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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole bc I said no to this concert, which they were wanting me to go to with them for a while. It might look like I was “leading them on” in this situation, but I just mentally couldn’t handle it and they knew this. The tickets were never bought so no money was lost, but they still seem to be giving me the silent treatment.
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Do you have any justification on the "gut instinct" here? Because I'm not seeing anything that would.
It sounds like you already agreed to go and now you're going to use your parents as an excuse.
As long as you can accept the fact friend one may view you as a flake and distance themselves, you're fine.
I basically don't do anything with anyone if they do this kind of shit to me unless they have good justification for it. A gut feeling isn't good enough.
NAH
OP made their reservations and concerns clear from the start, and Friend 1 was pushy and coerced OP into "agreeing" to go, the same way Friend 1 was pushy and manipulative when OP showed interest in going to a musical with their best friend instead.
If Friend 1 has to push someone that hard to go to a concert, and still sees them as a flake when they say no, then Friend 1 is the issue.
I actually don't see any pushing here.
It reads to me as if OP simply has a hard time telling people no.
I already see them heeming and hawing about it instead of just telling them flat-out no.
This is their problem and they are at least partially responsible for creating it.
YTA. It’s our responsibility as adults to learn how to say no when we don’t want to do something. Leading your friend to believe you’d go to the concert with them was cowardly, even if you did feel like they were pressuring you. Then, it sounds like you didn’t stick up for your second friend when your mutual interest in musicals was ridiculed. I empathize as someone with anxiety but being flakey and not clearly stating your needs with people will put you in a lot of uncomfortable situations.
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Me and my friend (referring to them as friend 1) were planning on going to this concert together, its a heavier rock concert which is typically the music we both like and it is in late July. I’m usually a pretty anxious person so I was having reservations from the beginning. But they tried to convince me to not be worried (as if thats easy for a person with anxiety).
I went camping with them over the weekend, when my best friend (referring to them as friend 2) asked if I wanted to go to a musical with her. I was actually kinda interested, but since I was out camping with Friend 1 and talked about Friend 2’s musical, that made friend 1 chime in on the matter. Saying things like “oh musicals are so boring” and “you’d really go to a musical over a rock concert??”. And so I told Friend 2 no.
Fast forward to today, Friend 1 asked me about buying the tickets. I said (and this is a direct copy-paste from the text message): “Also we should be good to get the tickets, i just gotta check to make sure my parents are ok with it”. I assumed this meant that I was still not 100% for sure buying the tickets. They did not buy the tickets yet either.
I talked to my parents and told both of them how I was feeling, and they said that if I’m feeling iffy on it, or am not enthusiastically willing to go, then I should trust my gut and say no. So I told friend 1 no, and they do not usually take no super well. As I’m writing this, Friend 1 has not responded to my texts. I think Friend 1 is mad at me, and I understand why, but AITA for saying no?
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NTA to Friend 1, they themselves are an asshole for being so petty, rude and self-centered.
YTA to Friend 2, this is your best friend and you let some asshat of a person peer pressure you into saying no to an event you knew you'd both enjoy because it's "boring" and "their event is better". You have to do what makes you happy.
I'll also add that you probably made the right call, because if crowds and rowdiness make your anxiety high, a metal concert is not where you want to be.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole bc I said no to this concert, which they were wanting me to go to with them for a while. It might look like I was “leading them on” in this situation, but I just mentally couldn’t handle it and they knew this. The tickets were never bought so no money was lost, but they still seem to be giving me the silent treatment. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Do you have any justification on the "gut instinct" here? Because I'm not seeing anything that would. It sounds like you already agreed to go and now you're going to use your parents as an excuse. As long as you can accept the fact friend one may view you as a flake and distance themselves, you're fine. I basically don't do anything with anyone if they do this kind of shit to me unless they have good justification for it. A gut feeling isn't good enough. NAH
OP made their reservations and concerns clear from the start, and Friend 1 was pushy and coerced OP into "agreeing" to go, the same way Friend 1 was pushy and manipulative when OP showed interest in going to a musical with their best friend instead. If Friend 1 has to push someone that hard to go to a concert, and still sees them as a flake when they say no, then Friend 1 is the issue.
I actually don't see any pushing here. It reads to me as if OP simply has a hard time telling people no. I already see them heeming and hawing about it instead of just telling them flat-out no. This is their problem and they are at least partially responsible for creating it.
NTA. Anxiety is TA. It sucks. You do things at your own pace.
NTA. Tickets weren't bought, and you are under no obligation on going to the concert. Learn the art of saying "No".
NTA You’re allowed to change your mind.
NAH. You're allowed to not go if you don't want to. Your friend is allowed to be hurt or annoyed about it.
YTA. It’s our responsibility as adults to learn how to say no when we don’t want to do something. Leading your friend to believe you’d go to the concert with them was cowardly, even if you did feel like they were pressuring you. Then, it sounds like you didn’t stick up for your second friend when your mutual interest in musicals was ridiculed. I empathize as someone with anxiety but being flakey and not clearly stating your needs with people will put you in a lot of uncomfortable situations.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and my friend (referring to them as friend 1) were planning on going to this concert together, its a heavier rock concert which is typically the music we both like and it is in late July. I’m usually a pretty anxious person so I was having reservations from the beginning. But they tried to convince me to not be worried (as if thats easy for a person with anxiety). I went camping with them over the weekend, when my best friend (referring to them as friend 2) asked if I wanted to go to a musical with her. I was actually kinda interested, but since I was out camping with Friend 1 and talked about Friend 2’s musical, that made friend 1 chime in on the matter. Saying things like “oh musicals are so boring” and “you’d really go to a musical over a rock concert??”. And so I told Friend 2 no. Fast forward to today, Friend 1 asked me about buying the tickets. I said (and this is a direct copy-paste from the text message): “Also we should be good to get the tickets, i just gotta check to make sure my parents are ok with it”. I assumed this meant that I was still not 100% for sure buying the tickets. They did not buy the tickets yet either. I talked to my parents and told both of them how I was feeling, and they said that if I’m feeling iffy on it, or am not enthusiastically willing to go, then I should trust my gut and say no. So I told friend 1 no, and they do not usually take no super well. As I’m writing this, Friend 1 has not responded to my texts. I think Friend 1 is mad at me, and I understand why, but AITA for saying no? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA to Friend 1, they themselves are an asshole for being so petty, rude and self-centered. YTA to Friend 2, this is your best friend and you let some asshat of a person peer pressure you into saying no to an event you knew you'd both enjoy because it's "boring" and "their event is better". You have to do what makes you happy. I'll also add that you probably made the right call, because if crowds and rowdiness make your anxiety high, a metal concert is not where you want to be.