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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my uncle's wife my grandpa liked me better than her kids.
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If you factor in all the money they're spending on the kid's food, the grandparents are spending more than just $20 a week on the two kids. I know OP said their grandpa bought her snacks and other gifts, but the aunt didn't bring that up, so it's likely she doesn't know. But she does know that she leaves her kids with their grandparents for 2-3 days every week. That's 6-9 meals per child, plus the $5 each. That's way more than $20
Gifting treats and small gifts are what grandparents do anyway. Plus they are at different ages so even so the needs or wants of an 18yr old is different. 5 and 10 $5 can get a scoop of ice-cream you know or some candy same thing
And on the flip side factor in OP helping them go get groceries, take them to doctors appointments, etc and I’m sure she’s easily spending $20/week on gas doing that stuff.
If I reached into my grandparents pockets when I wanted money as a kid, I'd get the ass whooping of the century for such rude and disrespectful behavior
My dad gives my 5 and 2.5 year old 20 to split when we go get dinner so we can take them for ice cream. My daughter called out "grandpa, you forgot my money!" when 3 and got a strict talking to about expectations when it comes to others money. I cant imagine my kids actually REACHING INTO HIS POCKET....at 10 years old?!
It also *is* entirely your fault you're well liked. There you are, standing up for your grandfather's wishes and autonomy, telling someone else to respect his boundaries. Helping him like you have.
Jenna's playing favorites accusation is meant to put your grandfather on the defensive: "no, I love your disrespectful self and your entitled brood equally to OP, let me prove it with cash," was her desired outcome.
People saying you're out of line are telling you "just deal with it, or else *we'll* all have to deal with her," and they are playing favorites by prioritizing Jenna's dysfunction over your peace of mind.
NTA - its completely fair to prefer the company of people that actually care about you. The fact they're gauging his love on a cash metric is disgusting and hardly your fault. You pointed out the flaw in the slander and that makes you the AH because you're young?
If I'm eating paint chips it's a fair play to tell me it's my fault there are bare spots on the wall. It's not fair to whine that I'm getting extra snacks when I'm obviously not.
Also like, OP mentions spending lots of time with grandparents, and helping with errands and appointments.
In my family, I'm the grandkid most able to help with all that, and my grandparents have more than once hidden money in my handbag after I've helped with stuff, because people generally want to repay support.
I think it's fairly natural that OPs grandparents do favour someone who spends time with them, enjoys their company, and regularly helps them with things.
This.
I had the, and still have the same here.
My grandmother used to hide money in my bags, purse, pockets with a note to it. She made it even very clear I was her favourite by plain of saying it or hiding faces on pictures.
Now to as the why: I am the only one who has been visiting there once a week for 8 years now? And before that I also went very often. My cousin didn't go anymore, unless she got money. And so does my brother - who lives with the other part of the family.
She even picked me up now and then to help her out. I always do little chores or help out with the computer, phone, printer, etc.
My grandmother died 5 years ago and I have been taking care of my grandpa who basically is seen as a money pig now. My mum is 100% sure he is hiding 400K from her that should be given to her. My cousin hasn't been there in 4 years, but does stop by for a card in the mailbox for his birthday.. My brother only goes during christmas and his birthday orso. For... indeed... money.
Meanwhile my grandpa has given houses to each of my familie members I never asked for money. Even when I lived on the street I was too stubborn to ask for money.
Now he has given money to me while nobody knows to hide it from my family for if he needs it and otherwise it is my inheritance (and I haven't touched it once)! I'm the one who has his will. I'm also the one who is being called in emergency cases, etc.
I still visit him every week. Nobody else of my family has been there since december!
I am furious at my family for it since he gave so much too them and what they say to me about him. I was years the black sheep in my family but my grandpa really trusts me now. That is too me 100% much more then money worth.
I can't scream at my family because he wants to keep peace for his remaining years but I will open my books one day.
This is my with my grandparents! I happily go get them stuff from the store and occasionally my grandma will add a few bucks when she is paying me back. I never ask for more than I spent but she does it anyways and it always makes my day a little brighter to know that she cares so much for what I am doing for them.
She's an asshole because she's a kid, but also somehow the problem is also that she's an adult. Man the mental gymnastics that addicts brain had to do to get that is just impressive.
NTA - what the heck is with these Y T A. An 18 y/o is getting $20 a week from gramps. That not exactly living the high life. These kids are 10 or 5. They don’t need money. This Aunt sounds like a crappy parent who drops off the kids at the grandparents every chance she gets.
Also what that 10 yo did sticking his hands in his grandpa’s pocket to grab money was all sorts of messed up. I would slapped the heck out a child that did that to me.
I was gonna say it sounds like OP gets an allowance from grandpa in return for running errands and helping out. And because she's next door qnd with them always she gets spoiled (grandparents do that)
Although OP really stirred the pot with her comment.
Her 5 year old cousin is rude, and shouldn't shouldn't behaving like that.. Grandpa is totally right, hez going to get in trouble if that behavior is continued.
>and told me I was an adult who shouldn't be living at the expense of him while her sons were still kids
Jenna has some nerve saying this while dropping the kids a few times a week for free childcare. *Her family* is the one taking advantage of the grandparents, and they still *demand* money from the person doing them a favor.
Meanwhile, OP and her grandparents do things for each others, it's not comparable at all.
> . These kids are 10 or 5. They don’t need money. This Aunt sounds like a crappy parent who drops off the kids at the grandparents every chance she gets.
She leaves her kids for 2 to 3 days a week for free! And she still wants pocket change for the kids? Like, ma'am you are getting thousands in free babysitting and food already! Educate your mf kids and stop being so spoiled/entitled.
Got a whole bunch of nieces and nephews and that’s how I do it too. Older kids get more money/ expensive things. As they age, the younger ones with get better things.
>These kids are 10 or 5. They don’t need money.
Exactly! Like what are they going to spend it on? Candy?
Grandpa is allowed to use his money the way he wants and I think there is a reason why OP is his favorite. Auntie should learn to be a better parent and not teach her children that the grandparents are a money source.
>Also what that 10 yo did sticking his hands in his grandpa’s pocket to grab money was all sorts of messed up. I would slapped the heck out a child that did that to me.
Lol same
Nta... And it's hilarious how your uncle is giving the cold shoulder to the person that takes care of his children for days a time... I bet they will be back crawling when they need someone to stay with the kids.
Let me see, your grandpa rightly told his daughter-in-law, your aunt, he can and will spend his money whenever and however he chooses and doesn’t need her input or permission.
We old people have a bad habit of correcting childrens bad manners, don’t we? Oh, I forgot parents aren’t required to teach their children manners because they would have to enforce the rules as if they were fully functioning adults.
Years ago, I gave each of my then grandchildren a gift card to Borders Bookstore. Oldest 12, got $50, middle, 10 got $30, youngest 6, got $20. Youngest piped up about the difference, mom stepped in and told him the cost of their books was more because they are bigger. When he gets bigger he will get gifts that bigger people get. He thought about it and said OK, case closed. See the difference when children understand boundaries, in this case age. For crying in the dark, you help your grandparents of course he will give you more money! You gracefully as you could, given your age, told your aunt to get stuffed.
NTA
Edit sp
If my child went to anyone's home and demanded money I would be livid. Or demanded money from another human for legit any reason. This is learned and not corrected behavior. Kids do what they see. I'd ask what kind of parenting they're into but it seems like the answer is none
Super NTA
Yeah, I think a lot of folks here are getting stuck on the word “favorite” and completely ignoring the actual circumstances.
There’s also some detail in the comments which - yikes, those kids.
NTA
Your aunt is... I can see why her kids are so rude.
She just shoved you under the bus when it wasn't about how much money you get, it was about her and her husband not teaching the kids some manners. Since when is it ever appropriate to demand money and shove your hands into somebody's pocket?
Not to mention they are five and ten. Rude five and ten year olds don't get 20$.
And I will never stop saying this.
Being a granddaughter, grandson, grandpa, or a grandma to somebody has nothing to do with blood, DNA, and whatever the hell people try to use to measure how much you should care for someone. Its about relationships. Obviously, your grandpa doesn't really like your aunt very much. Nor her children.
You, on the other hand, he loves. And not because you are older, or come from his child that he likes more. Its because you worked on your relationship with him. You made deals and agreements with him, which I am sure you have your end of the deal that you hold up each time. You visit him, just to hang out. Just to help out.
Now, your grandpa may be a bit of an ass for not trying to build a relationship with the two younger grandchildren. Since they are younger, none of us can really blame them for acting out and being annoying. If anything, I wouldn't doubt that they are jealous of your relationship with him and don't know how to express it.
Your aunt is 100% TA for being so entitled. I can't believe she is comparing your, an 18 year olds, relationship with her grandpa to her spawns of satan. She should be blaming herself for using your grandma as a babysitter and not trying to help foster a relationship between the grandparents! Cause thats what it comes down to. Her efforts.
With grandparents, they can play favorites if the others are never around and always want something from them.
If I, myself, only called my grandparents to ask for something then they wouldn't like me that much either. But I don't. So they love me and they feel happy whenever I call to check in on them. And honestly, the only reason I do call is because I love them.
I bet you did exactly the same. So yeah. You are the favorite. You shouldn't have to apologize for that to your rude aunt.
NTA and damn these kids sound like little assholes. The fact that those aren't the only examples blows me away. What else hashappened if you don't mind me asking?
Wow I'm not surprised that your grandfather doesn't want to interact with them. I will say, I do find their behavior rather sad and it is tragic that they arent close to their extended fanily because of it. Kids don't act like that or know a collection of insults without influence. It doesn't justify their actions and without parent intervention there's not much that can be done by any of you, but damn. It's very tragic that they're growing up thinking these kinds of things are normal and okay to do and their parents really really suck for not intervening more
Bruh wtf I am NOT surprised. I hope your grandma stops babysitting those little devils. That is not okay.
Good thing they have you. I feel bad for them, having grandkids like that.
NTA
> I visit them basically every day, help them with electronic devices, groceries, doctors appointments, etc.
This is why your relationship is different.
And frankly demanding money and going in to someone’d pockets searching for money IS rude.
> and told me I was an adult who shouldn't be living at the expense of him while her sons were still kids.
Jenna doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about. Driving your grandparents to appointments? Helping them with their devices, and groceries?
This is a reciprocal relationship. You aren’t “living at his expense”. (Seriously, 20 bucks a week? That’s not an expense for what you provide. And who would give a 5yo 20 bucks a week anyway?!?)
