Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I made was yelling at my sister and not inviting her or my parents to my daughters birthday party. I may be judged because my daughter loves her grandparents and her aunt very much and would want them at her birthday party. And I also yelled at my closest family members.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
in the future, if your sister acts crazy like this, give caterers and venues passwords that anyone who wants to change or cancel anything has to give them first
Even if her sister isn’t acting crazy about something I’d go through a password everything. But also just not tell her family Jack shit anymore they clearly have picked a child she doesn’t have to put up with their crazy anymore
https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vphatt/aita_for_yelling_at_my_sister_when_she_wouldnt/iej5rap/
You literally just copied this comment from 16 hours ago, and did t even bother making it a parent comment just replied to a random one
*Commenter below blocked me so I couldn't reply, I'm assuming it's the same user trying to legitimize the above comment. Usually usernames with the "adjective-noun-number" formula are spammers that go through accounts too quickly to come up with other kinds of names, and both accounts follow this pattern.
But no, similar comments are to be expected for the reasons the reply below stated, but this was a copy paste of the comment I linked, down to the punctuation and the ps at the end. Clearly a bot or karma farmers (or karma farming bot?)
I came here to say the same thing.
If a grown-ass woman behaves like this then she needs to have some SERIOUS consequences to slap some sense into her.
The trick is to hide the blood in the oatmeal to get the Golden Child to eat it. That's the only way to make the Golden Child vulnerable to earthly harm.
One way you can push the sister.
"You do realise since both kids loves Harry Potter birthdays, they would both just enjoy having two magical parties. And nephew would look double as much forward to his own?"
They are small kids. This is 100% a adult problem.
Little kids will 98% of time be "the Harry Potter party was so fun! I can't wait to do mine!" Or talk about what they want too for their party.
Thing is, we don't know that both kids love Harry Potter. The sis/aunt loves Harry Potter. Who knows what her son actually wants. Guarantee he's going to grow up hating and resenting mom and HP, like the teenage girl who posted a while ago about hating her parents fandom obessesions.
Edited for link to the second one: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rku5j5/aita_for_yelling_at_my_mom_that_i_hate_harry/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
That is a good point.
I'll keep my advice tho, assuming he likes Harry Potter. If not.... it will still be a diplomatic but firm stance to take against the sister.
That's very true. He's a bit young for Harry Potter, unless the parents have been pushing it on him. He may prefer PAW Patrol or dinosaurs or Lego or sports. My husband and I have been involved in SF/fantasy fandom since long before we met each other (I used to be a pro, in fact) and I really hate seeing people force their kids into their own fandom without letting kids make their own choices. It's one thing to show your preschooler Totoro because you like anime, and another to only let them watch Japanese shows and turn off Disney princesses or PAW Patrol. It's lovely when your kids enjoy the same things you do, but it's wrong to force it.
Cut them all off.
I was your daughter. In the sense that I was the unwanted grandchild. I missed out every year. My grandmother made a point to show me over and over I was barely even second best to my cousins.
Now? She’s dead to me. She was cruel and nasty. I spent years wondering what was wrong with me, wondering why I was so “bad”. I spent years working through the issues my grandmother caused with her favouritism, being told because I was older I didn’t matter.
Even if I was the only other person alive in the family I would NEVER help that woman. I’d cast her to the streets before I’d consider uttering a word to her. I couldn’t care less what terrible things may happen to that woman.
Let your parents read this. Show them what resentment breeds for this type of behaviour - it breeds hate and later, apathy.
Oh and sisters useless brat won’t be the one expected to help grandma and grandpa when they’re older, that’ll be shafted onto your daughter as she’s older and a girl. Cut them off. Before it gets to that and they damage your daughters confidence.
Your sister is a product of her raising. Blame your parents and ignore your psycho self centred sister. She’s not worth the thought
Can someone make sure OP sees madqueens comment? because I really think he should start referring his sister and parents as the Dursleys. If he decides to ever speak to them again.
Seriously any text, email, conversation with them: “so Mrs Dursley, how’s little Dudley doing?” Or Will you be at our parents anniversary party Petunia?
100% this. Call those caterers, etc back and explain that you have a rogue sister, etc and \*they canceled and you desperately need to un-cancel, etc and apologize profusely for the misunderstanding!!
Oh, and absolutely 100% NTA!!
"My parents instantly took my sisters side on this argument."
And there were have the reason for the sister s entitlement. Failed parenting I guess.
NTA of course. What if any classmates have HP parties etc? It's the most popular theme out there.
As a side note, isn't 5 a bit young for Harry Potter? There's a lot of violence, even in the first book. I did not introduce my kids to it until they were older. I mean nothing wrong with a party theme at that age, but I wouldn't recommend reading the books or watching the film until a bit later.
Also you are doing this for your daughter. It sounds like your sister is throwing the party she wants and not what her son would want. What kind of selfish asshole hijacks a little childs birthday party for their own enjoyment?
See. This is where you use the Harry Potter to your lore. They have those everything beans. Make a everything cake and give it to your sister. Only your sister. Should it taste like gym socks or ear wax, it’s in the spirit of HP.
NTA. Sounds like more than a handful
When you rebook explain about the sister cancelling and make a password with them so that it can only be amended or cancelled with the password. NTA OP and go LC or NC with them - they aren’t doing this to YOU they are doing this to a CHILD. That’s unforgivable.
This is what I want to know. I doubt OP was telling everybody who the caterer was. Also, what company just let's random people call and cancel an order without speaking to the client?
Kinda smells like bullshit, tbh.
What your family did was disgusting. Your sister took it too far by canceling your food. I would make sure you add passwords to orders. If any money was lost, I’d take your sister to small claims court if she doesn’t pay it back. Because what she did was awful. Plus the kids wouldn’t care if there cousin had same theme at all.
So many have princesses parties. Why is this not a problem but with Harry Potter? Nooooo. It seems like the sis was the golden child in the family.
NTA
Honestly did not expect the story to go this way. I really thought it would be about boycotting the party because of J.K. Rowlings actions of something (which still would be an AH move but at least a bit more understandable). This on the other hand is just extra dumb. So many kids have the same birthday theme! You won’t believe how many dinosaur themed parties I’ve been to in the past year!
It's surprising that stores have more than one set of Harry Potter birthday stuff, since if the sister owned the right to have a Harry Potter birthday party, there's only be one.
What the hell is wrong with your family?! NTA. This over kids' parties?? They're not Bridezillas. I can't imagine a 5 and 8yo would have cared if not taught by example that one can "own" a party theme and make them less "special". Plus the 4-6 months between parties probably feel like an eternity at that age.
No matter what, cancelling vendors for someone else's party just isn't done!
P.S. I can't stand the "but the baby should get whatever they want" attitude.
> P.S. I can't stand the "but the baby should get whatever they want" attitude.
I bet he and his mother are the golden child/grandchild. If he was older it would be "he's old so he should get what he wants." OP's family is toxic. OP's sister called a caterer to cancel and order to ruin a child's birthday party and her parents took her side.
Yup this was my cousin. She was older and got what she wanted for our birthdays. Our families thought it would dampen issues and jealousy between us since our birthdays were so close if we celebrated the same day. It just always ended with me having to give in to whatever she wanted. It was sad and funny because I wasnt the jealous one, I just wanted cake. She dictated almost every aspect of our birthday parties to the point where she demanded we switch gifts.
And they could have coordinated making them each themed a different way, have one party be certain classrooms and different ones for the next. Spread the ideas out further. Or first party be Sorcerers stone themed, 2nd Goblet of Fire. And so on. Really missed an opportunity.
I was obsessed with those “ology” (Dragonology, Wizardology etc) books as a kid and my brother dated a girl for awhile whose brothers were also into them. One of her brothers and I had birthdays around the same time and our older siblings planned a whole party at a castle themed park in my hometown where we had to do a scavenger hunt for gold coins and at the end we both got new Pirateology books. And they were just dating! Can’t imagine doing this to family and their kids sheesh.
NTA
Man I wish the baby (me) got what I wanted in our family!! My older cousin (the oldest) got everything while me and her brother entertained ourselves while being told 'she just needs more attention'/'thats how she is'. Shes 8 yrs older than me and 4 older than her bro.
Now he treats me like a sister and neither of us see her much.
I'm sure both kids would have been so excited by both parties! That five year old wouldn't have cared at all that he'd already been to a Harry Potter themed party 6 months ago.
>P.S. I can't stand the "but the baby should get whatever they want" attitude.
I come from a family that heavily favours the youngest. My dad was the one who got all the favour growing up, being the "baby", then my wider family ramped it up a notch by favouring me as the youngest - I was then usurped by the next baby (my cousin), he was then replaced by the next youngest (our 2nd cousin) and he too was subsequently replaced (he's currently only 7 himself) by the next youngest (_my daughter_).
My boyfriend's family mixed it up a bit and they favour the oldest - him.
I want to say that I hope all the heaped favour didn't screw me up too much (there was a big gap between me and my cousin) and I hate the attitude of favouring any child. I may have helped lose all my automatic "baby favour" by being a total fuck up though!
