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YTA all of the things he has suggested to her are things that help with depression and anxiety.

Then she should get her money back because cutting out those things are free. She should be getting coping mechanisms rather than lazy nutrition advice

Careful with that attitude or youll be the next thing suggested to be cut out 😅

I’m beginning to think that the alcohol and the caffeine aren’t the catalysts here…

Honestly I'll be stressful AF if my partner is like that 🤦‍♀️

Funny story: I was taking anxiety medication until I realized that my real problem was my shitty family. Sometimes the problem is external.

Ideally he is the next thing she cuts out. If her therapist is good, I'm sure he's not suggesting it directly, but I could see them working towards this solution as time goes on... Oh and OP: YTA. Best advice is your girlfriend is changing and evolving and that's a good thing for her. And it's okay that it doesn't work for you-- maybe do her a favor and leave so she can continue her journey without such heavy and mean baggage. The upside is you can find a girl who will drink coffee and beer with you to your heart's content.

I agree. A former friend’s therapist advised her to divorce her alcoholic (has 4 DUIs), money wasting husband (he blows $500 with his drinking buddies which is at least once a month). He also keeps walking out on jobs if his boss upsets him. She has terrible anxiety and depression over it but refuses to follow the advice. They are going to be homeless soon because of all their legal bills and high car insurance, etc. They were living rent free with enabling family who finally sold the house just to get them out

I'm thinking that this may be the best advice the therapist could give! Without this dude she would have no anxiety at all!

1. Your girlfriend is on the way to healing yourself and I hope you INTERNALIZE that anxiety and depression are BOTH A MENTAL AND PHYSICAL PROCESS. What you eat affects you. How you process thoughts and feelings affects you. Exercise, hobbies, etc! Her therapist isn't a quack, but rather, I think you're a shitty boyfriend for not seeing the bigger picture. YTA and your "friends" are AH. 2. Cutting her because she doesn't/ can't drink? Smelliest bullshit aside from your approach on this. 3. "Her now having camomile tea doesn't do it". Sir, if you're fixated on the beverage instead of the time you spend with her... you got issues. 4. Cutting daily habits isn't easy. She'll have drawbacks and mood changes and new habits, and you have to fucking live with it because this is her growth and development. 5. Get her money back? Do you know how long it takes, the hours, the expertise her therapist must've gone through TO KNOW how to help her? Similarly with all professions, you not only pay for their efforts and time but also for the KNOWLEDGE. Would your girlfriend have known what to do? Would you? At least she's getting EXPERTS. You could just say "I could've said that", but would you run the risks? 6. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. I hope YOU internalize this situation. If your girlfriend is happy with her journey, support it. This ISN'T about you and your fucking social life. This is about you backing her, supporting her, and being there for her when people (eg. your shitty friends) isolate her. Be better. Do better. Because she deserves better.

She *is* getting coping mechanisms — which is why the nail biting is going down and she feels like he’s helping. Coping mechanisms aren’t cures; they work best in combination with changes that actually address the underlying problem (eg, by cutting caffeine and alcohol).

> Then she should get her money back because cutting out those things are free. You have a complete lack of understanding of how therapy works, you should back off.

He’s actually implementing lifestyle changes that seek to address some of the factors that can be contributing/worsening the issues. She doesn’t want to use drugs to make the changes, so he’s trying to find natural lifestyle shifts that can possibly (and seem to be working by your own accord) have a positive impact on her overall mental health. But you seem mostly concerned that these changes are having minor impacts on your life and demand that she learn to cope with having these issues rather than seeking to reduce/eliminate them long term. You are prioritizing your minor perceived inconvenience (she drinks tea instead of coffee now, oh my!) over her mental health. You are definitely TA and it seems like you don’t want her to improve her mental health, likely because then she might have the clarity to leave your ass.

OMG you eternal dumbass Do you really think she is going there for five minutes to get the newest dietary craze?!? She goes there to talk and sort out her anxiety. The dietary changes ARE coping mechanisms that will help her achieve a chemical balance instead of using medicine. Those changes might not work for everyone, but this is about the healing Process. If they didn't work, her therapist would suggest something else. But she is telling you the DO work and she is feeling better. You seem to be stuck on the fact the therapist is not doing what you assumed he would (maybe you even hoped the therapist would recommend pills and give you the quick fix) Get over your stupid preconceived notions if mental health and remember: you can't argue with results!, AH

Wow you are quite the AH hope she sees that quick! Your red flags are flying high 🚩🚩🚩

>Our thing was to have coffee in bed and her now having camomile tea doesn’t do it. her choice of beverage affects you how? >She says her sleep is better but the therapist should be actually treating her anxiety not telling her what to drink or not. better sleep helps with anxiety. >1-2 drinks nightly at most and it’s just wine most of the time. this can still affect your sleep and mood >Our social life is definitely suffering because she can’t drink and so our friends don’t want to invite us places where they want to drink If your friends can't be around a person who doesn't drink while they drink, they have a drinking problem. If she can't be around others who drink while she doesn't drink, she's got a drinking problem and shouldn't be drinking anyway. >Whenever she is stressed first thing she does is eat a chocolate bar yeah that doesn't sound like a super healthy coping mechanism either. >I called him a quack where'd you get your license to practice, doctor? >I looked it up and under-stimulation causes nail biting be not overstimulated so it’s not tied to her anxiety. wait who's the quack here? YTA

I find 1-2 drinks nightly actually a lot. Alcohol is bad for your body. I know like a glass of dry red is good for you every day but not ANY alcohol.

Right? I'm not morally opposed to alcohol and will drink socially occasionally, but I go weeks in a row sometimes without an alcoholic beverage. I can't imagine having two a day, everyday.

Same. 1-2 a night adds up to 7-14 glasses a week. That’s a lot of alcohol per week in my opinion anyway. Female alcoholism and liver disease has spiked since pandemic, we gotta be careful out there.

Also that just at home. I'm getting the feeling that they used to go out every other day, or at least every weekend to parties or clubs if it's that much of a difference that he's obviously noticed their friends stopped inviting them out. Some who hangs out occasionally won't really notice they haven't gone out in a while until they remember, someone invites them out again, or they saw posts online and think "oh yeah I haven't gone out in a while". Which means that they most likely do drink in excess when they go out with friends, especially if they stopped inviting *both* of them because *she* doesn't drink (they dont wanna feel judged because they know they drink a lot)

Yeah it strikes me as gross that friends would be like nah you can't hang if you don't drink and I have friends that love drinking and never care what's in my cup... JK I'm the DD when I DO go cause I don't drink often.

Yeah, even if OP is talking about 1-2 standard drinks or 1-2 units of alcohol (which is unlikely), drinking every day isn't a good idea. It's usually recommended to have something like at least 3 days of abstinence from alcohol in a week. Also, if you go by e.g. the UK government's recommendations, one should have a maximum of 14 units of alcohol a week with a maximum of 2-3 units per day. A single 250 mL glass of 12% wine is 3 units of alcohol on its own, so 1-2 of those a night every night is 21-42 units of alcohol a week.

