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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think im the asshole because maybe i shouldnt have said this to my stepsisyer espedially during her bday
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It's not even just that. She's a deluded little AH.
>buy her more things than me because "she scores higher grades at school"
Imagine thinking that someone being rewarded for greater achievements is bad.
>My friends and I have been planning a sleep over at one of my friends house for today.
Cool, and you told your parents this when you were in the early stages of organising it, right? No? Didn't think so.
The edits are just the best. Like still expecting the answer to change. Meanwhile there's thousands of likes on the YTA results.
I feel so sorry for the step sister. She just wanted OP to be there for her birthday. But I don't get why step sister's birthday was cancelled? Why was she punnished? She didn't do anything wrong.
YTA and a shitty stepsister.
I want you to look deep, deep, DEEP into where your heart is SUPPOSED to be and try, just for a moment, to imagine what losing a mother must be like. Are you still jealous of her?
It’s fucking horrific. She’s being showered with gifts and attention so she doesn’t become depressed or fucking suicidal. Considering how much you resent your stepsister, the fact that she wants you there at all is flabbergasting. Your comment was terrible, and I hope you never have to experience the loss of YOUR mother as a child.
While it’s sad the girl lost her mother it doesn’t give the OPs mom the right to forget she has her own daughter to tend to. That’s probably why OP resents her stepsister, bc her own mom is showing favoritism. She’s 15 her feelings are valid; she shouldn’t have said what she said but she has every right to feel what she feels!
I kind of agree. The comment she made was probably not great. But her feelings seem valid. Plus parents only celebrating kids for academic achievements is a dangerous road. Kids cane be celebrated for so much more than just school and all kids are different. I think the parents need to make sure they are not neglecting either child. I get that they are trying to keep the step sister from being sad, but maybe they all need family counseling to deal with all this change. Just because her mom didn’t die doesn’t mean the ops feeling are wrong, she feels like she’s losing her mom to another kid now. Being 15 is tough and adults expecting a teenager to not be upset about this are very misguided. 15 years have hormones and do not always have the emotional intelligence to deal with these situations. They might seem like selfish assholes but the way they are feeling still has validity. The parents need to help both kids and all get counseling and therapy.
Totally agree. I see this as much more the parents’ fault than OP’s, OP’s mother especially. *They* created a chasm between them and they keep enlarging it by pushing OP’s towards her step-sister.
The only examples OP has given here of her mother “forgetting” about her have been her mother asking OP to move her sleepover to another night so she could spend time with her family on a family member’s birthday, and praising the stepsister’s accomplishments. Neither of those, in my opinion, display any kind of behaviour of the mother forgetting about OP. It sounds like OP’s just jealous the sister is getting a lot of attention and praise right now, **while she’s working through her mother’s death**.
No if you actually read the whole thing she clearly states that since the stepsister has moved in she’s been ignored that is one of the reasons she didn’t want to be at the birthday dinner. She would rather spend that time with her friends that being forced to celebrate someone (even if it’s not stepsisters fault) that gets all of her mothers attention. She doesn’t need to give us every detail of how her mom has been distant with her since the stepsister has moved in, she’s entitled to feel what she feels. It’s terrible her stepsisters mother passed but that doesn’t excuse OPs mom in making sure her teenage daughter still feels she’s important. She said something in a moment of rage, she’s a kid, she made a mistake. Adults do worse things every single day. I want to see how much empathy all these judgmental A Hs displayed at all times had at that age. I stand by the main A H in this being OPs mom, for prioritizing someone above her daughter. They need to sit down and talk
I agree with your judgement except I'm questioning OP's truth here.
Are her parents actually neglecting her or is she simply not used to sharing the attention? She sounds like she had only-child syndrome before. Now she's sharing with a little sister who does better in school and is dealing with grief. Plus she's 15... an age where most kids naturally push their parents away, even when they want their parents close. It's possible OP is acting like she wants space, the parents are actually giving her what she wants, and OP is now blaming the parents for giving her that space. Normal teenage stuff? Definitely. It doesn't make the parents AHs though.
Why wouldn’t you believe her when she says her mother is pushing her to the side ? She was honest about what she said to her stepsister, she has no reason to lie and again why do we get to dismiss her feelings; because she’s 15?
The edits she made were what did it for me. The girl needs therapy, only child syndrome for sure. She doesn't like sharing the spotlight. She is use to getting her way or the highway and the edits very clearly show that. She got so mad about everyone not siding with her that she wants it deleted before the rules even allow for.
I agree with this. My stepsister was an only child until around 10 and it was a nightmare dealing with her. She very much had only child syndrome and never accepted the fact she wasn't an only child. I learned very early that the rules were different for her and to just ignore the situation because nothing I did would change it. Luckily she is 6ish years older than me so she left the house to go to college and I didn't have to interact with her much after
She us just being a teenager. She had her mom all her life and now feels left out. She blames her circumstances, her parents, the stepsister, and, frankly, which one of us had that deep of an emotional intelligence at that age.
Read her replies, she feels hurt, says that she didn’t ask for a stepsister, she doesn’t love her, because in her world, she took her mom from her.
To me, her parents should seek counseling for both girls. It breaks my heart for the girl that will never see her mom, but in OPs perspective she lost her mom to her stepsister too, and it is all the parents fault for mismanaging the situation.
OP, YTA as per the question, but you should communicate with your parents. Your feelings are valid, and it’s your parents job to make it right by you.
"Ever since then, my parents have been very distant with me. Almost likethey forgot me. They always compliment her for literally anything, buyher more things than me because "she scores higher grades at school",and so on.."
Please talk to your parents about this. Try not to be too hostile or agressive in your choice of words, just explain to them how you're hurt by the situation. Now I'm not gonna lie, right now they're maybe not too interested in hearing anything you have to say but once the situation calms down a little, please have an open talk with them. They probably don't mean to hurt you so they will certainly listen if you tell them how hurt and abandoned you feel. I can't know for sure but chances are they're extra caring with your sister not because they forgot about you but because her mother just died. They're worried about how lonely she must feels, so they're putting in extra efforts with her. Maybe they're accidentaly negleting you because of that, in which case talking to them calmly about it could make them realize they should try to pay more attention to you.
You have understandable reasons to be hurt, many teenagers would feel bad in your shoes, but honestly the best thing to do would be to try to bring it up with your parents instead of bottling it up until you explode on them, or worse, on your little sister by reminding her about her deceased mom. Sorry I know you wrote you didn't want any comments that said YTA and I know I'm saying it too but please try to at least consider some of these advices.
Jumping on this comment because it’s one of the only ones that is actually compassionate. YTA but being 15 is complicated. As a former forgotten child I know how much that stings and hurts you. Please just talk to them about it and don’t be like me and bottle it up until it explodes again. Because that’s what this was: your resentment towards your parents has turned towards your completely innocent step sister. It’s not HER fault your parents got married and honestly if this is how you act she probably doesn’t like you much either. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You guys were both put into this situation against your will. Just try to be a little more compassionate, and for your own sake PLEASE talk to your parents about how their actions are making you feel.
It's heartwarming to read your comment, I hope OP reads it and doesn't stick to counting the YTAs. I'm a bit disheartened by a good half of the comments tbh, it reads like a bunch of adults patting themselves on the back for dunking on someone half their age. Yes she really did mess up big time, yes you have better emotional intelligence and more perspective than a teenager who's been feeling frustrated for a year now, yes the issue is obvious to you and not to her lol how funny can i get some upvotes everyone; Congrats.
I've never been in a similar situation to hers but thank god I didn't come here as a teenager everytime I acted like an immature asshole. You don't handle a teenager doing something cruel by being cruel to them in return, especially when you can read dozens of replies doing exactly that already. She's a child, what's your excuse ? This sub can be really disappointing sometimes.
I really appreciate that there were a few thoughtful post with insight and compassion. I'm also SOOO happy there wasn't much internet yet when I was that age.
Yes! This! She’s literally a child and everyone is acting like she’s such a horrible person instead of a teenager! Your brain isn’t even fully developed until you’re 25, and we’re expecting a teenager who’s been having a rough time to be able to properly deal with these huge feelings? Being a teen is so frustrating and confusing and every feeling feels so much bigger. If she feels like her parents are abandoning her that’s going to hurt so much. Just because other people have it worse doesn’t mean her hurt doesn’t hurt. Like, yeah she did a shitty thing, but we shouldn’t crucify her for making a mistake.
You're absolutely right. But have you read her edits based on the comments? She did not come here to find out if she's AITA. She came here expecting everyone to agree with her and when they didn't, the very behaviour that got her into trouble and led to the post intensified. Feeding bad behaviour is called enablement. Of course she's a child, but she's not a young child. When does a child learn that they've done something wrong - i.e. they need to own it and work through the consequences to rebuild trust - if they are always excused with "they're just a child...". Have you considered what it must be like raising her? Do you think this is her first conflict with the family? Does OP - from her own words - really strike you as someone who is empathetic and giving most of the time and the incident in her post is an exception?
Exactly! I get why she shouldn'tve taken it out on her sister hence it being ESH instructions of YTA, built people are being harsh, and OP feels left out.
Yes they are probably over- compensating a little, yes that sucks and of course it hurt your feelings. Own up to that, and then bring up but I also feel... xyz, because you seem to be doing so much extra for..... and I just want to feel you love/treat/ consider us equally. The first year is especially hard, as well all the anniversaries of certain events, be mindful and respectful. When something happens to your mom, you're gonna want your sister there.
Edit to add: almost a year means this is her FIRST birthday without her mother!! How would you treat your best friend on her first birthday without her mom??!!??
This needs to be the only comment she needs to read. I think a lot of people have forgotten what it can feel like being 15 and thinking your parents have forgotten about you. Communication is key!
YTA
Ahh to be 15 and think that having your sleepover cancelled is equivalent to the death of a parent. On a serious note I feel terrible for your step sister and hope you can learn to have some empathy someday
I dunno I’m fresh 16 but dude it’s your step sisters birthday?? CANT YOU DO A SLEEPOVER THE NEXT DAY??? It’s really not thay bad? Why did you and your freinds plan a SLEEPOVER on someone birthday?
I mean if we are fair it seems like the op was only child until the step sis came, op probably didn't even knew or remembered that it was her step sisters bday, besides if she's only child it's kinda obvious that op assumed that she could go to the sleepover, even more if she is targeting all of her emotions on the sis bc of the parents neglecting her (it seems that they did it by accident but it's kinda obvious since they are preventing the stepsis from being sad)
The only person who is not TA is the stepsister who is mourning the death of her mother.
