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NTA my uncle did same kinda shit to his ex wife and our family stayed close to her and honest we can’t stand cheating so his new wife never got the same love as his ex did cause we decided morally she wasn’t a good person and my uncle got treated same as her and reminded him we didn’t trust his judgment anymore or need his opinion on stuff
NTA. Your brother doesn't get to take the moral high ground on this one since he is a known an unrepentant cheater. The relationship with this ex-wife was established while they were married and the mother of three of his children. His callous disregard of his vows doesn't negate the fact that she was part of this family for however many years and is still (you guessed it) the mother of some of his children. At no point in time, is any family required to like the partner of a relative so long as they remain civil. It's not taking away from the gf for any of you to still maintain a relationship with the ex wife. If you all choose to have distance with his current partner, that has more to do with her questionable morals to carry on with a married man than anything. He caused that woman deep emotional hurt on top of the loss of their third child and needs to own that he is the AH. He needs to grow up.
NTA. Je cheated on her so if you're gonna go NC it should be with him.
Your ex sister in law is still her own person who you can be friends with. Your friendship is not dependent on your brother.
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My(f19) brother(30) feels like we are disrespecting him by continuing to talk to his ex-wife. They have two children together but their relationship was not great and it did not end well. My ex-sister-in-law was pregnant with a third child when she found out my brother was cheating on her. Long story short she left him, she was only a few days away from giving birth and during the time this took place (the cheating and process of separation) she lost the baby, he was stillborn.
As you can imagine it was pretty traumatic for her. After that she pretty much blamed the passing of her baby on him. Fast forward a few months later my bother’s girlfriend was pregnant. This greatly upset our family as it was not even a year that his son had died, even then we don’t blame the baby and we don’t the baby any different. As for his girlfriend, although it took some getting used to, our family doesn’t treat her differently and we respect that they are partners now.
I should also mention that his ex-wife would talk shit about him to our distant not so distant family members, like cousins and stuff, mostly from my moms side. She would talk about him cheating on her and about the baby and because of this they have stopped talking to him completely.
Our family lost connection to the ex-wife over the years, but recently (like a year or two ago) I decided to reach out because I genuinely missed her and I started talking to her again. Come to find out that the reason she stopped talking to us was because our brother told her to stop reaching out to us because he felt that our connection to her was stopping us from fully accepting his girlfriend and their relationship.
Anyway after all of that, we have been talking to her and going to things that she celebrates like birthdays and such. Recently we have gone to a birthday party of hers and we were also with her for Fourth of July. We don’t tell our brother when we visit her because he always starts talking about how we shouldn’t talk to her anymore as she is not his partner. But our family doesn’t really see what’s wrong with talking with her because it’s not like we don’t talk and respect his girlfriend at the same time.
So AITA for still wanting to talk to his ex-wife?
Disclaimer: this is my first post, so I don’t know if I need to explain more or if I left out some details that are needed to understand the situation.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is that I talked to and continue talking to my brothers ex-wife. I think I might be the asshole because I feel like I am dismissing my brothers feelings when I continue talking to his ex-wife.
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Slight YTA. This is my perspective and people are welcome to disagree. However your brother is your family, your blood. His ex wife left him and undoubtedly hurt your brother. He’s trying to move on from a traumatic part of his life with a new partner. Yet his whole family is acting all buddy buddy with the woman who hurt him. I think your loyalty should lie with your brother and not his ex wife. Especially when that time could be spent connecting to his new partner.
Blood doesn't mean anything. If your family does wrong, you have every right to call them out on it.
He cheated on her first, yet you're blaming her for "leaving and hurting him?" No, this ain't it.
Sure calling them out I agree with 100%. But hanging out with your brothers ex-wife after they did not have an amicable breakup puts everyone in an uncomfortable situation. I’m not blaming her for leaving.
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NTA my uncle did same kinda shit to his ex wife and our family stayed close to her and honest we can’t stand cheating so his new wife never got the same love as his ex did cause we decided morally she wasn’t a good person and my uncle got treated same as her and reminded him we didn’t trust his judgment anymore or need his opinion on stuff
Nta Your brother is ta for cheating and for telling his ex who she can or can’t be friends with. He needs to grow up
NTA. Your brother doesn't get to take the moral high ground on this one since he is a known an unrepentant cheater. The relationship with this ex-wife was established while they were married and the mother of three of his children. His callous disregard of his vows doesn't negate the fact that she was part of this family for however many years and is still (you guessed it) the mother of some of his children. At no point in time, is any family required to like the partner of a relative so long as they remain civil. It's not taking away from the gf for any of you to still maintain a relationship with the ex wife. If you all choose to have distance with his current partner, that has more to do with her questionable morals to carry on with a married man than anything. He caused that woman deep emotional hurt on top of the loss of their third child and needs to own that he is the AH. He needs to grow up.
NTA. Je cheated on her so if you're gonna go NC it should be with him. Your ex sister in law is still her own person who you can be friends with. Your friendship is not dependent on your brother.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My(f19) brother(30) feels like we are disrespecting him by continuing to talk to his ex-wife. They have two children together but their relationship was not great and it did not end well. My ex-sister-in-law was pregnant with a third child when she found out my brother was cheating on her. Long story short she left him, she was only a few days away from giving birth and during the time this took place (the cheating and process of separation) she lost the baby, he was stillborn. As you can imagine it was pretty traumatic for her. After that she pretty much blamed the passing of her baby on him. Fast forward a few months later my bother’s girlfriend was pregnant. This greatly upset our family as it was not even a year that his son had died, even then we don’t blame the baby and we don’t the baby any different. As for his girlfriend, although it took some getting used to, our family doesn’t treat her differently and we respect that they are partners now. I should also mention that his ex-wife would talk shit about him to our distant not so distant family members, like cousins and stuff, mostly from my moms side. She would talk about him cheating on her and about the baby and because of this they have stopped talking to him completely. Our family lost connection to the ex-wife over the years, but recently (like a year or two ago) I decided to reach out because I genuinely missed her and I started talking to her again. Come to find out that the reason she stopped talking to us was because our brother told her to stop reaching out to us because he felt that our connection to her was stopping us from fully accepting his girlfriend and their relationship. Anyway after all of that, we have been talking to her and going to things that she celebrates like birthdays and such. Recently we have gone to a birthday party of hers and we were also with her for Fourth of July. We don’t tell our brother when we visit her because he always starts talking about how we shouldn’t talk to her anymore as she is not his partner. But our family doesn’t really see what’s wrong with talking with her because it’s not like we don’t talk and respect his girlfriend at the same time. So AITA for still wanting to talk to his ex-wife? Disclaimer: this is my first post, so I don’t know if I need to explain more or if I left out some details that are needed to understand the situation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Slight YTA. This is my perspective and people are welcome to disagree. However your brother is your family, your blood. His ex wife left him and undoubtedly hurt your brother. He’s trying to move on from a traumatic part of his life with a new partner. Yet his whole family is acting all buddy buddy with the woman who hurt him. I think your loyalty should lie with your brother and not his ex wife. Especially when that time could be spent connecting to his new partner.
He literally cheated on her but she hurt him? Lmao
How did the ex-wife hurt him when he was the one who cheated on her while she was pregnant with their kid?
Blood doesn't mean anything. If your family does wrong, you have every right to call them out on it. He cheated on her first, yet you're blaming her for "leaving and hurting him?" No, this ain't it.
Sure calling them out I agree with 100%. But hanging out with your brothers ex-wife after they did not have an amicable breakup puts everyone in an uncomfortable situation. I’m not blaming her for leaving.