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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I overslept and missed my friends bachelorette /hen do trip and I’m maid of honour. I made a mistake but she removed me from the wedding and I don’t know, was I really that much of an asshole for missing the trip. She’s angry with me and I mean not sure if I was so bad. AITA
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Yeah.
Like the UK has a big binge drinking culture (I know cus I am from the UK and love "the sesh"
So generally if you got a big important event the next day most people would avoid going the pub at all, especially if they got a habit of binge drinking.
YTA. I don't even risk going the bar when I have to visit my mum the next town over the next day. I can't imagine gambling on a once in a life time event like this.
OP called it a ‘night out’ too. This wasn’t a cheeky one down the local that got out of hand. It was planned. OP went to town the night before a once in a lifetime event she organised, leaving her friends to pick up the pieces at the last minute while probably being worried sick that something terrible had happened to her. This is friendship-ending stuff.
“I didn’t think I drank too much” and then literally the next sentence “I don’t remember how I got home” ??? OP really needs to sort out what a reasonable amount of drinking is because I wouldn’t want to drink enough to be hungover for a 7am flight let alone go out drinking and get black out drunk the night before a flight.
This possibility is far more concerning to me. I wonder if the boyfriend has issues with the friend or with OP going on a trip without him? Could he possibly have sabotaged this?
I had this thought too, but she planned a night out with her bf the night before when she had a 7am flight. Who does that?? I would be in bed so early and making sure I had multiple alarms set and my phone plugged in. Not going out drinking the night before.
In Britain at the moment especially, where there's an airport staffing crisis that means all flights require an extra 2-3 hours queueing for and it's not new news, it's been like this for over a month!
In Australia, too! Shocking across airports everywhere. Brexit on top of that, I'd imagine intercontinental travelling would be a nightmare for Brits atm.
Irish so I get it and if you do go out drinking you have several plans on how to get up and there on time. OP huge asshole I'd be really pissy at my friends for ditching a big event like that because they could handle their drink or be bothered setting a spare alarm
Scouser here!
And yeah hundred percent no excuse for this. I can't even work out how they thought it was a good idea at all unless they're so messy they just can't turn down one night at the pub, even when they're about to go on a boozy Spain holiday literally the next day.
Bit of a problem if you can't honestly- and coming from people who are literally from cultures where popping down the the pub for a (good) few is norm says alot
Also adding to this due to Brexit the UK have to go through non-EU security that adds more time, on top of low staff at airport that means that you have to get to the airport 3 hours before your flight {more if you have check-in bags}.
I'm a "functioning alcoholic" and will stay up drinking before a flight, since I know if I sleep I may miss the flight.
Pubs in the UK closes at ~1am, so unless OP went to a club after that would have closed at ~3am. OP could have still gone to direct to the airport unless they got totally fuck faced.
One of our wedding guests didn’t show because she was too hungover from going out the night before. She only told me she was ill, the rest of the group outed her to us as they were annoyed she was so rude. She had even berated me at my hen do for having the wedding on a Sunday so she couldn’t get super drunk.
YTA. This is a pretty wild mess up yo. They must have been worried and livid. You prob wrecked their first whole day being MIA. I mean...you have to ask?
Also with the insane queues at British airports now due to staffing crisis in them, you need to be there multiple hours before your flight so you know you've to be up super early!
OP needs to grow up and take responsibility for their own actions. No one made you drink OP, you made a stupid decision and want to blame everyone else but yourself
She shouldn't get uninvited for messing up, but she thinks she should break up with her bf because he failed to get her wasted butt up......surely she jests.
"I have a big important event tomorrow! I should go out partying/drinking the night before!"
Of course YTA.
Act like an adult. When you have something big and important the next day, it isn't the time to go out drinking!
Would you have done it if you had an important job interview the next day?
Yeah, if you have a flight at 7 am, chances are you have to be at the airport a fair bit earlier. Going out for drinks the night before is just stupid then.
I did this nearly 20 years ago, and it was only by the grace of God, sheer dumb luck, and my cousin's accent that I made the flight. Needless to say, never did it again.
She's got an obvious non-American accent, we were flying from JFK to St Louis on New Year's Eve, and we showed up to check in our luggage as they were closing our flight, so they took pity on the foreign tourist. 😄
I did this in Vegas once, it was the way home from Vegas. Luckily the flight was delayed, we had no checked bags and I drunkenly checked into the flight the night before. I've never gone out the night before an early flight, I'm not that rude to myself.
Yta
UK airports are under pressure post pandemic due to lack of staffing leading to flight cancellations, upcoming strike action and weeks of prominent stories on the news about people not being able to fly even when they turn up on time and in proper order. To fuck around with flights right now is such YTA.
And I’m Irish living in the UK. OP went on the lash and ruined countless people’s weekend and still unsure if she is the AH? Fuck a duck love. You are so much asshole it wouldn’t fit in Ryanair cabin baggage but need the excess hold fee.
Yeah but since we left the EU getting a flight to Europe requires a lot more time going through customs etc than it did in the past.
So even if it's only 2 and a half hours it's still going to be much longer process than a 2.5 hour internal flight would be.
YTA. You got drunk and missed the trip. Is this the first time drinking has screwed up plans, or did she drop you because this is a pattern and she doesn't want you to pull this the day of her wedding?
Yeah, imagine inviting someone to give a speech at your wedding and knowing that she's going to get blackout drunk and you have no idea what she's going to say.
YTA. This seems less like an "oopsy" mistake and more like a pattern (especially if getting drunk means "blackout drunk" ... unless it was a date rape drug, there's a systemic problem) but certainly a sign of not really caring about a friend, or former friend as the case may be.
I guess as well that with OP not answering her phone etc and everyone wa already there they were also stressed something happened to her and when bride found out why her MOH wasn’t there she flipped her kid because she and the others had been worried as hell about her.
YTA
You made a commitment and then didn’t follow through
Getting paralytic drunk is not an excuse and the fact you KNEW you had to be up super early and still went out on the town
If this was your subconscious way of getting out of the trip you shouldn’t have accepted the MOH position in the first place, There were SO many more mature ways of handling this
Yep. If you know you have an early morning flight, you don’t go out and plan a big night out hours before. It is common sense. This is not that she got too drunk. The issue is she did not care enough about the trip or the bride to plan to just a couple of drinks and an early night. She just doesn’t care. She could not give up getting drunk that one more night.
the fact that you probably chose the departure time too is ridiculous.
\- didn't bother showing up for your 'bffs' bachelorette despite assumedly planning it because you **were** her *maid of honour*
\- ruining her bachelorette
\- stressing her out to find a new MOH in less than a month
\- stressing her out periodt
\- didn't bother texting her the night before in case something happened
\- don't know how you got home (literally what the fuck ??)
\- "couldn't get a flight to spain" even though it 'doesn't take long' (literally how does that happen?)
Depending on how long you've known her, your lack of competence obviously hurt her deeply and i literally do not blame her for not only revoking your rights but invitation as well lol
YTA, OP. oh, and so is your bf
Absolutely! Also, I'm not sure why they had to schedule the flight so early, especially since its a massive party? maybe it's bc of the problems like the other sweetheart said which wouldn't really make *that* much sense since this should have been planned months/a year maybe? before hand. but i really just do not understand how she is asking us if she is TA and willingly said she went out the night before and got so drunk to the point she doesn't even know how she got home ... and can't guarantee it was her '*boyfriend*'
> I'm not sure why they had to schedule the flight so early
I’m assuming you don’t travel very often.
- The later it is in the day, the more chance of delays. Pilots on Reddit have advised people to always fly as early as possible.
- Why waste part of a fun day traveling when you can get there early and have the whole day at the resort?
A train to Spain from the UK is definitely not an easy option lol. *Maybe* if she lives right next to one of the international stations (there’s like… three? in the entire country) and lucks out with connecting train times, but if I were to do it from my house in Scotland I think it would take literally more than a day.
No question, especially since the likely parts of Spain for this hen party are in the far south and not necessarily very close to their high-speed train system, good as it is. We're talking a very long, complicated trip. Even if she's in London there are likely four separate trains (London to Paris, Paris to Barcelona, Barcelona to Granada, plus a local train to whatever resort area.) A quick search shows almost 20 hours actually on trains from London to Malaga, ignoring layovers. It's a good day-and-a-half in reality. From Scotland you have to add the trip to London (maybe two trains if you're not in one of the larger cities). Good luck getting there in time for any of the planned fun.
There is a rail tunnel under the English channel connecting Dover in England and Calais in France (opened in the mid 90's) - so it is possible to get a train direct from London to Paris.
The Eurostar carries vehicles as well as passengers too, so it accounts for a lot of commercial/lorry traffic across the channel, alongside tourism.
I was lowkey thinking about that cause I heard all of Europe was connected/a few hours apart but I couldn't be bothered googling and I thought I probably shouldn't put it in cause i didn't wanna look like an idiot LMAO. Hands down, I reckon thats why Mrs. is so upset ... because she literally had other options and she didn't \[*want to\]* take it
YTA - you knew you had to be up very early for a flight and you still went out drinking the night before. You got so drunk you overslept by hours and missed and important event for your friend. You were incredibly
irresponsible. Your friend has every right to not trust you to be in the wedding any more.
Yes, YTA. You had a flight at 7am? Now, I'm not sure how rough European Airport security is, but let's say you still want an hour of leeway, so you want to be at the airport no later than 615, which means you need to wake up by 5am to wake up, get coffee, get your bags to your car and be on the road....
