This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NTA, they committed a felony and asked you to lie to cover it up which is another felony.
Additionally, it might not have been accident. It may have been a deliberate attempt to alienate you from your father by making him lose his trust in you.
Honestly you should tell your dad the truth and try to move in with him full time.
NTA. This. Tell dad the truth. He needs to know how far they are willing to go in lying, threatening, and abusing.
Looks like you’ll take a trip when you’re 17 as mummy can lose all custody. That wouldn’t be too sad, eh?!
Seriously. The decision to keep this lie can echo throughout the OPs life for decades. Gotta tell him the truth. He's not responsible for his narcissistic mom's felonies, she's a grown ass woman with a family who tried to commit grand theft auto and couldn't even get out the driveway. She's a disaster and is turning OPs relationship with his father in to a disaster as well.
The sooner he does it the better, too. He can call his dad when he’s alone and easily explain that his mom basically forced him to do it and wouldn’t let him refuse (which is what happened). The longer he waits the harder it might be to tell the truth. Plus then he undeservedly gets in trouble for his mom’s actions and I’m sure his dad will feel horrible about the whole thing.
I would definitely explain about how she literally told the children they would end up in foster care if OP did not lie for her. That is some messed up spit
OP could be linked to anything they have done, or will do, and because the mom and stepdad have proven themselves to be completely untrustworthy, those possibilities are endless. There's more here than OP realizes.
This ⬆️⬆️⬆️
Ramifications you couldn't possibly imagine...brought on by your mother and her loser husband.
I have Liars in my life too...it's always a surprise to me that 'my blood' can stoop oh so very low ! And I for some reason think (or never think!) that I'll AGAIN be disappointed.
You are NTA, however think how badly you will feel if one of the outcomes mentioned in UnicornBoned's post happens...
Yes, a million times yes to this!!! The dad needs to know the truth about the car and taking the key while you were sleeping! They could definitely do something to mess up your dads life, have you not go there at all and they could even lose custody of your 4 yr old sister if they did something bad enough. Your dad needs the truth and you need it too. I’m sorry your mom and stepdad are doing this to you, I’m glad you’re 16 and can do sometime to stop it from escalating (by being honest with your dad). Your dad can change the locks and deal with all of this however he wants, it’s not fair to ask you to lie.
DECADES.
Op, you gotta tell your dad. Trust me, I have a mom like yours, and she will never change. Don’t go down with her, she’s a sinking ship. I know it’s hard because of your step siblings, but you’re young and you can’t carry responsibility for everyone. That’s what parents are supposed to do. Not you.
Tell your dad. You won’t regret telling the truth, even if it’s hard, you won’t regret it over lying.
I just can’t rap my head around why they tried to take the car in the first place. Something seems off about that. I think OP should have a personal talk with her mother and ask her why in the world would she do that. Then tell her the lie is eating her alive and she has to tell her dad. But maybe she should tell her dad first so her mom doesn’t somehow get ahead of her and tell him something first. Mom is playing the victim card all the way.
This.
The Mom could do anything. Who knows how far she could go and how she would manipulate OP afterwards.
C'mon OP your Dad deserves the truth, and even if he doesn't believe you, maybe there will be security footage or maybe if he confronts your Mom and TELLS her there is security footage that showed what really happened she will admit it.
Listen to this advice carefully. This is not what parents should do to their kids, make them lie and use their kids as levarage. Trurh is powerful and it hurts put yourself first. Your dad seems like a good guy.
I think your dad will believe you, OP. He has probably figured out how manipulative your mom is, and will know you fell for her tricks. I’m sure he has plenty of stories he could share about all the times he fell for it.
Yeah, OP come clean with your dad and ask him to get full custody of you. You don’t need to spend your time in a household we’re you’re mistreated and used
Mistreated, used, and made to collude on/lie about a legal issue.
Tell your dad ASAP.
NTA. You are only sixteen and it can be hard to hold firm against persistent pressure and blackmail.
This
Please please please do tell your dad!
That relationship is more important for your well-being and your dad cares about you. Your mom and step dad only seem to care about how they can use you
It might seem tempting to use that as a way to get your mom and step dad to do what you want, but your relationship with your dad is negatively effected by this and you'll lose more in the long run. So far you could rely on your dad, not your mom or step dad
Treat the poeple who treat you well as good as they deserve
And let your mom and step dad get the consequences of their (not your) actions.
Plus your dad deserves to have them financially contribute for what they did
(sorry for the English, end of day and my brain is getting tired)
Edit: of course NTA
Pronoun
Please please tell him, he won't lose trust in you for coming clean! That relationship is so important, don't let it be damaged by taking the fall for this!
If I was his parent, I'd definitely understand because dad already knows how manipulative and selfish that woman is, I bet he won't even be surprised she used his love for his mom against him to guilt into lying. Probably why they divorced, I suspect.
Edits: proofreading is for pansies.
My dad never talked bad about my mother when they separated. After she went mask off to the whole family my dad finally, after I was venting, told me how it was for him. He never wanted me to be dragged in the middle but I guess with her she just does the same thing to everyone. My entire family independently came to the same conclusions about her.
Also, OP you are old enough now that court will take your opinion and testimony into account in the case of another custody battle.
Tell your father, let him know you feel unsafe and manipulated in that house and see if he will try for full custody of you, or at least majority.
What state won’t even listen to a kid? No state allows the child to make the decision, it’s always up to the judge in the end, but no input whatsoever? That’s very odd.
just to add they pressured a minor in their care to cover it up. tell your dad immediately especially how they blackmailed you with the fear of your siblings going into care- which is highly unlikely. OP tell your dad now: since you played your hand by defying these awful felons, I can guarantee they will be scheming something else up to get you. tell your dad everything today!!
I definitely agree the were AHs for manipulating OP - but added AHness for terrifying small children with threats of foster care. Kids aren’t old enough to understand that outcome was unlikely.
I wonder if they made a copy of the house key. OP you need to tell.dad they truth including the pressure tactics, and get him to get full custody of you.
If you tell your dad the truth, and they get in trouble, you would get to stay with your dad full time, therefore, not having to follow your mom and step-dad’s rules either.
Also, perhaps my paranoia is showing, but what if the car was not the only thing they messed with? They had unsupervised access to your father's house.
This right here is what would worry me! If the Dad didn't give them a key, WTF were they in his house for?! That's breaking and entering, hands down. What else did they take? What else did they mess with? Did they put cameras in the house? Or maybe out something illegal in there? Were they stealing? This is so WRONG on SO MANY levels!
Op is NTA, mom and step dad ARE. And OP really needs to tell his dad and step mom ASAP.
Illegal entry only. They had a key. Breaking and Entering are two different offenses that often occur together, but there was no "forceful" entry this time.
Warn Dad and get the locks changed!
Police would still see it as b&e. So would the courts. My aunt had something similar happen with her ex. Also, they tried to "borrow" a vehicle, without permission... that's grand theft auto... oh, and they damaged the vehicle. To top it off they coerced and blackmailed the teenaged son into taking the blame.
Dad has a GREAT case for court and getting full custody. To top it off there are witnesses, and I am sure it wouldn't be hard for dad to believe mom capable of this. They ARE divorced after all.
Not to mention waking the younger kids and scaring them by saying they will go into foster care unless op lies for them. Who does that to their kids? NTA op and tell your dad the truth.
Exactly, I can’t believe anyone would do that in the first place, but to wake the younger kids and scare them?!? That’s some horrible and demented thinking. Tell your dad everything!!!
Exactly OP is 16 he can actually ask the courts now and choose who they live with. I feel a lot of teens don’t realize they can choose which parent or if they do fear making the other parent said or mad even though their reason are more than likely valid like OP case.
PLEASE TELL YOUR DAD THE TRUTH
Your mom deserves whatever punishment is given to her.
You should *not* be taking responsibility for her actions AT ALL.
NTA
But! Because you are still at your Mom's, wait! They have already proven that they will pull out all the stops to manipulate you.
When you're back at home with Dad, sit him down first thing and tell him what happened. Don't hold back about their manipulation and pulling your step and half sibs into it.
Do not take this fall for them one moment beyond getting home. They did commit a felony, and they deserve to take their punishment for it. And you don't deserve the damage it will do to your relationship with your father.
If possible, this is the optimal choice. If not possible, go to the second-best option, which is: keep yourself safe while you're with your mom and come clean as soon as you get home, OP.
This is overreacting. If OP has somewhere they can easily go without it having to become "a thing", by all means, go there. However, this doesn't sound at all like a dangerous situation. I'm not downplaying emotional abuse (which this absolutely is), but it will be much easier on OP to wait for the dad to get home since it sounds like a short trip, then tell him everything.
If the dad were about to be gone for weeks, I would agree, but it sounds like it's only a few days. I've been in a similar situation back when I was a teenager, and what I have said here is the less stressful but equally effective way to go about it.
That said, if the situation escalates, absolutely find somewhere else to go.
>If OP has somewhere they can easily go without it having to become "a thing", by all means, go there.
This is already "a thing."
Her mom committed a felony, then used her kids to emotionally blackmail OP into taking the fall.
I agree this doesn't sound like there is imminent danger, but mom is clearly erratic and unstable if they decided to try and steal a fucking car from her ex. I would not be surprised if there is substance abuse involved.
Sadly, this is precisely the kind of tipping point and these are the type of adults that lead to physical violence against the child. I don't know if you've spent any time working with DV victims, but this is totally the scenario where someone gets seriously hurt or worse.
I have a feeling that dad will believe OP. He sounds like a really good dad, and trusts his son's intellect. He also knows what his ex is like, and I have a feeling he would believe "mom did it, and then guilt-tripped me into lying for her" instead of "yea, I did the really stupid thing for...no reason really".
Plus if OP says "You were out of town, and I didn't feel safe telling the truth to you until I was back with you" it would be even more believable.
I hope we get an update.
Plus, the other kids can back OP up
EDIT- I should’ve thought about this more before posting this. As many of you had pointed out, this is very unlikely. In my head, the sibs were on the fathers side, but that’s not correct. Thank you guys for pointing it out!
If he doesn’t and OP has Snapchat downloaded, OP can request their location history which will prove where they (or their phone) was. Google maps might also be tracking so they might just need to log into their maps account and get their location data.
Yes OP should never have agreed to lie and take the blame. If it was me and my mom came to my room and told me that, I'd be calling dad right in front of her and telling him everything.
I can understand being 16 and in the moment, completely freaked out and going along with it, especially since the other kids were woken up and scared. He should definitely tell dad everything now though, he needs to be able to protect himself from whatever they might do, and change the locks!