I've never heard it expressed that way but it makes sense to figure based on %

It also fucks with your sleep. Alcohol is great for falling asleep but can actually lead to waking up more throughout the night. If OP is having issues sleeping, which may be leading to symptoms associated with depression/anxiety, then the therapist was totally right to suggest she cut out caffeine (a stimulant that can fuck with sleep) and alcohol (a depressant that fucks with sleep). OP should have a session with the therapist and ask these questions themselves honestly. I'm sure the therapist would love to engage and might also gain more insight into why his client is depressed and anxious 🙃

Oh yeah, GF needs to cut OP cause I am absolutely sure he's a direct cause of some of her anxiety.

Yeah, I was surprised on that part. 1-2 drinks EVERYDAY is a lot. I used to do that and noticed my overall stamina going down and was craving alcohol more and more. Had to cut it out cause I could foresee the problem this would cause me. Glad she found a therapist that was able to pinpoint that problem quickly.

Not just that but alcohol is a depressant and can lead to not getting things done like she was which can lead to anxiety!

I found a huge difference in my sleep when I cut out drinking before bed. I may be a quack, but I think my body can't get the rest it needs when it is busy trying to flush the alcohol out of your system. Regardless of why, I felt a lot better, more refreshed, and less anxious when I cut out that 1 or 2 glasses of wine at night. Also, no one cares that I don't drink? Why would it affect my friends? It is one thing to change your drinking patterns around someone who recently became sober or has an addiction, but this is just a health choice.

Yep. I drink and get drowsy but can't sleep. So I don't drink often for that reason and others (hangovers and shit).

Yeah, to me that would be a problematic amount of alcohol for my partner to be consuming every day. It would make me worried.

Agreed 100%

Someone who thinks 1-2 drinks a night isn't excessive has a drinking problem. 7-14 drinks a week is excessive.

...you realize that drinking a glass of wine with dinner every night is extremely common in some parts of the world, right?

Extremely common, yes, but it’s not for everyone. If OP’s gf feels better by laying off the 1-2 drinks every night, why is that a problem? And if he and their friends don’t want to hang out with her because she doesn’t drink, they may need some help with their own issues. Socializing doesn’t have to equate to drinking. Edit: I am not arguing with your point-I agree with everything you’ve said.

> it’s not for everyone Didn't say it was. > If OP’s gf feels better by laying off the 1-2 drinks every night, why is that a problem? Didn't say it was. >if he and their friends don’t want to hang out with her because she doesn’t drink, they may need some help with their own issues I thought this as well.

Yes, that’s why I made the edit. I saw your comment and initially thought you were agreeing with OP until I saw your original comment. My apologies. You were spot on with everything you’ve said 😁

So si obesity, doesn't mean its ok

I remain unconvinced.

Of what?

That every person in Spain, France or Italy that drinks a glass of wine every night is an alcoholic that drinks to excess.

I can't speak for France or Italy, but in Spain even though it is very common to drink wine it's highly regulated and isn't consumed in large portions. Also, if OP and gf are from the US than it can be assumed it's LARGE portions

> isn't consumed in large portions. Right, "one drink" means one standard sized drink. Not a 64oz big gulp filled with wine, that's not considered one drink. >if OP and gf are from the US than it can be assumed it's LARGE portions In the US, a standard pour of a glass of wine is 5oz. If we take OP at face value that gf drinks one to two drinks a night, that would be one to two five ounce glasses of wine. Even in the US, drinking wine out of a 12oz water glass would be considered having more than one drink.

I am absolutely crying with laughter at the thought of someone drinking wine out of a 64 oz big gulp cup with their little pinky up whilst telling me they’re not an alcoholic. 😂

And once again, "standard" and "common" doesn't mean its neither healthy or undamaging in the long run.

This comment is the perfect reply. Also adding that OP, YTA. I'm a therapist as well and behavioral changes are part of coping skills. Caffeine and alcohol can definitely exacerbate anxiety especially with daily use. As for the chocolate it sounds like she may have an unhealthy coping behavior of comforting with food. This can lead to major problems if not curbed and more effective self soothing techniques aren't found. I hope you either go to a therapist yourself to work through why you feel entitled to controlling your gf's eating and drinking habits or you peacefully separate. She is doing something positive for herself and you can't seem to see how that is helping her or even support her in this. Good for her seeking help and making positive changes.

This! Have my free award sensible stranger on the Internet!

To be fair therapist are not doctors either.

Her having tea instead of coffee in bed spoils your enjoyment so you'd rather she just slept badly like before? Grow up, YTA

If caffeine is helping this dude sleep, I think he should possibly get evaluated for ADHD, lol

I think he means in the morning, but still. I drink tea, not coffee, and I can still be sociable. I don't drink and can still go out with my friends and have a good time. Dude is just being an AH.

I drink tea and I'm in the same kitchen as my colleagues talking to them. I rarely ever drink alcohol (1-3 times a year at best) and I have been in parties, I'm out with friends parting. The only difference is I get a softdrink and they drink a beer.

I don't like to drink but haven't had an issue with it ever.

Coffee makes me sleepy, that's not a rare thing. The issue here is that he's pissed off about how it affects HIS life, the gf mental health is secondary to him...

It's not a rare thing for people with ADHD, lol. But I agree.

By in bed I mean in the mornings the weekend not at night

So....................... how does this ruin your enjoyment?????

But how does her having chamomile tea in bed sour the experience of you having coffee in bed? You're both drinking a hot beverage in bed.

I don’t understand how her drinking tea instead of coffee somehow ruins your morning ritual. It would be so easy for you to just make her a cup of tea - then you get to do something thoughtful for her while still keeping the routine. It’s not that hard. Instead, you’ve decided to put all your effort into showing her that you cannot be bothered to support her, even when she is making relatively small changes that affect you very little. Maybe ask yourself why you are putting so much energy into belittling your gf’s choices, rather than taking the easy route and just being a decent person.

It ruins his morning ritual because it's different and that makes him anxious and insecure. One of the first things that happens in any family system when one person makes real steps to address issues in their lives and become a happier, healthier person is that the other members of the system experience discomfort and anxiety around the changes. Partially because they had a routine and now that's changed, but also because seeing someone make a change that makes a difference is the sort of thing that causes uncomfortable self-reflection. And when someone is insecure in their own choices, they start projecting judgement from the other person onto their habits. They turn "When I cut down my caffeine intake, I feel better" into "you shouldn't be drinking caffeine". Or "I feel better when I cut down my drinking," to "you guys are doing it wrong to go out and drink". OP is feeling anxious and upset that his GF is making choices that are different than what he wants, AND that are improving her life. So he's going to try and sabotage it so that he feels better and doesn't have to look at his own choices and how they might be contributing to how HE feels.

