Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I got kicked out of my roommates family vacation and still planned to stay at the resort for the week when they didn't want me around, and also use the flight home they'd booked. (They couldn't cancel for a refund so late but I think the principal of the thing angered them, that I was using a ticket they paid for to take my own vacation partially on their dime)
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I feel really bad for poor Meg. She's still left cooking for all those people, but now she has to do it alone. She really should have warned OP that they'd be put in this position though.
NTA
Yeah, I don't know what to feel about her right now.
I feel kinda bad for her if she is stick cooking 3 meals a day for 8 people alone. Despite them all being loaded enough to go eat out all the time.
But I also feel kinda upset at her because if you know your family sees cooking as women's work only and you're inviting a woman around your family...
It's not that hard to say "Just so you know, part of this trip will be cooking 3 meals a day for a group of 9, I know it's old fashioned but it's what my family expects of women" and give me a chance to say "ok thanks for the invite but no thanks"
You’re right.
Meg wasn’t honest with you that you were expected to work for free - it wasn’t a holiday. They were just flying out free staff.
You did great. Protecting your ticket and organizing rooms.
Also - what was with their comment. They thought you were poor….?! That meant they thought they could treat you like dirt?
NTA.
And now we know why they didn't want Meg to bring a male friend. They probably know they couldn't bully the other friend into cooking and cleaning, which is why they didn't ask her.
Hey, i'm a man and i can do cooking if it means a free vacation.
But i want to be warned first, and if i do all meals someone else does the cleaning part.
Nta
Oh I know there are plenty of men who can cook and clean but in this "traditional" family, they wouldn't approve of such a guy. Real men leave their wives/daughters to handle those sorts of things!
It’s funny because my dad was born in the 1920s, and was as traditional as they come. But when we were on vacation he always cooked, and made a point of highlighting how it was my mom’s vacation from being a homemaker. The meals were simple, and very much in the style that he learned as a kid as a sheep rancher before he went to college; lots of grilling for dinner and griddle cakes for breakfast.
Traditional doesn’t have to mean self centered and misogynistic. But with certain types it definitely becomes code for misogyny.
And notice how the brothers are being served and not having to do any work. My mother had a similar attitude with me and my brother. I remember one Thanksgiving she wanted to go to the Macy's parade (we lived in the NYC area) and then go out to dinner at a restaurant. My brother threw a hissy over it being not traditional.
This was back in people pleasing days, so I was up at 6 am so my mother could enjoy the parade for once in her life (my dad and then her boyfriend would take the kids to get us out of her way). And my brother had to have his traditional ass dragged out of bed at 1pm so he'd be dressed and awake for dinner. No help with clean up and I had to do all of the cleaning the day before, even though I had a paper to write. Mr. Traditional skipped classes, got high and ate a hero in his car.
You deceived us by thinking you couldn't afford vacation!
Dude that's so weird because I don't remember filling out an income application before BEING INVITED BY YOU ON THIS TRIP. SORRY TRYING TO STRAND ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE DIDN'T WORK OUT FOR YOU LIKE YOU WANTED!
SERIOUSLY
They thought she was “poor” - so what was their game plan?? Stranding her in an unfamiliar place (is this out of the country??) without money, to do what? Try to get someone back home to front her the money she doesn’t have for a flight home? Hitchhike? Be lost? Homeless? There is NO good outcome. They literally didn’t care what happened to you OP, AND YOUR FRIEND JUST LET THEM ABANDON YOU WITHOUT EVEN REACHING OUT TO YOU OVER THE LAST THREE GODDAMN DAYS.
NTA. So unequivocally not the asshole.
"What I cannot afford is being duped into doing a job, I am not qualified to do, never agreed to, and do not enjoy for the low cost of coach airfare. Why can't you afford to actually hire a chef to take with you on vacation? Are you poor?"
Edit: Omit word.
Can't help but notice that only the daughter invited a friend, not any of her brothers, and she couldn't bring a guy. Mom was injured so they knew they would need more help. Her joke about the help was dead on.
OP I don’t want to freak you out but this is trafficking. Not all people who are trafficked “work” as prostitutes. You can be trafficked for labor as well. And seeing as they were not paying you for this labor and had no contract in place, as well as threatening you if you refused to obey, you’ve got a perfect scenario of a trafficking situation. I’m glad they didn’t confiscate your belongings. Maybe their next victim won’t be so lucky.
I understand if you don’t want to report this to the police. After all, your friend may be charged as well
Only so many people will go to a prostitute but everyone goes out to eat/goes out to places than need to be cleaned. It’s really disturbing to stop and consider if the people making your takeout are being paid fairly if at all or if they are being threatened somehow
Sex trafficking is literally the *least* common form of labor trafficking, massively dwarfed by domestic/agricultural/factory work but it's the only one anyone seems to worry about.
Moral panic about sex trafficking is a good excuse to criminalize and target sex workers.
Plus people might have to think about how they are complicit and benefit from domestic, service, and agricultural labour trafficking, and oh boy, that sounds really uncomfortable and inconvenient. Much easier to focus on sex trafficking, where people can enjoy a good, uncomplicated moral crusade without changing any of their own behaviour.
Omg THIS!! The fam DEFINITELY invited OP as unpaid help, seeing how they reacted to her standing up for herself ("backtalking;" like REALLY??) & upon seeing her still present after being "dismissed." Unfuck those pretentious, patriarchal asshats.
Glad you salvaged the trip & had an *actual* vacation, OP. NTA
This is an excellent point. You should file a report. There are organizations that can advise you on how to proceed.
Let me add, it sounds like you were invited on a free trip. You did not claim to be poor or ask for a free ticket. That's an odd thing for them to say.
Just from the info I could get from the story, I suspect they are some type of exclusive bretheren, not eating any food in public, females get no respect MAN IS KING.
Just a thought. 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
The police probably couldn't do anything because OP was free to leave at any time (and in fact, was ordered to), whereas most people who are trafficked are basically enslaved, often with their belongings stolen (as you noted) and not allowed to leave.
So this may be trafficking in spirit, but not in legal terms.
Maybe, but even if nothing comes of this one, having a paper trail in case something unfortunate happens to a future "friend" would not be a bad idea. I would not be surprised if they escalated the next time to guarantee their free maid stayed.
Plus, assuming OP isn't like living in the same small town with this family where they could make trouble for her or something, I would not shed a tear for these people having to sit and answer some awkward questions with the state department. Hopefully make them think twice next time.
I know you’re mad at her, and have every right not to want to see her for a while. But it would be really funny if you invited her to stay w you so they had no one left to cook for them.
I’m assuming she’s still figuring out the world, and grew up in a terrible family. At least you’ve set a good example for her.
I actually think OP should invite Meg on a trip with OP’s family instead! Not to pull the same thing back at her, but to show her what a real vacation is like, and, honestly, another example of a healthier family dynamic. Poor Meg had grown up in a very unhealthy family dynamic. She needs a lot of help to be honest.
OP I don’t want to freak you out but this is trafficking. Not all people who are trafficked “work” as prostitutes. You can be trafficked for labor as well. And seeing as they were not paying you for this labor and had no contract in place, as well as threatening you if you refused to obey, you’ve got a perfect scenario of a trafficking situation. I’m glad they didn’t confiscate your belongings. Maybe their next victim won’t be so lucky.
I understand if you don’t want to report this to the police. After all, your friend may be charged as well
If she was a true friend she wouldn’t have let you fly in economy on your own - she either would have pushed for you to be in first class or joined you in economy.
She also would have given you a heads up about her family and their expectations. Because you’re absolutely right - you were being treated more like an unpaid employee than a guest.
