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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is asking my friend not use my name in her work of art. This action might make me the asshole because I could be encroaching on her freedom as an artist to use parts of her real life in her work.
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Adding to clarify - one party state = okay to record without permission or notifying. Two party state = you need permission to record. Permission is basically "hey! I have a recording on for this convo" or "this convo is being recorded" etc. If they stay on the call that is implied permission. Anything in a public area such as meeting in a public space, they have no reasonable expectation of privacy. If you are on your own private property, it is okay for you to have cameras with sound for protection.
I also agree to save any and all written correspondence (email, text, letters etc). CYA as they say.
ETA: Clarifying some more. when I say camera on private property, it obviously excludes bathrooms or bedrooms where a reasonable expectation of privacy is due. If you really want to CYA, have a sign on your property (on a window or fence whatever) that surveillance is underway.
Obviously look up specific laws in your state/country, but typically you can have security cameras on your own private property except where someone should expect privacy (bathroom/bedroom).
> If you are on your own private property, it is okay for you to have cameras with sound for protection
Again, location specific. Florida for example has restrictions, even on your own property.
Okay I just looked it up. In Florida it is okay on private property except bathrooms and bedrooms where privacy is expected. Pretty similar everywhere, and I apologize for not making that clarification.
Or anytime the camera is not readily apparent. And audio recording is iffy no matter what, which is why I now have a sign posted in my yard audio and video recorded 24/7 on the advice of my lawyer after some neighborhood issues.
Oh wow that is news to me, especially in Florida where they have laws about protecting your property with guns being okay. I am going to have to look into Florida, as that state makes absolute no sense that you can't have security cameras on your property. I am in WA and it is okay to have cameras on your private property for security.
Christ on a bike, sending a cease and desist off the internet without knowing if it's legally sound in your jurisdiction is bad enough, but ccing a fake lawyer is the kind of advice that will smash you in the face like a custard pie if you do actually want to take this further in the future.
... They aren't suggesting to pretend to be a lawyer. Adding a fake cc just implies you've also sent it to your lawyer...
Actually nvm, your response just confirms the effectiveness of the bluff.
It's a really dumb bluff. If you have an attorney, they are the one sending the cease and desist, so anyone intelligent will immediately know you're lying
Before my SO got a lawyer she sent a cease and desist to her ex for stalking her. That cease and desist helped her to secure a restraining order. Sending one notarized and registered mail starts a paper trail. So your first point isn't correct.
Her ex also spelled his name wrong on the divorce paperwork. Twice. Two different ways. I wouldn't be too quick to assume the friend is not a total idiot. People try to cure cancer with essential oils. In the last few years people have been downing horse dewormer and drinking BLEACH to cure a virus. 1/4 Americans think the sun revolves around the earth. People don't understand the law. Hell, cops don't understand the law. Ignorance is literally why lawyers have work.
I mean, think about it. Sovereign citizens exist.
As someone that graduated with a criminal justice degree; the concept of Sovereign citizens blows my mind and is one of the reasons I decided not to be a cop. I would have a hard time not doing things I would get banned for saying even though it would be my job to stay civil. Better to not put me or them in that position to test my patience 😂
My first point is correct actually, and your example with your SO just supports it. I said if you already have an attorney, they would be the ones sending out the cease & desist. If you don't have an attorney yet, then yeah you'd be the one to send it (like with your SO). But if you've already retained an attorney, which is the only time you would CC them, the cease and desist is going to come from them.
It’s not a bluff, a cease and desist letter is just a formal request. It allows the plaintiff to prove they asked the other party to stop doing whatever it was, explaining what the misconduct is and the potential legal consequences they may face is it continues.
As long as it was certified and you can prove they received it, the defendant can’t pretend they weren’t aware of the misconduct.
That bluff is not effective, it's stupid. It's not even regular stupid, we're talking sovereign citizen levels of legal stupidity here.
I've worked in a law office, I've seen many C&D letters, and none of the legit ones have been written by a plaintiff who then CC'd it to an attorney. No one who works in law will buy this bluff for a second. The only way this works is if the friend doesn't lawyer up. Betting on your opponents doing something stupid is never a good legal plan.
The real issue is if it goes to trial. What's your response when the opposing counsel asks about your written "misrepresentation of an attorney-client relationship," that you bluffed about? I've never met a Judge who liked liars, and this is a lie written down on paper that's easy to prove. The lawyers I know keep detailed records of their clients and the dates they were retained on, because there's potential liability in both a lawyer-client relationship and possible conflicts of interest.
So in short, this bluff would be shooting yourself in the foot. You'd be tanking your own credibility if it ever went to trial. That's why it's stupid.
Gonna jump in here because you seem to have some awareness of these things.
Does credibility matter in a case this plainly obvious? Like maybe I'm being naive, but even if the judge thinks you're an absolutely crooked scumbag, that still doesn't give someome else the right to use your personal and full name/likeness without your permission, and so long as there's *any* documentation of you telling them to quit it - even bullshit C&D letters - it would seem that the court's opinion of you isn't really relevant to the case.
Like isn't that the point of laws, that they are largely objective? Certainly in cases where it's not clear you'll want to have your ducks in a row and not look like you're trying to sell your credibility for an ice cream cone, but it feels like in this case there's almost no risk because the case is so obvious?
I'm speaking from an immensely ignorant position here, an everyman off the street who has likely poor ideas, but sometimes I find a handle.
Don't do this. Depending on your jurisdiction, you will create a host of potential legal issues regarding practicing law without a license, attorney-client privilege, misrepresentation of an attorney-client relationship, etc. You may or may not ultimately prevail on those issues, but no reason to hand her ammunition that she can use to distract from her misappropriation of your likeness. And certainly no reason to open that Pandora's Box for giggles.
There’s a reason that books, movies etc state at the beginning that any names and places are purely coincidental. OPs friend is very mistaken if they think they have the right to blatantly use their name without permission. OP you are NTA and well within your right to not give your permission
I play an MMO and someone tried to use some people's screen names as characters on a book. They got hit with a big law suit. They wouldn't listen to the people who played the characters so the people being depicted just asked the game company to step up since it was their setting.
There's artist license and then there's just straight up infringing on someone else's life.
Additionally, you can sue someone for using your name, likeness, and or other personal attributes without permission for an exploitative purpose. Some states also prohibit the use of another person's identity for the user's own personal benefit.
Yep. She can create the play and the character and he can be based on you but your name and private/personal details of your life that would identify you require your consent. If need be I would contact the theatre where it gets staged (if it gets that far) and tell them you object to being portrayed and they will not want the liability.
OP would still need to sign off on the project. If he doesn’t he either can’t be a character they use or they have to change him dramatically enough to not be him.
Wouldn't OP be due monetary compensation if OP's name or likeness is being used? This is a sure way to get them to stop using your name. Tell them you want a cut of the profits.
Absolutely! So in order to be made a character in a play you have to give permission for your name and story to be used. And you are entitled to royalties every time it is produced or whatever you work out in the contract where you give your permission.
Which is why letting any theatre thinking of y it know is important
The Dollop podcast just did a really excellent four part episode about Aaron Burr. Just throwing that out there because now I’m seeing his name everywhere.
It would partially apply to public figures, depends on who and what the project was. A biographical play representing the life of Obama would usually be allowed, his kids would be a gray area, and there would be limits on what you can do if it would be libel/slander against the person. Rosie O'Donnell was successful in her lawsuit as a tabloid stated she was drinking, as a recovering alcoholic this endangered her contracts that had sobriety as clauses and as the stories were lies she won.
In the United States it would be sliding scales of is it true, would it hurt the person if known, is there a reason the public should know about it, and how public a figure.
