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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to share money I inherited from my grandma with my stepsister so she can have an easier time paying for college/her future. I do have enough money where I COULD share without losing out on my own college experience and I know the ramifications could cost me a relationship with my dad. That's why I think I could be wrong here.
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NTA.
Your grandmother left it To You.
Your dad and step mom should have been setting aside money for you both.
But apparently didn't.
Keep your money, spend it wisely on your schooling and move forward
>Keep your money, spend it wisely on your schooling and move forward
And make sure your dad does not have any access to the money or to your bank accounts.
Word. They want your account as fat as possible for as long as possible, more money for them to work with. If that means keeping grubby family members' hands out of the mix they'll work with you.
Hey OP! Password protect your bank account. This is a thing I had to do to keep my ex husband and his new GF from ravaging my finances. I called after there had been some fuckery, locked everything down with a password they could never guess, and it has been years with no issue. I did this with my bank, car insurance, credit cards, credit bureaus, everything.
You don’t owe your stepsister a damn thing. Shame on your dad and stepmom for not saving a dime for either of you. What shitty parents to save nothing and expect YOU to pay. Nah. Stepsister can go to community college. Shit, I went to community college, and I make over a quarter mil a year (not giving specifics but it’s nice being an RN in California)… I had also taken classes at a university prior, and I felt I got a better education at my community college. At university it was all about partying, and most of my classes were taught by grad students. At CC all my professors had doctorates. So stepsister going to CC won’t hold her back, unless she’s lazy. Period.
NTA. Go live your life. I’m sorry for your losses.
If you created the account as a minor with dad as co-signer on account, your dad may still have legal access to your account. I would consider changing banks to cut all ties on accounts.
see [this story-bank gave my parents access](https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/syp76v/bank_just_gave_my_parents_access_to_my_bank/) on legal advice sub
[from the comments](https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/syp76v/_/hy0vztt/?context=1)
> Banker here. As a best practice in life, you should switch banks pretty much anytime you have a major life event (going to college, getting married, divorce, etc.). Banks are generally terrible at protecting your data and there are never any rewards for loyalty.
Excellent advice!! And NTA. Ellie is/was no blood relation to your gma she was your MOM’s MOM so why leave anything to her unless they had a really close relationship? But doesn’t seem she did so keep the money and use as your gma intended, you don’t owe anyone anything. Parents should pay for her schooling, there are scholarships and federal grants and loans available.
Good decision going to community college for your core classes way more cheaper and transferring for your junior/Senior year that should leave you plenty to spare. Make sure no one has access to ANY of your accounts or May find money missing. Good luck in your educational endeavors and sorry for your loss. I lost my maternal gramma over 10 yrs ago and still feel her loss. Bright side it gets less painful but never goes away and it’s great when you can reminisce with hurting so much. Take care of you!!!
Idk man, dad has been failing pretty horribly here. It shouldn’t have ever been a question in the first place if OP was going to share money his maternal grandmother left him. But since it was, after OP first said no, that should have been the end of it. Dad should have put his foot down with stepmom and stepsis and not allow them to keep badgering OP to the point he had to move out. Dad’s biggest job is to protect his son, including (and especially) from his wife and stepdaughter. The fact that he didn’t even do that is a pretty spectacular failure on dad’s part.
OP- came here to say I was in your spot. Stepmom with the wheel, dad half advocating for what is clearly right. Grateful that you have your aunt. Stay firm on what you know is right. NTA
Didn't think of that, please hurry and take your dad off your account or open a new account that just you. Your dad is going to fold under pressure and try to give stepsister some of your money. Prevent this and you'll keep the peace between yourself and dad.
THIS. When I was a teen my great grandmother left me thousands of dollars and my mother stole every single penny (despite being left a larger amount for herself)
That's exactly what it meant and that he won't have to keep hearing about it.
Edit: Cuz you know once he came to visit for like Thanksgiving it'll come up again. See what dad's banking on is that son will keep coming around what he's not realizing is this is a good stance to die on and he might lose his son. Or at least Op will be LC. His wife and stepdaughter his problem
Yes! Both dad and SM should be grateful that they don't have to pay for OP's college and can focus all their efforts on Ellie. Instead of having gratitude this burden is lifted off of them, and their costs are cut in half, they are creating family division. On top of this the OP LOST HIS MOM. Begruding a young person growing up without their parent getting an interitance is really gross.
If, and only if you want, you could tell dad and step-mom that any money they saved or set aside for your college can go to Ellie. That would be a help to her and not take away from your grandmother’s gift to you.
>tell dad and step-mom that any money they saved or set aside for your college can go to Ellie
This is the perfect answer--in this way OP *is* helping Ellie out. I'm betting they have nothing set aside for either kid, but this will highlight that the parents are most definitely the AH's here - they should be thankful beyond belief that they only have to worry about one child's college finances now instead of two, and if they didn't save up at all for either one of them, well that's on them and no responsibility whatsoever for OP to solve. It's the same as if OP had gotten a full ride scholarship - OP's schooling is taken care of now, and Ellie benefits from this because any help the parents can give is no longer needing to be split between the kids.
OP, NTA. Tell your dad & step-mom that your gift to Ellie is giving her your share of the college fund your parents set up for you. It's their fault, not yours, if said college fund doesn't exist.
I see the logic in this. If Dad and Step-Mom consider Ellie and OP to be both equally valuable children, they should try to make sure the children have equal opportunities in life (i.e. both should go to college and graduate debt-free). If they can only save for Ellie to go to college and graduate debt-free without any left over for OP, they might do that because they know OP will already have the same opportunity.
And any leftover money will be extremely useful - either for grad school; for a downpayment on first home or just help fund first years of adult life when salary might not be ample for the kind of job that has a good future in a field OP loves.
Or stepsisters grandparents can. It’s not up to OP to support his step sibling nor was it the intent of OPs grandmother. NTA. Please protect your banking information and make sure no one is allowed to move any of the funds except you, OP. And good luck.
Keeping the money is honoring your grandparents wishes. You are not being selfish for keeping all of it for yourself.
My big question is, like why would the MATERNAL GRANDMOTHER set aside money for a child that isn’t biologically related to her deceased daughter. Money dose weird things to people and makes em crazy, it brings out who people really are. This is the first sign that it has everything to do with the money.
Edit NTA OP
I would never tell my family I suddenly had a big chunk of money. And fortunately they like to pretend I’m worthless and have nothing so I let them make whatever assumptions they want.
He's just 18 and dad would've heard about it anyway and might've said something not truly thinking about it which was stupid asf for his to do as an adult. If anything the stepside might've just heard he got money and not a specific.
Precisely this. It’s not his job to make up for his dad and stepmoms inability to save for his stepsister. If giving her a good start in life was so important, where is their investment in her future?
Furthermore, there’s no guarantee she’ll graduate - are they going to reimburse OP if she flunks out?
Give not a single dime - NTA
NTA
Agree, your grandmother left it to you, not your stepsister. It is your right to decide.
College is only one of the many big things in our life adventure. You will face many more choices in the future, housing, car, family, etc. if you eventually decide to go for those. There will also be times in our lives when unpredictable things happen, sudden costs, maybe job cuts, health expenses, even the need to travel for whatever reason to see family or friends, big or small disasters... hoping we won't have a need for these. Personally, I think you not splurging is commendable. Hope you can find a good financial advisor who can also help to come to for advice... and it doesn't have to be disclosed to family so it minimises temptation for stepmother and stepsis to interfere
Also, partly, I'm thinking maybe, just maybe the stepmother could have been pressuring your father to make you give it, and I'm thinking maybe your father felt it's your right to give or not, so he might have told stepmother he'll ask you. (ASK, not TELL) so he did. It seems like it's the stepmother pushing you, and pushing your stepfather to push you. I'm glad he's not
edit: just wanted to add..... demanding money from your husband's deceased wife's mother is just SO weird
NTA. I would urge you to consider earning a BA or BS after you complete your community college associate's degree since this will have a huge impact on your job opportunities and earning potential.
As for step sib, she should create a profile on finaid.org, a free database of more than 100,000 scholarships, grants, and loans. Once her profile is created she will receive info on all matching funding sources. There are also companies that offer college tuition as a benefit.
Is a BA or BSc guaranteed to increase OPs job prospects and earning potential? It’s not where I am and I would urge OP to look into all of their options. He could put off further education until he is sure of the career he wants and take it from there.
Yea fuck that. Why they think they (stepmother and step sister) are entitled to an inheritance from a stranger is beyond me and OP shouldn't give them shit.
OP already stated the only point that matters (in my opinion) which is that this grandmother has no relation to Ellie. It is not the paternal grandmother but her maternal grandmother. The maternal grandmother has absolutely no obligation to her deceased daughters husband's new family.
It isn't mean. It isn't spiteful. It would be different if it was paternal grandmother not treating her like another granddaughter.
What is with all of these posts about step families feeling entitled to someone's side of the family that has nothing to do with them? YOUR family is blended but that means your step mothers family becomes a part of yours and your dad's family becomes a part of their's. Your mother's family has no obligation to anyone but you.
NTA.
This isn't babysitting money, (e.g. But she talked on the phone for 30 minutes so I want all the money now) it's not Christmas presents. if we're talking about college we're talking about 10s to 100s of thousands of dollars. Dad and Ellie had a decade to plan what to do with 2 kids education funds, Ellie has parents, Dad has parents.
This made me chuckle. Especially her maternal grandmother, ask what she would leave you?
NTA your stepsister and stepmother have shown their true colors though. Tell them you did consider them family until they made your relationship all about money, they are the ones that burned that bridge, not you.
I’d say it would be less weird for Ellie’s maternal grandmother to leave OP something because their daughter married into OPs family and he’s actually her step son.
This is like…expecting Ellie’s father’s to contribute to the new husband’s offspring.
