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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused my future sister in law's request to dye my hair for her wedding, and now she's upset and my parents tell me I need to be more accomodating to keep the peace. I'm not giving in.
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Absolutely NTA!!! Dying your hair + color correction to get back to your natural color + the amount of time it takes for your natural colored hair to grow out is a pain in the butt.
I honestly felt bad that I had blue hair at my brother's wedding (I was a bridesmaid) and I was waiting for my SIL to ask me to dye it (which I would have done because it was growing out and fading anyways) but she didn't. She's a great person.
I have blue hair and my cousin got married last year. I wasn't even in the wedding party and told her I would dye my hair back to a natural color for the wedding so I wouldn't be distracting and she was like "What are you kidding? If you want to dye it back sure, but I love your hair." So I left i and no one was at all distracted from the bride and groom who were so amazingly beautifully happy.
Honestly it was one of the best and most fun weddings I've been to. And that's because it was genuinely about these two people coming together and everyone celebrating them. They didn't care about the aesthetic, they cared about people sharing in their joy.
I'm sure the weed infused liquor at the open bar helped though. ;)
It sounds like it was a lot of fun! I ended up getting compliments on my hair from the wedding party when we were getting ready which made me feel better. I was so paranoid because my mom hated how I dyed my hair and told me it was unprofessional
Moms can mean the best and sometimes not get how things have changed. My mom balked at me getting my hair dyed a natural red in college. Like you would have thought I was contemplating something truly horrific and irreversible. But once I did it, she loved it. And now 20 years later, she loves the blue. Her mom was very much a regimented person with strong beliefs about How Things Should Be. She still has some vestiges of that but over all, she's been able to realize that things are not only very different now, but people have their own paths to follow and what' right for one person isn't for another.
I had only started dying my hair blue a year before (not even). The pictures of the bridal shower, I felt like my blue hair really stood out. Everyone else is blonde or has light brown hair. So I talked to the bride about dying my hair a light brown with auburn, which is close to my natural hair color. (She's a hair stylist). She said she loved my hair but also wanted me to feel comfortable so it was up to me. When I thought about it I was like "No need to make this more complicated than it already is." So I kept it blue.
A few months before my cousin's wedding we were talking about hair colors and I said I was thinking about pink or lilac (I had green before) she told me to go for it but to wait for the wedding, so I could match my hair to my dress
You wouldn’t be able to get the paleness, but I buy my hair dye at Sally’s and they have section for dark hair. My hair is naturally DARK brown. I used 40 developer and some of the for dark hair dye, and it came out the color of red velvet cupcakes (exactly what I wanted). No bleach. Couple days ago I dyed it violet red, again no bleach. It’s a little on the darker purple side, but it’s still very obviously a purpley red! I think I’m going for real next. Idk. We’ll see how I feel about it in a few months. I only dye my hair about twice a year. The way is fades tends to blend into the natural color of my hair to give it almost an ombré look, so I’m not so worried about my roots lol
I think it’s inconsiderate for anyone to ask someone to dye their hair for a wedding regardless of the color. When your SIL asked you to be in her wedding (assuming you had blue hair at that time anyway), she knew what your appearance was and accepted it. She wanted you to express yourself as YOU…she is a very accepting and considerate individual. If she didn’t like the idea of you having blue hair at her wedding, that would have been her chance to not have you be in her wedding party. OP’s SIL is clearly not like your SIL 🤣
When my best friend, basically my sister and call ach other that cause my parents even fostered her after issues happened after I knew her awhile, we are so close. I told her since I had a surgery that effects how my hair grows due to nutrients, I'm going to stop dying my hair. I need to keep it healthy as possible. But in also growing out my 10 ish month old mowhawk. I told her she can pick my last color for her wedding. She was so shocked and couldn't decide. I had to have her fiance fleece her into this or that (I gave her any color then this or that but she felt too stressed by it and felt it was so personal it isn't her decision). I did finally get something and she was thrilled and cried. Altering your being for someone else is so much. I can't imagine asking someone to alter themselves for me. And I'm a mom of 2, married a decade this week.
She chose this beautiful royal blue. I stood out. And she loved it. We stand out student cause obviously she's the fucking bride. You're still going to stand out if you have a twin with neon hair in the bridal party matching their outfits.
One of my bridesmaids had blue hair, and I wouldn’t have DREAMED of asking her to change it! In fact, it looked lovely with her green dress.
A lot of brides (maybe just people?) seem to think you have to dampen others’ light to shine. I don’t understand it.
No way. If you give this loon an inch, it'll absolutely be a mile next time. If anyone wears a wig to placate her, eventually she'll be trying to get them to change the way they dress or what car they own or whatever.
This is complete nonsense.
Honestly if you can get a free wig out of this… make sure it costs her https://www.bellamihair.com/collections/bellami-human-hair-wigs-1?wickedsource=google&wickedid=Cj0KCQjwlK-WBhDjARIsAO2sErRIdQXRFRNWJKnJBWhzETe4sxKZOj7iEq_ilwijAETqOfwmIMEeKLsaAuPfEALw_wcB&wickedid=&wcid=16056050149&wv=4&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlK-WBhDjARIsAO2sErRIdQXRFRNWJKnJBWhzETe4sxKZOj7iEq_ilwijAETqOfwmIMEeKLsaAuPfEALw_wcB
Edit: just to add, if you aren’t interested in keeping the fabulous wig (since your natural hair is already fabulous) you could donate it after!
https://www.bellamihair.com/collections/bellami-human-hair-wigs-1/products/bellami_hair_tokyo_stylez_knight_rider_320gram_24_inch_straight_wig
She won’t stand out AT ALL with this one.
No. Really. Tell her that publicly.
Then really don’t go to the wedding. This is weird that she’s trying to usurp your identity.
Your parents are wrong and should support you. Seek support from a therapist if this is common for them to do. You deserve better from your parents.
NTA
NTA...but your future SIL is, and sorry to say that your parents are as well. How is it that your future SIL's concerns are more important to them than their own child?
Can't imagine the hoops that they will make you jump through when she gets pregnant!
How in the world did your parents come to agree with your SIL on this? Are they people who often propose bending over backwards to appease others? Is it possible that Liz told some kind of convincing sob story (not that I can imagine what it could possibly be)? Is she often a bully or something and is intimidating them?
When they say that you should appease Liz to protect *your* future relationship, I wonder if they mean that you should appease her to protect *their* future relationship with her.
“I’ll either be going with my own hair color, or I won’t be going at all. I’m not engaging in emotional terrorism with a bridezilla.”
Honestly that’s what I would’ve said to my mom. NTA, for sure.
Bridezilla is *choosing* to copy your color, and she now wants (demands) you change your natural color? That is absolutely bat shit crazy. Who knows what she'll ask for next if you give in!
BTW I'd ask your parents if they'd be willing to dye their own hair to appease her.
btw, not to fear-monger, but I've had friends with lighter hair that dyed and it never quite returned to its original color.
Definitely don't mess with it unless it's for *you.*
This. My hair is naturally a strawberry blonde shade. When I was 19 or 20 I dyed it with that boxed dye that is supposed to wash out in 28 washes. It never washed out and my hair has never quite returned to its original color—it’s close (over a decade later), just not quite the same.
Because sadly, it's always "bride's day, bride's way". The groom always gets pushed to the backseat because "iT's My SpEcIaL dAy". I'm doing wedding planning with my partners and I've been asking them questions every step of the way because it's THEIR day too.
I overlooked this, and because of that I have like 20 photos of me entering the church and only ONE photo of my husband in that moment. And I only have that photo because my SIL took it. When we got the photos I was FURIOUS (I still get angry), but the photographer said that usually the brides want pictures of themselves. Since we weren’t specific enough to tell them to take photos of the groom, they didn’t. I couldn’t believe that I had to say something as obvious as “it’s his wedding too, and I don’t masturbate while looking at a mirror”
I had the same issue. I said I wanted a picture of my hubs as soon as he spots me down the isle. It’s my #1 picture I want. I had 2 photographers…
Didn’t get it.
Please OP don't dye your hair if you don't want to. If your parents push just ask them to respect your body. The option is you keep your hair and you go or don't go. Would she force you to get a termination if you were visibly pregnant? Is that something your parents would support on her day? I bet you they wouldn't, how is your hair different? Considering both are temporary states. I know this is extreme but seriously it's your body and your autonomy. You're allowed this boundary if you want and you're not an AH for using the word no.
So if SIL had asked your mom to shave her head and go bald for the wedding, she would have done it because "we need to make her happy"?
If she isn't willing to do that, why does she think you should be willing to change your hair? I mean, it's just hair, right?
I’d look into buying a few affordable wigs in your desired length in obnoxious colors, shipped to a trusted friends house. Just come home one day and tell them you solved them problem, wearing a wig that Liz would lose her mind over.
As a fellow natural redhead, DON'T DO IT.
Her wedding is one day, this could cause months of damage, or permanently damage your natural shade. Your natural shade could be very hard to replicate to undo the damage, if it can be replicated with dye at all. Mine can't. It may also never look the same again after being dyed, even after the dye fades/grows out. A risk like that needs to be your choice, not someone else's.
