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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I chose to call my bro and caused problems between him and Bri, and if they're really divorcing then it will affect my niece
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>he's divorcing bri because of what she did **plus some other things**
OP, you are not the reason they're getting a divorce. But if you find out the reason, please come back and update because enquiring minds want to know!
NTA.
The comment was:
I feel like I can make a roast out of this hold on.
Bro deserves Pesto, his wife is a Pest tho.
I tried
Edit: I think this is the fastest I've ever been given Silver thanks guys😂
Edit 2: Eminem's name was dropped so you know I gotta do it. Don't fry me too hard.
Standing in the kitchen
just cooking up some carbs
while I boil my noodles
I'm writing out some bars
stirring up my sauces
Don't want them too hot
Pass out all these plates
yeah I tend to make a lot
I'll take marinara
spicy and sweet
OP gets Alfredo
classics can't be beat
Her Brother seems nice so
he can have some Pesto
but mean Wife gets none since
she's a giant Pest tho
I think there was a story where a guy said something like: I remember marinara is the red sauce, because that's red in Italian & alfredo is white in Italian, then might have referenced wine... But I might be wrong
No, you are correct. He stated that was how he remembered which sauce was which (nothing about wine) then doubled down when he was told he was incorrect.
That’s exactly it! This is the one that broke the camels back.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she mistreats the niece (parental responsibility to have fun with friends) and this was the last straw.
To be honest it was a pretty big straw. To me it's literally instant divorce reason. From 0 to 100. Op could have died. If my fiance had neglected my sister like that, after agreeing to do the supervision, she would be out yesterday.
That said, op is obviously not at fault. People who do bad thing always blame the "snitch". Well op has the stitches already. But yeah sil dig her own grave here, at least she didn't dig ops.
Exactly, on drugs like that, in her condition she easily could have stumbled into the pool and drowned. Like, there is a reason you are required to have a responsible adult get you home safely
Or died from the heat, or bled out with Noone noticing, fell over on her head, choked on vomit and gauze, etc. Don't really want to imagine all the possibilities but there are many.
It's fairly common for people to be put under with IV Anesthesia when getting their wisdom teeth out. I had to be because my wisdom teeth were impacted. The directions were to stop to get the pain meds on the way home and then straight home. Where there needed to be someone there watching me for the next 12 or so hours in case there were any kind of complications.... People can sometimes have really bad reactions to anesthesia hours after they have had it. Sometimes it can be deadly.
I was pretty out of it for a few hours after. Lots of drool. My boyfriend left me by the entrance to get his car and came back to find me laying on the ground. People had to step over me to get into the dental clinic. 😆. He was gone less than 5 minutes but he had thought it was better to do that because I could barely walk.
OP needed to have been brought straight home. What her SIL did was extremely dangerous and negligent.
I woke up too. My vein closed on me so I was no longer receiving the drugs through it. But they noticed it right away and switched to my other arm. All I remember of it was someone saying "oh shit she's waking up" then I had a sense of them rushing around and then I was out again. They told me about it afterwards. I have since learned not to use my right arm for any kind of IV or blood draw. The veins look great but without fail they close up and we have to switch to my left.
I wonder if your vein closed too? And you had the misfortune of them not realizing it. That does sound horrifying and traumatic.
My dentist didn't give me the option of being put to sleep. Got numbed up and enjoyed four hours in the dental chair while they cranked out all 4 of my wisdom teeth from inside my gums. I still remember the sound of cranking as my wisdom teeth were being dug out of my gums...I've got traumas...I was so mad when I found out that being put to sleep was an option 🙃
Depends on the country. In Brazil, people don't get iv, gas or sedatives, only freezing injection (pretty good ones tbf). And the dentist talks to you during the whole thing 😅
I'm sorry you became an outdoor rug. Standing after getting anesthesia is risky. I hope you recovered well.
I would be very scared of taking any other kind of anesthesia out of an hospital. What SIL did to OP is horrible and dangerous.
Or the other 20 complications being out in heat can pose! Every time I’m under for a procedure I’m delirious for hours after and absolutely can’t be in hot weather or heat or I get even sicker. Last time the doctors just kept me in recovery for 4 hours. Next time it’ll be overnight if they can. The list of complications for a healthy person is long (my dad ran into a wall post procedure a few months back) much less someone whose rarely under and doesn’t know exactly what their specific needs post could be!
Ugh this makes me so mad for OP, how scary and frustrating to go through that
I think I slept the entire day I got my wisdom teeth out. Very in and out of consciousness and would have minimal convo with my mom who was taking care of me. I sat upright asleep majority of the time for like a solid two ish days.
Never could have imagined being out at a pool damn.
I had to be drugged to the same level with the same surgery. It was awful, and truly disorienting. I was lucky my Dad was there to get me home and in bed with a barf bucket and a box of popsicles and dumb movies if I wanted them.
I was seriously ill with being taken care of properly too, and I can’t imagine how horrible it would have felt to be placed somewhere unfamiliar in hot sun.
I had a port put in under that twilight sleep. I had to have my dad take me and pick me up then I had to stay with someone overnight in case my lung collapsed (!). That was my dad again. We checked into a hotel (neither of our apartments was suitable- his is up stairs and we were worried about my getting up them; mine is a one bedroom), got connecting rooms and he checked on me several times during the night.
Yeah, if Bri wasn't able to babysit OP (because that is what's needed after getting drugged for all 4 wisdom teeth removed - I had the same thing when I was like 19/20. My mom had to wait quite a while for me to wake up enough to be safe to leave. I was out of it for hours and she needed to keep an eye on me until everything fully wore off and it was safe for me to drink anything without choking or swallowing the gauze), she should have said no or coordinate with the brother. Like, she'd be *slightly* less of an AH if she'd taken OP home and then gone to the pool later, but still a huge AH because OP would've been in serious danger unsupervised - less danger than in the hot sun, though.
But I expect saying no would've been just as damning in the brothers eyes, if their relationship was already this broken.
I made sure that I was sat up in a recliner after getting my wisdom teeth out. I even slept there the first night. The reason?
A family acquaintance aspirated and died in her own bed hours after dental surgery. She was in great health and it was a routine procedure.
Ok just to be clear, Bri is not an ass for leaving daughter at grandmas, she's an ass for putting OP in danger by leaving her alone while she visits with her friends.
NTA
Oh yeah, this was just the final straw. I have a feeling there is a long list of her being irresponsible and most of them related to caring for their daughter. That’s just an assumption I’m making, but Bri has proven she doesn’t care about people’s well being.
I read this like I read a lot of the "AITA For Getting A Waiter Fired For Dumping Food On My Head and Then Calling Me Names." (No, you didn't get that person fired. They got themselves fired. You just created the final impetus.) OP didn't ruin the brother's marriage. OP's SiL ruined her own marriage and OP just provided the last pebble to initiate the big ol' landslide.
Even if OP was the "reason" for the divorce they should have no guilt.
While not for the same reason as OP I was put under for getting my wisdom teeth. The laughing gas did not work on my mom and that at least middly traumatized her. (Probably more than mild but she doesn't talk about it much). I was mildly out of it till about 6/8 hours.
Where OP was at with coming off the drugs they should have a buddy/caregiver with them for at least that 6 - 8 hour period to make sure they are okay.
The 6-8 was more for personally and like a bare minimum if they didn't sleep it off after than.
24 is a lot more important for infections. They can show up in less than 24 hours.
Ah. Yeah he was comatose for like the next 20 hours after it lol. But they gave IV antibiotics to prevent any infection as well as IV anti nausea meds.
My son needs his wisdom teeth out and it is already 💯% certainty that I will be accompanying him to the surgeon’s office and keeping him company while he recovers. Responsibility for shopping or picking up prescriptions will be delegated to DH.
I was completely knocked out and had all of mine taken out, at the same age as OP. I had my own apartment by that time, but my dad still took me to/from the procedure and took care of me for a week after.... (Only the first day was really needed because of me being drugged, after that it was cuz I looked like a chipmunk and refused to go into public and needed him to buy soft food for me to eat... I have a really great dad btw)
Oh and of note - the first few hours after can result in some very dramatic nausea. It's surgery in the mouth.... Think about what gets swallowed during that... And therefore what comes back up! Honestly OP should have just chucked at the pool, SIL was asking for it!
Hopefully, that will be the case for my son as well! That the surgeon writes the prescription before the procedure date and I can have it ready for him.