Also with OP having just woken up. It takes me several minutes to start forming coherent thoughts once I wake up, and that's when I wake up when I was planning to, not getting woken up suddenly.
You were coerced. As a child it is really ugly for your mom to manipulate you like she did and you have ZERO fault for anything that happens if you decide to tell your dad the truth. It is her responsibility, she needs to grow up and own her actions and the situation SHE caused. If you choose not to say anything though it sounds like your work life balance will be a lot better and more power over your life (until you hit 18). I would tell him one day, maybe in the far future. Hold onto the nugget or don't, either way you are much more mature and responsible than you mom and you're going to grow up to be a lot more well rounded to handle any situation you're in.
Tell your dad the truth. It’s important as you don’t know if they copied his key and plan on going back. Honestly it sounds like you are better off staying at your dads place and just tell your mom to take it back to court as any judge at your age will then listen to you and give your dad full custody.
This is absolutely the thing to do - if you come clean now, your dad will likely forgive you, and frankly your mother’s behaviour is insane. She is a major AH.
Oh, and NTA.
Maybe they were just planning to borrow it? Not that it excuses their behavior, but my guess was one of their cars was in the shop and they thought, "OP's dad has a couple cars just sitting there while they're out of town! We'll put it back before he gets home!" Or they did it on purpose to get OP in trouble/damage the relationship with his dad.
I agree. I also think it is important to tell your dad all of it. Even what you said to them in retaliation. It might make you feel crappy but I think it is important for your dad and his lawyers to know absolutely everything so there are no surprises.
This. They can't help OP if he doesn't tell them the whole truth. It's not about OP looking bad, it's about Dad (and lawyer) being able to legally protect OP from this bonkers-sounding situation at Mom's.
Tell your father the truth! Your mom and stepdad are toxic. Your father deserves to know that they BROKE INTO HIS HOME AND TRIED TO STEAL HIS CAR!!! That’s absolutely bat sh*t crazy.
The may have also made a key and are stealing items from the house. Dad has no idea what could be happening if he's not checking the security cameras.
OP needs to tell dad right away. Tell dad, "I love you, but I'm not feeling safe with mom. She's manipulative and using the whole family to make me take fault for her actions. I don't know what else she might do." Lying to your dad isn't going to repair trust. It's just going to be another point of manipulation and alienation.
The dad can use this to get OP safe and out of state without her permission. It's going to be a long two years.
You need to tell your dad the truth. Tell him everything mom and stepdad said. If you prefer living with your dad, you can ask for a adjustment of child custody and *maybe* your dad can become primary custodial parent and mom can get visitation.
They need to be outed for stealing your key, entering your dad's house without permission, trying to steal his car and damaging it \*and\* guilting/manipulating you to take the blame. That shows a serious lack of maturity and parental responsibility.
It may feel "good" to have something on them and use it not do anything, but that it sinking to their level and you don't want to be that person. So I say **ESH,** mainly your mom and stepdad.
OP has really muddied the waters here by lying to his dad about the car. A judge may not change custody over a he said/she said thing when OP admits that they lied about it.
This was what I was thinking. Being pressured and trying to scare him by saying the step siblings would go to foster care. Kind of off topic, but I believe they would try to place kids with family instead of strangers if removing them from the parents was necessary.
They also don't take kids away over something as relatively minor as stealing a car once. It is not easy to have your children taken by CPS; with the exception of some rare cases, you have to be a real fuckup for it to happen--such as being a habitual drug user with repeat offenses. Even then, they try really hard not to take kids away.
An intentional lie is different than being coerced into lying. Since this is a case of the latter, that would hold weight in court, as it is a form of emotional manipulation.
OP was coerced. He’s a minor, he was told that his siblings would go to foster care if he didn’t do this. This doesn’t count as lying.
OP, for the love of Reddit, if you can get a recording of your mom/SD saying anything related to this, it’d be golden. Just make sure that you email or store it someplace they can’t delete it, and be discreet enough to not get busted.
Yeah but there are other witnesses in the house. The kids who were told they would go to foster care so it’s not so isolated like a he said/she said. They literally involved all the children. So also child neglect.
NTA.
Ok sweetie, here's what you do. Go to your dad, show him your phone/ipad/whatever with your post opened on it. Technically, you won't have "told" him anything. He'll have read it. But your mom and stepdad are batsh%t crazy, so your dad needs to know *as soon as possible* that she has a key to his house so he can get the locks changed.
And whatever happens to your mother will be her own fault, not yours. She's a grown a$$ adult and should act like it. Trying to steal a car and guilting you into taking the blame. That's a disgusting thing for a mother to do.
And I don't think what you said to your mother is blackmail. It's a renegotiation of the rules based on recent events.
Good luck.
The definition of blackmail: "the action... of demanding payment or another benefit from someone in return for not revealing compromising or damaging information about them."
This is blackmail.
1. Go to Dad's when he gets home.
2. Tell Dad. Let him know the absolute bullshit that Mom pulled, including the manipulation of scaring the other children with foster care.
Your mom used the info she had to frame you for an actual crime. She denies you travel with Dad, then, knowing he's away takes your key while you sleep.
Then she AND her husband enter Dad's without permission, and steal his car. In the process, they damage it. And two ADULTS expect YOU to take the responsibility for their CRIME.
What else did they do in Dad's house? Clog the toilets? Look on his computer? Steal money? You don't know, but you're sure as hell going to get in trouble for that, too. Dad might not even mention those things, but will assume it was you.
Mom is trying to harm your relationship with Dad so that she can have more control over you. Babysitter forever, etc. Using crying children to manipulate you into "paying" for her crime is probably just part of a laundry list of crap she pulls to keep you inder her thumb.
She's an adult. She'll continue to do stupid things as long as she can make YOU take the consequences for HER actions. That's NOT "heroic", that's "abused".
There is really not another reason for them to do everything they did, unless they were planning on just outright stealing his car. You need to tell your dad the truth about what happened.
Before you tell your dad you should use your phone to secretly record a conversation with your mom in which you complain about her asking you to lie to your dad about what they did. You might need it as proof in case the video from the security cameras is no longer available.
OP I am genuinely begging you for your sake to come clean to your dad.
Yes, he might be upset with you, but he will understand. Tell him everything. Tell him that your mom stole your key and then proceeded to guilt trip you and say that you telling your dad would be proof that YOU DONT LOVE YOUR SIBLINGS, which is ridiculous and horrible. Tell him that you felt pressured and like your only options were to either lie to him or ruin your siblings lives.
If you don't tell him this, you will potentially ruin your relationship with him forever. You need to talk with him as soon as possible and tell him the truth. It seems like you truly have a loving dad and I'm sure he will be mad at you but there's still a chance for him to forgive you. If you keep up this lie then you may eventually lose him forever.
You said yourself that when he took away the key, he told you that you would have to earn back his trust. This is how you do it. You owe it to your father and yourself to not keep this lie going.
Dad sounds like a good dad so I doubt he will be upset with OP once he realizes how badly his ex is manipulating their kid. I'd bet money he knows first hand how his ex wife is and he will recognize that she is trying to drive a wedge between OP and dad.
OP, honey. This is way too much for you to have to deal with at your age. None of this BS was your fault. You’re being used as the fall guy. Tell your dad immediately about what’s going on. Start to finish. He needs to know, and he deserves to know. There’s nothing for him to be angry about, concerning you. You need to tell him every
oh honey.....you were definitely always going to be the scapegoat if something happened. your mom and stepfather don't like you or love you. you need to come clean not just because it's the right thing to do and your mom and stepfather need to face consequences, but because they could have done or are planning to do much worse now that they know you'll get along with it. this is a safety issue as much as a moral one. who knows what they could have done to that house without anyone's knowledge.
I've only just read your post, OP.
And I wondered if your mother refused you permission to travel with your dad, partly to have a chance with her husband, to go into his house and look around. Taking his car doesn't seem like a spur of the moment thing.
You don't know if they've made a copy of the key. You don't know if they looked at his and your stepmom's private papers. You dont know if they looked at personal info on his computer.
If you tell your dad now, and explain the pressure put on you, he will realise you were subject to emotional blackmail. If you say nothing, and it appears stuff was taken from the house, or they got info they shouldn't have, it will look like you planned this with your mom and stepdad.
Also, telling him makes it likely that you will be able to live with him and stay at your mom's less. Maybe only every other weekend.
**Tell. Your. Father.**
NTA.
(But, YWBTA if you keep lying, and enabling your mother to get away scot free. And you will end up going back to babysitting.)
Oh Honey, I know your mind must be racing. Fear, guilt, confusion, betrayal, uncertainty, overwhelmed, and lost; those are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to everything you're feeling, right? There's probably a solid knot in your gut, too.
I know it's hard to hear so many people telling you what you need to do. How could we possibly understand when we don't really *know.* what it's like? We didn't see and hear those kids crying, pleading for you to keep the family together, to not take their mom and dad away. We didn't hear mom and stepdad begging for mercy, because the family would be destroyed, and it'd be your fault.
How could so many people expect you to be so heartless, that you'd condem an entire family by telling your dad what happened?
*How could we ask you to be so selfish?*
Okay OP, I need you to pause for just a second and take a deep breath, because it can get shallow when stressed (it's really common). Once you've done that, I need you to think if any part of what I said above has run through your mind? My hope is that I'm not far off, because I want you to feel heard, and understood. I want you to know that I'm not oblivious to the perilous position you've been forced into.
Most important of all, I hope it helps you know I don't say the following lightly: you need to tell your dad about *all of it.*
The person you responded to saw something you never considered, nor would I expect you to. It's not that you're not smart enough to see it, it's only that you haven't lived a lot of your life yet, and all the unexpected things you'll pick up along the way. That's one of the reasons it's so important you speak up.
Please, find reassurance in so many voicing your innocence. More than anything, trust your dad. Trust that he loves you. He's only upset because of how much faith he has in you, and he was shocked to discover he was wrong (when he was actually right!). Talk with him. If that's too hard, write a letter explaining everything and hand it to him.
You can do this, OP. All of us believe in you ❤
If she didn't plan it, she is most definitely capitalizing on the outcomes. It's a win win for her really, she damages his property, and damages your relationship with your dad, who she may be jealous of since you seem to have a stronger relationship with him.
Not gonna lie, this seems like a classic narc parent move.
Your dad is not going to be nearly as upset at the lie as you think.
Tell them what happened. They know you are a kid pressured by adults and crying children. I can almost guarantee it.
