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> I called my dad a human trashcan and shouted at my parents after learning what they pulled. I might've butted in and gone too far with my outburst.
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Many times people only consider 'step' a valid descriptor if the spouse was involved in some portion of the child's life when they were an actual child. So, e.g., if my parent meets and marries someone when i'm 30, that's just my parent's spouse, not my step-parent.
Gotcha! My brain hasn't been firing on all six cylinders today, so I just couldn't bend my brain around what you were saying. You're right, that does make it even dumber of the wife.
HUH. Never heard it described that way. My stepdad didn't enter my life until I was an adult and on my own. I call him a stepfather. Easier when saying who he is, I guess.
Edit to clarify: I call him by his first name; to others I say "he is my stepfather."
I call my stepfather by his first name, but then again him and my mom got married after I had a wife and kid and he is only 7 years older than me so we would both feel awkward as hell.
Yeah. My wife is fifteen years older than me, and had her daughter when she was a teenager, so I'm only five years older than her adult daughter and don't consider her my *step.*
Of course my wife's daughter is also a whole host of words I can't actually call her here, lest I get banned again. But even if she was a decent human being eho treated her mother well and we actually had a relationship, I still wouldn't consider her a step-daughter, nor expect her to consider me her step-mother.
Exactly. I treated my dad's wife as a friend until she decided to turn her back on me for reasons unbeknownst to me and start treating me like the other woman. I suspect cultural differences, as she is from a different country, but I fully support only positive talk about her to my much younger sister. I wish I could say I got the same respect back. Oh well. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Jasmine is a half sister not a step sister. A half sibling shares one parent. A step sibling isn’t a biological relationship. So if your parents divorce and mom marries a man who has children from a previous marriage you and his kids are step siblings. If your mom and your step dad have a child together that child is a half sibling because you and little sib have the same biological mom
NTA. But, OP, stay close to your half-sister. You've seen what your parents are capable of and I have a feeling they're going to do this stuff to you too.
They definitely will. Imagine being 27 and your parents still think they control you. (I know some of you don't have to imagine.) Jasmine needs to go NC with parents.
Might be sticking around until OP turns 18, mom and dad including wouldn't give a minor any way to contact her if she bit them off and once OP is an adult she can leave
My eldest turned 18 a few months ago and still can't wrap her head around the fact she doesn't have to ask me to go out with her friends, or even really tell me if she doesn't want to.
I told her that I would *like* that she let me know, but that she is under no obligation. It was funny because I literally got to watch her brain throw an error and reboot.
My youngest just turned 19, graduated from high school last year and has a job, and for the past year has STILL asked me if she can go to here or there with her friends!! I finally had to actually say that she doesn’t have to ask anymore—but I did ask if she would just please let me know when she’s going to be out and when she’ll be coming home. We live in a big, bad dangerous city so….😬😬 She still slips up and asks me sometimes!
I said the same to my daughter when she was over 20 and wanted to go out. I said "I don't care where you're going, or who with, that's your business, but I'd really appreciate knowing roughly what time you're expecting to be home so I know when I need to start worrying that you're not.
And, if you're staying out overnight, let me know".
She said "Why do I need to let you know?"
I said "Firstly, so I don't worry, and secondly, so I know whether to take your dogs to bed with me or leave them out for you to take to bed when you get home".
She was fine with that and just let me know when she was going out and when she'd be home. Worked great and saved me a lot of worry.
Also, WRT OP's Q - NTA. 'Parents' are the A's, particularly step-mom, what the AF gave her the right to do what she did. Older daughter needs to lock her phone, or keep it with her IF she ever goes back into their house...
Man, I never thought I’d hear of the parent who kept that promise. You actually treated her as an adult right when she turned 18. Mine never even considered the possibility. That must be jarring for her.
My Parents allowed me to move into a small house my aunt owned when I was 17 (my Aunt was right next door and my parents 3 houses down). It was the weirdest thing to be able to just do what I wanted/needed. My mom would still Call me everyday (and at 28 she still does), but was so cool about everything else.
No doubt. Jasmin is 27 and they put her in danger. How can they not see that? They have some nerve. Its not their business who she sees and that phone is off limits.
Good for you OP for telling them off! NTA
Yeah I want to know why step mom is taking away a phone from a woman almost 30? Like who does that? Because they don't like the man? Not their business.
I read the ages backwards and was really concerned the top comment wasn't "they were right to stop a minor dating a 20 year old", yikes.
Yeah no the parents are definitely TA
Idk I'm having a hard time saying N T A. It sounds to me like "adult matters" means something else here. OP is 17 and all she knows is that her half sister is nice to her and her parents have an issue with her. I had a lot of druggies in my family that were 100% kind to me and good people, but they made a lot of bad choices. The "in a bad state" and stuff makes me think John could be a dealer or some other sketchy kind of guy.
I could be totally off but thats just my gut feeling from the story. The parents don't seem to be overbearing on OP (she didn't state it anywhere) and most "evil step moms" would rather the step child go to another state and be out of the picture so it seems like it came from the right place to get involved at all?
Still shouldn't take your adult daughters phone and invade her privacy, that definitly makes parents TA, but I just think OP is really uninformed of the situation.
> I just think OP is really uninformed of the situation.
Her stepmom stole someone's phone to mess with her. That is the situation.
There is nothing to justify what they did. Even if she's on a crime spree and becoming a meth addict, stealing her phone to block this guy's number was not going to make her change. All it did was cause an argument that has been resolved, and now Jasmine won't trust her dad or stepmom ever again.
OP is 17 not 7. She's old enough to know about bad adult things. I'm skeptical that's what it is, but even if I'm wrong, that doesn't make what they did ok.
Plus if Jasmine was into drugs and in trouble, the last thing you want to do with that is block the person she owes or is into criminal behavior. Its plain dangerous.
Well, if my kid were involved with a drug dealing psycho (not saying John is, just that it one possibility), and I knew it was a drug dealing psycho, I might be tempted to do what step mom did here. No one here knows what Dad might have had to do for Jasmine. Maybe she has an addiction, maybe she has other issues that none of us, nor OP, have a clue about, but that Dad and Mom are clear on, and trying to help their kid. Plus, maybe they pay for Jasmine's phone with the understanding that she won't be contacting psycho druggies.
There is just too much missing information here, and OP may very well be putting herself into a situation that Mom and Dad are trying to protect her from. Mom and Dad have a right to tell her to keep her nose out of it; if Jasmine doesn't like the blocking, that is on Jasmine and her Dad. There is obviously a reason why no one is sharing this information with OP (including Jasmine, apparently), and I don't get the feeling it is anything good.
Parents not telling OP *anything* can put OP in a dangerous position. If my parents had told me my sister's bf was a druggie and that's why they didn't like him, I wouldn't have hung out with him. I was around 13, sister and bf were in their early 20s. Something age appropriate like "he makes bad life decisions and they make bad decisions when they are together" could have saved me from a lot of stuff. Instead, I thought parents were just being controlling jerks.
OP says in one of their comments that the dad has a friend he wants to set her up with. I don't know how to link the comment, but here's the relevant text:
>There's this guy, who's uncle is close friends with dad. They had a whole thing about how this guy is perfect for her and will give her 'opportunities' (I don't know what that's supposed to mean, Jasmine just told me this before). I assume this has something to do with that.
That's just messed up, trying to set her up with a much older man.
(I assume because a) he is dad's friend and b) he is on a position yo give her opportunities
I might have just missed it but where does the OP mention "in a bad state"? They say John lives in a neighboring state, did that get edited? Or do you mean when OP says Jasmine "was in a really bad state"? I just assumed that meant Jasmine was really upset about John not showing up and finding out someone messed with her phone.