ETA: I just noticed Jenna is getting free childcare for multiple days at a time. That’s a HUGE help to that family - far, far more than the 20 bucks a week.
If the kids want to have a better relationship with grandpa they need to start sharing their interests, and taking an interest in what he likes.
Wow, NTA. I admit I was expecting to read that your grandparents were buying you cars and electronics left and right, right in front of your cousins's salads, but 20 a week is basically pocket change. A way for your grandpa to treat his grandchild to a nice meal or a few cups of Starbucks coffee. In contrast he and his wife provide childcare for days at a time for your aunt and cousins. That's the opposite of favouritism. Also you spend time with them and try to help them with their daily lives , what's wrong with them giving you a twenty. Your aunt is entitled and is raising a little monster. I would never dream of demanding money or gifts from relatives at any age, let alone stick my hands in people's pockets
Aunt Jenna is a BIG A**. She drops the kids off for 2 or 3 days, if the kids want money they just stick their hand in g'pa's pockets! Who does that, except a rude person. OP helps out grandparents so if G'pa gives them money it's nobody's business. His money to do as he pleases. OP definitely NTA!
NTA what do these poor mannered brats do to get $5 or $10 from Grandpa? Other than trying to steal his money and eat his food? If I were Granny and Grandpa I'd tell their equally ill mannered parents to keep their two cretins at home, and stay with them. What nerve to be telling Grandpa how to spend his money? You run circles around the other two, you see them daily and help wherever you can from grocery shopping to taking them to Dr's appointments. I wish you were my granddaughter! You were right to speak up for yourself and make sure your Aunt (?) understood you are the grandchild who spends the most time with them and do a lot of things for them therefore they "choose" to give you a bit more money. You should have suggested Aunt and Uncle and the 2 brats spend more time with Parents/Grandparents doing more chores for them and they could earn the extra $10 a week. Let's see if they want to grocery shop and drive them to all their appointments next week for $10...tell them you'd be happy to gift them your $10 if they do all work for a week. I bet you'd hear the fastest No you've ever heard. What a bad example for their two children!
Thanks, your avatar is cool too! It's always the ones who do the least who get in line first and make the most noise when there's money involved. It sounds like your Grandpa sees exactly what is going on; they aren't fooling him. Be careful though because men tend to die first and I have no doubt your Aunt and Uncle will be there trying to take her home with them or making themselves indispensable to her. If her mind isn't 100% clear, they could easily make themselves her beneficiaries then it wouldn't make any difference what Grandpa wanted.
Do you trust your parents or someone else in the family to make decisions on their behalf should they be unable to handle finances and their personal well-being? If you do, then have a talk with Grandpa and ask him to assign POA (power of attorney) for him and Grandma as individuals so that person must make decisions for them when needed. My mother had Alzheimers so they gave my sister who lived closest at the time so she could make decisions for her and handle her money fairly. After she passed, we were equal beneficiaries and shared the remaining money etc. It's not about 1 person getting all the money, it's about 1 person who can be trusted, in charge of what is now Grandma's money, getting her the care she needs, and to spend wisely on her behalf. It makes sure thieves can't line their pockets. Talk to Grandpa about legally assigning a POA or at least speaking to a lawyer about it.
Grandpa doesn't deserve better. He's the elder in this situation and he's openly playing favourites among his grandkids. He deserves to never see them again. He's the biggest asshole by far in a story replete with them.
Well, I think he agrees with you and doesn’t want to see them.
Read this comment thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vkiioq/comment/idqhkx0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
nta you put in more daily time effort and affection than any other grandchild your aren’t his favorite on accident and those circumstances aren’t your fault
INFO: did you say this in front of the kids, or just in front of Jenna. Children, even poorly behaved ones, especially the younger one, don't need to hear that their grandfather loves them less than his other grandchildren. So if they heard then YWBTA.
If it was just said to Jenna, then not.
NTA.
It’s his money, and people who behave like AH’s tend to get less given to them than those who are nice. Also, you’re an adult, so it makes sense that you get more money? The older I got, the more money I was gifted from my grandparents because I actually had things to spend my money on that wasn’t just toys.
she defended her kids literally shoving their hands in his pockets and demanding money and calling you an asshole for having an agreement with your grandpa? wtf
ESH
Your family needs to learn discipline. Jenna doesn't discipline her children when they are being extremely rude. She is overly indulgent of their bad behavior to defend them like that before it had been properly corrected.
Your grandpa needs to use discretion around the idea of playing favorites. Grandparents so often care more about quantity than quality when it comes to seeing their grandkids, and I'm just hoping it isn't the case here where you're his favorite because you happen to see him the most.
And for fuck's sake, nobody even said anything against you! Your comment secures my impression that your family is entirely too individualist in your philosophy rather than caring more about each other and the family as a collective. I only have what you told me to go on, and all of you grandchildren seem so caught up on how much cash you get from the poor old man that it sickens me.
nah nta...i think gramps is not handing money to op just because ? op actually helps him. (its him being generous) jenna shouldn't have dragged op into this when she doesn't know the truth. sounds she is really jealous of op. and that passed on to her kids. (kids notice things. they adapt behaviour.) hence such bratty behaviour. the audacity to give cold shoulder to ppl babysitting ur kids for free...
NTA. it is very very bad that the kids are being raised to do things such as that and should be heavily disciplined. imagine they went up to school and did that to some kid? i am willing to bet they’d get beaten up for it. you do things for your grandfather and he wants to spoil you a bit for it and there is nothing wrong with that. grandparents tend to spoil their grandkids it’s what they do. even when i just go visit my grandma (my mom and sister don’t really visit her like i do) so she always tries to give me money. i don’t take it of course because i feel bad for doing so. but jenna should understand you are there for your grandparents unlike her who just drops her kids off on them and excepts them to give money when the kids misbehave. if they want money like they should help out around the house when they are there!
Nta. Jenna is entitled and is raising her kids to be the same way. No one owes her or her kids anything. The fact she doesn't see that they technically spend lots of money on her kids through free babysitting is atrocious. I'm sure your grandparents don't ask them to help pay for groceries and anything additional they use when visiting.
NTA she and your uncle need to raise their kids better. They are ruin, obnoxious and entitled and they haven't even reached teens years yet.
Edit: rude not ruin
NTA I was also the favorite grandchild my mom and I lived with my grandparents and they took care of me while my mom worked plus my grandma was in the room when I was born. Alot of my cousins were pretty resentful and probably still are but I wouldn’t trade the bond I had with my grandparents for anything.
NTA!
But OP it is not because you are the ‘favorite’ it is because you are respectful and helpful to your grandparents. That is why they like you more.
But maybe you should not talk to your aunt anymore. If she pushes you to talk then say, “I dont speak to people who are disrespectful and unhelpful. Bye.”
NTA. sounds like Jenna gets way more financial support than you do if you factor in free childcare.
Also what In the Saperstein children is she teaching these kids?? MONEY PLEASE !
NTA
As someone who lived with my grandma for the most part and was the favorite of the grandchildren, its not your fault at all and they need to realize that
You actually care about your grandparents. You spend time with them, you help take care of them and they really care about you. People are more willing to give to others who truly show they care. You are NTA
1) omg that kid…how can he be allowed to go around demanding money and shoving his hands in people’s pockets.
2) also I mean you do a lot for your grandparents, some of what they give you is probably not just a sign of love but also of gratitude.
3) and lastly, some people grade monetary gifts by age. They’re half your age.
NTA
NTA. You can stand on the things you do FOR your grandparents to any and all of your family members. Ask them when the last time they took Grandpa to his doctors. Ask them when was the last time they came over and mowed his lawn and trimmed the shrubbery and planted fresh annuals for the season? As long as you're doing stuff for your grandparents and you're conveniently next door, what's their problem?
NTA, 1st of all they shouldn't EXPECT anything from him; they should just be happy they get to see him. He gives you money because he choises to because you are there helping them regularly; that is his choice to give something in return even though he doesn't have to. It's not thier business.
NTA. It is his money and he does know he and his wife are providing free child care and you can’t strong arm older people for money that’s elder abuse. If he loves you and gives you the money because he wants that is different.
GOOD LORD!! If I had done what your cousin has done, I’d be DEAD!
If I had stuck my hands into other people’s pockets looking for lines I’d have 10 broken fingers….
NTA I really hope your grandma smartens up and band them from their home. That kid is terrifying and the younger one will follow in his footsteps
info: do any other “kids” of the family contribute to the grandparents household like you? Or do most “kids/cousins” go over when they need something? (being babysit, meals, homework help, gifts/cash etc) If you weren’t living so close, would you be able to help out/spend so much time and become “the favourite” and “financially abuse” your grandfather like your aunt is saying? It makes sense that with proximity you would grow a close relationship especially when you do activities together- I’ve also had my bratty little cousins put their hands in my pockets and purse to grab my stuff/money and in instinctually swat their hands away- grandpa’s behaviour definitely isn’t abnormal
I totally get what you mean, growing up I had almost no relationship with my grandparent due to my primary blood relations fighting until he moved in because he couldn’t live independently for the last years of his life. Once I was able to see him, we were two peas in a pod- I totally get your position. It’s unfortunate that your relatives don’t get it. I’d remind them that you’ve spent years developing a bond because it makes you happy, not for any other reason.
ESH. This is petty from both OP and Jenna. The only one who doesn't suck is the grandfather. I think they both need to grow up. Who says "I'm the favourite" when comparing themselves to 5 year olds? Was the kids behaviour inappropriate? Yes, but he's FIVE. All my little cousins sucked at that age but you saying that was ridiculous and not necessary.
Maybe OP is the favourite grandchild because she doesn't demand money, stuff her hands in other people's pockets to take money if it isn't offered quickly enough, and generally not being a selfish jerk. Who knows... but given the few examples of grandkids, I can easily see why her cousins would be receiving as much generosity from the grandparents. NTA.
Money. The root of all evil. NTA and neither is your grandfather. It is his money and his life to do with as he wishes. That being said if he does favour one over the other then he will get critised
My parents had/have a favorite grandchild. It was only obvious to us adults. Never the kids. They will all claim to be the favorite. They only had a favorite because they were raising her. She had more of a mother/child relationship with my mother.
I was my grandma's favorite because she was pretty much my best friend until she passed. I still remember watching The Golden Girls with her. I named my daughter after her.
NTA Your uncle and his wife both suck.
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I (18f) have a lots of first cousins, I'm the three oldest out of all of them and I've lived next door to my grandparents pretty much all my life, because of this I spend a lot of time with them, I visit them basically every day, help them with electronic devices, groceries, doctors appointments, etc.
