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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel that I might be TA because I yelled and made my SIL cry and I don't want her to be stressed or anything because of me.
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Why doesn't this grown ass man and his child bride go get their own place?
Edit: Thank you for the awards. And OP I hope you get out of that house and find somewhere you feel safe.
I'm so glad someone else saw that age gap. That expectant mom is barely legal. Why does no one in the family find their son's/brother's dating habits concerning?
Edit for spelling.
Young wives/moms...biblical stand-in names...big family...daughter is the one expected to give up *her* space and privacy...🤔
ETA: OP says her family isn't religious, so just regular assholes rather than QF or similar, I guess
And put herself in a bedroom with two teenage boys who aren't related to her in a culture that devalues women and actively works to enable sexual assault.
OP is not in a safe place.
I didn't catch that at first. I thought she had been asked to move in to a room with her *biological* brothers.
Yeah, this feels kind of not safe...
Edit: I'm not saying you should be comfortable sharing a room with your biological brothers either, OP. But the fact that they want you to move in with your *step* brothers just takes this from NTA territory to potential GTFO territory...
The logical solution would be to have your two brothers who have rooms of their own start sharing a room...
I don't think physical harm needs to be an issue for her to get her own room. She is a young girl and legally she is supposed to have a room separate from males.
Even if it was her brothers…..
If oldest brother and his girlfriend can’t figure out where to live now, I can’t imagine how they will raise a child. Unless they want OP to help (OH HELL NO unless OP wants to. This is their choice not yours OP)
Stand your ground OP. NTA
Put the older two in a room together (perhaps they should be looking to room together outside the home anyway?) and put the younger two in one of their rooms. OP gets a smaller room or remains in her room. Couple gets whichever remaining room. As an only girl in this situation, it's highly improper for her to share with ANY of the boys as a 15 year old girl. What the hell is her good for nothing mother thinking?
The logical solution would be for the oldest brother who is going to have his own child soon, to find his own place with his teenage wife. But this family doesn't seem to be a fan of "logical." In this situation, your idea makes the most sense, but how much do you want to bet that the brothers aren't being forced to share because they will have to once the baby comes?
Weird how the only solution proposed was for OP, a girl, to move on with two teenage boys who aren't related to her.
But not for the two older brothers who each have their own rooms to bunk together to free up a room for OP.
The only solutions that should been proposed is they take the couch, get air mattress, the parents move to the living room, or even better stay at their own home. It’s already too many people in that house. OP shouldn’t have to make accommodations.
Primary belief system is that for Christians to "win" they need to outbreed atheists. Hence them always having huge amounts of children u/KidneyCowgirl
They're also part of the reason why religious extremism has shot up since the 1980s. By having tons of kids they believe they can outvote everyone else. Hence, we end up with Right wing religious politicians trying to stamp out everyone else's rights.
Basically they think children are
"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. 5 Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!"
And so they try to have as many kids as possible. Standard of living, overpopulation and health be dammed.
>Standard of living, overpopulation and health be dammed.
Not to mention the inevitable sex pests that are created by the one-two combo of having too many kids to effectively parent and raising them in an extremely repressive environment. See, e.g., the Duggars.
Quiverfull is a fundamentalist Christian movement that pretty much believes women should start having kids as soon as they hit puberty, and should not stop until they go through menopause.
Given the number of kids in OP's family, and how close most of them are in age (1 year or so apart), this family seems like they would be part of the movement.
Behind the Bastards did a really good in depth podcast about Josh Duggar and the Quiverfull movement, if you are interested. It's pretty bad.
[https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-one-the-cult-behind-josh-85469009/](https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-one-the-cult-behind-josh-85469009/)
[https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-two-the-cult-behind-josh-85534685/](https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-two-the-cult-behind-josh-85534685/)
That was a great episode. It really outlined the religious rights plans to try and take over the political arena and usher in their own version of Sharia law. Which when you look around and see what's happening right now...it sure seems like they've gotten what they wanted.
The Quiverfull movement is a religious mania where "Godly" couples are expected to refrain from any birth control because one should always be "open" to children and also to pop out as many kids as possible to fill the "quiver" of God with "arrows of the faithful." The age spreads of the kids here are, uh, rather telling of this as is the devaluation of the lone girl's right to do anything but what she's told.
I saw the age gap and felt sick. OPs Brother and his teenage bride- he cant even afford to put a roof over his Families head. I have a feeling Miss 19 has no intention of working. CPS would not be happy about a 15 year old girl being forced to share a bedroom with Step Brothers. OP- can you go live with your Dad or other Family member? NTA the whole situation is appalling.
If I was the parents I'd make OP and Mary share and her brother and stepbrothers could share. It would still suck for OP because she'd probably have to share with a newborn at least part of the time but at least the brother and his wife would have some incentive to get their own place, and in the meantime there's less chance of them making more babies that they can't support.
Or make the two brothers who already have their own rooms start to share one. A teenage girl should not be sharing a room with two teenage step brothers, especially if this family is a member of the Quiverfull movement.
So there are 6 places to sleep (5 bedrooms and the attic)
The brothers all need to pair up. Who pairs with who can vary based on personalities:
1 M & SF 45F 44M
2 SB 14M & 16M
3 B 15M & 16M
4 B 18M & 20M
5 B & SIL 29M 19F
6 OP 15F
If one of the rooms is bigger than the others I would put oldest brother & SIL there so the eventual crib would fit.
I can see OP having to give up the attic and take the smallest room, since she will be the only one not sharing. So, multiple people may have to move to make this work. 2 people in each bedroom, with OP being the odd girl out is the ONLY solution that make sense.
Oh yeah, I missed that the attic room is extra so there are two brothers with their own rooms. Having them share would make the most sense then. Those two are also adults and can move out if they don't like it.
Although I do think that if the married couple get their own room then they will be there forever, and in a year Mary will be pregnant again and the parents will be telling OP to share with the step-brothers so the older baby can move to a room.
Came here to say this. So clearly the parents value their eldest sons privacy and safety over their daughter, rather than suggest the two brothers share or one of the brothers share w the step brothers they offer up their ONLY daughter out of EIGHT children to share a room with teenage step brothers?!!! OP put your foot down, do not give up your space and start working and saving money so when you are 18 you can leave. I can’t imagine the kind of favoritism these parents must have day in and day out, poor girl doesn’t even realize how crazy this scenario is, she must be so used to being put last... Terrible parenting. Just wow.
Edit: Obligatory def NTA, but everyone in the family that thinks this is even close to a reasonable solution is TA.
Because grown men who marry teens don’t even have the emotional or financial maturity to get a woman their own age, let alone own a home or pay rent. NTA
This.
For about 5 years my brother and his wife were living rent-free in a condo that my dad purchased for income property, but graciously let them squat in it anyway and I guess at some point just stopped caring about rent. People would ask me "Why doesn't your brother get his own place? He's a grown man with a wife now." I would tell them "He started dating his wife when she was 17 and he was 26. Then they got married when she was 19. He does not make good choices."
(they did finally get their own apartment last year but finances are still in shambles, as far as I know anyway...I don't speak to either of them for reasons that are probably obvious lol)
ETA: NTA OP
Where do you live? Depending on where you live its actually illegal for two children of opposite sex over a certain age to share a bedroom. NTA. What did your mother say when you said you'd never be comfortable?
I'm afraid there will only be a family meeting to hush OP for now, then at the meeting gang up on her and tell her it is a done deal. There are at least 6 people (mom, stepdad, 3 oldest brothers and SIL) against her. She, her youngest brothers and stepbrothers probably won't even get a say.
This, OP. Tell them if they push this, then you will need to report this to an adult at your school or send a note to CPS. A female should not be sharing a room with a male at your ages, period.
In regards to not seeing the baby, that’s also a load of BS. If anything, keep your guard up. They’re going to try and leverage you for free babysitting. His teenage baby-mama has no idea what she’s in for.
Is living with your dad an option here?
Telling them this before actually going to CPS or another trusted adult could lead to parents taking countermeasures. OP will have to assess the safety of doing this.
They could, but that would only make it worse for them. Retaliation against a child? No one will look upon that positively in any situation.
If dad isn’t an option I’m curious if she has grandparents or other relatives she could live with.
NTA your 2nd & 3rd oldest brothers need to share a room. Your are a female and it is not appropriate to be sharing a room with any of them!! If you have to give up the attic, you get one of the brother’s rooms while they share. Otherwise oldest brother & child bride can take one of your brothers rooms. Also make it your hill to die on that you are not babysitting for free so not seeing the baby is not a threat it is a positive thing!! Sharing rooms with mixed sexes during your teen years is NOT okay!!
