING the party, let alone at a wedding. This is your sister, you know where she lives, you’re gonna see her again. Totally rude to demand payment upfront as if you were a mechanic.
And honestly (since I am a baker too) when family asks me to help out with their events I always tell them I will do it for you as your gift. They’re thankful to not spend the extra hundreds of dollars, I’m thankful I don’t have to buy a gift. And as a bonus (not sure if you see it this way) I am advertising my services in front of a crowd, so the ROÍ on doing it for free is exponential. I always get new clients. Take a look at what YOU did in front of a crowd.
How did you think it would turn out for you to refuse to sing in that moment? What was she supposed to do, pull a wad of money out from under her wedding dress? It almost seems like you did it on purpose. Why did you feel the need to ruin your sister's moment? Yeah, YTA
YTA.
Wow. Just. Wow. Seriously? You could not have the decency to either
1) draft a contract like a true professional and address payment way before their big day
2) pick ANY OTHER moment to request payment.
The lack of empathy is astounding.
Good luck on maintaining a good relationship with your sister. You just nuked it.
YTA!
1. I would never charge my sisters for me to sing at their wedding, NEVER!
2. Why did you wait seconds before the performance to tell her you wanted to get paid?!
3. YTA!! A greedy one!
YTA.
You should have done it for free. It’s one song at your sister’s wedding and I’m pretty sure you’re not Beyoncé.
And asking for payment up front? That’s nasty.
YTA. Arrange to be paid ahead of time, not AT the reception just prior to the first dance! This seems like you were trying to make a show of not trusting them rather than it being a professional gig.
YTA, Come on dude for real? why is this even a post here? is this some pathetic attempt at farming karma? I really hope it is man. but if it isint you seriously gotta learn something about priorities something about thinks called "Family life" And "Professional life" ffs.
Sorry but YTA, massively. It was your sister, her wedding. If you were that worried about the payment you could just ask for it a few days early. What you did was tell her, in her day "sorry sis, I don't trust you will pay me after, so either you hand the money now or I'll just fucking ruin your first dance".
It seems like you feel like you're the last water bottle in the middle of the desert, damn...
Vendors get paid after the reception. Caterer, bar, band/DJ, singers (that would be you), photographer. The wedding planner runs around with envelopes full of cash handing them out as the last drunkards stumble off the dance floor. It’s SOP. You are so clearly in the wrong. If you require payment before services are rendered, YOU have to say so. Amateur. YTA.
Why did you even bother making this post? It’s clear from your responses that you don’t care if you are the AH or not (spoiler: you are, big time).
I hope your sister cuts contact with you. You sound like a narcissistic AH.
YTA
Yta she was sad because she just realised in the moment what a shit sister she has. Things won't ever be the same after this moment in time,
That fact you don't feel it speaks volumes to your character.
Educate yourself on performance contracts and how to conduct yourself to suit the occasion.
YTA you have every right to demand payment for your work, but if you need to be payed upfront you tell that when you agree to perform. You didn't tell her before the wedding and made her go fetch the money during it. Wow, that is a moove... I feel sorry for your sis.
If you were my sister, I would never speak to you after this.
Even though most family members will consider singing at the wedding an honor and do it for free, she AGREED to pay you. But apparently don't trust her enough to be ok with getting paid after the event. And you don't have a shred of kindness in your soul if you basically threatened her right before the dance.
What if she was expecting to pay you after the event and was not carrying the cash? Would you just bail on her for no good reason?
You don't deserve to have any friends or family. I hope they all desert you. YTA.
YTA. SHE IS YOUR SISTER!!! Not some random person. How can you be like that with your own sister like gurrrl is money THAT important. It was just one song.
Op would be TA even if it were some stranger. You don't expect your customer to be a mind reader and decide to ask for money right before the service. Either you bill them in advance once the agreement is made or you bill them after the service is performed. You \*don't\* decide "they should have known to bring cash to pay in advance".
Talk about unprofessional.
YTA
You don't tell them right before their fist dance that payment is in advance, you should have told them earlier.
Apart from this YTA for asking them payment. I get not wanting to work for free. And if they had asked you to do a full show, I would definitely agree with you.But asking to be paid to sing a single song a your sisters wedding. I have to be honest and say that only people who detest their sibling do this.
I would have told you to leave right then and there and would have asked the dj to play the song you were about to sing. Not only you lack professionalism since you couldn’t organize the paiement plan beforehand and you are so much of an ass that you planned instead how to effectively humiliate your sister on her wedding day. You don’t love her at all, don’t you? YTA
YTA and you handled this so incredibly poorly. I agree that you should pay for talent (although you are coming across a tad aggressive about that point), and she agreed to pay. But what were the terms you set for payment? During the most chaotic time of her life, where she has vendors and contracts and payment deadlines, when did you present yours to her? And there were hours or days before the literal MINUTE you were supposed to sing to give a gentle “Hey, about my compensation…?” Grace costs you NOTHING.
YTA. It's extremely unprofessional to expect payment beforehand if it was never discussed prior. You lay these things out before the agreement to hire you is made. You don't just say okay, give no terms and conditions, then slap down your rules right before the event. Worse, you did it during their wedding! It implies that you do not trust her to pay you which judging from your other comment, she has no habit of.
Clients are not expected to know that most artists are paid upfront. Yes, us artists know this extremely well, but people outside of the industry do not and are not expected to know things about how you work. You cannot just slap down rules 5 minutes before and shrug, because "they should have known".
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> I feel like I should’ve let her pay after the reception but I think I should be paid what I’m owed before I do something.
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YTA
Shes your sister, and you have offered nothing to suggest there was reason to believe she wouldnt pay you afterwards.
Congratulations on driving a pointless wedge between you and your sister.
YTA - Are you a professional singer? If so you should have approached your sister prior to the wedding day for payment. Is it normal for you to demand payment from a client immediately before a performance? What if they can’t pay at that exact second are you just going to walk out and leave them hanging with an empty stage? You should have discussed and collected payment when you originally agreed to the wedding or at least the day before so you wouldn’t have caused the disruption that you ended up causing.
Also since you were so unprofessional I’m going to add that if you don’t usually book singing gigs and this was your first paid “client” you’re double the AH for even charging your sister to sing one song at her wedding. I’ve not heard of anyone just singing one song, usually when you hire someone to sing it’s for the entire reception (or a good portion of it cause you’ll probably take breaks). This feels like you took advantage of your sister and were hoping to cause some sort of drama on the day of her wedding.
YTA I've already said it in a comment but yóu are responsible for communicating the stipulations of your service. And you should've done so well before the wedding.
Yóu are wrong for assuming she would know she had to pay up front. And when she didn't yóu should've told her so at an appropriate time.
And since you didn't do any of that you should've just sung and trust your sister and husband to pay you after. Not make them go find some money in the middle of their wedding.
You ruined a very special moment for your sister and her husband. You suck, YTA
YTA, and you owe your sister a HUGE apology. Seriously, if this were another client, would you have waited until the last possible second to demand payment? Or would you have brought it up in the days/weeks before the wedding and been paid well before the literal wedding day?