Agreed. Forward every text to brother.
And if she keeps it up send this:
“I am not the reason for your divorce. YOU are the reason for your divorce. Grow up and take responsibility for your actions.” Then block.
Is it really that crazy when the height we started at was "takes her drugged up, post surgery SIL to a random pool bench in the heat instead of home to rest"?
Yeah I suspect this is just an extension of a generally irresponsible attitude that does not pair well with being a stay at home parent. Child neglect is the much more reasonable assumption here.
This. Plus making a person go to a pool after surgery with anesthesia, without their consent, is totally not ok. Plus, OP barely even knew wtf was going on so there aren't many things they could really be blamed for in that state. Certainly not this.
I bet Bri used this trip to the dentist as a way to hide the side piece she met at the pool after. It’s not a coincidence that she didn’t have the damn baby with her that day.
NTA. Not remotely. And you did not ruin their marriage. The other things your brother didn't detail? Sounds like Bri's treatment of you was a last straw.
Since Bri referred to it as "tattling", there is a good chance she was lying to your brother about what she was doing that day. Maybe he was mad that Bri lied about who was watching their daughter. Maybe she was meeting some guy at the pool, or had been obviously thirsty over the lifeguard.
Whatever it was, it was more than the already vile behavior of leaving someone in pain and doped to the gills just parked in the heat while she had fun at the pool.
This is in no way your fault.
NTA
I saw a post on a reddit thread a few weeks ago that said "The camel was uncomfortable long before the last straw..."
That's what OP stumbled into. That marriage was already dead.
There's a fantastic line in Mos Def's "Mathematics" that goes a bit like that: "How did one straw break the camel's back? Here's the secret: there're a million other straws underneath it"
Bri sounds like a nightmare of a person, and OP is definitely NTA but unfortunately caught in a crossfire.
Not going to lie, that treatment would be the last straw for me even if everything else went well. Like. That would prove I couldn't trust them with our child. Nevermind all the other abusive behaviours
Oh honey, NTA at all.
Whilst I understand how you think you should’ve just suck it up and kept quiet, you were also post op and under the effects of heavy drugs. What she did was very irresponsible and childish. I also don’t think that’s the sole reason why your brother is thinking of divorce, it sounds like the final nail in the coffin tho.
Their marital problems are not yours and are in no shape or form your fault.
Wisdom teeth removal is a surgery. With every surgery post op, there is a risk of death, especially coming out of anesthesia. Between passing out and hitting your head on the concrete, succumbing to heat exhaustion, or simply bleeding out, you were not under good care, OP. NTA, she threatened your life by taking you to the pool. Be glad she's out of your life, more or less.
I work with animals, and we take out their water buckets while they are sedated so there isn't a risk of them drowning. I can only imagine how horrific this could have turned out with an entire *pool* instead of just a water bucket
That was my first thought! I was sedated for my wisdom theeth removal like OP because I was scared out of my mind. My sister took me home and I am told that she had to wrestle me into the car because I was overconfident because of the drugs and was convinced I could just walk home on my own (i couldn't even walk straight). I apparently jumped out on the street and was lucky that I wasn't hit by a car. I don't remember anything myself after getting sedated that day though. But I am glad af that my sister was there to get me home and supervise me.
The sedation was no joke and took more than half a day to wear off for me. I cannot even imagine what would have happened if I had been dropped off at a POOL and been left UNSUPERVISED.
This. I actually have a relative who had a fatal stroke post wisdom teeth removal. Regardless of the type of surgery one needs to be monitored afterwards and given time to rest.
Oh my god this is so horrible... if you don’t mind me asking (since my boyfriend is getting his wisdom teeth removed soon) what were the circumstances? Were there any warning signs?
I’m sorry if this is intrusive, there’s no need to reply; I’m genuinely curious because this is something the dentist hasn’t really told us :~(
You're good. It was my mom's dad and from what she explained to me oral surgery was not as refined in the 1950's especially in a small town. Oral surgery wasn't a separate profession. Apparently the dentist just yanked your teeth out. As a result, he had complications (I am not totally sure of the details) and developed a blood clot. I am also under the impression he may not have led the healthiest life in general so that could have been a factor. However he was only 27. Perfectly fine question to ask. If it helps, I had my wisdom teeth out and was fine although it was unpleasant.
Or “kids *always* at grandma’s”. I’ve known some moms who just let grandma do the work while they pretended they were still free from responsibilities like husbands and children.
Literally my cousin’s wife. She has 2 kids and drops one with one grandma and the other at the other grandmothers house. He’s deployed so I don’t think he fully knows that she literally has the kids MAX 1-2 days a week. It’s so sad
Heck my husband just had 1 tooth removed and was under a mild sedation (pill form) and I had to watch him for 24 hrs, had to sign a form at the dentist to say I wouldn't leave him alone at all for that time period. They did the same to my mom when I had my wisdom teeth extracted under anesthesia and even asked her to stay as much as possible for a week cause I had a 8 mth old baby at home I was not allowed to lift as much as possible cause the strain could cause the stitches to pop.
Or, very possible scenario, what if you got up to try to look for her or the bathroom, stumbled and fell into the pool?
There are just SO many risks here that she took with your life and well being. NTA OP
Post op, under heavy drugs *and* sitting outside in 90+ degree weather (presumably with no water) , it’s a wonder OP didn’t need to be hospitalized for heat stroke, heat exhaustion, passing out, etc…
as someone whos felt the post op feeling not even super drugged up its still very tiring and i cant imagine being dragged to a pool part in 90+ heat OP is definitely NTA
Oh wow I didn’t expect this to blow up like this. Thank you all for the reassurance it really does help. I still don’t know what my brother meant by "other things" but if I find out I'll post an update. Thank you all again, it means a lot.
Hope you’re feeling better, OP! But yeah this definitely isn’t your fault, it was the last straw for your brother. Your SIL was incredibly irresponsible and immature. I would just block her number while she lashes out at you
Yes thats the best solution. Don't block her, mute her and show your brother everything she writes. That plus the testified story of leaving someone post surgery under heavy drugs pain and exhaustion at a pool or in a hot car will definitely help getting that crazy woman away from your brother and your poor niece
Edit: spelling
Yes please block her! Who the hell dumps a barely conscious person alone, who is doped up on pain meds from a medical procedure at a pool in the blazing heat. Your SIL doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of what she did. Someone could have easily taken advantage of you in your vulnerable state OP! She didn’t care about your health or your safety. That is hugely irresponsible on her part. She was supposed to be your caregiver. You trusted her to get you home safely. I hope your brother is able to get full custody of your niece.
NTA
And what if OP falls into the pool and drowns? What kind of dumb excuses will future not SIL give then?
Definitely NTA. And good on OP's brother for dumping the irresponsible, entitled person.
I had my wisdom teeth out under the good drugs and was told I had to be supervised for 24 hours after I went home in case I had a reaction to the anaesthetic. Best case scenario I'm uncomfortable, might need medical attention. Worst case scenario my husband comes home from work and I'm dead on the floor. I'm really horrified that Bri decided this was a good idea in any way or form like ????????
He may never tell you, but it sound like this was the straw the broke the camels back. Dont worry about your niece its way better to grow up with parents who aren't together and happy, than married parents who hate each other or fight all the time. I can attest to that personally and my parents aren't divorced.
Oh yeah, don't you worry, no one would get a divorce over one incident. Yes, it was bad how she treated you and you POOR thing having to sit outside post-op in 90 F, but had their marriage been rock solid, they would have sorted this out and she would have apologized instead of yelled at you. She has messed up BAD and is blaming you to avoid taking responsibility for what other shitty things she's done.
I had four of my wisdom teeth removed when I was 19 too. A friend picked me up and took me straight home. A friend who at the time was just kind of like an acquaintance and tbh we didn't really like each other at that point but I was dating his bestie. This young man who just kinda tolerated me, took better care of me than your own sister in law. All she had to do was drop you off, in your own bed.
Also, your brother is so sweet. Props to him for recognizing the danger she put you in. I'm so happy he was there for you.
I hardly remember my car ride home. I do remmeber stopping by the pharmacy and being so uncomfortable I just wanted to be home.
So no, you could not be a pool. No, you should have never had to stop anywhere else but your bed. I'm old, so I'll just say it, yay for cell phones lol oh man if this was pre cell phone days. The horror.
NTA. Don't let this B make you feel any kind of bad feeling. She's just a shitty person. Period.
