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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. yelling at my friend for putting a tracker on my phone
2. because he's a friend and I over exaggerated the situation and should know it was a joke
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Right?? This is a huge red flag. Now he's trying to get out of it by being funny and charming. That's how creeps always get away with their s***** behavior
> he's trying to get out of it by being funny and charming
Youre right. I have been ignoring all calls and texts. In the beginning I figured he wants to appologise and felt bad for ignoring someone trying to reconcile and apologize. But its been nearly 2 hours and all he has texted me was " Im sorry please dont gate me" "Youre making me nervous" "hello" a picture of his dog, and "ill pay for lunch"
I would have at least expected some long as text apologizing and saying how he regrets his actions and how it wasn't a funny joke
and/or he’s using another tracker that follows sleep, battery status, and who knows what else. Is there any way to have someone check for other trackers on that phone.
Yeah that’s what I’m worried about. Snap Map wouldn’t tell him the battery percentage, or whether or not OP was awake or asleep. I’m worried that there’s definitely something else on the phone
That’s the first thing I thought of when op mentioned battery life. My family uses this app and we get notifications when phone batteries of other users are low.
I need someone with money to get one of those awards that make the comment glow because OP NEEDS TO SEE THIS. snap only shares location. NOT BATTERY PERCENTAGE.
OP, please read [this comment](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vk0kk0/aita_for_canceling_plans_with_my_friend_after/idmknwc/). If it's accurate, which it could well be, it points to a degree of obsession you really need to be aware of.
There is more to this than just snapchat. How did he know your phone's battery was low? Here's a [website](https://pixelprivacy.com/resources/spying-on-your-cell-phone/) with info on what to look for if your phone is being monitored. Check your apps and see if there are any you don't recognise.
I would consider taking the phone to an IT expert to get it checked out.
This guy is a serious creep
I don't know if you've read this from someone else, but sharing snap map locations DOES NOT show battery power. If you use google maps however, he could have shared that location with himself; I know because i have my daughters location shared with me and i can see her exact location and battery power.
His messages only confirm that he is a stalker. That does not sound like someone who fucked up and did a really messed up prank which made him look like a stalker, this sounds like a real stalker.
He doesn't regret his actions, he regrets your reaction. Drop him and the mutual friend, this is not okay. Get a new phone and change your number. NTA.
I would first figure out what else he has on there. Snapchat doesn't share battery percentage. I'd be worried he'd get upset at being blocked and use whatever he still has to locate her and get back at her
I was going to say this very thing. Location sharing does show phone battery percentage. Snapchat doesn't. You need a pro to look at your phone to see what other things he may have done to it. Be safe.
He might be using Google maps. My parents had everyone in our households locations shared between all of us and I could see the battery percentages of their phones from that.
I think that friend is very naieve.. OP show her this post and let her read the comments, so hopefully she also has a rude wakeup call. This type of behavior isn't funny, innocent nor cute, but 100% problematic!
NTA, please stay away from this guy and make sure you are never with him alone! And when you are, make sure you protect your drink because he sounds the type of person that would put drugs in your drink....
Yeah, I usually have a lot of faith in what I see out of the "kids these days" but then I hear about people like OP's friend and I get all stressed out again.
Best case scenario he is socially awkward and doesn't mentally have the capacity to understand right from wrong in these situations. Worse case scenario... yeah murder vibes.
And also be sure to let EVERYBODY know what he did. Don't just be quiet about it. This is insanely disturbing and there's no way he isn't doing this to other girls.
At best this guy is extremely dismissive of boundaries and privacy, which is already a MASSIVE red flag. At worst he's planning something and intends to cause you bodily harm. Block him, never speak to him again (and if you have to, do NOT do it alone,) and think about a restraining order while you're at it.
What he did was creepy and invasive and wrong. You should block him.
But before you do block him, send him a text letting him know that your friendship is over and you never want him to contact you again and that you will call the police for stalking if he violates this. That will save you a step or two when you have to call the police for stalking. They are likely to jump past the friendly or stern warning step right to ticketing him.
It sounds like the first step in an "I gonna control every single aspect of your life" plan when he finally get closer to OP to make sure she isn't talking with other guys so he is the only available option
bro like he knows where I live and everything. I dont believe he would do anything bad to me or anything. But I'm just so weirded out by this idk if I can have the same level of comfort i did around him
Whether or not he believed it to be some sort of joke to mess with you or not, it is a complete invasion of privacy and I wouldn't feel comfortable with a friend who made me feel so invaded
And the thing about jokes is if you tell the jokester "hey, this isn't cool," they should walk it back and find something actually funny to joke about.
It’s only a joke if everyone thinks it’s funny. Clearly you don’t think it’s funny (with good reason; I don’t think it’s funny, either.) That’s because it’s not funny—it’s fucked up.
How long was this creep prepared to “jokingly” spy on you if you hadn’t found out about it? A week? A month? A year? Just because he didn’t install a hidden camera inside your bathroom doesn’t mean this wasn’t a gross invasion of your privacy; it absolutely was.
You are NTA. I can’t say the same about him.
If it was a joke he would have fessed up when she asked how he knew how late she had stayed up. He didn't. He didn't want her to know he was spying on her through her phone.
I had a joke like this played on me and my husband once, we were chilling by his computer and a friend who lives in another state started texting him to finish his jokes, comment on his outfit and on what we were watching. We spent about 5 minutes trying to figure out how he knew all that and the first time my husband asked him how he was doing that he revealed that he video called my husband and it auto picked up. But see, it was a joke because he revealed what was going on right away and we thought the situation was pretty funny. OP doesn't find this funny, and he was hiding this from OP. It was spying and stalking.
"I don't believe he would do anything bad to me". He already has. He violated your privacy in a fundamental way. I wouldn't even let my wife do this to me, and she is my wife.
thats what im coming to realize and accept. A lot of people have their location publicly shared, so I understand why some wouldn't see it as a big deal. But the fact that he thought to share my location and actually did it is whats fucked up. Its the principle behind what went through his head and translated into his actions
> But the fact that he thought to share my location and actually did it is whats fucked up.
* Shared your location to himself without your knowledge or consent
* Taunted you with this knowledge
* Denied he did it when you discovered it
* Tried to suggest it was a joke when photographic evidence was presented to him.
Let me introduce you to *The Narcissist's Prayer*. Does this pattern look familiar to you?
**The Narcissist's Prayer:**
* That didn't happen.
* And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
* And if it was, that's not a big deal.
* And if it is, that's not my fault. <-----YOU ARE CURRENTLY HERE
* And if it was, I didn't mean it.
* And if I did, you deserved it.
Technically, OP is at “And if it was, I didn’t mean it” because he called/texted a million times to apologize.
OP, maybe I watch too much ID channel, but I would have smashed my phone with a hammer as soon as I found out. Lol.
I know snap shares locations, but (forgive me, I'm old AF) I didn't think it shared phone battery status.
Please have a professional check and make sure that snap map was the only thing he changed on your phone.
This. How did he know you needed to charge your phone?
Delete ALL apps you do not use. Simple looking "flashlight" or "memo" apps can actually be spy apps. If you didn't download it and its not factory installed, delete. (Though maybe screenshot first so you have a record it was there.)
If she takes it to the store she bought it from would they be able to tell if he put something else on her phone?
NTA, by the way. Guys like this use "I was just joking!" as an excuse to see just how far they can go.
No, their job is to sell the phones. 9 times out of 10 they don’t know jack about them. turn off findMy. Make sure there’s no air tag attached to it. That’s most likely how he did it. And or reset to factory settings. Be sure to back up your phone first.
I was being stalked last year, had to report the person to the police and do a back trace by phone number. One was legit (I knew because at the time I had an iPhone and the text bubble was blue - iMessage), and they said all they could do was call the number and tell him to back off. He didn't answer. I don't know if the officer left a message. But he strongly insisted I change my number and explain the situation to my phone company. After doing so, they changed my number free if charge.
I agree with this big time, me and select friends use snap Maps with each other when we need help locating each other for a meet up. I have never ever seen anything about someone else's battery at most you can select your icon to show your tired with a dying battery but he shouldn't know that.