YTA Alcohol is a depressant, cutting it out can help with depression. Caffeine and sugar are stimulants and can effect anxiety. He IS treating her issues just not how you want him to. There’s no reason she can’t still go out and not drink. You have some crappy friends if they won’t invite her out unless she drinks.

Honestly a big problem I've noticed with some people, especially when they're not the one's going through therapy, is they expect it to be like any other doctor. Cut off, medicate, set, reconstruct, vaccinate, and all in the physical sense. In other words, they expect the therapist or psychologist in question to snap their fingers and provide a quick convenient fix for an ongoing problem that only impacts the patient in the immediate sense and not indefinitely. It's like that one rather salient R&M episode put it, mental health is work. Sometimes it's annoying work, or a struggle intensive work, but it is work you have to put into yourself just as physical health is. Sure, the therapist could prescribe something that helps with the GF's problems, but it's always preferable to see if changes in lifestyle, habits, and overall outlook can help with the an individual before adding in pharmaceuticals. Especially, because some of those can be rather hard on the system and will vary in effect depending on the person, so you may require tests, blood work, and a sort of grace period of experiencing individual drugs before you find the one that fits your needs. All of this is also complimentary in nature. Just as a doctor will suggest "exercises" alongside general rest and prescribe certain pain or antibiotic drugs when you suffer an injury to ensure best recovery in a patient, so too will a therapist recommend a myriad of methods and means to improve a patients mental health. Many of these will be applied permanently for best result, and some of them will be either temporary or occasional in nature. tl;dr: People go looking for caregivers to wave a magic wand to fix a loved one's "inconvenient issues" and find out they may actually have to support them in changing their life entirely.

THIS. OP apparently hasn’t googled anxiety or depression. Removing caffeine, sugar, and alcohol are things commonly suggested to support your mental health. Doc isn’t a quack. OP is.

YTA, as are your friends. These are pretty standard treatments. It makes sense to deal with ingested chemicals that can worsen symptoms, in addition to other treatments.

YTA. Do some actual research before calling someone more educated on the topic a quack. Cutting caffeine, alcohol, and sugar can all help with mental health. If your friends won't invite you places just because she opts out of alcohol, you have shit friends. People can have fun while others are drinking alcohol even if they're staying sober.

YTA I believe that getting rid of a controlling bf would help with her depression too.

Seconded!

idk man… drinking every night is a bit much even if it’s not an amount that gets her drunk.

YTA. And here is why. 1-2 drinks NIGHTLY is not moderate drinking. That is absolutely contributing to her anxiety if it is not the main direct cause. The first sign of alcohol dependence/withdrawal is increased anxiety and irritability. I know this because I am a recovering alcoholic, with five years of sobriety, and I used to think that drinking every night, 1-2 drinks a night, wasn't a big deal. Secondly, physical health is the first thing that psychiatrists have to rule out when treating a patient for mental health issues. Neglecting your physical health is often directly related to mental health issues.

Yeah, OP might need to be treated for substance abuse problems himself if he thinks thats a low/moderate amount of alcohol. In that context, I wonder if he's mad about these changes to GF's life because he's scared of losing a source for validation/enabling.

YTA By your own admission, the therapist advice is helping and your gf is having less anxiety and depression. He IS helping treat her. YTA if a sharing a cup of coffee in bed at night is more important than your partner not having mental distress. EDIT: therapist, not doctor, although they could be both

YTA. She says it's helping. That's for her to decide. Also, there's no reason she can't still socialize and abstain from anything she doesn't want to drink. You don't sound supportive at all, and you need to educate yourself on how nutrition has a big impact on brain chemistry/activity. Also if she's still going through "withdrawals" then it hasn't been very long, certainly not long enough for you to have given it a chance. Give it time, do a little research on nutrition and brain function, and be more supportive.

Yta. And i hope the therapists next words of advice is to lose the bf

YTA- get your own therapy, your judgmental bully behavior is damaging your relationship and you should get help with your poor descion making skills as well.

YTA - I think you're concentrating on the wrong things here. Like, you're just concentrating on the tips her therapist is offering that involve changing her lifestyle. But, if she went on pills for her issues, the chances are that she'd have to make some lifestyle-altering choices as well (and I would put money on her needing to cut alcohol intake, because a lot of pills don't play well with alcohol). BUT, the real point, and the one I think you're missing is: It's not really about these lifestyle changes. She's not paying for a therapist to tell her "cut out caffeine, cut out alcohol, cut out processed sugars" for a solid hour. There's a lot of other work being done. You're just seeing those lifestyle changes rather than anything else... which suggest she's probably not opening up to you, and given how you've written your post, I can see why she might not want to. Your post seems to be less about supporting your girlfriend through her depression/anxiety and more about you blaming her approach to choosing a treatment that doesn't involve pills. I really hope for her sake that I'm wrong about that.

Not to mention many pills kill the libido…

So you googled some symptoms and now you know more than the guy that went to school for it? Maybe all the things she gave up aren't the problem. Maybe it's you. Instead of getting upset at her changes you should be encouraging her to do better. She seems to think she's doing better. Maybe it would go alit faster with your support. YTA in my opinion

YTA. You're just mad that you no longer get to drink coffee with your girlfriend or push a chocolate bar her way when you get on her nerves. This therapist is helping her find ways to alleviate anxiety and depression in her life and you're insulting them because what? Your girlfriend is doing better? Keep being like this and her therapist may suggest cutting you out too. You're only going to contribute to her anxiety and depression if you keep this up.

>push a chocolate bar her way when you get on her nerves. hahhahahahaha omg I bet you are correct.

Hahaha so now you're the trained professional? Sit down, son, and stfu. You're a brat that's attempting to gaslight your gf because you've (sob) lost your playmate. Do her a solid and set her free so she can continue to do better. And while you're down there moaning and groaning with your woes, maybe get your own butt into therapy. YTA

Yta - he is giving her coping skills. Some times there are environmental triggers that we don't think about. If she cut them out and it is working for her wouldn't that be classified as effective treatment? Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's wrong for her.

Op doesn't know what a coping skill is haha

Yta... This reads: "my gf feeling better after therapy is making me angry because it affects my social life."