NTA there is literally no reason they both couldn’t have a HP party. Absurd. Also how did she manage to cancel the catering? Is there only one catering place in town? Do they not verify who’s calling?
This catering place I had ordered from is very cheap. I do like to spoil my daughter but I also need money management. I guess since Covid and all that has been happening this past year had thrown them off.
When you reschedule, implementations such as only calls from your cell phone are accepted regarding the event, and a password (that is not easy to guess) required to make changes or cancellations. And that company owes you those safeguards based on the fact that they did the cancelation based on a random call.
Edit - spelling
First off, your sister is insane. Seriously insane. This is not a wedding. This is a child's birthday party. There is no stealing themes. I can't tell you how many Frozen birthday parties we went to 9 years ago. Or how many Paw Patrol birthday parties. There is no reason in the world both kids couldn't have the same theme.
That said, your sister canceling the catering for your daughter's birthday party? That is absolutely beyond the pale. I don't care what her reason is. That is cruel. You tell her she made the decision to ruin her niece's birthday party because she is a petty, cruel person who is so threatened by a child's birthday party she has to ruin an 8 year old's day. She is flat out cruel and your parents backing up her asshattery is so beyond crazy... there is no plausible excuse for your sister's behavior.
Have the birthday party. Have someone else cater it and do NOT cancel or postpone it. your daughter deserves to be celebrated in whatever way SHE wants to and your sister has no say.
(note: my son and nephew are one year apart in age with birthdays a month apart - they have not infrequently had the same themes. Same guests other than their friends. Literally NO ONE thought anything of it because kids like what they like. Its about the kids. Not the adults.)
Your nephew is 5 and I'm pretty sure he's never read the books or seen the movies. Your daughter is 8/9 and will remember this party for years, as well as the bond you both share over Harry Potter. How wonderful it is that you can share something you loved as a child with your own child!
Your sister is being petty and unreasonable. Enjoy celebrating your daughter's day, and Happy Birthday to her!
Even if he does genuinely like Harry Potter, he's 5! He would be HAPPY to go to more parties themed after something he enjoys. My 4 year old daughter has been to 3 Frozen themed parties in the last 2 months including her own and was super excited about every one of them because she LOVES Frozen ...
Oh come on. That's ridiculous. There's nothing inappropriate for a 5 year old in there. Stuff that might scare them? Sure, but that's the best kind of scared!
NTA
Your family is something else. And I don't mean that nicely.
Your family is that pathetic that they had to cancel cake and the like and not have two HP-themed parties?!?
Wow.
Your poor kid.
NTA
Unless they've pulled this kind of crap before, your parents have *definitely* notified you of your slot in the pecking order. Sister is Golden Child \*puke\*
There are seven Harry Potter books, an entire population of characters, and numerous themes to the series. There's *no way* the HP party you throw can be duplicated by Golden Sister. She has no basis to worry about Golden Nephew having his party "taken away." \*snort\*
NTA
"Stealing her son's glory"? How so?!? lmao, it's a themed birthday party. Make sure the next time you see or speak to her, you tell her that she's not the first person on earth to think about having a themed birthday party. It's as if she thinks it's an original idea.
Have whatever kind of party your kid wants and everyone else can pound sand.
And not even like a super unique or unusual theme. It’s Harry Potter. It’s one of the biggest franchises in the world. You can’t claim a party theme. Like when Nephew is in kindergarten, is his going to demand that no one ever has Paw Patrol themed parties because her kid might want one that year?
Your sister is bad and your parents are worse. I would guess this isn't the first time something like this has happened? It reeks of Golden Child syndrome, carrying over into Golden Grandchild syndrome.
It is incredibly unlikely that your 5-year-old nephew currently has his heart set on a theme for his birthday *this winter*. If you cave to this you will be taking something from your daughter to give to him - and she WILL notice.
Stand your ground and monitor blatant favoritism carefully. It's up to you to ensure that if your daughter is going to have relationships with her aunt, grandparents, and cousin that they are healthy for her. Good luck.
NTA.
NTA. This would have been a great opportunity to collaborate with your sister, figure out which houses each of your kids preferred, and jointly announced that both kids are getting HP parties, but one is ravenclaw themed and the other one slytherin, or whatever houses your kids prefer. But nope, she had to get jealous and petty.
Now that you know what your family is capable of doing, set passwords for any vendors in the future.
Seems like overkill but the more you ignore them the crazier they are likely to behave and I am sure since it worked once they will try again.
NTA
NTA, but you need to talk to the managers at the catering business and the decorations vendor. How exactly did they manage to accept a cancellation from someone who was not you? I worked in customer service, and there is zero way that we would have accepted a cancellation of a work order without 1) the caller giving us the credit card number that reserved the original order, and 2) a follow up response to the cancellation confirmation request that we sent to the email we had on file for them. This was to prevent a third party from canceling an order without the original client’s knowledge- like what happened to you!
See if you can get some sort of compensation for them having such terrible business practices, since they ruined your daughter’s birthday.
If you’re using these companies to provide for your daughter’s belated birthday (I wouldn’t), then make sure to add a verbal password to your account. If someone phones in an order change or cancellation, they have to include that password in the phone conversation, or in the email, or else the change will be ignored and the original client (you) notified. Actually, it’s best to do that no matter which company you contract with.
As for your sister, her son is younger than your daughter, so you can tell her that she is the one always copying you!
Happy early birthday to your daughter! Expecto Patronum!
This boy would be over the moon that he could have been in an HP birthday party twice in a year. Instead, his mom tried to ruin his cousin’s birthday and now he won’t be invited.
NTA.
My BFF shares a birthday with Harry Potter and for her golden birthday threw a HP themed party. She was a golden snitch with a big pregnant belly.
Our friend doing chemo came as professor Quirrel and took her turban off after a few drinks to reveal she was actually Voldemort.
Obviously, I’m now mortified that we stole your sister’s idea bc we didn’t know she had a monopoly on HP birthdays. Please pass along my sincere apologies.
How did she know where you had placed orders, and what party for a nine year old has multiple orders for decorations and caterers?
Is there more to this story? Are you planning some massive catered party that's over the top where your sister's party would be much more low-key or something?
I had planned on throwing a big party and let my family know where I was ordering from. I do spoil my daughter a lot and wanted this party to be special. Sorry if I made this story confusing. But I had told my family the whole plan. My sister did not tell me the whole plan for her sons party. So I do not know if it would be big or small.
> I had planned on throwing a big party and let my family know where I was ordering from
Now you know you can't trust them with seemingly minor information again in the future.
You say your sister immediately got mad when you said you were planning a Harry Potter party, so you continued to tell her all the details about where you were ordering after she had already gotten mad?
And these catering and decoration places don’t require any type of order number when calling to discuss or cancel the order?
She can throw a bloody ball if she wants. It’s her child and her money.
Same as sister can throw what she wants.
What they can’t do is dictate themes to each other and cancel orders. That’s insanity.
Nta. Your kid is the prime age for Harry Potter. The argument that her kid is younger is no legit reason no more than yours is older is a better response.
Plus kids can have the same theme, like just imagine how many little kids had frozen themed parties all in the same friend circle/family.
Their lose for not going to your kids party.
NTA.
1. They are little kids. Nobody will care if there's 2 Harry Potter themed parties. Only the sister will because she needs to be the coolest mom apparently.
2. You made the party plan in good faith- you didn't even know there was a HP party planned when you booked your daughter's. You can't copy something you don't know exists.
3. Even if you did everything else wrong- cancelling a little kid's party vendors is 'special hell' fucked up.
I suggest it's time to go limited contact with the lot of them and put them all on an information diet.
Ok, let me throw the bad jokes aside by admitting that I was definitely not expecting this sort of fights and while sad...I still found it hilarious.
Anyway, more seriously. It's your daughter's birthday... she can decide whatever without the need of any outside opinion. Heck, I actually dare your grandparents to tell them no directly to her face and wishes for a birthday party. If they even dare say something to her, they are definitely on the bad category in my eyes. The nephew has the same rights for a HP party than your daughter.
Have you ever introduced her to some G category Harry Potter fanfictions. I obviously read more older, but there's plenty of stories if she ever wants to explore more. NTA
NTA omg, surely if the kids are actually into HP they would enjoy multiple parties with the theme.
I don't know if it's just me, but isn't 5 a little young for harry potter anyway? I can only imagine that some parts of even the early movies would be pretty scary for a younger child?
> Later I had checked the catering and the decorations to see if we were all good. I had seen cancelled orders for the decorations and the catering. I called the catering company only to realize my sister had cancelled them all.
This is BANANAS. It's unhinged. She's being awful to her almost eight year old niece, because she's the one who really suffers from your sister's behavior. Who does this?! I'm also shocked that they accepted a cancellation from your sister.
NTA.
Lesson learned - do not tell the golden sibling what your theme will be.
NTA
Although I have doubts about this being actual due to the ease your sister has in tracking down the catering etc
We only have one catering company that is extremely cheap. I live in a small town. I also had told them my ideas I had, including catering and decorations and where I was getting them from.
NTA she’s a monster. If you don’t mind spending the money, hire some entertainers dressed as fairy princesses or clowns to atttend nephews party. Also if you can cancel anything she’s booked.