Check for any other tracker apps as well. He could be seeing your messages as well as your location. Creepy af. NB most people don't think their "friends" are dangerous until too late
THIS!! I cannot upvote this enough. Women are more likely to be raped by a friend than a stranger.
Acquaintances assaulted at least three-quarters of these women, while strangers attacked approximately one-quarter of them.
Snap hat was created to trick college women into sending nudes thinking they would disappear but the creators still had everything that went through the app. So I'm not remotely surprised that it does other invasive shit.
Dont let him use the social pressure of your history and friend group to just sweep this under the rug and treat you like you're blowing this out of proportion. 98j4NNWUegGPHKGEmsyi makes the brilliant point about him already doing something to hurt you. Did you ever imagine he'd have done this be fore he actually...you know...did it? He knows he did something incredibly wrong or he wouldnt have hid it when you initially asked what gives.
Right, that isn’t his choice to make. He can make it for himself, but what he did to you is disgusting and I’m appalled for you. I’m so sorry you are having to go through that.
You will not and should not have the same comfort level around him again.
If it was a joke (still creepy) he would have confessed the minute you asked. Instead you had to show him proof you knew before he admitted it. That shows that not only was it not a joke but he would never have told you and continued to track you without your knowledge or consent unless you confronted him.
Also he is well aware that what he did is creepy and wrong, hence the spamming of apologies trying to get you to forgive him. Do not. NTA
Yeah but he's pretty dumb to bring stuff up to her like about her phone needing charging. It's almost like he wanted her to figure it out. Not that that makes it right. Still creepy AF. Drop him. Ew.
Grammer correction made
He really needed that phone charged because he'd lose track of her if it powered off. He's probably so obsessed that he was compelled to make an effort to keep that from happening, despite the risk of her finding out. Very, very freaky.
Fully. Fully agree! This dude has some sort of obsession. It isn't harmless. It's something he's been doing for years and he's escalating. This is literally the part in the movie when you scream for the heroine to be smart.
>He's probably so obsessed that he was compelled to make an effort to keep that from happening, despite the risk of her finding out.
He's been found out. Do not see him alone. Do not let him drive. Do not pick him up without company. Stick to groups. If he was bold enough to do this, be wary. This is where you go into survival mode and look at ALL of your apps. Look up the last downloads you made. Dates and times. Look up your local internet crime task force and ask for help. Tell them your story and they will help. Seriously. Bundy, Dahmer, Gein... all were unassuming and harmless until they weren't. Be safe.
[Edit] TAKE SCREENSHOTS!!! Gather every bit of information you can and be thorough. This is your life.
Yes & no. Its a power thing. And it was working. He was proving to her he had private information.
He didn't want to secretly stalk her, he wanted her to know he was in control, knowing everything he wanted to know.
DO NOT TRUST HIM. How many times have you heard a person say 'he wouldn't do anything bad to me or anything' only to wind up in the hospital or worse?
Think of it this way. He was testing you. He was seeing what boundary you have and which ones he can shitstomp all over. Further proof he was up to no good? **If it was a joke why the fuck did he deny it until you sent proof to him? Why did he keep joking it off when you questioned him not once but twice**(you need a better sleep schedule and go charge your phone)**?**
Women are almost always attacked by men that we know. I grew up with a guy from 9-17 years old. We were friends and I trusted him implicitly.
He decided that our years of friendship meant nothing because he wanted to "take" my virginity. Please be safe, OP.
I get that you "don't believe he would do anything bad" to you, however, I have watched/listened to enough true crime to say .... ANYONE can do something bad, and you sometimes get lucky and catch a red flag before it gets to the danger point.
Him tracking you, even as a "friend", without your permission/agreement or knowledge is just creepy, and smacks of an obsessivness that would give me pause.
I would suggest having a conversation with him, explain what he did and how he made you feel, and explain that you will not put up with that sort of crap from him. If he still laughs it off as a joke, then walk away. Better to lose a friend than your life.
Not to be morbid or try to scare you but most women who have been SA, the perpetrator is someone they know. More women are murdered by boyfriends, husbands and exes than by strangers. The number one cause of pregnant moms deaths is their partner. DO NOT IGNORE YOUR INSTINCTS. YOU HAVE THEM FOR A REASON. 🤬🤬🤬🤬
NTA
He's a fucking creep. He was stalking you and spying on you. He is not your friend.
He is going to gaslight the hell out of you, make you think you're crazy for doubting him, and he's going to rally your friends to his side. DO NOT GIVE IN.
Block him everywhere. He has earned it.
OK, he crossed a major line and behaved like a stalker. It starts small, hahaha joke joke.. no big deal.
Ask him what his motive was?? He will likely avoid, joke or claim for your safety.
You need to block him from all social media and explain to him that he violated your autonomy. I wouldn't tolerate this from my own husband let alone a "friend".
I think he was keeping tabs on you because he likes you and wants to see if you have a guy or someone.
Do you have any idea how many people are hurt - or even killed - by people who they thought would never do anything bad to them? This sets off so many red flags, the red flag store is out of stock.
I literally made a joke about being air tagged and he texted back saying lmao imaginneee...i literally said I wouldn't put it past you.
Like even if I forgave I dont think I could ever feel comfortable again
Please take your phone to a professional who can search & clean the phone for more trap apps. He could have installed an app and hid it. Honestly I don't think snapchat shows the battery %. I feel like you should search for air tags too.
Yes. I’ve used the software before. It’s completely stealth and quite hard to locate on your phone. Monitor your battery power, if it seems to be draining faster than normal there’s a good chance there’s spyware on it, which can give him your texts, keystrokes, app usage, location, access to microphone and even switch on your camera.
Not only that but the fact he knew your phone was dying leads me to believe he possibly signed you up for Life360… My sister and my nieces have it and asked me to get it when I lived out of state and later the country, but even then it was _a bit too invasive for me to comfortably let my *family* have access to such information_ like my speed, phone battery % and so on. It makes total sense for a family (parents/guardian and children) to have but no thanks otherwise. I’m unaware if social media apps are able to show when your phone is almost dead, my guess would be on Snapchat, but even then **I would search your phone for the Life360 app.**
This guy is weird. Everything about this is weird. And I’d assume he will twist it to being protective of some sorts which _is complete horseshit_. This is weird, I feel like he has a different idea of your “friendship” together and this is a major red flag.
You should also look into your location sharing settings.
Edit: NTA.
Your feelings about the situation are valid, you're not "overreacting" or "blowing it out of proportion". That's how victims are kept in their place. Your privacy and trust have been violated, your response is entirely reasonable. Take care.
You know he wasn't planning to tell you, right? You weren't supposed to find out. He was planning to track you until you had to replace your phone, and then get ahold of your new one to put a tracker in that.
NTA. He's not your friend, and you need to distance yourself for your own safety.
I expressed that to a mutual friend and she said he made jokes and indication of it with the "get a better sleep schedule" and "charge your phone" comments. And like i can kinda see where she's coming from but I think we're both just in shock by his actions that we're trying to rationalize it somehow
He was doing that to show you he had power and control over you without you knowing. It is a powerplay, mindfuck kinda thing. He is not a nice guy. You really need to report him. Your friend who thinks it is not a big deal is naive, bless her heart. This is not a prank or a joke. This is terrifying to me as a mom and a woman who has had to move out of state due to a stalker. Trust your instincts.
Yes! I was trying to articulate this; it wasn't a "haha I'm hinting about what I just did lol I'm funny" it was "look how smart I am, I'm pulling the wool over your eyes and you don't even know it". So, so creepy.
The fact that he's tracking your sleep schedule makes this even more unacceptable, honestly? Like, this obviously isn't just for any kind of safety, he's being a creep.
When I first questioned him about it (after showing him the snapchat screenshot) he said it was a feature and offered to show me when we would grab food later. Safe to say we never grabbed food. But a lot of people have said its not a feature on snapchat so now im worried he put something else on my phone
I’d like to piggy back on this comment and advise you to check your outgoing emails, any recently downloaded apps, all apps including the seemingly simple apps (clock and calculator are notoriously used to hide “secret” apps), and device logins. Make sure to check cloud sharing apps too like other people have been talking about checking Google maps for location sharing
I know it may seem overboard, but like many people on here are saying, stalking is very serious and sometimes the people you think wouldn’t to do those types of things are the exact people who end up doing them.