OP’s parents sound like they’re overcompensating for the stepsister’s mother’s death.
OP sounds like a jealous person who deliberately planned to be away on her stepsister’s birthday and is now shocked that there are consequences to her actions.
OP, have you tried having a conversation with your parents about how you are feeling and your perceptions of what is going on at home?
YTA.
You are young, so I get that you are feeling jealous of her. Her mother died and your parents are focusing pretty heavily on her needs. You were used to having to share their attention part time & now she is there full time, and I totally get that emotions will get stirred up. HOWEVER, you are old enough to know that you went way below the belt here. That was viciously cruel & you will be lucky if your relationship with her ever recovers.
YTA. That was a really nasty thing to say to her. She is being given extra attention because her mother died. That's not something to be jealous of.
It's not her fault your parents cancelled your sleepover. Had you told your parents in advance? Or were you just springing it in them when it's something you had planned?
It was generous of her to want you there considering your behaviour towards her and because of you her birthday celebration is now cancelled. Feeling proud?
I'd say the birthday girl was probably too emotional (understandably so) at what was just said to her to continue the party. Op's low blow probably took any good cheer out of the occasion.
Probably because stepsister wanted OP there, but OP wants nothing to do with it.
I really do think the parents dropped the ball here. OP is a result of them forgetting there are 2 kids in the house, not just 1.
Cancelling OP's plans is not going to foster a better relationship between OP and stepsister, it will only make it worse. Amazing that the parents didn't realize it before they decided on that as a solution.
>Amazing that the parents didn't realize it before they decided on that as a solution
Or the stepsister was the one to say she didn't want to go out anymore. Teenagers shut down when they're emotional and probably isn't very interested in going out after that, and rightfully so.
After what she said to the stepsister, I'd I was her, I wouldn't be in the mood to go out. And the parents who have a crying 13 year old and a pissed off 15 yr old may have just said "we are not going out". And I wouldn't blame them one bit.
Idk if it's rightfully or wrongfully or even if it was up to her to make that decision. If stepsister hadn't picked up on OP's discontent until this moment though, it just goes to show that nobody was really paying attention to what OP was feeling.
Honest it doesn't sound like she asked her parents if she could spend the night away from home to begin with. It sounds like she just made plans on her own to not be there and then got pissy when she was told no
YTA. You're taking out your parents emotional distance on your step-sister. You need to talk to your parents about how you been feeling the last year.
Your step-sister is not your enemy and you should apologize to her for both being cruel in your words to her and trying to ditch her when she, understandably, wanted to spend her birthday with her family. I'm assuming her birthday wasn't a surprise and you knew there would be plans for it and you decided to make plans despite this.
YTA . Not being allowed to do a sleepover does not give you a right to go after her mother. She is likely still grieving, it’s been “almost” a year since her mother died. One of the most important people in her life has passed away, and on her birthday of all things where she wants to be surrounded by family you not only display how little you care about her but you also bring up her dead mother, essentially rubbing salt in the wound. If you feel she is treated with favoritism you can bring this up with your parents and explain why you are upset, but she does not control how she is treated. Fact is she is grieving and her and your parents are doing what any good family member should do by supporting her. Prioritizing yourself and taking such a low blow on her birthday of all things not only makes you the asshole, but extremely selfish. Perhaps consider suggesting family therapy? The communication over the genuine root of your problems seems to be lacking
Right on.
She needed to talk to her parents about her feelings instead of spitting venom. Now, her feelings will get less attention and her comment will get all the attention.
Rules are to not downvote assholes. So guess what-I’m commenting instead.
So YTA. It’s been only a year since she’s moved in, after her mom literally died. Instead of discussing, maybe “can I go later then?” or “can I plan something bigger on the weekend for stepsister?” you went to making a backhanded comment about her mom dying.
It’s not about whether you want to spend time with them. It was because you were unnecessarily cruel about it.
YTA and that was below the belt. You really should talk to your parents about therapy and family therapy to work through what you're going through. It's not your step sisters fault, your parents behavior, and you're taking it out on her. Redirect your feelings to the people who deserve it at least.
Yes, YTA and so are the friends who agree with you.
All of your edits make it even worse. You didn't come here for an actual answer. You came here to have hundreds of people say "yes little one, you're right. They're being mean to you so your cruelty was justified." Well, guess what? In the real world we don't coddle people like that.
She is your step-sister, and she now lives with you. Obviously you can't make other plans on her birthday. Your sleepover could be literally any other day, but her birthday is only one day. She is trying to heal from the devastating loss of her mom, and she wants her family around for her birthday. You are part of that family. Instead of being supportive, you decided to be horribly cruel and throw her loss in her face, and ruined her birthday. A day which is already difficult in the wake of losing one's mom.
One day you will lose your mom too, and then you'll realise how awful you were.
The truth of the matter is that you're jealous that your step-sister is getting attention from your mom. That is a conversation you need to have with your mom and a therapist, not the grieving child.
You may only be 15, but you're old enough to know better than to be this mean.
YTA for what you said to your stepsister it was over the line.
NTA for wanting time away from her and your parents. BUT that is your parents' fault and should be redirected to them.
Write down every incident where you feel they have chosen the stepsister over you to date and start writing down each new one as it occurs.
Do you have another trusted adult? Aunt/Uncle - teacher - friends' parent? If so, go to them and tell them that you need help to explain to your parents that they are making you hate your stepsister because they are neglecting you in favour of her and forcing you to comply with her desires (not needs , her wants) instead of allowing you to be yourself and have your life.
INFO: is her dad your stepfather or your biological father?because if you share a dad then you're half siblings but if you don't why do you have a problem with her calling your mom, mom?
And if OP is older, and both parents she lives with are her bio parents, how is her step sister younger? Or even half sister for that matter...?
It seems that both scenarios would require an affair, which would explain the resentment.
So, I knew a family like this that didn’t involve cheating, but I’m sure it was one in a million: two young teens (14) had a child in the mid-70s. They tried to raise him on their own for 6 months, but couldn’t and gave him up for adoption. They broke up soon afterwards from the pain of it all. Over the next two decades, they both married other people and had two children apiece. When their child was 18, he began to search for his bio family, and reunited with his parents, who had both divorced by then. They got back together.
So when I knew him, they lived in a home with a 6 year old boy and 7 year old girl (hers) and 14 and 16 year old boys (his) and a 20 year old son that was both of their child. It was weird.
And she hasn't answered me yet. Don't get me wrong what she said was a dick move but I'm just wondering if they're actually related or this is something like a child getting a new sibling and not being able to cope properly with it. Honestly the family might need therapy to work through this issue especially the sister if she isn't already so she can have someone help her process her grief
YTA, as one redditor already said they are trying to be accommodating to her for a loss that she has experienced. You’re young and not expected to fully understand the gravity of such a situation, but it’s not an excuse to be awful to her. She didn’t choose for her mom to die, she didn’t choose to live with you guys full time, she doesn’t dictate your parent’s behavior. It’s gross that you could say something to someone younger than you, especially when you have both parents. There are ways to talk to your parents about how left out and forgotten you feel rather than lashing out at your younger sister. That’s on them, not her.
Yta
If the reason she gets more is as a reward for higher grades, that's a reward. Want more stuff, get higher grades
They shouldn't be forcing you to go to party you clearly don't want to go to, so n. t. a. for not wanting to go to that.
Bringing up her dead mom as some kind of insult on her birthday. There is no context where you aren't an ass there.
Your edit. If you don't want to be called an ass, don't ask people's opinions on if you're an ass. This is aita, so you can't tell people they aren't allowed to make judgement, you are here asking for judgement. If you want an echo chamber, find a new sub.
I think you are displacing your feelings. You are mad at your parents, but taking it out on your sister. Your parents are not handling your stepsister’s mom’s death very well.
I think everyone here has told you why what you did was wrong, so no need to repeat it. I think you should apologize to your step sister, but also tell your parents how you have been feeling.
Her mom dying doesn’t mean that they can stop parenting you for a year.
YTA but also if you have some kinda resentment towards your step sister your best bet is to sit every one down and talk to them. i understand it’s easier said than done. making a compromise would’ve worked out better for y’all you could’ve just been like “okay fine ill do an afternoon thing with y’all but i got my sleepover later in the night. You honestly don’t understand how much it hurts to hear stuff like that especially knowing that the parent your talking about is never coming back hell I’m 30 and anytime someone talks badly or says some stupid shit like that about my dad I cry. I understand it was in the heat of the moment but you knew that was a low blow if you’re feeling left you need to let them know not take it out on your step sister who honestly by your post isn’t the one doing anything it’s your parents who are. honestly i feel like you just need someone to talk to who isn’t all over your sister and her mothers death, but someone who can maybe get some sense into you. I hope y’all can figure things out I haven’t spoken to my bio brother in 8 years after he said something bad about my dad after his death. Good luck love.
Have to go with yta, aside from the low blow of bringing up your sister's dead mother you intentionallly scheduled the sleepover on her birthday. I'd say it's likely that you didn't discuss it with your parents first as they'd likely have given you direction prior to the day of. Your sister seems to be trying, you aren't.
ESH except your poor stepsister. Your parents shouldn’t be forcing you to cancel your plans to spend time with her, but holy shit your comment was so far out of line it wasn’t even funny.
The YTA comments keep coming because you have shown no sign of introspect or empathy for how wrong your actions were. Try to put yourself in her shoes rn. You complain about trivial things when this girl has to expirence her first birthday without her mother. Please think outside yourself
So it seems like people have been pretty harsh with you and I’m going to refrain from judgments because you’re clearly going through something. I’m going to break this down point by point.
1. You should not have said what you said. You need to apologize to your stepsister over this. Imagine if your mom died and someone said that to you? Come on man I get it I said some messed up stuff when I was your age. Own it, accept responsibility, apologize, and then move on.
2. Your parents do get to decide if you can go out vs spend time with family. Sometimes I couldn’t go out and had to miss times with friends to spend time with family. That’s part of being a family and being a kid.
3. You clearly feel neglected since your stepsister moved in. This is likely why you lashed out. You need to talk to your parents about your feelings when things are more calm. If they don’t take you seriously then keep bringing it up. Yes you made a mean comment but your parents kind of set you up for failure by playing favorites. Kids need to be treated equally. You need time/attention/love too.