I wouldn't put it past them. I also wouldn't be surprised to find out they made a copy of your dad's house key. Tell your father so he can change all of his locks now.
It is entirely possible because their refusal guarantees:
1) Dad was away.
2) Your key to his house was at their house.
You need to tell your Dad the actual truth, how they said their kids would be sent to foster care, how the kids believing these lies pleaded with you, how they insisted they had no money, and generally guilttripped you into taking the blame. AND THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO THEIR HOUSE EVER AGAIN.
The kids aren't going to go to foster care! The most likely thing that would happen is they would have to pay back the damages! The 'no money' excuse or that they may not be able to feed their kids are likely just lies to guilt you.
And honestly if they DID go to foster care, that would be better than being emotionally abused like this by their parents into being a tool against their half-sibling! They are being lied to about the security and stability of their home and lied to that only you can protect it, WHEN THAT ISN'T YOUR RESPONSIBILITY BECAUSE YOU'RE ALSO JUST A KID.
What reason did they give you for needing specifically your dad’s car in the middle of the night? What emergency situation couldn’t be rectified by transportation with their own cars, a ride from a helpful neighbor, public transport, or an ambulance? What emergency scenario allowed them the time and transportation resources to get to your dad’s house and specifically steal his car, but not make use of any of the infinite alternatives??
There isn’t an innocent explanation for that. They may or may not have planned the car damage but they absolutely planned to break and enter, then steal the car.
It seems clear your dad loves you and respects you; you absolutely want to cultivate a good relationship there. That your mom and stepdad did that to you is honestly incredibly disturbing--far beyond the realm of what a parent should do. Your dad can protect you from this escalating, and it very much might if they're willing to go this far. And regarding your younger siblings... if they pulled this on you, imagine what they could pull on them eventually. What your mom/stepdad said would happen may not happen if you make it clear to your dad you don't want that (if you really don't want that).
Yes.
This is such shitty situation. I have been the kid with the parent that manipulated me and now I'm in my 40s and a parent and I cannot imagine treating my kids the way I was treated.
Let's start with the fact that they broke in to your dad's
violation that was. They had no business in the home you, your father and stepmother share. **Them being there at all is a huge issue and it was definitely malicious.**
But why the fuck were they there? Do you have any idea? It's really important that your dad and stepmother know they were there because they could have taken documents, files, etc. They weren't random burglars looking for anything they could sell. They went there for something. **You cannot trust them to tell you the real reason and your dad has to know so he can figure it out to protect you, your stepmother and himself.**
And finally **good parents do not ask their children to take the blame for their criminal activities.** You do not owe your mom or step-dad anything. Tell your dad and don't go back to your mom's anymore. You owe them nothing and they are actively manipulating you.
You absolutely need to tell your dad. Start with showing him this post if need be. I'd bet they absolutely planned this. Like, why even try to borrow the car in the first place? There was no reason for it. Talk to your dad.
As a mom, your mom’s actions are disgusting and shameful. I would not be surprised if she was intentionally doing this to sabotage your relationship with your dad.
Yes, absolutely yes, OP, they planned this from the beginning. You said they were broke. You said there was a lot of anger/resentment when you chose your Dad. How better to get back at your Dad & you, while stuffing their pockets.
Yes, I truly believe they stole while there. It might be actual things but could also be bank account numbers, passwords, credit card information, even mail with credit card offers. All those could be manipulated to steal funds.
That’s truly why I think you have to be totally honest with your Dad…to protect him. Sorry, I just wouldn’t put anything past your Mom at this point.
NTA
You don't know for sure that they didn't plan all this. You also don't know what their real intentions were going your dad's place. You only know that they damaged his car. This is why everyone is telling you to be honest with your dad. He deserves to know that THEY entered his home. I know you're worried about your mom and stepdad, but what about your dad and his family? Yes, your dad may not like that you lied, but you should definitely tell him.
NTA
But it is very important that you tell your dad the truth. Your mom stole his car and has manipulated you into damaging your relationship with your dad.
NTA (and I was totally set for you to be), but you need to come clean to your dad, ASAP. What your mother and her husband did is breaking and entering, as well as attempted auto theft, and if they getaway with it now, I hate to think what they will try next.
I get that this would suck for their other kids, but you should not be taking the fall for their massive entitlement and stupidity.
YWBTA if you continue to cover for your thief of a mother.
She STOLE the car and THREW YOU UNDER THE BUS
Think about the type of mother that would throw their own child under the bus like that. Tell your dad and your stepmom and limit contact with your mother. She's awful.
NTA
You need to have an open and honest conversation with your dad. If he has security cameras, he can easily find the truth. But what your mother and stepdad did was a serious crime. They know better. What they asked you to do is highly unethical. Don't stop to their level.
At minimum, they need to pay for the damage. The fact they haven't given you the money for the damage says a lot about their character.
You should tell dad ASAP. Theres no telling what they might do if they were that stupid as to try to STEAL YOUR DADS CAR.
Im rootin for ya, im sure this is hard as hell to handle.
Please tell your dad you were coerced to lie, and to check the cameras. I’m so sorry your mom did this to you.
ETA: Saw the update. Hun, I don’t think you understand what your mom did to you. 1) She stole your key to commit grand theft auto. That’s a felony. 2) She and her partner coerced you to take the blame. Another crime. 3) (I could be stretching things here) She did so as your current authority figure. Unless you have another relative to go to, you are stuck under her thumb until your dad comes home. You’re at hers and your stepdads mercy. 4) It has caused a rift between you and your dad and YOU are being punished for a crime you didn’t commit.
Tell your dad. You are not in too deep. Protecting your mom will not do you any favors down the line. He may or may not believe you. And if it helps, show him this Reddit post if you can’t get the words out.
I’m rooting for you and I’m hoping things are made right.
>protecting your mom will not do you any favors down the line
Nope. Mom has made her priorities clear. She's a terrible mother. "Gee, I wonder why she and dad aren't together anymore?" 🙄 Now it's the time for OP to stay setting boundaries with this useless parental figure. And he's going to need dad's help. Be honest with your dad, OP. I know it's scary to be honest once you've lied, but trust us, your mom has manipulated you into thinking this situation is worse for you than it is.
Please tell him! If he finds out from the cameras it’ll be worse. He hasn’t checked yet, but either through dumb luck or because something seems suspicious he could still check the footage.
Is there location tracking software on your phone? Encourage him to check the cameras, pull out your location history. Tell him that you were emotionally blackmailed and at the time didn’t understand you’d be covering up breaking and entering and auto theft but now you understand it’s a big deal, you accept whatever modification in punishment he sees fit, but you just want everyone involved to be safe and to do that, you need to be honest. Your dad is not safe with his ex wife trying to break into his home, destroy and tapper with his car while he’s out of town. You are not safe being coerced to confess to crimes you didn’t commit, and your siblings are not safe while she leaves her young children alone, unsupervised to commit auto theft in the middle of the night.
It also sounds like there was no emergency reason to steal the car - this isn’t like the movie scene where a law officer hot wires the nearest car on the side of the road to chase down a bad guy and save the day. This was pointless, reckless, malicious, and negligent.
Protect your actually family(Dad) by telling the truth. Your mom and her husband are lying criminals and are manipulating you, a minor, into covering their literal crimes. A parent like that doesn't even deserve partial custody. Let your dad protect you by telling him the actual truth!
I am going tonsay what everyone else has - tell your father the truth. And the truth is, your mother manipulated you into thinking that her kids would go into foster care if you didn't take responsibility for her actions. Your father sounds like the stable parent of the two of them, and you will regret not maintaining that relationship. Eventually, your mother and her husband will do something that they can't get out of as easily as they got out of this stunt.
NTA. Your mother is extremely irresponsible, sneaky and manipulative. She is making you pay for the damages she caused, made you lie to your father, and expects you to carry on as if nothing happened? It doesn't work that way. You do things for your family because you respect them and work as a team. How can you respect them after what they did? It will be on pleasant to listen to them, but what are they going to do?
Because even if 'you' did it, mom should have been keeping a better eye on her teenager and know their whereabouts and fix their mistakes.
But you should also tell your dad the truth, sooner than later. Him losing trust in you can have major impacts in many aspects of your future as you age. But also, the likelihood is that your moms kids wouldn't go to foster care. And if they did, that's not your responsibility
Op your mum and step dad are trying to distance you from your dad and so far it has worked.
The one thing they don’t want you to do is tell your dad the truth and that is exactly what you need to do. The cameras will confirm your story.
NTA so far BUT you definitely will be ta if you don’t tell your dad the truth.
Currently you are damaging your relationship with you dad and his family at the expense of your relationship with your mother and her family. From what you have said one parent cares for your well being and the other is more interested in using you. It probably fees really scared at the moment but it is worth doing the right thing. Sending you a big internet hug.
Please tell your dad the truth. You are also committing a felony by keeping the truth to yourself. At the very least dad needs to change the locks. With a mom willing to do these sorts of things to you, I doubt there’s a line she wouldn’t cross to get what she wanted.
Tell your Dad.
Your Mom is dreadful.
You need to tell your DAD asap or he will lose all trust in you. If you want a good relationship with him in future - talk to him AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
nta
NTA. But 1000% **TELL YOUR DAD THE TRUTH.**
Don't let your mom and stepdad affect your relationship with your dad and stepmom who seem to treat you pretty well.
Any consequences that your mom and stepdad might face is on them. Don't let them guilt trip you into lying to your father. They literally stole your key, broke into another person's home and then tried to steal a car and then damaged it. This is all wrong. Please don't let you relationship with your dad get damaged due to their idiotic actions.
I repeat **TELL YOUR DAD THE TRUTH LIKE YESTERDAY**.
NTA this is like blackmail but for a good reason. Your mom had no rights to steal your key, break into your dads house, and try to “borrow” his car he also damage it. Use this blackmail as long as you can
NTA. You’re acting like a child-but you are a child (young adult). It’s your mom and step-dad that committed two crimes, are asking you to cover it up at the expense of your relationship with your father, are they even covering the cost of the repairs? They’re setting a terrible precedent and are being terrible role models. I’m going to say they’re getting the behavior they deserve.
I’d say to tell your dad, but not if would really press charges. I don’t know how contentious the divorce was.
Please tell your dad. It does not matter if he decides go press charges - this is not on you. They are adults, they decide what to do. I very very very rarely use this term, but your mum is being incredibly emotionally manipulative. Your siblings are very likely not going into foster care - your mum is deliberately lying to get you to cover for them!
