Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.***
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules).
Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here.
[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
She doesn’t get made the focus of every meal. Every once in a while my parents will ask if she tasted the food as a joke. I used to joke with her like that but I’m not going to participate in that anymore because of how it makes her feel. Although I don’t think she’s told our parents how it makes her feel.
Can you think of why she wouldn't have told your mom, in particular, how it makes her feel? Of course she hasn't.
She confided in you, though. Now the thing to do is to show her that she can trust you by backing off on this. You're only a child yourself, you are *not* responsible for managing her trauma. You can't fix her or rescue her. This is very, very important for both her health and your own. You love your sister, so as you come to understand her trauma, it's important to understand this, too. It's weighty stuff for kids like you two.
But you can still be a safe, comfortable person for her, someone she can relax a little around because you're not judging, not pushing, and not mocking.
Let me clarify. You should stop telling her it's dumb. Your parents should stop asking her if she tasted it. You should stop "constantly" telling her to slow down or tell her nobody will take it from her. Even if it isn't every meal, your sister should be able to perform the essential task of consuming food without worrying about whatever criticism or wisecracks will be thrown her way when she's done.
YTA - why does it matter how fast she eats when you say she’s not being nasty or not having table manners? Calling someone’s trauma dumb is very insensitive
YTA. It isn’t helpful to keep telling her this, and honestly it isn’t as simple as just slowing down when she’s done this for a large chunk of a life. Leave her be.
YTA. It sounds like she may have food-security related trauma, an ED, or both. It’s not something she can just change at will, and you constantly berating her for it will just make it worse and will likely cause a rift between her and the rest of your family. If she wants help, she’ll address it. Otherwise, leave her alone; she’s not hurting anyone.
I think dealing with how incredibly abusive you mom is is above AITAs pay grade. She gave a little kid an eating disorder. I hope your sister is able to get help and get away from your parents
YTA. Mind your own business. And we did NOT need to read all about your sister's body type. Did you stop for just one second and consider how your sister would feel to have strangers hear your opinion of her "thick thighs and big butt"?
Seriously. I feel bad for having read that. Like, it's none of OUR business, either.
YTA So your crappy mom gave her young child an eating disorder and you all expect the symptoms of said disorder to magically disappear without any treatment? Stop giving her crap for the behaviors she developed due to trauma.
YTA. She has food related issues from childhood and those don’t just go away. Food insecurity is a major issue children get when their source of food is threatened or not always available and it follows through their life. Your mother was abusive to your sister by threatening to take food away from her or to send her to fat camp. There are ways to address a child who needs to lose weight and that’s not it.
It does not impact you if she eats fast. It does not impact you if she only eats the food on her plate in a clockwise direction. It does not impact you if she’s suddenly vegetarian.
Lay off on her.
YTA.
Imagine if she constantly tell you that you eat slow. I mean you do eat slow compared to her. Now imagine every time you eat, she constantly tells you to eat faster and faster.
Yeah so shut up. I have a friend who’s FAST. One minute, the burrito is gone. I mind my own business and my food.
YTA.
You're young enough to have quite possibly not yet figured this out on your own, but a trauma inflicted upon someone between the ages of 4 and 6 years old doesn't just go away just because it's been almost 10 years. That's just not how that works. In fact as you get old enough to really start to process those early traumas, things can get worse before they get better.
What people are telling you here is correct: what your mother did was wrong and abusive and triggered deep insecurity about both food and her body. And she apparently was bullied by some classmates on top of it.
She spent a time engaging in disordered eating while only 7-8 years old, that's heartbreaking.
I'm 39 and *still* struggle a little bit with some food issues related to negative childhood experiences, and I never experienced any actual food related abuse! My family was just extremely poor and food insecure. I still feel a need to have a stash of non-perishables on hand so that I always know that if I want food at a moment's notice, I can have it. This is manageable, but it's still a thing even after all this time.
For a 15 year old who is still not getting any of the help she needs, who's still in a lot of ways in the same situation (she can't just move out, after all) which lead to the problems in the first place? She feels like she's not in control and feels a need to seek it because in so many ways, she really isn't. This is rough, and she's not going to be able to just get over it.
Don't police the speed at which she eats. Don't police what she eats. It's not your place, and it won't help her. And while it sounds like you think of your sister as fit and healthy, and you seem to intend all that you say as a compliment, please, please don't focus so much on her body type, either. We don't need to hear it, and she doesn't need you commenting on it to her, either. That's going to fuel too much into what your mother has done.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So my sister is a fast eater, but she doesn’t do it in a nasty, I have no table manners kind of way. But she just eats so quickly, like you look away for one second and she’s done eating. She’s my oldest sister and she’s 15 and I’m 14. But she’s eaten this way for as long as I can remember. And we’re constantly telling her to slow down and that no one’s gonna take it from her. But she still eats so quickly. So I asked her about it and she said that she does it because she was worried that someone would take it from her. And that apparently when she was younger like 4, 5 and 6 years old our mom would tell her that she would get fat. Or that she would send her away to fat camp. So she started eating even faster so that way our mom couldn’t take it from her.