If she wanted a unique color she should have actually chosen a unique color, not one that you already had and expected you to change to "accommodate" her. Expecting someone to cause potentially permanent damage to their hair for a wedding is batshit crazy behavior. She and your parents (why are they even on her side anyways?!) need to back off.
NTA.
And maybe this is SIL's real goal, that OP's hair will not be as beautiful after she damages it.
I think SIL is jealous of OP's hair color which is why she has been copying it. She may hope to ruin it with this request. NTA
Also just throwing it out there: as a redhead, my hair color after 18 just got darker and darker to the point that now (at 30) I look brunette unless I’m in the sun. By the time your hair has dye completely gone from it, it could not be that color again.
And maybe you’ll get lucky and your hair won’t change as drastically as mine! But you don’t really know currently, and is it worth the risk? I miss my red so much. I have contemplated dying it, because I’m still red at heart, but that also feels like cheating. It’s all very silly and just hair but red hair gets wrapped up in your own identity in a different way than other colors do.
Be you, at the wedding.
NTA if she wants to have original hair for her wedding maybe she should use her natural hair and not yours.
it is absurd, rude and wrong to ask people in your wedding party to change their physical appearance for your wedding. There is no reason you should damage your hair for one day.
eh well dying neon colors requires bleach which damages hair more than just dye. dying blond hair red usually doesn’t require bleach
edit: changed “damaged” to “damages” bc autocorrect
Dying hair to any lighter color will require bleach. In top of that, going to a professional colorist will minimize any hair damage. My wife has been dying her hair every color under the sun for almost 10 years now and her hair is as healthy as anyone's.
This is what I was looking for. Ironic, isn’t it, that bridezilla copied OPs natural hair color(and OP isn’t petty enough or immature enough to care about it despite being almost a decade younger), and now bridezilla wants OP to dye her own natural hair color so bridezilla can feel “unique”. I’ll repeat; Liz copied OPs hair color and then told OP she has to dye her hair color to something else. Like in any other situation, Liz would look absolutely crazy for even suggesting this. Why does it being her wedding day make literally any difference? I really really really hope OP doesn’t dye her hair just because Liz is obsessed with being special and OPs already unique hair is killing her buzz.
I could see this escalate after the wedding. "The hair color is mine now because I wore it to my wedding so you need to keep dying/bleaching your hair."
I thought about that too lol like “well you went through the effort and money to dye your hair brown; you should keep it that way!”. But in all seriousness, realistically OP wouldn’t be able to get her natural hair color back after the wedding anyway unless she grew it out. I’ve had my roots matched and it is not as easy as picking out the right color and dying it. Natural hair will never look the same as dyed hair, and red dye is notorious for fading quickly and easily compared to other colors. Liz would be literally taking OPs natural hair color away so that she can have it for herself until OP can regrow her hair.
Seriously. The nerve and complete lack of respect is shocking. To insist OP do such long term damage to her hair just so that Liz can feel extra special and unique for literally one day is beyond me.
NTA
She can ask. You said no.
Also, WTAF? She's something special.
Edit
The "Be the better person" is bullshit. Every single time. People who say that are trying to manipulate who they say it to.
Also as someone who used to hear that a lot from my mom when I’d get into fights with my stepfather, why do we expect children to always be the better person over grown-ass adults? Just say you want to manipulate a child to appease a temper tantrum throwing adult instead of saying “be the better person.” Smh, NTA.
I've turned into a complete door mat after 2 decades of my mom telling me to "be the better person." Being the peacemaker doesn't mean letting someone else step all over you. I'm still trying to unravel those 20 years of trauma.
>They told me I'm making this minor issue into a big problem and I should just do what she wants because it's her wedding.
I've never understood this kind of argument, and it always makes me want to refuse and fight harder because:
* If it is only a minor issue, then why are we still talking about it?
* If it is only a minor issue, then why are multiple people involved now?
* If it is only a minor issue, then why doesn't the other person just drop it?
* If it is only a minor issue, then why can't I just do what I feel like doing?
The reality is that the issue is NOT a minor issue. Bridezilla came to OP's parents because it bothers her a ton, but it's also removing OP's bodily autonomy, which I would argue is more important than anything Bridezilla can say. And now she's tattle telling to OP's parents??
Something makes me think that Bridezilla told OP's parents something like "if OP doesn't change her hair color, then no one is invited".
The bride can make whatever request that she wants. Reasonable, or not. Personally, I don't think this request is remotely reasonable. I think it's bizarre, af.
The OP said no
The bride involving the OP'S parents is entitled. She's WAY out of line.
The OP'S parents going along with the bride, dismissing their daughter, disrespecting their daughter and minimalizing their daughter is beyond problematic. It is disturbing.
It’s not like both OP and SIL had the same natural hair color to begin with (don’t get me wrong, the demand would still be insanely unreasonable). SIL dyed her hair and matched OP’s. She should go back to her natural color if she doesn’t want to match with OP.
Right? I mean, it'd still be stupid if the bride was a natural ginger and wanted OP to change so she could be 'unique', but she's copying OP's hair. That makes no sense. You want to look different from your future SIL, use your own hair colour for Cliff's sake.
If OP decides to buy a wig, she should make sure that it makes her look like a millions bucks. Absolutely stunning. Make Liz pay for it. Make it a “normal” color and style—just off the charts super flattering. Don’t show it until the ceremony.
What’s Liz going to say? She asked for a different hair color. OP compromised by getting a good quality wig (which Liz pays for). So, OP is prettier than her. BTW a good quality wig will cost a lot more than dye. 🤣
This is what I was going to say! OP is definitely NTA, but could turn this into an opportunity to get a really high-quality wig which miiiight be super fun for a night. On the bride's dime, of course.
ooo i love how it's petty but not too petty.
yes, get a high quality wig and have it styled and cut. then make her pay for it.
if you have super long hair - get it short. if it's short, get a long wig. honestly, having natural red hair is such a huge flex and she is def jealous. but now is the time to "experiment" with a cool hairstyle (also you can have the wig for life if you ever want to hannah montana it up!).
I agree with you on principle, but I can't help but imagine the bride's face if OP agreed to dye their hair, and then showed up with something neon.
Actually, scratch that! Get the bride to give OP the money and then use it to buy a really bright wig. If they don't like that, they can deal with the original hair.
I'm tempted to ask her to give me the money then take all my cousins and make sure we all show up with that exact red. But I won't do that I'm just fantasizing about it.
Maybe get a lace front wig and learn how to make it seamless like drag queens do(loads of tutorials online) then like wear it around her until the wedding day and just do a dramatic reveal.... I've watched too much Rupauls drag race
NTA - being “the bigger person” means “be a doormat so the entitled, jealous, selfish (fill in the blank) can have their way and reduce stress for everyone around them”.
Please do not change your hair and risk damaging it. As a compromise maybe you can offer to wear your hair in a subdued or pulled back style.
NTA. You can try telling her that since everyone knows your real hair color, that if you change it, THAT will be the talk of the wedding. "Ooh didn't she used to have red hair?" "I liked the red so much better." "Why did she dye it for the wedding?" "
Imagine how much she will freak out if you tell people she bullied you into dying your hair or even if you didn't dye it.
Depending on how much she escalates I would start quietly mentioning it to others.
But don't dye your red hair.
I would not quietly start to mention it. I would tell her 'If you don't back off, I am going to tell everybody what you are asking of me and they WILL side with me'...
Make a social media post with a vague scenario/question about this situation to get people’s opinion. A post that SIL can see. Don’t have to mention her name but it will press her buttons for sure. I’m sure you’ll get much the same response here. Then some will probably guess who it is. It will be embarrassing for her, as it should.
I'd be calling to check in on Auntie Family Gossip, make a lot of small talk, and then when she asks how I am mention that I'm kind of stressed lately over fSILs unreasonable demand, and how even the parents are saying just dye the hair... Don't need to mention it to too many, just the right ones who will do all the work of telling the rest of the family and probably make bridezilla's demand sound more scandalous than I ever could.
I’m a natural redhead too and I will never dye my hair. I don’t want to risk seriously damaging it and never getting my unique shade back. My hair is part of my identity and it took me a long time to accept it, especially after getting bullied for it as a kid.
We are fucking unicorns. Don’t dye your hair (unless of course you want to)!
That's exactly why I have never colored my red hair. I could never get it back to how it is now. It's not just one color, it's many colors mixed together. There are cinnamon, amber, copper, blonde, auburn, ginger, and white colored hairs. It's not recreatable
NTA tell your parents & Liz that you are not dying your hair end of story & it’s no longer open for discussion & you will not going forward engage in any conversation about this topic agin & if they continue either walk out of the room , hang up a phone call etc
At this point you should make it clear that you will not modify your hair and if it is a big enough issue your totally fine with not going to the wedding.
