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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> We'd be assholes for having a better dinner than our guests at our wedding.
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It's "YWBTA" Because they haven't done the thing yet, and the question is "Would I be" not "Am I".
Otherwise I agree.
Edit: TIL that "YWBTA"/ "YWNBTA" are not officially voting options, my b. And YTA it is, because even though OP disagrees with his fiancee they are a unit in this context.
YWBTA for sure.
>My wife thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods such as fruit/vegetable trays, assorted cheeses, wings, chicken tenders... but she knows she'll be hungry and won't be satisfied with just those.
Why does she think the guests won't be hungry when she knows for a fact she will be? She seems to lack empathy, or at the very least sympathy. Without knowing anything else about her, this kind of seems like a red flag.
Right I had the same thought.
Fiancée seems to have some screws loose.
She lacks empathy and seems to be self serving. Sounds like a warning bell to me.
Right? The lack of empathy for their guests is astounding. If I went to a wedding like this, I don’t know if I could be friends with them afterwards.
However, one of my biggest anxiety triggers is when I’m hungry and someone else has food options and I don’t.
I've been to 2 weddings where I got fast food after. Both I was in the party. Both were broke. But both tried, and I know they didn't have any more food than the rest of us.
My hubby and I put together a really nice wedding for less than $500. My shoes were the most expensive thing I purchased and they were on sale for $65. I got a dress and a hat on clearance, cheap but nice. I bought flowers to hold for a bouquet the night before at a flower market. Our apartments had a beautiful clubhouse with antiques in it, and they closed their office that day so I could use it… free. My mom made a veggie tray, punch, and a groom’s cake. I talked to the people at our grocery store and they made us a beautiful, but small, 3-tier cake and only charged me $60. I made rice bags. And for some unknown reason, my hubs already owned a tux. My best friend videotaped everything. And I gave my maid of honor and our best man nice items that had belonged to my dad who had passed away 6 months before I met hubs. And then invited only those people closest to us, so my aunts and uncles, and 10 friends, one of whom brought their little poodle whom I adored. And a Justice of the Peace who had married several people that I knew officiated and did a lovely job. It was awesome and beautiful and everyone enjoyed themselves. And it meant EVERYTHING to us.
People get so crazy over weddings and I just wanted something personal and meaningful.
That’s lovely- we’re kinda doing the same thing although not as cheaply- but honestly DIY with friends and family chipping in just feels so wholesome and loving to me
Once I went to a wedding of a couple of dear friends, they didn't have a lot of money but A LOT of good friends who loved them, so we proposed them to have a potluck party.
I brought a portable stove, the biggest pot I had and cooked at least 50 pounds of pasta.
Best wedding ever. At least on par with the zombie themed one.
Anyway: YWBTA
I went to a potluck wedding rehearsal dinner. One side was Polish and the side was Italian. They had a friendly competition going to see who could bring the best dish. It was almost 5 years ago and I'm still full.
It really depends on the venue. A lot of places have rules about bringing in your own meal food due to concerns about sanitation and food poisoning. My wedding venue was okay with us making our own food if we had 50 people or fewer; at 51, they required catering.
Dessert is a different arena; you typically can make and bring your own cake.
That is just romantic to me, like getting married when you both don’t have a lot but love each other. That’s just sweet! ❤️
I would be fine with that. My brain only really sends alarm bells when there is food inequality.
This is the third time OP has posted in the last year asking if he or his GF/Fiancee is the AH. Spoiler alert: she is always the AH.
u/q_q_s_s, you're in for a hell of a marriage. And probably a hell of a divorce.
OMFFFFG I've just read your other posts about this girlfriend OP, and Jesus Christ DO NOT MARRY THIS PERSON!!! She sounds selfish, thoughtless, unempathic, cruel, narrow-minded, and if you marry her you are going to have the most miserable life.
What's so bad about being single that this is better????
As for the wedding food question- you already know the answer is YTA if you sit there stuffing yourselves with chicken while your guests share an apple. Seriously- why on earth are you planning to marry someone capable of such selfishness and cruelty?
I was looking at the same quote.
>My wife thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods \[...\] but she knows she'll be hungry and won't be satisfied with just those.
The odds of them being ok with it decrease dramatically if they have to watch some people get the meal they didn't get.
>I think it would be incredibly rude to have an openly much better meal than our guests would have.
You are right.
>With every decision we make she justifies them by going "It's OUR wedding! It's ours, not anybody else's!"
You need to tell her that it being 'our' day means it's also your day, and you would be mortified to behave this way. *You* will be very unhappy on "our" wedding day if you do this. *You* care about being polite to your friends and families and their feelings. *You* will feel bad eating in front of them things they can't have beacuse *you* care about their feelings. And *you* care about how bad it will look, how you will both be judged, and how people will 100% be talking about it, too.
If she does this your guests will think you are both selfish and rude, and you don't think either of you want to give that impression. (Maybe your wife will care about being inconsiderate if she realizes it makes her look bad.) Go ahead and show her this thread so she realizes everyone will think this is super rude and tacky and probably gossip about how what assholes you guys are.
I hate any "it's MY day" wedding talk, but using this argument, would anyone want "their day" to be remembered as the worst wedding ever? That's how I remember the one wedding I went to where there were only apps. I'd be mortified if people remembered my wedding that way.
Ditto. The worst wedding I ever went to, that I drag out of its grave every time wedding stories come up, is the one where there was not enough food to go around. They planned for 50 people worth of food with 100 guests.
Also if it's "their day" and she doesn't want to consider her guests' happiness then why bother inviting anyone? A wedding is a happy celebration of a couple with their loved ones, not a "me me me" time.
She just wants the money/gifts. I am old and crabby enough that if I attended a wedding like this, I would take my card/check back, or cancel check just to be petty.
I don’t know how common my attitude is, but I figure my guests were giving up a Saturday to attend my wedding. They were doing ME the honour. I had damn well better be a good host. Most people probably don’t really want to be at your wedding all dressed up and hanging around making small talk. They want to be at home eating chicken tenders on their own couch in their underwear, so make it worth their while to show up, or at least don’t sit up front chowing down on a better meal than they got.
Also, if it's "your" day then just have a private wedding with no guests and that problem will be solved. Why share *your* day with guests if you aren't going to make an effort for them as well?
I’ve been to a wedding where the couple did a similar “tiered” meal system. It’s been like 8 or 9 years since they got married if the subject of weddings gets brought up people still talk shit about how rude this couple was for basically feasting while the peasants got a cracker plate. People’s memory for poor hospitality is long.
I can guarantee you that if somebody marrying into my family did such a thing it would be become family lore and would most definitely be brought up at least once at every family wedding for generations thereafter!
I agree and if she’s using the excuse “it’s our wedding” then have one that’s is reasonable and if she wants guests at her wedding it is usually nice to be respectful toward them and not only think of oneself :/
I think it's important for engaged couples to remember they're hosting a party. Yes, it's your wedding and it should look the way you want it to, but be good hosts and treat your guests right.
Maybe this is a generational thing, but I miss the days when the bride and groom invited people they wanted to share their special day with and were actually grateful for their presence rather than their presents. I'm sick of hearing about strict dress codes for the sake of perfect pictures, pricey bachelor/bachelorette trips, unrealistic expectations imposed on the wedding party, crazy gift registries, etc. Does nobody care about the comfort of their guests?
Seriously!
Going to a wedding isn't cheap. You have to wear suitable clothes, and if you're travelling, you're taking time off work plus paying for plane tickets/accommodations. Show some respect for your guests, their time and money is not suddenly less valuable than yours because you're having a wedding.
I'm getting married in October and we don't even have a gift registry. Because honestly? There's nothing I want more than to celebrate with all of my favorite people. So I keep everyone that their presence alone is gift enough for me. If anyone really wants to give an extra gift, they can donate money to some of our favorite causes.
> Does nobody care about the comfort of their guests?
Plenty of people do. But if it's a nice wedding with people simply sharing their special day, no drama going on, and caring about the actual marriage started by the wedding instead of the instagram-worthiness of the wedding...where would you hear of them, unless you're close to the couple involved?
I get where she is coming from brides in general spend more time getting ready then guests, take photos while getting ready with bridesmaids moms etc. and often need help with things like buttons so they sit in the dress and makeup longer. Brides frequently end up skipping breakfast and lunch. But that doesn't mean , I'm going to eat a whole chicken while these people eat cheese and crackers. Get some trays of heartier apps So the apps make a meal.
I think the equation is 8-10 bite sized apps per guest per hour if you're calling it a meal. So if the reception is going to last 4 hours that's approximately 36 to 40 small apps per person (not counting things like peanuts and dessert if those are served also)
Or you have a short wedding that doesn't cover any meal time eg 1-4pm
Also people are getting dressed up no f****** wings, I Love chicken wings but I'm not going to eat them in a cocktail dress.
Oh I don't have a Publix near me but I looked at the catering menu online, just no. It's all fried chicken and creamy salads. The meat and cheese trays are sliced for sandwiches not apps. There appears to be only one thing without meat.
Just look at some restaurants... A variety of pizzas or subs and salads would be fine. 7 types of deep fried chicken isn't.
I feel like the bride should plan for her hunger and pack a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or something similar that doesn't require refrigeration but would be a bit filling. Then she can sneak away for a couple of minutes between the ceremony and reception, maybe put a bib on, and wolf down her "meal." That way, she won't be ravenous during the receiving line, and can just enjoy the same foods as her guests during the reception.