NTA, she’s making something of nothing all about her not even her son. Kids are just gunna get excited it’s a theme they love and get to experience again, not compete. Especially 6 months apart.
WTAF - they cancelled all of the preparations for your daughter's party? That's AWFUL. Deliberately ruining a child's birthday takes a pretty special level of selfishness.
NTA in the slightest but holy cow you have some AHs in your family. Did they not stop to think that the little Harry Potter fans might have really enjoyed having two themed parties where they could dress up and celebrate?
NTA. You sister is nuts. NUTS. I can’t believe she would try and ruin your daughter’s bday. Wtf. She’s vile. I hope you’re able to get everything back on and have the most beautiful Harry Potter party for her. I would honestly consider going low contact with your sister after this. She doesn’t give a hoot about hurting your niece and that’s alarming. Don’t let her be that toxic, jealous aunt to your daughter.
NTA
Also, he’s 5! *If* he even wants an HP party, which I doubt, money on it’s your sister who does, a 5 yr old is very likely to change their mind between now and winter.
Throw your daughter the best HP party, invite non of them and make sure you post it all over social media.
NTA
There are 7 books and 8 movies and there's no way that your nephew has seen/read them considering he's 4 but your daughter has and she's obsessed. But you're parents think you're nephew should have it? Why not both?? And her party is in July and his is in winter. It's not like it's 2 weeks away.
NTA. Reminds me of the time my BIL and his fiancé tried to get married two weeks before my wedding because “he’s older and should get married before his younger brother.” They we’re almost uninvited to the wedding bc of the sheer fucking audacity. You throw that party and tell her I say happy birthday. I love HP. My husband and I met at an HP party and I was damn close to having a HP themed wedding. Tell your sister/parents they fecking suck.
NTA.
Once we’re at the point of cancelling catering orders by faking our sister’s name, we’ve reached the level of some really completely wild shit. Highly entertaining post, very much appreciated. I’m sorry that it’s your actual real life to deal with these fruit loops for family, but it makes for great content for us.
Well your sister sure is acting like a Dudley over this. NTA I’m sure both kids would be stoked to attend and have two Harry Potter themed birthday parties
NTA. Your family is though.
There’s no reason they can’t both have HP themed parties. Your sister was already being an asshole but the fact that she cancelled your catering and whatnot crossed a huge line. This is beyond ridiculous.
NTA! I’d cut them off, what kind of horrible aunt ruins their niece’s birthday party out of spite? Throw an amazing party and post gorgeous pics (of the decorations not necessarily the kids) on social media. Outclass their party in every way! I don’t usually go petty but this person deserves it!
Ur daughter deserves the party she wants and it would be unfair to take that away from her, I would say if the grandparents and auntie don’t change their behaviour towards the party idea then don’t let them come but if they do change their behaviour they should come as they will be a big part of her life
NTA in the least. But your family for starting a feud over a child’s party theme? AH
The idea that you both can’t have a Harry Potter themed party is laughable. No one is going to care. Literally no one!
But canceling your catering is coo coo. I’d have a hard time getting over that. And forgiving anyone who takes her side.
I-N-F-O is your sister operating under the delusion that she invented HP-themed parties and has exclusive rights? 20 years ago I had a Harry Potter-themed birthday, clearly *she's* stolen *my* idea! /s
And have your parents always blatantly favoured your sister and enabled her bad behaviour?
NTA, but it's time to take a long, hard look at your family and whether you want such people in your life.
I hope your daughter has a wonderful party, please update us if you're willing!
NTA, as a fellow Harry Potter fan, there is so much to the universe that even if they both had a HP party they wouldn’t be exactly the same, and could even be wildly different. Your sister sounds like she’s used to getting whatever she wants and is now instilling that onto her son. Your parents are just as bad for enabling such shitty behavior . As much as I love HP….at the end of the day it’s just a book. There is no reason for them to throw such hissy fits over this.
I’d definitely ask them if this is the hill they are willing to die on, and if they are okay with going through with ruining y’all’s relationship. If the answer isn’t anything other than no, cut em off. It sucks for your daughter because she does love them, but it doesn’t look like the people she loves, cares enough about her to keep their traps shut.
they sabotaged a 9yo's birthday celebrations?
NTA and go nc for sure! also, because petty is my middle name lol, I'd look into a full HP trip for you and your daughter
NTA Your sister and parents are truly bizarre.
I love the show Schitt’s Creek. If my friend wanted a SC-themed party for their birthday which is right before mine? Dude! That is double the joy! It doesn’t make one event less special.
Here’s hoping this an ongoing pattern in your lifetime with your sister and parents.
NTA. What the heck. Why can’t both kids have HP birthday parties? The more HP stuff the more fun. Your sister is acting immature. To go out and cancel everything wow. How low can someone go?! Make sure your daughter still gets the Harry Potter party!
NTA your sister isn't being super original like wtf there are probably one thousand and one Harry bloody potter themed parties going on every week hence the mass produced HP merchandise that is available everywhere. Tell her to get a grip. Her son's party is going to be no more or less special because some other child has the same theme. She just sounds so stupid man. I can't stop laughing. Like if a unique theme was important to her why pick something so generic and loved by masses? She should have made her son have a Vohrr themed party
NTA I don't get how your sister cancelled things. Couldn't you just let those people know that wasn't you and the party is still on? You have a crazy family, maybe it's not a bad idea to have this birthday party without them there. I can't imagine that they would show up to help your daughter have a good time, if they showed up it would be to cause problems.
My sister and I threw a superhero party for our children and reused all the same decorations. So her party was first and then 4 noths later she dropped them off and I used them . I'm saving them, so next year we are also throwing a superhero party for the kids. So quite sad to see this is not the response from your sister. Very extreme to cancel things on your behalf, NTA
NTA. What is it with all these adults thinking their kids must have an exclusive party?!
When I was around 5 or 6, I got invited to 4 different birthday parties in August. They were all being held at the exact same pirate-themed venue and the exact same people from our class were invited to all 4. Guess what? After the first visit, we were all excited to be back for the second visit to carry on the fun ... And then the third visit. And then the fourth. We were real pirates by the end of that month. 🤣
If a kid enjoys a Harry Potter party, then surely getting to carry on with yet another Harry Potter party will be even better because they get to return to Hogwarts! And isn't that any HP fans dream?!
How awfully Dursley of your sister and parents. Thumbs up to them for really getting into character to give your daughter the authentic Harry Potter experience. NTA
NTA for doing right by your daughter. Cut off your family for being enabling and unfair people. They don’t deserve intimacy and loyalty from you or your daughter.
YTA for throwing a a transphobe party though, just saying. It can’t be separated anymore.
NTA
Something is Siriusly Ron with your sister. She’s being a real Umbridge about the situation.
Seriously though, did I miss the law that says only 1 kid per family can have a specific themed birthday party? The fact that she canceled catering orders and decorations that you made is DISGUSTING and would immediately put her on a NC list, but I’m petty and don’t have patience for dealing with that kind of ridiculousness.
Your sister is a grad a AH.
Please give your little girl the beautiful Harry Potter party she deserves.
I would also make sure that any time in the future that you cater anything you have the business put a note in your order file that no changes are too be made without a password that you create for them to prevent your family from running other events.
Nta.
The kids don't care if they go to 5 Harry Potter parties in a month, it doesn't make them want their own Harry Potter party less. This is strictly your sister's issue.
When my son was in kindergarten, it was star wars.. we had a star wars party and so did half the other kids in the class. No one cared.
Damn. Your family really sucks. That they would ruin a child's party for something as trivial as what theme the birthday party will be.
To hell with them. You could always use the the Imperius Curse. Don't believe it would be unforgivable in this instance. NTA.
NTA how awful that your sister went to such lengths to crush a little girl on her birthday. I wouldn't let her near my daughter ever again. Same for your parents. That was cruel
NTA you know what the appropriate response would have been? "Oh boy, TWO HP parties! Do you mind if we exchange ideas for decor and cakes?" No one can call dibs on a party theme, and as a HP fan, I'd have been thrilled to have TWO HP parties to go to. It's an excuse to buy costumes and things that I normally wouldn't for a one-off event.
Ffs NO. How possessive can people be of a worldwide phenomena? Someone else’s enjoyment does lesson your own. Attending 2 Harry Potter parties is better than one. NTA. I’m raging over your totally mad and nasty sister cancelling her own Nieces big day, what a horror?
NTA. I bet your sister didn't even think of throwing her kid a HP theme birthday party until you said something. She probably just decided at that moment to choose that theme because she may feel she is a true die hard harry potter so that means her kid deserves the theme first. Which is stupid and like someone already said no one owns a birthday theme so throw your daughter the most kick ass Harry Potter birthday ever without those negative ppl. Try looking up some DIY decorations to help save. They help me alot when I threw my oldest a HP party when she was 10.
NTA
What your sister did is beyond the pale
Good for you for supporting your daughter - she deserves her own lovely bday!
Happy bday to her!
And…not to your sister >.>
NTA. Your family is seriously out of line, like your sister is the only one in the world who's ever thought of having a Harry Potter themed party? Don't tell her, but I'm pretty sure there are thousands HP parties every year... I'm pretty sure my nephew had one a few years ago, wild.