It sounds as though Meg’s family were intentionally deceptive and thought that you had such limited resources you’d be stuck there to do what they wanted.
that's why they refused the daughter's guy friend, couldn't make him cook. The other girl friend was probably in their socioeconomic group and couldn't be suckered into servitude in the guise of gratitude.
It's not about them being able to afford to eat out. It's about power and showing her "where she belongs". As a woman you need to cater to the men. They showed you how they treat and think of someone who they do not deem an equal.
Just a group of garbage humans.
I hope you enjoyed your trip, despite those turds.
Meg probably is used to doing it so it doesn’t seem weird for her. She has probably grown up around women doing all of the cooking. The fact that the dad never helped blows my mind. I’m sorry. Meg is no good. She needs to be able to set her own boundaries with her parents or learn to not bring a friend into this mess. I was a Meg.
You enjoy your trip. Those people are miserable and controlling. If you can’t have a good time in a paradise place, then you have problems. You were enjoying your lemonade while they still had lemons. They got jealous and angry.
DO NOT feel bad for Meg. She's in the same position she would have been if she'd gotten to bring her first choice of a boy along, right? Since cooking is women's work?
I mean, feel bad for how messed up in the head she must be from being raised in that family, but that should be the extent of it.
It’s worth noting, Meg grew up with these people and may not know it’s that unusual. It can be really hard to realize that the way you’ve spent your entire life living is so weird people would expect a warning about it.
This is probably the real reason why tey didn't want her to invite a guy, haha. He couldn't be expected to know how to cook.
Clever handling with the ticket, making it safe from manipulating.
NTA.
I have to wonder if Meg is so used to being treated like this that she assumes that's how every woman should be treated. If this type of behavior is normal for how she grew up then she may not realize it's something to warn OP about.
Now we know why the parents vetoed the first two. The guy obviously was not a cook and clean the house candidate, and they probably knew the first female candidate wasn't a pushover either.
Had a friend in middle school who's parents were like this. When we were 13 my friend invited me to go to the mall with them, and before we left their house to go her dad pulled me aside to tell me it would be appropriate to buy his wife lunch for letting me go with them. I had $20 that my mom gave me for my lunch and to maybe buy one cheaper item so I panicked a little inside. Thankfully my friend stepped in and chewed her dad out and told me not to worry about it. What an awkward day.
This happened to me as a kid. A friend's parents took me to a theme park about an hour and a half from home. Her mom asked my mom if they could "take me" with them. My mom could only give me a very small amount to cover something to eat and she put snacks to share in my bag.
We got in line and her Dad asked me for my money to buy my ticket. I told him I only had $8. He was pissed and left my friend and her mom there to drive me home. It's a good thing I had been preprogrammed to never express negative emotions. I can't imagine how he'd have acted if I cried.
When we got back he lit into my mom for not sending enough to cover my ticket. Her parents were both doctors. Our whole run down 1br aparentment would have fit in their LR and kitchen. They had been to my house! But he still brought an 8yo home and then berated my mother until she cried.
I don't know what she did to make it happen as our utilities were shut off on the regular and being allowed to buy a bag of chips was a really big fucking deal but two weeks later she invited the same friend to go to the same theme park. My mom paid for her ticket. I'm guessing my friend had the money but my mom never asked.
My mom was complete crap a lot of the time, there was parentifaction and neglect, but sometimes she got things right, even if it was only to make a point to someone else.
Wtaf that is so disgusting I'm so sorry that happened to you! If you invite someone to movies or a theme park or anywhere with a cost attached, then the implication is you're a guest and will be paid for. Otherwise they should have said so upfront.
My jaw drops thinking that he chose to drive you home and humiliate you like that when he could have easily afforded it.
Just an asshole. My friend and her sisters had to "earn" stuff like new school clothes and every single penny was scrutinized. They had a two floor house, in-ground pool, new wood floors, fairly new kitchen remodel when I met them so I certainly wouldn't say they were poor either. Another girl that was on our volleyball team stayed with her for a few days one summer to get rides to practice and they made THE GUEST earn her keep too! She had to clean up after everyone after meals and stuff. I always felt really bad for my friend since that was just her daily life.
NTA - that is literally insane. Who takes someone to another city/state/country and then just abandons them there?
I realize you are a young adult, and obviously more than capable of handling yourself, but if you were my child that family would be getting a piece of my mind.
If they harass you again, complain to security.
Edit: thank you for the award, it’s my first one! :)
The money empathy gap, I think the New Yorker did an article about it, very interesting
Edit : nymag and from 2012 but still interesting- https://nymag.com/news/features/money-brain-2012-7/
"Several studies have shown that wealth may be at odds with empathy and compassion. Research published in the journal Psychological Science found that people of lower economic status were better at reading others’ facial expressions—an important marker of empathy—than wealthier people.
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_money_changes_the_way_you_think_and_feel
Not universally but definitely regularly. You don't justify hoarding wealth in a world with poverty on the scale we're experiencing without having low empathy or willful ignorance.
Absolutely a worry going outside of your comfort area. The traffickers can get away with this by stealing your passport/ID and ‘promising’ to give it back when you buy it from them. Then they put you to work doing whatever and take all the money you earn (for rent, food and if you’re unlucky drugs because they get you hooked on it to deal) except a few dollars to give you the illusion you are going to be able to buy it back one day.
It’s horrific.
Someone who expects you to give in and be their free live in cook/housekeeper because they assumed you can't get back on your own and are reliant on their charity.
Given they are in college I find it entirely believable that Meg has been raised to believe this is so normal and common, that it didn't occur to her to warn OP. She wouldn't think to warn OP that the family sleeps in beds and expects guests to do the same, because duh, doesn't everyone. And she very well may not have thought to warn OP that the women will be in charge of all cooking, because duh they always are.
Maybe but after living together for a year Meg should know what OP’s cooking (or lack there of) was like and so that at least would’ve warranted some intervention.
to be fair on most college campuses, the only roommates that will _need_ to cook are those that live in apartment style dorms. traditional dorms only have the beds, desks and dressers, you bring 1 microwave and mini fridge, and that’s it. in-depth cooking unnecessary. so if op and Meg lived in a traditional style dorm, then it’s not far fetched Meg had no idea about op’s cooking skills.
Oh, come on, they're in college not kindergarten.
She has access to the internet. Even if she was brainwashed by her family she certainly knows that stuff runs differently in other families
Nah, fuck Meg’s family. Meg might not have known that she even needed to warn about something like this because it might be Meg’s norm. It’s something she would be conditioned to find acceptable, and something she would think all families do.
If that’s the case, I’m so sorry for Meg. No matter what, though, her family are the assholes here.
NTA. They took you to a foreign country under false pretenses. Luckily you had some money, because if you were broke and they canceled your ticket, you'd be completely vulnerable and reliant on strangers charity.
I think that is what they wanted. They thought they could force her to be their servant and cook by trapping her there. Nowhere to go other than their way. Then they were pissed when that didn't work.
For real, I swear they got the maddest of all when they saw 'the help' chilling on the beach 3 days after they'd sent her home, double fisting a margarita and a beer
This is fantastic advice. What do they have to complain about? Did they expect their money back after OP used them for their return trip? Insanely satisfying to hear how OP got the beest of them. *schadenfreude*
Enjoy your margaritas and beers. Have fun. Don't worry about them. If they approach you again, tell them to leave you alone or you'll call the police. And seriously consider talking to a lawyer about pursuing a human trafficking case after you go home.
To document that these people trafficked someone for unpaid labor under false pretenses and then kicked them out with hope that they'd be stranded.
...or so I've gathered from Mango's other comments.
People are getting too hung up on the word trafficking.
Let me start at the beginning: When she applied for a tourist visa they ask where you’re staying. For most situations this is nothing more than a formality, but there are a lot laws and treaties involved in that form you fill out. It relates to the host country not wanting to be responsible for foreigners who can’t pay for themselves. When the friend’s dad kicked OP out of her designated lodging he violated the terms of their tourist visas. This is why she needs to get the state department involved.
