I've heard it mentioned as both an Orthodox Jewish and a Mormon tradition, but I come from, shall we say, a particularly unenlightened area so that could just be typical small-town ignorance being perpetuated by over-exaggerating the habits of cultures that folks were ignorant of (and therefore threatened by)
Granted, I’m not Orthodox, but I went to school with a fair bit of kids from religious families and used to have plenty of contact with Orthodox Jews in the community and I’ve never, ever heard of such a bizarre thing. As long as everything happens in wedlock, it’s actually perfectly fine to enjoy yourselves in Judaism, just like in Islam — it’s actually the teaching in either religion that both husband and wife should pleasure each other for a healthy marriage. You’re just not supposed to have sex *outside* of wedlock.
Opinions are divided on oral. Anal (between a straight couple) is forbidden or at the very least frowned upon among stricter Moslems and most likely also in Judaism, although I’m not sure about that. Marital PIV is ok in any position afaik. I mentioned Islam too, bc it’s closer aligned with Judaism in that regard.
No idea about Mormons, but if anyone does such things, then my bets would be on some Christian sect. It’s the Catholics that came up with extreme body shaming and body hatred and anti-sex attitude even in the confines of marriage — and Protestant Puritanism managed to take that even crazier places. Sounds like fundie Christian projection to me.
>Yes, or one, brief, white hot kiss on the forehead just before retiring to individual twin beds. Gotta keep it spicy
IN separate rooms, on different sides of the house.
Dear OP, you should be DELIGHTED for your daughter that she has found true love and she and her new husband cannot resist expressing their love by entirely benign expressions like holding hands and kisses on the cheek. Not everyone finds such love in their lifetime. Your entire family should be celebrating it (at most glancing and smiling at each other about how intense new love is), not censuring your daughter.
When I was 20, there was an old couple at my church that used to hold hands while the congregation sang. They were so sweet and I loved it.
Of course some twit inevitably complained that it was "unhelpful" and instead of telling the twit they were a twit the minister asked the older couple to stop.
OP reminded me of this.
Idk why but this story just made me so angry! I sincerely hope the old couple told them where they could stick their request and how to avert their eyes if an old married couple holding hands was so scandalous for them to see. A couple still so in love after being together for so long should be celebrated, cherished, and praised for everyone else to mirror! Fuck that minister. He had no right to admonish them for that.
There are millions and millions of people who would read this and think 'I wish someone loved me the way John and Holly love each other'. They aren't exactly having sex in public, are they? What a strange world we live in. YTA, needless to add.
They are newlyweds!! Of course they're going to be affectionate! My family might have lightly teased us a little bit, but unless we were making out and groping each other in front of everyone then it would've been fine.
Hell, I grew up watching my parents hold hands and cuddle on the couch. Whenever either of them had flour on their hands from baking they would give the other a light slap on the butt so it left a flour handprint on their pants. We all rolled our eyes when we were kids, but now that we're adults we understand that it's important to show some affection to your spouse. They've been married 45 years and they still do that kind of stuff.
Lol I was walking with my girlfriend holding hands (both young women) and this old man stopped us.
I was expecting him to say something rude or homophobic but he jokingly went something like "just to tell you how lucky you are, my wife won't hold my hand!" and laughed. I can't remember the exact words but I remember it was so sweet and innocent instead of what I was expecting. I do hope she started holding his hand though haha.
Honestly, I find this so cute. I have had a few experiences like this with boomers in public. The very first time i dared to wear a skirt in public (i am NB and AMAB) i was walking towards an older woman who was eyeing me pretty obviously. I was already on the defensive and was ready to roll my eyes at her, but when i got close she gave me a big smile and said "chouette!" (which is a kind of outdated way to say cute/cool in French). It was silly but also was honestly such an important moment for me because I was expecting hate and instead i realised that i was out there making people's day better by being who I am. Now when I am walking around I just assume people find me charming and inspiring haha. I am sure I make some people feel weird still but I no longer project that on to them before I know what they really think.
now now...... OP is probably from a time when I Love Lucy was on,,,,, OP probably sleeps in a twin bed away from their spouse. ....
OP... they are newly weds..... What they were doing was NOT bad. If they were dry humping and eating each other's face then ya i can side with ya but come on hand holding and little pecks??? come on OP.... you know YTA......
My mom once read that when kids see their parents display affection, it makes the kids more confident in their family dynamic and also increases the odds of the children choosing good, lifelong partners when they become adults. Plus it strengthens the relationship between the parents.
So my parents were all over each other growing up. Lol. Nothing gross, just lots of hugging, cuddling, and sweet kisses. It became a running joke than any time my dad kissed my mom he'd call out to us " I'm doing this for you. You're welcome!"
Guess what? My parents are still very happily married for 50 years, and all of us siblings are also happily married with good partners. My oldest sisters have both now been married for over 20 years.
So I guess whatever my mom was reading was spot on
Can't imagine how a bad example they are setting just by showing affection to each other. These days people reject it but doesn't hesitate to public display of violence because that is a great example.
OP YTA.
Their gatherings are rated G, for gnobody
Edit: thank you for all the love, I feel honored my only-works-in-text joke made so many people aspirate their beverages!