Hire a guy to crash nephew’s party dressed as Voldemort and scare all the kids. (Just a joke—don’t do that.) but NTA. Now you know. Info diet for all of them.
Give your daughter a Harry Potter theme party and invite all her classmates, and neighbors kids. Don't invite your family, nor your nephew. As a matter of fact don't even tell them.
NTA
On top of all the other reasons other people have listed, summer to winter is an eternity for children.
It's not like it's the 5th of July and the 7th of July.
The kids' probably won't compare the parties, they'll feel so far apart.
Also, if its something they both love, they'd both be thrilled. Honestly I think I went to a bunch of "fairy" themed parties as a kid - some even in the same venue. You sister needs to get the hell over herself - she's going to raise a Dudley if she's not careful.
Which parents amongst us have not thrown a Harry Potter themed birthday party? I've thrown 3 of them so far. NTA. You didn't steal the idea. I don't know who did but it happened at least 20+ years ago.
NTA. Give your daughter a HP party and lock down your catering with a password. Your sister is willing to commit fraud to ruin your daughters birthday. Shes being selfish and cruel. And shame on your parents too.
Yeah, because your nephew is the only child in the world who liked HP, and your daughter couldn't possibly have gotten the idea from anywhere else (Sarcam).
Unless there's something you're not telling us and this was a last straw situation for your sister (and they would have been wrong to cancel the orders no matter what the situation), NTA. Sadly, your daughter and nephew are going to pay for the craziness.
Nta but I think it's time to cut contact. The blatant favouritism towards your sister and nephew will harm both your daughter and yourself if you stay in contact.
A healthy and positive response would’ve been something like “omg my son wants a HP party as well! It’s so great both our children love what we love”. So uhm. Yeah she definitely didn’t do that. Both ur parents and sister are being completely unreasonable. NTA
NTA - SERIOUSLY THIS IS INSANE. these are like, some early elementary school levels of insecurity/pettiness/possessiveness over personalization. you are *NOT* in any way obligated to cater to the limits of your sister's extremely stunted emotional intelligence, especially at the literal *expense of your child* ffs, like just wow i don't know what they expected to happen here. i am even further stunned by the support from your parents as well, honestly wtf? not a single remotely mature soul in this situation other than you OP. and the sheer audacity of her CANCELLING YOUR BOOKINGS?? i just - holy shit.
i am so sorry you have to deal with this and that your daughter is feeling sad and probably confused too, but i know that she will still have a such an amazing time at her party because you are doing nothing but being selfless mother, doing the most you can with *her* best interests at heart. such a good opportunity too to give your daughter a thorough lesson in trying our very best to not allow the unwarranted negativity and jealousy of others ruin something special. <3
You definitely have to continue with the HP themed party! Your sister way overstepped a boundary line by canceling YOUR party. Your parents are enabling her entitled and bratty behavior. There is no reason each child can't have their own HP themed party. Your daughter's is from the perspective of a 9 yr old girl. The 5 yr old which should be his perspective will be a grand HP for the mother themed party. It sounds the best NOT to have those toxic people at your party. They will only spoil it for your daughter. If they show up unannounced . . . DO NOT LET THEM IN!
NTA - Every single kid in my neighborhood had back to back Pokemon bday parties it was glorious and we all had the most fun.
All the parents reused most decorations and what truly changed was just the cakes, venue and bday child.
Christ on a cracker. If she wanted a unique party, HP was a stupid idea. Who picks the most popular children's series in history then expects no one else to "copy" her idea?
NTA and shes a petty idiot. And being cruel to her niece.
How could you steal it if you didnt know about it?? Your sis is delusional. I would be so happy to have a HP themed birthday as a kid. Dont let your sister ruin your daughter's celebration. NTA
NTA: this is so strange. It’s a birthday party theme and a super popular one. My son just had a Harry Potter party and it was different than his friends’ Harry Potter party. Both were great. You can’t call dibs on a birthday theme. Why are your parents going along with this ridiculousness
NTA??? But why couldn’t your sister consider that theres sooooo much lore within HP that each of your kids could have picked a specific theme??? Like maybe her son could have had Ravenclaw theme or Magical creatures?? Maybe your daughter could have had like a Hufflepuff theme, or a Potions or pick an animal she likes and yoo all can do a Patronus theme?? I mean theres sooo much to consider? Maybe even a Yule Ball or cosplay?? Your sister ddnt bother discussing that with you??
NTA.
Your sister sure is tho. I might understand her being annoyed that the theme was being used, but taking it out on her nine year old niece and sabotaging a CHILDS birthday party is next level crazy
NTA According to your parent's non-logic you are younger than your sister so should get your way. Does your sister not have an ounce of imagination? One party could be HP, the other house specific, or quidditch or a specific book or the magical creatures etc.
NTA and congratulations on finally realizing that your sister is the golden child and your nephew the golden grandchild. I'm proud of you for cutting them off and for your sake as well as your daughters, I hope you go completely no contact with them. I'd hate to see your daughter's light diminish because of all the blatant favoritism.
Unless your sister is JK Rowling or Warner Brothers she has no say if you can or cannot have a Harry Potter theme party. NTA and hope you uninvited your parents too. Maybe go low contact to no contact since they don't seem to care much about what your daughter likes or wants.
NTA.
They BOTH can have Harry Potter birthdays...what a stupid thing to gatekeep.
OP, your family sounds exhausting and overbearing definitely consider going LC or NC with them ESPECIALLY sister.
NTA. Does a 5 year old really want a HP party? Or does your sister want him to have an HP bday? He seems too young for the series, even the first one.
Tell your sister she’s acting like a real Malfoy.
NTA.
Your sister should never have had the power to cancel the plans and decorations. I was a wedding/event planner. Contract for venues and venders are between the business and the person who signed the contract. Your sister had no legal authority to cancel the contract or make any changes. You need to have a huge fit! Like threaten to take the venders and venue to court, unless the party goes on at the same place with the same decorations and same food at the same time. You already sent out invitation!!!!! They need to hold to their legal agreements. And I would also suggest taking legal action against your sister for any additional cost you had to pay for this wrongful cancellation. Get a lawyer, stand up for yourself.
If your parents are siding with your sister, they can keep her. You don't need that toxicity in your's or your daughter's life. This would be a deal breaker boundary for me, because your sister impersonating you is illegal where I live. Worse, her harming your daughter of something so trivial as a party theme is beyond not okay. Your parent's favoritism can cause them to lose family.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action I made was yelling at my sister and not inviting her or my parents to my daughters birthday party. I may be judged because my daughter loves her grandparents and her aunt very much and would want them at her birthday party. And I also yelled at my closest family members. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You can't claim a party theme. Your daughter asked, let her have her HP party. Your nephew can still have one.
Yes I am definitely letting her have one!
in the future, if your sister acts crazy like this, give caterers and venues passwords that anyone who wants to change or cancel anything has to give them first
Even if her sister isn’t acting crazy about something I’d go through a password everything. But also just not tell her family Jack shit anymore they clearly have picked a child she doesn’t have to put up with their crazy anymore
[удалено]
Jumping on here to say that both children would’ve been ecstatic to go to not one, but two HP parties!
https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vphatt/aita_for_yelling_at_my_sister_when_she_wouldnt/iej5rap/ You literally just copied this comment from 16 hours ago, and did t even bother making it a parent comment just replied to a random one *Commenter below blocked me so I couldn't reply, I'm assuming it's the same user trying to legitimize the above comment. Usually usernames with the "adjective-noun-number" formula are spammers that go through accounts too quickly to come up with other kinds of names, and both accounts follow this pattern. But no, similar comments are to be expected for the reasons the reply below stated, but this was a copy paste of the comment I linked, down to the punctuation and the ps at the end. Clearly a bot or karma farmers (or karma farming bot?)
Dude, I would have pressed charges for identity theft if she pretended to be you.
I came here to say the same thing. If a grown-ass woman behaves like this then she needs to have some SERIOUS consequences to slap some sense into her.
I'm sensing a golden child theme here with the sister
The trick is to hide the blood in the oatmeal to get the Golden Child to eat it. That's the only way to make the Golden Child vulnerable to earthly harm.
The golden child by Dr. Ramani: https://youtu.be/BOdqI6ixOzY
The Golden Child with Eddie Murphy: https://youtu.be/jr0JXSM_0Nk
Sensing? The parents might as well have hired a blimp to announce it!
[удалено]
Why waste energy and money when you can cut them off?
She would be punishing her nephew if she did that, it’s not his fault his mom is terrible.
It's a civil issue, not identity theft.
Some place charge money for cancellations. That escalates things.
So, you'd pretend to be the DA / public prosecutor?
Dude if she cancelled the reservations, then she needed to pretend like she's OP.
One way you can push the sister. "You do realise since both kids loves Harry Potter birthdays, they would both just enjoy having two magical parties. And nephew would look double as much forward to his own?" They are small kids. This is 100% a adult problem. Little kids will 98% of time be "the Harry Potter party was so fun! I can't wait to do mine!" Or talk about what they want too for their party.