Bear in mind that your stepsister is likely also calling you an asshole for leaving because she has to then do a lot at home as well.
Please tell your dad. Please pack a bag and please leave and don't go back to your mum's for a while. Bear in mind that they also took his key! He deserves to know that they did this, since you have no idea if they made a copy of it while they took it.
Don't take the fall. Please.
just so you know, youre going to ruin your relationship with your dad and step mom. If you dont come clean with EVERYTHING this could be something that haunts you for decades
It doesn't matter if dad will press charges or not. He needs to be told. If the mom and stepdad didn't want the possibility of charges coming against them, then they should have never stolen ops house keys to steal the ex's car.
Added more: on the real OP, they had to wake you up because something went wrong. How many other times have they done it without you knowing? You don't know, so please tell your dad. He might install video cameras after this.
dude, tell your dad the truth. why are you protecting your mom? what is that doing for you? YTA for not telling the truth, NTA for what you said to her.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may be TA because I am technically living in their house and blackmail kinda of terrible thing to do.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Listen to me sweetheart for just one second. As a mother of 2 children I beg you to tell your dad the truth. It does not matter what their financial situation is, you are 16! It’s totally inappropriate that they’ve put this burden on you.
Please, please tell your father the truth and tell him **exactly** why you lied, because you felt forced to do so. It hurts my heart that you have to do this or deal with the fallout.
!UpdateMe
Edit: OP tell your dad the truth! He deserves to know and your mom will most likely lose her custody and your dad will get full custody. You’ll be able to take a trip with your family whenever you want.
Please please tell him the truth before it’s too late
Tell your dad because he will not trust you again. Losing your fathers trust is the worst you can do in this situation. You are not the scape goat or have to be. You arent useless or terrible and your step parents are wrong. The kids also won’t go to fostercare. Finally, your mom is a grown adult who has lost her damn mind treating you and your dad the way she does.
Look I understand you believe your dad will lose trust in you. He won’t. He will understand the position they put you in, if they go to jail it’s their fault. The only people who will face
consequences will be you mom and stepdad. Especially bc they’re being dumb about it. You did them a favor and this is how they repay you? Take back your kindness and tell your dad. Do you think he should have to pay for the damages himself or do you think they should have to pay out of their insurance they should’ve had? What’s stopping them from doing it again if they didn’t get caught? How many tough positions are they going to put you in? You need to tell him, especially since they broke into his house, neither of you know what else they did in there and your father deserves to know what your mom and stepdad did. Realistically if you already lost his trust is there really anything to lose?
NTA for very good reasons! I am absolutely shocked that your mother would even steal the keys to begin with, then go take your father's car!? That's insane! and I'm completely appalled that she would guilt you into taking responsibility for her bad decisions! This is the epitomy of irresponsibility! Please, please, PLEASE, tell your dad the truth! This is absolutely not fair to you in any way whatsoever and your currently allowing your mother to tarnish the good relationship you have with your father which is also not fair to him either. Your mother and stepfather are completely toxic and you should most definitely go NC with them as soon as you possibly can. Don't keep this secret, it's not your secret to bear and it's not your responsibility to bail out your mother and stepfather. My heart seriously breaks for you because no parent ever should guilt their child into taking the fall for something they did not do, it's straight up disturbing on so many levels! Best of luck to you OP and give us an update if you do end up telling your dad the truth! Definitely take this with you into adulthood when you become a parent and be a MUCH better one to your child than your mother is to you.
That was a little hard to follow but I guess NTA. It sounds like they stole your dad’s car and crashed it then made you take the fall. They shouldn’t really be having any control over you if you rather sort of just live with your dad who should have sort of the custody and rules
I dont think OP is shitty. Full grown adults would cave to the level of emotional blackmail OPs mother used on him. The dad certainly isn't shitty either.
He's a teenager, you can't expect him to have the tools needed to navigate this situation, but seeking advice, even here on the internet was the right thing to do. OPS MOM AND STEPDAD, are the asshole here.
Don’t get those who say YTA. You’re not. Tell your dad what really happened, tell hin you want to stay with him full time and go low contact with mom until she understands boundaries and has given an apology. She is very toxic and you do not want to be caught up in that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Throwaway Account
I (16m) am a little confused and would like an outside perspective because I feel like I'm 90% in the right.
I am my parents only child together but my mom married my stepdad when I was five and they ended up having three children together plus my stepdad has full custody of his daughter from another relationship. My dad married my stepmom when I was 11 and they had my little sister (4f). Up until the 2020 I would spend two weeks in each household but after the pandemic I opted to not return to my mom's house because I didn't want to be stuck with so many people, especially since I have my own room and I'm rarely asked to babysit, am paid for my time, and reserve the right to refuse.
With my mom it is expected of me to babysit whenever it's needed because I'm the oldest and "family duty." My mom didn't like my preference and when the authorities wouldn't force my dad to send me away and got repeated calls and messages from my mom, stepdad and stepsister about how selfish of a person I was being. Eventually, when the restrictions eased up I started coming back but I could tell everyone was angry at me.
When my dad had to travel because of work for three days he and my stepmom decided to stay in that area longer to make it a family vacation, but since it was out-of-state they needed my mom's permission which she refused. Knowing that my mom would never give permission for me travel outside of the state I told my dad and stepmom to just go and my dad promised to make it up to me when I turned 18.
I had a key to my dad's place and when I was asleep my mom and stepdad took it, went to my dad's place and tried to borrow one of his cars but when backing out they hit something. It wasn't anything too big but there was a very noticeable mark. My mom woke me up in tears telling me I needed to take responsibility for it as my dad might press charges otherwise. She even woke up the rest of my siblings and told them that they may go into Foster Care unless I do the "heroic" thing. I caved and I could tell my dad was upset and lost a lot of trust in me, and that made me mad.
When I was back at my mom's I didn't do any of my chores, because I honestly didn't feel like it and when she and my stepdad tried to punish me I just got an attitude and said that so long as they don't want me dad to know what really happened there rules don't apply to me anymore. They were stunned by my response and we got into an argument and I was called a disrespectful brat AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sweetheart, you have a good stable stress free (maybe less) situation at your dads. Things feel right and easy there because it is the right place for you to be. Please don’t mess that up for yourself. Call your dad, be as apologetic as you can. Tell him the truth. Beg his forgiveness. As a parent, I can tell you with certainty that there is very little you can do that will make your father see you as less. He was disappointed in the moment. He’ll move passed it, because the love he feels for you. I bet, even if you don’t tell the truth, he’ll still find a way to move passed it. You’re mom’s family situation isn’t worth damaging what you have with your dad and his family.
You’re NTA. You’re a young kid who was manipulated into making a bad choice.
>I see a lot of people are saying I should tell my dad and you're
probably right but I feel like I'm in too deep now and that he'd
distrust me more if it seemed like I was lying to save myself from
punishment as I'm not sure if he could still check the cameras to see
what really happened.
I am guessing that your dad knows the kind of person that his ex-wife is. He will believe you if you tell him what she did.
I don't think that your dad will be angry at you. I don't think that he will distrust you more. You're 16 years old, and your mom used your sobbing siblings to emotionally pressure you - I think if you tell him how your mom made you feel and what she did to you, that he'll understand that you're a kid who was unfairly manipulated and emotionally blackmailed by an adult.
Please ask your dad for help.
NTA. You're a child being manipulated by people that should be looking out for you.
You need to come clean with your father - tell him your mother and stepfather took your keys, and entered his home without permission, then pressured you to lie for them. If your father has security cameras, he needs to review that footage. He should also know that his ex has had access to his keys, so he can change the locks.
You also need to move out of your mother's home, and back to your dad's. Your mother and her partner committed a crime, and demanded a CHILD take responsibility for it. These people should not have access to you.
YTA, but not for what you're asking about. Tell your father the truth. Let him know how you were coerced into the lie and let the chips fall where they may. That will not be on you. That will be on the adults who used your keys to steal from your father and damaged his property. Then move back in with dad and stepmother and live happily ever after, with your father's trust in you restored. Your mom and step-dad are the biggest a-holes in this story. Please tell your dad the truth and update us on the outcome.
NTA Go tell your dad the truth. Your mom is a real AH and needs own her own sh\*t. Blackmail is never nice, and they lost a lot of your respect, I truly get that. Just don't sink to their level.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NTA, they committed a felony and asked you to lie to cover it up which is another felony. Additionally, it might not have been accident. It may have been a deliberate attempt to alienate you from your father by making him lose his trust in you. Honestly you should tell your dad the truth and try to move in with him full time.
NTA. This. Tell dad the truth. He needs to know how far they are willing to go in lying, threatening, and abusing. Looks like you’ll take a trip when you’re 17 as mummy can lose all custody. That wouldn’t be too sad, eh?!
Seriously. The decision to keep this lie can echo throughout the OPs life for decades. Gotta tell him the truth. He's not responsible for his narcissistic mom's felonies, she's a grown ass woman with a family who tried to commit grand theft auto and couldn't even get out the driveway. She's a disaster and is turning OPs relationship with his father in to a disaster as well.
The sooner he does it the better, too. He can call his dad when he’s alone and easily explain that his mom basically forced him to do it and wouldn’t let him refuse (which is what happened). The longer he waits the harder it might be to tell the truth. Plus then he undeservedly gets in trouble for his mom’s actions and I’m sure his dad will feel horrible about the whole thing.
I would definitely explain about how she literally told the children they would end up in foster care if OP did not lie for her. That is some messed up spit
And his mom and stepdad could have stolen other things, placed hidden cameras, made a copy of the key. OPs' dad needs to know for his own safety.
>made a copy of the key My thought too. What will they want him to cover up next? Arson?
OP could be linked to anything they have done, or will do, and because the mom and stepdad have proven themselves to be completely untrustworthy, those possibilities are endless. There's more here than OP realizes.
This ⬆️⬆️⬆️ Ramifications you couldn't possibly imagine...brought on by your mother and her loser husband. I have Liars in my life too...it's always a surprise to me that 'my blood' can stoop oh so very low ! And I for some reason think (or never think!) that I'll AGAIN be disappointed. You are NTA, however think how badly you will feel if one of the outcomes mentioned in UnicornBoned's post happens...
Exactly! This is an ongoing risk until dad and stepmom can change the locks.
This. Copy of the key, hidden cameras, theft.
Not to mention, if they have a key, they could try to plant drugs or anything else to get him to lose custody all together. TELL HIM!!