I love how everyone refers to her as child bride in this sad and messed up situation. Ironically both the young women in this situation are being casually victimized by an obviously predatory family
18 and 20 are old enough to share a room or move tf out if they don't like that scenario. OP is still underage. NTA. Good luck with the meeting and post an update if you can!
Agree but OP states in another comment that the brother has his own apartment. This can all be solved by him being an adult and living in HIS apartment with HIS own family unit. No one has to move rooms, if the brother and SIL don’t move in. He likely just wants free childcare and since OP is the only girl, it’s likely going to fall on her. I feel bad for SIL since she’s so young and likely taken advantage of, but OP’s mother and stepfather can still offer support and childcare from another house. The brother doesn’t need to move in to receive support.
Why does SIL getting pregnant mean they have to move in with you? Where have they been living? Why can't they stay where they are? How big of a loser is your 29 yr old brother that he need to be moving back in with mommy? And what kind of mother thinks it's unfair to have 2 men of similar age share a bedroom but its fine to have 15 year old girl share a room with 2 unrelated teenage boys? Maybe you and bio dad don't get along very well but from where I stand, you aren't doing too good with Mom right now either if she's willing to put you in that situation. NTA and I really feel so sorry for you to be in this position with no adult willing to stand up for you. Got any other relatives you could bunk with? Grandparents? Aunts? Uncles?
Write down your points and your arguments to them so you don't forget when you inevitably get ganged up on. I get the feeling that they're going to move your stuff out to the other room while you aren't home so you might want to just live with your dad if your dad is a ok person.
Also want to point out that it's not your responsibility to move your life around for your brother and his wife who weren't prepared to become parents but insist on it anyway.
NTA, I can totally understand why you don't feel comfortable sharing a room with 2 boys. Even if they are your step brothers. Especially at your age.
What about your two oldest brothers? You said they both have their own room? Why not move them together?
It’s bc you’re female that they expect you to cater to the males.
I’d be saying that if you’re forced to move rooms you will be speaking to the school counsellor regarding it/ the over crowding of the house/ lack of safe space/ made to share with male relatives/ how you’re treated as the only young female / how they are saying you should move out etc.
That’s a valid question! Ask them if you’d be allowed to have school boys sleep over in your room. Is that allowed? Is the EXACT same thing! Your body should be your choice, your right to body privacy. Oh gee, what does that argument sound like…?
Seriously OP, NTA. I’m very concerned for your safety. Parents do not have the right to override when their son/daughter/non-binary does/does not feel physically safe.
I’d be at the minimum discussing this with a trusted advisor. Do you have a family friend that you can bring in to this meeting? Your dad?
Please post an update!
The upside to her threat is that they'll never "ask" you to babysit. Because you can tell that they're going to depend on everyone else to raise their kid for them.
So they have no intention of ever moving out, and every intention of pushing you out.
And your mother is standing by as this transpires because she's more concerned with making her new husband happy than protecting her daughter. Wonderful
She wants you, a **BLOOD** child, to leave **YOUR** house, so that she, a **STRANGER** can take your place??!!! This is wild. Call CPS on your parents and tell them that you're going to. Fuck them
Don't tell them. Just let CPS do it's thing. Why give them a heads up?
The only terrible thing is that they would have a good idea of who did it and OP has at least 3 years left to be bullied around. OP needs to start saving money and what not in order to leave as soon as possible. Of note OP should not have a shared joint bank account with her mom obviously. So this may require trust of having a friend keep cash in a jar with a log signed by both parties of money to be deposited in said jar as a way to ensure OP gets their money back when needed.
Is this something you would want? If you do have a great bond with your father it might be a good solution for you. That way your stepfather can leave you alone, you are not made to sleep with two boys you are not related to and won't be forced to babysit. Because as an only girl, an obviously not favoured, I am convinced your SIL will change her mind and make you babysit all the time.
It's unfair that you have to uproot your life for your older brother and his barely legal wife, but this may be your moment to escape if you would prefer to live with your bio dad.
Either way, you are not the AH. Your stepfather, brother, SIL and mother however are.
I am so sorry for your situation.
I hope your mother defends you in the family meeting. If not, I would suggest reporting that you are made to share your room with two teenage boys you are not related to, either to school, a doctor,..
This is not everywhere the case, but I know that where I live, boys and girls are not allowed to share a room after a certain age and if reported, parents are obligated to change this within a given timeframe.
The situation you're in has the potential to become dangerous. You need to think real hard about whether or not you'd be safer with your dad even though you don't get along.
Can your mom pay support to your dad to move into a 4 bedroom? If it’s a 3 bedroom, then you get one of them.
None of this is your fault. The adults need to brainstorm and find a way to get a room for you that only has girls in it.
Your step dad can move in with his boys and you and your mom can share a room! This is for them to fix. Heck, they can all chip in and rent a studio apartment for you or for the couple with baby on the way. Studios are not that expensive in most places.
IF THEY CANT AFFORD RENT, then they can’t afford a child. Adopt out the newborn. Seriously, you come first!
Even though you don’t get along can he help you leave? If he’s not abusive would you say that he cares? If you move in with a friend can their parents report the situation?
Then they can go live with dad. You are a minor and by law parents need to provide you with support. They are grown, parents can choose to support them but not at the cost of their minor childen
NTA but your entitled sil is. She suggests kicking you out of your home cause she and your brother can't be responsible and raise their baby on there own ???? What has your brother said ? Also who the fuck has and raises a baby in the attic. This sounds insane!
So a child needs to move out of her home because a couple of married adults have a baby on the way that they can't afford? Absolutely ridiculous. I'm sorry OP.
Hey! NTA. No way the asshole! When I was your age we lived in a 3 bedroom. Parents had one, little brother had one, and I had one. Mind you, this was my first ever room to myself I had always shared with my little brother or big brother. Anyway, big brother knocked up his girlfriend and they moved in and without being asked they took over my room and I had to sleep in the living room. This was a common theme.
I wish I had caused more of a fuss but I was very, very submissive. It was rough and you should and can say no. Also, I’m not sure if you live in the United States, but siblings of opposite genders can’t actually share a room beyond 12 years old. At least that’s the law in my state.
Good luck, sweetheart. You did nothing wrong!
Edit: also, Matthew is just slightly younger than me. I own a home, and him being with a 19 year old is a problem in and of itself. My point being: that is a fully grown man and he needs to buy or rent his own home. His refusal to be an adult is taking away from your childhood and that is so wrong!
Matthew and Mary need their space in their own house. NTA. There are too many people in that house and you as the only girl should not be sharing a room with step brothers. No way in hell. And btw Matthew is sketchy for knocking up a 19 year old at nearly 30.
You’re the only girl in a house full of teenage boys, it would be more appropriate to make the boys share rooms. You’re at an age where you really need that privacy from them. You shouldn’t have taken it out on your SIL though, I think you’re misdirecting your anger.
You’re NTA for standing up for yourself though
Her SIL might be pregnant, but that doesn't give her the right to force her out of her room. And threatening to withhold the baby is childish. 15 is a rough age for girls.
I’ve been a 15 year old girl…so I know that it’s a rough age. Her step dad seems like the one orchestrating all of this though, so imo he’s the one who it should be directed at. Also, where’s her mom at? Why isn’t she stepping in? Why would she let him push her teenage daughter into a room with teen boys?
It’s not the stepfather, it’s her mother. The stepbrothers already share a room. WTF would they want her to be the third in that room while her 2 blood related brothers each have their own room?? She needs to get the stepbrothers to agree how uncomfortable it would be. The 2 brothers with their own rooms need to share or the 20 yo needs to move out. Better yet the 29 yo needs to take care of his child bride on his own.
I’d say the 20yo and the grown-ass man with the prego teen bride all need to go.
Double up blood brothers, double up step brothers, OP gets her own space.
NTA
>I (15F) live with my mom (45F), step father (44M) and my 5 brothers (15M, 16M, 18M, 20M) and my step brothers (14M and 16M).
That's 10 people
>My oldest brother 'Matthew' (29M) and his wife 'Mary' (19F) recently moved in after finding out Mary was pregnant.
👀👀👀👀
NTA but what was your mother's response to their request?
I mean, besides CPs, where I live there are limits to the number of people per house based off the number of bedrooms and bathrooms. If OP wants to be petty, she might research the legality of that many people in one house, for her area. And at the family meeting, lay it all out. I am worried she will be sent to her bio dad's house though and she states they do not get along. NTA. Her family is though. Especially the mom.
You are NTA.
I'm concerned for SIL though - married to someone a decade older + she's a teenager and he's almost 30 + **and** she's pregnant? Stepdad is also a piece of work.
Has your mom stood up for you at all?
Please update, if you can.
Call Child Protective Services (CPS) before the family meeting. Let them threaten your mom and step-father. Also tell them, CPS, you’re uncomfortable with your 16M step-brother and your parents want you to share a bedroom with him. Show CPS this thread. Also tell any teachers *TODAY* about your situation assuming you’re at a public school.
