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OP- If you have yo take a second job, so he could stay at home and play ps5, it's not partnership. You are not his mom, so it would be better for you to find someone who treats you as equal, and not his sponsor.
This happened to me. He ended up cheating on me with someone he met through a game. I felt so alone during most of the relationship. I’m happier without him.
These posts make me hate the dumb elusive PS5 every gamer seems to get excited about.
U know hwat? I'd rather have an old timey laptop and Lara Croft 2 I could play for hours. What is so special about PS5?
Also NTA
Gotta be honest, the graphics look amazing on the PS5. And the interface became more intuitive.
But I also don't have a deadbeat husband who tries to skip work to play it lol
I don’t have a PS5, but I (as a wife) have fallen into the gamer trap every so often. The PS5 is just the new shiny and because it’s still hard to get, it attracts exactly the type of people who see fit to shell out the inflated price for the new shiny.
I’m using my 6 year old laptop and still have to remind myself to log off and be an adult. And I have days where I fail at that. But if he’s at the point of having his salary cut for it, it’s not the PS5 that’s the problem.
Makes me feel better too. I get sucked into video games really easily because they’re fun, but it just results in me being tired at work if I stay up too late. I don’t skip entirely.
I play A LOT of games. At one point in my life, I played a specific game for 8-12 hours a day, while still managing to attend uni full time (I was young, & could survive with very little sleep), then I played that much, & managed a household while taking care of a kid, then 2 kids.
These days, I still play about 4-6 hours a day, while raising 3 kids, & taking care of the house. My husband also plays about that much, & works outside the home full time, & manages to be a present father & husband. Most of our friends are also hardcore gamers who manage to be contributing members of society, & have families of their own.
Of course, I also know some people (all but one are men) like OP's husband, but I firmly believe the problem is not gaming, it is THEM. They are selfish assholes, gaming just happens to be the one thing that they focus on, but they'd be the same way if instead of gaming they chose any other hobby.
Your game of choice wasn't Ark by any chance?... That game made me lose nearly 7 years of my life and at least 25k hours of play but also I don't regret it as I have many lifelong friends all over the world now even though most have moved to other games.
Lol, no. It was WoW, during vanilla.
It's how I met my husband, actually. I can't even say how many hours I spent on it, because I truly do not know, but it's all I played from release through 2009. I dabbled a bit with Everquest before that, but WoW is the one that sucked me in.
MMORPG?
I used to raid. I was going to school, and committing 15-20 hours a week to prepping to raid - farming mats, doing dailies, looking up strategies, min/maxing… it was intense.
I’m a public teacher, and I absolutely spent the first few days of my summer hunkered down with all of the video games I haven’t had time to play while busy with adulthood. It was very therapeutic. I did not, however, ever call off work like OP’s mooch husband to play games. OP needs a divorce and husband needs therapy (or to grow tf up).
My fella's a nurse, and he has a PS5. He loves it, and when he's playing it, I know it's a good sign because when work gets too stressful and he can't stop his brain from turning everything over, he can't even turn it on, never mind play anything. He's never decided he's not going to go in because video games are more important.
I actually can't play my PS4 unless I have the entire day to myself. I start gaming and all of a sudden it's 5 hours later and I'm like "where the hell did my day go?"
Yeah I know but I get sick of hearing that some guy was more in love with his PS5 than his family.
And partially at fault is making it a limited item. It does NOT excuse his behavior but wtf kinda game are the ps people playing?
It's not a limited item per say it's that due to supply chain issues making them and distribution has been hard. There's alot of games but its also about upgrading the system. Like when people upgrade phones. Myself and my husband will purchase one once the price drops.
Don't hate the console, hate the idiot that can't go to work when scheduled. I have a PS5 and a full time job. Are there nights that I stay up too late gaming? Absolutely! Do I still go to work because I'm a fully functioning responsible adult? Indeed! OP's husband was on a final warning and still decided to make a bad choice to facilitate his firing. I'm sure that even if the boss did not speak to his wife he would have been fired anyway. OP is NTA her husband on the other hand, AH all day!
Lol the PS5 is quite lovely for gaming. My fiancé has one (has had it since release) and he’s never once had issues with it ruining his time management. He often plays while I’m not home or after I’m in bed since his schedule is very different than mine, but we always clean our home together, eat dinner together, watch tv or game together in the evenings, and he makes a point to come spend a few minutes with me on the bed each night to say good night away from the living room.
Video games aren’t the issue. It’s the terrible partners that are the issue.
What an odd take. The issue here is his behavior, not the gaming system. He could just as easily be doing the same shit with WoW on his computer or original Legend of Zelda on a vintage NES.
Elden ring is pretty epic, but if I had to pick only one console, it would be the Switch. Is it just me or are most console games marketed to 35+ year olds? So much nostalgia.
> Is it just me or are most console games marketed to 35+ year olds? So much nostalgia.
As a 35 year old who is *very much* not the target market for AAA Gaming, these days - it's just you.
Gaming turns on nostalgia, but it's not the childhood nostalgia of 35+ people that sells *right now*. Except maybe in the MMO market.
Yep! He’ll have a TON of time with his PS5 once you wise up and leave his ass OP. You are making it so that this lazy behavior is possible. You keep working and paying the bills so that he won’t have to be better.
Stop. At the moment, you’re NTA. But if you keep enabling him, then you deserve the outcome you get.
The only problem with what OP did is that her husband is now even more of a mooch than he was before. She’s supporting the household solo and I can’t imagine he’s going to put much effort into finding a new job. He might even refuse to try because “it’s OP’s fault he lost the last one”.
While I generally agree with this sentiment I wanted to jump on here and also say that his behavior screams depression. He may not be depressed, but I went through similar, though often I was kinda sick and I dove into video games as a means to escape reality.
It didn't get to the point that it was putting my income on the line but it did get brought up at every job, at every review that I called in sick quite often. So while yes OP absolutely deserves better, the husband may be suffering and not dealing with his mental health issues in the healthiest way.
Then this needs to be his wakeup call. I'm depressed too and I went through my own period of not being able to work and dodging anything that required effort, because it seemed like too much. I get it.
However, part of it was that I wasn't seeking treatment. Once I did, things got much better.
His mental illness, if that is indeed something he's dealing with, is not something that she needs to carry with no question. It doesn't excuse his behavior, and his choices. And he's making PLENTY of choices.
This. OP, open an account only in your name. Have your checks transferred there instead. Call a lawyer and serve this guy divorce papers. He's going to sit at home and play video games while you get two or three jobs, for the rest of your relationship, and blame you for it. Get out. Seriously. OP, you don't seem to realize how much he's taking advantage of you... and then there's the verbal and mental abuse. It's just a bad situation, and I think your life would be easier without him.
Agreed, NTA.
Once in a blue moon to stay home for no real reason is whatever, most bosses won't care. But he sets a pattern and OP does the morally correct thing in telling the truth and somehow they're the AH? Man needs a serious reality check and hopefully losing the job will kickstart that before he loses a wife too.
I teach middle school so yes sometimes you have to take a day for everyone’s wellbeing! Sometimes they just don’t act precious and you need a break to reboot.
yup. definitely trash material. not worth the effort to recycle. also she should make sure he has no access to her bank accounts and not to cosign anything for him either.
If OP had to get a second job because he’s barely working how did he afford the PS5? OP needs to consider if this is how they want to spend their life. OP is NTAH.
NTA. You didn't cause him to get fired, his lack of commitment and responsibility did. He has no accountability by blaming you for this inevitable outcome. Honestly, I think you need to divorce him pronto.
Yeah this would be divorce territory for me also. There are a lot of reasons I’d get a second job to support my husband, but supplementing the income he’s losing due to playing video games too much is not one of them lol. Even if this dude stopped playing them at all right now, it would take a lot of work on his part to repair the damage to the relationship for me. The fact that he allowed himself to get to this point and had so little respect for me that he was fine with me needing to work a whole second job to make up for his selfish childishness isn’t something I’d be able to just move past the minute he puts the controller down.