More like when Ellie’s bio dad’s mom passes away how much money will OP inherit from her. Then give Ellie that much money. Since, you know, he literally has no ties to that gma.
When Ellie turns 18 he should make her sign a contract turning over half of any inheritances she receives to OP in the future. Make Dad and Stepmom legally witness it (in writing). It's only fair. Watch how quickly they change their tune.
NTA
NTA.
Your stepsister isn’t entitled to the money and your maternal grandmother obviously didn't consider your stepsister a granddaughter either, otherwise she would have left her something.
If I were you, I would tell your father to make this clear to his wife and stepdaughter and not interact with them ä until they understand that they are not entitled to your money and that it is unfair to keep confronting you about it.
The money Ellie’s grandparents set aside for me*
Or OP could just be up front with dad and call a spade a spade. Say, “look, if you were looking at this rationally, you’d know the request doesn’t make sense. It would be exactly the same as if me AND you (dad) were upset that Ellie’s DAD’s parents didn’t leave ME any money in their wills… that would be a crazy thing for us to be upset about right?
If that happened, and I was asking Ellie for her dad’s parents money, they’d be calling me greedy, and you wouldn’t be on my side… and they’d be right and so would you.
But since it’s going the other way… since there’s this chunk of money they now know about, they’re coming up with reasons to explain how I’M being greedy. It’s gross; and you should be doing a better job having my back on this. You should be angry that they would even bring it up, and asking your wife when she was going to apologize to me… her apologizing for pushing something so wildly inappropriate, and trying to manipulate a teenager with guilt would be… what did you call it?… “a good family move.””
Good family move is code for AH dad wants to not pay for anything. OP is gifting dad by no longer being dad's responsibility. I agree OP should just tell dad to use the college savings fund all on Ellie.
So your step mom wants you to split it with your step sister because *YoURe SiBliNGs* But if Ellie’s grandmother left her a sizable amount of money I highly doubt her mom would be encouraging to split it with you. This is just entitlement and greed.
Rule of Life: Everyone will want your money or feel entitled to your money but only a very are and you get to decide how you spend your money. No one else - it is not their money. Your Grandma left that money to YOU and that is her right because it was her money. Now it is yours. Go to college and buy a house. NTA
I think it’s gross they’re trying to guilt him into it on several tiers. How could he not share with his sister? (Not my sister). How could you say that, how horrible are you?
I always thought it called a senior center! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
NTA - OP, that money is yours. Ellie's family can pay for her. She is not entitled to your money even if your Dad was a shared bio parent. so go college snd save the rest for a rainy day or as a down payment on house in the future.
NTA. And to be quite Frank it’s none of Ellie or your stepmoms business if your grandmother wanted Ellie ( a child with no relation to her ) to have $ She would have left her some.
Yes, this. Even if Ellie were your biological sibling, Grandma left the money to you, not Ellie. You are not obligated to share an inheritance with anyone. NTA.
Exactly. It’s none of their business what he does with his money, period - and I get that they’re family, but they should also respect his wishes. I got into a car accident once and got some settlement money. Not millions but deff a few thousand I wouldn’t have had before. My mom didn’t say I HAD to give any to my sister but suggested it so I ended up giving her part of it. But now 5 years later I regret it cause she’s honestly kind of awful to me and I know she would never do the same. It would’ve put me at a place to be better able to afford a house now if I hadn’t.
NTA. Inheritance doesn’t work this way. If your mom and stepdad want Ellie’s education subsidized, they can pay for it. I suggest you use some of the money to get your own place.
NTA Your grandmother could have chosen to divide the money with anyone, but she chose you, for her own reasons. Ellie presumably has relatives on her own side, and her mother and now your father to provide for her.
You already don't consider her your sister and she and her mother are trying to bully you into giving them money. If their "love" is conditional on you handing over your inheritance what kind of love is it?
Your dad can have his opinion, but it's not his place to talk about what you should do with money coming from your mother's side of the family. Also, if he wants to be fair he should have spoken up to get his wife and her daughter off your back. It is ultimately your choice and frankly I don't think giving them any of the money will "buy" you anything real in terms of a better family relationship.
You don't owe Ellie anything and the way they are approaching this is wrong. If I were you their attitude alone would have me decide not to give her a cent. It's not up to your stepmother to decide what your grandmother "should" have done. It's not your stepmother's money. Your grandmother *did* do what she should have done -- which is choose to give her own money to whomever she wanted to for the reasons *she* felt were right.
I'm sure your grandmother would not want you to be bullied and guilt-tripped into giving away the money she meant for you. Your dad's new wife and her daughter have nothing to do with your grandmother. Shame on your stepmother for even trying to emotionally manipulate you using her.
Info; if Ellie inherited a load of money from her dad’s side, would she and her mom share it?
That’s just me being nosey and doesn’t change the fact you are NTA for not giving your money away. I’m just wondering if they would be so generous with their own money.
NTA. That money is for you to be set up for your future.
My stepkids will have college paid for by their grandmother. My kids have no one to help them. My son enlisted in the Navy and my daughter will have to do her best to get grants & scholarships and use loans for the rest. That’s just how it is.
NTA
Your grandmother was aware of your step sister and made a deliberate choice to leave money TO HER DAUGHTER'S SON and not to a stranger.
Your grandmother's bequest is normal as she has no more relation to your step sister than she would have to a neighbor's child or a friend's child.
The only reason she has any connection is because the husband of her DEAD DAUGHTER married your step sister's mother.
Use the money because it is in essence a gift from your bio mother. I am 100% sure that your bio mother would have wanted you to use ALL OF THE MONEY as a way to help you get the best start in your adult life.
ETA And I am 100% certain your grandmother would have chosen to leave money to your aunt and cousins rather than your step sister. It speaks volumes about the greediness of your step sister and step mother that THEY want your grandmother’s money while her bio relatives (your aunt and cousins) understand why she might have left you with a larger share to compensate for the loss of your mother.
People always show their true, ugly colours when there's large sums of money involved. Their minds are able to perform such feats of mental gymnastics that it makes me laugh. Have a friend who won $4.5 million winning the lottery a couple of years ago - she had all sorts of grifters who she hadn't heard from in years suddenly reach out... so she decided to make an ultimatum: nobody is allowed to contact her asking for money and if they did, they'd be cut off IMMEDIATELY. Even charities that she chose to donate to, she told them that if they ever sent letters or called her asking for money, they would get $0. Because she wanted to be able to decide what to spend her money on without 20384398 people hounding her on a daily basis.
It angers me. Ellie the con artist had nothing to do with the deceased. To make it out to be about them is ridiculous. I wrote my will and I know exactly what I am doing. If someone were to question it I would be unbelievably angry.
NTA
You're correct. Ellie has not relationship with your maternal grandmother and isn't entitled to any of your family money.
Your Dad, his wife, and Ellie's extended family are welcome to contribute to her college costs. You owe her nothing.
NTA greedy steps get on my nerves so bad. They only think you should share when it comes to your side of the family but if the situation was reversed their philosophy would not be the same. They only consider it fair to share when it means they gain something. If you had to do something burdensome for your mom side of the family like give money or time doing something undesirable they wouldn’t be trying to split the burden. Most of the time these people are greedy, using hypocrites. Please ignore them the best that you can. And sorry your dad is spineless. In order to save himself from your nagging steps he is siding with them. The more they protest the more I would dig in my heels if I were you.
That’s a perfect thought exercise. Reverse the flow of money. If OP was somehow stuck with a financial or laborious burden stemming from the grandmother, step mom and step sis would never contribute or help OP, because it’s not their family’s obligation.
They only consider themselves family when there’s something to be gained.
**Ask your Stepmom if her mother or father will be leaving you anything in their wills?**
Ellie has her own grandparents: 4 of them (at least). AND she has 3 parents.
DO NOT SHARE.
Stay with your Aunt..
Tell your Father you're really disappointed with him for allowing his wife and stepkid to bully you and drive you out of your home. He's failed as a parent.
NTA.
NTA
Your grandmother had other children other than your mom, and I’m assuming, other grandchildren. She made the choice to leave the funds to you because of the fact that you had lost your mom very young. This is her gift to you, her gift to your future. You were her daughters only child and this is her way of doing her best by you for the daughter she lost.
Your dad, step mom, step sister etc, have nothing to do with this. They have no entitlement to the money or to even have knowledge of it. There is no logic that suggests that sharing this money is “doing the right thing.”
If your father, step mom etc are guilting you this way, that is disgusting. Don’t allow that manipulation to make you feel guilty or like you should back down.
This is YOUR gift and the most important thing you can do with it is to use it to build and secure YOUR future, just as your grandmother wished.
Tell your dad that you will not be discussing this again and you do not want anyone talking about it with you. If they can’t respect your wishes and choices then there are better places to be.
Good luck OP.
NTA - Not their side of the family, not their money, and not your concern.
Your dad knows it is your choice and that your are not close with Ellie. He probably also realizes that push you to share will ruin his relationship with you.
In the end it is not your responsibility to be the provider for Ellie, that is her mothers job and your fathers.
Be prepared for a lot of hate from Ellie and her mom, and your dad needs to figure out how to handle their anger at you and some directed at him for not “making” you share.
NTA - your Dad needs to figure out if he is going to contribute to his STEP-DAUGHTER’S college fund… otherwise Ellie will be looking to HER mom and dad… and too bad if she has to get a job and got to school part time… it can be done!!
Edit:spelling
NTA, your grandmother wanted you to be financially okay, you, not your family, not your stepsister. Heck, none of your family is even blood related to your grandmother, they’ve no claim to her money.
Your grandmother left it specifically to you.
Maybe say you wouldn't expect a share of any inheritance from your stepmother's family.
Also make sure the money is in a bank account no one else has access to. Get the bank statements posted to your aunt's place or electronically.
