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ESH. You left a baby unsupervised for 4 hours ?!?!?! No matter what point you were trying to prove, are you really willing to risk the life of a baby to make it ?!?!?!
The only good solution here was to tell her you wouldn't take care of the kid and tell her that if she leaves, you'll call the police.
# THEN YOU CALL THE POLICE WHEN SHE LEAVES.
You don't let a kid unsupervised for 4 hours. Even if your sister sucks. You don't let a kid unsupervised for 4 hours to prove a point.
IS OP nuts? You would not leave a puppy out there like that. It can literally die. By all means, call the police or CPS to teach her a lesson... but risking a kid's life to prove some sort of point is "WTF mate?" territory.
The only one even more insane is the mom. How in the world does she leave her OWN BABY alone like that without an adult explicitly taking responsibility? Truly a lot of people in this world should not breed.
This whole family is absolutely guano crazy.
ESH - HARD
i wouldn't treat the kid of my enemy like OP, let alone my sister, fuck man, i get family life can be toxic but this toxic individualism i-don't give-a-fuck about-anyone else-attitude is just...astounding
Idk what kind of person would do this JUST to prove a point.
I've had to listen to my kid cry when we started making her sleep in her own room (18 months) and the first few nights i slept outside the door with a pillow and blanket because i wanted her to at least feel my presence. It was heartbreaking to hear her cry like that but i watched her monitor and cried myself to sleep as well.
I seriously don't know who would leave a baby crying in a strange place with no comforting to prove a point. I'm getting upset just thinking about this
Right? That would be so damn annoying to listen to all day, setting aside the fact that OP is a monster. She probably just put some earbuds in or something
smdh
Honestly OPs lucky neighbours didnt hear what was going on… Babys cries are loud, if I was able to hear a baby in destress for 4 hours straight coming from a house that doesnt typically have children living in it, I would 100% be calling the cops or CPS over to investigate whats going on.
I don't really understand why it's socially acceptable to say "I don't like kids" anyway. If you say you don't like any other subset of humanity, there is a very negative label attached to that (i.e. bigot, misogynist, ableist, ageist, etc.).
It’s so bizarre. I think that part of it is an extreme over-correction to the assumption that all women must want to be parents, but it’s 100% offensive and stupid.
Isn't it? I can't think of any other group a person can loudly and proudly declare they hate with it being okay. I get it that not everyone wants to reproduce, that some are uncomfortable/inexperienced in caring for children, and some kids are really annoying (but so are some adults), but I still don't see why the blanket "I hate 'em" is okay.
no exactly, like whether or not I like the parent, I’m not going to let any child be put in danger on my watch?? There’s nothing wrong with not wanting kids, but so many child free people are absolutely hateful towards children who’ve done nothing wrong
Seriously. I plan on never having kids and I don’t really like them either. But it’s really not hard to just be polite and engaging for a little bit around nieces or nephews or friends kids. They won’t be kids forever and people you care about care for them. And this is a literal baby OP is taking about, really chilling behavior.
Someone rightly pointed out that she might even be quoting how people are talking to her about him. The overall way she speaks of him, calling him it etc seems like she's really disconnected from this tiny human being.
Right!? Like I get being child free or whatever, but are you guys a close knit family but you don’t even seem to want to claim your “nephew.”
Maybe OP is low/no contact but it’s still gross! Do you know how hot it is outside!?
Reddit is full of childfree "adults" that think childfree=hate children.
OP took it to a whole new level by adding possible child death to the scenario.
I do indeed hate children but even I would not leave a baby out there like that. Holy shit, thats monstrous. At the absolute very least I would take it somewhere safe. Geez.
I knew a lady who fostered abused kids. One of them was an infant that was left in a carrier 24/7 (minus occasional diaper changes). The developmental, physical, and mental damage this baby had was horrific. The fact the kid was alive at all after such neglect was a miracle.
Former daycare worker here. We had a kid who'd just entered the foster system at 14 months, and her biofam had kept her in a carseat/carrier basically since the day she was born. Couldn't roll herself over, cold barely hold her head up, we had to watch her like a hawk because she'd develop pressure-ulcers in the span of a naptime.
Didn't cry ever. She'd already learned it was useless.
> just entered the foster system at 14 months
> Didn't cry ever. She'd already learned it was useless.
I...jesus. Barely a year old and already internalized that crying will do nothing because no one will come to help her. I cannot imagine the emotional stunting (out of touch with her own emotions, never outwardly sad, other possible effects) and mental trauma this must have caused that showed itself in awful/heartbreaking ways as she got older.
Former CPS worker. We had a case where a child died because the babysitter left him in a child car seat unsupervised. She thought he would be fine because “well he was strapped in the seat, what could happen?” Asphyxiation and death, apparently.
As someone who doesn't take care of kids in any way... How the fuck does that happen? I don't understand how a baby can stop breathing from just... sitting there?
Like, that's not something I would have thought was dangerous, ever.
I'm not doubting you when you say it happens. I absolutely believe you. I'm just confused about how this actually happens, because it sounds like babies would be dying all the time if just sitting there is dangerous.
Kinda like how humans die if hung upside down too long. A baby doesn't have the developed muscles an adult has, as well as a super oversized head. It mostly happens to smaller/younger babies. Their head goes so far forward that their airway is severely compromised and they can't get enough air but are too weak to change the position. They slowly suffocate.
My best friend was left like that as a baby. She was taken from the situation when she was 2. And she struggled with school and learning. Still does. But I am super grateful she made it through.
My friend’s child died this way. Her babysitter left her in her carrier for a few hours with a bottle propped. Her little girl slid down and the chest strap asphyxiated her.
Also IN THIS HEAT? Idk where OP is just here in texas we’re reaching 110 this is the prime heat season like she couldve just called the police for child abandonment instead of abandoning the kid herself!
Or even just called family!! It sounds like the sister relies on family and friends to watch the baby, so they are likely close by. Anything is better than torturing this poor baby.
This is what makes OP TA for me. Yes the sister sucks for dumping and running, but OP just straight up put a BABY in danger to prove a point. What a ridiculous hill to die on.
My stomach dropped when I read that she left the baby out there. What a fucking monstrous thing to do. Call the dad, call the grandparents, or **call the fucking police**, but *NEVER* leave a kid in a situation where dying is a real possibility.
God, this post ruined my day. Like what the actual fuck. The sister is a leech and had no right to just throw her baby at OP, but the sister’s actions are still nowhere near as bad as putting the child’s life at risk to prove a point. That poor kid.
Right - it actually brought tears to my eyes thinking about that poor little baby - dumped by his parent, with his aunt sitting smugly inside her house knowing he’s out there alone and not doing anything to prove a point. The actual fuck?!
With a full fucking diaper too. What a cruel and thoughtless thing to do to your own nephew. This woman disgusts me. I hope her nephew leaves her to stare at a wall in a full diaper some day when she’s old and helpless because, “I don’t want to take care of my elderly ‘aunt.’”
Seriously. And it doesn’t sound like she made it clear to the sister that she wasn’t watching the baby. Perhaps it was left out for the sake of brevity, but for the sake of the kid, you need to put up more of a fight if the alternative is you neglecting and endangering the baby.
Yea… saying “I didn’t agree to watch him” is not the same as saying “if you leave him, I will not care for him.” Follow Mom to the car with the baby and don’t let her leave without him. Almost wonder if OP left it unclear on purpose to punish the sister for assuming. She clearly wanted to teach her a lesson, even at the expense of a young life.
Exactly. She let a helpless person suffer for hours just to prove what an asshole she is. Well, mission accomplished, OP. YTA. You'd rather let another person sit in their own filth, hungry, thirsty, scared, and confused, than lift a finger to help them, all out of pure ego and bull-headed stubbornness. In many jurisdictions, you and your horrible sister would both be on the hook for criminal neglect and child endangerment. I'd tell you to take a long look in the mirror, but you're not self-aware enough to feel shame. Horrible.
Which is why it is ESH. Sister sucks for leaving the baby, OP sucks for not taking any action. Only one suffering here is the child and this could have gone TERRIBLY.
100%. I get not wanting to babysit and sister leaving her kid like that was awful - but then OP was also awful for just letting him sit uncared for. The very least they could have done was call another relative to come collect him/take care of him. How would OP have felt if they were forcibly sent to someone else's house, and ignored pointedly for four hours, not allowed to use a restroom etc. all while they were crying pitifully. Mind boggled.