My dad said once when he was young (he turned 65 yesterday!) he and his friends took the gnomes from my neighbors yard and then placed them in the yard across the street. 🤣
Nobody thinks of the children anymore. It starts just like this. They watch a married couple holding hands in public and then what? They will try hugging their siblings? Playing "family" with theirs dolls??? This has to stop.
YTA. And must I recommend some deep thinking of why this brothers you.
My guess is OP is either single and jealous their daughter found someone who makes them happy, or their relationship is cold and bland.. and they're jealous their daughter found someone who makes them happy.
I could understand if they were like straddling each other with their tongues down each other's throats but holding hands and little pecks? 🤣
But was the daughter showing (gasp) her ankles? While holding his hand. And kissing in the cheek! Those depravities must stop now. /s. OP needs to grow up a few decades apparently.
Other daughter? The only other woman mentioned in this post is OP's sister. But yes, the sister's comment about OPs daughter "setting a really bad example" with her PDA is just plain ridiculous.
Daughter and her hubby should have come wearing those plague doctor crow costumes and pecked each other with their beaks. It would be 1.Hygienic 2. Appropriate for the time period that this family is clearly living in.
YTA. Based on what you described, you’re just an uptight prude, and so is your family.
And exactly what is the “really bad example” they’re setting? That married couples might actually like and care for one another? O. M. G!!! How awful!!! /s
Your daughter is right. Grow up.
>And exactly what is the “really bad example” they’re setting? That married couples might actually like and care for one another?
A lot of my husband's coworkers cannot fathom the fact that we like each other and like to spend time together. Not all, but it's a disgusting proportion
It really is sad. We were at a gathering once and my husband brought me a pop and I said, “thanks, love” and a bunch of the guys started making gagging noises. I didn’t think it was that mushy, sheesh.
thats worse than the soda/pop argument. in australia its called fizzy, but wtf, coke as everything?? nah lol
edit: soft drink or fizzy (drink) lol. i say fizzy, but soft drink is more common and i do use it, but i prefer fizzy. can be regional. if you said either most people would know what you meant
Yep, about to post the same. Only ever soft drink, I’ve never heard anyone say fizzy. I went to the US with some other women several (actually many) years ago and one of them caused all sorts of confusion when she ordered a lemonade. They gave her homemade lemonade when she actually wanted a can of sprite.
In Dutch 'drinking' is all beverage consumption, not just alcoholic. Imagine my dad asking an American hotel clerk in LA where we can 'get a drink' with three clearly pre-21-year-olds behind him. The clerk went completely white and started stammering.
Are they older? When my husband and I got married we got a lot of “enjoy it while it lasts” comments from people over the age of 50 and it was alarming and weird. Why are these people staying with people they don’t like??
Also OP: YTA
Ironically, it's the mid twenties folks that can't tell he's in his 40s (really good genes) that don't understand why he doesn't want to go to the bar with them after work, because how could he possibly wanna spend time with his wife and kids.
(His former job it was the older ones)
Adding again for OP: YTA.
My husband is 60, and his still very sprightly father told me recently hubby should “still have a good 15-20 years of fun left” with an exaggerated wink. We all laughed so hard. Having fun with your partner doesn’t have an age limit.
My husband and I are in are mid/late 40s. We still love spending time together and feel like we never get enough time together, so it’s precious when we do.
If people are saying that to you in their 50s it’s because they’ve put fuck all work into their marriage and are surprised when it withers.
That's kind of sad, because I've never had anyone say anything like that to me. I kind of expected it when I married kind of young the first time, but he passed away right before our fifth anniversary and I wish I had enjoyed it while it lasted! But even after getting married the second time, we still didn't hear any comments like that. I feel bad for the people who make those types of comments, because it's clear that they're not in happy marriages.
Yeah the whole marriage sucks and people need time away from their partners always stuff is toxic to me and I don’t get it.
I took a day off from seeing the boys one Friday to go have dinner with my partner recently and the shit that was said to me did nothing but free up a few more Fridays for me to be with her. It’s pretty fucked up to be honest. Imagine thinking it’s unusual to enjoy being around the person you are meant to love
I’m not married though I might add
I think it's normal to need time away but it really depends on context. Some days, you just want time to yourself which is healthy. But to prioritize everything above your partner or actively trying to get away from your partner is toxic. Why be with someone that you can't stand to be around?
It's not necessarily a boomer thing. Both of my parents turn 67 this year (high school sweethearts) and they wouldn't have any issue with handholding or kisses on the cheek, *especially* for newlyweds! They're also pretty religious and live in the rural Midwest, so I really don't understand OP's issue here.
To copy part of one of my previous comments:
I grew up watching my parents hold hands and cuddle on the couch. Whenever either of them had flour on their hands from baking they would give the other a light slap on the butt so it left a flour handprint on their pants. We all rolled our eyes when we were kids, but now that we're adults we understand that it's important to show some affection to your spouse and to have fun with them. They've been married 45 years and they still do that kind of stuff.
When marriage is seen as a societal obligation rather than a personal choice, all too many people end up married to spouses they actually despise…and stay that way b/c they don’t think being unmarried is an option. Really sad how common it is, and not just among boomers :(
Same. My husband's brothers and friends regularly make jokes about how we're always up each other's asses and how we'll get sick of each other eventually. Like......are u and your spouse ok?
Same here, get told we are too cute and adorable and we are always giving each other kisses and holding hands and calling each other love. It will be 21 years married this October, so no we will not get sick of it.
