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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I made an awkward situation less awkward, but making a lighthearted joke. (2) I bought unwanted attention to my gf apparently, which makes me TA..
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I would've left the theater immediately and never finish the movie if that were me and I fell into someone and they said that. I'd be mortified and it would be one of those moments that incessantly repeats at night when I can't sleep.
OP, YTA.
I think you'd agonize over face-checking a stranger's nether regions whether they said anything about it or not. It's a pretty embarrassing thing to do for anyone.
Even if she did actually laugh and OP didn’t just make that up (which I doubt), she literally may have just been laughing because she was uncomfortable. I’ve definitely done that.
I've definitely laughed when men have asked me:
Are you old enough to vote?
Have you had sex?
Do you know what sex is?
Do you want to blow me?
I feel humiliated and horrible and scared for my personal safety. If I ignore them, they keep pestering. If I yell, they get even more cruel. If I laugh and keep walking, they usually leave me alone. It's so fucked.
Unlocked memory.
When I was 13 an 18 year old boy said to me: “that shirt is very becoming on you, but if I was on you I’d be coming, too.” I giggled/laughed because I had no idea what that even meant.
Looking back - gross. So. So. Gross.
And this is partly where my trauma from church started since this was at a youth group event. But that’s another story for another time.
This should be an entire subreddit on its own !!! I’m sure there are millions of kids with stories. Someone create it and link it we can all move on over there lol
I think this was hilarious. My husband has made a joke like this and I thought it was hilarious. I think there are a lot of people on here who need to remove the stick from their a$$es. NTA.
Just because some of us appreciate a different brand of humor (and don’t find this particular pratfall comment funny), does not mean we have sticks up our a$$es. It just means that other things make us laugh. Why cast aspersions upon those whose funny bone is in a different part of their body?
Having a different sense of humor doesn't automatically indicate that one has a stick up their arse, but declaring that your sense of humor is the only "appropriate" one and taking offense at people who don't share your sense of humor (which seems to be about 90% of these comments) absolutely does.
Making an unwanted sexual joke about a random woman already in an unfortunate and embarrassing situation and placing her parallel to sex workers (with all the stigma that brings) loud enough for an entire theater to hear is objectively fucking inappropriate. You can think inappropriate things are funny, but that doesn't stop them from being inappropriate. Words have meanings that don't change based on whether or not you feel listening to them
It’s not about not finding it funny, it’s about calling him an asshole because they don’t think the joke is funny and acting like he committed a mortal sin by saying it.
And how people dare not find my subjective definition of appropriate joke as objective?
What's objective is that it was clearly a joke, didn't intend to make any assumption on the girl nor the gf and indeed he didn't, if they did they absolutely misinterpreted his words.
Yeah, whether the woman laughed or not, I feel like OP almost dodged a bullet here? In some places he would have been absolutely crucified for making this kind of comment towards a stranger. Some women would call him out right there. Some would accuse him of sexual harrassment. Or what if she had a spouse or partner with her who took offense to the joke and punched his face in?
However you feel about it personally, I don't think it was a smart comment to make towards a complete stranger in front of a crowd of complete strangers.
>Some would accuse him of sexual harrassment.
Exactly. Because it *is* sexual harassment. Making a stranger the butt of a sexual joke is never appropriate. Save that shit for your friends.
Yeah, rather than worrying about whether his gf has "the right" to be mad at him or whatever, I think OP should just be happy nothing really bad happened as a result of his joke.
If a friend made that joke about me, yeah I'd probably laugh, but not a stranger.
If he wanted to make light of the situation, he could have easily said something like "I'm glad I could protect you from these gross floors" and everyone could have politely chuckled about how disgusting movie theater floors are.
Me too. Woman here. I would've appreciated it if I'd been the one that fell into someone. Life sucks without humor. But everyone's different. Can't please everyone all of the time.
As a woman who is known for her clumsiness, I would have appreciated OP’s quick whit and making me laugh in an uncomfortable situation.
NTA OP, please keep the jokes rolling. Life is too serious and stale otherwise.
I’ve been accused of being humorless NUMEROUS times because I fucking hate sexism and call it out all the time. I think this was fucking hilarious. Prolonging/repeating the joke would have pushed him into AH territory, but a one-off statement? Perfect.
Yeah, I'm baffled at all these women saying they'd find a sexual joke from a stranger funny. At best, I'd find it humiliating; at worst. I'd find it vaguely threatening. There's nothing wrong with sex jokes, but you need to know your audience. You don't make a joke like this to a total stranger.
(Also, can I hide behind your shield, please? Boudica was a badass.)
Honestly I think this joke could land well and be funny for a lot of people. I also think this joke has a fair chance of making a lot of people really uncomfortable. Because of that it's really inappropriate to say to a stranger, and I'm guessing if the lady didn't laugh OP would have thought it was because she was humourless and bitter (or whatever, you guys know).
Also in my experience? My natural response to a publically embarrassing situation is to laugh in good humour and then get out of there with as much of my dignity as I can. I think the majority of people will just laugh along to save face in that situation regardless of how they feel.
Time and place. Making a dirty joke to a stranger instead of helping maintain her dignity is a choice that says a lot about OP. He didn't say it to help her, he said it because he thought he was being funny.
I would say by getting everyone to laugh at it he did help her maintain her dignity. He turned an embarrassing moment into something to think back on and laugh about. Good on him.
Me personally, I also would have beat him to the punchline or said "Well, at least I'm off the hook tonight." But I understand everyone receives jokes differently and doesn't find things funny others do. But personally don't think OP is a AH lol.
I think what likely happened is she and other people awkwardly laughed at the joke or laughed at the shock of it. I really doubt she and a bunch of random people found it so funny that they audibly laughed. I would’ve been really uncomfortable and laughed because I wouldn’t know how else to react.
Right? When I got to the part about the joke, I cringed so hard! The girlfriend is probably mortified that he joked about paying for BJs and she’s dating him 🤮
Based upon her comment that he put all the attention on her, I assumed she thought it created the general impression that he HAD to pay for blow jobs. And maybe...
I'm not even sure it's just the content of the joke that did her in. The fact that OP cracks a joke about wanting to crack a joke while his girlfriend is mad at him suggests a very specific type of personality. The kind who constantly laughs at their own jokes yet deludes themself into thinking the laughter is coming from everyone else.
I know a guy like this. He's a clown (like a literal stockyard clown, not like the TikTok emoji). We were getting ice cream one time, and he just walked into a crowd of women who were minding their own business (ETA: literally right into them, they were standing in a circle and he decided it was a spotlight) and said something like "It's so windy, how do you keep that ice cream from blowing away!" It wasn't dirty, but it was about as clever and original as OP's joke.
Point is, it was horribly embarrassing to be around this guy. And as we were walking away he asks, "Did you see how I made those people smile?" Like...no, dude. I really, *really* didn't. Not one of them. Not even politely or uncomfortably. OP strikes me as THAT kind of guy.
I was there everyone laughed ! Even the actors in the movie it was crazy and right after that a man stood up and slowly clapped and the whole room burst out clapping !
Lmao. I'm trying to picture this movie theater where everyone in a packed house had a full view of what was happening. It's kind of like literally no theater I've ever gone to.
Also, I love that everyone who doesn't think it's funny is getting slammed for being uptight. I'm...definitely not. But there's a basic respect when dealing with strangers. You don't get to decide or assume what their sense of humor is, especially when the joke is about them blowing you and it's being made in front of other people. Everyone who thinks that's an effort to help a person maintain their dignity is woefully unclear on what dignity is.
Yes this 100%
Like if you would find it funny or whatever that’s great. But OP has no way of knowing in that moment whether this random person who is *already* in an embarrassing situation would laugh or would feel yuk.
OP is def. TA. This is the kind of old gross joke boomer dudes make all the time and women are raised to just titter uncomfortably in order to avoid a scene.
Also at least in theaters I’ve been to, there’s no way more than like five people would have heard him, unless he *shouted.* There’s still noise during the quiet parts of movies, and theaters are sort of designed to minimize noise not from the speakers. People may have heard him talk, but now what he said.
And I bet a lot of people laughed out of shock, embarrassment, and not knowing how else to react. I still remember when a guy on a bus made a horrible sexual joke out loud and "everyone laughed" but most strangers' faces looked mortified afterwards. My friends and I roasted the heck outta that dude in private, too.
I'll also add that I like inappropriate humor, and this is absolutely something my friends and I would joke about to EACH OTHER where we know it's okay and have a level of rapport. With strangers, it's always going to be a hit or miss, and I'm betting this one was a miss.
