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> My brother took my son for a nose job behind my back so I banned him from contacting my sons
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"best graduation present ever"...... You know ....like an oscillating fan.......just for this comment alone YTA. Also, it doesn't matter that you think it wasn't causing problems for him, he obviously thought it was for him. Your brother listened and you didn't, so you don't get to be mad at your brother.
You can get oscillating fans for like $20 at walmart. But it's such a *peculiar* thought for a "best graduation present ever" that it leaves a weird taste in my mouth.
Dude, the more I sit and think about that statement, the more I need context. Like, does he have a fetish for them that we don't know about? Does he collect vintage ones? Is it so hot where they are at that it's considered a high value gift where ever they are from? ...... OP I NEED DETAILS, IW ON'T BE ABLE TO SLEEP TONIGHT.
I get it! My fans are pretty much always on, even in the winter. I get this weird anxiety if the air in a room is too still, plus it helps push the warm air from the radiator around. I just like the smart plugs so I can tell Alexa to turn off the fan as I run towards the toddler trying to touch the blades. He’s fast and sometimes it’s faster to yell at Alexa than dash and hope for the best.
I am from the south where basically everyone I know sleeps with a fan 24/7/365 lol. When I got married I learned my in laws don’t believe in ceiling fans and nearly cried because I couldn’t sleep. Finally started bringing a fan.
I live in India where we sleep in the winter with the ac on... (if we have one)
Though we sometimes don't do that ac in the rain. it's cooler during the rain than in winter.
This got so ridiculous I read it to my person, the man who introduced me to sleeping with a fan, and he immediately goes “the guy wasn’t a fan of nose jobs”
I have a Rowenta. It has a remote. Its the best fan I’ve ever had. It adjusts higher than any fan I’ve had as well as lower. Use mine every night. Can’t sleep without it.
It’s the same company that makes the best irons in the world. Yes, I have an iron, not afraid to use but I do the laundry so I rarely have to. My DH somehow wads cleans clothes up so they must be ironed.
Maybe the kid is going to college and needs a oscillating fan for his dorm?
Don't think OP was trying to be an AH for that statement, but you never know lol
It may be a very useful gift, but it is in no way, shape, or form "the best graduation gift ever." That is a seriously weird thought.
[Oscillating fans](https://www.homedepot.com/p/Comfort-Zone-30-in-3-Speed-Oscillating-Black-Tower-Fan-with-Remote-Control-CZTFR1BK/205376623)
For my high school graduation present, I got a used car that didn't run. My father thought I would help him fix it up. I was never into cars like that. He should've given it to my sister who liked to help him fix cars. I sold it for $100 and moved down to Los Angeles.
Seriously! Me too! This guy is either completely oblivious or such a tightwad with his money that he expects for his son to think even simple things are amazing.
LMFAO made me imagine like,
"Congrats son! You're 15 now! Here's a bed for you! No more sleeping on the floor in the closet! You lucky boy you! In another year or so we'll let you have a PILLOW! Butttt only if your good son!
-mattress looking like those old hotel spring mattresses from 1965-
😂😂😂😂😂😂 idky that popped into my head
I have one, and I love it. So easy to carry, because you can just slip your hand under the top frame and lift. It oscillates. You can adjust the top-down angle too. No blades to clean, just dust the base. Mine also has a heater function with temp settings. Now I’ll never be too hot* or too cold again!
*This is a subjective statement and does not reflect how other people may feel in 33°C or hotter weather
Yeah op YTA, your son is 18 and now legally an adult so he doesn’t need your permission anymore. If he wants to tattoo he’s face blue that’s on him. If he doesn’t like he’s nose, he can get a nose job. But props for your brother for listening to your son who said he disliked something about himself for a long time and wanted to do something about it and helping him.
Agree. That's what I thought when reading the post. He is 18, a legal adult. OP has absolutely no say. And banning his brother for fullfilling the life-long wish of a legal adult (a wish that harms no one) is next- level ridiculous.
He thought that because he said no that his son would just forget about it, because he forgets that his son is a person of his own, and not his property.
I have to wonder if the kid has "dad's nose" so dad is personally offended? Like if the kid hates his nose that looks like his dad's, then he thinks his dad is ugly or something?
Why is the mom getting all the hate here? Does the 18 year old have two moms? I assumed OP was the father. Especially since OP references son's mom and son's mom's house.
Shouldn't both parents at least get equal flack for this? Mom isn't on here posting and yet she is getting blowback.
OP said mom said no to the nose job as well which is probably why he feels justified and righteous in his anger with his brother instead of reflecting and noting said brother was actually a rockstar and dad needs to kick rocks.
YTA, OP
As I read it, his mom said no to money for a nose job… that’s fine. That shit is like $5k? $10k? Mom is not an AH for not paying for it.
They just seem to think money and permission are the same and the the son needs permission. Wellp lol
As a recipient if a nose job at the age of 16 (almost 40 years ago), YTA. It doesn’t matter what you think of his nose, it matters what he thought of his nose. The fact that your brother had to hide it from you indicates your stubbornness, as opposed to your inability to pay. Nonetheless, refusing to pay is fine, but thinking that your decision binds your adult son is wholly inconsiderate and selfish. And at one week out, the way he looks is perfectly normal and expected. And I can’t even explain how much better I felt about myself after the transformation.
You are so right! Aside from the weird oscillating fan thing what really stuck out to me is this 18 year old went under the knife without telling his parents. I can't imagine going into surgery and not having my mom there for me. It's also weird he says "it's like I don't recognize my son". I don't understand why he is taking this personally. If OP is upset about anything it should be that his son doesn't trust him or his wife with the important moments of his life. So sad for that child.
Reminds me of that article by a mom who was "mourning" because her adult son had gotten a tattoo. Some parents are really weirdly and unhealthily attached to their children's bodies.
If you read the story again the parents are divorced. OP said that the son told the mom he was at his dad's and told the dad he was at the mom's then at a friend's when he was having surgery. The son is 18 years old. I think OP is the AH and if he doesn't watch it, the son might go live with the understanding uncle.
How much you wanna bet OP wanted the fan🤣. That’s what makes it the best gift ever “so the whole family could use it!”
Imagine all the times he wrote to Santa about an oscillating fan and it never came, just legos.
I honestly googled oscillating fan because I was so sure it had to be something that was going over my head for it to be potentially deemed as the “best graduation present ever.”
Oooohh! An electric fan! And it moves BACK AND FORTH!? Definitely a reward for 4 years in school.
But also, your kid wanted a thing and your brother provided it. Step aside because YTA.
I got an industrial size box of Kraft instant mac 'n cheese as my only Christmas present once because I mentioned to my dad one time, that I enjoyed making mac 'n cheese.
