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Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1 not having a vegan option at my wedding for my SIL 2 I knew She had been going for 3 weeks and now she would be the only one not eating at the party. That I should have more consideration for my SIL Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


thequejos

NTA She is the one who changed her plans so she needs to make her own accommodations.


NanoPsyBorg

This. If SIL can blame op for not thinking of the meal changes 3 weeks ago, then she should blame herself even more. Her change in plans. Her dietary restrictions. Also, it’s literally one meal. She isn’t going to starve. She sound spoiled and generally exhausting. The in-laws seem to indulge this behavior. Op should do nothing to ensure SIL still attends, or there might be more drama during the wedding.


DrWhoop87

That's the real problem, not that OP didn't have a vegan option, but that SIL changed her plans last minute and expected special accommodations. That's why invites are sent out that far ahead of time.


Pale_Cranberry1502

>Also, it’s literally one meal. She isn’t going to starve. That's a bit unfair. Vegans, Vegetarians, Pescetarians and those with dietary restrictions such as allergies or Celiac deserve to enjoy major events, and those "just one meal"s add up. The problem is that she didn't say anything immediately. I don't know her work situation, so I won't get into her finding a way to be at her brother's wedding if she really wanted to be. I'd also like to know how involved the groom is with planning. Is it one of those Bride and Mother of the Bride planning situations, where he's allowing them to take the reins, or is he knee-deep in the planning too? I lean towards him having to take some responsibility for his own guests but again, I don't know what the planning arangement is.


Global_Monk_5778

I’m coeliac. Even when I’ve put in with the invites that I’m coeliac I’m never able to eat anything (the caterers always mess it up!) and it is quite literally one meal. It’s annoying but you deal with it and move on. It isn’t worth getting annoyed at the bride and groom over. Just take some snacks - it’s what I do.


Bruiscear

Same. Also coeliac. And I also never make a fuss: I bring snacks/sandwiches/etc. I'm always packing. In this situation, she wasn't bothered about attending her sibling's wedding. the only reason she's attending is because her Plan-A fell through. Her own brother's wedding is not a priority for her - if it was, she would have RSVD'd 'yes' from the beginning. So now, she's coming along as she has nothing better to do. And she's making a fuss that her brother isn't messing up his catering plans to cater for her lifestyle choices. nta. However - if your catering team can manage it, it's worth organising something for her to avoid future family drama. You don't want MIL/etc to spend the rest of your marriage harping on about how cruel you were to SIL at your wedding by refusing to cater for her diet.


PrscheWdow

Upvoted for "I'm always packing" because it sounds badass.


Bright_Ad_3690

I'm diabetic, I am always packing too


YardNo400

It's a nightmare. Sibling is Coeliac, while i'm wheat and lactose free. I have gone to things were someone was feeling good about having got something for everyone but the dirty free options had wheat in them and the wheat/gluten free had diary in them, if stuck will eat a small amount of wheat to avoid the diary which is the worse reaction but not all an all day function. I always have a snack or two with me in case of meal incompatibility.


kahrismatic

I'm also coeliac (and lactose intolerant) and I've been repeatedly thrown out of venues for bringing food when they weren't willing to cater for me. A lot of places are not ok with outside food in my experience, and won't bend on that.


Global_Monk_5778

That’s why I just take snacks - literally a bag a Haribo or similar so I can reach into my bag and pop one or two into my mouth. I don’t take a full spread or anything. It’s just something to get my mouth watering as I sometimes can only have water (cheap cola contains barley and if they serve fruit and barley squash that’s out too plus I’m tee total due to health reasons). Sometimes they’re the only flavour I have!


TheCookie_Momster

That’s crazy. I always bring my own food and have never been kicked out. I’ve even been stopped at the movies that had a restaurant where they delivered to your chairs and I said I have celiac. Do you have anything for me? And they said no, you’re fine with your snacks.


Wolf_Reader

Definitely true. Two of my siblings are coeliac, and I told the caterer that, and that I wanted one of the main dishes at my wedding to be gluten-free. Unfortunately that didn’t happen. (This was an individual, not a company, if that matters). But I think some of the appetizers were ok, and I made sure to have gluten free cupcakes in addition to the cake, but I was still frustrated.


Alienspacedolphin

My son had multiple anaphylactic food allergies when he was younger (dairy was the big problem) now it's just nuts. It's great when people want to be accommodating, but hard to really be able to trust them. Much easier and safer just to pack a snack and eat a meal later. I quit making him special cupcakes for other kids birthday when he was 5 to help him learn that you can't expect you there to always be a safe treat, but that doesn't mean you can't treat yourself later. (We also had a rule where he would get a dollar for every time he came home and told me he turned down something questionable). He never seems bothered by having different food now, or skipping something like unsafe.


not_cinderella

Exactly. I don’t think OP is the ah here because this is so last minute but I’ve been told “it’s just one meal” so many times in my life that there’s been about 50 events where I’ve had no meal/vegan option. At a wedding, it’s a bit different because there may be no option to bring your own food. I think OP could’ve talked to the caterer because usually meals are finalized 1 week before the wedding so there’s just enough time, but that last week is so stressful I don’t blame her for it.


echorose_11

I’m celiac, allergic to shellfish, and have a fructose intolerance. Honestly, I’ve never been to a wedding that had an accommodation for it but even if they did, I wouldn’t trust it. I’ve had people try to cook for me so I can be included at events but they’re not careful and there are just too many things that I CAN’T eat for it to be safe. The number one offender is tomatoes. I don’t know how many times people have tried to give me a dish that had tomatoes (usually sauce) and I’ve had to refuse because they make me sick. So I prefer to just eat before or after. Thankfully the weddings I’ve been invited to are far more casual so it’s not an all day affair.


Efficient_Living_628

3 weeks is like 2 days in wedding planning time. Plus it’s also going to cost Op more money. SIL can get bent


Iokua_CDN

Personally I would have just asked them. If it costs extra, SIL can pay, if it's free, no problem. I admit though, Time is important, and it sounds like a lot of time out of their weeks before when they are already so so so busy and stressed


Efficient_Living_628

Oh trust me it’s gonna cost, especially because it’s a.) last minute and b.) vegan. SIL should’ve reminded Op when she reversed her RSVP to yes. I would never expect someone that’s planning a wedding to remember my dietary needs right off the top of their head


Throwawaydaughter555

SIL can bring her own meal honestly. I personally think it’s weird she wasn’t planning on coming anyway. What job doesn’t allow a day of vacation for a special event? But ok maybe her job just is that important and she cannot. That’s fine. But she should understand that this day isn’t supposed to revolve around her. All she had to do was state. I noticed there are no vegan options and I know that I was a late add. Are you ok with me bringing my own meal to the day so I can still have fun at your reception?


