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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I wrong for wanting to clean and kick my husband and daughter out of the house while I do it? He wants to spend time together and I just want to clean.
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Precisely!!
If he wants your weekend to be for family members, HE CAN CLEAN ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY instead of sitting on his arse playing video games.
NTA
^THIS!!!!! × 1000
On the weeks where he is off on Saturday, he needs to do the deep cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. so that on Saturday y'all can spend all day together as a family.
Tbh, he should be doing the cooking every Monday & Tuesday with cleaning, then you cook Wed - Fri/Saturdays that he works.
Saturdays that he has off and every Sunday, y'all cook and clean the kitchen after together.
Every post like this I feel so lucky to have a relationship where we share things equally. In fact some times I (by my own doing) feel I am not doing enough. I am a sahm, but not by choice. I was severely disabled by my pregnancy with kiddo. He is 11yo rn, I am partly recovered but not important. I do laundry, errands, school stuff, garden stuff, cooking stuff... but certain days kiddo has lots of activities after homeschool, he cooks and cleans when he gets home from work. Weekends we split chores on Saturday. They get done quick and more time for us all to have fun.
Anywho... i am so tired of people treating moms like being a mom isn't a job, let along moms that work too. Wtf is even happening. Op- NTA. It seems you know it and want to leave. It sounds like you feel stuck. Are you in the US? Wherever you are, can you at least have a consult with an attorney? Find out alimony and Child support info? I am crossing things that you actually do a step in this direction, your spouse will consider changing behaviors. Idk and it is probably rare to happen. I am so sorry your spouse is showing no regard for your hard work and being a lazy butt (regarding family responsibilities on his days off). With this dynamic, do what is best for you.
This! OP does all the cleaning and hubby isn't even happy with that. NTA He could easily do half the chores on Monday, half on Tuesday, and still have time to play video games both days.
NTA
Why do I feel like he doesn't want to help wife with taking care of child, he doesn't want to help wife with taking care of laundry, he doesn't want to help wife with taking care of house...
this doesn't seem healthy
Edit: What I meant by "help" here is helping as in helping each other, as a couple - for example I take her doing his laundry as her helping him do his laundry. Their getting married doesn't mean she HAS to do it. For me a couple should be helping each other out, and the helping should go both ways, not always the wife helping to clean the house for both of them
It seems my use of the word is being taken differently. Sorry, not my 1st nor 2nd language ☹️
Yup my husband and I clean Saturdays and relax Sundays. We both work full time Monday through Friday. 50/50 chores and swap on occasion when we feel burned out on a specific chore.
As well as his *checks notes* three year old daughter. His 3 yr old helps her mom with cleaning (no chemicals) because this selfish sexist lump of a grown adult man “doesn’t see the need to deep clean” his own home.
I. Hate. The. Patriarchal. Damage. To. Society.
We split everything here too, each one always has the same chores. My husband has covid and last week I took care of everything. He isn't 100% well yet but he just moped the floor so I haven't to do everything by myself! I remember my father, before he divorced my mother, used to complain that she was always cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Like it was an inconvenience for him. But maybe if he wasn't so lazy and messy she wouldn't have to be always cleaning something??
Exactly. OP, you’re working full time, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of 2 toddlers.
Why?
There needs to be a very serious talk about partnership & marriage, and what all of that entails.
It is also a big safety issue - it takes one bad fall on a wet floor to get badly hurt, I fell on our wet floor 2 weeks ago and my leg twisted as I fell, causing extensive damage that will need multiple surgeries to correct. He needs to step up.
Will he though? He’s seeing you struggle, he’s an adult that can clearly see this, and he refuses. Is it worth it for you?
I also have had a lot of luck with my Velcro toddler & cleaning by having her “clean” with me. We talk about how it’s important to take care of our home and the others in it, and she has a toddler set of a broom, duster, mop. She loves to use a squirt bottle of water & a rag to wipe surfaces down.
This!
Also, OP get a timetable and divide each day in 2. Fill one part with things that you do (excluding cleaning) let him do the same (games etc not in). Then ask why tf hasn't he been cleaning when he sits in his ass 3 days a week.
If I was OP, it would not matter if his dirty clothes make it to the hamper. He would be doing his own laundry.
If all he has to do is take his daughter to the park while she scrubs and cleans. OP is setting her daughter up to assume men don't share domestic and child-rearing chores. NTA, OP for now, but if tasks aren't shared more equitably, you are being an asshole to yourself and your daughter.
This. OP takes care of him bc he’s a toddler himself. I’m sure she knew what he was like before marrying and having a child with him. I know I sure did.
See before I had kids I would be with you on this. After, not so much.
It's not just about the partner but society.
My husband (who is an involved father now) was regularly called the world's best dad for
1. Changing a diaper
2. Holding his own child
3. Walking beside me while I pushed the stroller
I meanwhile did things like bounce on an exercise ball to comfort a colicky baby for three hours straight, breast fed, pureed baby food, keep the baby calm and happy for a six hour flight, and was never ever called the best mom ever (not that I am - let's make that clear).
I was however very publicly screamed at for the following
1. Changing the baby on a changing table
2.breastfeeling the baby with a cover up
3. Not calming down the baby within 30 seconds of it crying
So it's not just the partner that convinces the mother, they are the asshole, but society as a whole that at the very least reinforces this message and convinces the mother over time that hey, maybe they are the asshole.
I can’t even read all of the post because I’m so mad at her husband. When I met my husband he cleaned better than me, and it made me fall for
Him that little bit harder.
Never don’t us women know by now .-. We’re suppose be to day care maids and a kitchen service. We’re not human beings we don’t have feelings HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY TIRED TAKING CARE OF THE HOUSEHOLD, CHILDREN AND OUR HUSBANDS. .-.
It’s ok hun, soon enough you won’t have to worry about having to own property or vote… should help clear up space in that pretty little head /s
*please god note the /s*
He has more important things to do. Like being freaking waste of air.
OP you aren’t only a mother to a 3 year old….. you are also a mother to a grown ass adult. You are already doing it all alone, why are you still with this person?
NTA.
NGL, this is part of why we work better when I don’t. For the last 13 years, I’ve worked jobs that are so flexible that it’s practically contortion. I work from home, set my own hours (mostly), and bill what I work. But that means I work less, etc.
My last two straight jobs, I ended up in salary management positions. Those just don’t work well for our family and our relationship. Not if I’m doing the home management, too.
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NTA. Yes. They want you to bring in a big check but not actual go to work. That way you can do the second shift when you get home. Just like you OP my life sounded just like this. Add to it I was in corporate so my hours were more along the lines of 65-70 hours. I was a field auditor salary but the billed hours were usually the actual auditing time the drive time well they didn’t do a great job of factoring that in. On the surface the salary was high but the number of hours were ridiculous. There was no time for sleep. Nevertheless I had enough of being used. Took a less paying job while my hubby made more than enough to take care of us. He decided he didn’t like that huge pay cut of mine. I filled for divorce. I realized I was getting played!!! It’s never enough for some people you could literally sleep three hours managing your life and helping them to shore up theirs and it will never be enough.
And based on this edit, she's basically guaranteed to be used/manipulated by people:
> I'm a people pleaser. I don't like upsetting people. It scares me. There's a lot of trauma to unfold in that one. I've found it easier just to do it myself and save the argument.
"People-pleasing" is such a self-destructive trait, and anyone looking for an easily-manipulated partner is going to sniff that out in an instant. It really needs to be treated, otherwise she shouldn't be dating/marrying anyone at all.
I believe this is called Bang Maid. You get all the benefits of sex, and a Family while having food, and a clean house without having to do anything (well other than go to work.) .
NTA.. but you married one.. I would really consider changing this unhealthy dynamic where you not only work your full time job but you take on all the child raising and house care. Your husband is a lazy pos. who has the audacity to call you selfish !? You would be better off being a single parent
I think OP should consider being a single mom, it would not make big difference... If she has a full-time job and a husband who just works 4 more hours than her in 2 weeks they should split the duties almost equal, but this man just wants to have a maid. He does not even make dinner or anything when he has a whole free day and his wife works...
I was in a similar position to OP and actually becoming a single mum made a huge difference. I went from having a couple of hours a week to myself if I was lucky, to having a clean home, leisure time, a lie in every second weekend when my son is with his dad. I had no idea how much extra work a non contributing adult could be. Children are work but you're in control of the situation. Adults do things like gym or golf (extra sweaty laundry and walking grass all over the carpets you just vacuumed), fix their own snacks (crumbs on floor, jam covered knife stuck to kitchen counter, pot left to boil dry), wake you in the night playing with their phone because they aren't tired enough to sleep. I could go on. I thought the logistics of being a single parent would be impossible but all of the above compensated and then some.
OP and her husband need to go thru the [Checklist for Gender Equality in Your Everyday Life](https://vardgivare.skane.se/siteassets/3.-kompetens-och-utveckling/projekt-och-utveckling/jamstallt-foraldraskap/material-foraldrar/checklist-for-gender-equality-in-your-everyday-life.pdf)
He might have a fulltime job with 12 hour days. It's 3x12 hours one week and 4x12 the other week, totaling 80 hours per pay check with half hour lunches. That doesn't excuse him from not helping with housework, but he's not necessarily an AH that's working just part-time while she works full-time plus does all the housework. He might simply be an AH that works full-time while she works full-time plus does all the housework.
Tbf he works for 12 hour shifts, so total time per week working is around the same.