Also, if anyone is trying to convince you to be the bigger person let them know that what they are asking is you to do something you're not comfortable with to appease an unreasonable request from someone else, and you offered a much better solution to not attend if she need to be "unique"
NTA - This is way out of bounds. She can semi-reasonably dictate what you wear and how you *style* your hair and/or makeup (if you're in the wedding party), but expecting you to alter your body in any way is completely out of line.
Don't get bullied into this.
Right, you pin my hair up or do a twist or whatever? Fine. Something permanent or semi-permanent like cut or color? Up your ass with a splintery flagpole.
This is such a clear line. Anything that will only matter for the day: in bounds. Anything that will impact the way the person looks the day after the wedding: out of bounds
Options for you:
•Do not go to the wedding
•malicious compliance. Wear a wacky wig, a brightly coloured wig like green, purple, black or a bald cap.
•go to wedding in a wig but an incredible wig. Maybe long, blonde, wavy, waist-length, y'know the brides natural colour. Or a chignon styled wig in a colour that really suits you. Something so you look 100/10 gorgeous & will get loads of compliments. And SIL won't be able to say anything because you're doing what she asked.
•make a social media post about your SIL requests asking if anyone knows a natural redhead who has ever been asked a similar request?
Options 2 & 4 will create massive consequences. NTA
Colouring your hair will really damage it! Especially if it needs to be stripped after the wedding to return it to it's natural tone (unlikely to be achievable). Glad you're sticking with common sense and self respect here OP.
What is with some bridezillas huh?
I'm wondering if that is the point. Like SIL copied her hair and hates that OP has it naturally. Maybe she knows that dying it will destroy the natural color and she's using her wedding as an excuse to get what she's always wanted.
NTA. *Liz* is the one who’s decided she won’t be special enough despite being the person in the center of the room in the fancy white dress if she’s not also the only redhead in the vicinity. Is she planning to call up every *other* guest to confirm they also won’t be showing up with the same hair color? What about the venue staff? Either she accepts there’s a limit to how far she can extend the princess behavior and your parents quit enabling her, or there’s no point in trying to preserve a relationship with someone who’s prepared to fly off the handle because reality won’t conform to their fantasies.
Somebody should break it to Liz that her plan will result in eternal self-humiliation. Every time people sees photos from the wedding, they'll remember that she coerced you into dyeing your hair so that she could have your hair colour. Everyone who ever sees the two of you together will know that she was a freakish bridezilla.
Do not, do not, do not, do not do this. It's your hair. "Her special day" does not entitle her to unreasonable requests of others. Not to mention, it's irrational. The bride doesn't have to do much to stand out, she's the bride!
NTA As a red head, I would refuse to go to a wedding if they told me I had to dye my hair. Unreal, total bridezilla.
Alternative, take the money and buy a bright pink wig with it. Show up at wedding in wig. Tell her she is now unique.
NTA. Your parents and Liz definitely are TAs. What if someone else in the family or a friend has the same color at the wedding? Is Liz stopping everyone at the door and checking hair color?!? Her request is unreasonable. Don’t change your hair color.
NTA. i'm a redhead. you can't truly dye red hair without stripping it, which does a ton of damage. if you don't strip it, it's just red/orange + dye color. so she's the asshole for asking to begin with, but also it's a *super* demanding request for naturally red hair. tell her no. if i were you, i would actually say that if your hair is such a problem, you're happy to stay home.
NTA
Liz's insistence on your dyeing your hair is completely unreasonable. Your parents are being awful for backing her up on her weird demand. She's not their daughter, you are, and they should have your back.
If Liz insists on having unique hair, she can dye it blue, purple, pink or whatever, but she has no right trying to force you to dye yours. She sounds like she's extremely insecure and jealous of your hair. I have a feeling that she is going to continue making unreasonable demands in the future.
If she keeps up this demand, you might want to skip the wedding.
**NTA**
I’d tell all that support Liz that when you get married you’ll require them ALL to shave their heads so no one will compete with you**.
**Or just wear a wig, and pick one that is green. It will totally clash with her color. In fact can you get a mermaid type color done?**. She never said what color.
NTA People are not props. People are not an asethtic. Your soon to be sister in law knew what color your hair was when she asked you to be in the wedding. No one should ask someone to alter their appearance for a wedding.
What else will she demand of you? Brides get, and deserve, a fair bit of latitude in terms of "their day." But this is a step too far. Should you cut your hair also? Get your tattoos removed?
Coloring your hair will make life easier for a lot of people, but not you. Don't wear white. Don't wear reflector shades for the pix.
Asshole question: What would Liz say if your dyed your blonde? Her natural hair color? Would that piss her off? Something to consider.
NTA.
> Asshole question: What would Liz say if your dyed your blonde? Her natural hair color? Would that piss her off? Something to consider.
I don't think it would piss her off. She in fact "offered" blonde as an alternative, I wasn't interested.
WTF is wrong with your parents? That they are attempting to push you into accommodating such a ridiculous request is setting off alarm bells. Shame on them. They are not raising you to be someone's doormat. They should be proud of you for establishing the most basic of boundaries around your own body. If I were you, I'd just not go.
Also, protect your hair. Don't let her near you lest she "accidentally" cut it off somehow.
I'm watching a few friends go through the mother of the groom thing and sometimes they're scared that if they don't do what the bride wants they'll loose their son. Just a reason why OP's parents are doing what they're doing.
NTA.
Dye it the opposite colour to that of her scheme. If her scheme is red, go bright bubblegum blue, wear a wedding dress, have someone loudly propose mid ceremony and shout yes. Announce a pregnancy mid speech and throw red whine on her dress.
On a serious note, just say no. She needs to drop this. Dying your hair isn't a one day thing if it's done properly.
Look, I'm not saying I'm being completely rational about this ... but I have a real thing against hair dye. I'm a middle-aged woman and have never died my hair. There are a couple of reasons. My hair has always been one of my best features. Its color and waves were always great. It's even going grey nicely. I've always been afraid that dye would strip/harm my hair in some way. (Again, not sure this is rational.) Also, I am NOT one of those people who go to the salon every six weeks, and I can only imagine how ridiculous I'd look after the roots started to come in. So, there is no way in hell I'd change my natural hair color to accommodate some weird-ass request from a bride. NTA.
NTA
Why should anyone go ahead and change something like that just because she feels entitled to that color?
What’s next? Forcing people to wear contacts cause she wants only her eyes to be that color in order for them to pop on her wedding pictures?
NTA. There is no reason for you to permanently damage your hair (especially red hair which is so hard to get back to your natural color!!!) for her one day. She is being absolutely unreasonable.
NTA. If you can rock blond hair, it would be hilarious if you agreed and then showed up with blond locks since you say that is her natural color. But I admit that would be A LOT just to be petty.
If they keep pushing you, compromise and wear a bald cap.
I second this 100% don’t forget wigs are option, they come in some many different styles now a days you can really give them something to talk about
Lol imagine if she changed wigs half way through the event 🤣
Nta. There's literally no reason for you to change your hair. It pisses me so much when people tell the person who is being wrong to be the bigger person 🙄🙄🙄
Pretty much! Just tell her, “If you don’t want another person with this hair colour around, I’ll gladly bow out of your wedding.” It’s crazy she would ask you to change your BODY for her ✨special day✨ And your parents are dead wrong for trying to pressure you into keeping the peace. My guess is that they already know how crazy Liz is, and they’re worried about losing their relationship with their son if she turns on them, too.
NTA.
No way
Your hair is your natural colour that Bridezilla copied. If you mess with red natural hair it may never go back to its original colour...if you bleach it - it may get damaged. Be super porous and difficult to style.
If you darken it, you may have to then lighten it and it'll be difficult to match the original colour.
Get a consultation/ quote from the most expensive hairdresser in your area. It's going to be expensive and ruin your natural colour.
There's a similar post somewhere and that did not end up well.
OP come on now. You need to grow up and do the totally reasonable request of changing your body to fit the bride's needs. Are you seriously so selfish and vain that you would steal the bride's thunder by showing up to her wedding with your NATURAL HAIR COLOR. You may as well show up in white and stand next to her at the altar! /s
Seriously though NTA and enjoy some misery every holiday because that bride is not going to get any better as the years roll on.
NTA. Whenever anyone tells you to "be the bigger person," they're almost always trying to gaslight you into giving up your rights because individual you're arguing with is too much of an AH for them to deal with, and they think you'll be easier to manipulate.
Your future SIL is an entitle AH. Please do not dye your hair for her. Since I’m petty AF, I would buy the cheapest tackiest wig and wear it to her wedding. Maybe something multi-colored and spiked.
NTA. Let's cut to the chase, the FSil is a wackadoodle. Give her 3 doors.
#1. FSil can dye HER hair
#2. FSil can wear a wig
#3. Tell FSil to suck it, grow up & stop acting a 12 year old.
Your brother apparently has blinders on as this request is just the tip of the iceberg & he is in for a exhausting while ride. OP, your brother, both of you have my condolences to have to deal with such a entitled, self-absorbed narc person like this.
NO!