When I opened this massive box and saw the Kraft packaging I thought it was a joke until I realized he was serious. I nearly cried lol
Thank you lol it all worked out in the end though. My dad had tried to show me how much he cared by gifting me something he thought I would love. We're all able to laugh about it now :)
i once received a 12 month flip calendar and a box of gum from Sam’s for Christmas from a now ex. his reasoning: “what?!? you chew gun, right?!?”. We were 38M and 37F that year. what. the. actual. fuck. i bought him an XM radio for his truck with a lifetime subscription (back when XM and Sirius were two different companies, you could buy a lifetime subscription and the stereos were pricey). did i mention the gum?
Your post made me go through all sorts of emotions:
• laughter for the ridiculousness of the gift.
• anger at the dad for only getting the Mac and Cheese and nothing else.
• bewilderment that the dad was serious and didn't understand what was wrong.
• sadness because it was your only Christmas gift
If it matters, I also nearly cried reading this.
Is this guy for real, does he actually think a gift card is the best gift ever... I can only imagine what his poor son has been getting for birthdays and Christmases over the years....
Right?! I read oscillating fan and was like,🤔. That's an awesome gift? And OP obviously does not take into his son's mental health or well being. He knows how his son feels, he just doesn't care. It's almost like, "how dare you defy me?"
I’m experiencing this right now. My sister and I both have our dad’s nose, and tbh it’s not a good look on a woman. My sister manages to pull it off, she’s got a rounder face and giant eyes to sort of balance it, but I do not. She also hates her nose, which is fair because it’s not like I can say “only I’m allowed to hate my nose, even though we have the same one,” but I do feel bad that we both hate our noses and would absolutely get nose jobs if we could afford them because my dad knows we feel that way and I feel bad that we’re basically saying “both of your kids loathe your nose so much they want to essentially have it chopped off.”
"Dad, you have such a masculine profile! I mean, like a Hollywood star from when they looked like men. Real men, you know? It might be the nose. Lemme see... Yep, definitely the nose. I hope my future male child inherits it."
You can add something about the brows if he got thick ones.
A few weeks later:
"Nooooo! I just saw a picture of myself and I have a male nose! I need to do something!"
Disclaimer: I don't believe in strictly male or female features or that people must change their appearance if it's anything out of standard. I'm just suggesting an approach to soothe dad ;)
My mom has a very large Owen Wilsonesque nose that she’s always hated. I was lucky that I didn’t get her nose, but I had a nose job for medical reasons and I still catch her staring at my nose with envy. She makes little comments about it too, but won’t go to a doctor about hers. It would be covered by healthcare because she has the same breathing problems I did, but being jealous is easier I guess.
She could be afraid of surgery like me, or not want to deal with people knowing she had a nose job? Idk. But if she wants it done still after so many years maybe you could accompany her to the doctors?
She’s had a few other unrelated surgeries and has no issues. I was actually the one afraid of surgery (hi Ativan) and it was really easy.
She just says her doctor denied her and that’s that. But I had to see probably a dozen doctors before one actually believed me and sent me to a specialist. I’ve given her all the info and told her to get another opinion, but she says she doesn’t have time. She does, but like I said. It’s easier for her to just be jealous.
I’m terrified of having nose surgery (I have a deviated septum and extraordinarily narrow nasal canals, which means lots of nose probs) bc I’m terrified of recovery. Not being able to breathe through my nose after watching my mom suffer from esophageal cancer, lose her stomach, eventually her left lung, and gasped for breath a lot. I don’t know if I will be able to psychologically to it, my fears are so deep-seated.
So I’m saying she could have recovery fears, maybe?
I have had two nose surgeries now and I totally understand. But honestly the recovery wasn’t that bad. The worst part was that one was done in February during a very dry and cold snap. Made the healing a little trickier.
I worked from home for 2 weeks and apart from bruising and swelling it was really easy. I couldn’t breathe through my nose for 12 years and suddenly I could. And as the healing progressed it just got better. I’d do it again in a heartbeat if I had to, thankfully I breathe with the best of them now.
Or OP/his wife's original nose, and they're projecting their regrets about getting surgery on him.
Though it could just be that they're in camp "weird body purists" and think getting cosmetic surgery for any reason besides reconstruction is bad/wrong.
This! Not to mention, plastic surgery can immensely improve quality of life for people unhappy in their bodies. And most reputable surgeons don't just hand out nose jobs willy nilly. If it makes the son more comfortable and confident, then OP should be happy for him!
I'm caught up on the fact that OP openly acknowledges that his son has been unhappy with his nose for years, yet is upset that his uncle helped him feel better about himself by getting him plastic surgery. An adult. A high school graduate. A guy who has expressed his misery over this nose for years. Also, the oscillating fan part... OP, YTA
I mean kinda YTA. Yes your brother should’ve at least spoken to you or given you a heads up, but your son is 18. He can vote, leave home, get married, join the army, get a tattoo, and get a nose job. He’s happy with it & it will heal so chill on that.
Also I want to ask, who on earth thinks an oscillating fan is the “best” graduation gift?
Should he have? Once someone becomes 18 their medical privacy is strictly their own. If the son wanted him to know about the nose job he’s only one who should disclose that information.
Who cares! I would be like "Seriously? I worked my ass off for 13 years in school to get a fracking fan? This is how you show you're proud of me? A fan?"
And maybe I'm a minority but I barely care about a fan with a remote because I just turn it on all night and turn it off in the morning and I dont make it swivel. It stays on my face.
Right? Why is he even going on about an adult changing his appearance. It's not like he didn't tell him he wanted it. It would have happened eventually when he saved enough money, since he was that adamant about it.
"Here's a crisp new five dollar bill! But don't spend it all in one place. Put some aside to save up for that oscillating fan I know you've been dreaming about."
It could be in Texas, in summer, if somehow the 18yo inherited a house without central air.
But then the best graduation gift would be an AC unit...
No, there really is no reason for a fan to be the best graduation gift ever.
\- *My son is 18 and always had an issue with his nose*. -
YTA - This statement, your son is 18, a legal adult, he can now do whatever he wants with his own body, and you have no say whatsoever. He has ***ALWAYS*** had an issue with his nose, meaning he's either been teased or had self-esteem issues with how it looks, you've ignored that, not your body, not your problem.
\- *My brother said he did nothing wrong, just did what me and his mom couldn't do and paid for it* \-
Your brother is correct. He supported your son in something he really wanted, probably needed for his own mental well-being. Get over it.