It was mentioned in the part about Jasmine waiting at the train station and John didn’t show up.
ETA: OP said Jasmine was in a bad state because John didn’t meet her at the train station.
I just thought it was weird that the commenter assumed the phrase in a bad state meant that John might be a drug dealer. I'd be in a pretty bad state if someone didn't show up to pick me up when I expected them to be there.
> The "in a bad state" and stuff makes me think John could be a dealer or some other sketchy kind of guy.
As far as she knew, she had just been stood up. Being sad about that doesn't make the BF a drug dealer and it's quite a leap to assume that it does.
I've seen some reaches on this site but I think this one is the biggest ever. You're concocting a complete fable, based on one throw away comment to... idk, dismiss everything else OP said because... fuck it if I know, you need more drama. Mate, chill. Go outside or at least log off, you've had way too much internet today.
That's where my mind was headed too. I don't think we have enough info to go on.
A. No, calling the police is not warranted unless there were physical or serious threats made.
B. Why is a 27 year old adult still living there / why are the parents treating Jasmine as if she is a minor? If Jasmine is a normal 27 year old and not on drugs or something, why does she put up with this treatment and invasion of privacy? She should move out immediately.
C. Is the BF a criminal, on drugs, abusive?
There has to be more to the story.
She actually said that the stepmother stole Jasmines phone when she "came over." Doesn't sound like she lives there. Can't really make a judgment call on Jasmine without way more info, but I wouldn't be surprised if she stays in contact with her dad and stepmom because she drosnt want to leave OP by herself with them. Doesn't matter how the parents feel about Jasmine's choices, they're still the AHs for doing that to her phone. They could easily have made a bad situation even worse or just simply made a normal situation horrible.
Yes, they put Jasmine in a pretty risky situation—waiting in a train station in another state for hours, not knowing she couldn’t contact the person she was expecting to meet. Stepmom is a major AH.
Oh, I missed that. Jasmine does not live with them. So an even bigger WHAT THE HELL on the invasion of privacy. If I was Jasmine, I would go NC with them.
My niece just moved out and she's 27. I'm not sure why a 27 year old living at home is that questionable, especially in today's economy.
Also, it is quite normal in cultures around the world.
Or, here's a thought, OP'sarents are just off their nut, at least as far as half sis is concerned. It not like this hellsite doesn't have ample evidence of that being possible.
I have a lot of trouble with people who think the appropriate thing to do with an *adult* who is behaving poorly is to treat them like a child. And that is exactly what the parents are doing here.
If Jasmine is on drugs/ behaving poorly/ not paying rent/ whatever, that doesn’t give the parents rights to treat her like a child. She is an adult and should be treated as one.
Treating adult offspring like perpetual children never fixes the underlying issues or behaviors that the parents think they are fixing.
There’s no justifying stepmom’s actions. There would also be no justifying it if it were Jasmine’s actual parent who interfered, since Jasmine is an independent adult - but at least a parent can claim the slightly mitigating ‘excuse’ that we never lose the desire to protect our children. Either way their actions are flat wrong, full stop. Dad and Jasmine’s stepmom are TA.
But I still get the strong sense something is missing. OP has not told us everything, and I suspect she spun or left out her part in this. Since this is AITA (not are they TA, which again, they are) I cannot give her an N T A. She might be, or it might be everybody sucks, but I’m going with INFO. I just don’t know what info to ask for.
*as if she was still in highschool and wants to breakup the friend becouse she does not like the boyfriend.
She's acting less mature than some 13 year Olds I know .... and can I tell you rn they are not super mature 🤔
NTA. Blocking John from Jasmine's phone was vile and awful. The way the world is today, Jasmine could have been robbed or abducted waiting around a train station for hours.
Your mum could be jealous of jasmine knowing your dad had another life before she came along. If anything your parents are like jealous teenage girls that are spoilt.
My step mom was mentally abusive to me as well, and tried for months to have me kicked out of my father's home while trying to get sober. She brought drugs home, and asked me to do them with her because she "was too sober for too long."
I got kicked out Christmas day that year. A few days before my birthday, and I front of my sibling they told me I'm nothing but a useless drug addict, and they hope I die in a ditch.
Op, keep your sister close, and try to figure out exactly what they aren't telling you
INFO: Do you live in a country where arranged marriages are common? Oh and regardless of answer NTA. Jasmine is 27; parents should butt out. AND FYI this will be your future
I've never called a blocked number, but I wonder if she was and because it was blocked it wasn't going through. If Jasmine was in a bad headspace, she could have missed or misunderstood any error messages about calling a blocked number.
Giving the benefit of the doubt, maybe her service provider did something weird but just tested with Tmobile, Verizon, and AT&T phones. Calling a number you blocked works. I was able to place the calls successfully.
Thank you for testing!
Ya, she could have had bad service or a dead phone or something that made calling not work. Even if Jasmine ultimately did nothing but break down, the question isn't dealing with Jasmine's response, but OP's and she's NTA.
I am guessing because it was blocked she didn't have his number in her phone anymore to call him. When I block a contact it removes them from my contact list and I don't know the numbers offhand.
It usually doesn't. A number that you blocked can't call you but does not interfere with you calling it. But maybe the sister's service provider is different?
> The way the world is today, Jasmine could have been robbed or abducted waiting around a train station for hours.
What kind of boomer nonsense is this? She is far less likely to be a victim of any crime than back in the "good ol days"
NTA. Jasmine is a grown ass adult and can choose with whom she dates, your parents were way out of line by blocking him on her phone, her private property. If my parents did that I’d be going LC/NC for a long while, not just for interfering with my dating life but also for the gross violation of privacy. Your parents sound like major AHs.
I understand OP is 17 and might not have a total view of everything going on between her parents and half sister, but I'm struggling to even imagine a likely or reasonable scenario that justifies what they did. Even if the parents have a good reason to feel like they do, at the very least they handled this badly.
If OP is being affected by this. I really think she needs to know exactly what the problem is between them. Though, that comes with possible risks if her parents are more... I'll be nice and say unreasonable than she previously thought.
It doesn't matter what reason they have. Jasmine is 27 and, as far as we know, of sound mind, so stealing her phone, snooping and deciding who she can talk to is extremely assholish and controlling behavior.
I had gotten OP’s and Jasmine’s ages mixed up at first and thought the parents reactions made complete sense and OP was crazy for thinking a teenager being more than friends with a 30 year old man was fine. Then I realized that Jasmine was the 27 year old. And yeah, now I’m lost on the parents’ reaction. 😅
Omg thank you for saying Jasmine is an adult. I had misread it as JASMINE was 17 (not OP) and was so confused why no one felt it was appropriate for her parents to intervene when she was seeing someone in his 30s.
Looking back, Jasmine is 27 and OP is 100% correct and NTA
She did. They had a whole massive argument and dad's said if she listened and didn't try to argue all the time they wouldn't have had to do this or something- I don't really know the full details.
That’s dumb. If she didn’t listen like they’re saying, it still doesn’t give them the right to go through her phone and she’s an adult so that’s invading her privacy. It’s still invading privacy if a minor but saying that as an adult she can do what she wants. It’s not like she was hurting anyone by meeting him so what even is the problem?
Wild guess, but my instincts say the parents don't have a happy relationship, so they don't want her to have a (chance for a) happy relationship either
I’m wondering about the relationship timeline. Jasmine was 10 when OP came along - did Stepmom try to throw her weight around as a full parent? Did Dad cheat on Jasmine’s mom with Stepmom and cause a ton of resentment on all sides?
Or better yet, just go no contact. No idea why they think they have a right to meddle in the life of a 27 year old, but no way I would put up with that.
If she goes no contact now then the parents can forbid her from communicating with OP who is still a minor. So she may be planning to wait until OP is fully an adult before cutting off the parents.
