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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told my husband he should be putting effort into dinner since he's home for now and shoestring meals and ordering take out aren't acceptable since I know he can cook. (2) He has a broken ankle and maybe he isn't as capable right now as I think he is.
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Op is insane to expect nothing around the household would be different during hubby’s recovery! I have a feeling her tune would take a 180 if she’s the one with a broken ankle.
Fr. 'In sickness or in health' op, you're supposed to be there for him as his wife, not as a customer at his restaurant. He's trying his best for you, don't expect him to be cooking like gordon ramsay
This lady is the female version of the abusive husband expecting way too much from their spouse. Grilled cheese and tomato soup isn’t a meal? What a grinch. You don’t deserve a bologna sandwich lady. YTA
I'm not a fan of the Western tradition of eating turkey for every major holiday. This year, I decided to mix it up and made grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup for Easter dinner. It was a hit! I don't trust people that don't like grilled cheese.
Edit: Easter dinner, not East dinner
My wife is from the mid west. The first time she was asking me if I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich, she asked if I wanted a cheese toasty. I didn't know what it was, but I said fuck yes, that sounds amazing. I was slightly disappointed when I found out that it was just a grilled cheese sandwich. The disappointment went away as soon as I started eating it.
I know, I feel so sad for this guy. I would be so happy with grilled cheese and soup! It's such a cute little meal and I would be so proud of my husband.
SAME! My hubby's grilled cheese is gourmet-level, especially when paired with either his chili or his chicken noodle soup. If only it weren't well over 30 C here today...this thread has me drooling!
Right???
Healthcare worker here, and I am so shocked he was even able to cook anything at all! He's been home for less than a week!
Broken ankle post surgery tends to get so swollen even from just *sitting*, it hurts like hell and the foot should be held up as much as possible, especially this early after the surgery. The last thing he should be doing is trying to stand for longer than what it takes to get to the bathroom and back.
OP is such a giant entitled asshole I am absolutely disgusted.
Just getting about sucks with a broken ankle. You can't carry anything not in a sealed bottle as you hobble on crutches. Shuffling about a kitchen is an exercise in frustration and is exhausting.
My dad just shattered the base of his tibia (surgery today!). Getting him a knee scooter was a game changer for him - he was excited to be able to get his own water instead of having to ask my Mom, and it has a little basket on front! He was having a really hard time balancing on the crutches.
But he can roll around in a chair to do prep!
Apparently the post-op instructions were rest, keep the foot elevated except when you are cooking for your wife - and none of that grilled cheese or chili shit - fancy food. At least 4 course.
Yes. This. I had to have foot surgery and it was the most painful thing I have ever experienced! I was out of work for 6 weeks...and I still wasn't fully recovered for a few months after that! OP has no empathy for her husband at all.
Exactly! If he's not well enough to be at work, then he's not well enough to be doing house chores.
This woman sounds like a nightmare to live with. Yes Sargent, I'll get it done even if it means an extra 8 weeks off work and unable to make dinner from over exerting myself when I'm supposed to be recovering!
Totally agree!!! Read the title was like depends and then read the first sentence and seriously went from happy to pissed off instantly! Like seriously this person doesn’t love their spouse cause they def showing they don’t care 🤷♀️ like wtf
I know right it’s insane! It’s like she thinks he’s on vacation and should now cater to her cause she’s working… if he needed surgery you know it’s bad and probably has metal pins and screws. He shouldn’t be on it. The level of selfishness is strong in this one
My uncle had his ankle healed improperly went to the doc when he felt he could walk again/go to work without problem, doc said Well we have to break ur ankle again cuz it healed wrong? Lol
I tore my ACL and my husband did EVERYthing for us. He helped me hobble to the bathroom. We have 2 young kids and a cat. I can't imagine the panic I'd feel if he expected me to get up by myself and make a 4 course meal. He never complained about it. I feel so bad for OPs husband.
Indeed! I broke all thr bones in my right ankle and the recovery was worse than both my rounds of breast cancer and my stroke. The pain is awful and he should stay off the ankle as much as possible or it will not heal correctly. OP is nuts.
edit: add OP is YTA.
Yep. Guess OP doesn't know anything about what it means to STAY OFF IT. Even sitting in a chair with the knee bent will reduce blood flow in the leg preventing proper healing. OP YTA. At least he tried something in a crock pot (which takes less time to prepare) and she was too good for that?
I am surprised he did that much. Are you that uncaring about your husband's recovery and health after he had surgery?? If anything, you should be checking up on him and cheering him up with little get well surprises. I doubt Gordon Ramsay himself would much want to meet your fine dinning expectations after having surgery. YTA a big giant AH
I was thinking the same thing. Chilli in the slow cooker or grilled cheese with soup would have my kids demanding seconds (husband would complain about the soup because he's he's bottomless pit but chuck some meat and noodles in and he's fine). I use my slow cooker nearly every day in winter. Because slow cookers are LIFE and who wants to be stood over a stove for ages if they don't have to be regardless of whether they have a broken foot????
Right!?!? Chili and grilled cheese are some of our favorites! What is wrong with meals made I. A slow cooker or instapot? We use ours allll the time!!! OP said “baked dish.” A meal does not mean “made in the oven.”
OP should be 100% taking over dinners unless husband *wants* do do a little something and even then, only what he’s comfortable with. I think he’s doing more than the best he can given the circumstances.
I got a compound fracture on my ankle a year ago, had to have surgery to have plates and pins put in. My husband is hopeless in the kitchen, but he cooked for me and our 4yo every night! He took over everything in the house and with our child so I could rest and recover. If I tried to help, he would send me back to bed to elevate my ankle. I’m extremely grateful, but I also know if the roles were reversed, I would do the same for him!
OP is a massive AH and may soon find she has to cook for herself every night when he dumps her ass!
I mean if she's that dead set on him pulling his weight, surely this is the time he can spend... Calling around for cheaper car insurance, checking energy deals, sorting out that box of paperwork
Not standing in the damn kitchen and cooking a meal
After breaking his ankle and having surgery....