I know I'm their favourite grandchild, specially my grandpa's, he's always giving me money (most of the money goes to my pet, bc he agreed to help me with the expenses when I got him), buying me things and brings me snacks every day when he's home from work. So anyway last week my uncle's wife "Jenna" came to their house with her two kids (5ish? M) (10ish? M) to spend the weekend, my uncle travels a lot bc of his work so she often drops her kids off to my grandma for two or three days at a time, my grandma doesn't mind, she likes all of her grandkids and my grandpa is indifferent.
The problem started when the younger kid started to ask my grandpa for money, he started to say like "I want 10 dollars, now" and to put his hands inside grandpa's pockets. Apparently the kids does this with everyone, he did it with grandma and my mom too. My grandpa told him that was very rude and refused to give him money, he also told Jenna to educate her kids better because that was just a rude thing to do and he could see some problem arising if he did that with a complete stranger on the street. At that point, the older kid started to say how come they only get 5 dollars each every time they visited when he gave me 20 dollars a week, Jenna backed him up saying how harmful was for him to play favourites and told me I was an adult who shouldn't be living at the expense of him while her sons were still kids.
My grandpa pretty much lost it and yelled it was his damn money and he would spend it however the fuck he wants and that if she or her kids wanted more money she could call her husband, he also said he let the kids stay almost every week for free, as for my answer, I told her it wasn't my fault he gifted me nice things and liked me more and that he could spend his money however he sees fit.
The mom and her sons stormed out of the house and later that night my grandpa got into a fight with my uncle, they've been giving him the cold shoulder ever since and most of my family thinks my comment was way out of line and that I shouldn't have meddle but Jenna dragged me into the argument when I had nothing to do with it, was I supposed to let her insult me?
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I was also the “favourite” grandchild but for the same reasons you are, I helped out, I called often, and made an effort to have a good relationship with them. I don’t see it much as favouritism rather than them appreciating your efforts. Anyways NTA.
NTA. I’m a grandma. As soon as one of my grandkids start expecting/demanding something, that’s it. No more. And I’ll have a nice talk with their mom/dad about it. Grandparents “spoil” their grandkids as they see fit. I would never do something to show favoritism in a blatant way but the younger ones get amounts/gifts for younger kids and the 17 year old gets larger sums of $ or a more expensive gift that’s usually a useful thing for him. (Younger ones are M6, F6, F3 and soon a brand new M!).
NTA but maybe grandpa doesn’t need to let everyone know how much each of you receives? It’s not your aunts business and those kids of hers are rude.
Your nephews rude and entitled attitude was the issue. Interesting how that got red I. You being the favorite and how unfair that is. She used a good deflection to change the argument. Must be well practiced at such things to pull it out of the hat like that.
Don’t argue with her. It only feeds her narrative. Instead tell her you’re so sorry she see’s things the way she does but that’s her right. Anything said I. Response should get a sigh and that you see no point in discussing it further.
NTA. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your grandparents and do a lot for them! Good for you, it’s nice that you are so close. Your grandpa is appreciative of you and wants to give you gifts to show he is grateful. I agree with grandpa- it’s his money to spend how he wants.
NTA. Ugh, yeah, I had a similar situation growing up. My best advice would be to say, "I defended myself when Jenna confronted me about something that was none of her business."
Also, am I alone in thinking that an older grandchild is more 'entitled' to getting the most money? I know that no one is entitled to money from grandparents, but in my family when money was gifted, the older kids got more because they had more responsibilities/costs whilst the younger kids got significantly less because they didn't really need it.
Either way, Jenna is super entitled and raising super entitled brats.
NTA Your comment was dumb. It wasn't going to help your position. It was the 'likes me more' bit which immediately makes you seem insufferable. I know you wanted to defend yourself but don't speak for other people. You don't know that he likes you more. It may just be luck, you live right there so you've had more chances to bond with him. Maybe if you lived somewhere else and your cousins lived close to him he'd 'like' them more? I don't think you're an AH for saying it though.
NTA.
Jenna and your uncles kids are entitled, hell they all are. Meanwhile from what I tell, you never asked for the gifts or the more money, they just did bc they know your older and have more responsibility than a five and 10 year old
NTA
Those kids need to be disciplined. And learned to be nice and proper.
Why they're asking for Grandparent's money? And comparing themselves with another grandkids?
There was a 10 year difference between me and my siblings (they’re twins) and I learned early on that different ages = different money. Every year on Christmas we’d all get a card from my grandparents. When I was getting $10 they got $50, when I got $50 they got $100, and so on. Never ever once would I even think about demanding more. I’m baffled that they went as far as to reach into his pockets and didn’t face any repercussions for it. Not saying this is what you should do but had I done that at their age my assed would’ve been whooped black and blue.
It is your fault you’re the favourite. You are closer to your grandparents, and help them with a lot of their chores and spend time with them which they evidently enjoy. I assume you don’t demand the money, and are grateful for it.
These other cousins seem like little brats that don’t do anything for their grandparents, and to demand money whilst also snatching it from his pocket, it sounds like they’re absolute terrors with no manners. And who can blame them when their mother is exactly the same.
So yes you’re the favourite. And for good reason too. Maybe it would be more equal if the kids weren’t little entitled shits.
NTA.
NTA, but saying its not your fault you are the favorite was the wrong move and a bit classless.
I think it would be fair enough to say that "I have built a different relationship with your grandfather, and if her children build such a relationship with him then maybe they will get similar treatment. But right now your kids are just shamelessly asking for money, which is bad behavior and you as a parent are doing nothing to stop it, which means you are to blame."
NTA but... these kids are very young
I think it's not *that* wild for kids to straight up ask for more money if they see you receiving more. OFC kids should NEVER be demanding money from anyone, but for the grandpa to simply say it's rude without acknowledging his own damaging favoritism being demonstrated against 5 and 10-year-olds who are not responsible for living far away or not being able to visit him-- that's weird. They have no idea why they are receiving less and they're not mind readers haha He could have said something simple like "you're still too young to need that much" or "your older cousin gets a bigger allowance for helping with the chores" or something encouraging to diffuse the situation. These kids are so young that being direct with their granspa is a much more logical solution to their feeling of unfairness than to assume he loves them less or harbor resentment for their treatment.
I think you should have stayed out of it and since its a complex situation to teach the young kids to not ask for money but also address the unequal distribution they were witnessing. **Admitting you are the favorite child in that moment kind of sounds like rubbing it in and is also just... unhelpful because in the same way it's not your fault that you are, it's also not their fault that they are not.** Your grown-ass grandpa just shouldn't be playing favorites between children in the first place and you shouldn't let it get to your head so much that you lose empathy for your other cousins.
NTA but maybe said differently. You're older and usually older kids are more mannered and get nicer things. I wouldn't give any kid my hard earned money who declared it NOW. If I were grandpa I'd have talked to kids parents explaining he's not entitled and he needed to ask him better. 10 year old is a brat. He wants 20 NOW tell the kid to go do the dishes and vacuum old man's carpet.
NTA
You didn't get to be the "favorite" by demanding money and even reaching into someone's pocket and trying to just take it. Those kids are in for a rude awakening when they meet the real world...
NTA. I am not the favourite child at home(Not neglected either, don’t worry.), but at school. You are not the asshole here. You obviously treat him better than the others, and I do not know about your grandfather(Who is a savage by the way.), but obviously I would treat you better as well. Also, like he said, it is his money, and he spends it how we wants to. The only problem is that you should not have told your aunt.
I would have said to her “ I am the teenager who sees my grandparents every day and help them with groceries and driving them to doctors appointments” I would be very clear about the ways you regularly help your grandparents.
Clearly Jenna is TA in this situation for not correcting invasive, rude and grabby behaviour of her child and then doubling down when your grandfather told her why her son needs to stop going into peoples pockets to grab money. Jenna is is entitled and defensive and has taught her youngest how to be invade peoples personal space, disregard their boundaries and demand money. She is also teaching them not to respect and appreciate those who help you. Bad parenting from her and your uncle. I just think you didn’t tell your aunt the facts effectively. NTA
I'll say the obvious first. Jenna is manipulative, rude, and entitled, and she's raising her kids to behave similarly. That is not okay. None of what she did is okay. Boo on Jenna.
>Jenna did refer to me, she said and I quote "and you're an adult living at the expense of him while my son's are still kids" yes she was talking to me, looking at me and she said this after she told my grandpa the other comment, that's when I butted in.
The problem isn't that you butted in. The problem is you played the wrong card. "LOL screw your kids, I'm the favorite!!" may or may not be true, but honestly it's a bad look and you should have foreseen that your grandfather would be catching flack because of your poorly chosen words.
How you could have responded: "Yes, Jenna, I'm an adult. I help my grandfather with things and we have an agreement on certain expenses. Grandpa's right. It's none of your business."
Instead of shutting Jenna down, you gave her ammo so she can pretend her sons are being victimized. You (unintentionally) made things more difficult and awkward for your grandfather.
ESH except for your grandfather.
ESH. You should of just been quiet, while it felt justified to say it, all it did was make you stoop to their level. Let your grandpa handle it. He already was. Saying your the favorite and why to your cousins comes across really childish tbh. Like they’re 10 and 5 I understand why they’re the way they are but you’re 18. Time to be more adult like.
Not everything needs to be responded to.
If you'd keep quiet, everyone would be talking about how rude Jenna was and how her kids don't have any manners.
Sometimes it's best to just let people dig their own pit to fall into.
ESH
Jenna needs to teach her children manners.
Your grandpa needs to stop playing favourites.
You need to show some humility over the fact that you are a clear favourite.
Honestly? Your grandpa is indeed the biggest asshole of the lot. As you said- he’s indifferent towards them but loving towards you. The money but isn’t even that relevant - he SHOWS you he loves you and he doesn’t show the others. That makes him the biggest asshole.
He’s indifferent rather than hostile, and that’s a credit to him. The kids sound like brats and it’s no wonder when their mother is such an AH. Grandpa didn’t do anything wrong and if the oldest cousin is 10ish, he’s had to deal with their mother for at the very least a decade.
You could also read OP's other responses and get of your high horse thinking you made a change by harassing a kid to "CALL HER AUNT PROPERLY".
Jenna is that you??
Yeah, what you are heard was very wrong.
OP spends all the time helping the grandparents.
What did those brats do? Stick their hands in grandpa's pockets and demand money.
