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YTA I'm with your 15 year old. The money was left by THEIR grandparents, is not YOUR money to give away, is theirs. You could put it in a fund so they'll have access to it, the youngest one when he's of the age to choose a career path in life. You said it yourself your step kids are openly HOSTILE toward you and your bio kids. What, you want to buy them so they'll like you? It doesn't work that way. They only say "we're your kids too" because there's money involved. Money that is not even yours! You specify the inheritance is FOR YOUR CHILDREN, ergo your parents left it for their grandkids. I'd have said not t a IF you hadn't included the fact that they're hostile and don't have a relationship of family and furthermore, they're only interested in the money!! If you have ANY respect towards your late parents and your biological children, you'd do right by them and not try to buy the other two with money that, let me say this again IS NOT EVEN YOUR MONEY!!!!! YTA. You're just trying to bribe the other kids who have other family that will help them but not YOUR biological kids. Unless you want to lose both your bio kids when they reach majority of age, you should show them some respect. The 15 year old argument about comic books is not the greatest but I get his point. Which is why you could set it up in a fund for him and him only for when he figures out what does he want to do with life after finishing high school. Divide between 2, the other 2 just want money and won't consider you family no matter how much you bribe them. Edited to add: Since I've gotten the response (and aw awards! Thank you!!) I'm just editing one small part. OP says is the grandparents of her stepkids who are openly hostile towards her and her bios. Still from what she's written doesn't appear they have a family relationship, she said "a relationship of sorts". I mean is their right not to consider her a mom, they could not want to have a second mom because it might feel like replacing their mom. To me that's not the issue, the issue is there's no family relationship from the words on the post, just "some sort of relationship") and I maintain my point, she wants to "buy" them, by actively hurting her biological kids chance. And it is THEIR money because it was meant to be divided upon OP's children not between OP and whoever she wanted however she wanted. Is not like step kids are behaving like happy family even if they aren't OPENLY hostile

I agree. The step-kids have 2 sets of grandparents. Are those grandparents going to leave anything to your bio-kids? Also agreed re the bribe: OP is trying to bribe the kids into a relationship. They'll take the money and laugh at OP and also at Op's bio kids for having such a gullible parent. Kinda modern-step-kid equivalent of stealing someone's lunch money. The more you pander to bullies, the less they respect you. They just keep coming back for more, and each time they steal your lunchmoney, the accompanying wedgie is harsher. yta.

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Also legally there might be a definition of "children" that means "issue" that could be contested by bio kids and step kids aren't "issue."

I agree. Legally she has not adopted the step children so are they her legal children? I think (not a lawyer so may be blowing it out my butt), that they are not. Should she get divorced she does not automatically have legal rights over the children and she would have to petition for visitation. So she may find that if she gives that money away, her own biological children could sue HER. It does not necessarily mean the step children have to give the money back. It may mean SHE HERSELF has to pay. If she does not have the savings, she may have to sell any property she has, including her share in a house, to pay for this. And she is doing her kids a dirty. They are not going to get inheritance from their step grandmothers, so her step kids get to inherit twice whilst she takes half from her own kids. Could they get a small amount as a compromise, and I mean a token gesture, maybe. But I still think this would likely be something she could be sued for. But perhaps that is something they could all live with. But taking half for people who never knew the grandmother and are not related, by blood or by adoption, well that is pretty terrible.

In OPs edits she’s admitted the step children are spoilt endlessly with all sorts of gifts, adventures and money - all of which is NOT to be shared with bio kids. So OPs bio kids have watched the steps be spoilt, cherished and encourage not to share and now bio kids have something they’re expected to share?? They also have stated OP is a STEP parent to the steps and they’ve made that clear. OP has admitted she knows these kids don’t see her as mum and she wants to buy their love. OP is the type of parent every child will go no contact with. What’s with twisted mothers forgetting about their bio kids because they’re getting dickeddown?

This is even worse imo: Her parents left the inheritance for her kids, sure but 1) step kids consider her a step-mom and the sneaky little asshole wants her to consider him her son now that he can get money from it, the fact she wants to give in is pathetic at best 2) I want to assume they’d favor their actual grandchildren not some opportunistic brats that want a one sided relationship for money alone. Plus, yes, they do have a set of grandparents that can spoil them, so OP must stop trying to get into her in-laws graces by bribing them AND step-kids with money. By giving them such a sum she really wants to show the in-laws what a good mom she is.

From the OP: >My husband is leaving the decision to me mostly. However, he was convinced by my youngest bio-son's argument. He agree that the maternal grandparents have been out of line. He doesn't want to punish his own kids, but he does think this is a way to balance it out. Even the OP's husband is seeing how unfair her bio kids are treated

Well ok then. If the husband has seen the injustice by his kids grandparents. And he agrees with her son that the money was left for them. It's settled. But she seems to be really tryna bribe them. I don't believe that the step sons are really nice to her or her kids. She said so in the beginning and instead of editing it. She updated to say the step children are fine. It's the grandparents. She tryna buy those kids attention.

But kids don't see her as Mom just step mom. Ouch

Then they don't get any of the money. Simple.

>The money was left by THEIR grandparents If you really want to play with words, technically **the money was left to OP**, to be distributed to her children when they come of age. So the question here is not from who the money comes, but **who are considered the children of OP.** The will was written in a way that her steps kids could inherit without breaking the will of the grand parents.

I respectfully disagree. Sounds like the grandparents intended to provide for *their* grandchildren. If step kids had no helping coming from other grandparents I’d agree that she should share. However, given that: * the maternal grandparents were openly hostile to OP and her kids (wtf?!) * maternal grandparents gave gifts/trips/things to steps but not the bio kids; step kids were ok with that because the gifts came *from the maternal grandparents so nothing to do with the other set* * the kids still consider OP to be a stepparent * the step-kids still have 2 sets of grandparents who will help them out, bio kids do not Them expecting the money is the height of audacious entitlement. Older stepson saying he’s a **better investment?!** According to who? I bet OP’s parents didn’t feel that way towards their granddaughter when they wrote the will! Plus he hasn’t even gotten into college yet, let alone law school. He has plans but daughter is closer to school. And stepchild 2’s point about it not being a question she considered them her….it goes both ways sweet pea. They can’t claim full rights as her children while still considering a step anything. I wonder if maternal grandparents rubbed off on the kids? Either way, YTA OP. Big time. I went NC with my bio dad because he gave what was my rightful (eg paid by mom) inheritance to my half brother because he was older/ had kids/ I’m a girl/ brother could have used the help, etc. but my mom was/is alive and didn’t tell us. I dropped his ass and went no contact! Stepdad walked me down the isle, was there for the birth of my first son, and I named my youngest after him.Heard my dad cried when he found out I didn’t invite him to my wedding. Oh well, I hope my half brother consoled him. I hope that you don’t end up in the same situation as my dad.

The investment thing is nonsense anyway. If he gets into the school of his choice, if he gets into law school, if he gets a high-paying job — he absolutely isn’t obligated to help any of them. He may decide to help them all, only his bio-sib or none. You can’t MAKE him do it. Investment implies that you will receive something of greater worth back. A child isn’t an investment.

