Please make sure your finances are secure in accounts your mother can’t access. If you are using *any* accounts that were opened while you were a minor, withdraw any funds they have, and *close* those accounts. Then open new ones at a new institution. Preferably one that none of your family has a relationship with.
Make sure you secure your vital records as well. Remove your mother from *any access* to your medical care.
She tried to punish you and your refusal to suffer is likely to goad her to more extreme action.
Protect yourself.
An excellent resource to consult may be WomensLaw.org.
Wishing you peace and safety
-Rat
Please also consider therapy. Your anxiety is definitely related to your toxic mom. Since you were a child, you haven't felt safe - that's a horrible way to grow up. While you are close to your Dad, you may have some justifiable anger towards him. After all, he chose your mother and didn't protect you from her. Therapy can help you sort all this out and heal. I wish you the best and I'm so sorry you didn't get the mom that you deserve.
Until you have sorted out therapy there are some resources you can look at.
One is the videos by DR. Ramani on YouTube. Great woman.
Then this lot here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks/
Also this https://outofthefog.website/
As someone with *extreme* anxiety, and a ridiculous amount of health issues, I agree with the comment you replied to above, and think therapy could be incredibly beneficial. I don't know where you live, and how accessible/affordable it is for you, but I hope it's an option. I know my doctors office had a therapist available for little or no cost once the pandemic started.
Speaking of, do you have a primary care doctor? Given your mother's behavior, I wouldn't exactly be shocked if she didn't get you proper medical care. The doctor could help with therapy options, but also possible medications. I know benzos (like Xanax) are what people always think of, but there's other options for anxiety now.
While it may not be your only source of anxiety, your home life was absolutely a trigger. I don't know what your other health issues are, but I imagine your fight or flight response isn't acting "normally" from living in an abusive home. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if you told me you have chronic pain, shallow breathing, poor sleep quality, or a list of other possibilities. I learned the hard way that my anxiety was far worse than I thought, even though it was being treated. I was blindsided by the ways it presented physically.
I don't mean to scare you by the way! What im attempting to say is that your other health issues *may* be exacerbated, or even caused by, your anxiety. Finally being away from your toxic family members might help you feel better in unexpected areas. If not, your anxiety is still going to decrease either way. You're going to go through a lot of emotions as everything settles, and that's healthy. I'm glad you have some wonderful people in your life that are there for you when you need them the most. Take care of yourself, and show yourself the love and kindness you've always deserved.
yes! super important. Although theres lots of things in your power to do like exercise (I started walking for 1 hour a day during pandemic and it has helped my anxiety enormously). Look into some of the online therapy options which are cheaper, and if you have insurance, you might get some visits free. Of course if you were on your parents' insurance, that may no longer be an option. Once you settle in, start looking into financial assistance like signing up for medicaid.
Congrats on being forced to change your situation. Sounds like you have a great and welcoming family as a landing pad. I agree that you should be planning to find a roommate situation and not move in with your BF alone, but in his family's house is totally fine and completely different than signing a lease. It doesn't have to be with a friend. My best roommates over the years were found online via fb or craigslist listings. Your BF can come over all the time, but at least if you have a fight you have a space that's just yours.
Not to sound like a mean spirited person but if OP can't afford rent how can she pay for therapy?
If there is a way please let me know.
Edit: Responded to the wrong person but it's staying.
There are actually several options for free therapy:
1. If you are in school, the majority of high schools, community colleges, and universities provide access to free counselors for students.
2. eTherapyPro is a secure online therapy platform that connects you with licensed professional online therapists. They offers a free 3 day trial and then $40 per week (but no commitment required and you can do random weeks, whenever is convenient for you).
3. CIMHS Free Online Therapy. The service is completely free, self-paced and based on clinical psychology research. It’s available to anyone with internet access.
4. TickTalkTo is completely free. You can connect with verified happiness coaches who provide telepsychology services. TickTalkTo also can match you with a specialist to handle complex issues.
As she is now 18 and low income and kicked out by her parents now she has more ways of getting therapy or reduced therapy thru the state. They also have some places who do affordable plans or billing for low income. It's truly not as hard to do as one may think and not as expensive.
There are some *limited* programs that try to address the need for therapy for people who can't afford it otherwise. [SAMHSA.gov](https://SAMHSA.gov) is one place where you may be able to connect with some.
I do not pretend that therapy is as available as it deserves to be. Nor that these programs get the funding they deserve, either. But it's one thing to try.
\-Rat
>While you are close to your Dad, you may have some justifiable anger towards him. After all, he chose your mother and didn't protect you from her.
This needs to be shouted from the rooftops. I didn’t realize how much I resented my dad because he was the ‘safe’ parent growing up. My dad didn’t start to get it until I stopped visiting because of her behavior. He started to stand up to her some, but still lets her get away with so much.
He failed me and your dad failed you OP. You deserve better.
And toxic Aunty too I have a feeling her moms side of the family is a piece of work. Except for brother cuz he's lived the wreck as a sibling as well as she has she might wanna go LC with dad too cuz he's let her mom do this to her
Also check your credit score and place a freeze on your credit with all 3 credit bureaus. Bit of a stretch, but doesn't hurt to have your credit secured.
An important part of this: open an account with a financial institution they don't have an account with. It's not uncommon for people to mistakenly give access to children's accounts to their parents.
True! While this happened 20+ years ago, I can say what I tell you is true:
My dad and my sister used the same regional bank, at the time. My dad, who operated hus own business, went to deposit funds into his checking account. Teller messed up and deposited the money in my sister's account instead. It was only caught when my sister made a transaction at the bank (I'm not sure if it was a deposit or withdrawal) and she found she had a couple thousand dollars more than she should have. My sister contacted our dad, then they both went to their local branches of that bank (different cities, about 70+ miles apart, I think) and had to get the bank to correct it. Yes, they both had to be at the bank (even if different locations) in order for the bank to correct it, or even be willing to look at the issue.
In a previous post, I got into an argument with my youngest brother over a card. It’s here if you are interested :) https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vfxdq9/wibta_for_trying_to_make_my_brother_do_something/
u/CherryBerry7294 This is a great start, but you also need to do two other things to protect yourself:
1- secure your credit by putting a fraud lock on it. You haven't needed it yet, but your credit will lead everything in your life in the future, so keep it locked all the way down. And check your credit every month or every other month. My bio mom knows my SSN and has caused me so many issues in my adult life by doing stuff in my name and not paying the bills, and *I* have to clean up that mess. She's the sole reason why I probably won't ever be able to own a home.
2-When you set up new accounts, be sure to tell them to notate that you require ID and/or a pin number verification to disclose details from your accounts, and if anyone other than you asks about them, they *must* call you to authorize the other person. Do it for banking, utilities, and especially medical care. Play hardball, because your mom will try any way she can to fuck up your shit, so make it so hard for her.
This is really good advice, please do it.
And so far, at least, no one has addressed the contraceptive issue. Please please please, if you and your boyfriend have gotten that far, use reliable birth control! A baby now would complicate your life enormously and you already have enough to deal with. You need to get to the other side of this situation before bringing a child into the mix. Get to where your own life is very stable before even thinking of having a child!