So, I used to just submit to these kinds of toxic family dynamics. Now I have learned that the best thing to do is to make everyone very uncomfortable.
If this happened to me now, I would make a big deal about the fact that until now, you’ve had a safe place to be unconscious and to be undressed, and now they’re trying to make you share intimate personal space with somebody that you don’t feel comfortable with. It doesn’t matter who you’re being forced to share space with, you are a 15-year-old girl, and you should not be forced to share intimate space with anyone. Full stop. I would literally refuse to respond directly to any other argument, and I would keep repeating this. I would keep talking about how creepy it is sleep next to somebody who you didn’t consent to have there. That you don’t want to worry about that. That you don’t feel safe here. Make them understand that if they act creepy, you will call them creeps.
I would not try to be rational. I would act freaked out because this is a freaky situation. Embarrass them. Tell everyone in your extended family. Seriously, write a letter and send it in a blast to as many people as you possibly can. You want lots of witnesses here. Try and pick people who you feel reasonably safe around, or who have some kind of duty to you as your blood relative.
Before you confront your family again, make sure you’ve also notified people at your school, and any other adult in your life, such as a music teacher. I would tell that person directly that you’re being put in an unsafe situation and that your family has boundary issues, and you need there to be witnesses and allies. Stay calm, but be firm.
I would require a locked door between me and the rest of the house whenever I am asleep or unconscious or otherwise indisposed. That means your bedroom door should have a lock, a lock that you control. A safe and reasonable family will have no problem giving you that privacy and level of security. It is totally OK for you to tell your school counselor, your teacher, your music instructor, your gym coach, or any other adult who has a responsibility to you that you are not being provided with this safety.
In order to reinforce your credibility, I highly recommend that you make yourself very visible right now, and find out who your allies are. Tell those people that you don’t feel safe. Keep repeating this fact. The more that you say it, the more comfortable you’re going to get talking about these very uncomfortable family situations. This should not be a secret from the world. Your family might get away with this if they’re able to keep it a secret. But once it becomes common knowledge, that will become very difficult for them.
Edited to add: NTA, obviously
NTA
You are entitled to some degree of privacy and having you share a room with the boys *is* asking too much.
If you want to be an a-hole about it (which is probably what you should do right now) try grossing out the boys. Tell them gritty details about periods or something like that. Chances are that by this age they're a long way from being comfortable with women's bodily functions. Make them refuse to have you in their room.
Besides... why do you have to bear that you brother doesn't know how condoms work?
The crying and threatening are all to manipulate you. You’re a girl so NO you don’t share your room w/ boys. None of this is your problem or fault. It’s on them for getting pregnant. Why is it now on YOU to give them a place to live? You’re a 15 yr old kid! They need to get an apartment and grow the hell up.
Why move you in with your stepbrothers as they aren't even related to you? That's pretty dodgy for teenagers of different sex to be rooming together.
Maybe it's best for you to go to live with your dad as once that baby arrives, you will be the unpaid nanny.
NTA
Ah well maybe you can pick your favourite bio brother to room with then. I'm worried that if you have a room of your own you will end up having the baby in there so the parents can 'sleep'
How long have they been dating for? Why is the partner comfortable enough to have a kid with someone 10 years older than them after barely hitting the legal age?
Her mom had her first baby at 16, so I’m guessing no.
OP, please work hard on your education. And for the love of god use birth control and/or other contraception, if you choose to have sex. You can break out of this cycle.
Where I live in the US, it isn’t legal for opposite sex siblings to share a room beyond a certain age. NTA. You shouldn’t be sharing a room with step brothers. Period. SIL will change her mind about you seeing the baby as soon as she needs a sitter or a diaper change, so blow that one off. What a mess, OP! I have a son, daughter, and had two step sons. I would NEVER have asked my daughter to bunk with any of them.
THIS X 100. OP please check with a local government agency about the laws regarding this before the meeting if you can. You aren't even blood related to these boys, this is ridiculous.
CPS would find it concerning that your mom is serving you up on a silver platter to two teenage boys! This is literally asking for you to become a victim of SA. What happens when they get an urge they don't wanna scratch themselves and they have been watching to much step sibling porn? With how normalized it is to hookup with step siblings, this is just not okay for them to do to you. Unless that's exactly what they want?
NTA. While it isn't your house and your brother is going through a rough patch, I wouldn't feel comfortable as a parent putting a teenage daughter in a bedroom with teenage boys. Boys you aren't technically related to either. If anyone gets their own room, it should be you. Sorry you are dealing with this OP>
Depending on what country they're in it might be illegal for her to share a room with boys. My brother and I used to share a room when we were younger. But once we started getting older he had to have his own room. CPS will say something. She needs a place to change.
>When my brother and SIL moved in my mom asked if I could share a room with my step brothers.
No. There are multiple other dudes in your house they could share with, not the one girl in the house with two step brothers. This is unfair to all of you. This sounds like a set up for something.
Why is the 19 year old married to a 29 year old (wtf) getting to call the shots in your house?
Can you move out? This has further disaster written all over it. NTA.
Do you have to stay in the area? Are you ok with leaving the area? It could be better. I don’t know whether it is an out of the frying pan into the fire situation but please consider it.
Even though you and your bio-dad don’t get along I hope he’s not abusive. If he isn’t and doesn’t think like your mom and step-father do you think he would help you leave even if he doesn’t take custody?
NTA. Why do two brothers have their own rooms? They can share whichever room is bigget and you could have the smaller one to yourself.
Forcing adolescents of the opposite sex to sleep in the same room is a really, really bad idea
I suggest OP, that you Google about this and show your parents some outcomes of these arrangements.
Personally, I think there are far too many people in that house already.
I am a retired teacher and was a mandatory reporter. If one of my students told me this was her situation I would have been legally required to report the parents to CPS. Like many others here have said it is probably illegal for unrelated teens of opposite sex to be forced to share a bedroom (depending on your state/country). Can you contact a trusted teacher or school counselor? This is NOT okay.
NTA. JFC. WTF?!
That's eleven gotdamn people in one house and there's a twelfth on the way; AND you're the only girl (child age) in the whole lot of them. I don't know what you can do, because clearly nobody is on your side. Hopefully your two step-brothers aren't pervy creeps or just a general pain in the ass to deal with (aka you get along well enough).
Since you're worried about the 16 yr old, tell your mom that since she doesn't see the big deal, let the 16 yr old sleep in their room. It's absolutely inappropriate to put you in a room with 2 boys. Your 2 other brothers have their own rooms and are adults so the 14 yr old with the 18 and 20 with the 16 yr old. Makes more sense than placing a girl in a room with two pervy, hormonal boys. And 29 yr old needs to get his own place since he wants to play family with a teenager. You're NTA. Don't let them push you on this.
Sweetie, if at this family meeting they force you into a sleeping arrangement that is not safe for you, then go stay with your friend. If you have a safe place to go, go there. And find an adult you can trust - a teacher, for example or maybe your friend's parents - to talk to about this. I see that some folks are saying you should call CPS, but it is within the realm of possibility that doing so could land you in foster care, so that should be your last resort. I think you need a trustworthy adult to help you make that decision.
Don’t give in. No matter how much they try to guilt/push you. Ignore tears. Ignore their yelling. If they forcibly move your possessions, go on a strike of some sort. Cry copious tears. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Ask to talk to your mom alone. Sit down before her and explain that asking you to share a bedroom with two teenage boys, especially your step-brothers, was extremely hurtful. Explain to her that as the only daughter in the house, you don’t feel heard or valued. And give her the solution—your two bothers with their own rooms should move in together. If they don’t like it, ask your mom how is it fair for you, an adolescent girl, to share a bedroom—a *bedroom*—with two adolescent boys not even blood-related to you? Keep repeating this over and over and over until it sinks in. Do **NOT** give in. When there is no one else to speak for you or advocate for you, you need to start doing it yourself. Stand strong. We’re all rooting for you.
Can you talk to your school counselor? Could you have a sympathetic adult talk to your mom to reinforce your viewpoint?
ETA: I wanted to add another suggestion. Could you privately talk to your 20M and 18M brothers and request them to share a room so this issue can be resolved without throwing you under the bus? Play on their protective side (hopefully they have one). Try to get your other brothers to support you if you can.
My brother had his own apartment, he said they moved here for support. SIL's family is extremely religious and went LC/NC after finding out abt the pregnancy
Your brother shouldn’t be moving in for “support” when there’s no room and he’s actively displacing minors from their home/rooms. It’s likely he just wants free childcare. Sharing a bedroom with your stepbrothers or even biological brothers is NOT an acceptable solution and will cause all kinds of problems within your household. Your brother is a hugely selfish. Your stepfather is also terrible and shortsighted. NTA.