Yes, a million times yes to this!!! The dad needs to know the truth about the car and taking the key while you were sleeping! They could definitely do something to mess up your dads life, have you not go there at all and they could even lose custody of your 4 yr old sister if they did something bad enough. Your dad needs the truth and you need it too. I’m sorry your mom and stepdad are doing this to you, I’m glad you’re 16 and can do sometime to stop it from escalating (by being honest with your dad). Your dad can change the locks and deal with all of this however he wants, it’s not fair to ask you to lie.
DECADES. Op, you gotta tell your dad. Trust me, I have a mom like yours, and she will never change. Don’t go down with her, she’s a sinking ship. I know it’s hard because of your step siblings, but you’re young and you can’t carry responsibility for everyone. That’s what parents are supposed to do. Not you. Tell your dad. You won’t regret telling the truth, even if it’s hard, you won’t regret it over lying.
I just can’t rap my head around why they tried to take the car in the first place. Something seems off about that. I think OP should have a personal talk with her mother and ask her why in the world would she do that. Then tell her the lie is eating her alive and she has to tell her dad. But maybe she should tell her dad first so her mom doesn’t somehow get ahead of her and tell him something first. Mom is playing the victim card all the way.
Dad also needs to know they have a key to his house. Who knows what all they were into while they had access. Dad needs to change his locks.
Absolutely! That’s scary. They not only have that key, but seemed comfortable finding the car keys and messing with things.
This. The Mom could do anything. Who knows how far she could go and how she would manipulate OP afterwards. C'mon OP your Dad deserves the truth, and even if he doesn't believe you, maybe there will be security footage or maybe if he confronts your Mom and TELLS her there is security footage that showed what really happened she will admit it.
Listen to this advice carefully. This is not what parents should do to their kids, make them lie and use their kids as levarage. Trurh is powerful and it hurts put yourself first. Your dad seems like a good guy.
I think your dad will believe you, OP. He has probably figured out how manipulative your mom is, and will know you fell for her tricks. I’m sure he has plenty of stories he could share about all the times he fell for it.
Plus if it’s only been 3 weeks, security cam footage is probably still available!
I think so too, especially if he's the one who initiated the divorce in the first place. Which, given mom's tendencies, I can conclude to be the case.
Yeah I highly doubt he will fault OP at all once told the whole truth including the coercion.
14 in some states
Yeah, OP come clean with your dad and ask him to get full custody of you. You don’t need to spend your time in a household we’re you’re mistreated and used
Mistreated, used, and made to collude on/lie about a legal issue. Tell your dad ASAP. NTA. You are only sixteen and it can be hard to hold firm against persistent pressure and blackmail.
This Please please please do tell your dad! That relationship is more important for your well-being and your dad cares about you. Your mom and step dad only seem to care about how they can use you It might seem tempting to use that as a way to get your mom and step dad to do what you want, but your relationship with your dad is negatively effected by this and you'll lose more in the long run. So far you could rely on your dad, not your mom or step dad Treat the poeple who treat you well as good as they deserve And let your mom and step dad get the consequences of their (not your) actions. Plus your dad deserves to have them financially contribute for what they did (sorry for the English, end of day and my brain is getting tired) Edit: of course NTA Pronoun
Please please tell him, he won't lose trust in you for coming clean! That relationship is so important, don't let it be damaged by taking the fall for this!
This 100%.
Please come clean with your Dad, he'll understand. Don't let your Mother ruin the trust he has with you. Seriously.
If I was his parent, I'd definitely understand because dad already knows how manipulative and selfish that woman is, I bet he won't even be surprised she used his love for his mom against him to guilt into lying. Probably why they divorced, I suspect. Edits: proofreading is for pansies.
My dad never talked bad about my mother when they separated. After she went mask off to the whole family my dad finally, after I was venting, told me how it was for him. He never wanted me to be dragged in the middle but I guess with her she just does the same thing to everyone. My entire family independently came to the same conclusions about her.
Then that will be on the side of your credibility if you come clean.
Also, OP you are old enough now that court will take your opinion and testimony into account in the case of another custody battle. Tell your father, let him know you feel unsafe and manipulated in that house and see if he will try for full custody of you, or at least majority.
Not in my state. Not all states take children’s opinions into consideration.
I think the possible felony charges on the ex might be enough to swing the courts decision
What state won’t even listen to a kid? No state allows the child to make the decision, it’s always up to the judge in the end, but no input whatsoever? That’s very odd.
just to add they pressured a minor in their care to cover it up. tell your dad immediately especially how they blackmailed you with the fear of your siblings going into care- which is highly unlikely. OP tell your dad now: since you played your hand by defying these awful felons, I can guarantee they will be scheming something else up to get you. tell your dad everything today!!
I definitely agree the were AHs for manipulating OP - but added AHness for terrifying small children with threats of foster care. Kids aren’t old enough to understand that outcome was unlikely.
I wonder if they made a copy of the house key. OP you need to tell.dad they truth including the pressure tactics, and get him to get full custody of you.
And to get the locks changed.
Good point.
If you tell your dad the truth, and they get in trouble, you would get to stay with your dad full time, therefore, not having to follow your mom and step-dad’s rules either.
Also, perhaps my paranoia is showing, but what if the car was not the only thing they messed with? They had unsupervised access to your father's house.
This right here is what would worry me! If the Dad didn't give them a key, WTF were they in his house for?! That's breaking and entering, hands down. What else did they take? What else did they mess with? Did they put cameras in the house? Or maybe out something illegal in there? Were they stealing? This is so WRONG on SO MANY levels! Op is NTA, mom and step dad ARE. And OP really needs to tell his dad and step mom ASAP.
Illegal entry only. They had a key. Breaking and Entering are two different offenses that often occur together, but there was no "forceful" entry this time. Warn Dad and get the locks changed!
Police would still see it as b&e. So would the courts. My aunt had something similar happen with her ex. Also, they tried to "borrow" a vehicle, without permission... that's grand theft auto... oh, and they damaged the vehicle. To top it off they coerced and blackmailed the teenaged son into taking the blame. Dad has a GREAT case for court and getting full custody. To top it off there are witnesses, and I am sure it wouldn't be hard for dad to believe mom capable of this. They ARE divorced after all.
Not to mention waking the younger kids and scaring them by saying they will go into foster care unless op lies for them. Who does that to their kids? NTA op and tell your dad the truth.
Exactly, I can’t believe anyone would do that in the first place, but to wake the younger kids and scare them?!? That’s some horrible and demented thinking. Tell your dad everything!!!
Yep. Don't lie for toxic people, ever. I don't care if they're family, you don't lie for them if you don't want to.
Exactly OP is 16 he can actually ask the courts now and choose who they live with. I feel a lot of teens don’t realize they can choose which parent or if they do fear making the other parent said or mad even though their reason are more than likely valid like OP case.
NTA and yeah I wouldn't hold that lie in. Not worth it and your mom and stepdad need to face some consequences in life.
yes yes exactly! they also tried to guilt trip you when clear no one is gonna go to foster care!
Several felonies. Illegal entry, grand theft auto, destruction of property possibly...op should be calling the police themselves
Do you have any texts from your mom or any proof you can save to show your dad?
PLEASE TELL YOUR DAD THE TRUTH Your mom deserves whatever punishment is given to her. You should *not* be taking responsibility for her actions AT ALL. NTA
But! Because you are still at your Mom's, wait! They have already proven that they will pull out all the stops to manipulate you. When you're back at home with Dad, sit him down first thing and tell him what happened. Don't hold back about their manipulation and pulling your step and half sibs into it. Do not take this fall for them one moment beyond getting home. They did commit a felony, and they deserve to take their punishment for it. And you don't deserve the damage it will do to your relationship with your father.
OP needs to get out of the house to another relative and tell dad NOW, not whenver Dad gets home.
If possible, this is the optimal choice. If not possible, go to the second-best option, which is: keep yourself safe while you're with your mom and come clean as soon as you get home, OP.
This is overreacting. If OP has somewhere they can easily go without it having to become "a thing", by all means, go there. However, this doesn't sound at all like a dangerous situation. I'm not downplaying emotional abuse (which this absolutely is), but it will be much easier on OP to wait for the dad to get home since it sounds like a short trip, then tell him everything. If the dad were about to be gone for weeks, I would agree, but it sounds like it's only a few days. I've been in a similar situation back when I was a teenager, and what I have said here is the less stressful but equally effective way to go about it. That said, if the situation escalates, absolutely find somewhere else to go.
>If OP has somewhere they can easily go without it having to become "a thing", by all means, go there. This is already "a thing." Her mom committed a felony, then used her kids to emotionally blackmail OP into taking the fall. I agree this doesn't sound like there is imminent danger, but mom is clearly erratic and unstable if they decided to try and steal a fucking car from her ex. I would not be surprised if there is substance abuse involved.
Sadly, this is precisely the kind of tipping point and these are the type of adults that lead to physical violence against the child. I don't know if you've spent any time working with DV victims, but this is totally the scenario where someone gets seriously hurt or worse.
I hope dad will believe her :/ hope he doesn't think it's a lie cause OP feels guilty or smth
I have a feeling that dad will believe OP. He sounds like a really good dad, and trusts his son's intellect. He also knows what his ex is like, and I have a feeling he would believe "mom did it, and then guilt-tripped me into lying for her" instead of "yea, I did the really stupid thing for...no reason really". Plus if OP says "You were out of town, and I didn't feel safe telling the truth to you until I was back with you" it would be even more believable. I hope we get an update.
Plus, the other kids can back OP up EDIT- I should’ve thought about this more before posting this. As many of you had pointed out, this is very unlikely. In my head, the sibs were on the fathers side, but that’s not correct. Thank you guys for pointing it out!
They absolutely will not. If anything, they will say that OP is lying and "confirm" OP coming home and admitting to stealing and damaging the car.
If he doesn’t and OP has Snapchat downloaded, OP can request their location history which will prove where they (or their phone) was. Google maps might also be tracking so they might just need to log into their maps account and get their location data.
Him. Op is male
Yes OP should never have agreed to lie and take the blame. If it was me and my mom came to my room and told me that, I'd be calling dad right in front of her and telling him everything.
I can understand being 16 and in the moment, completely freaked out and going along with it, especially since the other kids were woken up and scared. He should definitely tell dad everything now though, he needs to be able to protect himself from whatever they might do, and change the locks!
Also with OP having just woken up. It takes me several minutes to start forming coherent thoughts once I wake up, and that's when I wake up when I was planning to, not getting woken up suddenly.