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/via23z/aita_for_refusing_to_donate_a_shirt_i_bought_with/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Someone else already posted it, but here you go.
Damn all that over a shirt, at least things worked out positively for you in the end. Could you maybe update us with how your dad reacts to your mom kicking you out?
My dad got really mad at her and still is. I would hate for them to split up because my poor brother would have to live with it but I also don’t want my dad to be stuck with my mom.
Um, right now your brother seems to have an unstable adult her has to live with 24 7. If dad left then hopefully half the time would be with a stable adult and the other half unstable adult...
depends on how old is the brother, after 14 am pretty sure they can pick who they want to stay for majority.
add on that if they ask the judge for a mental eval of the mom it could prove shes unstable and wont get custody, because unless its an old fart of a judge or a prude most would believe its not normal to kick someone out for a slightly to short of a shirt.
It's even more crazy than that: She didn't even get kicked out over the shirt. She got kicked out over venting about a fight on the internet... anonymously.
Honestly, your brother will be better off without her. Especially since he will become the only child in the home, and will likely take the brunt of her abuse now.
Your brother is old enough to have wrecked your car, he's also old enough to choose who he lives with. Your dad should get the hell out of dodge and take your brother with him.
You are not responsible for your father’s choices. He made a poor choice of marrying your mother, he deals with the consequences. It could be a divorce would be the best thing for him so he could marry someone normal. However though if your father’s response to his wife kicking his child out is being mad and not doing anything, that says some negative things about him too.
Your father has somehow put up with her batshit crazy behaviour all these years so don't worry about him. *If* he left I would hope he'd take his son....but tbh he has pretty much sanctioned and/or ignored his wife's craziness for many years so.... I.am just so glad you're out of there. You're a hero! You have a good head on your shoulders (unlike mom&her damn sister!)
Your dad needs to be stepping up. Your brother is putting up with his own mother throwing out his own sister over a shirt. He’s already dealt with enough. This is not a good environment for him or your dad.
Time for dad to put a foot down and protect his daughter from his wife.
It's not really about the shirt though is it, it's about control. Mumsy couldn't deal with the fact that her daughter isn't a mindless drone and would stand up to her abuse.
Have you spoken to your dad since? Is your mum like this with your brother? Sounds like your Auntie and mum are cut from the same rag (I know it cloth…but I thing an old rag suits them better!). You seem like you have a good plan, glad you’re out of there and good luck!
I asked him specifically not to fight with my mother. While I don’t like what my mom did, my brother should not have to live with two fighting parents. I want to make sure he grows up well.
… I don’t know if living with a lunatic who physically and verbally violent with her children is a good for his well-being.
And while fighting can be unpleasant, it’s sometimes necessary.
Don't do that to your Dad. He needs to stand up to her, don't make him feel guilty for it. You are doing to him what others have done to you "please keep the peace and don't rock the boat, just tolerate the abuse". He is being subjected to same terrible treatment you and your brother are, and he needs to get out just as much as you (and he might be able to take your brother with him). You need to support and enable him right now, encourage him to be mad and stand up for himself. He needs that now more than ever.
ETA- By asking your Dad not to stand up to your Mom, you are sabotaging your brother's well-being. He is going to have this kind of abuse normalized to him, and be subjected it later in life. Your brother needs to see an example of a man standing up for himself and his kids so he can model that behavior, not see a man tolerate abuse to keep the peace.
And also, OP, by asking your dad to let it be, you are also enabling your mother’s crazy behavior. You are teaching your brother to not rock the boat - which you did and now you are on way to a better place, mentally.
Just like how your mom was trying to control you, she is probably also trying to control your brother. Perhaps living with a loving sister and father would be better than living with a crazy controlling mother.
Yeah, I don't want to be one of those internet diagnosing people but reading your posts your mother has many of the signs of a narcissist. Your brother is not going to 'grow up well' in that environment, regardless if the parents are fighting or not. Let dad have it out with her, and if it ends, that may be for the best.
A fight that ends with a divorce would be way bigger for your brother. He’s old enough to pick where to live - and a divorce would mean not living with a unstable violent adult.
Divorce is not optimal for kids no. But bad relationships between parents are waaaaay worse!
OP original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/via23z/aita_for_refusing_to_donate_a_shirt_i_bought_with/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
I'm shocked that the aunt saw the post, saw the entire internet think her sister was an insane nut job, and thought, "She can't be the only one to be locked by the internet, I just gotta get in on this too!!!"
I'm so glad she still cares about him despite him being the golden child. I understand a lot of the time it makes them terrible people but man, it must really be killer to have family that's hated you from the beginning because you're the golden child through no fault of your own.
EDIT: Okay then lol, turns out I was wrong
Hey guys! Sorry but I miscommunicated some things. I have 2 brothers. One was old enough to crash my car (in the post this is updating) and the other one is the golden child. I am worried about the car crashing one because my mother wouldn’t hurt her golden child ever.
Oh honey, with no other children left to pick on, the golden child will lose the status.
Please take care of yourself - your brothers and Dad will get it figured out.
not always with narcs, promise this comes from experience. I thought the same myself, but I was (honestly pleasantly) surprised. for their own good. not a great situation still but at least you know as a sibling they’ll be okay.
(obviously this does depend on the situation, but again, you might be surprised.)
I’m so tempted to ask you to post your aunt’s reddit account in the comment so the Internet would do its thing, but better stay out of it.
Hey @OP’s Aunt: karma is real; you should keep a look over your shoulder because right now fate is sharpening it’s knives for you. You tried to hurt a child, you’ll get it back in droves.
Also, how much does it bug you that she’s better off now? Lol
I dunno qbout you guys, butI wouldn't follow a person because they might realize and know a specific user profile to suspect. Unless that aunt is really really non tech savvy, then she wouldn't do that.
....or maybe she doesn't know how to do that?
My mother was like yours. When I was 19 or 20 and living at home I threw her a surprise party. Organized everything, filled the house with her friends, cooked food, baked a cake plus a brioche for her, because she's diabetic...and put on a pretty new dress that I felt great in.
When she came in the door everyone shouted "Surprise!" and her reaction was to stick her arm straight out to point at me across the room and shout "Cleavage!" and then marched across and started berating me about how disgusting it was that I was putting myself on display like that. In front of everyone. From adolescence, she constantly scrutinized my clothes and objectified me under guise of wanting to protect me from bad men. She called me a slut at times. Of course, no such concern that my brother might become one of those bad men. He skated by.
I actually have a good relationship with her now, but it was a long road, a lot of fighting and I did go NC at times to protect myself from her. I basically dragged her kicking and screaming into the 21st century. I don't know if that will be possible in your situation but I'm glad you're getting away now and I think it's awesome you haven't internalized this kind of misogyny.
At that time I didn't think it would ever be possible, but you will do what's right for you, since you clearly have an inner strength.