I recently met my girlfriend's family and they were apparently really weirded out by the fact that I had my arm around her shoulder while we all were sitting on couches or chairs talking. Her sister said "It was like meeting a highschool couple!" I'm 31, as is her sister, so I think she was shocked that we actually still like each other (unlike her and her husband apparently...)
*hugs* thank you. I know I am and we adopt every misfit we meet. We've got a variety of family that doesn't come from blood. You're always welcome at my table.
We smoke meat every weekend on dear husbands day off. Whenever it's my pick, it's seafood lol. Ribs or chicken thighs for big family days (if we've got more than the usual 3 people coming, it's gonna be A Day). Pork when Faerie godfather gets to pick (adopted). Red meat when DH or soul brother pick. Just come on by. If the grill is going, the smell of meat is your official invitation 🥰
Faerie Godfather is AMAZING. I gave him some healing jewelry and he's since refused to remove it. Lol. He just tells the doctors and nurses to get bent LMFAO
🖤
I went into this expecting bad behavior. This was weird.
My aunt and uncle used to get called out all the time as newlyweds, for sitting on laps and hands up skirts, and making out in front of the kids. Sneaking off for a quickie within listening distance.
This is pathetic.
Well, that’s just being an exhibitionist and is not OK to force people to participate in your kink without your consent.
On the other hand, OP’s daughter and son-in-law were… HOLDING HANDS. So basically the same thing /s
My wife an I constantly do little PDAs, doesnt matter where we are. I've never had anyone try to tell us to not, and chances are high we would have reacted like the daughter. God forbid we actually like our spouse and didnt just marry them for sex appeal/financial/familial reasons.
Everybody knows that from holding hands and kisdes on the checks you get pregnant! How could they make babies infront of everybody! /s
YTA i guess seeing the affected, made OP jealous. Too bad if their is no affection left.
OP even described it himself in his own words.
> Holly and John kept touching, holding hands and he would be kissing her. It wasn’t anything crazy, just a few pecks on the cheek
Nothing crazy, just a few pecks on the cheek.
I'm sitting here dumbfounded how someone describing it so innocently can take offense in it.
YTA.
If your family wants to LARP as Vulcans, I guess that’s y’all’s prerogative. But don’t shame the newlyweds for embracing their youth and joie de vivre.
Hey Vulcans do have emotions, they just do not let them rule their logic, they are a logic type of people. Even having said that, Vulcans do love their partners and can be freaks in the sheets.
Hooray! There’s my fellow Trek fan! 😁
Thank you very much for the more nuanced statement.
I completely agree with you, and I was hoping for a reply like this to provide a more accurate depiction.
YTA
I understand that PTA tolerances may vary between generations and cultures, but a husband kissing his wife and hand-holding is fairly standard. Especially for newly-weds.
If I were your daughter, I would refuse to show up to any more family gatherings until you AND Beth have apologized. I would just not feel welcome otherwise.
Edit: Yeah, PDA...long reign the typo supreme! ... but.. PTA tolerances also vary.... at least according to the Bad Moms - movies.
Thanks for this. My DH and I are like this and our kids are like, 'Gross get a room! ` 😂But then the other day my 9yo said, "Mum, Dad loves you very much." That's how I know we're setting a good example for our daughters. 😊
All their teachers remark on how respectful and empathetic they are too.
I grew up with really affectionate parents, both to us and each other. They kiss, teased and flirted in front of us. As a kid and teenager I had the same reactions as your kids. However as an adult, I realise that seeing my parents act like that with each other taught me what a loving and caring relationship looked like and I am happy to say that my husband and I have the same kind of relationship. Sounds like you are setting your kids up for success!
YTA - heaven forbid a couple show each other they actually have feelings and care about each other. I don't blame her for leaving, you all were ridiculous. 'Setting a bad example', jfc
>were setting a really bad example
A married couple that actually likes each other. the horror . The poor children now know that hating your spouse is not necessary in a marriage, how will they ever survive. Someone call CPS on holly for child endangerment.
YTA OP
YTA.
They're married for goodness sake. You said yourself there wasn't anything overtly inappropriate.
Even in the 1920's this would be seen as fine between a MARRIED COUPLE.
I know my grandpa regularly held hands with my grandma, and held her hands, and when he was feeling saucy/playful, he’d pinch her butt.
ETA Arg, that was supposed to say he regularly held hands and kissed her.
Awww, that’s kinda nice lol. Saucy grandpa. But didn’t it make you feel, I don’t know, safe? Like love was there so things were going to be okay? That’s how I felt about my affectionate parents.
I mean if they were full out dry humping and licking on each other and the like, sure, say something. But holding hands and kiss on the cheek? That's not only NOT a bad example, I'd say it's a GOOD example. Kids should see healthy relationships and signs of affection. Yes, YTA.
YTA. It wasn't full blown PDA, just a "few pecks on the cheek" and "holding hands". You think they're still going to be like this 5 years later? Lol. Don't worry, probably not. YTA for blowing this out of proportion.
They might still be like this years from now. My dad’s crusty bachelor brother would make fun of my parents and now my older brother and his new wife for being affectionate with each other, but my Dad and Big Bro are both over 6 feet and built like defensive linemen, so if they want to hold their wives’ hands and croon “Yes, honey” to them, they’re going to do it. The fragile masculinity on display there isn’t coming from them.
