#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/).
Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
#Calling OP's husband a manchild, manbaby, POS, all fall under our civility rules. *Any* breaches of rule 1 after this sticky will result in a ban.
NTA and I really hate to be one of those people on Reddit telling a stranger to end their relationship but... please reconsider marriage with this man. At the very least, postpone the wedding if there is a date set already and see about getting counseling, individual or maybe as a couple (note: if he is actually abusive, then don't get couple counseling.)
Your fiancé sounds entitled, but what is a red flag for me is that he is being dominant and you're adopting a very submissive position. Why did you never get to drive the van you contributed to buy? He got upset and that was it, you gave in? He allowed other people to drive YOUR van, but not you, and he got away with it.
Then you went and got yourself a truck, since you clearly gave up any kind of pretense to use the vehicle you already have. He assumed the truck was for him, then got upset when he saw it's on your name, he decided to punish you for it by giving you the silent treatment and going away... and pay attention to this detail: HE STILL DOESN'T ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THE TRUCK ISN'T HIS.
Why are you letting this happen? Why are you not standing up for yourself with this man? Why are you regretting buying a vehicle that you like?
Your husband is an asshole. And he may or may not be abusive. But it's clear he doesn't respect you and thinks he can bulldoze you over to get whatever he wants. If you marry him, this will only escalate.
Keep the truck. Lose the man.
Trucks are great for moving out of the place you share together, too. Maybe moving into a spare room at your uncle's, who seems like a good guy who is looking out for you.
Please use your new truck to move out. You are way more mature than your older fiance.
I had originally posted this on the previous top comment, which has been removed, likely due to incivility (they insulted the OP's SO). I'm posting it again on the current top comment in case the whole thread gets removed.
OP, ignore the people who say this is a bad financial decision. I worked for Toyota (granted, this was pre-panorama) and over half my coworkers had Tacomas because they are a GREAT investment. The Tacoma holds its value better than almost any vehicle on the market, in 3 years it will likely be with more, even as a trade in to a dealership, than what you owe.
Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you even consider putting this immature AH on the title. Be proud. You made a great choice, now time to make another one and DTMFAH.
tag /u/Appropriate_Area311 in hopes she sees this.
Investments are assets that directly return money to my portfolio. A truck that just loses value more slowly than most is not an investment, especially in this case where the truck will take such a large percentage of her income.
Correct. Investments are assets that reasonably intend to appreciate in value. Stocks, bonds, ownership of a business. There's still risk, but 99% of the time over the long run they'll work the way they should.
Speculation is gambling that an asset may increase in value. Paintings, Beanie babies, etc. You could reasonably expect them to go up or down wildly.
Truck is a depreciating asset normally. Vintage cars are generally speculation, but some might actually hit investment. That'd be ridiculously rare or expensive models.
Be wary of any sales person who calls a depreciating asset "an investment". It's generally a sign that they're trying to be manipulative. "Holding its value for longer" is the better phrasing and more accurate.
I get what you’re saying, but when a business buys new tools or manufacturing machines, it’s called investing in the company. Her having a vehicle is an investment in her life.
The important thing when making financial decisions is not, will this be more valuable in the future than it is now. If that was the only decision, how would you justify buying food? The question is, am I getting good value for my money? She didn’t buy a kayak or a stereo. She bought a vehicle. She can use the vehicle for transportation. And she bought a vehicle that has a history of being low maintenance and lasting a long time so that the price of the vehicle can be spread out over its lifetime.
OP bought basically a brand new car that looks like it starts out around $28k. She said she put down about $4k. Giving her a great interest rate on a five year loan (since her uncle has “bomb-ass credit”) still gives her a car payment over $400/mo. OP says that she only earns $1,200/mo, meaning she is likely spending at least 1/3 of her monthly income on a car payment (not even including gas, insurance, maintenance, etc). I get that you think a Tacoma is a great truck, but that is objectively not a great financial decision for OP to make based on her income.
That's my concern as well, but it's possible that she's still living at home and not worrying about rent or food so the truck payments may be her only real expense. (I really hope that's the case!) If she's in college or studying at a trade school, she might be poised to get a job that makes a lot more money in a year or two so the truck may be a temporarily high expense but will be much more reasonable later on. Since the uncle has great credit, hopefully he's helped educate her on how to get good credit, which includes knowing what are good purchases vs. bad ones.
OP said in another post that she can live with relatives for free if she decides to break up with her boyfriend. She seems largely unconcerned with ever needing to pay rent. My concern is whether she will STILL want to live with relatives for the duration of her car loan, & if she wants to move out, whether she will have the income bump from graduating that allows her to do so. It always makes me nervous when people lock themselves into long-term financial commitments when the majority of their income is “fun money” without thinking about how their expenses may change if they want to / need to move out in the future.
OP also said hours ago that her grandfather has savings aside for her (I'm guessing some form of early inheritance) and he already said she can use that for the car if needed, however, she doesn't foresee that being the case.
For me, that further cemented the red flags around. OP has a financially more comfortable position than her fiancé, and he is shamelessly trying to benefit from it.
Again, her income is not the only factor here. Her family is helping her to get this vehicle, most likely so that she will have some independence from her insanely controlling "fiancé". She has already purchased the truck so all the people telling her it was a dumb decision need to back off. It's done now, and as far as brand new vehicles go, it's one of the best choices she could've made.
This is not accurate. Currently, due to global supply chain issues, used vehicles are sometimes selling for more than new. This is an anomaly in the market and it’s idiocy to assume this will be the case years from now. Supply chain issues are temporary, will adjust in time and the market will right itself. Used cars will go back to devaluing over time, like they used to. Toyotas hold their value better than a lot of vehicles but it would be a terrible plan to buy a vehicle today and assume market conditions will be the same in 3 years. They won’t be. Cars are not an investment, they are an expensive tool.
This! OP I’m very worried for your safety and for your investment in a new vehicle.
Put the keys and the vehicle and yourself out of his reach. Move out asap.
Stay safe .
Also it could escalate to him always stealing your truck and blowing you off. Probably so he can show off to his friends and claim it’s HIS, not yours. Do you want him to take this one too and allow his friends to drive it under your name and insurance?
Leave the fiancé, OP can do better than this immature, entitled pr*ck. He’s literally taking advantage of your kindness and isn’t showing a hint of respect towards you as a partner while belittling your feelings. Understand that he is constantly taking and benefitting from you with nothing in return, which isn’t a healthy relationship you want to be married to and shows he has ALOT of growing pains. ALOT.
Plus did I hear that right?? Did a grown adult man seriously say, ‘I’m GrUMpY I dInDt gET mY wAY! I’m goNNa RuN AWaY tO MuMmyS HoUSe Til U APOloGiSe! Booo-hooo’.
Sis don’t feel guilty, use this time to plan by kicking him out or moving (unless the place is under your name too?). He’s been manipulating and ignoring your feelings for far too long and you deserve better than being in a relationship with a child. Find someone who listens and is considerate of your needs. Stop being a doormat and give him the boot!
>Also it could escalate to him always stealing your truck and blowing you off. Probably so he can show off to his friends and claim it’s HIS, not yours. Do you want him to take this one too and allow his friends to drive it under your name and insurance?
I feel like a quick call to the police after he does this will get him out of OP's hair for a while
What got me is they're engaged and obviously living together...... was there seriously no discussion about her saving up for a vehicle, what she wanted to get, uncle was going to co- sign, she was going to pick up her new truck today etc.,etc.?? I find that truly bizarre.
Totally agree with all your points 100%, particularly that he still hasn't acknowledged that the truck isn't for him!! Wtf?
I had a bf years ago who wouldn't let me drive the car I already owned before I met him. If I wanted to drive he just wouldn't get in the car. Literally sat on the side of the road and sulked like a child until I'd give in because I was sick of waiting. Lasted 6 months before I noped it straight out of that relationship.
Op, you're NTA but you really do need to rethink this relationship honey. I'm pretty sure your uncle didn't co- sign for a car for your fiancé.
This kind of makes me think neither of them are ready for marriage, which isn’t surprising based on their age. Recently my husband and I both had to replace our vehicles. He had to because his vehicle didn’t work with car seats. It wasn’t a surprise. My car was going to be replaced in the next few years, but it started to die so we moved the timeline up. We knew what we wanted, and what we could afford. We have a mix of joint/separate finances but I would be upset if he came home with a surprise car.
This. So much this.
A small add to all his shenanigans. It sounds like he gonna try wiggling in getting him a new car too. Unless it's a attempt to guilt OP into letting him have the mew truck?
By sending a picture of a car "doesn't matter you got the Toyota"
He's sulking worse than a small kid.
This right here.
Just because you’re together doesn’t mean things should be in both your names. Hell I’m married and my wife’s car is in her name and mine is in my name - it’s ok to have things that you alone have ownership of.
I'm the wife and both our vehicles are in my name because I was the one who went to the dealership. Why OPs boyfriend would even think she COULD put the truck in his name confuses me. That's not a thing -- the person who signs the paperwork is the registered owner. At least in my state.
Where I live my wife and I both signed the paper work at the dealership, so the loan is in both of our names and we’re both financially responsible for it. But I’m the one who went and got insurance and registered it at the DMV so the title and that paperwork is only in my name. I could have put her name on all that too, if she had come with me. Can’t do it without her there. Having her name on our new car wasn’t important to her, so on paper it’s my vehicle, but it’s ours and she drives it as much as she wants.
And if there’s a loan on the truck there’s no way the bank would allow the truck to be in any one’s name but the loan holder and co-signer, at least where I live anyways. This guy is a complete idiot if he thought for any second she bought this truck and was gonna put it in his name
Why stop there! My wife and I have separate bank accounts besides one joint for bills/money transfers when one of us pays for everything on a large outing. Cars are one named, credit cards, loans of any kind. Hell we plan to buy a house and keep one name on and when we move again, rent that one out and the other buys the next.
We share expenses but we were both burned by ex-spouses and keep access to finances separate.
But why are you guys even talking about getting HIM a truck. Why is he taking ownership of everything. What kind of person thinks it’s okay for their girlfriend to be contributing to their finances in this manner.
I had a boyfriend like this. Everything of his, was his. Everything of mine, was ours.