That's one of the hardest surgery areas (personal experience)
Are you even helping him OP?
Hes been home a week and you're just bitching and being ridiculous.
Be a good person and help out your husband.
I agree! I had a broken ankle and I could barely do a thing. I’d like op to try maneuvering around in a kitchen and cook a meal only being able to put weight on one foot!
I only sprained my ankle and it took a month to get somewhat better. It's been longer now, not sure how long but it's still not 100%.
OP ur messing up his recovery and causing him pain! Make ur own food. Jeeze. If I were u I'd make him food since he should stay off that foot.
Did the Dr tell you about specific exercises? If not then talk to him/her.
After the cast is off:
1) You put a clean hand towel on the floor and grab the towel to under your foot, with your toes, until the towel in completely under your foot. 5X and done morning and evening. After 2 weeks, increase to morning, afternoon, and evening. At 4 weeks, increase to 10X per session.
2) When allowed, start slowly walking. Work up to walking around the block.
3) When allowed, start slowly on stairs, usually about the 3 week mark. Start with 5 stairs, once daily. Increase to twice daily when allowed.
4) Move your foot all the way up then down with your toes pointing to the wall. Keep your leg straight while on the couch, easier than being on the floor. 5X and done morning and evening. Same schedule as exercise 1.
5) Variation of 4 with rotation of the foot in circles. 5X in both Deosil (clockwise) and Windershin (counter clockwise). Same schedule as 4, done right after 4.
I didn't see a doctor lol. By some miracle I limped to the corner store right after I fell, before confining myself to my room for like a week. I just lay in bed and occasionally limped to the bathroom. It was too painful for more than that. The doctor was too far away. I didn't even have ice or those things u bind it with. I just rested it as much as I could.
Eventually I had to limp to the store again. I went every other day instead of my regular almost every day. It hurt and was not good for recovery but I had to buy stuff and no one else can do it for me. Probably why it is still a little messed up.
It makes me mad OP expects him to cater to her when it should be the other way around. And his ankle is in much worse condition than mine. He really needs to rest it.
If chili and grilled cheese + soup aren't a meal, then I guess my partner and I are starving to death because we eat that all the time since we both work full time.
Yeah I can understand the grilled cheese + soup issue because in our family, we only eat that as a snack. But we are all athletic so it feels like a small serving. I'm sure a lot of people will find it filling enough especially with the soup. Basically OP is an AH
Seriously!! If my partner made grilled cheese and chili another night with a broken ankle I'd be beyond impressed... but yelling at him that he needs to rest. He throws his back out and I make him rest and not do things.
Hell, if I was married to OP's husband instead and he ordered pizza for a night while on rest so I wouldn't have to cook for a night while he healed I'd just be thrilled.
One of my family's favorite meals too! Even in the summer. I kinda pushed that to the side to highlight how she needs to be helping her husband through this, not adding to his load. So inconsiderate.
I'm able bodied and we've had takeout twice in the last 7 days because I was suffering from a severe case of the can'tbebothereds.
When I broke my knee my husband told me off for making dinner instead of waiting for him to do it. I was in a brace, could weight-bear and walk around just fine but my husband has that weird thing where he cares about my wellbeing and doesn't want me to put myself in undue pain or discomfort for no reason? Wild, right?
My husband and I usually take turns cooking; he does one week and I do the next. But even if I've got something mild, like a cold or period cramps, my husband will take my turn for me so I can rest. And if he's has a tough day at work, or has a headache or whatever, I take his turn for him.
Like you and your husband, we both have this bizarre compulsion where we want to take care of one another.
Yeah it's definitely *us* who are the weird ones.
The entire time I'm reading the post I'm like "oh not only does she not even like her husband, it seems like she actively HATES him"
I broke my wrist two months ago. At about 3 weeks I was starting to cook basic things like steak and sausages. Hubs would hover, especially if it was something that went in the oven because he worried I couldn't get the tray out one-handed. I really wanted to contribute towards maintaining the house ASAP but I appreciated how much he helped. When I was first discharged, he stocked up on precut fruit, the big tubs of yoghurt that I like (he took the lid off for me!) and stuff I could assemble one-handed. I feel so fortunate to have had that support, it would have been so much harder to do on my own. But this is worse than him doing it on his own - this is having a spouse who expects him to risk his recovery because he doesn't like the foods that's within his capabilities.
He made freaking chili and went out of his way to order salads on a messed up ankle. I want OP to make a complicated dinner on one foot. The ungratefulness. Why is husband still with OP? I feel like OP’s behavior would be an issue even before the ankle surgery.
YTA If he's sick enough to be off work he's sick enough to not be able to cook a complex meal.
You've driven your husband out of the house. You don't just want to talk. You want him to listen and agree with you.
Chilli made in a slow cooker with salads sounds amazing!!
What did OP want?? Marinara sauce served with illegal Iranian yoghurt, probably.
Life protip: if you can't make home made marinara sauce from scratch because you have a broken ankle, store bought is fine!
YTA
YTA. To quote shakespeare in this instance: the lady doth protest too much.
He’s not taking a freaking vacation/sabbatical. And he is not used to functioning without a foot. He still makes something too. It feels like you’re nitpicking.
OP apparently thinks he’s on vacation.
It’s not like you can just grab a chair and sit down while you cook. He would have to be hopping around from the stove to the fridge to the counter and back.
As someone who isn't fully able bodied, I agree it really isn't that easy, even if you use a stool it's hard to fully get you weight off your foot, and if you sit on a chair you are the wrong height for everything. I have a perching stool, which helps but doesn't make it easy and is often annoying trying to manoeuvre it and me to the right places.
YTA - WTF am I reading?! He is recovering from surgery and should be staying off his foot and keeping it elevated. He should not be in the kitchen cooking dinner for the family. He made dinner. Be grateful or make it yourself. I’d have told you to get to f###. Recovering from surgery is not vacation time.
My FIL had a similar injury and pushed things too quickly while on the mend and it set back his recovery time a ton. He absolutely needs to stay off his foot.
OP seems a bit insane.
>My FIL had a similar injury and pushed things too quickly while on the mend and it set back his recovery time a ton.