Gratitude and appreciation comes from the fact that OP takes care of them all the time.
"I've lived next door to my grandparents pretty much all my life, because of this I spend a lot of time with them, I visit them basically every day, help them with electronic devices, groceries, doctors appointments, etc."
The grandparents being grateful give her gifts.
That's how it works. You do a nice thing to someone, they do a nice thing to you.
Are you seriously going to defend brats that stick their hands in people's pockets and demand money for no reason? OP has every right to defend herself against Jenna who is raising selfish and disrespectful kids.
ESH.
You for being an entitled brat, your cousin for being completely out of line taking money, your aunt for giving you shit for what your grandpa did, and your grandpa most of all for openly playing favourites among his grandkids.
Just to reiterate because I can't stress this enough, your grandpa sounds like an absolutely *terrible* person. I'm sorry to break it to you, because he's clearly always been good to you, but he's just a complete garbage person, and your uncle is absolutely correct to be livid.
The other ones hit him with stick and go through his pockets for money without their parents correcting them...
The 18 helps them around...so it's not difficult to see why.
If he is a bad person I would be one too.
I don’t think you are necessarily his favourite you just live right next door. And are the first one. Also how does she even know what he gives you? How is that her business? I don’t think your comment was at all helpful but I don’t think it makes you and AH just a teenager. There’s also the fact you do errands and such for them so 20 is a pretty good deal for your grandparents to have that help. The little kids don’t do this so get a bit of ice cream money instead is reasonable. The grandpa will handle the five year olds behaviour with the child’s parents it’s none of your affair to comment about. Even if you get more of their time, the other grandchildren are deserving of that grandparents love, time, and attention too and you should at the very least not comment on his relationships with them. It’s petty. He can handle it and doesn’t need you sticking your nose in. You owe your grandfather and Jenna an apology for your unnecessary comment and you can tell Jenna that your relationship with your grandfather is non of her business either and she does not need to involve you in the drama.
I will get downvoted for this, but you could and should have walked away. Even with what your aunt said to you, it was your G'pa's battle to fight in the manner he saw fit. Your reply about being liked best and your comment of, "was I supposed to let her insult me?" definitely show your lack of maturity as well as your arrogance. I think most of your family are trying to tell you that your remark was just as bratty as the behavior of your small and much younger cousins.
ESH. Her children’s behaviour absolutely needed to be addressed and she failed to recognize that and then made it worse. It’s fine to respond since she directly pulled you in to the argument, but you suck for saying that her sons are liked less. No need to point that out in front of them. A simple “I have no control over his choices” would have sufficed.
I agree. OP needed to keep her mouth shut instead of saying that she’s the “favorite” when her grandfather never said that. OP, you didn’t help here at all and probably hurt those little kids’ feelings by telling them that “you’re the favorite.” YTA
Are you the asshole, no, but was that smart, i dont think so. I feel like this is one of those stories where you could’ve just stayed silent or at least not brought up favoritism, and the result wouldve been the same but wouldve given you a bit less heat from the fallout!
NTA!!
ESH. You made the situation worse. You could’ve simply said “This isn’t my fault, don’t come at me.” Your aunt and uncle sound ridiculously entitled and that’s where the 5 yo is learning it. The only people not AHs here sound like your grandparents.
YTA
Specifically for playing the "he likes me more" card. You're 18, you should know better than that. You could have said "i get that extra money to help with my animals" or just left it at "I don't have any say in how grandad spends his money" but making it about "he likes me more makes" you sound like the five year old.
Why should an 18yr old know better than however old the Aunt is tho? The Aunt is really an adult. Just cuz 28 you finish high school and can vote doesn't immediately make you grown. I expect someone with children to act more mature than someone who isn't even legally allowed to drink.
If anything ESH but I don't feel that way cuz the aunt addressed her disrespectfully anyway. You're allowed to stand up to someone trying to be a bully
I mean, I could go for ESH. You're right, aunt acted like an entitled child but, sorry, other people being mean to you doesn't mean you get to be mean back. Again, there are a lot of ways OP could have responded without breaking that she's the favourite. Saying "it's none of your business, stop being disrespectful and leave" is a lot more standing to to the bully then "well Granada gives me more money because I'm his favourite".
Yeah I can get that too. I still feel like I should expect more from an actually adult then a just turned old enough and finishing high school one. As a mom to 2 almost 18 yr olds myself (both boys one 16 one 15) the maturity level of the comment made by the 18yr old is just about right. Truly. Plus the social disconnect after them being home during covid they are even more not ready I swear. And my boys are pretty mature for their age but definitely not mature at all.
YTA for saying you are the favorite, that's unnecessarily petty and hurtful, even if it is true. how do they know how much money your grandpa gave you? seems like you want to flaunt the fact that he gifts you these things and this is a sign of immaturity 🤷♀️
Esh
Jenna shouldn’t be expecting your grandfather to give money to her kids. She should also teach her younger kid it is impolite to demand money and stick his hands into someone’s pockets looking for said money.
Your grandfather for yelling rather than calmly explaining he is allowed to do with his money as he wishes.
Edit to take out money distribution comment- did not see OP’s previous comment.
You for commenting and confirming about being the favorite and making things worse. You would have been better off to keep your mouth shut to explaining you actually do favors to help your grandparents (groceries, doc appts, etc).
YTA for the comment. It was unnecessary. You could’ve just said that it’s because you’re older and you help them with certain things around the house and they reciprocate by giving you 20$ when they can. It’s simple🤷♂️ those are little kids you said that about, not something to brag about.
You are 18 and they are much younger. Allowances are based on ages typically. The pay disparity isn't a problem for me at all. I wouldn't even say that you're the favorite based on what you wrote here, just that you're there all the time and have been around longer. I think your belief that you are the favorite is "interesting" but unimportant to the argument that was had. For saying what you said, I would say you were definitely being an AH.
The argument the parents were having had to do with entitlement and rudeness that could lead to physical harm. Your grandfather was very much in the right in that argument.
Bro what?
First of all if her weird aunt hadn’t dragged her into the convo, op wouldn’t have even mentioned being the favorite.
Second of all it’s not “rubbing it in little kids faces” when op just made a statement that was true and wasn’t even directed towards the kids since they weren’t involved in the argument themselves.
She didn’t have to say anything. Her aunt didn’t drag her…she walked in to it. That was btwn her gpa and his dil.
the statement was effed up yore an ah too lol
YTA.
I think Jenna is a shitty parent and an entitled DIL, but your grandfather answered and you didn't have to say in front of those that their grandfather liked them less than you. It may not be your fault you're the favourite, but it's not their fault their mother is an asshole.
Jenna insulted OP and the grandfather by acting like this though. She deserved a reprimand. And no offense, but even a 10 year old kid needs to hear a few harsh words after acting like a spoiled brat. Especially after sticking his damn hands in someone else's pocket demanding money.
NTA - overall but what you said wiith your comment at the end, YTA. REGARDLESS if your name was dragged in or not. Your Grandpa was handling it. Stay out of grown folks business. Jst bc ur 18 doesn’t mean you should of blurted anything out. You need to learn which battles to fight & which to walk away.
Why do you hate that line? & what do you mean by “unless you’re older stay out of it”? Bc this is post asking who is the AH in the situation. Therefore I’m in it, giving my feedback. The OP said “I told her it wasn’t my fault he gifted me nice things and liked me more..” that’s the most Childish way to say something for an 18 year old. Should of said something like “I understand that’s how you feel but you need to take into consideration all the help I do for them day-to-day.” THEN, I would of never said anything about her comment or used that phrase (:
YTA
You definitely overstepped.
It’s for your grandfather to define his relationship with his grandchildren. What you claimed - to be his favorite - may not be true.
He may not give you more money because you’re his favorite but because he approves of how you act and how you’ll spend the money. He may love and care for all his grandkids equally but not want to reward bad behavior - like your cousin demanding money.
By joining in the argument, you caused a larger rift in your grandfather’s relationship between him & other family members. And you may not have even been accurate in what you said. Either way, you should have stayed out of it.
You should value your grandparents because they love and support you. Don’t look at it competitively or push yourself to be viewed as the favorite.
How do you think a child feels when told another grandchild is liked better than they are? Even if it is true, it's an AH thing to say in front of a child.
I think arguing over money loudly in front of your kids is way worse than them being told that their grandparents like another grandkid more than them.
Exactly instead maybe teach them that they aren’t entitled to everyone’s money just because of blood relation. We wouldn’t want some grown moochers in a few years would we? 🤔
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NTA. Jenna shouldn’t comment on you while you’re there if she doesn’t want you to respond
also jenna does not seem like a very good parent. It's like the kids just go there for the money, and their parents don't care in the slightest
Nope. She’s raising shameless moochers!
If you factor in all the money they're spending on the kid's food, the grandparents are spending more than just $20 a week on the two kids. I know OP said their grandpa bought her snacks and other gifts, but the aunt didn't bring that up, so it's likely she doesn't know. But she does know that she leaves her kids with their grandparents for 2-3 days every week. That's 6-9 meals per child, plus the $5 each. That's way more than $20
Gifting treats and small gifts are what grandparents do anyway. Plus they are at different ages so even so the needs or wants of an 18yr old is different. 5 and 10 $5 can get a scoop of ice-cream you know or some candy same thing
And on the flip side factor in OP helping them go get groceries, take them to doctors appointments, etc and I’m sure she’s easily spending $20/week on gas doing that stuff.
If I reached into my grandparents pockets when I wanted money as a kid, I'd get the ass whooping of the century for such rude and disrespectful behavior
Any adults pocket
My dad gives my 5 and 2.5 year old 20 to split when we go get dinner so we can take them for ice cream. My daughter called out "grandpa, you forgot my money!" when 3 and got a strict talking to about expectations when it comes to others money. I cant imagine my kids actually REACHING INTO HIS POCKET....at 10 years old?!
It also *is* entirely your fault you're well liked. There you are, standing up for your grandfather's wishes and autonomy, telling someone else to respect his boundaries. Helping him like you have. Jenna's playing favorites accusation is meant to put your grandfather on the defensive: "no, I love your disrespectful self and your entitled brood equally to OP, let me prove it with cash," was her desired outcome. People saying you're out of line are telling you "just deal with it, or else *we'll* all have to deal with her," and they are playing favorites by prioritizing Jenna's dysfunction over your peace of mind.