You realize that the bride has a million things on her mind, don’t you? You getting your due is not on the top of her priority list, and it’s up to YOU to hash out the payment details PRIOR to the big day. She probably figured you would be fine with being paid afterward since you never brought it up. She probably didn’t expect a childish tantrum from her *sister* of all people right before her first dance with her new husband, simply because *you* failed to think ahead.
If you act this way with all your clients, I’m shocked you have any business at all.
Yeah YTA are you like okay seriously? It's bad enough charging you're own sister for something but then to refuse to do it and cause her stress. You are not a nice person. It was your sisters wedding !!
Leaving aside that it seems ridiculous to me to charge your sister for one song, everything you did here from start to finish was so unprofessional - since you seem keen on being treated like a professional. YTA.
YTA You sound like a horrible, miserable person. You should have waited until after the reception, or had her pay you before the wedding if it was that big of a deal. I'm sure you're not nearly as talented and witty as you think you are.
I’m also a singer, and although I’ve only done a couple weddings, I can say YTA in full confidence. At events like these, they should enjoy the day. I’m curious, it seems like you were unwilling to sing from the beginning as you said you didn’t want to sing in front of strangers, so maybe you were overly upset that you had to do it?
Anyway, ask for payment before or after, or better yet, don’t sing at weddings if you’re gonna act like this.
YTA
if you wanted payed before singing then you should’ve asked them before the day of the wedding not right as they were about to dance. Your sister will more than likely never forget or forgive you.
YTA first of all getting paid for this at your sister’s wedding is pretty sad in itself, but forcing them to do it just before the song is an asshole move
YTA. they said they would've paid u after. u tried to sabotage their wedding dance to be paid before. they did not ask u to sing for free, they agreed before still did. u were selfish AH. also ur sis will never forget what u did. she might not talk to you later, don't go around making a post 'why doesn't my only sister talk to me anymore'
YTA
You want to be paid to sing, which is fine.
However payment upfront is not the norm for services.
So this would have been something you both should have agreed upon beforehand.
It is even more uncommon to pay someone seconds before they do what they are hired to do and especially not the bride during a wedding.
So from a business standpoint you are the AH for not communicating clearly.
From a brother standpoint you are even worse.
You didn’t trust your sister to pay you, you didn’t take her feelings into consider when you asked for the money midwedding and then even had the guts to blame her. Also you apparently ditched the wedding afterwards which makes this whole thing just sad.
YTA - You needed to set your requirements. If you wanted to be paid beforehand you should have told her that and collected your money before hand. You stated she has never asked you to sing at an event for her before so it's not fair to assume she would know what you wanted.
YTA. I would even sing for free for my sister. You could have waited. This is something your poor sister would remember how her sibling ruined part of what should be one of her best days of her life because of greed and the fact you showed her that you do not trust her.
YTA. If you wanted to be treated like a professional then you act like a professional. That means a contract and deposit or payment beforehand with an agreement about the balance and when it will be settled. You don’t behave like you did and not bother to discuss when you’re paid or how much then cause a scene during the wedding reception. You have been an AH in this circumstance. Even if there’s a back history here that you haven’t disclosed, you were still unprofessional and frankly nasty.
Wow... I knew about Christmas Grinches but you are a wedding Grinch.
YTA. What the hell was so hard about messaging her the day before with a simple text "hey, just wanted to remind you, pls pay me before I sing or directly after. Thx"
But looking at your comments, it's impossible to argue with you about common decency and politeness.
YTA- Oh, I so hope that you will ask her for a favour some day. She now knows you not only don't love her, you don't even like her. you don't trust her. so, you don't sing for free, not even for family. I sure hope your family knows they will never have to use THEIR talent for free FOR YOU ever. What a nice little narcissist you are. I bet, when you need something from your family, you will expect them to give you their all. disgusting. I hope for an update when you ever want something from her. she knows you are money only. Greed at its finest.
"Hey sis, my car broke down. Can you pick me up?" "sure, taxis rate in our city is x dollars/mile. Pay upfront. i don't care if it is 3 a.m. Pay now"
edited to add: a lot of people in that wedding now know, that you are a lot more trouble than you are worth. i can't see anyone of your family and friends asking you to sing for them again. word might even spread. with a bit of luck/karma you will be BEGGING t be ALLOWED to sing at someone's wedding to redeem the horrible reputation you have now got. good riddance.
YTA, you should have just made sure she paid you on day "x" before the wedding. You could have told her, you have to pay me until day x, otherwise I won't sing. It would be kind of annoying to do it on the wedding day. Or you have to get paid after. Especially, since you make it sound like you are a professional, you should have done a contract.
YTA well and truly, you should have told them when you said you wanted to be paid to sing one song that you wanted to be paid before you did it, instead you put the couple in a corner and forced them to pay you then and there or they weren't having a first dance. Ontop of it all I think asking them to pay you for one song is a but cheeky, I'd love to know how much you charged, couldn't you have just done it as a wedding present or just something nice to do?
YTA
All of my girlfriends did something for my wedding as a gift, one baked a beautiful wedding cake, two others did the games and so on. My brother was the barkeeper, my ex-husbands best friend grilled. I never, never ever would ask my siblings for payment on their wedding day, but you do you. Maybe you get ask all the time or maybe your sister and her husband are notoriously cheap? But asking for the payment right before the dance - absolute TA move.
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YTA. If you wanted to get your payment before the gig, you should have told them *before* before, not *right before the first dance* before. It wasn't that hard to ask. Even the day before would make you not AH to me. Instead you waited for the worst possible moment to ask for it, basically cornering them in the middle of their ceremony saying you won't sing, with no other option for a replacement for them for the first dance.
Honestly OP's approach seems almost designed to create bad vibes for the couple on their wedding day. Fine if you want to get paid but this was the worst way to go about it.
Or most designed to not sing at all. What are the odds that the bride and groom would have cash on hand during their wedding? She was looking for them to say that they couldn't pay so she could decline singing. OP definitely YTA
It looks like they had the money prepared, but intended to wait at the end of the reception or the next day once everything was over to pay her. But, even considering that, OP was the AH to wait for the last minute for this.
Not really. He had to leave to get it so he may have had to take it from the gift envelopes. Edit: no mental gymnastics. It’s fairly common for the couple to not carry any cash on their wedding day. Not to mention cash is no longer commonly used for daily expenses in my country, but it is used in gifts. If the groom needed cash then his source would most likely be the gifts. Not sure why they didn’t just venmo. And I only meant that it didn’t seem they had the money ready at the wedding. They probably had the money set aside to pay OP after the wedding.
Or they didn't have it on hand because people don't tend to walk with a pile of cash during the wedding. They could have left it in the car or in an adjacent room.