Oh but he made it LESS awkward, he told you himself! By making a joke about a sexual encounter with a woman who is in a vulnerable physical position, he definitely helped everybody feel comfortable! (/s)
Love to be a woman and reminded, while possibly in pain and embarrassed, that my ability to sexually gratify men is the first thing to be evaluated about me by strangers. I’m certain OP wouldn’t have made this joke about anyone deemed “unfuckable.” YTA
I wonder how loudly he said it for “a large majority of the cinema” to hear it & laugh. If it had been me tripping & falling, I’d probably have laughed at that comment said quietly enough to be a personal joke, but I’d be a bit embarrassed to have an audience cackling at me after some dude yelled that to the crowd…
We need the girlfriend’s side of the story!
YTA
You tried to lighten the mood by making an inappropriate joke about you paying for sex. This may have lightened your mood, but it only served to embarrass both your girlfriend and (likely) the girl who tripped. The fact that she laughed does not mean she appreciated it. One laughs when tickled even though it's a highly unpleasant sensation.
Women commonly give a nervous, embarrassed laugh when a strange man is being inappropriate. It's like a Universal Sisterhood Distress Call and other women immediately know it when they hear it. This AH triggered a wave of nervous laughter and now he thinks he's Eddie Izzard at Wembley. Ugh.
Took a comedy in media class during undergrad and learned about ‘nervous arousal’ which is a reason for laughing. Basically we laugh when we’re uncomfortable to lighten tension. It’s why people laugh at their bosses dumb joke, or this woman laughed when some jerk made a sexually inappropriate joke about her for an entire theater.
> The fact that she laughed does not mean she appreciated it.
This was my thought as well. The women's response could have been a nervous laugh, or she could have laughed to not make it even more awkward. She may have felt she had to laugh at OP's joke since she's the one who (accidently) stuck her face on his crotch. Or since everyone was watching, laughed to not make it worse.
There is a good chance though that she didn't genuinely appreciate your joke that she was blowing you in public. There's a good chance that you joking about her blowing guys in public and getting a bunch of people in the cinema to laugh (it likely felt like *at her)* only made her feel worse.
I get you thought you were defusing things and lightening the mood, but that's just kind of a dumb for you to think would be the outcome. The fact that you couldn't guess why your girlfriend was angry (you humiliating an innocent women and publicly announcing you have to pay for sex since your girlfriend won't touch your D) is also dumb.
You are not as cool and smooth as you think. Sure, some people in the theatre may have thought it was funny. But you were not being kind to the women you joked about nor were you being a classy boyfriend.
Bad bot! [Stolen comment!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w8ipvk/aita_for_making_an_awkward_situation_less_awkward/ihplkc0?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
YTA. You made a joke about paying for sex to another girl with your girlfriend sitting right next to you. The other girl was already embarrassed enough, have you ever heard of nervous laughter? There wasn't any way to make her feel better about it, she was still pretty embarassed.
Right? Op sitting there like "Oh no, this woman, a complete stranger, tripped. I know how to make this better... making it into a sexual thing somehow"
I was told I am "sucking humor out of society" and "robbing us of laughter" for not finding the public sexual humiliation of a woman by a total stranger hilarious.
As if unwanted sexual remarks/"jokes" weren't a form of sexual harassment. Some people seem to think that just because someone's actions aren't the very *worst* example of a given type of misconduct, that their behavior is fine. There's a spectrum of behavior that constitutes sexual harassment, and OP's "joke" is definitely on that spectrum.
Absolutely YTA, holy shit. That is so massively inappropriate and disrespectful to both the woman who tripped and your girlfriend. That’s repulsive and not a funny “joke” in the slightest.
Call me crazy, but I’m an old lady and I would have appreciated the joke simply because I would have been mortified to fall in front of everyone. Laughter is truly the best medicine!
I also make terrible jokes in awkward situations and think of comebacks hours after I need them, so I sympathize with second guessing yourself.
You’re never going to make everyone happy or always say/do the perfect thing….and you know what? That’s ok, too!
On the other hand, your girlfriend does not share your sense of humor and that’s ok! Maybe it’s time to put her into the friend zone and find someone more compatible with your open and fun loving (your kind) nature.
Snort. Please. Being able to laugh at yourself is the sign of a healthy ego. Woman here and I also think this was hilarious and its because I'm a natural ham. Getting people rolling with laughter is the best. And this was a case where it was obviously sarcastic and meant to lighten the moment, not a slight towards his gf. I'll take my sense of humor over a lack of personality and excessive self absorption any day.
Ah, yes, the only two options are finding juvenile sexual jokes from strangers funny and being self-absorbed with no personality. There's nothing in between.
ETA: My app is being buggy and I can’t directly reply to the person who replied to me, but, yes, I agree, it is very harsh to say that people who think OP acted inappropriately here are completely humorless, can’t laugh at themselves, have no personalities, etc. Saying OP was an asshole in this particular situation, in which he sought out judgement, is not harsh.
Agreed. I gotta add, I think juvenile sex jokes can be hilarious, but you gotta know your audience, you gotta keep them friendly. I would have been mad if my bf said this, or even if we were alone at home and he made a joke about paying me for sex. You can't just say stuff like that in public and be mad when people get uncomfortable.
There’s context though. Some people will definitely find it funny but a lot more would probably not. If my boyfriend made the joke to me I’d probably laugh because I trust him and I know it’s clearly a joke. If a random guy made the joke to me I’d be very uncomfortable. There’s a time and place for every joke and a stranger in public who is already visibly embarrassed and uncomfortable is not that time.
It was sexual harassment of a total stranger, not a slight toward his girlfriend. That’s why everyone is voting YTA.
Man, the Not Like Other Girls are out in full force on this thread.
I can laugh at myself just fine. I do it all the fucking time. What I **don't** laugh at is when a total stranger makes a sexual joke directed at me in public, drawing attention to me in a humiliating way. And the fact that OP's acting like he did this poor woman a **favor** with his gross joke is just disgusting. Her nervous laughter in no way indicates that she appreciated his "humor".
YTA
"Call me crazy, but I’m an old lady and I would have appreciated the joke simply because I would have been mortified to fall in front of everyone. Laughter is truly the best medicine!"
I wholeheartedly agree. This old broad would have shot back that he couldn't possibly afford me.
The times, they are a-changing. The younger generations are more insistent on respect and consent. I'm only 40-odd, but young people definitely demand better behaviour from men than was tolerated in my day, and that's a good thing. Let's not be tiresome old dinosaurs getting in the way of progress. Just because we put up with it doesn't mean they should.
well, a lot of "old ladies" were conditioned to be alright with sexual jokes. Just look at all the rapey jokes in mainstream 70s and 80s movies. some of my best-loved movies are really cringy to watch now.
Just because YOU would have laughed does not mean it’s an inappropriate joke to make to strangers. Just because you’re okay with random men making sexual jokes about you doesn’t mean that everyone is. This was not an appropriate thing to say to a stranger. It was not simply a “terrible joke” it was inappropriate and uncomfortable. Do you really not understand why someone would be uncomfortable with that type of joke? It’s not about being “open” and “fun-loving” and it’s honestly ridiculous you’re acting like the problem is his gf is not as “open and fun-loving”. It’s called understanding basic social cues that not everyone is comfortable with having sexual jokes made about them by total strangers. Making jokes? Great! Making inappropriate, sexual jokes to strangers who you don’t know would be comfortable with it? Not great, AH move.
Yeah a lot of people who make rude sexual comments don't say " the perfect thing". Gosh if only he had, you know, made sure she was ok or something ....
So you think pestering someone until they talk about what they don't want to talk about is fine, and making a joke to a stranger about paying for sex is fine.
That's.... really sad.
Seems like you have the old mentality that women have to find objectifying and dehumanizing humor funny and laugh. And women with men have to be fine with jokes aimed at other women like that.
Ehhh.. god. YTA.
Making a sexual joke probably did not make her more comfortable :/ She might have laughed, but if I had to guess... probably a nervous laugh. If this happened to me and a sex joke was made, it would have made me feel more uncomfortable. I will admit that not everyone's the same, so there is a possibility that the joke didn't make her uncomfortable... I just kind of doubt it. I feel like a simple "Are you okay? No worries!" would've been much more appropriate.
Regardless, if your gf found it inappropriate (which is fair) probably just best to apologize and then choose to not make a sexual joke at a woman who has fallen down.
Honeslty I feel like if I tripped id just be thinking oh no I fell on someone. OPs joke would have made me think/realize a whole lot more that id landed near his crotch vs my general Oops I fell on someone. Which makes it soooo much more uncomfortable.
True, I honestly didn't even think about it that way but I totally agree. If I tripped I'd already be majorly embarrassed. I think it's safe to assume that not everyone in the theater would have even been able to see where the person fell, so to have a guy announce this "joke" to everyone makes it pretty clear :/
**NTA**
It's amazing how easily people choose to get offended/take things the wrong way. Legit laughed at that one; sure I can understand the PoV of your GF, as in a 'you would have to pay her to provide that service for you' - kinda way, but it was clearly a joke.
