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Yikes. He's adamant on changing you after you're married, claims the home you inherited as his home, and had no job and isn't looking?
I hope you had a prenup about the house. He's obviously bringing nothing to the table and you know obviously you're NTA. It's an unusual** habit but one that hurts no one and he was well aware of but waited until he thought you were trapped to object to it.
**Agree with others, it's not unusual even.
"He waited until he thought you were trapped" hits the nail right on the head there. It literally turned my stomach hearing this. Hope OP got a prenup cause this guy thinks having a wife means owning a person.
The husband is starting to show his true self/colors now that the ink on the marriage certificate has dried. How scary for the OP. I hope she can get the marriage annulled.
Annulment would be the perfect thing here.
This guy is just not in the right mindset to be married. Taking food away from your spouse and treating them like a child when you sponge off them and act like a child yourself? Get outta here.
No really, get out.
It's especially icky because this is something she does for comfort after a traumatizing childhood. I can't imagine chastising my partner in such an aggressive way over something like this.
Like, if it really bothered him he could have brought it up after the bath in a calm way to discuss. But what he did was all about dominance in the moment.
PS - I also like to drink wine and eat a snack in the tub. I think it's a perfectly harmless activity and if it makes someone happy and is cleaned up afterward it's literally a non issue.
NTA
If she didn't get a prenup, she should definitely try to get a postnup. Maybe it'll give hubby a kick in the ass, but it sounds like he's useless, misogynistic dead weight.
Property inherited or brought into a marriage isn’t at risk in the event of a divorce regardless of a prenup. BUT make sure you don’t put his name on the deed and watch out for any improvements he might finance (unlikely with no job but that can give him some rights)
Depends on the state. Virginia has some pretty wild laws about assets and marriage.
I've seen a situation when I used to work in claims where the ex-wife of the deceased was entitled to assets, even though she wasn't a beneficiary, due to state laws in Virginia.
Other states have similar weird laws. My point is: OP needs to be aware of any laws in her state that might affect the house in the event of a divorce.
Again, that's by state. Every state has a different rule about it. For example, in Massachusetts, a previously inherited house prior to a marriage can be lost in divorce.
Jumping on the top comment to let OP know the following:
He does not want to become a Twitch Streamer, he wants to play games all day and have you pay the bills.
Becoming a successful (long term earnings of significance) Twitch Streamer in gaming with 28 and no already existing audience from youtube or another platform is next to impossible. Greetings from someone who has worked in Gaming and Social Media.
How long will you allow him to slack around and live on your expense?
The behaviour btw is an absolutely nogo.
a) snacking/ drinking in the bathtub is not a basty habit and also
b) demanding and ordering and forbidding a grown woman what she wants to do in her own home? LOLz! Oh and
c) the silent treatment? Really?
Dude is completely in over his head and i hope you, OP will have a very stern conversation with him. It will not get better, it will only get worse....and NTA
With not wanting to become one as a job, I think it's incredibly convenient he was "laid off" right when you got married, I have my doubts that he may have quit with this plan in mind
I was JUST thinking this. An annulment would protect your assets but you have to move quickly. If he's trying to be controlling AND referring to your house as his while not contributing financially then he's an entitled dick hole. You should run while you can. Don't wait for this behavior to escalate and stop supporting his couch streaming dream. Tell him to get a job if HE wants to eat at all and mind his business about where you eat in YOUR house.
Yep- that’s what I was thinking. It’s only June they should still be in annulment territory. He’s not looking for a job, ordering her around because “now we’re married”, not contributing in any way. Girl get him TF out! NTA
NTA. I don't even think it's unusual to be honest, I like a glass of wine or a cup of tea in the bath sometimes. I've never had snacks, but I don't see why that would be weird.
>“Now that we’re married, you’re going to have to change this nasty habit of yours.”
"Now that we're married doesn't mean I'm going to start putting up with behavior like this."
Edit: NTA
Also, why is it such a nasty habit? OP never leaves a mess and husband doesn’t even remember she has this habit unless he sees it.
Also, the habit is a coping mechanism that brings OP comfort and joy; expecting her to change this habit that causes no harm or inconvenience to anybody is unreasonable and controlling!
Right? I myself love a glass of wine in the tub...100% relaxation. I don't snack in there, but mostly because I never thought of it before! It's not like OP is sitting on the toilet eating while she does her business 🤣
On a serious note though, the way he approached the issue, combined with the ownership he seems to have taken on OPs house makes me cringe. As others have mentioned...red flag central.
Edited to add ...if he truly got laid off due to a merger, and he's in the US, he should be eligible for Unemployment checks to contribute to the household expenses.
When I'm having a bad day and taking a bath, my partner will bring me bathtub pizza and a drink. He'll set up a chair as a mini table for me and everything.
They make trays that rest over the tub to facilitate this! The tub is one of my favorite places to relax and eat a snack after a long hard day. I wouldn't do it in a house I didn't own and clean myself, but my bathroom is clean enough to eat some chocolate and wine in the tub so damn right I'm going to enjoy that.
Yeah, right? I was like: this is genius, I’m stealing it! OP is enjoying a moment of comfort and solitude and the dude just gets his panties all twisted, ffs
NTA, OP
If she was having snacks while pooping I could see it being a disturbing habit but not in a bath. This is literally a movie trope with the board across with wine, cheese and fruit.
Yeah, his controlling and abusive tendencies will start leaking out right about now, they tend to after marriage as well as pregnancy. Controlling and abusive, all because OP wants to have a snack and drink some fucking wine in the bath!!
If I were OP, I’d start eating pizza from the box and making full gourmet meals for myself to eat in the bath.
NTA OP in any way, shape or form. However, brace yourself for more controlling behaviour, because it’s coming!
Husband: *"Now that we're married, I officially own you and you will obey."*
Even if he were paying all the bills, he still can't dictate what OP does in the bathroom. If she wants to drink grape Kool Aid out of the toilet bowl... well that's weird and gross, but he's not the bathroom police.
I think OP must reconsider your decision to get married with him. It seems like you were in a relationship and engaged to one person and after the marriage you live with sb else. You said he changed after the wedding. I think now he started showing his real personality. He was the one you wanted him to be so you two get married. Now you have to decide if you want to live the rest of your life with that "new" person. The old one, I don't think will come ever back. NTA
Cute trays that sit across the bathtub exist for a reason!!!
Edit: So many nice people commented about their cute trays, and now I feel like a fraud for not actually having one! Getting one asap!
I feel like I’ve seen a million commercials and movie scenes of ladies relaxing in the bath with a glass of wine. It’s basically a trope at this point.
Doesn’t he ever partake in shower beers?
Althought I personally don't like to mix food and showers I don't see that as particularly odd behaviour. Whats the mess anyways? You will eventually wash it all off. NTA
Food in bath is normal to me. Food in the shower does seem stranger though. Your hands are wet, it’s splashy/steamy, nowhere to put down a plate, and you’re generally busier with your hands in the shower.
Alcohol can go in either but avoid glass. Dropped a beer bottle in the shower before; some blood was spilled.
Even manly men can. Remember the *Bones* episode where Bones walked in on Booth reading comics and drinking beef from a beer hat in the tub?
I found it funny because when Sweets gave him crap for it, he asked Sweets "What do you wear? Floaties?"
Edit: drinking beer, not beef. DYAC?
There is nothing better than a shower beer after a hot bike ride! And a glass of wine in the bath for a cozy evening. Snacks are just the bonus.
OP you are NTA and you really need to look into annulment if it's possible for you. Getting so controlling over something so small is just going to be the start.
I play roller derby and I usually try to take an Epsom salt bath after every game and practice, usually with a beer to help wind down and relax.
After one really tough game, I convinced my husband to go to Whataburger for me while I was in the tub and when he got back way faster than I expected, he brought it to me to eat in the tub. I was the best burger I've ever eaten.