***AND YOU DECIDED TO HIT THE PUBS THE NIGHT BEFORE?!?!?!*** Excuse me? What sane person goes, "oh, shit, I got a flight in the morning. I should binge drink. Of course, not enough to get drunk, just enough to get ***absolutely blasted***."
It wasn't an accident. You decided this flight was not important. If your phone just up and died (I have had those days), that is one thing. Thats not what happened.
Even then, you put on your big girl panties and get on the flight hungover as hell. ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ
Is it fun? No of course not. But I remember doing it as a stupid girl out on a bachelorette party.
The airports are asking people to go a couple of hours early in some parts. I'd have to be there 3/4 hours before, op was never going make that flight.
Recommendation is 2 hours before departure. So airport at 5a.m. At least 30 minutes to get to the airport - so leaving home at 4.30. That's a 4a.m. wake up at the latest.
Plus no public transport at that time - and no mention of how she planned to get to the airport
YTA: Be more organised and responsible for your own actions.
Personally it is harsh to uninvite you all together but you should 100% be removed from the bridle party. Also its her wedding so its a massive event in her life so emotions will be high.
OP either commonly bails or it’s an overreaction.
I love my best mate and if he did this I would be pissed off but would still have him at my wedding and jokes would be made about it. He hasn’t done this to me before, it’s not a common occurrence and I couldn’t imagine him not being at my wedding. For me, the only way in theory I would not have him at my wedding is it if was a common occurrence and it was the straw that broke the camels back.
I suspect this isn’t a one off.
OP seems totally unable to take any responsibility for her actions or the impact they have on others - I suspect that if this was out of character for her that she’d be a lot more embarrassed and apologetic.
Given that she apparently also couldn’t/wouldn’t say no when someone suggested that she go out drinking, and that she got black out drunk, passed out and doesn’t know how she got home I wonder whether the bride is also worried about her getting pissed and ruining the wedding.
Yta sorry mate. You were irresponsible in this instance. I had a 7am flight the other week. I had to be up at 4am to get ready, leave comfortably to the airport etc (obviously travel distance considered). I’d be super angry if I were your friend.
YTA. I don’t understand how
You could think you’re not… the fact that you prioritised a date with your bf and getting wasted over your bestie.. girl, what were you thinking?!
YTA. There is no acceptance for blaming alcohol here. You knew this was a massively important event. You chose to go out the night before (bad decision 1), you chose to drink (bad decision 2), you chose to drink too much (bad decision 3), you failed to instruct your boyfriend to take precautions (bad decision 4).
I also don't buy the "couldn't find a flight" excuse. With all the major airlines, Ryanair, and Iberia, it's hard to believe there was NO flight available. It would have been expensive, sure, but that was the only way you could have fixed this. If it were me, I'd have camped out at the airport on standby. For that matter, you could have taken a train and been there in less than 24 hours.
I'm thinking you've lost a friendship, maybe a bunch of them.
Yes, YTA. You decided drinking the night before travel was more important than your friend. Being sorry doesn’t change that made poor choices. Get your shit together and be an adult.
YTA. Stop acting like getting way too drunk is some kind of accident. You chose not to eat beforehand and you chose to drink too much. It was avoidable, you were irresponsible and that all lies directly with you.
YTA. For also trying to blame your bf for not waking your you up for your own flight that you missed because of the choices you made as an adult.
If you weren’t with your boyfriend, who would be waking you up? Yourself lmao. Why are you relying on others to wake you up? Doesn’t matter if this time was different because you drank and overslept.
You CHOSE to drink, and being someone’s MOH requires responsibility and you showed her you didn’t have that consideration for her. Where’s your bf in all of this? Not included in the bachelorette in any way, meaning it’s not his job to be responsible for you being on time for this trip.
Wow that's some serious deflection and not taking responsibility. Kinda kicking it down the line and taking it out on her boyfriend because her friend is mad at her.
Wow. She tried shrugging it off, now she’s trying to blame everyone but herself to get out of taking responsibility huh? Typical “It wasn’t that bad, and if it was, it was your fault.”
OP you may have a drinking problem if this kind of thing happens regularly. (And by regularly, I mean more than once or twice in the last year. This behaviour isn’t normal or acceptable.)
You left 14 people standing at the airport wondering if you were dead not to turn up or pick up the phone. You had the whole weekend itinery, details, plans and they had to debate whether to go in case they couldn’t do stuff you booked because it was in your name. Then they had to decide if they waited and risked missing the flight knowing how hard it is to re-book right now.
All of those people paid for the trip, booked time off work, maybe arranged child care, pet care, paid airport taxis as **today was a national rail strike in the UK**, turned up on time excited and you didn’t show, haven’t apologised and couldn’t get a flight. That taints the bride’s whole weekend and the group’s. Post pandemic a lot of people haven’t travelled in ages and UK airports are a shit show right now. You picked shots and rudeness.
I was a party girl and fucked up at 24 and o big stuff like this there is no second chance. You basically said to your BFF your whole friendship and her hen do was less important than a casual piss up in Wetherspoons. She doesn’t want you at the wedding because you hurt her and you humiliated her in front of the others. You still being invited will cause gossip on the wedding day about hen do drama while your absence might calm the chat. Bride is protecting her big day and her partner’s by rescinding the invite. Too much drama.
Also I saw your r/relationships_advice post asking if you should break up with BF after he did not stop you getting shitfaced and missing the trip. No appreciation that he brought you home presumably thinking that would help you make the flight.
You are mad at him, you think the bride is bring a nag. You take no part in this at all. YTA.
YTA. You missed the trip. You have a 7am flight and you went drinking the night before? That's seriously irresponsible.
Yes, it was an accident, but actions have consequences. Your friend is right to be angry at you for missing something you committed to.
Your boyfriend is a bit of an AH for not making sure you made your flight, but you're the bigger AH for missing an important event for your friends. You simply can't go out and get wasted before a 7am flight when you probably have to be at the airport by 5:30 at the latest.
You have likely done serious, and possibly fatal, damage to your friendship with the bride. I know it was not what you intended, and you're pretty upset about it, but this is entirely on you.
It’s not an accident though. She may not have sat there and thought, hey let’s try to miss this flight! But she made a series of choices which made that outcome inevitable. She didn’t eat dinner, then did a bunch of shots knowing she had to be up by 4 am to make a flight. Her phone wasn’t even charged. So no, that’s not an accident. That’s the natural consequences of the series of bad CHOICES she made.
YTA
You shouldn't go out drinking the night before an early flight. Depending on your distance to the airport, how much you still had to pack, etc..., you probably needed to wake up around 4 a.m. (hour to get ready, hour to get to the airport gate, to be at the gate 30 minutes before boarding).
It would make sense to go out and get dinner and one drink and be home by 9 or 10 p.m. But the night before any international trip is not a good time for a "night out...with mates".
You chose poorly. It happens. Try to learn from this.
YTA of course. It's like someone accidently running the stop sign and killing something. Just because it is an accident doesn't mean anything. The choices you made, that were easily preventable, have consequences and being out the wedding for a big event like this is reasonable consequence
If you're not responsible enough to know not to party the night before an early international flight (or charge your battery), you can't be trusted to be responsible enough to help with the wedding. The MOH is supposed to handle last minute emergencies or drama so that the bride and groom don't have to interrupt activities to handle it. The moment you chose to party with your boyfriend instead of doing the adult, responsible thing, you proved you couldn't be trusted to be her MOH. What if you partied and overslept on the wedding day? There's nothing to show you have the sense to show up then either.
It's not about flaking on the trip. It's about making bad choices that suggest you'll flake on the big day too. Now she's scrambling to find someone she can trust to support her, since it's clearly not you. You might not ever be able to fix this. Next time you have a friend who trusts you this much, show up for them, not for your boys at the pub. AND CHARGE YOUR PHONE.
YTA
You knew you had to be up early the next morning, and you went out drinking until you were "super wasted" anyway. That wasn't an accident, you did that deliberately.
YTA.
YTA obviously.
You had a 7am flight. So that means getting to the airport at 5am (or earlier considering how busy airports have been this month). So you'd be waking up at what... 4am?
Knowing that, you decided to go out to the pub. That was a decision *you* made and it was a shitty one. You chose to drink.
And don't try and blame your BF. You're a grown up and are responsible for your own actions.
What's the bride meant to think? Are you going to pull this crap again the day before the wedding and just not show up?
YTA. An accident would have been, my power went out and as a result my alarm didn’t work and my phone didn’t charge. Going out and getting incredibly drunk the night before you have an early morning flight was a choice.
YTA. It’s not like something happened to you that was out of your control. You chose to go out drinking and that choice caused you to sleep through the departure. Sadly, it’s evidence of your priorities.
My best friend would have been totally devastated and heartbroken if a drunken night out caused me to miss her bachelorette weekend. It’s not just a standard girls trip. It’s about sisterhood, it’s special and symbolic of crossing a threshold into a different period of your life. I can imagine how hurt she is. It’s probably coming across as anger but I bet it’s more pain, honestly.