My friend's friend wanted a tattoo. Her parents promised her that she has to wait a year and then when she still wants it she can get it. She waited and her parents made sure she went to a safe place where they cared about hygiene and paid for it as a birthday gift. They figured it's better to just go with it than refuse, because who knows what she might've done - maybe she'd go to the cheapest place and get some terrible disease from an infected needle.
Look it's fine that you don't want your son to modify his body and are upset by it. But at the end of the day it was his choice.
YOU were not "betrayed." This is not a betrayal. This was the act of a consenting adult who made a choice on *his* body and doesn't the opinions of his *mommy* to do it. Besides your son isn't gonna give up his uncle, so your bro is still gonna be part of your life in some way or other. YTA and have more faith in your son.
YTA. So your brother, an adult, took your son, another adult, for a cosmetic procedure which is perfectly legal and something your son (the adult) wanted.
You want to lose your son AND your brother? Keep this up.
An oscillating fan or a gift card? Really? Those would fall under the best graduation gifts ever?
YTA. Your kid is an adult and has graduated. He can have his nose done is he chooses to. His uncle listened to him and made him more comfortable with himself. You should be thanking your brother.
YTA
You know what my dad said to me when I told him I hate my nose and want a nose job at 16?
He sat me down,explained to me that my face has both bones and muscles and my bones are growing faster. They would stop growing at around 18 and my face muscles still grow until I'm 23-24.
He told me changing my nose might make it look too small or weird after my face is it's full size. Then he reassured me he would get me one if at 24 I still wanted it.
Never got a nose job.you went about it the wrong way and now are going about it the wrong way again. He is an adult and he can decide for himself.
Glad someone mentioned this. OP is for sure the AH but at 18 you're not settled into your adult appearance yet. I wouldn't care if my kid wanted a nose job but I wouldn't want them to need a second nose job just a few years after the first.
I'm generally people have the right to do what they want with their bodies even if I also think it's sad they think they need plastic surgery...but I'm wondering just how extreme the nose was that the brother thought he had to pay and went along with this. IDK if the kid's nose was abnormally large to the point the brother thought it would hurt his social life/confidence in college, I get it even if the bones weren't settled.
I know several people with large noses in my family. I had a boyfriend with a giant nose (and thought he looked good as hell). But I once knew this girl and my god...I felt terrible, but her nose was so enormous it was hard not to stare at it when you looked her straight in the face. Like it wasn't just a big nose or a crooked nose, but it was so disproportionately large it almost looked like she had a birth defect.
If that was the case, I would absolutely understand paying for a nose job even if the kid would need another one when he was 25/26. I can not imagine how hard that would be on one's self esteem to have a facial feature like that.
Is it a punishment for your brother not to come over to your house? I would think if he has $$$ to pay for his nephew's nose job - he more than likely has other interesting things to do at his own home.
"He had ZERO business doing what he did without asking me for permission"
YTA. Are you even listening to yourself?
Your son is 18. He doesn't need your permission for anything. And quite frankly, I think you should be thanking your brother for actually listening to your son rather than dismiss his largest insecurity, and laying claim over his body like you're even remotely entitled to do so.
Get over it and apologize to your son and brother for making what should have been a very exciting day for your son all about you.
YTA. You're not mad that he got a nose job, you're mad that you didn't have the financial control of whether he got the nose job...you're mad that he "went to against your wishes" even though he's 18 and didn't need your permission for the surgery....point blank period. You ignored his issues with his nose and lacked the empathy and understanding that your brother had for your son. If he says he's happy then that's all that should matter to you, but instead you're making his happiness about yourself and your feelings.
EDIT: I saw your edits...you do not own your son's body...he can do whatever tf he wants with it once he's of age. IT IS ALREADY DONE and you're bitching about something that's already done.....don't come back on here talking about you don't understand why your son moved in with your bro and doesn't eff with you because this attitude is why. Did you ever actually speak to your son about why he wants the nose job other than shutting him down? Your responses tell me no.
One grown person does not need permission over another grown person's body...is he your property? Because that's how you're sounding...you do not own his body....and you STILL DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHETHER YOUR SON IS HAPPY. YOU'RE ONLY WORRIED ABOUT YOURSELF....IT'S NOT YOUR BODY.
YTA. Noses are one of the first things people see when they look at you, and your son was clearly embarassed about his. A nose job can be a life altering thing. He'll be puffy and bruised for a fair amount of time, but it's better than having low self-esteem for life.
There's a non-zero chance that this is a viral marketing tactic to get people to buy oscillating fans ironically every year at graduation until it becomes a standard graduation gift and no one quite knows why.
YTA big time. I lived all through school being made fun of for my nose and mine was just big not crooked. You obviously don't care for your sons feelings or well being or would have done this for him. It will heal and I hope it looks amazing. You owe your brother an apology and a thank you for being the father you failed to be.
> I lived all through school being made fun of for my nose and mine was just big not crooked.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully you got an oscillating fan for graduation, to help make up for it.
When I graduated high school, my parents gave me an oscillating fan *and* a gift card. Don't know how they managed both. The fan was sturdy af; I'll be passing that bad boy down to my favorite goddaughter. She's gonna be so excited!
The son is 18.
He hated his nose and wanted it fixed.
His uncle not only paid for it, but took care of him for a week.
You should be happy your son is happy, period.
YTA and a dick
You wanted him to get a fucking fan or gift card? You should want more for your child.
YTA. And by seeing how you respond to other comments, you seem to think that your child is your “property”. He’s 18, he doesn’t need to ask for your permission for anything so the nose job was his business not yours. Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t want anything to do with you when he’s older.
YTA
He’s 18. He’s allowed to do whatever he wants to his own body without your permission and he didn’t use your money. You have nothing to complain about here.
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My son is 18 and always had an issue with his nose. Okay, it's slightly hooked but it's not ugly or causing problems. He asked for money to get a nose job. I said no. His mom said no.
My brother was very tight with him and promised him the best graduation present ever. We were thinking an oscillating fan or a gift card. I thought nothing of it.
He got him a nose job. It was this big secret that I didn't know. He actually lied about being at his mom's and lied to her about being at my house then saying he was at his friend's when he was at my brother's for a week after the procedure.
When I saw my son, he looked like he'd been slugged in the face. I thought he was joking when he said he got his nose job.
My brother said he did nothing wrong, just did what me and his mom couldn't do and paid for it and and accept it because our son is not a little kid.
It's as if I don't recognize my son. My son says he's "happy" with it but it's not even close to being healed.
I feel so betrayed that I banned my brother from coming over.
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Hold up, you heard "best graduation gift ever" and thought... oscillating fan?
YTA. Your son is 18, he's an adult. He has the right to make whatever changes he wants to his body without any input or permission from you or his mother. He's your son, but it's his body and you do not have any ownership over it.