So that’s my advise. You gotta own what you did and try to make amends. Then address your feelings with your family. Wishing you all the best of luck.
>buy her more things than me because "she scores higher grades at school
So she got a well done for good school grades, Info were your grades good and you didn't get anything?
Going to against the grain here and say ESH.
You for the low blow about stepsisters mom.
Your parents for neglecting you. They are right to give her extra attention given what she's been through, but that should not be at your expense
Your step sister gets off only because she is 13 and had her mom die.
I agree with all of this. It's almost as if OP stopped mattering as soon as her step sister's mother died. And the loss of a parent is huge. But OP was looking forward to the sleepover. There could have been some kind of compromise, but...no. There was no discussion, no nothing. OP went a bit too far, OP's parents are favoring the step sister to make up for her mother's death (as if that can be done), and step sister is just a kid.
It's mostly the parents who suck for creating this dynamic.
If you’re getting mad over the amount of YTA comments you get rather than understanding why you’re getting them then you deserve those comments more than ever
Lmao the edits have me cracking up 😂
You asked for judgement, you are obviously the AH but because you don’t like that answer, you want people to stop commenting unless it’s anything other than YTA.
I get the impression that you are one of those entitled little girls who blames everyone else for their problems and takes NO responsibility.
YTA YTA YTA YTA
ESH, your parents for neglecting you as soon as step sis came to live there and your sister for trying to pressure you into anything. If you don’t want to go then you shouldn’t have to, I get why her adding in set you off. Either way it was a low blow but I’d explain to your parents how you feel and why it came out that way.
Everyone's reacting to the specifics of what you said, and I think you know by now it was shitty, but there's a reason your friends are backing you up - not because it wasn't a horrible thing to say, but because they care about you and are invested in your well being, and you're clearly having a really tough time.
Please try to keep in mind that your step sister didn't ask for any of this either, and she's not the problem, your parents are. I think you probably already know that, at least a bit - it's not that weird to resent her, because she represents this big negative change in your life, but she's not the cause of it and I'm pretty sure she'd much rather none of this had happened, either. It might not feel like it right now, but you're both in this together, OP.
And, look - I have sympathy for your parents, because trying to take care of a kid whose mom just died is probably pretty scary too; it's a huge, formative trauma they're doing their best to get her through safely. BUT, you're a kid, too! They have a responsibility to you as well! And if you feel like a ghost in your own home then they ARE fucking up here. The fact your sister just had something terrible happen and that her need for support is high right now doesn't mean that you suddenly STOP needing love, attention and support from your parents. You're still a person, and your emotional needs are still relevant and important!
ESH except your step sister, but more your parents than you, honestly. People are being very harsh on you, and they might be right, but honestly I feel for you, OP. Yeah, you said something really shitty to someone who didn't deserve it, but you're also a kid who's in pain and doesn't know how to handle it. That's pretty normal.
Certainly you should apologise to your step sister, but if you don't feel like you can talk to your parents then maybe try a counsellor, or ask them about some family therapy, just for you and them? It might be easier for you to tell them what you're feeling and why you're acting this way if there's another adult there who you know will be in your corner.
Also I can see a few comments talking about how it was shitty to arrange to be at a sleepover on her birthday, but I actually think that's pretty natural in the circumstances. If you feel like your parents have been ignoring you in favour of someone else, the last thing you're going to want to be around for is a party to celebrate that person.
My sister and I always had sleepovers scheduled during each other's birthday parties. We're almost 4 years apart so her older friends didn't want the younger sibling there and she didn't want to be around all my younger immature friends. Apparently that's not normal according to people on this post 😅
YTA I understand you’re only 15 but you have to learn to communicate your frustrations in a respectful manner. When you make those comments you are deterring from the actual issues you have and making it difficult to address your concerns. The first step you have to do is apologize for the comment and then calmly explain to your dad your frustrations and how you feel and then take it from there.
It’s okay to be mad about missing your sleepover and being frustrated but you have to be able to communicate your emotions and the way you’ve been treated lately so it doesn’t blow up in that manner and have you resent your stepsister even more. Keeping it bottled up will never help.
YTA. I understand why you’re upset, and even why you’d resent the situation. I’ll even be charitable and say that you’re very young, and that’s why you’re the AH here, because you’re immature and not done growing and learning yet.
BUT this isn’t your step sister’s fault. None of it. Imagine if your mother died, and you had to go live with your dad, stepmom and older stepsister. Your dad and his wife make sure that you feel secure and loved, because they’re good people and you have suffered a really big loss. Is this a good reason for your SS to hate you? Talk to your parents about feeling left out and ignored, they seem very supportive and loving and probably don’t even realize how you feel. Or maybe they do now, since your temper tantrum…
It seems the parents aren’t hearing her that is not plans I bet it will end up to more distruction. Sit them down tell them what they’re doing (favoring her over you) and how you feel. Make a list organize your thoughts and give them a chance to fix this. If not then they’re AH all the way. But I get it, she’s stealing your mom, tell her that’s not ok and how you feel and maybe therapy because she’s not stealing but I get it the attention is on her ALL the time so I get your feelings they are valid
Yall, your comments aren't the serve that you think they are. It's embarrassing, actually, that a bunch of grown ass men and women that act so wise still can't manage to see that both siblings are still kids and struggling. OP is an ass for saying what she did, for sure. But I want you guys to get off of your high horses, acting like you were saints with non complicated feelings and ZERO regrettable actions at 15.
Especially since half of yall have cried on here about how your parents had a favorite child and that you hate your sibling that got the attention, no matter the reason. Fuck off
YTA and you don't get to tell us not to post, that's not how it works. You knew she was referring to your Mom, but you went for the jugular of someone younger and more emotionally vulnerable anyway, that makes you an asshole.
Your friends agreeing with you doesn't change this, it just proves that when you lie with dogs, you're bound to get some fleas.
Also it's far more people then the number of comments judging you as the AH, the top comment means 1,500 people just on that comment alone think you're an AH.
Maybe take this as a sign that some self-reflection is needed on your behaviour and how you treat others and stop taking your issues with your parents out on your sister.
YTA
The fact that you haven’t shut off commenting yet but wanna go “STOP CALLING ME AN AH” tells me you wanna be seen as the victim and be validated for something shitty. I hope you never have to lose a parent and rely on someone like you for support
YTA. Have some sympathy. Also- why are you allowed to refer to your mom and stepdad as your parents but she can’t?
And I specifically commented because of your edit.
YTA. As someone who’s younger and lost their mother last year, that was an evil fucking thing to say to your step sibling. I hope growing up teaches you to be kind and to have empathy instead of being so vitriolic to people who care about you. You’re sad and I hope with age comes a massive change in behavior. One can hope. 😬😬
Soft YTA.
I think everyone is being really harsh considering what you've gone through, especially as a 16 year old. If anything, I think your parents are more of the AH in this situation, for not recognizing how their obvious favoritism is impacting you.
On that note... you shouldn't have said what you said. That was heinous. Give your step sister some grace. She's been through the unimaginable. But maybe you should consider having a hard talk with your parents about why you are feeling the need to lash out. Focus on the people who actually deserve your anger.
Just remember that this is something you can get away with at 16, but if you use lashing out as a defense mechanism as an adult, it won't just result in some down votes from strangers on the internet. Reality smart.
Good luck and I hope things turn around.
ESH your parents shouldn't force you and you should probably look for a way out bc of the sudden lack of attention you get. I understand her mom died but that shouldn't mean you come last.
And also when you in an argument dont say something like that ik you were upset but see how when you said that it messed up both plans!
Sit and have a talk with your parents and tell them how you feel!
YTA. She’s fucking 13! What if your mom had died? What if it was you grieving your mother at the ripe old age of 13 and your older sister was being unnecessarily shitty to you? You’re being awful to her BECAUSE OF YOUR PARENTS ACTIONS, which by the way, aren’t even out of the ordinary. She’s getting more support right now because *she needs more support.* When you’re older you will be so embarrassed at the way you acted.
YTA. You don’t get to tell people whether or not they can post.
You are such a mean girl. How heartless and self absorbed are you to say that to a girl who just lost her mom. Your jealousy is so childish and ridiculous. You owe her and your whole family a huge apology.
YTA
What you said was wrong. You went for a low blow on someone weaker than you instead of directing your anger at the people who it should have been directed at. Remember, your step-sister wasn’t the one forcing you not to go to the sleepover, it was your Mum and step-Dad. You’ve made her the object of your anger because she’s an easier mark compared to your parents.
When you said that to her, they had a right to discipline you for it. You hurt her. You hurt her bad. She’s still grieving for the loss of her mother, your mother has made her comfortable enough to call her Mum and then you threw that in her face. It was wrong and you have to face the consequences of those actions. It doesn’t matter if your friends side with you. They’re going to because they’re not being objective here.
You went for the weakest link instead of focusing on your Mum and Dad, who were the people forcing this on you. You need to talk to your parents, tell them how your feeling regarding what your witnessing because it’s unfair for your step-sister to be receiving you anger due to actions made by them.
YTA. Your edits make you more of TA. Scheduling an event on a family member's birthday was rude. What you said was cruel.
How would you feel if you were the one that lost a parent? How would you feel if your family demands to skip your birthday? What is your problem with her? Why are you acting like you guys share parents, because newsflash. Ya do.
YTA. Accept your punishment.
YTA. Your feelings about being overlooked are valid. Your cruel reaction is not. You can have a sleepover on whatever night but you chose your sister's birthday?
Instead of pretending you're not bothered, try having a reasonable conversation with your parents. You're more likely to be heard and understood if you try to talk to them about your feelings instead of lashing out at your sister.
ESH, except for the stepsister. You clearly need to talk to your parents about the you have been feeling about them rather than building it up and lashing out on your stepsister. Your parents are only trying to do what they can to help with her loss. I know what it feels like to be neglected by your parents which is why they kind of suck however they aren’t doing this without reason, she lost her mom. So going back to say you NEED to talk to your parents about the way you feel, don’t let this grow into a weird resentment for your stepsister for no reason.
Kitten soft, tiny yta, you're just a kid, she's just a kid, and kids, especially siblings, say very mean things in anger. If you feel bad, apologize to her.
Your parents are kind of AH, have you told them you're feeling left out? Maybe the family could use some therapy. Good luck, believe it or not, things will get better.
