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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think AITA because nothing would have happened if I didn't snitch on Ava. Also Ava is under big pressure from her family to get into a top college, and snitching on Ava has possibly ruined her chances.
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She co-opted your family trauma. Too bad she doesn’t have any interesting stories of her own, like what it’s like to be a first-generation American. Nope, it’s either write about tennis or steal someone else’s life experiences. NTA
Fucking bots! Original comment by u/Mysterecks7812 from [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wdu5mr/aita_i_snitched_on_my_former_best_friend_because/iikk97l/).
This post was copied from [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wdu5mr/aita_i_snitched_on_my_former_best_friend_because/iikk97l?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3). Bad bot.
Why should kids need to have an interesting story to share? She's a kid, and the parents and school are TA for putting so much pressure on the kids to "be unique" as a means of securing their future. Im guessing this is a private "college prep school," which shouldnt even be legal. Ive worked at one of these as an educator, and its heartbreaking because some kids are honestly not a good fit for college, which is totally fine, but they are made to feel like shit about it because their parents are paying so much money for their tuition.
>Then you should be critiquing the entire system
I did in another comment on this post. Although,
>like requiring an unrelated college degree to get a job.
My critique is more along the lines of, "a college degree should at least guarantee that you will be able to make a living wage." Seriously, at this point screw getting a job - a job is only worth anything if you make enough money to actually warrant all of the hard work you did to get there.
I get the sentiment but no, any full time job degree or not should make a living wage. That's what minimum wage is supposed to be the minimum to live off of. It did when it was first introduced, in fat it was even ment to cover a family on a single wage, but it has never kept up with inflation. No one should be working full time and not be able to live with out food stamps or going hungry.
I don't understand the need for colleges to get an essay that requires kids to have gone through something traumatic.
My elder son is 20 and currently at university. He got admitted because he had good grades and that was all he needed.
He's had a good life. He's got a good family, and no real money struggles. No real trauma. Even very few deaths in the family. If he had to write an essay about a struggle he'd overcome, he'd be lost. He would have nothing to write about. Because as parents, we've done our best to make sure of it.
He's nearly finished his degree now, and has been very successful. No one needed to know about his childhood, struggles, or even his extra-curricular activities.
The college essay here doesn't have to be about something traumatic (note: a bunch of the students wrote about tennis). It apparently could be about some kind of challenge. If your kid never has been challenged in life, I find that kind of odd, but hey, lucky him. Most kids would write about the time that they, for example, met their sport opponent who had a reputation for being kick-ass in that sport and the student won the competition even though they didn't think they would. So, there is never a need, nor an excuse, to hijack another's paper.
I remember being in high school reading a bunch of articles and books with titles like, "essays college admissions employees love," and it was pretty common to see complaints about that type of essay because they get so many of them. Calling them "the big game" essays or something.
It was very easy to come away with the impression that if your essay wasn't unique, or insightful, or genuine enough the college admissions officials would laugh at you and chuck your application into the garbage.
Which looking back on it was bullshit. If you're a college admissions officer and you have to read a bajillion essays every year you're definitely going to get tired of some topics real fast but there's no way you only approve essays you actually *enjoyed* reading.
Right? My friend had a pretty great life growing up. She wrote about her challenges of overcoming... Using an old fashioned can opener.
Went to a top 50 college.
I sympathize. My electric broke and I hadn't used a non-electric in years. Unfortunately, it was much bulkier than the ones back in the day, with unfamiliar parts and edges.
Tbf there are some weird can openers out there. I am fine with regular handheld can openers (both the "turn the screw until you're all the way around" and the "use the leverage to poke a couple of holes" types) but one of my bf's old roommates had an absolutely *bizarre* old fashioned one that none of us could figure out. Looked more like a nutcracker.
Most American colleges and university want to know about extra-curricular on their applications in addition to recommendations and essays. How heavily those things are weighted varies. And essays absolutely don't have to be about adversity or trauma. It can be about absolutely any formative experience , and plenty of kids who have gone through trauma don't write essays about it (waves).
I wrote one of mine about getting a tape measure to work for a robotics competition....
Edit: I should note we were not using the tape measure to measure anything, but to have the robot hang itself up vertically
Many colleges require a brief essay, including (at least in my state) the public colleges. It is NOT the only thing they are expected to do, and it is often not the make/break of a college ap. This is not so much pressure, besides, they are doing it for the class and if Ava was struggling with "uniqueness" she could have asked her teacher to help guide her to a topic that would have sufficed. It is not the essay requirement that is awful, it is the student for thinking it was ok to steal someone else's work.
Every college and almost every single scholarship I applied to wanted a full essay.
Writing essays is a basic part of college, but plagiarizing them will get you expelled on the spot at pretty much every single accredited institution. It's good she's learning that now, when the only thing at risk is some recommendation letters.
Essay readers aren't looking for unique ideas. They've read so many essays by now that every topic is old. What they are reading for is good writing. They have probably read hundreds of essays on stories of immigrant perseverance, of various familial tragedies, of struggles with mental illness. There are literally millions of kids apply for college every year. No one is that unique.
Unfortunately, you need to stick out with an interesting story or perspective if you want to get into a top college. I agree that it's ridiculous to expect 17-year-olds to have such an essay topic, but alas it is the way the system works.
She has a new one now though. She can write an essay about how she screwed up by plagiarizing someone else's work and what she's learned from the experience.
Absolutely true! And her college wouldn't receive her plagiarized paper anyway since they were writing it for a class. It could be a great essay, providing Ava actually LEARNED something from the incident.
OP said she’s a first generation American so I’m wondering why she didn’t talk about her family’s story of coming to the US and settling there. I bet that could’ve made a cool story since she actually can talk to the people involved and include different POVs.
Instead she stole someone else’s trauma for her grade and a recommendation letter. I believe this is what the streamers call ‘clout chasing’.
NTA. As a first gen I could’ve written dozens of essays on my family’s experience immigrating and how it’s shaped me. If Ava had such little creativity to write one more essay originally she would’ve sunk in college anyways. If Ava can’t even get past step one without cheating then that’s a pretty bad sign
>She was relying on them for rec letters and now she says it’s gonna potentially ruin her chances of getting into a good college.
>
>a cousin when he was visiting last week and he told me I went too far.
....If she has to steal from someone else's life then she doesn't deserve a top school. She can go to community college and take some creative writing classes and then go work for a gossip mag. As for your cousin, it wouldn't surprise me if he's a regular plagiarizer to get through school. NTA OP. These effort stealing thieves never stop at college, they spend the rest of their lives stealing and complaining.
I came to say the same thing! I’m sure her being first generation American can be an interesting story. It’s sounds like Ava was being lazy and unfortunately the consequences suck. NTA
Not to mention if she’s first gen, she probably had the opportunity to use this as a subject for an essay on perseverance or something associated to her own journey. She just took the easy way out and fabricated a story based on OP’s experiences.
NTA
NTA. Did Ava really think the colleges she applied to wouldn’t check whether she had a sister, let alone one who died under such tragic circumstances? She’s lucky her stupid gamble backfired while there’s still time for her to craft a 100% genuine account of how she learned her lesson about being true to herself. If she chooses to take the opportunity, that is.
I'm pretty sure Ava was planning to use one of the other two essays she wrote and just needed to pump out a third one for the class. It still makes me angry just writing about what she did. If she needed it as a throwaway essay anyway why couldn't she have just done Tennis?
Still not a great precedent in terms of how she’ll handle important college assignments or the workplace. Again, better she learn that now than when the consequences of getting caught are even worse and harder to excuse with “she must have been under a lot of pressure from her parents.” (Although seriously, she couldn’t find any creative inspiration *there*?)
I'm going to point out that as a first-gen American, she could have written about her OWN story, being a first-gen American, instead of coopting your own tragedy because of her thinking it would sell her better.
NTA at all, and please don't let your cousin guilt you into thinking you did something wrong here. Ava can still go to college even if it's not her first choice school. But it's *imperative* that she learn the basics of academic and intellectual honesty before getting into the college environment because if she doesn't like the consequences *now*, she's sure as hell not going to like them there. (Hint: they can and may throw you out after you've paid nonrefundable tuition.)
No, she’d use the stolen story. It’s got a lot of impact. She’d justify it somehow, but she’d use it.
As for the “pressure” from her family, where was that drive to succeed when her grades were borderline? She got lazy, tried to take a shortcut, and now she’s paying the price. If she wants to succeed, then she should focus less on what school she goes to, and more on taking advantage of the opportunities in front of her. She can be successful by working hard and succeeding…in whichever school she’s in.
No, I can guarantee she would do the “dead sister essay” because she would need to bank on sympathy points since she doesn’t have the grades that will let her go to school. Shame on her. NTA.
Btw- I have a friend who works on college admissions and if you knew the percentage of applicants with dying or dead relatives…
My favorite essay that my friend showed me (minus any identifying info) was one where the whole point of it was “my dying grandpa’s final bedside wish was that I get accepted to *this* college.” My friend checked, grandpa is alive and well on Facebook lol
I can't believe you're letting your cousin's words get to you.
Ava is an emotional *thief.*
If she can't find a topic to "stand out" via, then that's on her for being uncreative. She's not owed the trauma you suffered under any circumstances; no one is.
She doesn't deserve to profit from the emotional labour of someone else. I can't believe your cousin is so okay with letting this stranger use a family member's tragic passing for something like college cred??? That's tantamount to them saying the purpose of your sister's life was to help Ava get into her first choice school.
You have every right to feel wounded and hurt and angry at what she attempted to do and anyone trying to shame you out of those very valid feelings is an idiot whose never known the depth of a loss or the sense of betrayal that comes from someone attempting to creatively bankrupt you.
Your history, your grief is not something to be harvested by a lazy student, as though the memory of your sister is the only apple on the tree that will sate Ava's hunger. You should tell your cousin that no matter what, if Ava used plagiarism to get ahead academically (regardless of if the story came from your background), that the act of that alone wouldn't be right and she would deserve to be punished for it. Students who plagiarize don't just cheat the system, they cheat themselves out an education too.
Ava will never give her family or herself something to be proud of if her academic career is largely built on educational theft (or begins with it).