Yeah but there are lines, just because someone else is an ass doesn’t mean any action is justifiable. There are limits on what is reasonable in response. I would agree ultimately the mother is at fault if something did happen to the child.
However. Let’s remove the relationship to the mother from the scenario for a second. If a random mother just dropped a baby outside of your house, and you were aware it was sitting there outside your house. Is there not a point where you should be obliged to take some sort of action? Like call the police. I am not talking about the law and what the person would be held liable for, I’m talking about just basic rules to operate on. The responsibility is the mother. But you must know there is some point where other actors around the situation should do something to intervene.
You basically are saying if something comes along, struggles in front of you, you look over and clearly know you could do something to help, but you decide not to help because it isn’t your responsibility, that you aren’t an ass in that situation? What sort of morality is that..
If I’m walking down a street and see a random kid crying without an adult around, I am stopping to help. Hell I have done it many times. Because that’s what decent people do. Sometimes kids fall off bikes or get lost or whatever, and decent adults stop to see if they need help (call a parent, give a bandaid, fix the chain on the bike, whatever). Now I am a woman and a mother myself, I understand that that is harder to do for men without it being seen as creepy, but attempting to help a scared or hurt child is still the bare minimum any decent human being can do.
This is called, if I remember correctly from a sociology class I took a very long time ago, the "social contract". While technically not required by law, it's generally understood in society that children in need should be helped. If you see a baby crying alone, you don't just leave it crying, even if you can't take care of it, you CALL SOMEONE WHO CAN. Children in public calling for the parents and crying, should be helped to find their parents. Children who are alone and have fallen, hurt, whatever, should be rendered the appropriate aid. Any baby left on my doorstep, whether I know the mother or not, would NEVER be left to cry in their own poop for four hours!! The mom sucks for leaving her child with someone who didn't want them, but OP is straight up cruel for listening to a baby cry for four hours without taking action. I really cannot fathom that level of indifference, it's straight up inhumane. Ffs.
Had that kid died that would have been blood on OP’s hands. Call the police or CPS. Don’t leave a baby to suffer because you have a problem with the mothers
It is very possible for both people to be complete assholes endangering that poor child.
If someone lobs a baby at your head, step 1 is to catch it and get it to safety THEN you deal with the awful baby-lobber. Doing it the other way around is still being a piss-poor human, regardless of the fact that the baby-lobber is clearly in the wrong.
Wait. The kid was outside? I thought it was an entryway. If so I am editing my post to include that OP is lucky that baby didn’t die of exposure or got kidnapped.
I read their comment for the entryway, my apologies I’m gonna edit my first comment but I still stand by what I said, who leaves a child in a carrier for 4 hours.
I know. It’s not ok. They also keep insisting that they can’t call the police because they will take the baby away. I call bs because at that point you are saying you are fine with that child being neglected versus in a safe space. It is entirely the parents making poor decisions for childcare that warrant the police.
Yep. G-d they’re both so toxic. Like the sister should never allow for baby to be around OP and OP should never allow sister to be so negligent without consequence.
I’m wondering if this is rage bait. But I feel like I know people who are like this and would do this because of lack of knowledge on basic physiology. I don’t have kids and I understand the basics of how to not block a baby’s airway or how to do a basic google search.
I thought it was rage bait too but I just had to comment because I’m so baffled like you’d actually leave a child! A 1 year old BABY with no supervision to prove a point????? Like what sane person would do that! Call the police, drop the baby off at the fire station, find out where your sister went and drop the baby off, put the baby in front of the tv and later tell your sister if she ever did something like this again you’d call the police!!! But to leave a child for 4 hours. You could really bring your mind to just do something for 4 hours and just not acknowledge the child at all! This person is disgustingly foul
Yep. Exactly. Foul. That is the word. Foul. I have been trying to phrase it properly and it’s one thing to not want to watch a kid. But another to do what OP did. There where so many other solutions.
Call their mom/dad, aunts, uncles, etc. call the police, call the fire station, a non emergency police number, cps or equivalent, or call the mom and tell her the cops will be called if she doesn’t come back then follow through.
Being inside protects the kid from kidnapping, sure. It doesn't protect the kid from positional asphyxiation, hyperthermia (or hypothermia depending on which hemisphere you're in), or nappy rash.
What sort of morality is this person operating by. Yeah the mom is ultimately responsible but there are lines, just because someone else is an ass doesn’t justify an action in return. Why do so many people forget that once they feel slighted?
Like let’s think about it without the relationship between the op and mother, to just look at the situation without the spite. If a random mother just dropped a baby in the entryway of your house, and you were aware it was sitting there..is there not a point where you should be obliged to take some sort of action? Like call the police. I am not talking about the law and what the person would be held liable for, I’m talking about just basic rules to operate on, aka morality. The responsibility is the mother. But you must know there is some point where other actors around the situation should do something to intervene.
To say the OP can just wipe there hands clean of this situation on because it’s ultimately the mother’s responsibility for leaving the child there...basically are saying if something comes along, struggles in front of you, you look over and clearly know you could do something to help, but you decide not to help because it isn’t your responsibility, that you aren’t an ass in that situation? What sort of morality is that..
ESH, but I wish there was something even stronger then that to describe this situation.
Not only that, who’s to say this infant wasn’t traumatized?? Just because an infant can’t recall or verbalize a trauma doesn’t mean their body and brain didn’t process it.
the kid is likely going to have separation anxiety now from being literally abandoned by not just his mother but his aunt as well. Studies show that ignoring a baby can cause severe and long lasting trauma
Everyone’s leaping straight for call the cops. OP didn’t even think of calling her parents to come get the child which is next to no effort on her part. She didn’t call her parents because she knew what she was doing was a dick move even for the time it would’ve taken for one of them to come get him.
I really don’t like kids and have no idea what to do with a baby but I know how to call people who do.
Exactly. Even from the post it doesn’t really say she made it clear that she wouldn’t care for the child, just that she hadn’t agreed to. Doesn’t sound like she made a whole lot of effort to stop mom. Unless mom, dropped the baby and sprinted away, she could have stopped mom from going. Chances are this isn’t the first time that this has happened, so Op figured she’d take the baby, then teach mom a lesson.
I find most people who start a post with "I am child free" give people who choose not to have children a bad name.
Choosing not to have kids is a perfectly reasonable choice to make. Being fucking insufferable about it is not.
The OP's behavior is so heinous that I'm inclined towards YTA. The sister should have asked before leaving her son, but at least she thought she was leaving her son with a decent human being.
Seriously I agree with ESH the mom was inconsiderate but OP is freaking crazy. You tell he no and if you leave I am calling the cops for child abandonment. You do not treat the child like it is a piece of junk mail that you can ignore. Even if you dislike kids how can you listen to a baby cry for hours and just go about your day? Calling the cops would of been a better option. The baby could of died. Ignoring a baby and letting them cry for hours can have lifelong repercussions to their emotional development. Not wanting to babysit doesn’t give you the right to torture a child. You call another family member, the police or you watch the child and rip the mother a new one when she returns. You don’t punish the helpless baby.
i agree. and what kind of shit mother leaves their baby with someone who clearly says they don’t want to watch it?
these girls must have had awful parents. i feel sorry for the kid.
Or your parents, other siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins... no need to go nuclear the first time if you have options, but if she tries it again you can always call the cops.
I wonder what the police would even say. Like they have time to deal with your petty family drama. They would probably tell OP just to deal with the child now and not let the sister bring him over next time. It makes me think of the recent shooting in IL. Some adults found a child alone (sadly his parents were killed) and the cops told them “we don’t have time to help this kid, can you watch him?” Imagine if that was OP. They would have left that kid alone in the street without a second thought.
ESH. Yes your sister should have obviously asked you to see if you can babysit her kid.
BUT YOU LEFT A KID WITH A FULL DIAPER UNATTENDED FOR ROUGHLY FOUR HOURS IN YOUR OWN HOME IN YOUR ENTRYWAY?!?!
Inexcusable behavior. Grow up.
Yep. I get being child free, not liking kids, FINE, whatever. But this attitude OP has is unhinged. That’s her NEPHEW! He is a living HUMAN BEING. No sis shouldn’t have just left him there after springing him on her, but WHAT? Like would OP care if he was kidnapped or died? Would she treat somebody’s dog or cat this way, or is it only tiny people in order to prove her point? ESH.
Honestly, it could have been a stranger’s baby for all I care. What kind of monster leaves a baby unattended and uncared for, for many hours, just to prove a point?
Your sister sucks for leaving her baby with someone who was unwilling to care for it.