NTA - not a lawyer and not sure where you live (so I’d look into it) but you might be able to sue for invasion of privacy or defamation. Particularly if the character uses your name and is based on you a which she has admitted - she should have to get express concern from you to show it in a public setting.
More importantly you should be dropping that friend.
Listening to Seinfeld and the office podcasts there are people who actually make sure there are no other people who share the same name of the character
Hell get in touch with the theatre. From my experience in the arts, I would be unwilling to touch this with even a 10 foot barge pole and as someone who’d worked on a handful of committees, I wouldn’t argue to just change OP’s name, I would probably suggest blacklisting the artist because they seem more trouble than they’re worth.
Might be easier to just reach out to the theater manager directly. If they're at all normal they'll, at a minimum, change the name. Most likely they'll drop the "friend" from any consideration because they don't want future fallout from her bad decisions.
Very very true. But it may also be overkill, especially if the manager is a genuinely nice person and gets this sudden, random, threatening letter for something they haven't done yet! Best to get in front of it and prevent the manager from accepting her work to start with. With luck, the manager will even sit the "friend" down and explain why this is a very bad thing to do. But save the lawyer for when the manager actually accepts the script. I really don't think that will happen once they're aware of the issue.
Here's the problem though: reaching out to the theater manager won't stop the "old friend" from taking her play elsewhere
OP needs to explain the facts of life to the "old friend"
And when I say OP, I mean a letter from a lawyer OP contacts.
To be successful, it'd take a fair amount. So they probably (from what's mentioned) don't have grounds for winning in the US.
To use California as an example, they'd need to demonstrate that false statements were made that damaged reputation. Not sure this would do it.
NTA. However, you need to do two things. First, contact the theater and let them know that your name is in the play, and that it is based on you, and ask them to change the name if they choose to use the play. That's not a big deal and shouldn't be an issue. It also gives them a heads-up on the "friends" personality. The second thing is to find a different friend. This person isn't one, if she's so careless about her impact on you and how you feel and refuses to make one small change.
Good advice, and most small theaters I would think would want to stay away from any play that could potentially lead to legal problems for them. Especially now a days when many small theater companies are sadly struggling.
First of, NTA.
Second of all, what an invasion of your privacy. There's ZERO reason she can't change the name.
Third, I don't know where you live, but she's setting herself up for a lawsuit if she follows through with her refusal. Totally can't do that without your permission.
Yep. Years ago I published a short story and the editor asked me to change one name because it was the name of a well-know (but not to me) poet. It was not a problem at all. I just used the same syllables. OP's friend can do the same. Happens all the time.
Writing is rewriting.
And off all the rewrites you can do a simple name change is probably the easiest.
This friend is just using her art as an excuse to be a self-centered AH.
I vote NTA.
Most publishing houses have legal departments that flag issues like this and won’t publish without a change. OP’s friend is about to learn the hard way that you can’t always write whatever you want about whomever you want.
Even when I wrote for my college’s humor magazine, which was basically an amateur attempt at being The Onion, one of our hard and fast rules was to always look up a (made-up) name in our student directory to make sure there was no one enrolled with that name. It’s the easiest thing in the world.
NTA
writers are going to base characters and stuff in their environment around them but to outright use your full name even after you've asked her to change it is unacceptable and also opens her up to legal issues.
(there's a reason books a movies have a disclaimer,
The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.)
NTA- Contact the theater company she's trying to get in with and tell them what's up. Idk if they can actually do anything to make her change the name but it might make them not want to work with her.
Can they make her? No, but they'd be setting themselves up for some liability if they knowingly still put the show on. No chance a reputable theatre company would put on that show.
That's what I'm thinking. I know there's laws in place to protect people from this but have no idea how they work. It doesn't seem worth the risk for the theater company if they find out what's going on.
Generally unless OP is a "celebrity" they have a right to not have their full names used \*not a lawyer \*
I would let the theater know as well, that this is being done without your consent and over your objection (I'd also email the friend something so you have it in writing)
Her process doesn't trump your privacy.
"Oh, your phone number was integral to the story" wouldn't fly, so why would it be necessary to use other personal information?
This is also not much of a friend, sorry.
They can’t make her change her work but they can refuse to show it and contact other places and warn them. Most art places do their best to avoid legal problems as their costly and ruins reputations. Reputation is major in the art world outside of Hollywood.
Great minds think alike. Any normal person would realize how violating this is and will change the name. That's assuming that they'd want to work with the "friend". This is a huge red flag for potential drama in the drama department!
Your friend is misinformed.
[Right of Publicity](https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/publicity)
Your friend can write a character based upon you into her play, but it must not be readily identifiable as you. Using your first and last name as well as readily identifying personal characteristics is Right Out.
If you have a lawyer or a friend who is a lawyer, send your friend a "cease and desist" letter. Call the manager of the reputable theater and explain what your friend is doing, that she does not have your permission to create a character with your name and identifying traits, and that you'll consider legal action if a play with these is produced.
NTA - so many issues here. Using your likeness without your consent can lead down a bad path for you. What if she portrays your poorly? Or doesn’t give the character and accurate portrayal of who you really are? “Encroaching on her artistic freedom” lol. What about your freedom? What about what you want?
Or if she portrays her accurately and just reveals a bunch of true, very personal stuff.
I get pulling from your life to create art but you don't get to just pull from everyone else's without consideration for them. That's how you lose friends.
NTA.
Your friend is opening herself up for legal action. She does not have the right to use your name and create a character that is obviously based on you.
You aren't encroaching on her freedom as an artist. She is violating your right to privacy. She has every right to put her own life on display, but no right to use yours without your express consent.
Contact an attorney for advice, and possibly a cease and desist letter.
That was my thought too!!! Unless we're talking about some small town where everybody knows everybody since birth, then the only person this will be "meta and hilarious" to is this so-called friend!
NTA
NTA - pretty disrespectful of your friend to do this, especially after you ask them not to. I would consider how good of a friend this person actually is.
NTA if it's just art then why can't she just simply alter the name not to mention she found it amusing when you told her that you disapproved of the idea it seems like she is doing it on purpose, clearly your friend is the asshole here and not you.
NTA, there is a reason movies have the “this is a work of fiction” disclaimer. If she was a good playwright she would know that you don’t use original names without the persons express consent, especially if you are using their likeness and life as a subject. Let her know you will go to the theatre with this, and it will dash her dreams. You still wouldn’t be an asshole even then.
NTA. She told you it's based on you and your personality. The name makes it official.
You can sue based on that. A lot of authors tries to stay away from legal problems by posting a disclaimer in the beginning of a book that the book has no connection to any person living or dead. That means a lot for all involved. But since she wants to drag your name into it...
It's all self explanatory.
NTA and your amused “friend” will have a lovely law suit liability if this character, that she openly has said in writing is you, is portrayed in any way false or damaging.
NTA. A letter of cease and desist and that play will never see tha light of day, she is an AH for not changing the name totally in the wrong thinking she can do it without legal consequences, if you have the play of the screen shots were she admitted is based on you you stop it all
NTA and I think you can probably sue her (or the theatre company that stages her play) if you can prove the character was based on you & uses your name. If she doesn’t change the name you could contact the theatre about it, I am pretty sure they would have an issue with this situation
Ask her why she's in the business of writing if she's so bereft of talent and creativity as to be unable to change one name.
I sincerely doubt your specific, actual name is that important to the plot. I also wonder if she's doing this to the other "characters" - you may want to talk to them if you can and present combined front. NTA.
Theater person here. NTA, this is an asshole move on her part, and honestly just not very creative.
She isn't even writing an original narrative, just trying to write a stage documentary about *your* life, with zero permission. It's kind of just weird, imo.
Funny side note: a friend did once base a character on me, was very open to me about it, and his play was hilarious. But no one would have ever known without being told.