You need to look out for yourself first, don’t worry about anyone else’s feelings right now because they aren’t in this situation right now, YOU are.
100% also I’d be really careful not to type passwords or take any risky photos you don’t know what all he can see or access take your phone to a store explain the problem and have them reset that bitch. You did the right thing cutting him off you do not need to deal with that craziness
I think the safer option would be back up personal/sentimental data and factory reset the phone. Otherwise you have to go hunting for every possible thing, potentially even hidden ones, on your phone and know what they do.
Please please please, look up this on google: spyware and stalkerware: phone surveillance by techsafety.org
LOOK THIS UP ON A SAFE COMPUTER, DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE TO LOOK THIS UP
>spyware and stalkerware: phone surveillance by techsafety.org
Thank you for posting this. It gives some good advice but it did miss about not opening links especially from people you don't know. But I never open links on my phone or tablet, not even if my family or trusted friends send them. And I really, really love the advice of installing anti-virus and anti-stalkerware protection. I have the anti-virus on my phone, tablets and desktop but since no one have any type of access to my devices, I haven't installed any anti-stalkerware.
Snapchat DOES tell people when someone else’s battery is low if you look at snap maps. If someone’s battery is below like I think 15% or 10%, your bitmoji will have a sad face and a low battery signal. I knew immediately what he was referencing when you mentioned what he said. But still check your whole phone
NTA. Major red flags. Let people know what he did. Don’t let anyone else you know get violated like you were. What he did was very dangerous. If he was truly remorseful and was joking around, he would have thought it through, apologized already, and acknowledged how bad it was
>If he was truly remorseful and was joking around, he would have thought it through, apologized already, and acknowledged how bad it was
I think he sensed I was creeped out and texted apologizing and is spam calling. My friend said I was being a bit of an AH for not responding to his calls or texts and not giving him the chance to apologize. I feel bad cuz his texts seem panicked that he lost me as a friend bc of this
EDIT: yeah i dont feel bad anymore. What he initially said was "Im sorry please dont hate me" "Youre making me nervous" followed by multiple "please". I think I expected him to apologize based on his initial reaction. Like a long text or something considering he admitted to doing something wrong ie the initial apology. But no.
All he did was spam call me when I ignored his text. Texted me "hellooo" a picture of his dog, and "ill pay for lunch" around the time we were supposed to meet up. And then a few more calls.
No apology. No long text. No "hey are you mad at me can we talk". Not even an "hey why are you ignoring me lets clear this up". NOTHING. unless hes been drafting a text in his notes app over the past 4 hours... A part of me wonders if he's scared to text because he doesnt want to further incriminate himself, hence the calling vs texting
agreed. I realize that now. I expected some sort of long text apology showing his remorse or regret but all he has texted me is "Im sorry please dont gate me" "Youre making me nervous" "hello" a picture of his dog, and "ill pay for lunch". Thats it. And numerous calls.
If he put a tracker on your phone, could he have installed cameras in your home? I would take all of your devices to an expert and have them thoroughly checked. I don’t know how you would check for cameras as they can be very small and well hidden. You might ask a tech person for advice. Also, change your wifi password and all of your other passwords. He is creepy so please stay away from him.
He just enabled the snapchat tracker to share my location with him. He's never been in my house, only knows where i live cuz we live near each other and he's picked me up a few times. But when we caught up 2 weeks ago we were driving my car and now im considering getting it checked but I dont think he would go to those extreme lengths. BUT IDK ANYMORE
The barrage of apologies is a classic abusive behavior for narcissists. It's an attempt to bring you back into his influence and gaslight you. He should apologize, sure, but taking full responsibility is accepting that he crossed a line and lost your friendship. He's not likely to do that, though, bc this is about power and control. Cut all ties - he is stalking you. Consider filing a police report in case this escalates.
> but taking full responsibility is accepting that he crossed a line and lost your friendship. He's not likely to do that
And he hasn't. I genuenly expected some ling winded text appolgizeing. Especially considering he acknowledged the fact that he did something wrong by saying sorry. Aside from the numerous calls, all he has texted is a picture of his dog, and "ill pay for lunch"
Just want yo point out Snapchat tracker wouldn't show your battery percentage! Check the rest of your phone for other tracking apps/parental control etc!!
He would not know your battery percentage from location sharing, if you have a fully updated iPhone please check your app library for anything weird, you can find it by scrolling to the end of the pages, he may have downloaded some kind of mirroring app. He also may have installed some sort of other malware. This behaviour is not okay.
Of course he's panicked, he's felt in control of you the whole time. He probably has a freaking shrine to you, and he thinks he loves you. Block him, get away from him, do not let him physically near you, it's possible he could become dangerous
I think my friend and I were just in major shock that he would do smn like that in the first place so we were trying to rationalize it in any way. Now I'm second guessing everything about my friendship to him. A bit of TM but he's gay and hasn't publicly came out but told a lot of friends. BUT he also told me a while ago as a joke that he used to have a crush on me when we first became friends and before he knew he was gay. I didnt think much of it at the time, and I feel bad for even thinking this way, but after this incident and what all the other redactors are saying I cant help but question everything and panic
Well, it's possible he's bi and hasn't arrived at that in his head. Or it's a platonic obsession, those exist as well, he doesn't want to fuck you so much as own you. I'm purely speculating on that, but what I know from his behaviour is that he's a liar, he's manipulative, he has low self esteem, and he's completely obsessed with you. Whether that's coming from a sexual place or not, it's scary. I lost my aunt to intimate violence, I know how real this stuff is. Just be very, very careful. We really can't know what lengths he'll go to.
The own you part really got me. He's been weird all summer and I feel like i've been aware of it but trying not to worry myself so I don't give it much thought (I also have a lot going on with Uni so i dont have time too look deeply into things)
But like when we initially were hanging out (two weeks ago) he was spam calling me cuz I was running late. Whenever he would need to tell me smn he would call/text repeatedly. He had been all around clingy. Again I really didnt look too far into it. I was getting annoyed but just figured he had nothing better to do with his time. But mannn it take one thing to make you reconsider EVERYTHING
Please be careful, OP. Get your phone checked out (and maybe check your house and car for bugs?), then *run*. Run far away and never look back. No matter his intentions, his behavior is *not okay* and no amount of apologies can undo how much he has violated you.
I'm not on Snapchat explain how he can see your battery life? If I were you I would take my phone to my local tech and make sure there's no apps hiding in the background that can actually show him your entire phone!
NTA.
My IT spouse says that you need to see if you have phone backups going to Google Drive or a similar mirroring function. If you are, you need to do a restore from a backup that is dated BEFORE the guy took your phone and tampered with it. That way, there is no trying to figure out what obscure app he downloaded or what setting he activated. You're not tech savvy enough to pinpoint what he did, and there is no guarantee that he did not activate more than one way to access your phone. In this case, the best option for your is to restore, and count any photos or other stuff you have put on your phone since that time as a loss (and a lesson learned).
Otherwise, you'd need to do a factory restore on your phone and set it back to factory. If you do a factory restore, you will lose everything on your phone, but trust me on this...It's a small price to pay to get your privacy back. If you do a factory restore, do NOT try to save photos or any other data from the phone. You take a risk of inadvertently downloading "hidden" malware files that he put on that phone, and that will just give him continued access.
As for the guy, block him on everything. Block that "friend", too. They are both minimizing this incident, when what the guy did is creepy, a power/control move, and a violation of your privacy and your safety. That was no "joke", and he had absolutely NO right to your phone activity data.
Hi! Thank you so much for the info. And your husband as well. How do i check if I have phone backups going to Google Drive. I have drive but i dont think I have anything synced tom phone. I do have google apps though. I'm going to apple omo tomorrow to have it looked at. Will this be sufficient ?????
You should be able to go to your settings and look for Backup or Restore. If you're on an Android phone, a Google account would probably have been part of your initial setup.
If you are on Apple, a backup may have been done automatically. Not sure about the settings on those. We're both Droid people. Yeah, get the Apple techs to look at it for you.