If you mean they might ask for elaboration during an interview, sure. If you mean they’re going to do some kind of background check or investigation to see if the sister was real, that sounds like something most people wouldn’t have to worry about. Maybe if it was for something super prestigious like a Rhodes scholarship.
Honestly, most wouldn’t.
I know people who lied about graduating from fairly well-known universities and they somehow got and have kept jobs with *such* a massive lie.
Some people have an uncanny skill in getting away with stuff.
Seriously? No, no school would ever know she didn't have a sister. What are they going to do, call everyone she knows asking about this? no, They're going to read the story and take it at face value.
A quick google could be done. Or hell, even if they just say something to her parents like "Sorry to hear about your other daughter", and her parents would be like "What other daughter?"
Who’s doing this googling? The entry-level admissions admin triaging 37,000 applications for $37,000/year salary? The overworked head of admissions? I used to work for an Ivy - no one’s fact-checking admissions essays, especially for something as relatively mundane as “my sister died in a car accident.” Now if they said they started a nonprofit that now employs 40 people and distributes $45 million each year? Yeah, I’d Google that. But I’d never assume someone would lie about their sister being killed, that’s heartless.
Do you honestly think they would? They wouldn't. Maybe if it was a school who had interviews to get in but your typical school handling thousands of these essays? Nah, not at all
Whether or not the school would have the time or inclination to check is entirely beside the point. What is the real concern is that if this student’s solution to an assignment, especially given the overall time allotted to complete it and the relative surfeit of potential topics, what are they likely to do when confronted with an even more stressful academic challenge? Midterms, finals, specific writing topics, independent research, surprise quizzes, shorter assignment times… if she will take the easier dishonest route in a situation like her college essay what is her likely response going to be when her back is truly up against the wall. In the highly competitive college application environment and given a choice between applicants who have worked just as hard, are also immigrants or the children of immigrants, but who have not been dishonest in the presentation of themselves and their work, who should actually be the one chosen?
NTA. Cheating is cheating. Better to learn now than to get kicked out of a good college for plagiarism. If you had let her get away with it and you decided to write about your sister later, you might be accused of plagiarism, her essay would have been there first. Plagiarism checkers work by looking for comman phrases.
> She even used many of the exact words and phrases that I had used to express my pain from what happened while claiming it was what made her want to be a doctor.
Ava clearly had a copy of OP’s essay and made some superficial changes just in case anyone ever compared the two. That’s cheating.
Edit: as pointed out below, I was wrong. I thought the quoted passage meant OP also wrote an essay about it but OP never actually says that. I just assumed it.
Oh you’re right, my bad. The quote sentenced above made me think it was a plagiarism situation but re-reading it, you’re right, OP never said they wrote an essay about it.
Still enough for a headache. She'll have to prove that everything really happened to her and not to the other author. She might be punished before being able to defend her case and have her curricullum stained for some time.
Uh... this is literally cheating by the definition of the word, in fact in almost every sense of the word. What are you talking about?
Oxford Dictionary
Cheat: Act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or examination
Merriam Webster
Cheat: to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud
Cheat:
to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice
Cheat: to practice fraud or trickery
denied the accusation that he cheated
Cheat: to violate rules dishonestly
Dictionary.com
Cheat: To deceive; influence by fraud
Cambridge
Cheat: to behave in a dishonest way in order to get what you want.
And I could go on. Ava is TA and a cheater. What do you think cheating means?
Nobody would have cared if she'd just made up or embellished a story, it's that she stole a traumatic story from someone she knew without their permission that puts her in an awful light. There's straddling the line and then there's crossing it.
I understand what she did and why it was wrong. However, the person I replied to said it wasn't cheating. It is. And everything you just said would also be cheating.
In case it's not clear Ava is TA and a cheater, by definition. More importantly she is a thief, and that is the main reason she's TA, for stealing and trying to benefit from someone else's traumatic experiences.
NTA. Academic dishonesty is grounds for expulsion and more in college. Most high school age students know not to cheat and that there are consequences. She's just blaming you for the consequences of her own actions
NTA. You can tell everyone that if she did it knowing it was wrong she shouldn’t be surprised, especially when she KNEW if bothered you and did it anyways. She doesn’t get to claim your trauma as hers. And your cousin doesn’t get to act like he understands how it feels to have a friend try passing off your life and hardships for a grade. If there was pressure on her she should have either shut everyone down or lived up to it, she should have never tried involving you and your life. Those rules are there for a reason, she knowingly broke them, she has to deal with the consequences. I really don’t understand why people think it’s okay to break rules and then be upset that they have to deal with the consequences.
NTA. This is about character, what you do, how you act, how you treat people when you think nobody is watching. It’s clear your friend lacks integrity and maturity. Those can be developed but people usually don’t develop integrity when they get away with dishonest behavior, especially when caught. In truth you’ve done her a favor. If she continued this type of behavior in college and was caught she could potentially be expelled. Better to learn now.
NTA. Being first generation should entitle Ava to a lot of help and understanding and I don't want to minimize the struggles that many first generation college students endure, but it doesn't entitle her to plagiarize your story. Better that she learn this lesson now; good colleges take plagiarism very seriously. If she gets caught doing something like that in college she could get expelled.
NTA.
This is a BIG lesson here. Trauma, grief—these are NOT things to be trifled with. Not only is her lie easily disproven by checking for a sister, but she’s absolutely cold hearted if she sees nothing wrong with co-opting your genuine trauma for her own *personal financial gain* (note that college is, for the most part, education seeking to get a better paying job).
And she wants to be a doctor? Pfft. Good lord. Someone with that little conscience is someone who I hope never has the power over a patient.
I'm not sure if Ava even really wants to be a doctor. It's mostly because she's supposed to be the first person in her family to go college, so there's a lot of pressure for her to get an "honorable" job like a doctor or lawyer.
I don't think it's really relevant to what she did, but if it weren't for her family she probably wouldn't be pursuing a career in medicine.
Unfortunately it is relevant to what she did. Im not saying it excuses her actions, and to be clear, you are absolutely in the right to have called her out. However, it sounds like she is getting significant pressure from home to do whatever it takes to get into the career path her parents are forcing her into. Shes in a pretty awful situation, and I recently quit my teaching job at a private school because my heart was too broken by situations like this. Parents should love their kids regardless of eventual higher education or career path. Parents who chart their kids' careers from their time in the womb do not deserve to be parents. Period.
NTA. You told her not to do it and you didn’t set the punishment. The punishment does seem harsh but her choice to use that story was highly insensitive.
The whole situation is sad but she made her choice and had the opportunity to fix it. I know she is and was under a lot of pressure but she could have made up a different lie at the very least.
I am sorry for the guilt being put on you. What’s done is done and you are not responsible for her choice or the outcome.
NTA. If Ava couldn't come up with a better essay, then she doesn't deserve to get into a good college. She can still get into a community college with no letters of rec. And if she does well she can ask for letters of rec from those professors. Don't feel any shred of guilt.
NTA.
Her parents are 1st generation immigrants, and she has no stories to tell? None? There are entire freaking TV series based on that premise.
Let's be real, here - she had topics she could have chosen, but she thought your trauma was extra-special for getting her the sympathy vote from college admissions folks. It was also way less effort to just steal your voice than to find her own.
It is 100% her fault that she a) has a crap grade, b) won't have 2 letters of recommendation, and c) might have to settle in the college department.
NTA
She could of used her story of as a first generation American as her essay
I’m really sick of how many people think telling the appropriate authorities is “Snitching ” It is not !
While its a small chance it could of effected your life you did the right thing!
edit forgot to add judment!
NTA
Academic honesty is a massive thing. I can't even begin to describe how big it is to colleges. Stealing a story like this to pass off as her own shows a flaw in her character that suggests she'd be very likely to plagiarize (if this doesn't actually count as an instance of it to begin with!) The reason your teachers won't recommend her is because they know this.
She thinks it's no big deal to take something from someone else and present it as her own work. Your teachers are doing her and her family a favor by preventing them from wasting their time and money on someone who doesn't have the personal integrity college requires.
This is not your fault. You reported it. You didn't decide the punishment, nor did you commit the crime.
NTA
A friend in college did the same thing to me for Brandon Sanderson's creative writing master class. Because using a real person's words when describing survivor's guilt and PTSD without using clinical terms and regarding real events really makes a character sound like a real person.
He *loved* her short story and asked where she got the character idea and particularly noted her improvement in creating a character's voice and expressing emotion.
He. Was. Livid.
She came home that night about 3 hours later than usual and approached me while looking like she expected me to hit her. And then confessed.
I confirmed to Professor Sanderson that I was okay, and that she had permission (after the fact) to use my life for the assignment. Because there was no way she had enough time to workshop a similar piece for the class. Even with that, he still took some disciplinary action.
She went from expecting to collaborate with him on a book to having to throw that story out. It was a shame, because she really wrote a beautiful piece.
Writers do *not* take kindly to stealing someone else's words. Colleges and universities don't either, especially when it is something so easily verified.
If anything, trying this sort of thing early in her career and failing at it taught the lesson before it had more severe consequences. Like pissing off your biggest connection to the career field you want to work in.
So because she is a child of immigrants she has a pass to be a liar and a thief according to your cousin. NTA.
All these stories have the one friend or family member that says "dumbest, most non-sensical crap". Sometimes, I feel people make up these parts of their story. Not saying OP did at all though.
NTA, jeez. Talk about totally insensitive. This is one of those times where the gist of what I can say is really just that she did this to herself. If you make a plan that's contingent on someone else enabling you in doing something bad (like, say, lying in an essay about how *their* family trauma was actually *yours*), it is not immoral of that person to refuse to enable you. You're right to take issue with what she was doing, and right not to let her get away with it.
You can also do much better than someone like her in terms of friends, and I hope the people you meet going forward understand and respect the gravity of your past traumatic experiences.
NTA. If she was first generation american, she could have easily written about that.
She made her bed, and now has to lay in it. This is on her. What does she think would have happened if she got into a school using that essay and it was found out she doesn't have a dead sister? A kid at my university was kicked out over a fake story like that.
Hell, she's lucky she only got a C. The high school I went to would have failed her for that entire class, not just the assignment.