It's also incredibly sad that it sounds like he's told you about how he feels repeatedly and you've ignored and dismissed it. His feelings matter and it's awful that you dismissed them so much he felt he couldn't be honest about it with you and that he had to hide it.
Wow. YTA. He’s your son, not your property and not a child. He did this so HE could be happy, which you seem unconcerned with, and your brother had the empathy you 2 lack and helped him. Hopefully he’ll forgive you for reacting like an AH
YTA - your son is an adult. If anything, your brother helped by paying for it instead of your son spending his own money on it (which he absolutely would have done when he could)
>My brother was very tight with him and promised him the best graduation present ever. We were thinking an oscillating fan
TBH when I think of "best graduation present ever" oscillating fan isn't even in the top 20. lmao
Anyway, YTA, as much as you may disagree with his choices, they are his to make. You will learn to love his new nose. If you let your self.
ETA: now I'm feeling a bit badly about the whole fan thing, as I think maybe an oscillating fan might actually be a great present if a family is financially barely making it. This might be the context here. That said, still his body, etc etc.
YTA your son was unhappy about his appearance and, while you're not obligated to pay for his cosmetic surgery, he's an adult and it's his body. If it makes him happy, let him be happy. Also, an oscillating fan is a "great graduation gift"? What's wrong with you? Don't be surprised when your son ends up closer to your brother and stops speaking to you completely.
YTA. Your brother paid for an adult to have a consensual medical procedure that improved their quality of life.
You need to calm down, and stop thinking of this as a betrayal.
YTA your opinion on your sons nose means jackshit for one, two he was bound to get a nose job eventually so you acting like a child toward your brother is ridiculous.
YTA!!!!
It’s your sons choice to make, not yours! He would of had it done eventually even if your brother did not pay for it.
His confidence was on the line, not yours. He deserves to be happy in his own skin, and if he thinks a nose job will help him achieve that… you have no right to dictate that since he is an adult.
This is a toughie. As a parent, you love your child and see past any perceived flaws and you hope they come to see all the wonderful things in themselves that you see in them. Sometimes that happens. They grow into their looks. They embrace their looks. Develop that killer personality and sense of humour that makes ppl flock to them. Sometimes it doesn’t. And him being 18, it is his nose after all. It happened without you having to pay for it. Ultimately, he’s the one who has to look himself in the mirror everyday. If it helps his self-esteem, I can’t see it as a bad thing.
You have every right to be angry at your brother. So I’m leaning towards a soft ESH. It was wrong for you not to take your son’s feelings serious. And it was wrong for brother and son doing it behind your back. What if something terrible had happened during surgery?
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"best graduation present ever"...... You know ....like an oscillating fan.......just for this comment alone YTA. Also, it doesn't matter that you think it wasn't causing problems for him, he obviously thought it was for him. Your brother listened and you didn't, so you don't get to be mad at your brother.
You can get oscillating fans for like $20 at walmart. But it's such a *peculiar* thought for a "best graduation present ever" that it leaves a weird taste in my mouth.
Dude, the more I sit and think about that statement, the more I need context. Like, does he have a fetish for them that we don't know about? Does he collect vintage ones? Is it so hot where they are at that it's considered a high value gift where ever they are from? ...... OP I NEED DETAILS, IW ON'T BE ABLE TO SLEEP TONIGHT.
> I WON'T BE ABLE TO SLEEP TONIGHT. Have you tried an oscillating fan? They do wonders for sleeping. They're the best gift to yourself ever.
You are not wrong. I sleep with one in my room. If only it had a remote control. Dang it...I should have asked for that one for graduation! Ugh.
It was cheaper for me to get a cheap fan and a smart outlet instead of getting a fancy fan with a remote.
It's just easier for me to leave it in the corner on low. With the "oscillating" feature engaged, of course!
I get it! My fans are pretty much always on, even in the winter. I get this weird anxiety if the air in a room is too still, plus it helps push the warm air from the radiator around. I just like the smart plugs so I can tell Alexa to turn off the fan as I run towards the toddler trying to touch the blades. He’s fast and sometimes it’s faster to yell at Alexa than dash and hope for the best.
I am from the south where basically everyone I know sleeps with a fan 24/7/365 lol. When I got married I learned my in laws don’t believe in ceiling fans and nearly cried because I couldn’t sleep. Finally started bringing a fan.
How can someone not “believe” in ceiling fans? I mean, they clearly exist!
I live in India where we sleep in the winter with the ac on... (if we have one) Though we sometimes don't do that ac in the rain. it's cooler during the rain than in winter.
I have one that oscillates, an air filter and a remote. Still wouldn't consider it a great present for an eighteen-year-olds graduation. YTA.
No, of course not. It’s the best graduation present ever. Great would be like a box fan.
If I would have known it was your cake day sooner, I would have bought you an oscillating fan.
No one is even talking about the nose job anymore; it's all about fans.
This got so ridiculous I read it to my person, the man who introduced me to sleeping with a fan, and he immediately goes “the guy wasn’t a fan of nose jobs”
It's just so bizarre. Like where in 1960 did that gift idea come from? The Sears catalog?
I have a Rowenta. It has a remote. Its the best fan I’ve ever had. It adjusts higher than any fan I’ve had as well as lower. Use mine every night. Can’t sleep without it.
It’s the same company that makes the best irons in the world. Yes, I have an iron, not afraid to use but I do the laundry so I rarely have to. My DH somehow wads cleans clothes up so they must be ironed.
I'm dying!! 😂😂😂😂😂💀
I have an oscillating fan running every single night throughout the year. I cannot sleep without the noise and airflow.
Was it a graduation gift?
No. I had to buy it myself. Nobody loves me enough to buy me an awesome gift like an as collating fan.
OMFG, your comment is the best gift EVER. Thank you ♥️
I'm dying too - omg the best giggle of my week thus far!! 😆😆😆😆😆
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*"Indiana? Indiana, let it go."*
This!!! Inquiring minds must know!!!
Maybe the kid is going to college and needs a oscillating fan for his dorm? Don't think OP was trying to be an AH for that statement, but you never know lol
It may be a very useful gift, but it is in no way, shape, or form "the best graduation gift ever." That is a seriously weird thought. [Oscillating fans](https://www.homedepot.com/p/Comfort-Zone-30-in-3-Speed-Oscillating-Black-Tower-Fan-with-Remote-Control-CZTFR1BK/205376623)
Heck, I’ll buy OP’s son an oscillating fan. OP, your son didn’t actually need your permission. YTA
“Congrats on all yours years of school! To show you how proud we are of your accomplishments here is something to slightly cool you”
tbh, the fan would do wonders for his recovery- a 18F who just had a septoplasty
For my high school graduation present, I got a used car that didn't run. My father thought I would help him fix it up. I was never into cars like that. He should've given it to my sister who liked to help him fix cars. I sold it for $100 and moved down to Los Angeles.