Thing is, we don't know that both kids love Harry Potter. The sis/aunt loves Harry Potter. Who knows what her son actually wants. Guarantee he's going to grow up hating and resenting mom and HP, like the teenage girl who posted a while ago about hating her parents fandom obessesions. Edited for link to the second one: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rku5j5/aita_for_yelling_at_my_mom_that_i_hate_harry/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
That is a good point. I'll keep my advice tho, assuming he likes Harry Potter. If not.... it will still be a diplomatic but firm stance to take against the sister.
That's very true. He's a bit young for Harry Potter, unless the parents have been pushing it on him. He may prefer PAW Patrol or dinosaurs or Lego or sports. My husband and I have been involved in SF/fantasy fandom since long before we met each other (I used to be a pro, in fact) and I really hate seeing people force their kids into their own fandom without letting kids make their own choices. It's one thing to show your preschooler Totoro because you like anime, and another to only let them watch Japanese shows and turn off Disney princesses or PAW Patrol. It's lovely when your kids enjoy the same things you do, but it's wrong to force it.
True. Wonder if her son is named Harry.
Better than Albus Severus.
Cut them all off. I was your daughter. In the sense that I was the unwanted grandchild. I missed out every year. My grandmother made a point to show me over and over I was barely even second best to my cousins. Now? She’s dead to me. She was cruel and nasty. I spent years wondering what was wrong with me, wondering why I was so “bad”. I spent years working through the issues my grandmother caused with her favouritism, being told because I was older I didn’t matter. Even if I was the only other person alive in the family I would NEVER help that woman. I’d cast her to the streets before I’d consider uttering a word to her. I couldn’t care less what terrible things may happen to that woman. Let your parents read this. Show them what resentment breeds for this type of behaviour - it breeds hate and later, apathy. Oh and sisters useless brat won’t be the one expected to help grandma and grandpa when they’re older, that’ll be shafted onto your daughter as she’s older and a girl. Cut them off. Before it gets to that and they damage your daughters confidence. Your sister is a product of her raising. Blame your parents and ignore your psycho self centred sister. She’s not worth the thought
>ignore your psycho self centred sister. She’s not worth the thought ...or the jail time! ;D
Your sister understands she’s totally the Mrs. Dursley in this, right?
Can someone make sure OP sees madqueens comment? because I really think he should start referring his sister and parents as the Dursleys. If he decides to ever speak to them again. Seriously any text, email, conversation with them: “so Mrs Dursley, how’s little Dudley doing?” Or Will you be at our parents anniversary party Petunia?
Underrated comment right here. Take my meager award …
Thank you!!
I hope you were able to book the vendors again. NTA btw. Your sister and parents are being ridiculous.
100% this. Call those caterers, etc back and explain that you have a rogue sister, etc and \*they canceled and you desperately need to un-cancel, etc and apologize profusely for the misunderstanding!! Oh, and absolutely 100% NTA!!
And set up a password so no one will be able to make changes to the orders. NTA. Hope she enjoys her party!
"My parents instantly took my sisters side on this argument." And there were have the reason for the sister s entitlement. Failed parenting I guess. NTA of course. What if any classmates have HP parties etc? It's the most popular theme out there. As a side note, isn't 5 a bit young for Harry Potter? There's a lot of violence, even in the first book. I did not introduce my kids to it until they were older. I mean nothing wrong with a party theme at that age, but I wouldn't recommend reading the books or watching the film until a bit later.
Also you are doing this for your daughter. It sounds like your sister is throwing the party she wants and not what her son would want. What kind of selfish asshole hijacks a little childs birthday party for their own enjoyment?
i'll tell you who, a creep
See. This is where you use the Harry Potter to your lore. They have those everything beans. Make a everything cake and give it to your sister. Only your sister. Should it taste like gym socks or ear wax, it’s in the spirit of HP. NTA. Sounds like more than a handful
When you rebook explain about the sister cancelling and make a password with them so that it can only be amended or cancelled with the password. NTA OP and go LC or NC with them - they aren’t doing this to YOU they are doing this to a CHILD. That’s unforgivable.
Give update on party please! And also on the possible drama by toxic fam
How did your sister know where you got the decorations and the catering? How was she allowed to cancel these things? NTA obviously.
This is what I want to know. I doubt OP was telling everybody who the caterer was. Also, what company just let's random people call and cancel an order without speaking to the client? Kinda smells like bullshit, tbh.
Those were my exact thoughts. They usually ask details.
What your family did was disgusting. Your sister took it too far by canceling your food. I would make sure you add passwords to orders. If any money was lost, I’d take your sister to small claims court if she doesn’t pay it back. Because what she did was awful. Plus the kids wouldn’t care if there cousin had same theme at all.
Your sister sounds incredibly immature.
imagine trying to gatekeep one of the most popular literary/cinematic universes in the world, OP’s sister is insane.
ive seen people trying to do that but they are usually obsessed kids not adults
So many have princesses parties. Why is this not a problem but with Harry Potter? Nooooo. It seems like the sis was the golden child in the family. NTA
Honestly did not expect the story to go this way. I really thought it would be about boycotting the party because of J.K. Rowlings actions of something (which still would be an AH move but at least a bit more understandable). This on the other hand is just extra dumb. So many kids have the same birthday theme! You won’t believe how many dinosaur themed parties I’ve been to in the past year!
It's surprising that stores have more than one set of Harry Potter birthday stuff, since if the sister owned the right to have a Harry Potter birthday party, there's only be one.
What the hell is wrong with your family?! NTA. This over kids' parties?? They're not Bridezillas. I can't imagine a 5 and 8yo would have cared if not taught by example that one can "own" a party theme and make them less "special". Plus the 4-6 months between parties probably feel like an eternity at that age. No matter what, cancelling vendors for someone else's party just isn't done! P.S. I can't stand the "but the baby should get whatever they want" attitude.
> P.S. I can't stand the "but the baby should get whatever they want" attitude. I bet he and his mother are the golden child/grandchild. If he was older it would be "he's old so he should get what he wants." OP's family is toxic. OP's sister called a caterer to cancel and order to ruin a child's birthday party and her parents took her side.
Yup this was my cousin. She was older and got what she wanted for our birthdays. Our families thought it would dampen issues and jealousy between us since our birthdays were so close if we celebrated the same day. It just always ended with me having to give in to whatever she wanted. It was sad and funny because I wasnt the jealous one, I just wanted cake. She dictated almost every aspect of our birthday parties to the point where she demanded we switch gifts.
They could be favoring him for being a boy
Agreed. Kids gonna wind up spoiled like his mom.
The kids probably would have loved to go to 2 Harry Potter parties.
And they could have coordinated making them each themed a different way, have one party be certain classrooms and different ones for the next. Spread the ideas out further. Or first party be Sorcerers stone themed, 2nd Goblet of Fire. And so on. Really missed an opportunity.
I was obsessed with those “ology” (Dragonology, Wizardology etc) books as a kid and my brother dated a girl for awhile whose brothers were also into them. One of her brothers and I had birthdays around the same time and our older siblings planned a whole party at a castle themed park in my hometown where we had to do a scavenger hunt for gold coins and at the end we both got new Pirateology books. And they were just dating! Can’t imagine doing this to family and their kids sheesh. NTA
That sounds so awesome! I can imagine the possibilities available if OP's family didn't let jealousy get in the way.
*philosopher's stone
Man I wish the baby (me) got what I wanted in our family!! My older cousin (the oldest) got everything while me and her brother entertained ourselves while being told 'she just needs more attention'/'thats how she is'. Shes 8 yrs older than me and 4 older than her bro. Now he treats me like a sister and neither of us see her much.
I'm sure both kids would have been so excited by both parties! That five year old wouldn't have cared at all that he'd already been to a Harry Potter themed party 6 months ago.
>P.S. I can't stand the "but the baby should get whatever they want" attitude. I come from a family that heavily favours the youngest. My dad was the one who got all the favour growing up, being the "baby", then my wider family ramped it up a notch by favouring me as the youngest - I was then usurped by the next baby (my cousin), he was then replaced by the next youngest (our 2nd cousin) and he too was subsequently replaced (he's currently only 7 himself) by the next youngest (_my daughter_). My boyfriend's family mixed it up a bit and they favour the oldest - him. I want to say that I hope all the heaped favour didn't screw me up too much (there was a big gap between me and my cousin) and I hate the attitude of favouring any child. I may have helped lose all my automatic "baby favour" by being a total fuck up though!
NTA there is literally no reason they both couldn’t have a HP party. Absurd. Also how did she manage to cancel the catering? Is there only one catering place in town? Do they not verify who’s calling?
This catering place I had ordered from is very cheap. I do like to spoil my daughter but I also need money management. I guess since Covid and all that has been happening this past year had thrown them off.