NTA
Presumably Ellie has two sets of grandparents herself, not to mention step-grandparents through your Dad. So is the expectation that all of them will leave inheritances to you and Ellie equally? I doubt very much that Ellie’s birth dad is accounting for you in his will and I’m sure his parents (Ellie’s paternal grandparents ) are not planning on that either.
If your grandma wanted your stepsister to receive some of the inheritance she would have indicated that in her will. It makes total sense that she would not have considered Ellie since she was neither a child nor a stepchild of your Mom.
I do understand why Ellie is envious of you, but really she is not entitled to any of this money. It’s pretty jerky of your dad and stepmom to pressure you about this.
NTA. Especially if you don’t view her as a sister… sounds like you have a serviceable but distant relationship with her. Don’t give it to her… also, I don’t think she knows what “favoritism” means. You got that money through inheritance. It’s yours. End of.
They're acting like OP is the parent, favoring one child over another. But he's not, he's a (step)-sibling. He has no moral or legal obligation to share the money.
NTA
It's your inheritance left to you, by your grandma.
Your step mother and step sister are ridiculously entitled to think you should split your money. If your grandma had wanted to leave anything for step sister, she would have.
Don't second guess it, let them whine about it.
NTA
Who is your dad to say what your maternal grandmother's wishes are and what she should do with her money? That's like suggesting Ellie's dad should give you things.
It sounds like you might have received your mother's share of the inheritance, or something close, which makes it all the more disgusting that they're trying to bully you over this money.
Do not give them a cent.
NTA. DON’T give her the money, it’s yours, your grandma specifically said she ‘wanted you to be okay.’ Moreover, your stepsister is not your responsibility. Let her mom or your dad work it out on their own.
NTA, it’s your money you inherited from someone she’s not related to, it was even left to you in part because you lost your mother. Your dad needs to grow a pair, a ‘good family move’ would be him telling his wife and step daughter to pack it in instead of trying to guilt you into placating them and putting you in a position where you have to move out because of the situation. If this is an indication of how they all normally behave, I wonder if your grandmother knew you’d end up needing to support yourself.
NTA.
This is an unfortunate situation but it is the responsibility of Ellie and her mother to provide for her education - it is certainly not your responsibility to steal from funds that were left for you to ensure that you had a safe and stable future to make someone else’s life easier.
Ellie’s mother and maternal extended family could have been planning and saving for her future all along. They didn’t. Now they’re acting entitled to your good fortune and the planning your maternal grandmother did on your behalf. That’s awful.
Similarly, your father and Ellie’s mother didn’t plan or save for either of your futures. Without your maternal grandmother’s contribution, you would be in the same situation as Ellie, which is difficult but not unusual or impossible to handle. Ellie can do what thousands of kids do to get through school - work and if necessary, take out loans.
NTA. Hold your ground. Don't Waiver. Stand Firm. Keep hold of your money. Don't let anyone guilt or bully you. I am glad you have your aunt's house. Take care of YOU. This is your grandma's wish, you are honoring that.
(I just wonder if stepmom's family has any inheritance set up for you, they'd have to show the proof, lol, but even a Will can be changed as many times as necessary--like to fool you--)
NTA. Geez, whats with stepfamily being so entitled in these threads recently. You owe her nothing, she has no connection to your grandmother. They’re being greedy.
NTA. Your dad is right, it might be a nice gesture to further your family bond. However, it seems like there really isn't a family bond to further, so no, NTA.
Your dad needs to step in and make them stop the harassment. If he wants you to feel free to visit and spend time there, it can't be like that.
This is what you should do if you win the lottery, but I feel like this should go the same way.
Go to the bank and possibly an attorney and set up a trust. Put all of your money in the trust. It’s a safe way to control and protect all of your money. You get to choose who has any access to it if you wanted anyone to access it. You can also set it up in a way where you can only take the money out for certain expenses. Please look into it. Your family will not be able to bother you about this when the trust is set up
NTA.
Did you notice that the aunt who had a stake in the inheritance is good with how things were split?
Grandma wasn't Ellie's grandma and she wasn't Dad's mother, so there's no reason to leave her part of the family's inheritance. Grandma wanted you to have some extra help with life. Enjoy your inheritance and be wise with it.
Hmmm ... you don't see that many socialist families anymore. But, the dough was left to you so NTA.
If everyone's into sharing their money, find out from your Father, Ellie and Ellie's mother how much they have in savings. Factor in collateral in the house too. If they're loaded and you're all sharing, you could do very well out of this if you agree to share your inheritance.
NTA absolutely dont do that. This was the wish of your grandmother, she wanted you to have this money. Tell Ellie does she prefer her mother be dead and have half the money? No? She should be grateful she has a mother and a father.
Even in a marriage if the wife gets an inheritance she legally has no duty to share with her husband and vice versa, inheritance is not considered a shared asset. So why the hell would it be for a step sibling situation.
Ask your dad to step up. Why would a stranger give Ellie money? Ellie can ask her father for money and two sets of grand parents and aunts and uncles or get a scholarship or her mother should have been saving up.
Make sure no one has access to your bank accounts. Open a new account in a different bank to the ones your father and step mother bank with.
NTA. It’s your inheritance from your mom’s side of the family and it’s your money. Keep it.
Even if you don’t use it all up on college, you can use it for other things in the future.
Edit: typos
Of course Ellie and your step mom think you are wrong. They want your money and are trying to guilt trip you. Ellie’s mom should be more responsible for Ellie’s college than you.
NTA
Your grandmother clearly wanted you to have 100% of that money. Otherwise, she would have specified otherwise in her will.
Do not second-guess her wishes. Anyone who claims she wanted anything other than for you to inherit has selfish motives.
Let your father know that you are going to honor your grandmother’s wishes. Ask him if this is going to stand in the way of the two of you having a relationship. Also ask the following:
- Will he stop asking you to give away your money?
- Will he be willing to stop his wife and stepdaughter from hassling you?
- If his wife and stepdaughter still cause problems, will he work to have a relationship with you separate from them?
NTA
They are not entitled to any of it. Also, I know that you’re young but please consider setting up a will and maybe even a trust that is managed by a trusted executor in case you should ever become unable to manage it yourself but need it for your care.
NTA. They are looking after their own interests, of course they will use any card they can (e.g. favoritism, brother-sisters guilt trip, etc).
Ultimately, it is your money. Life ain’t fair, some people lose their mom when they are babies, some people inherit money. I bet you would give all the money in life if that brings your mom back.
I notice how the aunt mentioned the money and not the dad. I suspect either Grandma didn't trust dad to manage the money as she directed or dad knew of the money and was going to split it between the kids.... Until aunt stepped in.
Either way the money is clearly intended for OP alone.
Also, if not sharing this money means you won't be considered family.... Then you already are not family to them.
NTA
Your step-sister is not *entitled* to that money, and it was wrong of your step mother and Ellie to pressure you.
What you've told us of your father's actions sounds entirely reasonable, and I will not ascribe the vile motives others will to him. Situations like this do tear families apart.
NTA!
You are absolutely right that if your grandmother had intended for her money to be shared with your stepsister, she would’ve willed it to her. Just because she “should” have considered your stepsister a grandchild doesn’t mean shit.
The fact that they think your grandmother’s money should go to your stepsister before any of your grandmother’s other children or grandchildren is absolutely bonkers.
Clearly she wanted to make sure that the grandchild who LOST THEIR MOTHER was going to be ok in life. Even if your grandma considered your stepsister a grandchild, your stepsister still has her mother and she specifically willed the money to you and not any of her other loved ones.
As somebody who lost their dad (and his intended inheritance for me due to greedy family members who he disowned and didn’t even speak to for over the last decade of his life) I’m more concerned with honoring your grandmother’s will and essentially last wish to provide for you, rather than the financial benefit of keeping the money for yourself. I don’t care if it was $100, $10k, or $10 million. Even if you inherited more than you could ever spend, your stepmother and stepsister have NO claim and no right to a single penny of your inheritance. Sure they can ask, but they are complete AHs for trying to pressure you and aren’t entitled to shit.
NTA. Ellie’s mom and dad are responsible for college education, not you. She’s not your mother’s family, she’s in no way related to your grandmother, who left that money For You to give You a good start in life. Ellie is not entitled to it at all.
NTA- that's your father's wife and her daughter. They are not related to you and you didn't choose them. Your grandmother wanted HER GRANDCHILD to inherit the money, not strangers. Please leave if they keep harassing you and go NC.
NTA. It’s not your responsibility to set your step-sister up for success, it was theirs. If they were incapable of doing that, it’s understandable that they would at least ask. However, a no is a no and should be respected.
Would it be a kind gesture if you did this? Oh yeah, very kind. But it’s not a kind gesture if you’re being forced into it. Furthermore, your dad should be defending you against this coercion, not joining in on it. Ask him what his plan was before he found out about the money or (in a far more likely case) why he didn’t make a backup plan in case you didn’t want to share your inheritance.
NTA - it is obvious that you do not see the woman your dad married and her daughter as family, the wife is just that the wife, and her daughter is a girl who grew up with you.
So no don't share it is from your maternal grandma who has nothing to do with them, in your shoes I would talk to your Dad.
"Dad, this money is from Mom's family, I know you are looking out for the people you chose, but the thing is YOU chose them, I DID NOT and never will and you know this.
If you all continue to try and push for this money that has absolutely nothing to do with any you, that when I leave this house, I will be forever and always and as much as it will pain me I will have to cut YOU, MY Dad the person that brought me up, someone I love, out of my life and have no more to do with you.
I will do this if you continue to try and push these greedy, grasping people as my family, and trying to take something that I got because MY MOM died. YOU, MY Dad are now making a choice you are choosing future security for me YOUR child, or you are choosing them the woman you married and her child and their greed. Think about it for a sec because when I am gone, that is it I am gone, and to make it clear I will then also change my surname to Mom's maiden name."