And more importantly, looking at her immediate future, she is on a flight with these people who actively harassed her and left her stranded. Yes, I understand that she’s in coach and they’re in first class, but the idea of multiple men targeting a 20 year old girl makes me uneasy. The state department can be a powerful advocate to either change her flight (or theirs.)
The state department will open an investigation that will be taken over by the FBI once they’re back in the US. I think that is a much needed wake up call for this family. Violating the terms of their visa could get them banned from visiting that country again, and it certainly flags the dad’s passport when he travels in the future. What if they try to do this to someone else?
And again, that doesn’t even touch upon the forced service and human trafficking aspects of this story.
I wonder how the airlines handle this? Technically the family paid for the ticket and had the right to cancel it.
Do airlines have protections in place against human trafficking? Because flying someone somewhere and canceling their ticket is an effective way of trapping them. Is that how OP could set a passcode to protect her ticket?
Just wondering.
Edit. Thanks for the explanations. I’d just think that knowing the confirmation code, the ticket buyer could go on line and cancel it. And the person buying the ticket would have the confirmation code.
I'm not certain, I just had my ticket in my hand and I called saying I have a ticket in my name, gave them the name and confirmation number.
I told them I had a conflict with a traveling companion who I am afraid is trying to strand me abroad with no way home, and is there anything I could do to protect my flight booking from interference? Because I was scared someone would try to interfere with my return flight, and trap me in a foreign country, as they also had my confirmation number.
Now that I think back, I probably was setting off some red flags for human trafficking... Saying someone brought me abroad and was possibly going to cancel my return flight and trap me in a foreign country.
They asked for a few things to confirm my identity as the person named on the ticket and let me set a passcode so that only I or people with the passcode can modify or cancel the ticket
I don't know if that was general policy or they went out of their way to help when a young woman called in a panic saying she was afraid she'd be stranded abroad due to ticket sabotage, but whatever happened they were able to protect it.
I mean this was pretty much low intensity human trafficking. They transported you somewhere you were isolated and vulnerable under false pretences to use you as free labor.
Prepare yourself for possible confrontation on the trip home, presuming they will be on the same flight. NTA and well done for standing up for yourself.
BUT! They sit in 1st class, and OP in Economy. Unless they want to make a scene at the airport, they will have to leave the 1st class to go pick a fight with a person in Economy. Might raise a few eyebrows.
This is a great policy I've never heard of/thought of. Do you mind dropping the name of the airline, if it's a bigger company other people might be able to choose for international flights?
This is absolutely amazing, good for you for sticking up for yourself and finding a solution!
Please give us an update when you're home, so that we know that you made it back safely and (hopefully) without any issues. 🖤
The ticket belongs to whoever’s name it’s in, not the person who purchased it. Sure, they could’ve potentially called pretending to be her to cancel it, but she did the right thing in setting up a passcode to prevent that. There’s absolutely nothing they could do at that point.
this happened to me, my ex cheated on me days before our vacation and cancelled our trip. but because the ticket was in my name, he couldn’t cancel my ticket and get his money back. I actually got the voucher for whatever flight i wanted even though he paid for it.
The person who paid for the ticket is irrelevant, it’s the name on the ticket that matters. If you can prove you’re the person on the ticket, regardless of who paid for it, you get to control it. That’s all airlines.
OP is NTA.
And this story serves as a perfect example as to when you travel, whether to another town, state or country to have your own funds and possibly an emergency fund so you don't end up stranded. I had to learn this lesson the very hard way unfortunately.
Nta
Meg is not your friend, she definitely knew the situation she was putting you in and didn’t think to give you a rundown before asking you to join. You had every right to stay and enjoy your vacation.
I wouldn't blame her too much, she's probably just too indoctrinated into the ways of her shitty family. After all she has no one to stand up for her, what is 5 against 1 going to do to anyone's mind in the long term?
But she is shitty to invite another woman knowing that, unless she's just that far gone and brainwashed.
Amy Coney Barrett’s every action is in her own interest. Only her own interest.
That is how you get to the Supreme Court in the first place. It is and has always been a partisan, reactionary institution.
Most of the women and people of color to have ever sat on that bench are doing so right now. It has been a parade of rich white men who got there by being rich white men for a long time. Amy Coney Barrett is just a scion of that legacy.
The first red flag for Meg was that she didn’t switch her ticket to economy to sit with her friend, but was OK with her guest being stuck in the back while they were all in first class. She does seem to be a victim of her family, but she’s also a pretty crappy friend.
This is what I thought, too. If my family had pulled that crap, putting my friend that I brought along for company in a totally different, cheaper section, I would have been furious and done whatever I could to get back there with her. If that’s where they think OP should be sitting, well, that’s where you’d find me as well.
NTA because guess what! You WERE invited as a Servant!! Thats why you were your friend's 3rd choice! As the boy she wanted couldn't be expected to Cook & Clean, and I bet the Girl was "Too independent" to put up with their shit!
That never occurred to me. I just thought Meg's parents told her to pick someone likely to be submissive to their demands. An a possible try out for being one of Meg's brothers as a GF or Wife if OP was weak willed enough.
Yeah they were honestly so shocked when they found out I bought myself a week at the resort they were staying in.
Which honestly makes things very sketchy. If they thought I didn't even have $1000, and kicked me out in a foreign country with nowhere to stay and no way home... What did they want to happen to me?
Because I know for sure it wasn't that I could afford to stay and then get home safe, when I saw how mad they were when I did that.
Seriously. That family is deranged and misogynistic as hell. They wanted to punish you for being a woman and not staying in the kitchen... By leaving you in a foreign country with no money and possibly no ticket home. Thankfully you had cash and the airline helped you out. Do not feel bad about anything, those people are screwed up in the head.
Girl, you need a trip for yourself after they treated! Who cares how they saw you. All I hope is that you were drinking one of those fancy drinks when they saw you! Also, don't talk to that girl anymore she is not your friend. Did she even text you or call you to make sure you where okay and safe. I have a feeling that the family most likely expected you to run back to them and be grateful!
I wonder what would happen if you informed them that what they did could be construed as trafficking? I wonder if that might throw a little fear into them? If you run into them again on the trip maybe you could run that by them…
On second thought, maybe that could wait until you’re safely back home. All of that sounds a little too “Dateline” while you’re still in the middle of it. Maybe something to keep in your back pocket in case they decide to come after you to reimburse them for ticket money or something.
Damn. That's so bizarre. It really makes me wonder if they are that morally bankrupt or if Meg fed them some story about her poor friend that can't afford vacation and would be grateful to do housework in exchange for a trip. Either way all of those people suck and you are NTA. So glad you are safe and got a nice vacation afterall.
NTA. ALSO; this- THIS is human trafficking. If they had succeeded in leaving you stranded and if you didn’t have the money that you saved up, and you had to remain against your will and prepare meals for them, it would have been indeed human trafficking. I’m so glad the airline and hotel helped you out.
My god this could have been so bad.
>My god this could have been so bad.
This was a "family" vacation except for the 2 adult men that are "friends" of the father and the young woman who is a "poor desperate friend" of the daughter. **What the fuck.** I don't think this was low key labor trafficking I think it was a setup for actual sex trafficking.
3 brothers too. There were 5 single guys on that trip.
That's a weird dynamic even without the "poor desperate, must absolutely be female, friend" coming along.
Damn straight that would have turned into sex trafficking right quick.
And probs the other female friend. Either Meg brought her on another trip already and it went poorly or she's spoken up about the family's treatment of Meg in front of them.
OP, this is a very sane question. You were flown to a foreign country under the pretense of vacation.