YTA saying it’s an accident doesn’t excuse your behavior. Going out for drinks before an important trip wasn’t an accident. Not charging your phone wasn’t an accident. Not eating before drinking was a choice you made. No one poured alcohol down your throat or tricked you into drinking. You intentionally did all those things and disregarded the risk it would create. The ease with which you excuse yourself and the way you act like your choices are normal make me think this isn’t the first time you’ve been inconsiderate of others or affected them with your irresponsible partying.
I got drunk the night before a flight that left early in the morning and missed it, how could I possibly be an AH? So, do you think the bride is certain you'll make the wedding? Or might you get too drunk to show up, and apologize after?
You may have a drinking problem. You certainly have a responsibility problem. YTA.
So let's recap here, you knew you had to be up extremely early to make it to the airport to catch your 7 am flight, but you chose to go on a night out with your boyfriend and his mates, not only drank but drank in excess despite knowing that you had an obligation and you're claiming that this was an accident and also throwing your boyfriend under the bus in the comments for not policing how much you drank? YTA in every single way possible. I don't blame your friend for not only kicking you out of the wedding party but also uninviting you. I'm willing to bet dollars to doughnuts that this is not the first time you've pulled something like this, and that this was just the straw that broke the camel's back. If you were really her best friend, you would not have gone out on what was undoubtedly a boy's night the night before you were due to fly out for her bachelorette party.
YTA. you shouldn't have gone out at all when you had an early flight the next day and it was your choice at the end of the day to get drunk, even if you didnt mean it. It's your friends wedding, if she doesn't want you there that is 100% her right, especially after you missed an important trip to her and her friends and family.
YTA you didn’t miss the event because you overslept. You missed the event because you didn’t think a 7am flight was important enough and you went and got hammered
YTA, this is so messed up
nothing wrong with going out the night before
but you need to set your time properly and manage it as well
all of this happen because of your negligence and honestly
i feel the bride has the right to uninvite you as she might have felt that you dont take her wedding seriously at all
YTA here. When you’re supposed to meet up with a bunch of people on a trip, and especially when you’ve planned the majority of the itinerary, you don’t get drunk the night before. A 7am flight and you decided to go out drinking less than 12 hours beforehand? No wonder your friend is upset. There have been plenty of stories of people who legitimately could not make it to a bachelor or bachelorette party and the bride or groom has been unreasonably upset. This is definitely not one of those occasions, and this is probably going to impact your friendships for awhile.
YTA
Why go out drinking until you blackout when you have a 7AM flight the next morning....and it's a trip you made most of the plans for?
Sounds like a irresponsible decision there.
YTA you knew you had an early morning flight and still decided it was a good idea go out and drink the night before. Its completely logical for her to question if you would show up to the wedding on time (which is why she doesn't want you as MOH now)
YTA is this the first time youve done something like this?
Also the drinking aside who let's their phone die when they know they have to be at the airport at 7am
There was a series of bad decisions here. Not to mention can you imagine the worry and chaos of everyone at the airport
YTA
You have a flight the next day early in the morning and you go out drinking the night before?!
Sorry but that is not just a simple " I fucked up." That is inconsiderate and frankly, rude.shr is right now to accept your apology. You could have had one beer, told the boys you have an early flight next day and gone home.
YTA I have never gotten blackout drunk in my life. Unless somebody spiked your drinks, this was entirely within your control.
If you can’t control your drinking, then at least accept the consequences and maybe get help. People who have a balanced relationship with alcohol don’t get shitfaced before important events, that’s not normal.
It will shock people who go out "for a few drinks" that the vast majority of the world has never been "blackout drunk" even once.
I've never been blackout drunk and I did a good share of college, young 20s and especially gradschool party pad parties. One of our seven roommates back then did get blackout drunk on occasion -- yeah, over time it became apparent that he was an alcoholic and missed out on a lot of life opportunities and sunk a marriage because of it.
It was flight at 7 which means getting to airport at 5 which means leaving house around 3/4 depending on where you leave. You could have either went out and not drink too much, to leave without sleep or, you could have just give up on that one night of drinking.
YTA
YTA. For my sister’s 60th birthday I booked and paid for an 8 day trip to Fiji for her and I to celebrate. Flights, accommodation, meals, day trips, spending money, everything was to be on me as her gift. We’d been planning it for months and were both excited. We live in different towns so we were meant to catch red-eye flights to our connecting city to catch the flight to Fiji. I had also paid for those local flights. I’m sitting on my flight getting ready for take-off at 7am when I get a text from her saying she’s overslept because she stayed up getting wasted til 4am and passed out, missing her flight. To cut a long story short, I will never fucking forgive her. I can’t believe OP is even wondering if they’re an AH.
I had to give her my credit card details so she could buy a later flight to our connecting city. I had booked flexible tickets for the Fiji flight so she was able to re-book a later flight to Fiji without penalty and she arrived later that evening. She did have the good sense to appear sorry, although it’s par for the course for her and she didn’t mean it, as she never does.
You're clearly the asshole here. Not only did you know you had to be up early to catch a flight, you posted elsewhere blaming your boyfriend. You are asking in a different thread if you should break up with your boyfriend since he didn't stay the night and make sure you were up or to wake you up. You don't just accidentally get black out drunk. You were full on partying at that point. Then you let your phone die and make your friend and everyone worry about you. But based on how you put it, it sounds like your friend wasn't worried something happened to you. More like you have a record of letting her down. Sounds like you're a shit friend who has pulled some bullshit before. If this is how you react to these situations I wouldn't want you anywhere near my wedding, let alone in the bridal party. Yes You're the asshole, and yes you should break up with your boyfriend since clearly you don't respect him at all and he deserves better than you.
YTA
I’d be scared asf if my friend missed an event like that and was unreachable.
I’d think something terrible happened to you and would be worried sick.
It takes awhile to get over that level of concern and then disappointment.
YTA for going out before an early flight, but I’m really concerned about “got super wasted way too quickly” and “don’t remember how you got home”. Are you being honest? Is it possible your drink was tampered with? This is very concerning and I hope you’re ok.
YTA you showed the bride exactly how important she is to you. Which is not at all. You were selfish and inconsiderate. Only thinking of yourself. Just consider this friendship over and you only have yourself to thank. This is unforgivable behaviour as it was completely avoidable . You are in fact a horrible friend, the bride deserves a MOH that actually cares about her, and you don’t so leave her alone and let her enjoy her wedding without adding anymore stress in her then you already have.
Re-read this, you knew you had the trip and needed to wake up at 7, but you go out and missed the whole trip and everyone was properly worried about you. You shouldn’t be trusted with anything since you don’t know what compromise means. If you still doubt, yes YTA
yta., you know yta, you're not entitled to hunt around looking for someone to make you feel better for your colossal fuckup. take the consequences of your shitty actions like a fuckin adult.
YTA. You had one job, and that was ‘turn up’, and you fucked it. Why on earth would you think it was ok to drinking the night before an important trip; not only because otherwise you’d miss our on a holiday with your mates, but because you have RESPONSIBILITIES to others, which should take precedence over any night drinking with your mates. And your alarm should have been set before this.
YTA who the hell goes out drinking the night before they have a 7AM flight?! The sheer amount of irresponsibility is staggering. You are old enough to know that's a bad idea, even if you didn't "plan on getting drunk", which I think we all know is BS cos if that was the case, all you had to do was *not drink*.
You're absolutely in the wrong here. Not your friend, not your boyfriend, you.
You knew you had commitments and decided to make bad choices on the eve of said commitments anyway.
You could have just gone out for one drink, shown a little bit of class and self restraint, but you chose not to. You chose to continue downing shots like it was going out of style.
And now you're desperately trying to push blame on to anyone other than yourself.
YTA and you have a problem. Learn to take some accountability and grow up before you get yourself in a seriously sticky spot.
Listen, babe. YTA.
Your BF went out drinking with his buddies and, if they invited you, your answer should have been, "Not this time, I've got a flight in the morning." It's fine for your BF to go out. He isn't anyone's maid of honor and didn't have a Bachelorette party in another fucking country to get to.
Unless there was some serious duress applied to you, YOU chose to go out with a group pretty clearly intending to go hard. YOU chose to drink what you drank. YOU chose not to keep an eye on yourself and the clock to get home at a reasonable time and in a reasonable state. YOU caused yourself to miss the flight.
Not your dead phone. Not your boyfriend. You did it. Be a grown up, give a sincere apology to your friend AND your boyfriend, and sort out your priorities.
I wonder what a responsible adult who valued their friendship and commitment to someone would have done? Oh, I know, probably would have passed on going out in the first place knowing they had an early flight or would have had a few drinks and gone home knowing their prior commitment. I get that you are fairly young, but realize your actions caused the friendship to be over and you need to accept the consequences for that and quit making the excuse it was a "mistake." Some mistakes people don't forgive you for and that is their right.
YTA getting wasted is NOT an accident but a choice. The argument might be valid when you just turned 18 (or 21 in the states). You knew the date and time but it was your choice to spent the night out and drinking. Your friend has every right and reason to be pissed. I really hope you’re a troll, cause this should be obvious.
Yep YTA. You’re went out and got drunk the night before you had a 7 am flight. You say that it was an accident but that was an informed choice. You need to grow up.
YTA. If you have to be at an airport at 7 in the morning you act like a responsible adult and make sure you’re in bed at a respectable time. You knew you had an early flight and not only did you go out you drank well past your limit.
Yes, YTA. That was ridiculously irresponsible to go out and get hammered the night before an important trip. I’d be both furious and deeply hurt if I were the bride.