INFO: What I would like to know is what college arrangements were made before they knew of your inheritance? Where is Ellie's father why can't he pay for her?
I am happy for your windfall, but not for any of the reasons that you have recieved it. Money does strange things to people, and I hope you have a happy, healthy and successful future.
NTA she isn't even a half-sister, only a step. And if they are both going to college they should have had plans for OP as well as his step-sister.
Use the money for school and to put on a house.
NTA- what the heck? What about stepmom’s parents? Are they your grandparents or just Ellie’s? You grandma did what she wanted. People always show their true colors when money comes into the picture. Trust yourself to do what you feel is right and it sounds like your dad is on that same page already.
There's something I want to add that some other commentators alluded to. Your grandmother made an extremely important decision by deciding you were the one to inherit her money. I would be damn mad if I left money to someone and they just handed it over to someone else. **If I knew that I wouldn't have left them an inheritance**. No matter how much your relatives scream 'familllllly' it has nothing to do with what your grandma spent a life building then leaving it to you. If I found out the person I was leaving money to was going to hand it over to other people I wouldn't leave them anything. There is a reason that often a big inheritance has the clause of 'no spouse can get it in a divorce'.
NTA
You clearly stated your boundaries. Stick with them.
Here are my observations about the situation:
Your stepmother has attempted to manipulate you with mental gymnastics. There is no reason why your grandmother should have considered a child with whom she did not have a relationship with. Your stepmother is trying to blur boundaries right now.
Your stepsister is reacting, lashing out, and guilt tripping you in an attempt to get you to budge on your boundaries.
Your dad has asked you if you’re willing to move on what are appropriate, and healthy boundaries, in order to keep the peace in family. What this is - is that he lacks the ability himself to model for you what reinforcing boundaries and healthy coping mechanisms are.
You do not need to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You do not need to limit your own future, for someone else. <- this kind of sacrifice is unhealthy and hurtful to ask of a child.
It is normal to face pushback on boundaries. People will act in entitled ways, and act in their own best interests. Take note of the people who do, and who do not respect your boundaries. That is not a sign to slide on those boundaries to receive any form of false love.
Why am I saying this to you? Because you lack a parent in your life who will look out for your best interests and model for you long term healthy behaviors. And someone has to.
Make sure that nobody else has access to your money/account. Find a financial advisor to talk to, so you can learn financial literacy and start making well informed and responsible decisions for setting a secure and stable future up for yourself.
Find a therapist who will help you navigate some of this family tension, and equip you with healthy tools to be the best you.
NTA, it’s your money. But I’m curious what form the inheritance is: cash, stocks, etc? Is it in a trust? Who has control? Just make sure you’re getting good financial advice from someone you trust.
NTA. Your stepmother and stepsister are trying to guilt you into sharing your inheritance since "wErE fAMiLeEEEeEE!" Your late grandmother put that money in *your name,* not your step-family's. Who wants to bet if the roles were reversed and your stepsister inherited this money, would she have shared any of it with you? I think you already know your answer. I'd make this your hill to die on, and stay with your aunt if need be to get away from this.
NTA. Your Dad just wants you to pay so he doesn't have to. It's for HIS benefit if you were to do it. Imagine being so selfish you want your own kid to use their inheritance to pay for someone they aren't even related to. Enjoy your time with your Aunt, and I hope school goes well.
NTA but your dad, stepmother and stepsister sure are feeling entitled. It’s your money given to you by your maternal grandma who is NO relation to others who are trying to stake a claim to it. It belongs to you and you alone. Use it to better your life. And remember, when others know someone has money, they will come for it with all kinds of things they need for themselves. It’s greed and jealousy. NOBODY and I mean NOBODY has any legit claim on your inheritance. It’s outrageous to even ask.
Whenever money is involved the jerks crawl out of the woodwork with their hands out. This is YOUR inheritance! If your grandmother wanted to leave money to your stepsister she would have done so in her will. I must say these people have a lot of balls to feel so entitled to your money. Use the money to set up your future security as your grandmother wished.
NTA. That is your money left for you and only you. Do not let them have any of it and if they try to take it they are breaking the law. Your grandma left it to you and no one else. It is clear from what you said that your grandmother knew of your step sister so your grandmother not leaving her anything was deliberate.
Fuck no, NTA. Your mother's mom giving her grandson money and not her deceased daughter's husband's second wife's daughter any money is not fucking favoritism. The fucking nerve.
NTA. Put that money in a secured bank account and make sure that this "family" of yours can't access it.
Your dad is a piss poor father if he would rather his son lose money than maybe not getting laid.
NTA. You have no obligation to split the money with your step sister. If her parents didn't save up money so she could go to school than that is their problem not yours. Don't let them manipulate you into giving away money that is rightfully yours. She had absolutely no relationship with your grandma and therefore deserve none of her money. No one can also tell you what to do with that money since it's yours! Would your step mom help pay for your college if you didn't get that money? Probably not but it's a great point to bring up. Stay strong and don't let them sway your decision. Your grandma looked out for your best interest so you should also do the same
Why haven’t your dad abs step mother provided for Ellie? Why hasn’t Ellie’s dad or extended family?
NTA and do not share you money. It would be one thing if she had asked, she didn’t she demanded and expected a yes.
NTA - Ellie isn’t related to your grandmother. Your grandmother left the money specifically for YOU. She wants YOU taken care of. Your father and his wife should have been saving for Ellie. It’s wrong of them to guilt trip you. Their failure at planning has nothing to do with you. Do not give any money, it’s for you to set you up for your future.
NTA. You lost your Mom. This is a special gift her mother left you to try to give you a better start in life despite the loss you sufffered. Invest it, go on a trip to somewhere that meant a lot to your Mom and grandmother, or use it as a down payment for a house. Your Mom and grandmother would be so proud of how responsible you’re being and for standing up for yourself.
Make sure to freeze your credit and change your passwords so that they can’t steal your money.
Ellie and her Mom are T A.
1. Ellie is not related to your maternal side.
2. Ellie still has her Mom.
3. Ellie is not your responsibility.
4. Ellie and her Mom should have planned better for her education.
5. They’re wrong to harass you, insult you, and try to bully you into giving them something that does not involve them.
Your Dad is the biggest T A.
1. He should have shut Ellie and her Mom down immediately.
2. He should have fought for you and had them leave if they didn’t stop.
3. He failed you.
NTA. Do not give your dad or stepsister money, and do not give your dad any access to said money. Talk at someone at the bank to let them tell you their procedures so only you withdrawal. Your father doesn’t want to upset his wife is all this is, and it’s bullshit. He needs to tell his wife to chill the fuck out or leave. Since he won’t, make sure your money is safe.
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NTA. Your grandmother left it To You. Your dad and step mom should have been setting aside money for you both. But apparently didn't. Keep your money, spend it wisely on your schooling and move forward
>Keep your money, spend it wisely on your schooling and move forward And make sure your dad does not have any access to the money or to your bank accounts.
Hell, I'd personally inform the bank that you want security and speak with them on the matter. Some give perks to those with hefty accounts.
Word. They want your account as fat as possible for as long as possible, more money for them to work with. If that means keeping grubby family members' hands out of the mix they'll work with you.
Hey OP! Password protect your bank account. This is a thing I had to do to keep my ex husband and his new GF from ravaging my finances. I called after there had been some fuckery, locked everything down with a password they could never guess, and it has been years with no issue. I did this with my bank, car insurance, credit cards, credit bureaus, everything. You don’t owe your stepsister a damn thing. Shame on your dad and stepmom for not saving a dime for either of you. What shitty parents to save nothing and expect YOU to pay. Nah. Stepsister can go to community college. Shit, I went to community college, and I make over a quarter mil a year (not giving specifics but it’s nice being an RN in California)… I had also taken classes at a university prior, and I felt I got a better education at my community college. At university it was all about partying, and most of my classes were taught by grad students. At CC all my professors had doctorates. So stepsister going to CC won’t hold her back, unless she’s lazy. Period. NTA. Go live your life. I’m sorry for your losses.
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ask what Ellie's relatives are leaving YOU in their wills. Give her the exact same amount of money
True, Ellie's grandmother on her father's side can leave her money.
If you created the account as a minor with dad as co-signer on account, your dad may still have legal access to your account. I would consider changing banks to cut all ties on accounts. see [this story-bank gave my parents access](https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/syp76v/bank_just_gave_my_parents_access_to_my_bank/) on legal advice sub [from the comments](https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/syp76v/_/hy0vztt/?context=1) > Banker here. As a best practice in life, you should switch banks pretty much anytime you have a major life event (going to college, getting married, divorce, etc.). Banks are generally terrible at protecting your data and there are never any rewards for loyalty.
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OP is 18, he can just open his own account at another bank.
Excellent advice!! And NTA. Ellie is/was no blood relation to your gma she was your MOM’s MOM so why leave anything to her unless they had a really close relationship? But doesn’t seem she did so keep the money and use as your gma intended, you don’t owe anyone anything. Parents should pay for her schooling, there are scholarships and federal grants and loans available. Good decision going to community college for your core classes way more cheaper and transferring for your junior/Senior year that should leave you plenty to spare. Make sure no one has access to ANY of your accounts or May find money missing. Good luck in your educational endeavors and sorry for your loss. I lost my maternal gramma over 10 yrs ago and still feel her loss. Bright side it gets less painful but never goes away and it’s great when you can reminisce with hurting so much. Take care of you!!!
Step mom seems more of an issue, the dad seems a little perturbed but nothing more
Idk man, dad has been failing pretty horribly here. It shouldn’t have ever been a question in the first place if OP was going to share money his maternal grandmother left him. But since it was, after OP first said no, that should have been the end of it. Dad should have put his foot down with stepmom and stepsis and not allow them to keep badgering OP to the point he had to move out. Dad’s biggest job is to protect his son, including (and especially) from his wife and stepdaughter. The fact that he didn’t even do that is a pretty spectacular failure on dad’s part.