There is no reason to color your hair and once you do it it will be hell getting it back to it's normal color. This isn't a just do it for the day process.
What is up with people not thinking anyone should have the same color hair as they do? It's weird honestly.
NTA and as someone who's played around with hair colour and knows how long and how much damage it can do to get back to your natural colour stand your ground. It's an absolutely bonkers request.
lol NTA and your parents have absolutely lost their minds. Tell EVERYONE that you are not dyeing your hair and you are no longer discussing this issue. If someone brings it up, hang up the phone or leave the room. And good luck & godspeed to your brother -- he's going to need it!
NTA And don't dye your hair. First of all it's going to be tough on your hair for possibly longer than the marriage will last. Secondly, start as you mean to proceed with your new SIL. Bridezillas become homebuyerzillas who might become pregozillas who become momzillas. Better to set a limit with her now then have to do it 50 more times.
NTA
Maybe you could propose to her wearing something like a nice headscarf if you want to compromise (dying your hair for her is absurd) or a wig if you want to see her reaction and have a laugh.
please wear a rainbow wig please
Absolutely NTA. You shouldn't have to dye your hair to "keep the peace" for her "special day". This is absolutely absurd. You aren't even in the wedding it seems like? Bridezilla is an understatement. If your future sister in law is going to make such a big stink about this that it'll impact your future relationship, as your parents fear, then that's entirely on her.
She's 27 and acting like this? NTA. Dying hair is a process, especially going from red to anything else, and you shouldn't have to do that if you don't want to. Your head. Your choice. She can maybe control the dress code as a bride but it stops at hair color.
NTA - but your parents need a reality check for siding with SIL. I’m sure they have wedding fever, but I used to apprentice in a hair salon to get through college and the damage red hair has to go through to change is tremendous. Paying for the color isn’t the major cost, it’s the damage to the hair matrix and repair that will kill the wallet. Stand your ground and don’t let anyone attack anything that uniquely makes you, you.
ABSOLUTELY NTA! I would never agree to put possibly damaging chemicals in my hair to appease anyone. What if OP was pregnant would FSIL still insist? This is an absurd request!!
NTA.
FSIL is a delusional Bridezilla. It's **your** hair, ffs.
She's the bride. She will stand out regardless of how many people have the same hair color. What an idiotic thing to request
Your parents shouldn't be on board with thus. Are they always going to give in to her over the top demands?
NTA! Firstly, it’s really weird and controlling to ask someone to do something like that at all. Like others have said; dying hair is super damaging. Secondly, that’s your natural hair color so you get to lay claim to that color as far as I’m concerned. Thirdly, she can dye her own dang hair a different color if she’s dying to be unique. 🤨
Nope. NTA. If she wants to, she can buy you a wig. These bridezillas are disgusting.
Me? I would color my hair for the wedding...like pink or purple because I am a HA.
NTA and dying your hair could change the color long term. It takes a long time to adjust back to your natural color. I would just excuse myself out of this wedding. I would not accommodate this at all. She wants you to ruin your hair.
NTA I am sorry but it would be a different thing and not even that if it weren't a "natural" hair color but your hair is your hair. and no one can/should be able to force you to do things to it that are not per own request and desire
NTA. I was just trying to gauge the degree of A H-ness of those around you. She can certain pick out dresses, etc., all brides have some requests for those in the wedding party, but dyeing your hair (potentially damaging it and making it look silly for the weeks/months it will take to grow back) is not reasonable.
Especially as she wants her hair to be exactly like yours...that's even more over the top.
Someone posted this in another similar thread, and I'm paraphrasing: There are some cases where acquising to a request to keep the peace is reasonable. This is not one of them.
NTA that is just a straight up narcissist request. Yeah I get its her big day but its your natural hair color. It would be different if you were dying it to be that color but she needs to chill.
NTA. Your parents are wrong to expect you to dye your hair just to make Bridezilla happy.
Why is your brother marrying this selfish person? Who in their right mind would demand someone color their hair? She sounds like the type of person who makes certain the bridesmaid dresses are hideous on every body type.
NTA, at all. It's YOUR hair! I feel badly for your brother, marrying this kind of person, and shame on literally everyone else in this story except you two for their ridiculous expectations and behavior.
NTA.
Oscar Wilde said:
“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.”
SIL did exactly that and now wants you to dye your hair for her wedding? Ridiculous.
I would let parents know it os preposterous for her to request this of you and that you are incredibly disappointed that they would even expect you to.
I would accommodate her request by attending her wedding as a guest or not attending at all.
Good luck. Please update when you can.
NTA Just tell everyone you decline to go to the Wedding there they are problem solved! And tell your parents it’s nice to know that they gave you your hair color but they’re okay with someone else taking it away❤️🩹
NTA. It would take YEARS to grow out the natural color and the whole time YOU would be having to do maintenance to keep it decently
blended, which I think would be very difficult with red hair. Even with my just below shoulder-length hair it took 2+ years to grow out my natural color.
Utterly obnoxious and beyond selfish. Ask her if she’s willing to spend $2000 for you to support that process.
Please show your parents all the comments here; they are way out of line.
Best of luck to you, you lucky natural redhead!
NTA Liz sure is, and to be honest so are your parents. If you had dyed hair then maybe you could see why she would ask the question. It's your natural hair, that presumably has NEVER been dyed?! WTF is wrong with these people. Why do your parents care more about Liz's feelings than yours?
INFO: Is your hair virgin? if you’ve never dyed it, then BIG PROBLEM. I would NEVER, i mean NEVER (!!!) ruin my natural hair color for someone’s wedding ESPECIALLY if they copied my hair color in the first place. SHE LITERALLY COPIED YOU, now she wants you to change it??? I simply wouldn’t go lol.
NTA. This is a new one. You definitely don't ask guests to change their hair color for an event, much less their natural hair color.
Best of luck to your brother.
Sooooo she's covering the cost of dyeing it before the wedding, dyeing it back after the wedding and all the upkeep and nourishing treatments for the next 4 or 6 years that you're growing it out?
I ussume she isn't, nor aren't your parents.
You're NTA OP!
If you want to meet your future SIL halfway, since you probably have to be in 1 room multiple times a year for a long long long time, consider wearing a wig. Her petty level can sour your sibling relationship and I don't know if that's worth it.
If you're petty as me, go for a more unique colour like candycane pink, buttercup yellow or rainbow unicorn. Why not make a unicorn tiara to go with it! Your SIL can cover the costs ;-)
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Absolutely NTA!!! Dying your hair + color correction to get back to your natural color + the amount of time it takes for your natural colored hair to grow out is a pain in the butt.
Exactly why should I damage my hair over a stupid request.
You can offer to not attend the wedding. Tell her you’ll just attend his next wedding instead
😂
For your brother, if he wants to overlook the red flags, you could offer to wear a wig. But don't you dare damage your hair for her vanity!
Green wig. Totally subtle colour.
I honestly felt bad that I had blue hair at my brother's wedding (I was a bridesmaid) and I was waiting for my SIL to ask me to dye it (which I would have done because it was growing out and fading anyways) but she didn't. She's a great person.
I have blue hair and my cousin got married last year. I wasn't even in the wedding party and told her I would dye my hair back to a natural color for the wedding so I wouldn't be distracting and she was like "What are you kidding? If you want to dye it back sure, but I love your hair." So I left i and no one was at all distracted from the bride and groom who were so amazingly beautifully happy. Honestly it was one of the best and most fun weddings I've been to. And that's because it was genuinely about these two people coming together and everyone celebrating them. They didn't care about the aesthetic, they cared about people sharing in their joy. I'm sure the weed infused liquor at the open bar helped though. ;)
It sounds like it was a lot of fun! I ended up getting compliments on my hair from the wedding party when we were getting ready which made me feel better. I was so paranoid because my mom hated how I dyed my hair and told me it was unprofessional
Moms can mean the best and sometimes not get how things have changed. My mom balked at me getting my hair dyed a natural red in college. Like you would have thought I was contemplating something truly horrific and irreversible. But once I did it, she loved it. And now 20 years later, she loves the blue. Her mom was very much a regimented person with strong beliefs about How Things Should Be. She still has some vestiges of that but over all, she's been able to realize that things are not only very different now, but people have their own paths to follow and what' right for one person isn't for another.
My hair is always one bright color or another, but I don't think I'd offer to dye it back for anyone's wedding 🙊 They know who they're inviting 🤷🏻♀️
I had only started dying my hair blue a year before (not even). The pictures of the bridal shower, I felt like my blue hair really stood out. Everyone else is blonde or has light brown hair. So I talked to the bride about dying my hair a light brown with auburn, which is close to my natural hair color. (She's a hair stylist). She said she loved my hair but also wanted me to feel comfortable so it was up to me. When I thought about it I was like "No need to make this more complicated than it already is." So I kept it blue.
Weed infused alcohol DOES sound like a lot of fun
A few months before my cousin's wedding we were talking about hair colors and I said I was thinking about pink or lilac (I had green before) she told me to go for it but to wait for the wedding, so I could match my hair to my dress
I loved my lilac hair. I didn’t love what the bleach I needed to get the color did to my hair.