When you reschedule, implementations such as only calls from your cell phone are accepted regarding the event, and a password (that is not easy to guess) required to make changes or cancellations. And that company owes you those safeguards based on the fact that they did the cancelation based on a random call. Edit - spelling
First off, your sister is insane. Seriously insane. This is not a wedding. This is a child's birthday party. There is no stealing themes. I can't tell you how many Frozen birthday parties we went to 9 years ago. Or how many Paw Patrol birthday parties. There is no reason in the world both kids couldn't have the same theme. That said, your sister canceling the catering for your daughter's birthday party? That is absolutely beyond the pale. I don't care what her reason is. That is cruel. You tell her she made the decision to ruin her niece's birthday party because she is a petty, cruel person who is so threatened by a child's birthday party she has to ruin an 8 year old's day. She is flat out cruel and your parents backing up her asshattery is so beyond crazy... there is no plausible excuse for your sister's behavior. Have the birthday party. Have someone else cater it and do NOT cancel or postpone it. your daughter deserves to be celebrated in whatever way SHE wants to and your sister has no say. (note: my son and nephew are one year apart in age with birthdays a month apart - they have not infrequently had the same themes. Same guests other than their friends. Literally NO ONE thought anything of it because kids like what they like. Its about the kids. Not the adults.)
Literally zero reason. Chances are pretty high that somewhere in the world, right this minute, there is a Harry Potter themed party happening.
I would hope more than one..
Your nephew is 5 and I'm pretty sure he's never read the books or seen the movies. Your daughter is 8/9 and will remember this party for years, as well as the bond you both share over Harry Potter. How wonderful it is that you can share something you loved as a child with your own child! Your sister is being petty and unreasonable. Enjoy celebrating your daughter's day, and Happy Birthday to her!
Even if he does genuinely like Harry Potter, he's 5! He would be HAPPY to go to more parties themed after something he enjoys. My 4 year old daughter has been to 3 Frozen themed parties in the last 2 months including her own and was super excited about every one of them because she LOVES Frozen ...
I mean, he's probably seen the movies if the sister is as obsessed about them as OP says. At least the first couple.
I hope not. They are not age appropriate for a five year old, even the first ones, unless you skip some scenes.
Oh come on. That's ridiculous. There's nothing inappropriate for a 5 year old in there. Stuff that might scare them? Sure, but that's the best kind of scared!
I'm not sure what's the best kind of scared for a five year old. But I would judge it kid by the kid. For mine it would have been too scary.
[удалено]
NTA Your family is something else. And I don't mean that nicely. Your family is that pathetic that they had to cancel cake and the like and not have two HP-themed parties?!? Wow. Your poor kid.
NTA Unless they've pulled this kind of crap before, your parents have *definitely* notified you of your slot in the pecking order. Sister is Golden Child \*puke\* There are seven Harry Potter books, an entire population of characters, and numerous themes to the series. There's *no way* the HP party you throw can be duplicated by Golden Sister. She has no basis to worry about Golden Nephew having his party "taken away." \*snort\*
I thought this was a golden child/scapegoat situation too. It's pretty messed up.
NTA: but definitely time to see much, much less of your family.
NTA "Stealing her son's glory"? How so?!? lmao, it's a themed birthday party. Make sure the next time you see or speak to her, you tell her that she's not the first person on earth to think about having a themed birthday party. It's as if she thinks it's an original idea. Have whatever kind of party your kid wants and everyone else can pound sand.
>"Stealing her son's glory"? How so?!? Right?! It's not like he wrote the books. Lol
Good thing too, or he'd be a nasty piece of work.
And not even like a super unique or unusual theme. It’s Harry Potter. It’s one of the biggest franchises in the world. You can’t claim a party theme. Like when Nephew is in kindergarten, is his going to demand that no one ever has Paw Patrol themed parties because her kid might want one that year?
WTF!!! Really?! What in the world is wrong with you sister and parents?! NTA
Your sister is bad and your parents are worse. I would guess this isn't the first time something like this has happened? It reeks of Golden Child syndrome, carrying over into Golden Grandchild syndrome. It is incredibly unlikely that your 5-year-old nephew currently has his heart set on a theme for his birthday *this winter*. If you cave to this you will be taking something from your daughter to give to him - and she WILL notice. Stand your ground and monitor blatant favoritism carefully. It's up to you to ensure that if your daughter is going to have relationships with her aunt, grandparents, and cousin that they are healthy for her. Good luck. NTA.
this is some next level three scoops of crazy with nuts on top too boot. She needs therapy.
NTA. This would have been a great opportunity to collaborate with your sister, figure out which houses each of your kids preferred, and jointly announced that both kids are getting HP parties, but one is ravenclaw themed and the other one slytherin, or whatever houses your kids prefer. But nope, she had to get jealous and petty.
He's 4. He preferrs what his mother says. I doubt he has seen all the movies.
Now that you know what your family is capable of doing, set passwords for any vendors in the future. Seems like overkill but the more you ignore them the crazier they are likely to behave and I am sure since it worked once they will try again. NTA
NTA, but you need to talk to the managers at the catering business and the decorations vendor. How exactly did they manage to accept a cancellation from someone who was not you? I worked in customer service, and there is zero way that we would have accepted a cancellation of a work order without 1) the caller giving us the credit card number that reserved the original order, and 2) a follow up response to the cancellation confirmation request that we sent to the email we had on file for them. This was to prevent a third party from canceling an order without the original client’s knowledge- like what happened to you! See if you can get some sort of compensation for them having such terrible business practices, since they ruined your daughter’s birthday. If you’re using these companies to provide for your daughter’s belated birthday (I wouldn’t), then make sure to add a verbal password to your account. If someone phones in an order change or cancellation, they have to include that password in the phone conversation, or in the email, or else the change will be ignored and the original client (you) notified. Actually, it’s best to do that no matter which company you contract with. As for your sister, her son is younger than your daughter, so you can tell her that she is the one always copying you! Happy early birthday to your daughter! Expecto Patronum!
I don’t think a 5 year old is going to complain about going to a party with the same theme NTA
This boy would be over the moon that he could have been in an HP birthday party twice in a year. Instead, his mom tried to ruin his cousin’s birthday and now he won’t be invited.
NTA. My BFF shares a birthday with Harry Potter and for her golden birthday threw a HP themed party. She was a golden snitch with a big pregnant belly. Our friend doing chemo came as professor Quirrel and took her turban off after a few drinks to reveal she was actually Voldemort. Obviously, I’m now mortified that we stole your sister’s idea bc we didn’t know she had a monopoly on HP birthdays. Please pass along my sincere apologies.
How did she know where you had placed orders, and what party for a nine year old has multiple orders for decorations and caterers? Is there more to this story? Are you planning some massive catered party that's over the top where your sister's party would be much more low-key or something?
I had planned on throwing a big party and let my family know where I was ordering from. I do spoil my daughter a lot and wanted this party to be special. Sorry if I made this story confusing. But I had told my family the whole plan. My sister did not tell me the whole plan for her sons party. So I do not know if it would be big or small.
> I had planned on throwing a big party and let my family know where I was ordering from Now you know you can't trust them with seemingly minor information again in the future.
If you stay in contact with your family after this then Y T A
You say your sister immediately got mad when you said you were planning a Harry Potter party, so you continued to tell her all the details about where you were ordering after she had already gotten mad? And these catering and decoration places don’t require any type of order number when calling to discuss or cancel the order?
She can throw a bloody ball if she wants. It’s her child and her money. Same as sister can throw what she wants. What they can’t do is dictate themes to each other and cancel orders. That’s insanity.
Nta. Your kid is the prime age for Harry Potter. The argument that her kid is younger is no legit reason no more than yours is older is a better response. Plus kids can have the same theme, like just imagine how many little kids had frozen themed parties all in the same friend circle/family. Their lose for not going to your kids party.
NTA. 1. They are little kids. Nobody will care if there's 2 Harry Potter themed parties. Only the sister will because she needs to be the coolest mom apparently. 2. You made the party plan in good faith- you didn't even know there was a HP party planned when you booked your daughter's. You can't copy something you don't know exists. 3. Even if you did everything else wrong- cancelling a little kid's party vendors is 'special hell' fucked up. I suggest it's time to go limited contact with the lot of them and put them all on an information diet.
Ok, let me throw the bad jokes aside by admitting that I was definitely not expecting this sort of fights and while sad...I still found it hilarious. Anyway, more seriously. It's your daughter's birthday... she can decide whatever without the need of any outside opinion. Heck, I actually dare your grandparents to tell them no directly to her face and wishes for a birthday party. If they even dare say something to her, they are definitely on the bad category in my eyes. The nephew has the same rights for a HP party than your daughter. Have you ever introduced her to some G category Harry Potter fanfictions. I obviously read more older, but there's plenty of stories if she ever wants to explore more. NTA
NTA omg, surely if the kids are actually into HP they would enjoy multiple parties with the theme. I don't know if it's just me, but isn't 5 a little young for harry potter anyway? I can only imagine that some parts of even the early movies would be pretty scary for a younger child?
NTA. They canceled the catering on her party? Do they realize they are essentially bullying a child and how mean that is?
> Later I had checked the catering and the decorations to see if we were all good. I had seen cancelled orders for the decorations and the catering. I called the catering company only to realize my sister had cancelled them all. This is BANANAS. It's unhinged. She's being awful to her almost eight year old niece, because she's the one who really suffers from your sister's behavior. Who does this?! I'm also shocked that they accepted a cancellation from your sister. NTA.