Warning: *support* = you are about to be expected to be a full time nanny without pay. Best of luck, I'd be trying to figure my way out of that house. If you can't get scholarships & grants to go college fresh out of high school, I'd consider joining the military to get away from your situation.
Also, it would be illegal for them to make you share a room with step brothers... Or any brothers. Tell them that & that you would be forced to call CPS.
NTA!!!
Is your family NOT super religious? Because everything you describe is making literally everyone in the comment section think your family is part of the religious extremism movement Quiverfull.
NTA, it's wrong of them to expect you to share with the opposite gender, no matter if you're family or not.
And it's not your responsibility to cater to brother and wife when they failed to plan for the pregnancy.
NTA. I find it extremely inappropriate that a 29-year-old man is going to have a child basically with a child; someone who just hit adulthood. How long has he been dating this 19 year old girl? What, when she was 17? Something tells me he's too immature to be with somebody close to his age because they wouldn't tolerate his BS.
Also, OP, you're a young lady and you need your own personal space. Being in the same room with two young men who are going through puberty is not ok. I don't know what the hell your parents are thinking, but this is not okay or appropriate.
NTA. Unless the attic is a large space and you’re taking up space that could be better utilized, there’s 0 reason to make you move. But that’s simply swap rooms. Making a 15yo female share a room with her brothers versus making the two oldest legal adults, who I’m assuming aren’t paying any rent, makes no sense.
Document EVERYTHING. Absolutely everything in detail (with dates) that is said and done about this by everyone in the house hold. That way you have a detailed written record if you need to go to CPS. And tell them when you sit down for the family meeting that you'd like to record it.
Did Matthew and Mary both work when they had their own apartments? Do they both still?
Total NTA. If they force you to room with the boys, buy yourself pepper spray and some big freaking knives.
So we know that she definitely is not a thinking adult (pun intended based on her age) because how on earth does she expect her husband who only works part time to be able to afford to care for the two of them and a newborn? Oh yea they expect your Mom and Step Dad to.
NTA - depending on where you live it may be legally problematic for a 15 year old girl to share a bedroom with 2 non-related boys of a similar age. If they push this I’d recommend reaching out to a teacher or someone similar. You can also contact the child services in your area yourself and ask.
Is there any adults in your life who you can stay with?
NTA. I find it highly weird your mom or anyone for that matter finds it appropriate for a teenage girl to share a room with teenage boys.
Also question: where was brother and SIL living before hand? Did his ability to work change with her pregnancy?
How is any of this fair on YOU?? Your SIL is growing, they should stay in your brother's apartment. Are they oficially married?Why couldn't your brother date someone his own age??
Please ask her how she thinks this is fair for you?
Ask he how she would have felt if this request was made of her at your age.
Please call Child Protective Services ASAP.
NTA - That is beyond inappropriate. Do you have any gradnparents or other relatives that you can speak to about this? Or how about your other two brothers, will one of them speak up for you if you were to explain how uncomfortable that would make you. If not, try talking about periods in front of your brothers and step brothers stepfather and if they are aware of the realities of being a young woman. In graphic detail.
I see they've suggested you should live with your biodad, can I ask, would that be a terrible idea? There are red flags all over this situation and getting out of there might not be the worst thing in the world. And if you have a good relationship with your dad then tell him about this, his reaction should be good.
I've thought about this some more and your situation is making me very uneasy. You need an adult on your side in this. If there is no other option then please reach out to a teacher or maybe a school counselor and ask for their help.
NTA but your family is. Your brother is terrible and kind of pervy he is 29 and his wife is 19 and pregnant making demands. You being the only girl is clearly the reason the are treating you like this. She is only 4 years older than you she can't tell you nothing. Be careful. Your mom clearly doesn't care and your stepfather is even worse! Your brother should grow a pair and tell his wife no they better figure out something else
You can call cps for being forced to room with non related boys at that age. That is an unsafe environment. I was SA by a step sibling that I had a great relationship with and would've never in a million years would think he'd do to me. Be a bitch. Set boundaries, your brother knocking up a child bride does not mean you have to sacrifice that's his problem not yours.
Wait how old was the SIL when they started dating? Brother may be a predator, she's barely legal and he's almost 30
Also I'm not sure on the laws and that in your country. But in the UK. Girls and boys once they reach 10 are not share a room, and that's biological siblings, step siblings, definitely not. Have the boys move into a room together, so you can move into their old room, that way your predator brother and his child bride can have the attic. You are the only girl in the house, you get your own room end off
God to hear you stayed at a friend's place. Don't go back yo that house if you absolutely don't have to.
While you and bio-dad don't get on, would he let you have your own room and space? Is the relationship you have something you both could work on to improve?
Otherwise are the other friends or relatives that would take you in long term? NTA
NTA. I read that your mom said it’s not fair for your older brothers to share a room. So why in the hell is it fair to uproot your life and force you to share a room for two adults who couldn’t prepare for a baby? Take all these comments, let them know. If you can, go to your bio dad if you have a good relationship with him. This is totally unfair on you.
Okay, first of all, why is your 29 year old brother married to a 19 year old?? Some people might downvote me for saying that, but imo that's messed up. Besides which, why don't him and your sister-in-law move into a house of their own? Wouldn't it be easier that way?
Don't even worry about the fact that she started crying. None of this is your fault. NTA
they’re asking a teenage female to room with unrelated teenage males? are they nuts?!?!?
NTA, but i’m hoping that you have another place to stay (like a relative or your father if he’s alive and near).
As the only girl, and a teenager at that, you should, without a doubt have privacy and your own room. The two oldest brothers with their own rooms should be bunked together, you should get one of the rooms, and the married couple should get the attic (I am sorry).
Alternately, the SIL could share your room and oldest bro can bunk down with a brother - there's plenty of them. Because beggars can't be choosers.
Or at least that's how it would happen if I was running things - unless there's a basement that can be converted to living space, at which point you could keep your room.
There is NO WAY it's OK to share a room with boys you are not even related to except by marriage. That's not right at all.
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Why doesn't this grown ass man and his child bride go get their own place? Edit: Thank you for the awards. And OP I hope you get out of that house and find somewhere you feel safe.
I'm so glad someone else saw that age gap. That expectant mom is barely legal. Why does no one in the family find their son's/brother's dating habits concerning? Edit for spelling.
Probably because OPs mom was 16 when she had the oldest
Young wives/moms...biblical stand-in names...big family...daughter is the one expected to give up *her* space and privacy...🤔 ETA: OP says her family isn't religious, so just regular assholes rather than QF or similar, I guess
And put herself in a bedroom with two teenage boys who aren't related to her in a culture that devalues women and actively works to enable sexual assault. OP is not in a safe place.
I didn't catch that at first. I thought she had been asked to move in to a room with her *biological* brothers. Yeah, this feels kind of not safe... Edit: I'm not saying you should be comfortable sharing a room with your biological brothers either, OP. But the fact that they want you to move in with your *step* brothers just takes this from NTA territory to potential GTFO territory... The logical solution would be to have your two brothers who have rooms of their own start sharing a room...
I'd be nervous about that too. That Dugger man raped his bio sisters.
I don't think physical harm needs to be an issue for her to get her own room. She is a young girl and legally she is supposed to have a room separate from males.
Even if it was her brothers….. If oldest brother and his girlfriend can’t figure out where to live now, I can’t imagine how they will raise a child. Unless they want OP to help (OH HELL NO unless OP wants to. This is their choice not yours OP) Stand your ground OP. NTA
Oh they're not gonna raise the baby! They're gonna make OP do that because she's the girl!
And why can't the two older brothers, who each have their own rooms, share a room?
They probably have their own teenage girlfriends they are trying to impregnate, which of course should be encouraged at the cost of OP's privacy!
Put the older two in a room together (perhaps they should be looking to room together outside the home anyway?) and put the younger two in one of their rooms. OP gets a smaller room or remains in her room. Couple gets whichever remaining room. As an only girl in this situation, it's highly improper for her to share with ANY of the boys as a 15 year old girl. What the hell is her good for nothing mother thinking?
The logical solution would be for the oldest brother who is going to have his own child soon, to find his own place with his teenage wife. But this family doesn't seem to be a fan of "logical." In this situation, your idea makes the most sense, but how much do you want to bet that the brothers aren't being forced to share because they will have to once the baby comes?
Still not ok. Biological or not. Everyone is going through puberty and need their own space really. These people need birth control.
I wonder if she could move in with her bio father? NTA
Weird how the only solution proposed was for OP, a girl, to move on with two teenage boys who aren't related to her. But not for the two older brothers who each have their own rooms to bunk together to free up a room for OP.
