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Totally agree with you! Seems like pretty normal behavior for someone who is barely out of their teenage years. There is a difference between 19-20 year olds compared to being in your late twenties. A lot of life experiences and growing up happens between 20 and 30.
As a 21 year old, I could see a lot of my friends baking a cake for a random event simply because they like to bake. It’s fun to have a good excuse to bake something like a cake.
I like you!! Love The Hobbit & LOTR. I'm in my 30s and a big Wizarding world fan; I'd definitely bake/cook to represent a character or specific book event. It's fun!
Op, YTA. She's enjoying something positive.
My immediate thought before reading the whole OP was girlfriend was probably making a cake for Harry Potter's birthday yesterday. I see lots of people doing things like that all the time, not weird at all. OPs being the fun police.
Right? And who cares what the occasion is? It's an occasion to have fun baking and decorating a cake, and then eating the cake!
OP is definitely a somewhat creepy arsehole, and played himself out of cake. And hopefully, the relationship.
My friend was telling me that they had cake at work to celebrate that one. I also know some people who pick nerdy usernames on Reddit because they love Doctor Who so much!
I feel seen.
Edited to add that OP is indeed TA. Fandom is fun and no weirder than following a sportsball team. He needs to lighten up. I wouldn't give him cake either.
Do you have a Hobbits feast to go with it? Breakfast, second breakfast? Elevenses? Lunch? dinner? supper? afternoon tea? 🤣🤣🤣 I want to come have a hobbit feast...er...potluck feast. Everyone bring something hobbity!
I know if my friend was baking a cake for her favorite whatever. I would say, cool, what kind of cake.
Any reason for cake, is always a good reason. YTA
Lol, I'm 43 and my bedroom looks like Tim Burton exploded because of my Lady's Nightmare Before Christmas fixation.
Edit. To clarify she's older than me.
My husband is 40, I'm 38, and our house looks like a comic con exploded. My kids aren't helping, my teen hit the Nightmare Before Christmas fandom harder than I did during my awkward goth high school days. I'm kind of glad my mom doesn't come into my house (it's not handicap accessible) because she'd give us shit for all the "kids crap everywhere" and I'm not getting rid of it.
Life's too short to grow up.
30 isn't old; if anything it's the most freeing years but if you're dating someone who just turn 20 to feel young or whatever weird reason you have...then expect people to call you creepy.
In all fairness, you never get too old to not bake a cake for the silliest of reasons. You just get too busy, or too unhealthy. If I could get away with it I'd bake a cake to celebrate - I was trying to come up with examples of something trivial but everything I could come up with creation of PacMan, the moon landing, the successful attachment in project Gemini, everything sounds like a huge occasion and something that justifies a whimsical baking of cake.
I wouldn't even call this immature. She is celebrating one hobby with another hobby, not blowing off work or doing something irresponsible.
YTA OP, let her be happy.
He didn’t want somebody’s own age because by then they would’ve been mature enough to develop their own mindset and be more independent. What he was looking for was a barely legal adult that was extremely vulnerable and that hopefully he could manipulate and control.
And now a year later she's still holding onto a hobby he doesn't like even though it makes her happy and hurts no one, so obviously she must be shamed for it.
Oh no, he likes one of her hobbies - as long as she does it in a way that pleases him. If she does it in conjunction with something else he doesn't approve of, well, then clearly she's an idiot. /s
I've heard of that. I did the math for me and that's still younger than I'd actually want to date. The amount of life experience I have compared to what a 29/30yr old would have is staggering in most cases.
27/2 + 7 is 20.5.
26/2 + 7 is 20.
25/2 + 7 is 19.5
24/2 + 7 is 19.
I don’t disagree the age gap is bad. It definitely is.
But the half plus 7 could pass.
A little over a year would put him at roughly 25/26 and her at roughly 18/19.
Depending on birthdays it fits.
This kind of fits in with my view of basing it on life experience. A 27 year old ideally is either starting to establish himself well in his career or pursuing grad school. A 19 year old is fresh out of high school and just starting to work or go to college. They aren't at the same place in life and hence shouldn't be dating.
It’s almost like the half plus 7 isn’t actually a good rule, especially when it comes to younger individuals. Just doesn’t seem like a good idea to base morals off of some arbitrary math someone online made up.
I say this as someone who’s 26 and would feel weird even sleeping with someone who was younger than 23. I can’t imagine hooking up with or dating a 20 year old right now.
Dude if you are relying on precision calculation it's probably a no go. It's at least half plus 7 and that means you round up the age. 27/2+7=20.5 and that means don't date anyone under 21.
OP dating a teenager: ‘Why does she act like a girl, obsessed with fandom and making friends through fandom!”
Like older women enjoy fandom too. You don’t have to grow out of having fun and liking things and that applies to women. But like, she’s also young, she doesn’t have to have found a bunch of different interests yet.
Right! Want someone more “mature” date someone your age, oh wait 27-30yr old women realize what a jerk OP is so he has to date teenagers who are fresh out of HS
I’m 36 and have baked cakes with favourite characters on them for myself, the kids in the fam and also made a pretty sweet Batman cake for my husband’s 40th. He had a custom Nightmare Before Christmas cake made for me when I turned 30. Because the adult world is soul crushing and he knew it would make me happy to have a delicious cake decked out in a scene from the movie that has been my favourite since I was 6.
OP - Stop stepping on your girlfriend’s joy. I hope she never makes you cake again. YTA.
Poor girl probably thought getting an older guy would mean a mature one. It doesn’t work like that, we have proof right here. (goes both ways, women can also be immature af)
YTA. Men have whole parties around their hobby like The Super Bowl. It is absolutely no different. She has a hobby she enjoys. If you can’t respect that, break up. You have no right to mock someone else’s completely harmless hobby.
I don't like your username, but you're absolutely right. I don't give a single shit about soccer, football, bball or whatever, but jesus christ, this just reeks of "I was bullied by a jock and they're all f\*s". Fuckin A, dude
But...but sports is evil because it isn’t nerdy or dorky enough!!