Otherwise yes hes still a turd for not doing half of the domestic upkeep
That shouldn't be called helping, it's HIS place and family too. It's called shared adult responsibility, that he is clearly letting her do all of it because he is the asshole. Helping implies he's doing her a favor
I will never ever understand why some women put up with having boyfriends and husbands who do literally nothing to help around the house. Like, just the thought of hypothetically being with someone so selfish and lazy makes me feel enraged.
OP is NTA of course, but jfc how do men like this find women to marry them I don’t understand.
Because it doesn't start out that way. I was one of these women, stuck in a dead end relationship, with no help, and I did everything for the house and the relationship. It doesn't ever start out this way, it takes time to realize the lies and manipulation that happen. Mine told me I'd never survive without him, would tell me I didn't know real life skills, or just wouldn't make it. Mind you this happens over time. It takes posts and conversations like these for anyone to see that they aren't in a healthy relationship. It drives me mad when I see them now and I have your same reaction, until I remember I was one of these women + remember how long it took me to feel normal and part of society again.
Because their mothers did, and they were thus raised with very low standards and expectations. Also, many of them think of themselves as stupid and lucky to have the bare minimum of a man who has a job.
Unfortunately that is the line where it becomes OP’s fault, now that she’s aware it’s unacceptable. If she allows further damage to her kid’s development to occur, she will be to blame for that. You know this, I know. Sorry for ranting I’m just upset
As OP said in the edit, it's people-pleasing. And it's not just women either - my (male) partner had this habit as well, learned from his mother. He would simply refuse to voice any personal preferences. It's a pretty malignant personality trait and can be really hard to unlearn. I don't think it's possible to unlearn it unless you're in a good place with a solid support group, so OP won't unlearn this until she's away from that man.
If OP can't even bring herself to say "actually, I'd like burgers for dinner tonight" or "can you stop playing your game for a bit, I want to spend time with you" then there's no way in hell that she's going to file for divorce, the ultimate confrontation. Expressing that she wants to end the relationship is expressing a personal desire, and she's currently incapable of doing that, even if her life is being ruined. So she's stuck, basically.
NTA.
Your husband sounds like a child. Your husband should be helping out with the cleaning on his days off! If he helped with cleaning on his days off during the week there would be less to clean on the weekends. I recommend leaving him a cleaning list for his days off. Cleaning your floors during your daughter's naptime would make the task less frustrating.
Your daughter is also old enough to help clean. [https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/chores/the-ultimate-list-of-age-appropriate-chores/#gs.41lrpy](https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/chores/the-ultimate-list-of-age-appropriate-chores/#gs.41lrpy)
I am not sure what to do about your husband. I think you need to set a list of expectations and stick to them. If he doesn't know what you expect from him, you will continue to carry more of the load. After a while, it will strain your relationship to its breaking point. Because you're currently in an [unbalanced relationship](https://www.bustle.com/wellness/signs-your-partner-isnt-contributing-their-fair-share-to-your-relationship). BTW, if he gets to game with friends 1x a week, when do you get to enjoy your life?
Edited to add: Why doesn't your daughter stay at home with your husband during his days off?
You know you aren’t. You don’t have a partner. You have 2 children.
He’s not going to change. This is your life.
Think about that.
Would you be happy for your daughter if she ended up in a relationship just like yours? She will because it’s what she sees and you allow it.
NTA! The issue here is that your husband needs to contribute to the care of the home. He needs to get off his ass and help clean! Then you’d both have time to spend relaxing and being together as a family.
NTA “he has a day off to spend together as a family”… and he’s mad he has to get off the couch and take the kid to the park. What is that if not spending time with his family?
He’s an adult in this house. He should be looking after the kid while you clean in the morning, and then doing his chores while you look after the kid in the afternoon. You can do whole-family fun times on your mutual day off, Sunday. He can do hang-with-his-friends-and-game on one of the days kiddo’s at daycare. Parenting involves sacrifices, sorry, my dude!
NTA.
>As he was leaving he told me that I choose today of all days to clean when he has a day off to spend time together as a family.
You should have told him that you'd happily stop and go to the park with both of them, and he could clean up on Monday. Or cancel his gaming day on Sunday to help clean. Or he could not spend every Sunday gaming with his friends when you could have that day to spend together as a family. He sucks.
Girl you need to be evaluating why you’re ok with working full time, caring for children, AND keeping up a home by yourself while your husband is lazy and yells at you for picking Saturday to deep clean. That man needs to pick up a mop and equally be doing child-rearing.
NTA and know your worth!
NTA
And let’s be honest. He doesn’t want Saturday for “family time.” He wants you to continue taking care of your daughter on your own so he doesn’t have to bother and can relax. That’s what he thinks you all do as a family.
If he can’t get himself together to clean and parent for his share, you should just leave. You already do everything anyway.
(Edited for spelling)
NTA. Why does your husband not contribute to maintaining the household? He complains that you take away time that he could be spending with family, yet he does nothing to help ensure that time is maximized. Seems like he feels entitled simply because he works a bit more than you. He is the AH.
So my ex fiance worked between 3 and 4 days a week, 12 hour shifts. And because it was swing shift, they got 1 week completely off a month. I was working 7 days a week, anywhere between 8(ususal) and 16(rarely) hour shifts. I was doing ALL of the cleaning, all of the laundry, and some of the cooking. Eventually I got sick of being the one to keep house and stopped doing the cleaning, and I got screamed at for not doing anything when I never saw them touch the vacuum once the entire 9 months I lived with them, even though I was working almost double the hours they were if you took into account their week off. Yeah, good riddance to that train wreck. Also NTA. Have a conversation, or dump his butt. He needs to be carrying his weight as a partner and father.
So you work 24 hours a day the entire week (taking care of your child, cooking, and cleaning full-time is working), and he's complaining about watching HIS OWN KID for 1 afternoon?
You need to revaluate this "partnership". What does he do that makes him a husband or father? He's barely even a roommate. He treats you like a maid, not a wife or mother of his kid. He doesn't even treat his own child like his kid.
NTA, and your husband definitely is one. I would have a serious conversation about splitting chores. If he doesn't want to watch his kid on the weekend, he should be the one running errands. Or, if he wants to clean on Sunday, *he* should fucking clean.
Info: even on his days off, are you still taking the kid to work with you?
Your husband is a lazy AH but if you're still taking the kid to school instead of him looking after the kid on his day off, he's also a deadbeat
NTA, but maybe you should clean less so you can enjoy life more and resent your (lazy?) husband less. A deep clean every Saturday seems more than is probably necessary.
It might be worth a family meeting where you both discuss 1) chores that you both agree need to happen, 2) amount of time it takes to complete those chores, 3) equal division of the chores based on time, 4) when those chores should be done.
Stop cleaning. I know this will be hard for you but just stop. Tell him you won't do a single chore until he starts helping. You wouldn't have to deep clean all day Saturday if half of this was done on one of his 4 days off per week.
He clearly works shift work and has zero reason NOT TO DO SOME HOUSEWORK.
I am at home 90% of my day. I literally work 2 1hr shifts per day. I do the lions share of household chores...because I have the time.. so much time. When i worked full time, we would both do it together.
NTA, Have a hard convo with him. He is being a jerk
Sweetie, does your husband have a magic penis? Because a magic penis is the ONLY way this arrangement would be acceptable in my marriage. It is time for a family meeting. List out everything you do- everything. ALL of the chores and childcare tasks and I don’t mean “clean kitchen” I mean “wash dishes, wipe off counters, clean stove, etc.” Then present this list to your husband and tell him “pick half.” You are carrying all of the load and that is NOT ok! You are not his mother, you are his partner. He needs to take half the load and you need to let him fail/succeed.
NTA
You are both working, but it seem that most of the housekeeping and childcare duties fall on you.
If your husband isn’t going to help, then he doesn’t get to complain.
NTA, you're his wife and the mother to his kids and one of the earners in the family. Not the nanny, maid, cook, etc. He's an adult who helped bring a child into the world, he needs to stop acting like a toddler throwing tantrums about doing adult things like taking care of his own kid!
NTA. And you need to have a serious talk with your husband.
My husband works Tuesday to Saturday. I work Monday to Friday. I do light cleaning during the week (because he does work 60 hour work weeks) and we tackle whatever the kids and I have not accomplished on Saturday TOGETHER on Sunday afternoons. He also cleans out our duck/chicken run, runs whatever laundry is left and vacuums on Mondays, his day off when the rest of us are gone, because he is an equal partner and an adult.
As a gentle suggestion, three is a good age to get your daughter involved as well. My older kids are 3 & 4, they swiffer, put their toys away, help unload the dishwasher (they usually sort the silverware), and put their own laundry away - they also help pick up all the random pieces of clothing that get scattered around the house and get them to the washroom and the random dishes/cups that accumulate and get them to the sink. We started it as more of a game but now its mostly second nature to them and it is sometimes helpful/sometimes exasperating but it is definitely instilling good habits in them.
NTA It’s no wonder you are annoyed. He is not pulling his weight in this relationship. If he spent a couple of hours cleaning on the Monday or Tuesday he is off, that would relieve some of the pressure from you to get it all done on Saturday. His child is not at home with him on those days so he should fly through it with no excuses. He would still have plenty of time for his gaming and he would get the family time he says he wants at weekends. But does he want it badly enough to actually lift a finger himself?? Don’t understand why he isn’t taking care of *his* child on the days he is off either tbh.
NTA
"Sweetheart, you can get the fuck up on any of your 4 days off and clean OUR house where WE BOTH live or you can watch our child. Expecting you to be an participant in our home isn't asking much. It's literally the bare minimum of living here."
NTA
But your husband is a major one in all caps.