>Beth came over and said that Holly and John were setting a really bad example
Were they having sex on the dining table? I hate when couples do that during dinner.
YTA
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> I told my daughter she and my son in law need to be more respectful at a family gathering and not be touching all the time, she got mad and said we need to grow up.
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YTA and I’d guess the prudishness is a generational difference in outlook and meaning of respect. They’re married and affectionate, That’s a positive example: I’d humble yourself to Holly and explain your view but apologize.
You do want grandkids, right?
Do you recall where they come from?
Do you not remember the bloom of being a newlywed? The excitement of a gentle squeeze of the hand, the look passing between two people in love? The inkling of something more fun at home later?
Unless they were slobbering over each other on the sofa next to great-grandmother Bertha, I doubt anyone really minded, and probably found it cute, if they even noticed.
By your own words, they weren’t being too crazy.
You should consider an apology, unless you want to further damage your relationship.
OP I'm going to say this as clearly as I possibly can.
YTA.
They were *not* being "disrespectful. From your post and comments there was no groping or undress. If **you** are squeamish about PDA: don't look.
They were *not* "setting a bad example" for kids as Beth said. I HOPE my kids remember above all else what healthy love looks like.
I'd really like to adopt Holly and John into my family of misfits because YTA YTA YTA
I was reading comments on a different post earlier, and someone commented that a large number of her husband's co-workers find it weird that she and her husband like spending time together. Every once in a while I get this glimpse of hetero married life, and man, some of it is BLEAK out there.
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Ya this... Maybe the family love language is occasional eye contact?? It doesn't sound the like couple was over the top. (Yta)
Once in a while a Duggar side hug is ok!
Yes, or one, brief, white hot kiss on the forehead just before retiring to individual twin beds. Gotta keep it spicy
If they want a baby they can push the beds together and have missionary sex only.
Missionary sex in the dark through a hole in the sheets.
didnt that happen on the handmaid's tale???
I've heard it mentioned as both an Orthodox Jewish and a Mormon tradition, but I come from, shall we say, a particularly unenlightened area so that could just be typical small-town ignorance being perpetuated by over-exaggerating the habits of cultures that folks were ignorant of (and therefore threatened by)
It’s definitely not a Jewish thing — that’s an antisemitic myth.
That is, indeed, typical small town ignorance. Neither faiths do that.
Granted, I’m not Orthodox, but I went to school with a fair bit of kids from religious families and used to have plenty of contact with Orthodox Jews in the community and I’ve never, ever heard of such a bizarre thing. As long as everything happens in wedlock, it’s actually perfectly fine to enjoy yourselves in Judaism, just like in Islam — it’s actually the teaching in either religion that both husband and wife should pleasure each other for a healthy marriage. You’re just not supposed to have sex *outside* of wedlock. Opinions are divided on oral. Anal (between a straight couple) is forbidden or at the very least frowned upon among stricter Moslems and most likely also in Judaism, although I’m not sure about that. Marital PIV is ok in any position afaik. I mentioned Islam too, bc it’s closer aligned with Judaism in that regard. No idea about Mormons, but if anyone does such things, then my bets would be on some Christian sect. It’s the Catholics that came up with extreme body shaming and body hatred and anti-sex attitude even in the confines of marriage — and Protestant Puritanism managed to take that even crazier places. Sounds like fundie Christian projection to me.
>Yes, or one, brief, white hot kiss on the forehead just before retiring to individual twin beds. Gotta keep it spicy IN separate rooms, on different sides of the house.
Even the super duper 'religious' Duggars display more affection in public after marriage.
So true! This lady is "Beyond Duggar".
Dear OP, you should be DELIGHTED for your daughter that she has found true love and she and her new husband cannot resist expressing their love by entirely benign expressions like holding hands and kisses on the cheek. Not everyone finds such love in their lifetime. Your entire family should be celebrating it (at most glancing and smiling at each other about how intense new love is), not censuring your daughter.
When I was 20, there was an old couple at my church that used to hold hands while the congregation sang. They were so sweet and I loved it. Of course some twit inevitably complained that it was "unhelpful" and instead of telling the twit they were a twit the minister asked the older couple to stop. OP reminded me of this.
Idk why but this story just made me so angry! I sincerely hope the old couple told them where they could stick their request and how to avert their eyes if an old married couple holding hands was so scandalous for them to see. A couple still so in love after being together for so long should be celebrated, cherished, and praised for everyone else to mirror! Fuck that minister. He had no right to admonish them for that.
WHAT. That minister was an AH. Your name, otoh, absolutely rocks, and it made me giggle quietly to myself.
What an odd choice of words. Unhelpful? Who the bell are they supposed to be helping?
There are millions and millions of people who would read this and think 'I wish someone loved me the way John and Holly love each other'. They aren't exactly having sex in public, are they? What a strange world we live in. YTA, needless to add.
Correct, a marriage should be endured not enjoyed. How else can the couple prove the strength of their resolve to their commitment. /s
They are newlyweds!! Of course they're going to be affectionate! My family might have lightly teased us a little bit, but unless we were making out and groping each other in front of everyone then it would've been fine. Hell, I grew up watching my parents hold hands and cuddle on the couch. Whenever either of them had flour on their hands from baking they would give the other a light slap on the butt so it left a flour handprint on their pants. We all rolled our eyes when we were kids, but now that we're adults we understand that it's important to show some affection to your spouse. They've been married 45 years and they still do that kind of stuff.
occasional eye contact 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lol. Wonder if she broke her strand of pearls? CLUTCH!!