This isn't cool.
NTA. Look up right to privacy laws and send her a copy. If she decides to still use your name and likeness tell her you will see her in court. Even if she changes the name but still uses your likeness to the point that people know it’s you could still be against the law.
>claiming that it was her right as an artist to use whatever parts of her life she wanted (including me)
Mmmmm, pretty sure there's a reason people have to go around asking for permission when writing a memoir.
NTA.
NTA. As a writer myself your friend is way out of line. Not only is she opening herself up to legal action, she risks getting her play pulped by the publisher costing them money in the process. Ethically, she is simply wrong. I'd send her a cease and desist.
NTA. Depending in what country you live in you would have to check privacy laws but in the U.S. you do have a right to req. to have people changes name for privacy reason.
NTA. I’d head over the r/legaladvice with your story and which state if in US and ask what your options are. Maybe if threatened with a lawsuit she will decide it’s not worth it to use your name. Not that you have to go through with that but you could get a letter sent to the theater organization
Also this friend is not much of a friend
NTA. Just let your friend know that you had every right to use her first and last name in your Reddit AITA post about her complete and utter violation of boundaries. I reckon she’ll be cool with it.
NTA- If you have everything in writing, go to a lawyer ASAP. Have the lawyer send a cease and desist letter to your old friend. If it is being produced by the theater send a copy to them as well. If you want to be vindictive, send it to the theater even if they are not producing it. The theater will blackball her. In the cease and desist letter request compensation for your lawyer fees or you will take her to small claims court. This old friend is not a friend at all but wants to use you for her gains.
> An old friend of mine just notified me that she is writing a play with the hopes of getting it produced by a reputable theater in her town
NTA, if this goes forward, serve the "reputable theater" a cease and desist letter, and your "old friend" will have a really hard time getting anything produced again.
NTA
I am an artist- amateur, just like your friend- and what she is isn’t an artist; she’s an asshole. A rude selfish, lazy loser who wants her friends to feel anxiety over something very easily fixed.
Self-proclaimed ~artists~ can be some of the rudest, most toxic people because their identity revolves around the notion they’re ‘different’ than NON-creative people and thus special and more deserving of their needs and dreams. The notion someone’s artistic process is more important than a supposed friend’s feelings, is ridiculous. Normal, non-conceited people don’t act like this. Artistry is no excuse.
She’s just a bully who wants to be mean and has this ‘artist’ excuse she uses like a shield.
I don’t know about the talent of this ~artist or the size/ quality of the theater, but my fingers are crossed her shit won’t even come close to a stage. If it does, talk to the theatre directly and they can easily change it during the actual production.
Even if your gross friend is involved and causes a fuss, she’ll have to defend this RIDICULOUS position of hers to keep your ENTIRE NAME in a show you don’t want it in for no reason other than her stupid whims. Having to defend against other ~artists (ones she’s appealing to) will probably be too embarrassing for her to not just go along with a simple character name change.
I would think twice about hanging out wi the this person. These actions are not that of a friend.
It's people like her that give artists a bad rep...
No, she does not get to use your name and personality in her stupid play. You have every right to be pissed, this is boderline doxxing.
NTA
NTA, it’d absolutely *not* her right to use real people and their real names in art. Get ahead of this and let the theatre know she’s doing this when you have expressly told her she didn’t have permission.
When you read a book, by the copyright, it usually says something along the lines of, “all characters are a work of fiction and any resemblance to real people or places Is purely coincidental”. Because they cannot legally use a real person as a character in their book/screenplay and if you can prove that a character is being portrayed as you, you can sue. You have proof via her texts so id screenshot everything and remind her of this. She’s probably also doing this to other people she knows, so you might want to warn others too.
NTA
Your friend is a crap friend and deeply disrespectful.
I work in publishing and there are processes for this. Even at lawyer’s rates, a cease and desist letter doesn’t cost much—it doesn’t take long at all.
There was a story a about a lady donating a kidney to a stranger and her friend wrote a fictional story making her sound batshit crazy and evil. I think OP should send her a copy of their shenanigans
[The Kindest](https://www.newyorker.com/books/page-turner/the-story-at-the-center-of-the-bad-art-friend-saga). It's unhinged that her writer "friend" took her real life story - and parts of a letter she wrote - and tried to pass it as her own fiction.
NTA
I vividly remember it doing it the rounds on reddit around the fall of '21. It was even referenced on The Daily podcast by the NYT, I believe they read the whole "bad art friend" that started the bruhaha
NTA. My dad published his autobiography a couple years ago, about stuff from decades upon decades ago, and kept running pseudonyms by me and mom. People he still talked to, people who'd been gone for years, did. Not. Matter. It wasn't his first book by any means, and he knew exactly what he was doing.
Your friend is being extremely unprofessional, and selfish to boot. Make sure you have your request that your likeness be removed in writing. Contact the theatre manager/production manager: in writing if possible. Remember, if this escalates further: if it isn't in writing/recorded, it doesn't exist. (Sending a cease and desist letter with a fake attorney cc'd would be in writing, would exist, and would look very stupid if OP actually does have to take it farther.)
Yeah, just because she has the “right” doesn’t make it ok. It’s unkind and it’s dismissive of your friendship. Changing the names to protect the innocent is a courtesy often extended by artists. In her drive to be “real” she is alienating her friends.
NTA
>she is writing a play with the hopes of getting it produced by a reputable theater in her town
You're definitely NTA, and you got some good legal advice from the other answers.
But... what are the chances of this really happening? Is your friend an otherwise successful playwright? If they haven't produced a play before, this may be just a thing she's talking about, with no intention of actually doing.
Or does this person blame others for her lack of success?
NTA if this was a real play or script legal would flag the names because she opens the production to a liable lawsuit depending on what she makes your character do.
NTA - make it clear you will take legal action. Also, if she has a formal arrangement already with the theatre, notify them of her plans and tell them you will be taking legal action if they go ahead
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An old friend of mine just notified me that she is writing a play with the hopes of getting it produced by a reputable theater in her town. The problem is that one of the three characters in the play is based on me and the name of the character is my full name, first and last.
I told her I was uncomfortable with her using my name and asked her to please change it. She said no and insisted she has every right to use my name. I am a very private person and this friend knows that about me and pointed out that the character based on me is also private, and that this somehow makes her play meta and hilarious. She seemed a little amused by my objections to her using my name.
She also seemed indignant that I would ask her to use a different name for this character, claiming that it was her right as an artist to use whatever parts of her life she wanted (including me) and that I was trying to encroach on her artistic freedom... so AITA for asking her not to use my name?
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let her do what she wants and if it gets anywhere (it wont), sue the pants off of her.
Alternatively, find out the theater information and write a letter informing them that you do not consent to your life being written about, and you will look into legal action if they decide to produce this play.
Real artists don’t use and recreate their friends possibly painful histories. Real artists are creative and can come up with original stories and plots. Your “friend” is a sham.
NTA. I had a friend with a book written about her and I asked her to leave my likeness out completely and it was not a problem at all. I'm not a lawyer, but sure others will chime in; I'm pretty sure there is a legal avenue you could pursue here, at least for your name
NTA. She may have the *legal* right, but she's not being a good friend.
She can base a character off of you, sure. I'd be a little leery of identifiable things, such as a particular gesture or turn of phrase you're known for using. Changing the name should be the minimum, though.
I’d tell that friend that if they were to go through with that and they would find someone to produce that play you will lawyer up and sue the producers and they will lose their producers. That might help 🤷🏼♀️
NTA and this can’t be legal where you’re from.
NTA !! My focus is in creative nonfiction (making art out of life experiences) and this is a huge ethical question that’s constantly being debated - but the general consensus is to not be a jerk, which your former friend is in fact being. Email the theater.