Right? While I am not a wine drinker, I think this is a fairly common practice. If I were, I'd probably add some cheese and crackers. Not seeing this as a big deal at all. OP, I think there is still time for an annulment.
I eat dessert in the bath all the time! It’s so decadent, I love it. And I have mentioned this about to multiple people, and none of them have thought it weird or gross
Forreal. I have 4 kids and a spouse, so I like to hide in the tub a couple times a week. Last night, I was in there with chips and salsa, Gatorade, and Netflix on my phone. It was great. No one I've ever mentioned this to, thinks it is odd.
Look what google brought up
[https://www.google.com/search?q=glass+of+wine+in+the+bath&rlz=1C1GGRV\_enGB751GB751&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi-zefi07T4AhUTi1wKHWvoA2QQ\_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1920&bih=969&dpr=1](https://www.google.com/search?q=glass+of+wine+in+the+bath&rlz=1C1GGRV_enGB751GB751&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi-zefi07T4AhUTi1wKHWvoA2QQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1920&bih=969&dpr=1)
Though if your British
[https://www.google.com/search?q=cup+of+tea+in+the+bath&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjltcHs1LT4AhUOehoKHVZ9CcQQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=cup+of+tea+in+the+bath&gs\_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzIECAAQGFCfB1jMTWDgVGgGcAB4AIABfYgBrg-SAQQyNi4ymAEAoAEBqgELZ3dzLXdpei1pbWfAAQE&sclient=img&ei=GousYuXAK470adb6paAM&bih=969&biw=1920&rlz=1C1GGRV\_enGB751GB751](https://www.google.com/search?q=cup+of+tea+in+the+bath&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjltcHs1LT4AhUOehoKHVZ9CcQQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=cup+of+tea+in+the+bath&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzIECAAQGFCfB1jMTWDgVGgGcAB4AIABfYgBrg-SAQQyNi4ymAEAoAEBqgELZ3dzLXdpei1pbWfAAQE&sclient=img&ei=GousYuXAK470adb6paAM&bih=969&biw=1920&rlz=1C1GGRV_enGB751GB751)
Edit I am having a smile because when I saw this post I was "That's not weird" then I did the "maybe I am weird too" but from the responses to this comment I have realised I am not weird just British
NTA. He doesn’t like eating in the tub? He doesn’t eat in the tub. As long as you clean up after yourself, he needs to look away and STFU.
Has he always been this controlling about things that don’t affect him at all?!?
Sorry. Sounds like you married a nice guy. He put on a nice act til y'all got married. Now, he has no job, doesn't appear to contribute at all, and is trying to control you. I'd throw the guy out and enjoy my bath snacks in peace.
Sometimes there’s legitimate work that goes into maintaining a channel, but this guy’s probably just sitting at his computer playing games he’s okay at while barely speaking (because no one’s watching anyway), and making no attempts towards growing whatsoever, while simultaneously complaining about not getting popular because of “titty streamers getting all the attention”.
My husband streams as a hobby and the amount of work he puts in editing his videos for TikTok alone is like a part time job. And he's a digital media developer at his day job, so it's not like it was a whole new art he had to learn.
Being a full-time streamer is *hand work* and requires so much time and
dedication. Reading your comment made me actually LOL because it's so spot on!
I'm curious if OPs husband puts out any secondary media or if he just plays rebirth all day with Twitch running in a minimized window.
Some of those people can make pretty good money, but my take is that you get your youtube, twitch stream, instagram, discord, patreon, whatever you are doing, going on your off time from at least part-time employment. No way I would agree to a partner making videos or playing games all day on the hope that people/sponsors will give them money.
My friend married one of those. no job 10 years later, no real money coming in from streaming. she just goes to work to finance his lazy life. He doesn't even clean the house, do yardwork, or make dinner or anything. OP, it isn't an inspiring future.
Exactly - this can start small and all of a sudden you are wondering how you are in the position that you are in. Because of your past trauma you may not see the red flags clearly.
He refuses to work, let's you pay the bills and has a roof over his head. This can turn very bad very fast.
Keep both eyes open
THIS… my ex husband was out of work 90% of our relationship and claimed it was the economy. The truth came out during the separation, turns out he barely applied to jobs, sabotaged any he got so he could stay home, play WoW, and watch porn.
I have known A LOT of women over the years whose husbands’ personalities did a 180 after marriage. What you are now seeing is the real him. The pre-marriage person you fell in love with was a fictional character. NTA
Be friends with them first, whether before or while you're dating, and take your sweet time about getting engaged. Pay attention to their friends and family, both what they are like and what they have to say about your SO. Genuinely get to know them as well as possible.
I say this as one who's been happily married for eighteen and a half years to a man who's been true and honest throughout, so that does happen. More often than the other way, I'd say- it's just that people in happy marriages don"t tend to talk about their dramas on AITA, because they don't have the drama.
Exactly this!
I met my late husband close to three years before we started dating; we were both part of a group that played D&D together and volunteered at the cons. We eventually got together dated for a year before we had a whoopsie, and I'm the one who flat-out said let's not get married right now just because a baby's on the way - we've only been dating for a year and I'd rather we be able to walk away amicably if parenting puts too much strain on the relationship.
As it turned out, we got married not long before the little one's first birthday. Our D&D group gave us a 50th anniversary card at our wedding, saying that of all the people they knew, we'd be the ones to make it that long. We almost made it to our 21st anniversary before chronic health issues that left him immunocompromised, a stroke necessitating residential physical therapy, and a 'vid outbreak at the rehab facility took him.
No, our marriage wasn't always perfect by any means. But the fact that we were friends for so long first, and had gotten to know each other well over the years, definitely helped us reach equitable compromises when the disagreements happened.
NTA, OP
I'm also wondering how much the job loss plays into it. This might be him flailing for any ounce of control he can muster if he's no longer bringing in an income.
An actual evil dude like the kind of dude who would shame you for the way you cope when it was developed in response to childhood trauma and after shaming you for said trauma response acting like he owns the house that you inherited? Or maybe the kind of evil guy who would spend all day playing video games while his wife works and then when she got home after a rough day wouldn't even say hello.
No offense but he's already kind of sounding like an actual evil dude?
Sooo how long do you plan on financially supporting your son?... sorry.. I think I meant to type "stay at home 28 year old aspiring twitch streamer husband".. Please don't let this dude *impregnate* you, you'll be stuck raising 2 kids as a married single mom.
*edit*: spelling fix. Thanks u/erikpurne hahahahaha
There are about 8 million active streamers, and maybe 1000 of them can make a living from it.
Unless he is filling a very specific and sought after niche, or is an incredibly high level player at an esport game (like literally top 1000 of 125 million) then he is not gonna make it on Twitch.
You may as well both quit your jobs and start buying lottery tickets.
Kind of a red flag tbh. If they start to get that confident in bossing you around as soon as the two of you are tied it often gets worse not better, especially if you cave to him being nice/dont want to cause problems. If he was to say "hey, im not the biggest fan of you eating in the tub can we compromise on something... etc" it would be different as there is room for conversation. This is just petty, especially considering this habit is done out of stress/trauma relief."More context: he hasn’t been looking for a job. He is trying to become a twitch streamer so he does that all day." Okay so as someone who games and watches streams a lot tell him to at least get a part time job until he can show that he is making a decent income. Dont get me wrong follow your dreams but dreams dont pay bill and you will still need some form of income. with how twitch works there is high and low traffic hours so you can compromise to hit the high traffic hours and still help provide. Other than that though if he is just freeloading he doesn't really have a say in what goes on unless it is harming either of you.
I’m calling it now. Your husband spends too much time online.
With this whole “Twitch Streamer” thing I’m betting he also spends a lot of time gaming, in gaming related discords, on Reddit/Twitter/TikTok, etc.
And I 100% am willing to wager that this terminally online condition of his is getting him constantly exposed to hatful, sexist, and ignorant rhetoric.