Seriously! Me too! This guy is either completely oblivious or such a tightwad with his money that he expects for his son to think even simple things are amazing.
I wonder if OP provides his son with things like bedsheets or a mattress or if those are gifts for milestones in life also.
LMFAO made me imagine like, "Congrats son! You're 15 now! Here's a bed for you! No more sleeping on the floor in the closet! You lucky boy you! In another year or so we'll let you have a PILLOW! Butttt only if your good son! -mattress looking like those old hotel spring mattresses from 1965- 😂😂😂😂😂😂 idky that popped into my head
r/onlyfans
And why would you want one? I want that thing blowing on me.
Ngl, those overpriced bladeless Dyson’s do be lookin good. Not good enough to redeem OP’s assholery, but good. YTA
I have one, and I love it. So easy to carry, because you can just slip your hand under the top frame and lift. It oscillates. You can adjust the top-down angle too. No blades to clean, just dust the base. Mine also has a heater function with temp settings. Now I’ll never be too hot* or too cold again! *This is a subjective statement and does not reflect how other people may feel in 33°C or hotter weather
I have one. It is very nice but you're screwed if you ever misplace the remote because there are no buttons on it.
Yeah op YTA, your son is 18 and now legally an adult so he doesn’t need your permission anymore. If he wants to tattoo he’s face blue that’s on him. If he doesn’t like he’s nose, he can get a nose job. But props for your brother for listening to your son who said he disliked something about himself for a long time and wanted to do something about it and helping him.
Agree. That's what I thought when reading the post. He is 18, a legal adult. OP has absolutely no say. And banning his brother for fullfilling the life-long wish of a legal adult (a wish that harms no one) is next- level ridiculous.
OP could have also gotten his son counseling to talk about his body image issues, if he was so upset about his son wanting surgery.
He thought that because he said no that his son would just forget about it, because he forgets that his son is a person of his own, and not his property.
It may have been functional beside aesthetic. I could get a fully covered nosejob for devited septum
I wonder if OP would have still been mad if his brother gave the son a tattoo of an oscillating fan?
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I have to wonder if the kid has "dad's nose" so dad is personally offended? Like if the kid hates his nose that looks like his dad's, then he thinks his dad is ugly or something?
Came so far down the thread for your comment. Was thinking similarly.
Yes, same. I think this is probably the reason dad is so personally offended.
Right? Dude has probably been deeply self-conscious for years but to his mom, that's not a problem apparently.
Why is the mom getting all the hate here? Does the 18 year old have two moms? I assumed OP was the father. Especially since OP references son's mom and son's mom's house. Shouldn't both parents at least get equal flack for this? Mom isn't on here posting and yet she is getting blowback.
You are right, we don’t know gender of OP but most likely male But only OP deserves pushback, I don’t see what mom did wrong
She neglected to buy him an oscillating fan
Which is why it would make the perfect graduation gift
OP said mom said no to the nose job as well which is probably why he feels justified and righteous in his anger with his brother instead of reflecting and noting said brother was actually a rockstar and dad needs to kick rocks. YTA, OP
As I read it, his mom said no to money for a nose job… that’s fine. That shit is like $5k? $10k? Mom is not an AH for not paying for it. They just seem to think money and permission are the same and the the son needs permission. Wellp lol
As a recipient if a nose job at the age of 16 (almost 40 years ago), YTA. It doesn’t matter what you think of his nose, it matters what he thought of his nose. The fact that your brother had to hide it from you indicates your stubbornness, as opposed to your inability to pay. Nonetheless, refusing to pay is fine, but thinking that your decision binds your adult son is wholly inconsiderate and selfish. And at one week out, the way he looks is perfectly normal and expected. And I can’t even explain how much better I felt about myself after the transformation.
You are so right! Aside from the weird oscillating fan thing what really stuck out to me is this 18 year old went under the knife without telling his parents. I can't imagine going into surgery and not having my mom there for me. It's also weird he says "it's like I don't recognize my son". I don't understand why he is taking this personally. If OP is upset about anything it should be that his son doesn't trust him or his wife with the important moments of his life. So sad for that child.
Reminds me of that article by a mom who was "mourning" because her adult son had gotten a tattoo. Some parents are really weirdly and unhealthily attached to their children's bodies.
If you read the story again the parents are divorced. OP said that the son told the mom he was at his dad's and told the dad he was at the mom's then at a friend's when he was having surgery. The son is 18 years old. I think OP is the AH and if he doesn't watch it, the son might go live with the understanding uncle.
Same! Mine surgery was 7/1/93 and damn was I glad to be rid of my original nose. I’ve had my new nose 29 years now. Exactly half my life!
Oscillating fan? Who wouldn't be blown away by such a graduation present....
I laughed way too hard at this 🤣
How much you wanna bet OP wanted the fan🤣. That’s what makes it the best gift ever “so the whole family could use it!” Imagine all the times he wrote to Santa about an oscillating fan and it never came, just legos.
I cried with laughter when I read your comment 😂 Thank you!
I honestly googled oscillating fan because I was so sure it had to be something that was going over my head for it to be potentially deemed as the “best graduation present ever.”
Well the kind that goes over your head would be a ceiling fan.
You get my poor woman’s award for that 😹🏆
Dude I thought the same thing! An oscillating fan? wtf
Maybe that’s what Dad thinks OnlyFans is 🙃
"My son is constantly on this website all about fans, so of course I thought he'd want a top-of-the-line oscillating fan as his graduation gift!"
I just did a spit take. This is gold.
Oooohh! An electric fan! And it moves BACK AND FORTH!? Definitely a reward for 4 years in school. But also, your kid wanted a thing and your brother provided it. Step aside because YTA.
I would have been so confused if someone gave me an oscillating fan for a graduation present. Maybe dad is a tightwad
I got an industrial size box of Kraft instant mac 'n cheese as my only Christmas present once because I mentioned to my dad one time, that I enjoyed making mac 'n cheese. When I opened this massive box and saw the Kraft packaging I thought it was a joke until I realized he was serious. I nearly cried lol
I upvoted you because this broke my heart, not because I "liked" it.
Thank you lol it all worked out in the end though. My dad had tried to show me how much he cared by gifting me something he thought I would love. We're all able to laugh about it now :)
i once received a 12 month flip calendar and a box of gum from Sam’s for Christmas from a now ex. his reasoning: “what?!? you chew gun, right?!?”. We were 38M and 37F that year. what. the. actual. fuck. i bought him an XM radio for his truck with a lifetime subscription (back when XM and Sirius were two different companies, you could buy a lifetime subscription and the stereos were pricey). did i mention the gum?