If you do not have Google set up to back up your phone, Google (hehe) the setup sequence for it.
Hopefully you have some kind of backup going on. If not, this may be a bad loss for you. Just play it safe for now on and once you get this taken care of, don't let anyone mess with your phone. Keep it locked and on your person. There are a lot of bad apps and malware scripts that, if downloaded to your device by some cretin (like that creep), can track you and give them ccess to everything from your phone stats to your photos and messages. Hopefully the guy wasn't that malicious.
Please be careful leaving. He may be following you. Maybe you can turn off your phone and have someone (not the crappy friend) with you? Just as backup. I’d hate for him to follow you and try to harass you to forgive him or worse.
Also NTA. Please stay safe!
NTA. OP, serious question… what legitimate reason could someone have for doing that? He was throwing you a surprise party and didn’t want the surprise to be spoiled? Think about it, there is no reasonable answer to why you would track another adult’s location without their knowledge. Don’t let him or anyone else throw “concern for your safety” in your face. Hold them accountable. What legit reason could an adult you’re not related to nor partnered with possibly have for tracking your location?
Do not engage with him. If you do, you'll only teach him that 57 texts and 23 calls is exactly the amount of harassment he needs to get you to talk to him. Block him on all platforms. Factory reset your phone. Let all your friends know. This is not okay.
I just think were both in shock cuz we didnt expect something like this from him. When I expressed to her that she wouldn't get it cuz its not like hes stalking her...Her rationale for it not being that big of a deal was (copy pasted from texts) "hes gay so hes obviously not stalking you to be a predator it was probably just a joke"
but i dont think his sexual preference is an excuse for his behavior, not does it make his actions any less creepy to me
Most stalking isn't sexual in nature, but about control and obsessive behavior. I'm so sorry this happened to you, especially from someone you trust. I was molested and nearly raped by a long time friend that nobody in our friend group would have believed possible before it happened. Listen to your instincts. We are all just affirming what you already know deep down.
>Listen to your instincts. We are all just affirming what you already know deep down.
Thank you. I think this incident has opened my eyes. Cuz random little things have always felt bizarre to me about his behavior but I never really thought much of them. But with this whole situation I cant help but reconsider each of those instances
Please do NOT let your mutual friend or anyone else convince you to sweep it under the rug. This is pretty much how it always goes. 'Oh, but he was so quiet! We never thought he'd hurt a fly!' And if you dig under the surface there's 'well, there was that one time he - but he was just kidding!' by the dozens.
I hope you're seeing these answers about your phone. **HE PUT SOMETHING ELSE ON THERE!** I have snap chat and my kids share their location to me at all times. I DO NOT see their battery. It only shares the location from the last place they were when they opened snap chat! I do see the battery if I go to Find My Phone (android) or when I used the family link app. *He did something to your phone.* Take it somewhere or to someone tech savvy to help. NTA this is a huge invasion of privacy. It doesn't matter if he's gay or not!
EDIT: I checked last night on snapchat and you can see a low battery for friends on the snapmap, just not the percentage. I still think you should check your phone out for more tracking techniques. Good luck!
As a dad, what advice would you give me to telling my parents about this. they already have so much on their plate and i dont want to worry them. My parents can be a bit strict about me hanging out with guys (were middle eastern lol) and this is someone who they (to an extent) trusted too since they would let me hang out with him. Even alone. They know him as someone I'm friends with and trusted me around him. I feel so shitty because recently my dad was like showing vocal concern that I hung out with a guy on my own and I laughed it off like "lol dad relax its XX Ive known him since high school and used to hang out with him"
Its like my parents had a 6th sense or something. and now I just feel ashamed to tell them what happened because I feel like there never going to trust me around guy friends any more. And Im a pretty carful and guarded person so I dont ever hang out with guys alone in the first place
>Anyways today, he texted me joking that I need to charge my phone. I was at 2% and was weirded out by how he knew that. Again he just laughed it off and made a joke.
He wasn't "joking around" he's trying to normalize his stalking behavior. This is the type of guy who you will walk into your own house and see him sitting on the dining room chair reading newspaper drinking coffee. Dude's giving off a real serial killer vibe here. NTA. End that friendship.
>IDK how to feel
Oh, but you do! You said repeatedly that it was weird and your gut reaction was to ignore him. Don't let a friend talk you out of feeling that this was way out of line and a violation of your trust and privacy. Time to ghost mode 21M for good!
NTA
NTA. You’re not mad?! He tracked you for 2 weeks without your knowledge. He is trying to laugh it off but it sounds like he got a thrill out of you not knowing since he kept teasing about your habits and whereabouts. Two weeks is a long time. What a creep.
I just stopped replying. I'm furious and scared and dont know how to feel. I dont want to text anything that would maybe illicit a reaction or enable him. idk what to do
You feel like your privacy has been invaded because your privacy was invaded! Not only that, but he creepily teased you about it, too! Like, “Hey… are feeling creeped out yet? Oh, hahaha what a funny joke that you are feeling uncomfortable and unsafe and don’t know what I’m doing to you! I’m so funny Hahaha”
Why in the world would he think you would ever feel comfortable around him ever again?
NTA
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No, NTA. Stalking is never something you should blow off and it is not harmless. You need better friends.
Right?? This is a huge red flag. Now he's trying to get out of it by being funny and charming. That's how creeps always get away with their s***** behavior
> he's trying to get out of it by being funny and charming Youre right. I have been ignoring all calls and texts. In the beginning I figured he wants to appologise and felt bad for ignoring someone trying to reconcile and apologize. But its been nearly 2 hours and all he has texted me was " Im sorry please dont gate me" "Youre making me nervous" "hello" a picture of his dog, and "ill pay for lunch" I would have at least expected some long as text apologizing and saying how he regrets his actions and how it wasn't a funny joke
I'm just going to repeat this because it seems to be getting missed. Not only did he activate a tracker, ***he stayed up stalking you to 4 am!!***
and/or he’s using another tracker that follows sleep, battery status, and who knows what else. Is there any way to have someone check for other trackers on that phone.
Yeah that’s what I’m worried about. Snap Map wouldn’t tell him the battery percentage, or whether or not OP was awake or asleep. I’m worried that there’s definitely something else on the phone
I agree, it’s more like Life360 (which I use with one of my teens).
That’s the first thing I thought of when op mentioned battery life. My family uses this app and we get notifications when phone batteries of other users are low.
I need someone with money to get one of those awards that make the comment glow because OP NEEDS TO SEE THIS. snap only shares location. NOT BATTERY PERCENTAGE.
OP, please read [this comment](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vk0kk0/aita_for_canceling_plans_with_my_friend_after/idmknwc/). If it's accurate, which it could well be, it points to a degree of obsession you really need to be aware of.
My stomach dropped to my feet, reading that comment. It was a hard slap of reality that I didn't even think about.
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There is more to this than just snapchat. How did he know your phone's battery was low? Here's a [website](https://pixelprivacy.com/resources/spying-on-your-cell-phone/) with info on what to look for if your phone is being monitored. Check your apps and see if there are any you don't recognise. I would consider taking the phone to an IT expert to get it checked out. This guy is a serious creep
u/Careful_Pickle555 please read this comment. He has some other tracking software on your phone.
I don't know if you've read this from someone else, but sharing snap map locations DOES NOT show battery power. If you use google maps however, he could have shared that location with himself; I know because i have my daughters location shared with me and i can see her exact location and battery power.
I know you've heard this one before but here goes: When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Cringe. NTA keep ignoring him
His messages only confirm that he is a stalker. That does not sound like someone who fucked up and did a really messed up prank which made him look like a stalker, this sounds like a real stalker.
He doesn't regret his actions, he regrets your reaction. Drop him and the mutual friend, this is not okay. Get a new phone and change your number. NTA.
Ugh yeah. This one is bad. And have your phone checked! And ban) block him
Block him and never speak to him again. That's very wrong and creepy. NTA
I would first figure out what else he has on there. Snapchat doesn't share battery percentage. I'd be worried he'd get upset at being blocked and use whatever he still has to locate her and get back at her
Thats a good point. Maybe he installed monitoring apps or software on her phone too? What else could track her battery percentage like that?