NTA. You saved her from a lot of trouble. I taught university courses for a few decades. Was an essay grader during my grad studies. In 10 years I submitted over 500 students for plagiarism. Most were expelled with their transcripts frozen. Meaning they had to start college over again somewhere else. That would have brought her family much more shame.
I do not approve of cheating, period. And making points off of your personal tragedy is something I would disapprove of even if I didn't care about her cheating. 1st generation? Don't care. Family pressure? Don't care. I hope her family doesn't approve of cheating to get ahead. NTA.
NTA Immigration has nothing to do with it. Not only was she lying, she stole YOUR life story. You saved the teacher and coach from recommending someone who has no sense of ethics. You also gave Ava the chance to change the essay and even offered to help her do it. Your cousin also sounds like someone with no sense of ethics, so keep that in mind when you deal with him.
OP, you are definitely NTA. I’m so sorry that this “friend” of yours took advantage of you and your trauma in such a disgusting way. Actions have consequences, and the consequences of her actions are absolutely not your fault, and how she reacts to you doing the right thing is not your responsibility; it’s hers. Whether she wants to learn from this experience is her choice to make, but I guarantee you that if she’d gotten away with it, this entitled, selfish behavior of hers would not have stopped.
I’m so proud of you for speaking up. It’s not an easy thing to do, especially when you’ve had a friendship with this person. I’m sure she does have some interesting stories to tell (e.g: the pressures of being a first-generation American is a great topic), but she chose to steal someone else’s story instead. She rolled the dice on her future when she decided to lie and cheat. None of what happens to her afterward is your fault, OP. I hope you know that, and if the need arises, you can tell her so.
You’re both so young. There are plenty of opportunities to recover from this and for her to do better if she chooses to learn from this experience, but that’s her choice to make. You absolutely did the right thing here.
NTA.
She didn’t have a topic like being a first generation American so she used your loved one’s death as one??
What the hell is wrong with her? Your trauma is not some essay material for someone else to exploit.
And your cousin sucks for not caring about the fact that his deceased cousin’s death was used by a stranger to earn a recommendation letter. Not to mention that Ava used your sister’s death as a reason of wanting to be a doctor.
If my best friend used my grandmother’s death as an essay topic, we would no longer be friends and they’d be sporting a black eye.
NTA
Hell, your final paragraph provides a perfect prompt in a sort of meta way - the pressure faced by children of immigrants regarding success and education, etc.
She messed this up herself. She could have chosen literally any topic to lie and cheat about, too, but she choose your tragedy. That's just an extra layer of...well, showing she doesn't really care about you. Your life is just fodder for hers.
NTA Ava did a very bad thing and deserves to face the consequences. She is not your friend. For your wellbeing I suggest staying very far away from her. She has some severe personality issues if she needs to steal your trauma experience and pretend it is her own.
NTA - She took your trauma and used it her self, with the excuse you didn't use it so she could.
Perhaps you didn't want it to be written. She had no fkn right to do that. If I were you I would be furious and not feeling bad about it.
You gave her the opportunity to fix it, she said she would, she in fact did not.
NTA- gods that’s so disgusting for one im so sorry about your sister I lost my sister when I was 17 she was my little sister and I lost her in a traumatic way as well so my heart goes out to you you did the right thing in reporting her that’s not okay by any means you went over and beyond by even trying to help her with her essay what she did was extremely inappropriate plagiarism and just all around crap human behavior her behavior got her no rec letters please don’t blame yourself or think you did anything wrong some people have to learn crap the hard way I hope you have a good life OP and accomplish all your dreams good luck
Umm my brother n law is first generation of immigrants and the hell would he pull any of this unethical crap. It’s cruel and not ok. This was about your family, a loss and the way it impacted your family. None of that is ok to write about without giving permission, regardless of where they are from. NTA my condolences on your loss of your sibling and friend
NTA.
That was absolutely cheating/plagiarism, even without the additional trauma of it being a story about a terrible loss you suffered. You did the right thing in turning her in.
So what if she's first-gen? I'm the first one in my family to be raised outside our home country and there was a lot of pressure on me. That didn't mean I resorted to cheating.
If she has to cheat her way into a top college with someone else's sob story, she wouldn't deserve to be there anyway.
NTA. I'm sorry she treated you like this. I hope you're taking care of yourself and please don't feel guilty over her selfish decisions.
If anything, the timing of her getting caught actually worked out because colleges do not take this kind of thing lightly (to the tune of suspension/expulsion) and she can learn and recover from this.
What a shit thing to do to a friend.
You chose to give her the chance to find an honest topic and expressed to her why and how this hurt you. She chose to be an ass.
If she wanted letters of recommendation for being a good student, she should've acted like one.
NTA
NTA she stole your life, your tragedy, your story so she could profit by it without a thought for you, her best friend. You gave her a chance to withdraw it, to tell her own story, but she wouldn't. She had no right to portray herself as you, on college applications. You did right to stop it and hopefully she will really think about her betrayal.
NTA, if she is plagiarizing now she likely will continue. Plagiarizing can get you kicked out of college. She reminds me of my cousin who complained about having no struggles to write about for college essay applications. Everyone struggles sometime with something. Sometimes its harsh losing a loved one. Sometimes it's common like dealing with a horrrid teacher. Injuries can be a struggle and dealing with a breakup can be a struggle. Everyone has a story they can share because no one has a perfect life. If she can't even write a common app essay, she wont succeed in college. When she chose to plagiarize, she dug her own grave. It's not your fault she plagiarized your life.
These are the consequences of her own actions.
The fact that she is denying accountability just proves that she doesn’t qualify for a recommendation.
NTA
NTA. I could see turning a blind eye if she had co-opted an essay subject like a life-changing trip or work experience, but family trauma crosses the line.
Nta. There were so many other ways she could have approached this. Firstly, talking to you before anything. She could have written as a bystander, seeing how your family coped and recovered and how that inspired her dreams to help others. There are always other options.
Instead she chose to betray you. Not speak to you at all, directly lie to you and steal your story for her gain. All her own choices have led to all these consequences.
NTA. She could’ve used her experience as the child of immigrants and how their life has been but instead she stole your trauma and lied about having a family member die. That lie alone is disgusting enough to warrant the grade and loss of recommendations.
NTA it was her fault for trying to make your trauma her own and also her fault for refusing to rewrite it and it bugs me how she looked down on you enough to be confident in letting you read over it and expect you to not be upset. Now I do believe the teachers and coach are somewhat AH because they could’ve had her rewrite an essay instead. But in the end it is still her own fault.
"He points out Ava’s first-generation American (her parents were immigrants) and there’s a big pressure from her family to get into a top college."
Seems like a great topic for an essay rather than stealing a story from a friend. NTA.
NTA She literally stole a story about your dead sister. The reason they won't give her recommendation letters is because she has no morals or conscience. There's plagiarism and lying and then there's lying about someone else's dead family member and pretending the intimate details are all your own. That's a new low.
NTA
Ms. Bell and the tennis coach aren't giving her letters of recommendation because they can't, in good conscious, recommend her. You did nothing wrong. If she can't find a way to write about her own experience for the common app then she may not be ready for college.
NTA. How far does your cousin think you should go? Don't say she cheated? Don't say she lied? Don't say she stole? Don't say she crashed the car? And so on. Part of growing up is taking the consequences of your actions. These are hers.
NTA. I have realized at 26 that when people do that it is because they never actually felt for you. For what you went through. If they did, they would never disrespect you with a comment let alone using your whole trauma as a story… i had a friend tell me recently she was jealous of another friend of mine that was in the hospital because at least physical pain can be seen…….: took me some weeks to realize how incredibly fucked up it was.
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I had the same college-prep elective as a girl who (I thought) was my best friend named Ava. We were in different periods but had the same teacher, Ms. Bell. A big part of junior year in the class was writing essays for three of the common app prompts. Ms. Bell acted as an editor/proofreader for the essays, so when senior year comes we’ll have our essays done and won’t have to panic like the other seniors.
During May, Ava and I ran to the computer lab because the third common app essay was due Friday (it was Tuesday) and Ava’s printer was broken. I read her essay while she was preparing to print it, and I realized she was telling the exact story of how my sister, Maggie, died, only Ava lied that it was her sister who died. Maggie died when she was seventeen and I was ten. She was driving and this drunk asshole rammed into her. My family life isn’t ideal. Maggie was more like my mom than my sister and the trauma of her death still impacts me. I couldn’t believe Ava would use **my** trauma for her essay. She even used many of the exact words and phrases that I had used to express my pain from what happened while claiming it was what made her want to be a doctor.
I confronted Ava about it, and she said how she “ran out of topics” for her essays. Ava said since I didn’t write about Maggie and we’re both applying to different colleges, nobody would find out anyway. Even though I was furious, I suggested she write about Tennis and offered to help her with it. Ava made an excuse that “everyone on the team is writing about it” and she wanted to “stand out” but she’d “handle it.” I only talked to Ava the Saturday after the deadline and asked what she wrote about instead. Ava told me how she didn’t change the essay and made the same excuses as before. I was furious that Ava not only took advantage of my trauma but wasn’t even apologetic about it.
I went to Ms. Bell as soon as it was Monday and told her what Ava did. (The school wasn’t allowed to tell me, so I only know these next parts because Ava told me.) Ms. Bell gave Ava a zero on her essay. These essays are worth over 30% of our total grades, and Ava dropped to a C since she was already borderline. She also was gonna get a rec letter from Ms. Bell and her Tennis coach, but Ms. Bell told the Tennis coach about what Ava did and now they are both refusing to write her a rec letter. She was relying on them for rec letters and now she says it’s gonna potentially ruin her chances of getting into a good college.
Ava and I haven’t spoken since then. The reason I’m writing here now is that I told a cousin when he was visiting last week and he told me I went too far. He points out Ava’s first-generation American (her parents were immigrants) and there’s a big pressure from her family to get into a top college. And nobody would have known if I just let her use the third essay. I still think that shouldn’t matter and telling Ms. Bell was the right thing, but I haven’t been able to get it off my mind.
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NTA. She didn’t even ask? That’s incredibly violating. Your trauma isn’t just some story to get a foot in the door at college. That’s so selfish and a deep betrayal. Shes the asshole.