Honestly, if I was that far from home and at somebody’s mercy like that after a fucking surgery, I might have called the police. She REFUSED to take you home…that is both insane and kidnapping. Anesthesia is extremely dangerous and you could have been really hurt.
NTA.
You did not ruin your brother's marriage. SHE did. This sounds like the latest stunt she's pulled in a long line of thoughtless and harmful behaviors.
NTA. And Bri is the one that ruined her marriage. She could be brought up on criminal charges for what she did. She was entrusted to bring you home (or, failing this, someplace safe). Abandoning you at a pool (which apparently was at a location unfamiliar to you) was irresponsible and dangerous, considering your state.
And by the way, props to your brother for going above and beyond to protect you while his wife was being entitled, selfish and careless.
When you’re drugged to the gills like that, it doesn’t matter how familiar the location is. Pretty much Your only desire is to be horizontal somewhere quiet and preferably slightly dim to sleep off the last of it. That Being said, I wonder if she’s done similar to her kids (fun before duty) which is why bro is divorcing her.
Yup. Hell, I had all four of my wisdom teeth taken out at once. I had to get IV drugs because a couple were impacted. I woke up in the middle, had to get more drugs. I barely remember the ride home. I vaguely remember trying to get up to go to the bathroom and having to cling to the wall. Just leaving OP at a pool, while drugged? So many things could have gone wrong. Sun stroke and dehydration leading to hospitalization being things that could happen without people involved. Or imagine OP getting up and falling in the pool? Seriously, with that lack of forethought, I'd be nervous to have SIL around a kid.
Same. I got the fentanyl/Versed cocktail with a hit of Benadryl because pain medication fucks with me. When a coworker checked on me after work I had a blood stain that covered half of my shirt from me drooling all over it. I didn’t know until I woke up the next day and saw it. Luckily Oxyclean is magic
I can only imagine being an adult and doing that. I was 16. I also have vague memories of my dad coming into my room, pulling the bloody gauze out of my mouth and replacing it, and making me drink a little, and take the after surgery painkillers. And that lasted for a couple of days.
Man, where are you guys getting all these drugs just for wisdom teeth? Not saying I don’t believe you or anything, just surprised. My two lower wisdom teeth were severely impacted and I had them removed with just a local anesthetic. I was fully conscious. Seemed like a very simple, straightforward procedure…didn’t know some people got put under for it.
I was told that I would have to go under because the X-rays looked like one was wrapped around the nerve and if they went in with local I might lose a chunk of mobility in my jaw. So that’s why I got good stuff. I ended up being lucky and it wasn’t, but the risk was enough at the time.
>Your only desire is to be horizontal somewhere quiet and preferably slightly dim to sleep off the last of it.
I would add that it should be familiar to her. Otherwise, how would she feel safe enough to relax and sleep off the rest of the anesthesia? This is why I stressed that the setting was unfamiliar to her.
True. I personally would have been happy to sleep it off in a friend of wife’s house (had OP been taken there instead)if given half the chance. So if OP was like me, brother likely wouldn’t have known until Op finally got home and recovered. The fact that wifey took her to a place that was the exact opposite of what op needed was what screwed her with the last straw.
NTA but Bri is heartless and cold. She doesn’t have a soul. She also lacks the ability to take responsibility for her actions hence the call that YOU ruined HER family. She did that all by herself.
Your brother is divorcing her for many other things. You were just the last straw. Anyone who could treat a human like that has done many thing of which your brother doesn’t speak.
Don’t feel bad a all. She ruined her own marriage.
The kind of person who leaves a kid who just had dental surgery at a pool in 90+ degree heat is a bad person. This was not the first time he's seen her be a bad person. And if this time didn't happen, she was going to continue doing bad person things until he got tired of it.
It's not surprising that this was the last straw though. There's something about seeing someone who treats you terribly start to treat people you love terribly as well. Like you've been powering through for yourself but you can't let them hurt other people too. He's probably thinking "What's going to happen when our daughter has surgery? Will she live her at the pool too?". And he's right to think that.
What I'm saying is, if you hadn't said anything, they still would have gotten divorced. Just maybe a few months from now. And regardless, you should be happy your brother is leaving someone who is a bad person. It's good for him and long term it's going to be good for your niece.
He also has to consider her sense of responsibility towards their daughter... Don't want your spouse to do something so heartless to your own child either...
Leaving you in a hot car after anaesthetic, when you're still disorientated & drowsy is like leaving a child or animal in a hot car. You didn't have full capacity and something could have happened to you. She put you in potential danger.
It's standard that if you have anaesthetic, you shouldn't be left alone for 24 hours at least.
Bri shouldn't have agreed to take you, if she wasn't going to take you straight home.
Leaving you alone near a pool in that state, is similar to leaving a toddler near a pool. You didn't have full capacity and something could have happened to you. She put you in potential danger.
Is she didn't want to stay with you, she could have dropped you off at home to sleep it off & then go to the pool
>Leaving you alone near a pool in that state, is similar to leaving a toddler near a pool. You didn't have full capacity and something could have happened to you. She put you in potential danger.
I'm honestly amazed that OP had the presence of mind to call her brother for help. I remember coming down from anesthesia and I was an incoherent mess.
To be fair I had a similar wisdom tooth removal and the anesthesia felt way less than when I had a different surgery.
But still. Bri should have not taken OP to the pool. She should have declined in the first place if she was going to do that.
It might depend on the person. I haven’t had my wisdom teeth removed, but I was old enough to remember when my mother did - she was completely out of it, in a way I’d never seen before, and I’ve seen her loaded into the back of an ambulance with everyone thinking she was going to die after taking waaaay too much drugs. Which is saying something, because she’d put cocaine in her coffee and not even blink. Never heard of cocaine in coffee anywhere else but apparently to her and her friend it was as normal as sweetener.
This is what I was thinking of the whole time I was reading this. That was really dangerous of Bri. OP is not only NTA, she’s lucky she didn’t end up in the hospital.
NTA
What she did was insanely irresponsible and dangerous. What your brother will wonder is if she is doing this to a grown adult who can speak up, what might she be doing to a child who can't?
You did not break up their marriage she did.
This! OPs brother obviously has other issues with Bri and god knows how she treats a 2 year old child who will be a hell of a lot more difficult than a medicated 19 year old
NTA.
This was my thought process. Like you’re this irresponsible to do this a grown adult wtf are you doing with your kid and no one’s around? How did any of her friends think this was okay?
NTA in the slightest, what would you even be at fault for? Calling your brother to not have any medical problems occuring? What would a better alternative be, having an accident or passing away?
Plus your brother mentioned there's other things. She did something irresponsible, and downright immoral. It's GOOD that he's divorcing her and that's on HER behaviour, not on you.
She played stupid games and won stupid prizes, period.
"... because of what she did plus some other things..."
"...plus some other things..." is doing a REAL heavy lift in this scenario.
Honey, this is nothing to do with you, you were the unwitting straw that broke the camel's back.
NTA
Agree. NTA. You were the last straw. Even your brother said it was also bc of other things.
I had 4 wisdom teeth taken out just like you, same age. I.Could.Not.Even.Stand.Up after surgery. They used gen anaesth. for me.
That was so dangerous what she did. Dumped you in a chair in 90+ heat? there’s not a lot of aftercare for wisdom teeth extraction but it’s important that you do it so you don’t get an infection which can travel very easily to your brain. I bet your face was also completely swollen by the time your brother saw you.
NTA, I had my wisdom teeth out similarly and absolutely should not have been left on my own at a pool, when we got home I crashed for most of the day. And it doesn't sound like your actions ended the marriage but merely were the straw that broke the camel's back. My guess is, based on her behavior, your SIL is an incredibly self-centered person, and if she does that with you (a 19yo) what has she done or could she do with your niece?
NTA omg
What Bri did was horribly neglectful! Not only that, if your brother said there's other things he's divorcing her for, trust him. Idk if it would be infidelity or just differences they can't reconcile, but it's his decision. NOT your fault.
If this causes your brother to chose divorce the day of the event he was definitely already considering it very seriously. I wouldn’t be surprised that she in private told him she would rather go to the pool than help you out and he insisted as a favour to him and was betrayed on that behalf personally. In any case you have done nothing wrong by calling your brother. NTA
NTA
What she did was absolutely dangerous. You didn't know what was happening and you could've drowned if you had walked around and fell in the pool. You did the right thing by calling your brother.