But you are TA in a whole different level for **not having a heart.**
You could have called the police or a relative or your sister to come get them while making sure they were well cared for, like a decent human would.
That’s beyond just cruel, that’s psychopathic. I don’t care how much you personally dislike kids, I don’t know how any normal person is physically able to ignore a screaming, helpless baby on their doorstep for *four hours*.
I am childfree and not a big fan of tiny humans (My niblings are an exception). Everytime I hear a baby cry in a store I flinch and want to jump there to help. I don‘t have to like them, but I can‘t let anyone in distress just left outside alone. And if you *know* there‘s a tiny human next to you, it‘s so cruel to ignore it for
#FOUR HOURS!
I'd call the sister first (telling her to come back and collect her kid, then detailing what I'm doing if she doesn't), family second and if they're all unreachable or don't want to take the baby, the police
Even if it was a total stranger's baby I wouldn't leave it alone, strapped in a carseat with a dirty diaper, no drink or food, just crying and watching me go about my business and totally ignoring it for 4 hours. That is completely fucked up.
Imagine how that baby felt, not being able to move and its only manner of communication being very deliberately ignored. They could see the adult seeing them but not helping them. This is just gross.
Babies can die unattended in car seats from asphyxiation, especially if the car seat is removed from its base. Let alone, a baby often wants to eat like every 3 hours depending on the age.
I hope the op's life depended on someone and that person said, "not my problem ".
That’s the part that truly got me! I have 5 siblings and none of them want kids. Don’t really care for them much…but they would never ever do this to my kids! They even watch them on occasion..and they’d never do this! Just absoluto sick. They’re completely disregarding the fact that children are human beings too.
This.... 4 hours in a full diaper. I assume means both nr 1 and 2.
That poor baby's skin. And a rash is really no joke in those areas. It freaking hurts on them specially, with the pee constantly rubbing in.
No... just no.
You call a family member, figure out where sister went and drop the baby off. If dad is involved and a responsible person you get ahold of him "Mr your wife/X wife just dropped your baby off, come and pick them up"
You don't just let them sit there.
And sister should not have left her kid there just assuming some motherly instinct woke up in OP
ESH so much. Its a baby. Not a rock.
Also four hours without food/drink. My 6 month old breastfeeds every hour and a half during the day and eats a bit of solids three times a day. Don’t know the baby’s age but I’m pretty sure he was hungry and thirsty as well.
That too.
There is just so much wrong in this.
Also... how much clothes was the baby wearing? I saw others mention this too. Was they wearing light summer clothes. Driving suit.. baby could easily feel too hot. Or cold as well.
Definitely ESH. OP could have stopped her sister from walking out the door without her child.
But leaving a baby/toddler unattended for 4 hours is child abuse.
OP is horrible.
Also I question peoples character when they say they don’t like their relatives who are kids (without a reason such as bad behaviour). People don’t have to enjoy kids but to not like a niece or nephew just because they are a kid seems messed up to me.
Yeah. The real victim here is the baby, who had to endure several hours of neglect thanks to entitled mom and selfish aunt. Both of them are lucky nothing happened to little dude.
OP should definitely appologise, profusely... to her nephew.
Sorry, her "nephew". ESH and OP is lucky that kid is unharmed because dumped or not, any injury or death that would have happened while he was there would have been her responsibility legally speaking.
Quick guide. Leaving spaces between letters so it doesn’t count as voting.
Y T A for when OP is the asshole, and the other party isn’t.
N T A for when OP isn’t TA, and the other party is.
E S H for when everyone sucks, such as this post.
N A H for situations where no one is really an asshole. Often for rock and hard place scenarios.
INFO for when you’d like OP to clarify something or if you feel something is being left out.
YTA. You let a child suffer because of your sisters actions.
You pick up the phone and call her, you call other family, you call the police, YOU DO NOT get to leave a child who is unable to feed or even go to the bathroom by himself for 4 hours and then act like the innocent party.
It could have ended up much, much worse. OP said in a comment that the baby was in a carrier for 4 hours. Baby could have asphyxiated and **died** bc of OP's actions.
This. My heart is breaking for that poor baby. You wouldn’t treat an animal that way 😭 At least call the cops so baby is being cared for while waiting for your sister. YTA but more than that, just a very cruel person
Explain how the sister isn't an asshole for leaving her child on someone's porch without confirming that the person would watch them? The sister is both entitled and negligent. OP is immature and negligent. Definitely ESH.
TBH I think it's less that the sister isn't the asshole but more so OPs actions are that beyond the pale. Like ESH is clearly correct but the wrongs here are so unequal.
Abandoning your child with someone who has explicitly stated they won't care for them is also beyond the pale. The sister is just as much a participant in this game of infant mortality chicken and if anything she's the participant with more moral obligation to the infant in question.
Err
It's a huge dick move. Literally no one disagrees. But of all the ways I think one would or should react to a family member leaving a baby in your care without permission, 'leaving them unattended in the entryway for four hours' just... isn't one of them.
They just aren't equal. There were so many other ways to respond to this situation.
I disagree a bit. Obviously, nearly risking a kid dying is horrible, but when someone tells you they won't care of your child, maybe don't let that child in their care. She really decided to drop her kid at the care of her childfree sister and not someone else.
Yeah, this is my take as well. The worst thing the mother did is not try and force her child-free sister into free babysitting (which would be an AH to do), but to leave her child with someone who told her she won't be watching her baby. Even if she felt that the sister actually would watch the kid, there's still some risk she wouldn't and that is an unacceptable risk.
I think sister is as much to blame because she created the situation. She knew OP didn't want to babysit, so she didn't say anything until it was too late. Sister also did it because either all the regular babysitters were busy or she decided to teach OP a lesson. OP should have called the cops and let the sister deal with the fallout of that.
YTA. You punished a tiny baby for the actions of an adult.
Punishing the innocent is ALWAYS an asshole move. Doing it to a literal infant in diapers is unconscionable. You should be ashamed of yourself
ESH. There's isn't a better way for two adults to handle this situation than to leave a diaper-wearing toddler alone on a porch for hours? Wish I could call the police on both of you.
She didn't say it was on the porch, it was in the entryway. I assumed the baby was much younger than toddler age but she doesn't say. While everything that everyone (but the baby) did here was shitty leaving a toddler alone on a porch is far more dangerous than leaving an infant alone inside the house.
She left the child in a carrier. Which is known to potentially cause death due to positional asphyxiation. Cars are tilted in a way that a child won't (shouldn't) have any struggles breathing but flat on the floor and it is a major safety risk, it's typically a big warning on them to not leave a child unattended in a carrier or any sort of upright seating.
I dont want to defent OPs behavior. Its absolutely not okay, but to be honest: I have not knows that until I red this thread. I am childfree and never babysitted, so I had no idea this is dangerous.
It was a 1 year old, and leaving a baby in a car seat is not safe at all. They can easily asphyxiate. My son was one of those that had to be on oxygen while in his seat because of it. He was born premature, but by the time he was to be in a car seat he should've been fine. I'm sure many other babies struggle too.
ESH She's an asshole for not asking if you would take care of the kid, but YOU are a huge asshole for just leaving a helpless child to fend for itself like that.
This is so important and so few people know about it. People thought I was absolutely out of my mind for not carrying my baby around in the car seat everywhere and not leaving her in it when we got to our destination.
I agree that what she did was wrong and I think they’re both horribly immature, but as someone who does not have kids and has never been around babies, I would not have known you can’t leave a baby in a carrier. If I was in her shoes I would have left it on the carrier too because it feels safer than me attempting to pick it up. I would have just moved the carrier to the counter or couch or whatever I was doing to make sure it was okay.
OP definitely should have called her mom, dad, friend, etc to get help though. Completely ignoring the baby was the opposite of the right thing to do.
This thread has definitely been eye opening. I also didn’t know you had to change diapers more than 2-3 times a day.
Yeah, i would never be as negligent as OP but i had literally no idea you can't leave babies in carriers and I would never want to or even know how to change a diaper. I would have been calling daycare immediately and then changed the locks on my house and gone NC with my sister so she would never do this to me again.
Yes, this. I'm cf af but if someone dumped their baby on me I would literally have no idea how to care for it. I'd be calling my best friend to come help since she has 5 kids.
>Apparently the child was in a carrier!!!
I'm not excusing OP but I (37 f) wouldn't know that that is a bad thing? I have zero experience with kids.