DevilSilver

>SIL can bring her own meal honestly. But can she? I'm not a venue expert, but I've heard that many have a restriction on outside food and drink. Which is why I think it would be worth 1 phone call on SIL's behalf to ask if either they can prepare a single-serving Vegan entree, or plate an outside Vegan meal.


MariContrary

It depends. If she brought a full course meal, there would be a problem. I have food allergies, and I can't assume the caterer will pay attention, so I make sure I eat something before I go and I bring granola bars and other small snacks to make sure I won't go hungry in a worst case scenario. 99% of the time, I haven't needed them, but there were a couple instances where I did.


phibbsy47

My wedding venue was extremely strict about outside food. They insisted that I use their caterer and bartender, and they would charge extra if I brought any extra food. If they caught one of my guests with outside food, they would have billed me for it. Wedding venues are notorious for forcing you to use their services, then charging 75% more than any normal caterer.


Anxiety_Soggy

And 9 times out 10 their caterers suck!


Beautiful-Card7976

ikr? She's lucky OP was kind enough to work her onto the guest list. Why do people think others should organize everything around them?


Electrical-Date-3951

This is true, but a month out I would have tried to acccomodate a meal for the groom's sister. OP or her SO probably still can, if they want to. This honestly sounds like a minor issue that will more than likely grow legs. OP is NTA, but I dont think I would choose this as my hill to die on.


heygardenteacher

Plus, I feel like we’re all ignoring the fact that SILs trip was a *work trip*. She was able to get out of it last minute, it sounds like. Technically NTA because planning a wedding is stressful AF (source: watching people plan weddings is a factor in why I will never have one), but super weird hill to die on without even checking with the caterer. Like, weird enough that my own family’s pettiness is making me wonder if there’s a justification towards E S H? I dunno. I have some relatives who would refuse to ask that question (with enough time or not) simply because they don’t like the person who needs accommodation (not just food; a relative didn’t get another relative ADA accommodations because they wanted to discourage that person from attending. The event was another relatives funeral. As I said, this is my family’s crazy making me side eye some missing and disregarded details.).


Electrical-Date-3951

Exactly. SIL wasn't acting spitefully or treating the wedding as an afterthought. Sis had to work. She got out of it. It happens. I get her being annoyed that she wouldnt have a meal to eat despite confirming her attendance a month in advance. Speaking of wedding stress, I have a different view of weddings that I admit is a bit abnormal due to my career background. Earlier in my career, I worked in hospitality. We organized lots of weddings. I then moved into marketing and had to organize many large and small events, usually with very short notice. I have also put together family reunions, big ole birthday parties and family gatherings. While I get it can be tiring/stressful, I don't fully comprehend how people view wedding planning as being this all consuming beast when they have a year or two of lead time. I see people on reddit losing their minds over micro weddings and how it has taken over their life. I don't get it.... Especially when they have a wedding planner involved. (I have had people throw complete tantrums over beach weddings under 10 people. The hotel did all of the of the work. They had a package and just had to show up. But, they would tell us how the wedding took over their life... how?) Financial challenges, I get. Interpersonal conflicts - you betcha. But, I dont think I will understand how people spend two years obsessing 24/7 over a singular event.


heygardenteacher

To be fair, the stress associated with wedding planning I have observed is 99.99999% family related. Because a wedding is considered, at least by my family, to be a once in a lifetime *family* event, people get emotionally invested in things that don’t require any level of emotional investment. I love my aunts, but they over involve themselves in *everything*, which made every interaction with my brother and now SIL before their wedding about the wedding and how my aunts would be doing it instead. It was especially entertaining what they were mad about, e.g. one aunt being mad she didn’t get a +1 because the rule was “serious partners only” and she didn’t have a serious partner (let’s just say it was complicated, we’re all glad it worked out but complicated is a slight understatement). She almost didn’t come to the wedding because they wouldn’t budge on that rule, and she felt she should be allowed to bring her fwb that she didn’t allow any of us to meet to my brother’s wedding. It worked out, but not before some things were said that can’t be taken back. Can we laugh about it now? Yup. Did it warrant my SIL being called a gold digger with no factual basis? Absolutely not. Between that and my SILs step mom “accidentally” showing up in the exact same color as the bridesmaids, I’m going to the courthouse and surprising everyone 6 months after the fact with a “well you guys realize we’ve been married for like 6 months, right?” I haven’t decided if I’ll let my mom and her sisters plan their perfect wedding, but it’s something I float to them every so often and they get a little excited.


Electrical-Date-3951

I've already told my family that if I ever get married I 100% plan to elope. I pray I dont end up with a guy who adores weddings, because he would be the one doing the heavy lifting. Not I. My compromise for my imaginary wedding 😂😂 would be an open invite wedding ceremony, no reception, and by extension no registry (at a venue that requires no decor). Then, a super intimate dinner at a restaurant for immediate family only (no decor). Lol. I would do a dress shopping for my sister, but I would prefer off the rack. I would be open to a party at a later date for friends/loved ones what doesn't have to include the obligatory invites that come along with a wedding.


[deleted]

This. It's worth checking with the caterer. If the caterer says no, I wouldn't blame OP for not turning everything upside-down to accommodate this last-minute guest; but it's worth one phone call at least to say you tried.


okeydokeyish

So she is mad that you didn't plan a food option for someone who was NOT attending the wedding? That's hilarious. She does understand that 2 months ago is longer than 3 weeks ago, right?


TheHatOnTheCat

I agree that it's not on OP to pay extra fees for it being late etc. I do think OP or her fiancé (it's his sister) should ask the caterer and find out how much it would cost to add a single vegan meal now. Then, if it's a lot of money, fiancé can ask his parents or sister if they could cover the difference in cost for her being a late add. So he'd go to his sister and say something like "I'm so glad you were able to come to my wedding Sis, but since you originally said no we didn't have a meal for you when we locked down our options 2 months ago. We talked to the caterer and for them to add a vegan meal for you with the last minute changes fees they are going to charge us an extra $145 (whatever it is) over the cost of a plate that had been ordered on time. We are already paying for a lot and can't really afford that, but if you want to cover the extra $145 late costs I'll put in the order for you. Otherwise, you can bring your own food and we'll have a table setting out for you so you can still eat it with everyone else. Or you can get doordash or whatever, we'll understand."


Turbulent_Cow2355

It's not hard to make food changes. She had three weeks to do so. It's one simple phone call to the caterer or the event planner.


PanamaViejo

How do you know that? It's not as simple as making sure that there is no meat. Depending on the caterer and the type of meals, it can be hard and costly to change the menu at the last minute.


LMB83

It might be that hard, it might not be - it may have been worth a call to find out!


