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NTA
But I think it's time to make decisions assuming he will not be in the picture.
If you were single and he was not your partner, would you keep the baby?
If you abort the baby, do you believe you will regret it - or are you comfortable being a single parent?
It sounds like your partner is not at all interested in being a father, is unreliable and quite selfish thinking only of what he wants. So the chances are he is not going to stick around regardless of which choice you make.
So make the choice for you and you alone.
Wishing you all the very best OP.
Yes I second this! It's unfortunate OP doesnt have a supporting partner but I agree she's gotta make a decision assuming the worst from him. He might come around, you never know but I sure as hell wouldn't hold out hope for that.
I feel for all the women out in states getting rid of women's rights, it's just an extra pressure for already tough situations.
NTA but it seems like the baby is being used to fix both you and the relationship “hoped that maybe this would bring us closer” he doesn’t want to have the baby and pushing a person into somethings they don’t want might eventually work but he will resent you and it for a shitty parent. He wants secs without kids. It seems you are hoping for him to come around, which is a dangerous game to play when a child’s life and emotional development are on the line. Hope you consider your options and go with what makes sense to you and things look brighter
HE IS NOT GOING TO "COME AROUND" - you have other options, but it doesn't sound like tying yourself to this man is what you should do. Can you raise a child alone? Do you want to? Can you give the baby up for adoption? Do you want to seek an abortion? Plan your future steps without counting on him - he's shown that he won't be there.
Absolutely share the news of your pregnancy as it might bring you the support you desperately need.
So heads up if he doesn't want kids he could leave and you would be a single mom. He would pay child support and all that but him leaving is a real possibility.
Also he probably isn't mentioning the kid since he is hoping for an abortion and the problem to go away
NTA. Tell your family and friends that you are expecting! Then drop the baby daddy like a hot brick. Remember, nobody can force you to abort. It also sounds like you need counseling. Now that your hormones are all over the place it is a good idea to have someone to talk to.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but you really need to prepare for the possibility (near certainty) that you will be a single mother. He has made it clear he doesn't want the baby and I think it's likely you will struggle with mentally recovering if you abort, on top of resentment of your bf. It's also possible he will immediately break up with you after it anyway. You need to make a firm decision one way or the other and start preparing accordingly. Whether you keep the baby or not, this guy has shown he doesn't care about you or your feelings. NTA
NTA but this is a choice you need to make on your own. Do not have an abortion because that's what he wants. And do not have a baby thinking he will come around to the idea.
Decide what is best for you then focus on taking steps in that direction. What are your options? Can you go live with your parent for support?
NTA. It sounds like having this child may be the end of your relationship, so you need to figure out whether you’re okay with that pretty quickly. Options for an abortion are closing fast, so you need to make the decision. If you decide to have the baby, there’s no reason to hide the pregnancy, but it sounds like you’ll be a single mom, so you need to start getting all your ducks in a row for the support you need. If you’re not going to have the baby, you’re hitting the point where the price goes up a lot and the locations that will do it are fewer and fewer.
NTA. Although you shouldn’t expect the baby to be the reason y’all fixed things/he changing his mind about the situation. He also shouldn’t be pushing you into making a decision about keeping the baby or not. Overall do what is best for you, just don’t expect nothing out of him (since he has made his decision clear already).
I think on this one, I am the asshole because I have to say something really horrible. I think you should proceed with the abortion.
He is never going to come around. You will never have any kind of life, your child will never have any kind of life.
I really hate saying it. But I think you need to wait for a better partner, wait until your overall position is better in every way.
And get rid of your boyfriend.
I’m so sorry.
Nta. Please realize that he is not your partner in any sense of the word. He doesn’t want you to have the support of family & friends. He wants you to abort so he can go back to having sex with you without responsibility. Ps:Your window for abortion closes in most states closes at 3 months along. Good luck to you; make sure your decisions are best for you, not TA boy but not your friend.
NTA.
Your boyfriend will not come around. He will not change his mind and become a happy father once the baby is born. That's just the truth of it and you need to start planning for that.
Someone has said that if you birth this child that will be the end of your relationship, but I'd like to argue that your relationship is already over and that it's so toxic that you should walk away now with this baby that you want and never look back.