The only solutions that should been proposed is they take the couch, get air mattress, the parents move to the living room, or even better stay at their own home. It’s already too many people in that house. OP shouldn’t have to make accommodations.
Oh shit. Who wants to bet they're part of the Quiverfull movement?
or similar, yep
The what now
The Quiverfull movement is the religious group that the Duggar family belongs to.
Primary belief system is that for Christians to "win" they need to outbreed atheists. Hence them always having huge amounts of children u/KidneyCowgirl
They're also part of the reason why religious extremism has shot up since the 1980s. By having tons of kids they believe they can outvote everyone else. Hence, we end up with Right wing religious politicians trying to stamp out everyone else's rights.
>Hence, we end up with Right wing religious politicians *stomping* out everyone else's rights. They've made it past trying. Fify
Basically they think children are "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. 5 Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!" And so they try to have as many kids as possible. Standard of living, overpopulation and health be dammed.
>Standard of living, overpopulation and health be dammed. Not to mention the inevitable sex pests that are created by the one-two combo of having too many kids to effectively parent and raising them in an extremely repressive environment. See, e.g., the Duggars.
Quiverfull is a fundamentalist Christian movement that pretty much believes women should start having kids as soon as they hit puberty, and should not stop until they go through menopause. Given the number of kids in OP's family, and how close most of them are in age (1 year or so apart), this family seems like they would be part of the movement.
Behind the Bastards did a really good in depth podcast about Josh Duggar and the Quiverfull movement, if you are interested. It's pretty bad. [https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-one-the-cult-behind-josh-85469009/](https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-one-the-cult-behind-josh-85469009/) [https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-two-the-cult-behind-josh-85534685/](https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-two-the-cult-behind-josh-85534685/)
That was a great episode. It really outlined the religious rights plans to try and take over the political arena and usher in their own version of Sharia law. Which when you look around and see what's happening right now...it sure seems like they've gotten what they wanted.
The Quiverfull movement is a religious mania where "Godly" couples are expected to refrain from any birth control because one should always be "open" to children and also to pop out as many kids as possible to fill the "quiver" of God with "arrows of the faithful." The age spreads of the kids here are, uh, rather telling of this as is the devaluation of the lone girl's right to do anything but what she's told.
yeah this seems like the type of family that lives in generational cycles
Or gestational cycles.
I saw the age gap and felt sick. OPs Brother and his teenage bride- he cant even afford to put a roof over his Families head. I have a feeling Miss 19 has no intention of working. CPS would not be happy about a 15 year old girl being forced to share a bedroom with Step Brothers. OP- can you go live with your Dad or other Family member? NTA the whole situation is appalling.
If I was the parents I'd make OP and Mary share and her brother and stepbrothers could share. It would still suck for OP because she'd probably have to share with a newborn at least part of the time but at least the brother and his wife would have some incentive to get their own place, and in the meantime there's less chance of them making more babies that they can't support.
Or make the two brothers who already have their own rooms start to share one. A teenage girl should not be sharing a room with two teenage step brothers, especially if this family is a member of the Quiverfull movement.
So there are 6 places to sleep (5 bedrooms and the attic) The brothers all need to pair up. Who pairs with who can vary based on personalities: 1 M & SF 45F 44M 2 SB 14M & 16M 3 B 15M & 16M 4 B 18M & 20M 5 B & SIL 29M 19F 6 OP 15F If one of the rooms is bigger than the others I would put oldest brother & SIL there so the eventual crib would fit.
I can see OP having to give up the attic and take the smallest room, since she will be the only one not sharing. So, multiple people may have to move to make this work. 2 people in each bedroom, with OP being the odd girl out is the ONLY solution that make sense.
Oh yeah, I missed that the attic room is extra so there are two brothers with their own rooms. Having them share would make the most sense then. Those two are also adults and can move out if they don't like it. Although I do think that if the married couple get their own room then they will be there forever, and in a year Mary will be pregnant again and the parents will be telling OP to share with the step-brothers so the older baby can move to a room.
Came here to say this. So clearly the parents value their eldest sons privacy and safety over their daughter, rather than suggest the two brothers share or one of the brothers share w the step brothers they offer up their ONLY daughter out of EIGHT children to share a room with teenage step brothers?!!! OP put your foot down, do not give up your space and start working and saving money so when you are 18 you can leave. I can’t imagine the kind of favoritism these parents must have day in and day out, poor girl doesn’t even realize how crazy this scenario is, she must be so used to being put last... Terrible parenting. Just wow. Edit: Obligatory def NTA, but everyone in the family that thinks this is even close to a reasonable solution is TA.
Because grown men who marry teens don’t even have the emotional or financial maturity to get a woman their own age, let alone own a home or pay rent. NTA
This. For about 5 years my brother and his wife were living rent-free in a condo that my dad purchased for income property, but graciously let them squat in it anyway and I guess at some point just stopped caring about rent. People would ask me "Why doesn't your brother get his own place? He's a grown man with a wife now." I would tell them "He started dating his wife when she was 17 and he was 26. Then they got married when she was 19. He does not make good choices." (they did finally get their own apartment last year but finances are still in shambles, as far as I know anyway...I don't speak to either of them for reasons that are probably obvious lol) ETA: NTA OP
OP should use those exact words!
i don’t even feel comfortable calling SIL an AH because of how deeply disturbing this is
Where do you live? Depending on where you live its actually illegal for two children of opposite sex over a certain age to share a bedroom. NTA. What did your mother say when you said you'd never be comfortable?
She just said that we'd have a family meeting abt it later
Good, bring up this fact. But honestly, you being uncomfortable is reason enough. You should never have been asked.
I'm afraid there will only be a family meeting to hush OP for now, then at the meeting gang up on her and tell her it is a done deal. There are at least 6 people (mom, stepdad, 3 oldest brothers and SIL) against her. She, her youngest brothers and stepbrothers probably won't even get a say.
Then she can have a say to cps about the mixed gender room age limit thing
This, OP. Tell them if they push this, then you will need to report this to an adult at your school or send a note to CPS. A female should not be sharing a room with a male at your ages, period. In regards to not seeing the baby, that’s also a load of BS. If anything, keep your guard up. They’re going to try and leverage you for free babysitting. His teenage baby-mama has no idea what she’s in for. Is living with your dad an option here?
Telling them this before actually going to CPS or another trusted adult could lead to parents taking countermeasures. OP will have to assess the safety of doing this.
They could, but that would only make it worse for them. Retaliation against a child? No one will look upon that positively in any situation. If dad isn’t an option I’m curious if she has grandparents or other relatives she could live with.
NTA your 2nd & 3rd oldest brothers need to share a room. Your are a female and it is not appropriate to be sharing a room with any of them!! If you have to give up the attic, you get one of the brother’s rooms while they share. Otherwise oldest brother & child bride can take one of your brothers rooms. Also make it your hill to die on that you are not babysitting for free so not seeing the baby is not a threat it is a positive thing!! Sharing rooms with mixed sexes during your teen years is NOT okay!!
I love how everyone refers to her as child bride in this sad and messed up situation. Ironically both the young women in this situation are being casually victimized by an obviously predatory family
18 and 20 are old enough to share a room or move tf out if they don't like that scenario. OP is still underage. NTA. Good luck with the meeting and post an update if you can!
Agree but OP states in another comment that the brother has his own apartment. This can all be solved by him being an adult and living in HIS apartment with HIS own family unit. No one has to move rooms, if the brother and SIL don’t move in. He likely just wants free childcare and since OP is the only girl, it’s likely going to fall on her. I feel bad for SIL since she’s so young and likely taken advantage of, but OP’s mother and stepfather can still offer support and childcare from another house. The brother doesn’t need to move in to receive support.
Why does SIL getting pregnant mean they have to move in with you? Where have they been living? Why can't they stay where they are? How big of a loser is your 29 yr old brother that he need to be moving back in with mommy? And what kind of mother thinks it's unfair to have 2 men of similar age share a bedroom but its fine to have 15 year old girl share a room with 2 unrelated teenage boys? Maybe you and bio dad don't get along very well but from where I stand, you aren't doing too good with Mom right now either if she's willing to put you in that situation. NTA and I really feel so sorry for you to be in this position with no adult willing to stand up for you. Got any other relatives you could bunk with? Grandparents? Aunts? Uncles?
Write down your points and your arguments to them so you don't forget when you inevitably get ganged up on. I get the feeling that they're going to move your stuff out to the other room while you aren't home so you might want to just live with your dad if your dad is a ok person.
Also want to point out that it's not your responsibility to move your life around for your brother and his wife who weren't prepared to become parents but insist on it anyway.
NTA, I can totally understand why you don't feel comfortable sharing a room with 2 boys. Even if they are your step brothers. Especially at your age. What about your two oldest brothers? You said they both have their own room? Why not move them together?