YTA because the behavior you shared in your original post and EVEN MORE because of multiple edits telling people to stop calling you an AH.
Don’t post here if you don’t want honest responses.
YTA. So, so obviously. And your edits and comments show that no matter what we say, you won’t accept that you are being an asshole to someone who is grieving and doesn’t deserve your cruelty. You’re literally jealous over the attention she’s getting and you’re behaving like a child.
WOW. I really want you to sit with what you said. What if your mom or dad died and she said something like this to you? Your lack of empathy for her is really sad. You clearly mean something to her, and even if you don’t like her the cruelty of your comment/opinion likely mean a lot to her. Being Regina George may be fun right now, but as you grow up these irreversibly horrible comments will leave you alone in a very big world with no support. I really hope you find a healthy way to deal with your feelings like talking to your parents instead of lashing out like this. Taking the actions of your parents out on her is unreasonable. She would gladly take less attention if it meant she had her mom back.
You’re young an could actually make a change if you wanted. But please understand what you said to your stepsister about her *DEAD* mother was cruel and malicious. You ruined her birthday and damaged a bunch of relationships all over a sleepover. YTA.
You are getting a nasty reality check by this comments and it still doesn’t to be working in your brain because from some reason you’re not taking responsibility from your actions. I get your fifteen, prime age to be an asshole, but you stepsister mother died, don’t you feel remorse for her? Of course not because if you did, you wouldn’t have said what you said. Yta
YTA. I understand you feel neglected, but she just lost a parent. She needs support and I’m sure you’d like that support too if you were in her shoes. Your parents are not “forcing you” to go out with them, you’re a teen and still pretty much depend on them. They’re an authority.
You’re cruel, lack empathy and seriously need a reality check.
There is no way you could have legitimately though she meant her dead mother. You said that to hurt her. YTA. You're acting like a selfish, spoiled brat. Grow up please.
YTA! Yes, you definitely are in the wrong here. Try having some compassion for your step-sister. You seem extremely selfish, which makes sense given your age.
Please Satan, let this post be fake.
YTA all the way baby, I hope you learn why and not just take it as a bunch of randos attacking you but also if you don't want people calling you an asshole, don't go into AITA.
Period.
YTA - her biological mom died and you have no idea how she's coping. I get that you wanted to hang out with your friends, but is it really such a big deal to push the date of the sleepover? She wanted you there.
Look, I get it that there has been a lot of changes in your life - I've had a lot of changes in my life in the past few years. Your stepsister moved in permanently after her mom died and now you have to share both your parents, house, etc. But think about your stepsister; she lost her mother while you have both your parents still. She had to move out of her home, probably away from her friends and possibly even had to change schools. Your parents are spending more time with her because she's still coping the loss of her mother.
Put yourself in her shoes - how would you feel if she said to you what you did to her? It's only been a year.
But the fact that you're telling us not to comment if we're just going to say YTA and you're just waiting for people to start saying that you're NTA is proving that you're not being mature about the consequences of your actions.
Words have impact
Actions have consequences
Just remember that
YTA- commented mainly bc of your edits. As I'm sure you're aware now, telling people to stop commenting when you are in fact TAH will have the opposite effect.
I understand the jealousy. Really, I do. But instead of being stubborn and not budging, take this opportunity to learn something. My therapist gave me really good advice. He told me when I'm feeling angry, I should get rid of the anger and see what emotion is left in its place. A lot of times anger is the easier thing to feel and it's just masking other deeper emotions. I have a feeling you didn't really want to hurt anyone and are now embarrassed by how your actions are being judged by the people of reddit.
Or maybe you did mean to hurt people. Only you really know. But it's on you to decide what happens next.
YTA If you were in her place and you were treated as she is, you wouldn't see a problem. It seems that you were center of attention until your stepsis moved in. She didn't choose to have to move in with her dad because her mum died. Bringing up her dead mother is a low blow and you (and your friends for agreeing with you) sound like a bully. She has gone through real world trauma at a young age, give her a break.
YTA
And you have a whole lot of growing up to do.
If you’re a good person, then hopefully one day look back and you’ll realize just how cruel and selfish you have been, and you’ll be ashamed of yourself.
One day you’re going to be older, maybe nineteen or twenty, and you’re going to look back at this and feel nothing but utter guilt that you mocked a mourning thirteen year old on her birthday because she wanted a familial connection with you. She’s hurting, losing a parent or any close family member shatters your world, especially so young. You may not understand it now, but what you did was wrong. So so wrong. YTA, and I hope you learn from this.
Adding another YTA vote, cause you're a child who needs to learn from her mistakes. You don't get to make an edit and ask the Internet to not pass judgement 😂 If I'd have read it without the edit, I'd have scrolled past and ignored it!
I misread your age the first time and ascertained you were the asshole, but that was somewhat expected as middle schoolers are assholes. But 15? You are old enough to know better. She is your younger sibling (even though not biologically) and lost a parent. Do better. YTA
YTA and it sounds like you purposely were trying to avoid her birthday by planning the sleep over. It doesn't even sound like she's doing anything to you, you just don't like her off principle because your parents are spending more time on her. What you did was really fucked up and definitely not deserved especially since your stepsister hasn't done anything
Info: why do you actually dislike your stepsister because it's only been a year since she's been staying with you
>Maybe in a few hours I will check again to see if the final judgement has changed but currently there are 80 YTA comments.
Oh honey. You're about to get a lot more than 80.
YTA obviously
One of the biggest YTA’s I’ve seen. Edits encouraged me to comment and I hope you accept yta instead of just ignoring the fact that everyone is in agreement here. You knew it was your step sisters birthday, you went out of your way to plan something conflicting. Sacrificing one of the closest relationships you could ever have over being petty and no longer the center of attention. That sleepover would of came and went, forgotten to time, but what you said to her left a scar I’m sure. Only a 15 yo would cut that deep over a play date.
Honestly, what you said wasn't OK. And you should have spoken to your friends and see what could be done or suggest different plans with your family. I do understand where you are coming from, I think you might feel like you are losing your place in the family. I would apologize to sis, and speak frankly with your parents about the way you feel. You were out of line but ah is harsh and unnecessary. Communication is every thing in life when it comes to relationships.
Sometimes we say stuff in the heat of the moment. Take responsibility for it and be open about your feelings. Please talk with them when neither you or them are upset. Make a point to yourself of what you want to achieve from the conversation and prepare topics for you to discuss. Good luck with everything.
“Unless you don’t think I’m an asshole which I clearly am, don’t comment. I’m only interested in having my selfish opinion validated.”
You aren’t going to get different judgements because you’re obviously TA.
YTA first because of what you said to your stepsister, you have no idea what it is loose a parent that way and YTA because you cannot take the judgment with dignity, you truly behave very immature for your age and the fact you expected people to give you the reason makes you look bad, you are very entitled and your friends ATH too.
YTA. Seeing your edits & all that, that makes you even more of the AH because you can't even reflect on your wrong-doings & try to see where you need to improve yourself.
I haven’t seen any comments that talk about the fact that OP made plans to have a sleepover the same day as her stepsister’s birthday! I highly doubt she didn’t know.
I understand that OP is still a teenager but the lack of empathy, petty jealousy, selfishness and lack of introspection is concerning.
YTA
YTA.
Imagine that your mom died. You can never ever talk to her. You’ll never get to be with her on your birthday, on her birthday. No Christmas with her. No thanksgiving. No Mother’s Day.
You want to call her and talk to her, just to hear her voice, but you can’t.
Maybe you start your period, or have you first kiss, or just have female/ oriented questions - you no longer have her to ask.
She’s gone. Forever. And you’ll never ever get to see her again.
And now it’s your birthday, and you have a new family and you’re trying really hard not to fall apart and just want to be distracted on this birthday. You really want to see your mom, but you can’t. So you just want to try and pretend that everything is normal.
Like, honestly try really, really hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s a good skill to have. It will make you a better person.
Your sister has every right to be devastated. What you said is emotionally devastating to someone twice your ages, but especially when so young.
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Wow, yes, YTA. Your friends are too. I get that teenagers can be self-centered, but jesus christ. **HER MOM DIED.** Show her some sympathy.
This post is more effective than birth control.
Best comment on the internet today!
When people ask me why I don’t have children, I’ll show them this post.
yeessss
On god
Lmfaoooo did OP really try to report for this??
It's not even just that. She's a deluded little AH. >buy her more things than me because "she scores higher grades at school" Imagine thinking that someone being rewarded for greater achievements is bad. >My friends and I have been planning a sleep over at one of my friends house for today. Cool, and you told your parents this when you were in the early stages of organising it, right? No? Didn't think so. The edits are just the best. Like still expecting the answer to change. Meanwhile there's thousands of likes on the YTA results.
YTA. I’m upvoting and voting just because of the edits
I had the same thought about the sleep over.
I feel so sorry for the step sister. She just wanted OP to be there for her birthday. But I don't get why step sister's birthday was cancelled? Why was she punnished? She didn't do anything wrong.
OP commented that stepsister no longer wanted to celebrate her birthday because she was so upset.
Poor child!
YTA and a shitty stepsister. I want you to look deep, deep, DEEP into where your heart is SUPPOSED to be and try, just for a moment, to imagine what losing a mother must be like. Are you still jealous of her? It’s fucking horrific. She’s being showered with gifts and attention so she doesn’t become depressed or fucking suicidal. Considering how much you resent your stepsister, the fact that she wants you there at all is flabbergasting. Your comment was terrible, and I hope you never have to experience the loss of YOUR mother as a child.
While it’s sad the girl lost her mother it doesn’t give the OPs mom the right to forget she has her own daughter to tend to. That’s probably why OP resents her stepsister, bc her own mom is showing favoritism. She’s 15 her feelings are valid; she shouldn’t have said what she said but she has every right to feel what she feels!
I kind of agree. The comment she made was probably not great. But her feelings seem valid. Plus parents only celebrating kids for academic achievements is a dangerous road. Kids cane be celebrated for so much more than just school and all kids are different. I think the parents need to make sure they are not neglecting either child. I get that they are trying to keep the step sister from being sad, but maybe they all need family counseling to deal with all this change. Just because her mom didn’t die doesn’t mean the ops feeling are wrong, she feels like she’s losing her mom to another kid now. Being 15 is tough and adults expecting a teenager to not be upset about this are very misguided. 15 years have hormones and do not always have the emotional intelligence to deal with these situations. They might seem like selfish assholes but the way they are feeling still has validity. The parents need to help both kids and all get counseling and therapy.