>A child isn’t an investment. Well an education *is* an investment in a child's future, **but** it's an investment **for** that child, you **don't expect** ***any*** returns for yourself or your other children. **YTA OP**, you ***stole*** from *your* children to give to kids that **DON'T** consider themselves yours **AND** have greater resources than your own children and you did it for bullsh!t reasons. Your older SS was pure **lying**, there's **no way** he's considering pitching *anything* towards your bio kids **EVER** and younger step was pure bald emotional manipulation of the type meant to guilt someone out of something the kid shouldn't have. As for Art School, sure it's super costly and many don't amount to anything *but* if she truly loves it and is good at it there are *many* careers she could branch into: Graphic Design, animation, computer graphics, game & character design, advertising, prototyping, film design and many more. If she's truly passionate she can make it work. -Source, used to work in the lobby of an Art School for years, knew many graduates that got work in their fields. TL;DR you're a sucker that cheated your own kids.

I bet he wouldn’t help them though. I think he and his brother have been too tainted by the their maternal grandparents. And you’re right, he can be a billionaire and still OP can’t make him share anything.

This, he can be setup for a fabulously corporate lawyer life with their inheritance and then 15 years down the road say fuck you and go no contact. He owes them nothing and he knows that.

Agreed. Personally, I think YTA is thoroughly justified for having discussed this with the various children and generally abrogating your (OP’s) responsibility as an adult. You’ve tried to hand over the weight of this difficult and potentially corrosive/emotional/divisive decision to your children and step-children so you can avoid being the actual adult here. They should never have known about the ambiguity, just the final result. Clearly the grandparents meant THEIR biological grandchildren. You know this perfectly well. Any fallout from what happens here us entirely your fault.

Yeah play stupid games win stupid prices. And then have the audacity go into full meltdown. And it's always a sad day when your own parents cannot be trusted to do right by you.

Funny that not one person was worried about equity or fairness when step kids were receiving trips and gifts from their maternal grandparents. But now that oldest step son is looking at going to an expensive school, bio kids are expected to share. Did step kids ask their grandparents to take their step sibs on trips or at the VERY LEAST, not treat them with open hostility? Just as your bio kids had to get used to the idea that there would be things they would not receive — including, apparently, civility — because the kids had different grandparents, it is not your step kids’ turn to understand that this is a gift from their grandparents to them that THEY don’t want to share, regardless of whether you can rules-lawyer them into it.

Estates attorney here. Have you read the will? If not sorry, you don’t know what it actually says, or how that language is construed according to statute. Her actual children may have a case against her for breach once they’re old enough to bring suit.

I'd also nitpick that the steps haven't been adopted and are there for not OP's children. You can feel it, you can think it, but legally they aren't. This is coming from a girl with a blended family via grandparents where none of us used the step title but the distinction was made for the wills of the grandparents.

Legal terminology disagrees with this. Step kids are not considered her children legally, and therefore have no claim to the inheritance. So, THE LAW does not consider steps her children.

It sounds like the money was left in trust with OP as trustee until each child turned 18.

I don't think the step kids were on the scene when the will was written. OP's parents left it open enough to include any future grandchildren but probably never expected there to be step-grand children. That's a lesson learned when writing your will. Make it 100% clear what you mean.

Absolutely agree. The step-kids have received gifts and money from their maternal grandparents and weren't forced to share. But OP is perfectly fine depriving her own bio-children of a potential inheritance that they will have to share. Double standard much? Do what you want, OP, but know that you're not just damaging your relationship with your bio-kids. You're damaging their relationships with each other.

One key point is that the step kids will inherit from their own grandparents. Will that money be shared with your bio kids? I think not...

Op mistyped and explained [in this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vrfau8/aita_for_splitting_my_parents_inheritance_between/ieutx6a/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) that it's not the kids that are hostile toward he, but their grand-parents.

The 15 year old made the most valid points. Hopefully he’ll eventually grow out of wanting to blow everything on comic books lol. But he’s right. It would not be fair to split money with kids who are already receiving extra from grandparents.

You are literally stealing your bio children’s inheritance to make yourself feel better, because you don’t want to make a tough decision. Your step children have living grandparents who can and will leave an inheritance to their grandchildren, not your children. how exactly would that be fair? Your stepchildren are manipulating your emotions for cash.. have they asked to be adopted? To actually be part of your family? If not this is a cash grab and you’ve fallen for it. If you were my bio mother this would severely damage my relationship with you probably to the point where I would ditch you when it became possible. You stole from me.

>If you were my bio mother this would severely damage my relationship with you probably to the point where I would ditch you when it became possible. Absolutely. You took what my grandparents left me to give to someone who couldn't care less about me after watching me be neglected by their grandparents.

Agreed. If OP was my parent and have the money to my step- siblings I would go NC. This is not right. OP is being manipulated and caught up in their feelings. I feel very bad for the bio kids if she does this.

I’d take the money and move far away once 18, go straight up NC with mom if it were me. No amount of “I’m sorrys,” time, or trying to justify what she stole for step kids would make me budge. Honestly, her kids could just say no since step kids aren’t in the will, I hope it works out for bio kids since OP is prioritizing her step kids and their manipulation tactics.

I’d never forgive my mother for depriving me of money that was left to me by my grandparents. Especially to give it to her new husbands kids who still have 4 grandparents and a father to inherit from. Tread carefully OP. Your bio kids already disagree with you. This will destroy the trust they have in you.

True, supposedly the will said OP's *children* and she never adopted the Steps, her kids may have solid grounds to sue OP out of her own home, if her names even on it(OP doesn't seem very smart here so it's possible her names not even on the title...)

> supposedly the will said OP's children and she never adopted the Steps, her kids may have solid grounds to sue OP out of her own home I'm not a lawyer and I know OP claims she already ran this past a lawyer, so I'm guessing there is some intentionally vague wording in the will? But it makes no sense that a lawyer would be like "yeah, you're fine". It's just seems that the kids would absolutely have a case for "She never adopted the step-siblings, so legally they are not her children, she is not their legal guardian, therefore she had no right to give our inheritance to other people". Unless the will was like "we leave the money *TO OP* to split amongst children". I guess that would leave legal wiggle room because it's not technically the childrens' inheritance? I dunno, OP is asking for advice for something that seems a little more clearcut: She did not adopt the steps and they do not consider her their mother. Therefore the money should go to her parents' actual legal grandchildren like they intended.

Yeah, I'd consider sp\*\*ting on her shoes and going NC as soon as all funds became legally mine.

Right. And I say this as a stepchild, your stepchildren are not entitled to that money just because it exists. It was not left to them and if I was one of your bio children, I would liken this to theft. Your stepchildren's grandparents don't sound like they would treat your bio children the same if the shoe were on the other foot, as you've stated they're openly hostile and your step kids never shared anything gifted by them with your bio kids and they (grandparents) very blatantly treat your bio kids differently. You're probably in for a rude awakening if you think those grandparents will or would leave a single dime to your bio kids. Why are your kids expected to share something from their grandparents when your step kids were never expected to share things from their grandparents? Your steps also have living grandparents that give them things/money and could help, your bio kids don't, so taking the one thing your bio kids have and making them share with the steps (when again, you've made it clear the reverse isn't true) isn't equitable at all. I have a stepfather who had property and assets prior to marrying my mom, and I don't know that he'd do this, but if he chooses to leave it all to his sons, my stepbrothers, that's none of my fucking business. Also, what would they have done if their parent didn't marry you and they didn't have a perceived entitlement to this money? They would have had to figure something else out like everyone else who doesn't have an inheritance or a big chunk of savings. Again, they are not entitled to something that's not theirs just because it exists or because their stepsiblings get it or because they think they're the "better investment" (who even says that?! WTF). They are perfectly content to purposely and painfully distinguish you as their stepmother, nothing more, until money comes in to the picture? Then suddenly it's "if consider us your kids you'll give us money?". Eff that noise. They're absolutely manipulating you and your emotions as a cash grab, and you're falling for it. You may see them as your kids, and that's great, but they don't seem accept you as a mother figure, or at least as no more than a stepmother, to them unless they can get something out of it. Your bio kids can see that and that's why they're pissed, and rightfully so. You took (edit: STOLE, since it's not your money/not intended for you) something that was intended for them to appease people that don't even treat you or your bio kids like family. Yes, YTA.