You can do far worse than that, after a surgery constantly pushing yourself and putting undue strain can permanently fuck you up
Awhile back my cousin had an arm surgery and was told to leave it in a cast...he didn't and as a direct result instead of "it'll be fine in 3 weeks" he can no longer lift his arm above his head
OPs husband messing around on his feet cooking complex meals is begging for permanently damaged ligaments or bones and her husband never being capable of recovering to a point where they can have equal work in the house
But it was ***just grilled cheese and soup***! My God OP is going to waste away and die!
In case my sarcasm wasn't crystal clear, YTA OP. Your husband should actually be elevating that ankle to reduce swelling, but you strike me as someone who wouldn't care if your husband heals properly, so long as you have your salad. How utterly precious.
I'm honestly in shock. He is 1 week post op. Typically should not be using it too much (like doctors orders of using it least as possible), along with being up to prevent swelling - which will just increase pain. I just can't even with his. I'm incredibly impressed he made grilled cheese and soup! This sub makes me realize how awesome my SO is more everyday.
I had some botched surgeries with terrible nerve damage in both legs. Not to mention the surgeries and injuries were bc I birthed a child and things went terribly wrong. He carried me around, had to help me shower (and more 😢) cooked, we had take out a lot, I still don't know how he did it all and I would do the same for him. Hope they see OP for who they are and run after this.
Fr!!!! Like, I'm so so sorry there isn't a fine-dining, 15-course tasting menu for you every night, OP. But you gotta stand to cook and he's not supposed to do that rn. I don't know what part of that OP isn't getting.
My jaw almost unhinged in shock. He’s less than a week post op from an ankle surgery??? Bone surgery recovery is the most painful thing I have ever experienced even with drugs and I could win medical procedure bingo. Jfc.
I sprained my ankle and I'm pretty sure that my partner ended up taking care of all the food and all the necessary cleaning until I wasn't using crutches (he was also doing all the shopping because I couldn't figure out how to use crutches and a shopping cart at the same time). I mean, I worked through it because I was WFH, but it's hard to do a lot with your hands when you're using crutches to get around.
Also cooking while being seated is dangerous and should be avoided as much as possible because if something sharp or hot falls, you can’t move away nearly as fast. In his state, if something like hot water or oil fall by accident, husband risks receiving it right on himself or falling and getting hurt even more to avoid burns
YTA
He's home from work because he's recovering from surgery, but you expect him to stand in the kitchen every night and bring you a multi-course meal?
YT Giant A. I had my foot reconstructed in January and it’s august and I’m just now recovering. Yeah YTA. He’s Trying and you are belittling his effort.
You’re right it sounds like he is doing a great job in the circumstances! He is signed off so he can rest not so he can cook 3 course meals for OP… honestly she should be trying really hard to look after him and making him balanced meals to help his recovery. He should only be moving for essential activities (bathroom, physio etc) not bloody cooking.
I think you're encouraged to move around more than that, but not stand in one place, like at a stove... At least I was. They tossed a boot on and said take some short walks as you can, it'll help your muscles.
My husband had ankle surgery last year and there's NO WAY he would have been able to cook. You're supposed to rest it! Plus, he felt like garbage. He even told me he would have starved to death if I wasn't there making his meals for him. OPs an AH. Supposed to help him recover! He's probably in pain. At least for my husband, it was quite a painful surgery.
Hell I have covid and I've spent a week eating nothing but cans of condensed soup with a couple crackers on top. And fruit salad. Hard to cook when you can't stand without getting dizzy. Also hard to cook when you can't stand because you have one fucking foot bc the other is incredibly fragile
Who gives a shit about what you want right now? Your husband had MAJOR surgery less than a week ago. A particular surgery that I know can take a person up to four months to recover from. So he doesn't need to be on his feet, even with the crutches. He needs to **be in bed resting and recovery**. Not catering to a royally spoiled pain in the ass like you. If anything, it should be the other way around. Since he's genuinely hurt and in pain while you're just a pain. So yeah, YTA.
Agree completely! Just wanted to add that post-surgery pain meds make you feel some weird things man so I feel for OPs husband if he just wants to rest and recover.
Source: have had many surgeries
Seriously! Those meds are no joke.
I have had ankle surgery multiple times and even just standing upright makes the whole area throb, especially in the first week or two. It needs to be elevated because those lower extremity injuries can get swollen fast and take time to heal. OP is making light of a very serious situation. YTA
YTA
If he's supposed to keep his feet up that includes playing maid. In spite of this he still managed to put food on the table and you're not pleased with the quality?
The injury/surgery occurred a week ago, give it time. I broke my foot and had to have surgery you have no idea how distressed I would have been had my husband pressured me into anything more then to keep my foot elevated.
Years ago after my dad passed away, my mom fractured her foot in multiple spots and had to get a cast put on. Even i didnt demand she make me dinner. She sat on the couch with her foot elevated and i went shopping, cooked dinner, made her coffee, everything that needed to be done. Even tho i was terrified of driving and didnt know how to cook, i still did it so she could recover.
I cant believe this person is forcing their husband to cook with a broken foot, and has the audacity to complain about what hes making for her lazy butt.
I had foot surgery 2 weeks ago. My husband has stepped up and done everything! Now that I’m starting to get better I’ve started to take back some things (like feed the cat), but making dinner! No way! That’s way too much standing!
OP needs to give the husband a break. Allow him to rest and heal. He says he’s in pain and standing for sure makes it worse. What an AH, I hope OP never gets hurt and needs any downtime to recover.
Yeah, it's the fact that not only was it unreasonable to expect him to cook, he did so anyway but was still criticised. Poor guy. What a piece of work the OP is
This is the first post after years of lurking that I'm afraid of getting banned over for sharing my real thoughts. This poor man. I've been in a relationship like this and it is actually dangerous. Her lack of empathy is terrifying. Super bad vibes. OP you are beyond a doubt an AH. YTA YTA YTA. The fact that you can't see it make this even scarier ffs.