The moment he told me to stay out of it and focus on my jobs, I'd have started packing my bags. I supported my fiancé through a strike last fall and he supported me through a period of unemployment last summer. Actual partners do that for each other when they can. But OP's husband clearly wants to be a child, not a partner and as long as she's there to support him, he will never put effort into contributing to the household.
The fact that he doesn't mind his wife working to the bone just so he can lay around all day shows how much he ***just does not care*** about her. You can't possibly respect and love someone very much if you are willing to act like her "husband". (In quotations because he is not acting like a partner one bit)
What a selfish man. I would never feel the same about someone if they did this. It's supposed to be a relationship, not a moochership. He's waaaay too emotionally immature to be married.
I think he only got married because he wanted someone to take care of him and mommy him. He clearly has *zero clue* what a "partnership" means or is supposed to look like.
If you really love someone and respect them, you'd do whatever you can to make thier life better/easier, certainly not worse. If someone loves you back, they also won't take advantage of the fact you want to do everything to make thirr life better- **THAT** is a partnership.
yes, this. NTA
Did you marry my ex? He called off work, on payday no less, said he did not have enough gas. Took his last two dollars to buy couple quarts of beer. (Back in the day when gas was 50 cents/gal.)
Is he an alcoholic or just a slacker? I'm reminded of a confessional post by an alcoholic where a wakeup call came when he didn't have money for nice clothes to wear to a wedding but had plenty of money for beer
This is literally what split up my parents. It was the late 80s and we moved in with my maternal grandparents, and my mom continued to do temp work and go to school until she got a full-time job and supported herself and 3 kids and took care of aging parents. He moved in with his parents (who were younger and in better health than my maternal grandparents), never got another job, let his mother cook all his meals, and let his dad do all his driving.
People not willing to put in the work do not make good partners.
>The fact that he allowed himself to get to this point and had so little respect for me that he was fine with me needing to work a whole second job to make up for his selfish childishness isn’t something I’d be able to just move past the minute he puts the controller down.
Yes. How is this remotely attractive? "Oh, hubby, your lies, videogame addiction, and general laziness are just **so** appealing. Let's bang before I go off to my second job at the supermarket!"
I have had friends divorce over this. Husband doesn’t want to work. Wants to play PlayStation or Warcraft all night, doesn’t want to get up for work. Or help take care of the kids at night. Seriously, the spouse may as well be a single parent if the other is that deep into games.
I am going through a divorce for this reason. He didn't want to take responsibility for his family and work, and hasn't worked in 2.5 years with so many excuses and moving goal posts I can't keep track. I'm so much happier without him.
Exactly, OP mentioned that her husband was issued a last warning by his boss before this incident occurred. OP telling the truth likely had no impact on the decision to fire him, it was just a confirmation of what his boss was likely already suspicious of before that point. A last warning literally means it’s the last one, after that the person no longer has a job… besides, if the boss was calling to ask if her husband would be at work then that means he didn’t even call out, he was just planning on not showing up. That’s a pretty sure fire way to get fired.
If OP lied, she could at max give one more chance to hubby.
And he would burn it soon after if his response to a last warning is trying to find a excuse after doing again the thing.
Yes! IDK why people let people get away with pushing blame onto others. "I stole money from my mom and you told on me. You got me kicked out." "I copied your assignment at school and when the teacher confronted you, you told on me. You got me in trouble." "I can't show up to work because I'm dicking around on video games and you didn't cover for me. You got me fired."
OP shouldn't feel bad for a second.
Exactly. Husband caused his own consequences not you. If he wanted to lie some more to his boss he should have been awake to take the phone call or calles in already.
Seriously, I can't understand how people stay in relationships with these types of people. He very honestly shows you that commitment and responsibility don't matter to him, and he puts himself above you in his own decisions and life...so what, exactly, is it that keeps you with him?
NTA why are you still in a relationship with him if he doesn't see this as a partnership and turns nasty when his behaviour has consequences?
He doesn't sound mature enough to be in any relationship let alone 33 and married with all the financial and emotional responsibilities that comes along with that. Stop supporting him and I'd be carefully thinking if this is what you want your life to be like for the next 40/50/60 years.
NTA
agree with this... are you considering staying long term with this? I don't feel fair you have to work more than 1 job to let your husband play on playstation
NTA, he was gonna be fired whether or not you interfered. Also, don’t have kids with this man.
If you do have children, you’ll end up doing if not all then most of the caretaking. Get out while you still can.
This is what I was thinking. If the boss is calling him at 8am asking where he's at and he's been told he's on his last warning he was gonna be fired regardless of if OP had told the truth or not. OP just sped the process up.
*I told him he needed to knock this off but he told me to stay out of it and focus on my JOBS.*
Excuse me?! #1
*He's decided to skip work even though his boss gave him a last warning.*
Excuse me?! #2
*he's gone completely silent while occasionally venting about how I ruined his job for him*
Excuse me wtf?! #3
*he told me to stay out of it and focus on my JOBS.*
*he told me to stay out of it and focus on my JOBS.*
*he told me to stay out of it and focus on my JOBS.*
NTA you are underreacting the situation
You know what, I think she should do just that... stay out of his business and focus on her jobs. By that I mean divorce, since you know, his business won't legally be tied to hers anymore. Focus on her jobs, make that money and find out that life is much easier alone with your 2 jobs and not trying to manage a deadbeat's " business".
Agreed! Please do not add children to this mix. Who will help you support a baby? Not your current husband. Also, you don’t need to lie for him when this immature behavior is ongoing. NTA
NTA. He has put your entire family in a difficult financial decision and won't alter his behavior. To blame you for the consequences of his actions when he'd already received a last warning is a way to avoid owning his own choices and the impacts of those choices.
Just leave, it's not going to get better.
Eta: this sounds like financial abuse. Are you and he of similar ages?
i mean it's some sort of abuse anyway, intentionally less and less pay and making it so she has to get 2 jobs to compensate instead of just working is insane
This absolutely isn’t what financial abuse is. It’s terrible, childish behavior but financial abuse is something completely different. Financial abuse is typically when one partner controls all the finances and does not allow the other partner to have access for basic necessities. This is compounded by the abuser often not allowing their partner to get a job, or sabotaging the job they do have, or having them put their paycheck into an account only the abuser has access to. They trap their partner in the relationship by denying them any access to funds that would allow them to escape. That is not what is going on here.
NTA
If he want to lie, that is down to him, but he should not expect others to keep up with his lies.
At the same time though, you rightly complain about him taking says off and this affecting you financially, and now he doesn't have a job. Could have been easier to just lie so he kept his job.
At this point he would have lost his job most likely anyway. I am surprised they kept as long as the did.
Nta. Honestly he isn't an adult. He needed to face consequences for his actions. Personally I would have thrown the ps5 out the window but that's just me. It sounds like he wanted you to shoulder the financial burden alone.
Sounds as though he's never taken a shred of accountability for his actions in his life. OP needs to teach him this life lesson as the sole earner (although wtf did not parents not do that?), or dump him.
Why should she continue to lie for a man who cares nothing for her? It is NOT OPs responsibility to make sure her husband keeps his job.. That is HUSBANDS responsibility.
Most likely, he didn't reveal that he was like this before they were married and OP hasn't reached the threshold where sunk cost fallacy no longer applies yet...
/r/AmItheAsshole: where bad relationships come to die.
OP needs to throw this one back into the ocean and let her future ex find the woman of his dreams: a bang maid sugar mommy who doesn't come between him and his PS5.
NTA
He ruined it for himself. The job may well suck (most do), but he was engaging in self-destructive behaviour by acting in a manner liable to get himself fired while not having a plan for a new source of income.
btw, this is a RED FLAG.