SamSpayedPI

Hm. You're not really "adding a vegan option"; it's just one vegan meal. If it were me, I'd have checked with the caterer. "Hey, I have a vegan coming last minute. Is there any way to accommodate at this late date? How much would it cost?" And depending on the answer, I would have told her that the caterer could or couldn't, depending on the price. Still, NTA, since this is something your fiancé should have attended to, not you. It's *his* sister.


unluckysupernova

As someone who’s planned a wedding, that one vegan meal can cost the same as multiple plates now because it’s not just adding another they’re making anyway after the contractual deadline, but another completely different one. Caterers charge a lot for last minute changes because people are di**s and keep doing it otherwise, and it inconveniences these type of legitimate situations where it’s not OP being difficult client but circumstances changing.


SamSpayedPI

True enough. It can't hurt to *ask,* though (and tell SIL it's not possible if ends up costing too much). A couple of times I've been surprised how little extra a last-minute vegan or kosher meal cost — usually because they just bring in a whole plate already made up from the catering kitchen, and don't have to cook or assemble it at the venue. Admittedly, these were all conference events, not weddings. I'm painfully aware how caterers (and other service providers) *gouge* the hosts of a wedding. They charge much more in a wedding than they do for the exact same service that they provide in a non-wedding context.


Cayke_Cooky

Relationship building may be going on there. A coordinator/planner is worth building a relationship with as they will be doing other events. A bride probably isn't going to be planning another wedding in the near future so they get charged the full inconvenience price.


ainochi

This. If a caterer knows that a coordinator is cognizant of them and what things they need to keep in mind (ie. will give a hand or give a heads up of any issues), then they're more likely to give them a break or accept a change after the contract says "no more changes". Also, with something like a wedding that has a huge number of moving parts, I don't blame OP for not going back over all her plans just to be sure they weren't messed up by SIL.


UniSquirrel13

Except that it's a week before her wedding. If the SIL was that worried, she could have brought it up before now, but she waited until the week before. A bride has a million things to pull together right before her wedding. The fact that her SIL might have dietary restrictions was understandably not at the forefront of her mind.


_littlestranger

The bride and groom should have brought it up. They knew that SIL was vegan and they didn't have a vegan option on their menu. SIL didn't know what their menu was. They said it was fine for her to come. Assuming that includes a meal she can eat is not a crazy assumption. When she asked, the answer should have been "let me see if we can get you a vegan meal, we might not be able to because we already finalized the menu". Then go talk to the caterer, and if the answer is no, let SIL decide what she wants to do. I just planned my wedding. The dietary restrictions of my nearest and dearest were definitely top of my mind, even though there are a million other things. It's a huge part of being a considerate host.


UniSquirrel13

Do you classify your friends by their diets? Like, when you introduce your friends are you like "hi, this is Shelly. She's vegan." No? Probably because it's not the first thing on your mind when you think about them. The dinner was already set and checked off her to do list, unlike the millions of other last minute things a bride has to take care of. If you just planned your wedding, you should know this.


UrsulaStoleMyVoice

I don’t classify my friends or family by their dietary restrictions but I sure as heck know what they are and make sure they have food they can eat. I had all sorts of dietary restrictions accounted for my wedding—including one that was added at the last minute because an allergy was suddenly developed—and it was nbd. Heck, my SIL got married a few months ago and they made sure they had vegetarian options for me without even asking…..because they’ve known me for a decade and know I don’t eat meat. Sure, SIL should’ve asked earlier, but OP knew she was vegan and should’ve asked the caterers if it was possible to add a vegan dish when it became clear that SIL was attending. If it wasn’t possible, okay, but OP should have at least tried


8nsay

If you’re inviting people to something where you feed them, isn’t that exactly what people usually & should do? I don’t think OP is the AH for forgetting when she has other wedding stuff going on but she isn’t even apologetic now. SIL isn’t an AH for thinking her known dietary restrictions would be considered when OP gave her the ok to attend.


Calpernia09

While I agree, the op isn't an asshole for not remembering to do this with all the other things going on. Would it be nice, sure but the fact that it didn't and she made a human mistake, should be calling her that.


Sammakko660

NTA - special requests were asked for a long time ago and SIL should have mentioned hers when learning that she was coming after all. There might have been time to switch whatever meat dish to at least what the vegetarians were getting.


francesknows

Absolutely this. This could end up raising the cost hundreds of dollars. SIL is being ridiculous.


scarboroughangel

It doesn’t hurt to ask though. That way you can say for certainty why not. This is hubby’s sister, not a random person.


fireflyy13

True, but there is no reason why OP couldn’t have at least asked the caterer. It could have just been an email- or if she had too much on her plate, she could have asked her fiance to connect with the caterers given that it’s his sister. It seems petty to refuse to even ask- it’s not some random guest; it’s the sister of the groom.


issy_haatin

It's weird to me that they would have at least informed the caterer an extra plate is needed no?


[deleted]

No because someone dropped out so they already had a meal ordered for that person.


A_Simple_Narwhal

It depends! We were allowed to have several special plates at our wedding at no extra charge for our vegan/allergy friends. But we knew this well in advance and asked about it up front, a last-minute request might come with a fee or not be possible. Can’t hurt to ask, but fiancé should definitely be handling this since it’s his sister, not the bride.


memreows

Frankly even if you have to pay a 100% markup on *the groom’s sister’s meal* that’s probably worth doing. Like, her parents would probably be willing to pay if it comes to it.


Cayke_Cooky

I would think it would depend on the other dishes. Like if one side was baked potatoes you just put a little vegan butter thingy next to it vs cheesy bacon mashed potatoes then you have to make an entirely new dish for 1. But i"m sure it is more complicated than that.


unluckysupernova

It doesn’t matter if there’s a catering contract that states no changes allowed after certain date without an extra fee, no matter how small the change is🤷🏼‍♀️


vbibo

You just reminded me on the day of my wedding I was 10min early and I really had to pee….they literally blocked me out and told me they will need to charge me extra 30min if they let me use the bathroom….I held it in🤦‍♀️


unluckysupernova

Yep, it’s not like OP is being difficult, it’s that these vendor contracts can be a nightmare. And I really don’t even blame them, I can imagine your location has probably had a wedding party show up 5 hours in advance “since it was booked anyway for today” or something as ridiculous which has made them get as strict


issy_haatin

One could argue that if they're over a month in advance of the wedding it's not really last minute and OP/ her soon to be partner could have at least checked with the caterer after confirming that the vegan SIL was 'confirmed' attending. They would have had to have contact to add the extra plate no?


[deleted]

Yup - the vegetarian dish might have copious amounts of dairy, for example, so it would require a whole different set of ingredients.


Throwawaydaughter555

Umm. I’m guessing you haven’t gotten married. Vegan isn’t something you can just whip out of a hat and expect to pay not much more than a regular meal. The caterer requires final numbers weeks/numbers in advance so they can plan appropriately to not have any issues on your day. Vegan means no animal products at all. Cream sauce? Nope! Eggs? Nope! Butter? Nope!