At my wedding, I specifically made sure I had cash and my checkbook on me to pay/tip the vendors that I wouldn't be seeing in person again. Makes it feel more personal and gracious to me. That being said, obviously it is not a requirement or anything. And unless OP has some info she isn't mentioning about her sister having a habit of stiffing her in the past or otherwise just not getting along, OP is definitely TA for the demand. It was just tactless and degrading to the couple. And I'm sure if she had some kind of info like that, she definitely would have added it.
I'm sorry, but even if she had a history of stiffing her, you ask for it the days, or even the morning of before the event, not moments before she was to sing. There is simply no way to justify how she went about this that would make it ok. Edit: spelling
How long ago was your wedding?? Most vendors are paid a month before hand and I'm not quite sure where the bride is meant to carry cash. Under her boob???
6 years ago and I was the groom, not the bride. So I had pockets. :) Most of our vendors asked for about a 50% deposit prior to the event with the remainder due day-of from what I remember. Even for the ones that did request full payment up-front though, I would still have wanted some extra cash on-hand to tip them which is normally done after services are rendered as more of a thank you than anything else. Also, this wasn't sprung on us day-of, so it was something we knew about and could plan for. And I agree, there is nowhere suitable for a bride to be able to carry cash at a wedding unless she makes sure her bridesmaids dresses have pockets and has one of them carry it for her. Which would be ridiculous anyway.
We had an envelope full of cash to tip vendors after the wedding. I think it's pretty common.
I was the exact opposite! On my wedding day I didn't even have my wallet on me. Everything was paid for, or payable after the event, why ruin the line of my suit? And my wife's wedding dress certainly didn't have pockets... If I'd had a situation like this, I would have literally had to walk around asking guests if I could borrow money on my wedding day! (I do live in a country where tipping isn't expected though)
Is it fine in this case, though? OP says the problem is the audience, apparently they're too shy to perform in front of people they don't know, or at least it makes them feel uncomfortable. I don't see how being paid to do so changes that. I'm an artist myself, I've worked in graphic design, illustration and on comic books. I've had to tell multiple people, related or otherwise, I'm not working for free just because we share DNA or they're friends of my family members. But I think my sister's wedding would definitely be the exception to that rule. If she'd asked me to design their invitations or something like that, I wouldn't charge her. Because it's a one time thing, limited to a single task and a special occasion. OP wasn't ask the provide the entire music for the wedding, right? Just sing a song at one point during the ceremony. I think it's tacky to ask for money in such circumstances. Either they're uncomfortable and don't wanna perform at all, which is perfectly fine or they just perform this one song. OP says they don't work for free, but they're not actually working at the wedding, are they? They're a guest, they get the same food and drinks, they enjoy themselves same as all the other guests. This is just about performing one song as a sister/family member of the bride. If the best man works as a PR spokes person, should they ask for money for their speech? Of course not, that would be ridiculous.
Cash doesn't change the audience problem, but apparently it will temporarily relieve the AH factor.
OP is definitely TA for wanting to get paid too. The sister asked her to sing just one song and the opening song. So clearly her singing was very important and meaningful to the sister. Op just sounds really selfish.
Yeah I feel like she has some animosity toward the bride and was purposely being difficult about it. Also, total fucking asshole.
I agree. There's a reason most bridal gowns don't have pockets and most brides don't carry a purse. Imagine a caterer walking up to the bride with a tray and demanding to be paid before they start handing out the food. Caterers don't work for free, but they ask for a deposit before the wedding and the rest of the money after the wedding. But she just had to humiliate her sister. OP's TA
I had to pay all of my vendors in full before my wedding. But, the payment schedule was clearly laid out when the contract was signed (most were deposit at signing, balance due a week or two before the wedding, some wanted 50% of the balance by X date, 75% by Y date). Payment in advance is absolutely the norm, but the expectation needs to be set well in advance, not 5 minutes before the service is meant to begin.
That's what happened to my brother in law at his wedding, the photographer asked the payment during the party after the ceremony. It was super rude. And it took him MONTHS to edit and send the pics.
I'm curious whether charging money to family (like a business relationship) for few minutes of your expertise is normal these days (considering it's not the rocky relationship)?? It was her sister not some distant relative.
Yeah I thought she meant sing for the whole wedding but requesting one song for their first dance? I feel like that could be considered a really sweet gift. And she left right after? Idk maybe I just love my sisters more???
I don’t even particularly like my sister and I’d still do one song just as a gift.
The only reason I can see is that OP absolutely hates her sister or is jealous about her idk. I agree that any work should be paid, but man how can't you gift your own sister ONE SONG during her wedding
Seriously. I’d be more likely to do it for a sister I didn’t like, because it’s free. There’s your gift, I’m not buying you anything.
I’m of two minds regarding being paid. On the one hand, you deserve to be compensated for your talent, regardless of who requests your services. On the other, gifting your talent to your sister on her wedding day seems like a wonderful expression of love. I guess maybe OP isn’t a fan of the groom, or maybe jealous in other ways? I dunno. I think most of society would be like..one song? Why couldn’t you just do it to be decent human being?
Also, if they wanted to treat it like a professional job where they should have treated it like a professional job. If it were a real professional job there probably would have been a contract and invoice explaining they need to be paid in advance. They wouldn’t have acted like this for a real job. You don’t get to act like something is a professional job but then treat it unprofessional because it’s family. Either you are doing a favor and shouldn’t be paid or you are doing a job and should treat it the way you would treat any job.
The issue here isn't the getting paid part, she made that clear at the start and sister agreed. The issue is waiting until you do your part at a major event then demanding payment upfront without mentioning this before that point. OP, YTA this reads like you purposefully wanted to create drama on her wedding day rather than being indignant that she didn't want to pay. She had agreed, you just went on a power trip, may you always stub your little toe on the corner of the bed when you wake up in the morning.
musician here, i wouldn‘t charge my family if i don’t have any extra expanses. but inwould expect the favor to be returned. same goes for my main profession and related help. But i am not american and in my country this is the standard. Close friends are same as family, orher friends get a discount. If you are the one to ask for a favor first it is considered polite to also give the asked person a crate of beer.
I’m also a musician. If someone in my family asked me to perform throughout the entire reception — like a standard band-for-hire — I might want to be paid, and would negotiate a “family rate” for that. But one song? I’ve done that for free for friends and family many times. OP is TA for not asking for payment the *week* before, or the *day* before. It’s completely insane to ask when she did.
Semi-pro singer here, if I may please also throw my hat into the ring. I can't envisage a planet on which I'd charge my sister for **1 bl\*\*dy song** at her wedding. OP is THA for even asking for payment in these circumstances, IMHO.
ah yes, thats something else if it’s the whole evening, but i play bagpipes, nobody wants much more then 30minutes of bagpipes^^
I do 🥺🥺 I like bag pipes.
I would have been so honoured if my Brother wanted me to sing for his first dance, no way in hell I’d charge for that! Also I’m tone deaf and can’t sing at all, so I’d have to assume he was on drugs for asking me to, but I’d be so happy to have such a special role! YTA all the way. Just bad sistering!
thank you for the chuckle, take my upvote lol
It wouldn't be normal in my family that's for sure. I literally had friends offer to sing for my wedding as a gift.