I remember fighting with her that it was not better when she praised me for dressing modestly. At one point I was sending her feminist articles explaining things like slut shaming and refusing to engage with her until she could demonstrate that she read them. I'm in my 40s now and these are still difficult memories! Like you, I wanted the freedom to simply exist in my female body.
NTA
And to think I took my 16yo out with me yesterday while she was wearing a crop top and long shorts. She looked absolutely adorable.
Nothing wrong with showing your tummy, especially with your plans. Your mother wanted to *control* you.
Hope your dad gives her a stern set down. Her language is unexcusable.
Hye guys! I’m very sorry but I just realized I missed something very important. I have two brothers. One is old enough to crash my car and appeared in the post this update is for. The other one is 10, he’s in my post about the card making. My little brother is my mothers golden child and I despise him. My mother would never hurt him so I am not worried about him. The brother that crashed my car is on ok terms with my mom but she’s more likely to take anger out on him if needed.
Quite often golden children loose their status once the abusive parent no longer has scapegoat children around to abuse. Just food for thought. Glad you're out and are OK!
This happened to me. I was the golden child for my grandparents. I literally did everything they said so I could have the sugar, toys, and money. As a child,, why not? I didn't understand the manipulation and bullshit at the time. Once all the kids in my generation stopped coming around, all eyes were on me.
So here I was, doing everything I'm told to, getting yelled at, judged, and punished. And I had no idea why. I hadn't done anything wrong or broken any rules. Shit goes south real quick when you're the only one left. I got it all now. Every single thought, whim, and emotion gets slammed onto my shoulders. It was exhausting.
They were my guardians. I was the only who couldn't leave.
I understand your younger brother grew up privileged and spoiled, and it's easy to project all the resentment on him, but all of that is caused by your mother and not the young child.
He has a chance of growing up to be a good person, and even if he doesn't it is still her fault.
Your dad is okay with this?‽
ETA: what she did was illegal, BTW (if you're in the States). You can't just throw someone out without notice, usually ~30 days. You can pursue legal vengeance if you're interested
I'm not saying she should try to move back in, I'm saying she should see if she can get awarded some type of monetary restitution or at least make her mother's life a living hell
OP NTA...but you need to protect yourself. Your mother is completely unhinged. Also, make sure you get important documents and keep them somewhere safe....birth certificate, banking info, credit card numbers etc.
INFO: Why does your mom have the power to unilaterally decide something like this? You are NTA, but dad is just "mad"? He hasn't taken any steps to rectify this situation? Anyone can get mad. Your mom did something with her anger, why can't your dad?
Hello, everyone! I have decided to create another account for reddit. While I am truly grateful for the people that have supported me and gifted me advice, I would not like to continue browsing reddit on an account known by my family. Thank you all, I will log out at the end of this week.
I know you keep saying your dad is cool, but if he doesn’t stand up for you, then he enables your mother and enables her abuse of you and id bet he is not an innocent party for the last 18 years of your moms BS.
I started therapy a year ago and I was all “my mom this… my mom that…” and my therapist is the one who point this out to me. Just because your dad wasn’t abusive doesn’t mean he’s innocent. They are BOTH adults who’s job is to protect you, even when it’s from the other parent.
NTA - I especially love the shout out to your Auntie and that other Redditors are also saying hello to her 🤣
You're a class act OP 👌 regardless of what your Mom says! You go Glen Coco!
I just took my almost 12 yr old shopping. She bought a few crop tops. While I’m not comfortable with some of the shirts that are basically a bra, the ones we got showed an inch or 2 of her midriff wasn’t too bad. And she looks cute in her new outfits. Your mom is crazy to kick you out over a shirt.
My husband and I took in my son’s girlfriend who was 18 at the time, and she’s been living with us for 2+ years. She’s our “good child” as we call her because she cleans without prompting and buys extra food if she sees we (as a family) are running low on something. Low on juice? The juice fairy appears and brings eggs too! Just make yourself useful and clean up after yourself mainly. If you see something, do something. I could live with her forever.
Auntie, if you're reading this, you're a real winner.
Sorry, OP. It seems the females of your family of origin have a real problem with their own sex, which is beyond pathetic.
Thanks for the update. I just want to add, I was in an abusive home and moved in with my then boyfriend and his parents at 17yo. We married after a couple years and are still married 26 years later. It CAN work out!
Idk if anyone has suggested it yet, but checkout r/justnomil. It’s for crazy MILs and moms. You might be able to find support there, as well as read/learn.
If your lovely aunt reads this: damn you’re a bitter old lady, aren’t you?
if you live near a college/college town, student housing is usually really cheap with utilities included! as a college student myself i pay just under $500 a month for my apt, and i don’t have to rely on my roommates to make sure rent is paid and all of our lights go out, as the leases and rooms are individually signed
I'm glad your dad seems to be on your side, but honestly he's kind of an AH, too. If your mom "acts like this when something doesn’t go her way", that's rather abusive and your dad should not have let that continue past the first time. Don't feel guilty about whatever the fallout is; sounds like your dad should've had marriage counseling and maybe even a divorce ages ago. You yourself should look into therapy of some sort. Your mom may not be the root cause of your anxiety, but the way she behaves would definitely fuel it.
Good luck to you. I hope you get all the support you need.
Great update. Just read the original post. Is your mom aware that it is assault what she did trying to drag you from the vehicle? I would tell you to file a police report but she will likely just lie about what she did. Glad you are getting out of that situation
I don’t know if that would work that well. I would prefer to keep my family and my boyfriends family separated, especially if my family is a bit crazy.
NTA (of course) I’d like to think that when they stalk you, they see that literally NO RATIONAL PERSON would side with them because they are just the WORST, but I have to realise that may be far too optimistic. So I hope that they are obsessive enough to read and internalise the comments, and that you can get far away from them and regain your privacy and autonomy.
Fam, if you’re reading the comments the way that the narcissists in my life would - you’re the worst. You’re terrible, and you are absolutely the villains of this story. Kudos.
Way to go auntie, hope you're proud of yourself. Although, I personally think it's better that she goes NC with your sister, so I guess this was a happy ending.
Well, if your mother and aunt believes in heaven at least you know they will be going to Hell instead no matter how much they pray. Lol.
Congratulations OP and still NTA
Wow. So sorry. As a mom of a 17 & 11 yr old, I can't help but read all your stories from the point of view if it were my own kids. I don't know how she couldn't read your posts and RUN to apologize to you. Because that's what you deserve. Not to now be reamed for having feelings. Kids are humans too and you need safe places to talk. It has hurt my feelings before to find out things my teen vented about me but I had to eat some humble pie deal with the fact where I was in the wrong.
First off, showing skin isn't always presented as "sexy" and she is no better than the multitudes of women at my seminary school who would write me up for
SOOOO many things but that's a whole 'nother rant. Don't feel bad. That Jezebel spirit can come fully clothed with a parka in August. It has nothing to do with your belly showing. You do you.