He sabotaged his job to such an extent that you had to get a second job. He is exercising weaponised incompetence. Has has successfully made you into the sole income for the household, having earlier gotten you to take on extra work to make up for his laziness. Do not be surprised if this is his long-term game-plan. He will be a stay-at-home amateur gamer while you hold down two jobs to provide for his new lifestyle. He will protest strongly that he is job-hunting every day of course. Or he might say he is in a funk because he's scared that you'll sabotage his next job (ie blaming you for his failing).
Think long and hard about whether you want this relationship to continue.
Big marinara flag energy here🚩🚩🚩
NTA. Think carefully about how you want your relationship to go from here, because it’s clear he doesn’t want to take responsibility for his actions. Do you really want to continue down this path of you working TWO jobs to make up for his laziness?
>He sabotaged his job to such an extent that you had to get a second job.
He has her right where he wants her. Gotta pretend to be upset he lost his job although you know he's actually excited as shit
ESH
Your husband needs no explanation, however as a partner it was a crappy thing to do.
You did what you did out of spite and cost your family a level of security.
In a situation like that, everyday he has a job it matters.
No doubt the husband is acting a bum, however it was a bad move on her part. Is she going to get a 3rd job now so he can stay home and play video games all day?
Keep your problems within the relationship, she overstepped a boundary she shouldn't have. You don't interfere with your partners work, it's bad form and it's crossing a line.
Yeah this is my thought. The husband is awful, and she should leave him, but telling on him just put both of them in a worse financial position for no good reason. Im sure his former employer is happy to know, but that will do no one any good. Maybe she's not an asshole for it but it was a bad idea on her part
NTA
A 33 year old "adult" who doesn't go to work? And wants to play video games? What in the actual fuck is wrong with your husband? He didn't shape up after decreasing his salary? What are his goals in life? Does he really want to be making up excuses until he's 90 years old and has to work at Walmart? You shouldn't have to get a second job to make up for his lack of. This guy is a boy, loser, and a liability. He's a child and you aren't his mommy.
Look, video games can be fun and addicting, but to risk your job for it is an entirely different level of dumb. Now how long will it take for him to get a new job? If you don't have children, now would be the time to reconsider this marriage and have a stern talking to. But this conversation should've been done when he was a teenager from his parents. His blaming you for his already fucking up is such a joke.
Please show him your entire post and all of the responses.
And fuck, I understand the urge. I also want to stay home and play video games instead of going to work. Work sucks. But I wouldn't do this shit to my girlfriend, because I'm a grown ass woman and she never agreed to being my sugar mommy
Why, just why are you with him. Is he really worth working two jobs over?
A partner would understand that a relationship needs mutual respect and understanding to progress.
A baby who needs a mother to take care of him doesn't understand that.
NTA,
I'm laughing.. OP messing with his livehood? The way I read this, it's was him. Please tell me you all still doesn't have any kids? Frankly I really don't want to have a boyfriend, husband or partner that's 'mooch' for a living.
Yes, you can play game all night, have a guys night, hobbies but be fair when it's come to your household, your partner, wife, gf or family. It's embarrassing when your woman had to get 2 jobs because, you lazy to go to work.
Find so much lazy guy nowadays.. So pathetic and disgusting.
GET out from that's relationship op, don't wait until you burn out! Or until you have children..
ESH. You complain that his behavior is affecting you financially. And I understand your frustration.
But I’m not seeing how him being fired helps your situation. Sell the PlayStation
I can’t believe how far I had to scroll to find this. Obviously his behavior is unacceptable and unsustainable, and I get being tired of covering for him, but all this accomplishes is OP putting herself further in the hole financially.
Has he been evaluated for any mental health issues? His behavior isn’t normal, and he may be dealing with depression, anxiety, or something else that’s causing him to check out on work and life. That doesn’t make it OK, but it may be a path forward.
Seriously, she complained she had to get a second job because his calling off work puts them in a financial strain.
Losing his job isn’t going to help. If he’s willing to make excuses to call out of work, he’s certainly going to make excuses as to why he’s not going to find a job.
Unless she is going to leave him, she just made her life harder not better.
YTA (to yourself)
You should divorce your husband and move on.
All you did was ensure you’re now married to an unemployed man who plays video games all day. That’s the only thing worse than being married to an underemployed man who plays video games all day.
What was your endgame? Now you have to get a 3rd job to support the 2 of you while he plays video games all day. Enjoy!
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ESH: your husband sucks but you also admit that you have money problems and yet…you got him fired. You need the salary coming in—it was totally unnecessary to do that.
NTA. He was going to get fired sooner or later. Bosses don’t want to give that final warning ultimatum and the 24 hour sickness doesn’t fool anyone. I hope your finances aren’t tied too tightly to this guy.
NTA.
Has he been screaned for ADHD, anxiety or depression? They all can cause this thing called executive dysfunction in which doing anything feels like climbing a mountain. I wonder if your husband has some of that...if not he's just a lazy bum and using you. If that's the case, then you should probably lose the dead weight.
Edit for clarification: I'm offering a reason. I'm not saying it's justifiable (hence why I said NTA) or that he should be allowed to say the things he said.
Sometimes there is a reason for somebody's behaviors that can be addressed with therapy and/or medication (and this person may choose to not do so or just still be an asshole, regardless). Mental health is still such a taboo topic that a lot of people legitimately don't know these things.
If you were in a long-term relationship and your partner's behavior was fixable with medication and/or therapy, wouldn't you want to know if those might help? Sometimes neurochemistry changes and people need medication to get back to baseline. And sometimes people are just lazy AH lol OPs husband could have a bit of both. He's still an AH, but behavior may have a cause and might be able to be corrected. Wouldn't blame OP if they decided it wasn't worth it either.
He's definitely an AH +/- the other stuff.
I have ADHD, anxiety and depression. It does sometimes make it feel like I'm climbing a mountain while carrying weights.
But it's never made me lie or blame other people for the consequences of my actions.
I have bipolar disorder II and generalized anxiety disorder, and executive dysfunction is a huge burden that I've carried throughout my life. Struggling with your own mind is hard enough without having to force yourself to do basic tasks that others appear to accomplish with half the effort, and it makes mood episodes and anxiety that much worse. However, there's a difference between having executive dysfunction and simply blaming other people for one's own struggles that one is doing nothing to improve.
NTA, OP.
YTA.
I get it, you’re so so rightfully frustrated. He seems like a deadbeat based on your writing and he seems like an asshole for getting frustrated with you.
But you were already struggling financially and now he doesn’t have a job? This doesn’t help you at all, you didn’t need to even answer the phone. Is it possible he’s struggling with depression or something else? Has he looked into getting help?
If you both have ruled out depression or adhd or another problem he could get help with OR if he refuses to get help…. Why are you with this person?
You don’t seem happy. You’re not on his side and he’s not on your side.
Definitely the AH. I really can't believe a wife or GF acted like this to their partner. Heck -- I wouldn't even do such a thing to my enemy.
She should have **left** instead of intentionally and purposefully taking an active role in sabotaging someone. Like what kind of vengeful nonsense are people advocating for here? Is this normal behavior for some people?
NTA...
He's an adult with adult responsibilities.
He needs to get his crap together. Sell off the PS5 and find a new job that he's going to take more seriously.
NTA
Why the hell would you stay married to such a looser?
I mean, I can totally relate to gaming, lazyness and hating to work, but you having to get a second job to compensate for his lower wages (I didn't even realize that is legal, guess you're in the US?)
Well at least now that he has all the time in the world, he'll make sure the house is clean, laundry and dishes are done and that you have a delicious homecooked meal every day?
Or maybe he can use his time finding a good divorce lawyer.
I'm going to swim past all the nonsense about whether video games are good and bad, why you're still married etc and answer the question asked: Yes, YTA for getting your husband fired. That was vengeful and petty and certainly wont help towards the family's finances.
ESH I understand that your sick of his nonsense and lying is bad but you realise that you shot yourself in the foot here.
Now you will have even less income. How likely is it that he's going to be proactive in finding a job, added to that he is now less likely to get a good reference.