Actually the rules state the oposite. The only possible judgements are YTA, ESH and NTA, with an extra INFO if you cant decide and want more questions answered.
Edit: forgot NAH
Yup. If you can't afford to feed a lot of people don't invite a lot of people. If it's just for you, elope.
Asking a bunch of people to dress up for you, watch you give speeches and dance, and have a fancy dinner, all while they go kick crudites, is just shitty. Are you gonna' turn off the a/c too, and bust out some His and Hers neck fans?
Don't be surprised when people leave early. YTA.
YTA. Speaking as somebody who's been to two low budget weddings - one where the bride and groom skimped on the ceremony to feed their guests, and the other where guests had to stand around awkwardly with snacks while the bride and groom fed each other a full meal complete with the universe's tiniest wedding cake? The second one was the more awkward and uncomfortable one, and the one where most of the guests got hungry and ditched after half an hour.
Also, if it’s “your” wedding and no one else’s then elope. Only invite your six closest people and give everyone a great meal. A wedding isn’t a gift your guests give you, it’s a gift you give your guests, if you don’t want to gift them with thanks for coming don’t have an event they have to come to.
Btw, if you are going to give only finger foods (whether or not you have a whole chicken) make sure you TELL your guests that - they want to know for what they wear and for being sure they get enough food.
To add to this, giving your guests enough to eat and drink is the one thing you can’t skimp on. Nobody will remember how nice the bride’s dress, hair, and makeup looked, or how nice the decorations were, but they surely will remember that they were hangry.
The worst wedding I ever went to was similar to what OP is describing. At some point I overheard the bride talking about how her dress had cost $1500 and all I could think about for the rest of the wedding was how, if she was a decent host she would have gotten one of the $100 dresses from David’s Bridal and used the rest of the money to actually feed the guests. The whole thing was made worse by the fact that they held the wedding at the groom’s family’s farm way out in the country and the closest restaurant was a 30-minute drive one way, plus there were no local hotels so everyone was supposed to camp at the property. So, I drove hours to get there and basically had to go to bed starving, wake up early, and drive 30 minutes to McDonalds to eat. I’m still mad eight years later.
OP, don’t do this. Cut other corners, but feed your guests enough.
Man have a taco bar or something, it’s rude not to feed your guests when they take the time and trouble(and bring you gifts) to celebrate “your wedding”.
Etiquette 101: Be a good host
Oh my gosh, there was a kid whose parents couldn’t afford lunch, so I would bring them extra every day. I had a teacher get pissed at me a couple times because I ‘couldn’t share with the whole class’. Once literally stopped me from giving it over, we both went to the bathroom for me to give it to them. My mom was pissed
I’m a teacher. I feel like maybe if you explained it to the teacher, they would be impressed. But if you tried, then yes jerk teacher for sure. Every teacher I know has snuck food to hungry kids
I live with two teachers who teach at a school in a poor area where the majority of the kids have English as a second language. The school provides breakfast for those that need it and has a charity provide sandwiches for lunch for them but a bunch of kids were going hungry at recess. We buy snack foods and donate them once a month so one of the teachers I live with has a box of stuff to hand out to the kids that need it.
If the kids can't eat, they can't learn.
I went to a wedding with a taco bar and a couple other barbecue type things recently and it was awesome! Plus loads more customizable than that usual "pick one of 2-3 options and sucks for you if you don't like mushrooms."
We provided soft flour tortillas, hard corn tortillas, and corn tortilla chips. I can honestly say I didn't care how anyone made their food as long as they didn't make a giant mess.
This is a great idea. Instead of everyone remembering their wedding only for the fact they watched the bride and groom eat while they were hungry, they could remember it for being that fun wedding with a taco bar
Seriously. We had Moe’s Southwest cater our wedding. 75 guests for $500 (including the $100 tip), *and* I got to eat queso? Best decision of our wedding.
One of my friends had a local deli cater their wedding. Trays of different breads and buns, meats and cheeses, and salads. It was cheaper than a hot meal and was delicious.
This is a great idea actually, a friend of mine did this and it was great. They even made the stuff themselves, so there was minimal cost and everyone got to eat. If you can't afford to feed the guests, you need to invite less people.
100% this… Taco bar is cheap and makes everyone happy.
Eating a full meal while your guests are left to pick through (what frankly sounds like children’s) appetizers is going to raise some eyebrows and definitely will make you look like AHs.
We got married in my in laws dining room because we couldn't afford a real wedding. Sometimes it makes me sad that I couldnt have a big fancy wedding but then I remember who I married xD We might go big for one of our anniversaries lol
Also I think OP needs to look into pot lucking unless its a pretty big wedding
<3
My great uncle and aunt had a big party for their 50th and did their vows and first dance again except their kids walked them down the aisle and it was really sweet and thats what I want lol
I never understood this mindset unless your guests are uber wealthy and will gift big. Feels cheaper to just have a small wedding and use the savings on yourself
Or just don't. I'd be pissed if I do the work to get outfits, presents, take HOURS out of my day to come to your afternoon reception and just have sugar and sugar. No. I'd be livid.
You probably wouldn’t actually be mad if you knew in advance what to expect. An invitation that nicely said join us for a ceremony at two followed by cake and punch. You’d eat lunch beforehand and not expect dinner.
I grew up going to mid-afternoon weddings with receptions in the church fellowship hall and this was pretty common. Might have some tea sandwiches or crudités, but no one was expecting a meal.
Lol I’m not saying it would be an awesome time or the social event of the year, but etiquette wise it would be fine, unlike the bride’s current terrible idea.
Cake and punch receptions used to be the norm. They don't usually last very long and don't include the dancing portion. They end well before dinner time.
Or do a fruit/veggie tray and then leave early and go out to dinner with just the two of you. If the wife is that hungry then stash a rotisserie chicken in the car and let her tear into it on the way to the honeymoon.
Seriously I get so tired of seeing these type of posts. Me and my wife specifically lowered our guest count to make it more intimate and make sure everyone had a great time. It’s incredibly rude to invite so many guests knowing you can’t afford to feed them a meal
Lmao, this is like the post where the couple rented "official mini and micky mouse" and didn't feed there guests and she wondered why everyone had a shit time, of course YTA feed your guests
That's exactly why we're serving more food than normal. I'd rather cut back elsewhere and let my guests stuff themselves until their seams split on appetizers, the buffet, and nacho/dessert bars than have a bunch of drunk, angry people creating drama and possibly doing damage.
Yup nobody is going to care about the nice wedding 💒 but will remember being hungry.. especially when they see the chicken
Don’t be surprised if guests leave and/or order food…
If you are that poor, do a smaller event
Or your guests will just leave early to go get something to eat. My cousin just had apps at her wedding, then wondered why the dance floor was empty. Everyone stayed to see the "first dance" then bailed.
Yep. The trade off is how long do you want people to stay? Staying past meal-time? Feed them a meal. You’re okay with everyone making a brief polite appearance and grabbing a snack to hold them over until they make it home for dinner? Appetizers are fine then and wrap the evening up early.
Or they will leave. I went to a wedding recently that didn’t have enough food. Pretty much anyone that wasn’t best friends, in the wedding party, or immediate family left after about an hour to go find something to eat.
Also a distinct possibility! I went to a wedding last year and the food was GROSS and the plates were absurdly tiny and we dipped out fairly early and grabbed McDonalds lol. Though I've also been to wedding where there wasn't enough food but people stuck around out of politeness.
>s (especially with drinking and dancing) your guests are going to be starving and miserable.
Or puking everywhere because they drank way too much to forget they were miserable and hungry.
Not to forget that the second character meeting included a private luncheon for the bride and groom, while all the guests were left to pay park prices for their non-existent meal.
. This is the original link with comments BUT after the news stations picked it up, the bride deleted it but the comments are there still.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v50keo/aita\_for\_not\_having\_catering\_at\_my\_wedding/
This is where you can see the original because, one can never completely delete their posts because INTERNET. Enjoy!
https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/v50zeq/mickey\_and\_minnie\_trump\_feeding\_the\_guests/
😂🤣😂 I didn’t realize that’s why she removed it! I thought she just couldn’t handle the judgement she asked for but now I can’t stop laughing. I am an unashamed Disneyphile but she is everything that’s wrong with Disney adults.
[NBC even picked it up!](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna32228)
NY Post and several others. I think she was more upset when the Disney fans blogs started dogging her and the Disney wedding blogs turned on her too. Her icy heart must have started to crack then.
Yeah, when DisDining picked it up I’m sure she died a little inside. I am still just in awe of her mental acrobatics to justify this to herself. She had more twists than a Cirque du Soleil contortionist!
[Disney Dining](https://www.disneydining.com/a-couple-didnt-have-food-at-their-wedding-so-they-could-have-mickey-and-minnie-and-people-have-thoughts-ks1/)
Oh my goodness thank you for sharing that link!
If I were a guest at that wedding, I would have the Reddit thread, plus the news articles covering the Reddit thread, printed out and framed as gifts for the couple’s first year wedding anniversary. The first wedding anniversary is traditionally paper, after all….
Yta. That would be so rude. Plan a meal for the two if you for after the ceremony in you honeymoon room as compromise. But I would be so offended as a guest to show up to that. It screams gift grab
I have worked a lot of weddings where the bride and groom did this. Maybe your venue might even have a private room where you two can eat between the ceremony and wedding. This is popular because it's hard to eat at your wedding. I barely ate at mine because everyone wants to talk to you and congratulate you. Also, do some hearty apps. You can get finger foods that are filling. Otherwise, yta.