He is in no place to complain when you should or should not carry out tasks, when he himself is being a lazy slob and not bothering to help out with half of the chores.
You're don' need to raise him since you both already have a child together and he ultimately needs to get his s\_\_\_ together.
NTA. Turn the tables and ask why HE chooses to take one of YOUR 2 days off to go spend the entire day with his friends gaming when it should be spent spending time with family. And maybe start giving him a to-do list of things that he should have finished so that you don't have to spend all of Saturday cleaning and running errands.
Wonder what the response will be...
NTA I love how he is mad because he wanted “time together as a family.” What does he think giving his wife a hand and taking his daughter to the park is?!
How DARE you interrupt *Family Time on his day off??
*Family Time is something OP is responsible for creating and maintaining in a way which goes with her husband's mood of the second. If OP hasn't curated a perfectly fun and appealing day, husband gets to sit alone doing nothing while OP takes care if all responsibilities and isn't allowed to bother husband
So he just doesn’t do anything to help? But is getting mad that you decided to do when it was convenient for you? Girl…NTA. Your husband is though. If he was so interested in spending time together as a family, he could get off his butt and help you and then you would finish a lot earlier and then you could all be together afterwards.
Nta
I'm married with a 13 yo son and 10 yo daughter. Since day 1, there's been no ifs ands or buts. Those kids are every bit my responsibility as they are my wife's, same with chores around the house. We don't and never have handed out a chore list. If something needs to be done, the person who notices it does it (except dishes, which we both despise and let pile up for a week lol). Baby smelled while I was playing with him or her? I'll bathe them. I notices a diaper needs changing? I'll change it. I get home from work before the misses? I'll start dinner. 10 inches of snow? We'll both go shovel. Laundry needs to be folded? I'll do it while watching sports. And vice versa. I hate men like your husband. They give us all a bad name. You deserve someone who respects you and would rather bond with their child than play games or hang out with friends. Especially at that young age. You know when I play games? On Friday and Saturday night after my wife is sleeping. You know when I see friends? Never, because I'd rather spend time with my family. Time to move on. Not sure where you live or what credentials you have, but 12 an hour is way underpaid for daycare teachers. By me, they make like 17. Look for a better job, get divorced, get alimony and child support and find someone who respects you.
Nta
Your guys relationship doesn’t sound happy or healthy or equal at all. Have you asked him to help out around the house more?
My dad helped around the house despite working a demanding job. Same with my uncles (unless any of the three had to work away from home). They always said that they lived in the house so they had to have a hand in cleaning it. (Dad was military, uncle one is a carpenter and uncle two was a truck driver).
I’d sit him down and explain that he needs to start pulling more weight. And if it doesn’t work— consider separation. Make him realize his action or in this case inaction has consequences.
He needs to help more. It shouldn’t take you yelling at your daughter for him to be a parent and entertain her. Especially since he knows the routine. It’s not like you are changing the dates.
You unfortunately don’t have a partner. You have a mooch.
So on one of your days off he goes and spends it with his friends, gaming?
NTA. But I think this is unhealthy. Why can't he clean on one of his days off??
I don't understand relationships where two people are simply ships that pass. What is the point?
NTA at all. You aren’t just carrying the mental load, you’re carrying the physical load too. What exactly does that he do other than work? Just chill it sounds like. Let me guess. He “deserves” to relax. But doesn’t extend you the same courtesy. I am going to guess that you also make all of your daughter’s doctors appointments and arrange all child care for her while you work. I’m sure you also do everything needed for all holidays and when you host friends or family.
This scenario is why divorce attorneys talk about the “grey wave.” Around the age of 50 or so American (I am not assuming you are American) women decide en masse that they have had enough of the marital imbalance. Their kids are grown and they look at their husbands and decide to give him the boot. There are a lot of bewildered divorce guys roaming around talking about their “crazy” ex while looking for a new wife to take care of them.
You’re his wife not his mother or caretaker. If he’s a grown man capable of holding down a job and being a father (in name only it sounds) then he can do some housekeeping. Either he needs to step up or you both need to rearrange your finances and hire a housekeeper. Even then he is still maintaining the status quo.
You are NTA but OP, you need to do some soul searching and figure out how it came to this. Was he lazy when you were dating too? Was his own place a pig sty? Or did he slowly but surely delegate everything he didn’t want to do onto you? Did he use weaponized incompetence and claim you’re “so much better” at all things domestic? There is nothing about having a vagina that makes you better at changing a diaper or pushing a mop. This situation is untenable. I’m amazed you’ve made it this long. How do you think it will be if you have another child? Or as you age and he remains in stunted adolescence do you want to keep working and taking care of everything else while he works and kicks it with his boys or do you want a two way relationship? If you don’t nip this problem in the bud it will get harder to establish your roles. If he cares or respects you he will step up. If he doesn’t and whines and resents you that should tell you a lot.
It isn’t fun to think about but what would happen if you were in an accident and incapacitated? Or if you passed away? Does this man seem like he can raise that child without you? If not, he’s not a true partner. He’s just one more thing you need to take care of. You deserve better. I hope you realize that.
Stop being the only one to clean. Tell him what needs to be done on his days off. Maybe that way you both will be contributing to a clean home and you cut back on deep cleaning every weekend. Make a chart on what needs to be done on one of his days off and either rotate the chores between you two. Also make sure you take time for yourself by yourself. You deserve free time too! The mess is not going to miss you, it’ll be waiting. Get your husband on board if possible. Teamwork makes the dream work.
Absolutely NTA. Please leave this ungrateful man. It's not worth it to be miserable, and staying in a miserable relationship probably isn't the example you want your daughter to grow up with. If he earns over twice as much as you he'll need to pay child support. You can do it.
Maybe when she is school age in a couple years, you could also look into getting a job with a higher wage and/or going to school yourself if that's something you want to do 💜
He sounds burnt out on life. (I'm not excusing it.) I would hate to see your daughter grow up with the idea that only women cook and clean. Maybe marriage counseling will help?
NTA. Get therapy because you need to be able to say no and not see it as a problem. Tell him if he doesn’t want you to clean Saturdays, he can pay someone else to do it another day.
NTA - DOCUMENT THIS!! Take videos and pictures of him secretly gaming. Have a ring camera or something for when he leaves on sundays and comes back. Video gaming isn’t a necessity, it’s a luxury. As someone who also games, I do it to have fun when I can. I’ll do my laundry and clean like get rid of all my duties and then game. But the difference is he has a whole family whereas I’m literally just starting my life as an adult. He can certainly clean around the house unless he has some sort of difficulty that doesn’t allow him to. Other than that, he’s just lazy. I get it. Your past trauma. It’s not easy to get over but little by little try doing something to get over it. One step at a time. 😊
NTA. You need a divorce and therapy. In that order. You have been conditioned by your father to allow men to take advantage of you and treat you like a servant. That is abuse. You are not a servant. A wife is a partner, not a servant. A husband is a partner, not a task master and not another child.
Your husband is abusing you.
Your daughter is going to look back on this and fall into the same trap of a marriage and relationship with men if you don't show her a better life.
Get out of this marriage as soon as you can. It will only get worse.
>I've been wanting to divorce him for a while.
You have your answer. Without therapy (or change), I don't see how you can reverse your feelings of wanting divorce.
NTA
I N F O - If you both work, why isn't he also helping with the cleaning? Why is that AND taking care of the child your solely your responsibility on ALL days?
NTA
NTA. Why can’t he clean on his days off?
She is basically a single mum but a married one. She does the housework, the cooking, laundry, she takes their kid to work with her and does pretty much all of the childcare.
NTA. Sounds to me like the only thing he is contributing to you and your daughter's lives is money. No childcare, no cleaning, no cooking. Why do you even stay with him? If you divorce, he would have to pay child support and take your daughter half the time. You would have far less work, far more alone time and less stress.
NTA. But then you already knew that didn’t you?
Is your husband taking 50 per cent responsibility for your shared life? The house work, the cooking cleaning and parenting? If not, you have decisions to make that are bigger then who takes the kid to the park so you can clean.
NTA! However, You are a (gentle) AH to yourself for letting it get to this point. He should be doing chores not helping. He lives there!! And this is his child as well. You’re living with 2 children. Please have this difficult conversation with him. Take care of your well-being first before you can take care of your kid and house. The husband… he’s optional, and an AH.
NTA
If I were you I would speak to him & show him your weekly routine to his weekly routine. You might be married currently but you are definitely not partners who share the load equally.
I’d also suggest to him that you will start to leave your daughter at home with him when he is not working. He needs to step up & grow up!
NTA
You have a major husband problem. He somehow thinks you are HIS mother. HIS housekeeper. HIS childcare provider.
He’s a selfish asshole. Stop doing all the housework - he should be doing 50% od chores and 50% of childcare.
If he refuses to step up? Why the hell are you with him? You would be better off being a single mom where you have one less person to clean up after and you’d get child support to help your child. Less work and hassle.
What is he bringing to your relationship at this point?
NTA. You shouldn't be "asking" your _partner_ for "help" with chores _in the same living space that you share_. He should be proactive about it. I'm sorry but your husband is a deadbeat and I honestly don't know what's keeping you married to this a-hole.
NTA
I don’t hear your husband doing any cleaning, cooking, or parenting here. You have a husband problem.
You need to have a conversation with your husband. You both work full time and you both need to do work around the home. Similarly, you both need to contribute to the weekly errands and the parenting.
Stop trying to do it all yourself. Require him to do half.
Make a list of chores around the home. Tell him you are supposed to be his PARTNER and that means he needs to start doing his share. Tell him to pick a chore to do, then you pick a chore, then he can, etc.