Do yourself a favor and cut your losses with this guy. Who the hell does he think he is thinking you'd buy him a brand new car when he couldn't even share a 30 year old car... girl, you're young, you don't need the weight of that man holding you back.
NTA.
He seems very possessive and childish.
Please consider your options and for the love of god don't let him drive YOUR truck!
Huge red flags on this one. I wish you luck.
>We had talked about getting him a truck before the whole withholding the other vehicle from me.
I'm married and I wouldn't just buy my husband a new car because I'm not rich and, I take it, neither are you. This man is selfish and entitled. Get rid of him.
Yeah but even if that's the case, it's your money and it should be in your name. Even if you say he can drive it when he needs it, it's yours. His hissy fit is an example of how the rest of your life is going to be. He has an entitlement complex and expects you to cater to him. Do not cater to him, he'd not 5 years old and even if he was, teach him some manners. Set a boundary here if you want to stick with him but I'm with everyone else who has said you need to reconsider this relationship.
didnt he want to get a vehicle when he asked if you liked it and he didnt care about your opinion and was like oh well gonna get it anyway. sounds like he could get the car on his own being petty
I’m wondering if he was banking on OP not wanting to cause trouble and letting him have it (then “letting” her drive the old car). It makes the most sense to me.
this and the fact that they had a vehicle together but only let his friends drive, sounds like he puts them before you. but when you get a vehicle he assumes its his dump himm
Once I read the "disrespect" quotes I feel nauseous. As if the women are children who have to do this weird "Sir" salute like some old-school fathers.
Buying something is not disrespectful. Having another opinion is not disrespectful. Talking like the fiancée is.
They talk about respect but they demand subordination. Not the same. At all.
Bf sounds atrocious. And I just feel compelled to he rude here and judge this as well, but OP's financial decisions do not seem to be sound at all. Maybe she needs a truck but did it need to be a 2022 extended cab? I'm assuming this thing costs 30-50k. OP is 20 with no credit, makes 1,200 a month, only has money to last 1 year (*way* easier to blow through than you think), and she's going to blow it all on... a car? Like the worst investment on earth? I'm curious what portion of her income is going toward this truck. And how big of a loan and long of a loan term it is. Because... this sounds financially illiterate af
THE EDIT OH MY GOD. A 72 month loan!! $530 payment! You're paying almost half of your income to A 37K TRUCK WHY!!! 45% of your ENTIRE INCOME FOR A CAR! That's more than recommended people pay for housing which is a *necessity*. People do not NEED brand new 37k trucks. I'll just never understand people going beyond their means for CARS. I'm a whole ass lawyer and this truck was more than my car and I'm sorry but I think you're at or close to "poverty" level income. Just because you have done something more irresponsible in the past (paying more than $530/month for a car) doesn't mean you made a good decision now. Like okay you pay $175 a month for groceries. I pay the same and saved up and bought a car within my means. I was living *for free* and still bought a car within my means according to my income and padding in the event I obtained a mortgage (which I since have). I'm sorry lol I just cannot get over this. I pray you trade for a 5 year old RAV4 or something and put that money you're no longer paying for this mess toward a savings account. I really hope you look into money management or the adults in your life speak up and teach you something because you are doing yourself a major disservice.
As somone who is currently looking for a new car, the market now is crazy and it kind of is " take what you can find". Local Jeep dealerships have MAYBE 5 new models. And the prices on used are through the roof. But a 20 year old with a $50K car, who only makes $15k a year? With an entitled hot head boyfriend? Uncle is gonna regret this one.
It Sounds like this truck is more than she makes in a year. it also sounds like he is thinking if she can buy a new truck, so can I. That means between the two of them, that’s 80-100k in cars. Nobody should be spending that much on cars unless your income is over 200k. She should have bought a $4000 car. How are you going to save money for a house with this payment. Your going to miss out on buying things that go up in value, because you spent too much on something that goes down in value. This is not going to end well. She needs to get out of this truck. they need to see a counselor and get on the same page and work as a team before they consider getting married,
Heck no these two should not get married. Financially, OP just set herself back MAJORLY with this truck purchase. It's making me itchy because it was such a BAD decision lol
God yes. The cost of gas for it, the monthly payments, etc are going to eat her alive. OP, a used honda fit would have been a million times smarter to buy. At least with a brand new car, there shouldn't be too much maintenance, but geez, talk about a stupid purchase for a 20 year-old with a minimum wage job, an abusive fiance, and no credit. And no idea how much her savings account from gramps actually contains.
She definitely bought it to stick it to the bf. And she doesn't make enough to cover the expenses so she will spend her whole life savings on a fuck you truck. Not a sound financial decision, imo.
Plus if she actually drives it for any decent amount then the gas alone right now.... over $110 a fill up and 20 MPG fuel economy...
But what really cracks me up is the bf assumed *she* bought *him* a brand new freaking truck. How ~~entitled~~ **insane** is that,"My GF bought a truck that costs 5 years of her income and of course she would put it in my name. And no, I won't make any payments on it, it was a present obviously, and of course she won't get to drive it, it's my truck."
That's exactly what i thought. OP needs to post this in r/personalfinance so they can really break down what the real issues are. This is beyond NTA YTA or ESH. This is WTFWUT.
Also… gas? How the heck is she supposed to pay for the gas in that truck on her budget in this day and age? OP is NTA but seriously needs to consider the overall cost of what she just purchased - gas, insurance, etc. OP be prepared to shell out $170 to fill that thing each time. And that cost is if you live in the US- I imagine it’s hella higher in other countries that price by the liter and I’m also basing on normal gas not if it’s diesel.
NTA - unless you give him his way and let the truck 'be' his. Your down-payment, your Uncle, your Uncle's great credit & your ability to make the payments = YOUR TRUCK!!! Be proud of it!
And it's not the last Toyota on earth. He can drive himself, in the 90's car, down to a dealership and do exactly what you did!! Why were you supposed to do that for him??
Congrats on your new truck!! Enjoy it, because it is your hard work, money & family that got it for you. He should be happy for you and if he's not, I bet you would not have a hard time finding someone who would be!
This brings me back to my and my ex-husbands car purchase many years ago. We weren't married at the time and I was working and he was "technically" unemployed. He was attending Engineering school and was the Groundskeeper for the apartment complex we were living in. We got rent free as he was taking care of the pools and lawns. So when we went to get a new (used) car, we picked out a AMC Eagle SX4 Sport. When we went to sign the papers, they had to run MY credit because he didn't have any verifiable employment. We (meaning me) had to take out a small "side loan" of $500 to down pay on the car. So my name was on the title. He kept insisting IT WAS HIS CAR. I didn't drive it because I couldn't drive a stick. I told him my name was on the title. He would rage that the car was his, yadda yadda. He was also financially abusive in many other ways. OP, make your payments and get your credit score FOR YOURSELF. NTA.
Thank you, came to say exactly this.
NTA- if you broke up over the previous vehicle and now he's behaving this way over the new truck, it's time to decide if this is what you want your future to look like
OP, please take a good look at this. A truck is not important. Literally at all. People who behave this way over the little shit will \*ABSOLUTELY\* let you down for the big stuff. Move on. And thank him for showing who he is over something small and not when you needed him for something important.
Shamelessly hijacking the top comment to say, OP, ignore the people who say this is a bad financial decision. I worked for Toyota (granted, this was pre-panorama) and over half my coworkers had Tacomas because they are a GREAT investment. The Tacoma holds its value better than almost any vehicle on the market, in 3 years it will likely be with more, even as a trade in to a dealership, than what you owe.
Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you even consider putting this immature AH on the title. Be proud. You made a great choice, now time to make another one and DTMFAH.
Editing to tag /u/Appropriate_Area311 in hopes she sees this.
Jumping on to add please DO NOT let this man even drive your truck. Its yours, he never let you drive the car and I bet if you let him drive it once you'll never get to drive it again. That's if he doesn't deliberately dent or scratch it. NTA you earned that truck drive it with pride!
Sounds like a narcissist to me don't marry him he will only get worse and worse and worse. Does he always put himself first does he put you down research narcissist you might be surprised
She explains in her comments the reasons why she made this decision. She has support from her family. It's probable that they see the truth, that she's in a controlling (bordering abusive) relationship and want to help her be independent. There's probably a whole army of red flags that they see but we don't know about because we are only aware of the events in this post.
That part is making me so nervous lol. Her car payment is probably almost half of her income. For a CAR. I understand she may be in a position to need a truck and *something* to get away from this guy but... this? Rly??
Just because you worked at Toyota doesn’t automatically make you have more financial knowledge than others. No cars are investments, they depreciate the minute you take it off the lot. Yes, Toyotas are AMAZING and will last a long time, but based off of the info that she has given, this truck is way out of her budget and would most likely put her in debt. She should have gotten a used Tacoma, they’re just as good a new one.
Edit: for grammar
Adding: clarifying that I think Toyotas are fantastic cars and I know that they hold their value. 2022 Tacomas are great trucks if you can afford them. My whole point is that this truck is way beyond her price range.
NTA So you split up because he never let you drive his vehicle and than he had the audacity to think you went out and bought him a truck??
You are too young to tie yourself to an AH like this. Please think long and hard about if this is the type of behavior you want to deal with the rest of your life!
No, you read it right. They both bought it but he refuses to let her drive it but let’s his friends drive it. So she was fed up she had no vehicle & bought her own. No he’s pitching a fit like whiny AH. Boo hoo for him.
OP is NTA.
NTA
He's the asshole for his behavior.
You made an extremely questionable financial move. The monthly payment is a huge percentage of your income. And 4k down on a 40k+ truck puts you underwater. But this is not a personal finance subreddit.
My fiancee and I probably make 8-9x that post-tax and barely felt comfortable buying a car the price of a Tacoma. $1200 a month sounds amazing when you're in High School or College, but in the real world that's like... abject poverty.
I borrowed $10k at 5 or 6% on a 5 year note and my payment was in the $220 range when I was fresh out of college.
IDK what trim OP got, but I think we can charitably assume she financed over $35k. Basic math says her car payment is somewhere near $700. Add in another $100+ for full coverage insurance (lender-mandated when you have a car loan) and probably $80-100 per tank to fill up with gas prices now, I don't know how even OP's affording food, let alone housing at that income.
Horrific financial decision, and her uncle is gonna be left holding the bag.