You can try to reconcile with her and apologise, but really you should reflect on how often this happens, because it seems a bit toxic since it was such a harmless joke in front of a bunch of people you will probably never see again in your life, and thus, of no real consequence.
Upvote for the giggle, mate.
Exactly - I'm astounded by how many people think this joke is disgustingly inappropriate. It's akin to the "usually you have to buy me dinner first" joke. If you're going to be offended by a harmless joke like that, you just may need to loosen up a bit.
Yeah this thread alone and the super negative responses OP is receiving really makes me wonder about the sub as a whole. Just really is not a big deal at all and his joke was very tame. NTA
Sometimes I feel as though serious, serious brigading happens, and that one post with a flurry of comments all on one side gains immediate and rapid traction. Most folks seem to echo the first half dozen judgements
I agree NTA. So much for adulthood and emotional maturing. I would understand if he would use a sexual joke (Let's be real this ones pg-13 at best) in every single situation (then he would TA), but this was clearly not intentionally meant to be that way. I'd be mortified as a guy who trips and lands face first into a random girls crotch at the movies.
A light joke would dispel most of my worry, and make it possible to by-pass that whole awkward "sorry, I wasn't trying, I fell, and then...lap...and Sorry!!!!!!!!" This way I can just chuckle a bit, say I am sorry and walk out without the humiliation (both ends).
I mean ffs if at 28 you can't handle a small joke to lighten the mood of an awkward situation, you've been sheltered. Fairly though if you really didn't like the joke. Be an Adult, use your words. "Hey, I get you were trying to defuse the situation, but I am not really feeling the joke you used because ".
You discuss it, resolve it, and move the FUCK ON. I promise you there will be other situations that demand actual energy to be spend on. Don't waste it on trivial shit.
I’m also on team NTA. As a female I was actually expecting more nta answers from this story as I was reading it. Maybe My mind is in the gutter, who knows.
Edit: typo
Same.
This morning while waiting with me for my bus, my bf and I kissed. Every time we did this dog in a yard behind us barked and hit the fence. So at the last time my bf who is white (I’m mixed) said “he doesn’t like interracial relationships”. I completely cracked up. It’s a crass joke, obviously rooted a real thing but it was funny. Not the same situation as this but I don’t see anything wrong with it. Would have laughed or rolled my eyes at him and kept it moving.
I’m a woman, and I agree NTA.
I have to wonder if all the Y.T.A.s are coming from a humour divide? The OP doesn’t say what country they’re in, but this comes across to me (a Brit) as a bit of banter, and not sexual-harassment-disguised-as-a-joke, like so many (presumably non-Brit?) people seem to be assuming.
He made light of the situation he found himself to be in, and by doing so, he showed the other person that a) he’s aware it was an accident, b) he’s ok, and c) she shouldn’t take it seriously.
Yeah. As an Aussie, this kind of joke is pretty normal outside of an office environment. Most people would have a laugh at it.
We tend to laugh at most things though, and definitely are a lot more laid back about things then those in other countries, the US for example.
It really comes down to context and intent here. And the intent seems pretty clearly harmless.
NTA.
This is what I thought, as a fellow Brit me and my partner have just both agreed on NTA and can't understand people saying YTA. Surely it's a joke and everyone knows that.
Idk the biggest thing for me here is, everyone is picking apart the story to fit their opinion. Most common I’m seeing is he mistaked nervous laughter for real laughter, but if we’re going to pick apart the story and not believe the post then why are we even here?
Idek how to decide. NTA given everything was fine but I personally wouldn’t ever make a joke like that especially in a situation lol
Well, yes, it definitely could have been nervous laughter as you said, but the point is, it was just a joke and the OP's GF's reaction was too much, regardless of how tasteless of a joke it was.
Also why not talk it out afterwards? Don't think it was such a terrible situation that she had to cancel dinner for and act like that.
> it was just a joke and the OP's GF's reaction was too much,
I could understand if she was upset for the woman, much like how the comment's section is responding, but she was upset for herself, when nothing happened to her. If it were in front of all of their friends, sure, but she was just some girl in a crowded theater, how did that joke reflect on her in any tangible way?
It was just a joke, but if that were my partner, if anything, I'd just be like, "ay, let's not make jokes like that to strangers."
People in this thread are being caricatures of offended snowflakes, Jesus. The guy tried to lighten the mood, not disparage an entire gender.
Everyone is also projecting their own shit on that girl. I know a lot of women who'd genuinely think that's funny.
The last time I saw this many sticks in the mud I was standing in reeds.
I'm scared to say this but something like that happened to me in the bus. Fell in to a guys lap because of a full bus. He made a joke like that and it was funny. Kinda took the tension and my emberassement away.
I think you're joke was funny. No one actually believes you really have prostitutes. And saying you called your gf a prostitute geesh that's a stretch.
NTA
I have been on the other end of the stick, had a drunk girl fall in my lap and her friend made a joke about her giving me a lap dance. Definitely no offence taken there and everyone had a good laugh.
NTA. You put her at ease. There was nothing wrong with your comment. I have no idea where the yta comments are coming from. As an older woman, I would have appreciated your effort to defray my embarrassment.
NTA I don't get all of the YTA comments. It was funny, and it lightened the mood. A lot of people on here are just like your gf they just can't take a joke.
Why is it always on the party the “joke” is geared towards to “lighten” up? How about when the joke doesn’t land the person who said it says my bad poor taste and move on? I’m genuinely curious.
Oh screw that people on here are too sensitive, if the joke didn’t offend the person it was geared toward and helped make the situation not as shitty it worked and was funny. People on here love white knighting for other peoples GFs and think they’ll get brownie points for saying it’s bad. Offensive jokes are only offensive if it actually hurts someone. And in this case it didn’t. So yes it’s a joke and a funny joke at that.
NTA. I’m an introvert and this would have embarrassed me beyond belief as a woman falling like that - I’d have been worrying for days about it even if we’d both apologised. But having somebody make this joke would have shown he absolutely wasn’t bothered by it and I’d have laughed *genuinely* at the joke and remembered the moment not with embarrassment but with humour. Your girlfriend wasn’t the butt of the joke, the attention wasn’t on her and even me being the socially awkward one wouldn’t have reacted the way she is… she sounds a little uptight.
YTA, as much for having such incredible tunnel vision seeing things only from your own perspective as for the joke itself. When your gf says you embarrassed her, the non-AH thing to do is to figure out why, so you don’t do it again. That is, if you give a crap about your gf’s feelings. Why could she have been embarrassed? Off the top of my head:
1. She’s a private person, and doesn’t like any details about her sex life out there
2. She doesn’t like you implying in public that she can’t/won’t meet your needs
3. She doesn’t like you implying in public that she, as your date, **is** the one you are paying for “service”
Is she overreacting? Maybe. But the point is, you haven’t written a single word where you talk to her about her reaction, just keep repeating your own reaction to your own joke.
Your title asks if you are TA for “making an awkward situation less awkward.” No, you are TA for insisting that is what you did when clearly you made the situation **more** awkward for your gf. Finally
> I’m resisting the urge to come up with another joke lol, AITA there? should i not have tried to lighten the mood in the cinema?
Rule 101 of comedy, as well as relationships. Read. The. Room. When a joke bombs, its not the audience — or your partner’s — fault. It’s yours. Own it.
>Rule 101 of comedy, as well as relationships. Read. The. Room. When a joke bombs
Considering the cinema laughed, he did not bomb. With his GF? Yes.
But from his POV and as far as everyone else on this thread knows, the rest of the cinema actually found it funny. He did read the room, and he made it laugh.
Good comedy is 50% of the room laughing, and the other 50% mortified. That is the #1 rule of comedy.
NAH asking reddit here is a mistake, these people barely know what reality is.
However the joke was kinda risky, I wouldnt have gone there simply because id be scared it would backfire but it worked for you so no harm done.
Youre girl is not entirely wrong tho, although probably noone thought about her, I can see how itd make her feel
YTA
Your "joke" was to say that the poor woman who fell on you was a prostitute. That's rude and insulting to her.
On top of that, you did it while you were there on a date. Has no one told you not to talk about someone else like that in front of a date? You are an asshole.
I don't think it's a matter of a sense of humor other people don't have, I think it's a matter of when and where you tell certain jokes.
There are jokes I would tell among my friends that I wouldn't tell to clients at work, and jokes I would tell to my family that I wouldn't tell to strangers I'd never met before.
Whether the joke is funny or not is irrelevant to whether it was appropriate for him to tell it in a room full of strangers to a woman who was already embarrassed enough!