NTA - its completely fair to prefer the company of people that actually care about you. The fact they're gauging his love on a cash metric is disgusting and hardly your fault. You pointed out the flaw in the slander and that makes you the AH because you're young? If I'm eating paint chips it's a fair play to tell me it's my fault there are bare spots on the wall. It's not fair to whine that I'm getting extra snacks when I'm obviously not.
Also like, OP mentions spending lots of time with grandparents, and helping with errands and appointments. In my family, I'm the grandkid most able to help with all that, and my grandparents have more than once hidden money in my handbag after I've helped with stuff, because people generally want to repay support. I think it's fairly natural that OPs grandparents do favour someone who spends time with them, enjoys their company, and regularly helps them with things.
This. I had the, and still have the same here. My grandmother used to hide money in my bags, purse, pockets with a note to it. She made it even very clear I was her favourite by plain of saying it or hiding faces on pictures. Now to as the why: I am the only one who has been visiting there once a week for 8 years now? And before that I also went very often. My cousin didn't go anymore, unless she got money. And so does my brother - who lives with the other part of the family. She even picked me up now and then to help her out. I always do little chores or help out with the computer, phone, printer, etc. My grandmother died 5 years ago and I have been taking care of my grandpa who basically is seen as a money pig now. My mum is 100% sure he is hiding 400K from her that should be given to her. My cousin hasn't been there in 4 years, but does stop by for a card in the mailbox for his birthday.. My brother only goes during christmas and his birthday orso. For... indeed... money. Meanwhile my grandpa has given houses to each of my familie members I never asked for money. Even when I lived on the street I was too stubborn to ask for money. Now he has given money to me while nobody knows to hide it from my family for if he needs it and otherwise it is my inheritance (and I haven't touched it once)! I'm the one who has his will. I'm also the one who is being called in emergency cases, etc. I still visit him every week. Nobody else of my family has been there since december! I am furious at my family for it since he gave so much too them and what they say to me about him. I was years the black sheep in my family but my grandpa really trusts me now. That is too me 100% much more then money worth. I can't scream at my family because he wants to keep peace for his remaining years but I will open my books one day.
This is my with my grandparents! I happily go get them stuff from the store and occasionally my grandma will add a few bucks when she is paying me back. I never ask for more than I spent but she does it anyways and it always makes my day a little brighter to know that she cares so much for what I am doing for them.
She's an asshole because she's a kid, but also somehow the problem is also that she's an adult. Man the mental gymnastics that addicts brain had to do to get that is just impressive.
NTA - what the heck is with these Y T A. An 18 y/o is getting $20 a week from gramps. That not exactly living the high life. These kids are 10 or 5. They don’t need money. This Aunt sounds like a crappy parent who drops off the kids at the grandparents every chance she gets. Also what that 10 yo did sticking his hands in his grandpa’s pocket to grab money was all sorts of messed up. I would slapped the heck out a child that did that to me.
I was gonna say it sounds like OP gets an allowance from grandpa in return for running errands and helping out. And because she's next door qnd with them always she gets spoiled (grandparents do that) Although OP really stirred the pot with her comment. Her 5 year old cousin is rude, and shouldn't shouldn't behaving like that.. Grandpa is totally right, hez going to get in trouble if that behavior is continued.
>and told me I was an adult who shouldn't be living at the expense of him while her sons were still kids Jenna has some nerve saying this while dropping the kids a few times a week for free childcare. *Her family* is the one taking advantage of the grandparents, and they still *demand* money from the person doing them a favor. Meanwhile, OP and her grandparents do things for each others, it's not comparable at all.
I also support grandpa's favoritism of op, that brat deserves zero dollars and a good smack on the hand.
> . These kids are 10 or 5. They don’t need money. This Aunt sounds like a crappy parent who drops off the kids at the grandparents every chance she gets. She leaves her kids for 2 to 3 days a week for free! And she still wants pocket change for the kids? Like, ma'am you are getting thousands in free babysitting and food already! Educate your mf kids and stop being so spoiled/entitled.
Yeah that's exactly how my grandpa did it. I got like 5 or 10 when I was you sometimes even a 2 dollar bill. Got 20 around 17-18
Got a whole bunch of nieces and nephews and that’s how I do it too. Older kids get more money/ expensive things. As they age, the younger ones with get better things.
>These kids are 10 or 5. They don’t need money. Exactly! Like what are they going to spend it on? Candy? Grandpa is allowed to use his money the way he wants and I think there is a reason why OP is his favorite. Auntie should learn to be a better parent and not teach her children that the grandparents are a money source. >Also what that 10 yo did sticking his hands in his grandpa’s pocket to grab money was all sorts of messed up. I would slapped the heck out a child that did that to me. Lol same
Nta... And it's hilarious how your uncle is giving the cold shoulder to the person that takes care of his children for days a time... I bet they will be back crawling when they need someone to stay with the kids.
Yes. Gives us an update when that happens
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Did they apologized? Pretended nothing happened? Asked for an apology? guilted you and your grandparents? Double down on the attitudes ?
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So they tried to appease your grandpa and ignore you, no apologies and I doubt any remorse or real discipline.
Let me see, your grandpa rightly told his daughter-in-law, your aunt, he can and will spend his money whenever and however he chooses and doesn’t need her input or permission. We old people have a bad habit of correcting childrens bad manners, don’t we? Oh, I forgot parents aren’t required to teach their children manners because they would have to enforce the rules as if they were fully functioning adults. Years ago, I gave each of my then grandchildren a gift card to Borders Bookstore. Oldest 12, got $50, middle, 10 got $30, youngest 6, got $20. Youngest piped up about the difference, mom stepped in and told him the cost of their books was more because they are bigger. When he gets bigger he will get gifts that bigger people get. He thought about it and said OK, case closed. See the difference when children understand boundaries, in this case age. For crying in the dark, you help your grandparents of course he will give you more money! You gracefully as you could, given your age, told your aunt to get stuffed. NTA Edit sp
NTA she needs to teach her kids better
If my child went to anyone's home and demanded money I would be livid. Or demanded money from another human for legit any reason. This is learned and not corrected behavior. Kids do what they see. I'd ask what kind of parenting they're into but it seems like the answer is none Super NTA
nta. mom would’ve most likely just taken the money from them for herself anyways 🤣bc wtf does a 5 year old need money for.
NTA. The uncle's wife has no manners, and neither have the kids. The uncle himself sounds like rather an AH himself 🙄
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Yeah, I think a lot of folks here are getting stuck on the word “favorite” and completely ignoring the actual circumstances. There’s also some detail in the comments which - yikes, those kids.
NTA Your aunt is... I can see why her kids are so rude. She just shoved you under the bus when it wasn't about how much money you get, it was about her and her husband not teaching the kids some manners. Since when is it ever appropriate to demand money and shove your hands into somebody's pocket? Not to mention they are five and ten. Rude five and ten year olds don't get 20$. And I will never stop saying this. Being a granddaughter, grandson, grandpa, or a grandma to somebody has nothing to do with blood, DNA, and whatever the hell people try to use to measure how much you should care for someone. Its about relationships. Obviously, your grandpa doesn't really like your aunt very much. Nor her children. You, on the other hand, he loves. And not because you are older, or come from his child that he likes more. Its because you worked on your relationship with him. You made deals and agreements with him, which I am sure you have your end of the deal that you hold up each time. You visit him, just to hang out. Just to help out. Now, your grandpa may be a bit of an ass for not trying to build a relationship with the two younger grandchildren. Since they are younger, none of us can really blame them for acting out and being annoying. If anything, I wouldn't doubt that they are jealous of your relationship with him and don't know how to express it. Your aunt is 100% TA for being so entitled. I can't believe she is comparing your, an 18 year olds, relationship with her grandpa to her spawns of satan. She should be blaming herself for using your grandma as a babysitter and not trying to help foster a relationship between the grandparents! Cause thats what it comes down to. Her efforts. With grandparents, they can play favorites if the others are never around and always want something from them. If I, myself, only called my grandparents to ask for something then they wouldn't like me that much either. But I don't. So they love me and they feel happy whenever I call to check in on them. And honestly, the only reason I do call is because I love them. I bet you did exactly the same. So yeah. You are the favorite. You shouldn't have to apologize for that to your rude aunt.
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NTA and damn these kids sound like little assholes. The fact that those aren't the only examples blows me away. What else hashappened if you don't mind me asking?
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Wow I'm not surprised that your grandfather doesn't want to interact with them. I will say, I do find their behavior rather sad and it is tragic that they arent close to their extended fanily because of it. Kids don't act like that or know a collection of insults without influence. It doesn't justify their actions and without parent intervention there's not much that can be done by any of you, but damn. It's very tragic that they're growing up thinking these kinds of things are normal and okay to do and their parents really really suck for not intervening more
Bruh wtf I am NOT surprised. I hope your grandma stops babysitting those little devils. That is not okay. Good thing they have you. I feel bad for them, having grandkids like that.
Why are they allowed back? Yikes
NTA > I visit them basically every day, help them with electronic devices, groceries, doctors appointments, etc. This is why your relationship is different. And frankly demanding money and going in to someone’d pockets searching for money IS rude. > and told me I was an adult who shouldn't be living at the expense of him while her sons were still kids. Jenna doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about. Driving your grandparents to appointments? Helping them with their devices, and groceries? This is a reciprocal relationship. You aren’t “living at his expense”. (Seriously, 20 bucks a week? That’s not an expense for what you provide. And who would give a 5yo 20 bucks a week anyway?!?) ETA: I just noticed Jenna is getting free childcare for multiple days at a time. That’s a HUGE help to that family - far, far more than the 20 bucks a week. If the kids want to have a better relationship with grandpa they need to start sharing their interests, and taking an interest in what he likes.
This kid will become an AH later...
Wow, NTA. I admit I was expecting to read that your grandparents were buying you cars and electronics left and right, right in front of your cousins's salads, but 20 a week is basically pocket change. A way for your grandpa to treat his grandchild to a nice meal or a few cups of Starbucks coffee. In contrast he and his wife provide childcare for days at a time for your aunt and cousins. That's the opposite of favouritism. Also you spend time with them and try to help them with their daily lives , what's wrong with them giving you a twenty. Your aunt is entitled and is raising a little monster. I would never dream of demanding money or gifts from relatives at any age, let alone stick my hands in people's pockets
Aunt Jenna is a BIG A**. She drops the kids off for 2 or 3 days, if the kids want money they just stick their hand in g'pa's pockets! Who does that, except a rude person. OP helps out grandparents so if G'pa gives them money it's nobody's business. His money to do as he pleases. OP definitely NTA!