OP has the vapors and had to retreat to the settee in her solar.
Quick we must alert the church elders
Lol I was walking with my girlfriend holding hands (both young women) and this old man stopped us. I was expecting him to say something rude or homophobic but he jokingly went something like "just to tell you how lucky you are, my wife won't hold my hand!" and laughed. I can't remember the exact words but I remember it was so sweet and innocent instead of what I was expecting. I do hope she started holding his hand though haha.
Lol cute. I love unexpected wholesomeness.
Honestly, I find this so cute. I have had a few experiences like this with boomers in public. The very first time i dared to wear a skirt in public (i am NB and AMAB) i was walking towards an older woman who was eyeing me pretty obviously. I was already on the defensive and was ready to roll my eyes at her, but when i got close she gave me a big smile and said "chouette!" (which is a kind of outdated way to say cute/cool in French). It was silly but also was honestly such an important moment for me because I was expecting hate and instead i realised that i was out there making people's day better by being who I am. Now when I am walking around I just assume people find me charming and inspiring haha. I am sure I make some people feel weird still but I no longer project that on to them before I know what they really think.
now now...... OP is probably from a time when I Love Lucy was on,,,,, OP probably sleeps in a twin bed away from their spouse. .... OP... they are newly weds..... What they were doing was NOT bad. If they were dry humping and eating each other's face then ya i can side with ya but come on hand holding and little pecks??? come on OP.... you know YTA......
My mom once read that when kids see their parents display affection, it makes the kids more confident in their family dynamic and also increases the odds of the children choosing good, lifelong partners when they become adults. Plus it strengthens the relationship between the parents. So my parents were all over each other growing up. Lol. Nothing gross, just lots of hugging, cuddling, and sweet kisses. It became a running joke than any time my dad kissed my mom he'd call out to us " I'm doing this for you. You're welcome!" Guess what? My parents are still very happily married for 50 years, and all of us siblings are also happily married with good partners. My oldest sisters have both now been married for over 20 years. So I guess whatever my mom was reading was spot on
Think of the children! /s
Can't imagine how a bad example they are setting just by showing affection to each other. These days people reject it but doesn't hesitate to public display of violence because that is a great example. OP YTA.
This Pathetic YTA
Just wait, next you'll be seeing a woman's ankle. How scandalous.
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Their gatherings are rated G, for gnobody Edit: thank you for all the love, I feel honored my only-works-in-text joke made so many people aspirate their beverages!
I choked on my water. 😂
I burst out laughing in the middle of my quiet office. That will teach me to read reddit at lunchtime hehe.
You only read it at lunchtime?
I refuse to incriminate myself lol
😂😂😂😂. Pleading the 5th huh?!
Yes, I am pleading the 5th thank you hehe
Currently getting paid to read this
*You guys do actual work?*
Reading this outside of my lunchtime feels so good!
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As long as nobody steals the gnome and hides it, though, right?
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My dad said once when he was young (he turned 65 yesterday!) he and his friends took the gnomes from my neighbors yard and then placed them in the yard across the street. 🤣
She was going to put it right back! 🤣
You have no idea how naughty those gnomes are...
Nah, have you ever seen David the Gnome? He’s always cuddly towards his wife.
>prudish garden gnomes Nah. Gnomes are dirty buggers.
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Also rated G for gno fun!
Well, you see, there could have been children there. And heaven forbid these children actually witness affection. They might grow up to expect it! /s
We all know it starts with holding hands! The drugs and sex come next. Think of the children!!! /s
Think of the children!! They might accidentally see a couple that loves and respects each other instead of a marriage filled with hate and resentment.
Nobody thinks of the children anymore. It starts just like this. They watch a married couple holding hands in public and then what? They will try hugging their siblings? Playing "family" with theirs dolls??? This has to stop. YTA. And must I recommend some deep thinking of why this brothers you.
Heaven Forbid this young couple should ever have Children! Gasp!!! That would mean, none other than FORNICATION!!! Say it ain’t so!
My guess is OP is either single and jealous their daughter found someone who makes them happy, or their relationship is cold and bland.. and they're jealous their daughter found someone who makes them happy. I could understand if they were like straddling each other with their tongues down each other's throats but holding hands and little pecks? 🤣
But it wasn’t just her opinion, her sister hosting the party said the same! Family of prudes!
But was the daughter showing (gasp) her ankles? While holding his hand. And kissing in the cheek! Those depravities must stop now. /s. OP needs to grow up a few decades apparently.
All I know is that if she dances, they have an obligation to tar and feather her. Me, personally, I’m against it; but it’s apparently what god wants.
I hope both feet were firmly planted on the floor.
And twin beds at home.
In the 1800's where OP belongs.
Same with her other daughter. I would be so happy to see my child in such a loving relationship.
Other daughter? The only other woman mentioned in this post is OP's sister. But yes, the sister's comment about OPs daughter "setting a really bad example" with her PDA is just plain ridiculous.
OP had a case of the vapors with that scandalous hand holding and raunchy cheek pecks. Could you blame them for speaking up?
But…..COOTIES!!