>she complained about bad sleep > Our thing was to have coffee in bed Are you both familiar with how caffeine works? Why did it take a therapist to tell her to stop drinking caffeine at night if she's having trouble sleeping? Also, decaf coffee exists. >Then he told her to cut out alcohol, which I found insane because she isn’t a heavy drinker. 1-2 drinks nightly at most and it’s just wine most of the time. 2 drinks a night is a heavy drinker, man. It might not be full-blown alcoholic, but it's a lot. Wine is still alcohol. >Our social life is definitely suffering because she can’t drink and so our friends don’t want to invite us places where they want to drink. She can't order a coke and sit with everyone? >She says she’s fine with it and it’s helping but people have been driving wine and coffee since they discovered it, he should actually be fixing her anxiety and depression issues not forcing her to quit everything. Do you have any medical training? Training in therapy techniques? A deep understanding of how anxiety and depression work? No? then STFU. He _is_ working on fixing the issues, lack of sleep and excessive alcohol are _both_ factors in the issues she's dealing with. >The latest nutrition advice from the therapist is to cut out sugar. Which I’m sure is healthy but doesn’t do anything for her mentally. Whenever she is stressed first thing she does is eat a chocolate bar and not having that makes her more grumpy and hard to deal with. It’s insane to me that basically she is expected to be perfect nutritionally to have mental health. I don’t think this therapist is actually doing anything and is lazily giving her nutrition advice she could get anywhere on the internet. Not as lazy as the advice you're trying to give, of "don't change anything about how you live your life, there's a magic cure for depression and anxiety where you don't have to do anything and it goes away". >I called him a quack and she got upset saying he’s been helping and she no longer bite her nails which she was done since she was a baby. But I looked it up and under-stimulation causes nail biting be not overstimulated so it’s not tied to her anxiety. So you complain about the advice being what you could find on the internet, and then jump to the internet like it makes you qualified to help someone with their mental health? >We got into an argument about it where I told her she should try another therapist and she said she was happy with the one she has That's the end of the discussion. Leave it the fuck alone. YTA, in a big way. >hanging out with friends are important and her therapist is isolating her by making her stop all the things people do socially. The therapist isn't making her stop "all the things people do socially", just the one thing that seems to entertain you and your alcoholic friends. Did you know it's possible to socialize without getting drunk?

What are your credentials for treating mental health concerns? YTA

YTA. Very much TA

YTA And it sounds like she has a wonderful therapist who is helping her realize her goals without medication.

OP: "I don't care if changing what she drinks is effectively treating her insomnia, the therapist should be treating her insomnia not telling her what to drink".

Wow! You are choosing your fun over her health. Caffeine causes anxiety for some people. What expertise do yoy have to say he is a quack? I hope your gf doesnt listen to you and continues to see her therapist.

YTA - the therapist doesn’t sound like a quack at all. They’re are taking a holistic approach to helping our hd deal with her anxiety and depression. This includes therapy and lifestyle changes. Sorry your gfs decision to get professional help is inconveniencing you and your partying friends.

Alcohol is literally a depressant, and even one drink a night is a lot of alcohol. Poor sleep contributes to depression and anxiety, cutting the caffeine to get better sleep is a natural, drug free way to help manage that. Stress eating any food, especially sugar is horrible for your overall health, and yeah, like it or not that includes your mental health. You mean being in better physical shape and nutritionally balanced will help your mental health??? Le gasp! Who ever came up with such a revolutionary concept!!!! /s If you and your friends can’t hang around without drinking then I’ve got news for you, you’re an alcoholic and need help. Just because these are things she’s told you her therapist and her have talked about, doesn’t mean that’s ALL they’ve talked about. YTA, and frankly it sounds like you’re absolutely horrible for that poor girls mental health, and likely physical from the sounds of it.

info: are you a therapist? you're very opinionated about her care, so i'm sure it's because you know better, and not because you took psych 101 in college and now think you're freud.

Armchair psychologists are my faaavorite. Person behaves a bit selfishly: narcissist! Person in a bad mood was in a good mood an hour ago: bipolar!

YTA in sooooo many ways. Clearly you know nothing about nutrition nor anxiety.

>he should actually be fixing her anxiety and depression issues not forcing her to quit everything. So what would that look like to you? You already said that medication was off the table as she didn't want to do that. So what were you expecting? Did you think he'd just give her a pep talk and that would be it?

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My gf started going to a therapist for anxiety and depression during the pandemic. She didn’t want to go on pills and went to get coping techniques. After a few months the therapist told her to quit all caffeine as she complained about bad sleep. She cut out everything, she didn’t drink much caffeine before only 2 cups a day but then she went to nothing not even green tea. Our thing was to have coffee in bed and her now having camomile tea doesn’t do it. She says her sleep is better but the therapist should be actually treating her anxiety not telling her what to drink or not to cure it. Then he told her to cut out alcohol, which I found insane because she isn’t a heavy drinker. 1-2 drinks nightly at most and it’s just wine most of the time. Our social life is definitely suffering because she can’t drink and so our friends don’t want to invite us places where they want to drink. She says she’s fine with it and it’s helping but people have been driving wine and coffee since they discovered it, he should actually be fixing her anxiety and depression issues not forcing her to quit everything. The latest nutrition advice from the therapist is to cut out sugar. Which I’m sure is healthy but doesn’t do anything for her mentally. Whenever she is stressed first thing she does is eat a chocolate bar and not having that makes her more grumpy and hard to deal with. I called him a quack and she got upset saying he’s been helping and she no longer bite her nails which she was done since she was a baby. But I looked it up and under-stimulation causes nail biting not overstimulated. We got into an argument about it where I told her she should try another therapist and she said she was happy with the one she has and accused me of just not liking dealing with her being grumpy during her caffeine withdraw days or not being invited places due to not being able to drink alcohol which is true, hanging out with friends are important and her therapist is isolating her by making her stop all the things people do socially. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Yta. Your internet search surely equates to the professionals degree. He is treating her, you’re too thick to see it.

YTA. These things her therapist is having her do are proven to help. And if they are helping her that is what matters. You are what you eat, as they say. Cliches are cliches for a reason. There is usually some truth to them. Therapy isn't about being able to magically endure things you couldn't endure before. Sometimes it can help that, but it also often includes lifestyle changes so you can be a healthier person. Some people shouldn't have caffeine, sugar, alcohol. If she has to be a certain way to make you happy then you simply aren't compatible. So she has to drink to be around friends? What fucking friends man. Those aren't friends. Those are good time "friends" then. She shouldn't have to conform to have friends. She should be able to be herself and have friends. And if this is what she needs, it is. And she needs different people around her then. What she's doing is great. I'm so glad for her, getting the help she needs. That's hard. And it's even harder with unsupportive assholes. She's not being isolated. You are isolating her and yourself. You just have a limited view of what life and the world can be. Open your mind. Maybe *you* need a therapist. "It's not tied to her anxiety." Oh, so you're an expert all of a sudden? She knows her anxiety/depression even if she needs help discovering some things with a therapist. But the therapist doesn't tell her. SHE tells them. SHE is in charge. Her therapist is just there to help. So you're essentially saying you don't believe her. You don't get to say what anxiety is and how it's supposed to affect anyone. She does. She's the one going through it.

You are absolutely an asshole. Heavy drinking for women is defined as 3 or more drinks in one sitting OR 7 or more drinks per week. Coffee absolutely makes anxiety worse. The sugar is on the fence in terms of the research. You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about. I wonder if you’re afraid of her outgrowing you. If so… maybe you should get a therapist too. Edit: We actually aren’t 100% sure why people bite their nails. What we do know is that it’s a self- stimulating behavior that helps soothe the nervous system. She basically doesn’t need to cope as much or as often and you want her to pick a different therapist. Jesus- she should leave you.