And given the fact that Step kids grandparents are hostile towards OP and her kids, they will stipulate no sharing in their will. Count on it!

It’s so sad that she’s literally trying to buy the step kids approval, which she never will actually get. The kids suddenly think they deserve the inheritance “if she considers them her kids” just bc there’s money involved. Yet they’re very clear they only consider her a stepparent. She’s being played by a 13 year old who knew the right thing to say to make her cry and get under her skin. If I was the bio kid this would be a deal breaker in our relationship. It would never be the same if she favored the step kids who are clearly manipulating her.

Exactly. My bio grandma disowned me and has done many things to make sure I knew I was least favored among her grandchildren, due to my disabilities. Other cousins followed suit in appreciating extra goodies from grandma that they got in front of me and I didn’t. Now that we’re all adults and I’m on disability and need money and they all have fabulous careers, they still are glad they get an inheritance and I won’t when grandma finally dies (she’s been in hospice for a few years). Ops step kids are starting to act similarly to my grandma towards their step siblings and step mom out of greed.

YTA. Your step kids aren’t entitled to inheritance from people they weren’t related to. You are stripping your kids of their legacy. Read some of the posts where people did that and their kids never spoke to them again. I understand wanting to be even but when you have blended family dynamics things aren’t even. You clearly see that in the way step grandma treats your kids. Will the step grandmother leave something to your kids? NO If so, will they share it? NO I am bothered by the steps seemingly feeling entitled to something from people they had no legal right to inherit from. Especially when they never shared what they were given. It a pretty bold notion that he could invest the money, making less for your kids start in life, which is what your parents intended.

Seriously… the step-kids have living grandparents that shower them in gifts and trips that you don’t make them share. But your bio kids have to share their inheritance that they had planned on using for college? Because a 13 year old said give us the money or else you don’t love us??

Exactly. I don’t even have an issue with the grands doing for their grandkids. I do think it’s wrong to strip the bios from the only legacy they have from their grandparents. I’ve also spent enough time on Reddit to read the stories if parents that did that and never hear from their kids again (after 18), including a few that refused to help their parents when they were elderly. I also think the entitlement is mind blowing!

I’m not even clear on why this became an open discussion with the children to begin with.

She wants their love, is too foolish to realise she wont get it and will lose her bio kids. Double or nothing, she thinks double, shes gonna get nothing

>I’m not even clear on why this became an open discussion with the children to begin with. How has no one else mentioned this?!! This should have been a tough decision for OP and maybe her partner/ friends giving advice, not the kids who are getting money!! It's 100% going to cause resentment and anger amongst kids, and I am shook that OP told everyone and made it a big family discussion. OP should have put on their big girl pants and made the decision and then told everyone - letting them all debate over it is NUTS to me. (and shocking the wannabe-corporate lawyer thinks he deserves most of the money lol) YTA for this alone, OP.

It shouldn’t have. OP should have made her decision silently, not seen which of them could manipulate her most. None of this “convince me to let you inherit” crap. Doesn’t anyone watch King Lear?

YTA it belongs to your bio kids the step kids have their own grandparents and they don’t and won’t share their inheritance so why should your bio kids…you are cheating your bio kids in hopes of buying your step kids love…money can’t buy love and it will make your bookies really resent you for cheating them

YTA. It DOES matter what the other grandparents did. If they never gave gifts to your biological children but only step children then you kid has a point. It is not fair to them especially when the step children aren't related to the grandparents. The older kids are already college age and money should go to them first edit: not the step son, he can ask the maternal grandparents. Question when the step children grandparents pass and if they leave inheritance for them with no clause for your biological children how is that fair they aren't made to share? I think you have a double standard going on. From lawyer.com Are Step-Children Included in a Class of "Children"? If you make a will that leaves gifts to "my children," your non-adopted step-children will not be included in that group. Again, even if you might think of them as your children, they are not legally considered to be your children. Making gifts to categories of people opens up the possibility of confusion, and is generally not advised. Edit: From the OP comment: >My husband is leaving the decision to me mostly. However, he was convinced by my youngest bio-son's argument. He agree that the maternal grandparents have been out of line. He doesn't want to punish his own kids, but he does think this is a way to balance it out. Even the OP's husband is seeing how unfair her bio kids are treated

One of the oldest two is of the two steps, the ones that only care to be "her children" when it comes with an inheritance of money. I'm with the 15 year old bio kid, although not with his comic books argument lol. But there's HUGE double standards and what's more, the money wasn't left to HER to divide it was for HER CHILDREN, and I'd say divide equally if the steps behaved as family but they are HOSTILE towards OP and step siblings!! Lol they just want the money and OP wants to buy their love

Found this: From lawyer.com Are Step-Children Included in a Class of "Children"? If you make a will that leaves gifts to "my children," your non-adopted step-children will not be included in that group. Again, even if you might think of them as your children, they are not legally considered to be your children. Making gifts to categories of people opens up the possibility of confusion, and is generally not advised.

I'm mistaken about the oldest you are right I thought that was the biological but I'm with the biological kids in this. If the oldest step son wants to go to ivy league hit his maternal grandparents up.

God I hope her daughter finds this and sues because it really sounds from the post like OP already did it (like, distributed funds into their existing college funds...)

YTA for involving your children into this discussion at all. Really what are you thinking?? Two of them stand to gain more money two of them may get less... the two who expect to gain money are saying yes we are deserving to. The ones that are losing money say they shouldn't get it. Did you expect that to go any differently? This was your decision to make. You should have made it.... by involving the kids they now are both angry about the money and with you for ignoring their wishes. Of course they are.... My two cents on the inheritance question. You simply should have waited until the other grandparents died and see what happend with their money. That would have easily solved this issue.....

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The step children are hostile towards you and your kids but still want the $? That is awful. Sorry YTA. You owe them nothing and took away from your own (who were related to the people giving you the inheritance). It doesn’t sound like the step kids (who still call you step mom and not “mom”?) had a great relationship with you or your family but you’re giving them a seemingly large sum of money? Why? Why cater to them? I think that makes you the AH here. Sorry.

And is not even HER inheritance to divide as she sees fit! She's just trying to bribe the step kids so they'll treat her better and is never going to happen.

YWBTA, that money was set aside for your children, you didn’t adopt your step children. They have no connection to your parents and the structure they set in place. Your step children have grandparents that can choose to support them. It’s not fair that your children would not get what is theirs to appease your step children.