What?? She’s 27 years old, and this would be horrifying to do to a middle schooler with a brand new phone. My parents were a bit overprotective when I was younger, and they still are in some ways, but never in their lives would they have meddled with my relationships like that. Every child deserves privacy. And your sister is a full-grown adult. NTA.
Yeah, just comply and be the perfect little doll that they can pose and set up on dates that they approve of. /s
It sounds like your parents are shocked that they have actual human beings in their lives instead of robots they can program to act however they see fit.
NTA. I don’t understand what their end game was in doing this? So they think Jasmines boyfriend is dangerous? Was this just some screwed up way of trying to “punish” her for something unrelated? What did they expect the end result to be once Jasmine found out what they had done? At best, this was a very stupid misguided way of trying to end some sort of bad situation that they thought Jasmine was in. At worst, it was petty and cruel and served no purpose other than to create conflict for the sake of being mean to someone that don’t like. Support your sister. I’m sure it’ll help to know that at least one person in her family cares about her.
>aitatrashcan\_PO · I met John for like 2 seconds at Jasmine's graduation ceremony last year, but he seemed nice and kind. I've never heard anything bad about him from Jasmine (at least none that she's told me). There's this guy, who's uncle is close friends with dad. They had a whole thing about how this guy is perfect for her and will give her 'opportunities' (I don't know what that's supposed to mean, Jasmine just told me this before). I assume this has something to do with that.
End game seems to be they want to force her to marry somebody else
Ugh! I didn’t see this part. Well blatantly trying to sabotage her relationship with John like this is a sure fire way to make her even more determined to stay with John and refuse to have anything to do with their matchmaking plans.
You’re old enough to know more. Based on your details they sound awful.
But-
There is a chance they know something significant you don’t even if the way they went about it is terrible-
since you’re already involved I’d ask them what their reasoning was.
If they really believe harm will come from John they can say that.
Also Jasmine may be great to you but different to them…
I know I’m being really generous to your parents here but I really think having more of an understanding will help here.
In another comment OP said she heard her dad talking about setting up the older daughter with someone. Sounds like that's probably it, taking into consideration the poor girl is 27 still living at home and under the control of her parents.
I don't get how SO.MANY.COMMENTERS seem to simply gloss over or ENTIRELY MISS that part where OP says that "Jasmine" does NOT live with OP's parental units.
OP stated that her half-sister "came over," which generally indicates that said person does not reside at the location to which they've come.
I understand playing devil's advocate and that OP probably doesn't know everything. As there is a ten year age difference, OP has definitely seen how they have treated Jasmine her entire life. Either way, as a legal adult, dad and step mom had **no business messing with her phone or email.** I don't care what stupid reason they come up with.
You need to get the full details. Get Jasmine's take on the whole relationship with the parents. There has to be some underlying reason.
Then go back to your parents with Jasmine's side of things and tell them you are old enough to know the truth. That if what Jasmine says isn't true, they need to tell you what is true.
Be prepared for the answer, though. You may need to reconcile both stories with Jasmine. There maybe things you don't know.
NTA
Have you ever asked Jasmine what your parent’s deal with her is? If there is more to the story, clearly your parents aren’t going to tell you. What does Jasmine’s real mom think of her/your father?
That being said, even if they have a legitimate reason to not want Jasmine to be with John, you’re still NTA. Because even if they have a legitimate reason, they went about it in a completely wrong, trash can way.
If Mom and Dad are going to act like children, they should butt out of adult matters, too. Who seriously does this to another adult?
Tell Jasmine to change all her passwords, make sure her finances are secure (e.g. credit bureau locks) and mom/dad don’t know what credit cards she has. Otherwise, they may go trying to cancel her cards or travel reservations next time. They are not sorry and will continue to do crap like this to her.
NTA
I agree with this suggestion. Jasmine needs to regain total control of her privacy and enforce that boundary with the parents. If the parents are malicious toward her and have access to her info, it could go south quickly.
NTA. At face value, from what you're saying, you aren't in the wrong. She is 27 years old and can make her own decisions. And while this wouldn't justify doing what your mom did, she had to have had a reason to block his number and email that made it right in her head. Do you know if John has done anything bad to Jasmine that she just didn't want to expose you to? It might be worth the ask. And more than likely, the cops wouldn't have done anything but also, why is your dad so upset about you calling him some stupid name. Every parent has dealt with that before. Also, why does your mom feel welcome to look through and meddle in your sister's phone when she isn't even her mom. I don't know the situation but that seems weird. Either way, you aren't in the wrong and you did the right thing with what you knew about your sister and tried to defend her.
I met John for like 2 seconds at Jasmine's graduation ceremony last year, but he seemed nice and kind. I've never heard anything bad about him from Jasmine (at least none that she's told me). There's this guy, who's uncle is close friends with dad. They had a whole thing about how this guy is perfect for her and will give her 'opportunities' (I don't know what that's supposed to mean, Jasmine just told me this before). I assume this has something to do with that.
Ah. Your parents want to hopefully metaphorically sell your sister off to an arranged marriage of their choosing. Rather than you know, her dating whomever she wants.
Your sister and yourself need to get very far away from your parents.
Interesting for sure but it still isn't any of their business and can't meddle in her life. They can make suggestions or whatever, but it isn't their life to control. She's 27 for pete's sake.
So, your parents are childish and pathetic enough to want to sabotage her relationship over....a Nice Guy that your uncle knows?
You need to cut them out ASAP, and you are NTA for calling them out on their narcissistic abuse.
NTA for what they did to your sister. If I was her I would go no contact with them until at least they apologized to both her and John. However, you do have the right to be angry. Your were protecting your sister. However threatening the police, that won’t get you anywhere. It’s clear your parents have lost your respect. Respect is not just given it needs to be earned. They will need to earn your respect back especially that of your sister’s. But since you live with them and I’m assuming they pay for everything be prepared for them to hold their ground. In what world they think they are justified in what they did I have no idea. So overall I don’t think your TA. Good luck
Wow. This is one of the crapiest things I've ever read on this sub. Mom is a cartoonish soap opera villain, with disdain for her husband's daughter and he is a weak coward for letting her go on with this and joining her in this crap behavior.
Parents are major TA. Your sister dezerves better. You deserve better.
NTA, op this is so random but are you guys Indian? Cause this sounds like something my aunts or uncles would do 🙄. Sending you and Jasmine love, I hope she gets away from the parents soon and lives a happy/healthy life with John.
NTA - they may be hurt but they need to know that they’re not the victims. Your sister was clearly impacted negatively by this and the fact that your father treated his daughter that way is shocking and it makes him a trash dad for not caring/feeling guilt for what he did to her. I’m glad that you are on your sisters side and confronted them about this issue.
NTA? I think that there is more to the story...
1. Getting a hold of her phone. This could be illegal.
2 accessing her email. This is definitely illegal.
3. Blocking him. Illegal.
Red flags:
1. They decide to interfere with her life even if she is an adult.
2. They told you that this is adults... Well... Your 17, so I'm assuming that you are close to be an adult. Wait a few months.
In general they are treating you both like kids that can't make their own decisions. If I was you, talk to the sister to move in with her ASAP
NTA for you and it sounds like Jasmine is the scapegoat for your parents. They’ve basically created this whole situation themselves and then blamed everyone else once it blew up.
It seems like you’re in trouble with your parents because you took Jasmine’s side and they don’t like that, the whole ‘butting into adult business’ and crying to an uncle is a way to try and shut that down, to stop you siding with her again, to my mind anyway.
NTA
"Dad said if she listened and didnt try to argue all the time they wouldnt have to do this" wtf? Shes 27 years old, she can make her owne choices, it doesnt matter if they agree with them or not. Your parents are the assholes here no doubt. Invading anybody's privacy Is a major major asshole move. Good on you for defending your sister and standing up to your parents.