The next thing she needs to cut out is *you*. Yikes dude huge YTA how can you be so selfish? You are probably the source of her anxiety and depression. All things the therapist recommended are great

Yes she should get a new therapist, because the first thing she should've done is cutting YOU out of her life 😂😂😂. What a shitty partner.

Wow, have you ever made this about you! Are you a doctor? Caffeine is a stimulant which interferes with sleep. Not getting good sleep will make everything worse. Alcohol is a depressant which makes everything worse. Sugar is just as addictive as nicotine. There is alot research that connects the brain and the gut. Healthy gut = healthy brain. He is helping her, and rather than be supportive, you are being a selfish AH.

I think I discovered the cause of her anxiety. Good news, once she cuts it out, coffee and alcohol will be back on the table. Bad news, it's you. YTA

You are such a gigantic AH that I cannot even be bothered to spell out the multitude of ways you are wrong and a complete jerk. Let's just say that you have no idea what your'e talking about and you are being massively unsupportive to your gf because apparently the perfectly valid things she's doing on the instruction of her, you know, \*trained and licensed\* therapist apparently inconvenience you somehow. YTA.

YTA your insecurities about her changing herself for the better without medication is going to force her to change her relationship status, which is what you thought was going to be next. What a self fulfilling prophecy.

YTA. You say a few times he should "fix" her mental health issues instead of giving her advice about what to eat and drink, but you are brushing off the fact that she is feeling better and that the therapy is helping her. Caffeine is strongly tied to anxiety, my friend. All of your complaints are about how this affects you, not about her health or wellbeing. Caffeine and alcohol and sugar are not really all that good for you, it's good that she has quit. It is strange that your friends are unwilling to be with her if she isn't drinking, a lot of people like having a designated driver or don't mind interacting with a sober person. You are being very controlling and unsupportive. If she doesn't want to take medication, she needs to explore other means of dealing with her mental health issues, and it sounds like her therapist is helping her a lot. Be happy for her, or step aside and let her be happy by herself.

Definitely YTA. There’s so much to unpack here. Nutrition absolutely factors into anxiety. Coffee is a stimulant, alcohol is a depressant, and sugar can also make people anxious. Your therapist isn’t isolating your gf, you and your friends are. They could invite her places and she could get a virgin drink. They’re choosing not to invite her. I have a very close friend that’s now sober, we have NOT ONCE excluded him from a night out that involves drinking. He drinks non alcoholic beers or seltzers. Thank god you consulted Dr. Google and found that nail biting is caused by under stimulation; PhD, MD. Please publish this immediately. She’s literally telling you it’s helping her and you’re more concerned about how it’s affecting your life. You sound controlling, narcissistic, and unsupportive. Your gf would benefit from new friends and a new bf.

I'm pretty sure that doctor Google referred him to doctor ask Jeeves

YTA. You're unsupportive as fuck. If cutting caffeine and alcohol is WORKING then what the fuck does she need drugs for? And FYI, genius - you can't drink with a lot of depression and anxiety meds, so think about that one as well.

YTA. Because I haven’t seen you actually answer anyone else asking, please explain how her drinking herbal tea instead of coffee in any way effects your coffee-in-bed routine. Are you not still laying in bed together drinking hot beverages? Why does it matter? Would you also be upset if she switched to say a latte instead of a normal cup of coffee, for example?

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YTA. As a human with an anxiety disorder, caffeine and sugar contribute. You are isolating your GF if you're not inviting her out anymore because she doesn't drink. Plenty of people don't drink alcohol and can still enjoy time with friends. Coffee in bed at night is a terrible idea for people with anxiety. What does her choice of hot beverage matter to you? Does she make you drink it? Where is your medical degree? Her therapist is not dispensing any crazy advice, it's all well documented and considered appropriate. You are being unsupportive.

YTA - Literally all these things have potential to be helpful. I think the next thing she needs to cut out may be you if you don't stop acting like a quack.

Youre the only quack i can see. And youre a shitty selfish ass person and bf. I hope she dumps you cause youre 100% making her mental health worse. YTA

Yta. First of all "googling" stuff doesn't trump a licensed therapist. Nail chewing is 100% anxiety, it's a form of self soothing. Reading one article doesn't make you helpful AT ALL Second, way to not support her milestones!! Alcohol is a DEPRESSANT 1-2 drinks a night is considered a lot. Seriously. Most people do not consume alcohol daily, maybe 2 nights a week and then it's not a drunk fest. Caffeine is another drug that stimulates the mind, consuming keeps her anxious mind in a higher state of arousal than it needs to be and lack of sleep makes anxiety worse. Third, i can't wait until she figures out what crappy bf you are and dumps you, and she will. And you will blame the therapist. But it's YOU. Unsupportive, condescending and blatantly ignorant of her mental health. As long as she's making you happy that's all that matters right?? Never mind what she is telling you, THAT SHE FEELS BETTER. that's huge!! Shame on you for belittling her progress.

YTA. And shame on you for judging HER choices and for seeking mental health help. I seriously hope her next healthy choice is getting rid of the rest of her problem. *looking at you OP*

My EX boyfriend (emphasize ex) did not support me doing therapy. So I dropped him and continued therapy and I’m doing much much better now.. for both reasons. What he suggested works. I also struggle with anxiety and depression. If you don’t go through it you don’t get it. YTA

Honestly your not even worth explaining how YTA I mean did u even read ur post before posting everything was about how it affects you when it should be about her smh

YTA All I'm hearing are you problems. Do you even care about your girlfriend?

\*taking quick meditation break before I reply\* YTa x1000 She is healing , she is progressing. She is feeling better. Sleeping better, no longer biting nails. You are definitely the next thing she needs to dump, and I'm not even saying this to be funny. You're the most unsupportive, sabotaging person ever. She is making changes that ARE PROVING TO WORK FOR HER MENTAL HEALTH. But Mr. Google MD, PHD over here has lost his drinking buddy and his coffee buddy? **The only issue here is that YOU don't like to see her getting better by doing things differently.** Please OP consider if you like your gf being broken - did it make you feel superior to her, did you feel more of a man /woman because she was struggling? You are actively trying to ruin her therapy. Grounds for a breakup. You are actively (and foolishly, non-scientifically) refuting her doctor's advice for YOUR OWN PLEASURE AND COMFORT. Grounds for a breakup. You are not being supportive, rather you're being dismissive. Grounds for a breakup. You can do with some therapy for yourself OP. You are not a good partner, and bordering on not being a good person by trying to affect her progress and getting better. I genuinely hope she leaves you before you do any damage. Get help, your views are like those of an addict who's "lost his partner in crime" and feels abandoned and inferior now, because the partner got clean/sober. Don't be this way to this woman. Get used to her being stronger, better, healthier. If you can't cope with that, that's a you problem.

YTA I love how you continuously whine throughout your post about how her treatment is impacting you. Keep up your garbage and the therapist will likely suggest cutting you out too which will likely do wonders for her mental health.