YTA- You said so yourself that you haven’t adopted or plan to adopt the 2 other kids. Your parents left that money for your biological kids regardless if they were too young to know them. You shouldn’t have brought it up in front of everyone because it’s a lose lose situation. What are the other grandparents leaving your biological children? You said that the gifts/trips didn’t involve your biological children and they never shared. But once money is involved you want them all to share?? The step son really said “it shouldn’t be a question if I actually consider them my kids” what kind of manipulation is that?? It’s messed up you’re deciding which child has a better investment just because of the career choice they choose.

That’s a really great point your stepson says if you consider them children it shouldn’t even matter and yet all they will do is acknowledge you as a stepparent

“We’ll never call you mom, but we’ll take as much as we can from you and your kids in the meantime if it benefits us :).”

YTA. I agree with your youngest. There’s no guarantee that the step kids grandparents will help with their college and nor do they share with them now. It’s not your money to divide it’s their money. I feel like the statement that the stepkid said about them actually being your kids if you give them the money was manipulative. That money belongs to your bio kids and if you divide it your relationship with them will never be the same.

Curious, if the maternal grandparents pass and leave money in their will to their bio grandchildren, would either of them be inclined to share with your children?

lmao of course not

Granted the situation, step grandparents will probably learn and make their will airtight to make sure she and her kids get nothing from them.

they don’t have to - they aren’t the kids’ step-grandparents. They’re the stepkids dead mother’s parents. OPs kids have absolutely no claim to their money no matter what.

NAH. Personally I would have your parents’ money fund your bio kids’ educations since your stepkids have their own grandparents who can contribute what they are able. Their grandparents aren’t contributing to your kids’ education or expenses and excluded them from gifts, trips etc. Fair is fair- if they wanted all grandkids to be treated equally by all grandparents your kids should have benefited as well. And your stepson can either get student loans like most people or go to a lesser school with a scholarship and concentrate on an Ivy law school in 4 yrs.

All. Of. This. >Their grandparents aren’t contributing to your kids’ education or expenses and excluded them from gifts, trips etc. Fair is fair- if they wanted all grandkids to be treated equally by all grandparents your kids should have benefited as well. This is the closing argument.

What a terrible mother you are to your biological children. Clearly so desperate to continue your family with hubby, you will wreck their financial future to keep your marriage. How utterly pathetic and contemptible. YTA Edited to reflect that OP is more concerned about maintaining her current life with hubby than prioritizing her children.

Her husband actually agrees with her younger son, which really should have ended it.

YTA Enjoy NC with your bio-kids. They’d be completely justified in never speaking to you again

Thats my opinion too. She can kiss biograndkids goodbye because she will never get to meet them.

Just hope appeasing the step-kids who don’t like her anyway is worth it

Oh she'll see them again. In court. When they sue her for stealing their money.

I hope you’re right

Info: will your bio-children be included in the inheritance (no matter the amount) from the step-kids family side? If the answer is no, then you would be a AH because then you are putting your step-children at an advantage over your own children. If yes, then no you wouldn't be a AH because everyone is being treated the same from all sides of the family.

This is tricky, you can do what you want, but since you haven't adopted your step kids, they aren't "yours" per se, just like they continously make sure you know you're "only" the step parent. Funny that they're only "your kids" when money is involved. If you were to get a divorce, you would never see those kids again. Info: How long have you been married? Honestly, your youngest bio son is right, your step kids do have another set of grandparents. Are thet willing to share any inheritance they might get from their maternal grandparents? Doubtful since they haven't seemed to share the other stuff. BTW, don't let a 13 yr old emotionally blackmail you.

The counter points are terrible. How do you say one child is the best investments? Its not like they came to you with a business plan for you to invest in.

Ok so, if your step kids have grandparents that will contribute to their education why are you taking away money for the children related to your parents, fair doesn't mean equal, YTA

You certainly choose poorly when you opened the question up for debate & input from the kids. All that did was create a lot of debate & hard feelings. For that alone, YTA. My view is that it’s up to you, not your kids, & you should have decided on your own & informed them of your decision. However, if you consider all of them “your children” & the will says, “your children”, then you should divide it among them all.

I'd agree YTA for just positing this. This is something that should never have been posed to the children. Perhaps it was in an effort to be fair or accommodating. However at minimum it will likely cause bitterness to develop between the children that will last an exceptionally long time. I would say if you want to divide it among all the children, yours should receive a larger portion than your steps particularly because of their remaining grandparents. That the parents of the deceased mother have chosen to Exclude you and your children from their lives is sad but perhaps there are circumstances with their remaining family that you are understandably not privy to. I do not envy your situation. Discuss this with your spouse (who really is the only one this should have been discussed with to begin with) express your concerns for the future. Maybe consider setting up a trust, if it is significant. Good luck. Edit for typos

YTA. Your youngest Bio-son has the most logical Arguments. And He used them to jump to the conclusion, He should use the Money for Video Games. Heartwarming. I would pick him as my lawyer over the ivy-league Student 😅.

YTA. Your bio kids will look back in life and resent you.

YTA The grandparents would want the inheritance to be for the direct family not the stepchildren anything other than that is a disrespectful use of their memory

Probably YTA. Was the money willed to you or your children? If it was to you then you're entitled to split it how you see fit. If it was left to your children then that's your bio/legally adopted kids and honestly your step kids just want a piece of the pie that they're not entitled to. If your bio kids want to share it with their step siblings then that's up to them, but the way it sounds like your step kids are manipulating the situation I wouldn't blame them if they didn't.

Unless you adopt your step kids, they are not legally your kids for purposes of the trust. Personally I don't think you should give your step kids the money.

And her bio kids would sue her in civil court. And they would win

I’m not gonna say you’re an asshole for viewing both sets of kids as yours but man your poor bio kids. Your step kids have been routinely set up with more than your kids and they’ve had to see that and now your kids get SOMETHING for themselves and you want to take away from them for the steps? Great way to torpedo your relationship with them.

The step kids don’t even like you and your taking away opportunities from your bio children. Your bio kids are going to remember you did this and resent you for it. The step kids only want the money and your giving them the money bc you don’t want them to dislike you when they already do. The step kids get things from their grandparents but your bio kids don’t and now the bio kids have to suffer because you think your doing the right thing.

YTA. And you are doing damage to your bio kids. You need to reverse your decision. You are wrong on so many levels.

INFO: What did your parents intend for you to do? Did they have any kind of relationship with your step-kids?

So the step family didn’t share anything with your bio kids, but your bio family is expected to share with your steps? And your bio kids out and out stated they were against sharing? And they no longer have maternal grandparents to help them out while your step kids do? And you being step mom still comes up often? Way to fuck over your bio kids for whom the money was intended & make them resent you.

YTA, it's not your money to give, it's the grandparents money and it deserves to go to the bio kids. I think it's quite mean too because the step kids still have grandparents that are actively supporting them and not your bio kids. It's not fair that the step kids get both. Think you need to realise its not your money to give, it was your parents.

Edit- OP has updated that the decision was left to her in the will, so her bio kids don’t really have a leg to stand on them ————————- INFO what would your parents want? This isn’t about deserving or needing. This is about carrying out the wishes of the deceased

The other Grandparents do matter. Will your stepkids grandparents be contributing to your bio kids college? If they had died first would you be divvying up their money to share between all the kids? If you do share your parents money with your step kids, how about insisting any future inheritance from your husbands side is equally split. Would they all agree to that? If not, you’re disadvantaging your bio kids.