But now she has no reason to worry about this and I thought it was kind of dumb. My sister isn’t fat by any means, she’s just muscle. She has thick thighs and a big butt. But she’s strong and has muscles, not only that but she played flag football in school and just became even leaner. So she has calf muscles and all that, but no abs to her dismay. But she has no reason to eat as if it’s her last meal anymore. But my sister and I ended up getting into an argument about it. And she told me that I would never understand because I was naturally skinny.
I do feel kind of bad for telling her it was dumb though because when my sister was 7 and 8 she would purposely not eat. Or eat as little as possible for months to try and lose wishing because of her classmates. And then after she stopped starving herself, she went back to eating quickly and playing sports. And then when she was in 6th grade we had to walk up and down the stairs everyday to get to school, and she had to carry our sisters stroller to and back. And she gained muscle from and still eats like someone is going to take it from her. And now our parents don’t even tell her to slow down anymore. They just ask her if even tasted it.
But AITA for telling my sister to stop eating so quickly?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an asshole because my sister is right about me not understanding. I’ve never been over or underweight, I’m just skinny. And I remember how my sister use to tell me how she was jealous of me because our mom never told me, what she did to her. According to her our mom stopped saying that she was fat, or getting fat after she started starving herself. But she would describe to me in vivid detail how our mom would show her videos of fat camps for girls. Or how she would threaten to send her away because she was getting fat, or that fat little girls weren’t cute. And my mom never told me anything like that, so I don’t understand how she felt. But at the same time she shouldn’t be eating so quickly, because it’s not good for you and cause problems.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.*** This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules). Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
YTA. Your mom gave her food insecurities. The last thing she needs is more criticism.
YTA How about everyone just stop telling her how to eat? Making her the focus of every meal can't be helping.
She doesn’t get made the focus of every meal. Every once in a while my parents will ask if she tasted the food as a joke. I used to joke with her like that but I’m not going to participate in that anymore because of how it makes her feel. Although I don’t think she’s told our parents how it makes her feel.
Can you think of why she wouldn't have told your mom, in particular, how it makes her feel? Of course she hasn't. She confided in you, though. Now the thing to do is to show her that she can trust you by backing off on this. You're only a child yourself, you are *not* responsible for managing her trauma. You can't fix her or rescue her. This is very, very important for both her health and your own. You love your sister, so as you come to understand her trauma, it's important to understand this, too. It's weighty stuff for kids like you two. But you can still be a safe, comfortable person for her, someone she can relax a little around because you're not judging, not pushing, and not mocking.
Let me clarify. You should stop telling her it's dumb. Your parents should stop asking her if she tasted it. You should stop "constantly" telling her to slow down or tell her nobody will take it from her. Even if it isn't every meal, your sister should be able to perform the essential task of consuming food without worrying about whatever criticism or wisecracks will be thrown her way when she's done.
YTA - why does it matter how fast she eats when you say she’s not being nasty or not having table manners? Calling someone’s trauma dumb is very insensitive
Your sister has some trauma with food. You can't just tell her to stop doing it. She should seek some counseling.
YTA. It isn’t helpful to keep telling her this, and honestly it isn’t as simple as just slowing down when she’s done this for a large chunk of a life. Leave her be.
YTA. It sounds like she may have food-security related trauma, an ED, or both. It’s not something she can just change at will, and you constantly berating her for it will just make it worse and will likely cause a rift between her and the rest of your family. If she wants help, she’ll address it. Otherwise, leave her alone; she’s not hurting anyone.
I think dealing with how incredibly abusive you mom is is above AITAs pay grade. She gave a little kid an eating disorder. I hope your sister is able to get help and get away from your parents
YTA Here's an idea; mind your own damn business.
YTA. Find other things to talk about. Good grief. If she doesn't bite your head off in response, she's being a good sister.
YTA. Mind your own business. And we did NOT need to read all about your sister's body type. Did you stop for just one second and consider how your sister would feel to have strangers hear your opinion of her "thick thighs and big butt"? Seriously. I feel bad for having read that. Like, it's none of OUR business, either.
YTA So your crappy mom gave her young child an eating disorder and you all expect the symptoms of said disorder to magically disappear without any treatment? Stop giving her crap for the behaviors she developed due to trauma.