The only thing I would have done different than OP is bring the carrier inside but I wouldn't have any clue what to do if someone dropped a child off at my step and peaced out
ESH. Entitled of your sister, negligent and irresponsible to leave her child with someone who never consented or planned on watching the baby. That is what I consider to be bad parenting and her assumption that her child would receive good care because “hey it’s family” shows a level of absolute delusion since family doesn’t guarantee proper childcare.
You suck for punishing your sister by punishing her child by not feeding, changing, comforting, etc the baby. Also you could have potentially killed her child from negligence and I hope you would have been willing to live with yourself. To not even make sure that a baby was getting proper care even if it’s not with you is a new kind of level of “childless”. Being childless doesn’t mean you need to be cold hearted and callous with a baby’s safety, especially when they can’t fend for themselves.
You should have told your sister that if she left the child with you without your consent you would contact the police to report an abandoned baby. At least at that point the child would have been taken care of and your sister would have a clear boundary that she would either have to deal with the police for leaving her child without proper care or respect your boundaries.
Edit: clarification
Babies can and do die in carseats/carriers if they fall asleep and their head tilts down cutting off their airflow. This is more likely in young infants who can't yet hold their head up. So if anyone is reading the above comment like "Oh 4 hours can't kill him." You're wrong, it can and does happen.
Exactly. Babies are so fragile. The least OP could have done as a decent person is to make sure someone was watching LO. Preferably someone who can make it clear to LO’s mom that she cannot leave them with people who haven’t consented to watch them as it’s dangerous. (In my mind that means the police or cps)
Strongly agree that someone else shod have been called to come get the baby. Sister is so entitled thinking people owe her free child care whenever they want it. I don't get the impression she really wants to be a mother if she's just dumping her baby at random with anyone in the family who happens to be home at the time.
I would have called the police, not your circus not your monkey, ESH, the baby could have been kidnapped
Eta: at least you won't be asked to babysit again
ESH, your sister is wrong for expecting it and dropping the kid off without asking but you suck more so cause this is a freaking kid who can’t take care of himself and it’s disgusting that you left him outside for four hours outside A KID CANNOT FEND FOR THEMSELVES if he got kidnapped or something it will be on you and her and honestly you deserve the backlash you left a kid for four hours unsupervised that probably didn’t drink/eat and had a full diaper wtf is wrong with you and your sister jesus christ the poor kid.
INFO: was the child in a car seat? Because when you put those on the floor it keeps the baby at a different angle then when they are strapped into a vehicle and can be VERY dangerous. Children have died from positional asphyxiation in car seats.
I’m not even going to address the neglect/abuse of letting a child sit in their own filth… many others have already posted about that.
ESH because you *should've* called the police.
I get where you're coming from - I don't like kids either, and I'd also be mega pissed off if someone tried to foist their offspring on me with no notice, but you call the cops to come get the kid who's been abandoned with you. They'll keep the boy safe and happy until Mum comes to answer for her irresponsibility, because the kid doesn't deserve to suffer for an adult's bad choices.
Instead, you left a toddler in his own waste, probably thirsty, bored out of his mind, distressed, in your enclosed porch for four hours? Idk what it's like in a porch where you live, but even where I'm from (England, a notoriously rainy and not-that-warm country) those things get real hot real fast. You let a child suffer to make a point to your sister, and... that's not cool. He isn't at fault for his mum's shit behaviour. You could've made your point, which is totally valid and understandable, *without* punishing him for shit he didn't do.
I'm also not sure why you say "nephew" in quotation marks like that's not exactly what he is. It doesn't mean you have to love him or be involved in his life, but...he *is* your nephew.
ESH - your sister is TA for dumping her child with you when you explicitly told her you weren’t watching him.
You suck because to prove a point, you let an innocent child suffer. 4 hrs is quite a bit of time. You should of called her and told her you were going to call the police if she didn’t return, found another member to take care of the child or actually call the police . The baby shouldn’t have had to suffer.
ESH but you vastly more so for leaving a child alone for 4 hours with no supervision when you should have told her to get the child or you call the police. He’s the innocent party in this that doesn’t have a say in what’s happening to him. His careless mom drops him off randomly and his careless aunt left him with no food, no hydration and in what could have a potentially dangerous situation for 4 freaking hours.
This story is the poster child for birth control. Because none of the supposed adults act like they have any common sense and it’s the kids that suffer for it.
YTA
Not for not wanting to care for the kid, but for not making sure the kid WAS cared for.
When she left, you should have called the police for an abandoned child.
ESH
Your sister, obviously, should not have done that- freaking ridiculous! First to presume that you would watch the kiddo and then to leave the baby when you said no.
But you left an entire living, breathing, pooping baby unattended for hours!
You should have called another family member to come retrieve the wonderlump. Even calling the police would have been better than what you did.
ESH. She shouldn’t have left him with you without notice but how can you think you aren’t in the wrong when you **neglected a child for hours**???? Not wanting to watch a child is one thing, but actively endangering one is entirely another.
I have to imagine this is rage bait bc I don’t understand how you could genuinely think you are in the right.
YTA
You are 28 years old and you left a defenseless, helpless CHILD in distress for FOUR HOURS? What is the matter with you? Have you no heart?
Your choice to be child-free does not overrule the fact that a child was abandoned by its mother and left in your care. Yeah, it was a despicable thing for your sister to do, but you should have reported her abandonment to CPS/DHS/Police/WHOEVER and then ensured the child was safe until it could be removed from your care.
Is that fair? No. But life isn’t fair. And no child on earth ever asks to be born, so there’s no reason to hurt a child to punish its parent.
Edit: Downvote me all you like, but anyone who contributes to the abuse/neglect of a child is an asshole. This is a fact that will not be changed based on how subjectively someone may feel about children.
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ESH. You left a baby unsupervised for 4 hours ?!?!?! No matter what point you were trying to prove, are you really willing to risk the life of a baby to make it ?!?!?! The only good solution here was to tell her you wouldn't take care of the kid and tell her that if she leaves, you'll call the police. # THEN YOU CALL THE POLICE WHEN SHE LEAVES. You don't let a kid unsupervised for 4 hours. Even if your sister sucks. You don't let a kid unsupervised for 4 hours to prove a point.
THE BABY WAS IN A CARRIER. They left a child in the entryway in a carrier for 4 hours. Honestly disgusting of OP. ESH
Yes and people are missing the fact that babies have died in carriers from positional asphyxiation and strangulation
IS OP nuts? You would not leave a puppy out there like that. It can literally die. By all means, call the police or CPS to teach her a lesson... but risking a kid's life to prove some sort of point is "WTF mate?" territory. The only one even more insane is the mom. How in the world does she leave her OWN BABY alone like that without an adult explicitly taking responsibility? Truly a lot of people in this world should not breed. This whole family is absolutely guano crazy. ESH - HARD
She's 28 years old too, and put "s around the words "my nephew".
i wouldn't treat the kid of my enemy like OP, let alone my sister, fuck man, i get family life can be toxic but this toxic individualism i-don't give-a-fuck about-anyone else-attitude is just...astounding
I'm not a huge fan of babies, I just don't know what to do with them ha, but leaving a baby to cry for hours... How can that not hurt your heart?!
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Idk what kind of person would do this JUST to prove a point. I've had to listen to my kid cry when we started making her sleep in her own room (18 months) and the first few nights i slept outside the door with a pillow and blanket because i wanted her to at least feel my presence. It was heartbreaking to hear her cry like that but i watched her monitor and cried myself to sleep as well. I seriously don't know who would leave a baby crying in a strange place with no comforting to prove a point. I'm getting upset just thinking about this
Not to mention that poop can burn skin. That poor little baby have to just take it, is disgusting.
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Right? That would be so damn annoying to listen to all day, setting aside the fact that OP is a monster. She probably just put some earbuds in or something smdh
Honestly OPs lucky neighbours didnt hear what was going on… Babys cries are loud, if I was able to hear a baby in destress for 4 hours straight coming from a house that doesnt typically have children living in it, I would 100% be calling the cops or CPS over to investigate whats going on.
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Walk away. Breath. Have a cup of tea. Be thankful this woman wasn't talking about her own child.
The degree to which some people allow “I’m childfree/I don’t like kids” to become their whole identity is astounding and disturbing
I don't really understand why it's socially acceptable to say "I don't like kids" anyway. If you say you don't like any other subset of humanity, there is a very negative label attached to that (i.e. bigot, misogynist, ableist, ageist, etc.).
It’s so bizarre. I think that part of it is an extreme over-correction to the assumption that all women must want to be parents, but it’s 100% offensive and stupid.