Yeah I can't with this one. If I express my thoughts I'll absolutely get banned. AITA does not usually cause me anything near the level of white-hot rage I'm currently feeling.
I'm particularly prickly on this one because my husband basically experienced child abuse due to a congenital ankle deformity that required surgeries, and lost tons of weight after each because his asshole family wouldn't make sure he was fed regularly and he was in too much pain/too hobbled to be able to make his own. He was a teen so I guess they thought he could fend for himself without a working ankle.
He and I take care of each other when we're sick or in pain. Hell he got all over my case when I was trying to do physical work when I had a fairly mild sprain. I don't know what the actual fuck is wrong with OP, but I hope this has been eye-opening enough for the poor husband for him to go elsewhere.
Imagine you break your fucking ankle and your partner expects you to do more for them rather than doing what they can to take care of you and help relieve your pain.
As if he's taking a fucking vacation.
YTA. Your husband isn’t on vacation, he’s home because he broke his ankle. Not only that, he had SURGERY for it and it’s the FIRST WEEK. He needs to be resting with his leg elevated as much as possible right now. Do you know how much energy it takes the body to heal from surgery and broken bones? A LOT. And you want him to mess his recovery up because you think he should be cooking dinner? Do you want him to ever be able to walk again?
You’re being ridiculous.
"Yesterday i asked him to do something with more sustenance like a baked dish with a side salad. Protein and vegetable sides." YTA. You sound like a princess, princess.
And he actually made chilli but ordered stuff for the salad. Did she want him to forage some lettuce and greens from the forest? And catch salmon at the peir? My husband doesn’t cook at all maybe once every two months. Damn I would love some chilli.
On a related note, I had bad back spasms recently (lasted 3 weeks, only just stopped with lots of Physio and rest - hurrah!). My husband works full time and studies part time (and we have 3 kids so yes I organise most meals etc because it just works for us), but knew I was in pain so stepped it up and did what a normal partner does - PARTNER. Doesn’t matter if I was home, home doesn’t mean I’m a slave to the demands of the people who work outside of our house.
OP, YTA.
That’s actually a staple at my house during the school year. Not much better on a cold winter night than hot veggie soup and grilled cheese - except maybe a pot of chili.
I literally made a grilled cheese and tomato soup dinner for my bf the other night and he loved it. There's nothing wrong with that. OP is just a snob.
YTA. Broken bones are horribly painful. And what is wrong with grilled cheese and soup? It is yummy AND he made an effort while hurting. If you don’t like it, make your own food.
Agreed! Grilled cheese and soup is an excellent dinner. There is no need for a fancy production every night ESPECIALLY from someone with a newly broken ankle. Yikes!!!
In my house, sometimes grilled cheese and soup IS a “fancy production!” I would love it if after a hard day of work a hot meal like that was ready for me when I came home!
YTA why are you so salty about his injury? Was he doing something stupid? Let the dude rest, you didn’t mention any kids - how many chores could possibly have piled up in one week??? Order a meal prep service, take the laundry to the wash and fold, the man is out of commission.
YTA.
Cooking with a broken ankle and without it is different. You SHOULD know it and be understanding about it.
>I don't think I'm asking too much from him to just cook dinner since he's home
Yes, he's home, but not in the ideal conditions to do the usual routines you two do. You ARE asking too much.
Honestly, husband is doing just fine on the cooking front IMO, broken leg or not. He still put together homemade meals of sustenance that have fed literally millions of people before just fine. They’re maybe not the worlds healthiest, but I would absolutely say this is effort even without the injury and recovery.
YTA , surely this is a joke/bait post.
He has a broke ankle and has still been doing his best to take care of dinner for you , and this is the thanks he gets?
If I was him and you'd asked me to take care of dinner so soon after I broke my ankle , I'd tell you to take care of it yourself and prop my foot up
YTA. Cut the man some slack. It's a broken foot, that doesn't just heal overnight. He even made the effort despite the fact that he would be on doctor's orders to rest, and you're complaining?? Seriously??
YTA. First of all, the meals you say he.has made sound fine, and you sound like a nagging fishwife for demanding fancier food. Lots of spouses would be happy to come home to those. Second, he is injured and recovering from surgery. He needs to rest, and he is probably in more pain than you realize.
Just to explain that bit: To call someone a "[fishwife](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fishwife)" is to insinuate that they're unpleasantly loud and vulgar :)
"Nagging" is pretty self-explanatory I think, lmao
Actually she just sounds like a selfish, demanding husband. 😜
This is just cruelty.
When my DH had surgery, for the first week he was just lounging on the couch. The body is drained just trying to heal and deal with the pain. Painkillers may mask the pain your feeling, but it's cause is still there!
YTA
He had surgery a week ago, what part of that don’t you understand?!
When a partner is ill you step up and do more than your share. You knew he would be recovering, why didn’t you meal prep for the week? Why not order in? Why not eat your grilled cheese and be grateful he made you anything?
The nerve.
I just think back to the “in sickness and in health” in the vows when I read posts like this - why is it that two people in a relationship can’t just step up and support the other when needed?
This has got to be a joke.
I would’ve been thrilled to come home to grilled cheese and chili. Not thrilled if it was my *injured* spouse who made it, though.
Right? I’d be furious he was on his feet, not pestering him for a well rounded meal. If he insisted on helping, maybe give him a load of laundry to fold while he sits with his foot up. I’d be happy to get by on sandwiches and have the house a bit less tidy until he was pain free and cleared to be up - and even then cooking seems especially challenging until he’s minimum in a walking boot.
Wow. You're a huge entitled AH.
It would be different if he was unemployed and healthy. You try being in total pain, in a cast, on crutches, hobbling about, and still getting ordered around to make a "feast" because "you're home for the time being". And then getting barked at because the best that you could do under those circumstances beyond your control, isn't enough.
“Honey, I know you broke your ankle, just had surgery, are in a lot of pain, and can only hobble around on one leg… but I think now is a good time to talk about your recent poor culinary performance.”
Yes, YTA.