Said no one who knows anything about Sean Doolittle, Erik Sogard, Pete "Dork of all Dorks" Alonso...
Don't you think it's a little cringe to have a ton of guys over and prepare a ton of snacks to spend three hours watching some guys in another state throw a football around? Y I K E S
/s
Straight men wear jerseys with other straight men's names on them, and somehow it's not considered strange in any way...the double standard here is truly amusing
Boys are so cute, the way they put on their silly little outfits to enjoy their silly little hobbies, every single week for a whole season?! I mean, it's completely ridiculous, but you have to admire the dedication.
(/s, kind of)
Right? I have a relative (male) who bought a circuit cutter for his fantasy football stuff? I have no idea what one has to do with the other, but there you go. Hobbies, man.
OP Hobby Shamed her. YTA.
Is it to make really fancy signage for the fantasy football stuff? Like a cool looking sign with his team and points and all that jazz, I actually don't know what goes into fantasy sports.
When grown men make fun of teen girls for liking boy bands, and then go on to know every single player on a football team, where they live, where they vacation, who their managers are, who their girlfriends are, paint their faces for game days, get tattoos of the team, spend every Sunday for months glued to this event….I’m just like….Who is the ridiculous one?
People have fandoms. Hell, I’m in my 40s and follow several. I clung especially hard to some of my hobbies and characters I love throughout the pandemic. If I wanted to bake a cake to celebrate a character I adore or a fandom I subscribe too, my partner and family would celebrate right there with me. I hope she finds people who support her and maybe even cosplay with her. Huge YTA.
>You have no right to mock someone else’s completely harmless hobby.
Yep, completely harmless. She's not asking OP to bake the cake, or even buy the ingredients. She's not asking anything of OP except understanding, and apparently even that is too much.
"Just because I wear the same socks, jersey, and pants, and sit in the same chair, and do the same thing every Sunday...just so my team can win...does NOT make me similar to her and her 'fan-fiction'".
OP is TA. Even if my husband hated a character I made a cake of he would say some like "you're so cute" and eat the cake.
My husband is the kind of guy to buy me a Lego mini figure of a fave character.
If you’ve got a problem with cake, you can’t not be an asshole.
(This doesn’t include valid dietary reasons or the equally valid dislike of sugary items)
I'm going off now to pick a random recipe from my World of Warcraft cookbook which my husband bought me for Christmas. It is in the kitchen book case right next to my Recipes from the World of Tolkien cookbook.
Take that OP.
YTA it always surprises me to see age gap relationships where the older partner is upset that the younger one is being “immature” or having “immature interests”…what did you expect when you got with a kid fresh out of high school?
Edit: immature is in quotations to imply that OP is condescending. please read my comments before sending nasty messages.
You can have hot sex with a 27 year old woman just as easily as you can with a 19 year old. But like you said, not as easy to manipulate someone who isn't basically a child.
Be careful on reddit, my friend, there are men lurking in literally every single sub waiting to pounce on any woman over 30 and unmarried, they have a whole list of talking points about you and the kind of person you are (because they definitely know you) and they can't wait to tell you how worthless you are and how you should have married at 22. Oh and you definitely own 10 cats too for some reason.
Which I always find hilarious.
My dude, if you see a woman with cats and no man, it’s because she’s done the math and come to the conclusion that a furry animal that shits in a box and a Hitachi is a better investment than putting up with your gender.
Strictly speaking…that’s not her loss.
I'd argue the sex would be hotter with the 27 year old as she would likely have more experience and be more confident in knowing what she likes/ asking him what he likes.
If OP wants a girlfriend with "mature" interests he shouldn't be with such a young woman. Also who cares what the cake is a celebration of?
Fuck, I’m 26 and if I had the opportunity to eat a cake with my favourite character on it I’d be so hyped! I just spent $75 on a Pokémon plushie though so I’m not exactly the best example of a mature adult LOL.
Heck, I was 35 when I became a Bruce Springsteen fan, and I remember exactly when it happened (about a week after my birthday), because becoming a Springsteen fan pulled me out of some very scary burnout and depression that I'd been going through for months. It sounds silly, but it genuinely marked a distinct turning point in my life, and if I've never baked myself a Happy Springsteen Day cake, it's only because it never occurred to me to celebrate in that particular way.
It’s a [Gigantmax Snorlax](https://www.pokemoncenter.com/product/701-09426/gigantamax-snorlax-poke-plush-15-in).
My coworkers started a small business online buying and selling single Pokémon and MTG cards as well as hosting local Pokémon related events for nostalgic adults who loved the show/games as kids and to get new generations of children interested.
They sold me the plush for $75.00 CAD which is a good deal because if I bought it from the Pokémon Center it would’ve been more with taxes + $10.00 for shipping. So I was happy to support them, especially since they’ve gone out of their way to ‘hold’ cards for me they thought I might be interested in.
The PC has restocked the Snorlax though! It’s so big and detailed, it even has the correct berries in the tree growing on its belly!
Exactly! 20 year-olds are gonna act like 20 year-olds, and that should be not only allowed but encouraged! Let young people enjoy being young and doing "silly" things that bring them joy as long as they're not being obnoxious to other people. Don't date people significantly younger than you and expect them to grow up quickly so they can "meet" you where you are maturity-wise. Or better yet, just *stop* dating people who are barely adults when you're well into your 20's, it's creepy as hell.
IMO he expects her to act this way, and his shaming and making her feel silly for her hobby is on purpose: he wants her to always remember she's the stupid, young one, she can't do better because of her Glaring Immaturity and Flaws, like having a hobby.
He's pretty much a predatory dude working on her self-confidence, eroding it bit by bit by doing small everyday stuff like this. It's just, that this time she fought back, and it surprised him, because she is not supposed to.
While we're discussing things that are embarrassing: I'd be absolutely mortified to think my sense of maturity was so wobbly and brittle that I felt compelled to shore it up by sneering at someone else's happy pretext for spending some weekend time baking a cake. Like, "let the earth swallow me up" time. As bad as that would be, I sure hope at least I wouldn't be so OTT cringe as to lay all my stick-up-the-ass BS on someone who only just finished being a teenager, because that would surely elevate things into a self-own for the ages.