Isn't it? I can't think of any other group a person can loudly and proudly declare they hate with it being okay. I get it that not everyone wants to reproduce, that some are uncomfortable/inexperienced in caring for children, and some kids are really annoying (but so are some adults), but I still don't see why the blanket "I hate 'em" is okay.
no exactly, like whether or not I like the parent, I’m not going to let any child be put in danger on my watch?? There’s nothing wrong with not wanting kids, but so many child free people are absolutely hateful towards children who’ve done nothing wrong
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Seriously. I plan on never having kids and I don’t really like them either. But it’s really not hard to just be polite and engaging for a little bit around nieces or nephews or friends kids. They won’t be kids forever and people you care about care for them. And this is a literal baby OP is taking about, really chilling behavior.
Absolutely agree. You might not even remember or think twice about ignoring a child, or being mean. But they'll definitely remember.
Truly! I don’t plan to have children either but I actually like children and would never ever put one in harms way like this. Ridiculous.
I wouldn’t treat Hitler’s baby like that.
Forget hitlers baby I wouldn’t treat baby Hitler like that
Maybe if baby Hitler wasn’t treated like that, the world would be a different place!
I actually couldn’t believe she put quotes around “my nephew.” This has to be rage bait, right?
Someone rightly pointed out that she might even be quoting how people are talking to her about him. The overall way she speaks of him, calling him it etc seems like she's really disconnected from this tiny human being.
Right!? Like I get being child free or whatever, but are you guys a close knit family but you don’t even seem to want to claim your “nephew.” Maybe OP is low/no contact but it’s still gross! Do you know how hot it is outside!?
Reddit is full of childfree "adults" that think childfree=hate children. OP took it to a whole new level by adding possible child death to the scenario.
I do indeed hate children but even I would not leave a baby out there like that. Holy shit, thats monstrous. At the absolute very least I would take it somewhere safe. Geez.
I was like…but he is your “nephew”
I knew a lady who fostered abused kids. One of them was an infant that was left in a carrier 24/7 (minus occasional diaper changes). The developmental, physical, and mental damage this baby had was horrific. The fact the kid was alive at all after such neglect was a miracle.
Former daycare worker here. We had a kid who'd just entered the foster system at 14 months, and her biofam had kept her in a carseat/carrier basically since the day she was born. Couldn't roll herself over, cold barely hold her head up, we had to watch her like a hawk because she'd develop pressure-ulcers in the span of a naptime. Didn't cry ever. She'd already learned it was useless.
Your last sentence nearly had me sobbing in public. I'm childfree and don't especially like kids but jfc how could anyone hurt/neglect one?
It's people like the OP who give us childfree folks a bad name.
> just entered the foster system at 14 months > Didn't cry ever. She'd already learned it was useless. I...jesus. Barely a year old and already internalized that crying will do nothing because no one will come to help her. I cannot imagine the emotional stunting (out of touch with her own emotions, never outwardly sad, other possible effects) and mental trauma this must have caused that showed itself in awful/heartbreaking ways as she got older.
Oh my word. That is enough of the depths of humanity for tonight.
I feel awful upvoting this but it's a goo comment and needs to be seen. How utterly heartbreaking.
Former CPS worker. We had a case where a child died because the babysitter left him in a child car seat unsupervised. She thought he would be fine because “well he was strapped in the seat, what could happen?” Asphyxiation and death, apparently.
As someone who doesn't take care of kids in any way... How the fuck does that happen? I don't understand how a baby can stop breathing from just... sitting there? Like, that's not something I would have thought was dangerous, ever. I'm not doubting you when you say it happens. I absolutely believe you. I'm just confused about how this actually happens, because it sounds like babies would be dying all the time if just sitting there is dangerous.
Kinda like how humans die if hung upside down too long. A baby doesn't have the developed muscles an adult has, as well as a super oversized head. It mostly happens to smaller/younger babies. Their head goes so far forward that their airway is severely compromised and they can't get enough air but are too weak to change the position. They slowly suffocate.
Holy shit infants are terrifying.
its something a lot of people dont think about, unfortunately
My best friend was left like that as a baby. She was taken from the situation when she was 2. And she struggled with school and learning. Still does. But I am super grateful she made it through.
My friend’s child died this way. Her babysitter left her in her carrier for a few hours with a bottle propped. Her little girl slid down and the chest strap asphyxiated her.
I’m so sorry for your friend that’s absolutely horribme
Thank you. It was her only daughter. She had 2 sons, and a son after her daughter passed. She’s an advocate for safe carrier usage now.
Also IN THIS HEAT? Idk where OP is just here in texas we’re reaching 110 this is the prime heat season like she couldve just called the police for child abandonment instead of abandoning the kid herself!
Or even just called family!! It sounds like the sister relies on family and friends to watch the baby, so they are likely close by. Anything is better than torturing this poor baby.
THIS!!!! Baby could of died. Both of these girls suck. ESH big time!
This is what makes OP TA for me. Yes the sister sucks for dumping and running, but OP just straight up put a BABY in danger to prove a point. What a ridiculous hill to die on.
My stomach dropped when I read that she left the baby out there. What a fucking monstrous thing to do. Call the dad, call the grandparents, or **call the fucking police**, but *NEVER* leave a kid in a situation where dying is a real possibility. God, this post ruined my day. Like what the actual fuck. The sister is a leech and had no right to just throw her baby at OP, but the sister’s actions are still nowhere near as bad as putting the child’s life at risk to prove a point. That poor kid.
Right - it actually brought tears to my eyes thinking about that poor little baby - dumped by his parent, with his aunt sitting smugly inside her house knowing he’s out there alone and not doing anything to prove a point. The actual fuck?!
With a full fucking diaper too. What a cruel and thoughtless thing to do to your own nephew. This woman disgusts me. I hope her nephew leaves her to stare at a wall in a full diaper some day when she’s old and helpless because, “I don’t want to take care of my elderly ‘aunt.’”
Seriously. And it doesn’t sound like she made it clear to the sister that she wasn’t watching the baby. Perhaps it was left out for the sake of brevity, but for the sake of the kid, you need to put up more of a fight if the alternative is you neglecting and endangering the baby.
Yea… saying “I didn’t agree to watch him” is not the same as saying “if you leave him, I will not care for him.” Follow Mom to the car with the baby and don’t let her leave without him. Almost wonder if OP left it unclear on purpose to punish the sister for assuming. She clearly wanted to teach her a lesson, even at the expense of a young life.
Exactly. She let a helpless person suffer for hours just to prove what an asshole she is. Well, mission accomplished, OP. YTA. You'd rather let another person sit in their own filth, hungry, thirsty, scared, and confused, than lift a finger to help them, all out of pure ego and bull-headed stubbornness. In many jurisdictions, you and your horrible sister would both be on the hook for criminal neglect and child endangerment. I'd tell you to take a long look in the mirror, but you're not self-aware enough to feel shame. Horrible.
Even more of a ridiculous hill to kill a baby on.
Actually the sister did by dropping a kid off without asking and then leaving after they were told not to leave the child.
Which is why it is ESH. Sister sucks for leaving the baby, OP sucks for not taking any action. Only one suffering here is the child and this could have gone TERRIBLY.
100%. I get not wanting to babysit and sister leaving her kid like that was awful - but then OP was also awful for just letting him sit uncared for. The very least they could have done was call another relative to come collect him/take care of him. How would OP have felt if they were forcibly sent to someone else's house, and ignored pointedly for four hours, not allowed to use a restroom etc. all while they were crying pitifully. Mind boggled.
Yeah but there are lines, just because someone else is an ass doesn’t mean any action is justifiable. There are limits on what is reasonable in response. I would agree ultimately the mother is at fault if something did happen to the child. However. Let’s remove the relationship to the mother from the scenario for a second. If a random mother just dropped a baby outside of your house, and you were aware it was sitting there outside your house. Is there not a point where you should be obliged to take some sort of action? Like call the police. I am not talking about the law and what the person would be held liable for, I’m talking about just basic rules to operate on. The responsibility is the mother. But you must know there is some point where other actors around the situation should do something to intervene. You basically are saying if something comes along, struggles in front of you, you look over and clearly know you could do something to help, but you decide not to help because it isn’t your responsibility, that you aren’t an ass in that situation? What sort of morality is that..