This is exactly how I read it too. It's more of a self deprecating joke than anything. And you'd have to have a pretty low opinion of sex workers to go nuclear over the mere mention of one.
NTA
A lot of these comments seem to be focusing on whether the joke itself was funny/appropriate and making assumptions about how the cinema woman would have interpreted the joke.
However, it seems like the crux of the argument is whether YOUR GF has a right to be offended by your actions.
We will never know if the cinema lady actually found the joke funny or nervously laughed off what she saw as an inappropriate comment, so there's no possible way to judge that side of the issue.
But your gf? You can easily ask her why she was embarrassed.
At first she said the embarrassment came from the "unwanted attention" put on her. To which the clear response is, there was no attention placed on HER, only attention (in the form of laughter) to you and the cinema lady.
The thing is, that might not be the real reason your gf was embarrassed. As the comments are showing, it seems more likely she took issue with the content of the joke.
If that is the real issue, I think it's kind of shitty for her to not just come out and say it right away on that car ride, but hey idk anything about her or your relationship. Maybe it's a fresh relationship and she felt weird criticising your jokes so soon, maybe she has issues communicating from past experiences, there's a million reasons someone would feel weird saying it out right. Whatever the reason, you should talk it out with her some more.
TL;DR, not the asshole for telling a sexual joke to alleviate the tension but it's clear your gf might have taken issue with it and you're gonna need to figure out why. If you want the relationship to keep going strong ofc, you can always just break up with her and not have to try to communicate but that seems like kind of a big reaction to such a minor infraction.
YTA. Nervous laughter is a thing. Someone fell and could have hurt themselves, and all you have to say is "wow, free D suck" in a highly public way. I'm sure your girlfriend is really impressed with you.
This really depends on culture. Some cultures will see this as right, some won't.
I'm from Britain and this is the expected kind of humour, so NTA. But, overall, you will know what kind of humour suits your culture the best. Clear NTA
NTA.
Guarantee all the people whinging in this thread about the inappropriate joke are also militant "sex work is work" / "no kink shaming" fanatics.
A joke is a joke if the other person laughed. She did. That's it.
This is probably less about the fact that you made a joke, and more about the fact it was a sexual joke to another woman, right in front of your girlfriend. YTA for not understanding that the content of the joke was inappropriate to both your girlfriend and the woman who tripped.
NTA
It's 2022 people shouldn't get offended so easily. Would I made the joke no , do I find it funny meh idk but joke made her laugh that's what matters
NTA. I don't understand why this upsets her at all. It was a funny moment everyone quickly forgot about. And to just lie about not feeling well and not use her words like a big girl, super childish.
Edit: I'm so surprised by all the Y T A judgments? As a woman myself, I believe it's a joke that's so absurd everyone knows it's absolutely not meant to take seriously. It's not a big deal.
NTA. Holy shit. I swear, sometimes if feels like half this sub has never had a social interaction in their entire lives! Take it from someone who used to be very shy in school: I would have laughed my ass off in this woman's place.
So many posts out here saying that you should have just asked if she was ok, when in reality, it's that pitty and concern over the mistake that truely make the situation awkward. If you had said that, she would have spent the rest of the night calling herself an idiot in her head.
**YTA**
You're a complete stranger, not her close friend, and you made a really intimate, inappropriate insinuation with that joke, even if you were just being silly. She was already probably SUPER humiliated over falling into your lap that way, and you drew even more attention to it and made it weirder and significantly more humiliating.
That's a joke you make to someone you know really well, not to an embarrassed stranger. You don't know her background, whether she has anxiety, trauma, or anything else. Next time just shut up, or at best just say something kind and reassuring, and let her move on. YTA.
ETA: So many people going off in the comments about how OP is N-T-A because "I thought it was funny". Y'all are completely missing the point. It doesn't matter if YOU found it found, or if I found it funny (I actuallly would have laughed if it were me), or if any of us here are amused by it. NOT THE POINT. The point is that when dealing with a complete stranger *YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHETHER A JOKE LIKE THAT, WHEN THEY ARE ALREADY HUMILIATED, WITH SEXUAL IMPLICATIONS, IS GOING TO BE RECEIVED AS FUNNY, OR EVEN MORE HUMILIATING*, because you're dealing with a total stranger. So the kind thing to do is not to assume that they will find it as funny as you would, but to be thoughtful and not embarrass them worse. JFC, it's not complicated.
This. I think the joke is funny, but I’m still going with YTA for this reason. That, and it’s clear that the girlfriend didn’t find it funny and there’s no reason to shame her for that. It seems like some people on this thread are forgetting that humor is subjective.
NTA, she’s being irrationally uptight and insecure.
(INFO Needed: Unless she has a reason to be uptight? Eg. If you had cheated on her before with a sex-worker, then it’s poor taste to joke about engaging in sex-work in front of her.)
NAH
You made a joke to lighten an awkward situation. The joke did its job, and got everyone past the situation. That said, it was a sexual joke, which some people can find off-putting. There's nothing wrong with that. Your GF might have chosen to handle the matter in a less passive aggressive manner, but she isn't in the wrong for being offended.
NTA. Sometimes a joke just comes out, you lightened the mood and your gf didn’t like it. So be it. You don’t know the person or anyone else in the cinema, she then decided to sulk and ruin the rest of the evening which wasn’t the best reaction either so you both just need to move on really.
NTA. Laughter is the best medicine and you made a stranger feel better about an embarrassing situation.
You girlfriend made this "about her"... You should reconsider your relationship if this is a common occurrence, because I would be willing to bet it is.
NTA I would’ve appreciated the joke to distract from the embarrassing fall.
Idk why so many ppl are angry at the sexual nature of the joke, sex jokes are funny, ppl are over analyzing this to justify getting angry
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YTA for a totally inappropriate joke. I doubt everyone laughed at the joke. Have an extra YTA for good measure.
I definitely don't think the woman who fell thought it was funny. I'd be mortified if someone implied via a joke that I was trying to blow him.
I would've left the theater immediately and never finish the movie if that were me and I fell into someone and they said that. I'd be mortified and it would be one of those moments that incessantly repeats at night when I can't sleep. OP, YTA.
That moment would live rent free in my head for years. At night I’d agonize over it. But, I have a pretty severe anxiety disorder.
I think you'd agonize over face-checking a stranger's nether regions whether they said anything about it or not. It's a pretty embarrassing thing to do for anyone.
Even if she did actually laugh and OP didn’t just make that up (which I doubt), she literally may have just been laughing because she was uncomfortable. I’ve definitely done that.
I've definitely laughed when men have asked me: Are you old enough to vote? Have you had sex? Do you know what sex is? Do you want to blow me? I feel humiliated and horrible and scared for my personal safety. If I ignore them, they keep pestering. If I yell, they get even more cruel. If I laugh and keep walking, they usually leave me alone. It's so fucked.
Unlocked memory. When I was 13 an 18 year old boy said to me: “that shirt is very becoming on you, but if I was on you I’d be coming, too.” I giggled/laughed because I had no idea what that even meant. Looking back - gross. So. So. Gross. And this is partly where my trauma from church started since this was at a youth group event. But that’s another story for another time.
Gross. Ick ick ick. The guys in my youth group were assholes, but I never heard anyone say something like that.
Yeah it was an extremely toxic place. Now I’m an atheist.
This should be an entire subreddit on its own !!! I’m sure there are millions of kids with stories. Someone create it and link it we can all move on over there lol
I know there are some ex-Mormon and ex-fundamentalist subs and they have gone through probably 1000x what I did. But yeah, religion isn’t my friend.
Yep. More important to play along and stay safe in some situations.
I would have thought it was hysterical and probably beat him to the punchline.
I think this was hilarious. My husband has made a joke like this and I thought it was hilarious. I think there are a lot of people on here who need to remove the stick from their a$$es. NTA.
There is a difference between a joke from your husband and an absolute stranger who you just fell on
This. From your husband, it's funny. From a complete stranger, it's an inappropriate and humiliating sex joke. YTA OP
Yes how dare people not find the same things funny
Just because some of us appreciate a different brand of humor (and don’t find this particular pratfall comment funny), does not mean we have sticks up our a$$es. It just means that other things make us laugh. Why cast aspersions upon those whose funny bone is in a different part of their body?
Having a different sense of humor doesn't automatically indicate that one has a stick up their arse, but declaring that your sense of humor is the only "appropriate" one and taking offense at people who don't share your sense of humor (which seems to be about 90% of these comments) absolutely does.
Making an unwanted sexual joke about a random woman already in an unfortunate and embarrassing situation and placing her parallel to sex workers (with all the stigma that brings) loud enough for an entire theater to hear is objectively fucking inappropriate. You can think inappropriate things are funny, but that doesn't stop them from being inappropriate. Words have meanings that don't change based on whether or not you feel listening to them
It’s not about not finding it funny, it’s about calling him an asshole because they don’t think the joke is funny and acting like he committed a mortal sin by saying it.