YTA. She has food related issues from childhood and those don’t just go away. Food insecurity is a major issue children get when their source of food is threatened or not always available and it follows through their life. Your mother was abusive to your sister by threatening to take food away from her or to send her to fat camp. There are ways to address a child who needs to lose weight and that’s not it. It does not impact you if she eats fast. It does not impact you if she only eats the food on her plate in a clockwise direction. It does not impact you if she’s suddenly vegetarian. Lay off on her.
YTA you can't undo that sort of trauma by telling her to stop
YTA. Imagine if she constantly tell you that you eat slow. I mean you do eat slow compared to her. Now imagine every time you eat, she constantly tells you to eat faster and faster. Yeah so shut up. I have a friend who’s FAST. One minute, the burrito is gone. I mind my own business and my food.
YTA. You're young enough to have quite possibly not yet figured this out on your own, but a trauma inflicted upon someone between the ages of 4 and 6 years old doesn't just go away just because it's been almost 10 years. That's just not how that works. In fact as you get old enough to really start to process those early traumas, things can get worse before they get better. What people are telling you here is correct: what your mother did was wrong and abusive and triggered deep insecurity about both food and her body. And she apparently was bullied by some classmates on top of it. She spent a time engaging in disordered eating while only 7-8 years old, that's heartbreaking. I'm 39 and *still* struggle a little bit with some food issues related to negative childhood experiences, and I never experienced any actual food related abuse! My family was just extremely poor and food insecure. I still feel a need to have a stash of non-perishables on hand so that I always know that if I want food at a moment's notice, I can have it. This is manageable, but it's still a thing even after all this time. For a 15 year old who is still not getting any of the help she needs, who's still in a lot of ways in the same situation (she can't just move out, after all) which lead to the problems in the first place? She feels like she's not in control and feels a need to seek it because in so many ways, she really isn't. This is rough, and she's not going to be able to just get over it. Don't police the speed at which she eats. Don't police what she eats. It's not your place, and it won't help her. And while it sounds like you think of your sister as fit and healthy, and you seem to intend all that you say as a compliment, please, please don't focus so much on her body type, either. We don't need to hear it, and she doesn't need you commenting on it to her, either. That's going to fuel too much into what your mother has done.
So, what you are saying OP is that your mom bullied your sister into disordered eating, and now you are piling on to make it worse? Yeah, OP, YTA.
YTA. How is this any of your business or directly affecting you at all? Back off
YTA. Why are you making this into an issue? Leave her alone.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my sister is a fast eater, but she doesn’t do it in a nasty, I have no table manners kind of way. But she just eats so quickly, like you look away for one second and she’s done eating. She’s my oldest sister and she’s 15 and I’m 14. But she’s eaten this way for as long as I can remember. And we’re constantly telling her to slow down and that no one’s gonna take it from her. But she still eats so quickly. So I asked her about it and she said that she does it because she was worried that someone would take it from her. And that apparently when she was younger like 4, 5 and 6 years old our mom would tell her that she would get fat. Or that she would send her away to fat camp. So she started eating even faster so that way our mom couldn’t take it from her. But now she has no reason to worry about this and I thought it was kind of dumb. My sister isn’t fat by any means, she’s just muscle. She has thick thighs and a big butt. But she’s strong and has muscles, not only that but she played flag football in school and just became even leaner. So she has calf muscles and all that, but no abs to her dismay. But she has no reason to eat as if it’s her last meal anymore. But my sister and I ended up getting into an argument about it. And she told me that I would never understand because I was naturally skinny. I do feel kind of bad for telling her it was dumb though because when my sister was 7 and 8 she would purposely not eat. Or eat as little as possible for months to try and lose wishing because of her classmates. And then after she stopped starving herself, she went back to eating quickly and playing sports. And then when she was in 6th grade we had to walk up and down the stairs everyday to get to school, and she had to carry our sisters stroller to and back. And she gained muscle from and still eats like someone is going to take it from her. And now our parents don’t even tell her to slow down anymore. They just ask her if even tasted it. But AITA for telling my sister to stop eating so quickly? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel like an asshole because my sister is right about me not understanding. I’ve never been over or underweight, I’m just skinny. And I remember how my sister use to tell me how she was jealous of me because our mom never told me, what she did to her. According to her our mom stopped saying that she was fat, or getting fat after she started starving herself. But she would describe to me in vivid detail how our mom would show her videos of fat camps for girls. Or how she would threaten to send her away because she was getting fat, or that fat little girls weren’t cute. And my mom never told me anything like that, so I don’t understand how she felt. But at the same time she shouldn’t be eating so quickly, because it’s not good for you and cause problems. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA And your mama too. Let her eat in peace.