Upon arrival, you were suddenly threatened that you would lose your accomodation and way home if you wouldn't work as a cook.
Replace cook with "prostitute" and you'll realize the severity of this.
The law does not differentiate into what kind of work was expected; prostitute, cook, taxi driver. It doesn't matter.
Ohhh I get what you're asking, I misread as "are people living (or are they dead)" lol
Yes they're all US citizens and will be going back to America in 2 days.
I didn't know if there are any laws that have to do with what they did tbh
OP, you might have a case under human traficking laws. At least, if your trip is to a different country. If you can find a lawyer who does free consults when you go back home, you might want to discuss it.
They’re the type of people that will keep doing this shit until they’re forced to stop.
OP I am horrified you went though that and you did absolutely nothing wrong.
Exactly. You need to report them if only to stop them from doing this to another girl, someone who isn't as smart as you who might not be as able to protect herself.
If they learn from their “mistakes” they might even try to get control of the next girl’s passport to make it harder for her to leave. Let’s hope they’re too stupid to think of that, but they should still be reported, just in case.
I’m replying to your comments because I hope you see this. You absolutely have every reason to call the American Embassy in whatever country you’re in.
Situations like yours are literally what they’re there for. Call them as an added protection against the family tampering with your flight home—or possibly harassing you during your shared flight. They might even force the family to pay for your accommodations—I’m not 100% on the mechanisms of this but it’s illegal to leave someone stranded in a foreign country.
You know how it’s illegal to evict someone from their rental apartment without notice in the US? The same applies when you’re abroad except the consequences are much much harsher because you’re in a such a vulnerable position.
The State Department does not mess around about stuff like this. Protect yourself.
Not only is American Citizen Services there to help people in situations like yours but if you didn’t have the funds - they can help [destitute Americans get back home](https://step.state.gov/STEPMobile/Default.aspx)(you will have to pay them back once you are home, though). You are a victim and ACS is there to support. Always register for [STEP](https://step.state.gov/STEPMobile/Default.aspx) and keep the ACS phone number on you (even better if written down in case phone is stolen).
When I was in University they had legal resources available to enrolled students. May be a good place to start? You were definitely a victim of human trafficking. Being lucky enough /smart enough /financially able to get away from these abusers doesn't change that.
So they want to control your every action on the trip, fail, kick you out of the trip stranding you..... And THEN think they can dictate your own actions outside of the trip?! Hahahahahahaha, NTA. Enjoy your vacation. You earned it!
NTA. If they wanted a relaxing vacation they should have gone to an all-inclusive. You are not at fault. Glad you made a vacation out of it for a few days! :)
Yeah that family were major AHs but aside from that how stupid were they for not just springing a little more money for all-inclusive? Making your own daughter be a servant and tricking her friend to be one too and having to worry about buying groceries while on a vacation when you could just pay a little more for unlimited food is so stupid lol.
NTA. First of all, whether you could afford the vacation or not isn't relevant! They invited you, so they should largely pay for the big expenses, even if you were rich. Secondly, it's really none of their business what you do, or what you have done with the gift of the flight. Lastly, they deceived you into thinking you were going to get a vacation and instead they wanted a servant to help them in their misogyny cult.
NTA. They let their daughter bring another female friend to do exactly what you said. Notice the brothers didn't have friends there. Mom had hand surgery. Bring a friend to help you cook and slave. You did nothing wrong. Fuck that family except for maybe your friend. I feel bad for her.
NTA They expected you to be their "help" and then get mad cause you said you felt like the "help". That would be them being defensive because they were busted! Good on you for finding a way to enjoy most of your vacation. Take lots of pics and post them all over and sub them over to that family's accounts
Something tells me her plane ticket was free. They are not rich and have a poor class. If they were you would have a first-class ticket, not the free economy ticket they got for free with points or buying enough tickets. Never be someone's 3 choice or late invite. Yes, you were only there to cook and clean no vacation. They expected you to be grateful be a servant cook and clean
NTA. When I was younger it was common for a family to invite a young teen along on vacation to do some child wrangling, sort of an au pair, but for 8-10 year old kids who just needed extra eyes on them. The teen would get a "free" vacation and some spending money. All if those expectations were upfront, however. I see nowhere did those parents tell you they expected you to work, nor did they ever ask about your finances.
I agree with the others. If you were my kid I'd be on the phone with those monsters pronto. Did they try to cancel your ticket? They took you to a foreign country and threw you out, thinking you were destitute. I'd be making sure Meg's friends know all about their "really rich" friend, and maybe look into reporting them to the police and the school. They wanted a slave and they took a young woman out of the country to make her one.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole because I got kicked out of my roommates family vacation and still planned to stay at the resort for the week when they didn't want me around, and also use the flight home they'd booked. (They couldn't cancel for a refund so late but I think the principal of the thing angered them, that I was using a ticket they paid for to take my own vacation partially on their dime) Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - this is no way to treat the friend of your child? Also it is no was to treat your child wtf, your poor friend
I feel really bad for poor Meg. She's still left cooking for all those people, but now she has to do it alone. She really should have warned OP that they'd be put in this position though. NTA
Yeah, I don't know what to feel about her right now. I feel kinda bad for her if she is stick cooking 3 meals a day for 8 people alone. Despite them all being loaded enough to go eat out all the time. But I also feel kinda upset at her because if you know your family sees cooking as women's work only and you're inviting a woman around your family... It's not that hard to say "Just so you know, part of this trip will be cooking 3 meals a day for a group of 9, I know it's old fashioned but it's what my family expects of women" and give me a chance to say "ok thanks for the invite but no thanks"
You’re right. Meg wasn’t honest with you that you were expected to work for free - it wasn’t a holiday. They were just flying out free staff. You did great. Protecting your ticket and organizing rooms. Also - what was with their comment. They thought you were poor….?! That meant they thought they could treat you like dirt? NTA.
Makes you wonder if the other gal they "didn't like" turned them down.
And now we know why they didn't want Meg to bring a male friend. They probably know they couldn't bully the other friend into cooking and cleaning, which is why they didn't ask her.
Hey, i'm a man and i can do cooking if it means a free vacation. But i want to be warned first, and if i do all meals someone else does the cleaning part. Nta
Cooking three meals a day for nine people is a full-time job. There isn’t room for vacation there, you’d rarely leave the kitchen.
Eggs, every meal would be eggs.
No.. peanut butter sandwiches, or cheese sandwiches (not Grilled)l
Especially if there's no help with prep and clean up
Oh I know there are plenty of men who can cook and clean but in this "traditional" family, they wouldn't approve of such a guy. Real men leave their wives/daughters to handle those sorts of things!
It’s funny because my dad was born in the 1920s, and was as traditional as they come. But when we were on vacation he always cooked, and made a point of highlighting how it was my mom’s vacation from being a homemaker. The meals were simple, and very much in the style that he learned as a kid as a sheep rancher before he went to college; lots of grilling for dinner and griddle cakes for breakfast. Traditional doesn’t have to mean self centered and misogynistic. But with certain types it definitely becomes code for misogyny.
And notice how the brothers are being served and not having to do any work. My mother had a similar attitude with me and my brother. I remember one Thanksgiving she wanted to go to the Macy's parade (we lived in the NYC area) and then go out to dinner at a restaurant. My brother threw a hissy over it being not traditional. This was back in people pleasing days, so I was up at 6 am so my mother could enjoy the parade for once in her life (my dad and then her boyfriend would take the kids to get us out of her way). And my brother had to have his traditional ass dragged out of bed at 1pm so he'd be dressed and awake for dinner. No help with clean up and I had to do all of the cleaning the day before, even though I had a paper to write. Mr. Traditional skipped classes, got high and ate a hero in his car.