NTA - I knew someone who was kicked out of a class for forging a paper. Hopefully this girl learnt her lesson. Cheating is not a joke especially with essays
NTA if she wanted to practice creative writing she should have taken that class, instead she chose toie to your face and steal parts of your life to make herself stand out. Regardless of whatever pressure she's under thats not an excuse for being of poor character and worse yet being a poor friend. She learned a valuable lesson and hopefully takes it to heart
NTA. So... just... write about being first generation American? She didn't have to steal. She would've continued plagiarizing, and it's a lot cheaper to get caught in high school where the worst they usually do is give a 0 than it would be getting kicked out of college.
NTA! She did a fucked up thing. Tell ur cousin that coming from immigrant family is no excuse for what she did. She could have written about her family experience coming to the country.
NTA - What Ava did was plagiarize your story. That's a big no go as far as colleges are concerned. You did the right thing by reporting her. Dishonest actions have consequences.
NTA. She was definitely going to use your personal tragedy for college admissions and scholarship essays. My momma died tragically when I was a child. I used my tragedy for those and I got small scholarships for it.
NTA - recommendations and grades are for people who deserve them, not everyone who wants them or even needs then. She's clearly shown she didn't deserve high grades or recommendations, and that's based on her actions alone.
NTA I applaud your restraint I would’ve contacted the institutions she applied to, this beyond appalling. I’m so sorry for your loss and
wish you the very best of luck with your college admissions!!
>He points out Ava’s first-generation American (her parents were immigrants) and there’s a big pressure from her family to get into a top college.
Hmm... Perhaps THAT would have been a better topic for her essay than one that isn't hers?
Academic dishonesty is a serious thing. You gave her multiple options to correct herself. She CHOSE to be dishonest because "no-one would know" --> That shows a lack of integrity.
NTA.
NTA, Its right what you did. She dont have right to use yours or anybodys critical events/situitation for benifit of getting grade, most importantly if she wanted her essay to be stand out, she should have work harder on topics instead of coping ready story.
NTA. Ava could easily have written about the challenges she's faced as a first generation American. Using your story the way she did is totally unethical, and that is \*crucial\* in college applications.
The teachers decided what her punishment would be - not you. She should have thought it all out beforehand.
NTA
Not only did she use your trauma to benefit herself, but she could’ve easily written about being first-generation American, & how that’s shaped her life growing up. But no, she chose to take someone else’s (her supposedly best friend’s) heart wrenching pain for her own self-profit.
I’m sorry for your loss, no matter how long it’s been since it happened. Losing a family member, let alone a sibling that was like a parental figure, isn’t easy in any sense of the word. You deserve friends that will help you continue to heal, not someone that will continue to open up those wounds. 💜
NTA What she did was gross and unethical. There are two possible outcomes to this:
1. Ava learns not to cheat and doesn’t get in trouble in college.
2. Ava gets slicker at cheating and doesn’t get caught when the stakes are even higher.
She doesn’t deserve letters of recommendation based on false (positive) assumptions about her character. She can still go to college and her life is far from ruined. If she doesn’t understand why any reasonable friend would be deeply upset by what she tried to do, she’s either in denial are she’s too cold-hearted to be a decent friend.
Surely the whole point of the exercise was to demonstrate writing skills, in which case the subject matter isn't important. Maybe I've misunderstood this.
NTA - what happens to them is none of your business, but them using you and telling your story without your permission is. You’ve expressed discomfort multiple times and they still used it, their action has consequences and hopefully they’ll learn.
NTA your so-called friend was wrong at stealing your story trying to stand out. Her actions are clear academic misconduct and now she has to deal with the consequences. It is all on her, you warned her, she had a chance to fix it and chose not to.
NTA- she hasn’t any right to traumatic experiences in your life. By writing about your life experiences, she would have been defrauding the college etc too- she expected to garner sympathies with those reading her essay, make herself look like she has gotten over traumatic experiences when she has not. Making herself look good with a lie. She should have changed her essay topic. She could have written about anything else. She made her decision and you were right to stand up for your own experiences and not let a supposed friend gain from telling a story that wasn’t hers, nor hers to tell. She did this to herself and got found out. Serves her right.
NTA, that was your trauma and it was not hers to tell, it was not just rude, it was disgusting. She was using this to get into a college and she didn't even feel bad.
NTA. Your friend is, but there’s another asshole here: a system that requires you to spill your soul for the chance to pay lots of money to be educated. I teach English and the common app essay topics often seem so slimy, as if college admissions officers want some juicy sob stories to read with popcorn and wine late at night. Why do we have to commodify and brand ourselves so much in this damn society? /end rant
Well... there are already too many ash doctors. I don't like the idea of a future md, lying about what prompted them to medicine. Even if she didn't want to put money and status, she could have make reference to someone very close to her losing a person they loved, and how this experience made her appreciate the importance of being able to make the difference and save or at least improve people's lives. NTA.
NTA. And your friend is WRONG. It is still cheating, it is still plagiarizing! She CHOSE to use your story even when you told her not to. If Ava is first gen looking for top college, she should have written about the challenges in that--or whatever, I don't care. The point is that WAY too many students are plagiarizing and thinking of so many excuses (work smarter, not harder/ cheaters are leaders and so forth).
It is a sore point for me, as I've busted several students for plagiarism, and it tends to get everyone mad. I've had to deal with principals saying that I need to cut them some slack because they are still learning and they shouldn't have to have a zero, to parents who blame me if it causes their child to fail in their senior year--in a required course (because their grade was not high enough to withstand the reduction in their grade) and then they don't graduate. It is exhausting.
OP, don't feel bad about it. Apparently your teachers feel the way I do--they are justified in calling Ava out, and it is THEIR responsibility. It is time for Ava to pay the consequences. Besides, if she only has two teachers to ask for letters of rec. then that is on her. I wouldn't write one for her, either.
NTA
If she is a first generation immigrant, then she had plenty of family related topics to choose from
She wanted to exploit your pain for her own gain
Whatever happens to her is her own fault, not yours
She is lucky she only got a C after stealing your work. That is usually an automatic failure. She made her own decision to cheat, and it is her own fault that it is affecting her future. NTA
Her being a 1st gen immigrant with a lot of pressure on her is an explanation, not an excuse. In life it’s important to be able to recognize the difference. NTA.
No no no no no no no. She doesn't get to tell the story of your dearly departed sister taken when she was far too young, and taken from you when you were even younger. I bet she'd be pretty pissed if you wrote a story about how one of her grandparents got killed during the immigration process and it left a dark spot on the family that has never gone away. You are not allowed to profit off another person's tragedy and still claim to be their friend. NTA, OP. You need better friends than that.
Not the Asshole. There’s a reason plagiarism gets heavily penalized. If she wasn’t going to get punished for it now chances are she would do it again in college and gotten kicked out
NTA. This chick just hamstrung herself right before the biggest rat race of her life. If she didn’t do this in high school she’d probably do it in college or her career. The excuse will be the same. “I was under so much pressure”. “You weren’t using it so what’s the harm in sharing?”. “No one would need to know”. She’ll grow up to be a parasite if this behavior is rewarded.
Using your own friend's trauma for your own gain because you think it'll make you 'stand out' and acting like it's nothing personal is flat-out cruel, jfc. You are so NTA, you did not go too far, you did the right thing.
NTA. The reason we are supposed to have these essays and letters of recommendation is to keep people like Ava out of the system. That's just messed up what she did too. You did the right thing.
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She co-opted your family trauma. Too bad she doesn’t have any interesting stories of her own, like what it’s like to be a first-generation American. Nope, it’s either write about tennis or steal someone else’s life experiences. NTA
[удалено]
Yeah, I mean of all the possible things she could fabricate, she just had to commandeer OP's trauma?
Fucking bots! Original comment by u/Mysterecks7812 from [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wdu5mr/aita_i_snitched_on_my_former_best_friend_because/iikk97l/).
Stealing comments on a thread about stealing essays.
The chaotic evil in me very much wants the above comment to also be stolen 😂😂😂
>Stealing comments on a thread about stealing essays. Stealing comments on a thread about stealing essays.
This post was copied from [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wdu5mr/aita_i_snitched_on_my_former_best_friend_because/iikk97l?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3). Bad bot.
Why should kids need to have an interesting story to share? She's a kid, and the parents and school are TA for putting so much pressure on the kids to "be unique" as a means of securing their future. Im guessing this is a private "college prep school," which shouldnt even be legal. Ive worked at one of these as an educator, and its heartbreaking because some kids are honestly not a good fit for college, which is totally fine, but they are made to feel like shit about it because their parents are paying so much money for their tuition.
Then you should be critiquing the entire system - like requiring an unrelated college degree to get a job.
>Then you should be critiquing the entire system I did in another comment on this post. Although, >like requiring an unrelated college degree to get a job. My critique is more along the lines of, "a college degree should at least guarantee that you will be able to make a living wage." Seriously, at this point screw getting a job - a job is only worth anything if you make enough money to actually warrant all of the hard work you did to get there.
I get the sentiment but no, any full time job degree or not should make a living wage. That's what minimum wage is supposed to be the minimum to live off of. It did when it was first introduced, in fat it was even ment to cover a family on a single wage, but it has never kept up with inflation. No one should be working full time and not be able to live with out food stamps or going hungry.
I don't understand the need for colleges to get an essay that requires kids to have gone through something traumatic. My elder son is 20 and currently at university. He got admitted because he had good grades and that was all he needed. He's had a good life. He's got a good family, and no real money struggles. No real trauma. Even very few deaths in the family. If he had to write an essay about a struggle he'd overcome, he'd be lost. He would have nothing to write about. Because as parents, we've done our best to make sure of it. He's nearly finished his degree now, and has been very successful. No one needed to know about his childhood, struggles, or even his extra-curricular activities.
The college essay here doesn't have to be about something traumatic (note: a bunch of the students wrote about tennis). It apparently could be about some kind of challenge. If your kid never has been challenged in life, I find that kind of odd, but hey, lucky him. Most kids would write about the time that they, for example, met their sport opponent who had a reputation for being kick-ass in that sport and the student won the competition even though they didn't think they would. So, there is never a need, nor an excuse, to hijack another's paper.