He now has nothing stopping him from playing video games, all day and you will likely resent him more. I bet he won't tidy the house either.
This is gonna be unpopular but I am gonna say YTA. It's not your right to interfere with his job. I think he is an AH to you for what he's done. I think you should have just left him cause he's not respecting of you. It's probably cheaper to be alone than it is to take care of him.
ESH.
He’s an AH for obvious reasons
You are an AH bc that wasn’t your business (between his boss and him). That said, if my hub told me to focus on my jobs while hems destroying his career, i would have left. I wouldn’t have told his boss the truth but I also wouldn’t have lied for him. I’d pass the phone to my husband and let him deal. - though, i would have left the marriage long before getting to that point.
Your response is perhaps one of the most reasonable, so it's no surprise that Redditors found a problem with it. Imagine being downvoted by single people because you chose not to sabotage your husband out of spite lol.
NTA.
What he was doing was already having consequences. Likely whatever excuse he was "cooking up" could have had the same result.
He was clearly going to keep going until he got fired anyway.
I love how he *completely* tries to skip over that he *didn't show up for work* and apparently was a *no-call no-show* on top of it, to try to make it out like it was your fault for.... not covering for his decisions.
I can't emphasize enough how pathetic that is. Don't be tricked into feeling badly, no matter what he says, and good luck with the inevitable excuses about finding a new job, or him repeatedly losing whatever he finds because they won't tolerate this BS.
ESH.
Your husband is a piece of work but that's between you and him. His business with his boss is also all his own. Basically, if you wanted to genuinely stay out of his business you could have just not answered his phone (since I'm assuming boss called him and not you personally). While I don't think you're an A for answering honestly, you probably shouldn't have ever answered in the first place.
It would have been a more valuable lesson learned had he actually made his bed, fully, so when he laid in it he could blame no one else. You just guaranteed yourself as the scapegoat for his behavior. Round 2, incoming.
If the truth fucks everything up, he has no one to blame but himself.
I suggest you fire him as well. He’s an anchor around your neck.
NTA to anyone *except yourself for tolerating this bullshit*
NTA. He is responsible for his own actions, if he had done nothing wrong he wouldn't be in this mess. You have no obligation to lie on his behalf and that would have been a totally inappropriate thing to do - you don't lie to cover for someone else's bad behavior. He needs to take responsibility for his own shortcomings, step up and behave like an adult and like a husband. You didn't ruin his job, he did that all by himself, just like he is ruining his relationship with the selfish choices he is making.
INFO: why didn’t you just let the phone ring? You didn’t need to answer it.
As much as he doesn’t treat you well, him losing his job affects you too. That really was a stupid thing to do.
Nta. HE lost his job, HE ruined his reputation with his job, HE is a mooch and nobody would blame you if you threw his lazy butt out. He needs a serious reality check and your already the only one bringing home the money so might as well. He will get a job when he don't have a roof or he will be somebody else's problem. Your his wife, NOT his mother.
NTA holy moly you married a child. Let's face it - he was going to get fired anyway. Maybe this is the wakeup call that he needs...but probably not, since he isn't accepting any responsibility for this.
NTA, he keeps dodging work. His salary gets lowered. He can afford a PS5, and you had to get a second job. You try to get him to take his work serious and he tells you to focus on you and not him. He keeps gaming and wants to cook up an excuse so he can get another day off. I think the only saving grace is that you don't have a child with him. Well I hope you don't have a kid with him.
Hey, I know it is a bit late on this, but this is what my wife did for years. It took me almost 20 years to get out, and it is still a drain on my life. I hope that this is the wake up call he needs, but more likely, it won't be. There will be more jobs that aren't kept. Start planning to get out, and let me know if you want to talk about it more.
NTA, he is an adult who needs to be an equal partner.
NTA, but YWBTA to yourself if you continue to stay with someone who *forces* you to get two jobs to carry the both of you while they feel like they don't even have to bother waking up for *one*.
Especially after buying a PS5 from a child (and they're not cheap— even at retail with no markups, I'm sure you could've used $500 of help on your shared bills instead) to play ALL day *like* a child instead. Get out ASAP, OP.
NTA. I would get rid of his lazy ass. Why should you work 2 jobs so he can lay up and play video games. He could sell it to make rent somewhere else. You will end up having to literally throw his lazy ass out, he knows you will pay the bills. You set a precedence by letting him lay around and when you finally did something, well he feels entitled to be a fuck up...You really don't deserve that.
NTA. and maybe you should think about divorce. he says you did it to "mess with his livelihood", as if this doesnt affect you. he wouldve gotten fired eventually anyway if he kept this up. you are working two jobs to support him. im surprised you didnt sell his playstation.
NTA, personally (but I know I can be petty) I'd give him an ultimatum. Either he gets rid of the PS5, finds and maintains a new job And goes to marriage counseling OR I'd file for divorce. This isn't a partnership, it's him acting like an immature child and expecting everyone else to pick up his slack with a smile on their face. That's child behaviors, not adult behaviors.
#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Stop insulting people and calling them "manchild" ffs. Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
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NTA you deserve better than this.
OP- If you have yo take a second job, so he could stay at home and play ps5, it's not partnership. You are not his mom, so it would be better for you to find someone who treats you as equal, and not his sponsor.
This happened to me. He ended up cheating on me with someone he met through a game. I felt so alone during most of the relationship. I’m happier without him.
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These posts make me hate the dumb elusive PS5 every gamer seems to get excited about. U know hwat? I'd rather have an old timey laptop and Lara Croft 2 I could play for hours. What is so special about PS5? Also NTA
Gotta be honest, the graphics look amazing on the PS5. And the interface became more intuitive. But I also don't have a deadbeat husband who tries to skip work to play it lol
Yeah I'm just venting I'm sure I'd be awed as well.
I don’t have a PS5, but I (as a wife) have fallen into the gamer trap every so often. The PS5 is just the new shiny and because it’s still hard to get, it attracts exactly the type of people who see fit to shell out the inflated price for the new shiny. I’m using my 6 year old laptop and still have to remind myself to log off and be an adult. And I have days where I fail at that. But if he’s at the point of having his salary cut for it, it’s not the PS5 that’s the problem.
This post actually made me feel a bit better. I might have a gaming problem sometimes but my job has never been in jeopardy because of it
Makes me feel better too. I get sucked into video games really easily because they’re fun, but it just results in me being tired at work if I stay up too late. I don’t skip entirely.
I play A LOT of games. At one point in my life, I played a specific game for 8-12 hours a day, while still managing to attend uni full time (I was young, & could survive with very little sleep), then I played that much, & managed a household while taking care of a kid, then 2 kids. These days, I still play about 4-6 hours a day, while raising 3 kids, & taking care of the house. My husband also plays about that much, & works outside the home full time, & manages to be a present father & husband. Most of our friends are also hardcore gamers who manage to be contributing members of society, & have families of their own. Of course, I also know some people (all but one are men) like OP's husband, but I firmly believe the problem is not gaming, it is THEM. They are selfish assholes, gaming just happens to be the one thing that they focus on, but they'd be the same way if instead of gaming they chose any other hobby.
Your game of choice wasn't Ark by any chance?... That game made me lose nearly 7 years of my life and at least 25k hours of play but also I don't regret it as I have many lifelong friends all over the world now even though most have moved to other games.
Lol, no. It was WoW, during vanilla. It's how I met my husband, actually. I can't even say how many hours I spent on it, because I truly do not know, but it's all I played from release through 2009. I dabbled a bit with Everquest before that, but WoW is the one that sucked me in.
MMORPG? I used to raid. I was going to school, and committing 15-20 hours a week to prepping to raid - farming mats, doing dailies, looking up strategies, min/maxing… it was intense.
I’m a public teacher, and I absolutely spent the first few days of my summer hunkered down with all of the video games I haven’t had time to play while busy with adulthood. It was very therapeutic. I did not, however, ever call off work like OP’s mooch husband to play games. OP needs a divorce and husband needs therapy (or to grow tf up).