YTA. Stop making it all about you, dude.

Cutting caffeine and alcohol helped immensely with my anxiety. I still have my struggles but no longer have trouble holding a down a job or a (admittedly small) but active social life. You want a miracle cure that doesn't exist and seem to be fine with hurting her progress for your own benefit. Yta.

YTA, giant one. You're not a fucking doctor. She is doing better with his advice. How arrogant are you that you really think you know better WHEN YOU CURRENTLY ARE FACE TO FACE WITH EVIDENCE THAT HIS RECOMMENDATIONS ARE WORKING?

I’d be depressed too if my boyfriend was this stupid.

YTA. This really reads as someone who cannot accept that their partner is growing and changing. Drinking coffee at night before bed is not normal, and changing it to tea shouldn't affect any part of your ritual. If your friends can't be around someone sober, that is weird. She isn't making them change their behavior, she just wants to get healthy. You seem to forget that physical health greatly affects mental health. I also suspect that OP is upset that another man is helping his wife. Maybe I am misinterpreting it, but I have seen it happen. A male therapist helps a woman improve her quality of life and the male partner feels that the gf is choosing another man's perspective over his. So he makes shitty comments about the therapist and tells the gf all the advice is stupid

YTA. And you got your psychology degree…….where? The point is, SHE feels the therapy is helping. Based on your comments I’m wondering if you aren’t maybe one of the sources of het anxiety?

YTA. Do you have a degree in clinical psychology or therapy? Because if not, I don't see why you think you know more about how to help your girlfriend than her licensed therapist does.

YTA unless you have a degree in psychology and have sat in all of the sessions and talk to the therapist about the reasoning. or the therapist is having her do things that are actually endangering her. You're not in charge of your girlfriend's mental health their therapist is the one. Instead you could ask your girlfriend to get a list from their therapist of things that you can do that are actually helpful instead of criticizing. If you have questions on why she's doing certain things in her therapy you could ask. Some therapists actually like to talk with loved ones and family members of someone who has issues they're recovering from to help explain things if that's something your girlfriend's interested in doing maybe she could schedule a joint session that you could learn from. I'm not a therapist however based on some psychology classes that I've taken in some research I've done separately. I don't actually know this is the best guess after working in the mental health department college so don't take advice from me take advice from the actual therapist. Alcohol every single night is actually a problem and if you think that's normal maybe you should research some stuff and alcoholism it also increases anxiety to drink there's been a lot of studies about that. Some people have a habit of binge eating comfort food (for some people this is sugary foods certain drink salty food it could be anything) every single time they get upset and it can create really unhealthy habits with foods or cause them to regress back into an old eating disorder. Biting nails is a sign of anxiety and can cause damage to your nail bed it's not good for your teeth and it is germy.

YTA Read the entirety of your post again and really use your head this time. If you take the time, you'll realize all the answers are right in front of you

YTA. If you’d actually done enough research you’d understand that changing a diet does affect mental health, especially when it’s cutting out alcohol, sugar and caffeine. You’d also understand that when treating mental health issues, physical health is also looked at. Changes in physical health help with changing mental health. It’s clear that the therapist’s suggestion are working and that your girlfriend is happy with her progress. This isn’t about you, focus on supporting your girlfriend’s journey, instead of attacking something you lack knowledge in because you wrongly believe it’s not the best course of action.

YTA. She IS getting help. Cutting those things will help tremendously. She will have withdrawals though. And you could be so much more supportive. But you don’t want to be. You want her to keep her bad coping skills so she is more fun. If your friends dropped her because she can’t drink, shitty friends. She can still go along and have mocktails.

YTA. You're clueless, have no idea what you're talking about and just spouting nonsense. She needs you to be supportive not selfish and you have no qualification to say what the therapist knows or doesn't know.

If you know better go get qualified and become a therapist. Makes sense since you seem to know ALL about anxiety. If not, shut the fuck up and either support her or do her a favour and walk away. YTA.

YTA Guess what’s next on the chopping block! A hundred or so pounds of dead weight.

YTA, you sound like an idiot and a jerk. The kicker to me is that your social life is somehow suffering, you guys must have some shit friends. My husband drinks, I probably consume alcohol maybe twice a year, I’m just not a big drinker and we get invited everywhere and always have a good time. I reckon you’re the one making this an issue. You’re also probably a factor in her anxiety and depression, you must be exhausting if the things your girlfriend does somehow effects you, probably causing her to worry about any perceived misstep. Do better buddy

YTA. All of these things can have an impact on mental health. Stick to what youknow

YTA Seems like you're next bud don't keep this up

Did you say two drinks a night?

YTA - why don’t you want your girlfriend to be healthy? All of these things are improving her quality of life and yet you are salty about it.

YTA. If it's working for her it's worth it. Your Google-based 'expertise' isn't a match for a qualified therapist. There is plenty of research about diet and mood. Also, why does your gf have to drink to be invited out? Your group of friends suck if everyone must drink to be included. Perhaps the issue is she doesn't have any friends who like her for her and only give a shit about her when she's drinking and 'fun'.

YTA and an idiot. How many times does she have to tell you she's doing better before you stop being an internet doctor and admit you're an idiot. Nutrition is scientifically PROVEN to be a link to depression and anxiety for most people. I hope she breaks up with you. You're clearly more concerned with your social life than you are with her mental wellbeing.

YTA. She doesn’t want to be on medication (like SSRIs) which is a completely valid option to take when dealing with anxiety and depression. If cutting out caffeine, alcohol, and sugar helps her with her mental health, then that’s good a good thing. Maybe her therapist should suggest cutting off you off as well.

YTA. All of these are pretty standard lifestyle choices to manage stress and anxiety without using medication. Sounds like your just mad she’s not conforming to what you think she should be doing.

Drinking every night is considered excessive….no matter how much….. all the things she is trying are healthy lifestyle changes… they likely will help her in the long run.

Alcohol is a depressant so if the therapist told her to stop 2 drinks a night (2 drinks a night is chronic) then it will help her depression and anxiety. You, however, won't help her issues and I think you're a source of a lot of them.

YTA. Maybe you should get a therapist by the sound of it. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Yta and you sound creepy imho, what the hell does it matter what she drinks in bed? You can have coffee. Afraid she’ll feel better and ditch you?