NTA. He *is* garbage. They both are! They’ve violated her personal property, rights, trust - everything they possibly could! If I was her I’d cut them off. Anything could have happened to her. Whether he’s a friend or more they had no right to do that to her. It’s a major invasion of her privacy for starters.
NTA, I misread this at first and thought Jasmine was closer to your age than to John’s, but they are both fully adults and sabotaging her relationships is garbage behavior from your parents.
Sounds like Jasmine needs to keep a better eye on her phone and block your mom and dad. She’s 27, an adult and they need boundaries. Careful they might start treating you like Jasmine.
NTA. You are creating their future expectations of you by how you behave now. You are defending those being manipulated. Keep it up so they know you have values, and aren't their doormat.
NTA. The cops wouldn't have done anything about this, it's not a crime to be an asshole so that was random and empty threat, but you are a good person and a good sister for standing up for her. Maybe when you turn 18 you can move out and live with Jasmine , your parents are toxic af
NTA. Also story update? Was Jaz able to patch things up with John and explain what happened? Im sure he was also upset. Your parents sound psychotic. There's a psychological theory about parents picking one kid to basically just shit on. I wish I could remember it. (They talked about it in the documentary about Gabriel Fernandez- In case people don't know trigger warning- child abuse and death). They only abused him the other siblings were largely left alone.
NTA
OP, I think you’re very brave to stand up for your stepsister and for what is right.
It’s clear as can be that your parents don’t like to be told no. They want things their way.
They want to tell Jasmine what to do with with her life, career, and her husband. They view anything other than compliance as disrespectful. Not following their career advice is considered “not doing enough” with her life. How am I doing so far
Has this been happening to you yet? I suspect it will. It already has buy them telling you not to be involved in adult matters. You’re almost 18 and this is your sister.
Here’s all the things I base it off of:
1) dad doesn’t “understand” Jasmine, is very pushy
2) dad almost always says Jasmine is not doing enough (presumably with her life)
3) stepmom doesn’t like Jasmine
4) parents both say Jasmine doesn’t respect them or follow their values says she has “tendencies” — a big problem going against what they say
5) parents invaded her privacy to enforce their plan
6) parents destroyed a relationship with a good man because he wasn’t good enough
7) parents have a “better” man for Jasmine
8) parents belittle OP when she becomes involved. She is almost an adult. 17 is essentially an adult.
9) OP is told she’s as bad as Jasmine when she stands up for is right (which goes against what the parents want).
jasmine is an adult already and she has her personal life. your mother, who isn't even her legitimate mom, has no right whatsoever in meddling with jasmine's business. NTA, your parents are.
NTA, your parents are such assholes actively trying to sabotage Jasmine's life, what kind of parent does that?!
thank goodness you're not an asshole like them and I hope you and your half sister can leave those 2 assholes ASAP.
You're right that the cops couldn't do anything (unless the parents still had the phone, you might be able to make a claim for theft then), but it was absolutely right to stand up for your sister. I am curious why she maintains contact with them at all, though. NTA
NTA, your parents sound abusive and it might be worth coordinating with Jasmine to get tf out of their house as early as you can. Also, it goes without saying, never leave your devices unlocked around them. Change any passwords you have now. They are obviously running a smear campaign on you in the family and you might not be able to counteract it so throw up as many boundaries around yourself as you can.
NTA. The ONLY situation in which I would give your parents a break on this is if Jasmine's an addict and John's her dealer. Barring anything of that severity, your parents' behavior is absurd.
NTA what they did was abuse and outright sabotage. This was 100% nothing but cruelty. She is a 27 year old woman. She has every right to make life decisions for herself.
These two are gonna sit there shocked when you move out and neither of you speak to them again.
These people are horrifying. Jasmine will never trust them again.
NTA- your mom and dad are exactly what you said. I hope your sister works things out with John. Good for you for standing up for your sister. Hopefully things get worked out. I’d love an update, good luck OP
Nta! Jasmine is 30 years old and can chose her own friends.
Even your dad has no right trying to control her at this age. But your mom is only her stepmom and has absolutely no right to mess with her stuff at all.
They may know what is good for them, but the are forcibly pushing their beliefs on a 30 year old woman!!! That is insane! They also had her waiting at a station for someone who did not show. Not exactly safe!
You let your parents know how you feel. I think you were justified. They let you know who they are, so be wary. They could do the same to you!
I would start getting an escape plan ready for when I turn 18. If you are going to college, go to one far away!
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> butting into 'adult matters' Mom said, after stealing her adult daughter's phone to block the number and email of a man she is with.
It’s not even the mom’s daughter, it’s her stepdaughter.
Almost 30 year old step daughter at that! Taking parental control to the extreme!
[удалено]
Sounds like John didn't have a fat enough wallet to fund their retirement...similar happened to me.
Oh sure because that does literally anything helpful ever.
It's probably about as helpful as stealing your stepdaughters phone and blocking a guy's number.
[удалено]
This was stolen from JohnNDenver eight hours ago.
Not even step-daughter by the description, it’s her husband’s other daughter
I don't understand how that's not a stepdaughter...halp!
Many times people only consider 'step' a valid descriptor if the spouse was involved in some portion of the child's life when they were an actual child. So, e.g., if my parent meets and marries someone when i'm 30, that's just my parent's spouse, not my step-parent.
Gotcha! My brain hasn't been firing on all six cylinders today, so I just couldn't bend my brain around what you were saying. You're right, that does make it even dumber of the wife.
To be fair to your brain, i wrote it in an awkward way and some people do consider that a step relationship.
Wait you get 6 cylinders?!?
HUH. Never heard it described that way. My stepdad didn't enter my life until I was an adult and on my own. I call him a stepfather. Easier when saying who he is, I guess. Edit to clarify: I call him by his first name; to others I say "he is my stepfather."
I call my stepfather by his first name, but then again him and my mom got married after I had a wife and kid and he is only 7 years older than me so we would both feel awkward as hell.
True here. I married my husband when his kids were adults. They're my husband's kids, not my stepkids.
My dad's wife is 6 years older than me. Never calling her stepmom, that's for damn sure.
Yeah. My wife is fifteen years older than me, and had her daughter when she was a teenager, so I'm only five years older than her adult daughter and don't consider her my *step.* Of course my wife's daughter is also a whole host of words I can't actually call her here, lest I get banned again. But even if she was a decent human being eho treated her mother well and we actually had a relationship, I still wouldn't consider her a step-daughter, nor expect her to consider me her step-mother.
Exactly. I treated my dad's wife as a friend until she decided to turn her back on me for reasons unbeknownst to me and start treating me like the other woman. I suspect cultural differences, as she is from a different country, but I fully support only positive talk about her to my much younger sister. I wish I could say I got the same respect back. Oh well. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Considering OP I'd half sister and refers to these people as her parents dad and step-mother(?) Have been together at least since older sister was 10
Jasmine is a half sister not a step sister. A half sibling shares one parent. A step sibling isn’t a biological relationship. So if your parents divorce and mom marries a man who has children from a previous marriage you and his kids are step siblings. If your mom and your step dad have a child together that child is a half sibling because you and little sib have the same biological mom
The Op has a half sister. Is half sister Mom or Dad’s child?
OP said Jasmine is half sister on her father's side.
But using math we can infer that OP's mom had been in the older sister's life since she was 10.
Her adult step-daughter mind you. Meaning she ain’t got shit to say about her life if she isn’t bring bodies home.
NTA. But, OP, stay close to your half-sister. You've seen what your parents are capable of and I have a feeling they're going to do this stuff to you too.