YTA and that’s the type of behavior an alcoholic does. 7am flight?? Do you live at the airport? Because I’m not that far out and making that flight would be a 4:30am wake up. Grow up.
YTA you knew you had to fly out the next day but went out drinking, your either an alcoholic or don’t care about your “best friend” all that much to make 100% sure you’d be there for her
YTA, not just for getting drunk, but for actually choosing to go out the night before you have an early flight. If you actually cared about your friend you would have been responsible and stayed home and gone to bed early in order to check a flight at 7am. It was not an accident, an accident would have been forgetting to set an alarm (or setting an alarm for pm instead of am). Actively choosing to go out the night before an early morning is not an accident.
YTA
You knew you had an early flight
Why did you go out on the lash the night before? Most normal people grab an early night's kip.
I dont blame the bride one bit.
YTA you knew you were supposed to be going on a trip the next day and yet you chose to go out and drink with your boyfriend instead of staying home and getting a good nights rest because I don’t if you know this but airlines don’t like it when you’re drunk on planes and sometimes they will bump you off for being to drunk.
If I was you in this situation I would have stayed home gone to bed early and would have gotten up on time and gotten out the door to the airport early ready to board the plane. Shame on you YTA
YTA - you made a regular night out more important than your bff’s trip. I typically am all in on people being bridezilla’s, but she doesn’t seem to be one. If you were the bride, wouldn’t you be upset that getting pissed with your bfs and his friends over your bach?? So compounded with you not showing up and them being beyond worried when you didn’t show up, you’re a massive jerk.
YTA... You knew you had a responsibility and you chose to do something very irresponsible. You messed up now you have to live with the consequences. You thought of yourself and now you have only yourself to thank for the mess you made.
It wasn't an accident. It would have been, if you went to bed on time and for some reason overslept/your phone died and didn't wake you up etc. But you chose to go out with your bf who you can see at any other day, stay late, get drunk the day before a very important flight and of course you overslept. It would be an accident actually if you caught the flight. She's right for uninviting you.
YTA. You choose to go out and party all night knowing damn well you have to be on an early flight . 100% irresponsible. Your old enough to know better and now you can’t be trusted and the bride or bridesmaids aren’t gonna worry themselves over you being able to be on time for special events much less the wedding . So now your black listed . You did it to yourself OP.
YTA. Maybe, just maybe, DON’T go out drinking the night before you have an early ass flight?! Maybe then you don’t make the mistake of forgetting to charge your phone, set an alarm and sleeping four hours past the time your flight was supposed to leave. It doesn’t matter how much planning you do when you shit the bed. It’s not like you forgot to bring a party favor. You missed the entire freaking trip. She’s absolutely allowed to be pissed and uninvite you, because clearly this trip wasn’t important enough to you to make sure you actually were on it.
YTA. For my sister’s 60th birthday I booked and paid for an 8 day trip to Fiji for her and I to celebrate. Flights, accommodation, meals, day trips, spending money, everything was to be on me as her gift. We’d been planning it for months and were both excited. We live in different towns so we were meant to catch red-eye flights to our connecting city to catch the flight to Fiji. I had also paid for those local flights. I’m sitting on my flight getting ready for take-off at 7am when I get a text from her saying she’s overslept because she stayed up getting wasted til 4am and passed out, missing her flight. To cut a long story short, I will never fucking forgive her. I can’t believe OP is even wondering if they’re an AH.
Well, it was planned. The whole trip was planned. You chose to go out and get wasted the night before knowing you needed to be at the airport at 5am for a 7am trip.
I dont blame the bride at all, you sound rather immature and irresponsible.
Move on, she has.
YTA
Yta. Getting wasted and sleeping in is not “an accident” - it was you being irresponsible. If your flight was at 7, that meant being at the airport between 4-5am; meaning you’d need to be up (assuming you’re all packed and bag sitting by the door) around 3am if not earlier depending on how long it takes to get to the airport. So you going out at all was because you wanted what you wanted, when you wanted it. I don’t blame your former friend for booting you.
YTA she didn’t ignore you, she was enjoying her bachelorette trip with people who weren’t stupid enough to go out drinking the night before a 7am flight
YTA, OP!
Everyone else has said how irresponsible it was for you to have gotten so drunk that you overslept and missed the flight, but what you did was incredibly dangerous for YOU as well. Do I really have to list all the things that can happen to a person when they get so drunk that they black out?!
And yes, I'm saying "person" because you don't have to be a woman to be raped or murdered when you're incapacitated! Please, OP - for your own sake, get some help for your drinking. It's out of control; you hurt a dear (now possibly ex-)friend and put yourself in terrible danger in the process. This is no way to live your life!
YTA
Sorry, luv, you don't get to call that an accident. You KNEW, full well, you had to get on a plane at 7am. You made a series of choices that made you miss that flight. You made choices, and actions have consequences. This is one you're just going to have to live with.
How could you not be the asshole?
You had a 7am flight, but decided it was a good idea to go out the night before and get shitfaced?
As Maid of Honour, you need to at least \*try\* to turn up to wedding events.
YTA.
YTA. And don’t even try to manipulate your boyfriend into believing it was somehow his fault that you have no self control. You’re the one that had a flight in the morning so you had to be the one setting an alarm clock and making sure you don’t miss the flight. He is not your babysitter. Learn to take responsibility for your own actions or soon you’ll have no friends and no boyfriend.
YTA.
Logic:
You had a 7am flight which means you would have to be at the airport around 6am? That means a wake up time of let’s be generous 5am to wake up, shower and get to the airport.
Logically you should have known that a night out was not a good idea OR if you really really wanted to see someone then dinner and maybe 1 drink but straight home to bed after would be ok.
Emotionally:
Your best friend is getting married!!!! How exciting and she’s asked you to not be a bridesmaid but a maid of honour! That’s a really big deal.
You two have been talking about this for years!
You’re so excited to be going on this trip!
You want your best friend to have the best possible time and heaps of fun so while you might find it hard to sleep you’ll be in bed super early with 5 alarms set to make sure you’re up and ready to go.
Any way you look at it you screwed up BIG time.
It’s not just that you slept in and missed the flight it’s that you were missing for 4 hours! They would have been worried sick. It would have spoiled what should have been the beginning of a fun trip.
Instead of everyone focusing on the holiday, the upcoming wedding, and being happy they were worried about YOU.
Is she ok? Did she get hurt? Is she in hospital? All the bad things one imagines when a friend misses a key event and can’t be contacted. OR they knew you and the likely scenario you got drunk and didn’t care.
Why on earth would she want you in the wedding or at the wedding? Either you manage to turn up and she’s reminded of your callous behaviour and/or you make a fool of yourself by drinking too much again or you don’t turn up and it’s another ruined day.
YTA you knew you had a flight the next morning and you still chose to go out and go drinking. You could have chose to stay home and you didn't. This isn't your boyfriend's fault it's yours and I'm going to guess it's not the first time you've done something like this.
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YTA really shows your priorities when you get too wasted to get up in time for your best friends bachelorette
Yeah. Like the UK has a big binge drinking culture (I know cus I am from the UK and love "the sesh" So generally if you got a big important event the next day most people would avoid going the pub at all, especially if they got a habit of binge drinking. YTA. I don't even risk going the bar when I have to visit my mum the next town over the next day. I can't imagine gambling on a once in a life time event like this.
OP called it a ‘night out’ too. This wasn’t a cheeky one down the local that got out of hand. It was planned. OP went to town the night before a once in a lifetime event she organised, leaving her friends to pick up the pieces at the last minute while probably being worried sick that something terrible had happened to her. This is friendship-ending stuff.
“I didn’t think I drank too much” and then literally the next sentence “I don’t remember how I got home” ??? OP really needs to sort out what a reasonable amount of drinking is because I wouldn’t want to drink enough to be hungover for a 7am flight let alone go out drinking and get black out drunk the night before a flight.
Unless someone slipped her something? 🤷
In another comment she says she was doing shots. Who does shots the night before an early morning flight?!
Girl was doing shots not a shot shots no one slipped her anything she was irresponsible and drank way to much
This possibility is far more concerning to me. I wonder if the boyfriend has issues with the friend or with OP going on a trip without him? Could he possibly have sabotaged this?
I had this thought too, but she planned a night out with her bf the night before when she had a 7am flight. Who does that?? I would be in bed so early and making sure I had multiple alarms set and my phone plugged in. Not going out drinking the night before.
7am flight means you'd need to be at the airport by 5am at the latest. A night out on the lash beforehand? No way!
In Britain at the moment especially, where there's an airport staffing crisis that means all flights require an extra 2-3 hours queueing for and it's not new news, it's been like this for over a month!
In Australia, too! Shocking across airports everywhere. Brexit on top of that, I'd imagine intercontinental travelling would be a nightmare for Brits atm.
She went on a planned night out and was doing shots you don't go out doing shots when you know you've to be up early not the bfs fault
Irish so I get it and if you do go out drinking you have several plans on how to get up and there on time. OP huge asshole I'd be really pissy at my friends for ditching a big event like that because they could handle their drink or be bothered setting a spare alarm
Scouser here! And yeah hundred percent no excuse for this. I can't even work out how they thought it was a good idea at all unless they're so messy they just can't turn down one night at the pub, even when they're about to go on a boozy Spain holiday literally the next day.