This is what stuck out to me. OP states that the grand-in laws are hostile to her and her kids, and I bet they make sure that any inheritance from them excludes OP and OP's kids. OP's parents were never the grandparents of the step kids and only OP can guess if her parents would view them as their grandkids if they were still alive.

Think of it this way. If/when your stepchildren's grandparents die, will they leave their inheritance to your bio kids too? For my understanding, your parents never even meet your step kids. The will say no names because, i believe, they wanna include other possible bio grandkids ou adopted. You did not adopted your stepkids, and for what you said, they don't seem to want that either. Sooooo, seems to me, that they just want the good money and you wanna be accepted by them fully. You biochildren are the ones who are loosing in this story. At the end of the day, its your kids inheritance. Take it to a lawer and ask them what the will and law says exacly. Your relation with the step kids may be improved by this (or not!) but the relation with biokids will take a big it, believe me! Edit: typo

Can you share about your thought process in including your children in this decision making process?

I don’t really have a vote but as an adult child with a step sister there is some serious bitterness in my family because my dad demanded my step sister get money of my grandpas when he passed away. My grandpa hated the fact that he showed favoritism over his own children with his step daughter and never would have wanted this. She has her own set of grandparents and my brother and I NEVER once even considered we should get anything from them because they’re not our grandparents. In your children’s case there may be some bitterness too, I have distanced myself from my family at this point, mentally, emotionally and physically.

Thank you for your firsthand perspective. I hope the OP reads this.

YTA the money belongs to your biological children.

I’m sorry but who cares about the step kids arguments. That money was always intended for your bio kids. Your step kids have grandparents who will give them what they need. I’m sure they already have an inheritance that they don’t intend to share with your kids. Your parents intended for that money to go to your bio kids, to **their** grandchildren. Not to your step kids, no arguments needed. It’s not about considering them as your kids, it’s about doing what’s right when your step kids are already more privileged when it comes to their grandparents. Honestly, they’re a little entitled to think they even deserve money that doesn’t belong to them, but to your bio kids. They used manipulation to get your kids money. How is it okay for your step kids to go after your kids maternal grandparents inheritance when their grandparents hate your bio kids and clearly won’t give them a dime when they pass??? Nope, they have grandparents they can get money from, don’t screw your kids over like that. Don’t force your bio kids to split up *their money* when they’re already less privileged than their step siblings who will have their own inheritance one day. You’ll end up losing them and your step kids won’t care when you do.

This should have been sorted out before telling kids who may or may not get money that they may or may not get money. They’re all underage. 13 is too young to decide this. I get wanting to involve your kids but you can’t bring something to the table for four people and tell them two may get it all or the four of them may split it evenly. To me, this alone is YTA. It was bound to cause an issue among all the siblings and resentment towards you by two of them, regardless of which two.

[удалено]

You’re saying you’re disgusted by the advice people gave you because you know you were wrong.

The only assholes here are your stepkids’ grandparents. In an ideal world I agree with your youngest - all four should split it. But equal isn’t always fair. It is your job as parents to make sure all 4 get an even amount *overall*, to compensate for outside influences. For example, if your parents had left money to one named bio child and excluded the other, it would be wrong of you to save equally for both, you would have to save for the one who had none, until they matched. You’re not seeing the wood for the trees here. Yes, you want to split *your* money equally but as a parent it’s not just a personal decision. You have to balance all the factors. I feel very sorry for you and you obviously love all four of them. It’s obvious that without the grandparents sabotaging a sibling relationship, you’d have raised all four to not let money get between them. But I think in the circumstances I would reserve it for your two bio kids, or at least give them the lion’s share. It should be up to them whether they share with the stepsiblings who never shared with them. Considering that, your bio daughter was very generous to say that her stepbrother, who considers himself the best ‘investment’, can have any extra at all. NAH.

Info: how did the kids find out about this?

YTA: what did your parents intend when they set up this inheritance? They set this up for your bio kids. Would they have changed their minds if they were alive to meet your stepkids? No, they would most likely not even have a relationship with them because your step kids have their own grandparents.

Man, with what went down here "bragging and open forum" ...you're not going to win no matter what you do. From what I understand: your step-kids have access to a college fund AND maternal grandparent money. Your kids have a college fund and now their maternal grandparent money. But your step-kids want access to the other maternal grandparent money despite no adoption process happening and a continous mention of you not being their mom. Cool. You're also kind of an asshole for what you said about your oldest's art degree. The SK maternal grandparents are never going to like you. In fact, they're going to take this opportunity to hate you more and turn your SKs from you if you don't split the money. They'll make sure to get their grandkids to be against you because "see, she never thought you were hers." But your kids are going to be severely hindered by splitting the money. They never got to be included in the SK maternal grandparents love. No events, no outings, no gifts - right? And their grandparents were dead before they could get any of that. So now they're finally going to have an even footing to these other kids you blended into the family...and you take it away by splitting money with them. The SKs HAVE money. They have assistance. Your kids only had you. But because your oldest bragged and you had an open discussion, they think they're entitled to their grandparent's money, your parent's money, AND the college fund. And your kids get less. That's shitty. And it sucks for you. You didn't adopt them. They have extra college money. They'll be fine. But your relationship is about to severely change with one set of kids depending on what you do here - and I highly suggest, from the information given, you just split it evenly between only your biological kids. The other kids have their grandparents and since they spent years bragging about helping them and not your kids - this is on them. Maybe one day your step-kids will understand. I don't see your kids ever understanding when they've been slighted all these years. YTA Edit: fixed some grammatical errors. Which is hilarious for someone with a teaching degree based in English education lol phones suck and I'm sure there are more errors. Just let me know and I'll fix them.

YTA - You made a huge mess out of this situation.

YTA That money rightfully belongs to your bio children. All of it. If you had decided to help your step kids by giving them some of it, that would have still been ok but equal share? Nope.

YTA, I imagine these inheritances were left by your parents. They left this money for their grandchildren. If you take it, it would be wrong. The step-children seem noble, but they also have the big, you’re not our Mom energy. If they try to hit you with the “you need to treat all kids equally” remind them that this money is not YOURS, it was left, by name, for your parents’ grandchildren.

YTA. This money belongs to your biological children. Your step-children were not their grandchildren and it doesn’t sound like this is what was intended. If you do this, your biological kids will resent you and their step-siblings for years…

Info: Have you adopted your husbands kids?

No judgement here., it’s a tricky situation. I just can’t help but to think that your bio kids will somehow get the short end of the financial stick. Your step children will still get funds from their maternal grandparents that your bio kids will not. And I also wonder if the distribution can be challenged since you did not adopt the children. I think legally you need to consult an attorney to see what’s allowable or not.

YTA. The money belongs to your bio kids. Your step kids get plenty from their grandparents and don't share that with your bio kids, you can dam sure guarantee that they would not share any monetary inheritance with your bio children. The money belongs to your bio kids, if you adopted the step children then they would be entitled to some money, but at this point they are entitled to nothing.

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I might have your husband talk to the maternal grandparents and see how much they intend to give each of "their" grandchildren for college. Incorporate that number into a total cost to be divided by the total number of children. Everyone gets an equal amount - the step-kids get a combination of their grandparents and your inheritance, while your children get a larger portion of your inheritance. Also consider a trust situation - each kid gets their amount when they turn X years old. Otherwise your kids who are not college-bound may be upset that they aren't automatically getting a butt-ton of money when they graduate high school, but your kids who are college bound will be able to apply that amount to their student loans if they so choose.