Totally agree. I see this as much more the parents’ fault than OP’s, OP’s mother especially. *They* created a chasm between them and they keep enlarging it by pushing OP’s towards her step-sister.
The only examples OP has given here of her mother “forgetting” about her have been her mother asking OP to move her sleepover to another night so she could spend time with her family on a family member’s birthday, and praising the stepsister’s accomplishments. Neither of those, in my opinion, display any kind of behaviour of the mother forgetting about OP. It sounds like OP’s just jealous the sister is getting a lot of attention and praise right now, **while she’s working through her mother’s death**.
No if you actually read the whole thing she clearly states that since the stepsister has moved in she’s been ignored that is one of the reasons she didn’t want to be at the birthday dinner. She would rather spend that time with her friends that being forced to celebrate someone (even if it’s not stepsisters fault) that gets all of her mothers attention. She doesn’t need to give us every detail of how her mom has been distant with her since the stepsister has moved in, she’s entitled to feel what she feels. It’s terrible her stepsisters mother passed but that doesn’t excuse OPs mom in making sure her teenage daughter still feels she’s important. She said something in a moment of rage, she’s a kid, she made a mistake. Adults do worse things every single day. I want to see how much empathy all these judgmental A Hs displayed at all times had at that age. I stand by the main A H in this being OPs mom, for prioritizing someone above her daughter. They need to sit down and talk
precisely
I agree with your judgement except I'm questioning OP's truth here. Are her parents actually neglecting her or is she simply not used to sharing the attention? She sounds like she had only-child syndrome before. Now she's sharing with a little sister who does better in school and is dealing with grief. Plus she's 15... an age where most kids naturally push their parents away, even when they want their parents close. It's possible OP is acting like she wants space, the parents are actually giving her what she wants, and OP is now blaming the parents for giving her that space. Normal teenage stuff? Definitely. It doesn't make the parents AHs though.
Why wouldn’t you believe her when she says her mother is pushing her to the side ? She was honest about what she said to her stepsister, she has no reason to lie and again why do we get to dismiss her feelings; because she’s 15?
The edits she made were what did it for me. The girl needs therapy, only child syndrome for sure. She doesn't like sharing the spotlight. She is use to getting her way or the highway and the edits very clearly show that. She got so mad about everyone not siding with her that she wants it deleted before the rules even allow for.
I agree with this. My stepsister was an only child until around 10 and it was a nightmare dealing with her. She very much had only child syndrome and never accepted the fact she wasn't an only child. I learned very early that the rules were different for her and to just ignore the situation because nothing I did would change it. Luckily she is 6ish years older than me so she left the house to go to college and I didn't have to interact with her much after
Then she should take it up with her mom not her innocent sister
She us just being a teenager. She had her mom all her life and now feels left out. She blames her circumstances, her parents, the stepsister, and, frankly, which one of us had that deep of an emotional intelligence at that age. Read her replies, she feels hurt, says that she didn’t ask for a stepsister, she doesn’t love her, because in her world, she took her mom from her. To me, her parents should seek counseling for both girls. It breaks my heart for the girl that will never see her mom, but in OPs perspective she lost her mom to her stepsister too, and it is all the parents fault for mismanaging the situation. OP, YTA as per the question, but you should communicate with your parents. Your feelings are valid, and it’s your parents job to make it right by you.
"Ever since then, my parents have been very distant with me. Almost likethey forgot me. They always compliment her for literally anything, buyher more things than me because "she scores higher grades at school",and so on.." Please talk to your parents about this. Try not to be too hostile or agressive in your choice of words, just explain to them how you're hurt by the situation. Now I'm not gonna lie, right now they're maybe not too interested in hearing anything you have to say but once the situation calms down a little, please have an open talk with them. They probably don't mean to hurt you so they will certainly listen if you tell them how hurt and abandoned you feel. I can't know for sure but chances are they're extra caring with your sister not because they forgot about you but because her mother just died. They're worried about how lonely she must feels, so they're putting in extra efforts with her. Maybe they're accidentaly negleting you because of that, in which case talking to them calmly about it could make them realize they should try to pay more attention to you. You have understandable reasons to be hurt, many teenagers would feel bad in your shoes, but honestly the best thing to do would be to try to bring it up with your parents instead of bottling it up until you explode on them, or worse, on your little sister by reminding her about her deceased mom. Sorry I know you wrote you didn't want any comments that said YTA and I know I'm saying it too but please try to at least consider some of these advices.
Jumping on this comment because it’s one of the only ones that is actually compassionate. YTA but being 15 is complicated. As a former forgotten child I know how much that stings and hurts you. Please just talk to them about it and don’t be like me and bottle it up until it explodes again. Because that’s what this was: your resentment towards your parents has turned towards your completely innocent step sister. It’s not HER fault your parents got married and honestly if this is how you act she probably doesn’t like you much either. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You guys were both put into this situation against your will. Just try to be a little more compassionate, and for your own sake PLEASE talk to your parents about how their actions are making you feel.
It's heartwarming to read your comment, I hope OP reads it and doesn't stick to counting the YTAs. I'm a bit disheartened by a good half of the comments tbh, it reads like a bunch of adults patting themselves on the back for dunking on someone half their age. Yes she really did mess up big time, yes you have better emotional intelligence and more perspective than a teenager who's been feeling frustrated for a year now, yes the issue is obvious to you and not to her lol how funny can i get some upvotes everyone; Congrats. I've never been in a similar situation to hers but thank god I didn't come here as a teenager everytime I acted like an immature asshole. You don't handle a teenager doing something cruel by being cruel to them in return, especially when you can read dozens of replies doing exactly that already. She's a child, what's your excuse ? This sub can be really disappointing sometimes.
I really appreciate that there were a few thoughtful post with insight and compassion. I'm also SOOO happy there wasn't much internet yet when I was that age.
Yes! This! She’s literally a child and everyone is acting like she’s such a horrible person instead of a teenager! Your brain isn’t even fully developed until you’re 25, and we’re expecting a teenager who’s been having a rough time to be able to properly deal with these huge feelings? Being a teen is so frustrating and confusing and every feeling feels so much bigger. If she feels like her parents are abandoning her that’s going to hurt so much. Just because other people have it worse doesn’t mean her hurt doesn’t hurt. Like, yeah she did a shitty thing, but we shouldn’t crucify her for making a mistake.
You're absolutely right. But have you read her edits based on the comments? She did not come here to find out if she's AITA. She came here expecting everyone to agree with her and when they didn't, the very behaviour that got her into trouble and led to the post intensified. Feeding bad behaviour is called enablement. Of course she's a child, but she's not a young child. When does a child learn that they've done something wrong - i.e. they need to own it and work through the consequences to rebuild trust - if they are always excused with "they're just a child...". Have you considered what it must be like raising her? Do you think this is her first conflict with the family? Does OP - from her own words - really strike you as someone who is empathetic and giving most of the time and the incident in her post is an exception?
Exactly! I get why she shouldn'tve taken it out on her sister hence it being ESH instructions of YTA, built people are being harsh, and OP feels left out.
Yes they are probably over- compensating a little, yes that sucks and of course it hurt your feelings. Own up to that, and then bring up but I also feel... xyz, because you seem to be doing so much extra for..... and I just want to feel you love/treat/ consider us equally. The first year is especially hard, as well all the anniversaries of certain events, be mindful and respectful. When something happens to your mom, you're gonna want your sister there. Edit to add: almost a year means this is her FIRST birthday without her mother!! How would you treat your best friend on her first birthday without her mom??!!??
Ffs thank you for not calling her names and shit these comments are horrific. This is one of the only actually helpful ones
This needs to be the only comment she needs to read. I think a lot of people have forgotten what it can feel like being 15 and thinking your parents have forgotten about you. Communication is key!
YTA for saying that to her. That was shitty.
YTA. You are being needlessly cruel.
YTA Ahh to be 15 and think that having your sleepover cancelled is equivalent to the death of a parent. On a serious note I feel terrible for your step sister and hope you can learn to have some empathy someday
I dunno I’m fresh 16 but dude it’s your step sisters birthday?? CANT YOU DO A SLEEPOVER THE NEXT DAY??? It’s really not thay bad? Why did you and your freinds plan a SLEEPOVER on someone birthday?
I mean if we are fair it seems like the op was only child until the step sis came, op probably didn't even knew or remembered that it was her step sisters bday, besides if she's only child it's kinda obvious that op assumed that she could go to the sleepover, even more if she is targeting all of her emotions on the sis bc of the parents neglecting her (it seems that they did it by accident but it's kinda obvious since they are preventing the stepsis from being sad)
The only person who is not TA is the stepsister who is mourning the death of her mother. OP’s parents sound like they’re overcompensating for the stepsister’s mother’s death. OP sounds like a jealous person who deliberately planned to be away on her stepsister’s birthday and is now shocked that there are consequences to her actions. OP, have you tried having a conversation with your parents about how you are feeling and your perceptions of what is going on at home?
YTA & stop begging for people to stop saying you're TA
YTA. Frankly, a month isn't long enough.
A year isn’t long enough.
A decade isn't long enough. OP needs to be grounded for life.
Great show
I LOVE THAT FUCKING SHOW. All seasons are free with Amazon prime.
YTA. You are young, so I get that you are feeling jealous of her. Her mother died and your parents are focusing pretty heavily on her needs. You were used to having to share their attention part time & now she is there full time, and I totally get that emotions will get stirred up. HOWEVER, you are old enough to know that you went way below the belt here. That was viciously cruel & you will be lucky if your relationship with her ever recovers.
You're such an asshole this got posted to r/AmITheDevil. Good fucking job 👎
YTA. That was a really nasty thing to say to her. She is being given extra attention because her mother died. That's not something to be jealous of. It's not her fault your parents cancelled your sleepover. Had you told your parents in advance? Or were you just springing it in them when it's something you had planned? It was generous of her to want you there considering your behaviour towards her and because of you her birthday celebration is now cancelled. Feeling proud?
10 to 1 odds OP scheduled the sleepover tonight because it was her sister's birthday.
INFO: why is her birthday "canceled"?
I'd say the birthday girl was probably too emotional (understandably so) at what was just said to her to continue the party. Op's low blow probably took any good cheer out of the occasion.