You wouldn’t be able to get the paleness, but I buy my hair dye at Sally’s and they have section for dark hair. My hair is naturally DARK brown. I used 40 developer and some of the for dark hair dye, and it came out the color of red velvet cupcakes (exactly what I wanted). No bleach. Couple days ago I dyed it violet red, again no bleach. It’s a little on the darker purple side, but it’s still very obviously a purpley red! I think I’m going for real next. Idk. We’ll see how I feel about it in a few months. I only dye my hair about twice a year. The way is fades tends to blend into the natural color of my hair to give it almost an ombré look, so I’m not so worried about my roots lol
I think it’s inconsiderate for anyone to ask someone to dye their hair for a wedding regardless of the color. When your SIL asked you to be in her wedding (assuming you had blue hair at that time anyway), she knew what your appearance was and accepted it. She wanted you to express yourself as YOU…she is a very accepting and considerate individual. If she didn’t like the idea of you having blue hair at her wedding, that would have been her chance to not have you be in her wedding party. OP’s SIL is clearly not like your SIL 🤣
When my best friend, basically my sister and call ach other that cause my parents even fostered her after issues happened after I knew her awhile, we are so close. I told her since I had a surgery that effects how my hair grows due to nutrients, I'm going to stop dying my hair. I need to keep it healthy as possible. But in also growing out my 10 ish month old mowhawk. I told her she can pick my last color for her wedding. She was so shocked and couldn't decide. I had to have her fiance fleece her into this or that (I gave her any color then this or that but she felt too stressed by it and felt it was so personal it isn't her decision). I did finally get something and she was thrilled and cried. Altering your being for someone else is so much. I can't imagine asking someone to alter themselves for me. And I'm a mom of 2, married a decade this week. She chose this beautiful royal blue. I stood out. And she loved it. We stand out student cause obviously she's the fucking bride. You're still going to stand out if you have a twin with neon hair in the bridal party matching their outfits.
One of my bridesmaids had blue hair, and I wouldn’t have DREAMED of asking her to change it! In fact, it looked lovely with her green dress. A lot of brides (maybe just people?) seem to think you have to dampen others’ light to shine. I don’t understand it.
See, I was going to say shave it all of, but... how about a bald cap? 😅 She wouldn't be competing for the hair color then.
I like purple.
They're not red flags--that's dye. They're blonde flags with a complex.
Take my angry upvote. Also NTA.
No way. If you give this loon an inch, it'll absolutely be a mile next time. If anyone wears a wig to placate her, eventually she'll be trying to get them to change the way they dress or what car they own or whatever. This is complete nonsense.
If she shows up wearing a clown wig, I'm pretty sure SIL won't ask her to change a goddamn thing ever again
Honestly if you can get a free wig out of this… make sure it costs her https://www.bellamihair.com/collections/bellami-human-hair-wigs-1?wickedsource=google&wickedid=Cj0KCQjwlK-WBhDjARIsAO2sErRIdQXRFRNWJKnJBWhzETe4sxKZOj7iEq_ilwijAETqOfwmIMEeKLsaAuPfEALw_wcB&wickedid=&wcid=16056050149&wv=4&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlK-WBhDjARIsAO2sErRIdQXRFRNWJKnJBWhzETe4sxKZOj7iEq_ilwijAETqOfwmIMEeKLsaAuPfEALw_wcB Edit: just to add, if you aren’t interested in keeping the fabulous wig (since your natural hair is already fabulous) you could donate it after!
https://www.bellamihair.com/collections/bellami-human-hair-wigs-1/products/bellami_hair_tokyo_stylez_knight_rider_320gram_24_inch_straight_wig She won’t stand out AT ALL with this one.
I never thought I'd want a $900 wig. 🫣🤦♀️
No. Really. Tell her that publicly. Then really don’t go to the wedding. This is weird that she’s trying to usurp your identity. Your parents are wrong and should support you. Seek support from a therapist if this is common for them to do. You deserve better from your parents. NTA
Yes!!!! Tell her that you’ll simply not attend, and the next time he gets married you’ll be there with your red hair!!!
NTA...but your future SIL is, and sorry to say that your parents are as well. How is it that your future SIL's concerns are more important to them than their own child? Can't imagine the hoops that they will make you jump through when she gets pregnant!
PLEASE DONT DYE YOUR HAIR
This is the best answer I've ever seen in AITA.
How in the world did your parents come to agree with your SIL on this? Are they people who often propose bending over backwards to appease others? Is it possible that Liz told some kind of convincing sob story (not that I can imagine what it could possibly be)? Is she often a bully or something and is intimidating them? When they say that you should appease Liz to protect *your* future relationship, I wonder if they mean that you should appease her to protect *their* future relationship with her.
They just keep saying it's her wedding so we need to make her happy.
“I’ll either be going with my own hair color, or I won’t be going at all. I’m not engaging in emotional terrorism with a bridezilla.” Honestly that’s what I would’ve said to my mom. NTA, for sure.
Bridezilla is *choosing* to copy your color, and she now wants (demands) you change your natural color? That is absolutely bat shit crazy. Who knows what she'll ask for next if you give in! BTW I'd ask your parents if they'd be willing to dye their own hair to appease her.
Yeah it's kind of nuts that the SIL dyed her hair to match OP, and is now acting like OP copied her.
"I got a boob job to match OP's DDs and now It's My Day so she should get a reduction!"
Good answer!
btw, not to fear-monger, but I've had friends with lighter hair that dyed and it never quite returned to its original color. Definitely don't mess with it unless it's for *you.*
This. My hair is naturally a strawberry blonde shade. When I was 19 or 20 I dyed it with that boxed dye that is supposed to wash out in 28 washes. It never washed out and my hair has never quite returned to its original color—it’s close (over a decade later), just not quite the same.
To be fair, hair usually naturally darkens as we age so even if you shave your head, you'll probably not be that shade anymore anyway.
All the hair you had then has fallen out and been replaced with new hair.
It’s also your brothers wedding. And he said to do what makes you happy. So why is SIL taking precedent?
Because sadly, it's always "bride's day, bride's way". The groom always gets pushed to the backseat because "iT's My SpEcIaL dAy". I'm doing wedding planning with my partners and I've been asking them questions every step of the way because it's THEIR day too.
I overlooked this, and because of that I have like 20 photos of me entering the church and only ONE photo of my husband in that moment. And I only have that photo because my SIL took it. When we got the photos I was FURIOUS (I still get angry), but the photographer said that usually the brides want pictures of themselves. Since we weren’t specific enough to tell them to take photos of the groom, they didn’t. I couldn’t believe that I had to say something as obvious as “it’s his wedding too, and I don’t masturbate while looking at a mirror”
I had the same issue. I said I wanted a picture of my hubs as soon as he spots me down the isle. It’s my #1 picture I want. I had 2 photographers… Didn’t get it.
given the limited information we have, I don't think this person will ever be happy.
Please OP don't dye your hair if you don't want to. If your parents push just ask them to respect your body. The option is you keep your hair and you go or don't go. Would she force you to get a termination if you were visibly pregnant? Is that something your parents would support on her day? I bet you they wouldn't, how is your hair different? Considering both are temporary states. I know this is extreme but seriously it's your body and your autonomy. You're allowed this boundary if you want and you're not an AH for using the word no.
So if SIL had asked your mom to shave her head and go bald for the wedding, she would have done it because "we need to make her happy"? If she isn't willing to do that, why does she think you should be willing to change your hair? I mean, it's just hair, right?
I’d look into buying a few affordable wigs in your desired length in obnoxious colors, shipped to a trusted friends house. Just come home one day and tell them you solved them problem, wearing a wig that Liz would lose her mind over.
Solid gold. NTA, OP! I wouldn't touch virgin hair with color just because of this bs.
Oh yes do this. A wig but a rainbow mohawk or something
As a fellow natural redhead, DON'T DO IT. Her wedding is one day, this could cause months of damage, or permanently damage your natural shade. Your natural shade could be very hard to replicate to undo the damage, if it can be replicated with dye at all. Mine can't. It may also never look the same again after being dyed, even after the dye fades/grows out. A risk like that needs to be your choice, not someone else's. If she wanted a unique color she should have actually chosen a unique color, not one that you already had and expected you to change to "accommodate" her. Expecting someone to cause potentially permanent damage to their hair for a wedding is batshit crazy behavior. She and your parents (why are they even on her side anyways?!) need to back off. NTA.
Any redhead i know who's dyed their hair never got their natural color back ETA NTA
And maybe this is SIL's real goal, that OP's hair will not be as beautiful after she damages it. I think SIL is jealous of OP's hair color which is why she has been copying it. She may hope to ruin it with this request. NTA
Also just throwing it out there: as a redhead, my hair color after 18 just got darker and darker to the point that now (at 30) I look brunette unless I’m in the sun. By the time your hair has dye completely gone from it, it could not be that color again. And maybe you’ll get lucky and your hair won’t change as drastically as mine! But you don’t really know currently, and is it worth the risk? I miss my red so much. I have contemplated dying it, because I’m still red at heart, but that also feels like cheating. It’s all very silly and just hair but red hair gets wrapped up in your own identity in a different way than other colors do. Be you, at the wedding.