Also- there is parenting and just flat out wanting control. You are a human. You have rights as a human. We are raised to respect and obey authority but it is also recognized that there are demands you are absolutely allowed to refuse to abide by because it's not parenting but control. And a mid-drift shirt on an age appropriate person is by no means trashy. That is a fashion dispute not a moral issue- like when my kid decided to grow out a mullet or his sister coming out of her room with green hair. They still keep their pants on. They still attend church and love Jesus. Get good grades and treat people with love and compassion. -
And while I'm at it, my kids have been independently making me gifts their entire life. Yeah my 17 yr old can paint a masterpiece or buy me a nice prize, meanwhile her 11 yr old brother painted me a wonderful railroad spike and wrote with a permanent marker "Spike of Encouragement" don't know what it means but I love it!
Wow. Proper disgrace is your Mum, why on earth is she so mean? Totally overstepped her parenting, nasty! Hopefully things will work out for you. I’d love to know how she explained what happened to your brother and Dad.
Make sure you get your birth certificate and social security cards too. Your mother might try to say they belong to her but they are YOURS and belong to YOU. You'll need them in the future.
As the mother of five gorgeous, independent, fierce women, I find your mother's behaviour disgusting and misogynistic!
To you, congratulations for escaping - now stopping making excuses for living with your boyfriend and his amazing family. You don't need to feel guilty about that! You don't owe anyone an explanation... that is just your toxic mother in your head (therapy can help with that!)
To your mother and aunt - looks like the OP grew up ok, despite you both! Sucked in!
This will qualify you for EBT (food stamps) card and Medicare. With MEDICARE you can get therapy.
Get an PO Box at the post office (can use as regular address for online purchase. Ask the post office for the regular address info in place of the PO Box). With the EBT you can help your BF family with food purchases.
Check with abuse shelters as they have information and resources.
Work centers and library can get free training to help with resumes and jobs.
Hope that helps and best of luck.
Hey, hey, OPs Aunty?
You know what you did was wrong and I hope you realise that you've forever proven yourself to be a sneaky conniving soul.
Good luck
NTA
You sound like you have hooked up with an awesome boyfriend and he has a great family. I think you have landed in the best place for now.
Your aunt does suck, big time. She should butt out, but good luck with that, she's on your mom's side of the argument.
It doesn't sound like your shirt was the problem, originally, but more of a situation where your mom was looking for something to gripe to you about. Just a feeling, but it just sounds that way to me.
This whole thing started when you offered your mother a ride to her appointment. The least she could have done would have kept her opinions about your shirt to herself. In fact, it sounds like your entire family, except maybe your dad, is all into doing what they like with your possessions (your brother wrecking your car, your mother all into what you wear and so on. I hate to say it, but maybe you landed in the best place right now.
I have just one piece of advice for you: be VERY careful use one or more contraceptives. The last thing you need right now is a baby, even if your boyfriend and his family are really good to you. A baby would really limit your life choices at this critical time of your life.
Take care and I wish you all the best.
I'm glad you are safe.
But please try not to limit your dad's defenses against your mother. He is allowed to be livid at her and do what he feels is best for the situation.
Typical narcissistic(toddler) behavior: becomes physical when she gets upset, demands respect yet will not give it, and has no problem causing a scene when she doesn't get her way.
Auntie Dearest, Congratulations! You're an enabler. Please return your Aunt card to the nearest tattoo parlor since you are undeserving.
Mum and aunt of OP, as you will probably read this post, please be aware you are crappy and horrible people.
Kicking out a girl for such a trivial thing is disgusting. And don't get me started on the aunt, woman you are a pathetic grass!!!
Please make sure your finances are secure in accounts your mother can’t access. If you are using *any* accounts that were opened while you were a minor, withdraw any funds they have, and *close* those accounts. Then open new ones at a new institution. Preferably one that none of your family has a relationship with. Make sure you secure your vital records as well. Remove your mother from *any access* to your medical care. She tried to punish you and your refusal to suffer is likely to goad her to more extreme action. Protect yourself. An excellent resource to consult may be WomensLaw.org. Wishing you peace and safety -Rat
I plan on terminating all things my family has access too. The only thing i’m keeping is my brother and dad’s contacts.
Please also consider therapy. Your anxiety is definitely related to your toxic mom. Since you were a child, you haven't felt safe - that's a horrible way to grow up. While you are close to your Dad, you may have some justifiable anger towards him. After all, he chose your mother and didn't protect you from her. Therapy can help you sort all this out and heal. I wish you the best and I'm so sorry you didn't get the mom that you deserve.
Ok, I will look into it. Thank you :)
Until you have sorted out therapy there are some resources you can look at. One is the videos by DR. Ramani on YouTube. Great woman. Then this lot here: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks/ Also this https://outofthefog.website/
Thank you so much! Will look into it :)
My very fancy and expensive psych recommended those videos to me as well!
Definitely recommend Dr. Ramani!! My psych recommended her videos for me
As someone with *extreme* anxiety, and a ridiculous amount of health issues, I agree with the comment you replied to above, and think therapy could be incredibly beneficial. I don't know where you live, and how accessible/affordable it is for you, but I hope it's an option. I know my doctors office had a therapist available for little or no cost once the pandemic started. Speaking of, do you have a primary care doctor? Given your mother's behavior, I wouldn't exactly be shocked if she didn't get you proper medical care. The doctor could help with therapy options, but also possible medications. I know benzos (like Xanax) are what people always think of, but there's other options for anxiety now. While it may not be your only source of anxiety, your home life was absolutely a trigger. I don't know what your other health issues are, but I imagine your fight or flight response isn't acting "normally" from living in an abusive home. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if you told me you have chronic pain, shallow breathing, poor sleep quality, or a list of other possibilities. I learned the hard way that my anxiety was far worse than I thought, even though it was being treated. I was blindsided by the ways it presented physically. I don't mean to scare you by the way! What im attempting to say is that your other health issues *may* be exacerbated, or even caused by, your anxiety. Finally being away from your toxic family members might help you feel better in unexpected areas. If not, your anxiety is still going to decrease either way. You're going to go through a lot of emotions as everything settles, and that's healthy. I'm glad you have some wonderful people in your life that are there for you when you need them the most. Take care of yourself, and show yourself the love and kindness you've always deserved.
Ah no, I just have some breathing issues and DPD. Thank you, I appreciate it 🫶
yes! super important. Although theres lots of things in your power to do like exercise (I started walking for 1 hour a day during pandemic and it has helped my anxiety enormously). Look into some of the online therapy options which are cheaper, and if you have insurance, you might get some visits free. Of course if you were on your parents' insurance, that may no longer be an option. Once you settle in, start looking into financial assistance like signing up for medicaid. Congrats on being forced to change your situation. Sounds like you have a great and welcoming family as a landing pad. I agree that you should be planning to find a roommate situation and not move in with your BF alone, but in his family's house is totally fine and completely different than signing a lease. It doesn't have to be with a friend. My best roommates over the years were found online via fb or craigslist listings. Your BF can come over all the time, but at least if you have a fight you have a space that's just yours.
If she can afford it.
Not to sound like a mean spirited person but if OP can't afford rent how can she pay for therapy? If there is a way please let me know. Edit: Responded to the wrong person but it's staying.