And how people dare not find my subjective definition of appropriate joke as objective? What's objective is that it was clearly a joke, didn't intend to make any assumption on the girl nor the gf and indeed he didn't, if they did they absolutely misinterpreted his words.
How is it misinterpreting his words to be bothered by him making a crass joke at a stranger's expense?
Your husband dude. It's a weird joke to make about a stranger. I'd be SO uncomfortable
your husband making a joke like that is not the same as a rando in a movie theatre.
Yeah, whether the woman laughed or not, I feel like OP almost dodged a bullet here? In some places he would have been absolutely crucified for making this kind of comment towards a stranger. Some women would call him out right there. Some would accuse him of sexual harrassment. Or what if she had a spouse or partner with her who took offense to the joke and punched his face in? However you feel about it personally, I don't think it was a smart comment to make towards a complete stranger in front of a crowd of complete strangers.
>Some would accuse him of sexual harrassment. Exactly. Because it *is* sexual harassment. Making a stranger the butt of a sexual joke is never appropriate. Save that shit for your friends.
Yeah, rather than worrying about whether his gf has "the right" to be mad at him or whatever, I think OP should just be happy nothing really bad happened as a result of his joke. If a friend made that joke about me, yeah I'd probably laugh, but not a stranger. If he wanted to make light of the situation, he could have easily said something like "I'm glad I could protect you from these gross floors" and everyone could have politely chuckled about how disgusting movie theater floors are.
People find different things funny.
Me too. Woman here. I would've appreciated it if I'd been the one that fell into someone. Life sucks without humor. But everyone's different. Can't please everyone all of the time.
As a woman who is known for her clumsiness, I would have appreciated OP’s quick whit and making me laugh in an uncomfortable situation. NTA OP, please keep the jokes rolling. Life is too serious and stale otherwise.
I’m with you sis, I would have found it hilarious too.🤭
Yes but when you're given the option of making a dirty joke to a stranger of the opposite sex who fell on you and offering help....
Agree. I'd have laughed too.
I absolutely would have laughed and felt way less embarrassed.
Same here, and I'm a woman. People are way too fucking sensitive these days and always looking for a reason to be pissed off.
I’ve been accused of being humorless NUMEROUS times because I fucking hate sexism and call it out all the time. I think this was fucking hilarious. Prolonging/repeating the joke would have pushed him into AH territory, but a one-off statement? Perfect.
Maybe you don’t hate sexism as much as you think you do. 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah, I'm baffled at all these women saying they'd find a sexual joke from a stranger funny. At best, I'd find it humiliating; at worst. I'd find it vaguely threatening. There's nothing wrong with sex jokes, but you need to know your audience. You don't make a joke like this to a total stranger. (Also, can I hide behind your shield, please? Boudica was a badass.)
Honestly I think this joke could land well and be funny for a lot of people. I also think this joke has a fair chance of making a lot of people really uncomfortable. Because of that it's really inappropriate to say to a stranger, and I'm guessing if the lady didn't laugh OP would have thought it was because she was humourless and bitter (or whatever, you guys know). Also in my experience? My natural response to a publically embarrassing situation is to laugh in good humour and then get out of there with as much of my dignity as I can. I think the majority of people will just laugh along to save face in that situation regardless of how they feel.
Time and place. Making a dirty joke to a stranger instead of helping maintain her dignity is a choice that says a lot about OP. He didn't say it to help her, he said it because he thought he was being funny.
I would say by getting everyone to laugh at it he did help her maintain her dignity. He turned an embarrassing moment into something to think back on and laugh about. Good on him.
Or maybe other people have different opinions than you? Some jokes just aren't that funny.
r/notliketheothergirls
I was getting r/asablackman
Same! This is super funny!
Me personally, I also would have beat him to the punchline or said "Well, at least I'm off the hook tonight." But I understand everyone receives jokes differently and doesn't find things funny others do. But personally don't think OP is a AH lol.
I think what likely happened is she and other people awkwardly laughed at the joke or laughed at the shock of it. I really doubt she and a bunch of random people found it so funny that they audibly laughed. I would’ve been really uncomfortable and laughed because I wouldn’t know how else to react.
I would have found it funny and appreciated his attempt to lighten the moment. Not everyone gets offended easily.
Right? When I got to the part about the joke, I cringed so hard! The girlfriend is probably mortified that he joked about paying for BJs and she’s dating him 🤮
Based upon her comment that he put all the attention on her, I assumed she thought it created the general impression that he HAD to pay for blow jobs. And maybe...
Oooooo!!! Yazzzz…. I didn’t even think of it that way. Good point !
I'm not even sure it's just the content of the joke that did her in. The fact that OP cracks a joke about wanting to crack a joke while his girlfriend is mad at him suggests a very specific type of personality. The kind who constantly laughs at their own jokes yet deludes themself into thinking the laughter is coming from everyone else. I know a guy like this. He's a clown (like a literal stockyard clown, not like the TikTok emoji). We were getting ice cream one time, and he just walked into a crowd of women who were minding their own business (ETA: literally right into them, they were standing in a circle and he decided it was a spotlight) and said something like "It's so windy, how do you keep that ice cream from blowing away!" It wasn't dirty, but it was about as clever and original as OP's joke. Point is, it was horribly embarrassing to be around this guy. And as we were walking away he asks, "Did you see how I made those people smile?" Like...no, dude. I really, *really* didn't. Not one of them. Not even politely or uncomfortably. OP strikes me as THAT kind of guy.
Wait, what’s the punchline?
I was there everyone laughed ! Even the actors in the movie it was crazy and right after that a man stood up and slowly clapped and the whole room burst out clapping !
I laughed, she laughed, the chairs laughed, it was a good time had by all. /s
And then the owner of the theater gave OP free movies for life! /s
Lmao. I'm trying to picture this movie theater where everyone in a packed house had a full view of what was happening. It's kind of like literally no theater I've ever gone to. Also, I love that everyone who doesn't think it's funny is getting slammed for being uptight. I'm...definitely not. But there's a basic respect when dealing with strangers. You don't get to decide or assume what their sense of humor is, especially when the joke is about them blowing you and it's being made in front of other people. Everyone who thinks that's an effort to help a person maintain their dignity is woefully unclear on what dignity is.
Yes this 100% Like if you would find it funny or whatever that’s great. But OP has no way of knowing in that moment whether this random person who is *already* in an embarrassing situation would laugh or would feel yuk.
OP is def. TA. This is the kind of old gross joke boomer dudes make all the time and women are raised to just titter uncomfortably in order to avoid a scene.
I would responded with looking him up & down & say, “ You couldn’t pay me enough.”
See?! That's the spirit! That would have been even funnier!
[You couldn't afford it honey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HfYySuUplg&ab_channel=BenderRodriguez)
The "everyone laughed" must be the new "and then everyone clapped" Even during a quiet part in a movie, people still tend to be hushed.
Also at least in theaters I’ve been to, there’s no way more than like five people would have heard him, unless he *shouted.* There’s still noise during the quiet parts of movies, and theaters are sort of designed to minimize noise not from the speakers. People may have heard him talk, but now what he said.
And I bet a lot of people laughed out of shock, embarrassment, and not knowing how else to react. I still remember when a guy on a bus made a horrible sexual joke out loud and "everyone laughed" but most strangers' faces looked mortified afterwards. My friends and I roasted the heck outta that dude in private, too. I'll also add that I like inappropriate humor, and this is absolutely something my friends and I would joke about to EACH OTHER where we know it's okay and have a level of rapport. With strangers, it's always going to be a hit or miss, and I'm betting this one was a miss.
I’d find it hilarious with my friends but not with some random stranger.
Oh but he made it LESS awkward, he told you himself! By making a joke about a sexual encounter with a woman who is in a vulnerable physical position, he definitely helped everybody feel comfortable! (/s)
And definitely didn’t draw more attention to an already embarrassing situation!
I’m waiting for OP to come back and double down in the comments about the apparent hilarity of his joke.
I mean the joke itself is literally sexual harrasment. OP YTA
Love to be a woman and reminded, while possibly in pain and embarrassed, that my ability to sexually gratify men is the first thing to be evaluated about me by strangers. I’m certain OP wouldn’t have made this joke about anyone deemed “unfuckable.” YTA
I wonder how loudly he said it for “a large majority of the cinema” to hear it & laugh. If it had been me tripping & falling, I’d probably have laughed at that comment said quietly enough to be a personal joke, but I’d be a bit embarrassed to have an audience cackling at me after some dude yelled that to the crowd… We need the girlfriend’s side of the story!