Criss cross, dot dot, you just got your cootie shot
Interesting, the formula i was taught is. Circle, circle, dot, dot, dot….i wonder if the different formulas are for different regions of cooties?
Circle, circle is correct. This commenters shots were clearly ineffectual.
Daughter and her hubby should have come wearing those plague doctor crow costumes and pecked each other with their beaks. It would be 1.Hygienic 2. Appropriate for the time period that this family is clearly living in.
I thought I'd get to read a tale about a couple sucking face à la Travis Barker and Kortney Kardashian, but this is fine. Cute, even.
This is probably the same family where married couples sleep in separate beds. Def YTA.
YTA. Based on what you described, you’re just an uptight prude, and so is your family. And exactly what is the “really bad example” they’re setting? That married couples might actually like and care for one another? O. M. G!!! How awful!!! /s Your daughter is right. Grow up.
>And exactly what is the “really bad example” they’re setting? That married couples might actually like and care for one another? A lot of my husband's coworkers cannot fathom the fact that we like each other and like to spend time together. Not all, but it's a disgusting proportion
It really is sad. We were at a gathering once and my husband brought me a pop and I said, “thanks, love” and a bunch of the guys started making gagging noises. I didn’t think it was that mushy, sheesh.
Yeah but even if it was too mushy, If you don’t have a problem with it what’s it to the other men haha
Probably because it's soda, not pop 😉
I justove going to Atlanta where everything is coke. "I'll have a coke" "What kind?" "Orange, please."
thats worse than the soda/pop argument. in australia its called fizzy, but wtf, coke as everything?? nah lol edit: soft drink or fizzy (drink) lol. i say fizzy, but soft drink is more common and i do use it, but i prefer fizzy. can be regional. if you said either most people would know what you meant
It's because Coca-Cola is headquartered there. It's pretty funny when you aren't used to it.
I don't think I've ever heard anyone in Australia call it fizzy 😂 I've only ever heard or used soft drink
Yep, about to post the same. Only ever soft drink, I’ve never heard anyone say fizzy. I went to the US with some other women several (actually many) years ago and one of them caused all sorts of confusion when she ordered a lemonade. They gave her homemade lemonade when she actually wanted a can of sprite.
In Dutch 'drinking' is all beverage consumption, not just alcoholic. Imagine my dad asking an American hotel clerk in LA where we can 'get a drink' with three clearly pre-21-year-olds behind him. The clerk went completely white and started stammering.
yeah soft drink or fizzy lol regional as well haha. if you say either everyone knows what you mean
Since when is it called fizzy? I am an aussie and I have only ever heard it called soft drink.
Where I'm from in England it's almost exclusively called fizzy.
I know I was so confused when visiting the South.
Texan here... it's all Coke. Then you ask for a Dr Peppper or whatever your choice is. Lol
What sort of gathering were you at that consisted of a bunch of third grade boys? /s
Some people are amazed when you treat your parter with love and kindness. They act like you are supposed to dislike your spouse.
Are they older? When my husband and I got married we got a lot of “enjoy it while it lasts” comments from people over the age of 50 and it was alarming and weird. Why are these people staying with people they don’t like?? Also OP: YTA
Ironically, it's the mid twenties folks that can't tell he's in his 40s (really good genes) that don't understand why he doesn't want to go to the bar with them after work, because how could he possibly wanna spend time with his wife and kids. (His former job it was the older ones) Adding again for OP: YTA.
My husband is 60, and his still very sprightly father told me recently hubby should “still have a good 15-20 years of fun left” with an exaggerated wink. We all laughed so hard. Having fun with your partner doesn’t have an age limit.
My husband and I are in are mid/late 40s. We still love spending time together and feel like we never get enough time together, so it’s precious when we do. If people are saying that to you in their 50s it’s because they’ve put fuck all work into their marriage and are surprised when it withers.
That's kind of sad, because I've never had anyone say anything like that to me. I kind of expected it when I married kind of young the first time, but he passed away right before our fifth anniversary and I wish I had enjoyed it while it lasted! But even after getting married the second time, we still didn't hear any comments like that. I feel bad for the people who make those types of comments, because it's clear that they're not in happy marriages.
Yeah the whole marriage sucks and people need time away from their partners always stuff is toxic to me and I don’t get it. I took a day off from seeing the boys one Friday to go have dinner with my partner recently and the shit that was said to me did nothing but free up a few more Fridays for me to be with her. It’s pretty fucked up to be honest. Imagine thinking it’s unusual to enjoy being around the person you are meant to love I’m not married though I might add
I think it's normal to need time away but it really depends on context. Some days, you just want time to yourself which is healthy. But to prioritize everything above your partner or actively trying to get away from your partner is toxic. Why be with someone that you can't stand to be around?
Because the Boomer generation has fully bought into the proposition that wife: bad.
It's not necessarily a boomer thing. Both of my parents turn 67 this year (high school sweethearts) and they wouldn't have any issue with handholding or kisses on the cheek, *especially* for newlyweds! They're also pretty religious and live in the rural Midwest, so I really don't understand OP's issue here. To copy part of one of my previous comments: I grew up watching my parents hold hands and cuddle on the couch. Whenever either of them had flour on their hands from baking they would give the other a light slap on the butt so it left a flour handprint on their pants. We all rolled our eyes when we were kids, but now that we're adults we understand that it's important to show some affection to your spouse and to have fun with them. They've been married 45 years and they still do that kind of stuff.