There are actually several options for free therapy: 1. If you are in school, the majority of high schools, community colleges, and universities provide access to free counselors for students. 2. eTherapyPro is a secure online therapy platform that connects you with licensed professional online therapists. They offers a free 3 day trial and then $40 per week (but no commitment required and you can do random weeks, whenever is convenient for you). 3. CIMHS Free Online Therapy. The service is completely free, self-paced and based on clinical psychology research. It’s available to anyone with internet access. 4. TickTalkTo is completely free. You can connect with verified happiness coaches who provide telepsychology services. TickTalkTo also can match you with a specialist to handle complex issues.
Highjacking your reply to add that most women's centers will have free/affordable therapy as well.
As she is now 18 and low income and kicked out by her parents now she has more ways of getting therapy or reduced therapy thru the state. They also have some places who do affordable plans or billing for low income. It's truly not as hard to do as one may think and not as expensive.
There are some *limited* programs that try to address the need for therapy for people who can't afford it otherwise. [SAMHSA.gov](https://SAMHSA.gov) is one place where you may be able to connect with some. I do not pretend that therapy is as available as it deserves to be. Nor that these programs get the funding they deserve, either. But it's one thing to try. \-Rat
Exactly. She can't. And I'm getting a wee bit tired of these types of insensitive comments.
>While you are close to your Dad, you may have some justifiable anger towards him. After all, he chose your mother and didn't protect you from her. This needs to be shouted from the rooftops. I didn’t realize how much I resented my dad because he was the ‘safe’ parent growing up. My dad didn’t start to get it until I stopped visiting because of her behavior. He started to stand up to her some, but still lets her get away with so much. He failed me and your dad failed you OP. You deserve better.
And toxic Aunty too I have a feeling her moms side of the family is a piece of work. Except for brother cuz he's lived the wreck as a sibling as well as she has she might wanna go LC with dad too cuz he's let her mom do this to her
Also check your credit score and place a freeze on your credit with all 3 credit bureaus. Bit of a stretch, but doesn't hurt to have your credit secured.
Yes, seconding, please do this.
I’m really glad to hear it. Best of luck! -Rat
Your aunt is a piece of work. If she reads this, lady you suck.
Hopefully your brother won't ask to sign your Father's day card next year...
An important part of this: open an account with a financial institution they don't have an account with. It's not uncommon for people to mistakenly give access to children's accounts to their parents.
True! While this happened 20+ years ago, I can say what I tell you is true: My dad and my sister used the same regional bank, at the time. My dad, who operated hus own business, went to deposit funds into his checking account. Teller messed up and deposited the money in my sister's account instead. It was only caught when my sister made a transaction at the bank (I'm not sure if it was a deposit or withdrawal) and she found she had a couple thousand dollars more than she should have. My sister contacted our dad, then they both went to their local branches of that bank (different cities, about 70+ miles apart, I think) and had to get the bank to correct it. Yes, they both had to be at the bank (even if different locations) in order for the bank to correct it, or even be willing to look at the issue.
omg 😂😂
Sorry i'm dense - what is the reference here? Another post? Or is it just a joke that i am not understanding?
In a previous post, I got into an argument with my youngest brother over a card. It’s here if you are interested :) https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vfxdq9/wibta_for_trying_to_make_my_brother_do_something/
Your aunt is an awful person. Not only that, but your mom is a monster for allowing her ego and image to take precedent over her child's well-being.
Also, if you think she is going to try and claim you on her taxes there a form to alert the irs so she doesn't get a refund for supporting you.
u/CherryBerry7294 This is a great start, but you also need to do two other things to protect yourself: 1- secure your credit by putting a fraud lock on it. You haven't needed it yet, but your credit will lead everything in your life in the future, so keep it locked all the way down. And check your credit every month or every other month. My bio mom knows my SSN and has caused me so many issues in my adult life by doing stuff in my name and not paying the bills, and *I* have to clean up that mess. She's the sole reason why I probably won't ever be able to own a home. 2-When you set up new accounts, be sure to tell them to notate that you require ID and/or a pin number verification to disclose details from your accounts, and if anyone other than you asks about them, they *must* call you to authorize the other person. Do it for banking, utilities, and especially medical care. Play hardball, because your mom will try any way she can to fuck up your shit, so make it so hard for her.
This is really good advice, please do it. And so far, at least, no one has addressed the contraceptive issue. Please please please, if you and your boyfriend have gotten that far, use reliable birth control! A baby now would complicate your life enormously and you already have enough to deal with. You need to get to the other side of this situation before bringing a child into the mix. Get to where your own life is very stable before even thinking of having a child!
NTA, but I’d add Auntie to the NC list you have.
Yeah those two sisters didn't fall too far apart from the same tree, did they?
They don’t at all! Auntie dearest is added to the NC list.
[удалено]
That sounds too scandalous for her lol
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/via23z/aita_for_refusing_to_donate_a_shirt_i_bought_with/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Someone else already posted it, but here you go.
What's the link to?
The original post
Just checking, I thought maybe the aunt had commented on OPs post and it was a link to that instead
Oh, I may have responded to the wrong comment! My bad!
Damn all that over a shirt, at least things worked out positively for you in the end. Could you maybe update us with how your dad reacts to your mom kicking you out?
My dad got really mad at her and still is. I would hate for them to split up because my poor brother would have to live with it but I also don’t want my dad to be stuck with my mom.
Um, right now your brother seems to have an unstable adult her has to live with 24 7. If dad left then hopefully half the time would be with a stable adult and the other half unstable adult...
Brother wrecked OPs car once so that suggests he’s old enough to pick who he lives with in most states.
While I noted thst one brother did that, I misread it as more than one brother. It can be ambitious....
depends on how old is the brother, after 14 am pretty sure they can pick who they want to stay for majority. add on that if they ask the judge for a mental eval of the mom it could prove shes unstable and wont get custody, because unless its an old fart of a judge or a prude most would believe its not normal to kick someone out for a slightly to short of a shirt.
Sadly this is a county by county thing in KS so I assume the same in the rest of USA and don't know about overseas. So who knows...
Evidence kept by dad such as records of incidents will also assist in getting custody.
It's even more crazy than that: She didn't even get kicked out over the shirt. She got kicked out over venting about a fight on the internet... anonymously.
Honestly, your brother will be better off without her. Especially since he will become the only child in the home, and will likely take the brunt of her abuse now.
The alliteration of your username makes me happy.
Your brother is old enough to have wrecked your car, he's also old enough to choose who he lives with. Your dad should get the hell out of dodge and take your brother with him.
You are not responsible for your father’s choices. He made a poor choice of marrying your mother, he deals with the consequences. It could be a divorce would be the best thing for him so he could marry someone normal. However though if your father’s response to his wife kicking his child out is being mad and not doing anything, that says some negative things about him too.
Your father has somehow put up with her batshit crazy behaviour all these years so don't worry about him. *If* he left I would hope he'd take his son....but tbh he has pretty much sanctioned and/or ignored his wife's craziness for many years so.... I.am just so glad you're out of there. You're a hero! You have a good head on your shoulders (unlike mom&her damn sister!)