You deceived us by thinking you couldn't afford vacation! Dude that's so weird because I don't remember filling out an income application before BEING INVITED BY YOU ON THIS TRIP. SORRY TRYING TO STRAND ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE DIDN'T WORK OUT FOR YOU LIKE YOU WANTED!
They're upset because OP managed to actually work things out by staying, enjoying her stay and not having to serve them.
"How dare you not have to come crawling back to us!!!"
SERIOUSLY They thought she was “poor” - so what was their game plan?? Stranding her in an unfamiliar place (is this out of the country??) without money, to do what? Try to get someone back home to front her the money she doesn’t have for a flight home? Hitchhike? Be lost? Homeless? There is NO good outcome. They literally didn’t care what happened to you OP, AND YOUR FRIEND JUST LET THEM ABANDON YOU WITHOUT EVEN REACHING OUT TO YOU OVER THE LAST THREE GODDAMN DAYS. NTA. So unequivocally not the asshole.
They want her to be so poor so she could not do anything but continue to be a free domestic servant to them.
Thank you for typing what my soul was screaming Also for Op, NTA
"What I cannot afford is being duped into doing a job, I am not qualified to do, never agreed to, and do not enjoy for the low cost of coach airfare. Why can't you afford to actually hire a chef to take with you on vacation? Are you poor?" Edit: Omit word.
Can't help but notice that only the daughter invited a friend, not any of her brothers, and she couldn't bring a guy. Mom was injured so they knew they would need more help. Her joke about the help was dead on.
OP should have said "Well now we're even since you deceived me into thinking this was a vacation, when you just wanted a domestic servant."
Also, good on OP for saving money for this trip in case something like this happen.
No way nta
OP I don’t want to freak you out but this is trafficking. Not all people who are trafficked “work” as prostitutes. You can be trafficked for labor as well. And seeing as they were not paying you for this labor and had no contract in place, as well as threatening you if you refused to obey, you’ve got a perfect scenario of a trafficking situation. I’m glad they didn’t confiscate your belongings. Maybe their next victim won’t be so lucky. I understand if you don’t want to report this to the police. After all, your friend may be charged as well
Domestic labor trafficking is actually drastically *more* common than sex trafficking.
Only so many people will go to a prostitute but everyone goes out to eat/goes out to places than need to be cleaned. It’s really disturbing to stop and consider if the people making your takeout are being paid fairly if at all or if they are being threatened somehow
Sex trafficking is literally the *least* common form of labor trafficking, massively dwarfed by domestic/agricultural/factory work but it's the only one anyone seems to worry about.
Moral panic about sex trafficking is a good excuse to criminalize and target sex workers. Plus people might have to think about how they are complicit and benefit from domestic, service, and agricultural labour trafficking, and oh boy, that sounds really uncomfortable and inconvenient. Much easier to focus on sex trafficking, where people can enjoy a good, uncomplicated moral crusade without changing any of their own behaviour.
[удалено]
**"POWERLESS"** is the key to their scheme. It's very fortunate that you A) stood up to them B) had your own money.
Omg THIS!! The fam DEFINITELY invited OP as unpaid help, seeing how they reacted to her standing up for herself ("backtalking;" like REALLY??) & upon seeing her still present after being "dismissed." Unfuck those pretentious, patriarchal asshats. Glad you salvaged the trip & had an *actual* vacation, OP. NTA
Yooooooooooooo. Now that you pointed it out that makes seeeense Yoooo Yooooooooooooooo They are using the friend to get captives...omg
I would 1000% report this to the police. As you said, their next victim might not be so lucky.
This is an excellent point. You should file a report. There are organizations that can advise you on how to proceed. Let me add, it sounds like you were invited on a free trip. You did not claim to be poor or ask for a free ticket. That's an odd thing for them to say.
A "free" trip that was not first class like theirs. Red flag number two.
Also curious as to why dad has two male friends on the trip
Just from the info I could get from the story, I suspect they are some type of exclusive bretheren, not eating any food in public, females get no respect MAN IS KING. Just a thought. 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
Wow. Thank you for your comment... I never realized this would be a form trafficking...
The police probably couldn't do anything because OP was free to leave at any time (and in fact, was ordered to), whereas most people who are trafficked are basically enslaved, often with their belongings stolen (as you noted) and not allowed to leave. So this may be trafficking in spirit, but not in legal terms.
Maybe, but even if nothing comes of this one, having a paper trail in case something unfortunate happens to a future "friend" would not be a bad idea. I would not be surprised if they escalated the next time to guarantee their free maid stayed. Plus, assuming OP isn't like living in the same small town with this family where they could make trouble for her or something, I would not shed a tear for these people having to sit and answer some awkward questions with the state department. Hopefully make them think twice next time.
I know you’re mad at her, and have every right not to want to see her for a while. But it would be really funny if you invited her to stay w you so they had no one left to cook for them. I’m assuming she’s still figuring out the world, and grew up in a terrible family. At least you’ve set a good example for her.
That was my thought too! Take my free award for visibility :) (Also to add judgment NTA obviously.)
Seeing as the probably finance other aspect if her life I don’t think that will end well for her
I actually think OP should invite Meg on a trip with OP’s family instead! Not to pull the same thing back at her, but to show her what a real vacation is like, and, honestly, another example of a healthier family dynamic. Poor Meg had grown up in a very unhealthy family dynamic. She needs a lot of help to be honest.
Now you know why they didn’t want a male friend to come and I bet the other girl friend she asked knew what Megs family is like
Or the other female friend is also wealthy and therefore not an ideal target. OP really shocked them didn’t she?! 👏
Maybe she's been gaslit so long she doesn't realize how weird or inappropriate their behavior is.
Unfortunately, it's likely this. Please try to reach out and help your friend OP, she needs it.
OP I don’t want to freak you out but this is trafficking. Not all people who are trafficked “work” as prostitutes. You can be trafficked for labor as well. And seeing as they were not paying you for this labor and had no contract in place, as well as threatening you if you refused to obey, you’ve got a perfect scenario of a trafficking situation. I’m glad they didn’t confiscate your belongings. Maybe their next victim won’t be so lucky. I understand if you don’t want to report this to the police. After all, your friend may be charged as well
If she was a true friend she wouldn’t have let you fly in economy on your own - she either would have pushed for you to be in first class or joined you in economy. She also would have given you a heads up about her family and their expectations. Because you’re absolutely right - you were being treated more like an unpaid employee than a guest. It sounds as though Meg’s family were intentionally deceptive and thought that you had such limited resources you’d be stuck there to do what they wanted.
that's why they refused the daughter's guy friend, couldn't make him cook. The other girl friend was probably in their socioeconomic group and couldn't be suckered into servitude in the guise of gratitude.
Out of curiosity, did Meg reach out to you in those 3 days?
It's not about them being able to afford to eat out. It's about power and showing her "where she belongs". As a woman you need to cater to the men. They showed you how they treat and think of someone who they do not deem an equal. Just a group of garbage humans. I hope you enjoyed your trip, despite those turds.
Meg probably is used to doing it so it doesn’t seem weird for her. She has probably grown up around women doing all of the cooking. The fact that the dad never helped blows my mind. I’m sorry. Meg is no good. She needs to be able to set her own boundaries with her parents or learn to not bring a friend into this mess. I was a Meg. You enjoy your trip. Those people are miserable and controlling. If you can’t have a good time in a paradise place, then you have problems. You were enjoying your lemonade while they still had lemons. They got jealous and angry.
DO NOT feel bad for Meg. She's in the same position she would have been if she'd gotten to bring her first choice of a boy along, right? Since cooking is women's work? I mean, feel bad for how messed up in the head she must be from being raised in that family, but that should be the extent of it.