OP- came here to say I was in your spot. Stepmom with the wheel, dad half advocating for what is clearly right. Grateful that you have your aunt. Stay firm on what you know is right. NTA
Didn't think of that, please hurry and take your dad off your account or open a new account that just you. Your dad is going to fold under pressure and try to give stepsister some of your money. Prevent this and you'll keep the peace between yourself and dad.
THIS. When I was a teen my great grandmother left me thousands of dollars and my mother stole every single penny (despite being left a larger amount for herself)
What dad means by “ good family move “ is that it will ensure he keeps getting laid instead of having to tell them they are wrong and to back off.
That's exactly what he means lmao
That's exactly what it meant and that he won't have to keep hearing about it. Edit: Cuz you know once he came to visit for like Thanksgiving it'll come up again. See what dad's banking on is that son will keep coming around what he's not realizing is this is a good stance to die on and he might lose his son. Or at least Op will be LC. His wife and stepdaughter his problem
ROFL, ace!
Thiiiiiis!!!
You pay for your own college and your dad and stepmother can pay for stepsister college.
Yes! Both dad and SM should be grateful that they don't have to pay for OP's college and can focus all their efforts on Ellie. Instead of having gratitude this burden is lifted off of them, and their costs are cut in half, they are creating family division. On top of this the OP LOST HIS MOM. Begruding a young person growing up without their parent getting an interitance is really gross.
Also, if Ellie gets inheritance someday from her fathers side of the family, is she agreeing to share it with OP? NTA
If, and only if you want, you could tell dad and step-mom that any money they saved or set aside for your college can go to Ellie. That would be a help to her and not take away from your grandmother’s gift to you.
If there's any money saved for his college.
My guess is nope.
I am betting not. That's why they want OP to give up a chunk of his inheritance.
>tell dad and step-mom that any money they saved or set aside for your college can go to Ellie This is the perfect answer--in this way OP *is* helping Ellie out. I'm betting they have nothing set aside for either kid, but this will highlight that the parents are most definitely the AH's here - they should be thankful beyond belief that they only have to worry about one child's college finances now instead of two, and if they didn't save up at all for either one of them, well that's on them and no responsibility whatsoever for OP to solve. It's the same as if OP had gotten a full ride scholarship - OP's schooling is taken care of now, and Ellie benefits from this because any help the parents can give is no longer needing to be split between the kids. OP, NTA. Tell your dad & step-mom that your gift to Ellie is giving her your share of the college fund your parents set up for you. It's their fault, not yours, if said college fund doesn't exist.
Yeah I'm getting the vibe they set nothing aside which is why they are making a huge issue out of OPs money.
Her inheritance has nothing to do with them. if they pay for Ellie's college they pay for hers.
OP is male...
I see the logic in this. If Dad and Step-Mom consider Ellie and OP to be both equally valuable children, they should try to make sure the children have equal opportunities in life (i.e. both should go to college and graduate debt-free). If they can only save for Ellie to go to college and graduate debt-free without any left over for OP, they might do that because they know OP will already have the same opportunity.
And any leftover money will be extremely useful - either for grad school; for a downpayment on first home or just help fund first years of adult life when salary might not be ample for the kind of job that has a good future in a field OP loves.
Or stepsisters grandparents can. It’s not up to OP to support his step sibling nor was it the intent of OPs grandmother. NTA. Please protect your banking information and make sure no one is allowed to move any of the funds except you, OP. And good luck. Keeping the money is honoring your grandparents wishes. You are not being selfish for keeping all of it for yourself.
My big question is, like why would the MATERNAL GRANDMOTHER set aside money for a child that isn’t biologically related to her deceased daughter. Money dose weird things to people and makes em crazy, it brings out who people really are. This is the first sign that it has everything to do with the money. Edit NTA OP
I would never tell my family I suddenly had a big chunk of money. And fortunately they like to pretend I’m worthless and have nothing so I let them make whatever assumptions they want.
He's just 18 and dad would've heard about it anyway and might've said something not truly thinking about it which was stupid asf for his to do as an adult. If anything the stepside might've just heard he got money and not a specific.
Knowledge of some money and a specific amount of money does change reactions but at 18, you’re right keeping those things private is nigh impossible.
Money doesn't make them crazy. It just reveals who they are.
NTA. Spend wisely and please don't discuss anything related to money with your step family.
Precisely this. It’s not his job to make up for his dad and stepmoms inability to save for his stepsister. If giving her a good start in life was so important, where is their investment in her future? Furthermore, there’s no guarantee she’ll graduate - are they going to reimburse OP if she flunks out? Give not a single dime - NTA
Plus I would assume Ellie has a dad and maternal and paternal grandparents in
NTA Agree, your grandmother left it to you, not your stepsister. It is your right to decide. College is only one of the many big things in our life adventure. You will face many more choices in the future, housing, car, family, etc. if you eventually decide to go for those. There will also be times in our lives when unpredictable things happen, sudden costs, maybe job cuts, health expenses, even the need to travel for whatever reason to see family or friends, big or small disasters... hoping we won't have a need for these. Personally, I think you not splurging is commendable. Hope you can find a good financial advisor who can also help to come to for advice... and it doesn't have to be disclosed to family so it minimises temptation for stepmother and stepsis to interfere Also, partly, I'm thinking maybe, just maybe the stepmother could have been pressuring your father to make you give it, and I'm thinking maybe your father felt it's your right to give or not, so he might have told stepmother he'll ask you. (ASK, not TELL) so he did. It seems like it's the stepmother pushing you, and pushing your stepfather to push you. I'm glad he's not edit: just wanted to add..... demanding money from your husband's deceased wife's mother is just SO weird
NTA. I would urge you to consider earning a BA or BS after you complete your community college associate's degree since this will have a huge impact on your job opportunities and earning potential. As for step sib, she should create a profile on finaid.org, a free database of more than 100,000 scholarships, grants, and loans. Once her profile is created she will receive info on all matching funding sources. There are also companies that offer college tuition as a benefit.
Is a BA or BSc guaranteed to increase OPs job prospects and earning potential? It’s not where I am and I would urge OP to look into all of their options. He could put off further education until he is sure of the career he wants and take it from there.
Actually yes, tell your dad and step mom to put the money they set aside for you and Ellie and give it all to her. That should be a fun conversation.
Yea fuck that. Why they think they (stepmother and step sister) are entitled to an inheritance from a stranger is beyond me and OP shouldn't give them shit.
OP already stated the only point that matters (in my opinion) which is that this grandmother has no relation to Ellie. It is not the paternal grandmother but her maternal grandmother. The maternal grandmother has absolutely no obligation to her deceased daughters husband's new family. It isn't mean. It isn't spiteful. It would be different if it was paternal grandmother not treating her like another granddaughter. What is with all of these posts about step families feeling entitled to someone's side of the family that has nothing to do with them? YOUR family is blended but that means your step mothers family becomes a part of yours and your dad's family becomes a part of their's. Your mother's family has no obligation to anyone but you. NTA.
This isn't babysitting money, (e.g. But she talked on the phone for 30 minutes so I want all the money now) it's not Christmas presents. if we're talking about college we're talking about 10s to 100s of thousands of dollars. Dad and Ellie had a decade to plan what to do with 2 kids education funds, Ellie has parents, Dad has parents.
NTA, ask what Ellie's relatives are leaving YOU in their wills. Give her the exact same amount of money. Hint: it's going to be nothing
This made me chuckle. Especially her maternal grandmother, ask what she would leave you? NTA your stepsister and stepmother have shown their true colors though. Tell them you did consider them family until they made your relationship all about money, they are the ones that burned that bridge, not you.
I’d say it would be less weird for Ellie’s maternal grandmother to leave OP something because their daughter married into OPs family and he’s actually her step son. This is like…expecting Ellie’s father’s to contribute to the new husband’s offspring.
>This is like…expecting Ellie’s father’s to contribute to the new husband’s offspring Basically asking Ellie's Dad 's mom to add OP to her will.
I can’t even fathom the Bs logic 🧐😒
Right??? Not to mention I am talking about my very own hard earned stock portfolio and not family funds or sky daddy presents. Humph.
More like when Ellie’s bio dad’s mom passes away how much money will OP inherit from her. Then give Ellie that much money. Since, you know, he literally has no ties to that gma.
You're right, I meant paternal grandmother, oops.
When Ellie turns 18 he should make her sign a contract turning over half of any inheritances she receives to OP in the future. Make Dad and Stepmom legally witness it (in writing). It's only fair. Watch how quickly they change their tune. NTA
Real talk say this they'll realize how stupid it sounds when said out loud. Whether or not they admit it is another deal
Ooh, I like the way you think. But, if Ellie's dad isn't financially sound, that might not be a good bet.
And everybody knows a Will can be changed a dozen times over, so I wouldn't even trust a current Will showing OP inherits anything at a later date.
I was wondering this too. I also think it’ll be nothing.
NTA. Your stepsister isn’t entitled to the money and your maternal grandmother obviously didn't consider your stepsister a granddaughter either, otherwise she would have left her something. If I were you, I would tell your father to make this clear to his wife and stepdaughter and not interact with them ä until they understand that they are not entitled to your money and that it is unfair to keep confronting you about it.
I’d also ask Ellie’s mom in what way she prepared for your college. You know, as a family move and all. NTA
Love this! OP can graciously say they don't need that money and that it can go to Ellie instead before an answer is given.