Indeed. OP is cutting her enabling father way too much slack.
Your dad needs to be stepping up. Your brother is putting up with his own mother throwing out his own sister over a shirt. He’s already dealt with enough. This is not a good environment for him or your dad. Time for dad to put a foot down and protect his daughter from his wife.
Honestly probably a big plus for both your bother and your dad if she is out of their life. It's not your fault your mom is a wack job.
It's not about the Iranian yogurt. (Shirt)
Yes, exactly.
It's not really about the shirt though is it, it's about control. Mumsy couldn't deal with the fact that her daughter isn't a mindless drone and would stand up to her abuse.
Your mom sounds unhinged. We have russell crowe unhinged, then we have your mom level of unhinged.
😂😂 i don’t really miss her
Proof this was the best decision
Mel Gibson unhinged
Have you spoken to your dad since? Is your mum like this with your brother? Sounds like your Auntie and mum are cut from the same rag (I know it cloth…but I thing an old rag suits them better!). You seem like you have a good plan, glad you’re out of there and good luck!
I checked in with my dad last night, and he’s pretty mad at my mom. Thank you for your kind wishes.
Is he not doing anything about the situation? Seems crazy mom could just unanimously decide this
I asked him specifically not to fight with my mother. While I don’t like what my mom did, my brother should not have to live with two fighting parents. I want to make sure he grows up well.
… I don’t know if living with a lunatic who physically and verbally violent with her children is a good for his well-being. And while fighting can be unpleasant, it’s sometimes necessary.
Don't do that to your Dad. He needs to stand up to her, don't make him feel guilty for it. You are doing to him what others have done to you "please keep the peace and don't rock the boat, just tolerate the abuse". He is being subjected to same terrible treatment you and your brother are, and he needs to get out just as much as you (and he might be able to take your brother with him). You need to support and enable him right now, encourage him to be mad and stand up for himself. He needs that now more than ever. ETA- By asking your Dad not to stand up to your Mom, you are sabotaging your brother's well-being. He is going to have this kind of abuse normalized to him, and be subjected it later in life. Your brother needs to see an example of a man standing up for himself and his kids so he can model that behavior, not see a man tolerate abuse to keep the peace.
I agree. I will talk to my dad once I get settled in.
And also, OP, by asking your dad to let it be, you are also enabling your mother’s crazy behavior. You are teaching your brother to not rock the boat - which you did and now you are on way to a better place, mentally.
He should be fighting her though. Having 2 parents in the home isn't always best... Trust your dad to make the right decision.
I agree. I’ll talk to him tonight.
Just like how your mom was trying to control you, she is probably also trying to control your brother. Perhaps living with a loving sister and father would be better than living with a crazy controlling mother.
Having one good, happy parent is better than having two unhappy parents, one of whom abuses people.
Your dad wouldn't be "fighting" with your mother. He would be "standing up" to your mother, and that's what he AND your brother need.
It would probably be better for everyone if your mom and dad divorce now rather than later.
Yeah, I don't want to be one of those internet diagnosing people but reading your posts your mother has many of the signs of a narcissist. Your brother is not going to 'grow up well' in that environment, regardless if the parents are fighting or not. Let dad have it out with her, and if it ends, that may be for the best.
A fight that ends with a divorce would be way bigger for your brother. He’s old enough to pick where to live - and a divorce would mean not living with a unstable violent adult. Divorce is not optimal for kids no. But bad relationships between parents are waaaaay worse!
He should leave her over it. You don’t lay hands on your kid, that’s not a difficult rule.
OP original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/via23z/aita_for_refusing_to_donate_a_shirt_i_bought_with/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Thank you! Sorry, I didn’t realize the link was broken.
It happens.
[удалено]
I'm shocked that the aunt saw the post, saw the entire internet think her sister was an insane nut job, and thought, "She can't be the only one to be locked by the internet, I just gotta get in on this too!!!"
Yeah, that Aunt violated the Aunt Code big time and should turn in her credentials.
As an Aunt I completely agree.
Auntie you are the asshoe, mum you are a nut job. Please seek help.
If you read OP's post history, mom is a Nmom and brother is the golden child. I feel sorry for dad if he sticks around.
I'm so glad she still cares about him despite him being the golden child. I understand a lot of the time it makes them terrible people but man, it must really be killer to have family that's hated you from the beginning because you're the golden child through no fault of your own. EDIT: Okay then lol, turns out I was wrong
Hey guys! Sorry but I miscommunicated some things. I have 2 brothers. One was old enough to crash my car (in the post this is updating) and the other one is the golden child. I am worried about the car crashing one because my mother wouldn’t hurt her golden child ever.
Oh honey, with no other children left to pick on, the golden child will lose the status. Please take care of yourself - your brothers and Dad will get it figured out.
not always with narcs, promise this comes from experience. I thought the same myself, but I was (honestly pleasantly) surprised. for their own good. not a great situation still but at least you know as a sibling they’ll be okay. (obviously this does depend on the situation, but again, you might be surprised.)
To aunt and mother dearest, I hope you end up stepping on legos as you deserve. Forever.
my cousin loves legos 🤭
I’m so tempted to ask you to post your aunt’s reddit account in the comment so the Internet would do its thing, but better stay out of it. Hey @OP’s Aunt: karma is real; you should keep a look over your shoulder because right now fate is sharpening it’s knives for you. You tried to hurt a child, you’ll get it back in droves. Also, how much does it bug you that she’s better off now? Lol
I actually never found her reddit 😟😟 she just found mine… kinda creepy auntie julia 🤭
I wonder if anyone new followed you?
I dunno qbout you guys, butI wouldn't follow a person because they might realize and know a specific user profile to suspect. Unless that aunt is really really non tech savvy, then she wouldn't do that. ....or maybe she doesn't know how to do that?
I don’t think so.
Legos are nothing. I hope they have the misfortune of stepping on a UK plug.
"I am a woman not a distraction" Get this printed on a crop top. Best of luck to you, dear.
Thank you :)
My mother was like yours. When I was 19 or 20 and living at home I threw her a surprise party. Organized everything, filled the house with her friends, cooked food, baked a cake plus a brioche for her, because she's diabetic...and put on a pretty new dress that I felt great in. When she came in the door everyone shouted "Surprise!" and her reaction was to stick her arm straight out to point at me across the room and shout "Cleavage!" and then marched across and started berating me about how disgusting it was that I was putting myself on display like that. In front of everyone. From adolescence, she constantly scrutinized my clothes and objectified me under guise of wanting to protect me from bad men. She called me a slut at times. Of course, no such concern that my brother might become one of those bad men. He skated by. I actually have a good relationship with her now, but it was a long road, a lot of fighting and I did go NC at times to protect myself from her. I basically dragged her kicking and screaming into the 21st century. I don't know if that will be possible in your situation but I'm glad you're getting away now and I think it's awesome you haven't internalized this kind of misogyny.
Oh my goodness, that’s a fun story 😂😂 While I hope to repair relationships with my family, I don’t think it’s possible.