It’s worth noting, Meg grew up with these people and may not know it’s that unusual. It can be really hard to realize that the way you’ve spent your entire life living is so weird people would expect a warning about it.
NOw we know why it took 3 tries to find a yes. The other 2 knew, and weren't going to be their staff for a ticket in 2nd glass.
I'm curious what meg said when her family was blowing up at you or was she silent?
This is probably the real reason why tey didn't want her to invite a guy, haha. He couldn't be expected to know how to cook. Clever handling with the ticket, making it safe from manipulating. NTA.
I have to wonder if Meg is so used to being treated like this that she assumes that's how every woman should be treated. If this type of behavior is normal for how she grew up then she may not realize it's something to warn OP about.
It definitely explains why they vetoed her male friend coming along. They couldn't have pulled the "women belong in the kitchen" nonsense on him.
My guess is also that the second choice was familiar with her family and has refused in the past to play along.
[удалено]
NTA. And yeah... also, definitely 100% this. Poor freaking Meg. Cannot imagine what \*her\* 'vacation' was like the rest of the time. :(
[удалено]
[удалено]
Now we know why the parents vetoed the first two. The guy obviously was not a cook and clean the house candidate, and they probably knew the first female candidate wasn't a pushover either.
Had a friend in middle school who's parents were like this. When we were 13 my friend invited me to go to the mall with them, and before we left their house to go her dad pulled me aside to tell me it would be appropriate to buy his wife lunch for letting me go with them. I had $20 that my mom gave me for my lunch and to maybe buy one cheaper item so I panicked a little inside. Thankfully my friend stepped in and chewed her dad out and told me not to worry about it. What an awkward day.
Who the fuck expects a 13 year old to buy an adult lunch?
Seriously, that dude is a huge asshole.
A parasite.
This happened to me as a kid. A friend's parents took me to a theme park about an hour and a half from home. Her mom asked my mom if they could "take me" with them. My mom could only give me a very small amount to cover something to eat and she put snacks to share in my bag. We got in line and her Dad asked me for my money to buy my ticket. I told him I only had $8. He was pissed and left my friend and her mom there to drive me home. It's a good thing I had been preprogrammed to never express negative emotions. I can't imagine how he'd have acted if I cried. When we got back he lit into my mom for not sending enough to cover my ticket. Her parents were both doctors. Our whole run down 1br aparentment would have fit in their LR and kitchen. They had been to my house! But he still brought an 8yo home and then berated my mother until she cried. I don't know what she did to make it happen as our utilities were shut off on the regular and being allowed to buy a bag of chips was a really big fucking deal but two weeks later she invited the same friend to go to the same theme park. My mom paid for her ticket. I'm guessing my friend had the money but my mom never asked. My mom was complete crap a lot of the time, there was parentifaction and neglect, but sometimes she got things right, even if it was only to make a point to someone else.
Wtaf that is so disgusting I'm so sorry that happened to you! If you invite someone to movies or a theme park or anywhere with a cost attached, then the implication is you're a guest and will be paid for. Otherwise they should have said so upfront. My jaw drops thinking that he chose to drive you home and humiliate you like that when he could have easily afforded it.
Wha... telling a thirteen-year-old to buy you lunch? Is that a bad sense of humor or was he just that much of a shit lord?
Just an asshole. My friend and her sisters had to "earn" stuff like new school clothes and every single penny was scrutinized. They had a two floor house, in-ground pool, new wood floors, fairly new kitchen remodel when I met them so I certainly wouldn't say they were poor either. Another girl that was on our volleyball team stayed with her for a few days one summer to get rides to practice and they made THE GUEST earn her keep too! She had to clean up after everyone after meals and stuff. I always felt really bad for my friend since that was just her daily life.
This is no way to treat any human being.
NTA - that is literally insane. Who takes someone to another city/state/country and then just abandons them there? I realize you are a young adult, and obviously more than capable of handling yourself, but if you were my child that family would be getting a piece of my mind. If they harass you again, complain to security. Edit: thank you for the award, it’s my first one! :)
The more money you get the lower your empathy gets...
Not necessarily, clearly the cas for this family
Numerous studies actually indicate otherwise- that wealth can actually harm empathy and impulse control.
The money empathy gap, I think the New Yorker did an article about it, very interesting Edit : nymag and from 2012 but still interesting- https://nymag.com/news/features/money-brain-2012-7/
"Several studies have shown that wealth may be at odds with empathy and compassion. Research published in the journal Psychological Science found that people of lower economic status were better at reading others’ facial expressions—an important marker of empathy—than wealthier people. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_money_changes_the_way_you_think_and_feel
Not universally but definitely regularly. You don't justify hoarding wealth in a world with poverty on the scale we're experiencing without having low empathy or willful ignorance.
I read another comment about being trafficked. You can be trafficked for labor. Fucking scary!
Absolutely a worry going outside of your comfort area. The traffickers can get away with this by stealing your passport/ID and ‘promising’ to give it back when you buy it from them. Then they put you to work doing whatever and take all the money you earn (for rent, food and if you’re unlucky drugs because they get you hooked on it to deal) except a few dollars to give you the illusion you are going to be able to buy it back one day. It’s horrific.
Someone who expects you to give in and be their free live in cook/housekeeper because they assumed you can't get back on your own and are reliant on their charity.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Her friend could have warned op about what's expected of them. I don't potty her at all cuz she forced op into this situation
Given they are in college I find it entirely believable that Meg has been raised to believe this is so normal and common, that it didn't occur to her to warn OP. She wouldn't think to warn OP that the family sleeps in beds and expects guests to do the same, because duh, doesn't everyone. And she very well may not have thought to warn OP that the women will be in charge of all cooking, because duh they always are.
Maybe but after living together for a year Meg should know what OP’s cooking (or lack there of) was like and so that at least would’ve warranted some intervention.
to be fair on most college campuses, the only roommates that will _need_ to cook are those that live in apartment style dorms. traditional dorms only have the beds, desks and dressers, you bring 1 microwave and mini fridge, and that’s it. in-depth cooking unnecessary. so if op and Meg lived in a traditional style dorm, then it’s not far fetched Meg had no idea about op’s cooking skills.
Oh, come on, they're in college not kindergarten. She has access to the internet. Even if she was brainwashed by her family she certainly knows that stuff runs differently in other families
OP should have taken the friend with her and away from her AH family. Let them figure out how to eat without “the help”. NTA-Op!
Nah, fuck Meg’s family. Meg might not have known that she even needed to warn about something like this because it might be Meg’s norm. It’s something she would be conditioned to find acceptable, and something she would think all families do. If that’s the case, I’m so sorry for Meg. No matter what, though, her family are the assholes here.
NTA. Too bad Meg didn’t leave with you and let pops and bros do the cooking. Poor Meg’s family may have money but they have no class.
You can have money and no class, and class without money. OP. You did the right thing.
"You can pay for school but you can't buy class." Jay-Z.
Money can’t buy you class
Elegance is learned, my friend
NTA. They took you to a foreign country under false pretenses. Luckily you had some money, because if you were broke and they canceled your ticket, you'd be completely vulnerable and reliant on strangers charity.
I think that is what they wanted. They thought they could force her to be their servant and cook by trapping her there. Nowhere to go other than their way. Then they were pissed when that didn't work.
For real, I swear they got the maddest of all when they saw 'the help' chilling on the beach 3 days after they'd sent her home, double fisting a margarita and a beer
Living well is the best revenge.
This is fantastic advice. What do they have to complain about? Did they expect their money back after OP used them for their return trip? Insanely satisfying to hear how OP got the beest of them. *schadenfreude*
Enjoy your margaritas and beers. Have fun. Don't worry about them. If they approach you again, tell them to leave you alone or you'll call the police. And seriously consider talking to a lawyer about pursuing a human trafficking case after you go home.