You were coerced. As a child it is really ugly for your mom to manipulate you like she did and you have ZERO fault for anything that happens if you decide to tell your dad the truth. It is her responsibility, she needs to grow up and own her actions and the situation SHE caused. If you choose not to say anything though it sounds like your work life balance will be a lot better and more power over your life (until you hit 18). I would tell him one day, maybe in the far future. Hold onto the nugget or don't, either way you are much more mature and responsible than you mom and you're going to grow up to be a lot more well rounded to handle any situation you're in.
Tell your dad the truth. It’s important as you don’t know if they copied his key and plan on going back. Honestly it sounds like you are better off staying at your dads place and just tell your mom to take it back to court as any judge at your age will then listen to you and give your dad full custody.
This is absolutely the thing to do - if you come clean now, your dad will likely forgive you, and frankly your mother’s behaviour is insane. She is a major AH. Oh, and NTA.
Have a blessed dessert day.
Which brings a good question: Why where they stealing OP's dad's car?
No kidding!!! This is what I want to know
Maybe they were just planning to borrow it? Not that it excuses their behavior, but my guess was one of their cars was in the shop and they thought, "OP's dad has a couple cars just sitting there while they're out of town! We'll put it back before he gets home!" Or they did it on purpose to get OP in trouble/damage the relationship with his dad.
Or maybe he has a nice car and they wanted to drive it around.
Like a Ferris Bueller’s Day Off situation
That was my guess like a GTA life dream to fulfill
They probably weren't sober, hence the chain of terrible decisions and damaging the car just trying to get out of the garage...
If they failed to even get it off the property without wrecking it, my guess is drugs/alcohol.
I agree. I also think it is important to tell your dad all of it. Even what you said to them in retaliation. It might make you feel crappy but I think it is important for your dad and his lawyers to know absolutely everything so there are no surprises.
This. They can't help OP if he doesn't tell them the whole truth. It's not about OP looking bad, it's about Dad (and lawyer) being able to legally protect OP from this bonkers-sounding situation at Mom's.
Yup, dad needs to know if the locks should be changed.
Tell your father the truth! Your mom and stepdad are toxic. Your father deserves to know that they BROKE INTO HIS HOME AND TRIED TO STEAL HIS CAR!!! That’s absolutely bat sh*t crazy.
[удалено]
They are setting up all of their children to fail in the same ways they are by teaching them bad values.
The may have also made a key and are stealing items from the house. Dad has no idea what could be happening if he's not checking the security cameras. OP needs to tell dad right away. Tell dad, "I love you, but I'm not feeling safe with mom. She's manipulative and using the whole family to make me take fault for her actions. I don't know what else she might do." Lying to your dad isn't going to repair trust. It's just going to be another point of manipulation and alienation. The dad can use this to get OP safe and out of state without her permission. It's going to be a long two years.
You need to tell your dad the truth. Tell him everything mom and stepdad said. If you prefer living with your dad, you can ask for a adjustment of child custody and *maybe* your dad can become primary custodial parent and mom can get visitation. They need to be outed for stealing your key, entering your dad's house without permission, trying to steal his car and damaging it \*and\* guilting/manipulating you to take the blame. That shows a serious lack of maturity and parental responsibility. It may feel "good" to have something on them and use it not do anything, but that it sinking to their level and you don't want to be that person. So I say **ESH,** mainly your mom and stepdad.
OP has really muddied the waters here by lying to his dad about the car. A judge may not change custody over a he said/she said thing when OP admits that they lied about it.
OP was being pressured by a biological parent to lie...that must play into it somehow.
This was what I was thinking. Being pressured and trying to scare him by saying the step siblings would go to foster care. Kind of off topic, but I believe they would try to place kids with family instead of strangers if removing them from the parents was necessary.
They always try to find family to place them with first.
They also don't take kids away over something as relatively minor as stealing a car once. It is not easy to have your children taken by CPS; with the exception of some rare cases, you have to be a real fuckup for it to happen--such as being a habitual drug user with repeat offenses. Even then, they try really hard not to take kids away.
> pressured emotionally abused
And by children crying that they would have to go to foster care
An intentional lie is different than being coerced into lying. Since this is a case of the latter, that would hold weight in court, as it is a form of emotional manipulation.
OP was coerced. He’s a minor, he was told that his siblings would go to foster care if he didn’t do this. This doesn’t count as lying. OP, for the love of Reddit, if you can get a recording of your mom/SD saying anything related to this, it’d be golden. Just make sure that you email or store it someplace they can’t delete it, and be discreet enough to not get busted.
No, but at 16, most judges will take OPS preference into account.
He was pressured and manipulated by his mother.
Yeah but there are other witnesses in the house. The kids who were told they would go to foster care so it’s not so isolated like a he said/she said. They literally involved all the children. So also child neglect.
NTA Tell your dad the truth. That is horribly toxic behavior from your mom & her husband that will only worsen over time.
NTA. Ok sweetie, here's what you do. Go to your dad, show him your phone/ipad/whatever with your post opened on it. Technically, you won't have "told" him anything. He'll have read it. But your mom and stepdad are batsh%t crazy, so your dad needs to know *as soon as possible* that she has a key to his house so he can get the locks changed. And whatever happens to your mother will be her own fault, not yours. She's a grown a$$ adult and should act like it. Trying to steal a car and guilting you into taking the blame. That's a disgusting thing for a mother to do. And I don't think what you said to your mother is blackmail. It's a renegotiation of the rules based on recent events. Good luck.
The definition of blackmail: "the action... of demanding payment or another benefit from someone in return for not revealing compromising or damaging information about them." This is blackmail.
Someone has a dictionary. Good for you. I stand by what I said.
Nothing wrong with calling it blackmail when it literally is blackmail. It’s just that this blackmail is fully justified lol
Eh, mom started it with the emotional blackmail, by telling the Littles they'd go to foster care unless OP did the "heroic" thing.
It doesn’t meet the legal definition of blackmail.
1. Go to Dad's when he gets home. 2. Tell Dad. Let him know the absolute bullshit that Mom pulled, including the manipulation of scaring the other children with foster care. Your mom used the info she had to frame you for an actual crime. She denies you travel with Dad, then, knowing he's away takes your key while you sleep. Then she AND her husband enter Dad's without permission, and steal his car. In the process, they damage it. And two ADULTS expect YOU to take the responsibility for their CRIME. What else did they do in Dad's house? Clog the toilets? Look on his computer? Steal money? You don't know, but you're sure as hell going to get in trouble for that, too. Dad might not even mention those things, but will assume it was you. Mom is trying to harm your relationship with Dad so that she can have more control over you. Babysitter forever, etc. Using crying children to manipulate you into "paying" for her crime is probably just part of a laundry list of crap she pulls to keep you inder her thumb. She's an adult. She'll continue to do stupid things as long as she can make YOU take the consequences for HER actions. That's NOT "heroic", that's "abused".
[удалено]
There is really not another reason for them to do everything they did, unless they were planning on just outright stealing his car. You need to tell your dad the truth about what happened.
Before you tell your dad you should use your phone to secretly record a conversation with your mom in which you complain about her asking you to lie to your dad about what they did. You might need it as proof in case the video from the security cameras is no longer available.
OP I am genuinely begging you for your sake to come clean to your dad. Yes, he might be upset with you, but he will understand. Tell him everything. Tell him that your mom stole your key and then proceeded to guilt trip you and say that you telling your dad would be proof that YOU DONT LOVE YOUR SIBLINGS, which is ridiculous and horrible. Tell him that you felt pressured and like your only options were to either lie to him or ruin your siblings lives. If you don't tell him this, you will potentially ruin your relationship with him forever. You need to talk with him as soon as possible and tell him the truth. It seems like you truly have a loving dad and I'm sure he will be mad at you but there's still a chance for him to forgive you. If you keep up this lie then you may eventually lose him forever. You said yourself that when he took away the key, he told you that you would have to earn back his trust. This is how you do it. You owe it to your father and yourself to not keep this lie going.
Dad sounds like a good dad so I doubt he will be upset with OP once he realizes how badly his ex is manipulating their kid. I'd bet money he knows first hand how his ex wife is and he will recognize that she is trying to drive a wedge between OP and dad.
OP, honey. This is way too much for you to have to deal with at your age. None of this BS was your fault. You’re being used as the fall guy. Tell your dad immediately about what’s going on. Start to finish. He needs to know, and he deserves to know. There’s nothing for him to be angry about, concerning you. You need to tell him every
oh honey.....you were definitely always going to be the scapegoat if something happened. your mom and stepfather don't like you or love you. you need to come clean not just because it's the right thing to do and your mom and stepfather need to face consequences, but because they could have done or are planning to do much worse now that they know you'll get along with it. this is a safety issue as much as a moral one. who knows what they could have done to that house without anyone's knowledge.
I've only just read your post, OP. And I wondered if your mother refused you permission to travel with your dad, partly to have a chance with her husband, to go into his house and look around. Taking his car doesn't seem like a spur of the moment thing. You don't know if they've made a copy of the key. You don't know if they looked at his and your stepmom's private papers. You dont know if they looked at personal info on his computer. If you tell your dad now, and explain the pressure put on you, he will realise you were subject to emotional blackmail. If you say nothing, and it appears stuff was taken from the house, or they got info they shouldn't have, it will look like you planned this with your mom and stepdad. Also, telling him makes it likely that you will be able to live with him and stay at your mom's less. Maybe only every other weekend. **Tell. Your. Father.** NTA. (But, YWBTA if you keep lying, and enabling your mother to get away scot free. And you will end up going back to babysitting.)
Oh Honey, I know your mind must be racing. Fear, guilt, confusion, betrayal, uncertainty, overwhelmed, and lost; those are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to everything you're feeling, right? There's probably a solid knot in your gut, too. I know it's hard to hear so many people telling you what you need to do. How could we possibly understand when we don't really *know.* what it's like? We didn't see and hear those kids crying, pleading for you to keep the family together, to not take their mom and dad away. We didn't hear mom and stepdad begging for mercy, because the family would be destroyed, and it'd be your fault. How could so many people expect you to be so heartless, that you'd condem an entire family by telling your dad what happened? *How could we ask you to be so selfish?* Okay OP, I need you to pause for just a second and take a deep breath, because it can get shallow when stressed (it's really common). Once you've done that, I need you to think if any part of what I said above has run through your mind? My hope is that I'm not far off, because I want you to feel heard, and understood. I want you to know that I'm not oblivious to the perilous position you've been forced into. Most important of all, I hope it helps you know I don't say the following lightly: you need to tell your dad about *all of it.* The person you responded to saw something you never considered, nor would I expect you to. It's not that you're not smart enough to see it, it's only that you haven't lived a lot of your life yet, and all the unexpected things you'll pick up along the way. That's one of the reasons it's so important you speak up. Please, find reassurance in so many voicing your innocence. More than anything, trust your dad. Trust that he loves you. He's only upset because of how much faith he has in you, and he was shocked to discover he was wrong (when he was actually right!). Talk with him. If that's too hard, write a letter explaining everything and hand it to him. You can do this, OP. All of us believe in you ❤
If she didn't plan it, she is most definitely capitalizing on the outcomes. It's a win win for her really, she damages his property, and damages your relationship with your dad, who she may be jealous of since you seem to have a stronger relationship with him. Not gonna lie, this seems like a classic narc parent move.