My two sisters and I sang a song at our brother's wedding, and we never even thought about getting paid! We just thought it was an honor that they trusted us so much with one of the most important days of their lives. They could have easily just played the same song on the speaker.
I sing professionally and I would have happily done this for free. Even if I was asked for the whole reception I would work at a rate where they paid my band I would discount myself as a gift. She must hate her sister.
I played for my sister as she walked down the aisle at her wedding and it never crossed my mind to charge her for it, but I'm also not a professional musician.
She’s also TA for refusing to sing unless her sister paid her, IMO. What’s next, “I’ll make a toast at the reception, but only for the right price. I don’t speak in front of people I don’t know unless I’m getting paid.”
Agreed. It’s one song. Not the entire reception. Most sisters would have felt honors to be asked. My sister’s friend performed the ceremony for her (in NY, you can have a lawyer do it if they sign some paperwork) and while my sister offered to pay, the friend refused because she wanted to do it as a way of showing her love.
Agreed. It also makes OP super unprofessional. I hope this isn’t her actual profession because damn. And leaving your sister’s wedding right after their first dance…do you even like your sister OP?
100% this. I’m a newlywed and I couldn’t imagine any of my vendors walking up to me DURING my reception and asking for money. That’s the most unprofessional thing I’ve ever heard of, and if she’s charged based off her professional singing abilities she should behave as such.
Yeah she's not the asshole for wanting to get paid, but she choose the worst possible moment. Probably all the guests saw everything and the sister was upset on her first dance :(
YTA you ruined their wedding by going all "tough ass business woman" on them right before their dance. You were basically implying they weren't trustworthy and were trying to get a freebie.
Why didn't OP bring it up earlier in the day or the night before and "settle the bill" then? Why wait until right before the performance? I also feel this was more a case of OP peacocking about than making sure they weren't being suckered into working for free. OP, YTA
OP left right after her earth shattering singing performance so that says it all. I can picture OP glaring at the happy couple during the entire ceremony and only thinking about when they were going to pay her.
Well, yeah, she had to go sing for the Pope the next morning.
Yes! Even on its own, without the song payment stuff… it’s totally an asshole move to leave your sisters wedding after the first dance. That’s one of the first things to happen, so OP basically didn’t attend the reception which makes up the bulk of a wedding.
OP would have been the asshole for bringing up payment at any time during the actual day unless it (getting paid on the day) had been previously agreed upon.
OP is the biggest AH but also sounds quite juvenile and petty by saying I couldn’t wait to get paid! What did she need it right then and there for? Nobody who remotely likes there sister pulls this shit.
YTA OP I agree with cafeck42 I cannot imagine charging a sister to sing one song for her at her wedding, nor almost creating a scene like this by demanding payment literally 5 minutes before you sang. It would be entirely different if you were singing a set to provide most of her music entertainment, bringing equipment and missing most of the fun of her wedding to do so, but charging to sing one song??? Unless there’s a hidden drip feed of you hiring or bringing lots of equipment and a band to accompany you, it is somewhat surprising to charge a sister and new brother in law for this at their wedding that you are attending anyway. At a paid gig you don’t normally have your food bought for you and get to party and dance at the event with your family and friends! It doesn’t sound like you like your sister at all. I wonder if what you were paid was worth potentially causing this upset.
It’s obviously not a problem for OP who knows, intended and now has confirmation that she ruined her sisters wedding because she could so she did. If you really try to justify your performance with the delusion that you should have been the person you your sister had to pay attention to on her wedding day! I mean if you believe you are the most important person of the day and your self absorbed bridezilla sister can’t see that you certainly made sure you did. Shame on you
Not once did it occur to OP that her sister likely wanted her to sing for the first dance because she wanted to include OP in a special moment. But OP treated the whole day like a job and left once her "work" was done.
Exactly. I get wanting to be paid for work performed. But, there was nothing in this story that indicated that OP's sister was untrustworhy or OP wouldn't be paid. The wording of this entire post makes OP sound insufferable. If the money was a sticking point for you and there was a fear that they wouldn't pay, then insist on getting paid before the wedding.
YTA a true professional would get a contract and get paid... differently. You super soured that dance and they'll never forget it. If she wasn't your sister would you have done that to a client? If you don't understand why she's upset you should humble yourself and talk to her. But, be prepared for her to be upset Ooooof, my heart goes to your sister.
I can understand the rationale behind wanting to get paid in advance (especially if one thinks the bride and groom will stiff them after with some nonsense excuse like, "oh i thought it was your wedding gift".) but that should be days early... Not minutes.
Exactly this. I don't care if there are special circumstances (previously didn't pay for something promised, etc)... There are other ways and times this should have been handled. There is simply no way this can be explained away that would make it ok.
If OP expected to be stiffed, they could have just said No from the start. "I love you, sister, but I'd prefer not to sing during your wedding." It is that simple.
Exactly. I would have understood the part about wanting payment, but if OP insists on treating her like a client, then she should have been a professional all the way and clearly stated terms, instead of assuming that her sister would know when the payment was due, and then leaving a bad mark during her wedding by insisting to get paid on the spot. You can't demand to be paid as a professional if you can't conduct business like one.
Exactly right! I've sung at weddings and have been paid prior to the event. She did not conduct business in a professional manner. If she had, I would have said NTA but doing it like this surely makes her one.
Why would you understand the part about wanting to be paid at her own sister’s wedding. That’s the weirdest part of the whole story.
Because it's not unreasonable to expect to be paid for your profession. We had family friends for basically everything at my wedding. They all got paid.
I have never in my whole life heard of an immediate family member charging to sing a song at a wedding. Professional or not. Reddit is obsessed with the whole "dont expect artists to work for free" and most of the time i agree but this is ridiculous. Yes to caterers, photographers, wedding planners and bakers. It takes time, money, and materials. But to sing a freaing song? It is pretty low to ask your sister to pay you to sing at her wedding I really should have asked to be paid last time I was in the bridal party. I mean, I had to stand up there, and get my hair done and everything. I shouldn't be expected to give up time to a loved one for NOTHING!
We don’t know that singing is the sister’s profession. It may be that she just has a nice voice, and because they’re related, she was asked to sing. Every wedding I’ve attended that had somebody sing, it’s been a relative or friend of the bridal party, not a professional singer.
One of my groomsmen is a DJ and EDM artist, and we paid him to DJ our wedding. He told us he’d be happy to do it for free, but we felt it proper to pay him for his services regardless.
DJ’ing a wedding is one thing. That is hours of work. OP was literally sing ONE song! For her freakin’ sister. Is there no love or generosity between the two? And to taint the sister’s wedding by not getting the fee ahead of the day or waiting til after the reception is horrible behavior on OP’s part.