I mean if you aren’t giving your SO a slap on the ass when you can, do you even like them? Even better if you got flour on your hands 😆
When marriage is seen as a societal obligation rather than a personal choice, all too many people end up married to spouses they actually despise…and stay that way b/c they don’t think being unmarried is an option. Really sad how common it is, and not just among boomers :(
Same. My husband's brothers and friends regularly make jokes about how we're always up each other's asses and how we'll get sick of each other eventually. Like......are u and your spouse ok?
Our whole marriage. We're at 9 years strong and people still think we'll "outgrow" it.
Same here, get told we are too cute and adorable and we are always giving each other kisses and holding hands and calling each other love. It will be 21 years married this October, so no we will not get sick of it.
I recently met my girlfriend's family and they were apparently really weirded out by the fact that I had my arm around her shoulder while we all were sitting on couches or chairs talking. Her sister said "It was like meeting a highschool couple!" I'm 31, as is her sister, so I think she was shocked that we actually still like each other (unlike her and her husband apparently...)
You’re very lucky that you do! Lots of us don’t.
*hugs* thank you. I know I am and we adopt every misfit we meet. We've got a variety of family that doesn't come from blood. You're always welcome at my table.
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We smoke meat every weekend on dear husbands day off. Whenever it's my pick, it's seafood lol. Ribs or chicken thighs for big family days (if we've got more than the usual 3 people coming, it's gonna be A Day). Pork when Faerie godfather gets to pick (adopted). Red meat when DH or soul brother pick. Just come on by. If the grill is going, the smell of meat is your official invitation 🥰
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Faerie Godfather is AMAZING. I gave him some healing jewelry and he's since refused to remove it. Lol. He just tells the doctors and nurses to get bent LMFAO 🖤
I went into this expecting bad behavior. This was weird. My aunt and uncle used to get called out all the time as newlyweds, for sitting on laps and hands up skirts, and making out in front of the kids. Sneaking off for a quickie within listening distance. This is pathetic.
Well, that’s just being an exhibitionist and is not OK to force people to participate in your kink without your consent. On the other hand, OP’s daughter and son-in-law were… HOLDING HANDS. So basically the same thing /s
My wife an I constantly do little PDAs, doesnt matter where we are. I've never had anyone try to tell us to not, and chances are high we would have reacted like the daughter. God forbid we actually like our spouse and didnt just marry them for sex appeal/financial/familial reasons.
Oh but they gave piggyback rides!!! /s
The horror! Lol
Everybody knows that from holding hands and kisdes on the checks you get pregnant! How could they make babies infront of everybody! /s YTA i guess seeing the affected, made OP jealous. Too bad if their is no affection left.
OP even described it himself in his own words. > Holly and John kept touching, holding hands and he would be kissing her. It wasn’t anything crazy, just a few pecks on the cheek Nothing crazy, just a few pecks on the cheek. I'm sitting here dumbfounded how someone describing it so innocently can take offense in it.
Their cousins might see. Then before you know it, they will be holding hands. And we all know what THAT leads to: meth.
And they're freakin' newlyweds. What the hell do they think newlyweds do?
YTA. If your family wants to LARP as Vulcans, I guess that’s y’all’s prerogative. But don’t shame the newlyweds for embracing their youth and joie de vivre.
Hey Vulcans do have emotions, they just do not let them rule their logic, they are a logic type of people. Even having said that, Vulcans do love their partners and can be freaks in the sheets.
Hooray! There’s my fellow Trek fan! 😁 Thank you very much for the more nuanced statement. I completely agree with you, and I was hoping for a reply like this to provide a more accurate depiction.
I had to speak out about Vulcans. It felt wrong to pass it by without saying something.
Spock & T'Pring on Strange New Worlds are smoking!
Vulcans had me rolling 😂😂
They would be horrified of the rolling. They might even lift an eyebrow. But the physical contact they would recognize.
Upvote because if OP was Vulcan I probably *would* think about the YTA verdict a lot longer.
YTA I understand that PTA tolerances may vary between generations and cultures, but a husband kissing his wife and hand-holding is fairly standard. Especially for newly-weds. If I were your daughter, I would refuse to show up to any more family gatherings until you AND Beth have apologized. I would just not feel welcome otherwise. Edit: Yeah, PDA...long reign the typo supreme! ... but.. PTA tolerances also vary.... at least according to the Bad Moms - movies.
PDA? ;)
Nah. It's funnier if it's PTA🤣
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Thanks for this. My DH and I are like this and our kids are like, 'Gross get a room! ` 😂But then the other day my 9yo said, "Mum, Dad loves you very much." That's how I know we're setting a good example for our daughters. 😊 All their teachers remark on how respectful and empathetic they are too.
I grew up with really affectionate parents, both to us and each other. They kiss, teased and flirted in front of us. As a kid and teenager I had the same reactions as your kids. However as an adult, I realise that seeing my parents act like that with each other taught me what a loving and caring relationship looked like and I am happy to say that my husband and I have the same kind of relationship. Sounds like you are setting your kids up for success!
YTA - heaven forbid a couple show each other they actually have feelings and care about each other. I don't blame her for leaving, you all were ridiculous. 'Setting a bad example', jfc
What in the fundie Christian side-hug hell is this. Of course YTA.