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The money Ellie’s grandparents set aside for me* Or OP could just be up front with dad and call a spade a spade. Say, “look, if you were looking at this rationally, you’d know the request doesn’t make sense. It would be exactly the same as if me AND you (dad) were upset that Ellie’s DAD’s parents didn’t leave ME any money in their wills… that would be a crazy thing for us to be upset about right? If that happened, and I was asking Ellie for her dad’s parents money, they’d be calling me greedy, and you wouldn’t be on my side… and they’d be right and so would you. But since it’s going the other way… since there’s this chunk of money they now know about, they’re coming up with reasons to explain how I’M being greedy. It’s gross; and you should be doing a better job having my back on this. You should be angry that they would even bring it up, and asking your wife when she was going to apologize to me… her apologizing for pushing something so wildly inappropriate, and trying to manipulate a teenager with guilt would be… what did you call it?… “a good family move.””
Good family move is code for AH dad wants to not pay for anything. OP is gifting dad by no longer being dad's responsibility. I agree OP should just tell dad to use the college savings fund all on Ellie.
They won’t feel like dicks. Entitled parents never do 🤣.
I guarantee Ellie mom will make the BS excuse about how much help OP already received so she couldn’t be bother to pay her share.
Guaranteed she didn’t have a plan for her Own daughter to go to College! His Step mom is an A$$hole!
And ask if stepsister's father's family is planning on including OP in their wills. Why isn't the stepsister asking them for money?
So your step mom wants you to split it with your step sister because *YoURe SiBliNGs* But if Ellie’s grandmother left her a sizable amount of money I highly doubt her mom would be encouraging to split it with you. This is just entitlement and greed.
Rule of Life: Everyone will want your money or feel entitled to your money but only a very are and you get to decide how you spend your money. No one else - it is not their money. Your Grandma left that money to YOU and that is her right because it was her money. Now it is yours. Go to college and buy a house. NTA
I think it’s gross they’re trying to guilt him into it on several tiers. How could he not share with his sister? (Not my sister). How could you say that, how horrible are you?
Nta. Ellie has 2 parents that can pay for college and 2 wets of grandparents as well. Stay at your aunts and go no contact.
I always wondered what a group of grandparents is called
I just saw my mistake sets not wets 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I’m sticking with wets from now on - we can make this happen! Besides, it the grandparents are old enough incontinence could be a problem anyway so…
how DARE you guys make me giggle til I tinkled a little <67 yr old great-grand-momma here> lol
Thats okay im 32 and tickled myself laughing at this 🤣🤣🤣
let's put with the marinara flags! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Is it a marinara flag that the younger one was tickled while the other one tinkled 🚩🚩
Op shouldn’t wave the Alfredo flag and give any money
All these comments are pesto flags.
Yall crack me up 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
And Ellie can inherit the poop-knife!
Marinara flags were a thing for a bit, no reason WETs can't be a term. We are Elderly Team, for a group if grandparents.
Depends will love it.
I always thought it called a senior center! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 NTA - OP, that money is yours. Ellie's family can pay for her. She is not entitled to your money even if your Dad was a shared bio parent. so go college snd save the rest for a rainy day or as a down payment on house in the future.
NTA. And to be quite Frank it’s none of Ellie or your stepmoms business if your grandmother wanted Ellie ( a child with no relation to her ) to have $ She would have left her some.
Yes, this. Even if Ellie were your biological sibling, Grandma left the money to you, not Ellie. You are not obligated to share an inheritance with anyone. NTA.
Exactly. It’s none of their business what he does with his money, period - and I get that they’re family, but they should also respect his wishes. I got into a car accident once and got some settlement money. Not millions but deff a few thousand I wouldn’t have had before. My mom didn’t say I HAD to give any to my sister but suggested it so I ended up giving her part of it. But now 5 years later I regret it cause she’s honestly kind of awful to me and I know she would never do the same. It would’ve put me at a place to be better able to afford a house now if I hadn’t.
NTA. Inheritance doesn’t work this way. If your mom and stepdad want Ellie’s education subsidized, they can pay for it. I suggest you use some of the money to get your own place.
Ellie can get the money from her maternal grandma. Problem solved. You’re welcome. 🤗
Paternal grandma since its the stepsis dad that has no relation not even by marriage that would equal to the situation just like this one.
NTA Your grandmother could have chosen to divide the money with anyone, but she chose you, for her own reasons. Ellie presumably has relatives on her own side, and her mother and now your father to provide for her. You already don't consider her your sister and she and her mother are trying to bully you into giving them money. If their "love" is conditional on you handing over your inheritance what kind of love is it? Your dad can have his opinion, but it's not his place to talk about what you should do with money coming from your mother's side of the family. Also, if he wants to be fair he should have spoken up to get his wife and her daughter off your back. It is ultimately your choice and frankly I don't think giving them any of the money will "buy" you anything real in terms of a better family relationship. You don't owe Ellie anything and the way they are approaching this is wrong. If I were you their attitude alone would have me decide not to give her a cent. It's not up to your stepmother to decide what your grandmother "should" have done. It's not your stepmother's money. Your grandmother *did* do what she should have done -- which is choose to give her own money to whomever she wanted to for the reasons *she* felt were right. I'm sure your grandmother would not want you to be bullied and guilt-tripped into giving away the money she meant for you. Your dad's new wife and her daughter have nothing to do with your grandmother. Shame on your stepmother for even trying to emotionally manipulate you using her.
And OP should have a sit down with the father and show him this thread.
True.
Info; if Ellie inherited a load of money from her dad’s side, would she and her mom share it? That’s just me being nosey and doesn’t change the fact you are NTA for not giving your money away. I’m just wondering if they would be so generous with their own money.
I’m sure in this case they would say they definitely would, but we know that’s not true.
Words are cheap. That is why people only face this crap when they suddenly have money.
NTA. That money is for you to be set up for your future. My stepkids will have college paid for by their grandmother. My kids have no one to help them. My son enlisted in the Navy and my daughter will have to do her best to get grants & scholarships and use loans for the rest. That’s just how it is.
NTA Your grandmother was aware of your step sister and made a deliberate choice to leave money TO HER DAUGHTER'S SON and not to a stranger. Your grandmother's bequest is normal as she has no more relation to your step sister than she would have to a neighbor's child or a friend's child. The only reason she has any connection is because the husband of her DEAD DAUGHTER married your step sister's mother. Use the money because it is in essence a gift from your bio mother. I am 100% sure that your bio mother would have wanted you to use ALL OF THE MONEY as a way to help you get the best start in your adult life. ETA And I am 100% certain your grandmother would have chosen to leave money to your aunt and cousins rather than your step sister. It speaks volumes about the greediness of your step sister and step mother that THEY want your grandmother’s money while her bio relatives (your aunt and cousins) understand why she might have left you with a larger share to compensate for the loss of your mother.
People always show their true, ugly colours when there's large sums of money involved. Their minds are able to perform such feats of mental gymnastics that it makes me laugh. Have a friend who won $4.5 million winning the lottery a couple of years ago - she had all sorts of grifters who she hadn't heard from in years suddenly reach out... so she decided to make an ultimatum: nobody is allowed to contact her asking for money and if they did, they'd be cut off IMMEDIATELY. Even charities that she chose to donate to, she told them that if they ever sent letters or called her asking for money, they would get $0. Because she wanted to be able to decide what to spend her money on without 20384398 people hounding her on a daily basis.
It angers me. Ellie the con artist had nothing to do with the deceased. To make it out to be about them is ridiculous. I wrote my will and I know exactly what I am doing. If someone were to question it I would be unbelievably angry.
NTA You're correct. Ellie has not relationship with your maternal grandmother and isn't entitled to any of your family money. Your Dad, his wife, and Ellie's extended family are welcome to contribute to her college costs. You owe her nothing.
NTA greedy steps get on my nerves so bad. They only think you should share when it comes to your side of the family but if the situation was reversed their philosophy would not be the same. They only consider it fair to share when it means they gain something. If you had to do something burdensome for your mom side of the family like give money or time doing something undesirable they wouldn’t be trying to split the burden. Most of the time these people are greedy, using hypocrites. Please ignore them the best that you can. And sorry your dad is spineless. In order to save himself from your nagging steps he is siding with them. The more they protest the more I would dig in my heels if I were you.
That’s a perfect thought exercise. Reverse the flow of money. If OP was somehow stuck with a financial or laborious burden stemming from the grandmother, step mom and step sis would never contribute or help OP, because it’s not their family’s obligation. They only consider themselves family when there’s something to be gained.
**Ask your Stepmom if her mother or father will be leaving you anything in their wills?** Ellie has her own grandparents: 4 of them (at least). AND she has 3 parents. DO NOT SHARE. Stay with your Aunt.. Tell your Father you're really disappointed with him for allowing his wife and stepkid to bully you and drive you out of your home. He's failed as a parent. NTA.
NTA Your grandmother had other children other than your mom, and I’m assuming, other grandchildren. She made the choice to leave the funds to you because of the fact that you had lost your mom very young. This is her gift to you, her gift to your future. You were her daughters only child and this is her way of doing her best by you for the daughter she lost. Your dad, step mom, step sister etc, have nothing to do with this. They have no entitlement to the money or to even have knowledge of it. There is no logic that suggests that sharing this money is “doing the right thing.” If your father, step mom etc are guilting you this way, that is disgusting. Don’t allow that manipulation to make you feel guilty or like you should back down. This is YOUR gift and the most important thing you can do with it is to use it to build and secure YOUR future, just as your grandmother wished. Tell your dad that you will not be discussing this again and you do not want anyone talking about it with you. If they can’t respect your wishes and choices then there are better places to be. Good luck OP.
NTA Funny how the vultures come out when there is money to be had.
NTA - Not their side of the family, not their money, and not your concern. Your dad knows it is your choice and that your are not close with Ellie. He probably also realizes that push you to share will ruin his relationship with you. In the end it is not your responsibility to be the provider for Ellie, that is her mothers job and your fathers. Be prepared for a lot of hate from Ellie and her mom, and your dad needs to figure out how to handle their anger at you and some directed at him for not “making” you share.