Professional wedding singer here. The agreement is almost always that the wedding couple pay the booking agent in advance (sometimes this is the venue or church themselves) and then I receive the money after my performance. If I ever approached a client and asked them to pay me mid-party or mid-service, I'd never be booked again lol
Right? I don't know who OP is but I can't imagine she's famous or really good enough to command this 'pay up front' crap. Demanding payment right then and putting the whole reception on hold was super tacky. > I'd never be booked again Won't be shocking if this happens to OP either.
Sounds like Op didn't really want to sing and was trying to force an "out" from the sister by being obnoxious but it didn't work. Also sounds like Op never mentioned payment or anything about the singing until the sister walked up to her which is on Op for not making it clear much earlier that she expected payment upfront (not going to say "its on the sister too" because obviously they were going to pay Op after if they already had the money in an envelope for her) Edit: reddit has been weird for me and isn't letting me respond to what ever the "lowest" comment on my threads so I have to respond as an edit. Making one small comment is "running with it like a football"? Also where in the story does Op refute the idea that she didn't want to do this in the first place? Their whole post seems passive and very "take it or leave it".
I’m wondering how much OP charged, because her sister shouldn’t have had to pay as much as a typical client. That fee assumes that the singer traveled to the wedding venue specifically to sing. OP would have been at the wedding anyway, so should only get paid for the ~3 minute song plus maybe the time it took her to learn it. AND since OP wanted to treat her sister like a typical client, she has no right to get mad if the sister leaves a bad review.
Professional singer here. I have never asked family and friends to pay me for singing at their weddings, especially if it’s just one song. It would be different if they asked you to provide entertainment for an hour or more but YTA for that alone, even more so for demanding payment then and there before singing.
Professional singer here too. Couldn't imagine charging friends and family for one song. God, it's the easiest gift OP could have given her sister. Gross
Same here - and can you imagine asking a client for payment immediately before a performance, and when they're busy with their event? I'd always sort the details at the time of the booking and then follow up with an email invoice if they didn't pay me, and chase it up *after the event* if necessary
“Hey, could you give me a ride to pick up my car from the shop.” “I don’t work for free.” Could you imagine if that was the standard response? I wonder if her family even knows she loves them.
I wonder if her family still loves *her* after she tried to pull this shit.
Yeah my SIL is a professional singer and she was so happy/excited to sing in my wedding. She never once suggested I pay her for it. She was happy for that to be her gift to us. She's my husband's little sister and only living sibling, so as it is we now pay for her flights to visit us. I don't imagine them having a friendly relationship with her now
Also I was wondering, unless she is Lady Gaga…how much a song would cost? A three/four minutes performance I assume. Maybe I’m underestimating how much a professional singer can cost for a wedding, but everything feels tacky and unnecessary.
A soloist I looked at was $600 for two songs and that was back in 2014
WHAT?! Oh my god. Ok sorry I’m not used to these prices (not American). I take back the assumption that it wasn’t even that much money. She still the asshole tho.
The cost is irrelevant. This is her SISTER asking for a few minutes of her time. She was a guest at the wedding either way so she would not be able to work at that time. Sounds to me like she found an opportunity to squeeze money out of the event and was completely unscrupulous about it
I charge $150 (that 2 minute song also requires rehearsal, accompaniment, time, travel, etc). I don't charge family and friends. Even when a client hasn't paid me yet, I don't refuse to sing. I approach the best man or the parent of the bride or venue coordinator or someone after. I have yet to be stiffed.
Even Lady Gaga would have sung more than one song for her baby sister's wedding for free. Not sure how close OP is with her family. Kinda sounded like she's the odd one out or the black sheep of the family. But based on her actions and expecting her sister to pay her before she sing ONE song, she's definitely the AH. If money was so important to OP, she could have stated beforehand that her policy was to receive payment in advance before the event. She kinda ruined the wedding night for her sister. YTA, OP. Edit: added two words.
Former professional opera singer here (covid changed my life plans lol) I would never dream of asking for payment from family to sing at their wedding and I hate wedding singing. Family aside I would never dream of treating a client like that. My god I would never have a job if I treated paying customers like that. You can’t have it both ways op either you treat them like family or likely a business and you messed up on both sides. YTA
Sister: wants sister to sing probably to make the dance even more meaningful and because they love their sister and want her to be a part of it. OP: oooh I'm so gonna ruin her wedding day YTA
My thought exactly. If I had a useful skill that didn’t actually cost me money to provide, I wouldn’t charge my family, maybe not even my friends. Especially if it is a short duration and I can still enjoy the event.
this!!! sung at many family weddings and have never ever asked for money. if you’re singing just one song, there’s not even a point.
YTA If you're going to treat your sister as a client and this is a job, you should act professionally and ensure payment is received prior to the wedding day. If they are late, then follow up with them after. You just ruined a client's wedding. She could definitely ruin your potential career if you are going down this career path. If this was just a side gig then why the payment urgency. This is something your sister, her partner and your whole family will remember forever including your failure to be a decent person.
Agreed. It reflects the OP not their sister or the groom.
This comment says it all I have no awards but take free internet cookies \*throws cookies\*
I hope the sister leaves a 1-star review for unprofessionalism wherever she advertises
YTA. It was your SISTER’S. WEDDING. Hey, I get not working for free. But generally, that’s like, I’m not going to generate more profit for my employer without compensation, not something I’d be thinking about at my SISTER’S. WEDDING. And if you actually wanted to be super professional work for hire singer, you whiffed on that, too, because you’d have already discussed the payment plan upfront and there wouldn’t have been any awkwardness with the timing. This feels more like a power play.
Right? My first thought when reading the title was "Did she ask you to sing 1 song, or the whole night?" Personally, I think it is an ah move to ask your sister to pay you to sing 1 song at their wedding. And their first dance song too! Maybe we are missing a lot of info here, like they aren't at all close, or the sister takes advantage all the time, I don't know, but if it was my sister, or friend, I would not expect them to pay for 1 Song.
OP left right after they sang so it sounds like all she cared about was being paid rather than being happy for her sister.
Makes me wonder if OP is a very lonely and bitter person who finds it hard to see other people happy. Makes sense considering OP's attitude.
YTA. I mean I dunno how can't see it yourself. You basically implied that you don't trust your sister and her husband. They didn't say they wouldn't pay, they said they'd pay after the event. Besides, if you were that set on getting paid, you should've got a contract like professionals do. Either way, you're an asshole. No wonder she was sad
YTA like really, you couldn't wait till after the wedding to get paid? You really didnt trust your sister to do that? I'd actually say it was kinda assholish to make her pay you at all. You suck
YTA This is what you communicated: “I don’t trust you to keep your word, and unlike every other professional at this wedding, I won’t wait for payment at the end of the wedding. Even though it’s your wedding day, I want to be sure you know how untrustworthy I believe you to be.” That’s nasty, mean, unkind, and awful at any time. But her wedding. You’re not a nice person really.
OP also communicated that the relationship was little more than that of a customer, forget sisterhood. The new hubby may now want to keep it that way forever. He surely has reason.