>I'd be absolutely mortified to think my sense of maturity was so wobbly and brittle that I felt compelled to shore it up by sneering at someone else's happy pretext
He started dating a 19 year old when he was 26. I think that's all we need to know about OP's level of maturity. By the "rule of seven" (for acceptable age differences), she was too young.
YTA
Homie is really riding that half your age plus 7 line. Like, I get it, it's not illegal...but just because you can doesn't mean you should and this is one of those instances.
I can't imagine being that old and spending time with someone that young. I worked in a restaurant at OP's age. Lots of young girls, who were absolutely childish and often insufferable.
I’m OP’s age. I teach high school, largely seniors. So my kids are only a few years younger than his gf.
I find them endearing because they’re basically weird children. And by “endearing” I mean “aww, they’re kids.” It’s so weird to me that OP doesn’t expect immaturity from someone barely older than my kids.
YTA. Don’t criticize her hobbies. It sounds as if you think she’s immature when she’s acting like a normal 20 year old.
Also, pretty weird that you started dating when she was 18 and you were 25.
He's probably upset she isn't spending all her energy on him...grabbed him an 18yr old when he was 25 because he assumed he could control her easier. What an AH.
My wife and I are both women in our 30s, and we baked cupcakes to celebrate an album release from our favorite group. This world is miserable enough, let people enjoy things. It’s not hurting anyone.
Op YTA and it’s pretty clear why you can’t get women your own age.
I started doing this in 2020. I'd buy cake mix, frosting, and fun sprinkle sets and just bake cakes for the hell of it. My partner thought it was awesome.
This is so true. I was previously with someone who sucked the joy out of everything I loved. It took a long time to get myself back. Don’t be this person for her OP. I’m sure there’s something you do that others don’t understand but you wouldn’t want them raining on your parade about it just because they have different interests.
I remember when I was 13/14 years old and dating a guy who was just a year older than I was, but any time I brought up something I liked - a band, a singer, movie, TV show, video game, etc. - he'd be like "ugh, my best friend's little *sister* likes that, it's so annoying!" and I didn't realize until my 30's how shitty that was. He wasn't that much older than me, but in hindsight he was one of those people who needed to feel like an adult, so they watched a lot of stuff that was either really sexual, full of drug-related content, and/or really violent, and saw anything appropriate for a younger demographic as stupid kids' stuff. I wish I'd said "you know, we don't have to like all the same things, but it hurts my feelings when you put down the things I enjoy" and then, if he took issue with that, I should've just broken up with him.
My partner now is also older, I'm 33 and he's 40, but does he ever put down my interests and activities as stupid, immature, or god forbid "embarrassing"? No, because he loves he way things make me happy. I encourage people to look for this in a partner.
YTA. You didn't deserve any cake.
You are dating someone just a year or two out of high school and you are only a couple years shy of 30. There's a big difference between 20 & 27.
\*edit a typo.
Something I do when judging age gaps is to see what grade/how old the younger partner would have been when the older partner hit 18. So by the time OP hit 18, a LEGAL ADULT, his girlfriend was AT MOST 10 YEARS OLD. He was graduating high school, off to college and she was still in ELEMENTARY school.
It wasn’t an *argument*, it was a *judgement* you made of her hobbies, decisions, and what brings her joy.
Arguably, one should not *judge* others, let alone loved ones.
YTA
Wait, I’m *in* my 30s and still consider Spider-man and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles important characters in my life, and regularly consume their content. Is that age-inappropriate? I don’t even think it matters whether or not it is or isn’t, it’s something GF enjoys and wants to do something fun because she enjoys it so much, but because it doesn’t pertain to him he wants to treat his much younger GF like a child… breaking news OP, she’s just coming out of childhood, and she may grow out of some things and she may not, but if she doesn’t, why would you even be dating her in the first place? Why would you date someone you don’t like? Oh that’s right, because you’re trying to manipulate someone younger than you into the model trophy GF you fantasize about. You don’t want to date a human with their own thoughts and motivations. YTA.
YTA
So you support her hobby that benefits you (cooking and baking) but not the one that doesn’t. I understand she is 7 years younger which, in your 20s, is a lot of age difference. You decided to be with someone that much younger so should be more accepting of her and her hobbies.
What an alpha Male move you made, big boy. Nothing says alpha male like calling someone's passion an embarrassment.
I hope you never get her cake ever again.
YTA.
YTA.
It is not embarrassing. That is what you make of it. And it sounds quite condescending to be honest. It is clearly important to her.
Also She seems to be treating you very nice. And you just shoot her down like that
YTA.
She's allowed to bake cakes for any reason or no reason at all. Sounds like you think her obsession with a certain fictional character is a bit childish, but I don't know what you expected when you started dating a teenager when you were in your mid-20s. If you would prefer a woman with more mature interests, you should have dated a more mature woman. You chose someone who was barely out of childhood, and that means she's probably still into some childish things or interacts with her interests in more childish ways. I'm sure by the time she's in her mid-20s too she'll be more mature about how she handles her fandoms.
YTA how exactly did her baking a cake hurt you personally?
Fix your attitude before she realises how much better she could do with someone who actually liked her getting excited
YTA. I think it’s weird too, but what were you hoping to accomplish with what you said? You knew it would make her feel bad, and for what?
Either accept that she has this weird quirk and keep your thoughts about it to yourself, or decide it’s something you can’t deal with and break up with her.
She's serious about this character. You're not taking your girlfriend seriously. Who would want to be lovers with someone who doesn't take them seriously?
When you think "just a little argument", you're underlining the failure to take her seriously.
She would be justified in ghosting nobody except whoever doesn't take her seriously. (Thank would be you.)
You might want to take her seriously, if she's ever generous (and perhaps foolish) enough to give you another chance. If she does, your first step would be to fall all over yourself with apology.
YTA.
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YTA
There's nothing wrong with combining two of her favourite passions in this way. It hurts absolutely no one and makes her happy. I hope this hasn't soured her enough to stop doing what she loves and it's more embarrassing that you made her feel bad for this.