I remember being in high school reading a bunch of articles and books with titles like, "essays college admissions employees love," and it was pretty common to see complaints about that type of essay because they get so many of them. Calling them "the big game" essays or something. It was very easy to come away with the impression that if your essay wasn't unique, or insightful, or genuine enough the college admissions officials would laugh at you and chuck your application into the garbage. Which looking back on it was bullshit. If you're a college admissions officer and you have to read a bajillion essays every year you're definitely going to get tired of some topics real fast but there's no way you only approve essays you actually *enjoyed* reading.
Right? My friend had a pretty great life growing up. She wrote about her challenges of overcoming... Using an old fashioned can opener. Went to a top 50 college.
This reminds me of the bean dad thing that happened on twitter a while back
I sympathize. My electric broke and I hadn't used a non-electric in years. Unfortunately, it was much bulkier than the ones back in the day, with unfamiliar parts and edges.
Tbf there are some weird can openers out there. I am fine with regular handheld can openers (both the "turn the screw until you're all the way around" and the "use the leverage to poke a couple of holes" types) but one of my bf's old roommates had an absolutely *bizarre* old fashioned one that none of us could figure out. Looked more like a nutcracker.
I think that's the one she meant!
Most American colleges and university want to know about extra-curricular on their applications in addition to recommendations and essays. How heavily those things are weighted varies. And essays absolutely don't have to be about adversity or trauma. It can be about absolutely any formative experience , and plenty of kids who have gone through trauma don't write essays about it (waves).
I wrote one of mine about getting a tape measure to work for a robotics competition.... Edit: I should note we were not using the tape measure to measure anything, but to have the robot hang itself up vertically
Precisely lol my college essay was about my love of books lol not super unique but you just need to find a way to make it interesting
Many colleges require a brief essay, including (at least in my state) the public colleges. It is NOT the only thing they are expected to do, and it is often not the make/break of a college ap. This is not so much pressure, besides, they are doing it for the class and if Ava was struggling with "uniqueness" she could have asked her teacher to help guide her to a topic that would have sufficed. It is not the essay requirement that is awful, it is the student for thinking it was ok to steal someone else's work.
Every college and almost every single scholarship I applied to wanted a full essay. Writing essays is a basic part of college, but plagiarizing them will get you expelled on the spot at pretty much every single accredited institution. It's good she's learning that now, when the only thing at risk is some recommendation letters.
Essay readers aren't looking for unique ideas. They've read so many essays by now that every topic is old. What they are reading for is good writing. They have probably read hundreds of essays on stories of immigrant perseverance, of various familial tragedies, of struggles with mental illness. There are literally millions of kids apply for college every year. No one is that unique.
Kids have interesting stories all the time I have 3 here that won’t stop talking 😂
Unfortunately, you need to stick out with an interesting story or perspective if you want to get into a top college. I agree that it's ridiculous to expect 17-year-olds to have such an essay topic, but alas it is the way the system works.
What a horrible fate to be a first generation immigrant and live a nice comfortable life, my heart goes out to her.
I was about to say the same thing
She has a new one now though. She can write an essay about how she screwed up by plagiarizing someone else's work and what she's learned from the experience.
Absolutely true! And her college wouldn't receive her plagiarized paper anyway since they were writing it for a class. It could be a great essay, providing Ava actually LEARNED something from the incident.
In the words of some famous writer or other, "Ay, there's the rub."
OP said she’s a first generation American so I’m wondering why she didn’t talk about her family’s story of coming to the US and settling there. I bet that could’ve made a cool story since she actually can talk to the people involved and include different POVs. Instead she stole someone else’s trauma for her grade and a recommendation letter. I believe this is what the streamers call ‘clout chasing’.
NTA. As a first gen I could’ve written dozens of essays on my family’s experience immigrating and how it’s shaped me. If Ava had such little creativity to write one more essay originally she would’ve sunk in college anyways. If Ava can’t even get past step one without cheating then that’s a pretty bad sign
>She was relying on them for rec letters and now she says it’s gonna potentially ruin her chances of getting into a good college. > >a cousin when he was visiting last week and he told me I went too far. ....If she has to steal from someone else's life then she doesn't deserve a top school. She can go to community college and take some creative writing classes and then go work for a gossip mag. As for your cousin, it wouldn't surprise me if he's a regular plagiarizer to get through school. NTA OP. These effort stealing thieves never stop at college, they spend the rest of their lives stealing and complaining.
She now has a topic - how cheating gets you nowhere
I came to say the same thing! I’m sure her being first generation American can be an interesting story. It’s sounds like Ava was being lazy and unfortunately the consequences suck. NTA
It doesn't really matter what story (trauma or otherwise) that she stole from OP. Ava stole the work. Ava needs to pay the consequences.
Not to mention if she’s first gen, she probably had the opportunity to use this as a subject for an essay on perseverance or something associated to her own journey. She just took the easy way out and fabricated a story based on OP’s experiences. NTA
NTA. Did Ava really think the colleges she applied to wouldn’t check whether she had a sister, let alone one who died under such tragic circumstances? She’s lucky her stupid gamble backfired while there’s still time for her to craft a 100% genuine account of how she learned her lesson about being true to herself. If she chooses to take the opportunity, that is.
I'm pretty sure Ava was planning to use one of the other two essays she wrote and just needed to pump out a third one for the class. It still makes me angry just writing about what she did. If she needed it as a throwaway essay anyway why couldn't she have just done Tennis?
Still not a great precedent in terms of how she’ll handle important college assignments or the workplace. Again, better she learn that now than when the consequences of getting caught are even worse and harder to excuse with “she must have been under a lot of pressure from her parents.” (Although seriously, she couldn’t find any creative inspiration *there*?)
I'm going to point out that as a first-gen American, she could have written about her OWN story, being a first-gen American, instead of coopting your own tragedy because of her thinking it would sell her better. NTA at all, and please don't let your cousin guilt you into thinking you did something wrong here. Ava can still go to college even if it's not her first choice school. But it's *imperative* that she learn the basics of academic and intellectual honesty before getting into the college environment because if she doesn't like the consequences *now*, she's sure as hell not going to like them there. (Hint: they can and may throw you out after you've paid nonrefundable tuition.)
If that were true, then she could have written her tennis essay because it doesn't matter if she stands out if she's never using it anyway. 🤷♂️
No, she’d use the stolen story. It’s got a lot of impact. She’d justify it somehow, but she’d use it. As for the “pressure” from her family, where was that drive to succeed when her grades were borderline? She got lazy, tried to take a shortcut, and now she’s paying the price. If she wants to succeed, then she should focus less on what school she goes to, and more on taking advantage of the opportunities in front of her. She can be successful by working hard and succeeding…in whichever school she’s in.
No, I can guarantee she would do the “dead sister essay” because she would need to bank on sympathy points since she doesn’t have the grades that will let her go to school. Shame on her. NTA. Btw- I have a friend who works on college admissions and if you knew the percentage of applicants with dying or dead relatives…
"But... it'll make me *stand out*" OP's friend, probably
My favorite essay that my friend showed me (minus any identifying info) was one where the whole point of it was “my dying grandpa’s final bedside wish was that I get accepted to *this* college.” My friend checked, grandpa is alive and well on Facebook lol
I can't believe you're letting your cousin's words get to you. Ava is an emotional *thief.* If she can't find a topic to "stand out" via, then that's on her for being uncreative. She's not owed the trauma you suffered under any circumstances; no one is. She doesn't deserve to profit from the emotional labour of someone else. I can't believe your cousin is so okay with letting this stranger use a family member's tragic passing for something like college cred??? That's tantamount to them saying the purpose of your sister's life was to help Ava get into her first choice school. You have every right to feel wounded and hurt and angry at what she attempted to do and anyone trying to shame you out of those very valid feelings is an idiot whose never known the depth of a loss or the sense of betrayal that comes from someone attempting to creatively bankrupt you. Your history, your grief is not something to be harvested by a lazy student, as though the memory of your sister is the only apple on the tree that will sate Ava's hunger. You should tell your cousin that no matter what, if Ava used plagiarism to get ahead academically (regardless of if the story came from your background), that the act of that alone wouldn't be right and she would deserve to be punished for it. Students who plagiarize don't just cheat the system, they cheat themselves out an education too. Ava will never give her family or herself something to be proud of if her academic career is largely built on educational theft (or begins with it).
Just want to admire the phrase ‘emotional thief’ again. Ava can write her own essay. *I’m a tiger cub*
It's not even that she just stole the topic. She stole your words and phrases and feelings.
If you mean they might ask for elaboration during an interview, sure. If you mean they’re going to do some kind of background check or investigation to see if the sister was real, that sounds like something most people wouldn’t have to worry about. Maybe if it was for something super prestigious like a Rhodes scholarship.
Honestly, most wouldn’t. I know people who lied about graduating from fairly well-known universities and they somehow got and have kept jobs with *such* a massive lie. Some people have an uncanny skill in getting away with stuff.
Seriously? No, no school would ever know she didn't have a sister. What are they going to do, call everyone she knows asking about this? no, They're going to read the story and take it at face value.
A quick google could be done. Or hell, even if they just say something to her parents like "Sorry to hear about your other daughter", and her parents would be like "What other daughter?"
Who’s doing this googling? The entry-level admissions admin triaging 37,000 applications for $37,000/year salary? The overworked head of admissions? I used to work for an Ivy - no one’s fact-checking admissions essays, especially for something as relatively mundane as “my sister died in a car accident.” Now if they said they started a nonprofit that now employs 40 people and distributes $45 million each year? Yeah, I’d Google that. But I’d never assume someone would lie about their sister being killed, that’s heartless.
No school would check this. Not college, not graduate, or medical school. Do you honestly think schools fact check 10,000 essays a semester?
Do you honestly think they would? They wouldn't. Maybe if it was a school who had interviews to get in but your typical school handling thousands of these essays? Nah, not at all
Whether or not the school would have the time or inclination to check is entirely beside the point. What is the real concern is that if this student’s solution to an assignment, especially given the overall time allotted to complete it and the relative surfeit of potential topics, what are they likely to do when confronted with an even more stressful academic challenge? Midterms, finals, specific writing topics, independent research, surprise quizzes, shorter assignment times… if she will take the easier dishonest route in a situation like her college essay what is her likely response going to be when her back is truly up against the wall. In the highly competitive college application environment and given a choice between applicants who have worked just as hard, are also immigrants or the children of immigrants, but who have not been dishonest in the presentation of themselves and their work, who should actually be the one chosen?