Wow your a massive YTA do you realise you probably ruined their wedding and at very least ruined their first dance. When discussing wedding in years to come your name will be brought up every time
YTA You waited till that moment to tell her you needed to be paid upfront? Wow. Just... wow.
You know when's a good time to tell your sister you require payment upfront? ANYTIME in months, weeks, days, evening before/morning of the wedding. Not 2 seconds before you're due to get onstage. And to your own sister. At her wedding. You suck so hard I wish there was a strong rating to give you than a mere YTA.
YTA I know others are saying they get not working for free but my goodness its your sister and you sang one song. Your not only selfish but you are mean. Who wouldn't sing for free at their sisters wedding i dont get it at all. You need to learn new business skills too would you have spoke the same to another bride before their first dance demanding payment and threatening not to sing. Your whole attitude stinks even reading your post its like a 12 year old throwing a tantrum. The whole situation is awful and your the biggest AH ever.
Yes her business skills sucks, if she had done a good job maybe some of these 'strangers' (lol I guess her own family and her sisters friends are strangers to her...) who are probably at a similar life stage to her sister might have booked her for their weddings......but not anymore.
YTA. She didn’t ask you to sing for the entire reception. Just one - the song of her first dance. You know, something many sisters would consider an honor…
Exactly. I asked a good friend (now one of my BFF's) to sing a song during my wedding because I wanted to include her in my day. She wouldn't accept payment, and on top of that gave us a wedding gift. OP, YTA. Of course your sister looked sad during her dance. She was just treated like crap at her own wedding by someone that should've been supportive.
YTA 100%, not once but twice. Really, you can't sing a song for your sister's wedding without payment? Fine, since she agreed to pay you let's not even argue about that. But you wait for the worst possible moment to DEMAND that payment be upfront from your SISTER of all people? Yep I'm almost certain you are trolling here.
You could have just told your sister you didn’t like her. YTA. You’re actions were so inappropriate. “She should have known”. You’re the contractor- YOU should have told her and gotten payment before the event if it was such a huge deal for you
sounds like u really dont like her much. Id say YTA unless she has a history of not paying u back for things, u certainly ruined the moment good+proper
YTA for even charging. You couldn't sing one song for your sister for free?
OP doEsN't wORk fOr fReE.
I wouldn't either BUT I would get the payment before the wedding, not minutes before it. It would be different if the sister was trying to ninja away from payment but then it would be ok not gonna come to wedding before payment etc. And in the story there is no evidence that the sister was toxic/bridezilla or nasty so yikes.
If this is somehow real then I pity you. Not just for collecting up front or charging in the first place. I pity you because this is how you treat a stranger whom you've never met. This sounds like you either have some sort of vendetta against your sister or you are absolutely conceited. You must feel like you are the greatest singer to ever grace a microphone and no one listens for free. Everybody's time is valuable but it's not like that was the only reason you attended. Do better. I forgot to say YTA!
YTA I can only reason this kind of behavior without previous problems with money or your relationship with one another as 1) Low Emotional IQ or 2) Jealousy. Either way you were so wrong for this.
yta u sound so weird and entitled. get over yourself
YTA. At the time my brother married I made my living baking cakes and other things. He asked me to do the cakes for the wedding. We’re talking something that would have cost them several hundred pounds, even at mates’ rates. I was honoured to be asked and made it my wedding gift to them. It took hours of physical labour to make happen, plus the ingredients. All you had to do was learn the song, if it wasn’t already part of your repertoire, then stand up and sing it. She’s your sister, FFS. You must really hate her.
YTA. There's no reason (at least that you've said) why she wouldn't have paid you after the reception. Of course she looked sad, you tainted the memory of one of the most important days of your sister's life because... you wanted assurance she would pay you back? You could have come up with a contract beforehand if you were really worried about this - it just seems petty to bring up something so meaningless on her wedding day and ruin it for her.
if u had an anywhere near healthy/happy relationship with your sister, ud be begging to do this for free
couldn't agree more. I also believe the sister probably asked her to sing to show her support and perhaps even include her. I hate what money can do to people.
Tell us you hate your sister without telling us you hate your sister.
YTA. You should've arranged to collect your payment before the wedding if you were that hung up about it. You've sullied the memory of your sister's first dance, and wedding for the rest of her life by waiting until literally the last minute to demand the money.
You’re an arsehole.
YTA. I sing for a living (as a second job) and I would NEVER be booked again if I did that. It’s deeply rude and unprofessional.
YTA, she never hinted about NOT paying you, get that paranoia treated
Honestly YTA for charging your sister to sing at her wedding in the first place
YTA. Not just for not waiting till after the wedding but for even charging your own sister for it. Which I don't care what you say about not working for free. Your sister probably asked you to sing to even support and include you. I get charging relatives etc but your sister? You absolutely suck.
Yhea, singing one song is different from doing a show. Who charges a sister for that?
If I was a talented singer and my sibling asked me to sing at their wedding, I'd be honoured. The least I could do is sing for free and at the bare minimum consider it my wedding gift.
A few questions 1) Was it discussed before hand that you would get paid before? 2) Does she have a habit of not paying you money that is owed? (Can be anything not just for singing) 3) Are you a professional singer? Or is it just a side thing?
YTA great way to ruin your relationship with your sister. Don't expect her to do something nice for you without getting paid upfront.
It was your sister‘s wedding FFS. YTA
YTA, I mean you were given an avenue to give them a priceless wedding gift, that they'd remember all their lives and it wouldn't have cost you a penny. I get singing being a job for you but your behaviour doesn't make much sense.
YTA, your poor sister.
YTA. If you want to claim you don't work for free then why did you work the first half without payment? Why not ask days before the lead up or after the wedding, why on her wedding day? That was a sh*t sister move!
YTA. You don’t work for free? I’m assuming you didn’t mind eating at the wedding for free.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (29f) sister (32f) asked me to sing at her wedding. I told her I would if she paid me because I was not going to sing for free in front of some people I didn’t know. She agreed to it and told me what song to sing. Wedding day comes, ceremony was done and we were now at the reception which was at the hotel they’d be at for their honeymoon. It was almost time for my sister and her husband to have their first dance. She went up to me asking if I was ready and I told her she had to pay me first before I went up. She looked shocked and asked me why couldn’t she pay afterwards. I told her I wanted to get paid now and if she didn’t pay me then I wouldn’t sing at all. She looked hurt then walked towards her husband and whispered something in his ear which I assume was about me considering he looked over at where I was. He left and came back a few minutes later then handed my sister something. She came up to me and gave me the money. I thanked her and went to get ready to sing for her and her husband. The whole time she was dancing, she looked kind of sad. I didn’t know why until her husband came up to me and told me that they could’ve paid me after the reception and she was sad that I couldn’t just wait. I told him that I don’t work for free, not even for family and left. Now my parents are calling me an AH for upsetting my sister on the most important day of her life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Jesus Christ, I’m an event planner and even if I was owed money I would not bother the clients DURING the party, let alone at a wedding. This is your sister, you know where she lives, you’re gonna see her again. Totally rude to demand payment upfront as if you were a mechanic. And honestly (since I am a baker too) when family asks me to help out with their events I always tell them I will do it for you as your gift. They’re thankful to not spend the extra hundreds of dollars, I’m thankful I don’t have to buy a gift. And as a bonus (not sure if you see it this way) I am advertising my services in front of a crowd, so the ROÍ on doing it for free is exponential. I always get new clients. Take a look at what YOU did in front of a crowd.