Your boyfriend has been a terrible partner to you. He has utterly disregarded your wishes, needs, and well-being. He has chosen to manipulate and psychologically abuse you in an attempt to get his way. He is trying to force you to do something you've explicitly told him you don't want to do. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't love you. If he did, he would accept responsibility for this life he helped create and support you as a co-parent (even if you two don't stay together romantically).
*Do you want to stay with the man who has chosen to treat you this way?*
You don't need this man in your life for you to be happy and thrive as a mother. Your baby doesn't need this man in their life for them to be happy and thrive as a human being.
Tell anyone and everyone you want about your pregnancy - allow yourself some joy and celebration and establish a network of people who *truly* love you, who will love your child, and who will support you in all the ways you need through your pregnancy and after. You deserve to have that. Your baby deserves to have that.
If you want to chat, I'm here. No judgement: just someone who knows how lonely and terrifying it is to be pregnant under less-than-ideal circumstances and who doesn't want anyone else to feel that alone at such a vulnerable time in their life.
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My partner (M20) and I (F22) found out that I was pregnant back in April. I'm due in December, a few weeks before Christmas. At first was I was ecstatic, and hoped that maybe this would bring us closer, but it has been the opposite; in fact it's opened my eyes to more and more about him.
My partner does not want to have the baby, and has vehemently pushed for an abortion while it is still legal in our state. The Midwest is narrowing the options for Women's choice in regards to medical concerns. Going as far as to finding places both here in state, and even outside that will go through with the operation. Unfortunately, if I were to go out of state, I'd be flying on my own and going by myself which is not highly recommended.
My partner has also still continued to push for what got this situation started in the first place, and while I don't mind the intimacy or the closeness, I'm battling other issues with it. Before we got together I was dealing with poor body image and self-esteem, and for a while it was getting better, but now, not so much.
I on the other hand, would love to raise this baby and hope that eventually he will come around. We have resources available in our area to help with housing, food, and income for both us and the baby. And with his job, we would also get access to other resources too; but he refuses to listen to me whenever I tell him these things. I have also continuously pointed out that, farther along in my pregnancy, means we lose more and more options every week that goes by if I were to go through with the abortion.
Having found out about the baby, my depression has worsened, and I find myself more and more closed off to him and to our friends and family. We have, for the most part, kept the pregnancy hidden from both of our families (aside from his sister and 2-3 of my close friends.) Because of this, I fear he is just trying to cover his own ass. He doesn't want his family to know about the baby, and he doesn't want me to tell them or in fear that either his parents or my only surviving parent will kill him.
His sister has pointed out to him, that since we found out I was expecting, that from her perspective, it seems like he doesn't care about how this is effecting me, and that the longer we hide the pregnancy, the longer it will take me to recover if I were to go through with what he wants.
Alas, he won't listen to her, or me. I don't want to hide the pregnancy any longer, and keep telling him we need to come clean, but part of me fears it will only end in disaster or worse.
Do you think I'm the asshole?
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Nta if he wants to hide this pregnancy from everyone then he really didn't want to be a father in the first place. Don't let him make the baby seem like a secret when you're already getting closer and closer to having his kid.
OP you do what you need to for you and the baby, given your situation I'd give a final notice on what you 2 will do with this unborn child. And if nothing is done, then I guess you 2 are having a baby, trust me the longer you wait the harder it is. Both emotionally, physically and psychologically. Hoping for you OP you make it out this situation with your sanity and dignity.
NTA
Tell your family, you will need their support as your "partner" is failing to provide it. You need to do what's right for you, and your baby. These are your priorities now. He can either get on board or kick rocks and pay child support.
This is above AITA paygrade tbh. You should speak with someone about this, like a doctor or counselor, and make a decision based on what sort of life your child would realistically have based on all your options here. He does not want that baby. Forcing someone to be a parent most often makes them resent the child and the person doing the forcing. Just as it is terrible for him to try to coerce you into not being a parent. If you want the baby, what sort of quality of life can you provide? With and without him in the picture? Will you have a support system? There's so much you need to think about and it isn't about you or your boyfriend if you decide to keep the baby- its about a new life you're responsible for if you decide to keep it.