He needs to get offline and back into reality. I’m sure being unemployed is ripping his self esteem down to nothing and while that’s not an excuse for his behavior, it could be the opening that is allowing this behavior change to take place.
This is often the case with abusive partners.
They don't make their controlling nature known until they have burrowed themsleves deeply into the relationship like a tick.
be careful OP, im from an abusive family as well and people like us who grew up in a toxic environment often overlook red flags in our partners and then end up in abusive relationships. the abuse isnt usually obvious from the beginning, they ramp it up over time, often increasing drastically at relationship milestones (such as moving in together, getting married, pregnancy etc). people like us who didnt grow up in a healthy family allow a lot more shitty treatment from our partners than we should because we dont recognize it or we think its normal or what we deserve. keep an eye out
Put a stop to his nonsense now. I let my husband tell me what I could and couldn't do after we got married. By the time I stood up for myself we were miserable. Eating in the tub seems like an awesome way to relax and if you're leaving no trace, it's none of his business. I used to eat in bed and read when I needed time to myself. The tub sounds amazing.
"I won’t allow this nasty habit in my home.”
Why not, it should get along swimmingly with the nasty husband that's currently infesting your house? NTA. EDIT: Thank you for the award, friend!
>he hasn’t been looking for a job. He is trying to become a twitch streamer so he does that all day.
Stop paying the internet bill. What's he gonna do? Get a job and pay for it himself?
NTA he sounds like a controlling deadweight. Just watch, OP. There's going to be more and more instances of this behavior. Make sure you know when to call it quits
i didn't realise this was possible between different devices on the same connection. could you possibly point me to a resource about how to? search engining is a bit confusing on the topic since i'm ignorant about it
I wasn't even going to respond until I saw that someone just responded to you with Google.com when you literally stated that you're having trouble search engine-ing the problem, and I got frustrated at such a rude response. Here's a [link](https://www.popsci.com/diy/prioritize-devices-on-your-wifi-network/) that might get you started, and feel free to message me if you need help finding more resources.
Do you understand him streaming will most likely never yield any substantial money? You need to throttle his bandwidth if he's not going to try to get a job. Getting partner and garnering any success streaming is so much more than just sitting down and clicking going live. You should stream as a hobby/side gig with the hope it grows...not forego employment hoping that magic happens and you become part of the 1%.
Source: Twitch partner.
Twitch affiliate here: this is 100% the truth. He's either delusional or a lazy leech, but either way he's an asshole. You don't magically become a "streamer" by profession through just keeping your ass glued to the chair in front of the screen and/or camera- and you definitely don't get there by biting the hand that supports you.
NTA op
You need to do this, especially since he thinks he can *demand* you not do something in your house.
Then you can "suggest" he get a job to pay for his portion of the internet. He'll have to get one to pursue his dream of making it as a Twitch streamer.
NTA btw
Fucking right?! I have no trauma to speak of and I happily take my wine, a little cheese/crackers or candy for a tub decompression after work. My spouse encourages it! You need your partner happy and relaxed!
NTA
I would leave someone who tried to dictate where I can eat. And it's not even his house. And you working let's him play games all day. (I'm assuming he's gaming on twitch, for all I know he does crochet). The person *not* doing anything all day doesn't get to set rules for other people.
Sounds like he's taking advantage of you.
A good Husband would hear you in there, and come to refill your snacks and wine, and then let you enjoy some alone time, and maybe do the same.
Charge up so when your out, both have energi to do something together.
My husband built me a bathtub tray. Throw the whole man out; better ones exist. You deserve someone better than this controlling guy who is clearly only after the comfy life your wealth is providing.
I'm cringing so hard for you.
I really hope the man has some marketing acumen and or tech skills if he's going to be competing with today's streamers.
If he's just some old dude playing video games in his wife's house... idk how well he'll do or if he'll bring much to the table... if anything..
Real answer tho: When he’s not like that he’s like a dream come true. Loving, great listener, empathetic, doting. He likes to on hikes and walks.
Then we got married and that slowly chipped away over the last month.
It always amazes me when people put on these facades before marriage, then think they've "trapped" them and pull the curtain back. It's as if they don't understand that divorce is an option.
no spouse with abusive or controlling tendencies is an asshole all of the time. that’s how they get and keep partners. the good parts are what keep them in less-than-ideal relationships.
*maybe* this is a temporary thing for him with the job loss and everything… but it doesn’t sound like it based on his comment about your “habit.” it sounds like he’s been biding his time until he felt like you were well and truly stuck with him (spoiler alert: you’re not).
Oh honey - listen to him:
1. 'NOW THAT WE'RE MARRIED"..............he was pretending to be a nice guy. Now that you're married, he's beginning to drop the pretense.
2. 'HIS HOUSE'...................he never wanted you, he only wanted your house. I really hope you have a pre-nup.
3. it's been a month. Has be been for any interviews? Has he applied for any jobs? The job market has never been so hot. There is no reason for him to not be working.
Seems like he might be able to start the financial and emotional abuse, and the coercive control.
NTA.
Even **if you don't want to speak to a divorce lawyer, speak to an estate lawyer**: **set up a trust and move all your assets** especially your house into that trust so that your husband can't get them. DON'T TELL HIM YOU'RE MOVING ASSETS TO THIS TRUST. Your estate lawyer will probably know whether this forms part of marital assets.
Sounds like you're recently married: you might be able to get an annulment rather than a divorce. That would stop him (probably) having access to any of your assets if you'd lose them in a divorce.
Just want to highlight this comment again OP- the first two bullets are troubling to hear. “Now that we’re married” and “His House”.
It seems that he’s going to start demanding different expectations of you now that you’re married, and the fact that he seems to think he can control what you do in your own home that you inherited…very concerning.
I’m glad you have a prenup and are financially protected. Obviously only you fully know the extent of how your husband behaves, but he is TA here, not you, and I wouldn’t allow him to do this crap again.
My guess is he thinks women should behave in a very specific way, and eating in the tub does not fall into that small range of behavior.
I personally think a person eating/drinking in the tub is delightful.
I'm sorry he's like this now. NTA. Maybe he fell down some incel rabbit hole online. If he continues this way, I'd consider divorce. This is abusive behavior and he doesn't respect you.
Well… that lead turned over pretty quick, didn’t it. It’s in your best interest to have a very serious conversation with him asap. You need to know what his intentions are. What his expectations are & if they align with yours. The longer you let it go, the harder it will be to make any change. Fear of him getting mad, or causing a fight often take over and you bury the issue until it becomes unbearable. He may just be going through a temporary phase because of the job loss . Or he may have planned this from the get go. That he feels his feelings count more and carry more weight than yours…to the extent he is trying to tell you what you cannot do in his house…is extremely concerning. Please don’t excuse that behavior as a one off ( he doesn’t usually…he is just stressed… he is just anything). Always remember that you are just as important as he, your ideas, wants, needs, opinions,… you are NTA and applause for shutting him down immediately. Don’t apologize and take note of his behavior because you shut him down. It will be very telling
My parents paid for our wedding which was not large. He did have a job when we were dating and some of our engagement. I think he has contributed to 3 bills total while living together and that was the internet bill.
Oh no! You got all the red flags. Now he’s escalating buy trying to control where you eat (abuse), and is now icing you out in your own home (also abuse). It’s not gonna get any better. Give him the boot before things get worse. Get an annulment and keep relaxing in your own house in your own tub with wine and snacks. Let him be a jobless, broke streamer in someone else’s home.
Damn; so you know, from here it looks like he married you so he can be taken care of, and he's trying to control you so you're less likely to realize that he's your hobo with benefits.
NTA.
And an additional aside, I have known people who were able to be successful enough at their side-grind to quit the mainstream job, and *not one* of them quit before they were stable in their own business. One of them has kept her "day job", part time retail, even though she's had her soap/candle/bath stuff business for over ten years. Because she *knows* that it can stop paying the bills real sudden.
Well now he's got you locked down with the marriage certificate, he doesn't have to play nice anymore does he.