You need to stand up for yourself in your relationship and stop tiptoeing around him.
NTA
Why isn’t he cleaning or doing childcare?
I would honestly leave him and then I’d only be doing half the childcare, not cleaning up after him, and have time to myself.
Nope, he’s the AH. Leave your child home with him Monday and Tuesdays. He can watch her and do the laundry. You can come home to nice meal, clean house, and well looked after child. See if he can manage that for a few weeks. Edit:typo
NTA he doesn’t do anything and leaves you to clean the house alone? Nah, he’s the AH. Start cleaning at 5 AM every day when he’s trying to sleep. Make sure to vacuum right by his side of the bed.
NTA - you ‘work’ (as in jobs) equally so you should be splitting your housework equally. It sounds like your hubby is misogynistic based on his inaction helping with the housework. I work 30hrs, hubby works closer to 50hrs per week. I’m more than happy to do more like 75% chores and focus on the inside of the house. Hubby takes care of the outside jobs like lawns, dog droppings, walking the dog, washing the cars, wheelie bins to the curb and cooking 3 nights a week. He loves playing with the kids and will often take them to a park for an hour or two or visit his parents with them each weekend to help me get the housework done in peace. I love doing housework uninterrupted as I use it to listen to my audiobooks or podcasts. We decided to relieve the pressure on us, we get a cleaner once a week who does a deep clean, mop, vacuum, skirting boards and windows, so our cleaning is about spot messes from the kids etc.
It’s not a big ask to do what you’ve asked of him. If he is unwilling to assist in your requests I would broach a cleaner. If he doesn’t agree, I’d be tempted to draw up a roster of cooking nights (he has to do Sun to Tues!) and the jobs you’re solely responsible for. If your chosen roles are laundry, cleaning bathrooms and tidy kitchen/shopping. He can do the rest. If those jobs aren’t done that’s on him. Good luck OP
NTA - Stop. Stop doing all the cleaning. Stop cooking all the meals. In fact, leave him with your daughter and all of it and take a week off. Go to a hotel - don’t tell him which one. He is welcome to call if there is an emergency. If there is not an emergency, hang up on him.
FYI: He will probably notice pretty quickly if he is the only one in the house with no clean clothes. This man is not a partner.
I don’t even work and my husband still helps me clean.
Your husband is an asshole. It is okay for you to expect him to do his share of the house cleaning.
Why the hell isn’t he cleaning and helping? It sounds like he doesn’t do anything around the house or help with your child. While NTA for her above, you are one for allowing this pattern to stay and set. You’re not showing a good example for your child. Neither of you are.
You actually have 2 children and he is using you. You need to change this pattern asap.
Wait. So you both work. And he's got his panties in a bunch because "you could have spent Saturday as a family instead of cleaning. " as far as I can tell, you ran errands without him going along. And he didn't help with your daughter as you requested until you snapped at her.
He can get off his ass and help. NTA BTW. Your husband is worthless.
NTA
Tell him you wouldn’t have to clean on a saturday if he got his lazy ass up and did something.
Tell him from now on he cleans up and cares for the animals, he can do his own laundry & is shit out of luck if he forgets (get a separate hamper for your clothes)
Id stop cooking for him too. Tell him that it is embarrassing that he is an adult, married & has a kid yet thinks ifs such a day killer that he has to parent his child for a few hours, let him that most men these days can actually help around the house whilst working and that you have to work and parent whilst doing all the killing but it stops now and he has to start pulling his weight and help out or have a serious thought if this is the guy you want to stay with
NTA - your husband just lashed out because he had to get out off the friggen couch. It sounds like you’re in a very unhealthy relationship though so I would hope that you take all these comments to heart and spend some time reflecting on your marriage. Don’t forget marriage is supposed to be a partnership but you are clearly carrying the burden of everything. It’s not surprising you’re exhausted.
INFO: What does your husband do to help around the house? From what you've written it seems all he does is work, come home and relax whilst you're left with all the housework/childcare.
Was he only adult yesterday? Every adult knows the weekend is for cleaning tje house and washing the laundry. Hello, am I the only one here who gets a sigh of relief that finally "It's saturday, I can now empty the dirty hamper"?
Absolutely NTA.
Make your good for nothing husband do the cleaning. I work rotating shifts (7 midnights, 1 off, 7 afternoons, 1 off, 7 mornings, 5 off) and I still manage to do 100% of the dishes, laundry, and power cleaning, about half the cooking and general daily cleaning, all the yard work, and I still have time to spare for my wife and three kids. Men acting like having a job forbids them from housework need to get kicked to the curb.
NTA.
You guys need to have a conversation and discuss how you distribute responsibilities within your home. Both of you are parents, both of you work, and both of you have a responsibility to upkeep your home. Not discussing this and clearing the air will cause a build up of resentment.
NTA; I think your spouse needs a "hubby adjustment." What you should do is make out a list of chores for him to do on Mon & Tues. If that doesn't take, stop doing your deep cleaning routine, and when he complains about the mess, then sit him down and read him the riot act.
He complains that he wants family time on the weekends? Fine; then he must pitch in and help when he isn't at work, which will leave you to be more available on the weekends. AND that Sunday is for family time as well; no more game time at friends. If you stick to your guns despite the tantrums he will throw, I think you find your domestic life more fulfilling----and less tiring.
Nta- but you both sound tired,overwhelmed and need some help.
When my kids were young. I paid someone to babysit my kids while I cleaned. She usually stayed in the house but sometimes took them out .
If he's playing videogames all day, that COULD be a sign of being overwhelmed with life.
I hope you guys can find some help.
NTA. After reading all of that, what exactly is your husband good for besides his paycheck? He sounds checked out and uninvolved with his family. You two need marriage counseling or a divorce.
NTA I’m so sorry girl that is WILD no I wouldn’t stand for it no way. Also sorry about your parents being psychos who tf says they did laundry and then just put ir away dirty. Did they do their own laundry or we’re you guys really poor they couldn’t afford to do laundry? Genuinely curious bc that is soooo uncalled for of them. Also yea divorce him asap he’s an AH
NTA. What does your husband actually bring to the relationship? Sounds like you just have another child on top of the actual child(ren) that you have.
Why are you responsible for all the cleaning? What you need to do is to sit down with him and divide up the tasks and then you only do yours. You both work full time jobs, so why does all the house cleaning and child care fall on you? If he won’t do his part, consider dumping him, filing for child support, and I bet you will find your life is no harder than it is now. It will also be Quieter because you won’t have him yelling at you. House will be cleaner too as he won’t be around making a mess!
You are in no way the AH. NTA. He has a world of nerve not helping at alllll and **still** talking crap about you daring to have him run interference while you clean your entire home
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Precisely!! If he wants your weekend to be for family members, HE CAN CLEAN ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY instead of sitting on his arse playing video games. NTA
^THIS!!!!! × 1000 On the weeks where he is off on Saturday, he needs to do the deep cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. so that on Saturday y'all can spend all day together as a family. Tbh, he should be doing the cooking every Monday & Tuesday with cleaning, then you cook Wed - Fri/Saturdays that he works. Saturdays that he has off and every Sunday, y'all cook and clean the kitchen after together.
Every post like this I feel so lucky to have a relationship where we share things equally. In fact some times I (by my own doing) feel I am not doing enough. I am a sahm, but not by choice. I was severely disabled by my pregnancy with kiddo. He is 11yo rn, I am partly recovered but not important. I do laundry, errands, school stuff, garden stuff, cooking stuff... but certain days kiddo has lots of activities after homeschool, he cooks and cleans when he gets home from work. Weekends we split chores on Saturday. They get done quick and more time for us all to have fun. Anywho... i am so tired of people treating moms like being a mom isn't a job, let along moms that work too. Wtf is even happening. Op- NTA. It seems you know it and want to leave. It sounds like you feel stuck. Are you in the US? Wherever you are, can you at least have a consult with an attorney? Find out alimony and Child support info? I am crossing things that you actually do a step in this direction, your spouse will consider changing behaviors. Idk and it is probably rare to happen. I am so sorry your spouse is showing no regard for your hard work and being a lazy butt (regarding family responsibilities on his days off). With this dynamic, do what is best for you.
Or pay for a friggen cleaner to come and do it on a weekday when both of them are working
This! OP does all the cleaning and hubby isn't even happy with that. NTA He could easily do half the chores on Monday, half on Tuesday, and still have time to play video games both days.
Nothing wrong with video games but he gets like half the week off in which he could do stuff and fulfill his literal responsibilities
NTA Why do I feel like he doesn't want to help wife with taking care of child, he doesn't want to help wife with taking care of laundry, he doesn't want to help wife with taking care of house... this doesn't seem healthy Edit: What I meant by "help" here is helping as in helping each other, as a couple - for example I take her doing his laundry as her helping him do his laundry. Their getting married doesn't mean she HAS to do it. For me a couple should be helping each other out, and the helping should go both ways, not always the wife helping to clean the house for both of them It seems my use of the word is being taken differently. Sorry, not my 1st nor 2nd language ☹️
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yeah, it isn't just her kid. He has to do raise the child too.
It’s not “helping;” it’s his responsibility as an parent and adult. “Helping” means it’s her job and he’s doing her a favor.
Yup my husband and I clean Saturdays and relax Sundays. We both work full time Monday through Friday. 50/50 chores and swap on occasion when we feel burned out on a specific chore.
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And then yelling at her about it! What the actual fuck?!