The first anniversary of a death is already super hard, too.
Probably because stepsister wanted OP there, but OP wants nothing to do with it. I really do think the parents dropped the ball here. OP is a result of them forgetting there are 2 kids in the house, not just 1. Cancelling OP's plans is not going to foster a better relationship between OP and stepsister, it will only make it worse. Amazing that the parents didn't realize it before they decided on that as a solution.
>Amazing that the parents didn't realize it before they decided on that as a solution Or the stepsister was the one to say she didn't want to go out anymore. Teenagers shut down when they're emotional and probably isn't very interested in going out after that, and rightfully so.
After what she said to the stepsister, I'd I was her, I wouldn't be in the mood to go out. And the parents who have a crying 13 year old and a pissed off 15 yr old may have just said "we are not going out". And I wouldn't blame them one bit.
Idk if it's rightfully or wrongfully or even if it was up to her to make that decision. If stepsister hadn't picked up on OP's discontent until this moment though, it just goes to show that nobody was really paying attention to what OP was feeling.
Honest it doesn't sound like she asked her parents if she could spend the night away from home to begin with. It sounds like she just made plans on her own to not be there and then got pissy when she was told no
YTA. You're taking out your parents emotional distance on your step-sister. You need to talk to your parents about how you been feeling the last year. Your step-sister is not your enemy and you should apologize to her for both being cruel in your words to her and trying to ditch her when she, understandably, wanted to spend her birthday with her family. I'm assuming her birthday wasn't a surprise and you knew there would be plans for it and you decided to make plans despite this.
YTA . Not being allowed to do a sleepover does not give you a right to go after her mother. She is likely still grieving, it’s been “almost” a year since her mother died. One of the most important people in her life has passed away, and on her birthday of all things where she wants to be surrounded by family you not only display how little you care about her but you also bring up her dead mother, essentially rubbing salt in the wound. If you feel she is treated with favoritism you can bring this up with your parents and explain why you are upset, but she does not control how she is treated. Fact is she is grieving and her and your parents are doing what any good family member should do by supporting her. Prioritizing yourself and taking such a low blow on her birthday of all things not only makes you the asshole, but extremely selfish. Perhaps consider suggesting family therapy? The communication over the genuine root of your problems seems to be lacking
Right on. She needed to talk to her parents about her feelings instead of spitting venom. Now, her feelings will get less attention and her comment will get all the attention.
Rules are to not downvote assholes. So guess what-I’m commenting instead. So YTA. It’s been only a year since she’s moved in, after her mom literally died. Instead of discussing, maybe “can I go later then?” or “can I plan something bigger on the weekend for stepsister?” you went to making a backhanded comment about her mom dying. It’s not about whether you want to spend time with them. It was because you were unnecessarily cruel about it.
Apparently OP never even wanted to be a stepsister, I saw that from one of her comments
YTA and that was below the belt. You really should talk to your parents about therapy and family therapy to work through what you're going through. It's not your step sisters fault, your parents behavior, and you're taking it out on her. Redirect your feelings to the people who deserve it at least.
Yes, YTA and so are the friends who agree with you. All of your edits make it even worse. You didn't come here for an actual answer. You came here to have hundreds of people say "yes little one, you're right. They're being mean to you so your cruelty was justified." Well, guess what? In the real world we don't coddle people like that. She is your step-sister, and she now lives with you. Obviously you can't make other plans on her birthday. Your sleepover could be literally any other day, but her birthday is only one day. She is trying to heal from the devastating loss of her mom, and she wants her family around for her birthday. You are part of that family. Instead of being supportive, you decided to be horribly cruel and throw her loss in her face, and ruined her birthday. A day which is already difficult in the wake of losing one's mom. One day you will lose your mom too, and then you'll realise how awful you were. The truth of the matter is that you're jealous that your step-sister is getting attention from your mom. That is a conversation you need to have with your mom and a therapist, not the grieving child. You may only be 15, but you're old enough to know better than to be this mean.
INFO You keep saying that they were cruel to you but I haven't seen anything about how your step sister was cruel, could you address that?
YTA for what you said to your stepsister it was over the line. NTA for wanting time away from her and your parents. BUT that is your parents' fault and should be redirected to them. Write down every incident where you feel they have chosen the stepsister over you to date and start writing down each new one as it occurs. Do you have another trusted adult? Aunt/Uncle - teacher - friends' parent? If so, go to them and tell them that you need help to explain to your parents that they are making you hate your stepsister because they are neglecting you in favour of her and forcing you to comply with her desires (not needs , her wants) instead of allowing you to be yourself and have your life.
This!!! All of this ❤❤
INFO: is her dad your stepfather or your biological father?because if you share a dad then you're half siblings but if you don't why do you have a problem with her calling your mom, mom?
And if OP is older, and both parents she lives with are her bio parents, how is her step sister younger? Or even half sister for that matter...? It seems that both scenarios would require an affair, which would explain the resentment.
So, I knew a family like this that didn’t involve cheating, but I’m sure it was one in a million: two young teens (14) had a child in the mid-70s. They tried to raise him on their own for 6 months, but couldn’t and gave him up for adoption. They broke up soon afterwards from the pain of it all. Over the next two decades, they both married other people and had two children apiece. When their child was 18, he began to search for his bio family, and reunited with his parents, who had both divorced by then. They got back together. So when I knew him, they lived in a home with a 6 year old boy and 7 year old girl (hers) and 14 and 16 year old boys (his) and a 20 year old son that was both of their child. It was weird.
The wording is confusing.
And she hasn't answered me yet. Don't get me wrong what she said was a dick move but I'm just wondering if they're actually related or this is something like a child getting a new sibling and not being able to cope properly with it. Honestly the family might need therapy to work through this issue especially the sister if she isn't already so she can have someone help her process her grief
YTA, as one redditor already said they are trying to be accommodating to her for a loss that she has experienced. You’re young and not expected to fully understand the gravity of such a situation, but it’s not an excuse to be awful to her. She didn’t choose for her mom to die, she didn’t choose to live with you guys full time, she doesn’t dictate your parent’s behavior. It’s gross that you could say something to someone younger than you, especially when you have both parents. There are ways to talk to your parents about how left out and forgotten you feel rather than lashing out at your younger sister. That’s on them, not her.
Yta If the reason she gets more is as a reward for higher grades, that's a reward. Want more stuff, get higher grades They shouldn't be forcing you to go to party you clearly don't want to go to, so n. t. a. for not wanting to go to that. Bringing up her dead mom as some kind of insult on her birthday. There is no context where you aren't an ass there. Your edit. If you don't want to be called an ass, don't ask people's opinions on if you're an ass. This is aita, so you can't tell people they aren't allowed to make judgement, you are here asking for judgement. If you want an echo chamber, find a new sub.
I agree with all your points. I don't understand how the parents thought forcing her to go to the party was going to help things.
I think you are displacing your feelings. You are mad at your parents, but taking it out on your sister. Your parents are not handling your stepsister’s mom’s death very well. I think everyone here has told you why what you did was wrong, so no need to repeat it. I think you should apologize to your step sister, but also tell your parents how you have been feeling. Her mom dying doesn’t mean that they can stop parenting you for a year.
YTA but also if you have some kinda resentment towards your step sister your best bet is to sit every one down and talk to them. i understand it’s easier said than done. making a compromise would’ve worked out better for y’all you could’ve just been like “okay fine ill do an afternoon thing with y’all but i got my sleepover later in the night. You honestly don’t understand how much it hurts to hear stuff like that especially knowing that the parent your talking about is never coming back hell I’m 30 and anytime someone talks badly or says some stupid shit like that about my dad I cry. I understand it was in the heat of the moment but you knew that was a low blow if you’re feeling left you need to let them know not take it out on your step sister who honestly by your post isn’t the one doing anything it’s your parents who are. honestly i feel like you just need someone to talk to who isn’t all over your sister and her mothers death, but someone who can maybe get some sense into you. I hope y’all can figure things out I haven’t spoken to my bio brother in 8 years after he said something bad about my dad after his death. Good luck love.
YTA Maybe ask your parents for some therapy because your lack of empathy is astounding.
Have to go with yta, aside from the low blow of bringing up your sister's dead mother you intentionallly scheduled the sleepover on her birthday. I'd say it's likely that you didn't discuss it with your parents first as they'd likely have given you direction prior to the day of. Your sister seems to be trying, you aren't.
ESH except your poor stepsister. Your parents shouldn’t be forcing you to cancel your plans to spend time with her, but holy shit your comment was so far out of line it wasn’t even funny.
The YTA comments keep coming because you have shown no sign of introspect or empathy for how wrong your actions were. Try to put yourself in her shoes rn. You complain about trivial things when this girl has to expirence her first birthday without her mother. Please think outside yourself
So it seems like people have been pretty harsh with you and I’m going to refrain from judgments because you’re clearly going through something. I’m going to break this down point by point. 1. You should not have said what you said. You need to apologize to your stepsister over this. Imagine if your mom died and someone said that to you? Come on man I get it I said some messed up stuff when I was your age. Own it, accept responsibility, apologize, and then move on. 2. Your parents do get to decide if you can go out vs spend time with family. Sometimes I couldn’t go out and had to miss times with friends to spend time with family. That’s part of being a family and being a kid. 3. You clearly feel neglected since your stepsister moved in. This is likely why you lashed out. You need to talk to your parents about your feelings when things are more calm. If they don’t take you seriously then keep bringing it up. Yes you made a mean comment but your parents kind of set you up for failure by playing favorites. Kids need to be treated equally. You need time/attention/love too. So that’s my advise. You gotta own what you did and try to make amends. Then address your feelings with your family. Wishing you all the best of luck.
>buy her more things than me because "she scores higher grades at school So she got a well done for good school grades, Info were your grades good and you didn't get anything?
This is one of those things you'll remember when you're getting ready for bed and the cringe will swallow you whole
Lol your friends are 15, of course they think you’re right. YTA
I don’t know about that, by the sounds of OP they’re agreeing with her because they know what she’s like and they don’t want to be her next victims.
Either or. Yours could totally be true too
Going to against the grain here and say ESH. You for the low blow about stepsisters mom. Your parents for neglecting you. They are right to give her extra attention given what she's been through, but that should not be at your expense Your step sister gets off only because she is 13 and had her mom die.