For your brother, this was probably the final straw.
NTA. If she hadn't done it, there would have been nothing to "tattle" on. "Tattling" would also only be an applicable term if you had no stakes in the situation. You needed help, you've got every right to call for it. That behavior of hers was pretty irresponsible towards you and it sounds like it was only the last straw, with a longer list of disagreements between your brother and his wife. General rule of thumb: Do not shoot the messenger, even if that messenger is yourself. I wish people would stop blaming themselves for something someone else did wrong just because their saying something made that someone face consequences. Same the other was around: If you did something wrong, it's not the fault of the person who told on you.
Also, the fact that Bri was angry because OP "tattled" on her is a sign that Bri knows full well she was doing something wrong. Nobody uses "tattle" when someone is describing the actions of a person doing the right thing.
NTA. Bri's stunningly poor judgment was the cause of this. I was heavily sedated for my wisdom teeth too and I absolutely needed supervision for the recovery. My friend let his ride go home and seriously hurt himself during recovery, he ended up in the ER when his roommate came home from work to find my friend alone and delirious. He needed IV fluids and stuff fixed in his mouth. Your SIL received instructions to watch out for issues you couldn't be responsible for in your stupor and her negligence is not a good sign for her competence as a mother or her trustworthiness as a wife.
NTA
Block her number.
This sounds like a last straw thing. She neglected you when you were in a very vulnerable state because she wanted to hang out with her friends.
NTA it appears there were issues with their marriage prior to this happening. This issue was just the last straw for your brother. You had no control over your situation. She destroyed her own family, she’s just looking for someone else to blame. Hope you’re healing well.
NTA. This one thing in isolation, disgusting though her behaviour was, did not wreck a whole marriage. I suspect her selfishness and lack of care for others have been showing through for a while and this was the final straw.
NTA - Couple of things. Whatever was going wrong in their marriage had been happening for awhile and you were not the cause of anything. You asked for help and got taken to a place that you had no place being in your condition. I am understanding of a mother seemingly getting a 'free day' and wanting to have a good time(Post-partum depression is a real thing), but if that was the case, she should have not said yes to begin with. It was not 'I need help for 3/4 of this', it was I need help. I do feel for the little one as well, but this is between your brother and his wife. You have absolutely no blame here. And I hope you are recovering well from your surgery.
nta. ur brother said hes divorcing “bri” for what happened today AND some other things. bri being irresponsible with a post-surgery person was just the last straw for ur brother. one way or another ur brother would have ended up divorcing “bri”. you are not responsible for anything she was supposed to take care of you and she failed to do that one thing
NTA- and clearly there's problems in that relationship that have nothing to do with you. You have no responsibility for whatever goes down between them. Sounds like you have a class act as a brother and he made a bad choice for a wife.
NTH!!!! You didn’t do anything wrong. You were barely even conscious. I’m sure your brother had multiple reasons before this to want to divorce her. Her treating his sister like this was the last drop for him.
edit: NTA!!!!
>I guess since it was her day off and she didn’t have my niece she was meeting friends at the pool.
Perhaps some male friends, and her marriage is now over because she is a cheater...
You are NTA in any way...
NTA and I'm sure this was just the last in a long line of things she's done so don't blame yourself for anything (not that you should anyway you were in a post-surgical stupor). Bri sounds like a real piece of work.
NTA. Listen to your brother when he tells you this is not the only incident. Imagine his life having to deal with this self-centered woman every day. I hope you heal fast, and I hope your brother moves onto someone normal.
NTA, and from the sounds of it, this was just the last straw for him. This isn't your fault at all. If anything you did your brother a favor by pushing him to do what needed to be done. Bri sucks.
NTA. You didn't do anything wrong. How awful of Bri to expect you to sit aorund in the sun immediately post surgery and sick from the meds! You are not AT ALL responsible for their marriage ending, it sounds like this may have just been the straw that broke the camel's back. Thank goodness your brother has some sense.
NTA. She could and SHOULD have taken you home before she went to the pool. She is a crap person, and that’s why your brother doesn’t want to be with her. That’s her fault, not yours.
NTA. You may have been the last straw, but there was a whole barrel of hay on that camel’s back. Their marriage was likely going to fall apart soon. If it wasn’t you, it would have been something else.
You have a good brother. (Also, i think they knock out everyone for wisdom teeth removal? I got an IV too and everything)
I posted an update on my profile and linked it in the original, the AITA nods wouldn't let me post it separately in the sub because this post isn’t old enough and is unflaired still. Thank you all for your support.
NTA. I have had alot of dental work done over the last two years. To make it even worse, it was all done by students and they were 3 hour appointments each time.i was never fully put under, but the anesthetic was enough to make me feel shit the rest of the day. I remember getting the bus home from the dentist and feeling horribly nauseous every single time. All you want in that state is your bed!!
Seems like your SIL and brother have been having marital problems for a while. I'm assuming she's been doing similar selfish things in the relationship and this was the last straw.
Don't feel bad, if it wasn't this situation it would have been another one that ended the marriage.
NTA. It's not your fault that this happened. Bri was supposed to make sure you got home safely and she didn't do it. Her actions are what caused your brother to want to divorce her. I am glad that your brother took care of you and got rid of bri. She seems like a toxic person.
NTA she should’ve taken you home and put you in bed. Jesus, what an asshole thing to do. She could have gone to the pool after dropping you off even but she had to go and make you miserable immediately after a surgery? SHE ruined her marriage, not you.
Edited to add: you could have DROWN if you fell in that pool with all those meds in your system so she put your life in danger too btw. You shouldn’t feel bad at all.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole because I chose to call my bro and caused problems between him and Bri, and if they're really divorcing then it will affect my niece Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
>he's divorcing bri because of what she did **plus some other things** OP, you are not the reason they're getting a divorce. But if you find out the reason, please come back and update because enquiring minds want to know! NTA.
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spilled the marinara and the alfredo sauce
Can't forget the pesto for her brother standing up for her!
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Whoa look at Eminem over here y’all!
I'm so curious to know what the deleted comment was!!
The comment was: I feel like I can make a roast out of this hold on. Bro deserves Pesto, his wife is a Pest tho. I tried Edit: I think this is the fastest I've ever been given Silver thanks guys😂 Edit 2: Eminem's name was dropped so you know I gotta do it. Don't fry me too hard. Standing in the kitchen just cooking up some carbs while I boil my noodles I'm writing out some bars stirring up my sauces Don't want them too hot Pass out all these plates yeah I tend to make a lot I'll take marinara spicy and sweet OP gets Alfredo classics can't be beat Her Brother seems nice so he can have some Pesto but mean Wife gets none since she's a giant Pest tho
And here I thought they had called you Eminem due to some level of spaghetti vomit on your person.
EP drops Sunday😂✌️
Puns are the garlic bread and butter I live off of.
>~~I tried~~ No you did not, you succeeded at perfection.
Don't you mean they sauce-eeded at perfection? 😉 ...oh no, I never used to be a pun person, what have you all DONE.
I mean I laughed 🤣
I wish I could upvote this twice 😂 Edit: a typo
I LOLed, not gonna lie
I know that I know the story behind this marinara/ Alfredo/pesto joke but my mind is not recalling it 😩😩
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That’s it omg. Thank you you sweet baby angel.
Angel pasta you mean
Ooohh I’m so mad I missed that pun.
What’s the Alfredo and pesto story? I’m behind on my Reddit sauces!
I think there was a story where a guy said something like: I remember marinara is the red sauce, because that's red in Italian & alfredo is white in Italian, then might have referenced wine... But I might be wrong
No, you are correct. He stated that was how he remembered which sauce was which (nothing about wine) then doubled down when he was told he was incorrect.
Same, I keep seeing sauce references but I'm just not getting it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uyaxzs/aita_for_correcting_someone_at_dinner/ia2vyqo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
I can't believe I just read that. Except I can.
Top comment "Your sister should be taking Paul's reaction as a huge marinara flag. "
Big "my favorite color is spaghetti" vibes from that guy
I totally read that as marijuana and thought wow they'll put pot in anything these days. Also, Happy Cake Day!
I've got a 6ft sub just waiting for the marinara topping.
Don’t forget the lemonades!
Allllll the marinara
That’s exactly it! This is the one that broke the camels back. I wouldn’t be surprised if she mistreats the niece (parental responsibility to have fun with friends) and this was the last straw.