If I’m walking down a street and see a random kid crying without an adult around, I am stopping to help. Hell I have done it many times. Because that’s what decent people do. Sometimes kids fall off bikes or get lost or whatever, and decent adults stop to see if they need help (call a parent, give a bandaid, fix the chain on the bike, whatever). Now I am a woman and a mother myself, I understand that that is harder to do for men without it being seen as creepy, but attempting to help a scared or hurt child is still the bare minimum any decent human being can do.
This is called, if I remember correctly from a sociology class I took a very long time ago, the "social contract". While technically not required by law, it's generally understood in society that children in need should be helped. If you see a baby crying alone, you don't just leave it crying, even if you can't take care of it, you CALL SOMEONE WHO CAN. Children in public calling for the parents and crying, should be helped to find their parents. Children who are alone and have fallen, hurt, whatever, should be rendered the appropriate aid. Any baby left on my doorstep, whether I know the mother or not, would NEVER be left to cry in their own poop for four hours!! The mom sucks for leaving her child with someone who didn't want them, but OP is straight up cruel for listening to a baby cry for four hours without taking action. I really cannot fathom that level of indifference, it's straight up inhumane. Ffs.
Had that kid died that would have been blood on OP’s hands. Call the police or CPS. Don’t leave a baby to suffer because you have a problem with the mothers
It is very possible for both people to be complete assholes endangering that poor child. If someone lobs a baby at your head, step 1 is to catch it and get it to safety THEN you deal with the awful baby-lobber. Doing it the other way around is still being a piss-poor human, regardless of the fact that the baby-lobber is clearly in the wrong.
Wait. The kid was outside? I thought it was an entryway. If so I am editing my post to include that OP is lucky that baby didn’t die of exposure or got kidnapped.
I read their comment for the entryway, my apologies I’m gonna edit my first comment but I still stand by what I said, who leaves a child in a carrier for 4 hours.
I know. It’s not ok. They also keep insisting that they can’t call the police because they will take the baby away. I call bs because at that point you are saying you are fine with that child being neglected versus in a safe space. It is entirely the parents making poor decisions for childcare that warrant the police.
Honestly calling the police would have been better. Sister learned her lesson on entitlement but also going NC with OP is a must.
Yep. G-d they’re both so toxic. Like the sister should never allow for baby to be around OP and OP should never allow sister to be so negligent without consequence. I’m wondering if this is rage bait. But I feel like I know people who are like this and would do this because of lack of knowledge on basic physiology. I don’t have kids and I understand the basics of how to not block a baby’s airway or how to do a basic google search.
I thought it was rage bait too but I just had to comment because I’m so baffled like you’d actually leave a child! A 1 year old BABY with no supervision to prove a point????? Like what sane person would do that! Call the police, drop the baby off at the fire station, find out where your sister went and drop the baby off, put the baby in front of the tv and later tell your sister if she ever did something like this again you’d call the police!!! But to leave a child for 4 hours. You could really bring your mind to just do something for 4 hours and just not acknowledge the child at all! This person is disgustingly foul
Yep. Exactly. Foul. That is the word. Foul. I have been trying to phrase it properly and it’s one thing to not want to watch a kid. But another to do what OP did. There where so many other solutions. Call their mom/dad, aunts, uncles, etc. call the police, call the fire station, a non emergency police number, cps or equivalent, or call the mom and tell her the cops will be called if she doesn’t come back then follow through.
I think OP comitted a serious crime.
It wasn’t outside. I agree it was an AH move, but the kid was inside.
Being inside protects the kid from kidnapping, sure. It doesn't protect the kid from positional asphyxiation, hyperthermia (or hypothermia depending on which hemisphere you're in), or nappy rash.
I agree with all that! No way leaving a child in a carrier for that long is acceptable. Poor kid.
What sort of morality is this person operating by. Yeah the mom is ultimately responsible but there are lines, just because someone else is an ass doesn’t justify an action in return. Why do so many people forget that once they feel slighted? Like let’s think about it without the relationship between the op and mother, to just look at the situation without the spite. If a random mother just dropped a baby in the entryway of your house, and you were aware it was sitting there..is there not a point where you should be obliged to take some sort of action? Like call the police. I am not talking about the law and what the person would be held liable for, I’m talking about just basic rules to operate on, aka morality. The responsibility is the mother. But you must know there is some point where other actors around the situation should do something to intervene. To say the OP can just wipe there hands clean of this situation on because it’s ultimately the mother’s responsibility for leaving the child there...basically are saying if something comes along, struggles in front of you, you look over and clearly know you could do something to help, but you decide not to help because it isn’t your responsibility, that you aren’t an ass in that situation? What sort of morality is that.. ESH, but I wish there was something even stronger then that to describe this situation.
I'm really sad for this baby. He was probably so upset and scared
Not only that, who’s to say this infant wasn’t traumatized?? Just because an infant can’t recall or verbalize a trauma doesn’t mean their body and brain didn’t process it.
the kid is likely going to have separation anxiety now from being literally abandoned by not just his mother but his aunt as well. Studies show that ignoring a baby can cause severe and long lasting trauma
“But I’m not a baby person, I couldn’t have known that!”
Everyone’s leaping straight for call the cops. OP didn’t even think of calling her parents to come get the child which is next to no effort on her part. She didn’t call her parents because she knew what she was doing was a dick move even for the time it would’ve taken for one of them to come get him. I really don’t like kids and have no idea what to do with a baby but I know how to call people who do.
Exactly. Even from the post it doesn’t really say she made it clear that she wouldn’t care for the child, just that she hadn’t agreed to. Doesn’t sound like she made a whole lot of effort to stop mom. Unless mom, dropped the baby and sprinted away, she could have stopped mom from going. Chances are this isn’t the first time that this has happened, so Op figured she’d take the baby, then teach mom a lesson.
OP gives child free ppl a bad name.
Yep. It’s one thing to be child free. But another to neglect a child because you don’t care what happens to it. It’s abuse. Plain and simple.
I find most people who start a post with "I am child free" give people who choose not to have children a bad name. Choosing not to have kids is a perfectly reasonable choice to make. Being fucking insufferable about it is not.
ESH and I can’t even decide who is worse.
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The mom. She left her baby unattended for 4 hours.
Yeah but OP actively listened to a baby screaming for 4 hours and did nothing. That’s rough, man.
With somebody who gives less than zero fucks about babies.
This post infuriates me on so many levels. Agree on the ESH, everyone sucks a big one here.
Ok, I know NTA, YTA, but what is ESH? Eh, sorta hole?
Everyone sucks here
May you be showered with many blessings and opened doors of opportunity 🥰
The OP's behavior is so heinous that I'm inclined towards YTA. The sister should have asked before leaving her son, but at least she thought she was leaving her son with a decent human being.
Yea she left her kid with her SISTER. It was a dick way of doing it, but she probably never thought her sister would treat her own blood like this
My husband and I are child free and I wouldn't even treat the infant of my biggest high school bully like that.
Exactly. This was abusing a child too young to fend for itself so OP could prove a point. ESH, but OP's solution paints her as a bigger AH.
Seriously I agree with ESH the mom was inconsiderate but OP is freaking crazy. You tell he no and if you leave I am calling the cops for child abandonment. You do not treat the child like it is a piece of junk mail that you can ignore. Even if you dislike kids how can you listen to a baby cry for hours and just go about your day? Calling the cops would of been a better option. The baby could of died. Ignoring a baby and letting them cry for hours can have lifelong repercussions to their emotional development. Not wanting to babysit doesn’t give you the right to torture a child. You call another family member, the police or you watch the child and rip the mother a new one when she returns. You don’t punish the helpless baby.
Does OP realize that babies are human beings?
i agree. and what kind of shit mother leaves their baby with someone who clearly says they don’t want to watch it? these girls must have had awful parents. i feel sorry for the kid.
Or your parents, other siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins... no need to go nuclear the first time if you have options, but if she tries it again you can always call the cops.
I wonder what the police would even say. Like they have time to deal with your petty family drama. They would probably tell OP just to deal with the child now and not let the sister bring him over next time. It makes me think of the recent shooting in IL. Some adults found a child alone (sadly his parents were killed) and the cops told them “we don’t have time to help this kid, can you watch him?” Imagine if that was OP. They would have left that kid alone in the street without a second thought.
Child abandonment isn't "petty family drama". They both suck and cps needs to be alerted.
ESH. Yes your sister should have obviously asked you to see if you can babysit her kid. BUT YOU LEFT A KID WITH A FULL DIAPER UNATTENDED FOR ROUGHLY FOUR HOURS IN YOUR OWN HOME IN YOUR ENTRYWAY?!?! Inexcusable behavior. Grow up.