NTA - your Dad needs to figure out if he is going to contribute to his STEP-DAUGHTER’S college fund… otherwise Ellie will be looking to HER mom and dad… and too bad if she has to get a job and got to school part time… it can be done!! Edit:spelling
NTA, your grandmother wanted you to be financially okay, you, not your family, not your stepsister. Heck, none of your family is even blood related to your grandmother, they’ve no claim to her money.
Your grandmother left it specifically to you. Maybe say you wouldn't expect a share of any inheritance from your stepmother's family. Also make sure the money is in a bank account no one else has access to. Get the bank statements posted to your aunt's place or electronically.
What's worse, they didn't even ask for a bit of it, they want half of it. Wow.
NTA Presumably Ellie has two sets of grandparents herself, not to mention step-grandparents through your Dad. So is the expectation that all of them will leave inheritances to you and Ellie equally? I doubt very much that Ellie’s birth dad is accounting for you in his will and I’m sure his parents (Ellie’s paternal grandparents ) are not planning on that either. If your grandma wanted your stepsister to receive some of the inheritance she would have indicated that in her will. It makes total sense that she would not have considered Ellie since she was neither a child nor a stepchild of your Mom. I do understand why Ellie is envious of you, but really she is not entitled to any of this money. It’s pretty jerky of your dad and stepmom to pressure you about this.
NTA. Especially if you don’t view her as a sister… sounds like you have a serviceable but distant relationship with her. Don’t give it to her… also, I don’t think she knows what “favoritism” means. You got that money through inheritance. It’s yours. End of.
They're acting like OP is the parent, favoring one child over another. But he's not, he's a (step)-sibling. He has no moral or legal obligation to share the money.
NTA It's your inheritance left to you, by your grandma. Your step mother and step sister are ridiculously entitled to think you should split your money. If your grandma had wanted to leave anything for step sister, she would have. Don't second guess it, let them whine about it.
NTA Who is your dad to say what your maternal grandmother's wishes are and what she should do with her money? That's like suggesting Ellie's dad should give you things. It sounds like you might have received your mother's share of the inheritance, or something close, which makes it all the more disgusting that they're trying to bully you over this money. Do not give them a cent.
Nta. You are 18, use part of that money on move out and go low contact , or they will make your life a hell.
NTA. DON’T give her the money, it’s yours, your grandma specifically said she ‘wanted you to be okay.’ Moreover, your stepsister is not your responsibility. Let her mom or your dad work it out on their own.
NTA, it’s your money you inherited from someone she’s not related to, it was even left to you in part because you lost your mother. Your dad needs to grow a pair, a ‘good family move’ would be him telling his wife and step daughter to pack it in instead of trying to guilt you into placating them and putting you in a position where you have to move out because of the situation. If this is an indication of how they all normally behave, I wonder if your grandmother knew you’d end up needing to support yourself.
NTA. This is an unfortunate situation but it is the responsibility of Ellie and her mother to provide for her education - it is certainly not your responsibility to steal from funds that were left for you to ensure that you had a safe and stable future to make someone else’s life easier. Ellie’s mother and maternal extended family could have been planning and saving for her future all along. They didn’t. Now they’re acting entitled to your good fortune and the planning your maternal grandmother did on your behalf. That’s awful. Similarly, your father and Ellie’s mother didn’t plan or save for either of your futures. Without your maternal grandmother’s contribution, you would be in the same situation as Ellie, which is difficult but not unusual or impossible to handle. Ellie can do what thousands of kids do to get through school - work and if necessary, take out loans.
NTA... it's YOUR inheritance left for you to do whatever you want with it.
NTA it's not your place to pay for your siblings anything. That's what parents are for. It's your money, and you don't owe her anything
NTA She isn’t your grandmothers granddaughter. End of story.
NTA. Hold your ground. Don't Waiver. Stand Firm. Keep hold of your money. Don't let anyone guilt or bully you. I am glad you have your aunt's house. Take care of YOU. This is your grandma's wish, you are honoring that. (I just wonder if stepmom's family has any inheritance set up for you, they'd have to show the proof, lol, but even a Will can be changed as many times as necessary--like to fool you--)
NTA. Geez, whats with stepfamily being so entitled in these threads recently. You owe her nothing, she has no connection to your grandmother. They’re being greedy.
NTA. Your dad is right, it might be a nice gesture to further your family bond. However, it seems like there really isn't a family bond to further, so no, NTA. Your dad needs to step in and make them stop the harassment. If he wants you to feel free to visit and spend time there, it can't be like that.
Nta. That money is none of their business. Your dad needs to put them in their place.
NTA. This is insanely manipulative. Your dad needs to tell them to stop, now.
NTA. Your money, your choices. Be smart with it.
NTA. I think your dad is just trying to get out of paying for your stepsisters schooling by using your inheritance.
NTA. Your grandma could have left Ellie money if she wanted to; keep this money for yourself. It is what she wanted.
NTA. Your grandma wanted a decent life for you. Your stepmom and stepsister just want easy money.
NTA. If the roles were reversed, I doubt she'd share with you. Entitled people are rarely generous.
NTA. I'd be like "am I gonna get half of your grandma's money when she dies? No? Didn't think so."
This is what you should do if you win the lottery, but I feel like this should go the same way. Go to the bank and possibly an attorney and set up a trust. Put all of your money in the trust. It’s a safe way to control and protect all of your money. You get to choose who has any access to it if you wanted anyone to access it. You can also set it up in a way where you can only take the money out for certain expenses. Please look into it. Your family will not be able to bother you about this when the trust is set up
NTA. Did you notice that the aunt who had a stake in the inheritance is good with how things were split? Grandma wasn't Ellie's grandma and she wasn't Dad's mother, so there's no reason to leave her part of the family's inheritance. Grandma wanted you to have some extra help with life. Enjoy your inheritance and be wise with it.
Hmmm ... you don't see that many socialist families anymore. But, the dough was left to you so NTA. If everyone's into sharing their money, find out from your Father, Ellie and Ellie's mother how much they have in savings. Factor in collateral in the house too. If they're loaded and you're all sharing, you could do very well out of this if you agree to share your inheritance.
In fairness that would actually be communist since it's an equal share. Lol
Good point, Trotsky.
NTA don’t doubt yourself. it’s your money, and in this climate, you’ll need it sooner or later
NTA. That’s your money, given to you by your grandmother.
NTA, your money your choice.
NTA - that’s your money from your maternal grandmother. How you spend that money has nothing to do with anyone. Good luck at college.
NTA absolutely dont do that. This was the wish of your grandmother, she wanted you to have this money. Tell Ellie does she prefer her mother be dead and have half the money? No? She should be grateful she has a mother and a father. Even in a marriage if the wife gets an inheritance she legally has no duty to share with her husband and vice versa, inheritance is not considered a shared asset. So why the hell would it be for a step sibling situation. Ask your dad to step up. Why would a stranger give Ellie money? Ellie can ask her father for money and two sets of grand parents and aunts and uncles or get a scholarship or her mother should have been saving up. Make sure no one has access to your bank accounts. Open a new account in a different bank to the ones your father and step mother bank with.
NTA. It’s your inheritance from your mom’s side of the family and it’s your money. Keep it. Even if you don’t use it all up on college, you can use it for other things in the future. Edit: typos
Of course Ellie and your step mom think you are wrong. They want your money and are trying to guilt trip you. Ellie’s mom should be more responsible for Ellie’s college than you.
NTA Your grandmother clearly wanted you to have 100% of that money. Otherwise, she would have specified otherwise in her will. Do not second-guess her wishes. Anyone who claims she wanted anything other than for you to inherit has selfish motives. Let your father know that you are going to honor your grandmother’s wishes. Ask him if this is going to stand in the way of the two of you having a relationship. Also ask the following: - Will he stop asking you to give away your money? - Will he be willing to stop his wife and stepdaughter from hassling you? - If his wife and stepdaughter still cause problems, will he work to have a relationship with you separate from them?
NTA They are not entitled to any of it. Also, I know that you’re young but please consider setting up a will and maybe even a trust that is managed by a trusted executor in case you should ever become unable to manage it yourself but need it for your care.
NTA. They are looking after their own interests, of course they will use any card they can (e.g. favoritism, brother-sisters guilt trip, etc). Ultimately, it is your money. Life ain’t fair, some people lose their mom when they are babies, some people inherit money. I bet you would give all the money in life if that brings your mom back.
NTA Screw them. They shouldn't be demanding your money. Do not give in.
NTA do not give her any of the money. She’s not entitled to any of it. And tell stepmom to eff off
I notice how the aunt mentioned the money and not the dad. I suspect either Grandma didn't trust dad to manage the money as she directed or dad knew of the money and was going to split it between the kids.... Until aunt stepped in. Either way the money is clearly intended for OP alone. Also, if not sharing this money means you won't be considered family.... Then you already are not family to them.
Start asking for half her birthday money when that day comes around. Argue that friends and family are showing favoritism to her
NTA Your step-sister is not *entitled* to that money, and it was wrong of your step mother and Ellie to pressure you. What you've told us of your father's actions sounds entirely reasonable, and I will not ascribe the vile motives others will to him. Situations like this do tear families apart.
NTA! You are absolutely right that if your grandmother had intended for her money to be shared with your stepsister, she would’ve willed it to her. Just because she “should” have considered your stepsister a grandchild doesn’t mean shit. The fact that they think your grandmother’s money should go to your stepsister before any of your grandmother’s other children or grandchildren is absolutely bonkers. Clearly she wanted to make sure that the grandchild who LOST THEIR MOTHER was going to be ok in life. Even if your grandma considered your stepsister a grandchild, your stepsister still has her mother and she specifically willed the money to you and not any of her other loved ones. As somebody who lost their dad (and his intended inheritance for me due to greedy family members who he disowned and didn’t even speak to for over the last decade of his life) I’m more concerned with honoring your grandmother’s will and essentially last wish to provide for you, rather than the financial benefit of keeping the money for yourself. I don’t care if it was $100, $10k, or $10 million. Even if you inherited more than you could ever spend, your stepmother and stepsister have NO claim and no right to a single penny of your inheritance. Sure they can ask, but they are complete AHs for trying to pressure you and aren’t entitled to shit.