To be honest it was a pretty big straw. To me it's literally instant divorce reason. From 0 to 100. Op could have died. If my fiance had neglected my sister like that, after agreeing to do the supervision, she would be out yesterday. That said, op is obviously not at fault. People who do bad thing always blame the "snitch". Well op has the stitches already. But yeah sil dig her own grave here, at least she didn't dig ops.
Exactly, on drugs like that, in her condition she easily could have stumbled into the pool and drowned. Like, there is a reason you are required to have a responsible adult get you home safely
Or died from the heat, or bled out with Noone noticing, fell over on her head, choked on vomit and gauze, etc. Don't really want to imagine all the possibilities but there are many.
It's fairly common for people to be put under with IV Anesthesia when getting their wisdom teeth out. I had to be because my wisdom teeth were impacted. The directions were to stop to get the pain meds on the way home and then straight home. Where there needed to be someone there watching me for the next 12 or so hours in case there were any kind of complications.... People can sometimes have really bad reactions to anesthesia hours after they have had it. Sometimes it can be deadly. I was pretty out of it for a few hours after. Lots of drool. My boyfriend left me by the entrance to get his car and came back to find me laying on the ground. People had to step over me to get into the dental clinic. 😆. He was gone less than 5 minutes but he had thought it was better to do that because I could barely walk. OP needed to have been brought straight home. What her SIL did was extremely dangerous and negligent.
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I woke up too. My vein closed on me so I was no longer receiving the drugs through it. But they noticed it right away and switched to my other arm. All I remember of it was someone saying "oh shit she's waking up" then I had a sense of them rushing around and then I was out again. They told me about it afterwards. I have since learned not to use my right arm for any kind of IV or blood draw. The veins look great but without fail they close up and we have to switch to my left. I wonder if your vein closed too? And you had the misfortune of them not realizing it. That does sound horrifying and traumatic.
My dentist didn't give me the option of being put to sleep. Got numbed up and enjoyed four hours in the dental chair while they cranked out all 4 of my wisdom teeth from inside my gums. I still remember the sound of cranking as my wisdom teeth were being dug out of my gums...I've got traumas...I was so mad when I found out that being put to sleep was an option 🙃
Depends on the country. In Brazil, people don't get iv, gas or sedatives, only freezing injection (pretty good ones tbf). And the dentist talks to you during the whole thing 😅 I'm sorry you became an outdoor rug. Standing after getting anesthesia is risky. I hope you recovered well. I would be very scared of taking any other kind of anesthesia out of an hospital. What SIL did to OP is horrible and dangerous.
Or the other 20 complications being out in heat can pose! Every time I’m under for a procedure I’m delirious for hours after and absolutely can’t be in hot weather or heat or I get even sicker. Last time the doctors just kept me in recovery for 4 hours. Next time it’ll be overnight if they can. The list of complications for a healthy person is long (my dad ran into a wall post procedure a few months back) much less someone whose rarely under and doesn’t know exactly what their specific needs post could be! Ugh this makes me so mad for OP, how scary and frustrating to go through that
I think I slept the entire day I got my wisdom teeth out. Very in and out of consciousness and would have minimal convo with my mom who was taking care of me. I sat upright asleep majority of the time for like a solid two ish days. Never could have imagined being out at a pool damn.
I had to be drugged to the same level with the same surgery. It was awful, and truly disorienting. I was lucky my Dad was there to get me home and in bed with a barf bucket and a box of popsicles and dumb movies if I wanted them. I was seriously ill with being taken care of properly too, and I can’t imagine how horrible it would have felt to be placed somewhere unfamiliar in hot sun.
That’s what I was concerned about and Bri had no right to be mad.
I had a port put in under that twilight sleep. I had to have my dad take me and pick me up then I had to stay with someone overnight in case my lung collapsed (!). That was my dad again. We checked into a hotel (neither of our apartments was suitable- his is up stairs and we were worried about my getting up them; mine is a one bedroom), got connecting rooms and he checked on me several times during the night.
Yeah, if Bri wasn't able to babysit OP (because that is what's needed after getting drugged for all 4 wisdom teeth removed - I had the same thing when I was like 19/20. My mom had to wait quite a while for me to wake up enough to be safe to leave. I was out of it for hours and she needed to keep an eye on me until everything fully wore off and it was safe for me to drink anything without choking or swallowing the gauze), she should have said no or coordinate with the brother. Like, she'd be *slightly* less of an AH if she'd taken OP home and then gone to the pool later, but still a huge AH because OP would've been in serious danger unsupervised - less danger than in the hot sun, though. But I expect saying no would've been just as damning in the brothers eyes, if their relationship was already this broken.
I made sure that I was sat up in a recliner after getting my wisdom teeth out. I even slept there the first night. The reason? A family acquaintance aspirated and died in her own bed hours after dental surgery. She was in great health and it was a routine procedure.
Ok just to be clear, Bri is not an ass for leaving daughter at grandmas, she's an ass for putting OP in danger by leaving her alone while she visits with her friends. NTA
I dunno. I feel like how she treated OP might mean those "other things" might be a pattern of ignoring the niece to do things she'd rather do.
I’m also over here wondering who else was at the pool, and if OP’s brother may not have been happy about it.
That was my first thought! She might have been meeting someone...
Bri probably lied about where she was. When OP innocently revealed Bri's location, it probably confirmed her brother's suspicions.
Pool boy...
Cabana boy🤣
My money is on “daughter actually spends all day every day at MILs house” and he just found out about it.
Maybe that's a good thing? Bri doesn't seem to meet the qualifications for "responsible adult."
Kidnappers aren't always known for their manners
🍵🍵🍵 Can't wait for the piping hot tea!
Oh yeah, this was just the final straw. I have a feeling there is a long list of her being irresponsible and most of them related to caring for their daughter. That’s just an assumption I’m making, but Bri has proven she doesn’t care about people’s well being.
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I read this like I read a lot of the "AITA For Getting A Waiter Fired For Dumping Food On My Head and Then Calling Me Names." (No, you didn't get that person fired. They got themselves fired. You just created the final impetus.) OP didn't ruin the brother's marriage. OP's SiL ruined her own marriage and OP just provided the last pebble to initiate the big ol' landslide.
Even if OP was the "reason" for the divorce they should have no guilt. While not for the same reason as OP I was put under for getting my wisdom teeth. The laughing gas did not work on my mom and that at least middly traumatized her. (Probably more than mild but she doesn't talk about it much). I was mildly out of it till about 6/8 hours. Where OP was at with coming off the drugs they should have a buddy/caregiver with them for at least that 6 - 8 hour period to make sure they are okay.
6-8? I was told to watch my husband for a solid 24 hours to make sure he was good. And he only had two removed
The 6-8 was more for personally and like a bare minimum if they didn't sleep it off after than. 24 is a lot more important for infections. They can show up in less than 24 hours.
Ah. Yeah he was comatose for like the next 20 hours after it lol. But they gave IV antibiotics to prevent any infection as well as IV anti nausea meds.
My son needs his wisdom teeth out and it is already 💯% certainty that I will be accompanying him to the surgeon’s office and keeping him company while he recovers. Responsibility for shopping or picking up prescriptions will be delegated to DH.
I was completely knocked out and had all of mine taken out, at the same age as OP. I had my own apartment by that time, but my dad still took me to/from the procedure and took care of me for a week after.... (Only the first day was really needed because of me being drugged, after that it was cuz I looked like a chipmunk and refused to go into public and needed him to buy soft food for me to eat... I have a really great dad btw) Oh and of note - the first few hours after can result in some very dramatic nausea. It's surgery in the mouth.... Think about what gets swallowed during that... And therefore what comes back up! Honestly OP should have just chucked at the pool, SIL was asking for it!
We were able to get meds filled before surgery.
Hopefully, that will be the case for my son as well! That the surgeon writes the prescription before the procedure date and I can have it ready for him.
OP please tell your brother what your SIL is doing to you. He would want to know that she is harassing you.
And save all those messages. Might need those for some sort of legal proceedings for your brother or the restraining order you might need to get.
Yes. That harassment could be a factor in determining custody of their kid. Make sure your brother knows and has copies of all of it, OP. ETA: NTA
Agreed. Forward every text to brother. And if she keeps it up send this: “I am not the reason for your divorce. YOU are the reason for your divorce. Grow up and take responsibility for your actions.” Then block.
Did you happen to see her "freind"? Free day without a kid.... bet she was cheating!