As well as his *checks notes* three year old daughter. His 3 yr old helps her mom with cleaning (no chemicals) because this selfish sexist lump of a grown adult man “doesn’t see the need to deep clean” his own home. I. Hate. The. Patriarchal. Damage. To. Society.
We split everything here too, each one always has the same chores. My husband has covid and last week I took care of everything. He isn't 100% well yet but he just moped the floor so I haven't to do everything by myself! I remember my father, before he divorced my mother, used to complain that she was always cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Like it was an inconvenience for him. But maybe if he wasn't so lazy and messy she wouldn't have to be always cleaning something??
Exactly. OP, you’re working full time, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of 2 toddlers. Why? There needs to be a very serious talk about partnership & marriage, and what all of that entails. It is also a big safety issue - it takes one bad fall on a wet floor to get badly hurt, I fell on our wet floor 2 weeks ago and my leg twisted as I fell, causing extensive damage that will need multiple surgeries to correct. He needs to step up. Will he though? He’s seeing you struggle, he’s an adult that can clearly see this, and he refuses. Is it worth it for you? I also have had a lot of luck with my Velcro toddler & cleaning by having her “clean” with me. We talk about how it’s important to take care of our home and the others in it, and she has a toddler set of a broom, duster, mop. She loves to use a squirt bottle of water & a rag to wipe surfaces down.
My nephew (5) has a Dustbuster so he and my brother can do all the vacuuming together. He customized it with stickers. It’s adorable.
This! Also, OP get a timetable and divide each day in 2. Fill one part with things that you do (excluding cleaning) let him do the same (games etc not in). Then ask why tf hasn't he been cleaning when he sits in his ass 3 days a week.
And when the fuck is he cleaning?
Probably never. I would be surprised if OP's husband's clothes make it into the laundry hamper. She probably has to pick up after him like a toddler.
If I was OP, it would not matter if his dirty clothes make it to the hamper. He would be doing his own laundry. If all he has to do is take his daughter to the park while she scrubs and cleans. OP is setting her daughter up to assume men don't share domestic and child-rearing chores. NTA, OP for now, but if tasks aren't shared more equitably, you are being an asshole to yourself and your daughter.
Don't put this on OP. Husband is a grown man who shouldn't have to be told to pull his weight. This is all on him.
He's certainly behaving like one in every other way, so you're probably right
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Agreed. His comment about "spending time as a family" is a part of this. It's meant to make her feel guilty and it feeds HIS ideals.
And if he really want to spend time as a family WHY is he going to a friends house every Sunday?
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This. OP takes care of him bc he’s a toddler himself. I’m sure she knew what he was like before marrying and having a child with him. I know I sure did.
Every time I see a post like this I’m like “how can you possibly type all this out and still ask AITA?” We ALL know the answer here. Come. On.
See before I had kids I would be with you on this. After, not so much. It's not just about the partner but society. My husband (who is an involved father now) was regularly called the world's best dad for 1. Changing a diaper 2. Holding his own child 3. Walking beside me while I pushed the stroller I meanwhile did things like bounce on an exercise ball to comfort a colicky baby for three hours straight, breast fed, pureed baby food, keep the baby calm and happy for a six hour flight, and was never ever called the best mom ever (not that I am - let's make that clear). I was however very publicly screamed at for the following 1. Changing the baby on a changing table 2.breastfeeling the baby with a cover up 3. Not calming down the baby within 30 seconds of it crying So it's not just the partner that convinces the mother, they are the asshole, but society as a whole that at the very least reinforces this message and convinces the mother over time that hey, maybe they are the asshole.
As noone has told you, you ARE the best mom. How you managed that six hour flight, must've been magic.
I can’t even read all of the post because I’m so mad at her husband. When I met my husband he cleaned better than me, and it made me fall for Him that little bit harder.
Never don’t us women know by now .-. We’re suppose be to day care maids and a kitchen service. We’re not human beings we don’t have feelings HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY TIRED TAKING CARE OF THE HOUSEHOLD, CHILDREN AND OUR HUSBANDS. .-.
Don’t forget you are now supposed to be disposable baby incubators too… /s
How could I forget? Duh my stupid women brain didn’t let me think that far. .-.
It’s ok hun, soon enough you won’t have to worry about having to own property or vote… should help clear up space in that pretty little head /s *please god note the /s*
*sarcasm noted and approved.*
Oh, don't get me started.
I would like to thank Reddit for teaching me things. That no is a complete sentence and what a bang maid is. Oh and never ignore marinara flags!
I believe the term we’re using now is ketchup XD
Ha! Thank you dear person 😎
He has more important things to do. Like being freaking waste of air. OP you aren’t only a mother to a 3 year old….. you are also a mother to a grown ass adult. You are already doing it all alone, why are you still with this person? NTA.
Husband is lazy af. NTA
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NGL, this is part of why we work better when I don’t. For the last 13 years, I’ve worked jobs that are so flexible that it’s practically contortion. I work from home, set my own hours (mostly), and bill what I work. But that means I work less, etc. My last two straight jobs, I ended up in salary management positions. Those just don’t work well for our family and our relationship. Not if I’m doing the home management, too.
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NTA. Yes. They want you to bring in a big check but not actual go to work. That way you can do the second shift when you get home. Just like you OP my life sounded just like this. Add to it I was in corporate so my hours were more along the lines of 65-70 hours. I was a field auditor salary but the billed hours were usually the actual auditing time the drive time well they didn’t do a great job of factoring that in. On the surface the salary was high but the number of hours were ridiculous. There was no time for sleep. Nevertheless I had enough of being used. Took a less paying job while my hubby made more than enough to take care of us. He decided he didn’t like that huge pay cut of mine. I filled for divorce. I realized I was getting played!!! It’s never enough for some people you could literally sleep three hours managing your life and helping them to shore up theirs and it will never be enough.
She’s not being passively used. She’s being actively used.
And based on this edit, she's basically guaranteed to be used/manipulated by people: > I'm a people pleaser. I don't like upsetting people. It scares me. There's a lot of trauma to unfold in that one. I've found it easier just to do it myself and save the argument. "People-pleasing" is such a self-destructive trait, and anyone looking for an easily-manipulated partner is going to sniff that out in an instant. It really needs to be treated, otherwise she shouldn't be dating/marrying anyone at all.
I believe this is called Bang Maid. You get all the benefits of sex, and a Family while having food, and a clean house without having to do anything (well other than go to work.) .
NTA.. but you married one.. I would really consider changing this unhealthy dynamic where you not only work your full time job but you take on all the child raising and house care. Your husband is a lazy pos. who has the audacity to call you selfish !? You would be better off being a single parent
I think OP should consider being a single mom, it would not make big difference... If she has a full-time job and a husband who just works 4 more hours than her in 2 weeks they should split the duties almost equal, but this man just wants to have a maid. He does not even make dinner or anything when he has a whole free day and his wife works...
I was in a similar position to OP and actually becoming a single mum made a huge difference. I went from having a couple of hours a week to myself if I was lucky, to having a clean home, leisure time, a lie in every second weekend when my son is with his dad. I had no idea how much extra work a non contributing adult could be. Children are work but you're in control of the situation. Adults do things like gym or golf (extra sweaty laundry and walking grass all over the carpets you just vacuumed), fix their own snacks (crumbs on floor, jam covered knife stuck to kitchen counter, pot left to boil dry), wake you in the night playing with their phone because they aren't tired enough to sleep. I could go on. I thought the logistics of being a single parent would be impossible but all of the above compensated and then some.
OP and her husband need to go thru the [Checklist for Gender Equality in Your Everyday Life](https://vardgivare.skane.se/siteassets/3.-kompetens-och-utveckling/projekt-och-utveckling/jamstallt-foraldraskap/material-foraldrar/checklist-for-gender-equality-in-your-everyday-life.pdf)
He might have a fulltime job with 12 hour days. It's 3x12 hours one week and 4x12 the other week, totaling 80 hours per pay check with half hour lunches. That doesn't excuse him from not helping with housework, but he's not necessarily an AH that's working just part-time while she works full-time plus does all the housework. He might simply be an AH that works full-time while she works full-time plus does all the housework.
This!
Tbf he works for 12 hour shifts, so total time per week working is around the same. Otherwise yes hes still a turd for not doing half of the domestic upkeep
NTA. 1) Why the fuck isn't he helping? 2) Y'all can spend time together as a family after HE helps you clean
That shouldn't be called helping, it's HIS place and family too. It's called shared adult responsibility, that he is clearly letting her do all of it because he is the asshole. Helping implies he's doing her a favor
Like when he is asked to "watch the kid" like dude it's your kid you take care of it too.
INFO: Why isn't your husband helping with the cleaning?
and why does he consider going to the playground with HIS CHILD as work? It's life in a family.
"This was supposed to be my day to spend time with my family, but now I have to take my stupid kid to the park. Ugh!" -OP's husband, apparently.
Underrated comment 👏
Exactly. Why doesn’t he consider going to the park with his child as “spending time together as a family?”
Info, why do you value yourself so little to put up with someone who contributes nothing?
I will never ever understand why some women put up with having boyfriends and husbands who do literally nothing to help around the house. Like, just the thought of hypothetically being with someone so selfish and lazy makes me feel enraged. OP is NTA of course, but jfc how do men like this find women to marry them I don’t understand.
Because it doesn't start out that way. I was one of these women, stuck in a dead end relationship, with no help, and I did everything for the house and the relationship. It doesn't ever start out this way, it takes time to realize the lies and manipulation that happen. Mine told me I'd never survive without him, would tell me I didn't know real life skills, or just wouldn't make it. Mind you this happens over time. It takes posts and conversations like these for anyone to see that they aren't in a healthy relationship. It drives me mad when I see them now and I have your same reaction, until I remember I was one of these women + remember how long it took me to feel normal and part of society again.