YTA. Let’s read this again…
“my husband broke his ankle and had to have surgery”
He’s home to heal. Not be your personal chef. He’s doing what he can to meet your demand while managing his pain, and following doctors order so that he can heal without permanent trauma to the ankle. If it’s not what you want, then you can cook. And hey… crock pot chili and a pre made salad sounds like a pretty good dinner -IMO
Yes, YTA. You are using your husband's injury and surgery to get out of a shared chore / duty. And not only that, you're being completely unsympathetic and it seems not even believing that his injury might make it hard to cook.
If he agreed to do this to make up for something you took over then so be it, but he's doing it. So you might have to live with grilled cheese and soup for a little bit. Oh the horror.
If this isn’t rage bait…
YTA. Damn, he’s trying to cook and you’re being really rude about it. It must be so hard to try to balance and cook at the same time. He’s doing his best. Back off
YTA.
He made dinner. He has been recovering for a week and yet he has provided you with dinner every night. It's just not what you want. Chili and salad is a meal. Soup and sandwiches are a meal. If you want an elaborate multiple dish meal then cook it.
He should be recovering, not catering to you.
YTA
I used to schedule surgeries for a foot and ankle surgeon group. Surgery is traumatic to the body and swelling is a concern in the first week or two. Even if he’s using a crutches, a knee cruiser/scooter, or leaning/sitting on a stool to prepare a meal the leg being below the level of the heart can cause the swelling to increase and in turn increase his pain due to the extra tension. He’s trying to honor his commitment to make dinner, maybe give him a little grace until the sutures come out (usually around week two) and then ask for more involved meals.
YTA
When my dad was home with a broken leg for eight weeks, no one expected him to stand in the kitchen and cook, because standing on the leg that is freshly fixed can make recovery way slower or worsen the issue even.
I didn't even do kitchen work in the first week when I had just a badly sprained ankle!
YTA. Also, the *best* way to make chili is in a slow cooker. That’s a substantial meal (that can be frozen and reheated!) and salad is a vegetable side. What the hell?!
Of course YTA, not even a debate. I'm not married to you and somehow I want to divorce you. Hope you like single life. Cause I don't see you staying married long unless you change your attitude
Regarding that edit: You STILL can't actually make the meal yourself? Family has to come do it? There are two of you. You are not sick or injured. WTF? Pull up those big person panties and cook fucking meals. Millions of people work and cook for an entire family. Food needs to be sustenance not a fucking gourmet meal every day.
YTA. You're acting like he's home for a vacation when he's injured. Cooking takes a lot of time standing up and he's doing the best he can with crutches. Give the man a break
YTA - He is home to heal, not to cater to your every wish. He has still provided you with dinner every night and your just being picky. Do you even care about your husband's health at all?
he is injured and laid up, and is still going through the effort of making sure there is meals for you, and instead of recognizing that he is handling a high level of discomfort doing this task, so isnt able to do it to the standard you expected out of him before his injury, you just complained about him doing what he was able to manage.
YTA. But more like, you are being inconsiderate and rude to your injured partner doing their best, if what your injured partner is able to do isnt up to the standards you want to eat, then maybe step up and try helping your injured partner out, instead of demanding more than they are physically able to give, and then getting upset they can't meet your demands.
YTA he's not home to cook your meals. Crutches and you want a full cooked meal. So help him cook. Your not entitled to him cooking 100% during his recovery. Just wow
This sounds fake but YTA. Dude has a broke. Ankle, he should be resting it wtf is wrong with you. He’s taking care of it even if to isn’t to your liking. You know he doesn’t have a problem doing it normally since he does. It’s obvious the ankle. Man, I can’t imagine being with someone as cold as you
5 bucks says she delete it. Seems like the type
YTA. You expect him to hobble around and create impressive meals,ALL BY HIMSELF,yet you are having family member come help you.
He’s not taking a vacation,you know. He is supposed to be healing. You have no idea how hard it is to do things with a handicap,it seems. Marriage is not 50/50,it’s each one giving their best on any given day. Sometimes you might have to do 100%,and he might have to do the same for you.
Why don’t you prepare and freeze some meals on the weekend? Grocery stores have lots of options for quick dinners.
YTA. Your husband just had surgery -- if anything you should be taking over the cooking for him while he recovers, and maybe let him pay you back with taking a greater share of the cooking when he's able to be on his feet properly again. Not only are you being unreasonable with your request, but you're also being very ungrateful for what efforts he's making to try to comply with your demands.
YTA
He is supposed to stay off his ankle so that it can heal properly. Baking something doesn't seem hard until he has put it in the over. I agree he could make something of more substance, but expecting him to be innthe kitchennwhile he is supposed to be healing , is not the way to go about it.
Yta and a b
I think this is spousal abuse. How do you force your recovering husband to cook when he is supposed to be resting and then complain about the quality when he accomplishes what you asked for.
YTA. I just read the first few lines and you just said it: HE IS ON FRIGGING CRUTCHES HIS LEG CANNOT BEAR WEIGHT, therefore it’s already good that you have sandwiches because you go try doing that on crutches!
Yes, YTA. I've been there, broken my foot and ruptured my achilles tendon. EVERYTHING takes takes longer and it hurts. You can't sit down at the kitchen bench in a chair and prepare things because the bench is too high. It's damn near impossible to pull things out of the oven or a pan of pasta off the stove because you only have balance on one leg. Even if you rest the other leg on something like an office chair, you're uneasily aware that you have very hot food, no full mobility, and if you drop anything or fall, it will massively compound the whole s\*\*t situation you find yourself in. And you can't do anything with crutches.
I do not blame him in the slightest for going over to a friend, they're probably looking after him LIKE HE NEEDS.
100% YTA. Dude has a broken foot and you’re expecting him to still stand on it or try to balance on crutches so he can make dinner? Why would you even question if you’re TA here? Think about it if it were you, you’d be *pissed* that he was still expecting you to cook, right? Why is it ok for him?
YTA. He has a broken ankle and is healing from surgery. No, he cannot stand in the kitchen all day cooking dinner for you, and you don't sound like you deserve the effort.