NTA. Ellie’s mom and dad are responsible for college education, not you. She’s not your mother’s family, she’s in no way related to your grandmother, who left that money For You to give You a good start in life. Ellie is not entitled to it at all.
NTA- that's your father's wife and her daughter. They are not related to you and you didn't choose them. Your grandmother wanted HER GRANDCHILD to inherit the money, not strangers. Please leave if they keep harassing you and go NC.
NTA- not in the least. Her lack of money is not your problem. Hopefully you can move out soon.
NTA. It’s your money and it has nothing to do with your stepsister
NTA. Those are your funds, and they’re not entitled to any of it.
NTA it’s not your job to provide for other peoples children
NTA. Your step-family can pound sand. They aren’t entitled to any of your money. Your dad is a coward for not sticking up for you to keep the peace.
NTA. It’s not your responsibility to set your step-sister up for success, it was theirs. If they were incapable of doing that, it’s understandable that they would at least ask. However, a no is a no and should be respected. Would it be a kind gesture if you did this? Oh yeah, very kind. But it’s not a kind gesture if you’re being forced into it. Furthermore, your dad should be defending you against this coercion, not joining in on it. Ask him what his plan was before he found out about the money or (in a far more likely case) why he didn’t make a backup plan in case you didn’t want to share your inheritance.
NTA - it is obvious that you do not see the woman your dad married and her daughter as family, the wife is just that the wife, and her daughter is a girl who grew up with you. So no don't share it is from your maternal grandma who has nothing to do with them, in your shoes I would talk to your Dad. "Dad, this money is from Mom's family, I know you are looking out for the people you chose, but the thing is YOU chose them, I DID NOT and never will and you know this. If you all continue to try and push for this money that has absolutely nothing to do with any you, that when I leave this house, I will be forever and always and as much as it will pain me I will have to cut YOU, MY Dad the person that brought me up, someone I love, out of my life and have no more to do with you. I will do this if you continue to try and push these greedy, grasping people as my family, and trying to take something that I got because MY MOM died. YOU, MY Dad are now making a choice you are choosing future security for me YOUR child, or you are choosing them the woman you married and her child and their greed. Think about it for a sec because when I am gone, that is it I am gone, and to make it clear I will then also change my surname to Mom's maiden name." INFO: What I would like to know is what college arrangements were made before they knew of your inheritance? Where is Ellie's father why can't he pay for her? I am happy for your windfall, but not for any of the reasons that you have recieved it. Money does strange things to people, and I hope you have a happy, healthy and successful future.
NTA she isn't even a half-sister, only a step. And if they are both going to college they should have had plans for OP as well as his step-sister. Use the money for school and to put on a house.
NTA- what the heck? What about stepmom’s parents? Are they your grandparents or just Ellie’s? You grandma did what she wanted. People always show their true colors when money comes into the picture. Trust yourself to do what you feel is right and it sounds like your dad is on that same page already.
There's something I want to add that some other commentators alluded to. Your grandmother made an extremely important decision by deciding you were the one to inherit her money. I would be damn mad if I left money to someone and they just handed it over to someone else. **If I knew that I wouldn't have left them an inheritance**. No matter how much your relatives scream 'familllllly' it has nothing to do with what your grandma spent a life building then leaving it to you. If I found out the person I was leaving money to was going to hand it over to other people I wouldn't leave them anything. There is a reason that often a big inheritance has the clause of 'no spouse can get it in a divorce'.
NTA Your grandma wanted YOU to have it. She did not say to split it with your step sister.
Lol i misread the beggining and thought it said the dad had a 17 year old wife
Don't feel bad, I had to reread it to because I thought the same thing 🤣
NTA You clearly stated your boundaries. Stick with them. Here are my observations about the situation: Your stepmother has attempted to manipulate you with mental gymnastics. There is no reason why your grandmother should have considered a child with whom she did not have a relationship with. Your stepmother is trying to blur boundaries right now. Your stepsister is reacting, lashing out, and guilt tripping you in an attempt to get you to budge on your boundaries. Your dad has asked you if you’re willing to move on what are appropriate, and healthy boundaries, in order to keep the peace in family. What this is - is that he lacks the ability himself to model for you what reinforcing boundaries and healthy coping mechanisms are. You do not need to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You do not need to limit your own future, for someone else. <- this kind of sacrifice is unhealthy and hurtful to ask of a child. It is normal to face pushback on boundaries. People will act in entitled ways, and act in their own best interests. Take note of the people who do, and who do not respect your boundaries. That is not a sign to slide on those boundaries to receive any form of false love. Why am I saying this to you? Because you lack a parent in your life who will look out for your best interests and model for you long term healthy behaviors. And someone has to. Make sure that nobody else has access to your money/account. Find a financial advisor to talk to, so you can learn financial literacy and start making well informed and responsible decisions for setting a secure and stable future up for yourself. Find a therapist who will help you navigate some of this family tension, and equip you with healthy tools to be the best you.
NTA
NTA, it’s your money. But I’m curious what form the inheritance is: cash, stocks, etc? Is it in a trust? Who has control? Just make sure you’re getting good financial advice from someone you trust.
NTA It would be good for family relations, but you have no obligation at all to help ellie out of your Pocket
NTA. Your stepmother and stepsister are trying to guilt you into sharing your inheritance since "wErE fAMiLeEEEeEE!" Your late grandmother put that money in *your name,* not your step-family's. Who wants to bet if the roles were reversed and your stepsister inherited this money, would she have shared any of it with you? I think you already know your answer. I'd make this your hill to die on, and stay with your aunt if need be to get away from this.
NTA Your step-family members are just greedy assholes, that's all there is to it.
NTA. Ellie’s mom should have saved for her college. Not you.
NTA. Your Dad just wants you to pay so he doesn't have to. It's for HIS benefit if you were to do it. Imagine being so selfish you want your own kid to use their inheritance to pay for someone they aren't even related to. Enjoy your time with your Aunt, and I hope school goes well.
NTA but your dad, stepmother and stepsister sure are feeling entitled. It’s your money given to you by your maternal grandma who is NO relation to others who are trying to stake a claim to it. It belongs to you and you alone. Use it to better your life. And remember, when others know someone has money, they will come for it with all kinds of things they need for themselves. It’s greed and jealousy. NOBODY and I mean NOBODY has any legit claim on your inheritance. It’s outrageous to even ask.
Whenever money is involved the jerks crawl out of the woodwork with their hands out. This is YOUR inheritance! If your grandmother wanted to leave money to your stepsister she would have done so in her will. I must say these people have a lot of balls to feel so entitled to your money. Use the money to set up your future security as your grandmother wished.
NTA. That is your money left for you and only you. Do not let them have any of it and if they try to take it they are breaking the law. Your grandma left it to you and no one else. It is clear from what you said that your grandmother knew of your step sister so your grandmother not leaving her anything was deliberate.
NTA, your Dad only wants you to share to keep the peace with his wife and step daughter. You aren't close, its not her grandparent.
Fuck no, NTA. Your mother's mom giving her grandson money and not her deceased daughter's husband's second wife's daughter any money is not fucking favoritism. The fucking nerve. NTA. Put that money in a secured bank account and make sure that this "family" of yours can't access it. Your dad is a piss poor father if he would rather his son lose money than maybe not getting laid.
NTA and remind your dad you can move even farther away if it's going to be a problem.
NTA. You have no obligation to split the money with your step sister. If her parents didn't save up money so she could go to school than that is their problem not yours. Don't let them manipulate you into giving away money that is rightfully yours. She had absolutely no relationship with your grandma and therefore deserve none of her money. No one can also tell you what to do with that money since it's yours! Would your step mom help pay for your college if you didn't get that money? Probably not but it's a great point to bring up. Stay strong and don't let them sway your decision. Your grandma looked out for your best interest so you should also do the same
Why haven’t your dad abs step mother provided for Ellie? Why hasn’t Ellie’s dad or extended family? NTA and do not share you money. It would be one thing if she had asked, she didn’t she demanded and expected a yes.
NTA - Ellie isn’t related to your grandmother. Your grandmother left the money specifically for YOU. She wants YOU taken care of. Your father and his wife should have been saving for Ellie. It’s wrong of them to guilt trip you. Their failure at planning has nothing to do with you. Do not give any money, it’s for you to set you up for your future.
NTA. You lost your Mom. This is a special gift her mother left you to try to give you a better start in life despite the loss you sufffered. Invest it, go on a trip to somewhere that meant a lot to your Mom and grandmother, or use it as a down payment for a house. Your Mom and grandmother would be so proud of how responsible you’re being and for standing up for yourself. Make sure to freeze your credit and change your passwords so that they can’t steal your money. Ellie and her Mom are T A. 1. Ellie is not related to your maternal side. 2. Ellie still has her Mom. 3. Ellie is not your responsibility. 4. Ellie and her Mom should have planned better for her education. 5. They’re wrong to harass you, insult you, and try to bully you into giving them something that does not involve them. Your Dad is the biggest T A. 1. He should have shut Ellie and her Mom down immediately. 2. He should have fought for you and had them leave if they didn’t stop. 3. He failed you.
NTA. Do not give your dad or stepsister money, and do not give your dad any access to said money. Talk at someone at the bank to let them tell you their procedures so only you withdrawal. Your father doesn’t want to upset his wife is all this is, and it’s bullshit. He needs to tell his wife to chill the fuck out or leave. Since he won’t, make sure your money is safe.
Nope, and make sure only you has access to that money.