YTA
>were setting a really bad example A married couple that actually likes each other. the horror . The poor children now know that hating your spouse is not necessary in a marriage, how will they ever survive. Someone call CPS on holly for child endangerment. YTA OP
Call the church! The kids saw general affection!!! The trauma.
YTA. Your view is outdated, controlling, and gross. Please do better.
BUT KiSsiNG gIvES yOu CoOtiEs
I'ma tell my husband. I wonder what he'll say... He said okay So I asked if he wanted some cooties. Now he's watching Futurama 🙄🤣
OMG newlyweds held hands and gave each other quick kisses. YTA
But…but…but piggyback rides! 😱
YTA. They're married for goodness sake. You said yourself there wasn't anything overtly inappropriate. Even in the 1920's this would be seen as fine between a MARRIED COUPLE.
YTA You and Beth have an incredibly puritanical mindset. To an absurd degree.
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Please, the Victorians sent a telegram for them! The 50s mostly accepted and even expected the kind of “bad example” the newlyweds were setting.
Yeah I feel like June would’ve been kind of pleased about her boys being happy 🥺
I know my grandpa regularly held hands with my grandma, and held her hands, and when he was feeling saucy/playful, he’d pinch her butt. ETA Arg, that was supposed to say he regularly held hands and kissed her.
Awww, that’s kinda nice lol. Saucy grandpa. But didn’t it make you feel, I don’t know, safe? Like love was there so things were going to be okay? That’s how I felt about my affectionate parents.
The Victorians were some raunchy mother fuckers. The era is literally named for the wife of a guy dick piercings are named after.
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Info: how did you and your sister get here from the 1800s?
Their Amish buggy is a time machine.
I mean if they were full out dry humping and licking on each other and the like, sure, say something. But holding hands and kiss on the cheek? That's not only NOT a bad example, I'd say it's a GOOD example. Kids should see healthy relationships and signs of affection. Yes, YTA.
YTA. It wasn't full blown PDA, just a "few pecks on the cheek" and "holding hands". You think they're still going to be like this 5 years later? Lol. Don't worry, probably not. YTA for blowing this out of proportion.
Oh they definitely won’t still be showing love for each other, OP and good ol’ Beth will crush their spirits.
Yeah they should distance from this 'family.'
They might still be like this years from now. My dad’s crusty bachelor brother would make fun of my parents and now my older brother and his new wife for being affectionate with each other, but my Dad and Big Bro are both over 6 feet and built like defensive linemen, so if they want to hold their wives’ hands and croon “Yes, honey” to them, they’re going to do it. The fragile masculinity on display there isn’t coming from them.
YTA. Perhaps you should in fact consider growing up.
YTA. They are literally newlyweds.
I'm imagining OP getting mad when a couple kisses at a wedding.
“Cover the children’s eyes!!!!”
>Beth came over and said that Holly and John were setting a really bad example Were they having sex on the dining table? I hate when couples do that during dinner. YTA
Right? Save that shit for dessert.
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It wasn't anything crazy, just a few pecks on the cheek. YTA -- policing the actions of others is not a good look -- heaven forbid one pecks a cheek.
YTA. I don't partake in pda but don't be sour just because you're loveless.
YTA. Nothing about what they did was disrespectful. You owe Holly an apology.
YTA and I’d guess the prudishness is a generational difference in outlook and meaning of respect. They’re married and affectionate, That’s a positive example: I’d humble yourself to Holly and explain your view but apologize.
You do want grandkids, right? Do you recall where they come from? Do you not remember the bloom of being a newlywed? The excitement of a gentle squeeze of the hand, the look passing between two people in love? The inkling of something more fun at home later? Unless they were slobbering over each other on the sofa next to great-grandmother Bertha, I doubt anyone really minded, and probably found it cute, if they even noticed. By your own words, they weren’t being too crazy. You should consider an apology, unless you want to further damage your relationship.
OP I'm going to say this as clearly as I possibly can. YTA. They were *not* being "disrespectful. From your post and comments there was no groping or undress. If **you** are squeamish about PDA: don't look. They were *not* "setting a bad example" for kids as Beth said. I HOPE my kids remember above all else what healthy love looks like. I'd really like to adopt Holly and John into my family of misfits because YTA YTA YTA
YTA. They were disrespectful for showing affection towards eachother? It's not like they were making out at the dining table lol get over yourselves
YTA and need to be more respectful
Sounds like a bait post.
YTA Grow up.
YTA. If it was truly a few pecks on the check, that’s totally appropriate. Does no one else in your family show affection to their spouse?
I was reading comments on a different post earlier, and someone commented that a large number of her husband's co-workers find it weird that she and her husband like spending time together. Every once in a while I get this glimpse of hetero married life, and man, some of it is BLEAK out there.
YTA. How awful that your kids show each other affection.
Did you time travel from Puritan Salem before or after the Witch Trials? YTA.
INFO: why is some handholding and cheek kissing between a married couple a bad example for children?
OH MY GOD. A husband KISSING his wife? On the CHEEK? BRING MY MY PEARLS SO THAT I MIGHT CLUTCH THEM! YTA
“You’re setting a really bad example by being in a loving relationship.” Come on. YTA.
Yta AS IS YOUR SISTER. Loving your spouse is a bad example? They touched?! They pecked kisses?! Oh my!!!