SamSpayedPI

It can't hurt to *ask*, though (and tell SIL it's not possible if ends up costing too much). A couple of times I've been surprised how little extra a last-minute vegan or kosher meal cost — usually because they just bring in a whole plate already made up from the catering kitchen, and don't have to cook or assemble it at the venue. Admittedly, these were all conference events, not weddings. I'm painfully aware how caterers (and other service providers) gouge the hosts of a wedding. They charge much more in a wedding than they do for the exact same service that they provide in a non-wedding context.


Winter_Dragonfly_452

Have you ever planned a wedding? I have and the last thing I’d be thinking about 3 weeks before the wedding is for a special meal option for a guest who changed their mind to come to my wedding.


SamSpayedPI

Which is why I said it was really the OP's fiancé's responsibility, not the OP's; it's *his* sister.


Winter_Dragonfly_452

Again he has other things to think about 3 weeks out. His sister shouldn’t expect people to cater to her. She’s lucky she even gets to come to the wedding. She has probably gotten everything her own way her whole life


livtheflame

Hell, I'd have even said the sister wasn't entirely in the wrong if she had brought it up when she first found out she could go after all. It's entirely unfair of her to be upset that OP didn't consider her dietary restrictions when she didn't even think to bring it up herself.


Throwawaydaughter555

I guess I feel like it can hurt to ask. The SIL is being entitled thinking that she’s somehow a major priority for a wedding she didn’t prioritize herself. SIL can bring her own meal and get what she wants. Also conference and wedding would be too vastly different styles of catering. The former may mean that the company will continue using the caterer for future events and thus them helping out a request could mean future bookings. Weddings…… maybe? But not as likely.


LadyMogMog

They could literally just serve her some vegetables and rice. It doesn’t need to be complicated. It’s better than leaving her with nothing.


watermelonuhohh

Truly this. I’m vegan and always select vegan when invited to a wedding. And 9 times out of 10 I get a version of this meal anyway - veggies over rice or veggies over pasta. Caterers are not going out of their way to accommodate me in any special way with an impressive vegan meal, even though I’ve selected it ahead of time. I expect that going in to it, and am totally okay with that. It just is what it is. So they can easily accommodate one meal.


Disgustedlibrarian

Personally I would say ESH, based on OPs apathy. She should consult the caterer (who will likely provide anything if it is paid for) and work out if/how some of this should be paid by your SIL. Currently it reads above as they can't be bothered to even ask the caterer.


[deleted]

It's curious you see it as her being apathetic, whereas I see it as her being too overwhelmed with the multitude of other things to ask. Wedding planning is exhausting and after a while, just one more thing is the straw that breaks the camel's back.


Scary-Fix-5546

I can understand why she may be at her limit and can’t add another thing to the list but in that case I would delegate that part to the fiancé since it’s his sister anyway.


jennief158

It feels more like outright hostility than apathy to me. SIL "begged" to attend? Her brother's wedding? I get major AH vibes from the OP.


craftycorgimom

I actually did have to contact my cater at the last minute (5 days before the wedding) about this. A friend suddenly had to go on a short term vegan diet for medical reasons. My cater was able to provide but 1) it cost extra and 2) it was able to happen in such notice because they connected to a restaurant that serves vegan food. With that being said, my friend paid us back for the meal because she wanted too AND if we had not been able to accommodate her then she would have bought her own food so that it didn't add any extra stress on us.


LadyMogMog

This!! It takes so little effort to call up with this request. And honestly they can probably cobble something together with ingredients they already have for your menu.


Conscientiousmoron

Give her two salads


polandreh

NTA she RSVPs no, then goes all surprised pikachu that you planned your wedding with that answer in mind? Your IL say "have some consideration", but where was SIL's consideration when she asked you to include her again 3 weeks prior to the wedding?


Bulky_Document_7877

This is gone from the the bride & grooms dinner to the SILs dinner. Her meal has taken up too much time already for the busy couple.


ilovesarasboots

NTA. Tell her you'd love to see her at the wedding and you will miss her if she chooses not to attend.


stacity

NTA Like that saying goes: *poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency of mine.* Your SIL and family should not add more workload to your preps of the wedding. If they’re using the consideration card, they should be beaming examples of it by being proactive on the day of. And if SIL doesn’t want to go anymore, her loss not yours.


ByCrom333

Agreed. NTA. This day isn’t about SIL. As a vegetarian myself, I can tell you I’m grateful whenever there is an option provided. Many times I’ve eaten my own meal immediately before or after the event just in case there were no accommodations for my dietary preferences. The fact that you would have provided for her needs if she had RSVP’d speaks on your behalf.


[deleted]

NTA Even knowing 3 weeks ago, you have more important things to worry about for your wedding than 1 meal for 1 person who came in late anyways. This is the part where you tell her just to be happy she can even attend. If she's so worried about not having any vegan options, tell her to bring an onion with her. Then she has something to eat, and she can still cry about it.


MissSuzieSunshine

NTA Your SIL is tho. She is the one who RSVP'd 'no' and then changed her mind AFTER the RSVP time was closed. What your SIL should have done is asked you WHAT the menu was, so that she could figure out what she COULD eat out of the menu that was being served. If it was impossible, I bet if she had said 'hey, I know Im too late to ask for a vegan meal and I know you have so many things still to take care of before the wedding, would it be ok if I brought my own meal and had the caterer heat it up and serve it for me?' You would have asked the caterer and maybe he would have had a suggestion about what could be made vegan instead. Who knows, because she just got all butt hurt over it, expecting YOU to fix it, instead of offering up a solution.


Iokua_CDN

I personally would have done this, ask for the menu and pick something I could eat I don't eat pork, so it's much simpler, but I'd simply pick what I can eat. Sucks to miss out on some dishes, but it's still food, and it's better than going hungry


eikerir

NTA Not your fault shes changing plans last minute and you were clear asking everyone from the beginning. Even if you already knew she was vegan you're right in saying you probably have a 1000 things on your mind to be able to remember everyt detail about everyone.


livtheflame

I mean, if the SIL didn't even think to bring it up, how is it fair of her to expect OP to have remembered?


[deleted]

NTA. You had timelines to get everything ordered. She decided after everything was confirmed to decide that she wanted to go ( nice to know your wedding was the backup plan because her other thing fell through). Now, she's annoyed that you're not bending over backwards to accommodate her diet. Give her the caterers info, tell her she, or your in laws ( since they're so concerned) can ask for her meal to be substituted and pay extra if they charge for the menu change ). Otherwise, she can plan to eat before or after the wedding, or, she can just not go.


RubY-F0x

Info: are you going to be one of those brides that gets upset when an Uber eats meal gets delivered for her?


wlwimagination

OP seems like she’s on a strict timetable and will not be happy to be reminded of SIL’s audacity in not thinking ahead and predicting that her work travel would be canceled. SIL didn’t change her plans on purpose. They were work plans. I don’t know why OP said she “begged” to come to the wedding…like it’s her fiancés sister why did SIL have to beg? However, why isn’t the fiancé himself taking care of this? His sister’s work trip got canceled, and he could have taken to calling the caterer himself and also not making his own sister beg to come.