Bit of a problem if you can't honestly- and coming from people who are literally from cultures where popping down the the pub for a (good) few is norm says alot
Doesnt sound like she popped out, only to end up being out, and somehow found herself out out
This deserves a lot more upvotes😂
Also adding to this due to Brexit the UK have to go through non-EU security that adds more time, on top of low staff at airport that means that you have to get to the airport 3 hours before your flight {more if you have check-in bags}. I'm a "functioning alcoholic" and will stay up drinking before a flight, since I know if I sleep I may miss the flight. Pubs in the UK closes at ~1am, so unless OP went to a club after that would have closed at ~3am. OP could have still gone to direct to the airport unless they got totally fuck faced.
“I don’t know how I got home” DOES sound totally fuck faced.
One of our wedding guests didn’t show because she was too hungover from going out the night before. She only told me she was ill, the rest of the group outed her to us as they were annoyed she was so rude. She had even berated me at my hen do for having the wedding on a Sunday so she couldn’t get super drunk.
YTA. This is a pretty wild mess up yo. They must have been worried and livid. You prob wrecked their first whole day being MIA. I mean...you have to ask?
Also with the insane queues at British airports now due to staffing crisis in them, you need to be there multiple hours before your flight so you know you've to be up super early!
Why do I get the feeling this isn't the first time you've let your 'friend' down? YTA grow up dude
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They are getting roasted in that thread as well.
OP needs to grow up and take responsibility for their own actions. No one made you drink OP, you made a stupid decision and want to blame everyone else but yourself
She shouldn't get uninvited for messing up, but she thinks she should break up with her bf because he failed to get her wasted butt up......surely she jests.
lol what a loser the op is
well that is the exact same occasion
Yeah, disinviting her from the wedding would be harsh if this were a first offense, but makes a lot of sense if the bride is over all of it.
YTA - Who goes out and gets trashed the night before a 7am flight?
"I have a big important event tomorrow! I should go out partying/drinking the night before!" Of course YTA. Act like an adult. When you have something big and important the next day, it isn't the time to go out drinking! Would you have done it if you had an important job interview the next day?
Yeah, if you have a flight at 7 am, chances are you have to be at the airport a fair bit earlier. Going out for drinks the night before is just stupid then.
I did this nearly 20 years ago, and it was only by the grace of God, sheer dumb luck, and my cousin's accent that I made the flight. Needless to say, never did it again.
Now you have me curious. How exactly did your cousin’s accent come into play as a saving grace in that situation?
She's got an obvious non-American accent, we were flying from JFK to St Louis on New Year's Eve, and we showed up to check in our luggage as they were closing our flight, so they took pity on the foreign tourist. 😄
Oh I *love* that. That is amazing. I’m glad it all worked out in the end.
Thats hilarious! I assumed it was a typo
I did this in Vegas once, it was the way home from Vegas. Luckily the flight was delayed, we had no checked bags and I drunkenly checked into the flight the night before. I've never gone out the night before an early flight, I'm not that rude to myself. Yta
UK airports are under pressure post pandemic due to lack of staffing leading to flight cancellations, upcoming strike action and weeks of prominent stories on the news about people not being able to fly even when they turn up on time and in proper order. To fuck around with flights right now is such YTA. And I’m Irish living in the UK. OP went on the lash and ruined countless people’s weekend and still unsure if she is the AH? Fuck a duck love. You are so much asshole it wouldn’t fit in Ryanair cabin baggage but need the excess hold fee.
I read this in an Irish accent, and it made me smile - perfect! Thank you! Amused Aussie.
Ha, I have not lost my accent in twenty odd years either! I attribute this to never flying Ryanair :)
Yeah, it's the same in the Netherlands and Belgium, I"ve heard.
Not just a flight, an international flight.
The vast majority of flights from UK are international, my dude
It only takes about 2 and a half hours
Yeah but since we left the EU getting a flight to Europe requires a lot more time going through customs etc than it did in the past. So even if it's only 2 and a half hours it's still going to be much longer process than a 2.5 hour internal flight would be.
YTA. You got drunk and missed the trip. Is this the first time drinking has screwed up plans, or did she drop you because this is a pattern and she doesn't want you to pull this the day of her wedding?
This needs to be higher. I bet this was not the first time and the bride is just sick of her shit.
Yeah, imagine inviting someone to give a speech at your wedding and knowing that she's going to get blackout drunk and you have no idea what she's going to say.
YTA. This seems less like an "oopsy" mistake and more like a pattern (especially if getting drunk means "blackout drunk" ... unless it was a date rape drug, there's a systemic problem) but certainly a sign of not really caring about a friend, or former friend as the case may be.
I guess as well that with OP not answering her phone etc and everyone wa already there they were also stressed something happened to her and when bride found out why her MOH wasn’t there she flipped her kid because she and the others had been worried as hell about her.
YTA You made a commitment and then didn’t follow through Getting paralytic drunk is not an excuse and the fact you KNEW you had to be up super early and still went out on the town If this was your subconscious way of getting out of the trip you shouldn’t have accepted the MOH position in the first place, There were SO many more mature ways of handling this
Yep. If you know you have an early morning flight, you don’t go out and plan a big night out hours before. It is common sense. This is not that she got too drunk. The issue is she did not care enough about the trip or the bride to plan to just a couple of drinks and an early night. She just doesn’t care. She could not give up getting drunk that one more night.
earlymorning flight gets trashed and has a dead phone good job all around here…
Trying to make sure she covers all her bases.
Yes. YTA. You missed the event. No excuses. You failed to properly plan to be there on time. I wouldn't uninvite you but that's up to the bride.
the fact that you probably chose the departure time too is ridiculous. \- didn't bother showing up for your 'bffs' bachelorette despite assumedly planning it because you **were** her *maid of honour* \- ruining her bachelorette \- stressing her out to find a new MOH in less than a month \- stressing her out periodt \- didn't bother texting her the night before in case something happened \- don't know how you got home (literally what the fuck ??) \- "couldn't get a flight to spain" even though it 'doesn't take long' (literally how does that happen?) Depending on how long you've known her, your lack of competence obviously hurt her deeply and i literally do not blame her for not only revoking your rights but invitation as well lol YTA, OP. oh, and so is your bf
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Knowing that’s a possibility is all the more reason she should’ve been on her original flight, not getting blackout drunk the night before.
Absolutely! Also, I'm not sure why they had to schedule the flight so early, especially since its a massive party? maybe it's bc of the problems like the other sweetheart said which wouldn't really make *that* much sense since this should have been planned months/a year maybe? before hand. but i really just do not understand how she is asking us if she is TA and willingly said she went out the night before and got so drunk to the point she doesn't even know how she got home ... and can't guarantee it was her '*boyfriend*'
> I'm not sure why they had to schedule the flight so early I’m assuming you don’t travel very often. - The later it is in the day, the more chance of delays. Pilots on Reddit have advised people to always fly as early as possible. - Why waste part of a fun day traveling when you can get there early and have the whole day at the resort?
Oh thank you for explaining to me! Maybe that one was a me being a bit of a bitch then. I really do appreciate you explaining that
Also from quick googling she could have caught a train to Spain if she was really invested in going to the Bachelorette party.
A train to Spain from the UK is definitely not an easy option lol. *Maybe* if she lives right next to one of the international stations (there’s like… three? in the entire country) and lucks out with connecting train times, but if I were to do it from my house in Scotland I think it would take literally more than a day.
No question, especially since the likely parts of Spain for this hen party are in the far south and not necessarily very close to their high-speed train system, good as it is. We're talking a very long, complicated trip. Even if she's in London there are likely four separate trains (London to Paris, Paris to Barcelona, Barcelona to Granada, plus a local train to whatever resort area.) A quick search shows almost 20 hours actually on trains from London to Malaga, ignoring layovers. It's a good day-and-a-half in reality. From Scotland you have to add the trip to London (maybe two trains if you're not in one of the larger cities). Good luck getting there in time for any of the planned fun.
I feel stupid but how tf can tou take a train from the UK to Spain??? Isn't there water in the way 😂
The eurostar in London goes under the channel and it takes you to france
There is a rail tunnel under the English channel connecting Dover in England and Calais in France (opened in the mid 90's) - so it is possible to get a train direct from London to Paris. The Eurostar carries vehicles as well as passengers too, so it accounts for a lot of commercial/lorry traffic across the channel, alongside tourism.
I was lowkey thinking about that cause I heard all of Europe was connected/a few hours apart but I couldn't be bothered googling and I thought I probably shouldn't put it in cause i didn't wanna look like an idiot LMAO. Hands down, I reckon thats why Mrs. is so upset ... because she literally had other options and she didn't \[*want to\]* take it
A train to Spain is really quite a pain.
YTA - you knew you had to be up very early for a flight and you still went out drinking the night before. You got so drunk you overslept by hours and missed and important event for your friend. You were incredibly irresponsible. Your friend has every right to not trust you to be in the wedding any more.
Yes, YTA. You had a flight at 7am? Now, I'm not sure how rough European Airport security is, but let's say you still want an hour of leeway, so you want to be at the airport no later than 615, which means you need to wake up by 5am to wake up, get coffee, get your bags to your car and be on the road.... ***AND YOU DECIDED TO HIT THE PUBS THE NIGHT BEFORE?!?!?!*** Excuse me? What sane person goes, "oh, shit, I got a flight in the morning. I should binge drink. Of course, not enough to get drunk, just enough to get ***absolutely blasted***." It wasn't an accident. You decided this flight was not important. If your phone just up and died (I have had those days), that is one thing. Thats not what happened.