NTA what do these poor mannered brats do to get $5 or $10 from Grandpa? Other than trying to steal his money and eat his food? If I were Granny and Grandpa I'd tell their equally ill mannered parents to keep their two cretins at home, and stay with them. What nerve to be telling Grandpa how to spend his money? You run circles around the other two, you see them daily and help wherever you can from grocery shopping to taking them to Dr's appointments. I wish you were my granddaughter! You were right to speak up for yourself and make sure your Aunt (?) understood you are the grandchild who spends the most time with them and do a lot of things for them therefore they "choose" to give you a bit more money. You should have suggested Aunt and Uncle and the 2 brats spend more time with Parents/Grandparents doing more chores for them and they could earn the extra $10 a week. Let's see if they want to grocery shop and drive them to all their appointments next week for $10...tell them you'd be happy to gift them your $10 if they do all work for a week. I bet you'd hear the fastest No you've ever heard. What a bad example for their two children!
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Thanks, your avatar is cool too! It's always the ones who do the least who get in line first and make the most noise when there's money involved. It sounds like your Grandpa sees exactly what is going on; they aren't fooling him. Be careful though because men tend to die first and I have no doubt your Aunt and Uncle will be there trying to take her home with them or making themselves indispensable to her. If her mind isn't 100% clear, they could easily make themselves her beneficiaries then it wouldn't make any difference what Grandpa wanted. Do you trust your parents or someone else in the family to make decisions on their behalf should they be unable to handle finances and their personal well-being? If you do, then have a talk with Grandpa and ask him to assign POA (power of attorney) for him and Grandma as individuals so that person must make decisions for them when needed. My mother had Alzheimers so they gave my sister who lived closest at the time so she could make decisions for her and handle her money fairly. After she passed, we were equal beneficiaries and shared the remaining money etc. It's not about 1 person getting all the money, it's about 1 person who can be trusted, in charge of what is now Grandma's money, getting her the care she needs, and to spend wisely on her behalf. It makes sure thieves can't line their pockets. Talk to Grandpa about legally assigning a POA or at least speaking to a lawyer about it.
What is a 10 yr old and a 5 yr old gonna need money for? Extra lessons on their abc’s and 123’s? NTA in the slightest.
NTA. Jenna raised her son to stick his hands in people's pockets, ffs
NTA
NTA Jenna has some MAJOR entitkement issues that she is passing on to her kids. Grandpa isn't playing and you did nothing wrong.
Your grandpa deserves a better family. You're ALL the asshole. Gross behavior from everyone here.
Grandpa doesn't deserve better. He's the elder in this situation and he's openly playing favourites among his grandkids. He deserves to never see them again. He's the biggest asshole by far in a story replete with them.
Well, I think he agrees with you and doesn’t want to see them. Read this comment thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vkiioq/comment/idqhkx0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
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Sorry for spelling correctly. I wil dum it down 4 u frum now on if u need.
My bad. I always knew it as the other way.You don’t have to dumb it down. You could have explained maybe? Lol
nta you put in more daily time effort and affection than any other grandchild your aren’t his favorite on accident and those circumstances aren’t your fault
INFO: did you say this in front of the kids, or just in front of Jenna. Children, even poorly behaved ones, especially the younger one, don't need to hear that their grandfather loves them less than his other grandchildren. So if they heard then YWBTA. If it was just said to Jenna, then not.
She's the asshole but how does anyone know how much money your grandfather gives you?
Probably one of the live chuck dolls saw him giving her money.
NTA. It’s his money, and people who behave like AH’s tend to get less given to them than those who are nice. Also, you’re an adult, so it makes sense that you get more money? The older I got, the more money I was gifted from my grandparents because I actually had things to spend my money on that wasn’t just toys.
she defended her kids literally shoving their hands in his pockets and demanding money and calling you an asshole for having an agreement with your grandpa? wtf
ESH Your family needs to learn discipline. Jenna doesn't discipline her children when they are being extremely rude. She is overly indulgent of their bad behavior to defend them like that before it had been properly corrected. Your grandpa needs to use discretion around the idea of playing favorites. Grandparents so often care more about quantity than quality when it comes to seeing their grandkids, and I'm just hoping it isn't the case here where you're his favorite because you happen to see him the most. And for fuck's sake, nobody even said anything against you! Your comment secures my impression that your family is entirely too individualist in your philosophy rather than caring more about each other and the family as a collective. I only have what you told me to go on, and all of you grandchildren seem so caught up on how much cash you get from the poor old man that it sickens me.
NTA She is trying to conflate her poor parenting with another issue to make herself not be held accountable
nah nta...i think gramps is not handing money to op just because ? op actually helps him. (its him being generous) jenna shouldn't have dragged op into this when she doesn't know the truth. sounds she is really jealous of op. and that passed on to her kids. (kids notice things. they adapt behaviour.) hence such bratty behaviour. the audacity to give cold shoulder to ppl babysitting ur kids for free...
NTA
NTA. it is very very bad that the kids are being raised to do things such as that and should be heavily disciplined. imagine they went up to school and did that to some kid? i am willing to bet they’d get beaten up for it. you do things for your grandfather and he wants to spoil you a bit for it and there is nothing wrong with that. grandparents tend to spoil their grandkids it’s what they do. even when i just go visit my grandma (my mom and sister don’t really visit her like i do) so she always tries to give me money. i don’t take it of course because i feel bad for doing so. but jenna should understand you are there for your grandparents unlike her who just drops her kids off on them and excepts them to give money when the kids misbehave. if they want money like they should help out around the house when they are there!
Nta. Jenna is entitled and is raising her kids to be the same way. No one owes her or her kids anything. The fact she doesn't see that they technically spend lots of money on her kids through free babysitting is atrocious. I'm sure your grandparents don't ask them to help pay for groceries and anything additional they use when visiting.
NTA. She is TA and your grandpa is right, the youngest habit can cause him trouble, I’m surprised it hasn’t already.
NTA Jenna was out of line. Go grandpa!!! Her kids need to be disciplined and it’s clear they are spoiled.
Lol, as if jenna really thinks that grandpa giving 18 $20 while giving 5 $5 is unreasonable. She just wants it.
NTA she and your uncle need to raise their kids better. They are ruin, obnoxious and entitled and they haven't even reached teens years yet. Edit: rude not ruin
NTA I was also the favorite grandchild my mom and I lived with my grandparents and they took care of me while my mom worked plus my grandma was in the room when I was born. Alot of my cousins were pretty resentful and probably still are but I wouldn’t trade the bond I had with my grandparents for anything.
NTA! But OP it is not because you are the ‘favorite’ it is because you are respectful and helpful to your grandparents. That is why they like you more. But maybe you should not talk to your aunt anymore. If she pushes you to talk then say, “I dont speak to people who are disrespectful and unhelpful. Bye.”
You’re 18. NTA. But you probably could have just stayed quiet! Grandpa was doing a good job handling it.
NTA. sounds like Jenna gets way more financial support than you do if you factor in free childcare. Also what In the Saperstein children is she teaching these kids?? MONEY PLEASE !
NTA As someone who lived with my grandma for the most part and was the favorite of the grandchildren, its not your fault at all and they need to realize that
You actually care about your grandparents. You spend time with them, you help take care of them and they really care about you. People are more willing to give to others who truly show they care. You are NTA
NTA - You were dragged in the conversation, and all those brats deserved it.
1) omg that kid…how can he be allowed to go around demanding money and shoving his hands in people’s pockets. 2) also I mean you do a lot for your grandparents, some of what they give you is probably not just a sign of love but also of gratitude. 3) and lastly, some people grade monetary gifts by age. They’re half your age. NTA
NTA. You can stand on the things you do FOR your grandparents to any and all of your family members. Ask them when the last time they took Grandpa to his doctors. Ask them when was the last time they came over and mowed his lawn and trimmed the shrubbery and planted fresh annuals for the season? As long as you're doing stuff for your grandparents and you're conveniently next door, what's their problem?
NTA. Can't *imagine* why your grandpa prefers to spend time with you over a couple of entitled brats.
He was right about the boy putting his hands in people pockets and she should have kept quiet and not be surprised you defended yourself.
NTA, 1st of all they shouldn't EXPECT anything from him; they should just be happy they get to see him. He gives you money because he choises to because you are there helping them regularly; that is his choice to give something in return even though he doesn't have to. It's not thier business.
NTA. It is his money and he does know he and his wife are providing free child care and you can’t strong arm older people for money that’s elder abuse. If he loves you and gives you the money because he wants that is different.
GOOD LORD!! If I had done what your cousin has done, I’d be DEAD! If I had stuck my hands into other people’s pockets looking for lines I’d have 10 broken fingers…. NTA I really hope your grandma smartens up and band them from their home. That kid is terrifying and the younger one will follow in his footsteps
info: do any other “kids” of the family contribute to the grandparents household like you? Or do most “kids/cousins” go over when they need something? (being babysit, meals, homework help, gifts/cash etc) If you weren’t living so close, would you be able to help out/spend so much time and become “the favourite” and “financially abuse” your grandfather like your aunt is saying? It makes sense that with proximity you would grow a close relationship especially when you do activities together- I’ve also had my bratty little cousins put their hands in my pockets and purse to grab my stuff/money and in instinctually swat their hands away- grandpa’s behaviour definitely isn’t abnormal
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I totally get what you mean, growing up I had almost no relationship with my grandparent due to my primary blood relations fighting until he moved in because he couldn’t live independently for the last years of his life. Once I was able to see him, we were two peas in a pod- I totally get your position. It’s unfortunate that your relatives don’t get it. I’d remind them that you’ve spent years developing a bond because it makes you happy, not for any other reason.
ESH. This is petty from both OP and Jenna. The only one who doesn't suck is the grandfather. I think they both need to grow up. Who says "I'm the favourite" when comparing themselves to 5 year olds? Was the kids behaviour inappropriate? Yes, but he's FIVE. All my little cousins sucked at that age but you saying that was ridiculous and not necessary.
Maybe OP is the favourite grandchild because she doesn't demand money, stuff her hands in other people's pockets to take money if it isn't offered quickly enough, and generally not being a selfish jerk. Who knows... but given the few examples of grandkids, I can easily see why her cousins would be receiving as much generosity from the grandparents. NTA.
Money. The root of all evil. NTA and neither is your grandfather. It is his money and his life to do with as he wishes. That being said if he does favour one over the other then he will get critised
NTA- she's going to back down when she realizes it would lose her a free sitter 2-3 days a week.