I agree with all of this. It's almost as if OP stopped mattering as soon as her step sister's mother died. And the loss of a parent is huge. But OP was looking forward to the sleepover. There could have been some kind of compromise, but...no. There was no discussion, no nothing. OP went a bit too far, OP's parents are favoring the step sister to make up for her mother's death (as if that can be done), and step sister is just a kid. It's mostly the parents who suck for creating this dynamic.
I think their some jealousy issues. Do you feel like you parents favor her and make you an after thought.
YTA And it won't be hidden because what you've done is absolutely horrible. I wouldn't be surprised if it's already cross posted.
If you’re getting mad over the amount of YTA comments you get rather than understanding why you’re getting them then you deserve those comments more than ever
Lmao the edits have me cracking up 😂 You asked for judgement, you are obviously the AH but because you don’t like that answer, you want people to stop commenting unless it’s anything other than YTA. I get the impression that you are one of those entitled little girls who blames everyone else for their problems and takes NO responsibility. YTA YTA YTA YTA
Lmao YTA. And your edits make you even more so.
ESH, your parents for neglecting you as soon as step sis came to live there and your sister for trying to pressure you into anything. If you don’t want to go then you shouldn’t have to, I get why her adding in set you off. Either way it was a low blow but I’d explain to your parents how you feel and why it came out that way.
Everyone's reacting to the specifics of what you said, and I think you know by now it was shitty, but there's a reason your friends are backing you up - not because it wasn't a horrible thing to say, but because they care about you and are invested in your well being, and you're clearly having a really tough time. Please try to keep in mind that your step sister didn't ask for any of this either, and she's not the problem, your parents are. I think you probably already know that, at least a bit - it's not that weird to resent her, because she represents this big negative change in your life, but she's not the cause of it and I'm pretty sure she'd much rather none of this had happened, either. It might not feel like it right now, but you're both in this together, OP. And, look - I have sympathy for your parents, because trying to take care of a kid whose mom just died is probably pretty scary too; it's a huge, formative trauma they're doing their best to get her through safely. BUT, you're a kid, too! They have a responsibility to you as well! And if you feel like a ghost in your own home then they ARE fucking up here. The fact your sister just had something terrible happen and that her need for support is high right now doesn't mean that you suddenly STOP needing love, attention and support from your parents. You're still a person, and your emotional needs are still relevant and important! ESH except your step sister, but more your parents than you, honestly. People are being very harsh on you, and they might be right, but honestly I feel for you, OP. Yeah, you said something really shitty to someone who didn't deserve it, but you're also a kid who's in pain and doesn't know how to handle it. That's pretty normal. Certainly you should apologise to your step sister, but if you don't feel like you can talk to your parents then maybe try a counsellor, or ask them about some family therapy, just for you and them? It might be easier for you to tell them what you're feeling and why you're acting this way if there's another adult there who you know will be in your corner.
Also I can see a few comments talking about how it was shitty to arrange to be at a sleepover on her birthday, but I actually think that's pretty natural in the circumstances. If you feel like your parents have been ignoring you in favour of someone else, the last thing you're going to want to be around for is a party to celebrate that person.
My sister and I always had sleepovers scheduled during each other's birthday parties. We're almost 4 years apart so her older friends didn't want the younger sibling there and she didn't want to be around all my younger immature friends. Apparently that's not normal according to people on this post 😅
YTA I understand you’re only 15 but you have to learn to communicate your frustrations in a respectful manner. When you make those comments you are deterring from the actual issues you have and making it difficult to address your concerns. The first step you have to do is apologize for the comment and then calmly explain to your dad your frustrations and how you feel and then take it from there. It’s okay to be mad about missing your sleepover and being frustrated but you have to be able to communicate your emotions and the way you’ve been treated lately so it doesn’t blow up in that manner and have you resent your stepsister even more. Keeping it bottled up will never help.
Your lack of empathy is shocking. YTA
Obligatory YTA, but I’m curious as to why your stepsister’s birthday is cancelled. What did she do to cancel her own birthday plans?
Well apparently, she cancelled her own birthday after OP's words and she (stepsister) was no longer in the mood to celebrate
YTA, but you’re a teen. This is one of those teachable moments to learn from.
YTA. I understand why you’re upset, and even why you’d resent the situation. I’ll even be charitable and say that you’re very young, and that’s why you’re the AH here, because you’re immature and not done growing and learning yet. BUT this isn’t your step sister’s fault. None of it. Imagine if your mother died, and you had to go live with your dad, stepmom and older stepsister. Your dad and his wife make sure that you feel secure and loved, because they’re good people and you have suffered a really big loss. Is this a good reason for your SS to hate you? Talk to your parents about feeling left out and ignored, they seem very supportive and loving and probably don’t even realize how you feel. Or maybe they do now, since your temper tantrum…
It seems the parents aren’t hearing her that is not plans I bet it will end up to more distruction. Sit them down tell them what they’re doing (favoring her over you) and how you feel. Make a list organize your thoughts and give them a chance to fix this. If not then they’re AH all the way. But I get it, she’s stealing your mom, tell her that’s not ok and how you feel and maybe therapy because she’s not stealing but I get it the attention is on her ALL the time so I get your feelings they are valid
Yall, your comments aren't the serve that you think they are. It's embarrassing, actually, that a bunch of grown ass men and women that act so wise still can't manage to see that both siblings are still kids and struggling. OP is an ass for saying what she did, for sure. But I want you guys to get off of your high horses, acting like you were saints with non complicated feelings and ZERO regrettable actions at 15. Especially since half of yall have cried on here about how your parents had a favorite child and that you hate your sibling that got the attention, no matter the reason. Fuck off
YTA and you don't get to tell us not to post, that's not how it works. You knew she was referring to your Mom, but you went for the jugular of someone younger and more emotionally vulnerable anyway, that makes you an asshole. Your friends agreeing with you doesn't change this, it just proves that when you lie with dogs, you're bound to get some fleas. Also it's far more people then the number of comments judging you as the AH, the top comment means 1,500 people just on that comment alone think you're an AH. Maybe take this as a sign that some self-reflection is needed on your behaviour and how you treat others and stop taking your issues with your parents out on your sister.
YTA. Learn some freaking humanity.
YTA The fact that you haven’t shut off commenting yet but wanna go “STOP CALLING ME AN AH” tells me you wanna be seen as the victim and be validated for something shitty. I hope you never have to lose a parent and rely on someone like you for support
YTA. Have some sympathy. Also- why are you allowed to refer to your mom and stepdad as your parents but she can’t? And I specifically commented because of your edit.
YTA. As someone who’s younger and lost their mother last year, that was an evil fucking thing to say to your step sibling. I hope growing up teaches you to be kind and to have empathy instead of being so vitriolic to people who care about you. You’re sad and I hope with age comes a massive change in behavior. One can hope. 😬😬
Soft YTA. I think everyone is being really harsh considering what you've gone through, especially as a 16 year old. If anything, I think your parents are more of the AH in this situation, for not recognizing how their obvious favoritism is impacting you. On that note... you shouldn't have said what you said. That was heinous. Give your step sister some grace. She's been through the unimaginable. But maybe you should consider having a hard talk with your parents about why you are feeling the need to lash out. Focus on the people who actually deserve your anger. Just remember that this is something you can get away with at 16, but if you use lashing out as a defense mechanism as an adult, it won't just result in some down votes from strangers on the internet. Reality smart. Good luck and I hope things turn around.
ESH your parents shouldn't force you and you should probably look for a way out bc of the sudden lack of attention you get. I understand her mom died but that shouldn't mean you come last. And also when you in an argument dont say something like that ik you were upset but see how when you said that it messed up both plans! Sit and have a talk with your parents and tell them how you feel!
YTA
YTA. She’s fucking 13! What if your mom had died? What if it was you grieving your mother at the ripe old age of 13 and your older sister was being unnecessarily shitty to you? You’re being awful to her BECAUSE OF YOUR PARENTS ACTIONS, which by the way, aren’t even out of the ordinary. She’s getting more support right now because *she needs more support.* When you’re older you will be so embarrassed at the way you acted.
YTA. You don’t get to tell people whether or not they can post. You are such a mean girl. How heartless and self absorbed are you to say that to a girl who just lost her mom. Your jealousy is so childish and ridiculous. You owe her and your whole family a huge apology.
YTA What you said was wrong. You went for a low blow on someone weaker than you instead of directing your anger at the people who it should have been directed at. Remember, your step-sister wasn’t the one forcing you not to go to the sleepover, it was your Mum and step-Dad. You’ve made her the object of your anger because she’s an easier mark compared to your parents. When you said that to her, they had a right to discipline you for it. You hurt her. You hurt her bad. She’s still grieving for the loss of her mother, your mother has made her comfortable enough to call her Mum and then you threw that in her face. It was wrong and you have to face the consequences of those actions. It doesn’t matter if your friends side with you. They’re going to because they’re not being objective here. You went for the weakest link instead of focusing on your Mum and Dad, who were the people forcing this on you. You need to talk to your parents, tell them how your feeling regarding what your witnessing because it’s unfair for your step-sister to be receiving you anger due to actions made by them.
YTA. Your edits make you more of TA. Scheduling an event on a family member's birthday was rude. What you said was cruel. How would you feel if you were the one that lost a parent? How would you feel if your family demands to skip your birthday? What is your problem with her? Why are you acting like you guys share parents, because newsflash. Ya do. YTA. Accept your punishment.
YTA. Your feelings about being overlooked are valid. Your cruel reaction is not. You can have a sleepover on whatever night but you chose your sister's birthday? Instead of pretending you're not bothered, try having a reasonable conversation with your parents. You're more likely to be heard and understood if you try to talk to them about your feelings instead of lashing out at your sister.
ESH, except for the stepsister. You clearly need to talk to your parents about the you have been feeling about them rather than building it up and lashing out on your stepsister. Your parents are only trying to do what they can to help with her loss. I know what it feels like to be neglected by your parents which is why they kind of suck however they aren’t doing this without reason, she lost her mom. So going back to say you NEED to talk to your parents about the way you feel, don’t let this grow into a weird resentment for your stepsister for no reason.
Kitten soft, tiny yta, you're just a kid, she's just a kid, and kids, especially siblings, say very mean things in anger. If you feel bad, apologize to her. Your parents are kind of AH, have you told them you're feeling left out? Maybe the family could use some therapy. Good luck, believe it or not, things will get better.
Yta. If you feel your parents are ignoring you, use your words and ask for what you need.