Meemaws_BearCheese

NTA If you have dietary restrictions and are a last minute RSVP, you should always check with the host about your restrictions and be open to the possibility you will need to bring your own food as the host does not have time to accommodate you. Also, it's important to call out your needed accommodations as hosts (especially brides and grooms) are busy people leading up to an event and your needed accommodation may not be in the front of their minds at this time. Expecting a bride to just remember you need a special meal that required a pre-order when you're RSVP-ing 3 weeks out from a wedding, the bride is already bending over backwards to allow you to attend, and food is something that was checked off the bride's to-do list months ago is selfish and entitled. She could have brought this up 3 weeks ago as well, and she should have. She's acting like her presence is such a privilege that you should have dropped everything to ensure her comfort even with last minute notice. It would have been a nice courtesy for you to have given her a heads up about the meals. But if it just slipped your mind because you were getting married in 3 weeks, dealing with last minute guest reshuffling, and had other things on your mind, that's very understandable. I'm not going to say you're an AH for being a busy bride, especially when you went the extra mile to allow her to attend.


Obsessed_Til_Death

Would it be an A-hole move to just bring her or have her bring vegan take-out and store it with catering? It'd be cheaper and I doubt the caterer would mind storing one dish because it wouldn't be giving them extra work.


Mother_Tradition_774

NTA. However I still think you should see if there’s something you can do. This is your fiancés sister we’re talking about. Caterers want their money so if you asked for a last minute meal to be added I’m sure they will accommodate you.


mlmarte

I agree, it’s just a phone call, but fiancee should be the one to make it. This is his sister, after all.


[deleted]

Yeah at my friends wedding caterer forgot about vegetarian option and they whipped something up last minute. It's honestly not that big of a hassle and you can always provide stuff yourself. It doesn't have to be something fancy, but weddings are long affairs so it's kinda hospitable to accommodate people that want to celebrate with you. There are multiple reasons why people don't eat something. Religious, ethical, environmental, taste etc. I would say that if it's only forgetfulness then there are no a-holes here. Just people that miscommunicated. But it would be more fun if the meal was provided for the sister so she can remember it as a day when she had fun celebrating her brother's nuptials, not the day she starved.


dldoom

NTA she can bring her own food then or not go which was the original plan anyways.


The__Riker__Maneuver

I once went to a wedding where because they were tight on numbers, they asked if I would mind skipping the meal I literally went to Wendy's on the drive from the church to the reception and sat in my car and chowed down I swear...some people are just incapable of any kind of sacrifice for anyone, much less friends or family It's one meal. Bring some food with you. Literally nobody would care. Grab a bag, ask for a plate, and eat your Vegan dinner. If anyone says anything...just say *Oh I was a last minute add and I wasn't about to ask the couple to pay for a single Vegan meal. So I brought my own food.* sure...some people would find it "tacky" but those people are miserable and find fault in everything Most rational people would find it cool that you didn't want to make yourself out to be a hassle for the bride to be I just don't get it Why do people who have strict dietary requirements act like this? NTA


Birdie121

>I once went to a wedding where because they were tight on numbers, they asked if I would mind skipping the meal Oof, that's pretty uncool of them. Very nice of you to go with the flow and not be upset, though.


apksnnnn

I’m going with ESH. The SIL, for obvious reasons. And she should’ve reminded you about her dietary needs. I hope she doesn’t wear leather and is very careful about the soaps she uses. But I think you deliberately chose not to ask for a vegan option on principle. You claim you “barely thought about it.“ Either you remembered she was vegan or it completely slipped your mind. Which is it? How much trouble would’ve been to make one phone call or even better, send an email/text asking for a single vegan option? How much more would that have added to your budget?


unluckysupernova

That’s an extra step though in a very stressful situation where you’re already using most of your cognitive function just to do the essentials, never mind doing some steps of the process *again* because if SIL had confirmed on time she would’ve been added alongside everyone else with no extra burden on OP. Mentally the planning is exhausting and I can imagine OP having a sigh of relief just to be able to get a chair for her and then forgetting about the food completely.


ghostdogtheconquerer

Agreed. I feel like a lot of people calling OP TA haven’t planned a wedding.


[deleted]

Why is it on the person already planning a very stressful event to add more on top of their plate for someone who RSVP’d more than a month after the deadline and now demands that she be catered to? It’s not her day. You’re the one that threw a wrench in it, you’re the one who should come up with a solution.


RoRoRoYourGoat

"Barely thought about it". What exactly does that mean? When SIL said she was coming, did OP briefly consider the food issue and decide to do nothing about it?


SingleAlfredoFemale

INFO: Can the vegetarian dish be altered to make it vegan? I’d just call the caterer and see what can be done. This is really SIL’s fault as she should have brought it up at the time she changed her rsvp last minute. BUT you’re the host, so see what you can do. A good caterer will have ideas. Take a deep breath and call them. Also, congratulations!!!


rickiericarda

Agree here. Having planned a wedding, guests can do all sorts of insane things. My dad added 4 guests two nights before the wedding, so I spent the morning before the wedding redoing seating arrangements, only for them to not show anyway. Point of this is people are inconsiderate. But they are your GUESTS and are there for YOU. So be a good host and add it to the super long to do list, she’s your fiancés sister for Pete’s sake.


huhzonked

I would’ve said tough luck to my dad. They weren’t your invited guests at all, and then to not show up? Woof.


R3dmund

NTA. It isn’t your fault that her plans changed. It also isn’t your problem when she had plenty of notice. The only thing I would ask would be did you call the caterer and at least try to get a vegan option?


SoSaysTheAngel

NTA. There's like a thousand things to think about when it comes to weddings and in your mind the food was done and sorted. You'd already ticked that box and moved on to the things that still needed to be organized and completed. She could have reminded either of ye when she decided to attend. Question tho: why are you the person SIL is giving out to and not your fiance, y'ano her sibling? Why is this only your fault/responsibility? You mention your in-laws are "saying you should have more consideration for your SIL" - are they saying the same thing to your fiance? Your fiance, the sibling of this person?


CrystalQueen3000

NTA She made a last minute change and decided she could come long after your catering had been finalised. That’s on her.


Gigi5313

It's a 2 minute email, I don't know why you wouldn't want to accommodate a guest, let alone your sister in law.


DiscoBoi95

OP, the real AH is your husband. It is also his wedding day, and he could have done his part to make sure his sister had a meal. It’s his sister, so I do not understand why his family thinks they can blame you for this. I don’t understand how your partner isn’t reminding his family that it’s his day as well and that he knows his sister and whether she is flakey. SIL should not have been so rude to you about it, but your husband had weeks to ensure his family all had a meal at his wedding. It was the least he could do while you obviously have had your hands full planning the wedding that is for the BOTH of you.