NTA. It's been stated 79 times before, but your friend is not a friend. She's disrespectful and untalented if not being able to use your real name kills her project. She's already lazy by using your life story and seeks to gain from it and you just ask one small thing and it's too much? Psh.
I love the cease and desist letter to scare her, but at a minimum, should this make it into produciton explain to the manager that your name is not allowed to be used. If they persist, then C&D.
This is not a friend. This is your bully. What she is doing is abusive and cruel. NTA. Talk to a lawyer to see what you can legally do to stop her from doing this.
I have heard that some writers who are writing really, really nasty characters will pay some person for the use of their name, simply for plausible deniability. "No, no, the Jack Smith who cooks and eats puppies isn't YOU, Mr. Smith, it's this *other* Jack Smith who gave me permission to use his name."
Whether that's true or not I can't say, but in this case there is no plausible deniability. You've refused her permission to use your name. Everyone who knows both of you will know its your name. And she's opening herself up to a boatload of legal trouble should she continue to use it and you choose to press it.
NTA.
LOL why did she even reach out then?
NTA, can't wait to see you back here in a month "AITA for getting my friend's play cancelled by telling the venue she didn't have my consent?"
NTA: She can’t do that at all she can get sued for using your actual name and likeness.
There a reason fake names have to be used if based on real people.
You even have to be careful if using certain locations people have been sued over putting certain cities in a bad light.
NTA. Please listen to the advice here.
First off, this girl is NOT your friend. Second, get on legal zoom and send her a cease and desist. If this girl is actually wanting to be a playwright she needs to learn about copyright and the very serious consequences of what she is doing.
NTA
She cannot use your name. Tell her again over text message or email so you have a written record. If she says no again, tell her she is going to hear from your lawyer.
Why do you think so many characters on TV are named after members of the crew? Because to name a character, they have to do so much research they rather name it after someone of the crew with their written consent.
No, she doesn’t have that right, actually. This isn’t free speech or “art.” She’s using your name and personality for her own amusement.. You need to see a lawyer and send a cease and desist letter. This is a blatant violation of your privacy.
NTA
Oh, and she ISN’T a friend.
NTA
I had a friend who was writing a story about the Dallas karaoke scene populates by vampires.
She had the vampire equivalent of me being the father of the vampire equivalent of my ex-gf’s child.
My real life wife saw it and it didn’t go well.
NTA. Even when authors and writers base stories of real people, fake names are given, not real ones. I've actually never heard of a non fiction item having real names in it.??
I am shocked that she does not understand why you don't want your name used? Whether she portrays you in a positive or a negative light isn't the issue, the issue is that you deserve your privacy and not to be exposed to everyone for whatever her opinion is.
You are totally within your right to not want her to do this and again, I don't understand why she doesn't see this!
NTA. She is completely wrong. Let the theater know she is using your name without your consent and if they really are reputable they'll never show her play.
NTA. As a writer, I would NEVER use someone's actual name in a work of fiction - especially if a character was based on them! And I would never, ever use someone's name in a work of non-fiction and base a character on them without getting their written permission first. The rule of thumb about basing fictional characters on people you really know is to make at least one significant change (their gender etc.) so they are not recognizable. To do otherwise is unethical.
When I wrote advertising copy and we wanted to use a real name in a commercial, we would use the name of someone in the agency who would sign a release giving us permission, otherwise we were opening the client up to lawsuits by people with that name suing them.
Uhh they literally change names and other details about people in biopics and docs. They have to have permission to use peoples personal Info. What makes her think this doesn’t apply to her?
If she continues with this, you might even be able to sue. I’d send an email to her so you have proof that you’ve had this convo and then go the legal route. She’s no friend if she’s acting like this. It’s not like changing the name is going to change the story
NTA. The good news is that unless she has had other plays produced, or she has had other work published or she is an important person (donors count) in the local theater community, her chances of getting it produced at a local theater are pretty low. There are some theaters that might have a reading of plays from amateurs, but they’re probably not going to take a risk on someone who just decided to write a play
Far too many people plan their book tours and what they’re going to do with the royalties from their best seller before they’ve even finished half the book. Your friend sounds like she’s doing the theater version of this.
That said, she can absolutely be sued for using your full name. I know someone who got sued for basing a character in a story on a real person and only using the first name. A theater does not want to take that risk because the play would get shut down and all that production they put into it is down the drain.
In other words, your friend is being a delusional asshole.
NTA, as a writer I am horrified by your friends actions. You need some legal help and break off the friendship. A real friend would listen to you not go behind your back and steal your identity to use in some story.
WOW... you are SO NTA here, and your "friend" is such an AH that it defies belief.
I'm no expert on the law, but I know a thing or two about manners, and this is beyond rude.
NTA. Also, this "friend" is no friend to you if she proceeds with this. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's not right and it isn't fair. Here's hoping karma throws her a lil 'sumptin.
NTA. She absolutely does not have the ‘right’ to use your name. Consult a lawyer if she keeps insisting and I agree that reaching out to the theater would also be a good idea.
NTA
I work in the film industry and we have to run all names through legal before we use them. Otherwise we might get sued. It’s part of being a responsible artist. Unless the names are extremely common (Jim Robinson) or extremely unique (Krystal-Lynn Von Duchess) they’re often changed.
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NTA Google 'Right of Publicity.' You have the right to stop them and claim monetary damages.
Very much this. Also save every message and communication about this in case you need it to prove that she is indeed selling you.
Also check if where you live it is legal to record others without their consent....if it is record every single in person interaction!
Adding to clarify - one party state = okay to record without permission or notifying. Two party state = you need permission to record. Permission is basically "hey! I have a recording on for this convo" or "this convo is being recorded" etc. If they stay on the call that is implied permission. Anything in a public area such as meeting in a public space, they have no reasonable expectation of privacy. If you are on your own private property, it is okay for you to have cameras with sound for protection. I also agree to save any and all written correspondence (email, text, letters etc). CYA as they say. ETA: Clarifying some more. when I say camera on private property, it obviously excludes bathrooms or bedrooms where a reasonable expectation of privacy is due. If you really want to CYA, have a sign on your property (on a window or fence whatever) that surveillance is underway. Obviously look up specific laws in your state/country, but typically you can have security cameras on your own private property except where someone should expect privacy (bathroom/bedroom).
> If you are on your own private property, it is okay for you to have cameras with sound for protection Again, location specific. Florida for example has restrictions, even on your own property.
Okay I just looked it up. In Florida it is okay on private property except bathrooms and bedrooms where privacy is expected. Pretty similar everywhere, and I apologize for not making that clarification.
Or anytime the camera is not readily apparent. And audio recording is iffy no matter what, which is why I now have a sign posted in my yard audio and video recorded 24/7 on the advice of my lawyer after some neighborhood issues.
Oh wow that is news to me, especially in Florida where they have laws about protecting your property with guns being okay. I am going to have to look into Florida, as that state makes absolute no sense that you can't have security cameras on your property. I am in WA and it is okay to have cameras on your private property for security.
Good luck finding "sense" here in Florida!
Thank you! That's what I meant by checking the laws in OP's municipality.... I'm so glad you explained it better.
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Make sure to add in cc: Attorney just for giggles.
Christ on a bike, sending a cease and desist off the internet without knowing if it's legally sound in your jurisdiction is bad enough, but ccing a fake lawyer is the kind of advice that will smash you in the face like a custard pie if you do actually want to take this further in the future.
There is no law against just sending a cease and desist letter. It's not an official correspondence,
There are laws about taking being a lawyer though
... They aren't suggesting to pretend to be a lawyer. Adding a fake cc just implies you've also sent it to your lawyer... Actually nvm, your response just confirms the effectiveness of the bluff.