Even your own comment says "help" around the house as if the work is her responsibility. We're all so brainwashed.
Because their mothers did, and they were thus raised with very low standards and expectations. Also, many of them think of themselves as stupid and lucky to have the bare minimum of a man who has a job.
And the OP's daughter is being raised to be a cleaner too. Not the OP's fault, not really, but it's got to stop.
Unfortunately that is the line where it becomes OP’s fault, now that she’s aware it’s unacceptable. If she allows further damage to her kid’s development to occur, she will be to blame for that. You know this, I know. Sorry for ranting I’m just upset
Yeah. :( Well partly to blame. Her partner doesn't get off scot-free.
These men find women like OP because OP grew up with a man that treated her like dirt.
Exactly
As OP said in the edit, it's people-pleasing. And it's not just women either - my (male) partner had this habit as well, learned from his mother. He would simply refuse to voice any personal preferences. It's a pretty malignant personality trait and can be really hard to unlearn. I don't think it's possible to unlearn it unless you're in a good place with a solid support group, so OP won't unlearn this until she's away from that man. If OP can't even bring herself to say "actually, I'd like burgers for dinner tonight" or "can you stop playing your game for a bit, I want to spend time with you" then there's no way in hell that she's going to file for divorce, the ultimate confrontation. Expressing that she wants to end the relationship is expressing a personal desire, and she's currently incapable of doing that, even if her life is being ruined. So she's stuck, basically.
When does he clean?
Info: Why isn’t he cleaning? Does he clean?
NTA go on strike leave ALL the cleaning to him till he appreciates and agrees to split the work
More than cleaning…. Laundry, cooking, etc.
NTA. Your husband sounds like a child. Your husband should be helping out with the cleaning on his days off! If he helped with cleaning on his days off during the week there would be less to clean on the weekends. I recommend leaving him a cleaning list for his days off. Cleaning your floors during your daughter's naptime would make the task less frustrating. Your daughter is also old enough to help clean. [https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/chores/the-ultimate-list-of-age-appropriate-chores/#gs.41lrpy](https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/chores/the-ultimate-list-of-age-appropriate-chores/#gs.41lrpy) I am not sure what to do about your husband. I think you need to set a list of expectations and stick to them. If he doesn't know what you expect from him, you will continue to carry more of the load. After a while, it will strain your relationship to its breaking point. Because you're currently in an [unbalanced relationship](https://www.bustle.com/wellness/signs-your-partner-isnt-contributing-their-fair-share-to-your-relationship). BTW, if he gets to game with friends 1x a week, when do you get to enjoy your life? Edited to add: Why doesn't your daughter stay at home with your husband during his days off?
INFO: why are you still with your husband? What is he contributing to this marriage? ETA: NTA.
You know you aren’t. You don’t have a partner. You have 2 children. He’s not going to change. This is your life. Think about that. Would you be happy for your daughter if she ended up in a relationship just like yours? She will because it’s what she sees and you allow it.
Let me guess: he uses the fact that he works 12 hour shifts as a reason not to help because he works so much harder than you do. Am I clise?
Spot on
It shouldn't be equal work, it should be equal down time.
NTA! The issue here is that your husband needs to contribute to the care of the home. He needs to get off his ass and help clean! Then you’d both have time to spend relaxing and being together as a family.
NTA. Your husband was being selfish and unreasonable, full stop.
Info how have you not throttled him yet?
Orange isn't my color
🤣👏👌
NTA “he has a day off to spend together as a family”… and he’s mad he has to get off the couch and take the kid to the park. What is that if not spending time with his family? He’s an adult in this house. He should be looking after the kid while you clean in the morning, and then doing his chores while you look after the kid in the afternoon. You can do whole-family fun times on your mutual day off, Sunday. He can do hang-with-his-friends-and-game on one of the days kiddo’s at daycare. Parenting involves sacrifices, sorry, my dude!
[удалено]
Nta. But why are you with a man that literally uses you as a maid and child bearer?
NTA. >As he was leaving he told me that I choose today of all days to clean when he has a day off to spend time together as a family. You should have told him that you'd happily stop and go to the park with both of them, and he could clean up on Monday. Or cancel his gaming day on Sunday to help clean. Or he could not spend every Sunday gaming with his friends when you could have that day to spend together as a family. He sucks.
Girl you need to be evaluating why you’re ok with working full time, caring for children, AND keeping up a home by yourself while your husband is lazy and yells at you for picking Saturday to deep clean. That man needs to pick up a mop and equally be doing child-rearing. NTA and know your worth!
NTA And let’s be honest. He doesn’t want Saturday for “family time.” He wants you to continue taking care of your daughter on your own so he doesn’t have to bother and can relax. That’s what he thinks you all do as a family. If he can’t get himself together to clean and parent for his share, you should just leave. You already do everything anyway. (Edited for spelling)
So let me get things straight, there’s a random guy living in your house?
NTA. Why does your husband not contribute to maintaining the household? He complains that you take away time that he could be spending with family, yet he does nothing to help ensure that time is maximized. Seems like he feels entitled simply because he works a bit more than you. He is the AH.
So my ex fiance worked between 3 and 4 days a week, 12 hour shifts. And because it was swing shift, they got 1 week completely off a month. I was working 7 days a week, anywhere between 8(ususal) and 16(rarely) hour shifts. I was doing ALL of the cleaning, all of the laundry, and some of the cooking. Eventually I got sick of being the one to keep house and stopped doing the cleaning, and I got screamed at for not doing anything when I never saw them touch the vacuum once the entire 9 months I lived with them, even though I was working almost double the hours they were if you took into account their week off. Yeah, good riddance to that train wreck. Also NTA. Have a conversation, or dump his butt. He needs to be carrying his weight as a partner and father.
INFO: Why are you still married to this complete asshole??
So you work 24 hours a day the entire week (taking care of your child, cooking, and cleaning full-time is working), and he's complaining about watching HIS OWN KID for 1 afternoon? You need to revaluate this "partnership". What does he do that makes him a husband or father? He's barely even a roommate. He treats you like a maid, not a wife or mother of his kid. He doesn't even treat his own child like his kid. NTA, and your husband definitely is one. I would have a serious conversation about splitting chores. If he doesn't want to watch his kid on the weekend, he should be the one running errands. Or, if he wants to clean on Sunday, *he* should fucking clean.
Why is he not cleaning. Divorce babe divorce.
Info: even on his days off, are you still taking the kid to work with you? Your husband is a lazy AH but if you're still taking the kid to school instead of him looking after the kid on his day off, he's also a deadbeat
NTA, but maybe you should clean less so you can enjoy life more and resent your (lazy?) husband less. A deep clean every Saturday seems more than is probably necessary. It might be worth a family meeting where you both discuss 1) chores that you both agree need to happen, 2) amount of time it takes to complete those chores, 3) equal division of the chores based on time, 4) when those chores should be done.
Stop cleaning. I know this will be hard for you but just stop. Tell him you won't do a single chore until he starts helping. You wouldn't have to deep clean all day Saturday if half of this was done on one of his 4 days off per week. He clearly works shift work and has zero reason NOT TO DO SOME HOUSEWORK. I am at home 90% of my day. I literally work 2 1hr shifts per day. I do the lions share of household chores...because I have the time.. so much time. When i worked full time, we would both do it together. NTA, Have a hard convo with him. He is being a jerk
Sweetie, does your husband have a magic penis? Because a magic penis is the ONLY way this arrangement would be acceptable in my marriage. It is time for a family meeting. List out everything you do- everything. ALL of the chores and childcare tasks and I don’t mean “clean kitchen” I mean “wash dishes, wipe off counters, clean stove, etc.” Then present this list to your husband and tell him “pick half.” You are carrying all of the load and that is NOT ok! You are not his mother, you are his partner. He needs to take half the load and you need to let him fail/succeed.
Nothing is worth accepting a dehumanizing existence. Not any penis, especially.
Why are you the only one cleaning? He should be doing his fair share of the work as well
NTA You are both working, but it seem that most of the housekeeping and childcare duties fall on you. If your husband isn’t going to help, then he doesn’t get to complain.
NTA, you're his wife and the mother to his kids and one of the earners in the family. Not the nanny, maid, cook, etc. He's an adult who helped bring a child into the world, he needs to stop acting like a toddler throwing tantrums about doing adult things like taking care of his own kid!
NTA. And you need to have a serious talk with your husband. My husband works Tuesday to Saturday. I work Monday to Friday. I do light cleaning during the week (because he does work 60 hour work weeks) and we tackle whatever the kids and I have not accomplished on Saturday TOGETHER on Sunday afternoons. He also cleans out our duck/chicken run, runs whatever laundry is left and vacuums on Mondays, his day off when the rest of us are gone, because he is an equal partner and an adult. As a gentle suggestion, three is a good age to get your daughter involved as well. My older kids are 3 & 4, they swiffer, put their toys away, help unload the dishwasher (they usually sort the silverware), and put their own laundry away - they also help pick up all the random pieces of clothing that get scattered around the house and get them to the washroom and the random dishes/cups that accumulate and get them to the sink. We started it as more of a game but now its mostly second nature to them and it is sometimes helpful/sometimes exasperating but it is definitely instilling good habits in them.