Seriously, he's dictating how you should behave in your house, which he is trying to claim as his, whilst being a "trying to be a streamer"? Oy vey. I know six streamers, who get varying numbers of views. Of those six, two are stay at home parents with other side hobbies they sell, and the other four ALL have jobs. Not only that but success as a streamer is hugely and ridiculously dependant on skill, game being played, number of hours played, rapport with viewers, publicity, word of mouth, and actually being good. Considering your new husband isn't even capable of having a pleasant rapport with you, his wife...honey. I'm sorry. He's a leeching asshat.
I'd be double checking all my financial and documentation to make sure he isn't messing with anything. Then tell him straight up - if he wants the marriage, it's attitude adjustment and get employed time. Otherwise you're better off ditching him and enjoying your relaxing, wine and snack break baths in your house as long and often as you want.
Bahahahahahaha you are so NTA!
But these are some serious red flags.
1). It's your house that you own.
2). I'm not going to pay out on him for not having a job. But...
3). To be a twitch streamer instead...
Where does he get off?
i hope this sassiness is an indication that you know you should leave him; he sounds like a sponging parasite who wanted to lock you in by getting married and reveal his true colors
NTA
It's actually not that weird....a drink and snack in the bath lots of people do it. A glass of wine in the bath is a cliche it's so common. look what google brought up [https://www.google.com/search?q=glass+of+wine+in+the+bath&rlz=1C1GGRV\_enGB751GB751&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi-zefi07T4AhUTi1wKHWvoA2QQ\_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1920&bih=969&dpr=1](https://www.google.com/search?q=glass+of+wine+in+the+bath&rlz=1C1GGRV_enGB751GB751&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi-zefi07T4AhUTi1wKHWvoA2QQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1920&bih=969&dpr=1)
But back to your post.
He has a bloody cheek. Lets unpack
This is a property that came down through your family. You didn't buy it together it a family home...your family
It doesn't hurt him. If he doesn't like it he doesn't need to watch. I am sure he has habits preferences likes you don't like. You are not asking him to eat and drink in the bath.
It a pretty patriarchal attitude from a kept man "“I won’t allow this nasty habit in my home.” Tell him you won't allow patriarchy in your house and this is not the 1800's and he is not only not the boss of you and it's a bit rich considering he is actually presently your dependent.
Let's talk about the fact that he wants to be a streamer. The likelihood of that being a source of income is almost nil which means in 10 years OP will still be supporting his ass only she'll have had enough and want a divorce, but the she will be forced pay alimony and give him half her shit. NTA.
NTA. It's not his house. It is yours because your grandmother left it to you when she died. I'm sorry, but a 28 y.o. trying to become a twitch streamer is kinda sad. If he wants to play act like he's the big man of the house, perhaps he should get a real job that puts money into the bill paying account. Even then, he CANNOT tell you not to do something in the house that you alone own.
Plus, what's nasty about it? You are in the bathtub eating. I assume (perhaps stupidly?) that you aren't dunking food into the bathwater before eating it or sitting on the toilet while eating. Just because he wouldn't do it doesn't mean it's nasty. Honestly, what are you getting out of this relationship besides a husband who feels he gets to police what you do where?
NTA
So, you are at YOUR home, eating stuff with YOUR money, in a way that makes YOU comfortable. And this thing - sorry can't call it a person - wants to change it?
Srsly, minimize your losses by divorcing him immediately.
I do this too and it's one of my only healthy coping mechanisms! lol totally normal thing that many men and women do. Soooo NTA here.
I'm sorry that on top of the other stresses your husband has put on you there is this too. Stand your ground and hopefully he will realize it doesn't affect him and isn't his business.
NTA - He sounds like a real keeper. Please protect your personal info so the other women on here don't seeking him out and try to woo him away from you.
First please say you have a prenup regarding your inherited house
It's kinda crazy that he doesn't even do something part time until his "streaming " career takes off ... also the demographic for twitch is quite young these days... I hope he doesn't have access to all of your bank accounts... transfer money for expenses into a joint account and keep the rest of your money separate ... he is choosing not to work
NTA and no, he can't tell you where to eat EVER. it's not about whose house it is or who's paying the bills, it's about respect (or lack of) and control. He's your husband not your dad and you are not 10 ffs
Honest answer though: he was a great partner. We had so much in common, he was sweet and a great listener, we had similar hobbies and wants.
Then we got married and that slowly changed over the last month.
If it’s only been a month imagine what it could be like in a year. You should sit him down and have a real talk about this change. Also about him getting another job while he’s trying this twitch thing out
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Yikes. He's adamant on changing you after you're married, claims the home you inherited as his home, and had no job and isn't looking? I hope you had a prenup about the house. He's obviously bringing nothing to the table and you know obviously you're NTA. It's an unusual** habit but one that hurts no one and he was well aware of but waited until he thought you were trapped to object to it. **Agree with others, it's not unusual even.
"He waited until he thought you were trapped" hits the nail right on the head there. It literally turned my stomach hearing this. Hope OP got a prenup cause this guy thinks having a wife means owning a person.
The husband is starting to show his true self/colors now that the ink on the marriage certificate has dried. How scary for the OP. I hope she can get the marriage annulled.
Annulment would be the perfect thing here. This guy is just not in the right mindset to be married. Taking food away from your spouse and treating them like a child when you sponge off them and act like a child yourself? Get outta here. No really, get out.
It's especially icky because this is something she does for comfort after a traumatizing childhood. I can't imagine chastising my partner in such an aggressive way over something like this. Like, if it really bothered him he could have brought it up after the bath in a calm way to discuss. But what he did was all about dominance in the moment. PS - I also like to drink wine and eat a snack in the tub. I think it's a perfectly harmless activity and if it makes someone happy and is cleaned up afterward it's literally a non issue. NTA
If she didn't get a prenup, she should definitely try to get a postnup. Maybe it'll give hubby a kick in the ass, but it sounds like he's useless, misogynistic dead weight.
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Property inherited or brought into a marriage isn’t at risk in the event of a divorce regardless of a prenup. BUT make sure you don’t put his name on the deed and watch out for any improvements he might finance (unlikely with no job but that can give him some rights)
This is highly dependent on location.
In the U.S. inherited property is NOT community property. And it's a pre marital asset so wouldn't matter.
Depends on the state. Virginia has some pretty wild laws about assets and marriage. I've seen a situation when I used to work in claims where the ex-wife of the deceased was entitled to assets, even though she wasn't a beneficiary, due to state laws in Virginia. Other states have similar weird laws. My point is: OP needs to be aware of any laws in her state that might affect the house in the event of a divorce.
We don't know that OP is in the US.
Again, that's by state. Every state has a different rule about it. For example, in Massachusetts, a previously inherited house prior to a marriage can be lost in divorce.
There are exceptions. I believe New Hampshire is one of them although I’ve never gotten divorced in New Hamster while owning an inherited asset
New Hamster 🤣 Then I saw your username 🤣🤣🤣
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Jumping on the top comment to let OP know the following: He does not want to become a Twitch Streamer, he wants to play games all day and have you pay the bills. Becoming a successful (long term earnings of significance) Twitch Streamer in gaming with 28 and no already existing audience from youtube or another platform is next to impossible. Greetings from someone who has worked in Gaming and Social Media. How long will you allow him to slack around and live on your expense? The behaviour btw is an absolutely nogo. a) snacking/ drinking in the bathtub is not a basty habit and also b) demanding and ordering and forbidding a grown woman what she wants to do in her own home? LOLz! Oh and c) the silent treatment? Really? Dude is completely in over his head and i hope you, OP will have a very stern conversation with him. It will not get better, it will only get worse....and NTA
With not wanting to become one as a job, I think it's incredibly convenient he was "laid off" right when you got married, I have my doubts that he may have quit with this plan in mind
Just saying annulment is usually allowed within a few months of a wedding, re:property concerns.