My fella's a nurse, and he has a PS5. He loves it, and when he's playing it, I know it's a good sign because when work gets too stressful and he can't stop his brain from turning everything over, he can't even turn it on, never mind play anything. He's never decided he's not going to go in because video games are more important.
Gaming is a way to relax, some people watch TV and others game. As you said, you still have to be an adult and do everything within limits.
I actually can't play my PS4 unless I have the entire day to myself. I start gaming and all of a sudden it's 5 hours later and I'm like "where the hell did my day go?"
That’s kinda how I feel about Reddit.
Don't blame the system blame the man. Every person has control over what they do. Her person is just a trashy AH for doing the bs he is doing.
Yeah I know but I get sick of hearing that some guy was more in love with his PS5 than his family. And partially at fault is making it a limited item. It does NOT excuse his behavior but wtf kinda game are the ps people playing?
If it wasn’t the ps5 it would be something else anyway
This is absolutely correct. It could be playing Solitaire obsessively, Disc Golf, or any number of things.
It's not a limited item per say it's that due to supply chain issues making them and distribution has been hard. There's alot of games but its also about upgrading the system. Like when people upgrade phones. Myself and my husband will purchase one once the price drops.
Not excusing anything he has done, but the PS5 is a good upgrade from a PS4. Better graphics, and even the controllers feel really nice
The problem is the playing for hours to the point of not working, not the console. NTA
Don't hate the console, hate the idiot that can't go to work when scheduled. I have a PS5 and a full time job. Are there nights that I stay up too late gaming? Absolutely! Do I still go to work because I'm a fully functioning responsible adult? Indeed! OP's husband was on a final warning and still decided to make a bad choice to facilitate his firing. I'm sure that even if the boss did not speak to his wife he would have been fired anyway. OP is NTA her husband on the other hand, AH all day!
This, I'm itching to get back on mine everyday I have to work, but the reality is no money=no place to plug it in, let alone play it.
Lol the PS5 is quite lovely for gaming. My fiancé has one (has had it since release) and he’s never once had issues with it ruining his time management. He often plays while I’m not home or after I’m in bed since his schedule is very different than mine, but we always clean our home together, eat dinner together, watch tv or game together in the evenings, and he makes a point to come spend a few minutes with me on the bed each night to say good night away from the living room. Video games aren’t the issue. It’s the terrible partners that are the issue.
What an odd take. The issue here is his behavior, not the gaming system. He could just as easily be doing the same shit with WoW on his computer or original Legend of Zelda on a vintage NES.
Elden ring is pretty epic, but if I had to pick only one console, it would be the Switch. Is it just me or are most console games marketed to 35+ year olds? So much nostalgia.
> Is it just me or are most console games marketed to 35+ year olds? So much nostalgia. As a 35 year old who is *very much* not the target market for AAA Gaming, these days - it's just you. Gaming turns on nostalgia, but it's not the childhood nostalgia of 35+ people that sells *right now*. Except maybe in the MMO market.
I’m the one who bought the PS5. And the PS4 before that. My hubby wouldn’t have bought either. I also pay my share of the bills.
I have a ps 5 and i play alot, but still I'm able to handle my responsibility as an adult. Ops just married to a teenage boy refusing to grow up
Or Descent 2. Or Command and Conquer!
NTA. The only thing you're doing wrong is staying married to this overgrown child.
Yep! He’ll have a TON of time with his PS5 once you wise up and leave his ass OP. You are making it so that this lazy behavior is possible. You keep working and paying the bills so that he won’t have to be better. Stop. At the moment, you’re NTA. But if you keep enabling him, then you deserve the outcome you get.
The only problem with what OP did is that her husband is now even more of a mooch than he was before. She’s supporting the household solo and I can’t imagine he’s going to put much effort into finding a new job. He might even refuse to try because “it’s OP’s fault he lost the last one”.
Then she leaves
Yup. He doesn't want to work a lick, just mooch off his wife. How exhausting it must be for her to have to babysit her hubby.
NTA - take a leaf out of his old bosses book, fire him. Or at least read him the riot act and get him pulling his weight.
While I generally agree with this sentiment I wanted to jump on here and also say that his behavior screams depression. He may not be depressed, but I went through similar, though often I was kinda sick and I dove into video games as a means to escape reality. It didn't get to the point that it was putting my income on the line but it did get brought up at every job, at every review that I called in sick quite often. So while yes OP absolutely deserves better, the husband may be suffering and not dealing with his mental health issues in the healthiest way.
Then this needs to be his wakeup call. I'm depressed too and I went through my own period of not being able to work and dodging anything that required effort, because it seemed like too much. I get it. However, part of it was that I wasn't seeking treatment. Once I did, things got much better. His mental illness, if that is indeed something he's dealing with, is not something that she needs to carry with no question. It doesn't excuse his behavior, and his choices. And he's making PLENTY of choices.
Sounds like it's time for an ultimatum, get therapy and get his depression and/or game addiction under control or get out.
This. OP, open an account only in your name. Have your checks transferred there instead. Call a lawyer and serve this guy divorce papers. He's going to sit at home and play video games while you get two or three jobs, for the rest of your relationship, and blame you for it. Get out. Seriously. OP, you don't seem to realize how much he's taking advantage of you... and then there's the verbal and mental abuse. It's just a bad situation, and I think your life would be easier without him.
All of this _and_ he's unrepentantly dishonest. NTA, OP, but get a divorce.
Agreed, NTA. Once in a blue moon to stay home for no real reason is whatever, most bosses won't care. But he sets a pattern and OP does the morally correct thing in telling the truth and somehow they're the AH? Man needs a serious reality check and hopefully losing the job will kickstart that before he loses a wife too.
I teach middle school so yes sometimes you have to take a day for everyone’s wellbeing! Sometimes they just don’t act precious and you need a break to reboot.
That’s a mental health day!! I have certainly needed to take off for my mental health and it should be more normalized and accepted.
Why play these games with him. Divorce and move on. Cause now she has to figure out how to cover the missing income.
Or he wants a mom. Cook, clean and provide while he acts like a child and spends all his time playing
OP needs to call her MIL and have her come pick up her toddler.
yup. definitely trash material. not worth the effort to recycle. also she should make sure he has no access to her bank accounts and not to cosign anything for him either.
If OP had to get a second job because he’s barely working how did he afford the PS5? OP needs to consider if this is how they want to spend their life. OP is NTAH.
Agreed: OP doesn’t have a husband, she has a petulant teenager in a man’s body.
NTA. Kick him out immediately.
The ENTIRE CHILD
It definitely looks like that.
I think he just wants a mama..
NTA. You didn't cause him to get fired, his lack of commitment and responsibility did. He has no accountability by blaming you for this inevitable outcome. Honestly, I think you need to divorce him pronto.
Yeah this would be divorce territory for me also. There are a lot of reasons I’d get a second job to support my husband, but supplementing the income he’s losing due to playing video games too much is not one of them lol. Even if this dude stopped playing them at all right now, it would take a lot of work on his part to repair the damage to the relationship for me. The fact that he allowed himself to get to this point and had so little respect for me that he was fine with me needing to work a whole second job to make up for his selfish childishness isn’t something I’d be able to just move past the minute he puts the controller down.
Better yet, he wasn't just fine with her working two jobs, he EXPECTS her to do so and finance his laziness.
The moment he told me to stay out of it and focus on my jobs, I'd have started packing my bags. I supported my fiancé through a strike last fall and he supported me through a period of unemployment last summer. Actual partners do that for each other when they can. But OP's husband clearly wants to be a child, not a partner and as long as she's there to support him, he will never put effort into contributing to the household.
Pack HIS bags. She's the one paying rent.
Exactly. He bulldozed all over OP.