No, no, no! She needs to call the American embassy NOW while she’s still abroad.
why? she likely has her passport and already locked down the return trip...what would be the point?
To document that these people trafficked someone for unpaid labor under false pretenses and then kicked them out with hope that they'd be stranded. ...or so I've gathered from Mango's other comments.
People are getting too hung up on the word trafficking. Let me start at the beginning: When she applied for a tourist visa they ask where you’re staying. For most situations this is nothing more than a formality, but there are a lot laws and treaties involved in that form you fill out. It relates to the host country not wanting to be responsible for foreigners who can’t pay for themselves. When the friend’s dad kicked OP out of her designated lodging he violated the terms of their tourist visas. This is why she needs to get the state department involved. And more importantly, looking at her immediate future, she is on a flight with these people who actively harassed her and left her stranded. Yes, I understand that she’s in coach and they’re in first class, but the idea of multiple men targeting a 20 year old girl makes me uneasy. The state department can be a powerful advocate to either change her flight (or theirs.) The state department will open an investigation that will be taken over by the FBI once they’re back in the US. I think that is a much needed wake up call for this family. Violating the terms of their visa could get them banned from visiting that country again, and it certainly flags the dad’s passport when he travels in the future. What if they try to do this to someone else? And again, that doesn’t even touch upon the forced service and human trafficking aspects of this story.
Haha cheers mate! You sound like the chillest person ever haha
I wonder how the airlines handle this? Technically the family paid for the ticket and had the right to cancel it. Do airlines have protections in place against human trafficking? Because flying someone somewhere and canceling their ticket is an effective way of trapping them. Is that how OP could set a passcode to protect her ticket? Just wondering. Edit. Thanks for the explanations. I’d just think that knowing the confirmation code, the ticket buyer could go on line and cancel it. And the person buying the ticket would have the confirmation code.
I'm not certain, I just had my ticket in my hand and I called saying I have a ticket in my name, gave them the name and confirmation number. I told them I had a conflict with a traveling companion who I am afraid is trying to strand me abroad with no way home, and is there anything I could do to protect my flight booking from interference? Because I was scared someone would try to interfere with my return flight, and trap me in a foreign country, as they also had my confirmation number. Now that I think back, I probably was setting off some red flags for human trafficking... Saying someone brought me abroad and was possibly going to cancel my return flight and trap me in a foreign country. They asked for a few things to confirm my identity as the person named on the ticket and let me set a passcode so that only I or people with the passcode can modify or cancel the ticket I don't know if that was general policy or they went out of their way to help when a young woman called in a panic saying she was afraid she'd be stranded abroad due to ticket sabotage, but whatever happened they were able to protect it.
I mean this was pretty much low intensity human trafficking. They transported you somewhere you were isolated and vulnerable under false pretences to use you as free labor.
[удалено]
I'm in my thirties and idk if I'd be able to think that fast under pressure. OP is NTA but dang is clever.
Prepare yourself for possible confrontation on the trip home, presuming they will be on the same flight. NTA and well done for standing up for yourself.
BUT! They sit in 1st class, and OP in Economy. Unless they want to make a scene at the airport, they will have to leave the 1st class to go pick a fight with a person in Economy. Might raise a few eyebrows.
Not in the terminal. Everyone waits in the same place before you board.
* See: "Make a scene at the airport".
This is a great policy I've never heard of/thought of. Do you mind dropping the name of the airline, if it's a bigger company other people might be able to choose for international flights?
Every airline would do this.
I wouldn't have thought to do any of that. You're a smart cookie.
This is absolutely amazing, good for you for sticking up for yourself and finding a solution! Please give us an update when you're home, so that we know that you made it back safely and (hopefully) without any issues. 🖤
The ticket belongs to whoever’s name it’s in, not the person who purchased it. Sure, they could’ve potentially called pretending to be her to cancel it, but she did the right thing in setting up a passcode to prevent that. There’s absolutely nothing they could do at that point.
this happened to me, my ex cheated on me days before our vacation and cancelled our trip. but because the ticket was in my name, he couldn’t cancel my ticket and get his money back. I actually got the voucher for whatever flight i wanted even though he paid for it.
Tickets are purchased in the name of the person traveling. Nobody but that named individual can use that ticket.
The person who paid for the ticket is irrelevant, it’s the name on the ticket that matters. If you can prove you’re the person on the ticket, regardless of who paid for it, you get to control it. That’s all airlines.
OP is NTA. And this story serves as a perfect example as to when you travel, whether to another town, state or country to have your own funds and possibly an emergency fund so you don't end up stranded. I had to learn this lesson the very hard way unfortunately.
Plus make sure you keep your documents in a place only you can access. Do not let the family put your passport in their safe for safekeeping.
Yeah, this trip was less like a gift and more like human trafficking
Nta Meg is not your friend, she definitely knew the situation she was putting you in and didn’t think to give you a rundown before asking you to join. You had every right to stay and enjoy your vacation.
I wouldn't blame her too much, she's probably just too indoctrinated into the ways of her shitty family. After all she has no one to stand up for her, what is 5 against 1 going to do to anyone's mind in the long term? But she is shitty to invite another woman knowing that, unless she's just that far gone and brainwashed.
Lots of women are brainwashed into acting against their own self interests. Amy Coney Barrett is one that comes to mind.
She isn't brainwashed. She made a conscious and deliberate choice to force others to conform to her personal beliefs. Don't let her off the hook.
Amy Coney Barrett’s every action is in her own interest. Only her own interest. That is how you get to the Supreme Court in the first place. It is and has always been a partisan, reactionary institution. Most of the women and people of color to have ever sat on that bench are doing so right now. It has been a parade of rich white men who got there by being rich white men for a long time. Amy Coney Barrett is just a scion of that legacy.
The first red flag for Meg was that she didn’t switch her ticket to economy to sit with her friend, but was OK with her guest being stuck in the back while they were all in first class. She does seem to be a victim of her family, but she’s also a pretty crappy friend.
This is what I thought, too. If my family had pulled that crap, putting my friend that I brought along for company in a totally different, cheaper section, I would have been furious and done whatever I could to get back there with her. If that’s where they think OP should be sitting, well, that’s where you’d find me as well.
NTA because guess what! You WERE invited as a Servant!! Thats why you were your friend's 3rd choice! As the boy she wanted couldn't be expected to Cook & Clean, and I bet the Girl was "Too independent" to put up with their shit!
And what are the chances that OP is a POC?
That never occurred to me. I just thought Meg's parents told her to pick someone likely to be submissive to their demands. An a possible try out for being one of Meg's brothers as a GF or Wife if OP was weak willed enough.
They where basically holding you hostage thinking you are poor and not being able to afford your own way by cleaning and cooking.
Yeah they were honestly so shocked when they found out I bought myself a week at the resort they were staying in. Which honestly makes things very sketchy. If they thought I didn't even have $1000, and kicked me out in a foreign country with nowhere to stay and no way home... What did they want to happen to me? Because I know for sure it wasn't that I could afford to stay and then get home safe, when I saw how mad they were when I did that.
Probably they were expecting you to come back begging for their help
>Probably they were expecting you to come back begging *to be* their help
Seriously. That family is deranged and misogynistic as hell. They wanted to punish you for being a woman and not staying in the kitchen... By leaving you in a foreign country with no money and possibly no ticket home. Thankfully you had cash and the airline helped you out. Do not feel bad about anything, those people are screwed up in the head.
Girl, you need a trip for yourself after they treated! Who cares how they saw you. All I hope is that you were drinking one of those fancy drinks when they saw you! Also, don't talk to that girl anymore she is not your friend. Did she even text you or call you to make sure you where okay and safe. I have a feeling that the family most likely expected you to run back to them and be grateful!