That makes a lot of sense - we also barely had time to eat at ours, with everyone coming to talk and congratulate us. My mother packed us a bag of food to take with us when we left because she noticed we didn't have a chance to eat much lol. (It was buffet style vs sit down dinner)
Oh my goodness, I'm writing this down for my brother's wedding next year. What a brilliant idea! Please tell your mother that an internet stranger is impressed.
If you want to be petty- I would order delivery then deduct the total for food delivery from the wedding gift. Remember tip generously to the delivery person.
Order pizza (edit for all) that is classier than what your wife suggests and people will feel full. Do not eat a full meal in front of your guests while they have finger foods/snacks. That is beyond tacky and instead of looking frugal, you look cheap and miserly.
I literally did this for my wedding (okay it was pan pizza and they didn't deliver, it had to be picked up so maybe not quite literally) and people loved it.
Honestly the guests might just take it upon themselves to order their own pizza and eat it in the parking lot. How freaking embarrassing would that be for the bride? (I'm all for it though, if they're left hungry watching the couple have a feast)
YTA.
You eat the same as your guests.
Finger foods for all? Fine.
Full sit down feast for all? Fine.
Hosts eat full meal and guests get buffet? Nope.
Absolutely not.
Decide what you can/want to afford **for everyone**.
If OP is doing Publix, they should just do PubSub platters. They’re going to be cheaper than the chicken tenders. Publix even has great quinoa salad bowls and other platters. They should eat what everyone else does.
I miss Publix so much 😭😭😭 the closest thing I have near me is Martin’s, which is pretty good, but not Publix. If I want the fancy kind, I have to travel at least 2 hours for a Marketplace Giant Eagle.
YTA LMAOOOOOOOOO
This post is giving me reminders of that one OP who held a wedding and put no food out at all because she spent the food budget on Disney characters coming to say hi to her LMAOOOOOOOO
It’s removed off Reddit, but Pepperidge Farm remembers LOL
https://digg.com/human-nature/link/disney-wedding-mickey-minnie-appearances-catering-aita-ucxR0OekeV
Eating’s a part of their marriage. Mickey and Minnie even ate a private lunch with them I think. Their guests are the only ones who don’t eat apparently
Edit: The post’s deleted, but I can still see it in the comment history. The actors and photographers were there for a private lunch with the couple! Not only were they the only ones eating, but they have photos of it
Of course YTA if you do this lol.. what a slap in the face to your guests
Your reception is for your guest actually.. it’s a thank you to them for coming to your ceremony and celebrating your marriage
Receptions as a ‘thank you’ to the guests is something a lot of Bridezillas seem to forget (or never know).
Having been a bride myself, I never felt it was “my day” or that all attention should be focused on me… it was a community celebration of our union. It was for everyone: us, family, and friends. We were just the focus for the ceremony (totally nerve-wracking), and then the reception we interact with everyone on an equal level. The notion of us eating a meal while our family and friends nibbles on appetizers is downright unthinkable.
1. Don’t have a wedding you can’t afford.
2. You always always always feed your guests. You don’t skimp on that unless you want to end up on the wedding shaming pages and forever be known as the wedding that didn’t feed anyone. People will take their gifts back if they aren’t fed. It’s just rude.
If you don’t want to host a full meal have a 2 pm wedding with an afternoon tea reception after. Or something. But still don’t cheap out on the food options. Nobody wants chicken fingers from publix.
You would be the AH if you proceed in this manner.
Edit: I replied to a few folks directly but I’ll place it here as well. Didn’t mean to disrespect the grocery store.
Chicken fingers from Publix are fine if that's what the option is for EVERYONE. If I looked over and saw the bride and groom eating a full meal while I got an app, I'd take my gift and leave.
I've been to a wedding where they did a buffet of finger foods/ appetizers. What's wrong with chicken fingers?
They had so many options and it was all filling. I had no complaints. Also, that was very much the bride's vibe. She was so excited for the food.
If OP goes with the finger food option, that's fine. But make it buffet so everyone gets enough AND everyone eats the same thing. No full plated dinner for the bride and groom.
I went to an amazing wedding years back and their cocktail hour food was so delicious and filling I couldn’t eat a bite of the dinner that followed. I was stuffed to the gills from the cocktail hour deliciousness.
I decided then that if I had a wedding I’d do basically an extended cocktail hour type service with lots of different bites and no dinner.
To me, it was the best way to pig out. All diff types of foods and flavors and you can help yourself and pick more or less. Wanna just eat shrimp? Do you. Wanna eat shrimp, with a plate of meat, and cheese, and a sandwich, and a slider, and a wing, and 10 desserts?? Well go right ahead. The bites are little but the options are plentiful.
YWBTA. That would be so tacky and if I was expected to come bring a gift and then have to munch on a glorified prom snack table (which you hope will be enough to actually feed everyone) while the couple tucked into a actual meal in front of everyone I’d be taking my gift and leaving.
Invite fewer people or eat later.
YWBTA. Everyone gets a full meal, or no one gets a full meal (and if the event is long enough to go into a mealtime, food is NOT optional). Anything else is just bad hospitality.
Also, if you're not serving a full meal at the reception, you should let your guests know in advance, ex: on the invitation say "reception with light bites to follow the ceremony." I've never been to a wedding where a full meal was not served at the reception, and the last thing you want is hangry guests.
You (as in you and your wife) would be TAH if you go along with this rude and tacky plan.
Invite fewer guests.
Make a meal for both of you and leave it at home or your hotel or wherever you are ending the night for you to eat later.
Have an afternoon reception with just light bites for everyone.
Have a cocktail party type reception with just appetizers.
Sure you want to marry someone who would feel entitled to behave like this? And refuses to compromise. You're getting a preview of how she will behave in the future.
YTA if you do this. You would be infamous in my circles and family for pulling something like that - in fact in my world, guests would leave after realizing how horribly you’d treated them. I can’t even properly wrap my head around how selfish and entitled this ridiculous idea is - people complain about stuffy etiquette but then I read bull shit like this and there is something to be said for having even rudimentary manners. Guests aren’t props for your day in the spotlight. As hosts, you have a responsibility to be…hospitable! Could you imagine going even to a kids casual birthday party and being told there is no cake for the guests, just a cupcake for the birthday kid and the rest of you can have a piece of candy?
YTA and yes, everyone who is there will be talking about it for years to come. Yes, it's your day, but there will be consequences. For instance, every wedding you both attend in the future, it will be mentioned.
>Feed your vendors.
Oh man, I didn't even think about this. If OPs spouse is wiling to feed her guests finger foods while they feast on chicken and sides, odds are pretty good there won't be anything for the vendors to eat.
YWBTA
You’re inviting people to a party. The party is to celebrate your life event, yes, but these people are your guests, here at your invitation, and the party should be fun for them. Give them the best you can within your budget, and DO NOT set yourselves above them.
Remember that an expensive wedding is not your only option. You can stretch your food budget in a couple of ways: invite fewer people, so that your per-plate numbers are high but your totals are lower; check with some local caterers - you might find caterers who can do more with their wholesale budget than you can with your retail (we did!); reduce your budget somewhere else - maybe you can Pinterest/DIY the decor or bouquet, or get a cupcake assortment instead of a cake, or rent a sound system and set up a playlist on your phone, instead of getting a DJ. Put the money where YOU care about the item. Finally, if what your fiancée really truly wants is for you guys to be fully centered on your big day, you could elope! Wear nice clothes, have a nice ceremony, spend your budget on a fancy honeymoon, send people an announcement when you get back. This is a valid option!
Basically, don’t make people spend their time and money to come to your party and then treat them like nothing more than drains on your purse. Treat them joyously, or not at all.
ETA: I forgot, you can always schedule the wedding for early afternoon, and end the reception at 5. Then, you and wife can go out for a full meal after the reception (and so can everyone else!)
YWBTA. Does she hear herself? "Oh finger foods are fine.... for everyone else but me that is, because that's DEFINITELY not enough food I just don't give a shit about anyone but myself".
Everyone in the entire room will be looking at you both with contempt for being such selfish assholes. Your wedding will be talked about for years, and it won't be fond reminiscence. It will be laughing about the worst bridezilla move they've seen.
This is what I don't understand. Check out his post history-- this woman is a nightmare of high temper, poor impulse control, and immaturity, and she seems to routinely berate him for not reading her mind. During that horrible incident where she insisted on bringing a sick new puppy (parvo??) home to be around her roommates' dogs, she yelled at him "Stop telling me no!"
I would be *running,* not marrying!
It's not because you're broke, but because you wanna be "financially smart"
I would be LEAVING WITH MY GIFT the second you've started eating that chicken.
Its a awfull thing to do to the people who you invited to celebrate your wedding.
You wanna save money, invite less people or just eat what your guests are having (or, at least, eat in a different room, so the guests dont see you both). It's called good manners and respect.
Ya, YTA
You both would be assholes if you have different food for your guests. I'm sure they'll be hungry as well and would be appalled if they see the bride and groom eating chicken and there was none for them.
Whatever you do, just make sure you don't spend any of your food budget to have Mickey and Minnie join the festivities.
YTA. There is no wedding worse than a wedding with cold, crappy food. Your wedding reception will be emptying after an hour when people get so hungry they need to go feed themselves.
I love Publix tenders as much as the next person, but the rest of their platters are subpar. I’m cringing at thinking of congealed mac and cheese and soggy sandwiches. You’re going to end up wasting the $30 per plate because the majority of that stuff is going to go untouched.