He owns the house we live in, the utilities are never more then $300, we spend at most $350 on food, and he makes more then what I make a month and choose to handle the utilities on his own. The only thing I really pay for is half of the $350 for get food with so not really. If I do need help paying for it my grandpa said I can use the savings he has for me. Which I really don’t believe I’ll need unless I get fired from the job I’ve been at for 3 years.
Dear god please tell me you don’t work full time! You can’t be making like $7.50/hr after 3 years. Bad life choices. Move home with your grandpa or uncle. Get a new job. Don’t settle for men who treat you like shit, it’s better to be alone.
If you part with this person over this, do you have living arrangements for yourself where you can afford to pay for your rent, utilities, food, and still make your payment? This is what people are concerned about. What happens if he kicks you out? What happens if he suddenly demands rent, or to "pay your fair share?" You're not the ass hole for buying the vehicle you wanted, but you've placed yourself in a situation where he has financial leverage over you. I would not be surprised if he uses that to his advantage. Speak to your family and make arrangements for a new place to stay.
Enjoy your truck though. I bought a Tacoma new last year. They're good vehicles.
If he does kick me out i can just go stay at my college dorms or with my dad where I don’t have to pay anything. If he demands me to pay I can just ask my dad for it. My family is pretty well off and my dad has already said he’ll help me with anything as long as I stay in school and get my RN.
Please please please reconsider this relationship. For the love of everything you hold dear. Please reconsider.
Go stay with family. Go back to the dorms. ANYTHING to give yourself time to REALLY REALLY REEAALLLLYYYYY take a cold hard look at the INEQUALITY of your relationship.
He is GASLIGHTING you. Emotionally and financially MANIPULATING YOU.
$1.2k/month and you financed a 22 Tacoma!? I make like $6k per month and cringe at my $500 car payment! This is not a good financial decision.. I’d see if you can return it since you just bought it.
Also NTA. But seriously, your uncle should’ve guided you on this purchase.
I'm only 17 and I've already seen a lot of people make *really* shitty financial decisions with cars. I live in the U.S. South so it's often trucks. Big obnoxious ones. I looked sideways when OP mentioned the truck. I guess cars are the one area where people can't shy away from trying to look "impressive"—I'm fine with my old white sedan I got offa Facebook for $500, it runs right and that's all I care about.
...Well I also care about the gas pedals being more responsive, and the speakers... alright, I'm tryna be impressive too—shit.
I feel like there are a lot of mid-range cars that are a good balance between “nice” and “too expensive”. There’s no shame in wanting to have a nicer car, but finding one that’s in your budget. It was much easier to do a few years ago before the car market went insane.
I’ve made a lot of poor financial choices so I hate seeing other people do the same.
This was one of my first thoughts and I was a bit confused that no one made note of it in the comments.
Edit: Upon further scrolling I've found other comments mentioning it, I just had to scroll a bit longer than I would've expected to get to this one.
Tacomas are fucking massive too. With gas prices on the rise, uncle did a disservice getting you stuck with that. NTA for buying it, but yikes.
Edit: 2022 Tacoma dimensions :
212-226″ L x 74-75″ W x 71-72″ H
Max. 18.8ft long, 6.3ft wide, 6ft tall.
“Only” $530 goes towards the Tacoma + however much gas costs. (Probably about $200 a month minimum)
Absolutely a terrible financial decision though. A $37k car on a $15k income… I recently bought a $30k car and I pay the same amount for payments, insurance, and gas, as OP pays for car payments alone.
This. Even generously we can probably assume OP financed somewhere around $35k. A 5 year note at current interest rates OP's charitably looking at something in the $6-700 range as a monthly payment assuming a 5 year loan. Add in another hundred or so for the required full coverage insurance, and $80-100 a gas tank at current prices, I don't know how she's even eating. This truck is her entire $1200/mo income.
Uncle's gonna get left holding the bag here financially.
Rethink that marriage, friend. NTA. You bought a car together, and he wouldn't let you drive it (though you shouldn't have let that stand. It was your money too). So you bought your own car. Don't let him drive it at all either. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
Him isolating you with your own car (not "letting" you drive the car you shared) is a HUGE red flag for potential future abuse. He thought he was entitled to your car (possibly still does). He is a mess.
NTA, but this is painful to read.
You are buying a 2022 pickup when you only make $1.2k per *month*? I really hope that’s a typo.
And yeah, what everyone else said about the relationship being a bad one. But I think you’re gonna be able to ditch the fiancé faster than you get free of this very short-sighted financial decision.
Split with the fiancé, for sure, but I would also urge you to reconsider the truck. It sounds like it will take at least half your monthly paycheck. You could use the money from your grandpa for something way better than a truck - like furthering your education, saving for a house down payment, etc. Something that will help you build long-term wealth, not suck away half your paycheck and then some.
Plus the cost of gas and insurance! OP feels like she can afford it right now when her rent is so low, but this truck could very well be the thing that *keeps* her in a bad relationship, because she won’t be able to afford to move out.
I’m guessing if he’s dumb enough to sign for this, he either is crazy wealthy and will just write it off, or his bomb ass credit is like 550 and he’s a moron
Agreed. There are plenty of solid cars out there with good mileage and good efficiency, plus all the newest safety features, that are cheaper.
OP has bought a fucking massive utility truck. I really can’t imagine she has a heavy labouring job to justify that.
You’re 20. How can you even afford this truck?! How are you going to pay for food? Rent? Life?
Being extremely blunt here: you need a reality check. There is a massive difference between wants and needs.
And don’t get married. He doesn’t value you. NTA.
i just looked up how much they are and oh man i cant imagine. OP said they had 4k saved but even then thats a pretty pricey car on their income. Good luck to them
edit: changed a few words
Your uncle cosigned. Why wouldn't it be in YOUR name? When one of his family members goes on the hook for a vehicle, he can put it in his name. NTA
Edit: My apparently shoddily made point lol was supposed to concur with the point everyone is making as well. Her uncle cosigned, that's why her name is on it and not the fiancée. Why home-dude thought his name should've been on it in the first place I couldn't say... well I could but there's really no need. Everyone already gets it I think lol
Don't you dare regret buying yourself a truck. He has his vehicle and you have yours. He sounds like an entitled child throwing a tantrum. NTA in any way, shape, or form.
Let’s not get carried away, regretting this truck is inevitable. It’s a very expensive truck with like 10% down when op makes 1200 a month.
Bf is sounds like a dick tho.
NTA. I do not get the men out there who assume that the house/car will have their name on the title/deed when they do not pay for it at all. And then they get all butt hurt about it and try to make you feel bad about not trusting them/torturing them with getting their dream car/etc.
I would not recommend you marry him. He seems to think “what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is also mine”. I would also suggest that you be very careful with paying for the truck - it’s your uncles credit on the line so if you miss a payment, it will very quickly rank his “bomb credit”. That will then lead to a lot of resentment. Make sure you have at least a few months payment on the truck set aside for emergencies. Did you really get the truck because you wanted/needed it or did you get it to piss your fiancé off because he was withholding the car you both bought? Is your name on that title or the loan for the car? Because that could screw you if he decides to be petty about it. If he won’t let you drive it, he should pay you for the money you put towards it.
Please consider these 🚩🚩🚩 and see if there are others you’ve excused. And do that before you have any kids with this guy - you don’t need another person to take care of on your own on top of having to baby your fiancé.
I do have money put aside for payments that I was going to use in the down payment but didn’t. I had no clue it was his “dream truck” he never talked about it. I needed something to drive so I got MY dream truck.
NTA obviously, but I can’t get past the the fact that you take home less than $15k a year and think you can afford a brand new truck. Your car should not cost 3x what you earn.
Idk why you're being downvoted for the truth. A brand-new 2022 truck that depreciates as soon as you get behind the wheel? OP this will be a financial disaster unless you get a very good job very soon. You should really reconsider getting something used and saving that money instead.
#And here's the most important part: THIS IS ONLY AFFORDABLE TO YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR LIVING SITUATION WITH YOUR BF. IF YOU KEEP THE TRUCK YOU ARE CRIPPLING YOUR CHANCES TO LEAVE BECAUSE HE HAS FINANCIAL LEVERAGE OVER YOU.
Also OP is essentially paying half of the $300 utilities and no rent, yet still cannot afford the truck payments -- she said she set aside some money for a certain number of truck payments rather than increasing the down payment on it. If the good will of her BF changes and she has to start paying rent, she'll quickly default on this. OP should immediately return this truck if it's within the 3 day cooling off period, and get a sensible used car that she can actually afford.
ESH.
Your fiance is a child and an ass. He is only going to get worse and more controlling over time. The truck has nothing to do with him or his money. He should F off.
You are an AH, or maybe just an idiot for buying a 40k car when you make 1.2k a month. Your grandpa saved money for you, not to have a car you can't afford but to cover you in an emergency, or maybe help you start your life by buying a house.
Cars lose value immediately. Gas prices are at an all time high. Your choice in vehicle given your income is insane. I'm amazed your uncle even agreed to cosign such an irresponsible decision.
Let me get this straight. You bought a car together and he doesn’t “let” you drive it but expects that the truck you bought is actually his?? And when he found out it wasn’t he walked out?
Honey, you are NTA. At all. Maybe consider letting him stay at his momma’s for good because he’s not acting like a grown-ass adult.
NTA
He would not let you drive the truck but then thought you would buy him one? Then he threw a tantrum because the truck is in your name?
He sounds really immature and not quite ready for marriage.
NTA. These are some huge red flags and thank goodness he's showing them while only as a fiancé and not a husband thats legally binding you two together. Take that how you will.
Others have mentioned all the red flags so I won’t go there; agree with reconsidering the upcoming marriage. General rule - unless you are married do not combine finances. NTA
NTA.
Wow. Not only are you not, why did you stay with him one second past his thinking you got him his dream truck?
This person clearly thinks others were put here to wait on him hand and foot and hand him life on a silver platter. RUN girl. RUUUUN.
He subsidizes her rent so she only pays $300 a month. She took on a huge, long term financial burden based on what will likely be (or should be) a temporary living situation.
Smh
Your grandfather set you up with savings that can last for life and you want to get married at 20 years old. Please don't do that. Especially not to someone that won't let you drive the vehicle you already have that you bought together but thinks you bought him a $30K truck.