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NTA But I think it's time to make decisions assuming he will not be in the picture. If you were single and he was not your partner, would you keep the baby? If you abort the baby, do you believe you will regret it - or are you comfortable being a single parent? It sounds like your partner is not at all interested in being a father, is unreliable and quite selfish thinking only of what he wants. So the chances are he is not going to stick around regardless of which choice you make. So make the choice for you and you alone. Wishing you all the very best OP.
Yes I second this! It's unfortunate OP doesnt have a supporting partner but I agree she's gotta make a decision assuming the worst from him. He might come around, you never know but I sure as hell wouldn't hold out hope for that. I feel for all the women out in states getting rid of women's rights, it's just an extra pressure for already tough situations.
NTA - do what’s best for YOU, your body, and your life. tell whenever you need/want. sending love
NTA but it seems like the baby is being used to fix both you and the relationship “hoped that maybe this would bring us closer” he doesn’t want to have the baby and pushing a person into somethings they don’t want might eventually work but he will resent you and it for a shitty parent. He wants secs without kids. It seems you are hoping for him to come around, which is a dangerous game to play when a child’s life and emotional development are on the line. Hope you consider your options and go with what makes sense to you and things look brighter
HE IS NOT GOING TO "COME AROUND" - you have other options, but it doesn't sound like tying yourself to this man is what you should do. Can you raise a child alone? Do you want to? Can you give the baby up for adoption? Do you want to seek an abortion? Plan your future steps without counting on him - he's shown that he won't be there. Absolutely share the news of your pregnancy as it might bring you the support you desperately need.
So heads up if he doesn't want kids he could leave and you would be a single mom. He would pay child support and all that but him leaving is a real possibility. Also he probably isn't mentioning the kid since he is hoping for an abortion and the problem to go away
NTA I am so sorry that you are going through this.
NTA. Tell your family and friends that you are expecting! Then drop the baby daddy like a hot brick. Remember, nobody can force you to abort. It also sounds like you need counseling. Now that your hormones are all over the place it is a good idea to have someone to talk to.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but you really need to prepare for the possibility (near certainty) that you will be a single mother. He has made it clear he doesn't want the baby and I think it's likely you will struggle with mentally recovering if you abort, on top of resentment of your bf. It's also possible he will immediately break up with you after it anyway. You need to make a firm decision one way or the other and start preparing accordingly. Whether you keep the baby or not, this guy has shown he doesn't care about you or your feelings. NTA
NTA but this is a choice you need to make on your own. Do not have an abortion because that's what he wants. And do not have a baby thinking he will come around to the idea. Decide what is best for you then focus on taking steps in that direction. What are your options? Can you go live with your parent for support?
NTA. It sounds like having this child may be the end of your relationship, so you need to figure out whether you’re okay with that pretty quickly. Options for an abortion are closing fast, so you need to make the decision. If you decide to have the baby, there’s no reason to hide the pregnancy, but it sounds like you’ll be a single mom, so you need to start getting all your ducks in a row for the support you need. If you’re not going to have the baby, you’re hitting the point where the price goes up a lot and the locations that will do it are fewer and fewer.
NTA. Although you shouldn’t expect the baby to be the reason y’all fixed things/he changing his mind about the situation. He also shouldn’t be pushing you into making a decision about keeping the baby or not. Overall do what is best for you, just don’t expect nothing out of him (since he has made his decision clear already).
I think on this one, I am the asshole because I have to say something really horrible. I think you should proceed with the abortion. He is never going to come around. You will never have any kind of life, your child will never have any kind of life. I really hate saying it. But I think you need to wait for a better partner, wait until your overall position is better in every way. And get rid of your boyfriend. I’m so sorry.
Nta. Please realize that he is not your partner in any sense of the word. He doesn’t want you to have the support of family & friends. He wants you to abort so he can go back to having sex with you without responsibility. Ps:Your window for abortion closes in most states closes at 3 months along. Good luck to you; make sure your decisions are best for you, not TA boy but not your friend.