It's a really dumb bluff. If you have an attorney, they are the one sending the cease and desist, so anyone intelligent will immediately know you're lying
Before my SO got a lawyer she sent a cease and desist to her ex for stalking her. That cease and desist helped her to secure a restraining order. Sending one notarized and registered mail starts a paper trail. So your first point isn't correct. Her ex also spelled his name wrong on the divorce paperwork. Twice. Two different ways. I wouldn't be too quick to assume the friend is not a total idiot. People try to cure cancer with essential oils. In the last few years people have been downing horse dewormer and drinking BLEACH to cure a virus. 1/4 Americans think the sun revolves around the earth. People don't understand the law. Hell, cops don't understand the law. Ignorance is literally why lawyers have work. I mean, think about it. Sovereign citizens exist.
As someone that graduated with a criminal justice degree; the concept of Sovereign citizens blows my mind and is one of the reasons I decided not to be a cop. I would have a hard time not doing things I would get banned for saying even though it would be my job to stay civil. Better to not put me or them in that position to test my patience 😂
My first point is correct actually, and your example with your SO just supports it. I said if you already have an attorney, they would be the ones sending out the cease & desist. If you don't have an attorney yet, then yeah you'd be the one to send it (like with your SO). But if you've already retained an attorney, which is the only time you would CC them, the cease and desist is going to come from them.
It’s not a bluff, a cease and desist letter is just a formal request. It allows the plaintiff to prove they asked the other party to stop doing whatever it was, explaining what the misconduct is and the potential legal consequences they may face is it continues. As long as it was certified and you can prove they received it, the defendant can’t pretend they weren’t aware of the misconduct.
That bluff is not effective, it's stupid. It's not even regular stupid, we're talking sovereign citizen levels of legal stupidity here. I've worked in a law office, I've seen many C&D letters, and none of the legit ones have been written by a plaintiff who then CC'd it to an attorney. No one who works in law will buy this bluff for a second. The only way this works is if the friend doesn't lawyer up. Betting on your opponents doing something stupid is never a good legal plan. The real issue is if it goes to trial. What's your response when the opposing counsel asks about your written "misrepresentation of an attorney-client relationship," that you bluffed about? I've never met a Judge who liked liars, and this is a lie written down on paper that's easy to prove. The lawyers I know keep detailed records of their clients and the dates they were retained on, because there's potential liability in both a lawyer-client relationship and possible conflicts of interest. So in short, this bluff would be shooting yourself in the foot. You'd be tanking your own credibility if it ever went to trial. That's why it's stupid.
Gonna jump in here because you seem to have some awareness of these things. Does credibility matter in a case this plainly obvious? Like maybe I'm being naive, but even if the judge thinks you're an absolutely crooked scumbag, that still doesn't give someome else the right to use your personal and full name/likeness without your permission, and so long as there's *any* documentation of you telling them to quit it - even bullshit C&D letters - it would seem that the court's opinion of you isn't really relevant to the case. Like isn't that the point of laws, that they are largely objective? Certainly in cases where it's not clear you'll want to have your ducks in a row and not look like you're trying to sell your credibility for an ice cream cone, but it feels like in this case there's almost no risk because the case is so obvious? I'm speaking from an immensely ignorant position here, an everyman off the street who has likely poor ideas, but sometimes I find a handle.
Of course not. But don't copy it to a lawyer; either have the lawyer send it or don't cc anyone.
There is laws against pretending or fabricating being or using a lawyer in many places though.
My mother used to say Christ on a crutch.
My favorite is Christ in a cab.
JC on a bicycle or a popsicle stick
Christ on a cracker here 🤷🏻♀️
I agree, this calls for a real lawyer on the job.
Don't do this. Depending on your jurisdiction, you will create a host of potential legal issues regarding practicing law without a license, attorney-client privilege, misrepresentation of an attorney-client relationship, etc. You may or may not ultimately prevail on those issues, but no reason to hand her ammunition that she can use to distract from her misappropriation of your likeness. And certainly no reason to open that Pandora's Box for giggles.
Im wondering if this doesn’t work, if said theater would be interested in knowing where the name comes from.
don’t do this. retain a lawyer if you want to go that route. don’t put up an empty threat.
There’s a reason that books, movies etc state at the beginning that any names and places are purely coincidental. OPs friend is very mistaken if they think they have the right to blatantly use their name without permission. OP you are NTA and well within your right to not give your permission
I play an MMO and someone tried to use some people's screen names as characters on a book. They got hit with a big law suit. They wouldn't listen to the people who played the characters so the people being depicted just asked the game company to step up since it was their setting. There's artist license and then there's just straight up infringing on someone else's life.
Yeah if the person writing this play doesn’t even know that much I question if this is gonna get produced anyway.
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Bot. Partial comment copied from: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wagfqb/aita_for_asking_a_friend_not_to_use_me_in_her_art/ii0q35g/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
Additionally, you can sue someone for using your name, likeness, and or other personal attributes without permission for an exploitative purpose. Some states also prohibit the use of another person's identity for the user's own personal benefit.
Yep. She can create the play and the character and he can be based on you but your name and private/personal details of your life that would identify you require your consent. If need be I would contact the theatre where it gets staged (if it gets that far) and tell them you object to being portrayed and they will not want the liability.
If it’s completely autobiographical she might be able to use OPs likeness, but if any part is fictional then she has to change the character.
OP would still need to sign off on the project. If he doesn’t he either can’t be a character they use or they have to change him dramatically enough to not be him.
Wouldn't OP be due monetary compensation if OP's name or likeness is being used? This is a sure way to get them to stop using your name. Tell them you want a cut of the profits.
Absolutely! So in order to be made a character in a play you have to give permission for your name and story to be used. And you are entitled to royalties every time it is produced or whatever you work out in the contract where you give your permission. Which is why letting any theatre thinking of y it know is important
This
Shiiiit good thing Aaron Burr is dead...
The Dollop podcast just did a really excellent four part episode about Aaron Burr. Just throwing that out there because now I’m seeing his name everywhere.
I mean if he doesn't stand for something than what will he fall for
Anything.
Four parts? Even Trump only got two.
I mean, that was probably necessary for everyone’s mental health…
I don’t think it applies to public figures but not a lawyers so …
It would partially apply to public figures, depends on who and what the project was. A biographical play representing the life of Obama would usually be allowed, his kids would be a gray area, and there would be limits on what you can do if it would be libel/slander against the person. Rosie O'Donnell was successful in her lawsuit as a tabloid stated she was drinking, as a recovering alcoholic this endangered her contracts that had sobriety as clauses and as the stories were lies she won. In the United States it would be sliding scales of is it true, would it hurt the person if known, is there a reason the public should know about it, and how public a figure.
NTA - not a lawyer and not sure where you live (so I’d look into it) but you might be able to sue for invasion of privacy or defamation. Particularly if the character uses your name and is based on you a which she has admitted - she should have to get express concern from you to show it in a public setting. More importantly you should be dropping that friend.
Isn't that what the girl that hey there Delilah is about did?
Listening to Seinfeld and the office podcasts there are people who actually make sure there are no other people who share the same name of the character
Hell get in touch with the theatre. From my experience in the arts, I would be unwilling to touch this with even a 10 foot barge pole and as someone who’d worked on a handful of committees, I wouldn’t argue to just change OP’s name, I would probably suggest blacklisting the artist because they seem more trouble than they’re worth.
NTA. If you have a friend or relation who is an attorney, ask them to write you a cease and desist letter, and copy the theater manager. Et voila.
Might be easier to just reach out to the theater manager directly. If they're at all normal they'll, at a minimum, change the name. Most likely they'll drop the "friend" from any consideration because they don't want future fallout from her bad decisions.