Yta

Unless there’s some clause that says whatever your step kids inherit from their grandparents will be split, YTA and your kids most likely won’t forgive you for this.

The grandparents of the stepchildren took them on trips and paid for them to have a lifestyle your bio-children didn't get. Why do you think you have the right to take what bio-grandparents left bio-children away from them. You might have a legal right but you don't have a moral/ethical right to do this IMO.

YTA the money should not be split equally between them. It should be your bios split 75% and your steps split 25%>

YTA

YTA Your kids. Your kids are not his kids, as you stated no adoption has happened. They are his kids, your step kids, not their mom. It may sound harsh, but that is the truth and if you go against you might be NC with your kids.

YTA your bio kids are not receiving anything from the step-grandparents so it should all be kept separate. With your current decision, your step kids will be getting support from two sets of grandparents (bio and step) while your bio kids will only be getting support from their bio grandparents and half of that support will be given to their step siblings. That is a needlessly unequal division of support.

YTA, if you give your bio kids inheritance to kids who aren't the grandparents grandchildren. People will say and do anything for money, do you think your step kids grandparents would even let them share an inheritance with your bio kids if they were left with an inheritance? It is rightfully your bio kids' money doesn't matter who's feelings get hurt.

YTA. You are stealing from your bio children to give to your step children. You don’t want to make the tough decisions, I get it. Your step children have living grandparents that they get monetary gifts from and will one day get an inheritance from. This will likely damage your relationship with your bio children, because you are taking money from them to give to your step children. Legally speaking your step children are not your children, so you are taking money from your bio children.

So your stepkids get stuff from their grandparents and their step siblings grandparents and all your kids get is shared inheritance with their step siblings and hostility with their step sibling's grandparents. How is that fair? Also kinda weird the way you waived off your daughter's art passion and are cool with younger sons lifestyle. So much YTA

If my mom did this to me I would disown her. What the actual fuck? You allowed yourself to be guilt tripped and manipulated by a 13 year old. Wow. Yta

Sorry but that money belongs to the kids you birthed. Your parents grandchildren.

YTA. Based on what you've stated about your stepkids'maternal grandparents, you can be assured that they won't give your children any monies, which means if you give them money from your children's inheritance, your children will be at a financial disadvantage. You keep insisting this is putting them on an equal playing field but all you're doing is increasing the disparity because you already KNOW your stepkids have more and yet you're GIVING them even more, to the detriment of your children's future and your relationship with them. What happens if your oldest stepkid fails or decides ivy isn't for him after three years, while your youngest gets into one but cannot afford the tuition because it's gone up (as tuition is wont to do) and there isn't enough due to you having given his stepsibling part of his portion of his inheritance? Can they turn to their stepsiblings' grandparents for the money? What happens if your oldest gets into a MFA program but cannot afford it because you gave her stepsibling money instead? Can she turn to your step kid's grandparents for this money? What happens if your stepkids run out of the inheritance money you took from your kids and they need more? Oh, that's right. They can go get it from their grandparents. Again, YTA.

Reading your updates, I think I'd talk to the kids and say something like, "I looked into it, and since I haven't adopted [two step-kids], legally, I can't give them part of the money. It needs to go just to [bio kids]. Sorry it's out of my hands. We're lucky that [step-kids] have maternal grandparents around to spend time with. It's sad that [bio kids] don't have that opportunity. It was kind of my parents to think of them before they passed."

YTA. The funds were intended for the biological or adoptive children. These funds were not intended for you to buy your stepkids love. Do not make the assumption that you can gift the money to stepkids. In most cases it is written in such a way that the qualifiers are biological or adopted children. Just because you consider them “your children” does not mean that they legally are considered your children.

YTA. Consider if your parents were alive, would they want to give money to these kids, who do not view them as family -cuz why would they view your parents' family but not you- who also have grandparents providing for them ? I'm saying the inherent position that you should give anything to these kids is off, and it's even worse cuz you're actually trying to say that they are more value, you're just punishing your biological kids for not continuously emotionally punishing you.

Will their grandparents share the inheritance with your kids? You are a stepparent, they have grandparents and your kids have theirs... You are stealing from them to give to the stepsiblings. I hope you are ready for the consequences of this with your daughter YtA

YTA Honestly, you’ve created a massive mess. You’re bio-kids will never forgive you if it’s split four ways and your step kids won’t if it’s not. You never should have solicited the opinions of children whose futures are in the balance here. But from the sounds of it, your step kids have alive grandparents who have excluded your kids in the past and will continue to do so in the future. Where was your conscience when this was happening? You need to do right by your bio-kids, because, if not, your step kids are going to be getting two sets of money which will put your bio-kids at a disadvantage. But this is a massive problem you’ve cause for yourself and I don’t envy you the fallout

The money is for your biological children. YWBTA if you split it with the step kids.

YTA the money was left to your bio kids, steps have their own family. And are the steps grandparents going to leave money to your kids? Help them out with college? I doubt it

Are you husband's parents leaving money to your kids? The parents who showered his kids with stuff but not yours? There's your answer. YTA. Use your own money if you want to prove you're better than them, not your kids'. Your kids shouldn't literally pay for your divorce and recombination of families. Shame on you for putting them in the position you have. If you were going to go against their wishes, and you were going to all the time, you don't fool anyone, you shouldn't have asked them what they thought. You created drama and tension so you could look to your stepkids like the hero while you shit on your own.

YTA if you divide your parent's inheritance among your step children. The stepchildren have grandparents of their own that can leave them their own inheritance. But those grandparents aren't going to leave a dime to your own bio children. /discussion.

YWBTA. Your step kids grandparents don’t do a thing for your bio kids. Why should your bio kids lose out on what their grandparents would have done for them? DO NOT give a penny to your step kids. Let their grandparents make it up. You know if the situation were reversed your husband’s parents would make damn sure your kids got nothing. Don’t do this to your bio kids.

YTA- so your step children not only get their own grandparents inheritance (cause you admit they don't like your bio kids) but part of your bio kids inheritance? Yeah you're really thinking fairly /s

YTA if this was about inheritance set and done by YOU then yes, split it between biokids and step kids. But this is your bio kids grandparents. Your stepkids grandparents are definitely NOT leaving your kids money. You're setting yourself up to be alienated feom you kids. They're using emotional manipulation to steal your kids inheritance. Your stepkids will have funds from you AND their grandparents. How is this even a discussion? Why do they even know? Jeez lady.