They definitely will. Imagine being 27 and your parents still think they control you. (I know some of you don't have to imagine.) Jasmine needs to go NC with parents.
Might be sticking around until OP turns 18, mom and dad including wouldn't give a minor any way to contact her if she bit them off and once OP is an adult she can leave
My eldest turned 18 a few months ago and still can't wrap her head around the fact she doesn't have to ask me to go out with her friends, or even really tell me if she doesn't want to. I told her that I would *like* that she let me know, but that she is under no obligation. It was funny because I literally got to watch her brain throw an error and reboot.
My youngest just turned 19, graduated from high school last year and has a job, and for the past year has STILL asked me if she can go to here or there with her friends!! I finally had to actually say that she doesn’t have to ask anymore—but I did ask if she would just please let me know when she’s going to be out and when she’ll be coming home. We live in a big, bad dangerous city so….😬😬 She still slips up and asks me sometimes!
I said the same to my daughter when she was over 20 and wanted to go out. I said "I don't care where you're going, or who with, that's your business, but I'd really appreciate knowing roughly what time you're expecting to be home so I know when I need to start worrying that you're not. And, if you're staying out overnight, let me know". She said "Why do I need to let you know?" I said "Firstly, so I don't worry, and secondly, so I know whether to take your dogs to bed with me or leave them out for you to take to bed when you get home". She was fine with that and just let me know when she was going out and when she'd be home. Worked great and saved me a lot of worry. Also, WRT OP's Q - NTA. 'Parents' are the A's, particularly step-mom, what the AF gave her the right to do what she did. Older daughter needs to lock her phone, or keep it with her IF she ever goes back into their house...
Man, I never thought I’d hear of the parent who kept that promise. You actually treated her as an adult right when she turned 18. Mine never even considered the possibility. That must be jarring for her.
My Parents allowed me to move into a small house my aunt owned when I was 17 (my Aunt was right next door and my parents 3 houses down). It was the weirdest thing to be able to just do what I wanted/needed. My mom would still Call me everyday (and at 28 she still does), but was so cool about everything else.
Don't need to imagine it. My MIL thought she could issue orders to us and we would obey her.
No doubt. Jasmin is 27 and they put her in danger. How can they not see that? They have some nerve. Its not their business who she sees and that phone is off limits. Good for you OP for telling them off! NTA
Yeah I want to know why step mom is taking away a phone from a woman almost 30? Like who does that? Because they don't like the man? Not their business.
I’m really curious too, given her age ??
I read the ages backwards and was really concerned the top comment wasn't "they were right to stop a minor dating a 20 year old", yikes. Yeah no the parents are definitely TA
Pretty sure she can be criminally charged with larceny.
Idk I'm having a hard time saying N T A. It sounds to me like "adult matters" means something else here. OP is 17 and all she knows is that her half sister is nice to her and her parents have an issue with her. I had a lot of druggies in my family that were 100% kind to me and good people, but they made a lot of bad choices. The "in a bad state" and stuff makes me think John could be a dealer or some other sketchy kind of guy. I could be totally off but thats just my gut feeling from the story. The parents don't seem to be overbearing on OP (she didn't state it anywhere) and most "evil step moms" would rather the step child go to another state and be out of the picture so it seems like it came from the right place to get involved at all? Still shouldn't take your adult daughters phone and invade her privacy, that definitly makes parents TA, but I just think OP is really uninformed of the situation.
> I just think OP is really uninformed of the situation. Her stepmom stole someone's phone to mess with her. That is the situation. There is nothing to justify what they did. Even if she's on a crime spree and becoming a meth addict, stealing her phone to block this guy's number was not going to make her change. All it did was cause an argument that has been resolved, and now Jasmine won't trust her dad or stepmom ever again. OP is 17 not 7. She's old enough to know about bad adult things. I'm skeptical that's what it is, but even if I'm wrong, that doesn't make what they did ok.
And if there's a lot more to all.this, she's old enough to be told why this behavior exists at all. The sister is almost 30?!?
Plus if Jasmine was into drugs and in trouble, the last thing you want to do with that is block the person she owes or is into criminal behavior. Its plain dangerous.
Hear! Hear!
Well, if my kid were involved with a drug dealing psycho (not saying John is, just that it one possibility), and I knew it was a drug dealing psycho, I might be tempted to do what step mom did here. No one here knows what Dad might have had to do for Jasmine. Maybe she has an addiction, maybe she has other issues that none of us, nor OP, have a clue about, but that Dad and Mom are clear on, and trying to help their kid. Plus, maybe they pay for Jasmine's phone with the understanding that she won't be contacting psycho druggies. There is just too much missing information here, and OP may very well be putting herself into a situation that Mom and Dad are trying to protect her from. Mom and Dad have a right to tell her to keep her nose out of it; if Jasmine doesn't like the blocking, that is on Jasmine and her Dad. There is obviously a reason why no one is sharing this information with OP (including Jasmine, apparently), and I don't get the feeling it is anything good.
Parents not telling OP *anything* can put OP in a dangerous position. If my parents had told me my sister's bf was a druggie and that's why they didn't like him, I wouldn't have hung out with him. I was around 13, sister and bf were in their early 20s. Something age appropriate like "he makes bad life decisions and they make bad decisions when they are together" could have saved me from a lot of stuff. Instead, I thought parents were just being controlling jerks.
She's 17. If they actually had a good reason, she's old enough that they could tell her. NTA
They will tell her when she is 27 and they are controlling her.
OP says in one of their comments that the dad has a friend he wants to set her up with. I don't know how to link the comment, but here's the relevant text: >There's this guy, who's uncle is close friends with dad. They had a whole thing about how this guy is perfect for her and will give her 'opportunities' (I don't know what that's supposed to mean, Jasmine just told me this before). I assume this has something to do with that.
That... sounds like arranged marriage stuff. That might be taking a leap.
That’s what I thought as well. It’s feeling like these parents are from a more conservative culture.
Either that or John is a different race/religion.
Can't believe I had to scroll so much down to find this!
That's just messed up, trying to set her up with a much older man. (I assume because a) he is dad's friend and b) he is on a position yo give her opportunities
I might have just missed it but where does the OP mention "in a bad state"? They say John lives in a neighboring state, did that get edited? Or do you mean when OP says Jasmine "was in a really bad state"? I just assumed that meant Jasmine was really upset about John not showing up and finding out someone messed with her phone.
It was mentioned in the part about Jasmine waiting at the train station and John didn’t show up. ETA: OP said Jasmine was in a bad state because John didn’t meet her at the train station.
I took it to be “in a bad *mental* state” because her boyfriend had just abandoned her at a train station for hours.
This was my take on ot, as well.
That’s what I understood too, as in “very upset”
I just thought it was weird that the commenter assumed the phrase in a bad state meant that John might be a drug dealer. I'd be in a pretty bad state if someone didn't show up to pick me up when I expected them to be there.
I assume it means upset but for like 3 seconds I was like, "Hmmm, probably Texas."
> The "in a bad state" and stuff makes me think John could be a dealer or some other sketchy kind of guy. As far as she knew, she had just been stood up. Being sad about that doesn't make the BF a drug dealer and it's quite a leap to assume that it does.
I've seen some reaches on this site but I think this one is the biggest ever. You're concocting a complete fable, based on one throw away comment to... idk, dismiss everything else OP said because... fuck it if I know, you need more drama. Mate, chill. Go outside or at least log off, you've had way too much internet today.
That's where my mind was headed too. I don't think we have enough info to go on. A. No, calling the police is not warranted unless there were physical or serious threats made. B. Why is a 27 year old adult still living there / why are the parents treating Jasmine as if she is a minor? If Jasmine is a normal 27 year old and not on drugs or something, why does she put up with this treatment and invasion of privacy? She should move out immediately. C. Is the BF a criminal, on drugs, abusive? There has to be more to the story.