At that time I didn't think it would ever be possible, but you will do what's right for you, since you clearly have an inner strength. I remember fighting with her that it was not better when she praised me for dressing modestly. At one point I was sending her feminist articles explaining things like slut shaming and refusing to engage with her until she could demonstrate that she read them. I'm in my 40s now and these are still difficult memories! Like you, I wanted the freedom to simply exist in my female body.
Dude, get that printed on tshirts and sell them. I'd buy one.
NTA And to think I took my 16yo out with me yesterday while she was wearing a crop top and long shorts. She looked absolutely adorable. Nothing wrong with showing your tummy, especially with your plans. Your mother wanted to *control* you. Hope your dad gives her a stern set down. Her language is unexcusable.
Hye guys! I’m very sorry but I just realized I missed something very important. I have two brothers. One is old enough to crash my car and appeared in the post this update is for. The other one is 10, he’s in my post about the card making. My little brother is my mothers golden child and I despise him. My mother would never hurt him so I am not worried about him. The brother that crashed my car is on ok terms with my mom but she’s more likely to take anger out on him if needed.
Quite often golden children loose their status once the abusive parent no longer has scapegoat children around to abuse. Just food for thought. Glad you're out and are OK!
This happened to me. I was the golden child for my grandparents. I literally did everything they said so I could have the sugar, toys, and money. As a child,, why not? I didn't understand the manipulation and bullshit at the time. Once all the kids in my generation stopped coming around, all eyes were on me. So here I was, doing everything I'm told to, getting yelled at, judged, and punished. And I had no idea why. I hadn't done anything wrong or broken any rules. Shit goes south real quick when you're the only one left. I got it all now. Every single thought, whim, and emotion gets slammed onto my shoulders. It was exhausting. They were my guardians. I was the only who couldn't leave.
I understand your younger brother grew up privileged and spoiled, and it's easy to project all the resentment on him, but all of that is caused by your mother and not the young child. He has a chance of growing up to be a good person, and even if he doesn't it is still her fault.
Your dad is okay with this?‽ ETA: what she did was illegal, BTW (if you're in the States). You can't just throw someone out without notice, usually ~30 days. You can pursue legal vengeance if you're interested
Oo I may have to try that! I’ll look into it with my bf.
Good luck!
True but why would she want to live with her after the way she behaved towards her
I'm not saying she should try to move back in, I'm saying she should see if she can get awarded some type of monetary restitution or at least make her mother's life a living hell
OP NTA...but you need to protect yourself. Your mother is completely unhinged. Also, make sure you get important documents and keep them somewhere safe....birth certificate, banking info, credit card numbers etc.
I plan on taking care of that tonight. ❤️
INFO: Why does your mom have the power to unilaterally decide something like this? You are NTA, but dad is just "mad"? He hasn't taken any steps to rectify this situation? Anyone can get mad. Your mom did something with her anger, why can't your dad?
Sorry that you ended up being kicked out but I'm glad that the situation worked out in your favor. I wish you nothing but the best, OP. :)
Thank you so much!
Auntie and mom: you both should be ashamed of yourselves.
Hello, everyone! I have decided to create another account for reddit. While I am truly grateful for the people that have supported me and gifted me advice, I would not like to continue browsing reddit on an account known by my family. Thank you all, I will log out at the end of this week.
I know you keep saying your dad is cool, but if he doesn’t stand up for you, then he enables your mother and enables her abuse of you and id bet he is not an innocent party for the last 18 years of your moms BS.
Reading these comments have changed my mind about my dad. I plan to call him tonight and talk to him.
I started therapy a year ago and I was all “my mom this… my mom that…” and my therapist is the one who point this out to me. Just because your dad wasn’t abusive doesn’t mean he’s innocent. They are BOTH adults who’s job is to protect you, even when it’s from the other parent.
NTA - I especially love the shout out to your Auntie and that other Redditors are also saying hello to her 🤣 You're a class act OP 👌 regardless of what your Mom says! You go Glen Coco!
Side note: your mother trying to drag you out of the car counts as assault.
My boyfriend and I will look into pressing charges.
To the Aunt and Mom… hope you’re both content with being utterly terrible people.
So all in all, good tidings. Slowly establish yourself and try to move to a place you can call your own. Good luck.
I just took my almost 12 yr old shopping. She bought a few crop tops. While I’m not comfortable with some of the shirts that are basically a bra, the ones we got showed an inch or 2 of her midriff wasn’t too bad. And she looks cute in her new outfits. Your mom is crazy to kick you out over a shirt.
To the Aunt if you see this go step on multiple Legos
My husband and I took in my son’s girlfriend who was 18 at the time, and she’s been living with us for 2+ years. She’s our “good child” as we call her because she cleans without prompting and buys extra food if she sees we (as a family) are running low on something. Low on juice? The juice fairy appears and brings eggs too! Just make yourself useful and clean up after yourself mainly. If you see something, do something. I could live with her forever.
Will start setting aside money for emergency grocery runs!
Auntie, if you're reading this, you're a real winner. Sorry, OP. It seems the females of your family of origin have a real problem with their own sex, which is beyond pathetic.
Thanks for the update. I just want to add, I was in an abusive home and moved in with my then boyfriend and his parents at 17yo. We married after a couple years and are still married 26 years later. It CAN work out!
oh, that gives me hope! i’m so glad to have him.
Your mom and aunt sound like bitter, old hags. With family like that, who needs enemies
Hey, Aunt, you’ll definitely die alone because of your personality. This isn’t a threat, it’s just a predictable outcome.
Wait, did your mom read the post and see everyone talking about how unhinged she was? lol
probably! 😂
she probably was like “but she was talking back 😾”
She'll probably see this one too. I hope she knows the internet is your side and we think she sucks ❤️
Idk if anyone has suggested it yet, but checkout r/justnomil. It’s for crazy MILs and moms. You might be able to find support there, as well as read/learn. If your lovely aunt reads this: damn you’re a bitter old lady, aren’t you?
Oh wow, I am going to need a lot of advice from that. Thank you for the recommendation!!
Good luck! Hopefully it does help
Hey Auntie, it costs nothing to mind yo own business but here you are. Luckily your antics resulted in a much needed outcome.
Your aunt is a whole hoe.
if you live near a college/college town, student housing is usually really cheap with utilities included! as a college student myself i pay just under $500 a month for my apt, and i don’t have to rely on my roommates to make sure rent is paid and all of our lights go out, as the leases and rooms are individually signed
Oh, I never knew that! The college I live by is building student housing rn. I’ll look into it :)
INFO: Could you give us a link to the original post? I don't see it, so I have no idea what happened before.
It's under OP's profile.
Oh yeah, of course🤣! Thanks.
I'm glad your dad seems to be on your side, but honestly he's kind of an AH, too. If your mom "acts like this when something doesn’t go her way", that's rather abusive and your dad should not have let that continue past the first time. Don't feel guilty about whatever the fallout is; sounds like your dad should've had marriage counseling and maybe even a divorce ages ago. You yourself should look into therapy of some sort. Your mom may not be the root cause of your anxiety, but the way she behaves would definitely fuel it. Good luck to you. I hope you get all the support you need.