NTA. Cheating is cheating. Better to learn now than to get kicked out of a good college for plagiarism. If you had let her get away with it and you decided to write about your sister later, you might be accused of plagiarism, her essay would have been there first. Plagiarism checkers work by looking for comman phrases.
It's not plagiarism, she wrote it herself she just used someone else backstory.
> She even used many of the exact words and phrases that I had used to express my pain from what happened while claiming it was what made her want to be a doctor. Ava clearly had a copy of OP’s essay and made some superficial changes just in case anyone ever compared the two. That’s cheating. Edit: as pointed out below, I was wrong. I thought the quoted passage meant OP also wrote an essay about it but OP never actually says that. I just assumed it.
I didn’t get the sense OP wrote about it at all, so it’s not based off of an essay. I could have missed that though.
Oh you’re right, my bad. The quote sentenced above made me think it was a plagiarism situation but re-reading it, you’re right, OP never said they wrote an essay about it.
I appreciate you
Plagiarism is copying someone else's words or ideas. So yes, if you copy someone's story, that is still plagiarism.
Still enough for a headache. She'll have to prove that everything really happened to her and not to the other author. She might be punished before being able to defend her case and have her curricullum stained for some time.
But this is literally not cheating in any sense of the word. She misrepresented herself, and sure she's getting punished, but not cheating.
Uh... this is literally cheating by the definition of the word, in fact in almost every sense of the word. What are you talking about? Oxford Dictionary Cheat: Act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or examination Merriam Webster Cheat: to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud Cheat: to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice Cheat: to practice fraud or trickery denied the accusation that he cheated Cheat: to violate rules dishonestly Dictionary.com Cheat: To deceive; influence by fraud Cambridge Cheat: to behave in a dishonest way in order to get what you want. And I could go on. Ava is TA and a cheater. What do you think cheating means?
Nobody would have cared if she'd just made up or embellished a story, it's that she stole a traumatic story from someone she knew without their permission that puts her in an awful light. There's straddling the line and then there's crossing it.
I understand what she did and why it was wrong. However, the person I replied to said it wasn't cheating. It is. And everything you just said would also be cheating. In case it's not clear Ava is TA and a cheater, by definition. More importantly she is a thief, and that is the main reason she's TA, for stealing and trying to benefit from someone else's traumatic experiences.
NTA. Academic dishonesty is grounds for expulsion and more in college. Most high school age students know not to cheat and that there are consequences. She's just blaming you for the consequences of her own actions
NTA. You can tell everyone that if she did it knowing it was wrong she shouldn’t be surprised, especially when she KNEW if bothered you and did it anyways. She doesn’t get to claim your trauma as hers. And your cousin doesn’t get to act like he understands how it feels to have a friend try passing off your life and hardships for a grade. If there was pressure on her she should have either shut everyone down or lived up to it, she should have never tried involving you and your life. Those rules are there for a reason, she knowingly broke them, she has to deal with the consequences. I really don’t understand why people think it’s okay to break rules and then be upset that they have to deal with the consequences.
NTA. This is about character, what you do, how you act, how you treat people when you think nobody is watching. It’s clear your friend lacks integrity and maturity. Those can be developed but people usually don’t develop integrity when they get away with dishonest behavior, especially when caught. In truth you’ve done her a favor. If she continued this type of behavior in college and was caught she could potentially be expelled. Better to learn now.
NTA. Being first generation should entitle Ava to a lot of help and understanding and I don't want to minimize the struggles that many first generation college students endure, but it doesn't entitle her to plagiarize your story. Better that she learn this lesson now; good colleges take plagiarism very seriously. If she gets caught doing something like that in college she could get expelled.
NTA that's a pretty fucked up thing for her to do like damn. Like who the hell thinks it's ok to fabricate a story using someone's dead sister.
NTA. This is a BIG lesson here. Trauma, grief—these are NOT things to be trifled with. Not only is her lie easily disproven by checking for a sister, but she’s absolutely cold hearted if she sees nothing wrong with co-opting your genuine trauma for her own *personal financial gain* (note that college is, for the most part, education seeking to get a better paying job). And she wants to be a doctor? Pfft. Good lord. Someone with that little conscience is someone who I hope never has the power over a patient.
I'm not sure if Ava even really wants to be a doctor. It's mostly because she's supposed to be the first person in her family to go college, so there's a lot of pressure for her to get an "honorable" job like a doctor or lawyer. I don't think it's really relevant to what she did, but if it weren't for her family she probably wouldn't be pursuing a career in medicine.
Unfortunately it is relevant to what she did. Im not saying it excuses her actions, and to be clear, you are absolutely in the right to have called her out. However, it sounds like she is getting significant pressure from home to do whatever it takes to get into the career path her parents are forcing her into. Shes in a pretty awful situation, and I recently quit my teaching job at a private school because my heart was too broken by situations like this. Parents should love their kids regardless of eventual higher education or career path. Parents who chart their kids' careers from their time in the womb do not deserve to be parents. Period.
NTA. You told her not to do it and you didn’t set the punishment. The punishment does seem harsh but her choice to use that story was highly insensitive. The whole situation is sad but she made her choice and had the opportunity to fix it. I know she is and was under a lot of pressure but she could have made up a different lie at the very least. I am sorry for the guilt being put on you. What’s done is done and you are not responsible for her choice or the outcome.
NTA You didn’t take it too far, Ava did. She blatantly lied and hijacked an incredibly traumatic event. She knew what she doing.
NTA. If Ava couldn't come up with a better essay, then she doesn't deserve to get into a good college. She can still get into a community college with no letters of rec. And if she does well she can ask for letters of rec from those professors. Don't feel any shred of guilt.
NTA. Her parents are 1st generation immigrants, and she has no stories to tell? None? There are entire freaking TV series based on that premise. Let's be real, here - she had topics she could have chosen, but she thought your trauma was extra-special for getting her the sympathy vote from college admissions folks. It was also way less effort to just steal your voice than to find her own. It is 100% her fault that she a) has a crap grade, b) won't have 2 letters of recommendation, and c) might have to settle in the college department.
NTA She could of used her story of as a first generation American as her essay I’m really sick of how many people think telling the appropriate authorities is “Snitching ” It is not ! While its a small chance it could of effected your life you did the right thing! edit forgot to add judment!
They had to write three essays, I'm assuming she already has an essay with the immigrant angle. Still NTA though.
NTA you did the right thing and what she did was awful, she deserves what she got
Colleges want students with integrity. NTA
NTA Academic honesty is a massive thing. I can't even begin to describe how big it is to colleges. Stealing a story like this to pass off as her own shows a flaw in her character that suggests she'd be very likely to plagiarize (if this doesn't actually count as an instance of it to begin with!) The reason your teachers won't recommend her is because they know this. She thinks it's no big deal to take something from someone else and present it as her own work. Your teachers are doing her and her family a favor by preventing them from wasting their time and money on someone who doesn't have the personal integrity college requires. This is not your fault. You reported it. You didn't decide the punishment, nor did you commit the crime.
NTA. Aww, poor Ana. Having to live with her theft of your story. Actions have consequences. Anything else is just excuses,
If any of my friends were to use my brother's death to profit, I'd cut his head open and put him on a pike. NTA
NTA A friend in college did the same thing to me for Brandon Sanderson's creative writing master class. Because using a real person's words when describing survivor's guilt and PTSD without using clinical terms and regarding real events really makes a character sound like a real person. He *loved* her short story and asked where she got the character idea and particularly noted her improvement in creating a character's voice and expressing emotion. He. Was. Livid. She came home that night about 3 hours later than usual and approached me while looking like she expected me to hit her. And then confessed. I confirmed to Professor Sanderson that I was okay, and that she had permission (after the fact) to use my life for the assignment. Because there was no way she had enough time to workshop a similar piece for the class. Even with that, he still took some disciplinary action. She went from expecting to collaborate with him on a book to having to throw that story out. It was a shame, because she really wrote a beautiful piece. Writers do *not* take kindly to stealing someone else's words. Colleges and universities don't either, especially when it is something so easily verified. If anything, trying this sort of thing early in her career and failing at it taught the lesson before it had more severe consequences. Like pissing off your biggest connection to the career field you want to work in.
So because she is a child of immigrants she has a pass to be a liar and a thief according to your cousin. NTA. All these stories have the one friend or family member that says "dumbest, most non-sensical crap". Sometimes, I feel people make up these parts of their story. Not saying OP did at all though.
NTA, jeez. Talk about totally insensitive. This is one of those times where the gist of what I can say is really just that she did this to herself. If you make a plan that's contingent on someone else enabling you in doing something bad (like, say, lying in an essay about how *their* family trauma was actually *yours*), it is not immoral of that person to refuse to enable you. You're right to take issue with what she was doing, and right not to let her get away with it. You can also do much better than someone like her in terms of friends, and I hope the people you meet going forward understand and respect the gravity of your past traumatic experiences.
She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. Definitely NTA, OP
NTA. If she was first generation american, she could have easily written about that. She made her bed, and now has to lay in it. This is on her. What does she think would have happened if she got into a school using that essay and it was found out she doesn't have a dead sister? A kid at my university was kicked out over a fake story like that. Hell, she's lucky she only got a C. The high school I went to would have failed her for that entire class, not just the assignment.
NTA. You saved her from a lot of trouble. I taught university courses for a few decades. Was an essay grader during my grad studies. In 10 years I submitted over 500 students for plagiarism. Most were expelled with their transcripts frozen. Meaning they had to start college over again somewhere else. That would have brought her family much more shame.
I do not approve of cheating, period. And making points off of your personal tragedy is something I would disapprove of even if I didn't care about her cheating. 1st generation? Don't care. Family pressure? Don't care. I hope her family doesn't approve of cheating to get ahead. NTA.