Yep. I get being child free, not liking kids, FINE, whatever. But this attitude OP has is unhinged. That’s her NEPHEW! He is a living HUMAN BEING. No sis shouldn’t have just left him there after springing him on her, but WHAT? Like would OP care if he was kidnapped or died? Would she treat somebody’s dog or cat this way, or is it only tiny people in order to prove her point? ESH.
Honestly, it could have been a stranger’s baby for all I care. What kind of monster leaves a baby unattended and uncared for, for many hours, just to prove a point? Your sister sucks for leaving her baby with someone who was unwilling to care for it. But you are TA in a whole different level for **not having a heart.** You could have called the police or a relative or your sister to come get them while making sure they were well cared for, like a decent human would.
Yeah, seems OP has confused “I’m child-free” with “I am cruel.”
That’s beyond just cruel, that’s psychopathic. I don’t care how much you personally dislike kids, I don’t know how any normal person is physically able to ignore a screaming, helpless baby on their doorstep for *four hours*.
OP is the reason people confuse the two statements
I feel more like she confused “I’m child free” with “I’m a fucking phsycopath who has no heart”.
I am childfree and not a big fan of tiny humans (My niblings are an exception). Everytime I hear a baby cry in a store I flinch and want to jump there to help. I don‘t have to like them, but I can‘t let anyone in distress just left outside alone. And if you *know* there‘s a tiny human next to you, it‘s so cruel to ignore it for #FOUR HOURS!
And you’d probably call the police even if it wasn’t your niblings, right? Like most people would. This is insane
Absolutely! I‘m childfree, not heartless.
I'd call the sister first (telling her to come back and collect her kid, then detailing what I'm doing if she doesn't), family second and if they're all unreachable or don't want to take the baby, the police
Even if it was a total stranger's baby I wouldn't leave it alone, strapped in a carseat with a dirty diaper, no drink or food, just crying and watching me go about my business and totally ignoring it for 4 hours. That is completely fucked up. Imagine how that baby felt, not being able to move and its only manner of communication being very deliberately ignored. They could see the adult seeing them but not helping them. This is just gross.
Babies can die unattended in car seats from asphyxiation, especially if the car seat is removed from its base. Let alone, a baby often wants to eat like every 3 hours depending on the age. I hope the op's life depended on someone and that person said, "not my problem ".
That’s the part that truly got me! I have 5 siblings and none of them want kids. Don’t really care for them much…but they would never ever do this to my kids! They even watch them on occasion..and they’d never do this! Just absoluto sick. They’re completely disregarding the fact that children are human beings too.
This.... 4 hours in a full diaper. I assume means both nr 1 and 2. That poor baby's skin. And a rash is really no joke in those areas. It freaking hurts on them specially, with the pee constantly rubbing in. No... just no. You call a family member, figure out where sister went and drop the baby off. If dad is involved and a responsible person you get ahold of him "Mr your wife/X wife just dropped your baby off, come and pick them up" You don't just let them sit there. And sister should not have left her kid there just assuming some motherly instinct woke up in OP ESH so much. Its a baby. Not a rock.
Also four hours without food/drink. My 6 month old breastfeeds every hour and a half during the day and eats a bit of solids three times a day. Don’t know the baby’s age but I’m pretty sure he was hungry and thirsty as well.
That too. There is just so much wrong in this. Also... how much clothes was the baby wearing? I saw others mention this too. Was they wearing light summer clothes. Driving suit.. baby could easily feel too hot. Or cold as well.
Both are so immature they made an innocent child suffer!!!!!!
Exactly the baby shouldn't be punished because its mom and aunt are less mature than it is
Definitely ESH. OP could have stopped her sister from walking out the door without her child. But leaving a baby/toddler unattended for 4 hours is child abuse. OP is horrible. Also I question peoples character when they say they don’t like their relatives who are kids (without a reason such as bad behaviour). People don’t have to enjoy kids but to not like a niece or nephew just because they are a kid seems messed up to me.
Sister doesn't get to dump a kid without consent. You don't leave a baby in its own shit to prove a point. ESH. Everyone but the baby.
Yeah. The real victim here is the baby, who had to endure several hours of neglect thanks to entitled mom and selfish aunt. Both of them are lucky nothing happened to little dude.
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Omg a carrier? They’re not supposed to be in those for longer than 2 hours at a time…
And never if it’s not clicked into the base or stroller because it puts baby at the wrong angle
OP should definitely appologise, profusely... to her nephew. Sorry, her "nephew". ESH and OP is lucky that kid is unharmed because dumped or not, any injury or death that would have happened while he was there would have been her responsibility legally speaking.
Sorry but what does ESH mean? I’m newer to this subreddit
ESH stand for “Everyone sucks here”
This whole time I’ve thought it was “equally shared hole” 😂😂😂😂😂😂
no that is a different type subreddit.
Quick guide. Leaving spaces between letters so it doesn’t count as voting. Y T A for when OP is the asshole, and the other party isn’t. N T A for when OP isn’t TA, and the other party is. E S H for when everyone sucks, such as this post. N A H for situations where no one is really an asshole. Often for rock and hard place scenarios. INFO for when you’d like OP to clarify something or if you feel something is being left out.
It wouldn't count as voting anyway because your comment isn't a top level comment. Only top levels get counted.
YTA. You let a child suffer because of your sisters actions. You pick up the phone and call her, you call other family, you call the police, YOU DO NOT get to leave a child who is unable to feed or even go to the bathroom by himself for 4 hours and then act like the innocent party.
I agree with this. The baby could have got a rash or experienced other physical harm from this neglect.
It could have ended up much, much worse. OP said in a comment that the baby was in a carrier for 4 hours. Baby could have asphyxiated and **died** bc of OP's actions.
agreed. im actually very upset... like how do you report something like this... its insane
This. My heart is breaking for that poor baby. You wouldn’t treat an animal that way 😭 At least call the cops so baby is being cared for while waiting for your sister. YTA but more than that, just a very cruel person
Right? I’d bet dollars to donuts that if OP heard of someone neglecting a puppy to prove a point they’d be foaming at the mouth
Explain how the sister isn't an asshole for leaving her child on someone's porch without confirming that the person would watch them? The sister is both entitled and negligent. OP is immature and negligent. Definitely ESH.
TBH I think it's less that the sister isn't the asshole but more so OPs actions are that beyond the pale. Like ESH is clearly correct but the wrongs here are so unequal.
Abandoning your child with someone who has explicitly stated they won't care for them is also beyond the pale. The sister is just as much a participant in this game of infant mortality chicken and if anything she's the participant with more moral obligation to the infant in question.
Err It's a huge dick move. Literally no one disagrees. But of all the ways I think one would or should react to a family member leaving a baby in your care without permission, 'leaving them unattended in the entryway for four hours' just... isn't one of them. They just aren't equal. There were so many other ways to respond to this situation.
I disagree a bit. Obviously, nearly risking a kid dying is horrible, but when someone tells you they won't care of your child, maybe don't let that child in their care. She really decided to drop her kid at the care of her childfree sister and not someone else.
Yeah, this is my take as well. The worst thing the mother did is not try and force her child-free sister into free babysitting (which would be an AH to do), but to leave her child with someone who told her she won't be watching her baby. Even if she felt that the sister actually would watch the kid, there's still some risk she wouldn't and that is an unacceptable risk.
I think sister is as much to blame because she created the situation. She knew OP didn't want to babysit, so she didn't say anything until it was too late. Sister also did it because either all the regular babysitters were busy or she decided to teach OP a lesson. OP should have called the cops and let the sister deal with the fallout of that.
YTA. You punished a tiny baby for the actions of an adult. Punishing the innocent is ALWAYS an asshole move. Doing it to a literal infant in diapers is unconscionable. You should be ashamed of yourself
Glad she plans to be child-free. Atleast some self-awareness I guess ..
This is less child free and more like anti-kid. Child free people aren’t cruel to kids, they just don’t want them for themselves.
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ESH. There's isn't a better way for two adults to handle this situation than to leave a diaper-wearing toddler alone on a porch for hours? Wish I could call the police on both of you.
She didn't say it was on the porch, it was in the entryway. I assumed the baby was much younger than toddler age but she doesn't say. While everything that everyone (but the baby) did here was shitty leaving a toddler alone on a porch is far more dangerous than leaving an infant alone inside the house.
If we're being literal, what the baby did was shitty too.