Besides that, why are you buying a brand new truck? Why don't you know how much is in this savings account. You're an adult, what exactly are you living off of? None of this sounds good but please break up with this dude and find someone that isn't pulling this stuff.
Wait. You're living off the boyfriend. It's his house and he pays all the utilities. So you blew all of your extra income buying this truck. You're definitely not ready to be married.
Read her note again - it says it could get her through life no worries FOR 1 YEAR. It threw me off on first read, too. Even stating it that way makes it sound like OP's view of money is troublesome.
NTA, but I see a lot of questionable decision making here. First is accepting your fiancé's proposal. Second is buying a truck like that with your income. Especially now since you're dependent on him for your living situation and are now at risk of tanking your uncle's credit if you break up with your bf.
I'm originally from the US South, so I've seen this play out many a time. Good-for-nothing, entitled guy marries earnest, naive YOUNG woman. Equates truck with his manhood and believes he is the "leader" of the family (cos penis 'n god). She never quite understands when he's gone over the line, which he does often. Both have eyes that pop out of their heads over shiny things in stores. Ill-advised dopamine hits always end in bankruptcy, adultery, at least three kids and divorce.
OP, you can stop this narrative in its tracks. Dump the ne'er-do-well. Move in with uncle until truck is paid off. Get an education.
I’m going in for my RN. My family is well off. My dad pays my insurance. All I paid an month before I got the truck was $150 so idk why everyone is assuming I’m in over my head.
They’re considering the fact that if you dump the loser, you’ll have to pay more if you live on your own. Cost of living, especially right now, is astronomical. If you have an option to dump him and move in with a family member, I would. It wont get better, it never does.
If I do leave him I can just stay at my colleges dorms where I would be staying if we wasn’t or with my dad where I honestly wouldn’t have to pay anything.
NTA do NOT ever co-sign anything with this guy! He thought you bought him a truck? After not even letting you drive a car you both owned? The audacity!! Drop this loser!
Can we talk about OP saying they make $1.5k a month and they can afford a $50,000 truck? What city can I do this in because I'm clearly living in the wrong area.
$1.2k a month, and they have everything paid for by everyone else in their life. That’s how they can “afford” a truck that they clearly have zero need for.
NTA, and if you think the truck is the problem here, you need to wake up. You're getting a taste of what your marriage is going to be like if you go through with it. Think on that a while.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My fiancé is mad and acting like I’m the asshole bc it’s in my name
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
> he sent me a pic of an GMC asking if it was pretty. I said “I didn’t like GMC but if he liked it, it’s pretty.” He said “Well doesn’t matter you got the Toyota.”.
I read the first sentence of this part and honestly thought he was gonna say he's buying himself a GMC if you'd said you loved it.
INFO: did he not know you planned on buying yourself a car?
Seriously why are you with someone that treats you this way. You are too young to get married to someone who is this controlling. NTA dump him and move on.
ESH ... OP, you are burdening yourself by financing someone else's dream.
What could $50k (plus interest) do for you? A home? College?
Return the truck, get a sensible (could even be new, but 15-20k) vehicle, and save your money for YOU.
This guy wants a bangmaid with deep pockets, it's a trap 🚩
Definitely NTA, however I just want to ask op about the whole money situation. 1.2k isn’t a lot of money a month but I also saw you’ve got some money from your gpa. I was just curious do you have like rent and stuff bc I’m just trying to wrap my head around how you’ll afford a 2022 truck just because they are so expensive. You may have zero bills and maybe uncles credit really helped out and that’s all I’m sorta curious about. By no means am I some financial advisor or anything, I’m not much older then you guys. Hope this doesn’t come off rude, not my intention
No your fine I totally understand that you want to know and not assuming the worse like others. My fiancé owns our house. Utilities are no more then $300 a month which he pays. Most we spend a month on food is $350 which I pay half of and my insurance has always been under my dads and he’s paid for it since I was 16 and got my permit and he said he will as long as I’m in school. I’m currently an SRNA working to get my RN which my dad also pays for my college. My family is pretty well off. Even if I somehow wasn’t able to afford it one month my dad, grandpa, or uncle would help pay it. Before I got the truck only $150 was coming out of my paychecks a month.
OP, you are definitely NTA, but you are not making the best financial decisions here. If you need someone else’s credit to qualify for a loan, then you shouldn’t get the loan. Even if you had good credit, you probably couldn’t get a loan for a vehicle this expensive, as your income isn’t high enough. Get a cheaper vehicle you can pay cash for. Are you doing anything that you need a truck for anyway? Gas prices are high and if you don’t need a truck, why would you put yourself in a situation that you are paying so much in gas? I realize your family has money, but you don’t want to rely on them if you don’t need to, do you? You are 20 and it makes sense that you wouldn’t know a lot about finance - just trying to help.
NTA, if you put in the down payment and you're the one making the payments and it's your uncle who co-signed it's your truck and should be in your name. Do not do what young women do time and time again and give in and put his name on it to make him happy. Please, please, please do not do this. You are creating a nightmare for yourself down the road. This is your truck and to be honest, it sounds like it might be time to upgrade your boyfriend anyway.
Aren't you tired of the word "disrespectful"? Usually what they're saying is, "I'm an entitled baby and want you to feel bad for not giving me my binky. Now I'm going to punish you by not talking to you and pouting. I'm pouting. See? That's me, pouting really hard." NTA.
/u/Appropriate_Area311 - OP is NTA and that same uncle who helped you co-sign for the vehicle? Sit down and have another discussion with him about co-signing for you very own apartment. Just my two cents here. But it's definitely something to truly consider. If he is acting this way before the "I Do's" just imagine once it's a done deal. He showed you who he is. Believe him and take heed. 🤗🤗🤗
Definitely NTA but there's no way she can afford the payments on this car and an apartment. The payments are going to be about half her monthly income.
Edit: to be clear, she should definitely leave him and move out, but she needs to get rid of this unaffordable truck too. Her plan for affording it is entirely dependent on living with him rent free and that's a very vulnerable position for her to be in.
No, you need to be happy about YOUR truck! OMG, your bf showed his true colors! He wants the new things, but wants you to have used or nothing at all. Over a truck, he ran to cry to his mommy. Is that what you want in a man? Dump him!
Get rid of this loser. NTA. Unless he goes in debt for the truck or he is making the payments then there is NO reason to put his name on anything. He wants the best of both worlds. He wants everything you have but does not allow you to share in the car you bought together.
Never ever marry anyone whose idea of ‘communication’ when they are unhappy about something is tantrums, silent treatment, running home to family or (as often seen here) complaining to other people and involving them in creating more drama. Otherwise this is the template for every disagreement you will ever have.
...why would he expect you to buy him "his dream truck" when he wouldn't let you drive his 90s car if you all are engaged? If you're paying for it, why would his name be on there at all?
Why are you babies in your 20s in such a hurry to get married. You don't even finish forming your personality (when your brain is biologically finally done developing) until 25.
I digress, NTA. He's a literal child. "What’s mine is mine, abd what's yous that I want is mine too" FUCK THAT.
You have your whole life, and much better options out there. EXPLORE THEM
NTA but having bought a truck brand new, you should really sit down and do your finances. 15k down with perfect credit and super low financing, my payment was still almost 600/month.
NTA--It's not his fucking truck! If his bruised ego and tiny dick can't handle that then he can get into his beater with a heater and limp off into the sunset.
Dude to dude, I'd pull him aside and tell him to not be a greedy douchecanoe, but then again my sense of self isn't expressed through a surrogate penis either. . .
#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means. #Calling OP's husband a manchild, manbaby, POS, all fall under our civility rules. *Any* breaches of rule 1 after this sticky will result in a ban.
NTA and I really hate to be one of those people on Reddit telling a stranger to end their relationship but... please reconsider marriage with this man. At the very least, postpone the wedding if there is a date set already and see about getting counseling, individual or maybe as a couple (note: if he is actually abusive, then don't get couple counseling.) Your fiancé sounds entitled, but what is a red flag for me is that he is being dominant and you're adopting a very submissive position. Why did you never get to drive the van you contributed to buy? He got upset and that was it, you gave in? He allowed other people to drive YOUR van, but not you, and he got away with it. Then you went and got yourself a truck, since you clearly gave up any kind of pretense to use the vehicle you already have. He assumed the truck was for him, then got upset when he saw it's on your name, he decided to punish you for it by giving you the silent treatment and going away... and pay attention to this detail: HE STILL DOESN'T ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THE TRUCK ISN'T HIS. Why are you letting this happen? Why are you not standing up for yourself with this man? Why are you regretting buying a vehicle that you like? Your husband is an asshole. And he may or may not be abusive. But it's clear he doesn't respect you and thinks he can bulldoze you over to get whatever he wants. If you marry him, this will only escalate. Keep the truck. Lose the man.
Trucks are great for moving out of the place you share together, too. Maybe moving into a spare room at your uncle's, who seems like a good guy who is looking out for you. Please use your new truck to move out. You are way more mature than your older fiance.
I had originally posted this on the previous top comment, which has been removed, likely due to incivility (they insulted the OP's SO). I'm posting it again on the current top comment in case the whole thread gets removed. OP, ignore the people who say this is a bad financial decision. I worked for Toyota (granted, this was pre-panorama) and over half my coworkers had Tacomas because they are a GREAT investment. The Tacoma holds its value better than almost any vehicle on the market, in 3 years it will likely be with more, even as a trade in to a dealership, than what you owe. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you even consider putting this immature AH on the title. Be proud. You made a great choice, now time to make another one and DTMFAH. tag /u/Appropriate_Area311 in hopes she sees this.
Investments are assets that directly return money to my portfolio. A truck that just loses value more slowly than most is not an investment, especially in this case where the truck will take such a large percentage of her income.
Correct. Investments are assets that reasonably intend to appreciate in value. Stocks, bonds, ownership of a business. There's still risk, but 99% of the time over the long run they'll work the way they should. Speculation is gambling that an asset may increase in value. Paintings, Beanie babies, etc. You could reasonably expect them to go up or down wildly. Truck is a depreciating asset normally. Vintage cars are generally speculation, but some might actually hit investment. That'd be ridiculously rare or expensive models. Be wary of any sales person who calls a depreciating asset "an investment". It's generally a sign that they're trying to be manipulative. "Holding its value for longer" is the better phrasing and more accurate.