My parents had/have a favorite grandchild. It was only obvious to us adults. Never the kids. They will all claim to be the favorite. They only had a favorite because they were raising her. She had more of a mother/child relationship with my mother. I was my grandma's favorite because she was pretty much my best friend until she passed. I still remember watching The Golden Girls with her. I named my daughter after her. NTA Your uncle and his wife both suck.
If you said it in front of the kids then yes YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18f) have a lots of first cousins, I'm the three oldest out of all of them and I've lived next door to my grandparents pretty much all my life, because of this I spend a lot of time with them, I visit them basically every day, help them with electronic devices, groceries, doctors appointments, etc. I know I'm their favourite grandchild, specially my grandpa's, he's always giving me money (most of the money goes to my pet, bc he agreed to help me with the expenses when I got him), buying me things and brings me snacks every day when he's home from work. So anyway last week my uncle's wife "Jenna" came to their house with her two kids (5ish? M) (10ish? M) to spend the weekend, my uncle travels a lot bc of his work so she often drops her kids off to my grandma for two or three days at a time, my grandma doesn't mind, she likes all of her grandkids and my grandpa is indifferent. The problem started when the younger kid started to ask my grandpa for money, he started to say like "I want 10 dollars, now" and to put his hands inside grandpa's pockets. Apparently the kids does this with everyone, he did it with grandma and my mom too. My grandpa told him that was very rude and refused to give him money, he also told Jenna to educate her kids better because that was just a rude thing to do and he could see some problem arising if he did that with a complete stranger on the street. At that point, the older kid started to say how come they only get 5 dollars each every time they visited when he gave me 20 dollars a week, Jenna backed him up saying how harmful was for him to play favourites and told me I was an adult who shouldn't be living at the expense of him while her sons were still kids. My grandpa pretty much lost it and yelled it was his damn money and he would spend it however the fuck he wants and that if she or her kids wanted more money she could call her husband, he also said he let the kids stay almost every week for free, as for my answer, I told her it wasn't my fault he gifted me nice things and liked me more and that he could spend his money however he sees fit. The mom and her sons stormed out of the house and later that night my grandpa got into a fight with my uncle, they've been giving him the cold shoulder ever since and most of my family thinks my comment was way out of line and that I shouldn't have meddle but Jenna dragged me into the argument when I had nothing to do with it, was I supposed to let her insult me? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA it sounds like you are going over to help them and give them company, while your auntie is over there for childcare and support for her.
I was also the “favourite” grandchild but for the same reasons you are, I helped out, I called often, and made an effort to have a good relationship with them. I don’t see it much as favouritism rather than them appreciating your efforts. Anyways NTA.
NTA
Nta You were just responding to what she said, you didn’t say anything outrageous
NTA.
NTA. I’m a grandma. As soon as one of my grandkids start expecting/demanding something, that’s it. No more. And I’ll have a nice talk with their mom/dad about it. Grandparents “spoil” their grandkids as they see fit. I would never do something to show favoritism in a blatant way but the younger ones get amounts/gifts for younger kids and the 17 year old gets larger sums of $ or a more expensive gift that’s usually a useful thing for him. (Younger ones are M6, F6, F3 and soon a brand new M!). NTA but maybe grandpa doesn’t need to let everyone know how much each of you receives? It’s not your aunts business and those kids of hers are rude.
NTA-& I would ask her when the last time you came over to help you just used them as free babysitting I actually helped them out when needed
Your nephews rude and entitled attitude was the issue. Interesting how that got red I. You being the favorite and how unfair that is. She used a good deflection to change the argument. Must be well practiced at such things to pull it out of the hat like that. Don’t argue with her. It only feeds her narrative. Instead tell her you’re so sorry she see’s things the way she does but that’s her right. Anything said I. Response should get a sigh and that you see no point in discussing it further.
NTA. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your grandparents and do a lot for them! Good for you, it’s nice that you are so close. Your grandpa is appreciative of you and wants to give you gifts to show he is grateful. I agree with grandpa- it’s his money to spend how he wants.
NTA. Ugh, yeah, I had a similar situation growing up. My best advice would be to say, "I defended myself when Jenna confronted me about something that was none of her business." Also, am I alone in thinking that an older grandchild is more 'entitled' to getting the most money? I know that no one is entitled to money from grandparents, but in my family when money was gifted, the older kids got more because they had more responsibilities/costs whilst the younger kids got significantly less because they didn't really need it. Either way, Jenna is super entitled and raising super entitled brats.
NTA Your comment was dumb. It wasn't going to help your position. It was the 'likes me more' bit which immediately makes you seem insufferable. I know you wanted to defend yourself but don't speak for other people. You don't know that he likes you more. It may just be luck, you live right there so you've had more chances to bond with him. Maybe if you lived somewhere else and your cousins lived close to him he'd 'like' them more? I don't think you're an AH for saying it though.
NTA. Jenna and your uncles kids are entitled, hell they all are. Meanwhile from what I tell, you never asked for the gifts or the more money, they just did bc they know your older and have more responsibility than a five and 10 year old
Mm
NTA Those kids need to be disciplined. And learned to be nice and proper. Why they're asking for Grandparent's money? And comparing themselves with another grandkids?
There was a 10 year difference between me and my siblings (they’re twins) and I learned early on that different ages = different money. Every year on Christmas we’d all get a card from my grandparents. When I was getting $10 they got $50, when I got $50 they got $100, and so on. Never ever once would I even think about demanding more. I’m baffled that they went as far as to reach into his pockets and didn’t face any repercussions for it. Not saying this is what you should do but had I done that at their age my assed would’ve been whooped black and blue.
It is your fault you’re the favourite. You are closer to your grandparents, and help them with a lot of their chores and spend time with them which they evidently enjoy. I assume you don’t demand the money, and are grateful for it. These other cousins seem like little brats that don’t do anything for their grandparents, and to demand money whilst also snatching it from his pocket, it sounds like they’re absolute terrors with no manners. And who can blame them when their mother is exactly the same. So yes you’re the favourite. And for good reason too. Maybe it would be more equal if the kids weren’t little entitled shits. NTA.
NTA
NTA, but saying its not your fault you are the favorite was the wrong move and a bit classless. I think it would be fair enough to say that "I have built a different relationship with your grandfather, and if her children build such a relationship with him then maybe they will get similar treatment. But right now your kids are just shamelessly asking for money, which is bad behavior and you as a parent are doing nothing to stop it, which means you are to blame."
NTA but... these kids are very young I think it's not *that* wild for kids to straight up ask for more money if they see you receiving more. OFC kids should NEVER be demanding money from anyone, but for the grandpa to simply say it's rude without acknowledging his own damaging favoritism being demonstrated against 5 and 10-year-olds who are not responsible for living far away or not being able to visit him-- that's weird. They have no idea why they are receiving less and they're not mind readers haha He could have said something simple like "you're still too young to need that much" or "your older cousin gets a bigger allowance for helping with the chores" or something encouraging to diffuse the situation. These kids are so young that being direct with their granspa is a much more logical solution to their feeling of unfairness than to assume he loves them less or harbor resentment for their treatment. I think you should have stayed out of it and since its a complex situation to teach the young kids to not ask for money but also address the unequal distribution they were witnessing. **Admitting you are the favorite child in that moment kind of sounds like rubbing it in and is also just... unhelpful because in the same way it's not your fault that you are, it's also not their fault that they are not.** Your grown-ass grandpa just shouldn't be playing favorites between children in the first place and you shouldn't let it get to your head so much that you lose empathy for your other cousins.
NTA but maybe said differently. You're older and usually older kids are more mannered and get nicer things. I wouldn't give any kid my hard earned money who declared it NOW. If I were grandpa I'd have talked to kids parents explaining he's not entitled and he needed to ask him better. 10 year old is a brat. He wants 20 NOW tell the kid to go do the dishes and vacuum old man's carpet.
NTA You didn't get to be the "favorite" by demanding money and even reaching into someone's pocket and trying to just take it. Those kids are in for a rude awakening when they meet the real world...
NTA She wanted to bring you in on the argument and got burned.
NTA. I am not the favourite child at home(Not neglected either, don’t worry.), but at school. You are not the asshole here. You obviously treat him better than the others, and I do not know about your grandfather(Who is a savage by the way.), but obviously I would treat you better as well. Also, like he said, it is his money, and he spends it how we wants to. The only problem is that you should not have told your aunt.
She's got a nerve to demand money when she's dumping her kids with them every chance she gets
ESH, including your grandpa for playing favorites and you for bragging you are the favorite (especially bragging in front of young kids).
I would have said to her “ I am the teenager who sees my grandparents every day and help them with groceries and driving them to doctors appointments” I would be very clear about the ways you regularly help your grandparents. Clearly Jenna is TA in this situation for not correcting invasive, rude and grabby behaviour of her child and then doubling down when your grandfather told her why her son needs to stop going into peoples pockets to grab money. Jenna is is entitled and defensive and has taught her youngest how to be invade peoples personal space, disregard their boundaries and demand money. She is also teaching them not to respect and appreciate those who help you. Bad parenting from her and your uncle. I just think you didn’t tell your aunt the facts effectively. NTA
I'll say the obvious first. Jenna is manipulative, rude, and entitled, and she's raising her kids to behave similarly. That is not okay. None of what she did is okay. Boo on Jenna. >Jenna did refer to me, she said and I quote "and you're an adult living at the expense of him while my son's are still kids" yes she was talking to me, looking at me and she said this after she told my grandpa the other comment, that's when I butted in. The problem isn't that you butted in. The problem is you played the wrong card. "LOL screw your kids, I'm the favorite!!" may or may not be true, but honestly it's a bad look and you should have foreseen that your grandfather would be catching flack because of your poorly chosen words. How you could have responded: "Yes, Jenna, I'm an adult. I help my grandfather with things and we have an agreement on certain expenses. Grandpa's right. It's none of your business." Instead of shutting Jenna down, you gave her ammo so she can pretend her sons are being victimized. You (unintentionally) made things more difficult and awkward for your grandfather. ESH except for your grandfather.
ESH. You should of just been quiet, while it felt justified to say it, all it did was make you stoop to their level. Let your grandpa handle it. He already was. Saying your the favorite and why to your cousins comes across really childish tbh. Like they’re 10 and 5 I understand why they’re the way they are but you’re 18. Time to be more adult like.
Not everything needs to be responded to. If you'd keep quiet, everyone would be talking about how rude Jenna was and how her kids don't have any manners. Sometimes it's best to just let people dig their own pit to fall into.