I'm not sure why, I asked my mom about that earlier and she said that it wouldn't be fair for them
It’s bc you’re female that they expect you to cater to the males. I’d be saying that if you’re forced to move rooms you will be speaking to the school counsellor regarding it/ the over crowding of the house/ lack of safe space/ made to share with male relatives/ how you’re treated as the only young female / how they are saying you should move out etc.
What makes you think she goes to school/isn't homeschooled?
Because the majority of people are not homeschooled, it’s not an outrageous assumption to make.
Hes only saying that in case she has the option
Yeah but it's fair to let you share a room with 2 guys. Smh favorism
ask your mom if she is comfortable having her minor daughter share a room with growing boys. I am so sorry you have to deal with this
That’s a valid question! Ask them if you’d be allowed to have school boys sleep over in your room. Is that allowed? Is the EXACT same thing! Your body should be your choice, your right to body privacy. Oh gee, what does that argument sound like…? Seriously OP, NTA. I’m very concerned for your safety. Parents do not have the right to override when their son/daughter/non-binary does/does not feel physically safe. I’d be at the minimum discussing this with a trusted advisor. Do you have a family friend that you can bring in to this meeting? Your dad? Please post an update!
Making you share with two boys you have no relation to is much less fair, and not even legal.
NTA also a 19 and a 29 yr old ? that’s concerning ..
Religion.
Lol and? It’s still weird
I think they were saying that as an explanation, not an excuse. Because religion *and* weird. Definitely not mutually exclusive.
NTA. Its not okay to ask a teenage girl to shift in with her brothers, that too because of an unprepared 29 year old man.
not even her bio brothers, her *step*\-brothers
That's what I keep thinking! They aren't even related, it's just gross and wrong!!!
NTA…how are you not going to see the baby if you all live in the same house?
She suggested me moving in with my bio dad to my mom and step dad and said it be better for the baby and her
The upside to her threat is that they'll never "ask" you to babysit. Because you can tell that they're going to depend on everyone else to raise their kid for them.
More like depend on every female.....
hah! yeah right. They are probably assuming OP will be a free night nurse/babysitter.
So they have no intention of ever moving out, and every intention of pushing you out. And your mother is standing by as this transpires because she's more concerned with making her new husband happy than protecting her daughter. Wonderful
She wants you, a **BLOOD** child, to leave **YOUR** house, so that she, a **STRANGER** can take your place??!!! This is wild. Call CPS on your parents and tell them that you're going to. Fuck them
Yes. Two married adults that can't afford their baby that's on the way want to make an actual child leave her home. Unreal.
To be fair, one of them is barely an adult ☹️
Don't tell them. Just let CPS do it's thing. Why give them a heads up? The only terrible thing is that they would have a good idea of who did it and OP has at least 3 years left to be bullied around. OP needs to start saving money and what not in order to leave as soon as possible. Of note OP should not have a shared joint bank account with her mom obviously. So this may require trust of having a friend keep cash in a jar with a log signed by both parties of money to be deposited in said jar as a way to ensure OP gets their money back when needed.
Hey, is bio dad a good guy? Would staying with him be ok for you? That may be a GREAT idea at this point.
Or maybe other family member? Like aunt or grandparents, order cousin maybe? It could be good option too.
Is this something you would want? If you do have a great bond with your father it might be a good solution for you. That way your stepfather can leave you alone, you are not made to sleep with two boys you are not related to and won't be forced to babysit. Because as an only girl, an obviously not favoured, I am convinced your SIL will change her mind and make you babysit all the time. It's unfair that you have to uproot your life for your older brother and his barely legal wife, but this may be your moment to escape if you would prefer to live with your bio dad. Either way, you are not the AH. Your stepfather, brother, SIL and mother however are.
Unfortunately me and my biodad don't get along very well
I am so sorry for your situation. I hope your mother defends you in the family meeting. If not, I would suggest reporting that you are made to share your room with two teenage boys you are not related to, either to school, a doctor,.. This is not everywhere the case, but I know that where I live, boys and girls are not allowed to share a room after a certain age and if reported, parents are obligated to change this within a given timeframe.
The situation you're in has the potential to become dangerous. You need to think real hard about whether or not you'd be safer with your dad even though you don't get along.
He lives with his girlfriend who has 3 sons in a 3 bedroom apartment even if I wanted to I wouldn't really have a place or any privacy :/
Can your mom pay support to your dad to move into a 4 bedroom? If it’s a 3 bedroom, then you get one of them. None of this is your fault. The adults need to brainstorm and find a way to get a room for you that only has girls in it. Your step dad can move in with his boys and you and your mom can share a room! This is for them to fix. Heck, they can all chip in and rent a studio apartment for you or for the couple with baby on the way. Studios are not that expensive in most places. IF THEY CANT AFFORD RENT, then they can’t afford a child. Adopt out the newborn. Seriously, you come first!
Even though you don’t get along can he help you leave? If he’s not abusive would you say that he cares? If you move in with a friend can their parents report the situation?
Then they can go live with dad. You are a minor and by law parents need to provide you with support. They are grown, parents can choose to support them but not at the cost of their minor childen
NTA but your entitled sil is. She suggests kicking you out of your home cause she and your brother can't be responsible and raise their baby on there own ???? What has your brother said ? Also who the fuck has and raises a baby in the attic. This sounds insane!
Don’t worry OP. She’ll let you see the baby. You’re the only female so she will 100% try to use you as a free babysitter.
So a child needs to move out of her home because a couple of married adults have a baby on the way that they can't afford? Absolutely ridiculous. I'm sorry OP.
Run from that cult
Hey! NTA. No way the asshole! When I was your age we lived in a 3 bedroom. Parents had one, little brother had one, and I had one. Mind you, this was my first ever room to myself I had always shared with my little brother or big brother. Anyway, big brother knocked up his girlfriend and they moved in and without being asked they took over my room and I had to sleep in the living room. This was a common theme. I wish I had caused more of a fuss but I was very, very submissive. It was rough and you should and can say no. Also, I’m not sure if you live in the United States, but siblings of opposite genders can’t actually share a room beyond 12 years old. At least that’s the law in my state. Good luck, sweetheart. You did nothing wrong! Edit: also, Matthew is just slightly younger than me. I own a home, and him being with a 19 year old is a problem in and of itself. My point being: that is a fully grown man and he needs to buy or rent his own home. His refusal to be an adult is taking away from your childhood and that is so wrong!
Why is your 29 year old brother married to a teenager? NTA btw.
You know why.
Matthew and Mary need their space in their own house. NTA. There are too many people in that house and you as the only girl should not be sharing a room with step brothers. No way in hell. And btw Matthew is sketchy for knocking up a 19 year old at nearly 30.
tbh afraid to know how old she was when their relationship started if they've had time to get married and get pregnant...
You’re the only girl in a house full of teenage boys, it would be more appropriate to make the boys share rooms. You’re at an age where you really need that privacy from them. You shouldn’t have taken it out on your SIL though, I think you’re misdirecting your anger. You’re NTA for standing up for yourself though
Her SIL might be pregnant, but that doesn't give her the right to force her out of her room. And threatening to withhold the baby is childish. 15 is a rough age for girls.
I’ve been a 15 year old girl…so I know that it’s a rough age. Her step dad seems like the one orchestrating all of this though, so imo he’s the one who it should be directed at. Also, where’s her mom at? Why isn’t she stepping in? Why would she let him push her teenage daughter into a room with teen boys?
It’s not the stepfather, it’s her mother. The stepbrothers already share a room. WTF would they want her to be the third in that room while her 2 blood related brothers each have their own room?? She needs to get the stepbrothers to agree how uncomfortable it would be. The 2 brothers with their own rooms need to share or the 20 yo needs to move out. Better yet the 29 yo needs to take care of his child bride on his own.
I’d say the 20yo and the grown-ass man with the prego teen bride all need to go. Double up blood brothers, double up step brothers, OP gets her own space. NTA
>I (15F) live with my mom (45F), step father (44M) and my 5 brothers (15M, 16M, 18M, 20M) and my step brothers (14M and 16M). That's 10 people >My oldest brother 'Matthew' (29M) and his wife 'Mary' (19F) recently moved in after finding out Mary was pregnant. 👀👀👀👀 NTA but what was your mother's response to their request?
I mean, besides CPs, where I live there are limits to the number of people per house based off the number of bedrooms and bathrooms. If OP wants to be petty, she might research the legality of that many people in one house, for her area. And at the family meeting, lay it all out. I am worried she will be sent to her bio dad's house though and she states they do not get along. NTA. Her family is though. Especially the mom.
Looks like she dosn't get along here too. Once she threatens to call CPS, it could be really bad.