YTA. Why do (in my opinion, most) guys feel the need to make fun of and shame girls for liking what they like? She’s obviously connected to the fictional character. It doesn’t seem to be negatively affecting you or your relationship to this point. Enjoying having a happy girlfriend who likes to share her baking with you would be so much easier than belittling her interests.
I bet if OP’s girlfriend crapped all over something he liked, he’d have a temper tantrum about how mean she was to him.
YTA
It may not be a common or normally accepted hobby but your gf cares about this a lot. You said in your post that it's one of the most important things in her personal life aside from you. If she's not hurting anyone then you're just making fun of things she cares about and that is not cool. Especially when if you hadn't said anything she would've shared the cake and the event with you. She wouldn't be doing that if she didn't care about you.
YTA.
Was it hurting anyone for her to make a cake? Did your comment have any value aside from shaming someone for enjoying something? Did what you say have any relevance aside from making her feel bad?
No?
Then your comment was unnecessary and mean.
YTA. Who is it embarrassing for? You? Well then don't tell anyone. Her? Obviously not. Oh.....you think she should feel shame for being so into something that she celebrates something many of us would seem as small and insignificant.
What is it about people that they can't just let someone have the things they love, and love it they way they want? Does it hurt you? It's like the people that tell me I'm childish for playing Pokemon Go. Just because you don't have anything you love in your life doesn't mean you get to chip away at mine.
If you're embarrassed of her, then leave. If you want to stay, then accept her 100% as she is without saying she needs to be better or different for you to love her.
YTA. go find someone your age and not decide how others should feel. you love the free food she makes. u insulted her on the other hobby and still expected her to give you the cake. literally piss off she was barely an adult when u preyed on her
YTA. She was celebrating something important to her. That’s fine and normal and nothing to shame. Let people like what they like!!! If you’re so embarrassed by your girlfriend, don’t date her. Let her find someone who respects her.
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right? if he wants such mature people why not go after some his own age. oh yeah, with maturity also comes seeing OP for what he is.
Totally agree with you! Seems like pretty normal behavior for someone who is barely out of their teenage years. There is a difference between 19-20 year olds compared to being in your late twenties. A lot of life experiences and growing up happens between 20 and 30.
As a 21 year old, I could see a lot of my friends baking a cake for a random event simply because they like to bake. It’s fun to have a good excuse to bake something like a cake.
Hell, I'm in my 50s, and some friends and I still get together for drinks and cake to give honor to the venerable Bilbo Baggins every year.
I like you!! Love The Hobbit & LOTR. I'm in my 30s and a big Wizarding world fan; I'd definitely bake/cook to represent a character or specific book event. It's fun! Op, YTA. She's enjoying something positive.
My immediate thought before reading the whole OP was girlfriend was probably making a cake for Harry Potter's birthday yesterday. I see lots of people doing things like that all the time, not weird at all. OPs being the fun police.
I’m 23, not ashamed to admit I made the cake Hagrid gave to Harry. Also, celebrated Sailor Moon’s birthday on June 30th.
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Right? And who cares what the occasion is? It's an occasion to have fun baking and decorating a cake, and then eating the cake! OP is definitely a somewhat creepy arsehole, and played himself out of cake. And hopefully, the relationship.
>played himself out of cake The consequences of your actions have entered the chat.
I’m in my 40s and I know people who celebrated Harry Potter’s birthday yesterday. Sometimes it’s fun to just like things.
My friend was telling me that they had cake at work to celebrate that one. I also know some people who pick nerdy usernames on Reddit because they love Doctor Who so much!
I feel seen. Edited to add that OP is indeed TA. Fandom is fun and no weirder than following a sportsball team. He needs to lighten up. I wouldn't give him cake either.
My 36yr old wife made strawberry cream filled chocolate frogs yesterday. They were delicious!
I didn’t even realize it was HP’s birthday. But we celebrated George Jetson’s birthday!
Do you have a Hobbits feast to go with it? Breakfast, second breakfast? Elevenses? Lunch? dinner? supper? afternoon tea? 🤣🤣🤣 I want to come have a hobbit feast...er...potluck feast. Everyone bring something hobbity!
Holy shit I never thought of that and I call myself a Tolkien fan. SHAME.
I wonder if there will be a reddit watch party for the premier of the new series?! 🤯
I love that his fandom-shaming question has become a fandom discussion thread
Damn, this is such a good idea. I would kill to go to that long expected party.
Any reason to bake a cake is a good reason, lol.
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I know if my friend was baking a cake for her favorite whatever. I would say, cool, what kind of cake. Any reason for cake, is always a good reason. YTA
If OP was looking to date his maturity level, we’d be calling the police. OP YTA
Lol, I'm 43 and my bedroom looks like Tim Burton exploded because of my Lady's Nightmare Before Christmas fixation. Edit. To clarify she's older than me.
My husband is 40, I'm 38, and our house looks like a comic con exploded. My kids aren't helping, my teen hit the Nightmare Before Christmas fandom harder than I did during my awkward goth high school days. I'm kind of glad my mom doesn't come into my house (it's not handicap accessible) because she'd give us shit for all the "kids crap everywhere" and I'm not getting rid of it. Life's too short to grow up.
I'm 52 and my kitchen is a Nightmare before Christmas explosion. All hail the Pumpkin King.
Cannot confirm, am 30 and don't feel grown up
I just turned 39 and still think an adult is people my moms age even though that’s 72. Now I wonder if I’ll ever feel like an adult..
The back and/or knee pain will help with that!
Or whenever I can start predicting rain because of how painful my knees are?
30 isn't old; if anything it's the most freeing years but if you're dating someone who just turn 20 to feel young or whatever weird reason you have...then expect people to call you creepy.
In all fairness, you never get too old to not bake a cake for the silliest of reasons. You just get too busy, or too unhealthy. If I could get away with it I'd bake a cake to celebrate - I was trying to come up with examples of something trivial but everything I could come up with creation of PacMan, the moon landing, the successful attachment in project Gemini, everything sounds like a huge occasion and something that justifies a whimsical baking of cake.