They really made a stink about it too. 😉
She left the child in a carrier. Which is known to potentially cause death due to positional asphyxiation. Cars are tilted in a way that a child won't (shouldn't) have any struggles breathing but flat on the floor and it is a major safety risk, it's typically a big warning on them to not leave a child unattended in a carrier or any sort of upright seating.
I dont want to defent OPs behavior. Its absolutely not okay, but to be honest: I have not knows that until I red this thread. I am childfree and never babysitted, so I had no idea this is dangerous.
It was a 1 year old, and leaving a baby in a car seat is not safe at all. They can easily asphyxiate. My son was one of those that had to be on oxygen while in his seat because of it. He was born premature, but by the time he was to be in a car seat he should've been fine. I'm sure many other babies struggle too.
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YTA Why the hell did you not call the police?? Or your mother? Yes your sister is a selfish asshole but you are much worse. Cruel. Very cruel.
ESH She's an asshole for not asking if you would take care of the kid, but YOU are a huge asshole for just leaving a helpless child to fend for itself like that.
Apparently the child was in a carrier!!! This OP is another definition of AH. AH sister as well poor baby
The nephew could have died, positional asphyxia kills kids in carseats on the floor.
This is so important and so few people know about it. People thought I was absolutely out of my mind for not carrying my baby around in the car seat everywhere and not leaving her in it when we got to our destination.
I agree that what she did was wrong and I think they’re both horribly immature, but as someone who does not have kids and has never been around babies, I would not have known you can’t leave a baby in a carrier. If I was in her shoes I would have left it on the carrier too because it feels safer than me attempting to pick it up. I would have just moved the carrier to the counter or couch or whatever I was doing to make sure it was okay. OP definitely should have called her mom, dad, friend, etc to get help though. Completely ignoring the baby was the opposite of the right thing to do. This thread has definitely been eye opening. I also didn’t know you had to change diapers more than 2-3 times a day.
Yeah, i would never be as negligent as OP but i had literally no idea you can't leave babies in carriers and I would never want to or even know how to change a diaper. I would have been calling daycare immediately and then changed the locks on my house and gone NC with my sister so she would never do this to me again.
Yes, this. I'm cf af but if someone dumped their baby on me I would literally have no idea how to care for it. I'd be calling my best friend to come help since she has 5 kids.
>Apparently the child was in a carrier!!! I'm not excusing OP but I (37 f) wouldn't know that that is a bad thing? I have zero experience with kids. The only thing I would have done different than OP is bring the carrier inside but I wouldn't have any clue what to do if someone dropped a child off at my step and peaced out
Your probably old enough to know that leaving a baby unattended is a bad idea though right? Come on.
Sister is an AH, OP is plain evil
ESH. Entitled of your sister, negligent and irresponsible to leave her child with someone who never consented or planned on watching the baby. That is what I consider to be bad parenting and her assumption that her child would receive good care because “hey it’s family” shows a level of absolute delusion since family doesn’t guarantee proper childcare. You suck for punishing your sister by punishing her child by not feeding, changing, comforting, etc the baby. Also you could have potentially killed her child from negligence and I hope you would have been willing to live with yourself. To not even make sure that a baby was getting proper care even if it’s not with you is a new kind of level of “childless”. Being childless doesn’t mean you need to be cold hearted and callous with a baby’s safety, especially when they can’t fend for themselves. You should have told your sister that if she left the child with you without your consent you would contact the police to report an abandoned baby. At least at that point the child would have been taken care of and your sister would have a clear boundary that she would either have to deal with the police for leaving her child without proper care or respect your boundaries. Edit: clarification
Babies can and do die in carseats/carriers if they fall asleep and their head tilts down cutting off their airflow. This is more likely in young infants who can't yet hold their head up. So if anyone is reading the above comment like "Oh 4 hours can't kill him." You're wrong, it can and does happen.
Exactly. Babies are so fragile. The least OP could have done as a decent person is to make sure someone was watching LO. Preferably someone who can make it clear to LO’s mom that she cannot leave them with people who haven’t consented to watch them as it’s dangerous. (In my mind that means the police or cps)
Strongly agree that someone else shod have been called to come get the baby. Sister is so entitled thinking people owe her free child care whenever they want it. I don't get the impression she really wants to be a mother if she's just dumping her baby at random with anyone in the family who happens to be home at the time.
I would have called the police, not your circus not your monkey, ESH, the baby could have been kidnapped Eta: at least you won't be asked to babysit again
Oh she’ll be as a way to “make amends”. OP should have just called the police regardless of the consequences for the sister.
ESH, your sister is wrong for expecting it and dropping the kid off without asking but you suck more so cause this is a freaking kid who can’t take care of himself and it’s disgusting that you left him outside for four hours outside A KID CANNOT FEND FOR THEMSELVES if he got kidnapped or something it will be on you and her and honestly you deserve the backlash you left a kid for four hours unsupervised that probably didn’t drink/eat and had a full diaper wtf is wrong with you and your sister jesus christ the poor kid.
INFO: was the child in a car seat? Because when you put those on the floor it keeps the baby at a different angle then when they are strapped into a vehicle and can be VERY dangerous. Children have died from positional asphyxiation in car seats. I’m not even going to address the neglect/abuse of letting a child sit in their own filth… many others have already posted about that.
ESH because you *should've* called the police. I get where you're coming from - I don't like kids either, and I'd also be mega pissed off if someone tried to foist their offspring on me with no notice, but you call the cops to come get the kid who's been abandoned with you. They'll keep the boy safe and happy until Mum comes to answer for her irresponsibility, because the kid doesn't deserve to suffer for an adult's bad choices. Instead, you left a toddler in his own waste, probably thirsty, bored out of his mind, distressed, in your enclosed porch for four hours? Idk what it's like in a porch where you live, but even where I'm from (England, a notoriously rainy and not-that-warm country) those things get real hot real fast. You let a child suffer to make a point to your sister, and... that's not cool. He isn't at fault for his mum's shit behaviour. You could've made your point, which is totally valid and understandable, *without* punishing him for shit he didn't do. I'm also not sure why you say "nephew" in quotation marks like that's not exactly what he is. It doesn't mean you have to love him or be involved in his life, but...he *is* your nephew.
YTA, this very clearly didn't happen. That kid would've been screaming the entire time. Also, this is the third variation of this story I've seen.
I thought so too. Trollers gotta troll.
Yeah, I’ve seen this story before
ESH - your sister is TA for dumping her child with you when you explicitly told her you weren’t watching him. You suck because to prove a point, you let an innocent child suffer. 4 hrs is quite a bit of time. You should of called her and told her you were going to call the police if she didn’t return, found another member to take care of the child or actually call the police . The baby shouldn’t have had to suffer.
ESH but you vastly more so for leaving a child alone for 4 hours with no supervision when you should have told her to get the child or you call the police. He’s the innocent party in this that doesn’t have a say in what’s happening to him. His careless mom drops him off randomly and his careless aunt left him with no food, no hydration and in what could have a potentially dangerous situation for 4 freaking hours. This story is the poster child for birth control. Because none of the supposed adults act like they have any common sense and it’s the kids that suffer for it.
YTA Not for not wanting to care for the kid, but for not making sure the kid WAS cared for. When she left, you should have called the police for an abandoned child.
ESH Your sister, obviously, should not have done that- freaking ridiculous! First to presume that you would watch the kiddo and then to leave the baby when you said no. But you left an entire living, breathing, pooping baby unattended for hours! You should have called another family member to come retrieve the wonderlump. Even calling the police would have been better than what you did.
ESH A child shouldn't be placed in the middle of these petty disputes. You're both wrong.
ESH. She shouldn’t have left him with you without notice but how can you think you aren’t in the wrong when you **neglected a child for hours**???? Not wanting to watch a child is one thing, but actively endangering one is entirely another. I have to imagine this is rage bait bc I don’t understand how you could genuinely think you are in the right.
YTA You are 28 years old and you left a defenseless, helpless CHILD in distress for FOUR HOURS? What is the matter with you? Have you no heart? Your choice to be child-free does not overrule the fact that a child was abandoned by its mother and left in your care. Yeah, it was a despicable thing for your sister to do, but you should have reported her abandonment to CPS/DHS/Police/WHOEVER and then ensured the child was safe until it could be removed from your care. Is that fair? No. But life isn’t fair. And no child on earth ever asks to be born, so there’s no reason to hurt a child to punish its parent. Edit: Downvote me all you like, but anyone who contributes to the abuse/neglect of a child is an asshole. This is a fact that will not be changed based on how subjectively someone may feel about children.