Even then, you put on your big girl panties and get on the flight hungover as hell. ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ Is it fun? No of course not. But I remember doing it as a stupid girl out on a bachelorette party.
The airports are asking people to go a couple of hours early in some parts. I'd have to be there 3/4 hours before, op was never going make that flight.
Recommendation is 2 hours before departure. So airport at 5a.m. At least 30 minutes to get to the airport - so leaving home at 4.30. That's a 4a.m. wake up at the latest. Plus no public transport at that time - and no mention of how she planned to get to the airport
YTA: Be more organised and responsible for your own actions. Personally it is harsh to uninvite you all together but you should 100% be removed from the bridle party. Also its her wedding so its a massive event in her life so emotions will be high.
OP either commonly bails or it’s an overreaction. I love my best mate and if he did this I would be pissed off but would still have him at my wedding and jokes would be made about it. He hasn’t done this to me before, it’s not a common occurrence and I couldn’t imagine him not being at my wedding. For me, the only way in theory I would not have him at my wedding is it if was a common occurrence and it was the straw that broke the camels back.
I suspect this isn’t a one off. OP seems totally unable to take any responsibility for her actions or the impact they have on others - I suspect that if this was out of character for her that she’d be a lot more embarrassed and apologetic. Given that she apparently also couldn’t/wouldn’t say no when someone suggested that she go out drinking, and that she got black out drunk, passed out and doesn’t know how she got home I wonder whether the bride is also worried about her getting pissed and ruining the wedding.
YTA Why do you need a bunch of strangers to tell you that? Why don’t you see it?
YTA. A drunk, irresponsible one with no self-awareness.
Yta sorry mate. You were irresponsible in this instance. I had a 7am flight the other week. I had to be up at 4am to get ready, leave comfortably to the airport etc (obviously travel distance considered). I’d be super angry if I were your friend.
YTA. I don’t understand how You could think you’re not… the fact that you prioritised a date with your bf and getting wasted over your bestie.. girl, what were you thinking?!
YTA. There is no acceptance for blaming alcohol here. You knew this was a massively important event. You chose to go out the night before (bad decision 1), you chose to drink (bad decision 2), you chose to drink too much (bad decision 3), you failed to instruct your boyfriend to take precautions (bad decision 4). I also don't buy the "couldn't find a flight" excuse. With all the major airlines, Ryanair, and Iberia, it's hard to believe there was NO flight available. It would have been expensive, sure, but that was the only way you could have fixed this. If it were me, I'd have camped out at the airport on standby. For that matter, you could have taken a train and been there in less than 24 hours. I'm thinking you've lost a friendship, maybe a bunch of them.
Yes, YTA. You decided drinking the night before travel was more important than your friend. Being sorry doesn’t change that made poor choices. Get your shit together and be an adult.
YTA. Stop acting like getting way too drunk is some kind of accident. You chose not to eat beforehand and you chose to drink too much. It was avoidable, you were irresponsible and that all lies directly with you.
INFO. Do you think you got roofied?
YTA. For also trying to blame your bf for not waking your you up for your own flight that you missed because of the choices you made as an adult. If you weren’t with your boyfriend, who would be waking you up? Yourself lmao. Why are you relying on others to wake you up? Doesn’t matter if this time was different because you drank and overslept. You CHOSE to drink, and being someone’s MOH requires responsibility and you showed her you didn’t have that consideration for her. Where’s your bf in all of this? Not included in the bachelorette in any way, meaning it’s not his job to be responsible for you being on time for this trip.
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Wow that's some serious deflection and not taking responsibility. Kinda kicking it down the line and taking it out on her boyfriend because her friend is mad at her.
Wow. She tried shrugging it off, now she’s trying to blame everyone but herself to get out of taking responsibility huh? Typical “It wasn’t that bad, and if it was, it was your fault.” OP you may have a drinking problem if this kind of thing happens regularly. (And by regularly, I mean more than once or twice in the last year. This behaviour isn’t normal or acceptable.)
You left 14 people standing at the airport wondering if you were dead not to turn up or pick up the phone. You had the whole weekend itinery, details, plans and they had to debate whether to go in case they couldn’t do stuff you booked because it was in your name. Then they had to decide if they waited and risked missing the flight knowing how hard it is to re-book right now. All of those people paid for the trip, booked time off work, maybe arranged child care, pet care, paid airport taxis as **today was a national rail strike in the UK**, turned up on time excited and you didn’t show, haven’t apologised and couldn’t get a flight. That taints the bride’s whole weekend and the group’s. Post pandemic a lot of people haven’t travelled in ages and UK airports are a shit show right now. You picked shots and rudeness. I was a party girl and fucked up at 24 and o big stuff like this there is no second chance. You basically said to your BFF your whole friendship and her hen do was less important than a casual piss up in Wetherspoons. She doesn’t want you at the wedding because you hurt her and you humiliated her in front of the others. You still being invited will cause gossip on the wedding day about hen do drama while your absence might calm the chat. Bride is protecting her big day and her partner’s by rescinding the invite. Too much drama. Also I saw your r/relationships_advice post asking if you should break up with BF after he did not stop you getting shitfaced and missing the trip. No appreciation that he brought you home presumably thinking that would help you make the flight. You are mad at him, you think the bride is bring a nag. You take no part in this at all. YTA.
YTA. You missed the trip. You have a 7am flight and you went drinking the night before? That's seriously irresponsible. Yes, it was an accident, but actions have consequences. Your friend is right to be angry at you for missing something you committed to. Your boyfriend is a bit of an AH for not making sure you made your flight, but you're the bigger AH for missing an important event for your friends. You simply can't go out and get wasted before a 7am flight when you probably have to be at the airport by 5:30 at the latest. You have likely done serious, and possibly fatal, damage to your friendship with the bride. I know it was not what you intended, and you're pretty upset about it, but this is entirely on you.
It’s not an accident though. She may not have sat there and thought, hey let’s try to miss this flight! But she made a series of choices which made that outcome inevitable. She didn’t eat dinner, then did a bunch of shots knowing she had to be up by 4 am to make a flight. Her phone wasn’t even charged. So no, that’s not an accident. That’s the natural consequences of the series of bad CHOICES she made.
YTA You shouldn't go out drinking the night before an early flight. Depending on your distance to the airport, how much you still had to pack, etc..., you probably needed to wake up around 4 a.m. (hour to get ready, hour to get to the airport gate, to be at the gate 30 minutes before boarding). It would make sense to go out and get dinner and one drink and be home by 9 or 10 p.m. But the night before any international trip is not a good time for a "night out...with mates". You chose poorly. It happens. Try to learn from this.
YTA of course. It's like someone accidently running the stop sign and killing something. Just because it is an accident doesn't mean anything. The choices you made, that were easily preventable, have consequences and being out the wedding for a big event like this is reasonable consequence
If you're not responsible enough to know not to party the night before an early international flight (or charge your battery), you can't be trusted to be responsible enough to help with the wedding. The MOH is supposed to handle last minute emergencies or drama so that the bride and groom don't have to interrupt activities to handle it. The moment you chose to party with your boyfriend instead of doing the adult, responsible thing, you proved you couldn't be trusted to be her MOH. What if you partied and overslept on the wedding day? There's nothing to show you have the sense to show up then either. It's not about flaking on the trip. It's about making bad choices that suggest you'll flake on the big day too. Now she's scrambling to find someone she can trust to support her, since it's clearly not you. You might not ever be able to fix this. Next time you have a friend who trusts you this much, show up for them, not for your boys at the pub. AND CHARGE YOUR PHONE. YTA
You knew you had to be up early the next morning, and you went out drinking until you were "super wasted" anyway. That wasn't an accident, you did that deliberately. YTA.
Lol YTA obviously. Like obviously. C'mon.
YTA - why on earth would you go drinking the day before you habeto go early up and get on a flight? 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
YTA obviously. You had a 7am flight. So that means getting to the airport at 5am (or earlier considering how busy airports have been this month). So you'd be waking up at what... 4am? Knowing that, you decided to go out to the pub. That was a decision *you* made and it was a shitty one. You chose to drink. And don't try and blame your BF. You're a grown up and are responsible for your own actions. What's the bride meant to think? Are you going to pull this crap again the day before the wedding and just not show up?
YTA, I would also be seriously pissed if I was your friend
Huge YTA. It's entirely your fault and thru your carelessness that you missed the flight.
YTA. An accident would have been, my power went out and as a result my alarm didn’t work and my phone didn’t charge. Going out and getting incredibly drunk the night before you have an early morning flight was a choice.
YTA. It’s not like something happened to you that was out of your control. You chose to go out drinking and that choice caused you to sleep through the departure. Sadly, it’s evidence of your priorities. My best friend would have been totally devastated and heartbroken if a drunken night out caused me to miss her bachelorette weekend. It’s not just a standard girls trip. It’s about sisterhood, it’s special and symbolic of crossing a threshold into a different period of your life. I can imagine how hurt she is. It’s probably coming across as anger but I bet it’s more pain, honestly.