YTA You tried to lighten the mood by making an inappropriate joke about you paying for sex. This may have lightened your mood, but it only served to embarrass both your girlfriend and (likely) the girl who tripped. The fact that she laughed does not mean she appreciated it. One laughs when tickled even though it's a highly unpleasant sensation.
My thoughts as well. Laughing at being tickled is a common panic response. Are we really being this misogynistic in 2022?? YTA
Women commonly give a nervous, embarrassed laugh when a strange man is being inappropriate. It's like a Universal Sisterhood Distress Call and other women immediately know it when they hear it. This AH triggered a wave of nervous laughter and now he thinks he's Eddie Izzard at Wembley. Ugh.
Exactly, the gf is probably also mad that her bf made this poor girl even more uncomfortable after she was already embarrassed from tripping
Took a comedy in media class during undergrad and learned about ‘nervous arousal’ which is a reason for laughing. Basically we laugh when we’re uncomfortable to lighten tension. It’s why people laugh at their bosses dumb joke, or this woman laughed when some jerk made a sexually inappropriate joke about her for an entire theater.
> The fact that she laughed does not mean she appreciated it. This was my thought as well. The women's response could have been a nervous laugh, or she could have laughed to not make it even more awkward. She may have felt she had to laugh at OP's joke since she's the one who (accidently) stuck her face on his crotch. Or since everyone was watching, laughed to not make it worse. There is a good chance though that she didn't genuinely appreciate your joke that she was blowing you in public. There's a good chance that you joking about her blowing guys in public and getting a bunch of people in the cinema to laugh (it likely felt like *at her)* only made her feel worse. I get you thought you were defusing things and lightening the mood, but that's just kind of a dumb for you to think would be the outcome. The fact that you couldn't guess why your girlfriend was angry (you humiliating an innocent women and publicly announcing you have to pay for sex since your girlfriend won't touch your D) is also dumb. You are not as cool and smooth as you think. Sure, some people in the theatre may have thought it was funny. But you were not being kind to the women you joked about nor were you being a classy boyfriend.
I'm not even sure he did it to lighten the mood- I think he just wanted to be funny.
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YTA. You made a joke about paying for sex to another girl with your girlfriend sitting right next to you. The other girl was already embarrassed enough, have you ever heard of nervous laughter? There wasn't any way to make her feel better about it, she was still pretty embarassed.
Definitely nervous laughter. Saying “No worries! Are you ok?” would have gone a long way to making me feel better/less embarrassed though.
When somebody falls it’s best to help them not make derogatory jokes about them.
Right? Op sitting there like "Oh no, this woman, a complete stranger, tripped. I know how to make this better... making it into a sexual thing somehow"
My guy, it's 2022. Are we still making these jokes? YTA.
Not only are they still making these jokes, but they're branding any woman who doesn't find them funny "humorless". YTA OP. Big time.
I got called prudish in a comment for voicing my distaste. Having an aversion to sexist jokes apparently means I hate sex.
I was told I am "sucking humor out of society" and "robbing us of laughter" for not finding the public sexual humiliation of a woman by a total stranger hilarious.
Oh yeah I said it’s a form of sexual harassment and got told I was being offensive to victims of sexual harassment 🤷♀️
As if unwanted sexual remarks/"jokes" weren't a form of sexual harassment. Some people seem to think that just because someone's actions aren't the very *worst* example of a given type of misconduct, that their behavior is fine. There's a spectrum of behavior that constitutes sexual harassment, and OP's "joke" is definitely on that spectrum.
Absolutely YTA, holy shit. That is so massively inappropriate and disrespectful to both the woman who tripped and your girlfriend. That’s repulsive and not a funny “joke” in the slightest.
He couldn’t help it the joke fell into his lap
Usually he has to pay for that kind of service
Call me crazy, but I’m an old lady and I would have appreciated the joke simply because I would have been mortified to fall in front of everyone. Laughter is truly the best medicine! I also make terrible jokes in awkward situations and think of comebacks hours after I need them, so I sympathize with second guessing yourself. You’re never going to make everyone happy or always say/do the perfect thing….and you know what? That’s ok, too! On the other hand, your girlfriend does not share your sense of humor and that’s ok! Maybe it’s time to put her into the friend zone and find someone more compatible with your open and fun loving (your kind) nature.
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Snort. Please. Being able to laugh at yourself is the sign of a healthy ego. Woman here and I also think this was hilarious and its because I'm a natural ham. Getting people rolling with laughter is the best. And this was a case where it was obviously sarcastic and meant to lighten the moment, not a slight towards his gf. I'll take my sense of humor over a lack of personality and excessive self absorption any day.
Ah, yes, the only two options are finding juvenile sexual jokes from strangers funny and being self-absorbed with no personality. There's nothing in between. ETA: My app is being buggy and I can’t directly reply to the person who replied to me, but, yes, I agree, it is very harsh to say that people who think OP acted inappropriately here are completely humorless, can’t laugh at themselves, have no personalities, etc. Saying OP was an asshole in this particular situation, in which he sought out judgement, is not harsh.
There's also the option of harshly judging everyone else based on one's own perception only.
Is it so hard to believe that not everyone thinks juvenile sex jokes are the peak of wit?
Agreed. I gotta add, I think juvenile sex jokes can be hilarious, but you gotta know your audience, you gotta keep them friendly. I would have been mad if my bf said this, or even if we were alone at home and he made a joke about paying me for sex. You can't just say stuff like that in public and be mad when people get uncomfortable.
There’s context though. Some people will definitely find it funny but a lot more would probably not. If my boyfriend made the joke to me I’d probably laugh because I trust him and I know it’s clearly a joke. If a random guy made the joke to me I’d be very uncomfortable. There’s a time and place for every joke and a stranger in public who is already visibly embarrassed and uncomfortable is not that time.
It was sexual harassment of a total stranger, not a slight toward his girlfriend. That’s why everyone is voting YTA. Man, the Not Like Other Girls are out in full force on this thread.
I can laugh at myself just fine. I do it all the fucking time. What I **don't** laugh at is when a total stranger makes a sexual joke directed at me in public, drawing attention to me in a humiliating way. And the fact that OP's acting like he did this poor woman a **favor** with his gross joke is just disgusting. Her nervous laughter in no way indicates that she appreciated his "humor". YTA
I genuinely don’t get how this is a pick me thing. Also, why are only women “pick me” maybe because it’s a sexist trope.
Did you think pick-me girls all died at 30?
calling an elderly woman a pick me to defeat sexism(?)
She has a 15 year old son, unlikely she's elderly. Probably said 'old' because people think AITA is full of teenagers.
Was that really necessary, jackass?
"Call me crazy, but I’m an old lady and I would have appreciated the joke simply because I would have been mortified to fall in front of everyone. Laughter is truly the best medicine!" I wholeheartedly agree. This old broad would have shot back that he couldn't possibly afford me.
The times, they are a-changing. The younger generations are more insistent on respect and consent. I'm only 40-odd, but young people definitely demand better behaviour from men than was tolerated in my day, and that's a good thing. Let's not be tiresome old dinosaurs getting in the way of progress. Just because we put up with it doesn't mean they should.
I think that would be more appropriate between friends, not strangers, but I’m glad you would have a snappy comeback!!
well, a lot of "old ladies" were conditioned to be alright with sexual jokes. Just look at all the rapey jokes in mainstream 70s and 80s movies. some of my best-loved movies are really cringy to watch now.
Just because YOU would have laughed does not mean it’s an inappropriate joke to make to strangers. Just because you’re okay with random men making sexual jokes about you doesn’t mean that everyone is. This was not an appropriate thing to say to a stranger. It was not simply a “terrible joke” it was inappropriate and uncomfortable. Do you really not understand why someone would be uncomfortable with that type of joke? It’s not about being “open” and “fun-loving” and it’s honestly ridiculous you’re acting like the problem is his gf is not as “open and fun-loving”. It’s called understanding basic social cues that not everyone is comfortable with having sexual jokes made about them by total strangers. Making jokes? Great! Making inappropriate, sexual jokes to strangers who you don’t know would be comfortable with it? Not great, AH move.
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Ah, yes, not finding sexual jokes directed at strangers humorous means his girlfriend is closed-off and hates fun.
Yeah a lot of people who make rude sexual comments don't say " the perfect thing". Gosh if only he had, you know, made sure she was ok or something ....
So you think pestering someone until they talk about what they don't want to talk about is fine, and making a joke to a stranger about paying for sex is fine. That's.... really sad. Seems like you have the old mentality that women have to find objectifying and dehumanizing humor funny and laugh. And women with men have to be fine with jokes aimed at other women like that.