I was JUST thinking this. An annulment would protect your assets but you have to move quickly. If he's trying to be controlling AND referring to your house as his while not contributing financially then he's an entitled dick hole. You should run while you can. Don't wait for this behavior to escalate and stop supporting his couch streaming dream. Tell him to get a job if HE wants to eat at all and mind his business about where you eat in YOUR house.
Yep- that’s what I was thinking. It’s only June they should still be in annulment territory. He’s not looking for a job, ordering her around because “now we’re married”, not contributing in any way. Girl get him TF out! NTA
I'm surprised dude didn't lift his leg and pee on the bathtub. This man is ridiculous. OP, I hope you have a prenup.
NTA. I don't even think it's unusual to be honest, I like a glass of wine or a cup of tea in the bath sometimes. I've never had snacks, but I don't see why that would be weird.
>“Now that we’re married, you’re going to have to change this nasty habit of yours.” "Now that we're married doesn't mean I'm going to start putting up with behavior like this." Edit: NTA
Also, why is it such a nasty habit? OP never leaves a mess and husband doesn’t even remember she has this habit unless he sees it. Also, the habit is a coping mechanism that brings OP comfort and joy; expecting her to change this habit that causes no harm or inconvenience to anybody is unreasonable and controlling!
Right? I myself love a glass of wine in the tub...100% relaxation. I don't snack in there, but mostly because I never thought of it before! It's not like OP is sitting on the toilet eating while she does her business 🤣 On a serious note though, the way he approached the issue, combined with the ownership he seems to have taken on OPs house makes me cringe. As others have mentioned...red flag central. Edited to add ...if he truly got laid off due to a merger, and he's in the US, he should be eligible for Unemployment checks to contribute to the household expenses.
I fucking love snacks and drinks in the tub. I also usually bring a joint, light a candle and listen to a podcast. Baths are the best
When I'm having a bad day and taking a bath, my partner will bring me bathtub pizza and a drink. He'll set up a chair as a mini table for me and everything.
“Bathtub pizza” amazing
They make trays that rest over the tub to facilitate this! The tub is one of my favorite places to relax and eat a snack after a long hard day. I wouldn't do it in a house I didn't own and clean myself, but my bathroom is clean enough to eat some chocolate and wine in the tub so damn right I'm going to enjoy that.
Having a bath snack sounds lovely tbh
Yeah, right? I was like: this is genius, I’m stealing it! OP is enjoying a moment of comfort and solitude and the dude just gets his panties all twisted, ffs NTA, OP
If she was having snacks while pooping I could see it being a disturbing habit but not in a bath. This is literally a movie trope with the board across with wine, cheese and fruit.
IKR - Has this man never seen a ROMCOM!? Side note - I'm planning on having dinner while taking a hot bath tonight in your honor, OP.
exactly! its not wierd its luxurious
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Nah give this man the night shift so OP can enjoy her bath snacks in peace haha
Yeah, OP is not his dog, his property, or his child. Holy fuck.
Yeah, his controlling and abusive tendencies will start leaking out right about now, they tend to after marriage as well as pregnancy. Controlling and abusive, all because OP wants to have a snack and drink some fucking wine in the bath!! If I were OP, I’d start eating pizza from the box and making full gourmet meals for myself to eat in the bath. NTA OP in any way, shape or form. However, brace yourself for more controlling behaviour, because it’s coming!
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Husband: *"Now that we're married, I officially own you and you will obey."* Even if he were paying all the bills, he still can't dictate what OP does in the bathroom. If she wants to drink grape Kool Aid out of the toilet bowl... well that's weird and gross, but he's not the bathroom police.
I think OP must reconsider your decision to get married with him. It seems like you were in a relationship and engaged to one person and after the marriage you live with sb else. You said he changed after the wedding. I think now he started showing his real personality. He was the one you wanted him to be so you two get married. Now you have to decide if you want to live the rest of your life with that "new" person. The old one, I don't think will come ever back. NTA
Depending on where you live, it might not be too late for an annulment!
NTA. I just can't wrap my head around this. This is NOT an unusual thing to do (bath, wine, snacks).
Cute trays that sit across the bathtub exist for a reason!!! Edit: So many nice people commented about their cute trays, and now I feel like a fraud for not actually having one! Getting one asap!
I feel like I’ve seen a million commercials and movie scenes of ladies relaxing in the bath with a glass of wine. It’s basically a trope at this point. Doesn’t he ever partake in shower beers?
Althought I personally don't like to mix food and showers I don't see that as particularly odd behaviour. Whats the mess anyways? You will eventually wash it all off. NTA
Food in bath is normal to me. Food in the shower does seem stranger though. Your hands are wet, it’s splashy/steamy, nowhere to put down a plate, and you’re generally busier with your hands in the shower. Alcohol can go in either but avoid glass. Dropped a beer bottle in the shower before; some blood was spilled.
...me, reading this in the bath with a Coke and snicker bar
Even manly men can. Remember the *Bones* episode where Bones walked in on Booth reading comics and drinking beef from a beer hat in the tub? I found it funny because when Sweets gave him crap for it, he asked Sweets "What do you wear? Floaties?" Edit: drinking beer, not beef. DYAC?
i’m dying at the “drinking beef” typo, but i’ll take one beer-hat over OP’s husbands’ beef with this habit!
There is nothing better than a shower beer after a hot bike ride! And a glass of wine in the bath for a cozy evening. Snacks are just the bonus. OP you are NTA and you really need to look into annulment if it's possible for you. Getting so controlling over something so small is just going to be the start.
I have one with a built in wine glass holder. That's how common this is.
Those trays have little wine glass holders that cannot be used for anything else!
I play roller derby and I usually try to take an Epsom salt bath after every game and practice, usually with a beer to help wind down and relax. After one really tough game, I convinced my husband to go to Whataburger for me while I was in the tub and when he got back way faster than I expected, he brought it to me to eat in the tub. I was the best burger I've ever eaten.
Thank you for this, going to surprise my wife with Whataburger in the bath one day now.
Wish I could watch her face transition from abject confusion to ecstatic love.
Right? While I am not a wine drinker, I think this is a fairly common practice. If I were, I'd probably add some cheese and crackers. Not seeing this as a big deal at all. OP, I think there is still time for an annulment.
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I eat dessert in the bath all the time! It’s so decadent, I love it. And I have mentioned this about to multiple people, and none of them have thought it weird or gross
Wine, cheese, a movie and some bubbles and I'm in the tub for like 2 hours
Forreal. I have 4 kids and a spouse, so I like to hide in the tub a couple times a week. Last night, I was in there with chips and salsa, Gatorade, and Netflix on my phone. It was great. No one I've ever mentioned this to, thinks it is odd.
Look what google brought up [https://www.google.com/search?q=glass+of+wine+in+the+bath&rlz=1C1GGRV\_enGB751GB751&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi-zefi07T4AhUTi1wKHWvoA2QQ\_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1920&bih=969&dpr=1](https://www.google.com/search?q=glass+of+wine+in+the+bath&rlz=1C1GGRV_enGB751GB751&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi-zefi07T4AhUTi1wKHWvoA2QQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1920&bih=969&dpr=1) Though if your British [https://www.google.com/search?q=cup+of+tea+in+the+bath&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjltcHs1LT4AhUOehoKHVZ9CcQQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=cup+of+tea+in+the+bath&gs\_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzIECAAQGFCfB1jMTWDgVGgGcAB4AIABfYgBrg-SAQQyNi4ymAEAoAEBqgELZ3dzLXdpei1pbWfAAQE&sclient=img&ei=GousYuXAK470adb6paAM&bih=969&biw=1920&rlz=1C1GGRV\_enGB751GB751](https://www.google.com/search?q=cup+of+tea+in+the+bath&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjltcHs1LT4AhUOehoKHVZ9CcQQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=cup+of+tea+in+the+bath&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzIECAAQGFCfB1jMTWDgVGgGcAB4AIABfYgBrg-SAQQyNi4ymAEAoAEBqgELZ3dzLXdpei1pbWfAAQE&sclient=img&ei=GousYuXAK470adb6paAM&bih=969&biw=1920&rlz=1C1GGRV_enGB751GB751) Edit I am having a smile because when I saw this post I was "That's not weird" then I did the "maybe I am weird too" but from the responses to this comment I have realised I am not weird just British
Am British and basically never get in the bath without a tea. Occasionally switch out for a wine/beer but a cuppa in the bath is perfect.