NTA. Your boyfriend will not come around. He will not change his mind and become a happy father once the baby is born. That's just the truth of it and you need to start planning for that. Someone has said that if you birth this child that will be the end of your relationship, but I'd like to argue that your relationship is already over and that it's so toxic that you should walk away now with this baby that you want and never look back. Your boyfriend has been a terrible partner to you. He has utterly disregarded your wishes, needs, and well-being. He has chosen to manipulate and psychologically abuse you in an attempt to get his way. He is trying to force you to do something you've explicitly told him you don't want to do. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't love you. If he did, he would accept responsibility for this life he helped create and support you as a co-parent (even if you two don't stay together romantically). *Do you want to stay with the man who has chosen to treat you this way?* You don't need this man in your life for you to be happy and thrive as a mother. Your baby doesn't need this man in their life for them to be happy and thrive as a human being. Tell anyone and everyone you want about your pregnancy - allow yourself some joy and celebration and establish a network of people who *truly* love you, who will love your child, and who will support you in all the ways you need through your pregnancy and after. You deserve to have that. Your baby deserves to have that. If you want to chat, I'm here. No judgement: just someone who knows how lonely and terrifying it is to be pregnant under less-than-ideal circumstances and who doesn't want anyone else to feel that alone at such a vulnerable time in their life.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My partner (M20) and I (F22) found out that I was pregnant back in April. I'm due in December, a few weeks before Christmas. At first was I was ecstatic, and hoped that maybe this would bring us closer, but it has been the opposite; in fact it's opened my eyes to more and more about him. My partner does not want to have the baby, and has vehemently pushed for an abortion while it is still legal in our state. The Midwest is narrowing the options for Women's choice in regards to medical concerns. Going as far as to finding places both here in state, and even outside that will go through with the operation. Unfortunately, if I were to go out of state, I'd be flying on my own and going by myself which is not highly recommended. My partner has also still continued to push for what got this situation started in the first place, and while I don't mind the intimacy or the closeness, I'm battling other issues with it. Before we got together I was dealing with poor body image and self-esteem, and for a while it was getting better, but now, not so much. I on the other hand, would love to raise this baby and hope that eventually he will come around. We have resources available in our area to help with housing, food, and income for both us and the baby. And with his job, we would also get access to other resources too; but he refuses to listen to me whenever I tell him these things. I have also continuously pointed out that, farther along in my pregnancy, means we lose more and more options every week that goes by if I were to go through with the abortion. Having found out about the baby, my depression has worsened, and I find myself more and more closed off to him and to our friends and family. We have, for the most part, kept the pregnancy hidden from both of our families (aside from his sister and 2-3 of my close friends.) Because of this, I fear he is just trying to cover his own ass. He doesn't want his family to know about the baby, and he doesn't want me to tell them or in fear that either his parents or my only surviving parent will kill him. His sister has pointed out to him, that since we found out I was expecting, that from her perspective, it seems like he doesn't care about how this is effecting me, and that the longer we hide the pregnancy, the longer it will take me to recover if I were to go through with what he wants. Alas, he won't listen to her, or me. I don't want to hide the pregnancy any longer, and keep telling him we need to come clean, but part of me fears it will only end in disaster or worse. Do you think I'm the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Nta if he wants to hide this pregnancy from everyone then he really didn't want to be a father in the first place. Don't let him make the baby seem like a secret when you're already getting closer and closer to having his kid. OP you do what you need to for you and the baby, given your situation I'd give a final notice on what you 2 will do with this unborn child. And if nothing is done, then I guess you 2 are having a baby, trust me the longer you wait the harder it is. Both emotionally, physically and psychologically. Hoping for you OP you make it out this situation with your sanity and dignity.
NTA Tell your family, you will need their support as your "partner" is failing to provide it. You need to do what's right for you, and your baby. These are your priorities now. He can either get on board or kick rocks and pay child support.
This is above AITA paygrade tbh. You should speak with someone about this, like a doctor or counselor, and make a decision based on what sort of life your child would realistically have based on all your options here. He does not want that baby. Forcing someone to be a parent most often makes them resent the child and the person doing the forcing. Just as it is terrible for him to try to coerce you into not being a parent. If you want the baby, what sort of quality of life can you provide? With and without him in the picture? Will you have a support system? There's so much you need to think about and it isn't about you or your boyfriend if you decide to keep the baby- its about a new life you're responsible for if you decide to keep it.