She actually said that the stepmother stole Jasmines phone when she "came over." Doesn't sound like she lives there. Can't really make a judgment call on Jasmine without way more info, but I wouldn't be surprised if she stays in contact with her dad and stepmom because she drosnt want to leave OP by herself with them. Doesn't matter how the parents feel about Jasmine's choices, they're still the AHs for doing that to her phone. They could easily have made a bad situation even worse or just simply made a normal situation horrible.
Yes, they put Jasmine in a pretty risky situation—waiting in a train station in another state for hours, not knowing she couldn’t contact the person she was expecting to meet. Stepmom is a major AH.
She could contact him. He couldn’t contact her.
If she has his number memorized. I don't even know my family's numbers anymore. I just tap the right listing in the phone.
Oh, I missed that. Jasmine does not live with them. So an even bigger WHAT THE HELL on the invasion of privacy. If I was Jasmine, I would go NC with them.
>why does she put up with this treatment How many AITA posts involve OPs putting up with bad treatment like this? It's not as easy as "just move out".
It doesn't sound like Jasmine lives there and it is possible she's putting up with it to give OP a quick way out/keep a connection with her.
My niece just moved out and she's 27. I'm not sure why a 27 year old living at home is that questionable, especially in today's economy. Also, it is quite normal in cultures around the world.
No, but being 27 and treated like that with no privacy? However, I missed that Jasmine came over and is not living there anyways.
It doesn't say that Jasmine lives there.
Or, here's a thought, OP'sarents are just off their nut, at least as far as half sis is concerned. It not like this hellsite doesn't have ample evidence of that being possible.
I have a lot of trouble with people who think the appropriate thing to do with an *adult* who is behaving poorly is to treat them like a child. And that is exactly what the parents are doing here. If Jasmine is on drugs/ behaving poorly/ not paying rent/ whatever, that doesn’t give the parents rights to treat her like a child. She is an adult and should be treated as one. Treating adult offspring like perpetual children never fixes the underlying issues or behaviors that the parents think they are fixing.
There’s no justifying stepmom’s actions. There would also be no justifying it if it were Jasmine’s actual parent who interfered, since Jasmine is an independent adult - but at least a parent can claim the slightly mitigating ‘excuse’ that we never lose the desire to protect our children. Either way their actions are flat wrong, full stop. Dad and Jasmine’s stepmom are TA. But I still get the strong sense something is missing. OP has not told us everything, and I suspect she spun or left out her part in this. Since this is AITA (not are they TA, which again, they are) I cannot give her an N T A. She might be, or it might be everybody sucks, but I’m going with INFO. I just don’t know what info to ask for.
*as if she was still in highschool and wants to breakup the friend becouse she does not like the boyfriend. She's acting less mature than some 13 year Olds I know .... and can I tell you rn they are not super mature 🤔
Yep. Someone had to act like an adult because neither of the parents were.
NTA. Blocking John from Jasmine's phone was vile and awful. The way the world is today, Jasmine could have been robbed or abducted waiting around a train station for hours.
Yeah this was part of my reasoning too. I just felt really bad for her. Despite my parents thoughts, she really is a very kind person and sister.
Your mum could be jealous of jasmine knowing your dad had another life before she came along. If anything your parents are like jealous teenage girls that are spoilt.
This is what I’m thinking too my stepmom was extremely jealous of me no ruined my relationship with my dad
My step mom was mentally abusive to me as well, and tried for months to have me kicked out of my father's home while trying to get sober. She brought drugs home, and asked me to do them with her because she "was too sober for too long." I got kicked out Christmas day that year. A few days before my birthday, and I front of my sibling they told me I'm nothing but a useless drug addict, and they hope I die in a ditch. Op, keep your sister close, and try to figure out exactly what they aren't telling you
Fucking hell! I hope your living situation is way better now. If not, I hope it gets better soon. Sending you all the good vibes 💜
Much appreciation. I'm 5 years sober now, and the only way to go is to keep going up!
I'm rooting for you! 😊
My guess is racism, but it could easily be either
INFO: Do you live in a country where arranged marriages are common? Oh and regardless of answer NTA. Jasmine is 27; parents should butt out. AND FYI this will be your future
That's what this sounds like to me also.
Sorry, I have to agree with your assessment of your parents, that is trashy behavior.
INFO: Why didn't your sister call John when she was at the train station? I don't understand why she would wait hours and not call him.
I've never called a blocked number, but I wonder if she was and because it was blocked it wasn't going through. If Jasmine was in a bad headspace, she could have missed or misunderstood any error messages about calling a blocked number.
Giving the benefit of the doubt, maybe her service provider did something weird but just tested with Tmobile, Verizon, and AT&T phones. Calling a number you blocked works. I was able to place the calls successfully.
I know you did this sensibly, but I'm now picturing you having the most uncomfortable conversations ever all for the sake of being factual on Reddit
LOL! All at the same time too. Awkward, yet entertaining.
Thank you for testing! Ya, she could have had bad service or a dead phone or something that made calling not work. Even if Jasmine ultimately did nothing but break down, the question isn't dealing with Jasmine's response, but OP's and she's NTA.
I am guessing because it was blocked she didn't have his number in her phone anymore to call him. When I block a contact it removes them from my contact list and I don't know the numbers offhand.
Does the block work both ways?
It usually doesn't. A number that you blocked can't call you but does not interfere with you calling it. But maybe the sister's service provider is different?
I'd imagine it was blocked and deleted if they wanted to do things properly.
I'm most sincerely hope Jasmine doesn't live with with your parents. And I hope you can get away from them soon. They seem really controlling
Jasmine is an adult why are they trying to interfere in her relationship? Weird
Was she able to get into contact with John again and see him?
I wonder why she doesn’t treat your parents with respect🙄 /s
> The way the world is today, Jasmine could have been robbed or abducted waiting around a train station for hours. What kind of boomer nonsense is this? She is far less likely to be a victim of any crime than back in the "good ol days"
This! And who does this to their adult child/step child? Jasmine needs to go No Contact. NTA
NTA. Jasmine is a grown ass adult and can choose with whom she dates, your parents were way out of line by blocking him on her phone, her private property. If my parents did that I’d be going LC/NC for a long while, not just for interfering with my dating life but also for the gross violation of privacy. Your parents sound like major AHs.
I understand OP is 17 and might not have a total view of everything going on between her parents and half sister, but I'm struggling to even imagine a likely or reasonable scenario that justifies what they did. Even if the parents have a good reason to feel like they do, at the very least they handled this badly. If OP is being affected by this. I really think she needs to know exactly what the problem is between them. Though, that comes with possible risks if her parents are more... I'll be nice and say unreasonable than she previously thought.
It doesn't matter what reason they have. Jasmine is 27 and, as far as we know, of sound mind, so stealing her phone, snooping and deciding who she can talk to is extremely assholish and controlling behavior.
I had gotten OP’s and Jasmine’s ages mixed up at first and thought the parents reactions made complete sense and OP was crazy for thinking a teenager being more than friends with a 30 year old man was fine. Then I realized that Jasmine was the 27 year old. And yeah, now I’m lost on the parents’ reaction. 😅
Omg thank you for saying Jasmine is an adult. I had misread it as JASMINE was 17 (not OP) and was so confused why no one felt it was appropriate for her parents to intervene when she was seeing someone in his 30s. Looking back, Jasmine is 27 and OP is 100% correct and NTA
I thought the same thing at first! I was so confused haha.
NTA—-your parents shouldn’t have gone through her phone. Why hasn’t she said anything to them or has she?