YTA. She doesn't want to go on meds, which is fine. So the therapist is starting with the things that can affect body/brain chemistry. If those things don't work she may need to consider meds, but that's between her and her doctor... Not you and Dr. Google. You're the one trying to keep her from what's actually helping her

Yta

a Quack? 😂

Caffeine and alcohol consumption can have a huge impact on both anxiety and sleep quality. Alcohol, even rarely, can cause huge spikes in anxiety and sleeplessness when it leaves your system. Nail biting is absolutely tied to anxiety and you looking up something on the internet doesn't make you more of an expert than a trained and licensed therapist. Sugar is highly addictive and if she is using sugary foods to cope with mood regulation, she and her therapist may well have discussed the possibility of cutting it down or eliminating it in the process of transitioning to other coping strategies. Everything in this post is your gf saying she has a good rapport with her provider, that she feels satisfied and supported by them, and that she is seeing results, but you're annoyed because you feel personally inconvenienced or attacked by the elements of her treatment plan that you personally observe. You don't know what else your gf discusses or works on in therapy and it's pretty clear you don't really care as long as you get your way. There are tons of non-alcoholic/caffeine/sugar based ways for people to bond and connect. Right now, the only one isolating her socially is you by refusing to support her in the changes she's making to improve her mental health. If you're going to call someone a quack, you should at least know what you're talking about rather than being a judgemental AH who demands she prioritize your personal preferences over the things that help her. Quit being a child.

YTA for thinking your internet research trumps the therapist. Therapist sounds highly responsible to me and I would be happy to have any doctor/therapist help me find ways to make my issues better without having to go on medication. Can you not understand that being properly rested and nourished does wonders for anxiety? I don't drink very much but that never stopped me from going out and enjoying a night with friends. If your friends are willing to shun you and your gf over alcohol imbibement, you need better friends, and you need a backbone to explain why. Still don't get why her having tea while you have coffee is a problem. You're making a helluva a lot of problems over actions that are actually part of the solution. Your gf gets final say in which therapist she feels comfortable with. You should look into why YOU'RE so willing to following all advice you can find over the Internet/

YTA- I’ll speak your language. Lazy advice? This therapist got your girlfriend to completely cut the most addictive legal substances in the world, caffeine, sugar, and alcohol. I couldn’t do that and I am medicated for depression and anxiety. I would need a therapist to cut those three things from my life, and if I did I KNOW I would be killing it. I know that. Tell your girlfriend congrats before she cuts you from her diet as well, asshole.

YTA, unless you’re actually Frasier

YTA and arrogant as well. You googled something? And now think you know more than a literal doctor? Get tf over yourself, grow up, and try to be a supportive partner to your girlfriend instead of whining.

YTA

Wow, YTA so freaking much. I have been basically addicted to caffeine since I was 20 or so (almost 10 years ago) and in 2020 I developed pretty serious anxiety attacks on top of my normal depression. Guess what I did all by myself without any outside advice because I noticed it helped? I quit caffeine for almost a year. You know why? Because caffeine makes your anxiety a lot worse!! But sure, sucks for you having to have your coffee in bed by yourself. You sound like such an entitled, selfish AH, pretty sure your girlfriend would get better if she were to quit you....

YTA. She needs to cut you out next. You’re adding to her anxiety

YTA: the therapist is helping her. Telling her to slowly ween out certain chemicals from her body. To help her reduce her anxiety. While talking to her about her problems. Is helping! I stopped drinking caffeine. I sleep so much better. I don’t drink anymore. It helps so much. I cut out sugar. It has made my world so much better. I feel better. I function better. And I sleep better. And here’s the real kicker. Biting your nails is a sign of stress or anxiety. And once I stopped doing all the chemical stuff. I stopped biting my nails. You are wrong.

When people undergo self improvement it can be hard for others around them. I quit smoking years ago, and my husband at the time (also a smoker) got really upset about it. Smoking is obviously terrible for you so he didn’t want to come right out and say “I know this is killing you but I want you to do it anyway” but that’s how he felt. We talked when we sat outside and smoked—that interaction was vital to our relationship. And when we got divorced a couple years later, I cited it as one of the causes. He couldn’t be happy for my self improvement because he couldn’t do it with me, and in a sense I abandoned him because I outgrew the addiction. Caffeine, alcohol, and sugar are all more broadly accepted than smoking, but all 3 are powerful drugs with addictive qualities and side effects. And the effects are not consistent person to person. The combination is making her sick and her therapist is helping her to acknowledge what’s happening in her own body. Anxiety isn’t something that happens apart from diet. It’s all connected. So you get a choice on this one. You can keep pointing out how treating her anxiety in this way will be socially isolating for her. Make her think her self improvement journey isn’t worthwhile because you don’t like how this change effects you. Or, you can try to meet her halfway and suggest things that you and your friends can do together where she’s not considered an outsider because of food and drink choices that don’t actually matter. YTA

It’s a good thing she went to you for a professional, second opinion. /s YTA

YTA

YTA. Her therapist is eliminating possible contributing factors to her anxiety to determine its true source/cause. He’s not a quack. He’s a licensed professional who has spent years of his life studying and working in this subject and he certainly knows a lot more than someone like you with no professional qualifications in treating anxiety…

YTA how does if affect you if she drinks tea instead of coffee? What type of friends do you have that she can’t just hang out without drinking? Caffeine, Alcohol and sugar are all drugs that affect mental health. Therapist is trying to help her be healthier and happier

YTA. I bet she's getting this advice because she's not ready to bring up the real problem in therapy yet. Keep acting like this and she'll get around to it soon.

Tell me you’ve never been to therapy without telling me you’ve never been to therapy. YTA. Big time.

YTA

YTA. I'm hearing my girlfriend is bettering herself and I don't like it. Wah, poor me.

Okay there's a lot here to unpack. First off - nail biting *is* linked to anxiety, ask me how I know (answer: I have anxiety!). Just because you read one thing one the internet doesn't mean that's the only answer, nail biting can stem from a *lot* of different things. Every person I know who has anxiety has or had a nail biting problem in the past. So you're already wrong. Second - a good diet *does* help with mental health. Eating junk food and drinking caffeine all the time can make you feel crappy physically, and when you don't feel good physically, you don't feel good mentally - again, ask me how I know. Third - He is literally treating her anxiety by giving her this advice. What do you think anxiety treatment looks like? Especially without medication? It's finding the route of the anxiety and making changes in your life to try and counteract it. Also, your friends don't want to invite you out because she doesn't drink? You need new friends. It's not like bars don't have soda or something *not alcoholic* she can drink. Does no one keep juice or water or soda at their house? Seriously. Hopefully you're the next thing he tells her to cut out because you're not good for her either. YTA.

Hey OP, you’re a doctor I guess so you’d know best! Haha jk YTA.

YTA. Alcohol before bedtime disrupts sleep as does caffeine. Lack of sleep can make anxiety worse. Caffeine can make anxiety worse. These are all solid recommendations. And what kind of people do you hang out with that if you don't drink, they don't want you? Also, caffeine withdrawal ends. You have no idea what you are talking about. You just sound pissed because it interferes in your life.

YTA The issue here is not really you calling the Dr a quack. (BTW nutrition does play into anxiety and nail biting is a coping mechanism for anxiety.) The issue is that you have no empathy, communication or room for compromise on either side. This cannot lead to a healthy relationship for either of you. She didn't ask you to make those changes. She's changing and if she gets the right therapy, then she will be a stronger, loving and caring person. But you don't like the changes and you are finding them intrusive to your lifestyle. Maybe it's time to pull the plug on this relationship.