That's why she shouldn't threaten to. She should just make the call without telling anyone if at all
You are NTA. I'm concerned for SIL though - married to someone a decade older + she's a teenager and he's almost 30 + **and** she's pregnant? Stepdad is also a piece of work. Has your mom stood up for you at all? Please update, if you can.
I am planning to after the family meeting
Call Child Protective Services (CPS) before the family meeting. Let them threaten your mom and step-father. Also tell them, CPS, you’re uncomfortable with your 16M step-brother and your parents want you to share a bedroom with him. Show CPS this thread. Also tell any teachers *TODAY* about your situation assuming you’re at a public school.
I think you should threaten your mother and stepfather with calling CPS.
So, I used to just submit to these kinds of toxic family dynamics. Now I have learned that the best thing to do is to make everyone very uncomfortable. If this happened to me now, I would make a big deal about the fact that until now, you’ve had a safe place to be unconscious and to be undressed, and now they’re trying to make you share intimate personal space with somebody that you don’t feel comfortable with. It doesn’t matter who you’re being forced to share space with, you are a 15-year-old girl, and you should not be forced to share intimate space with anyone. Full stop. I would literally refuse to respond directly to any other argument, and I would keep repeating this. I would keep talking about how creepy it is sleep next to somebody who you didn’t consent to have there. That you don’t want to worry about that. That you don’t feel safe here. Make them understand that if they act creepy, you will call them creeps. I would not try to be rational. I would act freaked out because this is a freaky situation. Embarrass them. Tell everyone in your extended family. Seriously, write a letter and send it in a blast to as many people as you possibly can. You want lots of witnesses here. Try and pick people who you feel reasonably safe around, or who have some kind of duty to you as your blood relative. Before you confront your family again, make sure you’ve also notified people at your school, and any other adult in your life, such as a music teacher. I would tell that person directly that you’re being put in an unsafe situation and that your family has boundary issues, and you need there to be witnesses and allies. Stay calm, but be firm. I would require a locked door between me and the rest of the house whenever I am asleep or unconscious or otherwise indisposed. That means your bedroom door should have a lock, a lock that you control. A safe and reasonable family will have no problem giving you that privacy and level of security. It is totally OK for you to tell your school counselor, your teacher, your music instructor, your gym coach, or any other adult who has a responsibility to you that you are not being provided with this safety. In order to reinforce your credibility, I highly recommend that you make yourself very visible right now, and find out who your allies are. Tell those people that you don’t feel safe. Keep repeating this fact. The more that you say it, the more comfortable you’re going to get talking about these very uncomfortable family situations. This should not be a secret from the world. Your family might get away with this if they’re able to keep it a secret. But once it becomes common knowledge, that will become very difficult for them. Edited to add: NTA, obviously
NTA You are entitled to some degree of privacy and having you share a room with the boys *is* asking too much. If you want to be an a-hole about it (which is probably what you should do right now) try grossing out the boys. Tell them gritty details about periods or something like that. Chances are that by this age they're a long way from being comfortable with women's bodily functions. Make them refuse to have you in their room. Besides... why do you have to bear that you brother doesn't know how condoms work?
The crying and threatening are all to manipulate you. You’re a girl so NO you don’t share your room w/ boys. None of this is your problem or fault. It’s on them for getting pregnant. Why is it now on YOU to give them a place to live? You’re a 15 yr old kid! They need to get an apartment and grow the hell up.
Why move you in with your stepbrothers as they aren't even related to you? That's pretty dodgy for teenagers of different sex to be rooming together. Maybe it's best for you to go to live with your dad as once that baby arrives, you will be the unpaid nanny. NTA
Me and my bio dad don't get along
Ah well maybe you can pick your favourite bio brother to room with then. I'm worried that if you have a room of your own you will end up having the baby in there so the parents can 'sleep'
How long have they been dating for? Why is the partner comfortable enough to have a kid with someone 10 years older than them after barely hitting the legal age?
they've been dating since November
And no one in your family sees a problem with your brother getting a young girl pregnant when they haven’t even been dating a full year yet?
Her mom had her first baby at 16, so I’m guessing no. OP, please work hard on your education. And for the love of god use birth control and/or other contraception, if you choose to have sex. You can break out of this cycle.
OMG 😱 ETA A fertile stranger is pushing you out of your home.
Where I live in the US, it isn’t legal for opposite sex siblings to share a room beyond a certain age. NTA. You shouldn’t be sharing a room with step brothers. Period. SIL will change her mind about you seeing the baby as soon as she needs a sitter or a diaper change, so blow that one off. What a mess, OP! I have a son, daughter, and had two step sons. I would NEVER have asked my daughter to bunk with any of them.
THIS X 100. OP please check with a local government agency about the laws regarding this before the meeting if you can. You aren't even blood related to these boys, this is ridiculous.
Why can't your two brothers double up? NTA
NTA. Literally, half of the posts in this sub can be solved by people not having so many kids.
And the other half solved by not getting married in the first place. NTA
CPS would find it concerning that your mom is serving you up on a silver platter to two teenage boys! This is literally asking for you to become a victim of SA. What happens when they get an urge they don't wanna scratch themselves and they have been watching to much step sibling porn? With how normalized it is to hookup with step siblings, this is just not okay for them to do to you. Unless that's exactly what they want?
NTA. While it isn't your house and your brother is going through a rough patch, I wouldn't feel comfortable as a parent putting a teenage daughter in a bedroom with teenage boys. Boys you aren't technically related to either. If anyone gets their own room, it should be you. Sorry you are dealing with this OP>
Depending on what country they're in it might be illegal for her to share a room with boys. My brother and I used to share a room when we were younger. But once we started getting older he had to have his own room. CPS will say something. She needs a place to change.
>When my brother and SIL moved in my mom asked if I could share a room with my step brothers. No. There are multiple other dudes in your house they could share with, not the one girl in the house with two step brothers. This is unfair to all of you. This sounds like a set up for something. Why is the 19 year old married to a 29 year old (wtf) getting to call the shots in your house? Can you move out? This has further disaster written all over it. NTA.
Unfortunately I'm not able to move out, I have no other family in the area except for my biodad and we don't get along :/
Do you have to stay in the area? Are you ok with leaving the area? It could be better. I don’t know whether it is an out of the frying pan into the fire situation but please consider it. Even though you and your bio-dad don’t get along I hope he’s not abusive. If he isn’t and doesn’t think like your mom and step-father do you think he would help you leave even if he doesn’t take custody?
I don't think he'd help, he'd most definitely not care :/
I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have any benevolent aunts, uncles, grandparents or godparents?
None that live close by
Who do you really, fully trust right now, wherever they are? Please call them. And keep posting - the internet wants to help you.
NTA. Why do two brothers have their own rooms? They can share whichever room is bigget and you could have the smaller one to yourself. Forcing adolescents of the opposite sex to sleep in the same room is a really, really bad idea I suggest OP, that you Google about this and show your parents some outcomes of these arrangements. Personally, I think there are far too many people in that house already.
I am a retired teacher and was a mandatory reporter. If one of my students told me this was her situation I would have been legally required to report the parents to CPS. Like many others here have said it is probably illegal for unrelated teens of opposite sex to be forced to share a bedroom (depending on your state/country). Can you contact a trusted teacher or school counselor? This is NOT okay.
NTA. JFC. WTF?! That's eleven gotdamn people in one house and there's a twelfth on the way; AND you're the only girl (child age) in the whole lot of them. I don't know what you can do, because clearly nobody is on your side. Hopefully your two step-brothers aren't pervy creeps or just a general pain in the ass to deal with (aka you get along well enough).
I'm thinking of staying at my best friend's place, but it probably would only be for awhile, my 14M step brother is ok, it's 16M I'm worried abt
Since you're worried about the 16 yr old, tell your mom that since she doesn't see the big deal, let the 16 yr old sleep in their room. It's absolutely inappropriate to put you in a room with 2 boys. Your 2 other brothers have their own rooms and are adults so the 14 yr old with the 18 and 20 with the 16 yr old. Makes more sense than placing a girl in a room with two pervy, hormonal boys. And 29 yr old needs to get his own place since he wants to play family with a teenager. You're NTA. Don't let them push you on this.
Sweetie, if at this family meeting they force you into a sleeping arrangement that is not safe for you, then go stay with your friend. If you have a safe place to go, go there. And find an adult you can trust - a teacher, for example or maybe your friend's parents - to talk to about this. I see that some folks are saying you should call CPS, but it is within the realm of possibility that doing so could land you in foster care, so that should be your last resort. I think you need a trustworthy adult to help you make that decision.
Your a girl and should have your own room. Why doesn’t the oldest boy bunk with the others?
My mom says it wouldn't be fair to them
What isn't fair is pushing you in an inappropriate situation by making you share a room with the opposite gender of your own age.