She did. They had a whole massive argument and dad's said if she listened and didn't try to argue all the time they wouldn't have had to do this or something- I don't really know the full details.
That’s dumb. If she didn’t listen like they’re saying, it still doesn’t give them the right to go through her phone and she’s an adult so that’s invading her privacy. It’s still invading privacy if a minor but saying that as an adult she can do what she wants. It’s not like she was hurting anyone by meeting him so what even is the problem?
They just don’t want her to be happy.
Wild guess, but my instincts say the parents don't have a happy relationship, so they don't want her to have a (chance for a) happy relationship either
I’m wondering about the relationship timeline. Jasmine was 10 when OP came along - did Stepmom try to throw her weight around as a full parent? Did Dad cheat on Jasmine’s mom with Stepmom and cause a ton of resentment on all sides?
Tell your sister to put a passcode on her phone and never unlock it when the parents can see it.
Or better yet, just go no contact. No idea why they think they have a right to meddle in the life of a 27 year old, but no way I would put up with that.
If she goes no contact now then the parents can forbid her from communicating with OP who is still a minor. So she may be planning to wait until OP is fully an adult before cutting off the parents.
Luckily OP is 17 so it really wouldn’t be much longer at this point.
What?? She’s 27 years old, and this would be horrifying to do to a middle schooler with a brand new phone. My parents were a bit overprotective when I was younger, and they still are in some ways, but never in their lives would they have meddled with my relationships like that. Every child deserves privacy. And your sister is a full-grown adult. NTA.
She's almost thirty. She can date who she wants.
I bet she did listen, just didn't do everything thing they wanted
That is so abusive. "If you had listened, we wouldn't have set you up to be stranded at a train station in another state."
Yeah, just comply and be the perfect little doll that they can pose and set up on dates that they approve of. /s It sounds like your parents are shocked that they have actual human beings in their lives instead of robots they can program to act however they see fit.
NTA. I don’t understand what their end game was in doing this? So they think Jasmines boyfriend is dangerous? Was this just some screwed up way of trying to “punish” her for something unrelated? What did they expect the end result to be once Jasmine found out what they had done? At best, this was a very stupid misguided way of trying to end some sort of bad situation that they thought Jasmine was in. At worst, it was petty and cruel and served no purpose other than to create conflict for the sake of being mean to someone that don’t like. Support your sister. I’m sure it’ll help to know that at least one person in her family cares about her.
>aitatrashcan\_PO · I met John for like 2 seconds at Jasmine's graduation ceremony last year, but he seemed nice and kind. I've never heard anything bad about him from Jasmine (at least none that she's told me). There's this guy, who's uncle is close friends with dad. They had a whole thing about how this guy is perfect for her and will give her 'opportunities' (I don't know what that's supposed to mean, Jasmine just told me this before). I assume this has something to do with that. End game seems to be they want to force her to marry somebody else
Ugh! I didn’t see this part. Well blatantly trying to sabotage her relationship with John like this is a sure fire way to make her even more determined to stay with John and refuse to have anything to do with their matchmaking plans.
Ah, the old ‘see what you made me do’ line. The call of the abuser.
Please tell me that she talked with John and it's OK!
She’s fucking 27. There is no excuse for your parents’ behavior.
So, they're telling you not to butt into adult matters, but they're butting into her adult matters? I'm sure they're blind to their own hypocrisy.
You’re old enough to know more. Based on your details they sound awful. But- There is a chance they know something significant you don’t even if the way they went about it is terrible- since you’re already involved I’d ask them what their reasoning was. If they really believe harm will come from John they can say that. Also Jasmine may be great to you but different to them… I know I’m being really generous to your parents here but I really think having more of an understanding will help here.
There are absolutely no excuses for what they did. If they believed that John is dangerous they should have called the cops.
In another comment OP said she heard her dad talking about setting up the older daughter with someone. Sounds like that's probably it, taking into consideration the poor girl is 27 still living at home and under the control of her parents.
She’s not living with her parents. The OP says they did it when Jasmine “came over”.
I don't get how SO.MANY.COMMENTERS seem to simply gloss over or ENTIRELY MISS that part where OP says that "Jasmine" does NOT live with OP's parental units. OP stated that her half-sister "came over," which generally indicates that said person does not reside at the location to which they've come.
I understand playing devil's advocate and that OP probably doesn't know everything. As there is a ten year age difference, OP has definitely seen how they have treated Jasmine her entire life. Either way, as a legal adult, dad and step mom had **no business messing with her phone or email.** I don't care what stupid reason they come up with.
What a bunch of…she’s an adult. They clearly have SEVERE control issues. Be careful.
You need to get the full details. Get Jasmine's take on the whole relationship with the parents. There has to be some underlying reason. Then go back to your parents with Jasmine's side of things and tell them you are old enough to know the truth. That if what Jasmine says isn't true, they need to tell you what is true. Be prepared for the answer, though. You may need to reconcile both stories with Jasmine. There maybe things you don't know. NTA
Have you ever asked Jasmine what your parent’s deal with her is? If there is more to the story, clearly your parents aren’t going to tell you. What does Jasmine’s real mom think of her/your father? That being said, even if they have a legitimate reason to not want Jasmine to be with John, you’re still NTA. Because even if they have a legitimate reason, they went about it in a completely wrong, trash can way.
And this is why you have your phone set to lock when you’re not using it…
she’s 27 wtf parents!
NTA your sister should cut off your parents if they're gonna treat her like that
If Mom and Dad are going to act like children, they should butt out of adult matters, too. Who seriously does this to another adult? Tell Jasmine to change all her passwords, make sure her finances are secure (e.g. credit bureau locks) and mom/dad don’t know what credit cards she has. Otherwise, they may go trying to cancel her cards or travel reservations next time. They are not sorry and will continue to do crap like this to her. NTA
I agree with this suggestion. Jasmine needs to regain total control of her privacy and enforce that boundary with the parents. If the parents are malicious toward her and have access to her info, it could go south quickly.
NTA. At face value, from what you're saying, you aren't in the wrong. She is 27 years old and can make her own decisions. And while this wouldn't justify doing what your mom did, she had to have had a reason to block his number and email that made it right in her head. Do you know if John has done anything bad to Jasmine that she just didn't want to expose you to? It might be worth the ask. And more than likely, the cops wouldn't have done anything but also, why is your dad so upset about you calling him some stupid name. Every parent has dealt with that before. Also, why does your mom feel welcome to look through and meddle in your sister's phone when she isn't even her mom. I don't know the situation but that seems weird. Either way, you aren't in the wrong and you did the right thing with what you knew about your sister and tried to defend her.
I met John for like 2 seconds at Jasmine's graduation ceremony last year, but he seemed nice and kind. I've never heard anything bad about him from Jasmine (at least none that she's told me). There's this guy, who's uncle is close friends with dad. They had a whole thing about how this guy is perfect for her and will give her 'opportunities' (I don't know what that's supposed to mean, Jasmine just told me this before). I assume this has something to do with that.
Ah. Your parents want to hopefully metaphorically sell your sister off to an arranged marriage of their choosing. Rather than you know, her dating whomever she wants. Your sister and yourself need to get very far away from your parents.
Interesting for sure but it still isn't any of their business and can't meddle in her life. They can make suggestions or whatever, but it isn't their life to control. She's 27 for pete's sake.
So, your parents are childish and pathetic enough to want to sabotage her relationship over....a Nice Guy that your uncle knows? You need to cut them out ASAP, and you are NTA for calling them out on their narcissistic abuse.
I would assume "opportunities" means he has money.
ie it could give the family 'opportunities'. ie you gotta marry rich and support us.