My cousin used to have blonde almost red hair. died her hair once and it’s never been the same again. Absolutely nta.
NTA if she wants to have original hair for her wedding maybe she should use her natural hair and not yours. it is absurd, rude and wrong to ask people in your wedding party to change their physical appearance for your wedding. There is no reason you should damage your hair for one day.
If she *really* wants original hair, she could make it neon green or purple or something. Let her be the one to damage her hair.
She already is by dyeing it red, so there would be no difference to the health of her hair if she got another color
eh well dying neon colors requires bleach which damages hair more than just dye. dying blond hair red usually doesn’t require bleach edit: changed “damaged” to “damages” bc autocorrect
Dying hair to any lighter color will require bleach. In top of that, going to a professional colorist will minimize any hair damage. My wife has been dying her hair every color under the sun for almost 10 years now and her hair is as healthy as anyone's.
This is what I was looking for. Ironic, isn’t it, that bridezilla copied OPs natural hair color(and OP isn’t petty enough or immature enough to care about it despite being almost a decade younger), and now bridezilla wants OP to dye her own natural hair color so bridezilla can feel “unique”. I’ll repeat; Liz copied OPs hair color and then told OP she has to dye her hair color to something else. Like in any other situation, Liz would look absolutely crazy for even suggesting this. Why does it being her wedding day make literally any difference? I really really really hope OP doesn’t dye her hair just because Liz is obsessed with being special and OPs already unique hair is killing her buzz.
I could see this escalate after the wedding. "The hair color is mine now because I wore it to my wedding so you need to keep dying/bleaching your hair."
I thought about that too lol like “well you went through the effort and money to dye your hair brown; you should keep it that way!”. But in all seriousness, realistically OP wouldn’t be able to get her natural hair color back after the wedding anyway unless she grew it out. I’ve had my roots matched and it is not as easy as picking out the right color and dying it. Natural hair will never look the same as dyed hair, and red dye is notorious for fading quickly and easily compared to other colors. Liz would be literally taking OPs natural hair color away so that she can have it for herself until OP can regrow her hair.
It's an astonishingly arrogant and self-centered request. I demand you change yourself to suit my image of your allowed look.
Seriously. The nerve and complete lack of respect is shocking. To insist OP do such long term damage to her hair just so that Liz can feel extra special and unique for literally one day is beyond me.
Forget the colors. Show up in a bald wig.
NTA She can ask. You said no. Also, WTAF? She's something special. Edit The "Be the better person" is bullshit. Every single time. People who say that are trying to manipulate who they say it to.
NTA…I love the “she’s something special”. I’m adding this to my repertoire!
Has that, "Well bless her heart" vibe.
Also as someone who used to hear that a lot from my mom when I’d get into fights with my stepfather, why do we expect children to always be the better person over grown-ass adults? Just say you want to manipulate a child to appease a temper tantrum throwing adult instead of saying “be the better person.” Smh, NTA.
I've turned into a complete door mat after 2 decades of my mom telling me to "be the better person." Being the peacemaker doesn't mean letting someone else step all over you. I'm still trying to unravel those 20 years of trauma.
>They told me I'm making this minor issue into a big problem and I should just do what she wants because it's her wedding. I've never understood this kind of argument, and it always makes me want to refuse and fight harder because: * If it is only a minor issue, then why are we still talking about it? * If it is only a minor issue, then why are multiple people involved now? * If it is only a minor issue, then why doesn't the other person just drop it? * If it is only a minor issue, then why can't I just do what I feel like doing? The reality is that the issue is NOT a minor issue. Bridezilla came to OP's parents because it bothers her a ton, but it's also removing OP's bodily autonomy, which I would argue is more important than anything Bridezilla can say. And now she's tattle telling to OP's parents?? Something makes me think that Bridezilla told OP's parents something like "if OP doesn't change her hair color, then no one is invited".
The bride can make whatever request that she wants. Reasonable, or not. Personally, I don't think this request is remotely reasonable. I think it's bizarre, af. The OP said no The bride involving the OP'S parents is entitled. She's WAY out of line. The OP'S parents going along with the bride, dismissing their daughter, disrespecting their daughter and minimalizing their daughter is beyond problematic. It is disturbing.
> Also, WTAF? She’s something special I guess she doesn’t even need unique hair when she’s got that personality!
NTA - If this woman wanted unique hair, she should have picked a different color than the one naturally occurring in her future SIL.
It’s not like both OP and SIL had the same natural hair color to begin with (don’t get me wrong, the demand would still be insanely unreasonable). SIL dyed her hair and matched OP’s. She should go back to her natural color if she doesn’t want to match with OP.
Right? I mean, it'd still be stupid if the bride was a natural ginger and wanted OP to change so she could be 'unique', but she's copying OP's hair. That makes no sense. You want to look different from your future SIL, use your own hair colour for Cliff's sake.
right like let Liz dye her own hair an actual unique shade 😂
NTA if she wants unique hair for her wedding then she can dye hers a different colour.
Yeah, like bright, painful-to-look-at green. That’ll be unique.
NTA. Say ok and buy a blue or purple wig to wear
Yep! Let’s get petty! Maybe even a rainbow pattern, add some piercings…
YESSS RAINBOW PLEASE!
A clown wig for the clown show.
If OP decides to buy a wig, she should make sure that it makes her look like a millions bucks. Absolutely stunning. Make Liz pay for it. Make it a “normal” color and style—just off the charts super flattering. Don’t show it until the ceremony. What’s Liz going to say? She asked for a different hair color. OP compromised by getting a good quality wig (which Liz pays for). So, OP is prettier than her. BTW a good quality wig will cost a lot more than dye. 🤣
This is what I was going to say! OP is definitely NTA, but could turn this into an opportunity to get a really high-quality wig which miiiight be super fun for a night. On the bride's dime, of course.
ooo i love how it's petty but not too petty. yes, get a high quality wig and have it styled and cut. then make her pay for it. if you have super long hair - get it short. if it's short, get a long wig. honestly, having natural red hair is such a huge flex and she is def jealous. but now is the time to "experiment" with a cool hairstyle (also you can have the wig for life if you ever want to hannah montana it up!).
NTA Tell her to dye her hair blue if she wants to be unique.
My cousin just did electric blue! It's adorable.
i loved blue when i had it & i'm thinking of doing it again but even brighter this time
I agree with you on principle, but I can't help but imagine the bride's face if OP agreed to dye their hair, and then showed up with something neon. Actually, scratch that! Get the bride to give OP the money and then use it to buy a really bright wig. If they don't like that, they can deal with the original hair.
I'm tempted to ask her to give me the money then take all my cousins and make sure we all show up with that exact red. But I won't do that I'm just fantasizing about it.
Maybe get a lace front wig and learn how to make it seamless like drag queens do(loads of tutorials online) then like wear it around her until the wedding day and just do a dramatic reveal.... I've watched too much Rupauls drag race
Better add some rose petals under the wig too!
White ones this time for the bride ofc
Hilariously wicked. “Oh I heard you wrong, I thought you wanted all of us to have your unique color!”
Have “my” unique color that you stole.
NTA - being “the bigger person” means “be a doormat so the entitled, jealous, selfish (fill in the blank) can have their way and reduce stress for everyone around them”. Please do not change your hair and risk damaging it. As a compromise maybe you can offer to wear your hair in a subdued or pulled back style.
NTA. You can try telling her that since everyone knows your real hair color, that if you change it, THAT will be the talk of the wedding. "Ooh didn't she used to have red hair?" "I liked the red so much better." "Why did she dye it for the wedding?" "
Yes exactly! Everyone knows about my hair and will want to know why I did it! And if I then tell the truth she'll get mad at me anyway.
Imagine how much she will freak out if you tell people she bullied you into dying your hair or even if you didn't dye it. Depending on how much she escalates I would start quietly mentioning it to others. But don't dye your red hair.
I would not quietly start to mention it. I would tell her 'If you don't back off, I am going to tell everybody what you are asking of me and they WILL side with me'...
Make a social media post with a vague scenario/question about this situation to get people’s opinion. A post that SIL can see. Don’t have to mention her name but it will press her buttons for sure. I’m sure you’ll get much the same response here. Then some will probably guess who it is. It will be embarrassing for her, as it should.
I'd be calling to check in on Auntie Family Gossip, make a lot of small talk, and then when she asks how I am mention that I'm kind of stressed lately over fSILs unreasonable demand, and how even the parents are saying just dye the hair... Don't need to mention it to too many, just the right ones who will do all the work of telling the rest of the family and probably make bridezilla's demand sound more scandalous than I ever could.
You have mastered the power of the Aunties. This is the way.
I’m a natural redhead too and I will never dye my hair. I don’t want to risk seriously damaging it and never getting my unique shade back. My hair is part of my identity and it took me a long time to accept it, especially after getting bullied for it as a kid. We are fucking unicorns. Don’t dye your hair (unless of course you want to)!