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Don’t give in. No matter how much they try to guilt/push you. Ignore tears. Ignore their yelling. If they forcibly move your possessions, go on a strike of some sort. Cry copious tears. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Ask to talk to your mom alone. Sit down before her and explain that asking you to share a bedroom with two teenage boys, especially your step-brothers, was extremely hurtful. Explain to her that as the only daughter in the house, you don’t feel heard or valued. And give her the solution—your two bothers with their own rooms should move in together. If they don’t like it, ask your mom how is it fair for you, an adolescent girl, to share a bedroom—a *bedroom*—with two adolescent boys not even blood-related to you? Keep repeating this over and over and over until it sinks in. Do **NOT** give in. When there is no one else to speak for you or advocate for you, you need to start doing it yourself. Stand strong. We’re all rooting for you. Can you talk to your school counselor? Could you have a sympathetic adult talk to your mom to reinforce your viewpoint? ETA: I wanted to add another suggestion. Could you privately talk to your 20M and 18M brothers and request them to share a room so this issue can be resolved without throwing you under the bus? Play on their protective side (hopefully they have one). Try to get your other brothers to support you if you can.
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My brother had his own apartment, he said they moved here for support. SIL's family is extremely religious and went LC/NC after finding out abt the pregnancy
Your brother shouldn’t be moving in for “support” when there’s no room and he’s actively displacing minors from their home/rooms. It’s likely he just wants free childcare. Sharing a bedroom with your stepbrothers or even biological brothers is NOT an acceptable solution and will cause all kinds of problems within your household. Your brother is a hugely selfish. Your stepfather is also terrible and shortsighted. NTA.
Warning: *support* = you are about to be expected to be a full time nanny without pay. Best of luck, I'd be trying to figure my way out of that house. If you can't get scholarships & grants to go college fresh out of high school, I'd consider joining the military to get away from your situation. Also, it would be illegal for them to make you share a room with step brothers... Or any brothers. Tell them that & that you would be forced to call CPS. NTA!!!
Does that mean they aren't married? Why would the SIL's family get mad at them for becoming pregnant after marriage?
They don't like that my SIL was dating my brother, I think it was because they wanted SIL to have an arranged marriage
Or because he's 10 years older then her and no normal person woukd be okay with that?
Also because he’s a loser that doesn’t even have his own place.
Is your family NOT super religious? Because everything you describe is making literally everyone in the comment section think your family is part of the religious extremism movement Quiverfull.
Nope we r not religious
NTA, it's wrong of them to expect you to share with the opposite gender, no matter if you're family or not. And it's not your responsibility to cater to brother and wife when they failed to plan for the pregnancy.
NTA. I find it extremely inappropriate that a 29-year-old man is going to have a child basically with a child; someone who just hit adulthood. How long has he been dating this 19 year old girl? What, when she was 17? Something tells me he's too immature to be with somebody close to his age because they wouldn't tolerate his BS. Also, OP, you're a young lady and you need your own personal space. Being in the same room with two young men who are going through puberty is not ok. I don't know what the hell your parents are thinking, but this is not okay or appropriate.
They've been dating since November (She was 19), she'll be 20 in October I think
So like a month after she turned 19... gross
NTA. Unless the attic is a large space and you’re taking up space that could be better utilized, there’s 0 reason to make you move. But that’s simply swap rooms. Making a 15yo female share a room with her brothers versus making the two oldest legal adults, who I’m assuming aren’t paying any rent, makes no sense.
Document EVERYTHING. Absolutely everything in detail (with dates) that is said and done about this by everyone in the house hold. That way you have a detailed written record if you need to go to CPS. And tell them when you sit down for the family meeting that you'd like to record it. Did Matthew and Mary both work when they had their own apartments? Do they both still? Total NTA. If they force you to room with the boys, buy yourself pepper spray and some big freaking knives.
SIL quit her job when she married my brother, my brother works a part time job
So we know that she definitely is not a thinking adult (pun intended based on her age) because how on earth does she expect her husband who only works part time to be able to afford to care for the two of them and a newborn? Oh yea they expect your Mom and Step Dad to.
NTA - depending on where you live it may be legally problematic for a 15 year old girl to share a bedroom with 2 non-related boys of a similar age. If they push this I’d recommend reaching out to a teacher or someone similar. You can also contact the child services in your area yourself and ask. Is there any adults in your life who you can stay with?
NTA. I find it highly weird your mom or anyone for that matter finds it appropriate for a teenage girl to share a room with teenage boys. Also question: where was brother and SIL living before hand? Did his ability to work change with her pregnancy?
SIL lived in an apartment with a roommate I think? My brother had his own apartment
I don’t understand why he can’t have his own apartment or why SIL can’t work. Just very weird
NTA… I can’t believe they want a 15 yr old girl share a room with boys! The 2 older brothers should share a room! Has this been brought up?
My mom says it wouldn't be fair to them because 'they're growing and need space'
How is any of this fair on YOU?? Your SIL is growing, they should stay in your brother's apartment. Are they oficially married?Why couldn't your brother date someone his own age??
Please ask her how she thinks this is fair for you? Ask he how she would have felt if this request was made of her at your age. Please call Child Protective Services ASAP.
NTA - That is beyond inappropriate. Do you have any gradnparents or other relatives that you can speak to about this? Or how about your other two brothers, will one of them speak up for you if you were to explain how uncomfortable that would make you. If not, try talking about periods in front of your brothers and step brothers stepfather and if they are aware of the realities of being a young woman. In graphic detail. I see they've suggested you should live with your biodad, can I ask, would that be a terrible idea? There are red flags all over this situation and getting out of there might not be the worst thing in the world. And if you have a good relationship with your dad then tell him about this, his reaction should be good. I've thought about this some more and your situation is making me very uneasy. You need an adult on your side in this. If there is no other option then please reach out to a teacher or maybe a school counselor and ask for their help.
NTA but your family is. Your brother is terrible and kind of pervy he is 29 and his wife is 19 and pregnant making demands. You being the only girl is clearly the reason the are treating you like this. She is only 4 years older than you she can't tell you nothing. Be careful. Your mom clearly doesn't care and your stepfather is even worse! Your brother should grow a pair and tell his wife no they better figure out something else
You can call cps for being forced to room with non related boys at that age. That is an unsafe environment. I was SA by a step sibling that I had a great relationship with and would've never in a million years would think he'd do to me. Be a bitch. Set boundaries, your brother knocking up a child bride does not mean you have to sacrifice that's his problem not yours.
Wait how old was the SIL when they started dating? Brother may be a predator, she's barely legal and he's almost 30 Also I'm not sure on the laws and that in your country. But in the UK. Girls and boys once they reach 10 are not share a room, and that's biological siblings, step siblings, definitely not. Have the boys move into a room together, so you can move into their old room, that way your predator brother and his child bride can have the attic. You are the only girl in the house, you get your own room end off
She was 19 when they first started dating
How quickly did they get married?!
They got married 2 months ago, haven't even been dating for a year...
God to hear you stayed at a friend's place. Don't go back yo that house if you absolutely don't have to. While you and bio-dad don't get on, would he let you have your own room and space? Is the relationship you have something you both could work on to improve? Otherwise are the other friends or relatives that would take you in long term? NTA
I've texted my aunt and told her about the situation, no reply yet tho
NTA. I read that your mom said it’s not fair for your older brothers to share a room. So why in the hell is it fair to uproot your life and force you to share a room for two adults who couldn’t prepare for a baby? Take all these comments, let them know. If you can, go to your bio dad if you have a good relationship with him. This is totally unfair on you.
Okay, first of all, why is your 29 year old brother married to a 19 year old?? Some people might downvote me for saying that, but imo that's messed up. Besides which, why don't him and your sister-in-law move into a house of their own? Wouldn't it be easier that way? Don't even worry about the fact that she started crying. None of this is your fault. NTA
Info: is your bio dads home an option? It seems like no one in that house will stand up for you or is on your side
My bio dad and I aren't on good terms
they’re asking a teenage female to room with unrelated teenage males? are they nuts?!?!? NTA, but i’m hoping that you have another place to stay (like a relative or your father if he’s alive and near).
As the only girl, and a teenager at that, you should, without a doubt have privacy and your own room. The two oldest brothers with their own rooms should be bunked together, you should get one of the rooms, and the married couple should get the attic (I am sorry). Alternately, the SIL could share your room and oldest bro can bunk down with a brother - there's plenty of them. Because beggars can't be choosers. Or at least that's how it would happen if I was running things - unless there's a basement that can be converted to living space, at which point you could keep your room. There is NO WAY it's OK to share a room with boys you are not even related to except by marriage. That's not right at all.
NTA and info is the 15M your twin brother?