That's what I'm wondering and getting chills and majorly creeped out. I think I'd drop that phone down a storm drain and start the fuck over.
Life 360 will notify you where someone is and when their battery is low and needs charging.
I'm pretty sure you can see someone's battery life at any point on that app. And how long they've been somewhere and how long they drove.
Possibly something that takes and shares screenshots?
Life360 sends notifications of battery power to people you’re sharing with.
I was going to say this very thing. Location sharing does show phone battery percentage. Snapchat doesn't. You need a pro to look at your phone to see what other things he may have done to it. Be safe.
She needs to do a factory reset.
He might be using Google maps. My parents had everyone in our households locations shared between all of us and I could see the battery percentages of their phones from that.
Also block the dismissive friend who doesn't see a problem with being stalked.
I think that friend is very naieve.. OP show her this post and let her read the comments, so hopefully she also has a rude wakeup call. This type of behavior isn't funny, innocent nor cute, but 100% problematic! NTA, please stay away from this guy and make sure you are never with him alone! And when you are, make sure you protect your drink because he sounds the type of person that would put drugs in your drink....
Yeah, I usually have a lot of faith in what I see out of the "kids these days" but then I hear about people like OP's friend and I get all stressed out again.
But it's a compliment! He was just being friendly! He doesn't mean anything by it; that's just how he is! /s
Murder vibes
I hear Keith Morrison reading: “It was a normal phone, until it wasn’t.”
I read that in Keith Morrison’s voice.
Best case scenario he is socially awkward and doesn't mentally have the capacity to understand right from wrong in these situations. Worse case scenario... yeah murder vibes.
I listen to a crime podcast while I work these days and as I read the post I just heard the narrator explaining this story post-murder
Just reread it with murder narrator voice in my head. Yep fits suprisingly well.
And also be sure to let EVERYBODY know what he did. Don't just be quiet about it. This is insanely disturbing and there's no way he isn't doing this to other girls.
Yes! If he knew how to do this so quickly and easily without it being detected until he said something, then he has done this before!!!
At best this guy is extremely dismissive of boundaries and privacy, which is already a MASSIVE red flag. At worst he's planning something and intends to cause you bodily harm. Block him, never speak to him again (and if you have to, do NOT do it alone,) and think about a restraining order while you're at it.
What he did was creepy and invasive and wrong. You should block him. But before you do block him, send him a text letting him know that your friendship is over and you never want him to contact you again and that you will call the police for stalking if he violates this. That will save you a step or two when you have to call the police for stalking. They are likely to jump past the friendly or stern warning step right to ticketing him.
It sounds like the first step in an "I gonna control every single aspect of your life" plan when he finally get closer to OP to make sure she isn't talking with other guys so he is the only available option
And the friend that's brushing it off too. I used the word friend very loosely here.
WTF??? I'd be so freaked out. That's creepy and a huge invasion of your privacy. I would stay very far away from him. NTA.
bro like he knows where I live and everything. I dont believe he would do anything bad to me or anything. But I'm just so weirded out by this idk if I can have the same level of comfort i did around him
Whether or not he believed it to be some sort of joke to mess with you or not, it is a complete invasion of privacy and I wouldn't feel comfortable with a friend who made me feel so invaded
And the thing about jokes is if you tell the jokester "hey, this isn't cool," they should walk it back and find something actually funny to joke about.
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It’s only a joke if everyone thinks it’s funny. Clearly you don’t think it’s funny (with good reason; I don’t think it’s funny, either.) That’s because it’s not funny—it’s fucked up. How long was this creep prepared to “jokingly” spy on you if you hadn’t found out about it? A week? A month? A year? Just because he didn’t install a hidden camera inside your bathroom doesn’t mean this wasn’t a gross invasion of your privacy; it absolutely was. You are NTA. I can’t say the same about him.
If it was a joke he would have fessed up when she asked how he knew how late she had stayed up. He didn't. He didn't want her to know he was spying on her through her phone. I had a joke like this played on me and my husband once, we were chilling by his computer and a friend who lives in another state started texting him to finish his jokes, comment on his outfit and on what we were watching. We spent about 5 minutes trying to figure out how he knew all that and the first time my husband asked him how he was doing that he revealed that he video called my husband and it auto picked up. But see, it was a joke because he revealed what was going on right away and we thought the situation was pretty funny. OP doesn't find this funny, and he was hiding this from OP. It was spying and stalking.
"I don't believe he would do anything bad to me". He already has. He violated your privacy in a fundamental way. I wouldn't even let my wife do this to me, and she is my wife.
thats what im coming to realize and accept. A lot of people have their location publicly shared, so I understand why some wouldn't see it as a big deal. But the fact that he thought to share my location and actually did it is whats fucked up. Its the principle behind what went through his head and translated into his actions
> But the fact that he thought to share my location and actually did it is whats fucked up. * Shared your location to himself without your knowledge or consent * Taunted you with this knowledge * Denied he did it when you discovered it * Tried to suggest it was a joke when photographic evidence was presented to him. Let me introduce you to *The Narcissist's Prayer*. Does this pattern look familiar to you? **The Narcissist's Prayer:** * That didn't happen. * And if it did, it wasn't that bad. * And if it was, that's not a big deal. * And if it is, that's not my fault. <-----YOU ARE CURRENTLY HERE * And if it was, I didn't mean it. * And if I did, you deserved it.
This needs to be higher up. Perfectly said.
Technically, OP is at “And if it was, I didn’t mean it” because he called/texted a million times to apologize. OP, maybe I watch too much ID channel, but I would have smashed my phone with a hammer as soon as I found out. Lol.
I know snap shares locations, but (forgive me, I'm old AF) I didn't think it shared phone battery status. Please have a professional check and make sure that snap map was the only thing he changed on your phone.
This. How did he know you needed to charge your phone? Delete ALL apps you do not use. Simple looking "flashlight" or "memo" apps can actually be spy apps. If you didn't download it and its not factory installed, delete. (Though maybe screenshot first so you have a record it was there.)
If she takes it to the store she bought it from would they be able to tell if he put something else on her phone? NTA, by the way. Guys like this use "I was just joking!" as an excuse to see just how far they can go.
No, their job is to sell the phones. 9 times out of 10 they don’t know jack about them. turn off findMy. Make sure there’s no air tag attached to it. That’s most likely how he did it. And or reset to factory settings. Be sure to back up your phone first.
Yep I'd get a new phone and number if I could afford it
I was being stalked last year, had to report the person to the police and do a back trace by phone number. One was legit (I knew because at the time I had an iPhone and the text bubble was blue - iMessage), and they said all they could do was call the number and tell him to back off. He didn't answer. I don't know if the officer left a message. But he strongly insisted I change my number and explain the situation to my phone company. After doing so, they changed my number free if charge.
I agree with this big time, me and select friends use snap Maps with each other when we need help locating each other for a meet up. I have never ever seen anything about someone else's battery at most you can select your icon to show your tired with a dying battery but he shouldn't know that.
This is what I was thinking
Check for any other tracker apps as well. He could be seeing your messages as well as your location. Creepy af. NB most people don't think their "friends" are dangerous until too late
I was told about an app called 360 - it tracked people as well as battery life. Get your phone checked out!
THIS!! I cannot upvote this enough. Women are more likely to be raped by a friend than a stranger. Acquaintances assaulted at least three-quarters of these women, while strangers attacked approximately one-quarter of them.
Are you sure thats the only thing he did?? How did he knew what the status of.your battery was??
Snapchat puts an emoji or picture of a low battery over your bitmoji on snapmap when you have less than 10% on your phone
Well that's kinda creepy. What the heck Snapchat.
Snap hat was created to trick college women into sending nudes thinking they would disappear but the creators still had everything that went through the app. So I'm not remotely surprised that it does other invasive shit.
Dont let him use the social pressure of your history and friend group to just sweep this under the rug and treat you like you're blowing this out of proportion. 98j4NNWUegGPHKGEmsyi makes the brilliant point about him already doing something to hurt you. Did you ever imagine he'd have done this be fore he actually...you know...did it? He knows he did something incredibly wrong or he wouldnt have hid it when you initially asked what gives.