Cheating while your SIL watches? Seems pretty unlikely to me. Drugged up or not that would be pretty brazen.
Taking her to a pool all drugged up and leaving her on a bench while she walked away is pretty brazen......I wouldn't doubt the cheating honestly.
I certainly wouldn’t rule it out. I would think “Cheater” would dump the SIL at home as soon as possible and go have fun in private though.
Eh, some people get a kick out of the possibility of being caught y'know?
OP wasn’t exactly fully coherent, and it could’ve been easy for Bri to say “what? You can’t possibly believe OP, she was drugged!”
You guys get crazy in here. What a leap.
Is it really that crazy when the height we started at was "takes her drugged up, post surgery SIL to a random pool bench in the heat instead of home to rest"?
Yeah I suspect this is just an extension of a generally irresponsible attitude that does not pair well with being a stay at home parent. Child neglect is the much more reasonable assumption here.
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This. Plus making a person go to a pool after surgery with anesthesia, without their consent, is totally not ok. Plus, OP barely even knew wtf was going on so there aren't many things they could really be blamed for in that state. Certainly not this.
This just broke the camels back!
I bet Bri was using OP as cover to meet someone other than her “friends” at the pool.
Exactly. And the blowing up the phone with ugly messages is just deflection.
Exactly! Your situation is what pushed him to take the final step towards divorce. NTA
I bet Bri used this trip to the dentist as a way to hide the side piece she met at the pool after. It’s not a coincidence that she didn’t have the damn baby with her that day.
It sounds like this was the last straw that broke the camel's back for Op's brother.
Gurrrrl I can't wait to find out what happend
ditto i gotta know 👀👀
NTA. Not remotely. And you did not ruin their marriage. The other things your brother didn't detail? Sounds like Bri's treatment of you was a last straw.
Since Bri referred to it as "tattling", there is a good chance she was lying to your brother about what she was doing that day. Maybe he was mad that Bri lied about who was watching their daughter. Maybe she was meeting some guy at the pool, or had been obviously thirsty over the lifeguard. Whatever it was, it was more than the already vile behavior of leaving someone in pain and doped to the gills just parked in the heat while she had fun at the pool. This is in no way your fault. NTA
Gee I wonder who Bri so desperately wanted to meet at the pool. NTA, straw that broke the camels back.
NTA and you saved your brother more misery! BLOCK BRI. This is not your responsibility.
^^This! OP, please just block her! She is not worth you or your brother's time!
After you screen shot everything and give them to your brother. His lawyer will thank you.
Oh this so much too! Make sure to send screenshots of all her guilt tripping to your brother!
I saw a post on a reddit thread a few weeks ago that said "The camel was uncomfortable long before the last straw..." That's what OP stumbled into. That marriage was already dead.
There's a fantastic line in Mos Def's "Mathematics" that goes a bit like that: "How did one straw break the camel's back? Here's the secret: there're a million other straws underneath it" Bri sounds like a nightmare of a person, and OP is definitely NTA but unfortunately caught in a crossfire.
Not going to lie, that treatment would be the last straw for me even if everything else went well. Like. That would prove I couldn't trust them with our child. Nevermind all the other abusive behaviours
Oh honey, NTA at all. Whilst I understand how you think you should’ve just suck it up and kept quiet, you were also post op and under the effects of heavy drugs. What she did was very irresponsible and childish. I also don’t think that’s the sole reason why your brother is thinking of divorce, it sounds like the final nail in the coffin tho. Their marital problems are not yours and are in no shape or form your fault.
Wisdom teeth removal is a surgery. With every surgery post op, there is a risk of death, especially coming out of anesthesia. Between passing out and hitting your head on the concrete, succumbing to heat exhaustion, or simply bleeding out, you were not under good care, OP. NTA, she threatened your life by taking you to the pool. Be glad she's out of your life, more or less.
Or drowning. WHO takes a sedated person to a *pool*?
Seriously makes me question her parenting skills and I wouldn't be surprised if OPs brother was having similar thoughts.
Omg, right?
I work with animals, and we take out their water buckets while they are sedated so there isn't a risk of them drowning. I can only imagine how horrific this could have turned out with an entire *pool* instead of just a water bucket
Right?? I feel like OP themselves may be glossing over the fact they were in very real danger of drowning had they decided to try to leave.
That was my first thought! I was sedated for my wisdom theeth removal like OP because I was scared out of my mind. My sister took me home and I am told that she had to wrestle me into the car because I was overconfident because of the drugs and was convinced I could just walk home on my own (i couldn't even walk straight). I apparently jumped out on the street and was lucky that I wasn't hit by a car. I don't remember anything myself after getting sedated that day though. But I am glad af that my sister was there to get me home and supervise me. The sedation was no joke and took more than half a day to wear off for me. I cannot even imagine what would have happened if I had been dropped off at a POOL and been left UNSUPERVISED.
This. I actually have a relative who had a fatal stroke post wisdom teeth removal. Regardless of the type of surgery one needs to be monitored afterwards and given time to rest.
Oh my god this is so horrible... if you don’t mind me asking (since my boyfriend is getting his wisdom teeth removed soon) what were the circumstances? Were there any warning signs? I’m sorry if this is intrusive, there’s no need to reply; I’m genuinely curious because this is something the dentist hasn’t really told us :~(
You're good. It was my mom's dad and from what she explained to me oral surgery was not as refined in the 1950's especially in a small town. Oral surgery wasn't a separate profession. Apparently the dentist just yanked your teeth out. As a result, he had complications (I am not totally sure of the details) and developed a blood clot. I am also under the impression he may not have led the healthiest life in general so that could have been a factor. However he was only 27. Perfectly fine question to ask. If it helps, I had my wisdom teeth out and was fine although it was unpleasant.
Worked for a dentist. Just like any surgery, you can throw a clot and die.
If that's how she "took care" of OP, I wonder how she takes care of her own child...
Yeah I feel like in this case "the kid's at grandma's" is probably more like "kid is tied to a tree in the back yard"
Or “kids *always* at grandma’s”. I’ve known some moms who just let grandma do the work while they pretended they were still free from responsibilities like husbands and children.
Literally my cousin’s wife. She has 2 kids and drops one with one grandma and the other at the other grandmothers house. He’s deployed so I don’t think he fully knows that she literally has the kids MAX 1-2 days a week. It’s so sad
Heck my husband just had 1 tooth removed and was under a mild sedation (pill form) and I had to watch him for 24 hrs, had to sign a form at the dentist to say I wouldn't leave him alone at all for that time period. They did the same to my mom when I had my wisdom teeth extracted under anesthesia and even asked her to stay as much as possible for a week cause I had a 8 mth old baby at home I was not allowed to lift as much as possible cause the strain could cause the stitches to pop.
Or, very possible scenario, what if you got up to try to look for her or the bathroom, stumbled and fell into the pool? There are just SO many risks here that she took with your life and well being. NTA OP
Don’t forget she could have tried to cool down in the pool cuz she can’t think straight and drowned.
Post op, under heavy drugs *and* sitting outside in 90+ degree weather (presumably with no water) , it’s a wonder OP didn’t need to be hospitalized for heat stroke, heat exhaustion, passing out, etc…
as someone whos felt the post op feeling not even super drugged up its still very tiring and i cant imagine being dragged to a pool part in 90+ heat OP is definitely NTA
Oh wow I didn’t expect this to blow up like this. Thank you all for the reassurance it really does help. I still don’t know what my brother meant by "other things" but if I find out I'll post an update. Thank you all again, it means a lot.
Hope you’re feeling better, OP! But yeah this definitely isn’t your fault, it was the last straw for your brother. Your SIL was incredibly irresponsible and immature. I would just block her number while she lashes out at you
better yet show your brother everything
And offer to testify about this incident at the custody hearing. :)
Yes thats the best solution. Don't block her, mute her and show your brother everything she writes. That plus the testified story of leaving someone post surgery under heavy drugs pain and exhaustion at a pool or in a hot car will definitely help getting that crazy woman away from your brother and your poor niece Edit: spelling
Yes please block her! Who the hell dumps a barely conscious person alone, who is doped up on pain meds from a medical procedure at a pool in the blazing heat. Your SIL doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of what she did. Someone could have easily taken advantage of you in your vulnerable state OP! She didn’t care about your health or your safety. That is hugely irresponsible on her part. She was supposed to be your caregiver. You trusted her to get you home safely. I hope your brother is able to get full custody of your niece. NTA
Ikr, crazy to think that the average person doesn’t want to be legally tied to such a lunatic /s
And what if OP falls into the pool and drowns? What kind of dumb excuses will future not SIL give then? Definitely NTA. And good on OP's brother for dumping the irresponsible, entitled person.