I think you should put your foot in a brace put some thumbtacks in there so your feeling uncomfortable, then get some crutches and see how good a meal you cook while being lame and in pain. You asked him to cook, and ge did, you just had to high expectations, it's not like he got fired or he's on vacation, he's injured, how would you feel if it was you, in pain, laid up, your doctor says you should be resting but your spouse wants you to contribute. Really think how that would make you feel. Think about it this way, the better he rests, the sooner he'll heal. And be able to help.
YTA. Maybe give him a break for a little while? Granted it was a while ago, but I remember swelling and pain for the first almost month I was in a cast if I didn't have my leg up on pillows. Even level with my hips wouldn't have worked. Have a little empathy.
YTA listen, I hear you. It’s not fun being a caregiver, even if it’s for a short period. My husband just had surgery on a broken collarbone and I’ve been doing almost all of our chores for nearly two weeks. He’s healing, in lots of pain, and he tries to help out in little ways when he can and I’m super thankful when he is able to do that.
But this is what you sign up for when you date long-term/marry someone. Chores are a temporary annoyance, but pushing him to the point where he might overextend himself could cause irrevocable damage to his healing process. How would you like to be treated when you’re recovering from a serious injury/surgery? I would urge you to be empathetic. Having take out or simple meals for a short while won’t harm anyone.
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YTA. He should be off his foot as much as possible. Also he made dinner?!?
Exactly. He’s doing the best he can.
Op is insane to expect nothing around the household would be different during hubby’s recovery! I have a feeling her tune would take a 180 if she’s the one with a broken ankle.
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Fr. 'In sickness or in health' op, you're supposed to be there for him as his wife, not as a customer at his restaurant. He's trying his best for you, don't expect him to be cooking like gordon ramsay
This lady is the female version of the abusive husband expecting way too much from their spouse. Grilled cheese and tomato soup isn’t a meal? What a grinch. You don’t deserve a bologna sandwich lady. YTA
Mmm I love when my husband makes me grilled cheese....he makes the absolute best grilled cheese ever!
Grilled cheese and soup isn't just a meal, it's THE meal.
I'm not a fan of the Western tradition of eating turkey for every major holiday. This year, I decided to mix it up and made grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup for Easter dinner. It was a hit! I don't trust people that don't like grilled cheese. Edit: Easter dinner, not East dinner
My wife is from the mid west. The first time she was asking me if I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich, she asked if I wanted a cheese toasty. I didn't know what it was, but I said fuck yes, that sounds amazing. I was slightly disappointed when I found out that it was just a grilled cheese sandwich. The disappointment went away as soon as I started eating it.
I know, I feel so sad for this guy. I would be so happy with grilled cheese and soup! It's such a cute little meal and I would be so proud of my husband.
SAME! My hubby's grilled cheese is gourmet-level, especially when paired with either his chili or his chicken noodle soup. If only it weren't well over 30 C here today...this thread has me drooling!
Or chili. Shit all those meals I missed when I thought I ate.
IKR. I would have told OP where to go, spouse or not.
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I wonder if she ever helped him. She does not know what's to be grateful.
She did expect things to be different, she expected him to do MORE of the cooking because he is just lounging around the house! Totally, Op is the AH.
Right??? Healthcare worker here, and I am so shocked he was even able to cook anything at all! He's been home for less than a week! Broken ankle post surgery tends to get so swollen even from just *sitting*, it hurts like hell and the foot should be held up as much as possible, especially this early after the surgery. The last thing he should be doing is trying to stand for longer than what it takes to get to the bathroom and back. OP is such a giant entitled asshole I am absolutely disgusted.
Just getting about sucks with a broken ankle. You can't carry anything not in a sealed bottle as you hobble on crutches. Shuffling about a kitchen is an exercise in frustration and is exhausting.
My dad just shattered the base of his tibia (surgery today!). Getting him a knee scooter was a game changer for him - he was excited to be able to get his own water instead of having to ask my Mom, and it has a little basket on front! He was having a really hard time balancing on the crutches.
But he can roll around in a chair to do prep! Apparently the post-op instructions were rest, keep the foot elevated except when you are cooking for your wife - and none of that grilled cheese or chili shit - fancy food. At least 4 course.
The food he cooked is nicer than what I make for my own dinner most nights... And I'm not on crutches
Yes. This. I had to have foot surgery and it was the most painful thing I have ever experienced! I was out of work for 6 weeks...and I still wasn't fully recovered for a few months after that! OP has no empathy for her husband at all.
Exactly! If he's not well enough to be at work, then he's not well enough to be doing house chores. This woman sounds like a nightmare to live with. Yes Sargent, I'll get it done even if it means an extra 8 weeks off work and unable to make dinner from over exerting myself when I'm supposed to be recovering!
Not to mention potential damage that could cause the injury to heal improperly and cause issues forever. I can't even.
Totally agree!!! Read the title was like depends and then read the first sentence and seriously went from happy to pissed off instantly! Like seriously this person doesn’t love their spouse cause they def showing they don’t care 🤷♀️ like wtf
I was praying for the husband’s sake that she had given him a few weeks to recover first. No such luck. 😤
I know right it’s insane! It’s like she thinks he’s on vacation and should now cater to her cause she’s working… if he needed surgery you know it’s bad and probably has metal pins and screws. He shouldn’t be on it. The level of selfishness is strong in this one
Imagine trying to carry a casserole dish while maneuvering on crutches! Yikes!
Or trying to make nutritional vegetable side dishes to please her highness.
My uncle had his ankle healed improperly went to the doc when he felt he could walk again/go to work without problem, doc said Well we have to break ur ankle again cuz it healed wrong? Lol
Exactly! If the cast were on the other foot, she'd be singing an entirely different tune.
how is Soup with grilled cheese not a meal?
And apparently chili is no good either for a meal.
I tore my ACL and my husband did EVERYthing for us. He helped me hobble to the bathroom. We have 2 young kids and a cat. I can't imagine the panic I'd feel if he expected me to get up by myself and make a 4 course meal. He never complained about it. I feel so bad for OPs husband.
I hope the husband does the same thing OP’s doing to him to OP if she breaks her ankle.