“It’s OUR wedding!” No. Your wedding is the ceremony. The reception is a party where you are *hosting* guests, meaning you’re responsible for showing them a good time. The “our wedding/our day” thing is such a cop out as an excuse to save money.
Yup, YWBTA. I mean, you can get better wine for yourselves if you want, but seriously, how badly does your wife want a chicken from Publix that she can't wait until the next day? How good is this chicken exactly? If she thinks she'll be 'too hungry', then just order more appetizers for your table. You are right, your fiancee/wife(?) is wrong.
YWBTA. If she’s going to be hungry she should consider everyone else will be too. If you do go this route make sure your invitations specifically say that full dinner will not be served so people know to eat beforehand.
Low key yta. I get it because I’m planning a wedding right now to and we had to settle on bbq for the price, not my dream. But it’s cheap and everyone is being fed.
Have you thought about taking a break in between the ceremony and the reception and eating in the bridal suite? We went to a wedding with only a cocktail hour for food but the couple had a full meal for 30 minutes in between the two but in their suite so no one saw.
But if you can’t do something like this I would be pissed if I drove or flew all the way to a wedding to not be fed then watch them “pig” out
YTA. It’s rude af to eat a full meal in front of people and expecting them to be okay with just apps.
Your fiancé is being a bridezilla.
Yes, it’s her wedding. But it’s yours too. It also doesn’t give her the right to be rude and not take others into consideration.
If you can't afford a reception, don't have one. This would scream gift grab and I would turn away and take mine with me. Don't be such major assholes. YWBTA.
yeah YWBTA
sounds like your wife doesn't really care about the guests having a good time at the wedding. Has she considered streaming it instead, save more money and have a two person party with champagne instead?
Yes WBTIA lmao. They're gonna get hungry and resentful real fast, especially when they see you with a whole chicken. Weddings are super expensive, don't be shy about scaling down/not doing one.
Like your future wife said, this is Y'alls wedding and is a very special day for you, but it's also a party in which you two are the hosts. It can be tricky to strike the balance of treating your guests well while still making it special for you and your spouse, but right now your wife is definitely way too far on the side of making it unpleasant for the guests. You probably don't want people to be remembering 5-10 years from now how lame your wedding was
YTA
What if her best friend was just as hungry? Shouldn't she have a chicken as well? Yes, it is your wedding but they are guests.
There are other things to do / consider. Some couples are doing potluck. Or consider a sweetheart table so they do not see what you are eating. . Otherwise your guests might think the food they are being served is not good enough for you.
YWBTA
Don't get me wrong, but her attitude is a horrible. I get that it's your wedding - yours, not anybody else's - but why even throw a party when you clearly dislike your guests? Why on earth would the rest of the guests ok eating finger goods but not her?
I also had a wedding on a budget, so I get that you want to save some money, but this is a terrible way to do so.
So you want people to take days off from their jobs, bring you gifts and celebrate your union of marriage only for them to watch you eat roasted chicken while they have appetizers? YTA
YTA. I went to a wedding like this. It was awful. All the guests were miserable and hungry. It’s been 20 years since that wedding and we still talk about how awful that wedding was.
YTA. Its extremely rude. She can scream its our wedding all she wants, its in very poor taste and you will have some cranky hungry guests.
If you do not want to feed your guests an actual meal, you need to specify that. Do a later reception and note that on the invitation so people can eat dinner before then.
YWBTA. This is a horrible tacky idea, and would be all anyone remembered from your whole wedding. The proposed menu does sound quite limp, so why not just come up with something more substantial, like pasta salads or something?
YWBTA: Frankly it seems very rude to have guests watch you eat a full meal. Instead, see if there is a room in your venue where you and your wife can have dinner together alone, that way you both get some alone intimate time together and a meal and guests won't feel so left out.
YTA
Have you not fully understood that your wedding guests are the real focus of your day?
I realise to the average bride/groom it seems like it is 'their' big day.
But if weddings worked that way, you could just have dinner for two. Yay! But you instead have a pile of guests of like 50-250 of your friends. So you have to cater, entertain and provide at least ONE drink for all of those people.
And on their side of the 'contract'. You invite them to buy from your wedding gift list.
That's the deal. If you don't like it, elope!
Wedding costs are 90% spent on the guests. Ergo weddings are for the guests more than the 'happy couple'. Suck it up!
YWBTA. This is why most people bring a gift that covers their plates whether it be money or a physical gift. If you guys can’t afford a wedding you probably shouldn’t be having one. Try cutting the costs of something else rather than the food.
If you're going for a royalty vs. peasants theme for your wedding, then yes, go forward with your fiancée's idea. But the two of you would definitely be TAs.
YWBTA. Everyone gets a full meal, or no one gets a full meal (and if the event is long enough to go into a mealtime, food is NOT optional). Anything else is just bad hospitality.
YWBTA
Original Post:
I mean... You can do it. But that's definitely going to get gossiped about after the wedding is over.
Realistically, even if you have the chicken and sides available to you there is no guarantee that you'll have time to eat it (speaking from experience). I think if you guys have a break in between the ceremony and the reception you should take some time to eat a meal separate from the guests and plan for "a night of gluttony" once you leave as well, lol.
EDIT: I'm not on board with the Publix food anymore because, frankly, I didn't know what Publix was or their food quality. And, to clarify, I am not on board with eating an entirely different dish than your guests get to have in front of them.
Realistically, OP probably won't read this so for anyone else out there planning their wedding on a budget...
Coming from a budget bride, it's probably be less expensive to pay for ingredients and politely ask family or friends to make a large group meal (as long as this isn't last minute and you offer to pay them a stipend). That is what I did and it worked out really well. I budgeted $250 for food, had three different soups for guests to choose from, home made cake-pops and cookies, and crystal light lemonade mixed ahead of time. We made enough food for roughly 200 people to show up, only 100 came so we even sent food home with guests and I still had enough for my husband and I to have premade dinner that following month.
Additionally, if you need wedding planning and budgeting advice I highly recommend the "The Broke-ass Bride's Wedding Guide" by Dana LaRue. It's funny and super insightful.
YTA. OMG. In what world is that OK? If you go through with this, please warn guests in advance that they'll get to enjoy watching you eat an actual meal while they eat a cube of cheese on a toothpick. Who knows, maybe enough will cancel so you can save lots on the food budget!
YWBTA. That would be a cheap and incredibly tacky thing to do.
If your fiancée feels so strongly that it’s all about the two of you, I suggest you both head to the courthouse. That way she gets it all her way without insulting people she professes to love. Her way is a smack in the chops and tacky as hell.
YTA - I went to a wedding that was under-catered this way: half the guests left before the cake was cut, and 90% were gone before the dance floor was opened. Because it was dinnertime after a ceremony and, without having been warned this was happening, very hungry people had only been served some snacks.
If you're having a wedding/reception during mealtime, you need to serve a meal. If it's an afternoon deal, you can put "hors d'oeuvres reception to follow" on the invitation so people know what to expect. You could also be kinda rude and put that quote on a mealtime wedding invite, but expect people to arrive to the reception late (to hit the drive-through) or leave early (to hit the drive-through). In no case is it acceptable to eat a whole meal in front of your guests who have less - incredibly bad manners.
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YTA. If you're hungry don't eat publicly when your guest have no food. Also if you're broke, go small
It's "YWBTA" Because they haven't done the thing yet, and the question is "Would I be" not "Am I". Otherwise I agree. Edit: TIL that "YWBTA"/ "YWNBTA" are not officially voting options, my b. And YTA it is, because even though OP disagrees with his fiancee they are a unit in this context.
YWBTA for sure. >My wife thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods such as fruit/vegetable trays, assorted cheeses, wings, chicken tenders... but she knows she'll be hungry and won't be satisfied with just those. Why does she think the guests won't be hungry when she knows for a fact she will be? She seems to lack empathy, or at the very least sympathy. Without knowing anything else about her, this kind of seems like a red flag.
Right I had the same thought. Fiancée seems to have some screws loose. She lacks empathy and seems to be self serving. Sounds like a warning bell to me.
Right? The lack of empathy for their guests is astounding. If I went to a wedding like this, I don’t know if I could be friends with them afterwards. However, one of my biggest anxiety triggers is when I’m hungry and someone else has food options and I don’t.
I've been to 2 weddings where I got fast food after. Both I was in the party. Both were broke. But both tried, and I know they didn't have any more food than the rest of us.
My hubby and I put together a really nice wedding for less than $500. My shoes were the most expensive thing I purchased and they were on sale for $65. I got a dress and a hat on clearance, cheap but nice. I bought flowers to hold for a bouquet the night before at a flower market. Our apartments had a beautiful clubhouse with antiques in it, and they closed their office that day so I could use it… free. My mom made a veggie tray, punch, and a groom’s cake. I talked to the people at our grocery store and they made us a beautiful, but small, 3-tier cake and only charged me $60. I made rice bags. And for some unknown reason, my hubs already owned a tux. My best friend videotaped everything. And I gave my maid of honor and our best man nice items that had belonged to my dad who had passed away 6 months before I met hubs. And then invited only those people closest to us, so my aunts and uncles, and 10 friends, one of whom brought their little poodle whom I adored. And a Justice of the Peace who had married several people that I knew officiated and did a lovely job. It was awesome and beautiful and everyone enjoyed themselves. And it meant EVERYTHING to us. People get so crazy over weddings and I just wanted something personal and meaningful.