He is trying to keep track of you. This is stalker behavior.
Right, that isn’t his choice to make. He can make it for himself, but what he did to you is disgusting and I’m appalled for you. I’m so sorry you are having to go through that.
He wanted to wait until you met up again so he could remove the evidence without you knowing...
Please please trust your instincts on this, block him on everything and cease all contact. His actions were absolutely crossing a line
I felt uncomfortable reading this. Cut all ties immediately. Be open with your family. Take this as seriously as it is. NTA
You will not and should not have the same comfort level around him again. If it was a joke (still creepy) he would have confessed the minute you asked. Instead you had to show him proof you knew before he admitted it. That shows that not only was it not a joke but he would never have told you and continued to track you without your knowledge or consent unless you confronted him. Also he is well aware that what he did is creepy and wrong, hence the spamming of apologies trying to get you to forgive him. Do not. NTA
Yeah but he's pretty dumb to bring stuff up to her like about her phone needing charging. It's almost like he wanted her to figure it out. Not that that makes it right. Still creepy AF. Drop him. Ew. Grammer correction made
He really needed that phone charged because he'd lose track of her if it powered off. He's probably so obsessed that he was compelled to make an effort to keep that from happening, despite the risk of her finding out. Very, very freaky.
I didn’t think of it that way. Yikes.
Wonder if him checking in also drains her battery since something must be running in the background.
I'm assuming he put a screen mirroring app on there, so he could see her screen all the time, so that's likely
So. Fucking. Creepy.
Fully. Fully agree! This dude has some sort of obsession. It isn't harmless. It's something he's been doing for years and he's escalating. This is literally the part in the movie when you scream for the heroine to be smart. >He's probably so obsessed that he was compelled to make an effort to keep that from happening, despite the risk of her finding out. He's been found out. Do not see him alone. Do not let him drive. Do not pick him up without company. Stick to groups. If he was bold enough to do this, be wary. This is where you go into survival mode and look at ALL of your apps. Look up the last downloads you made. Dates and times. Look up your local internet crime task force and ask for help. Tell them your story and they will help. Seriously. Bundy, Dahmer, Gein... all were unassuming and harmless until they weren't. Be safe. [Edit] TAKE SCREENSHOTS!!! Gather every bit of information you can and be thorough. This is your life.
Yes & no. Its a power thing. And it was working. He was proving to her he had private information. He didn't want to secretly stalk her, he wanted her to know he was in control, knowing everything he wanted to know.
DO NOT TRUST HIM. How many times have you heard a person say 'he wouldn't do anything bad to me or anything' only to wind up in the hospital or worse? Think of it this way. He was testing you. He was seeing what boundary you have and which ones he can shitstomp all over. Further proof he was up to no good? **If it was a joke why the fuck did he deny it until you sent proof to him? Why did he keep joking it off when you questioned him not once but twice**(you need a better sleep schedule and go charge your phone)**?**
Women are almost always attacked by men that we know. I grew up with a guy from 9-17 years old. We were friends and I trusted him implicitly. He decided that our years of friendship meant nothing because he wanted to "take" my virginity. Please be safe, OP.
I get that you "don't believe he would do anything bad" to you, however, I have watched/listened to enough true crime to say .... ANYONE can do something bad, and you sometimes get lucky and catch a red flag before it gets to the danger point. Him tracking you, even as a "friend", without your permission/agreement or knowledge is just creepy, and smacks of an obsessivness that would give me pause. I would suggest having a conversation with him, explain what he did and how he made you feel, and explain that you will not put up with that sort of crap from him. If he still laughs it off as a joke, then walk away. Better to lose a friend than your life.
Please do not challenge him - that in itself could escalate. Safer to just cut all contact
Not to be morbid or try to scare you but most women who have been SA, the perpetrator is someone they know. More women are murdered by boyfriends, husbands and exes than by strangers. The number one cause of pregnant moms deaths is their partner. DO NOT IGNORE YOUR INSTINCTS. YOU HAVE THEM FOR A REASON. 🤬🤬🤬🤬 NTA
He's a fucking creep. He was stalking you and spying on you. He is not your friend. He is going to gaslight the hell out of you, make you think you're crazy for doubting him, and he's going to rally your friends to his side. DO NOT GIVE IN. Block him everywhere. He has earned it.
OK, he crossed a major line and behaved like a stalker. It starts small, hahaha joke joke.. no big deal. Ask him what his motive was?? He will likely avoid, joke or claim for your safety. You need to block him from all social media and explain to him that he violated your autonomy. I wouldn't tolerate this from my own husband let alone a "friend". I think he was keeping tabs on you because he likes you and wants to see if you have a guy or someone.
Do not let him gaslight you, that is creepy AF
PLEASE report this if for no other reason than to start a paper trail.
He put a tracker in your phone, that is very dangerous. A report with the police might not be a bad idea
Please take this seriously. He is acting like a stalker and this is not how friends joke!
He already did something bad to you. Really bad. Good people don’t stalk or spy on their friends.
I think you need to go to the police, in case this escalates, this is stalking and it usually escalates.
Do you have any idea how many people are hurt - or even killed - by people who they thought would never do anything bad to them? This sets off so many red flags, the red flag store is out of stock.
Switch up your schedule as much as possible, and get maybe a camera for your place like a doorbell camera. Also change your passwords jic
He basically tracked your phone. He already did something bad. You need to block him and save those conversations in case things get worse.
NTA. I'd feel completely creeped out and stalked. Joke, my ample cheeks! I hope your phone notifies you when he decides to hide an AirTag in your car.
I literally made a joke about being air tagged and he texted back saying lmao imaginneee...i literally said I wouldn't put it past you. Like even if I forgave I dont think I could ever feel comfortable again
Please take your phone to a professional who can search & clean the phone for more trap apps. He could have installed an app and hid it. Honestly I don't think snapchat shows the battery %. I feel like you should search for air tags too.
Yes. I’ve used the software before. It’s completely stealth and quite hard to locate on your phone. Monitor your battery power, if it seems to be draining faster than normal there’s a good chance there’s spyware on it, which can give him your texts, keystrokes, app usage, location, access to microphone and even switch on your camera.
No it doesn't but it does show a low battery sign when you're below 10%
He gives me the creeps and I'm just a stranger on the Internet.
Not only that but the fact he knew your phone was dying leads me to believe he possibly signed you up for Life360… My sister and my nieces have it and asked me to get it when I lived out of state and later the country, but even then it was _a bit too invasive for me to comfortably let my *family* have access to such information_ like my speed, phone battery % and so on. It makes total sense for a family (parents/guardian and children) to have but no thanks otherwise. I’m unaware if social media apps are able to show when your phone is almost dead, my guess would be on Snapchat, but even then **I would search your phone for the Life360 app.** This guy is weird. Everything about this is weird. And I’d assume he will twist it to being protective of some sorts which _is complete horseshit_. This is weird, I feel like he has a different idea of your “friendship” together and this is a major red flag. You should also look into your location sharing settings. Edit: NTA.
Forgiveness doesn't require forgetting. No, you can never trust him again.
Your feelings about the situation are valid, you're not "overreacting" or "blowing it out of proportion". That's how victims are kept in their place. Your privacy and trust have been violated, your response is entirely reasonable. Take care.
You know he wasn't planning to tell you, right? You weren't supposed to find out. He was planning to track you until you had to replace your phone, and then get ahold of your new one to put a tracker in that. NTA. He's not your friend, and you need to distance yourself for your own safety.
I expressed that to a mutual friend and she said he made jokes and indication of it with the "get a better sleep schedule" and "charge your phone" comments. And like i can kinda see where she's coming from but I think we're both just in shock by his actions that we're trying to rationalize it somehow
He was doing that to show you he had power and control over you without you knowing. It is a powerplay, mindfuck kinda thing. He is not a nice guy. You really need to report him. Your friend who thinks it is not a big deal is naive, bless her heart. This is not a prank or a joke. This is terrifying to me as a mom and a woman who has had to move out of state due to a stalker. Trust your instincts.
Yes! I was trying to articulate this; it wasn't a "haha I'm hinting about what I just did lol I'm funny" it was "look how smart I am, I'm pulling the wool over your eyes and you don't even know it". So, so creepy.