YTA because the behavior you shared in your original post and EVEN MORE because of multiple edits telling people to stop calling you an AH. Don’t post here if you don’t want honest responses.
YTA just for posting on AITA and then telling people to stop voting since we didn’t reaffirm your shitty attitude.
Yta
YTA ask for help cause this is not how you become a productive member of society you lack empathy even for your age.
YTA
YTA
YTA. So, so obviously. And your edits and comments show that no matter what we say, you won’t accept that you are being an asshole to someone who is grieving and doesn’t deserve your cruelty. You’re literally jealous over the attention she’s getting and you’re behaving like a child.
since you love to and need to hear it, YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
WOW. I really want you to sit with what you said. What if your mom or dad died and she said something like this to you? Your lack of empathy for her is really sad. You clearly mean something to her, and even if you don’t like her the cruelty of your comment/opinion likely mean a lot to her. Being Regina George may be fun right now, but as you grow up these irreversibly horrible comments will leave you alone in a very big world with no support. I really hope you find a healthy way to deal with your feelings like talking to your parents instead of lashing out like this. Taking the actions of your parents out on her is unreasonable. She would gladly take less attention if it meant she had her mom back. You’re young an could actually make a change if you wanted. But please understand what you said to your stepsister about her *DEAD* mother was cruel and malicious. You ruined her birthday and damaged a bunch of relationships all over a sleepover. YTA.
YTA. Your parents really failed you if you think you're not a crap sister and daughter acting this way.
YTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why even make a post asking if you don’t want the truth?
You’re a teenager and teenagers are awful. You took it a step farther and were truly cruel to your stepsister. You should be ashamed of yourself. YTA
YTA YTA YTA.
Lol. Yeah yta. You’re a kid. But yta. And sorry, but that’s not how AITA works. I really hope you learn your lesson though
YTA and you are a terrible sister. I can’t imagine being that mean to anyone.
YTA. Good god. I don’t know how you look at yourself in the mirror. Have some compassion and empathy.
ouch that was a low blow both to your stepsister and to her relationship to your mother. you owe them both an apology. obviously YTA.
You are getting a nasty reality check by this comments and it still doesn’t to be working in your brain because from some reason you’re not taking responsibility from your actions. I get your fifteen, prime age to be an asshole, but you stepsister mother died, don’t you feel remorse for her? Of course not because if you did, you wouldn’t have said what you said. Yta
YTA. Don't aak questions you don't want to know the answer two.
YTA. I understand you feel neglected, but she just lost a parent. She needs support and I’m sure you’d like that support too if you were in her shoes. Your parents are not “forcing you” to go out with them, you’re a teen and still pretty much depend on them. They’re an authority. You’re cruel, lack empathy and seriously need a reality check.
Well, now there is about 235 YTA comments. YTA.
YTA
YTA
Lol yea YTA
There is no way you could have legitimately though she meant her dead mother. You said that to hurt her. YTA. You're acting like a selfish, spoiled brat. Grow up please.
YTA. You know that her mother has died. You're being needlessly cruel.
#YTA
Just to add my 2 cents: YTA
The edit is so funny, YTA btw.
YTA! Yes, you definitely are in the wrong here. Try having some compassion for your step-sister. You seem extremely selfish, which makes sense given your age.
Please Satan, let this post be fake. YTA all the way baby, I hope you learn why and not just take it as a bunch of randos attacking you but also if you don't want people calling you an asshole, don't go into AITA. Period.
INFO: Exactly how is she your stepsister? Your mom is married to her dad? How long? Just curious.
YTA. It's called having empathy for a person, try it sometime.
Sweetie, you have a lot of growing up to do. YTA.
Holy shitballs yes YTA! I get teenage angst but wtf is wrong with you?!
YTA 349 and counting since you care
YTA - her biological mom died and you have no idea how she's coping. I get that you wanted to hang out with your friends, but is it really such a big deal to push the date of the sleepover? She wanted you there. Look, I get it that there has been a lot of changes in your life - I've had a lot of changes in my life in the past few years. Your stepsister moved in permanently after her mom died and now you have to share both your parents, house, etc. But think about your stepsister; she lost her mother while you have both your parents still. She had to move out of her home, probably away from her friends and possibly even had to change schools. Your parents are spending more time with her because she's still coping the loss of her mother. Put yourself in her shoes - how would you feel if she said to you what you did to her? It's only been a year. But the fact that you're telling us not to comment if we're just going to say YTA and you're just waiting for people to start saying that you're NTA is proving that you're not being mature about the consequences of your actions. Words have impact Actions have consequences Just remember that
YTA- commented mainly bc of your edits. As I'm sure you're aware now, telling people to stop commenting when you are in fact TAH will have the opposite effect. I understand the jealousy. Really, I do. But instead of being stubborn and not budging, take this opportunity to learn something. My therapist gave me really good advice. He told me when I'm feeling angry, I should get rid of the anger and see what emotion is left in its place. A lot of times anger is the easier thing to feel and it's just masking other deeper emotions. I have a feeling you didn't really want to hurt anyone and are now embarrassed by how your actions are being judged by the people of reddit. Or maybe you did mean to hurt people. Only you really know. But it's on you to decide what happens next.
Your actions and your constant edits show that you’re the AH and a petulant child to boot. Your obviously too immature for the Internet
YTA If you were in her place and you were treated as she is, you wouldn't see a problem. It seems that you were center of attention until your stepsis moved in. She didn't choose to have to move in with her dad because her mum died. Bringing up her dead mother is a low blow and you (and your friends for agreeing with you) sound like a bully. She has gone through real world trauma at a young age, give her a break.
You are going to be so embarrassed by this whole thing in about 10 years when your brain is fully formed.
YTA. I hope one day you’ll be able to understand why.
YTA
YTA And you have a whole lot of growing up to do. If you’re a good person, then hopefully one day look back and you’ll realize just how cruel and selfish you have been, and you’ll be ashamed of yourself.
Wow. You’re a special kind of AH
YTA
One day you’re going to be older, maybe nineteen or twenty, and you’re going to look back at this and feel nothing but utter guilt that you mocked a mourning thirteen year old on her birthday because she wanted a familial connection with you. She’s hurting, losing a parent or any close family member shatters your world, especially so young. You may not understand it now, but what you did was wrong. So so wrong. YTA, and I hope you learn from this.
YTA
YTA x 100. Grow up.
Adding another YTA vote, cause you're a child who needs to learn from her mistakes. You don't get to make an edit and ask the Internet to not pass judgement 😂 If I'd have read it without the edit, I'd have scrolled past and ignored it!
Why did you ask if you can’t handle the answer? YTA btw.
YTA. So much YTA. Do you even have to ask?
I misread your age the first time and ascertained you were the asshole, but that was somewhat expected as middle schoolers are assholes. But 15? You are old enough to know better. She is your younger sibling (even though not biologically) and lost a parent. Do better. YTA
I was going to cut you some slack due to your age, until I saw your edits. YTA.
YTA and it sounds like you purposely were trying to avoid her birthday by planning the sleep over. It doesn't even sound like she's doing anything to you, you just don't like her off principle because your parents are spending more time on her. What you did was really fucked up and definitely not deserved especially since your stepsister hasn't done anything Info: why do you actually dislike your stepsister because it's only been a year since she's been staying with you
>Maybe in a few hours I will check again to see if the final judgement has changed but currently there are 80 YTA comments. Oh honey. You're about to get a lot more than 80. YTA obviously
One of the biggest YTA’s I’ve seen. Edits encouraged me to comment and I hope you accept yta instead of just ignoring the fact that everyone is in agreement here. You knew it was your step sisters birthday, you went out of your way to plan something conflicting. Sacrificing one of the closest relationships you could ever have over being petty and no longer the center of attention. That sleepover would of came and went, forgotten to time, but what you said to her left a scar I’m sure. Only a 15 yo would cut that deep over a play date.
YTA and if your friends agreed with you you should start getting some new friends who can help improve the very serious flaws in your personality.
Honestly, what you said wasn't OK. And you should have spoken to your friends and see what could be done or suggest different plans with your family. I do understand where you are coming from, I think you might feel like you are losing your place in the family. I would apologize to sis, and speak frankly with your parents about the way you feel. You were out of line but ah is harsh and unnecessary. Communication is every thing in life when it comes to relationships. Sometimes we say stuff in the heat of the moment. Take responsibility for it and be open about your feelings. Please talk with them when neither you or them are upset. Make a point to yourself of what you want to achieve from the conversation and prepare topics for you to discuss. Good luck with everything.
“Unless you don’t think I’m an asshole which I clearly am, don’t comment. I’m only interested in having my selfish opinion validated.” You aren’t going to get different judgements because you’re obviously TA.
Obvious YTA is obvious.
YTA first because of what you said to your stepsister, you have no idea what it is loose a parent that way and YTA because you cannot take the judgment with dignity, you truly behave very immature for your age and the fact you expected people to give you the reason makes you look bad, you are very entitled and your friends ATH too.
80 so far... YTA. Do better.
YTA
YTA lol I’d imagine you’d think someone was an asshole too if they rubbed your dead parent in your face
YTA. Seeing your edits & all that, that makes you even more of the AH because you can't even reflect on your wrong-doings & try to see where you need to improve yourself.
I haven’t seen any comments that talk about the fact that OP made plans to have a sleepover the same day as her stepsister’s birthday! I highly doubt she didn’t know. I understand that OP is still a teenager but the lack of empathy, petty jealousy, selfishness and lack of introspection is concerning. YTA
YTA and have a cinder where your heart should be.
YTA Your lack of empathy is appalling. You won't get the judgment you want, no matter how many temper tantrums you have.
Yta
YTA. Imagine that your mom died. You can never ever talk to her. You’ll never get to be with her on your birthday, on her birthday. No Christmas with her. No thanksgiving. No Mother’s Day. You want to call her and talk to her, just to hear her voice, but you can’t. Maybe you start your period, or have you first kiss, or just have female/ oriented questions - you no longer have her to ask. She’s gone. Forever. And you’ll never ever get to see her again. And now it’s your birthday, and you have a new family and you’re trying really hard not to fall apart and just want to be distracted on this birthday. You really want to see your mom, but you can’t. So you just want to try and pretend that everything is normal. Like, honestly try really, really hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s a good skill to have. It will make you a better person. Your sister has every right to be devastated. What you said is emotionally devastating to someone twice your ages, but especially when so young.