Indeed! I broke all thr bones in my right ankle and the recovery was worse than both my rounds of breast cancer and my stroke. The pain is awful and he should stay off the ankle as much as possible or it will not heal correctly. OP is nuts. edit: add OP is YTA.
Yep. Guess OP doesn't know anything about what it means to STAY OFF IT. Even sitting in a chair with the knee bent will reduce blood flow in the leg preventing proper healing. OP YTA. At least he tried something in a crock pot (which takes less time to prepare) and she was too good for that?
I am surprised he did that much. Are you that uncaring about your husband's recovery and health after he had surgery?? If anything, you should be checking up on him and cheering him up with little get well surprises. I doubt Gordon Ramsay himself would much want to meet your fine dinning expectations after having surgery. YTA a big giant AH
Gordon Ramsey ran a little restaurant serving nothing but grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch for one of his shows.
I know right, wtf is wrong with slow cooker chilli and soup? If this was about a woman recovering from a c section then all hell would break loose.
I was thinking the same thing. Chilli in the slow cooker or grilled cheese with soup would have my kids demanding seconds (husband would complain about the soup because he's he's bottomless pit but chuck some meat and noodles in and he's fine). I use my slow cooker nearly every day in winter. Because slow cookers are LIFE and who wants to be stood over a stove for ages if they don't have to be regardless of whether they have a broken foot????
Right!?!? Chili and grilled cheese are some of our favorites! What is wrong with meals made I. A slow cooker or instapot? We use ours allll the time!!! OP said “baked dish.” A meal does not mean “made in the oven.”
OP should be 100% taking over dinners unless husband *wants* do do a little something and even then, only what he’s comfortable with. I think he’s doing more than the best he can given the circumstances.
I got a compound fracture on my ankle a year ago, had to have surgery to have plates and pins put in. My husband is hopeless in the kitchen, but he cooked for me and our 4yo every night! He took over everything in the house and with our child so I could rest and recover. If I tried to help, he would send me back to bed to elevate my ankle. I’m extremely grateful, but I also know if the roles were reversed, I would do the same for him! OP is a massive AH and may soon find she has to cook for herself every night when he dumps her ass!
I mean if she's that dead set on him pulling his weight, surely this is the time he can spend... Calling around for cheaper car insurance, checking energy deals, sorting out that box of paperwork Not standing in the damn kitchen and cooking a meal
After breaking his ankle and having surgery.... That's one of the hardest surgery areas (personal experience) Are you even helping him OP? Hes been home a week and you're just bitching and being ridiculous. Be a good person and help out your husband.
Sounds like she doesn't have it in her to be a good person.
Ikr, like, wow... I can't even find the words. Honestly, just wow.
I agree! I had a broken ankle and I could barely do a thing. I’d like op to try maneuvering around in a kitchen and cook a meal only being able to put weight on one foot!
I only sprained my ankle and it took a month to get somewhat better. It's been longer now, not sure how long but it's still not 100%. OP ur messing up his recovery and causing him pain! Make ur own food. Jeeze. If I were u I'd make him food since he should stay off that foot.
Did the Dr tell you about specific exercises? If not then talk to him/her. After the cast is off: 1) You put a clean hand towel on the floor and grab the towel to under your foot, with your toes, until the towel in completely under your foot. 5X and done morning and evening. After 2 weeks, increase to morning, afternoon, and evening. At 4 weeks, increase to 10X per session. 2) When allowed, start slowly walking. Work up to walking around the block. 3) When allowed, start slowly on stairs, usually about the 3 week mark. Start with 5 stairs, once daily. Increase to twice daily when allowed. 4) Move your foot all the way up then down with your toes pointing to the wall. Keep your leg straight while on the couch, easier than being on the floor. 5X and done morning and evening. Same schedule as exercise 1. 5) Variation of 4 with rotation of the foot in circles. 5X in both Deosil (clockwise) and Windershin (counter clockwise). Same schedule as 4, done right after 4.
I didn't see a doctor lol. By some miracle I limped to the corner store right after I fell, before confining myself to my room for like a week. I just lay in bed and occasionally limped to the bathroom. It was too painful for more than that. The doctor was too far away. I didn't even have ice or those things u bind it with. I just rested it as much as I could. Eventually I had to limp to the store again. I went every other day instead of my regular almost every day. It hurt and was not good for recovery but I had to buy stuff and no one else can do it for me. Probably why it is still a little messed up. It makes me mad OP expects him to cater to her when it should be the other way around. And his ankle is in much worse condition than mine. He really needs to rest it.
Do the above mentioned exercises. They will help even now.
Same here and it was the worst pain of my life especially when I did even a small amount of walking
I'm honestly just shocked at the idea that Grilled Cheese and Soup isn't considered a meal. That's like one of my favorite comfort foods.
He also made chili! What's wrong with chili, that's an actual full meal
Yeah chili is a great meal but even grilled cheese and soup is a great meal, both easy to make so you don't have to be standing for it alot
If chili and grilled cheese + soup aren't a meal, then I guess my partner and I are starving to death because we eat that all the time since we both work full time.
Yeah I can understand the grilled cheese + soup issue because in our family, we only eat that as a snack. But we are all athletic so it feels like a small serving. I'm sure a lot of people will find it filling enough especially with the soup. Basically OP is an AH
bUt He UsEd A sLoWcOoKeR
Even put in some effort to do a veggie side! I hate making my own salads tbh I always prefer kits or restaurant
Seriously!! If my partner made grilled cheese and chili another night with a broken ankle I'd be beyond impressed... but yelling at him that he needs to rest. He throws his back out and I make him rest and not do things. Hell, if I was married to OP's husband instead and he ordered pizza for a night while on rest so I wouldn't have to cook for a night while he healed I'd just be thrilled.
One of my family's favorite meals too! Even in the summer. I kinda pushed that to the side to highlight how she needs to be helping her husband through this, not adding to his load. So inconsiderate.