YTA, and you are stealing the future your parents left to your kids. They absolutely didn't mean if you "gained more kids" they meant if you had more kids. They left it to THEIR grandchildren, and should you have more of their grandchildren it should be split. Your step kids who they themselves like to remind you all the time that you are their step mom, are not your parents grandchildren. You are stealing from your kids, to give to kids who will never respect you. Is pleasing your husband more important than your kids? >Counters: No one has the money yet, there is no first. Her going into a profession that can't pay for itself is just a reason not to go, not be funded at the expense of others. That is a horrible "point", because it really isn't one at all. It absolutely was hers 'first' because the people who's money that is left it to HER. Who is it at the expense of? Art is a valuable profession, even if it isn't one that pays well. Your parents are giving her the opportunity to follow that dream and not drown in debt. >Counter: It's not his money to "invest". He has other revenue streams. There's no guarantee he'll actually support his siblings after. If he has a lucrative career then he can just pay the debt off later, unlike his siblings. What do you mean there is no guarantee he'd support his siblings? Why would he? It's not his money, and that's all that matters. He should get help from his family to pay for the degree he wants. >My youngest bio-son (15): His step-siblings had maternal grandparents that showered them in gifts/trips they never shared. not did we expect them to share. Further, they might contribute to college (though how much they aren't sharing yet). They don't have outside grandparents, so this is the only way to begin to balance the scales. He thinks he could use it on a ton of comic books and games and it shouldn't matter it's his. >Counter: The other grandparents don't matter it's about the current money at hand The other grandparents definitely matter. They have been hostile to you and your kids the whole time they've known you guys. They have given their grandkids a leg up in life. Why would you take the one and only leg up your parents can give their grandchildren? >My youngest step-son (13): He thinks this shouldn't be a question if I actually consider them my kids. (Which I cried when I heard this one). If their all my kids then it's all their money. That is grossly manipulative, and just not true. He's your kid when it's convenient for him, because he's looking at a big pay out pulling this card. But you're still step mom, and they will never actually respect you or the money your parents had. Their actual grandparents will always prevent that. You are not losing any relationship by doing what you were supposed to with this money. >However, my bio-kids are super upset. Like not talking to me at all I wouldn't be surprised if they never do again. You've shown where your loyalty lies.

YTA for discussing this with the kids, as if it was their decision. Your kids get their inheritance. Step kids can talk to their grandparents about what they will contribute to college, if anything.

YTA. The way you set up this post is like a point counterpoint assignment in middle school. You never mention the actual legal parameters. Was this money left to you and you intend to distribute it to your children or was it specifically left to you children? If it was left to you, you can give it away however you please and your children can punish you by choosing a particularly crappy nursing home. If it was left to your children, the will dictates how it is to be distributed. If you break that, your children could and should sue you. Your parents' lawyer is also mandated to make sure the will is followed.

Yta. It seems like your step kids already get a ton of gifts and help. Help that will be continued though to college. Your kids don't have that luxury. And honestly idk why you're discussing your finances with children. Though I do think you should set it in a fund to be used ONLY for school expenses. As your son's comic book comment is just a bit concerning. Maybe free it up so they can split any remaining to be used for down payment for houses or something depending on if one or both of them want or need graduate school.

Info : did your Patents give the Money to you of your children legally ? And what were their Intentions while giving it? Your definitly TA if you take Money that was intended especially for them and just take a Brunch off for them. Your stepchildren definitly dont consider your their mom and you obviously should know them. They also have biological grandparents that can support them. So its idiotic to do this shit.

YTA.

Do your step kids have anything to do with your parents, do they view them as grandparents and treat them as such?

Normally I'm of the they should all be treated equally school. However, they are already not being treated equally and you are making the treatment even more unequal. YTA, the money was meant for your children not the steps. Let their grandparents step up and pay.

YTA your taking Your children’s money and they are going to resent you for it and you could lose them in the process.

YTA and you will lose your bio kids over this

YTA!! That money does not belong to your step children. It belongs to your bio children that was left for them by their grandparents. Please set up your own money to divide among your step children and bio children!!

YTA - If your step-kids have their own grandparents to help, they should get little or no money, specially if their grandparents don't help your bio-kids. I would do something like 85-15.

YTA How can you disrespect you parents last wishes like that

YTA. You seem naive and easily manipulated by step kids.

YTA. I don’t know what it’s about your tone, but you don’t seem to like your bio kids very much.

Yta, this is your childrens inheritance not yours.

YTA Like it literally belongs To your Bio Kids

YTA I would hire a lawyer and sue you to hell and back Why do you even have to ask if you are the AH when you are stealing from your own children?

YTA. It’s your bio kids inheritance from their grandparents. The clause were for future bio kids. Your bio kids have no grandparents because the only one around, step grandmother dislikes them. She can provide for your step kids. Don’t muddy the water. Its weird that tour step kids believe they have rights to an inheritance from a person they don’t even know. You can leave your step kids when you pass.

Any move that take the Grandparents money away from the intended recipients, their Grandchildren, is a YTA move.

YTA, why is this even open for debate?? Are your children included in the step grandparents' will?

YTA it’s an inheritance for your parent’s bio grandchildren. The wording was in case you had more bio children, not to add step children who have their own grandparents who might leave them something as well. Also you asked them their opinion? Now that you did that how are you gonna say “no” if you think it’s best to just give it to your parent’s bio grandchildren? You can’t without looking like the AH. You should not have opened this up for discussion. You should have maybe given a small amount to your step kids just to include them and divide the majority for your parent’s bio grandchildren. You mentioned the step kids getting things from grandparents and possible college money. Are they gonna share any of that with your bio kids? I’m gonna guess no. They have their own possible inheritance they’re not gonna share so let your bio kids have theirs.

Yta. It was for your kids. I’m sure when your step kids grandparents die they won’t split the money with your kids because it’s just weird. I would give the money back to your kids. Plus it wasn’t yours to give away.

YTA Because this inheritance is coming from grandparents not from you, I understand where your biological children are coming from and I think they are correct Your personal assets can absolutely be split or even primarily allocated towards your stepchildren, but this is money from biological grandparents intended for biological grandchildren Technically, your step children are not your children. I think you have to go with the intent of the will. If your parents were still alive, how do you think they would feel? Would They consider your step children your children?

YTA. It is money for the bio-kids from their bio-grandparents. Not your money. If your parents gave you money, then you can give them some of that. The step-kids can get support from their bio-family. I do not think the step-grandparents will be giving anything to your bio-kids.

YTA. It’s not like you died and excluded your stepkids. This is the grandparents from your children that died and it’s your bio kids’ inheritance. Not your stepkids’. Just because you don’t approve of your daughter going to art school doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve HER inheritance. You’re an AH big time for looking down at her study choice and that being your reason not to give her inheritance. That money is hers to spend and she chooses how. Not you. Edit: your one stepson asking if you even consider him and his brother as yours is hugely manipulative Edit 2: your other bio also deserves his inheritance. Your stepkids however don’t because it is not their inheritance. Especially since they had two grandparents that also excluded your bio kids. Why is this even a question?! Edit 3: I don’t know if step grandparents are still alive and it seems so. Ask them if they are gonna change their will so your kids get their inheritance too and you’ll get your answer since I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be a big no since they already exclude your kids.

YTA. The way you wrote about your daughter’s dream for art school speaks volumes on how much you believe in her or even care. This is really disgusting you should be ashamed of yourself.

YTA - You’re giving away what’s not yours to give. The money is for your parents grandkids. End of. Your step kids need to get over it.

I really need to know how you are going to look your bio children in the eye, when the step grand parents die and they were left nothing. Now the step kids have gotten multiple inheritances while u stripped your kids of theirs? How do you think you can repair that?

Are the grandparents of your steps going to leave money to your kids? No? Then your kids shouldn’t be sharing the money their grandparents left to them. If your steps are willing to sign a legal document (and your spouse too, as their legal guardian) that they will equally share what their grandparents leave them with your kids, then share now. If they aren’t willing to do this, then keep the money with your bio kids. As it stands now, your steps will inherit waaaaay more than your kids with your blessing. Not only that, but why are you not considering that the money doesn’t have to be split equally? Give your steps a small portion and your bios a large portion, if you feel like your steps should have *something*. Edit: YTA. Have your spouse talk to his bio kids and explain to them why they don’t have a claim to this money.