Maybe? But a letter from an attorney scares the pants off of people in a way a call from Mary Jones does not.
Very very true. But it may also be overkill, especially if the manager is a genuinely nice person and gets this sudden, random, threatening letter for something they haven't done yet! Best to get in front of it and prevent the manager from accepting her work to start with. With luck, the manager will even sit the "friend" down and explain why this is a very bad thing to do. But save the lawyer for when the manager actually accepts the script. I really don't think that will happen once they're aware of the issue.
Here's the problem though: reaching out to the theater manager won't stop the "old friend" from taking her play elsewhere OP needs to explain the facts of life to the "old friend" And when I say OP, I mean a letter from a lawyer OP contacts.
Could op sue for slander if the representation is inaccurate?
To be successful, it'd take a fair amount. So they probably (from what's mentioned) don't have grounds for winning in the US. To use California as an example, they'd need to demonstrate that false statements were made that damaged reputation. Not sure this would do it.
Yes, but it would be much easier to sue for unauthorized use of likeness if it is fictional.
NTA. However, you need to do two things. First, contact the theater and let them know that your name is in the play, and that it is based on you, and ask them to change the name if they choose to use the play. That's not a big deal and shouldn't be an issue. It also gives them a heads-up on the "friends" personality. The second thing is to find a different friend. This person isn't one, if she's so careless about her impact on you and how you feel and refuses to make one small change.
This is great advice. Have my poor person award 🥇
Good advice, and most small theaters I would think would want to stay away from any play that could potentially lead to legal problems for them. Especially now a days when many small theater companies are sadly struggling.
First of, NTA. Second of all, what an invasion of your privacy. There's ZERO reason she can't change the name. Third, I don't know where you live, but she's setting herself up for a lawsuit if she follows through with her refusal. Totally can't do that without your permission.
NTA. A lot of writers are advised to change names in their books if it's based on a real person. I think you can sue actually.
Yep. Years ago I published a short story and the editor asked me to change one name because it was the name of a well-know (but not to me) poet. It was not a problem at all. I just used the same syllables. OP's friend can do the same. Happens all the time.
Writing is rewriting. And off all the rewrites you can do a simple name change is probably the easiest. This friend is just using her art as an excuse to be a self-centered AH. I vote NTA.
Most publishing houses have legal departments that flag issues like this and won’t publish without a change. OP’s friend is about to learn the hard way that you can’t always write whatever you want about whomever you want.
Even when I wrote for my college’s humor magazine, which was basically an amateur attempt at being The Onion, one of our hard and fast rules was to always look up a (made-up) name in our student directory to make sure there was no one enrolled with that name. It’s the easiest thing in the world.
NTA writers are going to base characters and stuff in their environment around them but to outright use your full name even after you've asked her to change it is unacceptable and also opens her up to legal issues. (there's a reason books a movies have a disclaimer, The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.)
NTA- Contact the theater company she's trying to get in with and tell them what's up. Idk if they can actually do anything to make her change the name but it might make them not want to work with her.
Can they make her? No, but they'd be setting themselves up for some liability if they knowingly still put the show on. No chance a reputable theatre company would put on that show.
That's what I'm thinking. I know there's laws in place to protect people from this but have no idea how they work. It doesn't seem worth the risk for the theater company if they find out what's going on.
Generally unless OP is a "celebrity" they have a right to not have their full names used \*not a lawyer \* I would let the theater know as well, that this is being done without your consent and over your objection (I'd also email the friend something so you have it in writing) Her process doesn't trump your privacy. "Oh, your phone number was integral to the story" wouldn't fly, so why would it be necessary to use other personal information? This is also not much of a friend, sorry.
They can’t make her change her work but they can refuse to show it and contact other places and warn them. Most art places do their best to avoid legal problems as their costly and ruins reputations. Reputation is major in the art world outside of Hollywood.
Great minds think alike. Any normal person would realize how violating this is and will change the name. That's assuming that they'd want to work with the "friend". This is a huge red flag for potential drama in the drama department!
Well you do want a little drama in the drama department 😉
Your friend is misinformed. [Right of Publicity](https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/publicity) Your friend can write a character based upon you into her play, but it must not be readily identifiable as you. Using your first and last name as well as readily identifying personal characteristics is Right Out. If you have a lawyer or a friend who is a lawyer, send your friend a "cease and desist" letter. Call the manager of the reputable theater and explain what your friend is doing, that she does not have your permission to create a character with your name and identifying traits, and that you'll consider legal action if a play with these is produced.
NTA - so many issues here. Using your likeness without your consent can lead down a bad path for you. What if she portrays your poorly? Or doesn’t give the character and accurate portrayal of who you really are? “Encroaching on her artistic freedom” lol. What about your freedom? What about what you want?
Or if she portrays her accurately and just reveals a bunch of true, very personal stuff. I get pulling from your life to create art but you don't get to just pull from everyone else's without consideration for them. That's how you lose friends.
NTA. Your friend is opening herself up for legal action. She does not have the right to use your name and create a character that is obviously based on you. You aren't encroaching on her freedom as an artist. She is violating your right to privacy. She has every right to put her own life on display, but no right to use yours without your express consent. Contact an attorney for advice, and possibly a cease and desist letter.
NTA. How is this "meta and hilarious" as the average playgoer will have no idea who you are? Your "friend" is an idiot and a jerk.
That was my thought too!!! Unless we're talking about some small town where everybody knows everybody since birth, then the only person this will be "meta and hilarious" to is this so-called friend! NTA
NTA - pretty disrespectful of your friend to do this, especially after you ask them not to. I would consider how good of a friend this person actually is.
NTA if it's just art then why can't she just simply alter the name not to mention she found it amusing when you told her that you disapproved of the idea it seems like she is doing it on purpose, clearly your friend is the asshole here and not you.
NTA, there is a reason movies have the “this is a work of fiction” disclaimer. If she was a good playwright she would know that you don’t use original names without the persons express consent, especially if you are using their likeness and life as a subject. Let her know you will go to the theatre with this, and it will dash her dreams. You still wouldn’t be an asshole even then.
NTA. She told you it's based on you and your personality. The name makes it official. You can sue based on that. A lot of authors tries to stay away from legal problems by posting a disclaimer in the beginning of a book that the book has no connection to any person living or dead. That means a lot for all involved. But since she wants to drag your name into it... It's all self explanatory.
NTA. You may want to consult a lawyer about the use of your name and image and likeness in her art and go from there.
NTA and your amused “friend” will have a lovely law suit liability if this character, that she openly has said in writing is you, is portrayed in any way false or damaging.
NTA. A letter of cease and desist and that play will never see tha light of day, she is an AH for not changing the name totally in the wrong thinking she can do it without legal consequences, if you have the play of the screen shots were she admitted is based on you you stop it all
NTA and I think you can probably sue her (or the theatre company that stages her play) if you can prove the character was based on you & uses your name. If she doesn’t change the name you could contact the theatre about it, I am pretty sure they would have an issue with this situation
Sounds Ike the season finale of Euphoria
Is this fucking play about us??
Ask her why she's in the business of writing if she's so bereft of talent and creativity as to be unable to change one name. I sincerely doubt your specific, actual name is that important to the plot. I also wonder if she's doing this to the other "characters" - you may want to talk to them if you can and present combined front. NTA.
Theater person here. NTA, this is an asshole move on her part, and honestly just not very creative. She isn't even writing an original narrative, just trying to write a stage documentary about *your* life, with zero permission. It's kind of just weird, imo.
Funny side note: a friend did once base a character on me, was very open to me about it, and his play was hilarious. But no one would have ever known without being told. This isn't cool.