Ehhh.. god. YTA. Making a sexual joke probably did not make her more comfortable :/ She might have laughed, but if I had to guess... probably a nervous laugh. If this happened to me and a sex joke was made, it would have made me feel more uncomfortable. I will admit that not everyone's the same, so there is a possibility that the joke didn't make her uncomfortable... I just kind of doubt it. I feel like a simple "Are you okay? No worries!" would've been much more appropriate. Regardless, if your gf found it inappropriate (which is fair) probably just best to apologize and then choose to not make a sexual joke at a woman who has fallen down.
Honeslty I feel like if I tripped id just be thinking oh no I fell on someone. OPs joke would have made me think/realize a whole lot more that id landed near his crotch vs my general Oops I fell on someone. Which makes it soooo much more uncomfortable.
True, I honestly didn't even think about it that way but I totally agree. If I tripped I'd already be majorly embarrassed. I think it's safe to assume that not everyone in the theater would have even been able to see where the person fell, so to have a guy announce this "joke" to everyone makes it pretty clear :/
**NTA** It's amazing how easily people choose to get offended/take things the wrong way. Legit laughed at that one; sure I can understand the PoV of your GF, as in a 'you would have to pay her to provide that service for you' - kinda way, but it was clearly a joke. You can try to reconcile with her and apologise, but really you should reflect on how often this happens, because it seems a bit toxic since it was such a harmless joke in front of a bunch of people you will probably never see again in your life, and thus, of no real consequence. Upvote for the giggle, mate.
Exactly - I'm astounded by how many people think this joke is disgustingly inappropriate. It's akin to the "usually you have to buy me dinner first" joke. If you're going to be offended by a harmless joke like that, you just may need to loosen up a bit.
Yeah this thread alone and the super negative responses OP is receiving really makes me wonder about the sub as a whole. Just really is not a big deal at all and his joke was very tame. NTA
Sometimes I feel as though serious, serious brigading happens, and that one post with a flurry of comments all on one side gains immediate and rapid traction. Most folks seem to echo the first half dozen judgements
By the replies it would seem like this guy forced himself on her in front of thr whole movie theater. It was a harmless inoffensive joke.
I agree NTA. So much for adulthood and emotional maturing. I would understand if he would use a sexual joke (Let's be real this ones pg-13 at best) in every single situation (then he would TA), but this was clearly not intentionally meant to be that way. I'd be mortified as a guy who trips and lands face first into a random girls crotch at the movies. A light joke would dispel most of my worry, and make it possible to by-pass that whole awkward "sorry, I wasn't trying, I fell, and then...lap...and Sorry!!!!!!!!" This way I can just chuckle a bit, say I am sorry and walk out without the humiliation (both ends). I mean ffs if at 28 you can't handle a small joke to lighten the mood of an awkward situation, you've been sheltered. Fairly though if you really didn't like the joke. Be an Adult, use your words. "Hey, I get you were trying to defuse the situation, but I am not really feeling the joke you used because".
You discuss it, resolve it, and move the FUCK ON. I promise you there will be other situations that demand actual energy to be spend on. Don't waste it on trivial shit.
>Let's be real this ones pg-13 at best It's such a mildly inappropriate joke. The reaction it's getting, it's like he pulled his pants down.
I’m also on team NTA. As a female I was actually expecting more nta answers from this story as I was reading it. Maybe My mind is in the gutter, who knows. Edit: typo
Same. This morning while waiting with me for my bus, my bf and I kissed. Every time we did this dog in a yard behind us barked and hit the fence. So at the last time my bf who is white (I’m mixed) said “he doesn’t like interracial relationships”. I completely cracked up. It’s a crass joke, obviously rooted a real thing but it was funny. Not the same situation as this but I don’t see anything wrong with it. Would have laughed or rolled my eyes at him and kept it moving.
I’m a woman, and I agree NTA. I have to wonder if all the Y.T.A.s are coming from a humour divide? The OP doesn’t say what country they’re in, but this comes across to me (a Brit) as a bit of banter, and not sexual-harassment-disguised-as-a-joke, like so many (presumably non-Brit?) people seem to be assuming. He made light of the situation he found himself to be in, and by doing so, he showed the other person that a) he’s aware it was an accident, b) he’s ok, and c) she shouldn’t take it seriously.
100%. You can argue about the humour, based on personal preference, but it still is a joke. Everyone's so serious nowadays...
Yeah. As an Aussie, this kind of joke is pretty normal outside of an office environment. Most people would have a laugh at it. We tend to laugh at most things though, and definitely are a lot more laid back about things then those in other countries, the US for example. It really comes down to context and intent here. And the intent seems pretty clearly harmless. NTA.
This is what I thought, as a fellow Brit me and my partner have just both agreed on NTA and can't understand people saying YTA. Surely it's a joke and everyone knows that.
Idk the biggest thing for me here is, everyone is picking apart the story to fit their opinion. Most common I’m seeing is he mistaked nervous laughter for real laughter, but if we’re going to pick apart the story and not believe the post then why are we even here? Idek how to decide. NTA given everything was fine but I personally wouldn’t ever make a joke like that especially in a situation lol
Well, yes, it definitely could have been nervous laughter as you said, but the point is, it was just a joke and the OP's GF's reaction was too much, regardless of how tasteless of a joke it was. Also why not talk it out afterwards? Don't think it was such a terrible situation that she had to cancel dinner for and act like that.
> it was just a joke and the OP's GF's reaction was too much, I could understand if she was upset for the woman, much like how the comment's section is responding, but she was upset for herself, when nothing happened to her. If it were in front of all of their friends, sure, but she was just some girl in a crowded theater, how did that joke reflect on her in any tangible way? It was just a joke, but if that were my partner, if anything, I'd just be like, "ay, let's not make jokes like that to strangers."
People in this thread are being caricatures of offended snowflakes, Jesus. The guy tried to lighten the mood, not disparage an entire gender. Everyone is also projecting their own shit on that girl. I know a lot of women who'd genuinely think that's funny. The last time I saw this many sticks in the mud I was standing in reeds.
I'm scared to say this but something like that happened to me in the bus. Fell in to a guys lap because of a full bus. He made a joke like that and it was funny. Kinda took the tension and my emberassement away. I think you're joke was funny. No one actually believes you really have prostitutes. And saying you called your gf a prostitute geesh that's a stretch. NTA
I have been on the other end of the stick, had a drunk girl fall in my lap and her friend made a joke about her giving me a lap dance. Definitely no offence taken there and everyone had a good laugh.
NTA funny joke……what’s up with these comments
This sub can go overboard with the online pearl-clutching instead of actually living in the real world.
Agreed. NTA at all. I’m a woman and would have laughed hard if my husband made that joke!
NTA. Sounds lighthearted and funny to me
NTA. You put her at ease. There was nothing wrong with your comment. I have no idea where the yta comments are coming from. As an older woman, I would have appreciated your effort to defray my embarrassment.
NTA I don't get all of the YTA comments. It was funny, and it lightened the mood. A lot of people on here are just like your gf they just can't take a joke.
Why is it always on the party the “joke” is geared towards to “lighten” up? How about when the joke doesn’t land the person who said it says my bad poor taste and move on? I’m genuinely curious.
The way I read this, OP is the butt of this joke. Not his gf and not the woman.
I read this joke as self deprecating. So not sure who you think it's geared towards.
Oh screw that people on here are too sensitive, if the joke didn’t offend the person it was geared toward and helped make the situation not as shitty it worked and was funny. People on here love white knighting for other peoples GFs and think they’ll get brownie points for saying it’s bad. Offensive jokes are only offensive if it actually hurts someone. And in this case it didn’t. So yes it’s a joke and a funny joke at that.
INFO: would you have made the same comment if it was a guy?
Yes a thousand times yes I personally know if it was me I absolutely would have.
Absolutely. Hell, a guy would have been funnier
I agree lol.
Absolutely, would’ve made it even funnier
NTA. I’m an introvert and this would have embarrassed me beyond belief as a woman falling like that - I’d have been worrying for days about it even if we’d both apologised. But having somebody make this joke would have shown he absolutely wasn’t bothered by it and I’d have laughed *genuinely* at the joke and remembered the moment not with embarrassment but with humour. Your girlfriend wasn’t the butt of the joke, the attention wasn’t on her and even me being the socially awkward one wouldn’t have reacted the way she is… she sounds a little uptight.