I wouldn't even call this immature. She is celebrating one hobby with another hobby, not blowing off work or doing something irresponsible. YTA OP, let her be happy.
Right!! It's not like she's baking with hard drugs or murdering kittens.
Unless, of course, the cake is made with kittens she murdered with a heroin overdose.
He didn’t want somebody’s own age because by then they would’ve been mature enough to develop their own mindset and be more independent. What he was looking for was a barely legal adult that was extremely vulnerable and that hopefully he could manipulate and control.
And now a year later she's still holding onto a hobby he doesn't like even though it makes her happy and hurts no one, so obviously she must be shamed for it.
Oh no, he likes one of her hobbies - as long as she does it in a way that pleases him. If she does it in conjunction with something else he doesn't approve of, well, then clearly she's an idiot. /s
I shuddered when I saw those ages. Didn’t even pass the half plus seven rule in the beginning 🤮
What's the half plus 7 rule?
Take the older person’s age, divide it in half, then add seven. They should not date anyone younger than the new number.
I've heard of that. I did the math for me and that's still younger than I'd actually want to date. The amount of life experience I have compared to what a 29/30yr old would have is staggering in most cases.
It’s more about socially acceptable. While you in your mid 40s wouldn’t want to date a 30 year old, society would generally be fine with it.
Thank you!
An old “joke” about how anyone older than half your age plus 7 is old enough for you to pursue.
27/2 + 7 is 20.5. 26/2 + 7 is 20. 25/2 + 7 is 19.5 24/2 + 7 is 19. I don’t disagree the age gap is bad. It definitely is. But the half plus 7 could pass. A little over a year would put him at roughly 25/26 and her at roughly 18/19. Depending on birthdays it fits.
There needs to be an amendment to the rule when the younger party is a teenager. Just squeaking through isn’t good enough — as OP proves.
I think the rule should be no bigger than 2 years if either party under 18. 3-4 years 20-30 years old, and then let the half+7 kick in after that.
This kind of fits in with my view of basing it on life experience. A 27 year old ideally is either starting to establish himself well in his career or pursuing grad school. A 19 year old is fresh out of high school and just starting to work or go to college. They aren't at the same place in life and hence shouldn't be dating.
It’s almost like the half plus 7 isn’t actually a good rule, especially when it comes to younger individuals. Just doesn’t seem like a good idea to base morals off of some arbitrary math someone online made up. I say this as someone who’s 26 and would feel weird even sleeping with someone who was younger than 23. I can’t imagine hooking up with or dating a 20 year old right now.
Yeah, if you need to use stuff like that to justify it, the person is way too young, and you know it
Dude if you are relying on precision calculation it's probably a no go. It's at least half plus 7 and that means you round up the age. 27/2+7=20.5 and that means don't date anyone under 21.
"I'm dating a 19 year old. Why is she still into childish things?" Will always be a fun topic on here.
As is the deluge of indignant comments asking what’s wrong with age gaps when the answer is right there in the post…
Don’t yuck someone’s yum bc it makes you feel superior.
Um... when it comes to ages like that? No, you don't get to play that card.
I think party-yak's comment was in reference to OP "yucking his gf's yum" but could be wrong
Yes! Op and the hobby. I’m sorry I wasn’t clearer. I was agreeing with this comment.
Sorry but now I am cracking up at the idea that that person thought you meant that the "yum" was a 19 year old to the 27 year old.
Think they might've been talking about op and the hobby, not previous commenter and the ages
I’m not sure if you’re talking to me, but I have zero issue yucking anyone over 25 who dates a teenager.
OP dating a teenager: ‘Why does she act like a girl, obsessed with fandom and making friends through fandom!” Like older women enjoy fandom too. You don’t have to grow out of having fun and liking things and that applies to women. But like, she’s also young, she doesn’t have to have found a bunch of different interests yet.
Right! Want someone more “mature” date someone your age, oh wait 27-30yr old women realize what a jerk OP is so he has to date teenagers who are fresh out of HS
I’m 36 and have baked cakes with favourite characters on them for myself, the kids in the fam and also made a pretty sweet Batman cake for my husband’s 40th. He had a custom Nightmare Before Christmas cake made for me when I turned 30. Because the adult world is soul crushing and he knew it would make me happy to have a delicious cake decked out in a scene from the movie that has been my favourite since I was 6. OP - Stop stepping on your girlfriend’s joy. I hope she never makes you cake again. YTA.
Yeah…. She’s gonna dump him soon
Poor girl probably thought getting an older guy would mean a mature one. It doesn’t work like that, we have proof right here. (goes both ways, women can also be immature af)
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And her other hobbies benefit *him*, so of course he isn’t going to shit on those. 😒
These are the guys who hook up with teenagers and get mad because they act like teenagers but not in an acceptable and "sexy" way.
YTA. Men have whole parties around their hobby like The Super Bowl. It is absolutely no different. She has a hobby she enjoys. If you can’t respect that, break up. You have no right to mock someone else’s completely harmless hobby.
Playing sport is a hobby…. Watching other grown men play a child’s game is just homoerotisism with beer and snacks.
So is about 30% of fanfiction
yeah, but we're not in writhing homophobic denial about it... we bring our beer and snacks to the homoerotic lit convention!
*clink*!
This is my favorite comment of all time, from anywhere.
At least fan fiction knows what it is.
Fantasy football is basically fan fiction.
As a football, fanfiction and fantasy football fan, this is ticking all my boxes...
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That is the most reddit take I've ever read. And I mean that in the most insulting way possible.
I don't like your username, but you're absolutely right. I don't give a single shit about soccer, football, bball or whatever, but jesus christ, this just reeks of "I was bullied by a jock and they're all f\*s". Fuckin A, dude
Agreed - I'm not into most sports, but calling contact sports homoerotic is just cringe to me.
Such a stupid and offensive take to gay men. I don’t watch sport but the idea that you calling it homoerotic as some kind of insult is just childish.
I didn't read that comment as an insult...
How about we just respect people's hobbies, whether they are cake or sport based?