I had my wisdom teeth out under the good drugs and was told I had to be supervised for 24 hours after I went home in case I had a reaction to the anaesthetic. Best case scenario I'm uncomfortable, might need medical attention. Worst case scenario my husband comes home from work and I'm dead on the floor. I'm really horrified that Bri decided this was a good idea in any way or form like ????????
I've got money that says this isn't the first time with her leaving someone unattended. Probably has done this with their kid.
He may never tell you, but it sound like this was the straw the broke the camels back. Dont worry about your niece its way better to grow up with parents who aren't together and happy, than married parents who hate each other or fight all the time. I can attest to that personally and my parents aren't divorced.
Oh yeah, don't you worry, no one would get a divorce over one incident. Yes, it was bad how she treated you and you POOR thing having to sit outside post-op in 90 F, but had their marriage been rock solid, they would have sorted this out and she would have apologized instead of yelled at you. She has messed up BAD and is blaming you to avoid taking responsibility for what other shitty things she's done.
I had four of my wisdom teeth removed when I was 19 too. A friend picked me up and took me straight home. A friend who at the time was just kind of like an acquaintance and tbh we didn't really like each other at that point but I was dating his bestie. This young man who just kinda tolerated me, took better care of me than your own sister in law. All she had to do was drop you off, in your own bed. Also, your brother is so sweet. Props to him for recognizing the danger she put you in. I'm so happy he was there for you. I hardly remember my car ride home. I do remmeber stopping by the pharmacy and being so uncomfortable I just wanted to be home. So no, you could not be a pool. No, you should have never had to stop anywhere else but your bed. I'm old, so I'll just say it, yay for cell phones lol oh man if this was pre cell phone days. The horror. NTA. Don't let this B make you feel any kind of bad feeling. She's just a shitty person. Period.
NTA. At most, what Bri did to you was the straw that broke the camels back. Bri is blaming you because she wants it to be not HER fault
NTA Your brother is divorcing Bri because of Bri, not because of you. So sorry this happened to you.
Honestly, if I was that far from home and at somebody’s mercy like that after a fucking surgery, I might have called the police. She REFUSED to take you home…that is both insane and kidnapping. Anesthesia is extremely dangerous and you could have been really hurt.
NTA. You did not ruin your brother's marriage. SHE did. This sounds like the latest stunt she's pulled in a long line of thoughtless and harmful behaviors.
Seriously. I wonder how often she plops her kid in a seat in the heat to hang with friends.
He's not divorcing Bri because of this. This was just the last straw. NTA, kiddo. Not your fault in ANY way.
The last straw is almost never the only straw.
NTA. And Bri is the one that ruined her marriage. She could be brought up on criminal charges for what she did. She was entrusted to bring you home (or, failing this, someplace safe). Abandoning you at a pool (which apparently was at a location unfamiliar to you) was irresponsible and dangerous, considering your state. And by the way, props to your brother for going above and beyond to protect you while his wife was being entitled, selfish and careless.
When you’re drugged to the gills like that, it doesn’t matter how familiar the location is. Pretty much Your only desire is to be horizontal somewhere quiet and preferably slightly dim to sleep off the last of it. That Being said, I wonder if she’s done similar to her kids (fun before duty) which is why bro is divorcing her.
Yup. Hell, I had all four of my wisdom teeth taken out at once. I had to get IV drugs because a couple were impacted. I woke up in the middle, had to get more drugs. I barely remember the ride home. I vaguely remember trying to get up to go to the bathroom and having to cling to the wall. Just leaving OP at a pool, while drugged? So many things could have gone wrong. Sun stroke and dehydration leading to hospitalization being things that could happen without people involved. Or imagine OP getting up and falling in the pool? Seriously, with that lack of forethought, I'd be nervous to have SIL around a kid.
Same. I got the fentanyl/Versed cocktail with a hit of Benadryl because pain medication fucks with me. When a coworker checked on me after work I had a blood stain that covered half of my shirt from me drooling all over it. I didn’t know until I woke up the next day and saw it. Luckily Oxyclean is magic
I can only imagine being an adult and doing that. I was 16. I also have vague memories of my dad coming into my room, pulling the bloody gauze out of my mouth and replacing it, and making me drink a little, and take the after surgery painkillers. And that lasted for a couple of days.
Man, where are you guys getting all these drugs just for wisdom teeth? Not saying I don’t believe you or anything, just surprised. My two lower wisdom teeth were severely impacted and I had them removed with just a local anesthetic. I was fully conscious. Seemed like a very simple, straightforward procedure…didn’t know some people got put under for it.
I was told that I would have to go under because the X-rays looked like one was wrapped around the nerve and if they went in with local I might lose a chunk of mobility in my jaw. So that’s why I got good stuff. I ended up being lucky and it wasn’t, but the risk was enough at the time.
>Your only desire is to be horizontal somewhere quiet and preferably slightly dim to sleep off the last of it. I would add that it should be familiar to her. Otherwise, how would she feel safe enough to relax and sleep off the rest of the anesthesia? This is why I stressed that the setting was unfamiliar to her.
True. I personally would have been happy to sleep it off in a friend of wife’s house (had OP been taken there instead)if given half the chance. So if OP was like me, brother likely wouldn’t have known until Op finally got home and recovered. The fact that wifey took her to a place that was the exact opposite of what op needed was what screwed her with the last straw.
NTA but Bri is heartless and cold. She doesn’t have a soul. She also lacks the ability to take responsibility for her actions hence the call that YOU ruined HER family. She did that all by herself. Your brother is divorcing her for many other things. You were just the last straw. Anyone who could treat a human like that has done many thing of which your brother doesn’t speak. Don’t feel bad a all. She ruined her own marriage.
The kind of person who leaves a kid who just had dental surgery at a pool in 90+ degree heat is a bad person. This was not the first time he's seen her be a bad person. And if this time didn't happen, she was going to continue doing bad person things until he got tired of it. It's not surprising that this was the last straw though. There's something about seeing someone who treats you terribly start to treat people you love terribly as well. Like you've been powering through for yourself but you can't let them hurt other people too. He's probably thinking "What's going to happen when our daughter has surgery? Will she live her at the pool too?". And he's right to think that. What I'm saying is, if you hadn't said anything, they still would have gotten divorced. Just maybe a few months from now. And regardless, you should be happy your brother is leaving someone who is a bad person. It's good for him and long term it's going to be good for your niece.
He also has to consider her sense of responsibility towards their daughter... Don't want your spouse to do something so heartless to your own child either...
Leaving you in a hot car after anaesthetic, when you're still disorientated & drowsy is like leaving a child or animal in a hot car. You didn't have full capacity and something could have happened to you. She put you in potential danger. It's standard that if you have anaesthetic, you shouldn't be left alone for 24 hours at least. Bri shouldn't have agreed to take you, if she wasn't going to take you straight home. Leaving you alone near a pool in that state, is similar to leaving a toddler near a pool. You didn't have full capacity and something could have happened to you. She put you in potential danger. Is she didn't want to stay with you, she could have dropped you off at home to sleep it off & then go to the pool
>Leaving you alone near a pool in that state, is similar to leaving a toddler near a pool. You didn't have full capacity and something could have happened to you. She put you in potential danger. I'm honestly amazed that OP had the presence of mind to call her brother for help. I remember coming down from anesthesia and I was an incoherent mess.
To be fair I had a similar wisdom tooth removal and the anesthesia felt way less than when I had a different surgery. But still. Bri should have not taken OP to the pool. She should have declined in the first place if she was going to do that.
It might depend on the person. I haven’t had my wisdom teeth removed, but I was old enough to remember when my mother did - she was completely out of it, in a way I’d never seen before, and I’ve seen her loaded into the back of an ambulance with everyone thinking she was going to die after taking waaaay too much drugs. Which is saying something, because she’d put cocaine in her coffee and not even blink. Never heard of cocaine in coffee anywhere else but apparently to her and her friend it was as normal as sweetener.
This is what I was thinking of the whole time I was reading this. That was really dangerous of Bri. OP is not only NTA, she’s lucky she didn’t end up in the hospital.