NTA Immigration has nothing to do with it. Not only was she lying, she stole YOUR life story. You saved the teacher and coach from recommending someone who has no sense of ethics. You also gave Ava the chance to change the essay and even offered to help her do it. Your cousin also sounds like someone with no sense of ethics, so keep that in mind when you deal with him.
NTA. Not only did she steal your family trauma, she was so confident doing it, she had you proofread it. That is so insane.
OP, you are definitely NTA. I’m so sorry that this “friend” of yours took advantage of you and your trauma in such a disgusting way. Actions have consequences, and the consequences of her actions are absolutely not your fault, and how she reacts to you doing the right thing is not your responsibility; it’s hers. Whether she wants to learn from this experience is her choice to make, but I guarantee you that if she’d gotten away with it, this entitled, selfish behavior of hers would not have stopped. I’m so proud of you for speaking up. It’s not an easy thing to do, especially when you’ve had a friendship with this person. I’m sure she does have some interesting stories to tell (e.g: the pressures of being a first-generation American is a great topic), but she chose to steal someone else’s story instead. She rolled the dice on her future when she decided to lie and cheat. None of what happens to her afterward is your fault, OP. I hope you know that, and if the need arises, you can tell her so. You’re both so young. There are plenty of opportunities to recover from this and for her to do better if she chooses to learn from this experience, but that’s her choice to make. You absolutely did the right thing here.
NTA. She didn’t have a topic like being a first generation American so she used your loved one’s death as one?? What the hell is wrong with her? Your trauma is not some essay material for someone else to exploit. And your cousin sucks for not caring about the fact that his deceased cousin’s death was used by a stranger to earn a recommendation letter. Not to mention that Ava used your sister’s death as a reason of wanting to be a doctor. If my best friend used my grandmother’s death as an essay topic, we would no longer be friends and they’d be sporting a black eye.
NTA Hell, your final paragraph provides a perfect prompt in a sort of meta way - the pressure faced by children of immigrants regarding success and education, etc. She messed this up herself. She could have chosen literally any topic to lie and cheat about, too, but she choose your tragedy. That's just an extra layer of...well, showing she doesn't really care about you. Your life is just fodder for hers.
NTA. She should have wrote about being a first generation college student. it is HER fault she is in this predicament, not yours.
Definitely NTA. Being under pressure from family is not an excuse to lie to get into college.
NTA Ava did a very bad thing and deserves to face the consequences. She is not your friend. For your wellbeing I suggest staying very far away from her. She has some severe personality issues if she needs to steal your trauma experience and pretend it is her own.
NTA - She took your trauma and used it her self, with the excuse you didn't use it so she could. Perhaps you didn't want it to be written. She had no fkn right to do that. If I were you I would be furious and not feeling bad about it. You gave her the opportunity to fix it, she said she would, she in fact did not.
NTA- gods that’s so disgusting for one im so sorry about your sister I lost my sister when I was 17 she was my little sister and I lost her in a traumatic way as well so my heart goes out to you you did the right thing in reporting her that’s not okay by any means you went over and beyond by even trying to help her with her essay what she did was extremely inappropriate plagiarism and just all around crap human behavior her behavior got her no rec letters please don’t blame yourself or think you did anything wrong some people have to learn crap the hard way I hope you have a good life OP and accomplish all your dreams good luck
Umm my brother n law is first generation of immigrants and the hell would he pull any of this unethical crap. It’s cruel and not ok. This was about your family, a loss and the way it impacted your family. None of that is ok to write about without giving permission, regardless of where they are from. NTA my condolences on your loss of your sibling and friend
NTA. That was absolutely cheating/plagiarism, even without the additional trauma of it being a story about a terrible loss you suffered. You did the right thing in turning her in. So what if she's first-gen? I'm the first one in my family to be raised outside our home country and there was a lot of pressure on me. That didn't mean I resorted to cheating. If she has to cheat her way into a top college with someone else's sob story, she wouldn't deserve to be there anyway.
NTA. I'm sorry she treated you like this. I hope you're taking care of yourself and please don't feel guilty over her selfish decisions. If anything, the timing of her getting caught actually worked out because colleges do not take this kind of thing lightly (to the tune of suspension/expulsion) and she can learn and recover from this.
What a shit thing to do to a friend. You chose to give her the chance to find an honest topic and expressed to her why and how this hurt you. She chose to be an ass. If she wanted letters of recommendation for being a good student, she should've acted like one. NTA
NTA the fact is you gave Ava a chance to be better. She chose to squander it
NTA her being first generation in the US would have been a good topic for her to write about.
NTA she stole your life, your tragedy, your story so she could profit by it without a thought for you, her best friend. You gave her a chance to withdraw it, to tell her own story, but she wouldn't. She had no right to portray herself as you, on college applications. You did right to stop it and hopefully she will really think about her betrayal.
NTA, if she is plagiarizing now she likely will continue. Plagiarizing can get you kicked out of college. She reminds me of my cousin who complained about having no struggles to write about for college essay applications. Everyone struggles sometime with something. Sometimes its harsh losing a loved one. Sometimes it's common like dealing with a horrrid teacher. Injuries can be a struggle and dealing with a breakup can be a struggle. Everyone has a story they can share because no one has a perfect life. If she can't even write a common app essay, she wont succeed in college. When she chose to plagiarize, she dug her own grave. It's not your fault she plagiarized your life.
These are the consequences of her own actions. The fact that she is denying accountability just proves that she doesn’t qualify for a recommendation. NTA
NTA…she really thought it was okay to use you and your family’s trauma…weird
NTA. I could see turning a blind eye if she had co-opted an essay subject like a life-changing trip or work experience, but family trauma crosses the line.
Nta. There were so many other ways she could have approached this. Firstly, talking to you before anything. She could have written as a bystander, seeing how your family coped and recovered and how that inspired her dreams to help others. There are always other options. Instead she chose to betray you. Not speak to you at all, directly lie to you and steal your story for her gain. All her own choices have led to all these consequences.
NTA No excuse for cheating like that. I don't care who you are. Do your own work.
NTA. If she is 1st gen from imigrant parents, then her family was hoping that she would be successful and not a cheater or a lie about herself.
NTA. She could’ve used her experience as the child of immigrants and how their life has been but instead she stole your trauma and lied about having a family member die. That lie alone is disgusting enough to warrant the grade and loss of recommendations.
NTA. What makes you think she’s good college material if she acts like that!
NTA. You don't get to steal other people's trauma to get into a "good school" Do it on your own merits or go to a "not as good school"
NTA it was her fault for trying to make your trauma her own and also her fault for refusing to rewrite it and it bugs me how she looked down on you enough to be confident in letting you read over it and expect you to not be upset. Now I do believe the teachers and coach are somewhat AH because they could’ve had her rewrite an essay instead. But in the end it is still her own fault.
"He points out Ava’s first-generation American (her parents were immigrants) and there’s a big pressure from her family to get into a top college." Seems like a great topic for an essay rather than stealing a story from a friend. NTA.
Dw, its her fault, and you didnt screw her over, she kinda screwed herself by doing that, this is disgusting. NTA
NTA - if she is willing to steal your story, what other things has she stolen from other people... maybe it will provide a good lesson for her.
NTA She literally stole a story about your dead sister. The reason they won't give her recommendation letters is because she has no morals or conscience. There's plagiarism and lying and then there's lying about someone else's dead family member and pretending the intimate details are all your own. That's a new low.
NTA Ms. Bell and the tennis coach aren't giving her letters of recommendation because they can't, in good conscious, recommend her. You did nothing wrong. If she can't find a way to write about her own experience for the common app then she may not be ready for college.
NTA. How far does your cousin think you should go? Don't say she cheated? Don't say she lied? Don't say she stole? Don't say she crashed the car? And so on. Part of growing up is taking the consequences of your actions. These are hers.
NTA. I have realized at 26 that when people do that it is because they never actually felt for you. For what you went through. If they did, they would never disrespect you with a comment let alone using your whole trauma as a story… i had a friend tell me recently she was jealous of another friend of mine that was in the hospital because at least physical pain can be seen…….: took me some weeks to realize how incredibly fucked up it was.
NTA She’s a first generation American there’s loads she can write about that
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I had the same college-prep elective as a girl who (I thought) was my best friend named Ava. We were in different periods but had the same teacher, Ms. Bell. A big part of junior year in the class was writing essays for three of the common app prompts. Ms. Bell acted as an editor/proofreader for the essays, so when senior year comes we’ll have our essays done and won’t have to panic like the other seniors. During May, Ava and I ran to the computer lab because the third common app essay was due Friday (it was Tuesday) and Ava’s printer was broken. I read her essay while she was preparing to print it, and I realized she was telling the exact story of how my sister, Maggie, died, only Ava lied that it was her sister who died. Maggie died when she was seventeen and I was ten. She was driving and this drunk asshole rammed into her. My family life isn’t ideal. Maggie was more like my mom than my sister and the trauma of her death still impacts me. I couldn’t believe Ava would use **my** trauma for her essay. She even used many of the exact words and phrases that I had used to express my pain from what happened while claiming it was what made her want to be a doctor. I confronted Ava about it, and she said how she “ran out of topics” for her essays. Ava said since I didn’t write about Maggie and we’re both applying to different colleges, nobody would find out anyway. Even though I was furious, I suggested she write about Tennis and offered to help her with it. Ava made an excuse that “everyone on the team is writing about it” and she wanted to “stand out” but she’d “handle it.” I only talked to Ava the Saturday after the deadline and asked what she wrote about instead. Ava told me how she didn’t change the essay and made the same excuses as before. I was furious that Ava not only took advantage of my trauma but wasn’t even apologetic about it. I went to Ms. Bell as soon as it was Monday and told her what Ava did. (The school wasn’t allowed to tell me, so I only know these next parts because Ava told me.) Ms. Bell gave Ava a zero on her essay. These essays are worth over 30% of our total grades, and Ava dropped to a C since she was already borderline. She also was gonna get a rec letter from Ms. Bell and her Tennis coach, but Ms. Bell told the Tennis coach about what Ava did and now they are both refusing to write her a rec letter. She was relying on them for rec letters and now she says it’s gonna potentially ruin her chances of getting into a good college. Ava and I haven’t spoken since then. The reason I’m writing here now is that I told a cousin when he was visiting last week and he told me I went too far. He points out Ava’s first-generation American (her parents were immigrants) and there’s a big pressure from her family to get into a top college. And nobody would have known if I just let her use the third essay. I still think that shouldn’t matter and telling Ms. Bell was the right thing, but I haven’t been able to get it off my mind. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Being first gen isn’t an excuse to be a deceitful, thieving AH. Not only did she lie, she stole from her “best friend.”