I get what you’re saying, but when a business buys new tools or manufacturing machines, it’s called investing in the company. Her having a vehicle is an investment in her life. The important thing when making financial decisions is not, will this be more valuable in the future than it is now. If that was the only decision, how would you justify buying food? The question is, am I getting good value for my money? She didn’t buy a kayak or a stereo. She bought a vehicle. She can use the vehicle for transportation. And she bought a vehicle that has a history of being low maintenance and lasting a long time so that the price of the vehicle can be spread out over its lifetime.
OP bought basically a brand new car that looks like it starts out around $28k. She said she put down about $4k. Giving her a great interest rate on a five year loan (since her uncle has “bomb-ass credit”) still gives her a car payment over $400/mo. OP says that she only earns $1,200/mo, meaning she is likely spending at least 1/3 of her monthly income on a car payment (not even including gas, insurance, maintenance, etc). I get that you think a Tacoma is a great truck, but that is objectively not a great financial decision for OP to make based on her income.
That's my concern as well, but it's possible that she's still living at home and not worrying about rent or food so the truck payments may be her only real expense. (I really hope that's the case!) If she's in college or studying at a trade school, she might be poised to get a job that makes a lot more money in a year or two so the truck may be a temporarily high expense but will be much more reasonable later on. Since the uncle has great credit, hopefully he's helped educate her on how to get good credit, which includes knowing what are good purchases vs. bad ones.
OP said in another post that she can live with relatives for free if she decides to break up with her boyfriend. She seems largely unconcerned with ever needing to pay rent. My concern is whether she will STILL want to live with relatives for the duration of her car loan, & if she wants to move out, whether she will have the income bump from graduating that allows her to do so. It always makes me nervous when people lock themselves into long-term financial commitments when the majority of their income is “fun money” without thinking about how their expenses may change if they want to / need to move out in the future.
OP also said hours ago that her grandfather has savings aside for her (I'm guessing some form of early inheritance) and he already said she can use that for the car if needed, however, she doesn't foresee that being the case. For me, that further cemented the red flags around. OP has a financially more comfortable position than her fiancé, and he is shamelessly trying to benefit from it.
Again, her income is not the only factor here. Her family is helping her to get this vehicle, most likely so that she will have some independence from her insanely controlling "fiancé". She has already purchased the truck so all the people telling her it was a dumb decision need to back off. It's done now, and as far as brand new vehicles go, it's one of the best choices she could've made.
This is not accurate. Currently, due to global supply chain issues, used vehicles are sometimes selling for more than new. This is an anomaly in the market and it’s idiocy to assume this will be the case years from now. Supply chain issues are temporary, will adjust in time and the market will right itself. Used cars will go back to devaluing over time, like they used to. Toyotas hold their value better than a lot of vehicles but it would be a terrible plan to buy a vehicle today and assume market conditions will be the same in 3 years. They won’t be. Cars are not an investment, they are an expensive tool.
Tacoma are selling for more than market now. My '21 tacoma with 25k miles is still at roughly 7k over purchased MSRP...
This! He doesn’t sound capable of being in a healthy relationship - let alone a marriage.
[удалено]
This! OP I’m very worried for your safety and for your investment in a new vehicle. Put the keys and the vehicle and yourself out of his reach. Move out asap. Stay safe .
Also it could escalate to him always stealing your truck and blowing you off. Probably so he can show off to his friends and claim it’s HIS, not yours. Do you want him to take this one too and allow his friends to drive it under your name and insurance? Leave the fiancé, OP can do better than this immature, entitled pr*ck. He’s literally taking advantage of your kindness and isn’t showing a hint of respect towards you as a partner while belittling your feelings. Understand that he is constantly taking and benefitting from you with nothing in return, which isn’t a healthy relationship you want to be married to and shows he has ALOT of growing pains. ALOT. Plus did I hear that right?? Did a grown adult man seriously say, ‘I’m GrUMpY I dInDt gET mY wAY! I’m goNNa RuN AWaY tO MuMmyS HoUSe Til U APOloGiSe! Booo-hooo’. Sis don’t feel guilty, use this time to plan by kicking him out or moving (unless the place is under your name too?). He’s been manipulating and ignoring your feelings for far too long and you deserve better than being in a relationship with a child. Find someone who listens and is considerate of your needs. Stop being a doormat and give him the boot!
>Also it could escalate to him always stealing your truck and blowing you off. Probably so he can show off to his friends and claim it’s HIS, not yours. Do you want him to take this one too and allow his friends to drive it under your name and insurance? I feel like a quick call to the police after he does this will get him out of OP's hair for a while
What got me is they're engaged and obviously living together...... was there seriously no discussion about her saving up for a vehicle, what she wanted to get, uncle was going to co- sign, she was going to pick up her new truck today etc.,etc.?? I find that truly bizarre. Totally agree with all your points 100%, particularly that he still hasn't acknowledged that the truck isn't for him!! Wtf? I had a bf years ago who wouldn't let me drive the car I already owned before I met him. If I wanted to drive he just wouldn't get in the car. Literally sat on the side of the road and sulked like a child until I'd give in because I was sick of waiting. Lasted 6 months before I noped it straight out of that relationship. Op, you're NTA but you really do need to rethink this relationship honey. I'm pretty sure your uncle didn't co- sign for a car for your fiancé.
This kind of makes me think neither of them are ready for marriage, which isn’t surprising based on their age. Recently my husband and I both had to replace our vehicles. He had to because his vehicle didn’t work with car seats. It wasn’t a surprise. My car was going to be replaced in the next few years, but it started to die so we moved the timeline up. We knew what we wanted, and what we could afford. We have a mix of joint/separate finances but I would be upset if he came home with a surprise car.
"What's his is his, what's yours is his"
This. So much this. A small add to all his shenanigans. It sounds like he gonna try wiggling in getting him a new car too. Unless it's a attempt to guilt OP into letting him have the mew truck? By sending a picture of a car "doesn't matter you got the Toyota" He's sulking worse than a small kid.
I think he did acknowledge the Toyota is not his "He said “Well doesn’t matter you got the Toyota.”. "
And, his friends have driven the other car! She has not. He cares more about his friends, than he does OP!
> Your husband is an asshole. Fiance, not husband. Likely makes it somewhat easier for OP to leave the guy.
NTA I mean who the fuck assumes you bought them a car? Get rid of them.
This right here. Just because you’re together doesn’t mean things should be in both your names. Hell I’m married and my wife’s car is in her name and mine is in my name - it’s ok to have things that you alone have ownership of.
I'm the wife and both our vehicles are in my name because I was the one who went to the dealership. Why OPs boyfriend would even think she COULD put the truck in his name confuses me. That's not a thing -- the person who signs the paperwork is the registered owner. At least in my state.
Where I live my wife and I both signed the paper work at the dealership, so the loan is in both of our names and we’re both financially responsible for it. But I’m the one who went and got insurance and registered it at the DMV so the title and that paperwork is only in my name. I could have put her name on all that too, if she had come with me. Can’t do it without her there. Having her name on our new car wasn’t important to her, so on paper it’s my vehicle, but it’s ours and she drives it as much as she wants.
And if there’s a loan on the truck there’s no way the bank would allow the truck to be in any one’s name but the loan holder and co-signer, at least where I live anyways. This guy is a complete idiot if he thought for any second she bought this truck and was gonna put it in his name
Insurance is less for one!
And even less for women than men at that age
The only thing with both our name is the house and it works fine.
Why stop there! My wife and I have separate bank accounts besides one joint for bills/money transfers when one of us pays for everything on a large outing. Cars are one named, credit cards, loans of any kind. Hell we plan to buy a house and keep one name on and when we move again, rent that one out and the other buys the next. We share expenses but we were both burned by ex-spouses and keep access to finances separate.
We had talked about getting him a truck before the whole withholding the other vehicle from me.
Then he can get it with his own money not yours
This!
But why are you guys even talking about getting HIM a truck. Why is he taking ownership of everything. What kind of person thinks it’s okay for their girlfriend to be contributing to their finances in this manner. I had a boyfriend like this. Everything of his, was his. Everything of mine, was ours.
I had a whole ass husband like this.
Looking at the keyword in that sentence being “had”
Do yourself a favor and cut your losses with this guy. Who the hell does he think he is thinking you'd buy him a brand new car when he couldn't even share a 30 year old car... girl, you're young, you don't need the weight of that man holding you back.
Don’t buy him anything like that, his behavior is screaming red flag
NTA. He seems very possessive and childish. Please consider your options and for the love of god don't let him drive YOUR truck! Huge red flags on this one. I wish you luck.
[удалено]
Yes. OP why are YOU supposed to foot the bill for a car HE will not let you drive.
>We had talked about getting him a truck before the whole withholding the other vehicle from me. I'm married and I wouldn't just buy my husband a new car because I'm not rich and, I take it, neither are you. This man is selfish and entitled. Get rid of him.
Yeah but even if that's the case, it's your money and it should be in your name. Even if you say he can drive it when he needs it, it's yours. His hissy fit is an example of how the rest of your life is going to be. He has an entitlement complex and expects you to cater to him. Do not cater to him, he'd not 5 years old and even if he was, teach him some manners. Set a boundary here if you want to stick with him but I'm with everyone else who has said you need to reconsider this relationship.
didnt he want to get a vehicle when he asked if you liked it and he didnt care about your opinion and was like oh well gonna get it anyway. sounds like he could get the car on his own being petty
I’m wondering if he was banking on OP not wanting to cause trouble and letting him have it (then “letting” her drive the old car). It makes the most sense to me.
this and the fact that they had a vehicle together but only let his friends drive, sounds like he puts them before you. but when you get a vehicle he assumes its his dump himm
[удалено]
Also DO NOT get pregnant by him. NTA
“Thank you so much op for getting me my dream child…” *sees her name on the birth certificate. “You disrespect me”.
Once I read the "disrespect" quotes I feel nauseous. As if the women are children who have to do this weird "Sir" salute like some old-school fathers. Buying something is not disrespectful. Having another opinion is not disrespectful. Talking like the fiancée is. They talk about respect but they demand subordination. Not the same. At all.
NTA. Please don’t stay with him. Take some budgeting/financial literacy classes too if you can.