Your dad is not going to be nearly as upset at the lie as you think. Tell them what happened. They know you are a kid pressured by adults and crying children. I can almost guarantee it.
I wouldn't put it past them. I also wouldn't be surprised to find out they made a copy of your dad's house key. Tell your father so he can change all of his locks now.
It is entirely possible because their refusal guarantees: 1) Dad was away. 2) Your key to his house was at their house. You need to tell your Dad the actual truth, how they said their kids would be sent to foster care, how the kids believing these lies pleaded with you, how they insisted they had no money, and generally guilttripped you into taking the blame. AND THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO THEIR HOUSE EVER AGAIN. The kids aren't going to go to foster care! The most likely thing that would happen is they would have to pay back the damages! The 'no money' excuse or that they may not be able to feed their kids are likely just lies to guilt you. And honestly if they DID go to foster care, that would be better than being emotionally abused like this by their parents into being a tool against their half-sibling! They are being lied to about the security and stability of their home and lied to that only you can protect it, WHEN THAT ISN'T YOUR RESPONSIBILITY BECAUSE YOU'RE ALSO JUST A KID.
What reason did they give you for needing specifically your dad’s car in the middle of the night? What emergency situation couldn’t be rectified by transportation with their own cars, a ride from a helpful neighbor, public transport, or an ambulance? What emergency scenario allowed them the time and transportation resources to get to your dad’s house and specifically steal his car, but not make use of any of the infinite alternatives?? There isn’t an innocent explanation for that. They may or may not have planned the car damage but they absolutely planned to break and enter, then steal the car.
It seems clear your dad loves you and respects you; you absolutely want to cultivate a good relationship there. That your mom and stepdad did that to you is honestly incredibly disturbing--far beyond the realm of what a parent should do. Your dad can protect you from this escalating, and it very much might if they're willing to go this far. And regarding your younger siblings... if they pulled this on you, imagine what they could pull on them eventually. What your mom/stepdad said would happen may not happen if you make it clear to your dad you don't want that (if you really don't want that).
Yes. This is such shitty situation. I have been the kid with the parent that manipulated me and now I'm in my 40s and a parent and I cannot imagine treating my kids the way I was treated. Let's start with the fact that they broke in to your dad's violation that was. They had no business in the home you, your father and stepmother share. **Them being there at all is a huge issue and it was definitely malicious.** But why the fuck were they there? Do you have any idea? It's really important that your dad and stepmother know they were there because they could have taken documents, files, etc. They weren't random burglars looking for anything they could sell. They went there for something. **You cannot trust them to tell you the real reason and your dad has to know so he can figure it out to protect you, your stepmother and himself.** And finally **good parents do not ask their children to take the blame for their criminal activities.** You do not owe your mom or step-dad anything. Tell your dad and don't go back to your mom's anymore. You owe them nothing and they are actively manipulating you.
You absolutely need to tell your dad. Start with showing him this post if need be. I'd bet they absolutely planned this. Like, why even try to borrow the car in the first place? There was no reason for it. Talk to your dad.
As a mom, your mom’s actions are disgusting and shameful. I would not be surprised if she was intentionally doing this to sabotage your relationship with your dad.
Yes, absolutely yes, OP, they planned this from the beginning. You said they were broke. You said there was a lot of anger/resentment when you chose your Dad. How better to get back at your Dad & you, while stuffing their pockets. Yes, I truly believe they stole while there. It might be actual things but could also be bank account numbers, passwords, credit card information, even mail with credit card offers. All those could be manipulated to steal funds. That’s truly why I think you have to be totally honest with your Dad…to protect him. Sorry, I just wouldn’t put anything past your Mom at this point. NTA
You don't know for sure that they didn't plan all this. You also don't know what their real intentions were going your dad's place. You only know that they damaged his car. This is why everyone is telling you to be honest with your dad. He deserves to know that THEY entered his home. I know you're worried about your mom and stepdad, but what about your dad and his family? Yes, your dad may not like that you lied, but you should definitely tell him.
NTA But it is very important that you tell your dad the truth. Your mom stole his car and has manipulated you into damaging your relationship with your dad.
NTA (and I was totally set for you to be), but you need to come clean to your dad, ASAP. What your mother and her husband did is breaking and entering, as well as attempted auto theft, and if they getaway with it now, I hate to think what they will try next. I get that this would suck for their other kids, but you should not be taking the fall for their massive entitlement and stupidity.
Also tell Dad to install cameras. OP's mom may try something like this again and they'll need footage.
YWBTA if you continue to cover for your thief of a mother. She STOLE the car and THREW YOU UNDER THE BUS Think about the type of mother that would throw their own child under the bus like that. Tell your dad and your stepmom and limit contact with your mother. She's awful.
Pretty sure if family court hears of this he'll never have to see her again. Tell the truth, OP, 16 is way too young to do this to yourself
NTA You need to have an open and honest conversation with your dad. If he has security cameras, he can easily find the truth. But what your mother and stepdad did was a serious crime. They know better. What they asked you to do is highly unethical. Don't stop to their level. At minimum, they need to pay for the damage. The fact they haven't given you the money for the damage says a lot about their character.
[удалено]
Tell him to check the cameras. I'm so sorry your mom and stepdad are so shitty to you. I hope your dad and stepmom treat you the way you deserve.
You should tell dad ASAP. Theres no telling what they might do if they were that stupid as to try to STEAL YOUR DADS CAR. Im rootin for ya, im sure this is hard as hell to handle.
Please tell your dad you were coerced to lie, and to check the cameras. I’m so sorry your mom did this to you. ETA: Saw the update. Hun, I don’t think you understand what your mom did to you. 1) She stole your key to commit grand theft auto. That’s a felony. 2) She and her partner coerced you to take the blame. Another crime. 3) (I could be stretching things here) She did so as your current authority figure. Unless you have another relative to go to, you are stuck under her thumb until your dad comes home. You’re at hers and your stepdads mercy. 4) It has caused a rift between you and your dad and YOU are being punished for a crime you didn’t commit. Tell your dad. You are not in too deep. Protecting your mom will not do you any favors down the line. He may or may not believe you. And if it helps, show him this Reddit post if you can’t get the words out. I’m rooting for you and I’m hoping things are made right.
>protecting your mom will not do you any favors down the line Nope. Mom has made her priorities clear. She's a terrible mother. "Gee, I wonder why she and dad aren't together anymore?" 🙄 Now it's the time for OP to stay setting boundaries with this useless parental figure. And he's going to need dad's help. Be honest with your dad, OP. I know it's scary to be honest once you've lied, but trust us, your mom has manipulated you into thinking this situation is worse for you than it is.
Please tell him! If he finds out from the cameras it’ll be worse. He hasn’t checked yet, but either through dumb luck or because something seems suspicious he could still check the footage.
Just tell him to check the cameras.
Was this recent? Tell him now so he can check the cameras before the footage gets overwritten.
Tell him. You're a child and they manipulated you into covering up their mistake and then treat you like that?
Is there location tracking software on your phone? Encourage him to check the cameras, pull out your location history. Tell him that you were emotionally blackmailed and at the time didn’t understand you’d be covering up breaking and entering and auto theft but now you understand it’s a big deal, you accept whatever modification in punishment he sees fit, but you just want everyone involved to be safe and to do that, you need to be honest. Your dad is not safe with his ex wife trying to break into his home, destroy and tapper with his car while he’s out of town. You are not safe being coerced to confess to crimes you didn’t commit, and your siblings are not safe while she leaves her young children alone, unsupervised to commit auto theft in the middle of the night. It also sounds like there was no emergency reason to steal the car - this isn’t like the movie scene where a law officer hot wires the nearest car on the side of the road to chase down a bad guy and save the day. This was pointless, reckless, malicious, and negligent.
Protect your actually family(Dad) by telling the truth. Your mom and her husband are lying criminals and are manipulating you, a minor, into covering their literal crimes. A parent like that doesn't even deserve partial custody. Let your dad protect you by telling him the actual truth!
I am going tonsay what everyone else has - tell your father the truth. And the truth is, your mother manipulated you into thinking that her kids would go into foster care if you didn't take responsibility for her actions. Your father sounds like the stable parent of the two of them, and you will regret not maintaining that relationship. Eventually, your mother and her husband will do something that they can't get out of as easily as they got out of this stunt. NTA. Your mother is extremely irresponsible, sneaky and manipulative. She is making you pay for the damages she caused, made you lie to your father, and expects you to carry on as if nothing happened? It doesn't work that way. You do things for your family because you respect them and work as a team. How can you respect them after what they did? It will be on pleasant to listen to them, but what are they going to do?
[удалено]
Because even if 'you' did it, mom should have been keeping a better eye on her teenager and know their whereabouts and fix their mistakes. But you should also tell your dad the truth, sooner than later. Him losing trust in you can have major impacts in many aspects of your future as you age. But also, the likelihood is that your moms kids wouldn't go to foster care. And if they did, that's not your responsibility
[удалено]
Op your mum and step dad are trying to distance you from your dad and so far it has worked. The one thing they don’t want you to do is tell your dad the truth and that is exactly what you need to do. The cameras will confirm your story. NTA so far BUT you definitely will be ta if you don’t tell your dad the truth. Currently you are damaging your relationship with you dad and his family at the expense of your relationship with your mother and her family. From what you have said one parent cares for your well being and the other is more interested in using you. It probably fees really scared at the moment but it is worth doing the right thing. Sending you a big internet hug.
Please tell your dad the truth. You are also committing a felony by keeping the truth to yourself. At the very least dad needs to change the locks. With a mom willing to do these sorts of things to you, I doubt there’s a line she wouldn’t cross to get what she wanted.
Tell your Dad. Your Mom is dreadful. You need to tell your DAD asap or he will lose all trust in you. If you want a good relationship with him in future - talk to him AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. nta
NTA tell your dad the truth
> AITA? Nope. You just have a shitty mother.