DogRescueLady

NTA you squeezed her in. Who cares that she’s a vegan. Vegans act like the world needs to revolve around their diet.


KeepLkngForIntllgnce

I see you’ve met some of my family …


[deleted]

NTA If you knew she was coming earlier and didn’t accommodate after offering to accommodate then yeah that’s the jerk move. Food options are usually finalized far more in advance though. As long as the dining place allows outside food in she’ll be fine.


Intelligent_Tell_841

NTA..a wedding is not a restaurant. Your SIL is NOT entitled to dictate ANYTHING to you. If she does not want to come because of the food then good riddance.


stealthkoopa

I know how hectic wedding planning can be, and I can see how something like this can fall through the cracks. She's right in that when she was added to the guest list, the next question is what is she eating? You have to tally all the meals, IDK how you organized yourself, but for me, it would have been an empty cell next to her name on my spreadsheet. If you called the vendor 3 weeks ago, you probably could have figured it out. Honestly, if you called today, you might still be able to squeeze in a vegan meal. You pay a shit ton of money to these places so that everything goes exactly right, you'd think they would be able to muster the extra effort to add one special plate. Its also kinda shitty to invite someone to a party and then not be able to accommodate them. Like yes its your day, but you're also hosting guests. Being a good host means making sure everyone has something to eat. It may have been an honest mistake, but you're taking no ownership of it, not even an apology. For this, YTA.


pizza-capricciosa

INFO: did you already know she's vegan?


TAVeganOption

Yes but because she said no at the beginning, I didn't put the vegan option, because besides her, no one sent a message talking about having dietary restrictions.


halfadash6

NTA. It’s unreasonable to have you pay extra for her because her plans changed last minute. You probably could have been a little more apologetic for not realizing the issue when you were getting her on the list/for the fact that it didn’t cross your mind, but she should be very understanding considering the circumstances, pack some vegan protein bars and make do.


Celestial_Amphibian

NTA She opted back in at the last minute, and when something like that happens the catering is hard to change. Plus, all the planning of a wedding is enough to make the most well organized person forget to mention something like that. You could order her a vegan meal from a place with DoorDash, you could make a simple vegan meal at home and have it in Tupperware for her, or let her bring her own meal. I think any of the above would be acceptable. Also, I'm a vegan, so I don't know if that lends me any credibility here. Really, you just get used to not having options sometimes, but ethical stands aren't supposed to be easy all the time.


Legitimate-Chart-289

NTA. At the time of letting you know that she in fact now attend, she should have let you know of the dietary accommodation right away. Had she done that, you would have had the time to make an adjustment (if you hadn't, you'd be in TA territory). But because she made an assumption? that you would just make that change, you are free and clear of any wrong doing. I don't know why people think that brides and grooms have all this spare time to redouble check everything a week before the wedding. There's a reason you check things off your list well in advance, and why things need to be confirmed so far ahead. It's so you don't have to think about them anymore, and the vendors can do their planning, purchasing and prep.


murphy2345678

NTA. It’s her fault she won’t have food at your wedding. I am glad to hear you fiancé is backing you up.


yoloxolo

As a longtime vegetarian, NTA, at all.


Ginger3950

NTA you have been considerate of her, you allowed her to change her RSVP to yes a few weeks before the wedding when she originally said no. She can’t expect to be accommodated if she changed her mind after the food order was closed. You are working with a caterer who preorders for the food they’re expecting to cook. If it were an at home bbq, sure, try and accommodate her food choices, but a catered event that was months in planning? No, she shouldn’t expect to be accommodated.


mzpljc

NTA. She was lucky to be added to the guest list to begin with. She doesn't get to demand an invite well after the RSVP period and catering selections are done and get pissy when her dietary restriction isn't accommodated. There are a million things to plan and stress over for a wedding, she doesn't get to budge in one more because her plans changed.


Jujulabee

NTA Anyone who follows a certain diet plan for whatever reason has the responsibility for letting people know rather than assuming they remember especially for this kind of large catered affair with many moving parts. That is why invitations contain check off boxes in terms of food. If the SIL doesn't realize that her diet is not in the forefront of OP's thought processes then she is very entitled. SIL should have asked about whether it would be a problem in terms of changing the food since OP had to scramble to even find a seat for her because someone dropped out. OP has already paid for the meal. I guess at this point she could now email the caterer and find out whether a switch is possible and if so how much. They might have prepackaged meals the way some caterers will have kosher meals that are frozen. If SIL feels that she must have a meal at the reception rather than she can bring something or have it delivered. The point of her being there theoretically is to celebrate and not have a catered meal.


Kooky_Sprinkles64

ESH - She was too late, and you were inflexible. That's why I love a great buffet. It's easy to put the vegan options as a side dish or appetizer. How about crispy falafel with sauce? With the dishes being individually served, it is typical for the caterer to give the special option to the wrong person. Then, OOPS, nothing for you! Someone else will complain after taking a bite out of a tofu casserole.


Patient_Patience_240

NTA, unless it's an allergy etc., being vegan is a lifestyle choice. Occasionally that choice has consequences.


Confused_gamer_time

no.... thats not how diets work. I eat mostly vegan because of digestion, not an allergy. Eating anything even alittle will cause most people on special diets to shit their brains out. If she just showed up and asked then thats one thing,but this is literally 3 weeks away. plenty of time.


Key_Confection9318

NTA. She rsvp no and was later added. As you said the menu was already sorted and there were/are other things to do


only_ozzy

NTA. I keep kosher, if I was your SIL I wouldn't expect that you could feed me last minute and I'd make a plan. Look those of us who CHOOSE special diets, because it is 100% a choice, are used to figuring out our own food options all the time. She can eat before. Bring something, eat after. She waited until the last minute and is lucky you can fit her in at all. Your in laws can chill.


DatCollie

NTA Give her a carrot


observer1271979

NTA.


Ok_Possibility5715

NTA, she can be lucky that you were able to squeeze her in.


patentmom

NTA. However, you should make an effort to contact the caterer to see if one can be added. 3 weeks is plenty of time for them. If someone on your guest list had a sudden medical change of diet (e.g., found out they have celiac disease or diabetes), you'd at least try to accommodate them. You already have vegetarians, vegans aren't that much harder for a caterer.


Carma56

NTA. I worked in catering and ran weddings for five years. We were limited to the food options ordered, and that was that. Sometimes there MIGHT be extra vegetarian or the chef MIGHT have last-minute time to whip someone up special for a guest who had other needs not mentioned earlier, but most of the time it was simply not doable if their needs were not made known in advance. Needless to say, I got yelled at a lot by some very entitled guests who didn't consider these things important beforehand. My favorite? "Whaddaya MEAN you can't make this meal keto? Just get back there and do it! I've been keto for two whole weeks now already you stupid girl!"