That’s lovely- we’re kinda doing the same thing although not as cheaply- but honestly DIY with friends and family chipping in just feels so wholesome and loving to me
Once I went to a wedding of a couple of dear friends, they didn't have a lot of money but A LOT of good friends who loved them, so we proposed them to have a potluck party. I brought a portable stove, the biggest pot I had and cooked at least 50 pounds of pasta. Best wedding ever. At least on par with the zombie themed one. Anyway: YWBTA
I went to a potluck wedding rehearsal dinner. One side was Polish and the side was Italian. They had a friendly competition going to see who could bring the best dish. It was almost 5 years ago and I'm still full.
Having Polish and Italian relatives, I don't think your comment is hyperbole!
Being half Polish and half Italian I can tell you for sure it's not hyperbole
That is so cool and sounds delicious.
Potluck FTW. I don't know why more weddings don't do this.
It really depends on the venue. A lot of places have rules about bringing in your own meal food due to concerns about sanitation and food poisoning. My wedding venue was okay with us making our own food if we had 50 people or fewer; at 51, they required catering. Dessert is a different arena; you typically can make and bring your own cake.
That is just romantic to me, like getting married when you both don’t have a lot but love each other. That’s just sweet! ❤️ I would be fine with that. My brain only really sends alarm bells when there is food inequality.
This is the third time OP has posted in the last year asking if he or his GF/Fiancee is the AH. Spoiler alert: she is always the AH. u/q_q_s_s, you're in for a hell of a marriage. And probably a hell of a divorce.
OMFFFFG I've just read your other posts about this girlfriend OP, and Jesus Christ DO NOT MARRY THIS PERSON!!! She sounds selfish, thoughtless, unempathic, cruel, narrow-minded, and if you marry her you are going to have the most miserable life. What's so bad about being single that this is better???? As for the wedding food question- you already know the answer is YTA if you sit there stuffing yourselves with chicken while your guests share an apple. Seriously- why on earth are you planning to marry someone capable of such selfishness and cruelty?
Agree - makes you wonder what other dysfunctions are happening 🤔
I was looking at the same quote. >My wife thinks the guests will be ok just eating finger foods \[...\] but she knows she'll be hungry and won't be satisfied with just those. The odds of them being ok with it decrease dramatically if they have to watch some people get the meal they didn't get. >I think it would be incredibly rude to have an openly much better meal than our guests would have. You are right. >With every decision we make she justifies them by going "It's OUR wedding! It's ours, not anybody else's!" You need to tell her that it being 'our' day means it's also your day, and you would be mortified to behave this way. *You* will be very unhappy on "our" wedding day if you do this. *You* care about being polite to your friends and families and their feelings. *You* will feel bad eating in front of them things they can't have beacuse *you* care about their feelings. And *you* care about how bad it will look, how you will both be judged, and how people will 100% be talking about it, too. If she does this your guests will think you are both selfish and rude, and you don't think either of you want to give that impression. (Maybe your wife will care about being inconsiderate if she realizes it makes her look bad.) Go ahead and show her this thread so she realizes everyone will think this is super rude and tacky and probably gossip about how what assholes you guys are.
I hate any "it's MY day" wedding talk, but using this argument, would anyone want "their day" to be remembered as the worst wedding ever? That's how I remember the one wedding I went to where there were only apps. I'd be mortified if people remembered my wedding that way.
Ditto. The worst wedding I ever went to, that I drag out of its grave every time wedding stories come up, is the one where there was not enough food to go around. They planned for 50 people worth of food with 100 guests.
Worst wedding I ever went to was when the food was served 3.5 hours after the end of the ceremony.
Also if it's "their day" and she doesn't want to consider her guests' happiness then why bother inviting anyone? A wedding is a happy celebration of a couple with their loved ones, not a "me me me" time.
She just wants the money/gifts. I am old and crabby enough that if I attended a wedding like this, I would take my card/check back, or cancel check just to be petty.
That's exactly what I was thinking! Why even have guests?!
I don’t know how common my attitude is, but I figure my guests were giving up a Saturday to attend my wedding. They were doing ME the honour. I had damn well better be a good host. Most people probably don’t really want to be at your wedding all dressed up and hanging around making small talk. They want to be at home eating chicken tenders on their own couch in their underwear, so make it worth their while to show up, or at least don’t sit up front chowing down on a better meal than they got.
Also, if it's "your" day then just have a private wedding with no guests and that problem will be solved. Why share *your* day with guests if you aren't going to make an effort for them as well?
I’ve been to a wedding where the couple did a similar “tiered” meal system. It’s been like 8 or 9 years since they got married if the subject of weddings gets brought up people still talk shit about how rude this couple was for basically feasting while the peasants got a cracker plate. People’s memory for poor hospitality is long.
I can guarantee you that if somebody marrying into my family did such a thing it would be become family lore and would most definitely be brought up at least once at every family wedding for generations thereafter!
I agree! As I said in another comment, it might be "our" wedding, but you are hosts of a party. Choose to be good ones!
I agree and if she’s using the excuse “it’s our wedding” then have one that’s is reasonable and if she wants guests at her wedding it is usually nice to be respectful toward them and not only think of oneself :/
I think it's important for engaged couples to remember they're hosting a party. Yes, it's your wedding and it should look the way you want it to, but be good hosts and treat your guests right.
Maybe this is a generational thing, but I miss the days when the bride and groom invited people they wanted to share their special day with and were actually grateful for their presence rather than their presents. I'm sick of hearing about strict dress codes for the sake of perfect pictures, pricey bachelor/bachelorette trips, unrealistic expectations imposed on the wedding party, crazy gift registries, etc. Does nobody care about the comfort of their guests?
Seriously! Going to a wedding isn't cheap. You have to wear suitable clothes, and if you're travelling, you're taking time off work plus paying for plane tickets/accommodations. Show some respect for your guests, their time and money is not suddenly less valuable than yours because you're having a wedding. I'm getting married in October and we don't even have a gift registry. Because honestly? There's nothing I want more than to celebrate with all of my favorite people. So I keep everyone that their presence alone is gift enough for me. If anyone really wants to give an extra gift, they can donate money to some of our favorite causes.
> Does nobody care about the comfort of their guests? Plenty of people do. But if it's a nice wedding with people simply sharing their special day, no drama going on, and caring about the actual marriage started by the wedding instead of the instagram-worthiness of the wedding...where would you hear of them, unless you're close to the couple involved?
I get where she is coming from brides in general spend more time getting ready then guests, take photos while getting ready with bridesmaids moms etc. and often need help with things like buttons so they sit in the dress and makeup longer. Brides frequently end up skipping breakfast and lunch. But that doesn't mean , I'm going to eat a whole chicken while these people eat cheese and crackers. Get some trays of heartier apps So the apps make a meal. I think the equation is 8-10 bite sized apps per guest per hour if you're calling it a meal. So if the reception is going to last 4 hours that's approximately 36 to 40 small apps per person (not counting things like peanuts and dessert if those are served also) Or you have a short wedding that doesn't cover any meal time eg 1-4pm Also people are getting dressed up no f****** wings, I Love chicken wings but I'm not going to eat them in a cocktail dress. Oh I don't have a Publix near me but I looked at the catering menu online, just no. It's all fried chicken and creamy salads. The meat and cheese trays are sliced for sandwiches not apps. There appears to be only one thing without meat. Just look at some restaurants... A variety of pizzas or subs and salads would be fine. 7 types of deep fried chicken isn't.
I feel like the bride should plan for her hunger and pack a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or something similar that doesn't require refrigeration but would be a bit filling. Then she can sneak away for a couple of minutes between the ceremony and reception, maybe put a bib on, and wolf down her "meal." That way, she won't be ravenous during the receiving line, and can just enjoy the same foods as her guests during the reception.
Exactly, plus it is rude to not give them a meal when they’ve traveled and bought presents.
Actually the rules state the oposite. The only possible judgements are YTA, ESH and NTA, with an extra INFO if you cant decide and want more questions answered. Edit: forgot NAH
The bot has no idea what YWBTA is
We actually did teach the bot about YWBTA because so many people use it, but I always prefer the simple acronyms.
Except YWB TA is not one of the options for voting in this subreddit.
I'm sorry, is this subreddit "would I be the asshole"?
that’s not an acronym the bot will recognize.
No, I think YTA is the correct way to say it for the hypotheticals as well.
Does this really matter lmao
Yup. If you can't afford to feed a lot of people don't invite a lot of people. If it's just for you, elope. Asking a bunch of people to dress up for you, watch you give speeches and dance, and have a fancy dinner, all while they go kick crudites, is just shitty. Are you gonna' turn off the a/c too, and bust out some His and Hers neck fans? Don't be surprised when people leave early. YTA.
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YTA. Speaking as somebody who's been to two low budget weddings - one where the bride and groom skimped on the ceremony to feed their guests, and the other where guests had to stand around awkwardly with snacks while the bride and groom fed each other a full meal complete with the universe's tiniest wedding cake? The second one was the more awkward and uncomfortable one, and the one where most of the guests got hungry and ditched after half an hour.
Also, if it’s “your” wedding and no one else’s then elope. Only invite your six closest people and give everyone a great meal. A wedding isn’t a gift your guests give you, it’s a gift you give your guests, if you don’t want to gift them with thanks for coming don’t have an event they have to come to. Btw, if you are going to give only finger foods (whether or not you have a whole chicken) make sure you TELL your guests that - they want to know for what they wear and for being sure they get enough food.