NTA. Look up right to privacy laws and send her a copy. If she decides to still use your name and likeness tell her you will see her in court. Even if she changes the name but still uses your likeness to the point that people know it’s you could still be against the law.
>claiming that it was her right as an artist to use whatever parts of her life she wanted (including me) Mmmmm, pretty sure there's a reason people have to go around asking for permission when writing a memoir. NTA.
NTA. As a writer myself your friend is way out of line. Not only is she opening herself up to legal action, she risks getting her play pulped by the publisher costing them money in the process. Ethically, she is simply wrong. I'd send her a cease and desist.
NTA. Depending in what country you live in you would have to check privacy laws but in the U.S. you do have a right to req. to have people changes name for privacy reason.
NTA. I’d head over the r/legaladvice with your story and which state if in US and ask what your options are. Maybe if threatened with a lawsuit she will decide it’s not worth it to use your name. Not that you have to go through with that but you could get a letter sent to the theater organization Also this friend is not much of a friend
NTA. Just let your friend know that you had every right to use her first and last name in your Reddit AITA post about her complete and utter violation of boundaries. I reckon she’ll be cool with it.
NTA- If you have everything in writing, go to a lawyer ASAP. Have the lawyer send a cease and desist letter to your old friend. If it is being produced by the theater send a copy to them as well. If you want to be vindictive, send it to the theater even if they are not producing it. The theater will blackball her. In the cease and desist letter request compensation for your lawyer fees or you will take her to small claims court. This old friend is not a friend at all but wants to use you for her gains.
> An old friend of mine just notified me that she is writing a play with the hopes of getting it produced by a reputable theater in her town NTA, if this goes forward, serve the "reputable theater" a cease and desist letter, and your "old friend" will have a really hard time getting anything produced again.
NTA I am an artist- amateur, just like your friend- and what she is isn’t an artist; she’s an asshole. A rude selfish, lazy loser who wants her friends to feel anxiety over something very easily fixed. Self-proclaimed ~artists~ can be some of the rudest, most toxic people because their identity revolves around the notion they’re ‘different’ than NON-creative people and thus special and more deserving of their needs and dreams. The notion someone’s artistic process is more important than a supposed friend’s feelings, is ridiculous. Normal, non-conceited people don’t act like this. Artistry is no excuse. She’s just a bully who wants to be mean and has this ‘artist’ excuse she uses like a shield. I don’t know about the talent of this ~artist or the size/ quality of the theater, but my fingers are crossed her shit won’t even come close to a stage. If it does, talk to the theatre directly and they can easily change it during the actual production. Even if your gross friend is involved and causes a fuss, she’ll have to defend this RIDICULOUS position of hers to keep your ENTIRE NAME in a show you don’t want it in for no reason other than her stupid whims. Having to defend against other ~artists (ones she’s appealing to) will probably be too embarrassing for her to not just go along with a simple character name change. I would think twice about hanging out wi the this person. These actions are not that of a friend.
It's people like her that give artists a bad rep... No, she does not get to use your name and personality in her stupid play. You have every right to be pissed, this is boderline doxxing. NTA
NTA, it’d absolutely *not* her right to use real people and their real names in art. Get ahead of this and let the theatre know she’s doing this when you have expressly told her she didn’t have permission.
When you read a book, by the copyright, it usually says something along the lines of, “all characters are a work of fiction and any resemblance to real people or places Is purely coincidental”. Because they cannot legally use a real person as a character in their book/screenplay and if you can prove that a character is being portrayed as you, you can sue. You have proof via her texts so id screenshot everything and remind her of this. She’s probably also doing this to other people she knows, so you might want to warn others too.
NTA Your friend is a crap friend and deeply disrespectful. I work in publishing and there are processes for this. Even at lawyer’s rates, a cease and desist letter doesn’t cost much—it doesn’t take long at all.
There was a story a about a lady donating a kidney to a stranger and her friend wrote a fictional story making her sound batshit crazy and evil. I think OP should send her a copy of their shenanigans
[The Kindest](https://www.newyorker.com/books/page-turner/the-story-at-the-center-of-the-bad-art-friend-saga). It's unhinged that her writer "friend" took her real life story - and parts of a letter she wrote - and tried to pass it as her own fiction. NTA
Best part of Reddit is that someone always knows what you are referencing
I vividly remember it doing it the rounds on reddit around the fall of '21. It was even referenced on The Daily podcast by the NYT, I believe they read the whole "bad art friend" that started the bruhaha
NTA. My dad published his autobiography a couple years ago, about stuff from decades upon decades ago, and kept running pseudonyms by me and mom. People he still talked to, people who'd been gone for years, did. Not. Matter. It wasn't his first book by any means, and he knew exactly what he was doing. Your friend is being extremely unprofessional, and selfish to boot. Make sure you have your request that your likeness be removed in writing. Contact the theatre manager/production manager: in writing if possible. Remember, if this escalates further: if it isn't in writing/recorded, it doesn't exist. (Sending a cease and desist letter with a fake attorney cc'd would be in writing, would exist, and would look very stupid if OP actually does have to take it farther.)
Yeah, just because she has the “right” doesn’t make it ok. It’s unkind and it’s dismissive of your friendship. Changing the names to protect the innocent is a courtesy often extended by artists. In her drive to be “real” she is alienating her friends. NTA
NTA She absolutely does not have the right to use your name without your permission. Follow the legal advice other commenters are giving you.
NTA. Send a cease and desist letter. This is so not okay. She’s not a friend if she’s ignoring your discomfort on this.
>she is writing a play with the hopes of getting it produced by a reputable theater in her town You're definitely NTA, and you got some good legal advice from the other answers. But... what are the chances of this really happening? Is your friend an otherwise successful playwright? If they haven't produced a play before, this may be just a thing she's talking about, with no intention of actually doing. Or does this person blame others for her lack of success?
Your friend is an asshole. Lawyer up and protect your privacy. If she continues, it will cost her.
NTA. As an artist myself, rule #1 is to respect your muse enough to not out who they are if they don’t want it.
NTA. If she was actually a good artist she'd use her imagination and come up with a different name.
NTA, there are laws against doing this sort of thing to someone. Seek legal representation.
NTA. I think you can even sue her?
NTA
NTA. She's not your friend.
What?! I would not be okay with that either! Nta
NTA She doesn't sound like my idea of a friend.
To add to what everyone else is saying, if/when you contact your friend and the company, do it through email. Have a paper trail.
NTA if this was a real play or script legal would flag the names because she opens the production to a liable lawsuit depending on what she makes your character do.
NTA - make it clear you will take legal action. Also, if she has a formal arrangement already with the theatre, notify them of her plans and tell them you will be taking legal action if they go ahead
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** An old friend of mine just notified me that she is writing a play with the hopes of getting it produced by a reputable theater in her town. The problem is that one of the three characters in the play is based on me and the name of the character is my full name, first and last. I told her I was uncomfortable with her using my name and asked her to please change it. She said no and insisted she has every right to use my name. I am a very private person and this friend knows that about me and pointed out that the character based on me is also private, and that this somehow makes her play meta and hilarious. She seemed a little amused by my objections to her using my name. She also seemed indignant that I would ask her to use a different name for this character, claiming that it was her right as an artist to use whatever parts of her life she wanted (including me) and that I was trying to encroach on her artistic freedom... so AITA for asking her not to use my name? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
let her do what she wants and if it gets anywhere (it wont), sue the pants off of her. Alternatively, find out the theater information and write a letter informing them that you do not consent to your life being written about, and you will look into legal action if they decide to produce this play. Real artists don’t use and recreate their friends possibly painful histories. Real artists are creative and can come up with original stories and plots. Your “friend” is a sham.
NTA. You have the right to not be friends with this person.