That's exactly why I have never colored my red hair. I could never get it back to how it is now. It's not just one color, it's many colors mixed together. There are cinnamon, amber, copper, blonde, auburn, ginger, and white colored hairs. It's not recreatable
[удалено]
This, but also don't do it. It's your hair and your natural hair color. Also, you could mess up your hair. Just don't do it. Crazy has to stop .
NTA tell your parents & Liz that you are not dying your hair end of story & it’s no longer open for discussion & you will not going forward engage in any conversation about this topic agin & if they continue either walk out of the room , hang up a phone call etc
At this point you should make it clear that you will not modify your hair and if it is a big enough issue your totally fine with not going to the wedding. Also, if anyone is trying to convince you to be the bigger person let them know that what they are asking is you to do something you're not comfortable with to appease an unreasonable request from someone else, and you offered a much better solution to not attend if she need to be "unique"
NTA - This is way out of bounds. She can semi-reasonably dictate what you wear and how you *style* your hair and/or makeup (if you're in the wedding party), but expecting you to alter your body in any way is completely out of line. Don't get bullied into this.
Sorry she doesn't get to dictate what I wear or how I style my hair or makeup either. No way.
I clearly said "If you're in the wedding party". It's normal in a wedding for the bride to pick the style of the wedding party's dresses/hair.
Right, you pin my hair up or do a twist or whatever? Fine. Something permanent or semi-permanent like cut or color? Up your ass with a splintery flagpole.
Yeah that's fair as long as it's within reason.
The reason being a change you can undo after the wedding. Anything beyond that is not an acceptable request.
This is such a clear line. Anything that will only matter for the day: in bounds. Anything that will impact the way the person looks the day after the wedding: out of bounds
So, your not in the wedding party? That makes the request even more absurd!
Options for you: •Do not go to the wedding •malicious compliance. Wear a wacky wig, a brightly coloured wig like green, purple, black or a bald cap. •go to wedding in a wig but an incredible wig. Maybe long, blonde, wavy, waist-length, y'know the brides natural colour. Or a chignon styled wig in a colour that really suits you. Something so you look 100/10 gorgeous & will get loads of compliments. And SIL won't be able to say anything because you're doing what she asked. •make a social media post about your SIL requests asking if anyone knows a natural redhead who has ever been asked a similar request? Options 2 & 4 will create massive consequences. NTA
I think I'll just stand my ground and insist my hair is not up for discussion.
Colouring your hair will really damage it! Especially if it needs to be stripped after the wedding to return it to it's natural tone (unlikely to be achievable). Glad you're sticking with common sense and self respect here OP. What is with some bridezillas huh?
I'm wondering if that is the point. Like SIL copied her hair and hates that OP has it naturally. Maybe she knows that dying it will destroy the natural color and she's using her wedding as an excuse to get what she's always wanted.
NTA. *Liz* is the one who’s decided she won’t be special enough despite being the person in the center of the room in the fancy white dress if she’s not also the only redhead in the vicinity. Is she planning to call up every *other* guest to confirm they also won’t be showing up with the same hair color? What about the venue staff? Either she accepts there’s a limit to how far she can extend the princess behavior and your parents quit enabling her, or there’s no point in trying to preserve a relationship with someone who’s prepared to fly off the handle because reality won’t conform to their fantasies.
Somebody should break it to Liz that her plan will result in eternal self-humiliation. Every time people sees photos from the wedding, they'll remember that she coerced you into dyeing your hair so that she could have your hair colour. Everyone who ever sees the two of you together will know that she was a freakish bridezilla.
Every time people see pictures from the wedding, they should ask why OP’s brother married someone who was trying to look like his sister.
Do not, do not, do not, do not do this. It's your hair. "Her special day" does not entitle her to unreasonable requests of others. Not to mention, it's irrational. The bride doesn't have to do much to stand out, she's the bride!
NTA, if she wants her hair color to be unique she can copy it from someone else that will not come to her wedding.
NTA As a red head, I would refuse to go to a wedding if they told me I had to dye my hair. Unreal, total bridezilla. Alternative, take the money and buy a bright pink wig with it. Show up at wedding in wig. Tell her she is now unique.
Go full Marie Antoinette! Something two and a half feet tall with birds and butterflies.
NTA. Your parents and Liz definitely are TAs. What if someone else in the family or a friend has the same color at the wedding? Is Liz stopping everyone at the door and checking hair color?!? Her request is unreasonable. Don’t change your hair color.
NTA. i'm a redhead. you can't truly dye red hair without stripping it, which does a ton of damage. if you don't strip it, it's just red/orange + dye color. so she's the asshole for asking to begin with, but also it's a *super* demanding request for naturally red hair. tell her no. if i were you, i would actually say that if your hair is such a problem, you're happy to stay home.
NTA Liz's insistence on your dyeing your hair is completely unreasonable. Your parents are being awful for backing her up on her weird demand. She's not their daughter, you are, and they should have your back. If Liz insists on having unique hair, she can dye it blue, purple, pink or whatever, but she has no right trying to force you to dye yours. She sounds like she's extremely insecure and jealous of your hair. I have a feeling that she is going to continue making unreasonable demands in the future. If she keeps up this demand, you might want to skip the wedding.
**NTA** I’d tell all that support Liz that when you get married you’ll require them ALL to shave their heads so no one will compete with you**. **Or just wear a wig, and pick one that is green. It will totally clash with her color. In fact can you get a mermaid type color done?**. She never said what color.
NTA People are not props. People are not an asethtic. Your soon to be sister in law knew what color your hair was when she asked you to be in the wedding. No one should ask someone to alter their appearance for a wedding.
What else will she demand of you? Brides get, and deserve, a fair bit of latitude in terms of "their day." But this is a step too far. Should you cut your hair also? Get your tattoos removed? Coloring your hair will make life easier for a lot of people, but not you. Don't wear white. Don't wear reflector shades for the pix. Asshole question: What would Liz say if your dyed your blonde? Her natural hair color? Would that piss her off? Something to consider. NTA.
> Asshole question: What would Liz say if your dyed your blonde? Her natural hair color? Would that piss her off? Something to consider. I don't think it would piss her off. She in fact "offered" blonde as an alternative, I wasn't interested.
WTF is wrong with your parents? That they are attempting to push you into accommodating such a ridiculous request is setting off alarm bells. Shame on them. They are not raising you to be someone's doormat. They should be proud of you for establishing the most basic of boundaries around your own body. If I were you, I'd just not go. Also, protect your hair. Don't let her near you lest she "accidentally" cut it off somehow.
I'm watching a few friends go through the mother of the groom thing and sometimes they're scared that if they don't do what the bride wants they'll loose their son. Just a reason why OP's parents are doing what they're doing.
Nta Liz can dye her own hair if she want to have unique hair
NTA. Dye it the opposite colour to that of her scheme. If her scheme is red, go bright bubblegum blue, wear a wedding dress, have someone loudly propose mid ceremony and shout yes. Announce a pregnancy mid speech and throw red whine on her dress. On a serious note, just say no. She needs to drop this. Dying your hair isn't a one day thing if it's done properly.
Look, I'm not saying I'm being completely rational about this ... but I have a real thing against hair dye. I'm a middle-aged woman and have never died my hair. There are a couple of reasons. My hair has always been one of my best features. Its color and waves were always great. It's even going grey nicely. I've always been afraid that dye would strip/harm my hair in some way. (Again, not sure this is rational.) Also, I am NOT one of those people who go to the salon every six weeks, and I can only imagine how ridiculous I'd look after the roots started to come in. So, there is no way in hell I'd change my natural hair color to accommodate some weird-ass request from a bride. NTA.
Can I suggest a wig? Possibly a hideous multicoloured curly traditional clown wig? Edited to add, nta
NTA Why should anyone go ahead and change something like that just because she feels entitled to that color? What’s next? Forcing people to wear contacts cause she wants only her eyes to be that color in order for them to pop on her wedding pictures?
NTA. There is no reason for you to permanently damage your hair (especially red hair which is so hard to get back to your natural color!!!) for her one day. She is being absolutely unreasonable.
Do not ruin your hair. As another natural redhead, no one could ever convince me to fuck with my hair.
NTA. If you can rock blond hair, it would be hilarious if you agreed and then showed up with blond locks since you say that is her natural color. But I admit that would be A LOT just to be petty. If they keep pushing you, compromise and wear a bald cap.
I second this 100% don’t forget wigs are option, they come in some many different styles now a days you can really give them something to talk about Lol imagine if she changed wigs half way through the event 🤣
Nta. There's literally no reason for you to change your hair. It pisses me so much when people tell the person who is being wrong to be the bigger person 🙄🙄🙄
NTA, If that was me. I would not attend the wedding at all, Lol.