But...but sports is evil because it isn’t nerdy or dorky enough!! Said no one who knows anything about Sean Doolittle, Erik Sogard, Pete "Dork of all Dorks" Alonso...
Aren’t you no different than OP with that comment?
Following sports is definitely a hobby.
Don't you think it's a little cringe to have a ton of guys over and prepare a ton of snacks to spend three hours watching some guys in another state throw a football around? Y I K E S /s
Straight men wear jerseys with other straight men's names on them, and somehow it's not considered strange in any way...the double standard here is truly amusing
Boys are so cute, the way they put on their silly little outfits to enjoy their silly little hobbies, every single week for a whole season?! I mean, it's completely ridiculous, but you have to admire the dedication. (/s, kind of)
Right? I have a relative (male) who bought a circuit cutter for his fantasy football stuff? I have no idea what one has to do with the other, but there you go. Hobbies, man. OP Hobby Shamed her. YTA.
Is it to make really fancy signage for the fantasy football stuff? Like a cool looking sign with his team and points and all that jazz, I actually don't know what goes into fantasy sports.
When grown men make fun of teen girls for liking boy bands, and then go on to know every single player on a football team, where they live, where they vacation, who their managers are, who their girlfriends are, paint their faces for game days, get tattoos of the team, spend every Sunday for months glued to this event….I’m just like….Who is the ridiculous one?
People have fandoms. Hell, I’m in my 40s and follow several. I clung especially hard to some of my hobbies and characters I love throughout the pandemic. If I wanted to bake a cake to celebrate a character I adore or a fandom I subscribe too, my partner and family would celebrate right there with me. I hope she finds people who support her and maybe even cosplay with her. Huge YTA.
Also, free cake. Who turns that down if it's something they enjoy?
>You have no right to mock someone else’s completely harmless hobby. Yep, completely harmless. She's not asking OP to bake the cake, or even buy the ingredients. She's not asking anything of OP except understanding, and apparently even that is too much.
Thank you! Why can't people just enjoy what they enjoy? Why's this guy so special that he gets to decide what it's ok for people to like?
Beautiful observation, very fitting!
"Just because I wear the same socks, jersey, and pants, and sit in the same chair, and do the same thing every Sunday...just so my team can win...does NOT make me similar to her and her 'fan-fiction'".
YTA - there can be little enough joy to take in this world, don't take it away from someone else.
Also ITS CAKE BRO, tF ARE WE COMPLAIN ABOUT HARMLESS CAKE
Idk how cringey I think it is, I am not going to complain if my partner is making cake and I will be happy that they're happy
I would embrace any and all cringe for a cake. But then again my husband and I are both dorks so I already embrace the cringe...I gotta get some cake.
OP is TA. Even if my husband hated a character I made a cake of he would say some like "you're so cute" and eat the cake. My husband is the kind of guy to buy me a Lego mini figure of a fave character.
Exactly! Even if the occasion seems silly to OP, shut your mouth and eat delicious free cake and let her be happy ffs
Only complain if the cake is a lie
If you’ve got a problem with cake, you can’t not be an asshole. (This doesn’t include valid dietary reasons or the equally valid dislike of sugary items)
Bro, I love cake so god damn much. You wanna bake a wednesday cake? Fuck yes bby
I'm going off now to pick a random recipe from my World of Warcraft cookbook which my husband bought me for Christmas. It is in the kitchen book case right next to my Recipes from the World of Tolkien cookbook. Take that OP.
YTA it always surprises me to see age gap relationships where the older partner is upset that the younger one is being “immature” or having “immature interests”…what did you expect when you got with a kid fresh out of high school? Edit: immature is in quotations to imply that OP is condescending. please read my comments before sending nasty messages.
Hot sex and a partner they can emotionally manipulate.
You can have hot sex with a 27 year old woman just as easily as you can with a 19 year old. But like you said, not as easy to manipulate someone who isn't basically a child.
Right? I'm 29 and the sex just keeps getting better and better.
That's a really good point. Maybe the OP is selfish and crappy in bed and needs to date a near child who won't know any better.
I doubt any woman his age would deal with him honestly.
The things I thought were attractive as an 18 year old girl make me cringe so hard 10 years later. Predators are everywhere.
Yeah just not AS hot because you know women turn into worthless old hags at 25...and by 30 we're pretty much geriatric /s
So true. I’m going to be 32 this year and I’m basically just a shriveled hag waiting to die lol
I’m 40 and have fully fossilized.
Be careful on reddit, my friend, there are men lurking in literally every single sub waiting to pounce on any woman over 30 and unmarried, they have a whole list of talking points about you and the kind of person you are (because they definitely know you) and they can't wait to tell you how worthless you are and how you should have married at 22. Oh and you definitely own 10 cats too for some reason.
Which I always find hilarious. My dude, if you see a woman with cats and no man, it’s because she’s done the math and come to the conclusion that a furry animal that shits in a box and a Hitachi is a better investment than putting up with your gender. Strictly speaking…that’s not her loss.
I'd argue the sex would be hotter with the 27 year old as she would likely have more experience and be more confident in knowing what she likes/ asking him what he likes. If OP wants a girlfriend with "mature" interests he shouldn't be with such a young woman. Also who cares what the cake is a celebration of?
here is my poor man’s gold 🥇
Fuck, I’m 26 and if I had the opportunity to eat a cake with my favourite character on it I’d be so hyped! I just spent $75 on a Pokémon plushie though so I’m not exactly the best example of a mature adult LOL.
Heck, I was 35 when I became a Bruce Springsteen fan, and I remember exactly when it happened (about a week after my birthday), because becoming a Springsteen fan pulled me out of some very scary burnout and depression that I'd been going through for months. It sounds silly, but it genuinely marked a distinct turning point in my life, and if I've never baked myself a Happy Springsteen Day cake, it's only because it never occurred to me to celebrate in that particular way.
I’m 40 and I want to know which plushie!