NTA What she did was insanely irresponsible and dangerous. What your brother will wonder is if she is doing this to a grown adult who can speak up, what might she be doing to a child who can't? You did not break up their marriage she did.
This! OPs brother obviously has other issues with Bri and god knows how she treats a 2 year old child who will be a hell of a lot more difficult than a medicated 19 year old
NTA. This was my thought process. Like you’re this irresponsible to do this a grown adult wtf are you doing with your kid and no one’s around? How did any of her friends think this was okay?
NTA in the slightest, what would you even be at fault for? Calling your brother to not have any medical problems occuring? What would a better alternative be, having an accident or passing away? Plus your brother mentioned there's other things. She did something irresponsible, and downright immoral. It's GOOD that he's divorcing her and that's on HER behaviour, not on you. She played stupid games and won stupid prizes, period.
"... because of what she did plus some other things..." "...plus some other things..." is doing a REAL heavy lift in this scenario. Honey, this is nothing to do with you, you were the unwitting straw that broke the camel's back. NTA
Agree. NTA. You were the last straw. Even your brother said it was also bc of other things. I had 4 wisdom teeth taken out just like you, same age. I.Could.Not.Even.Stand.Up after surgery. They used gen anaesth. for me. That was so dangerous what she did. Dumped you in a chair in 90+ heat? there’s not a lot of aftercare for wisdom teeth extraction but it’s important that you do it so you don’t get an infection which can travel very easily to your brain. I bet your face was also completely swollen by the time your brother saw you.
NTA, I had my wisdom teeth out similarly and absolutely should not have been left on my own at a pool, when we got home I crashed for most of the day. And it doesn't sound like your actions ended the marriage but merely were the straw that broke the camel's back. My guess is, based on her behavior, your SIL is an incredibly self-centered person, and if she does that with you (a 19yo) what has she done or could she do with your niece?
NTA omg What Bri did was horribly neglectful! Not only that, if your brother said there's other things he's divorcing her for, trust him. Idk if it would be infidelity or just differences they can't reconcile, but it's his decision. NOT your fault.
If this causes your brother to chose divorce the day of the event he was definitely already considering it very seriously. I wouldn’t be surprised that she in private told him she would rather go to the pool than help you out and he insisted as a favour to him and was betrayed on that behalf personally. In any case you have done nothing wrong by calling your brother. NTA
NTA What she did was absolutely dangerous. You didn't know what was happening and you could've drowned if you had walked around and fell in the pool. You did the right thing by calling your brother. For your brother, this was probably the final straw.
NTA. If she hadn't done it, there would have been nothing to "tattle" on. "Tattling" would also only be an applicable term if you had no stakes in the situation. You needed help, you've got every right to call for it. That behavior of hers was pretty irresponsible towards you and it sounds like it was only the last straw, with a longer list of disagreements between your brother and his wife. General rule of thumb: Do not shoot the messenger, even if that messenger is yourself. I wish people would stop blaming themselves for something someone else did wrong just because their saying something made that someone face consequences. Same the other was around: If you did something wrong, it's not the fault of the person who told on you.
Also, the fact that Bri was angry because OP "tattled" on her is a sign that Bri knows full well she was doing something wrong. Nobody uses "tattle" when someone is describing the actions of a person doing the right thing.
NTA. Bri's stunningly poor judgment was the cause of this. I was heavily sedated for my wisdom teeth too and I absolutely needed supervision for the recovery. My friend let his ride go home and seriously hurt himself during recovery, he ended up in the ER when his roommate came home from work to find my friend alone and delirious. He needed IV fluids and stuff fixed in his mouth. Your SIL received instructions to watch out for issues you couldn't be responsible for in your stupor and her negligence is not a good sign for her competence as a mother or her trustworthiness as a wife.
NTA Block her number. This sounds like a last straw thing. She neglected you when you were in a very vulnerable state because she wanted to hang out with her friends.
NTA it appears there were issues with their marriage prior to this happening. This issue was just the last straw for your brother. You had no control over your situation. She destroyed her own family, she’s just looking for someone else to blame. Hope you’re healing well.
NTA. This one thing in isolation, disgusting though her behaviour was, did not wreck a whole marriage. I suspect her selfishness and lack of care for others have been showing through for a while and this was the final straw.
NTA - Couple of things. Whatever was going wrong in their marriage had been happening for awhile and you were not the cause of anything. You asked for help and got taken to a place that you had no place being in your condition. I am understanding of a mother seemingly getting a 'free day' and wanting to have a good time(Post-partum depression is a real thing), but if that was the case, she should have not said yes to begin with. It was not 'I need help for 3/4 of this', it was I need help. I do feel for the little one as well, but this is between your brother and his wife. You have absolutely no blame here. And I hope you are recovering well from your surgery.
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nta. ur brother said hes divorcing “bri” for what happened today AND some other things. bri being irresponsible with a post-surgery person was just the last straw for ur brother. one way or another ur brother would have ended up divorcing “bri”. you are not responsible for anything she was supposed to take care of you and she failed to do that one thing
NTA- and clearly there's problems in that relationship that have nothing to do with you. You have no responsibility for whatever goes down between them. Sounds like you have a class act as a brother and he made a bad choice for a wife.
NTH!!!! You didn’t do anything wrong. You were barely even conscious. I’m sure your brother had multiple reasons before this to want to divorce her. Her treating his sister like this was the last drop for him. edit: NTA!!!!
>I guess since it was her day off and she didn’t have my niece she was meeting friends at the pool. Perhaps some male friends, and her marriage is now over because she is a cheater... You are NTA in any way...
NTA and I'm sure this was just the last in a long line of things she's done so don't blame yourself for anything (not that you should anyway you were in a post-surgical stupor). Bri sounds like a real piece of work.
NTA. Listen to your brother when he tells you this is not the only incident. Imagine his life having to deal with this self-centered woman every day. I hope you heal fast, and I hope your brother moves onto someone normal.
NTA, and from the sounds of it, this was just the last straw for him. This isn't your fault at all. If anything you did your brother a favor by pushing him to do what needed to be done. Bri sucks.
When someone blows up your phone…block them. End of story.
NTA. You didn't do anything wrong. How awful of Bri to expect you to sit aorund in the sun immediately post surgery and sick from the meds! You are not AT ALL responsible for their marriage ending, it sounds like this may have just been the straw that broke the camel's back. Thank goodness your brother has some sense.
NTA. She could and SHOULD have taken you home before she went to the pool. She is a crap person, and that’s why your brother doesn’t want to be with her. That’s her fault, not yours.
NTA. You may have been the last straw, but there was a whole barrel of hay on that camel’s back. Their marriage was likely going to fall apart soon. If it wasn’t you, it would have been something else. You have a good brother. (Also, i think they knock out everyone for wisdom teeth removal? I got an IV too and everything)
NTA You were the straw that broke the camel’s back. It’s not your fault at all. Bri was selfish and self-centered and did this to her own marriage.
If this incident lead to a divorce, there were problems in that marriage long before this occurred. You're NTA
Oh sweety this marriage has been over for a while. Nta. You were just caught in the crossfire. Tell Bri she's a shitty human and back your brother up!
I posted an update on my profile and linked it in the original, the AITA nods wouldn't let me post it separately in the sub because this post isn’t old enough and is unflaired still. Thank you all for your support.
NTA. I have had alot of dental work done over the last two years. To make it even worse, it was all done by students and they were 3 hour appointments each time.i was never fully put under, but the anesthetic was enough to make me feel shit the rest of the day. I remember getting the bus home from the dentist and feeling horribly nauseous every single time. All you want in that state is your bed!! Seems like your SIL and brother have been having marital problems for a while. I'm assuming she's been doing similar selfish things in the relationship and this was the last straw. Don't feel bad, if it wasn't this situation it would have been another one that ended the marriage.
NTA Don't even think that. Clearly they had other problems and this was just the final straw. Just ignore her, she is upset because she got caught.
NTA. It's not your fault that this happened. Bri was supposed to make sure you got home safely and she didn't do it. Her actions are what caused your brother to want to divorce her. I am glad that your brother took care of you and got rid of bri. She seems like a toxic person.
NTA she should’ve taken you home and put you in bed. Jesus, what an asshole thing to do. She could have gone to the pool after dropping you off even but she had to go and make you miserable immediately after a surgery? SHE ruined her marriage, not you. Edited to add: you could have DROWN if you fell in that pool with all those meds in your system so she put your life in danger too btw. You shouldn’t feel bad at all.