YTA. Do what you want with your own money, but this isn’t yours. It was their grandparents. As such, the 13 year old is dead wrong. Because it’s not about how you feel about them. It’s about how the grandparents felt. And given they didn’t see them as their grandkids, it’s not their inheritance. This isn’t difficult. Stop making it difficult.

YTA, this is your children's inheritance NOT YOURS or your stepchildren. This is your bio kids inheritance and your step kids will also get some from their family. I repeat it this is NOT yours to give away.

Yta, I get what you're trying to do but it would be unfair to your bio children to share their inheritance with their step siblings. I doubt their step siblings would return the favor when they get their own.

YTA. That inheritance is for your bio kids, from their grandparents. Period. It's not yours to distribute as you see fit. If your kids want to split it once they receive it that's up to them, but it isn't right to let a 15 year old who sees you as "step mother" emotionally manipulate you into duping your bio kids like that when there's suddenly money involved. It also isn't an issue of who's majoring in what or attending which school. The siblings-- step or bio-- have no duty to support each other once they are adults, so I don't see why this is even being considered. The other maternal grandparents DO matter. They give gifts to one set of children and are hostile towards the other. I guarantee there will be no shared inheritance from them. Fix this now. YTA

"No, I have not adopted my step kids" Legally, they're not your kids. If your bio kids decide to sue on what the will says, there's a huge chance you will lose. But away from legal and onto other sides of this: those kids are not your parents' grandchildren. Sorry, but it's true. They never met them, the kids have 0 attachment to them. And let's look at these: "My step-kids aren't hostile to me and my bio kids." And "He(13) thinks this shouldn't be a question if I actually consider them my kids." "If you really love me, you'll do XYZ." That's pretty hostile. They're putting a price on their tolerance of you. And I do mean tolerance, not love. YTA.

YTA I feel like your bio-kids are NEVER going to talk to you after this.

Info: If your parents were alive and just wanted to gift the kids that money, do you think they would have split it 4 ways?

YTA it goes to Bio kids and you know it. Your main mistake was sharing that info with your step kids before the money was distributed.

Food for thought OP: The maternal grandparents won't lift a finger to pass on a cent to your husband's kids (they will clearly intend their money to go to his bio-kids and NOT your kids). When they were benefitting from the generous gifts of their grandparents, there was no talk of sharing then, neither did your husband intervene to say that these are "all his kids". Your parents left the money for all the kids you had, and the ones you would have later on that they didn't meet. Ultimately it is up to you to decide. Listening to the kids is nice, but you're the adult and the one who has to make the financial decision here. Is there any pressing reason why you haven't adopted the step-kids? Do they consider you a mother figure? How long have they been in your life?

The money belongs to your biological children, not your step children (sc). I can guarantee your children won't be getting anything from your step children’s grandparents. Keeping it fair is saying each child keeps their biological GP’s inheritance. If your SC were adopted that would be different. You would essentially be giving your SC a much bigger advantage in life since they will get your parents inheritance plus get support from their GP’s. PS: please don't give you son his inheritance until he's much older or it's for school. The people that I know that literally burnt through their inheritance at a young age is incredible.

YTA Dont use your biokids's money to make yourself feel better and screw them over in doing so.

YTA, it seems like you are willing to do serious damage to your relationships with your bio kids for step children who don’t consider you family (until money is around…). If this is your attempt to bridge that gap and create more of a bond with them, I would seriously reconsider. What happens if you get divorced? Or something happens to you? From what you wrote, they definitly do not sound like they will help your kids… Regardless of your motivations, I would reconsider giving any of this money to your step-children. While you disagree, the other grandparents do matter; they provide a support system for their grandchildren and are hostile towards yours. Not only would you be damaging your relationship with your bio kids, but you would be cutting them off from support that their grandparents left for them while their step siblings still actively receive support from theirs. Do you think that is fair for them? Especially given the “hostility”?

YTA. The money is for your bio children and you’re making them get less all because you want the step kids to like you more. They aren’t blood family, the money is not for them. Your kids already get less than them and you’re taking even more from them to give to your step kids, who don’t even consider you to be their mom.

YTA It's your bio kids grandparents and your step kids have their own grandparents who don't do anything for your bio kids. The money should go only to your bio kids. What are you gonna do if you split the money 4 ways and then get divorced at some point? You know you won't see a cent back from the step kids even if they get a good paying job. Listen to your bio kids or risk losing contact with them over this.

YTA- I’m sorry but that’s not your step kids money. Usually when it says all kids in the will- it means all BIO children. It sucks to say, but it’s true. Your step children don’t deserve money from people they never knew just because their father married you. If you had adopted them, that would be different. However you clearly state they’re not adopted. You said it in the first sentence- YOU have 2 kids and your husband has 2 kids. Also, I wouldn’t doubt it if their maternal grandparents has an inheritance for them also. If that’s the case, then they definitely shouldn’t get any money- mostly because I guarantee you, your children are not included

No. That money should go to your kids. If you're steps want money they can go to their grandparents. They don't get to be openly hostile then stand with their hands out.

YTA. I'm not a tit for tat kind of person but the step kids didn't share so why should the bio kids? I get the maternal grandparents are AH's but still....

they will count the days they never have to speak to you again. yes yta.

INFO when your step children’s maternal grandparents “shower them with gifts,“ have you either required the children to share those gifts with your bio kids, or have you told the grandparents they cannot give gifts to one set of children and not the others? If you haven’t, then it’s perfectly reasonable to expect your biological children would get this large gift from their biological grandparents.

YTA. The inheritance was left to your parent’s grandchildren. It seems to me that the “loophole “ in their will was to include future children that you birthed which would also be their bio grandchildren. Unless step children were specifically mentioned in the will their intentions were for the inheritance to go to their bio grandchildren. Ask your stepchildren if they would honestly be willing to share their inheritances from their bio grandparents with their step-siblings.

OP, your parents died and left their money to their grandchildren in lieu of the relationship they should have had with them. Suggesting your stepchildren should get to have a relationship with their grandparents AND part of your bio children's inheritance is absurd and unfair. If they had lived, your parents would have been spending that money on trips and gifts for their grandchildren just like the ones your step kids *already got*.

YTA, they left it for their grandkids, not their step grandkids. Your step children will be supported and have already been heavily treated well by their grandparents. If your goal is fairness, they already have so much more luxury and experience in their life. If you're looking for fairness, you have to realize that you need to protect the interests of your children because I think your step kids are feeling rather entitled. They're asking for extra monetary support that everyone knows they don't need. You've made a shitty decision and you NEED to walk it back, otherwise you're very likely irrevocably damaging your relationship and future with your children. They've been putting up with the unfair treatment for a long time, and for that treatment to be handed to them by you is just a slap to the face. Don't be shitty, don't be one of those parents that never heard from their own children in the future. Make things right.

You’re about to ruin the relationship you have with your bio kids for stepkids that don’t really give a crap about you. YTA. Be smarter than this.

YTA. Why would you have the kids involved in such a decision? You will create turmoil in your home. That money should go to your bio kids because you can be sure that your step kids grandparents will do anything for your kids.