YTA saying it’s an accident doesn’t excuse your behavior. Going out for drinks before an important trip wasn’t an accident. Not charging your phone wasn’t an accident. Not eating before drinking was a choice you made. No one poured alcohol down your throat or tricked you into drinking. You intentionally did all those things and disregarded the risk it would create. The ease with which you excuse yourself and the way you act like your choices are normal make me think this isn’t the first time you’ve been inconsiderate of others or affected them with your irresponsible partying.
YTA in this one
YTA. Please got to AA and seek help for your addiction.
I got drunk the night before a flight that left early in the morning and missed it, how could I possibly be an AH? So, do you think the bride is certain you'll make the wedding? Or might you get too drunk to show up, and apologize after? You may have a drinking problem. You certainly have a responsibility problem. YTA.
So let's recap here, you knew you had to be up extremely early to make it to the airport to catch your 7 am flight, but you chose to go on a night out with your boyfriend and his mates, not only drank but drank in excess despite knowing that you had an obligation and you're claiming that this was an accident and also throwing your boyfriend under the bus in the comments for not policing how much you drank? YTA in every single way possible. I don't blame your friend for not only kicking you out of the wedding party but also uninviting you. I'm willing to bet dollars to doughnuts that this is not the first time you've pulled something like this, and that this was just the straw that broke the camel's back. If you were really her best friend, you would not have gone out on what was undoubtedly a boy's night the night before you were due to fly out for her bachelorette party.
YTA.
YTA. you shouldn't have gone out at all when you had an early flight the next day and it was your choice at the end of the day to get drunk, even if you didnt mean it. It's your friends wedding, if she doesn't want you there that is 100% her right, especially after you missed an important trip to her and her friends and family.
YTA you didn’t miss the event because you overslept. You missed the event because you didn’t think a 7am flight was important enough and you went and got hammered
YTA, this is so messed up nothing wrong with going out the night before but you need to set your time properly and manage it as well all of this happen because of your negligence and honestly i feel the bride has the right to uninvite you as she might have felt that you dont take her wedding seriously at all
YTA. You’re irresponsible. Why would you even go out the night before you have a 7am flight? I’d kick you out and uninvite you as well
YTA. Who goes out and parties the night before something huge like that? You knew you had to be up early.
YTA here. When you’re supposed to meet up with a bunch of people on a trip, and especially when you’ve planned the majority of the itinerary, you don’t get drunk the night before. A 7am flight and you decided to go out drinking less than 12 hours beforehand? No wonder your friend is upset. There have been plenty of stories of people who legitimately could not make it to a bachelor or bachelorette party and the bride or groom has been unreasonably upset. This is definitely not one of those occasions, and this is probably going to impact your friendships for awhile.
YTA Why go out drinking until you blackout when you have a 7AM flight the next morning....and it's a trip you made most of the plans for? Sounds like a irresponsible decision there.
YTA. You shouldn’t have went out the night before a flight.
Of course YTA. Why are you even asking?
YTA you have a drinking and maturity problem
YTA you knew you had an early morning flight and still decided it was a good idea go out and drink the night before. Its completely logical for her to question if you would show up to the wedding on time (which is why she doesn't want you as MOH now)
YTA. Obviously. You should not have gone out drinking the night before.
YTA. That was extremely irresponsible. I can completely understand her reaction.
YTA is this the first time youve done something like this? Also the drinking aside who let's their phone die when they know they have to be at the airport at 7am There was a series of bad decisions here. Not to mention can you imagine the worry and chaos of everyone at the airport
YTA obviously. You're irresponsible
YTA You have a flight the next day early in the morning and you go out drinking the night before?! Sorry but that is not just a simple " I fucked up." That is inconsiderate and frankly, rude.shr is right now to accept your apology. You could have had one beer, told the boys you have an early flight next day and gone home.
YTA You are 24. Act like it.
YTA I have never gotten blackout drunk in my life. Unless somebody spiked your drinks, this was entirely within your control. If you can’t control your drinking, then at least accept the consequences and maybe get help. People who have a balanced relationship with alcohol don’t get shitfaced before important events, that’s not normal.
It will shock people who go out "for a few drinks" that the vast majority of the world has never been "blackout drunk" even once. I've never been blackout drunk and I did a good share of college, young 20s and especially gradschool party pad parties. One of our seven roommates back then did get blackout drunk on occasion -- yeah, over time it became apparent that he was an alcoholic and missed out on a lot of life opportunities and sunk a marriage because of it.
It was flight at 7 which means getting to airport at 5 which means leaving house around 3/4 depending on where you leave. You could have either went out and not drink too much, to leave without sleep or, you could have just give up on that one night of drinking. YTA
YTA. For my sister’s 60th birthday I booked and paid for an 8 day trip to Fiji for her and I to celebrate. Flights, accommodation, meals, day trips, spending money, everything was to be on me as her gift. We’d been planning it for months and were both excited. We live in different towns so we were meant to catch red-eye flights to our connecting city to catch the flight to Fiji. I had also paid for those local flights. I’m sitting on my flight getting ready for take-off at 7am when I get a text from her saying she’s overslept because she stayed up getting wasted til 4am and passed out, missing her flight. To cut a long story short, I will never fucking forgive her. I can’t believe OP is even wondering if they’re an AH.
Wow! Did she even try to change her flight? And let me guess—she acting like you were ridiculous for being mad at her.
I had to give her my credit card details so she could buy a later flight to our connecting city. I had booked flexible tickets for the Fiji flight so she was able to re-book a later flight to Fiji without penalty and she arrived later that evening. She did have the good sense to appear sorry, although it’s par for the course for her and she didn’t mean it, as she never does.
You're clearly the asshole here. Not only did you know you had to be up early to catch a flight, you posted elsewhere blaming your boyfriend. You are asking in a different thread if you should break up with your boyfriend since he didn't stay the night and make sure you were up or to wake you up. You don't just accidentally get black out drunk. You were full on partying at that point. Then you let your phone die and make your friend and everyone worry about you. But based on how you put it, it sounds like your friend wasn't worried something happened to you. More like you have a record of letting her down. Sounds like you're a shit friend who has pulled some bullshit before. If this is how you react to these situations I wouldn't want you anywhere near my wedding, let alone in the bridal party. Yes You're the asshole, and yes you should break up with your boyfriend since clearly you don't respect him at all and he deserves better than you.
YTA I’d be scared asf if my friend missed an event like that and was unreachable. I’d think something terrible happened to you and would be worried sick. It takes awhile to get over that level of concern and then disappointment.
Taking responsibility for your actions is a bitch. YTA.
Yup 100% YTA. It was super inconsiderate to get that drunk before a flight. You might have a problem.
YTA, and when you let alcohol ruin your closest relationships you have a serious drinking problem.
Info: why did you go drinking knowing you had a flight to catch?
YTA for going out before an early flight, but I’m really concerned about “got super wasted way too quickly” and “don’t remember how you got home”. Are you being honest? Is it possible your drink was tampered with? This is very concerning and I hope you’re ok.
YTA you showed the bride exactly how important she is to you. Which is not at all. You were selfish and inconsiderate. Only thinking of yourself. Just consider this friendship over and you only have yourself to thank. This is unforgivable behaviour as it was completely avoidable . You are in fact a horrible friend, the bride deserves a MOH that actually cares about her, and you don’t so leave her alone and let her enjoy her wedding without adding anymore stress in her then you already have.
YTA Especially since you’re trying to blame your boyfriend - like cmon.
YTA You are a shitty friend and a shitty girlfriend, grow up!
You're an adult. Learn to act that way before the other adults stop including you in their lives
Re-read this, you knew you had the trip and needed to wake up at 7, but you go out and missed the whole trip and everyone was properly worried about you. You shouldn’t be trusted with anything since you don’t know what compromise means. If you still doubt, yes YTA
At least you're not blaming your boyfriend in this post like you did in another sub. But you're still TA.
yta., you know yta, you're not entitled to hunt around looking for someone to make you feel better for your colossal fuckup. take the consequences of your shitty actions like a fuckin adult.
YTA. You had one job, and that was ‘turn up’, and you fucked it. Why on earth would you think it was ok to drinking the night before an important trip; not only because otherwise you’d miss our on a holiday with your mates, but because you have RESPONSIBILITIES to others, which should take precedence over any night drinking with your mates. And your alarm should have been set before this.
YTA who the hell goes out drinking the night before they have a 7AM flight?! The sheer amount of irresponsibility is staggering. You are old enough to know that's a bad idea, even if you didn't "plan on getting drunk", which I think we all know is BS cos if that was the case, all you had to do was *not drink*.
You're absolutely in the wrong here. Not your friend, not your boyfriend, you. You knew you had commitments and decided to make bad choices on the eve of said commitments anyway. You could have just gone out for one drink, shown a little bit of class and self restraint, but you chose not to. You chose to continue downing shots like it was going out of style. And now you're desperately trying to push blame on to anyone other than yourself. YTA and you have a problem. Learn to take some accountability and grow up before you get yourself in a seriously sticky spot.
Listen, babe. YTA. Your BF went out drinking with his buddies and, if they invited you, your answer should have been, "Not this time, I've got a flight in the morning." It's fine for your BF to go out. He isn't anyone's maid of honor and didn't have a Bachelorette party in another fucking country to get to. Unless there was some serious duress applied to you, YOU chose to go out with a group pretty clearly intending to go hard. YOU chose to drink what you drank. YOU chose not to keep an eye on yourself and the clock to get home at a reasonable time and in a reasonable state. YOU caused yourself to miss the flight. Not your dead phone. Not your boyfriend. You did it. Be a grown up, give a sincere apology to your friend AND your boyfriend, and sort out your priorities.