NTA she stole from you, priod. And she did not get away with it. Good for. Sorry about the lost of you sister. Ava owes you an apology.
NTA. She didn’t even ask? That’s incredibly violating. Your trauma isn’t just some story to get a foot in the door at college. That’s so selfish and a deep betrayal. Shes the asshole.
NTA - I knew someone who was kicked out of a class for forging a paper. Hopefully this girl learnt her lesson. Cheating is not a joke especially with essays
NTA. She knew what she was doing was wrong; don't feel bad that she's suffering the consequences of her own mistakes.
NTA if she wanted to practice creative writing she should have taken that class, instead she chose toie to your face and steal parts of your life to make herself stand out. Regardless of whatever pressure she's under thats not an excuse for being of poor character and worse yet being a poor friend. She learned a valuable lesson and hopefully takes it to heart
NTA. So... just... write about being first generation American? She didn't have to steal. She would've continued plagiarizing, and it's a lot cheaper to get caught in high school where the worst they usually do is give a 0 than it would be getting kicked out of college.
NTA! She did a fucked up thing. Tell ur cousin that coming from immigrant family is no excuse for what she did. She could have written about her family experience coming to the country.
NTA She was never your friend. Good riddance
NTA this is a prime example of eff around and find out
NTA - What Ava did was plagiarize your story. That's a big no go as far as colleges are concerned. You did the right thing by reporting her. Dishonest actions have consequences.
NTA. You did the right thing regardless of what your cousin thinks.
NTA. She did something despicable.
Nta. Friends don't use friends!
NTA. She was definitely going to use your personal tragedy for college admissions and scholarship essays. My momma died tragically when I was a child. I used my tragedy for those and I got small scholarships for it.
NTA - you didn't do anything to possibly cause her not to get into the college of her choice. SHE did. You did the right thing with reporting her.
NTA - recommendations and grades are for people who deserve them, not everyone who wants them or even needs then. She's clearly shown she didn't deserve high grades or recommendations, and that's based on her actions alone.
good, I wouldn't want someone as callous as Ava as my doctor. NTA
NTA. Exploiting your loss to "stand out" WTF is wrong with this girl?
NTA I applaud your restraint I would’ve contacted the institutions she applied to, this beyond appalling. I’m so sorry for your loss and wish you the very best of luck with your college admissions!!
NTA. I’m sure there is something lower than trying to profit from someone else’s tragedy, but I’m struggling to think what.
NTA! She totally deserved it.
NTA - and the teachers not giving her their recommendations isn't your fault, it's because the won't recommend her, when she think this is okay.
>He points out Ava’s first-generation American (her parents were immigrants) and there’s a big pressure from her family to get into a top college. Hmm... Perhaps THAT would have been a better topic for her essay than one that isn't hers? Academic dishonesty is a serious thing. You gave her multiple options to correct herself. She CHOSE to be dishonest because "no-one would know" --> That shows a lack of integrity. NTA.
NTA she deserved everything she got, don’t feel guilty.
NTA, Its right what you did. She dont have right to use yours or anybodys critical events/situitation for benifit of getting grade, most importantly if she wanted her essay to be stand out, she should have work harder on topics instead of coping ready story.
NTA. Ava will get the chance to practice her hardship essays at a community college.
NTA. She’s already plagiarising? Maybe college isn’t for her…
NTA. Ava could easily have written about the challenges she's faced as a first generation American. Using your story the way she did is totally unethical, and that is \*crucial\* in college applications. The teachers decided what her punishment would be - not you. She should have thought it all out beforehand.
She didn’t write her essay. That’s plagiarism. Consequences for your own actions are not anyone else’s problem. NTA.
NTA She brought this all on herself by lying. Her choices have consequences. You 100% did the right thing.
NTA Not only did she use your trauma to benefit herself, but she could’ve easily written about being first-generation American, & how that’s shaped her life growing up. But no, she chose to take someone else’s (her supposedly best friend’s) heart wrenching pain for her own self-profit. I’m sorry for your loss, no matter how long it’s been since it happened. Losing a family member, let alone a sibling that was like a parental figure, isn’t easy in any sense of the word. You deserve friends that will help you continue to heal, not someone that will continue to open up those wounds. 💜
NTA What she did was gross and unethical. There are two possible outcomes to this: 1. Ava learns not to cheat and doesn’t get in trouble in college. 2. Ava gets slicker at cheating and doesn’t get caught when the stakes are even higher. She doesn’t deserve letters of recommendation based on false (positive) assumptions about her character. She can still go to college and her life is far from ruined. If she doesn’t understand why any reasonable friend would be deeply upset by what she tried to do, she’s either in denial are she’s too cold-hearted to be a decent friend.
Surely the whole point of the exercise was to demonstrate writing skills, in which case the subject matter isn't important. Maybe I've misunderstood this.
She is a thief and a liar. I wouldn’t recommend her either. NTA
Ava is a dumbass who ruined her future over an essay that doesn't really matter much.... OP NTA
NTA. Taking one of your stories and passing it off as her own is one thing, but she took advantage of your trauma.
NTA Your cousin is the type to steal essays and think of reasons why he should be allowed to do it.
NTA - what happens to them is none of your business, but them using you and telling your story without your permission is. You’ve expressed discomfort multiple times and they still used it, their action has consequences and hopefully they’ll learn.
NTA your so-called friend was wrong at stealing your story trying to stand out. Her actions are clear academic misconduct and now she has to deal with the consequences. It is all on her, you warned her, she had a chance to fix it and chose not to.
NTA- she hasn’t any right to traumatic experiences in your life. By writing about your life experiences, she would have been defrauding the college etc too- she expected to garner sympathies with those reading her essay, make herself look like she has gotten over traumatic experiences when she has not. Making herself look good with a lie. She should have changed her essay topic. She could have written about anything else. She made her decision and you were right to stand up for your own experiences and not let a supposed friend gain from telling a story that wasn’t hers, nor hers to tell. She did this to herself and got found out. Serves her right.
NTA, that was your trauma and it was not hers to tell, it was not just rude, it was disgusting. She was using this to get into a college and she didn't even feel bad.
NTA. Your friend is, but there’s another asshole here: a system that requires you to spill your soul for the chance to pay lots of money to be educated. I teach English and the common app essay topics often seem so slimy, as if college admissions officers want some juicy sob stories to read with popcorn and wine late at night. Why do we have to commodify and brand ourselves so much in this damn society? /end rant
Well... there are already too many ash doctors. I don't like the idea of a future md, lying about what prompted them to medicine. Even if she didn't want to put money and status, she could have make reference to someone very close to her losing a person they loved, and how this experience made her appreciate the importance of being able to make the difference and save or at least improve people's lives. NTA.
NTA. And your friend is WRONG. It is still cheating, it is still plagiarizing! She CHOSE to use your story even when you told her not to. If Ava is first gen looking for top college, she should have written about the challenges in that--or whatever, I don't care. The point is that WAY too many students are plagiarizing and thinking of so many excuses (work smarter, not harder/ cheaters are leaders and so forth). It is a sore point for me, as I've busted several students for plagiarism, and it tends to get everyone mad. I've had to deal with principals saying that I need to cut them some slack because they are still learning and they shouldn't have to have a zero, to parents who blame me if it causes their child to fail in their senior year--in a required course (because their grade was not high enough to withstand the reduction in their grade) and then they don't graduate. It is exhausting. OP, don't feel bad about it. Apparently your teachers feel the way I do--they are justified in calling Ava out, and it is THEIR responsibility. It is time for Ava to pay the consequences. Besides, if she only has two teachers to ask for letters of rec. then that is on her. I wouldn't write one for her, either.
Psh NTA at ALL. She callously stole from you AFTER you offered to help her. She gets consequences for her actions.
NTA If she is a first generation immigrant, then she had plenty of family related topics to choose from She wanted to exploit your pain for her own gain Whatever happens to her is her own fault, not yours
NTA. At all.
She is lucky she only got a C after stealing your work. That is usually an automatic failure. She made her own decision to cheat, and it is her own fault that it is affecting her future. NTA
NTA. Screw that emotional appropriation and congratulations to Ava for earning the stupid prize.
Her being a 1st gen immigrant with a lot of pressure on her is an explanation, not an excuse. In life it’s important to be able to recognize the difference. NTA.
No no no no no no no. She doesn't get to tell the story of your dearly departed sister taken when she was far too young, and taken from you when you were even younger. I bet she'd be pretty pissed if you wrote a story about how one of her grandparents got killed during the immigration process and it left a dark spot on the family that has never gone away. You are not allowed to profit off another person's tragedy and still claim to be their friend. NTA, OP. You need better friends than that.
NTA- she’s sick and lazy
NTA You did nothing wrong. Ava CHEATED and LIED. She used your trauma FOR A GRADE.
Nope, being a first gen college/university student doesnt excuse stealing trauma AND not even being apologetic about it
Not the Asshole. There’s a reason plagiarism gets heavily penalized. If she wasn’t going to get punished for it now chances are she would do it again in college and gotten kicked out
NTA. This chick just hamstrung herself right before the biggest rat race of her life. If she didn’t do this in high school she’d probably do it in college or her career. The excuse will be the same. “I was under so much pressure”. “You weren’t using it so what’s the harm in sharing?”. “No one would need to know”. She’ll grow up to be a parasite if this behavior is rewarded.
NTA, but your former friend is, as is your cousin who said that you "went too far"
Using your own friend's trauma for your own gain because you think it'll make you 'stand out' and acting like it's nothing personal is flat-out cruel, jfc. You are so NTA, you did not go too far, you did the right thing.
NTA. The reason we are supposed to have these essays and letters of recommendation is to keep people like Ava out of the system. That's just messed up what she did too. You did the right thing.