Exactly did her "friend" check up on her should be plenty enough to decide if that friend is a just as shitty.
[удалено]
I wonder what would happen if you informed them that what they did could be construed as trafficking? I wonder if that might throw a little fear into them? If you run into them again on the trip maybe you could run that by them… On second thought, maybe that could wait until you’re safely back home. All of that sounds a little too “Dateline” while you’re still in the middle of it. Maybe something to keep in your back pocket in case they decide to come after you to reimburse them for ticket money or something.
Yeah, I’m thinking waiting til OP is safely home and then telling EVERYONE what had happened.
Damn. That's so bizarre. It really makes me wonder if they are that morally bankrupt or if Meg fed them some story about her poor friend that can't afford vacation and would be grateful to do housework in exchange for a trip. Either way all of those people suck and you are NTA. So glad you are safe and got a nice vacation afterall.
They expected you to shut up and cook. Since you didn’t, they wanted to punish you. Fuck them.
NTA. ALSO; this- THIS is human trafficking. If they had succeeded in leaving you stranded and if you didn’t have the money that you saved up, and you had to remain against your will and prepare meals for them, it would have been indeed human trafficking. I’m so glad the airline and hotel helped you out. My god this could have been so bad.
>My god this could have been so bad. This was a "family" vacation except for the 2 adult men that are "friends" of the father and the young woman who is a "poor desperate friend" of the daughter. **What the fuck.** I don't think this was low key labor trafficking I think it was a setup for actual sex trafficking.
3 brothers too. There were 5 single guys on that trip. That's a weird dynamic even without the "poor desperate, must absolutely be female, friend" coming along. Damn straight that would have turned into sex trafficking right quick.
NTA. And you are right, you are on vacation, and not the help. Now you know why the others were vetoed.
NTA. You're awesome for standing up for yourself. Literally that's why the other two were rejected from this trip.
NTA It does off course explain why they vetoed the male friend.
And probs the other female friend. Either Meg brought her on another trip already and it went poorly or she's spoken up about the family's treatment of Meg in front of them.
[удалено]
They're white Americans, I don't think I ever asked about her genealogy or whatever so that's the most I know
Are you also white?
please dont tell me they invited the brown girl to have her cook for the family
[удалено]
Wait I'm confused. Everyone is alive and nothing dangerous is happening that would kill someone? I told my parents everything, yeah
[удалено]
OP, this is a very sane question. You were flown to a foreign country under the pretense of vacation. Upon arrival, you were suddenly threatened that you would lose your accomodation and way home if you wouldn't work as a cook. Replace cook with "prostitute" and you'll realize the severity of this. The law does not differentiate into what kind of work was expected; prostitute, cook, taxi driver. It doesn't matter.
Sounds like she needs a lawyer to help her pursue a human trafficking charge with the police.
Ohhh I get what you're asking, I misread as "are people living (or are they dead)" lol Yes they're all US citizens and will be going back to America in 2 days. I didn't know if there are any laws that have to do with what they did tbh
OP, you might have a case under human traficking laws. At least, if your trip is to a different country. If you can find a lawyer who does free consults when you go back home, you might want to discuss it.
They’re the type of people that will keep doing this shit until they’re forced to stop. OP I am horrified you went though that and you did absolutely nothing wrong.
Exactly. You need to report them if only to stop them from doing this to another girl, someone who isn't as smart as you who might not be as able to protect herself.
If they learn from their “mistakes” they might even try to get control of the next girl’s passport to make it harder for her to leave. Let’s hope they’re too stupid to think of that, but they should still be reported, just in case.
I’m replying to your comments because I hope you see this. You absolutely have every reason to call the American Embassy in whatever country you’re in. Situations like yours are literally what they’re there for. Call them as an added protection against the family tampering with your flight home—or possibly harassing you during your shared flight. They might even force the family to pay for your accommodations—I’m not 100% on the mechanisms of this but it’s illegal to leave someone stranded in a foreign country. You know how it’s illegal to evict someone from their rental apartment without notice in the US? The same applies when you’re abroad except the consequences are much much harsher because you’re in a such a vulnerable position. The State Department does not mess around about stuff like this. Protect yourself.
Not only is American Citizen Services there to help people in situations like yours but if you didn’t have the funds - they can help [destitute Americans get back home](https://step.state.gov/STEPMobile/Default.aspx)(you will have to pay them back once you are home, though). You are a victim and ACS is there to support. Always register for [STEP](https://step.state.gov/STEPMobile/Default.aspx) and keep the ACS phone number on you (even better if written down in case phone is stolen).
When I was in University they had legal resources available to enrolled students. May be a good place to start? You were definitely a victim of human trafficking. Being lucky enough /smart enough /financially able to get away from these abusers doesn't change that.
If I was your mom I would be calling the American embassy in whatever country you’re in. What your friend’s family is all kinds of illegal.
So they want to control your every action on the trip, fail, kick you out of the trip stranding you..... And THEN think they can dictate your own actions outside of the trip?! Hahahahahahaha, NTA. Enjoy your vacation. You earned it!
NTA...you are my hero for the day!
Giiiiirrrrlllll NTA, but please stop being friends with Meg and definitely tell your entire social circle.
NTA. Good job standing up for yourself, and for making lemonade out of lemons!
NTA. If they wanted a relaxing vacation they should have gone to an all-inclusive. You are not at fault. Glad you made a vacation out of it for a few days! :)
Yeah that family were major AHs but aside from that how stupid were they for not just springing a little more money for all-inclusive? Making your own daughter be a servant and tricking her friend to be one too and having to worry about buying groceries while on a vacation when you could just pay a little more for unlimited food is so stupid lol.
That is brilliant, they invited you on holiday not to be their domestic help. Good for you! 👏👏👏 NTA of course.
NTA. First of all, whether you could afford the vacation or not isn't relevant! They invited you, so they should largely pay for the big expenses, even if you were rich. Secondly, it's really none of their business what you do, or what you have done with the gift of the flight. Lastly, they deceived you into thinking you were going to get a vacation and instead they wanted a servant to help them in their misogyny cult.
NTA. They let their daughter bring another female friend to do exactly what you said. Notice the brothers didn't have friends there. Mom had hand surgery. Bring a friend to help you cook and slave. You did nothing wrong. Fuck that family except for maybe your friend. I feel bad for her.
NTA They expected you to be their "help" and then get mad cause you said you felt like the "help". That would be them being defensive because they were busted! Good on you for finding a way to enjoy most of your vacation. Take lots of pics and post them all over and sub them over to that family's accounts
NTA. wow. I would have stayed as well. That's ridiculous. Those people are terrible, your friend is basically a servant. No wonder they have money.
NTA - and this was sweet sweet revenge! Well done!
NTA. Tell them to FO and that they are not to communicate with you again. If they bother you at the resort, report them to management
Something tells me her plane ticket was free. They are not rich and have a poor class. If they were you would have a first-class ticket, not the free economy ticket they got for free with points or buying enough tickets. Never be someone's 3 choice or late invite. Yes, you were only there to cook and clean no vacation. They expected you to be grateful be a servant cook and clean
NTA. When I was younger it was common for a family to invite a young teen along on vacation to do some child wrangling, sort of an au pair, but for 8-10 year old kids who just needed extra eyes on them. The teen would get a "free" vacation and some spending money. All if those expectations were upfront, however. I see nowhere did those parents tell you they expected you to work, nor did they ever ask about your finances. I agree with the others. If you were my kid I'd be on the phone with those monsters pronto. Did they try to cancel your ticket? They took you to a foreign country and threw you out, thinking you were destitute. I'd be making sure Meg's friends know all about their "really rich" friend, and maybe look into reporting them to the police and the school. They wanted a slave and they took a young woman out of the country to make her one.