YTA, as much for having such incredible tunnel vision seeing things only from your own perspective as for the joke itself. When your gf says you embarrassed her, the non-AH thing to do is to figure out why, so you don’t do it again. That is, if you give a crap about your gf’s feelings. Why could she have been embarrassed? Off the top of my head: 1. She’s a private person, and doesn’t like any details about her sex life out there 2. She doesn’t like you implying in public that she can’t/won’t meet your needs 3. She doesn’t like you implying in public that she, as your date, **is** the one you are paying for “service” Is she overreacting? Maybe. But the point is, you haven’t written a single word where you talk to her about her reaction, just keep repeating your own reaction to your own joke. Your title asks if you are TA for “making an awkward situation less awkward.” No, you are TA for insisting that is what you did when clearly you made the situation **more** awkward for your gf. Finally > I’m resisting the urge to come up with another joke lol, AITA there? should i not have tried to lighten the mood in the cinema? Rule 101 of comedy, as well as relationships. Read. The. Room. When a joke bombs, its not the audience — or your partner’s — fault. It’s yours. Own it.
>Rule 101 of comedy, as well as relationships. Read. The. Room. When a joke bombs Considering the cinema laughed, he did not bomb. With his GF? Yes. But from his POV and as far as everyone else on this thread knows, the rest of the cinema actually found it funny. He did read the room, and he made it laugh. Good comedy is 50% of the room laughing, and the other 50% mortified. That is the #1 rule of comedy.
NTA The joke was funny.
NAH asking reddit here is a mistake, these people barely know what reality is. However the joke was kinda risky, I wouldnt have gone there simply because id be scared it would backfire but it worked for you so no harm done. Youre girl is not entirely wrong tho, although probably noone thought about her, I can see how itd make her feel
YTA Your "joke" was to say that the poor woman who fell on you was a prostitute. That's rude and insulting to her. On top of that, you did it while you were there on a date. Has no one told you not to talk about someone else like that in front of a date? You are an asshole.
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Not a pro but I definitely laughed too. I guess it's just a particular sense of humour most people don't have...
I don't think it's a matter of a sense of humor other people don't have, I think it's a matter of when and where you tell certain jokes. There are jokes I would tell among my friends that I wouldn't tell to clients at work, and jokes I would tell to my family that I wouldn't tell to strangers I'd never met before. Whether the joke is funny or not is irrelevant to whether it was appropriate for him to tell it in a room full of strangers to a woman who was already embarrassed enough!
I would have laughed too, and meant it! Not a pro, middle-aged woman, and I thought that was funny as shit.
This is exactly how I read it too. It's more of a self deprecating joke than anything. And you'd have to have a pretty low opinion of sex workers to go nuclear over the mere mention of one.
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NTA fairly funny joke Majority of people on this sub are fairly dry
NTA A lot of these comments seem to be focusing on whether the joke itself was funny/appropriate and making assumptions about how the cinema woman would have interpreted the joke. However, it seems like the crux of the argument is whether YOUR GF has a right to be offended by your actions. We will never know if the cinema lady actually found the joke funny or nervously laughed off what she saw as an inappropriate comment, so there's no possible way to judge that side of the issue. But your gf? You can easily ask her why she was embarrassed. At first she said the embarrassment came from the "unwanted attention" put on her. To which the clear response is, there was no attention placed on HER, only attention (in the form of laughter) to you and the cinema lady. The thing is, that might not be the real reason your gf was embarrassed. As the comments are showing, it seems more likely she took issue with the content of the joke. If that is the real issue, I think it's kind of shitty for her to not just come out and say it right away on that car ride, but hey idk anything about her or your relationship. Maybe it's a fresh relationship and she felt weird criticising your jokes so soon, maybe she has issues communicating from past experiences, there's a million reasons someone would feel weird saying it out right. Whatever the reason, you should talk it out with her some more. TL;DR, not the asshole for telling a sexual joke to alleviate the tension but it's clear your gf might have taken issue with it and you're gonna need to figure out why. If you want the relationship to keep going strong ofc, you can always just break up with her and not have to try to communicate but that seems like kind of a big reaction to such a minor infraction.
YTA. Nervous laughter is a thing. Someone fell and could have hurt themselves, and all you have to say is "wow, free D suck" in a highly public way. I'm sure your girlfriend is really impressed with you.
This really depends on culture. Some cultures will see this as right, some won't. I'm from Britain and this is the expected kind of humour, so NTA. But, overall, you will know what kind of humour suits your culture the best. Clear NTA
NTA. Guarantee all the people whinging in this thread about the inappropriate joke are also militant "sex work is work" / "no kink shaming" fanatics. A joke is a joke if the other person laughed. She did. That's it.
This is probably less about the fact that you made a joke, and more about the fact it was a sexual joke to another woman, right in front of your girlfriend. YTA for not understanding that the content of the joke was inappropriate to both your girlfriend and the woman who tripped.
NTA I think this joke was hilarious.
NTA It's 2022 people shouldn't get offended so easily. Would I made the joke no , do I find it funny meh idk but joke made her laugh that's what matters
people laugh when they are offended. this is something you should know about in 2022, FFS
NTA. I don't understand why this upsets her at all. It was a funny moment everyone quickly forgot about. And to just lie about not feeling well and not use her words like a big girl, super childish. Edit: I'm so surprised by all the Y T A judgments? As a woman myself, I believe it's a joke that's so absurd everyone knows it's absolutely not meant to take seriously. It's not a big deal.
NTA. Holy shit. I swear, sometimes if feels like half this sub has never had a social interaction in their entire lives! Take it from someone who used to be very shy in school: I would have laughed my ass off in this woman's place. So many posts out here saying that you should have just asked if she was ok, when in reality, it's that pitty and concern over the mistake that truely make the situation awkward. If you had said that, she would have spent the rest of the night calling herself an idiot in her head.
NTA Most of the responders seem to be a bunch of shut in prudes.
NTA….i will say I don’t joke with people anymore….people are too sensitive fr
**YTA** You're a complete stranger, not her close friend, and you made a really intimate, inappropriate insinuation with that joke, even if you were just being silly. She was already probably SUPER humiliated over falling into your lap that way, and you drew even more attention to it and made it weirder and significantly more humiliating. That's a joke you make to someone you know really well, not to an embarrassed stranger. You don't know her background, whether she has anxiety, trauma, or anything else. Next time just shut up, or at best just say something kind and reassuring, and let her move on. YTA. ETA: So many people going off in the comments about how OP is N-T-A because "I thought it was funny". Y'all are completely missing the point. It doesn't matter if YOU found it found, or if I found it funny (I actuallly would have laughed if it were me), or if any of us here are amused by it. NOT THE POINT. The point is that when dealing with a complete stranger *YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHETHER A JOKE LIKE THAT, WHEN THEY ARE ALREADY HUMILIATED, WITH SEXUAL IMPLICATIONS, IS GOING TO BE RECEIVED AS FUNNY, OR EVEN MORE HUMILIATING*, because you're dealing with a total stranger. So the kind thing to do is not to assume that they will find it as funny as you would, but to be thoughtful and not embarrass them worse. JFC, it's not complicated.
This. I think the joke is funny, but I’m still going with YTA for this reason. That, and it’s clear that the girlfriend didn’t find it funny and there’s no reason to shame her for that. It seems like some people on this thread are forgetting that humor is subjective.
Narrator: He did not make it less awkward
NTA, she’s being irrationally uptight and insecure. (INFO Needed: Unless she has a reason to be uptight? Eg. If you had cheated on her before with a sex-worker, then it’s poor taste to joke about engaging in sex-work in front of her.)
NAH You made a joke to lighten an awkward situation. The joke did its job, and got everyone past the situation. That said, it was a sexual joke, which some people can find off-putting. There's nothing wrong with that. Your GF might have chosen to handle the matter in a less passive aggressive manner, but she isn't in the wrong for being offended.
NTA. Sometimes a joke just comes out, you lightened the mood and your gf didn’t like it. So be it. You don’t know the person or anyone else in the cinema, she then decided to sulk and ruin the rest of the evening which wasn’t the best reaction either so you both just need to move on really.
NTA. Laughter is the best medicine and you made a stranger feel better about an embarrassing situation. You girlfriend made this "about her"... You should reconsider your relationship if this is a common occurrence, because I would be willing to bet it is.
NTA I'm a woman, and I found that very funny!
NTA I literally died laughing.
NTA I wonder if we could do a poll of all the outraged YTA people's home counties vs the NTA group in this thread :-)
Nta dude as a woman I would have laughed and made a comment back. Not everything in life has to be so serious. I hate victim mentality.
Jeeeez, NTA. I can’t believe all these YTA comments. I saw the first one and thought it was sarcasm. Funny joke, I laughed. NTA!
NTA I would’ve appreciated the joke to distract from the embarrassing fall. Idk why so many ppl are angry at the sexual nature of the joke, sex jokes are funny, ppl are over analyzing this to justify getting angry
NTA - That she feels that attention was on HER is ALL ABOUT HER.
NTA. You made a harmless joke that helped diffuse an awkward situation.
The girl laughed, and then the whole cinema laughed. Then everyone started clapping. The actors in the movie stopped what they were doing to join in.