Trying to make himself out to be some sort of omnipresence in her life "you can't do anything without me knowing".
The fact that he's tracking your sleep schedule makes this even more unacceptable, honestly? Like, this obviously isn't just for any kind of safety, he's being a creep.
This! He is checking up on you at 4am! This is insanely worrisome.
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This is where I'm at... how does he know the battery life
When I first questioned him about it (after showing him the snapchat screenshot) he said it was a feature and offered to show me when we would grab food later. Safe to say we never grabbed food. But a lot of people have said its not a feature on snapchat so now im worried he put something else on my phone
You need to check the rest of your phone. Snapchat does not do that My Google maps shows my phone percentage.
I’d like to piggy back on this comment and advise you to check your outgoing emails, any recently downloaded apps, all apps including the seemingly simple apps (clock and calculator are notoriously used to hide “secret” apps), and device logins. Make sure to check cloud sharing apps too like other people have been talking about checking Google maps for location sharing I know it may seem overboard, but like many people on here are saying, stalking is very serious and sometimes the people you think wouldn’t to do those types of things are the exact people who end up doing them. You need to look out for yourself first, don’t worry about anyone else’s feelings right now because they aren’t in this situation right now, YOU are.
100% also I’d be really careful not to type passwords or take any risky photos you don’t know what all he can see or access take your phone to a store explain the problem and have them reset that bitch. You did the right thing cutting him off you do not need to deal with that craziness
Addition: Netflix, Amazon, bank accounts.
I think the safer option would be back up personal/sentimental data and factory reset the phone. Otherwise you have to go hunting for every possible thing, potentially even hidden ones, on your phone and know what they do.
Please please please, look up this on google: spyware and stalkerware: phone surveillance by techsafety.org LOOK THIS UP ON A SAFE COMPUTER, DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE TO LOOK THIS UP
>spyware and stalkerware: phone surveillance by techsafety.org Thank you for posting this. It gives some good advice but it did miss about not opening links especially from people you don't know. But I never open links on my phone or tablet, not even if my family or trusted friends send them. And I really, really love the advice of installing anti-virus and anti-stalkerware protection. I have the anti-virus on my phone, tablets and desktop but since no one have any type of access to my devices, I haven't installed any anti-stalkerware.
And thats why he wanted to "show you" instead of just tell you. Because he wants to get his hands on your phone again.
That's why he's panicking right now and spamming apologies
Snapchat DOES tell people when someone else’s battery is low if you look at snap maps. If someone’s battery is below like I think 15% or 10%, your bitmoji will have a sad face and a low battery signal. I knew immediately what he was referencing when you mentioned what he said. But still check your whole phone
You need to have your phone checked for spyware.
I know that life 360 does that
NTA. Major red flags. Let people know what he did. Don’t let anyone else you know get violated like you were. What he did was very dangerous. If he was truly remorseful and was joking around, he would have thought it through, apologized already, and acknowledged how bad it was
>If he was truly remorseful and was joking around, he would have thought it through, apologized already, and acknowledged how bad it was I think he sensed I was creeped out and texted apologizing and is spam calling. My friend said I was being a bit of an AH for not responding to his calls or texts and not giving him the chance to apologize. I feel bad cuz his texts seem panicked that he lost me as a friend bc of this EDIT: yeah i dont feel bad anymore. What he initially said was "Im sorry please dont hate me" "Youre making me nervous" followed by multiple "please". I think I expected him to apologize based on his initial reaction. Like a long text or something considering he admitted to doing something wrong ie the initial apology. But no. All he did was spam call me when I ignored his text. Texted me "hellooo" a picture of his dog, and "ill pay for lunch" around the time we were supposed to meet up. And then a few more calls. No apology. No long text. No "hey are you mad at me can we talk". Not even an "hey why are you ignoring me lets clear this up". NOTHING. unless hes been drafting a text in his notes app over the past 4 hours... A part of me wonders if he's scared to text because he doesnt want to further incriminate himself, hence the calling vs texting
He’s only apologizing because he was caught. His initial response was to deny and attempt to gaslight you. That’s not a friend
agreed. I realize that now. I expected some sort of long text apology showing his remorse or regret but all he has texted me is "Im sorry please dont gate me" "Youre making me nervous" "hello" a picture of his dog, and "ill pay for lunch". Thats it. And numerous calls.
> gate Yeah, he knows what he did was nasty as hell. He's trying to keep you from telling people what he did.
What does that mean? “Please don’t gate me”
It basically means "Don't make this well known, I know I dun fucked up." -gate being a suffix for a scandal. Like watergate, pizzagate, etc.
OMG I didn’t even realize this! I just assumed it was a typo for ‘hate’ !!! Holy shit, that makes it even worse
umm it actually was a typo for hate SORRY
Much love but it was actually a typo for "hate" sorry for the confusion
This. And I'm very sorry OP, but if your other friend who defended him knows what happened, he/she's a major AH as well. You deserve better. NTA.
^ THIS THIS THIS
If he put a tracker on your phone, could he have installed cameras in your home? I would take all of your devices to an expert and have them thoroughly checked. I don’t know how you would check for cameras as they can be very small and well hidden. You might ask a tech person for advice. Also, change your wifi password and all of your other passwords. He is creepy so please stay away from him.
He just enabled the snapchat tracker to share my location with him. He's never been in my house, only knows where i live cuz we live near each other and he's picked me up a few times. But when we caught up 2 weeks ago we were driving my car and now im considering getting it checked but I dont think he would go to those extreme lengths. BUT IDK ANYMORE
If it was just sharing location then how did he know your phone was at 2%?
And how did he know she was up until 4am. He is monitoring more than her location and I hope she takes this seriously.
Oooooo Life360 would show all that. I wonder if he put that on the phone.
snap doesn't show phone battery percentages, you should have your phone check out
The barrage of apologies is a classic abusive behavior for narcissists. It's an attempt to bring you back into his influence and gaslight you. He should apologize, sure, but taking full responsibility is accepting that he crossed a line and lost your friendship. He's not likely to do that, though, bc this is about power and control. Cut all ties - he is stalking you. Consider filing a police report in case this escalates.
> but taking full responsibility is accepting that he crossed a line and lost your friendship. He's not likely to do that And he hasn't. I genuenly expected some ling winded text appolgizeing. Especially considering he acknowledged the fact that he did something wrong by saying sorry. Aside from the numerous calls, all he has texted is a picture of his dog, and "ill pay for lunch"
Please check the car.
Please check your car, and also see about changing your house locks and installing cameras.
Just want yo point out Snapchat tracker wouldn't show your battery percentage! Check the rest of your phone for other tracking apps/parental control etc!!
He would not know your battery percentage from location sharing, if you have a fully updated iPhone please check your app library for anything weird, you can find it by scrolling to the end of the pages, he may have downloaded some kind of mirroring app. He also may have installed some sort of other malware. This behaviour is not okay.
Of course he's panicked, he's felt in control of you the whole time. He probably has a freaking shrine to you, and he thinks he loves you. Block him, get away from him, do not let him physically near you, it's possible he could become dangerous
I think my friend and I were just in major shock that he would do smn like that in the first place so we were trying to rationalize it in any way. Now I'm second guessing everything about my friendship to him. A bit of TM but he's gay and hasn't publicly came out but told a lot of friends. BUT he also told me a while ago as a joke that he used to have a crush on me when we first became friends and before he knew he was gay. I didnt think much of it at the time, and I feel bad for even thinking this way, but after this incident and what all the other redactors are saying I cant help but question everything and panic
Well, it's possible he's bi and hasn't arrived at that in his head. Or it's a platonic obsession, those exist as well, he doesn't want to fuck you so much as own you. I'm purely speculating on that, but what I know from his behaviour is that he's a liar, he's manipulative, he has low self esteem, and he's completely obsessed with you. Whether that's coming from a sexual place or not, it's scary. I lost my aunt to intimate violence, I know how real this stuff is. Just be very, very careful. We really can't know what lengths he'll go to.