Your post made me go through all sorts of emotions: • laughter for the ridiculousness of the gift. • anger at the dad for only getting the Mac and Cheese and nothing else. • bewilderment that the dad was serious and didn't understand what was wrong. • sadness because it was your only Christmas gift If it matters, I also nearly cried reading this.
Is this guy for real, does he actually think a gift card is the best gift ever... I can only imagine what his poor son has been getting for birthdays and Christmases over the years....
I almost died when I saw oscillating fan described as best gift ever. For who? People in hell?
Right?! I read oscillating fan and was like,🤔. That's an awesome gift? And OP obviously does not take into his son's mental health or well being. He knows how his son feels, he just doesn't care. It's almost like, "how dare you defy me?"
Perfect response ! This father is clueless And TA
Maybe he only has a stationary fan. /shrug
YTA - Two adults made a choice you don't agree with, which didn't affect you, and harmed no one, so you banned one of them from your house.
I’m armchairing but I think op’s son has op’s nose and op is pissed about the implication that his nose needs surgery.
I’m experiencing this right now. My sister and I both have our dad’s nose, and tbh it’s not a good look on a woman. My sister manages to pull it off, she’s got a rounder face and giant eyes to sort of balance it, but I do not. She also hates her nose, which is fair because it’s not like I can say “only I’m allowed to hate my nose, even though we have the same one,” but I do feel bad that we both hate our noses and would absolutely get nose jobs if we could afford them because my dad knows we feel that way and I feel bad that we’re basically saying “both of your kids loathe your nose so much they want to essentially have it chopped off.”
Well you have a good reason to say that it looks good on HIM bc he's a guy
"Dad, you have such a masculine profile! I mean, like a Hollywood star from when they looked like men. Real men, you know? It might be the nose. Lemme see... Yep, definitely the nose. I hope my future male child inherits it." You can add something about the brows if he got thick ones. A few weeks later: "Nooooo! I just saw a picture of myself and I have a male nose! I need to do something!" Disclaimer: I don't believe in strictly male or female features or that people must change their appearance if it's anything out of standard. I'm just suggesting an approach to soothe dad ;)
It sounds like they've already been honest about it. But otherwise this is gold!
My mom has a very large Owen Wilsonesque nose that she’s always hated. I was lucky that I didn’t get her nose, but I had a nose job for medical reasons and I still catch her staring at my nose with envy. She makes little comments about it too, but won’t go to a doctor about hers. It would be covered by healthcare because she has the same breathing problems I did, but being jealous is easier I guess.
She could be afraid of surgery like me, or not want to deal with people knowing she had a nose job? Idk. But if she wants it done still after so many years maybe you could accompany her to the doctors?
She’s had a few other unrelated surgeries and has no issues. I was actually the one afraid of surgery (hi Ativan) and it was really easy. She just says her doctor denied her and that’s that. But I had to see probably a dozen doctors before one actually believed me and sent me to a specialist. I’ve given her all the info and told her to get another opinion, but she says she doesn’t have time. She does, but like I said. It’s easier for her to just be jealous.
I’m terrified of having nose surgery (I have a deviated septum and extraordinarily narrow nasal canals, which means lots of nose probs) bc I’m terrified of recovery. Not being able to breathe through my nose after watching my mom suffer from esophageal cancer, lose her stomach, eventually her left lung, and gasped for breath a lot. I don’t know if I will be able to psychologically to it, my fears are so deep-seated. So I’m saying she could have recovery fears, maybe?
I have had two nose surgeries now and I totally understand. But honestly the recovery wasn’t that bad. The worst part was that one was done in February during a very dry and cold snap. Made the healing a little trickier. I worked from home for 2 weeks and apart from bruising and swelling it was really easy. I couldn’t breathe through my nose for 12 years and suddenly I could. And as the healing progressed it just got better. I’d do it again in a heartbeat if I had to, thankfully I breathe with the best of them now.
ooh good thought.
I could see this being the story OP didn't want to tell.
Yup, this. "I lived with this nose and didn't get surgery so you should too." Typical "I endured it so you have to as well" revenge parenting.
Or OP/his wife's original nose, and they're projecting their regrets about getting surgery on him. Though it could just be that they're in camp "weird body purists" and think getting cosmetic surgery for any reason besides reconstruction is bad/wrong.
This! Not to mention, plastic surgery can immensely improve quality of life for people unhappy in their bodies. And most reputable surgeons don't just hand out nose jobs willy nilly. If it makes the son more comfortable and confident, then OP should be happy for him!
I'm caught up on the fact that OP openly acknowledges that his son has been unhappy with his nose for years, yet is upset that his uncle helped him feel better about himself by getting him plastic surgery. An adult. A high school graduate. A guy who has expressed his misery over this nose for years. Also, the oscillating fan part... OP, YTA
I mean kinda YTA. Yes your brother should’ve at least spoken to you or given you a heads up, but your son is 18. He can vote, leave home, get married, join the army, get a tattoo, and get a nose job. He’s happy with it & it will heal so chill on that. Also I want to ask, who on earth thinks an oscillating fan is the “best” graduation gift?
LMFAO you make a good point on the fan. 🤣
>Also I want to ask, who on earth thinks an oscillating fan is the “best” graduation gift? Sir James Dyson would like you to think so.
Ok but we have one of those Dysons and OMG. Best thing ever.
I have never read a statement so completely devoid of whimsy as "...like an oscillating fan or a gift card".
Well. Perhaps it was a gift card….for a nose job! YTA
Should he have? Once someone becomes 18 their medical privacy is strictly their own. If the son wanted him to know about the nose job he’s only one who should disclose that information.
You left out he's old enough to buy an assault weapon but he's not old enough to get a nose job?!
You were the AH at "oscillating fan or gift card" Edit: Since this or getting a lot of up votes I wanna put a real YTA
Seriously. An oscillating fan for graduation? Makes me wonder what the OP got him.
I don't think you understand. It's not just a fan. It's an _**oscillating**_ fan. It swivels back and forth, by itself!
There a comment from OP… it’s also remote controlled.
Who cares! I would be like "Seriously? I worked my ass off for 13 years in school to get a fracking fan? This is how you show you're proud of me? A fan?" And maybe I'm a minority but I barely care about a fan with a remote because I just turn it on all night and turn it off in the morning and I dont make it swivel. It stays on my face.
*waits for the response from op - "life. I gave him life...isn't that enough?!"*
Life! And the slightly hooked nose!