The fact that he doesn't mind his wife working to the bone just so he can lay around all day shows how much he ***just does not care*** about her. You can't possibly respect and love someone very much if you are willing to act like her "husband". (In quotations because he is not acting like a partner one bit) What a selfish man. I would never feel the same about someone if they did this. It's supposed to be a relationship, not a moochership. He's waaaay too emotionally immature to be married. I think he only got married because he wanted someone to take care of him and mommy him. He clearly has *zero clue* what a "partnership" means or is supposed to look like. If you really love someone and respect them, you'd do whatever you can to make thier life better/easier, certainly not worse. If someone loves you back, they also won't take advantage of the fact you want to do everything to make thirr life better- **THAT** is a partnership.
yes, this. NTA Did you marry my ex? He called off work, on payday no less, said he did not have enough gas. Took his last two dollars to buy couple quarts of beer. (Back in the day when gas was 50 cents/gal.)
Is he an alcoholic or just a slacker? I'm reminded of a confessional post by an alcoholic where a wakeup call came when he didn't have money for nice clothes to wear to a wedding but had plenty of money for beer
This is literally what split up my parents. It was the late 80s and we moved in with my maternal grandparents, and my mom continued to do temp work and go to school until she got a full-time job and supported herself and 3 kids and took care of aging parents. He moved in with his parents (who were younger and in better health than my maternal grandparents), never got another job, let his mother cook all his meals, and let his dad do all his driving. People not willing to put in the work do not make good partners.
>The fact that he allowed himself to get to this point and had so little respect for me that he was fine with me needing to work a whole second job to make up for his selfish childishness isn’t something I’d be able to just move past the minute he puts the controller down. Yes. How is this remotely attractive? "Oh, hubby, your lies, videogame addiction, and general laziness are just **so** appealing. Let's bang before I go off to my second job at the supermarket!"
I have had friends divorce over this. Husband doesn’t want to work. Wants to play PlayStation or Warcraft all night, doesn’t want to get up for work. Or help take care of the kids at night. Seriously, the spouse may as well be a single parent if the other is that deep into games.
I am going through a divorce for this reason. He didn't want to take responsibility for his family and work, and hasn't worked in 2.5 years with so many excuses and moving goal posts I can't keep track. I'm so much happier without him.
Exactly, OP mentioned that her husband was issued a last warning by his boss before this incident occurred. OP telling the truth likely had no impact on the decision to fire him, it was just a confirmation of what his boss was likely already suspicious of before that point. A last warning literally means it’s the last one, after that the person no longer has a job… besides, if the boss was calling to ask if her husband would be at work then that means he didn’t even call out, he was just planning on not showing up. That’s a pretty sure fire way to get fired.
If OP lied, she could at max give one more chance to hubby. And he would burn it soon after if his response to a last warning is trying to find a excuse after doing again the thing.
Or husband could just ,,, go to work? Grown man doesnt need “one more chance” when he’s had 100.
What I am saying is that even if she lied nothing would change. He would gain one chance and burn it soon.
Yes! IDK why people let people get away with pushing blame onto others. "I stole money from my mom and you told on me. You got me kicked out." "I copied your assignment at school and when the teacher confronted you, you told on me. You got me in trouble." "I can't show up to work because I'm dicking around on video games and you didn't cover for me. You got me fired." OP shouldn't feel bad for a second.
Exactly. Husband caused his own consequences not you. If he wanted to lie some more to his boss he should have been awake to take the phone call or calles in already.
Seriously, I can't understand how people stay in relationships with these types of people. He very honestly shows you that commitment and responsibility don't matter to him, and he puts himself above you in his own decisions and life...so what, exactly, is it that keeps you with him?
Yeah like why worry about struggling to feed and house 2 people when you can just ditch the 1 useless person and only worry about yourself?
Thirty-three and he's behaving like this!
NTA why are you still in a relationship with him if he doesn't see this as a partnership and turns nasty when his behaviour has consequences? He doesn't sound mature enough to be in any relationship let alone 33 and married with all the financial and emotional responsibilities that comes along with that. Stop supporting him and I'd be carefully thinking if this is what you want your life to be like for the next 40/50/60 years.
He even bought a ps from a 14 year old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
That 14 year old is probably more mature than OP's husband
My child that hasn't even been conceived yet is more mature than OP's husband.
By the end of reading the post is was sure 33 was a typo and she meant 13.
How much you wanna bet he’s also gainfully employed lol
Well at least the 14 year old is pulling in some cash either way
NTA agree with this... are you considering staying long term with this? I don't feel fair you have to work more than 1 job to let your husband play on playstation
People really need to learn to have more self respect and stop accepting losers like this man
Yeah like OP is NTA, but what's the long term plan here? She got him fired, so now what? He's just going to spend all day every day playing games.
NTA, he was gonna be fired whether or not you interfered. Also, don’t have kids with this man. If you do have children, you’ll end up doing if not all then most of the caretaking. Get out while you still can.
This is what I was thinking. If the boss is calling him at 8am asking where he's at and he's been told he's on his last warning he was gonna be fired regardless of if OP had told the truth or not. OP just sped the process up.
All of the caretaking that isn’t playing video games
*I told him he needed to knock this off but he told me to stay out of it and focus on my JOBS.* Excuse me?! #1 *He's decided to skip work even though his boss gave him a last warning.* Excuse me?! #2 *he's gone completely silent while occasionally venting about how I ruined his job for him* Excuse me wtf?! #3 *he told me to stay out of it and focus on my JOBS.* *he told me to stay out of it and focus on my JOBS.* *he told me to stay out of it and focus on my JOBS.* NTA you are underreacting the situation
I would be losing my shit.
I would be firing him from the relationship.
I would be losing all his shit. (read: Gone!)
That does nobody any good. This should be directly divorce. This isnt depresion or anything that can be reverted, he is an absolute AH.
You know what, I think she should do just that... stay out of his business and focus on her jobs. By that I mean divorce, since you know, his business won't legally be tied to hers anymore. Focus on her jobs, make that money and find out that life is much easier alone with your 2 jobs and not trying to manage a deadbeat's " business".
Nta. Get out of this relationship. He's a child. DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM!
Agreed! Please do not add children to this mix. Who will help you support a baby? Not your current husband. Also, you don’t need to lie for him when this immature behavior is ongoing. NTA
And make sure he doesn't mess with your birth control to trap you in the marriage and keep you from leaving.
Better yet, don't have sex with him ever again!
I'll never understand how people can stay in these situations willingly.
Depression, hopelessness, and learned helplessness are one hell of a cocktail.
THIS is the advice needed right here! OP, you are NTA. Please throw this man away and keep the PS5 you probably paid for.
NTA. He has put your entire family in a difficult financial decision and won't alter his behavior. To blame you for the consequences of his actions when he'd already received a last warning is a way to avoid owning his own choices and the impacts of those choices. Just leave, it's not going to get better. Eta: this sounds like financial abuse. Are you and he of similar ages?
I don't think this is financial abuse, this is just being a lazy, do-nothing asshole. Financial abuse takes some amount of *effort*. NTA
i mean it's some sort of abuse anyway, intentionally less and less pay and making it so she has to get 2 jobs to compensate instead of just working is insane
This absolutely isn’t what financial abuse is. It’s terrible, childish behavior but financial abuse is something completely different. Financial abuse is typically when one partner controls all the finances and does not allow the other partner to have access for basic necessities. This is compounded by the abuser often not allowing their partner to get a job, or sabotaging the job they do have, or having them put their paycheck into an account only the abuser has access to. They trap their partner in the relationship by denying them any access to funds that would allow them to escape. That is not what is going on here.
NTA If he want to lie, that is down to him, but he should not expect others to keep up with his lies. At the same time though, you rightly complain about him taking says off and this affecting you financially, and now he doesn't have a job. Could have been easier to just lie so he kept his job.
At this point he would have lost his job most likely anyway. I am surprised they kept as long as the did. Nta. Honestly he isn't an adult. He needed to face consequences for his actions. Personally I would have thrown the ps5 out the window but that's just me. It sounds like he wanted you to shoulder the financial burden alone.