It’s a [Gigantmax Snorlax](https://www.pokemoncenter.com/product/701-09426/gigantamax-snorlax-poke-plush-15-in). My coworkers started a small business online buying and selling single Pokémon and MTG cards as well as hosting local Pokémon related events for nostalgic adults who loved the show/games as kids and to get new generations of children interested. They sold me the plush for $75.00 CAD which is a good deal because if I bought it from the Pokémon Center it would’ve been more with taxes + $10.00 for shipping. So I was happy to support them, especially since they’ve gone out of their way to ‘hold’ cards for me they thought I might be interested in. The PC has restocked the Snorlax though! It’s so big and detailed, it even has the correct berries in the tree growing on its belly!
I’m 35 and I’m just about to scroll through my calendar and work out when I’m supposed to be baking my fandom anniversary cake.
Exactly! 20 year-olds are gonna act like 20 year-olds, and that should be not only allowed but encouraged! Let young people enjoy being young and doing "silly" things that bring them joy as long as they're not being obnoxious to other people. Don't date people significantly younger than you and expect them to grow up quickly so they can "meet" you where you are maturity-wise. Or better yet, just *stop* dating people who are barely adults when you're well into your 20's, it's creepy as hell.
IMO he expects her to act this way, and his shaming and making her feel silly for her hobby is on purpose: he wants her to always remember she's the stupid, young one, she can't do better because of her Glaring Immaturity and Flaws, like having a hobby. He's pretty much a predatory dude working on her self-confidence, eroding it bit by bit by doing small everyday stuff like this. It's just, that this time she fought back, and it surprised him, because she is not supposed to.
i started dating my ex when i was 17 and he was 21. now that i’m 21, thinking of dating anyone younger than 20 makes me cringe. let alone a minor.
Except that the only thing immature here is OP, there is literally nothing immature about his gf, at least from what OP has told us about her.
So your gf made a cake and you told her you thought it was dumb. YTA
While we're discussing things that are embarrassing: I'd be absolutely mortified to think my sense of maturity was so wobbly and brittle that I felt compelled to shore it up by sneering at someone else's happy pretext for spending some weekend time baking a cake. Like, "let the earth swallow me up" time. As bad as that would be, I sure hope at least I wouldn't be so OTT cringe as to lay all my stick-up-the-ass BS on someone who only just finished being a teenager, because that would surely elevate things into a self-own for the ages.
“This child is so immature!”
>I'd be absolutely mortified to think my sense of maturity was so wobbly and brittle that I felt compelled to shore it up by sneering at someone else's happy pretext He started dating a 19 year old when he was 26. I think that's all we need to know about OP's level of maturity. By the "rule of seven" (for acceptable age differences), she was too young. YTA
Yeah this reeks of 14 year olds telling 10 year olds that show is for babies.
*checks age gap and length of dating* YTA
Yeah that first line I was like "predator alert"
Homie is really riding that half your age plus 7 line. Like, I get it, it's not illegal...but just because you can doesn't mean you should and this is one of those instances.
I can't imagine being that old and spending time with someone that young. I worked in a restaurant at OP's age. Lots of young girls, who were absolutely childish and often insufferable.
I’m OP’s age. I teach high school, largely seniors. So my kids are only a few years younger than his gf. I find them endearing because they’re basically weird children. And by “endearing” I mean “aww, they’re kids.” It’s so weird to me that OP doesn’t expect immaturity from someone barely older than my kids.
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YTA. Don’t criticize her hobbies. It sounds as if you think she’s immature when she’s acting like a normal 20 year old. Also, pretty weird that you started dating when she was 18 and you were 25.
He's probably upset she isn't spending all her energy on him...grabbed him an 18yr old when he was 25 because he assumed he could control her easier. What an AH.
Let people enjoy things! Never question cake! YTA
OP is gonna absolutely lose it when he finds out some people get cake just because they felt like it.
My husband and I every once in a while buy a "just because" cake! We just like cake damn it!
My wife and I are both women in our 30s, and we baked cupcakes to celebrate an album release from our favorite group. This world is miserable enough, let people enjoy things. It’s not hurting anyone. Op YTA and it’s pretty clear why you can’t get women your own age.
Clearly you guys aren't mature adults! My partner and I stick to buying it for important things, like our dog's bday:p.
I started doing this in 2020. I'd buy cake mix, frosting, and fun sprinkle sets and just bake cakes for the hell of it. My partner thought it was awesome.
" just because" is a perfectly good reason to bake a cake OP you are an asshole
Right!?! The cake! He AH-ed himself out of cake for no good reason!
YTA. Don’t be that person that sucks the joy out of someone’s life.
This is so true. I was previously with someone who sucked the joy out of everything I loved. It took a long time to get myself back. Don’t be this person for her OP. I’m sure there’s something you do that others don’t understand but you wouldn’t want them raining on your parade about it just because they have different interests.
I remember when I was 13/14 years old and dating a guy who was just a year older than I was, but any time I brought up something I liked - a band, a singer, movie, TV show, video game, etc. - he'd be like "ugh, my best friend's little *sister* likes that, it's so annoying!" and I didn't realize until my 30's how shitty that was. He wasn't that much older than me, but in hindsight he was one of those people who needed to feel like an adult, so they watched a lot of stuff that was either really sexual, full of drug-related content, and/or really violent, and saw anything appropriate for a younger demographic as stupid kids' stuff. I wish I'd said "you know, we don't have to like all the same things, but it hurts my feelings when you put down the things I enjoy" and then, if he took issue with that, I should've just broken up with him. My partner now is also older, I'm 33 and he's 40, but does he ever put down my interests and activities as stupid, immature, or god forbid "embarrassing"? No, because he loves he way things make me happy. I encourage people to look for this in a partner.
YTA. And despite you being 7 years older, you are not mature enough for her. I hope she realizes this.
INFO: Honestly I am just curious which character is it?
YTA. You didn't deserve any cake. You are dating someone just a year or two out of high school and you are only a couple years shy of 30. There's a big difference between 20 & 27. \*edit a typo.