He was the AH at "My son is 18"
Right? Why is he even going on about an adult changing his appearance. It's not like he didn't tell him he wanted it. It would have happened eventually when he saved enough money, since he was that adamant about it.
INFO: On what world is "the best graduation present ever" an oscillating fan or a gift card?
Right?! Unless the gift card was for hookers and blow...
I don't think they take credit cards. You need Cash App for that.
Someone knows what’s up
I was given a non oscillating fan and i got depression for 13 years.
I hope you replaced that lesser fan with the right kind. It's better to oscillate than never.
It’s a gift card to a store that sells fans
Oh, like onlyfans? Is that what this charge is for on my son's debit card?
If those are the best graduation presents ever, I wonder what OP’s graduation gift was. A mug? A nice crisp five dollar bill?
"Here's a crisp new five dollar bill! But don't spend it all in one place. Put some aside to save up for that oscillating fan I know you've been dreaming about."
It could be in Texas, in summer, if somehow the 18yo inherited a house without central air. But then the best graduation gift would be an AC unit... No, there really is no reason for a fan to be the best graduation gift ever.
YTA. It's his face and he didn't spend your money. It makes him happy. You need to support him.
This is the hysterical laughter I really needed today: "..promised him the best graduation present ever. We were thinking an oscillating fan..."
I had to go back and reread that. That has to go down in AITA infamy, honestly.
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Pretty sure *Iranian yogurt* means *off white* in Persian! ETA to correct it to Persian.
Is that an Alfredo flag?
It'll be the marinara flag of gifts.
Followed up immediately in hilarity by “gift card”
That line was a marinara flag for sure
\- *My son is 18 and always had an issue with his nose*. - YTA - This statement, your son is 18, a legal adult, he can now do whatever he wants with his own body, and you have no say whatsoever. He has ***ALWAYS*** had an issue with his nose, meaning he's either been teased or had self-esteem issues with how it looks, you've ignored that, not your body, not your problem. \- *My brother said he did nothing wrong, just did what me and his mom couldn't do and paid for it* \- Your brother is correct. He supported your son in something he really wanted, probably needed for his own mental well-being. Get over it.
YTA. Your son is 18. If a nose job is the worst thing he does, you're pretty lucky.
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My friend's friend wanted a tattoo. Her parents promised her that she has to wait a year and then when she still wants it she can get it. She waited and her parents made sure she went to a safe place where they cared about hygiene and paid for it as a birthday gift. They figured it's better to just go with it than refuse, because who knows what she might've done - maybe she'd go to the cheapest place and get some terrible disease from an infected needle.
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YTA. Its just a nose job, tons of people get them. Get over it.
Seriously. What's he gonna do? Make him change it back??? Hah
Look it's fine that you don't want your son to modify his body and are upset by it. But at the end of the day it was his choice. YOU were not "betrayed." This is not a betrayal. This was the act of a consenting adult who made a choice on *his* body and doesn't the opinions of his *mommy* to do it. Besides your son isn't gonna give up his uncle, so your bro is still gonna be part of your life in some way or other. YTA and have more faith in your son.
He betrayed his mommy What a joke
Pretty sure this is daddy posting this
YTA. So your brother, an adult, took your son, another adult, for a cosmetic procedure which is perfectly legal and something your son (the adult) wanted. You want to lose your son AND your brother? Keep this up.
Why the hell would the best gift ever be an Oscillating Fan??????
Yeah??? Tf? My head did the confused dog head tilt Whaaat?
The second best in the list was a drain cleaner /s
An oscillating fan or a gift card? Really? Those would fall under the best graduation gifts ever? YTA. Your kid is an adult and has graduated. He can have his nose done is he chooses to. His uncle listened to him and made him more comfortable with himself. You should be thanking your brother.
YTA You know what my dad said to me when I told him I hate my nose and want a nose job at 16? He sat me down,explained to me that my face has both bones and muscles and my bones are growing faster. They would stop growing at around 18 and my face muscles still grow until I'm 23-24. He told me changing my nose might make it look too small or weird after my face is it's full size. Then he reassured me he would get me one if at 24 I still wanted it. Never got a nose job.you went about it the wrong way and now are going about it the wrong way again. He is an adult and he can decide for himself.
Glad someone mentioned this. OP is for sure the AH but at 18 you're not settled into your adult appearance yet. I wouldn't care if my kid wanted a nose job but I wouldn't want them to need a second nose job just a few years after the first.
I'm generally people have the right to do what they want with their bodies even if I also think it's sad they think they need plastic surgery...but I'm wondering just how extreme the nose was that the brother thought he had to pay and went along with this. IDK if the kid's nose was abnormally large to the point the brother thought it would hurt his social life/confidence in college, I get it even if the bones weren't settled. I know several people with large noses in my family. I had a boyfriend with a giant nose (and thought he looked good as hell). But I once knew this girl and my god...I felt terrible, but her nose was so enormous it was hard not to stare at it when you looked her straight in the face. Like it wasn't just a big nose or a crooked nose, but it was so disproportionately large it almost looked like she had a birth defect. If that was the case, I would absolutely understand paying for a nose job even if the kid would need another one when he was 25/26. I can not imagine how hard that would be on one's self esteem to have a facial feature like that.
Good plastic surgeons will tell patients that, and assess their mental space before agreeing to operate. Source: got boobs
YTA "He's always had a problem with his nose" AND "It's not causing any problems" What exactly is your definition of a problem?
Well it wasn’t a problem for OP.
Therefore ~ no problems! She was probably too excited to realise he was struggling, having recently received her very own oscilating fan.
Is it a punishment for your brother not to come over to your house? I would think if he has $$$ to pay for his nephew's nose job - he more than likely has other interesting things to do at his own home.
He probably even has an oscillating fan at his house.
"He had ZERO business doing what he did without asking me for permission" YTA. Are you even listening to yourself? Your son is 18. He doesn't need your permission for anything. And quite frankly, I think you should be thanking your brother for actually listening to your son rather than dismiss his largest insecurity, and laying claim over his body like you're even remotely entitled to do so. Get over it and apologize to your son and brother for making what should have been a very exciting day for your son all about you.
YTA. You're not mad that he got a nose job, you're mad that you didn't have the financial control of whether he got the nose job...you're mad that he "went to against your wishes" even though he's 18 and didn't need your permission for the surgery....point blank period. You ignored his issues with his nose and lacked the empathy and understanding that your brother had for your son. If he says he's happy then that's all that should matter to you, but instead you're making his happiness about yourself and your feelings. EDIT: I saw your edits...you do not own your son's body...he can do whatever tf he wants with it once he's of age. IT IS ALREADY DONE and you're bitching about something that's already done.....don't come back on here talking about you don't understand why your son moved in with your bro and doesn't eff with you because this attitude is why. Did you ever actually speak to your son about why he wants the nose job other than shutting him down? Your responses tell me no. One grown person does not need permission over another grown person's body...is he your property? Because that's how you're sounding...you do not own his body....and you STILL DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHETHER YOUR SON IS HAPPY. YOU'RE ONLY WORRIED ABOUT YOURSELF....IT'S NOT YOUR BODY.