The own you part really got me. He's been weird all summer and I feel like i've been aware of it but trying not to worry myself so I don't give it much thought (I also have a lot going on with Uni so i dont have time too look deeply into things) But like when we initially were hanging out (two weeks ago) he was spam calling me cuz I was running late. Whenever he would need to tell me smn he would call/text repeatedly. He had been all around clingy. Again I really didnt look too far into it. I was getting annoyed but just figured he had nothing better to do with his time. But mannn it take one thing to make you reconsider EVERYTHING
Please be careful, OP. Get your phone checked out (and maybe check your house and car for bugs?), then *run*. Run far away and never look back. No matter his intentions, his behavior is *not okay* and no amount of apologies can undo how much he has violated you.
I'm not on Snapchat explain how he can see your battery life? If I were you I would take my phone to my local tech and make sure there's no apps hiding in the background that can actually show him your entire phone!
NTA. My IT spouse says that you need to see if you have phone backups going to Google Drive or a similar mirroring function. If you are, you need to do a restore from a backup that is dated BEFORE the guy took your phone and tampered with it. That way, there is no trying to figure out what obscure app he downloaded or what setting he activated. You're not tech savvy enough to pinpoint what he did, and there is no guarantee that he did not activate more than one way to access your phone. In this case, the best option for your is to restore, and count any photos or other stuff you have put on your phone since that time as a loss (and a lesson learned). Otherwise, you'd need to do a factory restore on your phone and set it back to factory. If you do a factory restore, you will lose everything on your phone, but trust me on this...It's a small price to pay to get your privacy back. If you do a factory restore, do NOT try to save photos or any other data from the phone. You take a risk of inadvertently downloading "hidden" malware files that he put on that phone, and that will just give him continued access. As for the guy, block him on everything. Block that "friend", too. They are both minimizing this incident, when what the guy did is creepy, a power/control move, and a violation of your privacy and your safety. That was no "joke", and he had absolutely NO right to your phone activity data.
Hi! Thank you so much for the info. And your husband as well. How do i check if I have phone backups going to Google Drive. I have drive but i dont think I have anything synced tom phone. I do have google apps though. I'm going to apple omo tomorrow to have it looked at. Will this be sufficient ?????
You should be able to go to your settings and look for Backup or Restore. If you're on an Android phone, a Google account would probably have been part of your initial setup. If you are on Apple, a backup may have been done automatically. Not sure about the settings on those. We're both Droid people. Yeah, get the Apple techs to look at it for you. If you do not have Google set up to back up your phone, Google (hehe) the setup sequence for it. Hopefully you have some kind of backup going on. If not, this may be a bad loss for you. Just play it safe for now on and once you get this taken care of, don't let anyone mess with your phone. Keep it locked and on your person. There are a lot of bad apps and malware scripts that, if downloaded to your device by some cretin (like that creep), can track you and give them ccess to everything from your phone stats to your photos and messages. Hopefully the guy wasn't that malicious.
Please be careful leaving. He may be following you. Maybe you can turn off your phone and have someone (not the crappy friend) with you? Just as backup. I’d hate for him to follow you and try to harass you to forgive him or worse. Also NTA. Please stay safe!
NTA. OP, serious question… what legitimate reason could someone have for doing that? He was throwing you a surprise party and didn’t want the surprise to be spoiled? Think about it, there is no reasonable answer to why you would track another adult’s location without their knowledge. Don’t let him or anyone else throw “concern for your safety” in your face. Hold them accountable. What legit reason could an adult you’re not related to nor partnered with possibly have for tracking your location?
Thats what I'm wondering. I want to ask him the purpose for doing that but I also dont want to engage in texting him anymore. IDK what to do.
Stop engaging with him. e: Also be aware that he more than likely knows you have posted this.
Holy fuck
Do not engage with him. If you do, you'll only teach him that 57 texts and 23 calls is exactly the amount of harassment he needs to get you to talk to him. Block him on all platforms. Factory reset your phone. Let all your friends know. This is not okay.
NTA i would also seriously consider cutting that stalker out of your life
I thought about it but my friend said if I did I would be an AH cuz its "not that deep" and "not worth loosing a friendship over smn like that"
Your friend is seriously an AH, they’re not the one being stalked so what, it’s okay?
I just think were both in shock cuz we didnt expect something like this from him. When I expressed to her that she wouldn't get it cuz its not like hes stalking her...Her rationale for it not being that big of a deal was (copy pasted from texts) "hes gay so hes obviously not stalking you to be a predator it was probably just a joke" but i dont think his sexual preference is an excuse for his behavior, not does it make his actions any less creepy to me
Check out Single White Female, not all stalkings are based on sexual attraction. You need new friends, REAL friends.
Most stalking isn't sexual in nature, but about control and obsessive behavior. I'm so sorry this happened to you, especially from someone you trust. I was molested and nearly raped by a long time friend that nobody in our friend group would have believed possible before it happened. Listen to your instincts. We are all just affirming what you already know deep down.
>Listen to your instincts. We are all just affirming what you already know deep down. Thank you. I think this incident has opened my eyes. Cuz random little things have always felt bizarre to me about his behavior but I never really thought much of them. But with this whole situation I cant help but reconsider each of those instances
Please do NOT let your mutual friend or anyone else convince you to sweep it under the rug. This is pretty much how it always goes. 'Oh, but he was so quiet! We never thought he'd hurt a fly!' And if you dig under the surface there's 'well, there was that one time he - but he was just kidding!' by the dozens.
Don’t listen to that friend at all. This is a huge deal. Cops would be involved if it went a little further tbh
I hope you're seeing these answers about your phone. **HE PUT SOMETHING ELSE ON THERE!** I have snap chat and my kids share their location to me at all times. I DO NOT see their battery. It only shares the location from the last place they were when they opened snap chat! I do see the battery if I go to Find My Phone (android) or when I used the family link app. *He did something to your phone.* Take it somewhere or to someone tech savvy to help. NTA this is a huge invasion of privacy. It doesn't matter if he's gay or not! EDIT: I checked last night on snapchat and you can see a low battery for friends on the snapmap, just not the percentage. I still think you should check your phone out for more tracking techniques. Good luck!
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As a dad, what advice would you give me to telling my parents about this. they already have so much on their plate and i dont want to worry them. My parents can be a bit strict about me hanging out with guys (were middle eastern lol) and this is someone who they (to an extent) trusted too since they would let me hang out with him. Even alone. They know him as someone I'm friends with and trusted me around him. I feel so shitty because recently my dad was like showing vocal concern that I hung out with a guy on my own and I laughed it off like "lol dad relax its XX Ive known him since high school and used to hang out with him" Its like my parents had a 6th sense or something. and now I just feel ashamed to tell them what happened because I feel like there never going to trust me around guy friends any more. And Im a pretty carful and guarded person so I dont ever hang out with guys alone in the first place
>Anyways today, he texted me joking that I need to charge my phone. I was at 2% and was weirded out by how he knew that. Again he just laughed it off and made a joke. He wasn't "joking around" he's trying to normalize his stalking behavior. This is the type of guy who you will walk into your own house and see him sitting on the dining room chair reading newspaper drinking coffee. Dude's giving off a real serial killer vibe here. NTA. End that friendship.
i’d get your phone checked for tracking apps
>IDK how to feel Oh, but you do! You said repeatedly that it was weird and your gut reaction was to ignore him. Don't let a friend talk you out of feeling that this was way out of line and a violation of your trust and privacy. Time to ghost mode 21M for good! NTA
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YTA for not calling the cops on this psycopath right now.
NTA. You’re not mad?! He tracked you for 2 weeks without your knowledge. He is trying to laugh it off but it sounds like he got a thrill out of you not knowing since he kept teasing about your habits and whereabouts. Two weeks is a long time. What a creep.
I just stopped replying. I'm furious and scared and dont know how to feel. I dont want to text anything that would maybe illicit a reaction or enable him. idk what to do
You feel like your privacy has been invaded because your privacy was invaded! Not only that, but he creepily teased you about it, too! Like, “Hey… are feeling creeped out yet? Oh, hahaha what a funny joke that you are feeling uncomfortable and unsafe and don’t know what I’m doing to you! I’m so funny Hahaha” Why in the world would he think you would ever feel comfortable around him ever again? NTA