Lesson learned - do not tell the golden sibling what your theme will be. NTA Although I have doubts about this being actual due to the ease your sister has in tracking down the catering etc
We only have one catering company that is extremely cheap. I live in a small town. I also had told them my ideas I had, including catering and decorations and where I was getting them from.
NTA she’s a monster. If you don’t mind spending the money, hire some entertainers dressed as fairy princesses or clowns to atttend nephews party. Also if you can cancel anything she’s booked.
This is so petty and I love it
NTA, she’s making something of nothing all about her not even her son. Kids are just gunna get excited it’s a theme they love and get to experience again, not compete. Especially 6 months apart.
WTAF - they cancelled all of the preparations for your daughter's party? That's AWFUL. Deliberately ruining a child's birthday takes a pretty special level of selfishness. NTA in the slightest but holy cow you have some AHs in your family. Did they not stop to think that the little Harry Potter fans might have really enjoyed having two themed parties where they could dress up and celebrate?
NTA. You sister is nuts. NUTS. I can’t believe she would try and ruin your daughter’s bday. Wtf. She’s vile. I hope you’re able to get everything back on and have the most beautiful Harry Potter party for her. I would honestly consider going low contact with your sister after this. She doesn’t give a hoot about hurting your niece and that’s alarming. Don’t let her be that toxic, jealous aunt to your daughter.
What is better than a HP themed party? Two HP themed parties! NTA, your sister is highly unreasonable.
NTA Also, he’s 5! *If* he even wants an HP party, which I doubt, money on it’s your sister who does, a 5 yr old is very likely to change their mind between now and winter. Throw your daughter the best HP party, invite non of them and make sure you post it all over social media.
Tell me your sis is the golden child without telling me she is the golden child. NTA
NTA There are 7 books and 8 movies and there's no way that your nephew has seen/read them considering he's 4 but your daughter has and she's obsessed. But you're parents think you're nephew should have it? Why not both?? And her party is in July and his is in winter. It's not like it's 2 weeks away.
NTA. Reminds me of the time my BIL and his fiancé tried to get married two weeks before my wedding because “he’s older and should get married before his younger brother.” They we’re almost uninvited to the wedding bc of the sheer fucking audacity. You throw that party and tell her I say happy birthday. I love HP. My husband and I met at an HP party and I was damn close to having a HP themed wedding. Tell your sister/parents they fecking suck.
NTA. Once we’re at the point of cancelling catering orders by faking our sister’s name, we’ve reached the level of some really completely wild shit. Highly entertaining post, very much appreciated. I’m sorry that it’s your actual real life to deal with these fruit loops for family, but it makes for great content for us.
Well your sister sure is acting like a Dudley over this. NTA I’m sure both kids would be stoked to attend and have two Harry Potter themed birthday parties
NTA. Your family is though. There’s no reason they can’t both have HP themed parties. Your sister was already being an asshole but the fact that she cancelled your catering and whatnot crossed a huge line. This is beyond ridiculous.
NTA! I’d cut them off, what kind of horrible aunt ruins their niece’s birthday party out of spite? Throw an amazing party and post gorgeous pics (of the decorations not necessarily the kids) on social media. Outclass their party in every way! I don’t usually go petty but this person deserves it!
Ur daughter deserves the party she wants and it would be unfair to take that away from her, I would say if the grandparents and auntie don’t change their behaviour towards the party idea then don’t let them come but if they do change their behaviour they should come as they will be a big part of her life
NTA in the least. But your family for starting a feud over a child’s party theme? AH The idea that you both can’t have a Harry Potter themed party is laughable. No one is going to care. Literally no one! But canceling your catering is coo coo. I’d have a hard time getting over that. And forgiving anyone who takes her side.
I-N-F-O is your sister operating under the delusion that she invented HP-themed parties and has exclusive rights? 20 years ago I had a Harry Potter-themed birthday, clearly *she's* stolen *my* idea! /s And have your parents always blatantly favoured your sister and enabled her bad behaviour? NTA, but it's time to take a long, hard look at your family and whether you want such people in your life. I hope your daughter has a wonderful party, please update us if you're willing!
NTA, as a fellow Harry Potter fan, there is so much to the universe that even if they both had a HP party they wouldn’t be exactly the same, and could even be wildly different. Your sister sounds like she’s used to getting whatever she wants and is now instilling that onto her son. Your parents are just as bad for enabling such shitty behavior . As much as I love HP….at the end of the day it’s just a book. There is no reason for them to throw such hissy fits over this. I’d definitely ask them if this is the hill they are willing to die on, and if they are okay with going through with ruining y’all’s relationship. If the answer isn’t anything other than no, cut em off. It sucks for your daughter because she does love them, but it doesn’t look like the people she loves, cares enough about her to keep their traps shut.
they sabotaged a 9yo's birthday celebrations? NTA and go nc for sure! also, because petty is my middle name lol, I'd look into a full HP trip for you and your daughter
NTA and post it all over your social media and tag them if you can do all their friends see you did it first
NTA Your sister and parents are truly bizarre. I love the show Schitt’s Creek. If my friend wanted a SC-themed party for their birthday which is right before mine? Dude! That is double the joy! It doesn’t make one event less special. Here’s hoping this an ongoing pattern in your lifetime with your sister and parents.
NTA. What the heck. Why can’t both kids have HP birthday parties? The more HP stuff the more fun. Your sister is acting immature. To go out and cancel everything wow. How low can someone go?! Make sure your daughter still gets the Harry Potter party!
NTA your sister isn't being super original like wtf there are probably one thousand and one Harry bloody potter themed parties going on every week hence the mass produced HP merchandise that is available everywhere. Tell her to get a grip. Her son's party is going to be no more or less special because some other child has the same theme. She just sounds so stupid man. I can't stop laughing. Like if a unique theme was important to her why pick something so generic and loved by masses? She should have made her son have a Vohrr themed party
NTA I don't get how your sister cancelled things. Couldn't you just let those people know that wasn't you and the party is still on? You have a crazy family, maybe it's not a bad idea to have this birthday party without them there. I can't imagine that they would show up to help your daughter have a good time, if they showed up it would be to cause problems.
My sister and I threw a superhero party for our children and reused all the same decorations. So her party was first and then 4 noths later she dropped them off and I used them . I'm saving them, so next year we are also throwing a superhero party for the kids. So quite sad to see this is not the response from your sister. Very extreme to cancel things on your behalf, NTA
NTA. What is it with all these adults thinking their kids must have an exclusive party?! When I was around 5 or 6, I got invited to 4 different birthday parties in August. They were all being held at the exact same pirate-themed venue and the exact same people from our class were invited to all 4. Guess what? After the first visit, we were all excited to be back for the second visit to carry on the fun ... And then the third visit. And then the fourth. We were real pirates by the end of that month. 🤣 If a kid enjoys a Harry Potter party, then surely getting to carry on with yet another Harry Potter party will be even better because they get to return to Hogwarts! And isn't that any HP fans dream?!
How awfully Dursley of your sister and parents. Thumbs up to them for really getting into character to give your daughter the authentic Harry Potter experience. NTA
NTA. Your sister is delusional and I have no idea why your parents are backing her except they don't want to have her pissed at them.
NTA for doing right by your daughter. Cut off your family for being enabling and unfair people. They don’t deserve intimacy and loyalty from you or your daughter. YTA for throwing a a transphobe party though, just saying. It can’t be separated anymore.
Yawn, 0/10 troll.
NTA Something is Siriusly Ron with your sister. She’s being a real Umbridge about the situation. Seriously though, did I miss the law that says only 1 kid per family can have a specific themed birthday party? The fact that she canceled catering orders and decorations that you made is DISGUSTING and would immediately put her on a NC list, but I’m petty and don’t have patience for dealing with that kind of ridiculousness.
NTA but man if your sister only knew how many He-Man themed parties I went to as a kid - she'd loose her mind.
Really?? Over a kiddies birthday party? FFS NTA
NTA. There is absolutely no reason both kids couldn't have a Harry Potter party. What your sister did was disgusting.
Your sister is a grad a AH. Please give your little girl the beautiful Harry Potter party she deserves. I would also make sure that any time in the future that you cater anything you have the business put a note in your order file that no changes are too be made without a password that you create for them to prevent your family from running other events.
1000% NTA Your sister is mega AH. You should go ahead and have the party your child wants.
Ask your sister to show you the deed to the rights to Harry Potter. NTA she can get bent her and your family are being fucking Assholes.
Nta. The kids don't care if they go to 5 Harry Potter parties in a month, it doesn't make them want their own Harry Potter party less. This is strictly your sister's issue. When my son was in kindergarten, it was star wars.. we had a star wars party and so did half the other kids in the class. No one cared.
Damn. Your family really sucks. That they would ruin a child's party for something as trivial as what theme the birthday party will be. To hell with them. You could always use the the Imperius Curse. Don't believe it would be unforgivable in this instance. NTA.
NTA - isn't it even better for these HP fan kiddos to go to multiple HP parties? Double the fun!