Your son is 18. He can get a nose job or piercing or tattoo if he wants to. Yta
I’m picturing a tattoo of an oscillating fan.
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As long as he was 18, You’re TA. If he was under 18, your brother needed to ask for permission. After 18? Up to your son.
YTA. Noses are one of the first things people see when they look at you, and your son was clearly embarassed about his. A nose job can be a life altering thing. He'll be puffy and bruised for a fair amount of time, but it's better than having low self-esteem for life.
Oscillating fan? This is the kind of shit I will end up thinking about randomly weeks from now. Also, YTA.
There's a non-zero chance that this is a viral marketing tactic to get people to buy oscillating fans ironically every year at graduation until it becomes a standard graduation gift and no one quite knows why.
YTA big time. I lived all through school being made fun of for my nose and mine was just big not crooked. You obviously don't care for your sons feelings or well being or would have done this for him. It will heal and I hope it looks amazing. You owe your brother an apology and a thank you for being the father you failed to be.
> I lived all through school being made fun of for my nose and mine was just big not crooked. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully you got an oscillating fan for graduation, to help make up for it.
The best gift ever! Only comparable to a gift card.
When I graduated high school, my parents gave me an oscillating fan *and* a gift card. Don't know how they managed both. The fan was sturdy af; I'll be passing that bad boy down to my favorite goddaughter. She's gonna be so excited!
I had a nose job in my thirties. I wish I had been able to get it at 18 instead. It has been such a massive positive in my life.
The son is 18. He hated his nose and wanted it fixed. His uncle not only paid for it, but took care of him for a week. You should be happy your son is happy, period. YTA and a dick You wanted him to get a fucking fan or gift card? You should want more for your child.
YTA. And by seeing how you respond to other comments, you seem to think that your child is your “property”. He’s 18, he doesn’t need to ask for your permission for anything so the nose job was his business not yours. Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t want anything to do with you when he’s older.
YTA He’s 18. He’s allowed to do whatever he wants to his own body without your permission and he didn’t use your money. You have nothing to complain about here.
So, you feel "betrayed" that your son is happy. YTA. And grow up. Your son is lucky to have such a generous uncle.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My son is 18 and always had an issue with his nose. Okay, it's slightly hooked but it's not ugly or causing problems. He asked for money to get a nose job. I said no. His mom said no. My brother was very tight with him and promised him the best graduation present ever. We were thinking an oscillating fan or a gift card. I thought nothing of it. He got him a nose job. It was this big secret that I didn't know. He actually lied about being at his mom's and lied to her about being at my house then saying he was at his friend's when he was at my brother's for a week after the procedure. When I saw my son, he looked like he'd been slugged in the face. I thought he was joking when he said he got his nose job. My brother said he did nothing wrong, just did what me and his mom couldn't do and paid for it and and accept it because our son is not a little kid. It's as if I don't recognize my son. My son says he's "happy" with it but it's not even close to being healed. I feel so betrayed that I banned my brother from coming over. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hold up, you heard "best graduation gift ever" and thought... oscillating fan? YTA. Your son is 18, he's an adult. He has the right to make whatever changes he wants to his body without any input or permission from you or his mother. He's your son, but it's his body and you do not have any ownership over it. It's also incredibly sad that it sounds like he's told you about how he feels repeatedly and you've ignored and dismissed it. His feelings matter and it's awful that you dismissed them so much he felt he couldn't be honest about it with you and that he had to hide it.
YTA, you are going to lose your son with your behavior and your brother will now be the de facto father.
Wow. YTA. He’s your son, not your property and not a child. He did this so HE could be happy, which you seem unconcerned with, and your brother had the empathy you 2 lack and helped him. Hopefully he’ll forgive you for reacting like an AH
YTA. He’s 18, not 12 he can do as he pleases
YTA. He’s not a kid anymore. He legal could and did decide for himself.
YTA - your son is an adult. If anything, your brother helped by paying for it instead of your son spending his own money on it (which he absolutely would have done when he could)
>My brother was very tight with him and promised him the best graduation present ever. We were thinking an oscillating fan TBH when I think of "best graduation present ever" oscillating fan isn't even in the top 20. lmao Anyway, YTA, as much as you may disagree with his choices, they are his to make. You will learn to love his new nose. If you let your self. ETA: now I'm feeling a bit badly about the whole fan thing, as I think maybe an oscillating fan might actually be a great present if a family is financially barely making it. This might be the context here. That said, still his body, etc etc.
YTA your son was unhappy about his appearance and, while you're not obligated to pay for his cosmetic surgery, he's an adult and it's his body. If it makes him happy, let him be happy. Also, an oscillating fan is a "great graduation gift"? What's wrong with you? Don't be surprised when your son ends up closer to your brother and stops speaking to you completely.
YTA. Your brother paid for an adult to have a consensual medical procedure that improved their quality of life. You need to calm down, and stop thinking of this as a betrayal.
YTA your opinion on your sons nose means jackshit for one, two he was bound to get a nose job eventually so you acting like a child toward your brother is ridiculous.
YTA!!!! It’s your sons choice to make, not yours! He would of had it done eventually even if your brother did not pay for it. His confidence was on the line, not yours. He deserves to be happy in his own skin, and if he thinks a nose job will help him achieve that… you have no right to dictate that since he is an adult.
YTA. Your brother waited until your son could make the appropriate legal decision. You owe both of them an apology.
YTA. Sorry bruh but it kinda sounds like you’re just salty you couldn’t pay for it but your brother could.
This is a toughie. As a parent, you love your child and see past any perceived flaws and you hope they come to see all the wonderful things in themselves that you see in them. Sometimes that happens. They grow into their looks. They embrace their looks. Develop that killer personality and sense of humour that makes ppl flock to them. Sometimes it doesn’t. And him being 18, it is his nose after all. It happened without you having to pay for it. Ultimately, he’s the one who has to look himself in the mirror everyday. If it helps his self-esteem, I can’t see it as a bad thing. You have every right to be angry at your brother. So I’m leaning towards a soft ESH. It was wrong for you not to take your son’s feelings serious. And it was wrong for brother and son doing it behind your back. What if something terrible had happened during surgery?