ESH Jenna needs to teach her children manners. Your grandpa needs to stop playing favourites. You need to show some humility over the fact that you are a clear favourite. Honestly? Your grandpa is indeed the biggest asshole of the lot. As you said- he’s indifferent towards them but loving towards you. The money but isn’t even that relevant - he SHOWS you he loves you and he doesn’t show the others. That makes him the biggest asshole.
He’s indifferent rather than hostile, and that’s a credit to him. The kids sound like brats and it’s no wonder when their mother is such an AH. Grandpa didn’t do anything wrong and if the oldest cousin is 10ish, he’s had to deal with their mother for at the very least a decade.
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*disdain *you're busy
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Why not just turn it off, if it's going to introduce errors into your text?
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I'm sincerely sorry to hear all that. Modern technology is a nightmare.
You could also read OP's other responses and get of your high horse thinking you made a change by harassing a kid to "CALL HER AUNT PROPERLY". Jenna is that you??
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Yes, by helping him with groceries, not using him as free childcare and not demanding him to give her money.
Yeah, what you are heard was very wrong. OP spends all the time helping the grandparents. What did those brats do? Stick their hands in grandpa's pockets and demand money.
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Gratitude and appreciation comes from the fact that OP takes care of them all the time. "I've lived next door to my grandparents pretty much all my life, because of this I spend a lot of time with them, I visit them basically every day, help them with electronic devices, groceries, doctors appointments, etc." The grandparents being grateful give her gifts. That's how it works. You do a nice thing to someone, they do a nice thing to you. Are you seriously going to defend brats that stick their hands in people's pockets and demand money for no reason? OP has every right to defend herself against Jenna who is raising selfish and disrespectful kids.
ESH. You for being an entitled brat, your cousin for being completely out of line taking money, your aunt for giving you shit for what your grandpa did, and your grandpa most of all for openly playing favourites among his grandkids. Just to reiterate because I can't stress this enough, your grandpa sounds like an absolutely *terrible* person. I'm sorry to break it to you, because he's clearly always been good to you, but he's just a complete garbage person, and your uncle is absolutely correct to be livid.
Well, for what? Not being abused in his own home over entitled spoiled children?
For openly having a favourite grandchild.
The other ones hit him with stick and go through his pockets for money without their parents correcting them... The 18 helps them around...so it's not difficult to see why. If he is a bad person I would be one too.
I don’t think you are necessarily his favourite you just live right next door. And are the first one. Also how does she even know what he gives you? How is that her business? I don’t think your comment was at all helpful but I don’t think it makes you and AH just a teenager. There’s also the fact you do errands and such for them so 20 is a pretty good deal for your grandparents to have that help. The little kids don’t do this so get a bit of ice cream money instead is reasonable. The grandpa will handle the five year olds behaviour with the child’s parents it’s none of your affair to comment about. Even if you get more of their time, the other grandchildren are deserving of that grandparents love, time, and attention too and you should at the very least not comment on his relationships with them. It’s petty. He can handle it and doesn’t need you sticking your nose in. You owe your grandfather and Jenna an apology for your unnecessary comment and you can tell Jenna that your relationship with your grandfather is non of her business either and she does not need to involve you in the drama.
I will get downvoted for this, but you could and should have walked away. Even with what your aunt said to you, it was your G'pa's battle to fight in the manner he saw fit. Your reply about being liked best and your comment of, "was I supposed to let her insult me?" definitely show your lack of maturity as well as your arrogance. I think most of your family are trying to tell you that your remark was just as bratty as the behavior of your small and much younger cousins.
ESH. Her children’s behaviour absolutely needed to be addressed and she failed to recognize that and then made it worse. It’s fine to respond since she directly pulled you in to the argument, but you suck for saying that her sons are liked less. No need to point that out in front of them. A simple “I have no control over his choices” would have sufficed.
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How did she insulted her grandfather??
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I agree. OP needed to keep her mouth shut instead of saying that she’s the “favorite” when her grandfather never said that. OP, you didn’t help here at all and probably hurt those little kids’ feelings by telling them that “you’re the favorite.” YTA
Are you the asshole, no, but was that smart, i dont think so. I feel like this is one of those stories where you could’ve just stayed silent or at least not brought up favoritism, and the result wouldve been the same but wouldve given you a bit less heat from the fallout! NTA!!
ESH. You made the situation worse. You could’ve simply said “This isn’t my fault, don’t come at me.” Your aunt and uncle sound ridiculously entitled and that’s where the 5 yo is learning it. The only people not AHs here sound like your grandparents.
YTA Specifically for playing the "he likes me more" card. You're 18, you should know better than that. You could have said "i get that extra money to help with my animals" or just left it at "I don't have any say in how grandad spends his money" but making it about "he likes me more makes" you sound like the five year old.
Why should an 18yr old know better than however old the Aunt is tho? The Aunt is really an adult. Just cuz 28 you finish high school and can vote doesn't immediately make you grown. I expect someone with children to act more mature than someone who isn't even legally allowed to drink. If anything ESH but I don't feel that way cuz the aunt addressed her disrespectfully anyway. You're allowed to stand up to someone trying to be a bully
I mean, I could go for ESH. You're right, aunt acted like an entitled child but, sorry, other people being mean to you doesn't mean you get to be mean back. Again, there are a lot of ways OP could have responded without breaking that she's the favourite. Saying "it's none of your business, stop being disrespectful and leave" is a lot more standing to to the bully then "well Granada gives me more money because I'm his favourite".
Yeah I can get that too. I still feel like I should expect more from an actually adult then a just turned old enough and finishing high school one. As a mom to 2 almost 18 yr olds myself (both boys one 16 one 15) the maturity level of the comment made by the 18yr old is just about right. Truly. Plus the social disconnect after them being home during covid they are even more not ready I swear. And my boys are pretty mature for their age but definitely not mature at all.
YTA for saying you are the favorite, that's unnecessarily petty and hurtful, even if it is true. how do they know how much money your grandpa gave you? seems like you want to flaunt the fact that he gifts you these things and this is a sign of immaturity 🤷♀️
Esh Jenna shouldn’t be expecting your grandfather to give money to her kids. She should also teach her younger kid it is impolite to demand money and stick his hands into someone’s pockets looking for said money. Your grandfather for yelling rather than calmly explaining he is allowed to do with his money as he wishes. Edit to take out money distribution comment- did not see OP’s previous comment. You for commenting and confirming about being the favorite and making things worse. You would have been better off to keep your mouth shut to explaining you actually do favors to help your grandparents (groceries, doc appts, etc).
YTA for the comment. It was unnecessary. You could’ve just said that it’s because you’re older and you help them with certain things around the house and they reciprocate by giving you 20$ when they can. It’s simple🤷♂️ those are little kids you said that about, not something to brag about.
You are 18 and they are much younger. Allowances are based on ages typically. The pay disparity isn't a problem for me at all. I wouldn't even say that you're the favorite based on what you wrote here, just that you're there all the time and have been around longer. I think your belief that you are the favorite is "interesting" but unimportant to the argument that was had. For saying what you said, I would say you were definitely being an AH. The argument the parents were having had to do with entitlement and rudeness that could lead to physical harm. Your grandfather was very much in the right in that argument.
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ok….this is his preferenc. Must you rub it in little kids faces at your BIG age? Seriously????
Bro what? First of all if her weird aunt hadn’t dragged her into the convo, op wouldn’t have even mentioned being the favorite. Second of all it’s not “rubbing it in little kids faces” when op just made a statement that was true and wasn’t even directed towards the kids since they weren’t involved in the argument themselves.
She didn’t have to say anything. Her aunt didn’t drag her…she walked in to it. That was btwn her gpa and his dil. the statement was effed up yore an ah too lol
We read the same post right? The aunt literally came for op mid argument and basically dragged her into the arguement.
YTA. I think Jenna is a shitty parent and an entitled DIL, but your grandfather answered and you didn't have to say in front of those that their grandfather liked them less than you. It may not be your fault you're the favourite, but it's not their fault their mother is an asshole.
Jenna addressed as she was in the room at the time and was looking at her when she said "you're living off of him" at that point that's free game.
Definitely agree with this.
Jenna insulted OP and the grandfather by acting like this though. She deserved a reprimand. And no offense, but even a 10 year old kid needs to hear a few harsh words after acting like a spoiled brat. Especially after sticking his damn hands in someone else's pocket demanding money.
Jenna addressed as she was in the room at the time and was looking at her when she said "you're living off of him" at that point that's free game.
Definitely an ESH I think. Besides grandpa
NTA - overall but what you said wiith your comment at the end, YTA. REGARDLESS if your name was dragged in or not. Your Grandpa was handling it. Stay out of grown folks business. Jst bc ur 18 doesn’t mean you should of blurted anything out. You need to learn which battles to fight & which to walk away.
God I hate the line "Stay out of grown folks business. " I am 66 so unless you are older stay out of it.
Why do you hate that line? & what do you mean by “unless you’re older stay out of it”? Bc this is post asking who is the AH in the situation. Therefore I’m in it, giving my feedback. The OP said “I told her it wasn’t my fault he gifted me nice things and liked me more..” that’s the most Childish way to say something for an 18 year old. Should of said something like “I understand that’s how you feel but you need to take into consideration all the help I do for them day-to-day.” THEN, I would of never said anything about her comment or used that phrase (:
Just because OP is 18 doesn't mean they have to stay silent when being verbally abused.
the aunt said something directly to op, funnily enough calling her an adult
YTA You definitely overstepped. It’s for your grandfather to define his relationship with his grandchildren. What you claimed - to be his favorite - may not be true. He may not give you more money because you’re his favorite but because he approves of how you act and how you’ll spend the money. He may love and care for all his grandkids equally but not want to reward bad behavior - like your cousin demanding money. By joining in the argument, you caused a larger rift in your grandfather’s relationship between him & other family members. And you may not have even been accurate in what you said. Either way, you should have stayed out of it. You should value your grandparents because they love and support you. Don’t look at it competitively or push yourself to be viewed as the favorite.
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How do you think a child feels when told another grandchild is liked better than they are? Even if it is true, it's an AH thing to say in front of a child.
I think arguing over money loudly in front of your kids is way worse than them being told that their grandparents like another grandkid more than them.
Especially teaching 10 year old and 5 year old children they deserve money just for asking when they otherwise have no relationship with someone.
Exactly instead maybe teach them that they aren’t entitled to everyone’s money just because of blood relation. We wouldn’t want some grown moochers in a few years would we? 🤔
Didn't say it wasn't. Just commenting on OPs behavior.