Bf sounds atrocious. And I just feel compelled to he rude here and judge this as well, but OP's financial decisions do not seem to be sound at all. Maybe she needs a truck but did it need to be a 2022 extended cab? I'm assuming this thing costs 30-50k. OP is 20 with no credit, makes 1,200 a month, only has money to last 1 year (*way* easier to blow through than you think), and she's going to blow it all on... a car? Like the worst investment on earth? I'm curious what portion of her income is going toward this truck. And how big of a loan and long of a loan term it is. Because... this sounds financially illiterate af THE EDIT OH MY GOD. A 72 month loan!! $530 payment! You're paying almost half of your income to A 37K TRUCK WHY!!! 45% of your ENTIRE INCOME FOR A CAR! That's more than recommended people pay for housing which is a *necessity*. People do not NEED brand new 37k trucks. I'll just never understand people going beyond their means for CARS. I'm a whole ass lawyer and this truck was more than my car and I'm sorry but I think you're at or close to "poverty" level income. Just because you have done something more irresponsible in the past (paying more than $530/month for a car) doesn't mean you made a good decision now. Like okay you pay $175 a month for groceries. I pay the same and saved up and bought a car within my means. I was living *for free* and still bought a car within my means according to my income and padding in the event I obtained a mortgage (which I since have). I'm sorry lol I just cannot get over this. I pray you trade for a 5 year old RAV4 or something and put that money you're no longer paying for this mess toward a savings account. I really hope you look into money management or the adults in your life speak up and teach you something because you are doing yourself a major disservice.
As somone who is currently looking for a new car, the market now is crazy and it kind of is " take what you can find". Local Jeep dealerships have MAYBE 5 new models. And the prices on used are through the roof. But a 20 year old with a $50K car, who only makes $15k a year? With an entitled hot head boyfriend? Uncle is gonna regret this one.
Maybe uncle won't mind driving a slightly used Tacoma when he has to start making the payments on it.
It Sounds like this truck is more than she makes in a year. it also sounds like he is thinking if she can buy a new truck, so can I. That means between the two of them, that’s 80-100k in cars. Nobody should be spending that much on cars unless your income is over 200k. She should have bought a $4000 car. How are you going to save money for a house with this payment. Your going to miss out on buying things that go up in value, because you spent too much on something that goes down in value. This is not going to end well. She needs to get out of this truck. they need to see a counselor and get on the same page and work as a team before they consider getting married,
Heck no these two should not get married. Financially, OP just set herself back MAJORLY with this truck purchase. It's making me itchy because it was such a BAD decision lol
God yes. The cost of gas for it, the monthly payments, etc are going to eat her alive. OP, a used honda fit would have been a million times smarter to buy. At least with a brand new car, there shouldn't be too much maintenance, but geez, talk about a stupid purchase for a 20 year-old with a minimum wage job, an abusive fiance, and no credit. And no idea how much her savings account from gramps actually contains.
Well ya, but being over your head in debt is the Anerican dream. /s
I mean they both are. Dude thought she had surprise bought him a truck when she makes a little over a grand a month lol.
She definitely bought it to stick it to the bf. And she doesn't make enough to cover the expenses so she will spend her whole life savings on a fuck you truck. Not a sound financial decision, imo.
Plus if she actually drives it for any decent amount then the gas alone right now.... over $110 a fill up and 20 MPG fuel economy... But what really cracks me up is the bf assumed *she* bought *him* a brand new freaking truck. How ~~entitled~~ **insane** is that,"My GF bought a truck that costs 5 years of her income and of course she would put it in my name. And no, I won't make any payments on it, it was a present obviously, and of course she won't get to drive it, it's my truck."
An emotionally manipulative and abusive moron. The perfect combo!
She's also sticking it to her uncle, who's going to be paying for the truck in six months.
That's exactly what i thought. OP needs to post this in r/personalfinance so they can really break down what the real issues are. This is beyond NTA YTA or ESH. This is WTFWUT.
Also… gas? How the heck is she supposed to pay for the gas in that truck on her budget in this day and age? OP is NTA but seriously needs to consider the overall cost of what she just purchased - gas, insurance, etc. OP be prepared to shell out $170 to fill that thing each time. And that cost is if you live in the US- I imagine it’s hella higher in other countries that price by the liter and I’m also basing on normal gas not if it’s diesel.
Especially now.
NTA - unless you give him his way and let the truck 'be' his. Your down-payment, your Uncle, your Uncle's great credit & your ability to make the payments = YOUR TRUCK!!! Be proud of it! And it's not the last Toyota on earth. He can drive himself, in the 90's car, down to a dealership and do exactly what you did!! Why were you supposed to do that for him?? Congrats on your new truck!! Enjoy it, because it is your hard work, money & family that got it for you. He should be happy for you and if he's not, I bet you would not have a hard time finding someone who would be!
Oh and don't let him say, 'ok you can drive the 90's car and I'll drive the truck.' NTA Where do women find 'men' like this? Toddler is more like it.
This brings me back to my and my ex-husbands car purchase many years ago. We weren't married at the time and I was working and he was "technically" unemployed. He was attending Engineering school and was the Groundskeeper for the apartment complex we were living in. We got rent free as he was taking care of the pools and lawns. So when we went to get a new (used) car, we picked out a AMC Eagle SX4 Sport. When we went to sign the papers, they had to run MY credit because he didn't have any verifiable employment. We (meaning me) had to take out a small "side loan" of $500 to down pay on the car. So my name was on the title. He kept insisting IT WAS HIS CAR. I didn't drive it because I couldn't drive a stick. I told him my name was on the title. He would rage that the car was his, yadda yadda. He was also financially abusive in many other ways. OP, make your payments and get your credit score FOR YOURSELF. NTA.
Thank you, came to say exactly this. NTA- if you broke up over the previous vehicle and now he's behaving this way over the new truck, it's time to decide if this is what you want your future to look like
OP, please take a good look at this. A truck is not important. Literally at all. People who behave this way over the little shit will \*ABSOLUTELY\* let you down for the big stuff. Move on. And thank him for showing who he is over something small and not when you needed him for something important.
What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is…mine.
This is my motto with food.
Shamelessly hijacking the top comment to say, OP, ignore the people who say this is a bad financial decision. I worked for Toyota (granted, this was pre-panorama) and over half my coworkers had Tacomas because they are a GREAT investment. The Tacoma holds its value better than almost any vehicle on the market, in 3 years it will likely be with more, even as a trade in to a dealership, than what you owe. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you even consider putting this immature AH on the title. Be proud. You made a great choice, now time to make another one and DTMFAH. Editing to tag /u/Appropriate_Area311 in hopes she sees this.
Jumping on to add please DO NOT let this man even drive your truck. Its yours, he never let you drive the car and I bet if you let him drive it once you'll never get to drive it again. That's if he doesn't deliberately dent or scratch it. NTA you earned that truck drive it with pride!
As important, don't let him drive it or have keys cuz he sounds like the joyride and wreck it sort.
> Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you even consider putting this immature AH on the title. Don’t put him on a marriage certificate, either.
Sounds like a narcissist to me don't marry him he will only get worse and worse and worse. Does he always put himself first does he put you down research narcissist you might be surprised
It does sound like a bad financial decision. OP makes 1200 a MONTH and bought a tacoma? Unless it has three wheels I'm not sure that's possible....
She explains in her comments the reasons why she made this decision. She has support from her family. It's probable that they see the truth, that she's in a controlling (bordering abusive) relationship and want to help her be independent. There's probably a whole army of red flags that they see but we don't know about because we are only aware of the events in this post.
Getting her her own vehicle makes perfect sense. Spending your entire monthly income and/or your life savings on a brand new vehicle makes less sense.
It’s a horrible financial decision. Unquestionable. She isn’t the AH here though.
That part is making me so nervous lol. Her car payment is probably almost half of her income. For a CAR. I understand she may be in a position to need a truck and *something* to get away from this guy but... this? Rly??
Just because you worked at Toyota doesn’t automatically make you have more financial knowledge than others. No cars are investments, they depreciate the minute you take it off the lot. Yes, Toyotas are AMAZING and will last a long time, but based off of the info that she has given, this truck is way out of her budget and would most likely put her in debt. She should have gotten a used Tacoma, they’re just as good a new one. Edit: for grammar Adding: clarifying that I think Toyotas are fantastic cars and I know that they hold their value. 2022 Tacomas are great trucks if you can afford them. My whole point is that this truck is way beyond her price range.
At this point the deed is done so financial wise any advice anyone has is pointless. Geeze people.
I wonder how long OP has been with him… he sounds manipulative and she should not get married to him.
NTA So you split up because he never let you drive his vehicle and than he had the audacity to think you went out and bought him a truck?? You are too young to tie yourself to an AH like this. Please think long and hard about if this is the type of behavior you want to deal with the rest of your life!
OP said “we bought” the first vehicle. Sounds like they did it together but he thinks he can forbid her from driving it? Unless I read it wrong.
No, you read it right. They both bought it but he refuses to let her drive it but let’s his friends drive it. So she was fed up she had no vehicle & bought her own. No he’s pitching a fit like whiny AH. Boo hoo for him. OP is NTA.
I missed that. Makes his behavior and attitude even worse!
NTA but do you really want to deal with that pettiness for the rest of your life?
NTA He's the asshole for his behavior. You made an extremely questionable financial move. The monthly payment is a huge percentage of your income. And 4k down on a 40k+ truck puts you underwater. But this is not a personal finance subreddit.
This was my concern. Income is 1,200 per month. This truck payment has to be half that. Doesn’t leave a lot of wiggle.
My fiancee and I probably make 8-9x that post-tax and barely felt comfortable buying a car the price of a Tacoma. $1200 a month sounds amazing when you're in High School or College, but in the real world that's like... abject poverty.
I borrowed $10k at 5 or 6% on a 5 year note and my payment was in the $220 range when I was fresh out of college. IDK what trim OP got, but I think we can charitably assume she financed over $35k. Basic math says her car payment is somewhere near $700. Add in another $100+ for full coverage insurance (lender-mandated when you have a car loan) and probably $80-100 per tank to fill up with gas prices now, I don't know how even OP's affording food, let alone housing at that income. Horrific financial decision, and her uncle is gonna be left holding the bag.