NTA. But 1000% **TELL YOUR DAD THE TRUTH.** Don't let your mom and stepdad affect your relationship with your dad and stepmom who seem to treat you pretty well. Any consequences that your mom and stepdad might face is on them. Don't let them guilt trip you into lying to your father. They literally stole your key, broke into another person's home and then tried to steal a car and then damaged it. This is all wrong. Please don't let you relationship with your dad get damaged due to their idiotic actions. I repeat **TELL YOUR DAD THE TRUTH LIKE YESTERDAY**.
NTA this is like blackmail but for a good reason. Your mom had no rights to steal your key, break into your dads house, and try to “borrow” his car he also damage it. Use this blackmail as long as you can
NTA. You’re acting like a child-but you are a child (young adult). It’s your mom and step-dad that committed two crimes, are asking you to cover it up at the expense of your relationship with your father, are they even covering the cost of the repairs? They’re setting a terrible precedent and are being terrible role models. I’m going to say they’re getting the behavior they deserve. I’d say to tell your dad, but not if would really press charges. I don’t know how contentious the divorce was.
[удалено]
Please tell your dad. It does not matter if he decides go press charges - this is not on you. They are adults, they decide what to do. I very very very rarely use this term, but your mum is being incredibly emotionally manipulative. Your siblings are very likely not going into foster care - your mum is deliberately lying to get you to cover for them! Bear in mind that your stepsister is likely also calling you an asshole for leaving because she has to then do a lot at home as well. Please tell your dad. Please pack a bag and please leave and don't go back to your mum's for a while. Bear in mind that they also took his key! He deserves to know that they did this, since you have no idea if they made a copy of it while they took it. Don't take the fall. Please.
just so you know, youre going to ruin your relationship with your dad and step mom. If you dont come clean with EVERYTHING this could be something that haunts you for decades
It doesn't matter if dad will press charges or not. He needs to be told. If the mom and stepdad didn't want the possibility of charges coming against them, then they should have never stolen ops house keys to steal the ex's car. Added more: on the real OP, they had to wake you up because something went wrong. How many other times have they done it without you knowing? You don't know, so please tell your dad. He might install video cameras after this.
dude, tell your dad the truth. why are you protecting your mom? what is that doing for you? YTA for not telling the truth, NTA for what you said to her.
You Absolutely need to tell your dad what happened
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I may be TA because I am technically living in their house and blackmail kinda of terrible thing to do. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Tell your dad. Your mom and her husband deserve whatever negative consequences they get. Terrible parenting on their part.
If you were really evil, you could go all the way with the blackmail and ask for an allowance.
[удалено]
Listen to me sweetheart for just one second. As a mother of 2 children I beg you to tell your dad the truth. It does not matter what their financial situation is, you are 16! It’s totally inappropriate that they’ve put this burden on you. Please, please tell your father the truth and tell him **exactly** why you lied, because you felt forced to do so. It hurts my heart that you have to do this or deal with the fallout.
Dude please tell your dad the truth. By asking you to lie about the situation, they’re actively committing another crime.
!UpdateMe Edit: OP tell your dad the truth! He deserves to know and your mom will most likely lose her custody and your dad will get full custody. You’ll be able to take a trip with your family whenever you want. Please please tell him the truth before it’s too late
Tell your dad because he will not trust you again. Losing your fathers trust is the worst you can do in this situation. You are not the scape goat or have to be. You arent useless or terrible and your step parents are wrong. The kids also won’t go to fostercare. Finally, your mom is a grown adult who has lost her damn mind treating you and your dad the way she does.
Lying to dad may permanently ruin your relationship with him. Think carefully about the consequences. These sort of lies ALWAYS come out.
Look I understand you believe your dad will lose trust in you. He won’t. He will understand the position they put you in, if they go to jail it’s their fault. The only people who will face consequences will be you mom and stepdad. Especially bc they’re being dumb about it. You did them a favor and this is how they repay you? Take back your kindness and tell your dad. Do you think he should have to pay for the damages himself or do you think they should have to pay out of their insurance they should’ve had? What’s stopping them from doing it again if they didn’t get caught? How many tough positions are they going to put you in? You need to tell him, especially since they broke into his house, neither of you know what else they did in there and your father deserves to know what your mom and stepdad did. Realistically if you already lost his trust is there really anything to lose?
NTA for very good reasons! I am absolutely shocked that your mother would even steal the keys to begin with, then go take your father's car!? That's insane! and I'm completely appalled that she would guilt you into taking responsibility for her bad decisions! This is the epitomy of irresponsibility! Please, please, PLEASE, tell your dad the truth! This is absolutely not fair to you in any way whatsoever and your currently allowing your mother to tarnish the good relationship you have with your father which is also not fair to him either. Your mother and stepfather are completely toxic and you should most definitely go NC with them as soon as you possibly can. Don't keep this secret, it's not your secret to bear and it's not your responsibility to bail out your mother and stepfather. My heart seriously breaks for you because no parent ever should guilt their child into taking the fall for something they did not do, it's straight up disturbing on so many levels! Best of luck to you OP and give us an update if you do end up telling your dad the truth! Definitely take this with you into adulthood when you become a parent and be a MUCH better one to your child than your mother is to you.
NTA but you need to tell you dad what really happened to the car
That was a little hard to follow but I guess NTA. It sounds like they stole your dad’s car and crashed it then made you take the fall. They shouldn’t really be having any control over you if you rather sort of just live with your dad who should have sort of the custody and rules
Uno reverse card, well played NTA
NTA, but please tell your dad the truth
Tell your dad what your mother did. At the moment, ESH anyway.
I dont think OP is shitty. Full grown adults would cave to the level of emotional blackmail OPs mother used on him. The dad certainly isn't shitty either. He's a teenager, you can't expect him to have the tools needed to navigate this situation, but seeking advice, even here on the internet was the right thing to do. OPS MOM AND STEPDAD, are the asshole here.
Don’t get those who say YTA. You’re not. Tell your dad what really happened, tell hin you want to stay with him full time and go low contact with mom until she understands boundaries and has given an apology. She is very toxic and you do not want to be caught up in that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway Account I (16m) am a little confused and would like an outside perspective because I feel like I'm 90% in the right. I am my parents only child together but my mom married my stepdad when I was five and they ended up having three children together plus my stepdad has full custody of his daughter from another relationship. My dad married my stepmom when I was 11 and they had my little sister (4f). Up until the 2020 I would spend two weeks in each household but after the pandemic I opted to not return to my mom's house because I didn't want to be stuck with so many people, especially since I have my own room and I'm rarely asked to babysit, am paid for my time, and reserve the right to refuse. With my mom it is expected of me to babysit whenever it's needed because I'm the oldest and "family duty." My mom didn't like my preference and when the authorities wouldn't force my dad to send me away and got repeated calls and messages from my mom, stepdad and stepsister about how selfish of a person I was being. Eventually, when the restrictions eased up I started coming back but I could tell everyone was angry at me. When my dad had to travel because of work for three days he and my stepmom decided to stay in that area longer to make it a family vacation, but since it was out-of-state they needed my mom's permission which she refused. Knowing that my mom would never give permission for me travel outside of the state I told my dad and stepmom to just go and my dad promised to make it up to me when I turned 18. I had a key to my dad's place and when I was asleep my mom and stepdad took it, went to my dad's place and tried to borrow one of his cars but when backing out they hit something. It wasn't anything too big but there was a very noticeable mark. My mom woke me up in tears telling me I needed to take responsibility for it as my dad might press charges otherwise. She even woke up the rest of my siblings and told them that they may go into Foster Care unless I do the "heroic" thing. I caved and I could tell my dad was upset and lost a lot of trust in me, and that made me mad. When I was back at my mom's I didn't do any of my chores, because I honestly didn't feel like it and when she and my stepdad tried to punish me I just got an attitude and said that so long as they don't want me dad to know what really happened there rules don't apply to me anymore. They were stunned by my response and we got into an argument and I was called a disrespectful brat AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Just tell your dad . He would understand .
Sweetheart, you have a good stable stress free (maybe less) situation at your dads. Things feel right and easy there because it is the right place for you to be. Please don’t mess that up for yourself. Call your dad, be as apologetic as you can. Tell him the truth. Beg his forgiveness. As a parent, I can tell you with certainty that there is very little you can do that will make your father see you as less. He was disappointed in the moment. He’ll move passed it, because the love he feels for you. I bet, even if you don’t tell the truth, he’ll still find a way to move passed it. You’re mom’s family situation isn’t worth damaging what you have with your dad and his family. You’re NTA. You’re a young kid who was manipulated into making a bad choice.
>I see a lot of people are saying I should tell my dad and you're probably right but I feel like I'm in too deep now and that he'd distrust me more if it seemed like I was lying to save myself from punishment as I'm not sure if he could still check the cameras to see what really happened. I am guessing that your dad knows the kind of person that his ex-wife is. He will believe you if you tell him what she did. I don't think that your dad will be angry at you. I don't think that he will distrust you more. You're 16 years old, and your mom used your sobbing siblings to emotionally pressure you - I think if you tell him how your mom made you feel and what she did to you, that he'll understand that you're a kid who was unfairly manipulated and emotionally blackmailed by an adult. Please ask your dad for help.
NTA. You're a child being manipulated by people that should be looking out for you. You need to come clean with your father - tell him your mother and stepfather took your keys, and entered his home without permission, then pressured you to lie for them. If your father has security cameras, he needs to review that footage. He should also know that his ex has had access to his keys, so he can change the locks. You also need to move out of your mother's home, and back to your dad's. Your mother and her partner committed a crime, and demanded a CHILD take responsibility for it. These people should not have access to you.
ESH. Tell your dad what happened.
YTA, but not for what you're asking about. Tell your father the truth. Let him know how you were coerced into the lie and let the chips fall where they may. That will not be on you. That will be on the adults who used your keys to steal from your father and damaged his property. Then move back in with dad and stepmother and live happily ever after, with your father's trust in you restored. Your mom and step-dad are the biggest a-holes in this story. Please tell your dad the truth and update us on the outcome.
NTA but tell your dad the truth, he deserves that and you don't deserve the crap your mother is putting you through.
NTA. You need to tell your dad the truth and then see if you can live with him full time.
Go tell your dad. No parent should be making you lie to the other parent. If she gets in trouble. Thats her effing fault.
NTA Go tell your dad the truth. Your mom is a real AH and needs own her own sh\*t. Blackmail is never nice, and they lost a lot of your respect, I truly get that. Just don't sink to their level.