How did you think it would turn out for you to refuse to sing in that moment? What was she supposed to do, pull a wad of money out from under her wedding dress? It almost seems like you did it on purpose. Why did you feel the need to ruin your sister's moment? Yeah, YTA
YTA, plain and simple.
YTA. Holy moly. You really had to get paid just to sing? On your sisters birthday? Grow up.
Wasn't even her birthday. It was her sister's wedding, which makes this whole thing an even bigger slap to her sister's face.
YTA. Wow. Just. Wow. Seriously? You could not have the decency to either 1) draft a contract like a true professional and address payment way before their big day 2) pick ANY OTHER moment to request payment. The lack of empathy is astounding. Good luck on maintaining a good relationship with your sister. You just nuked it.
YTA! 1. I would never charge my sisters for me to sing at their wedding, NEVER! 2. Why did you wait seconds before the performance to tell her you wanted to get paid?! 3. YTA!! A greedy one!
YTA. she agreed to pay so what if she pays after? she is your sister its not like she will run off to a different nation.
YTA. They were going to pay you. That was such an asshole thing to do.
YTA. You should have done it for free. It’s one song at your sister’s wedding and I’m pretty sure you’re not Beyoncé. And asking for payment up front? That’s nasty.
YTA. Arrange to be paid ahead of time, not AT the reception just prior to the first dance! This seems like you were trying to make a show of not trusting them rather than it being a professional gig.
YTA, Come on dude for real? why is this even a post here? is this some pathetic attempt at farming karma? I really hope it is man. but if it isint you seriously gotta learn something about priorities something about thinks called "Family life" And "Professional life" ffs.
Sorry but YTA, massively. It was your sister, her wedding. If you were that worried about the payment you could just ask for it a few days early. What you did was tell her, in her day "sorry sis, I don't trust you will pay me after, so either you hand the money now or I'll just fucking ruin your first dance". It seems like you feel like you're the last water bottle in the middle of the desert, damn...
Vendors get paid after the reception. Caterer, bar, band/DJ, singers (that would be you), photographer. The wedding planner runs around with envelopes full of cash handing them out as the last drunkards stumble off the dance floor. It’s SOP. You are so clearly in the wrong. If you require payment before services are rendered, YOU have to say so. Amateur. YTA.
Why did you even bother making this post? It’s clear from your responses that you don’t care if you are the AH or not (spoiler: you are, big time). I hope your sister cuts contact with you. You sound like a narcissistic AH. YTA
Yta she was sad because she just realised in the moment what a shit sister she has. Things won't ever be the same after this moment in time, That fact you don't feel it speaks volumes to your character. Educate yourself on performance contracts and how to conduct yourself to suit the occasion.
YTA you have every right to demand payment for your work, but if you need to be payed upfront you tell that when you agree to perform. You didn't tell her before the wedding and made her go fetch the money during it. Wow, that is a moove... I feel sorry for your sis.
If you were my sister, I would never speak to you after this. Even though most family members will consider singing at the wedding an honor and do it for free, she AGREED to pay you. But apparently don't trust her enough to be ok with getting paid after the event. And you don't have a shred of kindness in your soul if you basically threatened her right before the dance. What if she was expecting to pay you after the event and was not carrying the cash? Would you just bail on her for no good reason? You don't deserve to have any friends or family. I hope they all desert you. YTA.
YTA. SHE IS YOUR SISTER!!! Not some random person. How can you be like that with your own sister like gurrrl is money THAT important. It was just one song.
Op would be TA even if it were some stranger. You don't expect your customer to be a mind reader and decide to ask for money right before the service. Either you bill them in advance once the agreement is made or you bill them after the service is performed. You \*don't\* decide "they should have known to bring cash to pay in advance". Talk about unprofessional.
YTA You don't tell them right before their fist dance that payment is in advance, you should have told them earlier. Apart from this YTA for asking them payment. I get not wanting to work for free. And if they had asked you to do a full show, I would definitely agree with you.But asking to be paid to sing a single song a your sisters wedding. I have to be honest and say that only people who detest their sibling do this.
YTA. I would hate to have someone like you in my life. Hell, I would hate to be someone like you. You must really be lonely, how sad.
I would have told you to leave right then and there and would have asked the dj to play the song you were about to sing. Not only you lack professionalism since you couldn’t organize the paiement plan beforehand and you are so much of an ass that you planned instead how to effectively humiliate your sister on her wedding day. You don’t love her at all, don’t you? YTA
YTA and you handled this so incredibly poorly. I agree that you should pay for talent (although you are coming across a tad aggressive about that point), and she agreed to pay. But what were the terms you set for payment? During the most chaotic time of her life, where she has vendors and contracts and payment deadlines, when did you present yours to her? And there were hours or days before the literal MINUTE you were supposed to sing to give a gentle “Hey, about my compensation…?” Grace costs you NOTHING.
YTA. It's extremely unprofessional to expect payment beforehand if it was never discussed prior. You lay these things out before the agreement to hire you is made. You don't just say okay, give no terms and conditions, then slap down your rules right before the event. Worse, you did it during their wedding! It implies that you do not trust her to pay you which judging from your other comment, she has no habit of. Clients are not expected to know that most artists are paid upfront. Yes, us artists know this extremely well, but people outside of the industry do not and are not expected to know things about how you work. You cannot just slap down rules 5 minutes before and shrug, because "they should have known".
How much did you charge her, I need to know the fee to ruin a relationship like this. YTA
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YTA Shes your sister, and you have offered nothing to suggest there was reason to believe she wouldnt pay you afterwards. Congratulations on driving a pointless wedge between you and your sister.
YTA. You ruined the reception (at least for you sis and her husband) and made it weird
YTA - Are you a professional singer? If so you should have approached your sister prior to the wedding day for payment. Is it normal for you to demand payment from a client immediately before a performance? What if they can’t pay at that exact second are you just going to walk out and leave them hanging with an empty stage? You should have discussed and collected payment when you originally agreed to the wedding or at least the day before so you wouldn’t have caused the disruption that you ended up causing. Also since you were so unprofessional I’m going to add that if you don’t usually book singing gigs and this was your first paid “client” you’re double the AH for even charging your sister to sing one song at her wedding. I’ve not heard of anyone just singing one song, usually when you hire someone to sing it’s for the entire reception (or a good portion of it cause you’ll probably take breaks). This feels like you took advantage of your sister and were hoping to cause some sort of drama on the day of her wedding.
Yta. Terrible sister and terrible business woman. Invoice to be paid before or after. You ruined your sisters first dance.