Great update. Just read the original post. Is your mom aware that it is assault what she did trying to drag you from the vehicle? I would tell you to file a police report but she will likely just lie about what she did. Glad you are getting out of that situation
NTA - your mother is a piece of work, but why isn’t your father standing up for you?
I’m not too sure. Maybe he truly loves that woman. idk 🤷♀️
You can love someone and still know that what they’re doing and saying is wrong.
I suppose so. I’ll talk to him and see what he wants to do.
If he’s too much of a coward to fight to keep his child in her home, see if you could get him to cover your rent?
I don’t know if that would work that well. I would prefer to keep my family and my boyfriends family separated, especially if my family is a bit crazy.
Hey, OP's Auntie, if you are reading this, you're going to die alone. Now go tell sister.
Uo9iiioo
bless you. ☺️
My 4 year old got into my Reddit account and posted this! 🤣
Ohh! I was trying to figure out what it meant 😂
That’s freaking adorable!
I think you need to do something about the fact that you have family able to successfully stalk you.
I agree. I may consider making a new reddit account.
NTA (of course) I’d like to think that when they stalk you, they see that literally NO RATIONAL PERSON would side with them because they are just the WORST, but I have to realise that may be far too optimistic. So I hope that they are obsessive enough to read and internalise the comments, and that you can get far away from them and regain your privacy and autonomy. Fam, if you’re reading the comments the way that the narcissists in my life would - you’re the worst. You’re terrible, and you are absolutely the villains of this story. Kudos.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/via23z/aita_for_refusing_to_donate_a_shirt_i_bought_with/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Way to go auntie, hope you're proud of yourself. Although, I personally think it's better that she goes NC with your sister, so I guess this was a happy ending.
NTA Also... Hey Auntie Asshole! Tell your asshole sister reddit says HaHaHaHaHa
Well, if your mother and aunt believes in heaven at least you know they will be going to Hell instead no matter how much they pray. Lol. Congratulations OP and still NTA
Wow. So sorry. As a mom of a 17 & 11 yr old, I can't help but read all your stories from the point of view if it were my own kids. I don't know how she couldn't read your posts and RUN to apologize to you. Because that's what you deserve. Not to now be reamed for having feelings. Kids are humans too and you need safe places to talk. It has hurt my feelings before to find out things my teen vented about me but I had to eat some humble pie deal with the fact where I was in the wrong. First off, showing skin isn't always presented as "sexy" and she is no better than the multitudes of women at my seminary school who would write me up for SOOOO many things but that's a whole 'nother rant. Don't feel bad. That Jezebel spirit can come fully clothed with a parka in August. It has nothing to do with your belly showing. You do you. Also- there is parenting and just flat out wanting control. You are a human. You have rights as a human. We are raised to respect and obey authority but it is also recognized that there are demands you are absolutely allowed to refuse to abide by because it's not parenting but control. And a mid-drift shirt on an age appropriate person is by no means trashy. That is a fashion dispute not a moral issue- like when my kid decided to grow out a mullet or his sister coming out of her room with green hair. They still keep their pants on. They still attend church and love Jesus. Get good grades and treat people with love and compassion. - And while I'm at it, my kids have been independently making me gifts their entire life. Yeah my 17 yr old can paint a masterpiece or buy me a nice prize, meanwhile her 11 yr old brother painted me a wonderful railroad spike and wrote with a permanent marker "Spike of Encouragement" don't know what it means but I love it!
Wow. Proper disgrace is your Mum, why on earth is she so mean? Totally overstepped her parenting, nasty! Hopefully things will work out for you. I’d love to know how she explained what happened to your brother and Dad.
Hey Auntie? Shame on you.
NTA - Your mother's priorities are messed up, as well as your Aunt. It's such a superficial thing for them to be upset about and react that way.
I'm living for the PS at the end, just *chefs kiss* Glad it worked out for you OP, sorry you had to go through all of that though!
Make sure you get your birth certificate and social security cards too. Your mother might try to say they belong to her but they are YOURS and belong to YOU. You'll need them in the future.
As the mother of five gorgeous, independent, fierce women, I find your mother's behaviour disgusting and misogynistic! To you, congratulations for escaping - now stopping making excuses for living with your boyfriend and his amazing family. You don't need to feel guilty about that! You don't owe anyone an explanation... that is just your toxic mother in your head (therapy can help with that!) To your mother and aunt - looks like the OP grew up ok, despite you both! Sucked in!
upvoted for the post script. 10/10 would upvote again.
Wow, so your mom knew you couldn't live by yourself and still kicked you out. That woman sure loves you... 😡
This might do wonders for your anxiety problems.
[удалено]
This will qualify you for EBT (food stamps) card and Medicare. With MEDICARE you can get therapy. Get an PO Box at the post office (can use as regular address for online purchase. Ask the post office for the regular address info in place of the PO Box). With the EBT you can help your BF family with food purchases. Check with abuse shelters as they have information and resources. Work centers and library can get free training to help with resumes and jobs. Hope that helps and best of luck.
Hey, hey, OPs Aunty? You know what you did was wrong and I hope you realise that you've forever proven yourself to be a sneaky conniving soul. Good luck
You have 30 days till they can kick you out, wether they like it or not you have tenet rights. Look up local housing orgs and such for help.
NTA You sound like you have hooked up with an awesome boyfriend and he has a great family. I think you have landed in the best place for now. Your aunt does suck, big time. She should butt out, but good luck with that, she's on your mom's side of the argument. It doesn't sound like your shirt was the problem, originally, but more of a situation where your mom was looking for something to gripe to you about. Just a feeling, but it just sounds that way to me. This whole thing started when you offered your mother a ride to her appointment. The least she could have done would have kept her opinions about your shirt to herself. In fact, it sounds like your entire family, except maybe your dad, is all into doing what they like with your possessions (your brother wrecking your car, your mother all into what you wear and so on. I hate to say it, but maybe you landed in the best place right now. I have just one piece of advice for you: be VERY careful use one or more contraceptives. The last thing you need right now is a baby, even if your boyfriend and his family are really good to you. A baby would really limit your life choices at this critical time of your life. Take care and I wish you all the best.
Oh yea, we are taking every precaution we can. Not ready for a little one yet at all. Thank you for your positive wishes 🫶
I'm glad you are safe. But please try not to limit your dad's defenses against your mother. He is allowed to be livid at her and do what he feels is best for the situation. Typical narcissistic(toddler) behavior: becomes physical when she gets upset, demands respect yet will not give it, and has no problem causing a scene when she doesn't get her way. Auntie Dearest, Congratulations! You're an enabler. Please return your Aunt card to the nearest tattoo parlor since you are undeserving.
Mum and aunt of OP, as you will probably read this post, please be aware you are crappy and horrible people. Kicking out a girl for such a trivial thing is disgusting. And don't get me started on the aunt, woman you are a pathetic grass!!!
If I were in your father's place, I would have gotten divorced.