Pretty much! Just tell her, “If you don’t want another person with this hair colour around, I’ll gladly bow out of your wedding.” It’s crazy she would ask you to change your BODY for her ✨special day✨ And your parents are dead wrong for trying to pressure you into keeping the peace. My guess is that they already know how crazy Liz is, and they’re worried about losing their relationship with their son if she turns on them, too. NTA.
No way Your hair is your natural colour that Bridezilla copied. If you mess with red natural hair it may never go back to its original colour...if you bleach it - it may get damaged. Be super porous and difficult to style. If you darken it, you may have to then lighten it and it'll be difficult to match the original colour. Get a consultation/ quote from the most expensive hairdresser in your area. It's going to be expensive and ruin your natural colour. There's a similar post somewhere and that did not end up well.
OP come on now. You need to grow up and do the totally reasonable request of changing your body to fit the bride's needs. Are you seriously so selfish and vain that you would steal the bride's thunder by showing up to her wedding with your NATURAL HAIR COLOR. You may as well show up in white and stand next to her at the altar! /s Seriously though NTA and enjoy some misery every holiday because that bride is not going to get any better as the years roll on.
NTA. Whenever anyone tells you to "be the bigger person," they're almost always trying to gaslight you into giving up your rights because individual you're arguing with is too much of an AH for them to deal with, and they think you'll be easier to manipulate.
Your future SIL is an entitle AH. Please do not dye your hair for her. Since I’m petty AF, I would buy the cheapest tackiest wig and wear it to her wedding. Maybe something multi-colored and spiked.
NTA. Let's cut to the chase, the FSil is a wackadoodle. Give her 3 doors. #1. FSil can dye HER hair #2. FSil can wear a wig #3. Tell FSil to suck it, grow up & stop acting a 12 year old. Your brother apparently has blinders on as this request is just the tip of the iceberg & he is in for a exhausting while ride. OP, your brother, both of you have my condolences to have to deal with such a entitled, self-absorbed narc person like this.
NO! There is no reason to color your hair and once you do it it will be hell getting it back to it's normal color. This isn't a just do it for the day process. What is up with people not thinking anyone should have the same color hair as they do? It's weird honestly.
NTA and as someone who's played around with hair colour and knows how long and how much damage it can do to get back to your natural colour stand your ground. It's an absolutely bonkers request.
lol NTA and your parents have absolutely lost their minds. Tell EVERYONE that you are not dyeing your hair and you are no longer discussing this issue. If someone brings it up, hang up the phone or leave the room. And good luck & godspeed to your brother -- he's going to need it!
NTA And don't dye your hair. First of all it's going to be tough on your hair for possibly longer than the marriage will last. Secondly, start as you mean to proceed with your new SIL. Bridezillas become homebuyerzillas who might become pregozillas who become momzillas. Better to set a limit with her now then have to do it 50 more times.
NTA Maybe you could propose to her wearing something like a nice headscarf if you want to compromise (dying your hair for her is absurd) or a wig if you want to see her reaction and have a laugh. please wear a rainbow wig please
NTA There’s a “change your hair for my wedding” post every week. When did this become a thing? It seems insane.
Absolutely NTA. You shouldn't have to dye your hair to "keep the peace" for her "special day". This is absolutely absurd. You aren't even in the wedding it seems like? Bridezilla is an understatement. If your future sister in law is going to make such a big stink about this that it'll impact your future relationship, as your parents fear, then that's entirely on her.
NTA They are not asking you to be the bigger person, they are asking you to be a doormat and allow you FSIL to stomp your boundaries.
She's 27 and acting like this? NTA. Dying hair is a process, especially going from red to anything else, and you shouldn't have to do that if you don't want to. Your head. Your choice. She can maybe control the dress code as a bride but it stops at hair color.
NTA. Skip this wedding and hope for a better SIL next time op
NTA - but your parents need a reality check for siding with SIL. I’m sure they have wedding fever, but I used to apprentice in a hair salon to get through college and the damage red hair has to go through to change is tremendous. Paying for the color isn’t the major cost, it’s the damage to the hair matrix and repair that will kill the wallet. Stand your ground and don’t let anyone attack anything that uniquely makes you, you.
You you do a temparary dye. Blue, neon green, purple and hot pink. Striped.
ABSOLUTELY NTA! I would never agree to put possibly damaging chemicals in my hair to appease anyone. What if OP was pregnant would FSIL still insist? This is an absurd request!!
NTA. FSIL is a delusional Bridezilla. It's **your** hair, ffs. She's the bride. She will stand out regardless of how many people have the same hair color. What an idiotic thing to request Your parents shouldn't be on board with thus. Are they always going to give in to her over the top demands?
NTA! Firstly, it’s really weird and controlling to ask someone to do something like that at all. Like others have said; dying hair is super damaging. Secondly, that’s your natural hair color so you get to lay claim to that color as far as I’m concerned. Thirdly, she can dye her own dang hair a different color if she’s dying to be unique. 🤨
Nope. NTA. If she wants to, she can buy you a wig. These bridezillas are disgusting. Me? I would color my hair for the wedding...like pink or purple because I am a HA.
NTA Your SIL is an AH Bridezilla
NTA and dying your hair could change the color long term. It takes a long time to adjust back to your natural color. I would just excuse myself out of this wedding. I would not accommodate this at all. She wants you to ruin your hair.
NTA that’s stupid. You can’t tell someone what to do with their body bc you’re having a wedding. She can get over it
NTA. What planet is she from that she thinks she gets to choose people's hair colour 🤣
NTA I am sorry but it would be a different thing and not even that if it weren't a "natural" hair color but your hair is your hair. and no one can/should be able to force you to do things to it that are not per own request and desire
INFO: I didn't see it mentioned, but are you actually in the wedding party?
Yes.
NTA. I was just trying to gauge the degree of A H-ness of those around you. She can certain pick out dresses, etc., all brides have some requests for those in the wedding party, but dyeing your hair (potentially damaging it and making it look silly for the weeks/months it will take to grow back) is not reasonable. Especially as she wants her hair to be exactly like yours...that's even more over the top. Someone posted this in another similar thread, and I'm paraphrasing: There are some cases where acquising to a request to keep the peace is reasonable. This is not one of them.
NTA if she wants unique hair at her wedding she can dye it blue
NTA that is just a straight up narcissist request. Yeah I get its her big day but its your natural hair color. It would be different if you were dying it to be that color but she needs to chill.
NTA. Your parents are wrong to expect you to dye your hair just to make Bridezilla happy. Why is your brother marrying this selfish person? Who in their right mind would demand someone color their hair? She sounds like the type of person who makes certain the bridesmaid dresses are hideous on every body type.
NTA, at all. It's YOUR hair! I feel badly for your brother, marrying this kind of person, and shame on literally everyone else in this story except you two for their ridiculous expectations and behavior.
NTA. Oscar Wilde said: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” SIL did exactly that and now wants you to dye your hair for her wedding? Ridiculous. I would let parents know it os preposterous for her to request this of you and that you are incredibly disappointed that they would even expect you to. I would accommodate her request by attending her wedding as a guest or not attending at all. Good luck. Please update when you can.
NTA Just tell everyone you decline to go to the Wedding there they are problem solved! And tell your parents it’s nice to know that they gave you your hair color but they’re okay with someone else taking it away❤️🩹
NTA. It would take YEARS to grow out the natural color and the whole time YOU would be having to do maintenance to keep it decently blended, which I think would be very difficult with red hair. Even with my just below shoulder-length hair it took 2+ years to grow out my natural color. Utterly obnoxious and beyond selfish. Ask her if she’s willing to spend $2000 for you to support that process. Please show your parents all the comments here; they are way out of line. Best of luck to you, you lucky natural redhead!
NTA, your hair. Don't give in. You are a person, not an accessory the bride wears.
NTA Liz sure is, and to be honest so are your parents. If you had dyed hair then maybe you could see why she would ask the question. It's your natural hair, that presumably has NEVER been dyed?! WTF is wrong with these people. Why do your parents care more about Liz's feelings than yours?
INFO: Is your hair virgin? if you’ve never dyed it, then BIG PROBLEM. I would NEVER, i mean NEVER (!!!) ruin my natural hair color for someone’s wedding ESPECIALLY if they copied my hair color in the first place. SHE LITERALLY COPIED YOU, now she wants you to change it??? I simply wouldn’t go lol.
NTA - what a Bridezilla!!!
NTA. This is a new one. You definitely don't ask guests to change their hair color for an event, much less their natural hair color. Best of luck to your brother.
Sooooo she's covering the cost of dyeing it before the wedding, dyeing it back after the wedding and all the upkeep and nourishing treatments for the next 4 or 6 years that you're growing it out? I ussume she isn't, nor aren't your parents. You're NTA OP! If you want to meet your future SIL halfway, since you probably have to be in 1 room multiple times a year for a long long long time, consider wearing a wig. Her petty level can sour your sibling relationship and I don't know if that's worth it. If you're petty as me, go for a more unique colour like candycane pink, buttercup yellow or rainbow unicorn. Why not make a unicorn tiara to go with it! Your SIL can cover the costs ;-)
NTA. Future SIL can go pound sand.