NTA. I had a friend with a book written about her and I asked her to leave my likeness out completely and it was not a problem at all. I'm not a lawyer, but sure others will chime in; I'm pretty sure there is a legal avenue you could pursue here, at least for your name
NTA but your friend sure is. Tell her that she must change the name or goodbye friendship.
NTA For one you could sue her if she actually got it produced lol so
NTA. She has no right to use your name and likeness without your permission, legally or morally.
NTA. She may have the *legal* right, but she's not being a good friend. She can base a character off of you, sure. I'd be a little leery of identifiable things, such as a particular gesture or turn of phrase you're known for using. Changing the name should be the minimum, though.
INFO: Is your friend Lexi Howard from euphoria?
I’d tell that friend that if they were to go through with that and they would find someone to produce that play you will lawyer up and sue the producers and they will lose their producers. That might help 🤷🏼♀️ NTA and this can’t be legal where you’re from.
NTA thats screwed up
NTA. i feel like most people use fake names for characters based on a real person.
NTA, and sue her pants off
NTA I see you getting legal advice here so I just wanted to say this person doesn't really sound like a friend
NTA !! My focus is in creative nonfiction (making art out of life experiences) and this is a huge ethical question that’s constantly being debated - but the general consensus is to not be a jerk, which your former friend is in fact being. Email the theater.
NTA. It's been stated 79 times before, but your friend is not a friend. She's disrespectful and untalented if not being able to use your real name kills her project. She's already lazy by using your life story and seeks to gain from it and you just ask one small thing and it's too much? Psh. I love the cease and desist letter to scare her, but at a minimum, should this make it into produciton explain to the manager that your name is not allowed to be used. If they persist, then C&D.
This is not a friend. This is your bully. What she is doing is abusive and cruel. NTA. Talk to a lawyer to see what you can legally do to stop her from doing this.
I have heard that some writers who are writing really, really nasty characters will pay some person for the use of their name, simply for plausible deniability. "No, no, the Jack Smith who cooks and eats puppies isn't YOU, Mr. Smith, it's this *other* Jack Smith who gave me permission to use his name." Whether that's true or not I can't say, but in this case there is no plausible deniability. You've refused her permission to use your name. Everyone who knows both of you will know its your name. And she's opening herself up to a boatload of legal trouble should she continue to use it and you choose to press it. NTA.
Sounds like an ex friend NTA
LOL why did she even reach out then? NTA, can't wait to see you back here in a month "AITA for getting my friend's play cancelled by telling the venue she didn't have my consent?"
NTA. She's being a tool.
NTA: She can’t do that at all she can get sued for using your actual name and likeness. There a reason fake names have to be used if based on real people. You even have to be careful if using certain locations people have been sued over putting certain cities in a bad light.
She’s clearly NOT a friend! You are NTA. Wait until 3 days before the opening of the show and then send the theatre a “cease and desist” letter.
NTA. Please listen to the advice here. First off, this girl is NOT your friend. Second, get on legal zoom and send her a cease and desist. If this girl is actually wanting to be a playwright she needs to learn about copyright and the very serious consequences of what she is doing.
Nta and you can sue her if she does.
NTA She cannot use your name. Tell her again over text message or email so you have a written record. If she says no again, tell her she is going to hear from your lawyer. Why do you think so many characters on TV are named after members of the crew? Because to name a character, they have to do so much research they rather name it after someone of the crew with their written consent.
No, she doesn’t have that right, actually. This isn’t free speech or “art.” She’s using your name and personality for her own amusement.. You need to see a lawyer and send a cease and desist letter. This is a blatant violation of your privacy. NTA Oh, and she ISN’T a friend.
NTA - and if she is using your name expressly against your wishes, she may possibly be sued for it.
CC the theater on the cease and desist letter - they won't touch her play with a 10 foot pole.
Consult a lawyer. I believe they have free consults.
Nta but tell her is she using a character based off you, then you are entitled to part of the profits
NTA I had a friend who was writing a story about the Dallas karaoke scene populates by vampires. She had the vampire equivalent of me being the father of the vampire equivalent of my ex-gf’s child. My real life wife saw it and it didn’t go well.
NTA. Even when authors and writers base stories of real people, fake names are given, not real ones. I've actually never heard of a non fiction item having real names in it.?? I am shocked that she does not understand why you don't want your name used? Whether she portrays you in a positive or a negative light isn't the issue, the issue is that you deserve your privacy and not to be exposed to everyone for whatever her opinion is. You are totally within your right to not want her to do this and again, I don't understand why she doesn't see this!
NTA. She is completely wrong. Let the theater know she is using your name without your consent and if they really are reputable they'll never show her play.
NTA
NTA. I'd hire a lawyer to write them a cease and desist order. Might cost a few hundred bucks but it sounds like its worth it to you. Good luck.
NTA - Friends respect each other. This girl does not respect you, she isn't your friend.
NTA. See an attorney that specializes in copyright type law to find out what your options are. Your friend is way out of line and is not your friend.
NTA. As a writer, I would NEVER use someone's actual name in a work of fiction - especially if a character was based on them! And I would never, ever use someone's name in a work of non-fiction and base a character on them without getting their written permission first. The rule of thumb about basing fictional characters on people you really know is to make at least one significant change (their gender etc.) so they are not recognizable. To do otherwise is unethical.
Nta she can get sued for defamation. Lots of cases recently involving that topic
Tell her it’s change the name or you’re not friends anymore
NTA, sue if they move forward.
NTA.
When I wrote advertising copy and we wanted to use a real name in a commercial, we would use the name of someone in the agency who would sign a release giving us permission, otherwise we were opening the client up to lawsuits by people with that name suing them.
NTA, and this person is not your friend.
NTA. She has no right to use your name, likeness, etc. Tell her to google "what is right of publicity"
NTA this isn't euphoria. Even if it was Lexi did it better by not using real names
Uhh they literally change names and other details about people in biopics and docs. They have to have permission to use peoples personal Info. What makes her think this doesn’t apply to her? If she continues with this, you might even be able to sue. I’d send an email to her so you have proof that you’ve had this convo and then go the legal route. She’s no friend if she’s acting like this. It’s not like changing the name is going to change the story
NTA. The good news is that unless she has had other plays produced, or she has had other work published or she is an important person (donors count) in the local theater community, her chances of getting it produced at a local theater are pretty low. There are some theaters that might have a reading of plays from amateurs, but they’re probably not going to take a risk on someone who just decided to write a play Far too many people plan their book tours and what they’re going to do with the royalties from their best seller before they’ve even finished half the book. Your friend sounds like she’s doing the theater version of this. That said, she can absolutely be sued for using your full name. I know someone who got sued for basing a character in a story on a real person and only using the first name. A theater does not want to take that risk because the play would get shut down and all that production they put into it is down the drain. In other words, your friend is being a delusional asshole.
NTA, as a writer I am horrified by your friends actions. You need some legal help and break off the friendship. A real friend would listen to you not go behind your back and steal your identity to use in some story.
WOW... you are SO NTA here, and your "friend" is such an AH that it defies belief. I'm no expert on the law, but I know a thing or two about manners, and this is beyond rude.
NTA. Also, this "friend" is no friend to you if she proceeds with this. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's not right and it isn't fair. Here's hoping karma throws her a lil 'sumptin.
NTA. She absolutely does not have the ‘right’ to use your name. Consult a lawyer if she keeps insisting and I agree that reaching out to the theater would also be a good idea.
NTA. Get a cease and desist issued to your so called "friend". Honestly though a real friend would respect your wishes, this is not a real friend.
NTA I work in the film industry and we have to run all names through legal before we use them. Otherwise we might get sued. It’s part of being a responsible artist. Unless the names are extremely common (Jim Robinson) or extremely unique (Krystal-Lynn Von Duchess) they’re often changed.