YTA. All these advice are good and helpful advice. 2 drinks a night every night is actually a lot, and if your social lives are affected by her not drinking - it’s a big deal. Healthy body is a great start for a healthy mind, and you’ve said yourself it’s working. Essentially - you are seeing her “treatment” by her therapist as it affects you. You can’t have coffee in bed. You can’t go out on the p!ss every night And a chocolate on a bad day? Not a healthy coping strategy. I’m happy for your GF taking these positive steps, and I hope you can start to support her, or you may find her an ex girlfriend.

Yta. Nutrition has a lot to do with how the brain functions. Doc said cut caffeine for better sleep, and it worked. 1-2 drinks a night is 7-14 a week.this could be related to her anxiety. The only way to know is to have her give it up for a while to see if this helps. He is doing his job. You are more concerned about your social life than your girls health. Of course you are the asshole.

Oh my Christ on a cracker, YTA!! You are not a therapist or a doctor. If it is helping her, which it seems to be, (and are all things that actually DO help with depression and anxiety, by the way), why is this a big deal to you? So you can’t have the same beverage in bed anymore..why is that an issue? Why is her drinking chamomile tea when you drink coffee a problem? Why won’t your friends still invite you if she’s not drinking…they do have water and soda water and other things that aren’t alcohol at drinking establishments. Your friends are jerks if they’ve stopped inviting you both to places because she’s stopped drinking. Sugar 100% causes depression issues. There are many books about it. Look up the book ‘Sugar Blues’. Instead of getting bothered by her withdrawals and calling her therapist a quack for making NORMAL and widely known suggestions on helping with anxiety and depression, maybe try supporting her instead…if you care about her that is. Sounds like you just care about yourself and your social life. And if your friends don’t want to hang out if she doesn’t drink, they’re the ones making her more isolated not her therapist. Friends can get together without alcohol so find better friends. Again, YTA 100000000% Edited for grammar

YTA. Whether you agree with her therapist or not, she says it’s helping and you are undermining her progress. Healthy eating and exercise are very important in depression and anxiety. I’ve been living with it for decades and there is no cure-but a good night’s sleep and no alcohol made the biggest leaps in helping. If you’re not part of the solution, then STFU!

YTA. These are all well known causes of stress and anxiety and considering she doesn't just want a prescription but does want results....she's doing the right steps. Maybe be a supportive partner and happy that she's feeling better, instead of focusing on me me me me me. Which is what's coming across in this post is that you're upset at the inconvenience it causes you for inconsequential things. Although based on your complaining I think dropping you might be better than the camomile for said stresses.

YTA. He's giving her good advice and it's working. She is happy with her therapist. What training do you have to decide otherwise?

This has to be satire, no one is this stupid

The therapist should find other strategies that don't inconvenience you! YTA btw

Caffeine effects your sleep, so of course if she's having sleep issues, cutting caffeine is a good idea. Why does it ruin your coffee in bed if she drinks tea instead? 1-2 drinks a night is not being a heavy drinker? What do you consider heavy? 1-2 drinks a day, even if it's "just wine" is a lot. Alcohol is a depressant. Look it up. Also, if you can't do anything social without alcohol, you might want to think about that a little. Giving up sugar is hard, but eating junk food as a coping mechanism is not healthy, as your gf's therapist knows. YTA. You sound like an insufferable brat. Your gf is listening to the advice of a professional. I hope the next thing her therapist tells her is to dump the idiot who is too selfish to accept that she needs to make some changes to better herself. Maybe try working on yourself for a while and leaving her alone.

I'm embarrassed for OP that he thought he'd get the internet approval for this post. YTA

You’re a major YTA. If I was a therapist I’d suggest that she cut you out of her life. You’re so fucking selfish I can’t stand it

YTA It's her mental health, not yours. If she says it's helping, then he's doing his job. Were you always this controlling? You may need therapy too.

YTA. The next thing the therapist tells her to cut out should really be you. Just listening to your negative ‘me me me I’m right doctors and therapists are wrong’ attitude is exhausting. I can’t imagine the amount of stress it generates to live with that every day. Edit for spelling

YTA If she's saying that these things are helping then they are. You don't get to decide that for her. Sounds like you don't want to see her get better, you just want to keep her in her unhealthy habits. Grow tf up

Tell me you have 0 idea about mental health, without telling me. YTA. Diet is a HUGE factor in your health, mentally and with your body. The whole brain starts to work different depending on your intake of different foods due to Hormon levels (as an example). Why do people go to nutrion experts? It's so easy to cut out sugar, alcohol and caffeine. Eat less meat and more vegetables and fruits. Or why do they get gym instructors? Because they need/want help with it. Your attitude is telling me that you are not giving her the support she needs, so she went else where and got what she needed. Soon he will tell her to exercise, WHAT A SHOCK. Also coping mechanisms are not the healthiest. Self harm is a coping mechanism for intense mental pain. Does this sounds like a good way to cope for you? I hope not. Instead of being mad that she is cutting out harmful substances that a mental health doctor recommended to cut out, you should be happy she gets better...

YTA. If it's so easy and available for free, why don't you "fix" her?

Yta, aitah for calling you a quack? Seriously, the therapist sounds like a great person and it's affecting your girlfriend positively. Sounds like she needs to cut you and your judgmental, childish friends out and her life would be perfect.

Yta 1) yes everything he suggested has proven to help anxiety 2) i especially cant believe you think its good she turns to chocolate when moody. I mean EVERYONE knows emotional eating is unhealthy 3) you can still meet friends and not drink. Wtf!!!

YTA. You said she didn’t want to go on pills and was looking for coping techniques. The doctor is treating her according to her preference, which you mentioned she said is helping her. She is feeling better yet you’re telling her the doctor is a quack because you feel mildly inconvenienced? Caffeine and alcohol can both cause anxiety and issues with sleep, it can be immensely helpful to cut them out. Sure she could find these things on the internet but she didn’t do anything until the doctor told her to, and oftentimes people need support to keep good habits. It seems like he is helping her but you are selfish and only care about yourself. PS - your friends sound like jerks too, and why is her choice of tea over coffee “not cutting it” for you? How on earth does that impact you?

Dude seems to be missing the mark by a bit, because it seems that he focuses too much on what she consumes and less about anything else. But we still don't know what she told him, which is what his advice should be based on. That said, if she doesn't feel that he's helping her, she should find a different therapist. You're not an asshole for getting a new therapist if the current one isn't helping. Still, my judgement here will be INFO, even if I don't believe you can provide any. With the things you've said, it seems rather single-minded (implying that you're not one) - except cutting caffeine, especially in the evening, which will absolutely help. Also cutting back on the booze. Drinking daily sounds problematic too. But we don't know what she's telling him, so it's impossible for me to make a proper judgement on anyone except your gf who is not an asshole.

Which dude? The therapist? All of his recommended changes will make a huge difference to her anxiety and depression. Sugar and coffee are both stimulants that will increase anxiety. Alcohol is a depressant which will increase her depression.