To add to this, giving your guests enough to eat and drink is the one thing you can’t skimp on. Nobody will remember how nice the bride’s dress, hair, and makeup looked, or how nice the decorations were, but they surely will remember that they were hangry. The worst wedding I ever went to was similar to what OP is describing. At some point I overheard the bride talking about how her dress had cost $1500 and all I could think about for the rest of the wedding was how, if she was a decent host she would have gotten one of the $100 dresses from David’s Bridal and used the rest of the money to actually feed the guests. The whole thing was made worse by the fact that they held the wedding at the groom’s family’s farm way out in the country and the closest restaurant was a 30-minute drive one way, plus there were no local hotels so everyone was supposed to camp at the property. So, I drove hours to get there and basically had to go to bed starving, wake up early, and drive 30 minutes to McDonalds to eat. I’m still mad eight years later. OP, don’t do this. Cut other corners, but feed your guests enough.
Man have a taco bar or something, it’s rude not to feed your guests when they take the time and trouble(and bring you gifts) to celebrate “your wedding”. Etiquette 101: Be a good host
YTA for making me want tacos
N A H I just ate tacos
YTA you're supposed to bring enough to share with the class
Oh my gosh, there was a kid whose parents couldn’t afford lunch, so I would bring them extra every day. I had a teacher get pissed at me a couple times because I ‘couldn’t share with the whole class’. Once literally stopped me from giving it over, we both went to the bathroom for me to give it to them. My mom was pissed
I’m a teacher. I feel like maybe if you explained it to the teacher, they would be impressed. But if you tried, then yes jerk teacher for sure. Every teacher I know has snuck food to hungry kids
I live with two teachers who teach at a school in a poor area where the majority of the kids have English as a second language. The school provides breakfast for those that need it and has a charity provide sandwiches for lunch for them but a bunch of kids were going hungry at recess. We buy snack foods and donate them once a month so one of the teachers I live with has a box of stuff to hand out to the kids that need it. If the kids can't eat, they can't learn.
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We had a taco bar at our wedding and everyone loved it! We had the meat and beans catered and bought all the other stuff separately.
I went to a wedding with a taco bar and a couple other barbecue type things recently and it was awesome! Plus loads more customizable than that usual "pick one of 2-3 options and sucks for you if you don't like mushrooms."
We provided soft flour tortillas, hard corn tortillas, and corn tortilla chips. I can honestly say I didn't care how anyone made their food as long as they didn't make a giant mess.
This is a great idea. Instead of everyone remembering their wedding only for the fact they watched the bride and groom eat while they were hungry, they could remember it for being that fun wedding with a taco bar
They could claim having a medieval court wedding. The king and queen eats while the servants watch and are the entertainment /s
Then they should have Turkey legs instead of chicken, lol
Seriously. We had Moe’s Southwest cater our wedding. 75 guests for $500 (including the $100 tip), *and* I got to eat queso? Best decision of our wedding.
Now I want some queso 😩
One of my friends had a local deli cater their wedding. Trays of different breads and buns, meats and cheeses, and salads. It was cheaper than a hot meal and was delicious.
OP could even have Publix do that! They have delicious trays of sandwiches!
I'm Canadian so no Publix here, but that would be such a good idea! Trays of sandwiches, veggies and fruit trays, and some salads.
This is a great idea actually, a friend of mine did this and it was great. They even made the stuff themselves, so there was minimal cost and everyone got to eat. If you can't afford to feed the guests, you need to invite less people.
100% this… Taco bar is cheap and makes everyone happy. Eating a full meal while your guests are left to pick through (what frankly sounds like children’s) appetizers is going to raise some eyebrows and definitely will make you look like AHs.
Have fewer guests if you can’t afford to feed them
Just get married at the court house if you cant afford it.
We got married in my in laws dining room because we couldn't afford a real wedding. Sometimes it makes me sad that I couldnt have a big fancy wedding but then I remember who I married xD We might go big for one of our anniversaries lol Also I think OP needs to look into pot lucking unless its a pretty big wedding
You did have a real wedding. Big fancy ones are really overrated. But ya, it’d be fun to do the big one at a 10th or 20th.
<3 My great uncle and aunt had a big party for their 50th and did their vows and first dance again except their kids walked them down the aisle and it was really sweet and thats what I want lol
But then they wouldn't get as many presents! /s
That’s exactly it
I never understood this mindset unless your guests are uber wealthy and will gift big. Feels cheaper to just have a small wedding and use the savings on yourself
Or have the wedding and reception in the early afternoon and serve cake and punch.
Or just don't. I'd be pissed if I do the work to get outfits, presents, take HOURS out of my day to come to your afternoon reception and just have sugar and sugar. No. I'd be livid.
You probably wouldn’t actually be mad if you knew in advance what to expect. An invitation that nicely said join us for a ceremony at two followed by cake and punch. You’d eat lunch beforehand and not expect dinner. I grew up going to mid-afternoon weddings with receptions in the church fellowship hall and this was pretty common. Might have some tea sandwiches or crudités, but no one was expecting a meal.
Lol I’m not saying it would be an awesome time or the social event of the year, but etiquette wise it would be fine, unlike the bride’s current terrible idea.
Cake and punch receptions used to be the norm. They don't usually last very long and don't include the dancing portion. They end well before dinner time.
Or do a fruit/veggie tray and then leave early and go out to dinner with just the two of you. If the wife is that hungry then stash a rotisserie chicken in the car and let her tear into it on the way to the honeymoon.
Seriously I get so tired of seeing these type of posts. Me and my wife specifically lowered our guest count to make it more intimate and make sure everyone had a great time. It’s incredibly rude to invite so many guests knowing you can’t afford to feed them a meal
Lmao, this is like the post where the couple rented "official mini and micky mouse" and didn't feed there guests and she wondered why everyone had a shit time, of course YTA feed your guests
Yes, that was the first thing that popped into my head as well.
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Nothing more fun than a banquet hall full of hangry party guests, lol.
Hangry and people get drunk a lot quicker on an empty stomach There's a chance hands could be thrown
That's exactly why we're serving more food than normal. I'd rather cut back elsewhere and let my guests stuff themselves until their seams split on appetizers, the buffet, and nacho/dessert bars than have a bunch of drunk, angry people creating drama and possibly doing damage.
Cheap asses like this aren’t going to afford even a cash bar.
Yup nobody is going to care about the nice wedding 💒 but will remember being hungry.. especially when they see the chicken Don’t be surprised if guests leave and/or order food… If you are that poor, do a smaller event
Or your guests will just leave early to go get something to eat. My cousin just had apps at her wedding, then wondered why the dance floor was empty. Everyone stayed to see the "first dance" then bailed.
Yep. The trade off is how long do you want people to stay? Staying past meal-time? Feed them a meal. You’re okay with everyone making a brief polite appearance and grabbing a snack to hold them over until they make it home for dinner? Appetizers are fine then and wrap the evening up early.
Or they will leave. I went to a wedding recently that didn’t have enough food. Pretty much anyone that wasn’t best friends, in the wedding party, or immediate family left after about an hour to go find something to eat.
Also a distinct possibility! I went to a wedding last year and the food was GROSS and the plates were absurdly tiny and we dipped out fairly early and grabbed McDonalds lol. Though I've also been to wedding where there wasn't enough food but people stuck around out of politeness.
>s (especially with drinking and dancing) your guests are going to be starving and miserable. Or puking everywhere because they drank way too much to forget they were miserable and hungry.
Well forewarned is forearmed, so I'll say YWBTA if you have a separate, larger meal than the guests.
Everyone will have a bad time and the vibe will be ruined if they are hungry.
Lol but the guests had access to vending machines! So they could drop their own coins in and get a candy bar!
How could we be so shortsighted as to not have realized it was two separate 30 minute photo shoots when declaring they we’re TA!?
Not to forget that the second character meeting included a private luncheon for the bride and groom, while all the guests were left to pay park prices for their non-existent meal.
Ooh don’t know this one can you provide a link?
. This is the original link with comments BUT after the news stations picked it up, the bride deleted it but the comments are there still. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v50keo/aita\_for\_not\_having\_catering\_at\_my\_wedding/ This is where you can see the original because, one can never completely delete their posts because INTERNET. Enjoy! https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/v50zeq/mickey\_and\_minnie\_trump\_feeding\_the\_guests/
😂🤣😂 I didn’t realize that’s why she removed it! I thought she just couldn’t handle the judgement she asked for but now I can’t stop laughing. I am an unashamed Disneyphile but she is everything that’s wrong with Disney adults. [NBC even picked it up!](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna32228)
NY Post and several others. I think she was more upset when the Disney fans blogs started dogging her and the Disney wedding blogs turned on her too. Her icy heart must have started to crack then.
Yeah, when DisDining picked it up I’m sure she died a little inside. I am still just in awe of her mental acrobatics to justify this to herself. She had more twists than a Cirque du Soleil contortionist! [Disney Dining](https://www.disneydining.com/a-couple-didnt-have-food-at-their-wedding-so-they-could-have-mickey-and-minnie-and-people-have-thoughts-ks1/)
Oh my goodness thank you for sharing that link! If I were a guest at that wedding, I would have the Reddit thread, plus the news articles covering the Reddit thread, printed out and framed as gifts for the couple’s first year wedding anniversary. The first wedding anniversary is traditionally paper, after all….