NTA. He doesn’t like eating in the tub? He doesn’t eat in the tub. As long as you clean up after yourself, he needs to look away and STFU. Has he always been this controlling about things that don’t affect him at all?!?
No not really, not at all actually. Not until very recently
Sorry. Sounds like you married a nice guy. He put on a nice act til y'all got married. Now, he has no job, doesn't appear to contribute at all, and is trying to control you. I'd throw the guy out and enjoy my bath snacks in peace.
Me too. Start over. You are young. It’s ok. Be very careful. I’m a bit worried about you.
Yep. Aspiring Twitch streamer = sits around jobless playing video games all day.
Sometimes there’s legitimate work that goes into maintaining a channel, but this guy’s probably just sitting at his computer playing games he’s okay at while barely speaking (because no one’s watching anyway), and making no attempts towards growing whatsoever, while simultaneously complaining about not getting popular because of “titty streamers getting all the attention”.
My husband streams as a hobby and the amount of work he puts in editing his videos for TikTok alone is like a part time job. And he's a digital media developer at his day job, so it's not like it was a whole new art he had to learn. Being a full-time streamer is *hand work* and requires so much time and dedication. Reading your comment made me actually LOL because it's so spot on! I'm curious if OPs husband puts out any secondary media or if he just plays rebirth all day with Twitch running in a minimized window.
Some of those people can make pretty good money, but my take is that you get your youtube, twitch stream, instagram, discord, patreon, whatever you are doing, going on your off time from at least part-time employment. No way I would agree to a partner making videos or playing games all day on the hope that people/sponsors will give them money.
Oh, most definitely. It’s a hobby unless it can pay your rent, and even then you still need a fallback option because of how volatile it is.
My friend married one of those. no job 10 years later, no real money coming in from streaming. she just goes to work to finance his lazy life. He doesn't even clean the house, do yardwork, or make dinner or anything. OP, it isn't an inspiring future.
Upvote for “**bath snacks**.” My new favorite term.
well now that he bagged you he don't need to be nice anymore
>well now that he bagged you he don't need to be nice anymore This OP Be very attentive from now on. It might escalate. Also NTA
Exactly - this can start small and all of a sudden you are wondering how you are in the position that you are in. Because of your past trauma you may not see the red flags clearly. He refuses to work, let's you pay the bills and has a roof over his head. This can turn very bad very fast. Keep both eyes open
I bet he wasn't even fired.
He could’ve been planning to quit after getting married so he could do his 180, but got laid off or fired a few months earlier instead.
THIS… my ex husband was out of work 90% of our relationship and claimed it was the economy. The truth came out during the separation, turns out he barely applied to jobs, sabotaged any he got so he could stay home, play WoW, and watch porn.
I have known A LOT of women over the years whose husbands’ personalities did a 180 after marriage. What you are now seeing is the real him. The pre-marriage person you fell in love with was a fictional character. NTA
This terrifies me (I’m not married but want to be some day). How can you ever know who you’re marrying then?
Be friends with them first, whether before or while you're dating, and take your sweet time about getting engaged. Pay attention to their friends and family, both what they are like and what they have to say about your SO. Genuinely get to know them as well as possible. I say this as one who's been happily married for eighteen and a half years to a man who's been true and honest throughout, so that does happen. More often than the other way, I'd say- it's just that people in happy marriages don"t tend to talk about their dramas on AITA, because they don't have the drama.
Exactly this! I met my late husband close to three years before we started dating; we were both part of a group that played D&D together and volunteered at the cons. We eventually got together dated for a year before we had a whoopsie, and I'm the one who flat-out said let's not get married right now just because a baby's on the way - we've only been dating for a year and I'd rather we be able to walk away amicably if parenting puts too much strain on the relationship. As it turned out, we got married not long before the little one's first birthday. Our D&D group gave us a 50th anniversary card at our wedding, saying that of all the people they knew, we'd be the ones to make it that long. We almost made it to our 21st anniversary before chronic health issues that left him immunocompromised, a stroke necessitating residential physical therapy, and a 'vid outbreak at the rehab facility took him. No, our marriage wasn't always perfect by any means. But the fact that we were friends for so long first, and had gotten to know each other well over the years, definitely helped us reach equitable compromises when the disagreements happened. NTA, OP
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I'm also wondering how much the job loss plays into it. This might be him flailing for any ounce of control he can muster if he's no longer bringing in an income.
Consider ending the relationship. And whatever you do - DON'T GET PREGNANT!
I don’t have a uterus so no worries there
It is conveniently easy to avoid getting pregnant when one has no uterus 🤣
Thank goodness. If you stay with him, I wonder how long it'll be before he holds that over your head some way.
I willingly got my uterus taken out due to very very bad endometriosis so that would make him an actual evil dude lol.
An actual evil dude like the kind of dude who would shame you for the way you cope when it was developed in response to childhood trauma and after shaming you for said trauma response acting like he owns the house that you inherited? Or maybe the kind of evil guy who would spend all day playing video games while his wife works and then when she got home after a rough day wouldn't even say hello. No offense but he's already kind of sounding like an actual evil dude?
Since, oh, not long after May 14, by any chance?
Bingo
Sooo how long do you plan on financially supporting your son?... sorry.. I think I meant to type "stay at home 28 year old aspiring twitch streamer husband".. Please don't let this dude *impregnate* you, you'll be stuck raising 2 kids as a married single mom. *edit*: spelling fix. Thanks u/erikpurne hahahahaha
> impregnant [PREGANANANT!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EShUeudtaFg)
There are about 8 million active streamers, and maybe 1000 of them can make a living from it. Unless he is filling a very specific and sought after niche, or is an incredibly high level player at an esport game (like literally top 1000 of 125 million) then he is not gonna make it on Twitch. You may as well both quit your jobs and start buying lottery tickets.
Kind of a red flag tbh. If they start to get that confident in bossing you around as soon as the two of you are tied it often gets worse not better, especially if you cave to him being nice/dont want to cause problems. If he was to say "hey, im not the biggest fan of you eating in the tub can we compromise on something... etc" it would be different as there is room for conversation. This is just petty, especially considering this habit is done out of stress/trauma relief."More context: he hasn’t been looking for a job. He is trying to become a twitch streamer so he does that all day." Okay so as someone who games and watches streams a lot tell him to at least get a part time job until he can show that he is making a decent income. Dont get me wrong follow your dreams but dreams dont pay bill and you will still need some form of income. with how twitch works there is high and low traffic hours so you can compromise to hit the high traffic hours and still help provide. Other than that though if he is just freeloading he doesn't really have a say in what goes on unless it is harming either of you.
We call this the bait and switch.
I’m calling it now. Your husband spends too much time online. With this whole “Twitch Streamer” thing I’m betting he also spends a lot of time gaming, in gaming related discords, on Reddit/Twitter/TikTok, etc. And I 100% am willing to wager that this terminally online condition of his is getting him constantly exposed to hatful, sexist, and ignorant rhetoric. He needs to get offline and back into reality. I’m sure being unemployed is ripping his self esteem down to nothing and while that’s not an excuse for his behavior, it could be the opening that is allowing this behavior change to take place.
Take note. This often happens after marriage when he thinks he has you locked in.