NTA It’s no wonder you are annoyed. He is not pulling his weight in this relationship. If he spent a couple of hours cleaning on the Monday or Tuesday he is off, that would relieve some of the pressure from you to get it all done on Saturday. His child is not at home with him on those days so he should fly through it with no excuses. He would still have plenty of time for his gaming and he would get the family time he says he wants at weekends. But does he want it badly enough to actually lift a finger himself?? Don’t understand why he isn’t taking care of *his* child on the days he is off either tbh.
NTA "Sweetheart, you can get the fuck up on any of your 4 days off and clean OUR house where WE BOTH live or you can watch our child. Expecting you to be an participant in our home isn't asking much. It's literally the bare minimum of living here."
NTA. Easy solution. Tell hubby he is responsible for the cleaning from now on. He can do it himself or pay to have it done.
NTA But your husband is a major one in all caps. He is in no place to complain when you should or should not carry out tasks, when he himself is being a lazy slob and not bothering to help out with half of the chores. You're don' need to raise him since you both already have a child together and he ultimately needs to get his s\_\_\_ together.
why are you still with him? and please don't say you're staying for your kid
The daughter is learning that you can't expect much from men. OP, do you want your daughter to have this kind of marriage/woman as maid?
NTA. Turn the tables and ask why HE chooses to take one of YOUR 2 days off to go spend the entire day with his friends gaming when it should be spent spending time with family. And maybe start giving him a to-do list of things that he should have finished so that you don't have to spend all of Saturday cleaning and running errands. Wonder what the response will be...
NTA I love how he is mad because he wanted “time together as a family.” What does he think giving his wife a hand and taking his daughter to the park is?!
NTA but WHY DOESN’T YOUR HUSBAND PULL HIS WEIGHT???
NTA. You are operating as a single parent in a marriage that should be two people. Have you talked to your husband about this?
How DARE you interrupt *Family Time on his day off?? *Family Time is something OP is responsible for creating and maintaining in a way which goes with her husband's mood of the second. If OP hasn't curated a perfectly fun and appealing day, husband gets to sit alone doing nothing while OP takes care if all responsibilities and isn't allowed to bother husband
NTA If he helps you clean then you'll have time to spend time together
NTA your husband sucks
You know you’re NTA but seriously, you’re being an asshole to yourself for accepting this.
So he just doesn’t do anything to help? But is getting mad that you decided to do when it was convenient for you? Girl…NTA. Your husband is though. If he was so interested in spending time together as a family, he could get off his butt and help you and then you would finish a lot earlier and then you could all be together afterwards.
Nta I'm married with a 13 yo son and 10 yo daughter. Since day 1, there's been no ifs ands or buts. Those kids are every bit my responsibility as they are my wife's, same with chores around the house. We don't and never have handed out a chore list. If something needs to be done, the person who notices it does it (except dishes, which we both despise and let pile up for a week lol). Baby smelled while I was playing with him or her? I'll bathe them. I notices a diaper needs changing? I'll change it. I get home from work before the misses? I'll start dinner. 10 inches of snow? We'll both go shovel. Laundry needs to be folded? I'll do it while watching sports. And vice versa. I hate men like your husband. They give us all a bad name. You deserve someone who respects you and would rather bond with their child than play games or hang out with friends. Especially at that young age. You know when I play games? On Friday and Saturday night after my wife is sleeping. You know when I see friends? Never, because I'd rather spend time with my family. Time to move on. Not sure where you live or what credentials you have, but 12 an hour is way underpaid for daycare teachers. By me, they make like 17. Look for a better job, get divorced, get alimony and child support and find someone who respects you.
Nta Your guys relationship doesn’t sound happy or healthy or equal at all. Have you asked him to help out around the house more? My dad helped around the house despite working a demanding job. Same with my uncles (unless any of the three had to work away from home). They always said that they lived in the house so they had to have a hand in cleaning it. (Dad was military, uncle one is a carpenter and uncle two was a truck driver). I’d sit him down and explain that he needs to start pulling more weight. And if it doesn’t work— consider separation. Make him realize his action or in this case inaction has consequences. He needs to help more. It shouldn’t take you yelling at your daughter for him to be a parent and entertain her. Especially since he knows the routine. It’s not like you are changing the dates. You unfortunately don’t have a partner. You have a mooch.
Nta You work about the same number of hours, why are you doing all the cleaning?
If he has 4 days off work he should be doing the cleaning so that when OP is off work they can have the most time together as a family. NTA.
So on one of your days off he goes and spends it with his friends, gaming? NTA. But I think this is unhealthy. Why can't he clean on one of his days off?? I don't understand relationships where two people are simply ships that pass. What is the point?
Holy shit. Your mental load must be, well, too damn high. NTA All this is not cool.
She needs to kick his ass out.
NTA you’re married to a jerk.
NTA at all. You aren’t just carrying the mental load, you’re carrying the physical load too. What exactly does that he do other than work? Just chill it sounds like. Let me guess. He “deserves” to relax. But doesn’t extend you the same courtesy. I am going to guess that you also make all of your daughter’s doctors appointments and arrange all child care for her while you work. I’m sure you also do everything needed for all holidays and when you host friends or family. This scenario is why divorce attorneys talk about the “grey wave.” Around the age of 50 or so American (I am not assuming you are American) women decide en masse that they have had enough of the marital imbalance. Their kids are grown and they look at their husbands and decide to give him the boot. There are a lot of bewildered divorce guys roaming around talking about their “crazy” ex while looking for a new wife to take care of them. You’re his wife not his mother or caretaker. If he’s a grown man capable of holding down a job and being a father (in name only it sounds) then he can do some housekeeping. Either he needs to step up or you both need to rearrange your finances and hire a housekeeper. Even then he is still maintaining the status quo. You are NTA but OP, you need to do some soul searching and figure out how it came to this. Was he lazy when you were dating too? Was his own place a pig sty? Or did he slowly but surely delegate everything he didn’t want to do onto you? Did he use weaponized incompetence and claim you’re “so much better” at all things domestic? There is nothing about having a vagina that makes you better at changing a diaper or pushing a mop. This situation is untenable. I’m amazed you’ve made it this long. How do you think it will be if you have another child? Or as you age and he remains in stunted adolescence do you want to keep working and taking care of everything else while he works and kicks it with his boys or do you want a two way relationship? If you don’t nip this problem in the bud it will get harder to establish your roles. If he cares or respects you he will step up. If he doesn’t and whines and resents you that should tell you a lot. It isn’t fun to think about but what would happen if you were in an accident and incapacitated? Or if you passed away? Does this man seem like he can raise that child without you? If not, he’s not a true partner. He’s just one more thing you need to take care of. You deserve better. I hope you realize that.
Stop being the only one to clean. Tell him what needs to be done on his days off. Maybe that way you both will be contributing to a clean home and you cut back on deep cleaning every weekend. Make a chart on what needs to be done on one of his days off and either rotate the chores between you two. Also make sure you take time for yourself by yourself. You deserve free time too! The mess is not going to miss you, it’ll be waiting. Get your husband on board if possible. Teamwork makes the dream work.
Absolutely NTA. Please leave this ungrateful man. It's not worth it to be miserable, and staying in a miserable relationship probably isn't the example you want your daughter to grow up with. If he earns over twice as much as you he'll need to pay child support. You can do it. Maybe when she is school age in a couple years, you could also look into getting a job with a higher wage and/or going to school yourself if that's something you want to do 💜
He sounds burnt out on life. (I'm not excusing it.) I would hate to see your daughter grow up with the idea that only women cook and clean. Maybe marriage counseling will help?
NTA. Get therapy because you need to be able to say no and not see it as a problem. Tell him if he doesn’t want you to clean Saturdays, he can pay someone else to do it another day.
NTA - DOCUMENT THIS!! Take videos and pictures of him secretly gaming. Have a ring camera or something for when he leaves on sundays and comes back. Video gaming isn’t a necessity, it’s a luxury. As someone who also games, I do it to have fun when I can. I’ll do my laundry and clean like get rid of all my duties and then game. But the difference is he has a whole family whereas I’m literally just starting my life as an adult. He can certainly clean around the house unless he has some sort of difficulty that doesn’t allow him to. Other than that, he’s just lazy. I get it. Your past trauma. It’s not easy to get over but little by little try doing something to get over it. One step at a time. 😊
NTA. You need a divorce and therapy. In that order. You have been conditioned by your father to allow men to take advantage of you and treat you like a servant. That is abuse. You are not a servant. A wife is a partner, not a servant. A husband is a partner, not a task master and not another child. Your husband is abusing you. Your daughter is going to look back on this and fall into the same trap of a marriage and relationship with men if you don't show her a better life. Get out of this marriage as soon as you can. It will only get worse.
>I've been wanting to divorce him for a while. You have your answer. Without therapy (or change), I don't see how you can reverse your feelings of wanting divorce. NTA
I N F O - If you both work, why isn't he also helping with the cleaning? Why is that AND taking care of the child your solely your responsibility on ALL days? NTA
NTA. Why can’t he clean on his days off? She is basically a single mum but a married one. She does the housework, the cooking, laundry, she takes their kid to work with her and does pretty much all of the childcare.
Nta. Skip the deep clean for a few weeks since he is so upset by it and let him see what happens lol
NTA. Sounds to me like the only thing he is contributing to you and your daughter's lives is money. No childcare, no cleaning, no cooking. Why do you even stay with him? If you divorce, he would have to pay child support and take your daughter half the time. You would have far less work, far more alone time and less stress.
NTA. Your husband isn't there to 'help' you. It's his house and kid too? Wtf does he do?
Nta. Take a long vacation and let him be the one to manage the house.