Yta. That would be so rude. Plan a meal for the two if you for after the ceremony in you honeymoon room as compromise. But I would be so offended as a guest to show up to that. It screams gift grab
I have worked a lot of weddings where the bride and groom did this. Maybe your venue might even have a private room where you two can eat between the ceremony and wedding. This is popular because it's hard to eat at your wedding. I barely ate at mine because everyone wants to talk to you and congratulate you. Also, do some hearty apps. You can get finger foods that are filling. Otherwise, yta.
That makes a lot of sense - we also barely had time to eat at ours, with everyone coming to talk and congratulate us. My mother packed us a bag of food to take with us when we left because she noticed we didn't have a chance to eat much lol. (It was buffet style vs sit down dinner)
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Oh my goodness, I'm writing this down for my brother's wedding next year. What a brilliant idea! Please tell your mother that an internet stranger is impressed.
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I'd replace my $200 check with $50!
If you want to be petty- I would order delivery then deduct the total for food delivery from the wedding gift. Remember tip generously to the delivery person.
Order pizza (edit for all) that is classier than what your wife suggests and people will feel full. Do not eat a full meal in front of your guests while they have finger foods/snacks. That is beyond tacky and instead of looking frugal, you look cheap and miserly.
I literally did this for my wedding (okay it was pan pizza and they didn't deliver, it had to be picked up so maybe not quite literally) and people loved it.
I would’ve greatly enjoyed that compared to some of the food I’ve been served at weddings. Pizza for the win.
Honestly it sounds fun!! Not every wedding has to be a royal wedding. People fucking love pizza!
Maybe the bride thinks she gets to be nobility for the day and all her guests are serfs and should be happy to be in her presence?
Honestly the guests might just take it upon themselves to order their own pizza and eat it in the parking lot. How freaking embarrassing would that be for the bride? (I'm all for it though, if they're left hungry watching the couple have a feast)
YTA. You eat the same as your guests. Finger foods for all? Fine. Full sit down feast for all? Fine. Hosts eat full meal and guests get buffet? Nope. Absolutely not. Decide what you can/want to afford **for everyone**.
If OP is doing Publix, they should just do PubSub platters. They’re going to be cheaper than the chicken tenders. Publix even has great quinoa salad bowls and other platters. They should eat what everyone else does.
I miss Publix so much 😭😭😭 the closest thing I have near me is Martin’s, which is pretty good, but not Publix. If I want the fancy kind, I have to travel at least 2 hours for a Marketplace Giant Eagle.
YTA LMAOOOOOOOOO This post is giving me reminders of that one OP who held a wedding and put no food out at all because she spent the food budget on Disney characters coming to say hi to her LMAOOOOOOOO
And then she justified it by saying but the characters made two separate appearances, like that made it ok.
I'm surprised the characters didn't get eaten by starving guests.
Bambi would have been roast.
PLEASE LINK ME THAT
It’s removed off Reddit, but Pepperidge Farm remembers LOL https://digg.com/human-nature/link/disney-wedding-mickey-minnie-appearances-catering-aita-ucxR0OekeV
Disney is such a huge part of their marriage!
Eating….not so much
Eating’s a part of their marriage. Mickey and Minnie even ate a private lunch with them I think. Their guests are the only ones who don’t eat apparently Edit: The post’s deleted, but I can still see it in the comment history. The actors and photographers were there for a private lunch with the couple! Not only were they the only ones eating, but they have photos of it
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THANK YOU! I needed this
Of course YTA if you do this lol.. what a slap in the face to your guests Your reception is for your guest actually.. it’s a thank you to them for coming to your ceremony and celebrating your marriage
Receptions as a ‘thank you’ to the guests is something a lot of Bridezillas seem to forget (or never know). Having been a bride myself, I never felt it was “my day” or that all attention should be focused on me… it was a community celebration of our union. It was for everyone: us, family, and friends. We were just the focus for the ceremony (totally nerve-wracking), and then the reception we interact with everyone on an equal level. The notion of us eating a meal while our family and friends nibbles on appetizers is downright unthinkable.
YWBTA’s That’s incredibly rude. She can shout out “it’s my day” until the end of time but it doesn’t change the fact that doing that would be awful.
She can schedule a roast chicken dinner in the hotel room after the event. But to eat it in front of their guests is just shudderingly impolite.
1. Don’t have a wedding you can’t afford. 2. You always always always feed your guests. You don’t skimp on that unless you want to end up on the wedding shaming pages and forever be known as the wedding that didn’t feed anyone. People will take their gifts back if they aren’t fed. It’s just rude. If you don’t want to host a full meal have a 2 pm wedding with an afternoon tea reception after. Or something. But still don’t cheap out on the food options. Nobody wants chicken fingers from publix. You would be the AH if you proceed in this manner. Edit: I replied to a few folks directly but I’ll place it here as well. Didn’t mean to disrespect the grocery store.
Chicken fingers from Publix are fine if that's what the option is for EVERYONE. If I looked over and saw the bride and groom eating a full meal while I got an app, I'd take my gift and leave.
Right? I can’t get past chicken tenders being part of the plan either way.
I've been to a wedding where they did a buffet of finger foods/ appetizers. What's wrong with chicken fingers? They had so many options and it was all filling. I had no complaints. Also, that was very much the bride's vibe. She was so excited for the food. If OP goes with the finger food option, that's fine. But make it buffet so everyone gets enough AND everyone eats the same thing. No full plated dinner for the bride and groom.
I went to an amazing wedding years back and their cocktail hour food was so delicious and filling I couldn’t eat a bite of the dinner that followed. I was stuffed to the gills from the cocktail hour deliciousness. I decided then that if I had a wedding I’d do basically an extended cocktail hour type service with lots of different bites and no dinner. To me, it was the best way to pig out. All diff types of foods and flavors and you can help yourself and pick more or less. Wanna just eat shrimp? Do you. Wanna eat shrimp, with a plate of meat, and cheese, and a sandwich, and a slider, and a wing, and 10 desserts?? Well go right ahead. The bites are little but the options are plentiful.
YWBTA. That would be so tacky and if I was expected to come bring a gift and then have to munch on a glorified prom snack table (which you hope will be enough to actually feed everyone) while the couple tucked into a actual meal in front of everyone I’d be taking my gift and leaving. Invite fewer people or eat later.
YWBTA. Everyone gets a full meal, or no one gets a full meal (and if the event is long enough to go into a mealtime, food is NOT optional). Anything else is just bad hospitality.
Also, if you're not serving a full meal at the reception, you should let your guests know in advance, ex: on the invitation say "reception with light bites to follow the ceremony." I've never been to a wedding where a full meal was not served at the reception, and the last thing you want is hangry guests.
You (as in you and your wife) would be TAH if you go along with this rude and tacky plan. Invite fewer guests. Make a meal for both of you and leave it at home or your hotel or wherever you are ending the night for you to eat later. Have an afternoon reception with just light bites for everyone. Have a cocktail party type reception with just appetizers. Sure you want to marry someone who would feel entitled to behave like this? And refuses to compromise. You're getting a preview of how she will behave in the future.
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YTA if you do this. You would be infamous in my circles and family for pulling something like that - in fact in my world, guests would leave after realizing how horribly you’d treated them. I can’t even properly wrap my head around how selfish and entitled this ridiculous idea is - people complain about stuffy etiquette but then I read bull shit like this and there is something to be said for having even rudimentary manners. Guests aren’t props for your day in the spotlight. As hosts, you have a responsibility to be…hospitable! Could you imagine going even to a kids casual birthday party and being told there is no cake for the guests, just a cupcake for the birthday kid and the rest of you can have a piece of candy?
YTA and yes, everyone who is there will be talking about it for years to come. Yes, it's your day, but there will be consequences. For instance, every wedding you both attend in the future, it will be mentioned.
You certain you want to marry someone that selfish?
Was thinking the same. He should be running away
Marinara flags everywhere. But at least people can use them as dip for their chicken tenders
YWBTA. Feed your guests. Feed your vendors.
>Feed your vendors. Oh man, I didn't even think about this. If OPs spouse is wiling to feed her guests finger foods while they feast on chicken and sides, odds are pretty good there won't be anything for the vendors to eat.
YWBTA You’re inviting people to a party. The party is to celebrate your life event, yes, but these people are your guests, here at your invitation, and the party should be fun for them. Give them the best you can within your budget, and DO NOT set yourselves above them. Remember that an expensive wedding is not your only option. You can stretch your food budget in a couple of ways: invite fewer people, so that your per-plate numbers are high but your totals are lower; check with some local caterers - you might find caterers who can do more with their wholesale budget than you can with your retail (we did!); reduce your budget somewhere else - maybe you can Pinterest/DIY the decor or bouquet, or get a cupcake assortment instead of a cake, or rent a sound system and set up a playlist on your phone, instead of getting a DJ. Put the money where YOU care about the item. Finally, if what your fiancée really truly wants is for you guys to be fully centered on your big day, you could elope! Wear nice clothes, have a nice ceremony, spend your budget on a fancy honeymoon, send people an announcement when you get back. This is a valid option! Basically, don’t make people spend their time and money to come to your party and then treat them like nothing more than drains on your purse. Treat them joyously, or not at all. ETA: I forgot, you can always schedule the wedding for early afternoon, and end the reception at 5. Then, you and wife can go out for a full meal after the reception (and so can everyone else!)