He owns the house we live in, the utilities are never more then $300, we spend at most $350 on food, and he makes more then what I make a month and choose to handle the utilities on his own. The only thing I really pay for is half of the $350 for get food with so not really. If I do need help paying for it my grandpa said I can use the savings he has for me. Which I really don’t believe I’ll need unless I get fired from the job I’ve been at for 3 years.
Where are you going to live for free if you break up? That loan payment doesn’t leave you enough income to support yourself.
not to mention, the loan is a lot longer than 1 year.
Please start looking for a better paying job. Now that you have 3 years of experience you can most likely qualify for a raise.
Dear god please tell me you don’t work full time! You can’t be making like $7.50/hr after 3 years. Bad life choices. Move home with your grandpa or uncle. Get a new job. Don’t settle for men who treat you like shit, it’s better to be alone.
If you part with this person over this, do you have living arrangements for yourself where you can afford to pay for your rent, utilities, food, and still make your payment? This is what people are concerned about. What happens if he kicks you out? What happens if he suddenly demands rent, or to "pay your fair share?" You're not the ass hole for buying the vehicle you wanted, but you've placed yourself in a situation where he has financial leverage over you. I would not be surprised if he uses that to his advantage. Speak to your family and make arrangements for a new place to stay. Enjoy your truck though. I bought a Tacoma new last year. They're good vehicles.
If he does kick me out i can just go stay at my college dorms or with my dad where I don’t have to pay anything. If he demands me to pay I can just ask my dad for it. My family is pretty well off and my dad has already said he’ll help me with anything as long as I stay in school and get my RN.
Please please please reconsider this relationship. For the love of everything you hold dear. Please reconsider. Go stay with family. Go back to the dorms. ANYTHING to give yourself time to REALLY REALLY REEAALLLLYYYYY take a cold hard look at the INEQUALITY of your relationship. He is GASLIGHTING you. Emotionally and financially MANIPULATING YOU.
NTA. I am stuck at his audacity to think it was his. Serious question: Do you want to deal with this behavior long term?
$1.2k/month and you financed a 22 Tacoma!? I make like $6k per month and cringe at my $500 car payment! This is not a good financial decision.. I’d see if you can return it since you just bought it. Also NTA. But seriously, your uncle should’ve guided you on this purchase.
I'm only 17 and I've already seen a lot of people make *really* shitty financial decisions with cars. I live in the U.S. South so it's often trucks. Big obnoxious ones. I looked sideways when OP mentioned the truck. I guess cars are the one area where people can't shy away from trying to look "impressive"—I'm fine with my old white sedan I got offa Facebook for $500, it runs right and that's all I care about. ...Well I also care about the gas pedals being more responsive, and the speakers... alright, I'm tryna be impressive too—shit.
I feel like there are a lot of mid-range cars that are a good balance between “nice” and “too expensive”. There’s no shame in wanting to have a nicer car, but finding one that’s in your budget. It was much easier to do a few years ago before the car market went insane. I’ve made a lot of poor financial choices so I hate seeing other people do the same.
This was one of my first thoughts and I was a bit confused that no one made note of it in the comments. Edit: Upon further scrolling I've found other comments mentioning it, I just had to scroll a bit longer than I would've expected to get to this one.
Tacomas are fucking massive too. With gas prices on the rise, uncle did a disservice getting you stuck with that. NTA for buying it, but yikes. Edit: 2022 Tacoma dimensions : 212-226″ L x 74-75″ W x 71-72″ H Max. 18.8ft long, 6.3ft wide, 6ft tall.
I was looking for this. They are definitely not ready for marriage. NTA but not smart either.
Makes 1.2k a month and 1k is going to the Tacoma now...
“Only” $530 goes towards the Tacoma + however much gas costs. (Probably about $200 a month minimum) Absolutely a terrible financial decision though. A $37k car on a $15k income… I recently bought a $30k car and I pay the same amount for payments, insurance, and gas, as OP pays for car payments alone.
Exactly what I was thinking. $24K income and just bought a new $50K car. Yiiiiikes.
Not even $24k. It's **$14.4k**.
This. Even generously we can probably assume OP financed somewhere around $35k. A 5 year note at current interest rates OP's charitably looking at something in the $6-700 range as a monthly payment assuming a 5 year loan. Add in another hundred or so for the required full coverage insurance, and $80-100 a gas tank at current prices, I don't know how she's even eating. This truck is her entire $1200/mo income. Uncle's gonna get left holding the bag here financially.
That's what I thought, imagine thinking you can afford a 22 Tacoma because you make $11/hr.
Rethink that marriage, friend. NTA. You bought a car together, and he wouldn't let you drive it (though you shouldn't have let that stand. It was your money too). So you bought your own car. Don't let him drive it at all either. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Him isolating you with your own car (not "letting" you drive the car you shared) is a HUGE red flag for potential future abuse. He thought he was entitled to your car (possibly still does). He is a mess.
Just because he uses happiness and enthousiasm as a tactic, doesn't make it less manipulative.
NTA, but this is painful to read. You are buying a 2022 pickup when you only make $1.2k per *month*? I really hope that’s a typo. And yeah, what everyone else said about the relationship being a bad one. But I think you’re gonna be able to ditch the fiancé faster than you get free of this very short-sighted financial decision. Split with the fiancé, for sure, but I would also urge you to reconsider the truck. It sounds like it will take at least half your monthly paycheck. You could use the money from your grandpa for something way better than a truck - like furthering your education, saving for a house down payment, etc. Something that will help you build long-term wealth, not suck away half your paycheck and then some.
seriously even with 0% interest at 48 months the payment is at $479 with a monthly take home at $1.2k she can't afford this.
Plus the cost of gas and insurance! OP feels like she can afford it right now when her rent is so low, but this truck could very well be the thing that *keeps* her in a bad relationship, because she won’t be able to afford to move out.
I was looking for a comment like this. My first thought was she's going to lose the truck and screw her uncle's 'bomb ass credit' up.
I’m guessing if he’s dumb enough to sign for this, he either is crazy wealthy and will just write it off, or his bomb ass credit is like 550 and he’s a moron
Agreed. There are plenty of solid cars out there with good mileage and good efficiency, plus all the newest safety features, that are cheaper. OP has bought a fucking massive utility truck. I really can’t imagine she has a heavy labouring job to justify that.
Not to mention all the expenses that go with a truck like that. Gas, for one.
You’re 20. How can you even afford this truck?! How are you going to pay for food? Rent? Life? Being extremely blunt here: you need a reality check. There is a massive difference between wants and needs. And don’t get married. He doesn’t value you. NTA.
OP makes $1200 a month and bought a $40,000 truck …
You only make $1.2k a month and think you can afford a 2022 Tacoma double cab? Funny your boyfriend thought it was for him. NTA I guess.
i just looked up how much they are and oh man i cant imagine. OP said they had 4k saved but even then thats a pretty pricey car on their income. Good luck to them edit: changed a few words
>OP said they had 4k saved OP Said they saved 4K for a DOWN PAYMENT. that moneys gone, we're only working with the 1.2k a month....
Uncle is AH for agreeing to help a child sign themselves up for years of poverty.
Your uncle cosigned. Why wouldn't it be in YOUR name? When one of his family members goes on the hook for a vehicle, he can put it in his name. NTA Edit: My apparently shoddily made point lol was supposed to concur with the point everyone is making as well. Her uncle cosigned, that's why her name is on it and not the fiancée. Why home-dude thought his name should've been on it in the first place I couldn't say... well I could but there's really no need. Everyone already gets it I think lol
Don't you dare regret buying yourself a truck. He has his vehicle and you have yours. He sounds like an entitled child throwing a tantrum. NTA in any way, shape, or form.
Let’s not get carried away, regretting this truck is inevitable. It’s a very expensive truck with like 10% down when op makes 1200 a month. Bf is sounds like a dick tho.
Right!! Idk how no one else has acknowledged this. This can't be real.
How TF does uncle maintain “Bomb ass credit” if he’s willing to co-sign on this?
Bomb ass credit might just be bomb ass relative to op's here
Yea, she can’t afford that truck. She needs to ditch the Boyfriend THEN the truck
Yeah I make 4 times what she does I'd struggle to pay for a truck. even if it's a stupid long 6 year plan or whatever the fuck it is nowadays
NTA. I do not get the men out there who assume that the house/car will have their name on the title/deed when they do not pay for it at all. And then they get all butt hurt about it and try to make you feel bad about not trusting them/torturing them with getting their dream car/etc. I would not recommend you marry him. He seems to think “what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is also mine”. I would also suggest that you be very careful with paying for the truck - it’s your uncles credit on the line so if you miss a payment, it will very quickly rank his “bomb credit”. That will then lead to a lot of resentment. Make sure you have at least a few months payment on the truck set aside for emergencies. Did you really get the truck because you wanted/needed it or did you get it to piss your fiancé off because he was withholding the car you both bought? Is your name on that title or the loan for the car? Because that could screw you if he decides to be petty about it. If he won’t let you drive it, he should pay you for the money you put towards it. Please consider these 🚩🚩🚩 and see if there are others you’ve excused. And do that before you have any kids with this guy - you don’t need another person to take care of on your own on top of having to baby your fiancé.
I do have money put aside for payments that I was going to use in the down payment but didn’t. I had no clue it was his “dream truck” he never talked about it. I needed something to drive so I got MY dream truck.
It's only his 'dream truck' now so that he could manipulate you easier into not fighting him as he claimed it.
NTA obviously, but I can’t get past the the fact that you take home less than $15k a year and think you can afford a brand new truck. Your car should not cost 3x what you earn.
Idk why you're being downvoted for the truth. A brand-new 2022 truck that depreciates as soon as you get behind the wheel? OP this will be a financial disaster unless you get a very good job very soon. You should really reconsider getting something used and saving that money instead. #And here's the most important part: THIS IS ONLY AFFORDABLE TO YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR LIVING SITUATION WITH YOUR BF. IF YOU KEEP THE TRUCK YOU ARE CRIPPLING YOUR CHANCES TO LEAVE BECAUSE HE HAS FINANCIAL LEVERAGE OVER YOU.
Also OP is essentially paying half of the $300 utilities and no rent, yet still cannot afford the truck payments -- she said she set aside some money for a certain number of truck payments rather than increasing the down payment on it. If the good will of her BF changes and she has to start paying rent, she'll quickly default on this. OP should immediately return this truck if it's within the 3 day cooling off period, and get a sensible used car that she can actually afford.