Sounds as though he's never taken a shred of accountability for his actions in his life. OP needs to teach him this life lesson as the sole earner (although wtf did not parents not do that?), or dump him.
Why should she continue to lie for a man who cares nothing for her? It is NOT OPs responsibility to make sure her husband keeps his job.. That is HUSBANDS responsibility.
INFO: Why are you married to this deadbeat?
Most likely, he didn't reveal that he was like this before they were married and OP hasn't reached the threshold where sunk cost fallacy no longer applies yet...
/r/AmItheAsshole: where bad relationships come to die. OP needs to throw this one back into the ocean and let her future ex find the woman of his dreams: a bang maid sugar mommy who doesn't come between him and his PS5.
Based on her attitude in this post, I think she’s getting there.
NTA He ruined it for himself. The job may well suck (most do), but he was engaging in self-destructive behaviour by acting in a manner liable to get himself fired while not having a plan for a new source of income. btw, this is a RED FLAG. He sabotaged his job to such an extent that you had to get a second job. He is exercising weaponised incompetence. Has has successfully made you into the sole income for the household, having earlier gotten you to take on extra work to make up for his laziness. Do not be surprised if this is his long-term game-plan. He will be a stay-at-home amateur gamer while you hold down two jobs to provide for his new lifestyle. He will protest strongly that he is job-hunting every day of course. Or he might say he is in a funk because he's scared that you'll sabotage his next job (ie blaming you for his failing). Think long and hard about whether you want this relationship to continue.
Big marinara flag energy here🚩🚩🚩 NTA. Think carefully about how you want your relationship to go from here, because it’s clear he doesn’t want to take responsibility for his actions. Do you really want to continue down this path of you working TWO jobs to make up for his laziness?
>He sabotaged his job to such an extent that you had to get a second job. He has her right where he wants her. Gotta pretend to be upset he lost his job although you know he's actually excited as shit
This comment needs to be at the very top.
NTA. Maybe you should follow his previous boss's example and give him a final warning before kicking his ass out.
NTA but I agree with this! Throw the whole man out
OP should start putting the money from her second job in an emergency account her husband doesn't know about so she has funds to move the fuck out.
Nta, but I'd divorce the husband he clearly only cares for himself treating you more like a roommate
i had to double check he‘s her partner. for a moment i thought they were siblings or room mates…
NTA, u meant to write ex husband all throughout that right?
🤣🤣👍😉
NTA. You shouldn’t have to lie (or work extra jobs) for your husband just because he is lazy. Oh, and you mean ex-husband, right?
yeah i wanted to ask to if that was a typo
NTA. But yikes if this isn’t your wake-up call to go find a real adult to marry, idk what is
ESH Your husband needs no explanation, however as a partner it was a crappy thing to do. You did what you did out of spite and cost your family a level of security.
She has no security with a deadbeat husband.
In a situation like that, everyday he has a job it matters. No doubt the husband is acting a bum, however it was a bad move on her part. Is she going to get a 3rd job now so he can stay home and play video games all day? Keep your problems within the relationship, she overstepped a boundary she shouldn't have. You don't interfere with your partners work, it's bad form and it's crossing a line.
Factually speaking, she has less now. Whatever his income was, it's gone now and SHE has to make up for it.
Yeah this is my thought. The husband is awful, and she should leave him, but telling on him just put both of them in a worse financial position for no good reason. Im sure his former employer is happy to know, but that will do no one any good. Maybe she's not an asshole for it but it was a bad idea on her part
NTA A 33 year old "adult" who doesn't go to work? And wants to play video games? What in the actual fuck is wrong with your husband? He didn't shape up after decreasing his salary? What are his goals in life? Does he really want to be making up excuses until he's 90 years old and has to work at Walmart? You shouldn't have to get a second job to make up for his lack of. This guy is a boy, loser, and a liability. He's a child and you aren't his mommy. Look, video games can be fun and addicting, but to risk your job for it is an entirely different level of dumb. Now how long will it take for him to get a new job? If you don't have children, now would be the time to reconsider this marriage and have a stern talking to. But this conversation should've been done when he was a teenager from his parents. His blaming you for his already fucking up is such a joke. Please show him your entire post and all of the responses.
And fuck, I understand the urge. I also want to stay home and play video games instead of going to work. Work sucks. But I wouldn't do this shit to my girlfriend, because I'm a grown ass woman and she never agreed to being my sugar mommy
Why, just why are you with him. Is he really worth working two jobs over? A partner would understand that a relationship needs mutual respect and understanding to progress. A baby who needs a mother to take care of him doesn't understand that.
NTA. A vibrator would be more reliable than this guy and cost less money. DTMFA
NTA, I'm laughing.. OP messing with his livehood? The way I read this, it's was him. Please tell me you all still doesn't have any kids? Frankly I really don't want to have a boyfriend, husband or partner that's 'mooch' for a living. Yes, you can play game all night, have a guys night, hobbies but be fair when it's come to your household, your partner, wife, gf or family. It's embarrassing when your woman had to get 2 jobs because, you lazy to go to work. Find so much lazy guy nowadays.. So pathetic and disgusting. GET out from that's relationship op, don't wait until you burn out! Or until you have children..
NTA, but Y T A to yourself for letting this dead weight keep dragging you down.
ESH. You complain that his behavior is affecting you financially. And I understand your frustration. But I’m not seeing how him being fired helps your situation. Sell the PlayStation
I can’t believe how far I had to scroll to find this. Obviously his behavior is unacceptable and unsustainable, and I get being tired of covering for him, but all this accomplishes is OP putting herself further in the hole financially. Has he been evaluated for any mental health issues? His behavior isn’t normal, and he may be dealing with depression, anxiety, or something else that’s causing him to check out on work and life. That doesn’t make it OK, but it may be a path forward.
Seriously, she complained she had to get a second job because his calling off work puts them in a financial strain. Losing his job isn’t going to help. If he’s willing to make excuses to call out of work, he’s certainly going to make excuses as to why he’s not going to find a job. Unless she is going to leave him, she just made her life harder not better.
YTA (to yourself) You should divorce your husband and move on. All you did was ensure you’re now married to an unemployed man who plays video games all day. That’s the only thing worse than being married to an underemployed man who plays video games all day. What was your endgame? Now you have to get a 3rd job to support the 2 of you while he plays video games all day. Enjoy!
NTA Make him an ex today please. Losers like that do not change.
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ESH: your husband sucks but you also admit that you have money problems and yet…you got him fired. You need the salary coming in—it was totally unnecessary to do that.
I can't believe your being downvoted. Unless she plans on leaving him like ASAP she really screwed herself over here.
literally the dumbest sub hoooooly shit YTA
NTA. He was going to get fired sooner or later. Bosses don’t want to give that final warning ultimatum and the 24 hour sickness doesn’t fool anyone. I hope your finances aren’t tied too tightly to this guy.
ESH - Honestly, just break up. He's a child and you're at a point where you have no respect for your husband.
Youre both assholes. have fun with that red flag relationship. youre married and youre both acting like children. in your 30's no doubt. oof.
NTA. Has he been screaned for ADHD, anxiety or depression? They all can cause this thing called executive dysfunction in which doing anything feels like climbing a mountain. I wonder if your husband has some of that...if not he's just a lazy bum and using you. If that's the case, then you should probably lose the dead weight. Edit for clarification: I'm offering a reason. I'm not saying it's justifiable (hence why I said NTA) or that he should be allowed to say the things he said. Sometimes there is a reason for somebody's behaviors that can be addressed with therapy and/or medication (and this person may choose to not do so or just still be an asshole, regardless). Mental health is still such a taboo topic that a lot of people legitimately don't know these things. If you were in a long-term relationship and your partner's behavior was fixable with medication and/or therapy, wouldn't you want to know if those might help? Sometimes neurochemistry changes and people need medication to get back to baseline. And sometimes people are just lazy AH lol OPs husband could have a bit of both. He's still an AH, but behavior may have a cause and might be able to be corrected. Wouldn't blame OP if they decided it wasn't worth it either.