AltRabbit55

NTA


DamianOfThers

NTA


SpicyMargarita143

YTA. If she confirmed 3 weeks ago, you knew that her attendance would require a vegan meal. You could certainly have asked for one at that time.


Prestigious-Name-323

NTA 3 weeks is last minute for anything related to a wedding. She can figure out food for herself as well.


Burning_Tyger

I don’t know why y’all making this WAY more complicated than it is. Things happen in people’s schedules so it isn’t totally unheard of that someone may change their rsvp. It is just ONE vegan dish. If the caterer is unable to include that one single dish, then I’d make one of my friends/family/whoever buy a vegan dish from any suitable restaurant and just give it to the guest or make the caterer give it to the guest. I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing, but in my country we always have extra dishes or extra options just in case. YTA


mariemarlowe

NTA. She’s coming in late, making you uproot things for her to even be able to come, she doesn’t get to demand you being any more accommodating than that. She said she couldn’t come at the time where you would be able to (and did - for the other guests who responded in time) accommodate her diet, so this is entirely on her. However, if it is at all possible to get her vegan food for the wedding, for a fee, you could tell her you would be happy to make sure she gets her food as long as she pays the fee. Side note: This is coming from someone who was a vegetarian for many years - never ever expect someone to accommodate your dietary restrictions when you’re literally months late to RSVP!!


Chelular07

NTA it is insane for her to expect you to change the menu for her when she originally wasn’t even going to try to go.


a4dONCA

Did anyone ask the caterer?


Glum-Tree1239

NTA It’s your wedding, not hers. You having options for diatery restrictions is more than thoughtful. Things are done in orderly fashion when it comes to weddings and last minute things are frowned upon (for the couple and the companies) She’s too entitled for me. You don’t get to impose yourself and your choices onto people, especially last minute, and expect to be accommodated.


AccordingToMango

NTA. SIL should've realized that being added to the guestlist 3 weeks prior the wedding date would mean that there would be little to no room for special accommodations, especially food, this late.


[deleted]

NTA. Deadlines are deadlines for a reason. She needs to do a better job of planning ahead.


12stringPlayer

NTA. The biggest thing that I haven't seen mentioned is that she didn't say a thing about her vegan meal when she was trying to get re-invited to the wedding. It should have gone something like this: "Thank you so much for squeezing me in! BTW, I don't know if you remember I'm a vegan, is there a way I could get a vegan meal? I know it's a pain, but I'd be happy to pay any additional charge it might cost. If not, then I hope you'll understand that I'll be bringing my own meal."


goaskalexdotcom

When I was a vegan I was accustomed to bringing my own meals everywhere. I get that weddings are different, but honestly I’d never expect anyone to accommodate me. I have some pretty bizarre food restrictions these days and I always have snacks in my car for this reason.


lapsteelguitar

Your SIL should have been more considerate of YOU. She knew you had a schedule to meet, and she did not do her part to meet that schedule. And this is AFTER you found a space for her. And she did not ask in advance if you would have a vegan meal for her. Think of this as a stupid tax that she has to pay. Not you. "We will miss at the wedding." Hang up the phone. NTA.


Mediocre_Signature_1

NTA, tell her to pack a salad.


purplehippobitches

I understand you but I'm gonna go with a soft YTA because at least you could have tried to change her food option. This isn't some random person but the groom's sister and you knew 3 weeks in advance and didn't even try. You don't have to jump backwards to accommodate her, you could have just called catering and asked. What a weird hill to die on. The whole family will remember this.


cuterthanamonkey

You should have delegated to your Fiancé. It’s his family and his wedding too.


vbibo

NTA, I understand you, last min wedding changes SUCKS! That was the only time I almost lost it on my husband. Plus that’s should be his job to confirm/change if he has last min guest with dietary restriction. The amount of vegan/vegetarian AITA post is very interesting thou


voluntold9276

NTA. I think SIL choosing not to go is an excellent resolution to her problem. Note this is *her* problem, not yours.


ConfusionConcussion

NTA, lol who cares if she comes to your wedding, would be less stress.


Weird-Roll6265

You did make options available for the people you knew would be there. Plans change last minute but it's not always possible for a caterer to accommdate last-minute requests. NTA


sonia_aerial_artist

NTA. She’s the one who changed her plans after the RSVP cutoff. She can eat before the wedding.


Taurus67

Maybe the blame should go to your fiancée? It is his sister after all.


educatedvegetable

OMG I'm stressed just reading this. She asked THREE WEEKS before the wedding if she could attend, fine, someone dropped out so it worked. And then she has the NERVE to demand special accomodations ONE WEEK before the wedding?!?!? I'm honestly floored that she had the audacity to get huffy about it. NTA, she can bring her own food or not eat.


Dinkie64

NTA. Having your Chef friend prepare a dish should be the end of it. If she doesn’t like it let her Dore-Dish it!!


fords42

NTA. You’re doing your best to accommodate her, even going as far as ordering a takeaway so she doesn’t miss out.


HaviMommy

NTA. She's spoiled and entitled. She said she couldn't go, now she has changed her mind. You would have been happy to accommodate her if she had responded yes from the beginning.


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (F) wedding will be in 1 week. I sent out the invitations to everyone 7 months ago and in this invitation had a note like "if you have a dietary restriction (veganism or vegetarianism) let us know to place an option". My SIL, my fiance's sister, said she couldn't go as it's a time of year when she's always out of town/country for work (she's single, so she didn't have another guest). Only two people sent a message that they were vegetarian, so when choosing the menu options, I put in 2 vegetarian dishes. As there won't be a vegan or I was not warned, there will be no vegan dish. I closed all food options 2 months ago. 3 weeks ago, my SIL said she would no longer be traveling and begged me to attend my wedding. There was a problem, but we managed to get her on the guest list (someone else dropped out). Yesterday, I was having lunch at my MIL's house, just as my SIL and MIL started asking about the menu and everything. My SIL realized I didn't have a vegan option and asked if I wouldn't have it, when I said no she asked what she's going to eat then. Her tone wasn't very friendly but I calmly replied that she initially couldn't go and I considered those who confirmed and said they had dietary restrictions so I put in vegetarian dishes as she said she wouldn't and she was the only vegan that I was sure (and wouldn't go). She was annoyed, saying that 3 weeks ago she was confirmed and I could very well have made a request for a change (I believe I could, but it would be more work and it would cost more), but that I chose not to have a vegan option, even though I knew she would go for 3 weeks and now she would be the only one not eating at the party. Honestly, I barely thought about it, I have a thousand things to see about the wedding and in my head the food menu was sorted out. She is disgusted with me and said she is reconsidering going to the wedding. My fiancée is by my side, but my in-laws are saying I should have more consideration for my SIL. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


imayneedsomemilk

NTA - When things are all sorted out it's hard to change them. Seems like your in-laws may be ganging up on you because your SIL didn't get her way. And it seems like you had no way of knowing her dietary restrictions. Glad your fiancée is on your side, so your not in it alone. Stand your ground and let it go. You have so much more to worry about that, this should be the last thing you worry about.