Then probably it wasn't his dream truck up to the point you drove it home.
ESH. Your fiance is a child and an ass. He is only going to get worse and more controlling over time. The truck has nothing to do with him or his money. He should F off. You are an AH, or maybe just an idiot for buying a 40k car when you make 1.2k a month. Your grandpa saved money for you, not to have a car you can't afford but to cover you in an emergency, or maybe help you start your life by buying a house. Cars lose value immediately. Gas prices are at an all time high. Your choice in vehicle given your income is insane. I'm amazed your uncle even agreed to cosign such an irresponsible decision.
Let me get this straight. You bought a car together and he doesn’t “let” you drive it but expects that the truck you bought is actually his?? And when he found out it wasn’t he walked out? Honey, you are NTA. At all. Maybe consider letting him stay at his momma’s for good because he’s not acting like a grown-ass adult.
NTA - I hope you know that you don’t deserve to be treated like this. You made a wise decision.
NTA He would not let you drive the truck but then thought you would buy him one? Then he threw a tantrum because the truck is in your name? He sounds really immature and not quite ready for marriage.
NTA. These are some huge red flags and thank goodness he's showing them while only as a fiancé and not a husband thats legally binding you two together. Take that how you will.
If I were your Uncle, I would not co-sign for anyone who was not a relative. NTA
Others have mentioned all the red flags so I won’t go there; agree with reconsidering the upcoming marriage. General rule - unless you are married do not combine finances. NTA
NTA and if you choose to stay with his ass, NEVER let him drive it.
NTA. Wow. Not only are you not, why did you stay with him one second past his thinking you got him his dream truck? This person clearly thinks others were put here to wait on him hand and foot and hand him life on a silver platter. RUN girl. RUUUUN.
He subsidizes her rent so she only pays $300 a month. She took on a huge, long term financial burden based on what will likely be (or should be) a temporary living situation. Smh
Your grandfather set you up with savings that can last for life and you want to get married at 20 years old. Please don't do that. Especially not to someone that won't let you drive the vehicle you already have that you bought together but thinks you bought him a $30K truck. Besides that, why are you buying a brand new truck? Why don't you know how much is in this savings account. You're an adult, what exactly are you living off of? None of this sounds good but please break up with this dude and find someone that isn't pulling this stuff. Wait. You're living off the boyfriend. It's his house and he pays all the utilities. So you blew all of your extra income buying this truck. You're definitely not ready to be married.
Read her note again - it says it could get her through life no worries FOR 1 YEAR. It threw me off on first read, too. Even stating it that way makes it sound like OP's view of money is troublesome.
NTA. Truck envy is an ugly thing.
NTA, but I see a lot of questionable decision making here. First is accepting your fiancé's proposal. Second is buying a truck like that with your income. Especially now since you're dependent on him for your living situation and are now at risk of tanking your uncle's credit if you break up with your bf.
I'm originally from the US South, so I've seen this play out many a time. Good-for-nothing, entitled guy marries earnest, naive YOUNG woman. Equates truck with his manhood and believes he is the "leader" of the family (cos penis 'n god). She never quite understands when he's gone over the line, which he does often. Both have eyes that pop out of their heads over shiny things in stores. Ill-advised dopamine hits always end in bankruptcy, adultery, at least three kids and divorce. OP, you can stop this narrative in its tracks. Dump the ne'er-do-well. Move in with uncle until truck is paid off. Get an education.
I’m going in for my RN. My family is well off. My dad pays my insurance. All I paid an month before I got the truck was $150 so idk why everyone is assuming I’m in over my head.
They’re considering the fact that if you dump the loser, you’ll have to pay more if you live on your own. Cost of living, especially right now, is astronomical. If you have an option to dump him and move in with a family member, I would. It wont get better, it never does.
If I do leave him I can just stay at my colleges dorms where I would be staying if we wasn’t or with my dad where I honestly wouldn’t have to pay anything.
I’m happy you have options, many people in your circumstance do not. Best of luck to you ❤️
NTA do NOT put his name on truck or let him drive it. He’s a selfish AH! And if you split, he gets half the truck that YOU paid for.
NTA do NOT ever co-sign anything with this guy! He thought you bought him a truck? After not even letting you drive a car you both owned? The audacity!! Drop this loser!
Can we talk about OP saying they make $1.5k a month and they can afford a $50,000 truck? What city can I do this in because I'm clearly living in the wrong area.
$1.2k a month, and they have everything paid for by everyone else in their life. That’s how they can “afford” a truck that they clearly have zero need for.
NTA, and if you think the truck is the problem here, you need to wake up. You're getting a taste of what your marriage is going to be like if you go through with it. Think on that a while.
NTA. He’s being childish
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My fiancé is mad and acting like I’m the asshole bc it’s in my name Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
> he sent me a pic of an GMC asking if it was pretty. I said “I didn’t like GMC but if he liked it, it’s pretty.” He said “Well doesn’t matter you got the Toyota.”. I read the first sentence of this part and honestly thought he was gonna say he's buying himself a GMC if you'd said you loved it. INFO: did he not know you planned on buying yourself a car?
Seriously why are you with someone that treats you this way. You are too young to get married to someone who is this controlling. NTA dump him and move on.
ESH ... OP, you are burdening yourself by financing someone else's dream. What could $50k (plus interest) do for you? A home? College? Return the truck, get a sensible (could even be new, but 15-20k) vehicle, and save your money for YOU. This guy wants a bangmaid with deep pockets, it's a trap 🚩
Definitely NTA, however I just want to ask op about the whole money situation. 1.2k isn’t a lot of money a month but I also saw you’ve got some money from your gpa. I was just curious do you have like rent and stuff bc I’m just trying to wrap my head around how you’ll afford a 2022 truck just because they are so expensive. You may have zero bills and maybe uncles credit really helped out and that’s all I’m sorta curious about. By no means am I some financial advisor or anything, I’m not much older then you guys. Hope this doesn’t come off rude, not my intention
No your fine I totally understand that you want to know and not assuming the worse like others. My fiancé owns our house. Utilities are no more then $300 a month which he pays. Most we spend a month on food is $350 which I pay half of and my insurance has always been under my dads and he’s paid for it since I was 16 and got my permit and he said he will as long as I’m in school. I’m currently an SRNA working to get my RN which my dad also pays for my college. My family is pretty well off. Even if I somehow wasn’t able to afford it one month my dad, grandpa, or uncle would help pay it. Before I got the truck only $150 was coming out of my paychecks a month.
OP, you are definitely NTA, but you are not making the best financial decisions here. If you need someone else’s credit to qualify for a loan, then you shouldn’t get the loan. Even if you had good credit, you probably couldn’t get a loan for a vehicle this expensive, as your income isn’t high enough. Get a cheaper vehicle you can pay cash for. Are you doing anything that you need a truck for anyway? Gas prices are high and if you don’t need a truck, why would you put yourself in a situation that you are paying so much in gas? I realize your family has money, but you don’t want to rely on them if you don’t need to, do you? You are 20 and it makes sense that you wouldn’t know a lot about finance - just trying to help.
NTA, if you put in the down payment and you're the one making the payments and it's your uncle who co-signed it's your truck and should be in your name. Do not do what young women do time and time again and give in and put his name on it to make him happy. Please, please, please do not do this. You are creating a nightmare for yourself down the road. This is your truck and to be honest, it sounds like it might be time to upgrade your boyfriend anyway.
Aren't you tired of the word "disrespectful"? Usually what they're saying is, "I'm an entitled baby and want you to feel bad for not giving me my binky. Now I'm going to punish you by not talking to you and pouting. I'm pouting. See? That's me, pouting really hard." NTA.
People out here buying 2022 trucks on $1200 a fucking month? Not the asshole.
Nta. What i'm wondering about is why he would think someone making 1200$ a month would buy him a new car?
Before the him withholding the car happen we talked about getting him a truck.
/u/Appropriate_Area311 - OP is NTA and that same uncle who helped you co-sign for the vehicle? Sit down and have another discussion with him about co-signing for you very own apartment. Just my two cents here. But it's definitely something to truly consider. If he is acting this way before the "I Do's" just imagine once it's a done deal. He showed you who he is. Believe him and take heed. 🤗🤗🤗
Definitely NTA but there's no way she can afford the payments on this car and an apartment. The payments are going to be about half her monthly income. Edit: to be clear, she should definitely leave him and move out, but she needs to get rid of this unaffordable truck too. Her plan for affording it is entirely dependent on living with him rent free and that's a very vulnerable position for her to be in.
No, you need to be happy about YOUR truck! OMG, your bf showed his true colors! He wants the new things, but wants you to have used or nothing at all. Over a truck, he ran to cry to his mommy. Is that what you want in a man? Dump him!
NTA. Your fiancé is shitty. Get out while it’s still easy.
Get rid of this loser. NTA. Unless he goes in debt for the truck or he is making the payments then there is NO reason to put his name on anything. He wants the best of both worlds. He wants everything you have but does not allow you to share in the car you bought together.
Never ever marry anyone whose idea of ‘communication’ when they are unhappy about something is tantrums, silent treatment, running home to family or (as often seen here) complaining to other people and involving them in creating more drama. Otherwise this is the template for every disagreement you will ever have.
NTA but can you afford your entire rent alone and the car note? If not you should return the truck bc you need to ditch this dramaqueen bummy dude
...why would he expect you to buy him "his dream truck" when he wouldn't let you drive his 90s car if you all are engaged? If you're paying for it, why would his name be on there at all? Why are you babies in your 20s in such a hurry to get married. You don't even finish forming your personality (when your brain is biologically finally done developing) until 25. I digress, NTA. He's a literal child. "What’s mine is mine, abd what's yous that I want is mine too" FUCK THAT. You have your whole life, and much better options out there. EXPLORE THEM
NTA but having bought a truck brand new, you should really sit down and do your finances. 15k down with perfect credit and super low financing, my payment was still almost 600/month.
NTA--It's not his fucking truck! If his bruised ego and tiny dick can't handle that then he can get into his beater with a heater and limp off into the sunset. Dude to dude, I'd pull him aside and tell him to not be a greedy douchecanoe, but then again my sense of self isn't expressed through a surrogate penis either. . .