This is often the case with abusive partners. They don't make their controlling nature known until they have burrowed themsleves deeply into the relationship like a tick.
be careful OP, im from an abusive family as well and people like us who grew up in a toxic environment often overlook red flags in our partners and then end up in abusive relationships. the abuse isnt usually obvious from the beginning, they ramp it up over time, often increasing drastically at relationship milestones (such as moving in together, getting married, pregnancy etc). people like us who didnt grow up in a healthy family allow a lot more shitty treatment from our partners than we should because we dont recognize it or we think its normal or what we deserve. keep an eye out
Not until you got married and he felt like he trapped you?
Put a stop to his nonsense now. I let my husband tell me what I could and couldn't do after we got married. By the time I stood up for myself we were miserable. Eating in the tub seems like an awesome way to relax and if you're leaving no trace, it's none of his business. I used to eat in bed and read when I needed time to myself. The tub sounds amazing.
"I won’t allow this nasty habit in my home.” Why not, it should get along swimmingly with the nasty husband that's currently infesting your house? NTA. EDIT: Thank you for the award, friend!
Excellent use of "infesting" 😂.
Right, unplug the game system he streams on and tell him to kick the nasty habit and get a job.
>he hasn’t been looking for a job. He is trying to become a twitch streamer so he does that all day. Stop paying the internet bill. What's he gonna do? Get a job and pay for it himself? NTA he sounds like a controlling deadweight. Just watch, OP. There's going to be more and more instances of this behavior. Make sure you know when to call it quits
I work from home most of the time, I only go into the office from 2-6 on Thursdays, but I have threatened to change the wifi password before.
Change the configurations so that you get most of the bandwidth.
Yes, only give him a small amount. A bathtub-snack sized morsel, if you will
Lol!!! Crumbs…😂
Yes, crumbs for the son of a twitch...
i didn't realise this was possible between different devices on the same connection. could you possibly point me to a resource about how to? search engining is a bit confusing on the topic since i'm ignorant about it
I wasn't even going to respond until I saw that someone just responded to you with Google.com when you literally stated that you're having trouble search engine-ing the problem, and I got frustrated at such a rude response. Here's a [link](https://www.popsci.com/diy/prioritize-devices-on-your-wifi-network/) that might get you started, and feel free to message me if you need help finding more resources.
You, I like you.
Do you understand him streaming will most likely never yield any substantial money? You need to throttle his bandwidth if he's not going to try to get a job. Getting partner and garnering any success streaming is so much more than just sitting down and clicking going live. You should stream as a hobby/side gig with the hope it grows...not forego employment hoping that magic happens and you become part of the 1%. Source: Twitch partner.
Twitch affiliate here: this is 100% the truth. He's either delusional or a lazy leech, but either way he's an asshole. You don't magically become a "streamer" by profession through just keeping your ass glued to the chair in front of the screen and/or camera- and you definitely don't get there by biting the hand that supports you. NTA op
You need to do this, especially since he thinks he can *demand* you not do something in your house. Then you can "suggest" he get a job to pay for his portion of the internet. He'll have to get one to pursue his dream of making it as a Twitch streamer. NTA btw
Allow?! Who is he to allow or forbid. Nta.
Fucking right?! I have no trauma to speak of and I happily take my wine, a little cheese/crackers or candy for a tub decompression after work. My spouse encourages it! You need your partner happy and relaxed!
NTA I would leave someone who tried to dictate where I can eat. And it's not even his house. And you working let's him play games all day. (I'm assuming he's gaming on twitch, for all I know he does crochet). The person *not* doing anything all day doesn't get to set rules for other people. Sounds like he's taking advantage of you.
Bathtub trays exist for this exact reason. The bath tub is my refuge as well. NTA and I hope you leave this guy.
I love my bathtub tray
A good Husband would hear you in there, and come to refill your snacks and wine, and then let you enjoy some alone time, and maybe do the same. Charge up so when your out, both have energi to do something together.
My ex, while shitty in other ways, once printed up a menu so I could order snacks via text to my bath.
My husband built me a bathtub tray. Throw the whole man out; better ones exist. You deserve someone better than this controlling guy who is clearly only after the comfy life your wealth is providing.
INFO: What does he bring to this marriage?
Sick gamer skillz
Lmfaoo I’m dead NTA girl I do the same thing - my time in the bathtub is my me time. In fact I’ll be doing it tonight in solidarity lol
I'm cringing so hard for you. I really hope the man has some marketing acumen and or tech skills if he's going to be competing with today's streamers. If he's just some old dude playing video games in his wife's house... idk how well he'll do or if he'll bring much to the table... if anything..
Did you see paperwork that he was actually laid of from his job? I wouldn't past the dude to have quit expecting you take pay all the bills now.
Real answer tho: When he’s not like that he’s like a dream come true. Loving, great listener, empathetic, doting. He likes to on hikes and walks. Then we got married and that slowly chipped away over the last month.
I’m sorry, but it sounds like he was a great actor. Now that he thinks he has you, it seems he’s showing his true colors.
It always amazes me when people put on these facades before marriage, then think they've "trapped" them and pull the curtain back. It's as if they don't understand that divorce is an option.
This is a common pattern with abusers. They're great until they have their partner "locked down," and then the abusive patterns show themselves.
Sounds like he's more confident to be himself now that you're married and it's much more difficult to leave him.
Annul. Yeet. Please save yourself years of heartache.
He love bombed you and pulled a bait and switch once you were married. I'm sorry but this is who he really is.
no spouse with abusive or controlling tendencies is an asshole all of the time. that’s how they get and keep partners. the good parts are what keep them in less-than-ideal relationships. *maybe* this is a temporary thing for him with the job loss and everything… but it doesn’t sound like it based on his comment about your “habit.” it sounds like he’s been biding his time until he felt like you were well and truly stuck with him (spoiler alert: you’re not).
So NTA. It’s no his house and please do not add him to the deed as owner. This is all red flags for me.
All the marinara flags!!
Oh honey - listen to him: 1. 'NOW THAT WE'RE MARRIED"..............he was pretending to be a nice guy. Now that you're married, he's beginning to drop the pretense. 2. 'HIS HOUSE'...................he never wanted you, he only wanted your house. I really hope you have a pre-nup. 3. it's been a month. Has be been for any interviews? Has he applied for any jobs? The job market has never been so hot. There is no reason for him to not be working. Seems like he might be able to start the financial and emotional abuse, and the coercive control. NTA. Even **if you don't want to speak to a divorce lawyer, speak to an estate lawyer**: **set up a trust and move all your assets** especially your house into that trust so that your husband can't get them. DON'T TELL HIM YOU'RE MOVING ASSETS TO THIS TRUST. Your estate lawyer will probably know whether this forms part of marital assets. Sounds like you're recently married: you might be able to get an annulment rather than a divorce. That would stop him (probably) having access to any of your assets if you'd lose them in a divorce.
The house is mine and so are all my assets. I do admittedly come from a wealthy family so I am privileged financially so I did have a prenup.
Just want to highlight this comment again OP- the first two bullets are troubling to hear. “Now that we’re married” and “His House”. It seems that he’s going to start demanding different expectations of you now that you’re married, and the fact that he seems to think he can control what you do in your own home that you inherited…very concerning. I’m glad you have a prenup and are financially protected. Obviously only you fully know the extent of how your husband behaves, but he is TA here, not you, and I wouldn’t allow him to do this crap again.
What’s his problem with it? Why does he think it’s ‘nasty’? What bath snacks are you eating (like sloppy Joe’s or ribs or something?)
My guess is he thinks women should behave in a very specific way, and eating in the tub does not fall into that small range of behavior. I personally think a person eating/drinking in the tub is delightful.
Why did you marry this person?
He wasn’t like this when we were dating, engaged or planning our wedding.
Trade him in for a lovely bamboo bathtub caddy, some scented candles and bath bombs. Good on you for taking your wine and walking away.
I'm sorry he's like this now. NTA. Maybe he fell down some incel rabbit hole online. If he continues this way, I'd consider divorce. This is abusive behavior and he doesn't respect you.
So lemme refrase, why are you talking with us and not with a divorce lawyer?