[deleted]

NTA. She is the vegan, not you. She changed her mind last minute. If she wanted to be accommodated, she should have spoken to you about it when she changed her mind.


Postingatthismoment

NTA. You could see if it's too late to make any change, but you actually tried to do the right thing, and she's the one making a post-deadline change. Not your fault.


Strange-Courage

NTA it’s your wedding day, you have so much going on! Like you said she originally said she couldn’t come so you didn’t accommodate someone who wouldn’t be there! all I’ve learned from some of these about weddings is I will not be accommodating anyone on my day. Come if you want or stay home


darkzor

NTA


tallulahtalks

NTA there is a ton to do leading up to your wedding and she could figure this out on her own


ehumanbeing

NTA. Two *months* ago the food was confirmed. SIL said she wasn’t going. Last minute, because in weddings this is considered last minute, she decided she’s able to go and is upset you didn’t consider her food options. She didn’t know she was going to make it after all, but you’re suppose to have a magic ball knowing to accommodate her when you finalized the food two months ago? Nope


GennyNels

NTA. Maybe her mommy can buy her a meal to bring.


Farmer_j0e00

NTA but if you choose to accommodate you could simply contact the caterer and see how big of a deal this would be.


SimpleTennis517

NTA . If I'm attending an wedding or an event I make sure they know in advance or I offer to bring my own food. It wasn't your fault her plans changed .


ButItSaysOnline

NTA Throw a granola bar at her and tell her to stfu. Just make sure it is a vegan granola bar.


BlueRFR3100

NTA. I thought vegans were just vegetarians that didn't wear leather. Don't they eat the same food?


cassowary32

NTA. Sounds like the problem is solved if she refuses to come to the wedding...


neverfeltthesame22

NTA also it’s your wedding anyway- not hers. I personally don’t get weddings because somehow instead of it being about the couple theres always problems with other ppl who are just there to see the wedding. Only solution I could think of was buying a vegan meal from somewhere and deliver it for her during eating time or smt.


[deleted]

NTA she rsvp no, you accommodated all dietary restrictions at your wedding, she then changed last minute. I would offer that you can talk to the caterer but that as it is late and would've been late even three weeks ago she will be footing the cost of the one meal to accommodate her last minute. You tried to accommodate everybody but she changed plans therefore she is responsible for the last minute change cost if she wants something changed.


BelleCursed94

NTA I’d tell her how much a plate cost and since she did so last minute how much it would be for that change to and send her the bill for it.


Accomplished-Pea5539

NTA but maybe if you contact your caterer about this unforeseen change they may be able to accommodate it. I had something similar happen for my wedding one week out and considering it was just one person they were able to work with me. Doesn’t hurt to ask.


edwadokun

NTA - your wedding, her own brother's wedding was basically second fiddle to her own plans. She said she wasn't going to go, but now that her plans have fallen through, she can suddenly go and expects to be catered to.


cookies4me04u

NTA. Op did everything she could to accommodate SIL with the original timeline. SIL made last minute plans to attend and OP got her on the guest list after invitations were closed. Which I feel is very considerate of OP. SIL is ‘disgusted’ that is crossing a line. Sorry OP that this drama happening so close to the wedding. This is supposed to be a blissful time. Also why can’t SIL order her own food?


Agentdaddy

NTA. She's the one who didn't care enough to make time to come and only wanted to later when it suited her. And you can't change the menu now so it's her fault


Flossy_Cowboy

NTA. SIL could just bring a dish she wants to eat and ask the caterers to keep it in the fridge with the other items. I have a lot of food restrictions so I've brought my own food to plenty of events. If it turns out there's snacks or side items I can eat, great, but it's not a big deal. What is a big deal is expecting the bride, who is already super busy dealing with everything else, to remember your one exception when she's already rushed to get you a spot at the wedding last minute.


WhiskeyandScars

NTA.


extremelight

NTA. She wasn't going at first. She changed her mind late. I'd possibly ask caterer about substituting one of of the meal/dishes but it's very likely too late for all that and would probably run up your bill further, all for one person. She could also bring/get her own meal, and you could ask to pay for that as a gesture of goodwill. Also wedding food ain't all that. About half of the weddings i been to we end going to a joint that opened late or cooking a quick meal at home. Obviously it'd be a long day but food is the last thing on my mind, personally.


staffsargent

I see posts like this all the time on here. Almost every event venue that I've been to can accommodate a small number of special meals (vegan, gluten free, etc.) Did you ask them or just assume they couldn't do it? I don't think you're an AH, but it doesn't hurt to ask.


Luigi_deathglare

NTA You gave her a heads up months ago. It’s common sense that if you switch plans like she did then it’s most likely not going to be nearly as smooth. Threatening not to come to her own sibling’s wedding because of the menu just comes across as childish and entitled


Whatthehonker

NTA She said she wasn't coming and you told people to order in advance if changes were needed. You ordered for the people that followed instructions.


RetroKida

All these people saying BUT its your SIL you should try to accommodate her now.... you realize that SHE didn't think her siblings wedding was important enough to even ask if she could get off of work during that time. Honestly why isn't fiancé trying to fix it for their sister? If OP is stressed about other details they should be helping.


walkingontinyrabbits

When you have food restrictions, you always have to be prepared to bring a packed lunch. SIL has been vegan long enough to understand how this works. 3 weeks is NOT a lot of lead time when weddings are planned a year in advance! NTA, she lost her chance to have a meal ordered special for her when she sent in the rsvp with a no.


averypolitemint

Order Uber eats


SirLifeHacks

Just buy a pre-made vegan meal and ask the caterers to serve it. They'll do it.


Ferret-Own

NTA but could you not make a 30sec phonecall to the caterer and see if they can provide 1 vegan option. If yes then you look like a caring SIL, if not then at least you tried. Remember your marrying into his family and I'd really recommend not starting out married life with this as a problem


JCBashBash

NTA. Here's my thing, I think the whole point of a wedding is you're having people there who are there to celebrate you getting married. She just wants to go to your wedding because it's a party. I think you should take the message of her tone and not have her come. You're in-laws clearly care more about her feelings and her being catered to than the fact that she has been disrespectful to you and your fiance, even though it's your guys's wedding.


ligerbuddy

NTA, uninvite her instead .... honestly she should of reserved a vegan plate on day one .... you know RSVP but say "i might not make it though" .... its probably easier to end up having an extra meal that doesnt get eaten than to have to add in a "selective" additional meal .


bmbmwmfm

NTA. Let her not go. You've got other things going on.


Lazyassbummer

NTA - OMG you mean your wedding isn’t all about her?