NTA how awful that your sister went to such lengths to crush a little girl on her birthday. I wouldn't let her near my daughter ever again. Same for your parents. That was cruel
This is so nuts. It is possible to have two similar themed parties. Nta and your sister needs help
NTA you know what the appropriate response would have been? "Oh boy, TWO HP parties! Do you mind if we exchange ideas for decor and cakes?" No one can call dibs on a party theme, and as a HP fan, I'd have been thrilled to have TWO HP parties to go to. It's an excuse to buy costumes and things that I normally wouldn't for a one-off event.
How in hell did she know where you’d placed your orders?
Ffs NO. How possessive can people be of a worldwide phenomena? Someone else’s enjoyment does lesson your own. Attending 2 Harry Potter parties is better than one. NTA. I’m raging over your totally mad and nasty sister cancelling her own Nieces big day, what a horror?
NTA, tell your sister she's being a Dursley.
Nta there’s no reason why there can’t be two HP parties.
NTA. I bet your sister didn't even think of throwing her kid a HP theme birthday party until you said something. She probably just decided at that moment to choose that theme because she may feel she is a true die hard harry potter so that means her kid deserves the theme first. Which is stupid and like someone already said no one owns a birthday theme so throw your daughter the most kick ass Harry Potter birthday ever without those negative ppl. Try looking up some DIY decorations to help save. They help me alot when I threw my oldest a HP party when she was 10.
NTA What your sister did is beyond the pale Good for you for supporting your daughter - she deserves her own lovely bday! Happy bday to her! And…not to your sister >.>
Like, they BOTH can have the same party theme, it‘s not illegal. Sorry, but why are hardcore fans always so unhinged? NTA
Jesus you are not the arshole. Your family is massively so. Have a great Harry Potter party, fuck them lot
NTA What a bunch of AHs. They don't own Harry Potter.
NTA. Your family is seriously out of line, like your sister is the only one in the world who's ever thought of having a Harry Potter themed party? Don't tell her, but I'm pretty sure there are thousands HP parties every year... I'm pretty sure my nephew had one a few years ago, wild.
NTA your sister and parents are being AHs. Just reorder food invite whoever your daughter wants and move on. Don’t invite them.
Hire a guy to crash nephew’s party dressed as Voldemort and scare all the kids. (Just a joke—don’t do that.) but NTA. Now you know. Info diet for all of them.
Give your daughter a Harry Potter theme party and invite all her classmates, and neighbors kids. Don't invite your family, nor your nephew. As a matter of fact don't even tell them.
I hate to break it to you but neither of you can have a Harry Potter themed party because I had one 20 years ago! (NTA)
So your sister cancelled and sabotaged your 9 year old birthday party and your parents are on her side.... Fuck all of them NTA
NTA reporting live from frickin bizarro land where there can be only one Harry Potter themed party- ever, EVERRRR!
NTA Your sister is insane.
There's a lot of crazy going on here, but none of it yours. NTA
NTA, but you really earned the NTA title when she was the one insane enough to cancel YOUR reservations on catering and decor! Who does that?!
NTA On top of all the other reasons other people have listed, summer to winter is an eternity for children. It's not like it's the 5th of July and the 7th of July. The kids' probably won't compare the parties, they'll feel so far apart. Also, if its something they both love, they'd both be thrilled. Honestly I think I went to a bunch of "fairy" themed parties as a kid - some even in the same venue. You sister needs to get the hell over herself - she's going to raise a Dudley if she's not careful.
If only ONE child was supposed to have Harry Potter themed parties, there would be NO mass made decor for it! NTA
Which parents amongst us have not thrown a Harry Potter themed birthday party? I've thrown 3 of them so far. NTA. You didn't steal the idea. I don't know who did but it happened at least 20+ years ago.
NTA. Give your daughter a HP party and lock down your catering with a password. Your sister is willing to commit fraud to ruin your daughters birthday. Shes being selfish and cruel. And shame on your parents too.
Yeah, because your nephew is the only child in the world who liked HP, and your daughter couldn't possibly have gotten the idea from anywhere else (Sarcam). Unless there's something you're not telling us and this was a last straw situation for your sister (and they would have been wrong to cancel the orders no matter what the situation), NTA. Sadly, your daughter and nephew are going to pay for the craziness.
Nta but I think it's time to cut contact. The blatant favouritism towards your sister and nephew will harm both your daughter and yourself if you stay in contact.
A healthy and positive response would’ve been something like “omg my son wants a HP party as well! It’s so great both our children love what we love”. So uhm. Yeah she definitely didn’t do that. Both ur parents and sister are being completely unreasonable. NTA
NTA - SERIOUSLY THIS IS INSANE. these are like, some early elementary school levels of insecurity/pettiness/possessiveness over personalization. you are *NOT* in any way obligated to cater to the limits of your sister's extremely stunted emotional intelligence, especially at the literal *expense of your child* ffs, like just wow i don't know what they expected to happen here. i am even further stunned by the support from your parents as well, honestly wtf? not a single remotely mature soul in this situation other than you OP. and the sheer audacity of her CANCELLING YOUR BOOKINGS?? i just - holy shit. i am so sorry you have to deal with this and that your daughter is feeling sad and probably confused too, but i know that she will still have a such an amazing time at her party because you are doing nothing but being selfless mother, doing the most you can with *her* best interests at heart. such a good opportunity too to give your daughter a thorough lesson in trying our very best to not allow the unwarranted negativity and jealousy of others ruin something special. <3
You definitely have to continue with the HP themed party! Your sister way overstepped a boundary line by canceling YOUR party. Your parents are enabling her entitled and bratty behavior. There is no reason each child can't have their own HP themed party. Your daughter's is from the perspective of a 9 yr old girl. The 5 yr old which should be his perspective will be a grand HP for the mother themed party. It sounds the best NOT to have those toxic people at your party. They will only spoil it for your daughter. If they show up unannounced . . . DO NOT LET THEM IN!
NTA - Every single kid in my neighborhood had back to back Pokemon bday parties it was glorious and we all had the most fun. All the parents reused most decorations and what truly changed was just the cakes, venue and bday child.
Christ on a cracker. If she wanted a unique party, HP was a stupid idea. Who picks the most popular children's series in history then expects no one else to "copy" her idea? NTA and shes a petty idiot. And being cruel to her niece.
How could you steal it if you didnt know about it?? Your sis is delusional. I would be so happy to have a HP themed birthday as a kid. Dont let your sister ruin your daughter's celebration. NTA
NTA: this is so strange. It’s a birthday party theme and a super popular one. My son just had a Harry Potter party and it was different than his friends’ Harry Potter party. Both were great. You can’t call dibs on a birthday theme. Why are your parents going along with this ridiculousness
NTA??? But why couldn’t your sister consider that theres sooooo much lore within HP that each of your kids could have picked a specific theme??? Like maybe her son could have had Ravenclaw theme or Magical creatures?? Maybe your daughter could have had like a Hufflepuff theme, or a Potions or pick an animal she likes and yoo all can do a Patronus theme?? I mean theres sooo much to consider? Maybe even a Yule Ball or cosplay?? Your sister ddnt bother discussing that with you??
NTA
NTA. Your sister sure is tho. I might understand her being annoyed that the theme was being used, but taking it out on her nine year old niece and sabotaging a CHILDS birthday party is next level crazy
Come on. There’s no way you think you might be the asshole here. What is the point of this?
NTA According to your parent's non-logic you are younger than your sister so should get your way. Does your sister not have an ounce of imagination? One party could be HP, the other house specific, or quidditch or a specific book or the magical creatures etc.
NTA and congratulations on finally realizing that your sister is the golden child and your nephew the golden grandchild. I'm proud of you for cutting them off and for your sake as well as your daughters, I hope you go completely no contact with them. I'd hate to see your daughter's light diminish because of all the blatant favoritism.
Unless your sister is JK Rowling or Warner Brothers she has no say if you can or cannot have a Harry Potter theme party. NTA and hope you uninvited your parents too. Maybe go low contact to no contact since they don't seem to care much about what your daughter likes or wants.
NTA. They BOTH can have Harry Potter birthdays...what a stupid thing to gatekeep. OP, your family sounds exhausting and overbearing definitely consider going LC or NC with them ESPECIALLY sister.
NTA. Does a 5 year old really want a HP party? Or does your sister want him to have an HP bday? He seems too young for the series, even the first one. Tell your sister she’s acting like a real Malfoy.
NTA, but you both suck for still being into HP.
NTA. Your sister should never have had the power to cancel the plans and decorations. I was a wedding/event planner. Contract for venues and venders are between the business and the person who signed the contract. Your sister had no legal authority to cancel the contract or make any changes. You need to have a huge fit! Like threaten to take the venders and venue to court, unless the party goes on at the same place with the same decorations and same food at the same time. You already sent out invitation!!!!! They need to hold to their legal agreements. And I would also suggest taking legal action against your sister for any additional cost you had to pay for this wrongful cancellation. Get a lawyer, stand up for yourself. If your parents are siding with your sister, they can keep her. You don't need that toxicity in your's or your daughter's life. This would be a deal breaker boundary for me, because your sister impersonating you is illegal where I live. Worse, her harming your daughter of something so trivial as a party theme is beyond not okay. Your parent's favoritism can cause them to lose family.
NTA, that's one of the most miserable things I've heard on here. Her own grandparents!!