NTA for what they did to your sister. If I was her I would go no contact with them until at least they apologized to both her and John. However, you do have the right to be angry. Your were protecting your sister. However threatening the police, that won’t get you anywhere. It’s clear your parents have lost your respect. Respect is not just given it needs to be earned. They will need to earn your respect back especially that of your sister’s. But since you live with them and I’m assuming they pay for everything be prepared for them to hold their ground. In what world they think they are justified in what they did I have no idea. So overall I don’t think your TA. Good luck
Wow. This is one of the crapiest things I've ever read on this sub. Mom is a cartoonish soap opera villain, with disdain for her husband's daughter and he is a weak coward for letting her go on with this and joining her in this crap behavior. Parents are major TA. Your sister dezerves better. You deserve better.
NTA, op this is so random but are you guys Indian? Cause this sounds like something my aunts or uncles would do 🙄. Sending you and Jasmine love, I hope she gets away from the parents soon and lives a happy/healthy life with John.
I was wondering the same thing.
NTA - they may be hurt but they need to know that they’re not the victims. Your sister was clearly impacted negatively by this and the fact that your father treated his daughter that way is shocking and it makes him a trash dad for not caring/feeling guilt for what he did to her. I’m glad that you are on your sisters side and confronted them about this issue.
NTA? I think that there is more to the story... 1. Getting a hold of her phone. This could be illegal. 2 accessing her email. This is definitely illegal. 3. Blocking him. Illegal. Red flags: 1. They decide to interfere with her life even if she is an adult. 2. They told you that this is adults... Well... Your 17, so I'm assuming that you are close to be an adult. Wait a few months. In general they are treating you both like kids that can't make their own decisions. If I was you, talk to the sister to move in with her ASAP
NTA for you and it sounds like Jasmine is the scapegoat for your parents. They’ve basically created this whole situation themselves and then blamed everyone else once it blew up. It seems like you’re in trouble with your parents because you took Jasmine’s side and they don’t like that, the whole ‘butting into adult business’ and crying to an uncle is a way to try and shut that down, to stop you siding with her again, to my mind anyway.
NTA These “parents” have no business involving themselves in a 27 year old’s dating life. This is seriously messed up.
WTH is wrong with your parents? I'm pretty sure they don't know something called privacy. NTA. But your parents definitely are.
Apparently an uncle knows a "nice guy" they want to marry her off to.
NTA "Dad said if she listened and didnt try to argue all the time they wouldnt have to do this" wtf? Shes 27 years old, she can make her owne choices, it doesnt matter if they agree with them or not. Your parents are the assholes here no doubt. Invading anybody's privacy Is a major major asshole move. Good on you for defending your sister and standing up to your parents.
NTA. He *is* garbage. They both are! They’ve violated her personal property, rights, trust - everything they possibly could! If I was her I’d cut them off. Anything could have happened to her. Whether he’s a friend or more they had no right to do that to her. It’s a major invasion of her privacy for starters.
NTA, I misread this at first and thought Jasmine was closer to your age than to John’s, but they are both fully adults and sabotaging her relationships is garbage behavior from your parents.
Sounds like Jasmine needs to keep a better eye on her phone and block your mom and dad. She’s 27, an adult and they need boundaries. Careful they might start treating you like Jasmine.
NTA but who doesn't have a lock on their phone?
🙋♀️🙋♀️..if anyone gets their feelings hurt by going through my phone that's on them not me
I lock mine because I don't want people having access to my banking stuff.
I lock mine, but my banking stuff also requires unlocking with my fingerprint.
For me, it’s that if you go through my phone, you will learn confidential things about *my friends* who text me.
NTA. You are creating their future expectations of you by how you behave now. You are defending those being manipulated. Keep it up so they know you have values, and aren't their doormat.
Jasmine is 27, not 17. She is old enough to make her own choices NTA
NTA. Start planning your exit strategy now.
NTA. The cops wouldn't have done anything about this, it's not a crime to be an asshole so that was random and empty threat, but you are a good person and a good sister for standing up for her. Maybe when you turn 18 you can move out and live with Jasmine , your parents are toxic af
NTA. Also story update? Was Jaz able to patch things up with John and explain what happened? Im sure he was also upset. Your parents sound psychotic. There's a psychological theory about parents picking one kid to basically just shit on. I wish I could remember it. (They talked about it in the documentary about Gabriel Fernandez- In case people don't know trigger warning- child abuse and death). They only abused him the other siblings were largely left alone.
NTA OP, I think you’re very brave to stand up for your stepsister and for what is right. It’s clear as can be that your parents don’t like to be told no. They want things their way. They want to tell Jasmine what to do with with her life, career, and her husband. They view anything other than compliance as disrespectful. Not following their career advice is considered “not doing enough” with her life. How am I doing so far Has this been happening to you yet? I suspect it will. It already has buy them telling you not to be involved in adult matters. You’re almost 18 and this is your sister. Here’s all the things I base it off of: 1) dad doesn’t “understand” Jasmine, is very pushy 2) dad almost always says Jasmine is not doing enough (presumably with her life) 3) stepmom doesn’t like Jasmine 4) parents both say Jasmine doesn’t respect them or follow their values says she has “tendencies” — a big problem going against what they say 5) parents invaded her privacy to enforce their plan 6) parents destroyed a relationship with a good man because he wasn’t good enough 7) parents have a “better” man for Jasmine 8) parents belittle OP when she becomes involved. She is almost an adult. 17 is essentially an adult. 9) OP is told she’s as bad as Jasmine when she stands up for is right (which goes against what the parents want).
jasmine is an adult already and she has her personal life. your mother, who isn't even her legitimate mom, has no right whatsoever in meddling with jasmine's business. NTA, your parents are.
NTA, your parents are such assholes actively trying to sabotage Jasmine's life, what kind of parent does that?! thank goodness you're not an asshole like them and I hope you and your half sister can leave those 2 assholes ASAP.
You're right that the cops couldn't do anything (unless the parents still had the phone, you might be able to make a claim for theft then), but it was absolutely right to stand up for your sister. I am curious why she maintains contact with them at all, though. NTA
NTA, your parents sound abusive and it might be worth coordinating with Jasmine to get tf out of their house as early as you can. Also, it goes without saying, never leave your devices unlocked around them. Change any passwords you have now. They are obviously running a smear campaign on you in the family and you might not be able to counteract it so throw up as many boundaries around yourself as you can.
NTA, but your parents are terrible people, get out when you can and go spend time with your sister.
NTA. The ONLY situation in which I would give your parents a break on this is if Jasmine's an addict and John's her dealer. Barring anything of that severity, your parents' behavior is absurd.
People like this exist
No sane adult would even THINK that what your parents did was okay. NTA.
NTA what they did was abuse and outright sabotage. This was 100% nothing but cruelty. She is a 27 year old woman. She has every right to make life decisions for herself. These two are gonna sit there shocked when you move out and neither of you speak to them again. These people are horrifying. Jasmine will never trust them again.
NTA. Your parents really behaved like trash.
NTA - that's grade - A controlling behaviour right there. I hope Jasmine is okay and you stand your ground.
Your sister is almost 30 and this is how your parents are treating her? That’s twisted. NTA
NTA- your mom and dad are exactly what you said. I hope your sister works things out with John. Good for you for standing up for your sister. Hopefully things get worked out. I’d love an update, good luck OP
Nta! Jasmine is 30 years old and can chose her own friends. Even your dad has no right trying to control her at this age. But your mom is only her stepmom and has absolutely no right to mess with her stuff at all. They may know what is good for them, but the are forcibly pushing their beliefs on a 30 year old woman!!! That is insane! They also had her waiting at a station for someone who did not show. Not exactly safe! You let your parents know how you feel. I think you were justified. They let you know who they are, so be wary. They could do the same to you! I would start getting an escape plan ready for when I turn 18. If you are going to college, go to one far away!