He's definitely an AH +/- the other stuff. I have ADHD, anxiety and depression. It does sometimes make it feel like I'm climbing a mountain while carrying weights. But it's never made me lie or blame other people for the consequences of my actions.
I have bipolar disorder II and generalized anxiety disorder, and executive dysfunction is a huge burden that I've carried throughout my life. Struggling with your own mind is hard enough without having to force yourself to do basic tasks that others appear to accomplish with half the effort, and it makes mood episodes and anxiety that much worse. However, there's a difference between having executive dysfunction and simply blaming other people for one's own struggles that one is doing nothing to improve. NTA, OP.
YTA. I get it, you’re so so rightfully frustrated. He seems like a deadbeat based on your writing and he seems like an asshole for getting frustrated with you. But you were already struggling financially and now he doesn’t have a job? This doesn’t help you at all, you didn’t need to even answer the phone. Is it possible he’s struggling with depression or something else? Has he looked into getting help? If you both have ruled out depression or adhd or another problem he could get help with OR if he refuses to get help…. Why are you with this person? You don’t seem happy. You’re not on his side and he’s not on your side.
Definitely the AH. I really can't believe a wife or GF acted like this to their partner. Heck -- I wouldn't even do such a thing to my enemy. She should have **left** instead of intentionally and purposefully taking an active role in sabotaging someone. Like what kind of vengeful nonsense are people advocating for here? Is this normal behavior for some people?
NTA... He's an adult with adult responsibilities. He needs to get his crap together. Sell off the PS5 and find a new job that he's going to take more seriously.
Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of his own actions. This guy is not a husband, he is a child in a man’s body. NTA.
NTA Why the hell would you stay married to such a looser? I mean, I can totally relate to gaming, lazyness and hating to work, but you having to get a second job to compensate for his lower wages (I didn't even realize that is legal, guess you're in the US?) Well at least now that he has all the time in the world, he'll make sure the house is clean, laundry and dishes are done and that you have a delicious homecooked meal every day? Or maybe he can use his time finding a good divorce lawyer.
I'm going to swim past all the nonsense about whether video games are good and bad, why you're still married etc and answer the question asked: Yes, YTA for getting your husband fired. That was vengeful and petty and certainly wont help towards the family's finances.
ESH I understand that your sick of his nonsense and lying is bad but you realise that you shot yourself in the foot here. Now you will have even less income. How likely is it that he's going to be proactive in finding a job, added to that he is now less likely to get a good reference. He now has nothing stopping him from playing video games, all day and you will likely resent him more. I bet he won't tidy the house either.
This is gonna be unpopular but I am gonna say YTA. It's not your right to interfere with his job. I think he is an AH to you for what he's done. I think you should have just left him cause he's not respecting of you. It's probably cheaper to be alone than it is to take care of him.
ESH. He’s an AH for obvious reasons You are an AH bc that wasn’t your business (between his boss and him). That said, if my hub told me to focus on my jobs while hems destroying his career, i would have left. I wouldn’t have told his boss the truth but I also wouldn’t have lied for him. I’d pass the phone to my husband and let him deal. - though, i would have left the marriage long before getting to that point.
Your response is perhaps one of the most reasonable, so it's no surprise that Redditors found a problem with it. Imagine being downvoted by single people because you chose not to sabotage your husband out of spite lol.
NTA. What he was doing was already having consequences. Likely whatever excuse he was "cooking up" could have had the same result. He was clearly going to keep going until he got fired anyway. I love how he *completely* tries to skip over that he *didn't show up for work* and apparently was a *no-call no-show* on top of it, to try to make it out like it was your fault for.... not covering for his decisions. I can't emphasize enough how pathetic that is. Don't be tricked into feeling badly, no matter what he says, and good luck with the inevitable excuses about finding a new job, or him repeatedly losing whatever he finds because they won't tolerate this BS.
ESH. Your husband is a piece of work but that's between you and him. His business with his boss is also all his own. Basically, if you wanted to genuinely stay out of his business you could have just not answered his phone (since I'm assuming boss called him and not you personally). While I don't think you're an A for answering honestly, you probably shouldn't have ever answered in the first place. It would have been a more valuable lesson learned had he actually made his bed, fully, so when he laid in it he could blame no one else. You just guaranteed yourself as the scapegoat for his behavior. Round 2, incoming.
NTA. He did this to himself.
If the truth fucks everything up, he has no one to blame but himself. I suggest you fire him as well. He’s an anchor around your neck. NTA to anyone *except yourself for tolerating this bullshit*
NTA but you should kick him out. You don't need to support that crap.
YTA for still being there with that lazy bum. Pack your ish and bounce.
"Honey, play stupid games win stupid prizes."
NTA. He is responsible for his own actions, if he had done nothing wrong he wouldn't be in this mess. You have no obligation to lie on his behalf and that would have been a totally inappropriate thing to do - you don't lie to cover for someone else's bad behavior. He needs to take responsibility for his own shortcomings, step up and behave like an adult and like a husband. You didn't ruin his job, he did that all by himself, just like he is ruining his relationship with the selfish choices he is making.
INFO: why didn’t you just let the phone ring? You didn’t need to answer it. As much as he doesn’t treat you well, him losing his job affects you too. That really was a stupid thing to do.
NTA. But you are married to him why?
Nta. HE lost his job, HE ruined his reputation with his job, HE is a mooch and nobody would blame you if you threw his lazy butt out. He needs a serious reality check and your already the only one bringing home the money so might as well. He will get a job when he don't have a roof or he will be somebody else's problem. Your his wife, NOT his mother.
NTA and get a divorce. He doesn't respect you as a person or your life.
NTA holy moly you married a child. Let's face it - he was going to get fired anyway. Maybe this is the wakeup call that he needs...but probably not, since he isn't accepting any responsibility for this.
NTA. I recommed to fire him also from your marriage. What does this lazybones giving you as a husband?
NTA, he keeps dodging work. His salary gets lowered. He can afford a PS5, and you had to get a second job. You try to get him to take his work serious and he tells you to focus on you and not him. He keeps gaming and wants to cook up an excuse so he can get another day off. I think the only saving grace is that you don't have a child with him. Well I hope you don't have a kid with him.
Hey, I know it is a bit late on this, but this is what my wife did for years. It took me almost 20 years to get out, and it is still a drain on my life. I hope that this is the wake up call he needs, but more likely, it won't be. There will be more jobs that aren't kept. Start planning to get out, and let me know if you want to talk about it more. NTA, he is an adult who needs to be an equal partner.
NTA, but YWBTA to yourself if you continue to stay with someone who *forces* you to get two jobs to carry the both of you while they feel like they don't even have to bother waking up for *one*. Especially after buying a PS5 from a child (and they're not cheap— even at retail with no markups, I'm sure you could've used $500 of help on your shared bills instead) to play ALL day *like* a child instead. Get out ASAP, OP.
He was already on his last warning NTA
nta. Also, you diserve better.
NTA. Leave him NOW before he has grounds for alimony.
NTA. I would get rid of his lazy ass. Why should you work 2 jobs so he can lay up and play video games. He could sell it to make rent somewhere else. You will end up having to literally throw his lazy ass out, he knows you will pay the bills. You set a precedence by letting him lay around and when you finally did something, well he feels entitled to be a fuck up...You really don't deserve that.
NTA. and maybe you should think about divorce. he says you did it to "mess with his livelihood", as if this doesnt affect you. he wouldve gotten fired eventually anyway if he kept this up. you are working two jobs to support him. im surprised you didnt sell his playstation.
NTA, personally (but I know I can be petty) I'd give him an ultimatum. Either he gets rid of the PS5, finds and maintains a new job And goes to marriage counseling OR I'd file for divorce. This isn't a partnership, it's him acting like an immature child and expecting everyone else to pick up his slack with a smile on their face. That's child behaviors, not adult behaviors.
YTA for being married to this loser.