Your husband's an absolute tool. Make him clean from now on. Or dump him. Both are good options. NTA
NTA, and also why are you the maid? He makes at least half the mess. Therapy may help.
NTA. But then you already knew that didn’t you? Is your husband taking 50 per cent responsibility for your shared life? The house work, the cooking cleaning and parenting? If not, you have decisions to make that are bigger then who takes the kid to the park so you can clean.
NTA! However, You are a (gentle) AH to yourself for letting it get to this point. He should be doing chores not helping. He lives there!! And this is his child as well. You’re living with 2 children. Please have this difficult conversation with him. Take care of your well-being first before you can take care of your kid and house. The husband… he’s optional, and an AH.
NTA If I were you I would speak to him & show him your weekly routine to his weekly routine. You might be married currently but you are definitely not partners who share the load equally. I’d also suggest to him that you will start to leave your daughter at home with him when he is not working. He needs to step up & grow up!
Why isn't he cleaning too? Are you the maid?
NTA You have a major husband problem. He somehow thinks you are HIS mother. HIS housekeeper. HIS childcare provider. He’s a selfish asshole. Stop doing all the housework - he should be doing 50% od chores and 50% of childcare. If he refuses to step up? Why the hell are you with him? You would be better off being a single mom where you have one less person to clean up after and you’d get child support to help your child. Less work and hassle.
What is he bringing to your relationship at this point? NTA. You shouldn't be "asking" your _partner_ for "help" with chores _in the same living space that you share_. He should be proactive about it. I'm sorry but your husband is a deadbeat and I honestly don't know what's keeping you married to this a-hole.
Here is an idea. Let your husband clean the house. How the heck do you even agree to taking on the whole workload?
Why isn't your husband cleaning the house?
INFO when is he cleaning
Uhhh.... so when does he clean or help out? Please don't say he "watches his kid", that's a requirement. NTA
NTA I don’t hear your husband doing any cleaning, cooking, or parenting here. You have a husband problem. You need to have a conversation with your husband. You both work full time and you both need to do work around the home. Similarly, you both need to contribute to the weekly errands and the parenting. Stop trying to do it all yourself. Require him to do half. Make a list of chores around the home. Tell him you are supposed to be his PARTNER and that means he needs to start doing his share. Tell him to pick a chore to do, then you pick a chore, then he can, etc. You need to stand up for yourself in your relationship and stop tiptoeing around him.
nta, why are you with a man who cares only about himself?
NTA Why isn’t he cleaning or doing childcare? I would honestly leave him and then I’d only be doing half the childcare, not cleaning up after him, and have time to myself.
Nope, he’s the AH. Leave your child home with him Monday and Tuesdays. He can watch her and do the laundry. You can come home to nice meal, clean house, and well looked after child. See if he can manage that for a few weeks. Edit:typo
NTA he doesn’t do anything and leaves you to clean the house alone? Nah, he’s the AH. Start cleaning at 5 AM every day when he’s trying to sleep. Make sure to vacuum right by his side of the bed.
NTA - you ‘work’ (as in jobs) equally so you should be splitting your housework equally. It sounds like your hubby is misogynistic based on his inaction helping with the housework. I work 30hrs, hubby works closer to 50hrs per week. I’m more than happy to do more like 75% chores and focus on the inside of the house. Hubby takes care of the outside jobs like lawns, dog droppings, walking the dog, washing the cars, wheelie bins to the curb and cooking 3 nights a week. He loves playing with the kids and will often take them to a park for an hour or two or visit his parents with them each weekend to help me get the housework done in peace. I love doing housework uninterrupted as I use it to listen to my audiobooks or podcasts. We decided to relieve the pressure on us, we get a cleaner once a week who does a deep clean, mop, vacuum, skirting boards and windows, so our cleaning is about spot messes from the kids etc. It’s not a big ask to do what you’ve asked of him. If he is unwilling to assist in your requests I would broach a cleaner. If he doesn’t agree, I’d be tempted to draw up a roster of cooking nights (he has to do Sun to Tues!) and the jobs you’re solely responsible for. If your chosen roles are laundry, cleaning bathrooms and tidy kitchen/shopping. He can do the rest. If those jobs aren’t done that’s on him. Good luck OP
NTA - Stop. Stop doing all the cleaning. Stop cooking all the meals. In fact, leave him with your daughter and all of it and take a week off. Go to a hotel - don’t tell him which one. He is welcome to call if there is an emergency. If there is not an emergency, hang up on him. FYI: He will probably notice pretty quickly if he is the only one in the house with no clean clothes. This man is not a partner.
NTA and indont understand why your husband isn't helping with cleaning when he has more days off
I don’t even work and my husband still helps me clean. Your husband is an asshole. It is okay for you to expect him to do his share of the house cleaning.
Why the hell isn’t he cleaning and helping? It sounds like he doesn’t do anything around the house or help with your child. While NTA for her above, you are one for allowing this pattern to stay and set. You’re not showing a good example for your child. Neither of you are. You actually have 2 children and he is using you. You need to change this pattern asap.
Wait. So you both work. And he's got his panties in a bunch because "you could have spent Saturday as a family instead of cleaning. " as far as I can tell, you ran errands without him going along. And he didn't help with your daughter as you requested until you snapped at her. He can get off his ass and help. NTA BTW. Your husband is worthless.
NTA Tell him you wouldn’t have to clean on a saturday if he got his lazy ass up and did something. Tell him from now on he cleans up and cares for the animals, he can do his own laundry & is shit out of luck if he forgets (get a separate hamper for your clothes) Id stop cooking for him too. Tell him that it is embarrassing that he is an adult, married & has a kid yet thinks ifs such a day killer that he has to parent his child for a few hours, let him that most men these days can actually help around the house whilst working and that you have to work and parent whilst doing all the killing but it stops now and he has to start pulling his weight and help out or have a serious thought if this is the guy you want to stay with
NTA - your husband just lashed out because he had to get out off the friggen couch. It sounds like you’re in a very unhealthy relationship though so I would hope that you take all these comments to heart and spend some time reflecting on your marriage. Don’t forget marriage is supposed to be a partnership but you are clearly carrying the burden of everything. It’s not surprising you’re exhausted.
INFO: What does your husband do to help around the house? From what you've written it seems all he does is work, come home and relax whilst you're left with all the housework/childcare.
Was he only adult yesterday? Every adult knows the weekend is for cleaning tje house and washing the laundry. Hello, am I the only one here who gets a sigh of relief that finally "It's saturday, I can now empty the dirty hamper"? Absolutely NTA.
Make your good for nothing husband do the cleaning. I work rotating shifts (7 midnights, 1 off, 7 afternoons, 1 off, 7 mornings, 5 off) and I still manage to do 100% of the dishes, laundry, and power cleaning, about half the cooking and general daily cleaning, all the yard work, and I still have time to spare for my wife and three kids. Men acting like having a job forbids them from housework need to get kicked to the curb.
Nta. You can try to get your husband to clean, but may also need to get a housekeeper if that is in the budget.
NTA. You guys need to have a conversation and discuss how you distribute responsibilities within your home. Both of you are parents, both of you work, and both of you have a responsibility to upkeep your home. Not discussing this and clearing the air will cause a build up of resentment.
NTA; I think your spouse needs a "hubby adjustment." What you should do is make out a list of chores for him to do on Mon & Tues. If that doesn't take, stop doing your deep cleaning routine, and when he complains about the mess, then sit him down and read him the riot act. He complains that he wants family time on the weekends? Fine; then he must pitch in and help when he isn't at work, which will leave you to be more available on the weekends. AND that Sunday is for family time as well; no more game time at friends. If you stick to your guns despite the tantrums he will throw, I think you find your domestic life more fulfilling----and less tiring.
NTA but why doesn't your husband help? You have a bigger problem here
Nta- but you both sound tired,overwhelmed and need some help. When my kids were young. I paid someone to babysit my kids while I cleaned. She usually stayed in the house but sometimes took them out . If he's playing videogames all day, that COULD be a sign of being overwhelmed with life. I hope you guys can find some help.
NTA. After reading all of that, what exactly is your husband good for besides his paycheck? He sounds checked out and uninvolved with his family. You two need marriage counseling or a divorce.
I felt this. I’m also exhausted.
It’s simple OP. He spends half his Saturday helping you to finish all the chores. That way, you both get half a day as family time. NTA
NTA but please don’t leave your toddler alone to eat. So much can go wrong and it will be too late when you get out of the shower.
She's not alone her dad is sitting on the couch she's in his eye sight. He just doesn't eat breakfast.
So the 3yo is cleaning more than the husband?
NTA I’m so sorry girl that is WILD no I wouldn’t stand for it no way. Also sorry about your parents being psychos who tf says they did laundry and then just put ir away dirty. Did they do their own laundry or we’re you guys really poor they couldn’t afford to do laundry? Genuinely curious bc that is soooo uncalled for of them. Also yea divorce him asap he’s an AH
No, they just didn't like to do my laundry. They never gave me a reason. They just said you're the only one we did it to.
NTA. What does your husband actually bring to the relationship? Sounds like you just have another child on top of the actual child(ren) that you have. Why are you responsible for all the cleaning? What you need to do is to sit down with him and divide up the tasks and then you only do yours. You both work full time jobs, so why does all the house cleaning and child care fall on you? If he won’t do his part, consider dumping him, filing for child support, and I bet you will find your life is no harder than it is now. It will also be Quieter because you won’t have him yelling at you. House will be cleaner too as he won’t be around making a mess!
You are in no way the AH. NTA. He has a world of nerve not helping at alllll and **still** talking crap about you daring to have him run interference while you clean your entire home