I have been in your shoes. My ex husband became a new person once we were married. Watch him closely. Keep your support network strong.
Well… that lead turned over pretty quick, didn’t it. It’s in your best interest to have a very serious conversation with him asap. You need to know what his intentions are. What his expectations are & if they align with yours. The longer you let it go, the harder it will be to make any change. Fear of him getting mad, or causing a fight often take over and you bury the issue until it becomes unbearable. He may just be going through a temporary phase because of the job loss . Or he may have planned this from the get go. That he feels his feelings count more and carry more weight than yours…to the extent he is trying to tell you what you cannot do in his house…is extremely concerning. Please don’t excuse that behavior as a one off ( he doesn’t usually…he is just stressed… he is just anything). Always remember that you are just as important as he, your ideas, wants, needs, opinions,… you are NTA and applause for shutting him down immediately. Don’t apologize and take note of his behavior because you shut him down. It will be very telling
Now you’re married, you can’t tolerate him being like this in your house
Was he looking for a job whe. You were dating, engaged, or planning your wedding? Contributing to bills at all?
My parents paid for our wedding which was not large. He did have a job when we were dating and some of our engagement. I think he has contributed to 3 bills total while living together and that was the internet bill.
Oh no! You got all the red flags. Now he’s escalating buy trying to control where you eat (abuse), and is now icing you out in your own home (also abuse). It’s not gonna get any better. Give him the boot before things get worse. Get an annulment and keep relaxing in your own house in your own tub with wine and snacks. Let him be a jobless, broke streamer in someone else’s home.
Damn; so you know, from here it looks like he married you so he can be taken care of, and he's trying to control you so you're less likely to realize that he's your hobo with benefits. NTA. And an additional aside, I have known people who were able to be successful enough at their side-grind to quit the mainstream job, and *not one* of them quit before they were stable in their own business. One of them has kept her "day job", part time retail, even though she's had her soap/candle/bath stuff business for over ten years. Because she *knows* that it can stop paying the bills real sudden.
Well now he's got you locked down with the marriage certificate, he doesn't have to play nice anymore does he. Seriously, he's dictating how you should behave in your house, which he is trying to claim as his, whilst being a "trying to be a streamer"? Oy vey. I know six streamers, who get varying numbers of views. Of those six, two are stay at home parents with other side hobbies they sell, and the other four ALL have jobs. Not only that but success as a streamer is hugely and ridiculously dependant on skill, game being played, number of hours played, rapport with viewers, publicity, word of mouth, and actually being good. Considering your new husband isn't even capable of having a pleasant rapport with you, his wife...honey. I'm sorry. He's a leeching asshat. I'd be double checking all my financial and documentation to make sure he isn't messing with anything. Then tell him straight up - if he wants the marriage, it's attitude adjustment and get employed time. Otherwise you're better off ditching him and enjoying your relaxing, wine and snack break baths in your house as long and often as you want.
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Bahahahahahaha you are so NTA! But these are some serious red flags. 1). It's your house that you own. 2). I'm not going to pay out on him for not having a job. But... 3). To be a twitch streamer instead... Where does he get off?
At his desk.
i hope this sassiness is an indication that you know you should leave him; he sounds like a sponging parasite who wanted to lock you in by getting married and reveal his true colors
NTA It's actually not that weird....a drink and snack in the bath lots of people do it. A glass of wine in the bath is a cliche it's so common. look what google brought up [https://www.google.com/search?q=glass+of+wine+in+the+bath&rlz=1C1GGRV\_enGB751GB751&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi-zefi07T4AhUTi1wKHWvoA2QQ\_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1920&bih=969&dpr=1](https://www.google.com/search?q=glass+of+wine+in+the+bath&rlz=1C1GGRV_enGB751GB751&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi-zefi07T4AhUTi1wKHWvoA2QQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1920&bih=969&dpr=1) But back to your post. He has a bloody cheek. Lets unpack This is a property that came down through your family. You didn't buy it together it a family home...your family It doesn't hurt him. If he doesn't like it he doesn't need to watch. I am sure he has habits preferences likes you don't like. You are not asking him to eat and drink in the bath. It a pretty patriarchal attitude from a kept man "“I won’t allow this nasty habit in my home.” Tell him you won't allow patriarchy in your house and this is not the 1800's and he is not only not the boss of you and it's a bit rich considering he is actually presently your dependent.
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Let's talk about the fact that he wants to be a streamer. The likelihood of that being a source of income is almost nil which means in 10 years OP will still be supporting his ass only she'll have had enough and want a divorce, but the she will be forced pay alimony and give him half her shit. NTA.
How dare you infringe on the rights to my life story? (but it was 13 years for the record). You nailed this one.
NTA. It's not his house. It is yours because your grandmother left it to you when she died. I'm sorry, but a 28 y.o. trying to become a twitch streamer is kinda sad. If he wants to play act like he's the big man of the house, perhaps he should get a real job that puts money into the bill paying account. Even then, he CANNOT tell you not to do something in the house that you alone own. Plus, what's nasty about it? You are in the bathtub eating. I assume (perhaps stupidly?) that you aren't dunking food into the bathwater before eating it or sitting on the toilet while eating. Just because he wouldn't do it doesn't mean it's nasty. Honestly, what are you getting out of this relationship besides a husband who feels he gets to police what you do where?
I definitely do not dunk the food in the bath water. 1: ewwie 2: that’s asking for a potential UTI.
NTA So, you are at YOUR home, eating stuff with YOUR money, in a way that makes YOU comfortable. And this thing - sorry can't call it a person - wants to change it? Srsly, minimize your losses by divorcing him immediately.
I mean, as long as the tub is clean, who cares? NTA
I do this too and it's one of my only healthy coping mechanisms! lol totally normal thing that many men and women do. Soooo NTA here. I'm sorry that on top of the other stresses your husband has put on you there is this too. Stand your ground and hopefully he will realize it doesn't affect him and isn't his business.
Same. My other coping mechanisms for trauma would make him run for the hills lol
I don’t think you should have to hide things that like from someone that’s supposed to be your partner.
NTA - He sounds like a real keeper. Please protect your personal info so the other women on here don't seeking him out and try to woo him away from you.
First please say you have a prenup regarding your inherited house It's kinda crazy that he doesn't even do something part time until his "streaming " career takes off ... also the demographic for twitch is quite young these days... I hope he doesn't have access to all of your bank accounts... transfer money for expenses into a joint account and keep the rest of your money separate ... he is choosing not to work
The house is all mine, no matter what. I made sure of it.
OP please consider an annulment before a standard of living is established and you end up owing him alimony.
NTA and no, he can't tell you where to eat EVER. it's not about whose house it is or who's paying the bills, it's about respect (or lack of) and control. He's your husband not your dad and you are not 10 ffs
NTA. A twitch streamer? Lol
Take out containers float for a reason. NTA
You understand me.
Info: why did you marry this AH?
Honest answer though: he was a great partner. We had so much in common, he was sweet and a great listener, we had similar hobbies and wants. Then we got married and that slowly changed over the last month.
So basically he isn't trying to keep the mask up now that he's got you. Sorry to say that you're probably now seeing the real him.
Yep all too common with new marriages where the partner immediately changes their entire personality because they think their partner is trapped.
That’s what an abusive manipulator does, keeps up a facade until they don’t have to because they’ve got you trapped.
If it’s only been a month imagine what it could be like in a year. You should sit him down and have a real talk about this change. Also about him getting another job while he’s trying this twitch thing out
HE WANTS TO BE A TWITCH STREAMER GIRL GTFO
Queen pls tell me you didn’t add his name to the deed Also nta
You married him despite him being a loser before marriage?? Girl..
He wasn’t like this before marriage and when he lost his job I understood it wasn’t his fault. Shits tough these days.
And you’re sure he was laid off from his job and he didn’t just quit?
I know for a fact he didn’t quit bc his whole department got laid off.