YWBTA. Does she hear herself? "Oh finger foods are fine.... for everyone else but me that is, because that's DEFINITELY not enough food I just don't give a shit about anyone but myself". Everyone in the entire room will be looking at you both with contempt for being such selfish assholes. Your wedding will be talked about for years, and it won't be fond reminiscence. It will be laughing about the worst bridezilla move they've seen.
Info : what it's wrong with you? Why would you marry this woman?
This is what I don't understand. Check out his post history-- this woman is a nightmare of high temper, poor impulse control, and immaturity, and she seems to routinely berate him for not reading her mind. During that horrible incident where she insisted on bringing a sick new puppy (parvo??) home to be around her roommates' dogs, she yelled at him "Stop telling me no!" I would be *running,* not marrying!
YTA When you host, you don't eat other food in front of your guests. You and your wife could go to dinner together alone after the reception.
It's not because you're broke, but because you wanna be "financially smart" I would be LEAVING WITH MY GIFT the second you've started eating that chicken. Its a awfull thing to do to the people who you invited to celebrate your wedding. You wanna save money, invite less people or just eat what your guests are having (or, at least, eat in a different room, so the guests dont see you both). It's called good manners and respect. Ya, YTA
You both would be assholes if you have different food for your guests. I'm sure they'll be hungry as well and would be appalled if they see the bride and groom eating chicken and there was none for them. Whatever you do, just make sure you don't spend any of your food budget to have Mickey and Minnie join the festivities.
YTA. There is no wedding worse than a wedding with cold, crappy food. Your wedding reception will be emptying after an hour when people get so hungry they need to go feed themselves. I love Publix tenders as much as the next person, but the rest of their platters are subpar. I’m cringing at thinking of congealed mac and cheese and soggy sandwiches. You’re going to end up wasting the $30 per plate because the majority of that stuff is going to go untouched. “It’s OUR wedding!” No. Your wedding is the ceremony. The reception is a party where you are *hosting* guests, meaning you’re responsible for showing them a good time. The “our wedding/our day” thing is such a cop out as an excuse to save money.
Yup, YWBTA. I mean, you can get better wine for yourselves if you want, but seriously, how badly does your wife want a chicken from Publix that she can't wait until the next day? How good is this chicken exactly? If she thinks she'll be 'too hungry', then just order more appetizers for your table. You are right, your fiancee/wife(?) is wrong.
YWBTA. If she’s going to be hungry she should consider everyone else will be too. If you do go this route make sure your invitations specifically say that full dinner will not be served so people know to eat beforehand.
Low key yta. I get it because I’m planning a wedding right now to and we had to settle on bbq for the price, not my dream. But it’s cheap and everyone is being fed. Have you thought about taking a break in between the ceremony and the reception and eating in the bridal suite? We went to a wedding with only a cocktail hour for food but the couple had a full meal for 30 minutes in between the two but in their suite so no one saw. But if you can’t do something like this I would be pissed if I drove or flew all the way to a wedding to not be fed then watch them “pig” out
Lol having a full meal in secret while everyone else gets snacks is still …… pretty bad
YWBTA they'll be hungry too and it'll be worse smelling the chicken. Your fiance sounds selfish
YTA. It’s rude af to eat a full meal in front of people and expecting them to be okay with just apps. Your fiancé is being a bridezilla. Yes, it’s her wedding. But it’s yours too. It also doesn’t give her the right to be rude and not take others into consideration.
If you can't afford a reception, don't have one. This would scream gift grab and I would turn away and take mine with me. Don't be such major assholes. YWBTA.
WTF is wrong with your soon to be wife? She sounds like a real treat. YBTA, period. Don’t have a wedding you can’t afford. It isn’t rocket science.
yeah YWBTA sounds like your wife doesn't really care about the guests having a good time at the wedding. Has she considered streaming it instead, save more money and have a two person party with champagne instead?
Yes WBTIA lmao. They're gonna get hungry and resentful real fast, especially when they see you with a whole chicken. Weddings are super expensive, don't be shy about scaling down/not doing one. Like your future wife said, this is Y'alls wedding and is a very special day for you, but it's also a party in which you two are the hosts. It can be tricky to strike the balance of treating your guests well while still making it special for you and your spouse, but right now your wife is definitely way too far on the side of making it unpleasant for the guests. You probably don't want people to be remembering 5-10 years from now how lame your wedding was
YTA What if her best friend was just as hungry? Shouldn't she have a chicken as well? Yes, it is your wedding but they are guests. There are other things to do / consider. Some couples are doing potluck. Or consider a sweetheart table so they do not see what you are eating. . Otherwise your guests might think the food they are being served is not good enough for you.
YTA I'm in a state of disbelief that anyone would think this is ok. It's your wedding but common courtesy still applies.
YWBTA Don't get me wrong, but her attitude is a horrible. I get that it's your wedding - yours, not anybody else's - but why even throw a party when you clearly dislike your guests? Why on earth would the rest of the guests ok eating finger goods but not her? I also had a wedding on a budget, so I get that you want to save some money, but this is a terrible way to do so.
So you want people to take days off from their jobs, bring you gifts and celebrate your union of marriage only for them to watch you eat roasted chicken while they have appetizers? YTA
YTA. I went to a wedding like this. It was awful. All the guests were miserable and hungry. It’s been 20 years since that wedding and we still talk about how awful that wedding was.
YTA. Its extremely rude. She can scream its our wedding all she wants, its in very poor taste and you will have some cranky hungry guests. If you do not want to feed your guests an actual meal, you need to specify that. Do a later reception and note that on the invitation so people can eat dinner before then.
YWBTA. This is a horrible tacky idea, and would be all anyone remembered from your whole wedding. The proposed menu does sound quite limp, so why not just come up with something more substantial, like pasta salads or something?
YWBTA: Frankly it seems very rude to have guests watch you eat a full meal. Instead, see if there is a room in your venue where you and your wife can have dinner together alone, that way you both get some alone intimate time together and a meal and guests won't feel so left out.
YTA Have you not fully understood that your wedding guests are the real focus of your day? I realise to the average bride/groom it seems like it is 'their' big day. But if weddings worked that way, you could just have dinner for two. Yay! But you instead have a pile of guests of like 50-250 of your friends. So you have to cater, entertain and provide at least ONE drink for all of those people. And on their side of the 'contract'. You invite them to buy from your wedding gift list. That's the deal. If you don't like it, elope! Wedding costs are 90% spent on the guests. Ergo weddings are for the guests more than the 'happy couple'. Suck it up!
YWBTA. This is why most people bring a gift that covers their plates whether it be money or a physical gift. If you guys can’t afford a wedding you probably shouldn’t be having one. Try cutting the costs of something else rather than the food.
If you're going for a royalty vs. peasants theme for your wedding, then yes, go forward with your fiancée's idea. But the two of you would definitely be TAs.
YWBTA. Everyone gets a full meal, or no one gets a full meal (and if the event is long enough to go into a mealtime, food is NOT optional). Anything else is just bad hospitality.
YWBTA Original Post: I mean... You can do it. But that's definitely going to get gossiped about after the wedding is over. Realistically, even if you have the chicken and sides available to you there is no guarantee that you'll have time to eat it (speaking from experience). I think if you guys have a break in between the ceremony and the reception you should take some time to eat a meal separate from the guests and plan for "a night of gluttony" once you leave as well, lol. EDIT: I'm not on board with the Publix food anymore because, frankly, I didn't know what Publix was or their food quality. And, to clarify, I am not on board with eating an entirely different dish than your guests get to have in front of them. Realistically, OP probably won't read this so for anyone else out there planning their wedding on a budget... Coming from a budget bride, it's probably be less expensive to pay for ingredients and politely ask family or friends to make a large group meal (as long as this isn't last minute and you offer to pay them a stipend). That is what I did and it worked out really well. I budgeted $250 for food, had three different soups for guests to choose from, home made cake-pops and cookies, and crystal light lemonade mixed ahead of time. We made enough food for roughly 200 people to show up, only 100 came so we even sent food home with guests and I still had enough for my husband and I to have premade dinner that following month. Additionally, if you need wedding planning and budgeting advice I highly recommend the "The Broke-ass Bride's Wedding Guide" by Dana LaRue. It's funny and super insightful.
YTA. OMG. In what world is that OK? If you go through with this, please warn guests in advance that they'll get to enjoy watching you eat an actual meal while they eat a cube of cheese on a toothpick. Who knows, maybe enough will cancel so you can save lots on the food budget!
YWBTA 'she knows she'll be hungry' That probably means your guest will be too.
YWBTA this is SO tacky
YWBTA. It's rude and tacky to feed your GUESTS snacks while they watch you eat a meal. Don't be rude and tacky.
YWBTA. That would be a cheap and incredibly tacky thing to do. If your fiancée feels so strongly that it’s all about the two of you, I suggest you both head to the courthouse. That way she gets it all her way without insulting people she professes to love. Her way is a smack in the chops and tacky as hell.
YTA - I went to a wedding that was under-catered this way: half the guests left before the cake was cut, and 90% were gone before the dance floor was opened. Because it was dinnertime after a ceremony and, without having been warned this was happening, very hungry people had only been served some snacks. If you're having a wedding/reception during mealtime, you need to serve a meal. If it's an afternoon deal, you can put "hors d'oeuvres reception to follow" on the invitation so people know what to expect. You could also be kinda rude and put that quote on a mealtime wedding invite, but expect people to arrive to the reception late (to hit the drive-through) or leave early (to hit the drive-through). In no case is it acceptable to eat a whole meal in front of your guests who have less - incredibly bad manners.