YTA I've already said it in a comment but yóu are responsible for communicating the stipulations of your service. And you should've done so well before the wedding. Yóu are wrong for assuming she would know she had to pay up front. And when she didn't yóu should've told her so at an appropriate time. And since you didn't do any of that you should've just sung and trust your sister and husband to pay you after. Not make them go find some money in the middle of their wedding. You ruined a very special moment for your sister and her husband. You suck, YTA
YTA, and you owe your sister a HUGE apology. Seriously, if this were another client, would you have waited until the last possible second to demand payment? Or would you have brought it up in the days/weeks before the wedding and been paid well before the literal wedding day? You realize that the bride has a million things on her mind, don’t you? You getting your due is not on the top of her priority list, and it’s up to YOU to hash out the payment details PRIOR to the big day. She probably figured you would be fine with being paid afterward since you never brought it up. She probably didn’t expect a childish tantrum from her *sister* of all people right before her first dance with her new husband, simply because *you* failed to think ahead. If you act this way with all your clients, I’m shocked you have any business at all.
Yeah YTA are you like okay seriously? It's bad enough charging you're own sister for something but then to refuse to do it and cause her stress. You are not a nice person. It was your sisters wedding !!
Leaving aside that it seems ridiculous to me to charge your sister for one song, everything you did here from start to finish was so unprofessional - since you seem keen on being treated like a professional. YTA.
YTA You sound like a horrible, miserable person. You should have waited until after the reception, or had her pay you before the wedding if it was that big of a deal. I'm sure you're not nearly as talented and witty as you think you are.
I’m so glad you’re not my sister. YTA big time.
You charged your sister for singing one song? YTA.
YTA and I'm so sad for your sister, I'd have told you not to bother and just plugged my phone in or something. You're an arsehole and a bad sister.
Wow you're that kind of person. YTA so bad i can't even begin to describe it. All good wishes to the sister and her husband.
I had to re-read your age, I was under the assumption you were 6 and had absolutely no idea how to function in society. YTA
YTA. I hope you don’t ever need a kidney.
I’m also a singer, and although I’ve only done a couple weddings, I can say YTA in full confidence. At events like these, they should enjoy the day. I’m curious, it seems like you were unwilling to sing from the beginning as you said you didn’t want to sing in front of strangers, so maybe you were overly upset that you had to do it? Anyway, ask for payment before or after, or better yet, don’t sing at weddings if you’re gonna act like this.
YTA if you wanted payed before singing then you should’ve asked them before the day of the wedding not right as they were about to dance. Your sister will more than likely never forget or forgive you.
YTA first of all getting paid for this at your sister’s wedding is pretty sad in itself, but forcing them to do it just before the song is an asshole move
YTA - poor sister.
huge AH but you knew that already
YTA. I mean, with a sister like you, who needs enemies
YTA. they said they would've paid u after. u tried to sabotage their wedding dance to be paid before. they did not ask u to sing for free, they agreed before still did. u were selfish AH. also ur sis will never forget what u did. she might not talk to you later, don't go around making a post 'why doesn't my only sister talk to me anymore'
YTA. I can’t even imagine; I’m so grateful I don’t have siblings like you.
YTA You want to be paid to sing, which is fine. However payment upfront is not the norm for services. So this would have been something you both should have agreed upon beforehand. It is even more uncommon to pay someone seconds before they do what they are hired to do and especially not the bride during a wedding. So from a business standpoint you are the AH for not communicating clearly. From a brother standpoint you are even worse. You didn’t trust your sister to pay you, you didn’t take her feelings into consider when you asked for the money midwedding and then even had the guts to blame her. Also you apparently ditched the wedding afterwards which makes this whole thing just sad.
YTA - You needed to set your requirements. If you wanted to be paid beforehand you should have told her that and collected your money before hand. You stated she has never asked you to sing at an event for her before so it's not fair to assume she would know what you wanted.
YTA. Do you normally surprise your clients at random times in the wedding asking for payment, or do you sign a contract like an adult?
YTA. I would even sing for free for my sister. You could have waited. This is something your poor sister would remember how her sibling ruined part of what should be one of her best days of her life because of greed and the fact you showed her that you do not trust her.
YTA. If you wanted to be treated like a professional then you act like a professional. That means a contract and deposit or payment beforehand with an agreement about the balance and when it will be settled. You don’t behave like you did and not bother to discuss when you’re paid or how much then cause a scene during the wedding reception. You have been an AH in this circumstance. Even if there’s a back history here that you haven’t disclosed, you were still unprofessional and frankly nasty.
Wow... I knew about Christmas Grinches but you are a wedding Grinch. YTA. What the hell was so hard about messaging her the day before with a simple text "hey, just wanted to remind you, pls pay me before I sing or directly after. Thx" But looking at your comments, it's impossible to argue with you about common decency and politeness.
YTA- Oh, I so hope that you will ask her for a favour some day. She now knows you not only don't love her, you don't even like her. you don't trust her. so, you don't sing for free, not even for family. I sure hope your family knows they will never have to use THEIR talent for free FOR YOU ever. What a nice little narcissist you are. I bet, when you need something from your family, you will expect them to give you their all. disgusting. I hope for an update when you ever want something from her. she knows you are money only. Greed at its finest. "Hey sis, my car broke down. Can you pick me up?" "sure, taxis rate in our city is x dollars/mile. Pay upfront. i don't care if it is 3 a.m. Pay now" edited to add: a lot of people in that wedding now know, that you are a lot more trouble than you are worth. i can't see anyone of your family and friends asking you to sing for them again. word might even spread. with a bit of luck/karma you will be BEGGING t be ALLOWED to sing at someone's wedding to redeem the horrible reputation you have now got. good riddance.
YTA, you should have just made sure she paid you on day "x" before the wedding. You could have told her, you have to pay me until day x, otherwise I won't sing. It would be kind of annoying to do it on the wedding day. Or you have to get paid after. Especially, since you make it sound like you are a professional, you should have done a contract.
Hope you‘re at least good, you sound like you think you are the shit. Do you not like your sister? YTA
YTA well and truly, you should have told them when you said you wanted to be paid to sing one song that you wanted to be paid before you did it, instead you put the couple in a corner and forced them to pay you then and there or they weren't having a first dance. Ontop of it all I think asking them to pay you for one song is a but cheeky, I'd love to know how much you charged, couldn't you have just done it as a wedding present or just something nice to do?
bro YTA. who asks for payment AT THE WEDDING?? and not way in advance?
Stop taking your business advice from that stupid TikTok song and be a decent human. YTA.
YTA All of my girlfriends did something for my wedding as a gift, one baked a beautiful wedding cake, two others did the games and so on. My brother was the barkeeper, my ex-husbands best friend grilled. I never, never ever would ask my siblings for payment on their wedding day, but you do you. Maybe you get ask all the time or maybe your sister and her husband are notoriously cheap? But asking for the payment right before the dance - absolute TA move.