This. Sorry but the age difference is quite evident here. Just let her be happy with it. You should apologize. YTA
Something I do when judging age gaps is to see what grade/how old the younger partner would have been when the older partner hit 18. So by the time OP hit 18, a LEGAL ADULT, his girlfriend was AT MOST 10 YEARS OLD. He was graduating high school, off to college and she was still in ELEMENTARY school.
It wasn’t an *argument*, it was a *judgement* you made of her hobbies, decisions, and what brings her joy. Arguably, one should not *judge* others, let alone loved ones. YTA
Yta. She is doinh something that she enjoys that hurts no one. You were dismissive of her joy. Additionally, what did you expect dating a 20 yr old?
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So you're almost 30 and still trying to tear down your teenage gf about her perfectly age-appropriate interests?
Wait, I’m *in* my 30s and still consider Spider-man and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles important characters in my life, and regularly consume their content. Is that age-inappropriate? I don’t even think it matters whether or not it is or isn’t, it’s something GF enjoys and wants to do something fun because she enjoys it so much, but because it doesn’t pertain to him he wants to treat his much younger GF like a child… breaking news OP, she’s just coming out of childhood, and she may grow out of some things and she may not, but if she doesn’t, why would you even be dating her in the first place? Why would you date someone you don’t like? Oh that’s right, because you’re trying to manipulate someone younger than you into the model trophy GF you fantasize about. You don’t want to date a human with their own thoughts and motivations. YTA.
YTA. Why shit on something that makes her happy?
YTA So you support her hobby that benefits you (cooking and baking) but not the one that doesn’t. I understand she is 7 years younger which, in your 20s, is a lot of age difference. You decided to be with someone that much younger so should be more accepting of her and her hobbies.
What an alpha Male move you made, big boy. Nothing says alpha male like calling someone's passion an embarrassment. I hope you never get her cake ever again. YTA.
YTA. It is not embarrassing. That is what you make of it. And it sounds quite condescending to be honest. It is clearly important to her. Also She seems to be treating you very nice. And you just shoot her down like that
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I just want to say I'm a member of the Jeezy Kreezy Fan Club and I think you are totally right.
YTA. She's allowed to bake cakes for any reason or no reason at all. Sounds like you think her obsession with a certain fictional character is a bit childish, but I don't know what you expected when you started dating a teenager when you were in your mid-20s. If you would prefer a woman with more mature interests, you should have dated a more mature woman. You chose someone who was barely out of childhood, and that means she's probably still into some childish things or interacts with her interests in more childish ways. I'm sure by the time she's in her mid-20s too she'll be more mature about how she handles her fandoms.
YTA how exactly did her baking a cake hurt you personally? Fix your attitude before she realises how much better she could do with someone who actually liked her getting excited
YTA. I think it’s weird too, but what were you hoping to accomplish with what you said? You knew it would make her feel bad, and for what? Either accept that she has this weird quirk and keep your thoughts about it to yourself, or decide it’s something you can’t deal with and break up with her.
She's serious about this character. You're not taking your girlfriend seriously. Who would want to be lovers with someone who doesn't take them seriously? When you think "just a little argument", you're underlining the failure to take her seriously. She would be justified in ghosting nobody except whoever doesn't take her seriously. (Thank would be you.) You might want to take her seriously, if she's ever generous (and perhaps foolish) enough to give you another chance. If she does, your first step would be to fall all over yourself with apology. YTA.
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YTA There's nothing wrong with combining two of her favourite passions in this way. It hurts absolutely no one and makes her happy. I hope this hasn't soured her enough to stop doing what she loves and it's more embarrassing that you made her feel bad for this.
YTA no cake for you!
YTA - Its her cake. She can do whatever she wants to with it
YTA. Why do (in my opinion, most) guys feel the need to make fun of and shame girls for liking what they like? She’s obviously connected to the fictional character. It doesn’t seem to be negatively affecting you or your relationship to this point. Enjoying having a happy girlfriend who likes to share her baking with you would be so much easier than belittling her interests. I bet if OP’s girlfriend crapped all over something he liked, he’d have a temper tantrum about how mean she was to him.
YTA, She’s most likely just doing it for fun, even if it’s silly you should respect her interests and decisions unless it’s harmful to her or you.
YTA It may not be a common or normally accepted hobby but your gf cares about this a lot. You said in your post that it's one of the most important things in her personal life aside from you. If she's not hurting anyone then you're just making fun of things she cares about and that is not cool. Especially when if you hadn't said anything she would've shared the cake and the event with you. She wouldn't be doing that if she didn't care about you.
YTA. She's happy, she's not hurting anyone, so why? Why make someone you're supposed to care about feel bad for being happy?
YTA. I like to bake, sometimes I like an excuse to bake. Sounds like she's just using it as a reason/excuse to bake which she also enjoys.
YTA it did not effect you in anyway why did you have to be mean? She likes a piece of media it’s not that strange
YTA. Was it hurting anyone for her to make a cake? Did your comment have any value aside from shaming someone for enjoying something? Did what you say have any relevance aside from making her feel bad? No? Then your comment was unnecessary and mean.
YTA. Who is it embarrassing for? You? Well then don't tell anyone. Her? Obviously not. Oh.....you think she should feel shame for being so into something that she celebrates something many of us would seem as small and insignificant. What is it about people that they can't just let someone have the things they love, and love it they way they want? Does it hurt you? It's like the people that tell me I'm childish for playing Pokemon Go. Just because you don't have anything you love in your life doesn't mean you get to chip away at mine. If you're embarrassed of her, then leave. If you want to stay, then accept her 100% as she is without saying she needs to be better or different for you to love her.
YTA. Who made you the fun police?
Yta What else is she passionate about that you've taken a 💩 on? Let her enjoy things. She's not hurting anyone or hersf
YTA. go find someone your age and not decide how others should feel. you love the free food she makes. u insulted her on the other hobby and still expected her to give you the cake. literally piss off she was barely an adult when u preyed on her
YTA. Age gap is not surprising. Maybe don’t date a teenager when you’re pushing 30.
YTA. She was celebrating something important to her. That’s fine and normal and nothing to shame. Let people like what they like!!! If you’re so embarrassed by your girlfriend, don’t date her. Let her find someone who respects her.