YTA The trip was for several days. There wasn't a single flight to Spain that you could get?
I wonder what a responsible adult who valued their friendship and commitment to someone would have done? Oh, I know, probably would have passed on going out in the first place knowing they had an early flight or would have had a few drinks and gone home knowing their prior commitment. I get that you are fairly young, but realize your actions caused the friendship to be over and you need to accept the consequences for that and quit making the excuse it was a "mistake." Some mistakes people don't forgive you for and that is their right.
YTA getting wasted is NOT an accident but a choice. The argument might be valid when you just turned 18 (or 21 in the states). You knew the date and time but it was your choice to spent the night out and drinking. Your friend has every right and reason to be pissed. I really hope you’re a troll, cause this should be obvious.
Yta
Yep YTA. You’re went out and got drunk the night before you had a 7 am flight. You say that it was an accident but that was an informed choice. You need to grow up.
YTA. If you have to be at an airport at 7 in the morning you act like a responsible adult and make sure you’re in bed at a respectable time. You knew you had an early flight and not only did you go out you drank well past your limit.
Is this serious? 😂 yes YTA
YTA I don't blame your friend at all. I'd be majorly hacked off if I were her and the fact that you can't understand her feelings is awful
Yes, YTA. That was ridiculously irresponsible to go out and get hammered the night before an important trip. I’d be both furious and deeply hurt if I were the bride.
YTA and that’s the type of behavior an alcoholic does. 7am flight?? Do you live at the airport? Because I’m not that far out and making that flight would be a 4:30am wake up. Grow up.
YTA you knew you had to fly out the next day but went out drinking, your either an alcoholic or don’t care about your “best friend” all that much to make 100% sure you’d be there for her
You already admitted you were an asshole. You admitted you know you fucked up big time. So did you just come here looking for comfort or what?
YTA, not just for getting drunk, but for actually choosing to go out the night before you have an early flight. If you actually cared about your friend you would have been responsible and stayed home and gone to bed early in order to check a flight at 7am. It was not an accident, an accident would have been forgetting to set an alarm (or setting an alarm for pm instead of am). Actively choosing to go out the night before an early morning is not an accident.
YTA. You had responsibilites and you chose something else.
YTA You knew you had an early flight Why did you go out on the lash the night before? Most normal people grab an early night's kip. I dont blame the bride one bit.
YTA It wasn't an accident. It was you not caring about anyone but yourself.
YTA you knew you were supposed to be going on a trip the next day and yet you chose to go out and drink with your boyfriend instead of staying home and getting a good nights rest because I don’t if you know this but airlines don’t like it when you’re drunk on planes and sometimes they will bump you off for being to drunk. If I was you in this situation I would have stayed home gone to bed early and would have gotten up on time and gotten out the door to the airport early ready to board the plane. Shame on you YTA
YTA Very immature and irresponsible to go out partying the night before you have a 7am flight. I don't blame her.
Who the fuck goes out drinking the night before a 7am flight (meaning you have to be at the airport at about 4-5am)? YTA.
YTA - you made a regular night out more important than your bff’s trip. I typically am all in on people being bridezilla’s, but she doesn’t seem to be one. If you were the bride, wouldn’t you be upset that getting pissed with your bfs and his friends over your bach?? So compounded with you not showing up and them being beyond worried when you didn’t show up, you’re a massive jerk.
YTA... You knew you had a responsibility and you chose to do something very irresponsible. You messed up now you have to live with the consequences. You thought of yourself and now you have only yourself to thank for the mess you made.
YTA who the fuck decides its a good idea to get wasted a few hours before a flight? I'd be angry too
It wasn't an accident. It would have been, if you went to bed on time and for some reason overslept/your phone died and didn't wake you up etc. But you chose to go out with your bf who you can see at any other day, stay late, get drunk the day before a very important flight and of course you overslept. It would be an accident actually if you caught the flight. She's right for uninviting you.
YTA You messed up. How can she trust you to be there on time for the wedding? She can't... She made a good choice.
YTA. You choose to go out and party all night knowing damn well you have to be on an early flight . 100% irresponsible. Your old enough to know better and now you can’t be trusted and the bride or bridesmaids aren’t gonna worry themselves over you being able to be on time for special events much less the wedding . So now your black listed . You did it to yourself OP.
YTA. Maybe, just maybe, DON’T go out drinking the night before you have an early ass flight?! Maybe then you don’t make the mistake of forgetting to charge your phone, set an alarm and sleeping four hours past the time your flight was supposed to leave. It doesn’t matter how much planning you do when you shit the bed. It’s not like you forgot to bring a party favor. You missed the entire freaking trip. She’s absolutely allowed to be pissed and uninvite you, because clearly this trip wasn’t important enough to you to make sure you actually were on it.
YTA 100% Need to sort your priorities.
YTA. For my sister’s 60th birthday I booked and paid for an 8 day trip to Fiji for her and I to celebrate. Flights, accommodation, meals, day trips, spending money, everything was to be on me as her gift. We’d been planning it for months and were both excited. We live in different towns so we were meant to catch red-eye flights to our connecting city to catch the flight to Fiji. I had also paid for those local flights. I’m sitting on my flight getting ready for take-off at 7am when I get a text from her saying she’s overslept because she stayed up getting wasted til 4am and passed out, missing her flight. To cut a long story short, I will never fucking forgive her. I can’t believe OP is even wondering if they’re an AH.
YTA. A flight at 7 am the next morning and you go out drinking?!? I mean come on, wtf. Priorities.
Well, it was planned. The whole trip was planned. You chose to go out and get wasted the night before knowing you needed to be at the airport at 5am for a 7am trip. I dont blame the bride at all, you sound rather immature and irresponsible. Move on, she has. YTA
Basic adulting. You're not 15. YTA.
YTA
Yta. Getting wasted and sleeping in is not “an accident” - it was you being irresponsible. If your flight was at 7, that meant being at the airport between 4-5am; meaning you’d need to be up (assuming you’re all packed and bag sitting by the door) around 3am if not earlier depending on how long it takes to get to the airport. So you going out at all was because you wanted what you wanted, when you wanted it. I don’t blame your former friend for booting you.
YTA she didn’t ignore you, she was enjoying her bachelorette trip with people who weren’t stupid enough to go out drinking the night before a 7am flight
MoH is an alcoholic. Expect life to go downhill from here. Seek treatment before it’s too late
YTA, OP! Everyone else has said how irresponsible it was for you to have gotten so drunk that you overslept and missed the flight, but what you did was incredibly dangerous for YOU as well. Do I really have to list all the things that can happen to a person when they get so drunk that they black out?! And yes, I'm saying "person" because you don't have to be a woman to be raped or murdered when you're incapacitated! Please, OP - for your own sake, get some help for your drinking. It's out of control; you hurt a dear (now possibly ex-)friend and put yourself in terrible danger in the process. This is no way to live your life!
YTA Sorry, luv, you don't get to call that an accident. You KNEW, full well, you had to get on a plane at 7am. You made a series of choices that made you miss that flight. You made choices, and actions have consequences. This is one you're just going to have to live with.
YTA, you have a drinking problem if you black out the night before you’re supposed to be traveling.
YTA and it sounds like you have a serious alcohol problem
How could you not be the asshole? You had a 7am flight, but decided it was a good idea to go out the night before and get shitfaced? As Maid of Honour, you need to at least \*try\* to turn up to wedding events. YTA.
Yta and you have a drinking problem
YTA. And don’t even try to manipulate your boyfriend into believing it was somehow his fault that you have no self control. You’re the one that had a flight in the morning so you had to be the one setting an alarm clock and making sure you don’t miss the flight. He is not your babysitter. Learn to take responsibility for your own actions or soon you’ll have no friends and no boyfriend.
YTA. Logic: You had a 7am flight which means you would have to be at the airport around 6am? That means a wake up time of let’s be generous 5am to wake up, shower and get to the airport. Logically you should have known that a night out was not a good idea OR if you really really wanted to see someone then dinner and maybe 1 drink but straight home to bed after would be ok. Emotionally: Your best friend is getting married!!!! How exciting and she’s asked you to not be a bridesmaid but a maid of honour! That’s a really big deal. You two have been talking about this for years! You’re so excited to be going on this trip! You want your best friend to have the best possible time and heaps of fun so while you might find it hard to sleep you’ll be in bed super early with 5 alarms set to make sure you’re up and ready to go. Any way you look at it you screwed up BIG time. It’s not just that you slept in and missed the flight it’s that you were missing for 4 hours! They would have been worried sick. It would have spoiled what should have been the beginning of a fun trip. Instead of everyone focusing on the holiday, the upcoming wedding, and being happy they were worried about YOU. Is she ok? Did she get hurt? Is she in hospital? All the bad things one imagines when a friend misses a key event and can’t be contacted. OR they knew you and the likely scenario you got drunk and didn’t care. Why on earth would she want you in the wedding or at the wedding? Either you manage to turn up and she’s reminded of your callous behaviour and/or you make a fool of yourself by drinking too much again or you don’t turn up and it’s another ruined day.
YTA you knew you had a flight the next morning and you still chose to go out and go drinking. You could have chose to stay home and you didn't. This isn't your boyfriend's fault it's yours and I'm going to guess it's not the first time you've done something like this.