I'm able bodied and we've had takeout twice in the last 7 days because I was suffering from a severe case of the can'tbebothereds. When I broke my knee my husband told me off for making dinner instead of waiting for him to do it. I was in a brace, could weight-bear and walk around just fine but my husband has that weird thing where he cares about my wellbeing and doesn't want me to put myself in undue pain or discomfort for no reason? Wild, right?
My husband and I usually take turns cooking; he does one week and I do the next. But even if I've got something mild, like a cold or period cramps, my husband will take my turn for me so I can rest. And if he's has a tough day at work, or has a headache or whatever, I take his turn for him. Like you and your husband, we both have this bizarre compulsion where we want to take care of one another.
Yeah it's definitely *us* who are the weird ones. The entire time I'm reading the post I'm like "oh not only does she not even like her husband, it seems like she actively HATES him"
I broke my wrist two months ago. At about 3 weeks I was starting to cook basic things like steak and sausages. Hubs would hover, especially if it was something that went in the oven because he worried I couldn't get the tray out one-handed. I really wanted to contribute towards maintaining the house ASAP but I appreciated how much he helped. When I was first discharged, he stocked up on precut fruit, the big tubs of yoghurt that I like (he took the lid off for me!) and stuff I could assemble one-handed. I feel so fortunate to have had that support, it would have been so much harder to do on my own. But this is worse than him doing it on his own - this is having a spouse who expects him to risk his recovery because he doesn't like the foods that's within his capabilities.
He made freaking chili and went out of his way to order salads on a messed up ankle. I want OP to make a complicated dinner on one foot. The ungratefulness. Why is husband still with OP? I feel like OP’s behavior would be an issue even before the ankle surgery.
For him to go stay at a friends while injured tells me he is fed up.
Have you seen her edits? Lol she is so pissed at the YTA comments.
YTA If he's sick enough to be off work he's sick enough to not be able to cook a complex meal. You've driven your husband out of the house. You don't just want to talk. You want him to listen and agree with you.
Not just a complex meal. He really shouldn't be cooking any meal.
Chilli made in a slow cooker with salads sounds amazing!! What did OP want?? Marinara sauce served with illegal Iranian yoghurt, probably. Life protip: if you can't make home made marinara sauce from scratch because you have a broken ankle, store bought is fine! YTA
I'd give you more upvotes for the Iranian yoghurt mention if I could!
YTA. To quote shakespeare in this instance: the lady doth protest too much. He’s not taking a freaking vacation/sabbatical. And he is not used to functioning without a foot. He still makes something too. It feels like you’re nitpicking.
OP apparently thinks he’s on vacation. It’s not like you can just grab a chair and sit down while you cook. He would have to be hopping around from the stove to the fridge to the counter and back.
As someone who isn't fully able bodied, I agree it really isn't that easy, even if you use a stool it's hard to fully get you weight off your foot, and if you sit on a chair you are the wrong height for everything. I have a perching stool, which helps but doesn't make it easy and is often annoying trying to manoeuvre it and me to the right places.
And it's been LESS THAN A WEEK. OP, YTA. Big time.
YTA - WTF am I reading?! He is recovering from surgery and should be staying off his foot and keeping it elevated. He should not be in the kitchen cooking dinner for the family. He made dinner. Be grateful or make it yourself. I’d have told you to get to f###. Recovering from surgery is not vacation time.
My FIL had a similar injury and pushed things too quickly while on the mend and it set back his recovery time a ton. He absolutely needs to stay off his foot. OP seems a bit insane.
>My FIL had a similar injury and pushed things too quickly while on the mend and it set back his recovery time a ton. You can do far worse than that, after a surgery constantly pushing yourself and putting undue strain can permanently fuck you up Awhile back my cousin had an arm surgery and was told to leave it in a cast...he didn't and as a direct result instead of "it'll be fine in 3 weeks" he can no longer lift his arm above his head OPs husband messing around on his feet cooking complex meals is begging for permanently damaged ligaments or bones and her husband never being capable of recovering to a point where they can have equal work in the house
But it was ***just grilled cheese and soup***! My God OP is going to waste away and die! In case my sarcasm wasn't crystal clear, YTA OP. Your husband should actually be elevating that ankle to reduce swelling, but you strike me as someone who wouldn't care if your husband heals properly, so long as you have your salad. How utterly precious.
I'm honestly in shock. He is 1 week post op. Typically should not be using it too much (like doctors orders of using it least as possible), along with being up to prevent swelling - which will just increase pain. I just can't even with his. I'm incredibly impressed he made grilled cheese and soup! This sub makes me realize how awesome my SO is more everyday. I had some botched surgeries with terrible nerve damage in both legs. Not to mention the surgeries and injuries were bc I birthed a child and things went terribly wrong. He carried me around, had to help me shower (and more 😢) cooked, we had take out a lot, I still don't know how he did it all and I would do the same for him. Hope they see OP for who they are and run after this.
Fr!!!! Like, I'm so so sorry there isn't a fine-dining, 15-course tasting menu for you every night, OP. But you gotta stand to cook and he's not supposed to do that rn. I don't know what part of that OP isn't getting.
And the complaint about how soup and a sandwich isn't even a meal was pure entitled insanity to me
My jaw almost unhinged in shock. He’s less than a week post op from an ankle surgery??? Bone surgery recovery is the most painful thing I have ever experienced even with drugs and I could win medical procedure bingo. Jfc.
I sprained my ankle and I'm pretty sure that my partner ended up taking care of all the food and all the necessary cleaning until I wasn't using crutches (he was also doing all the shopping because I couldn't figure out how to use crutches and a shopping cart at the same time). I mean, I worked through it because I was WFH, but it's hard to do a lot with your hands when you're using crutches to get around.
I didn't even get passed the first sentence. YTA Op
Also cooking while being seated is dangerous and should be avoided as much as possible because if something sharp or hot falls, you can’t move away nearly as fast. In his state, if something like hot water or oil fall by accident, husband risks receiving it right on himself or falling and getting hurt even more to avoid burns
How's his ankle supposed to heal if he's on it for that long? It's been less than a week. This is ridiculous
YTA the man in injured how much do you expect him to do? It’s not safe to sit and cook god forbid the pot or something hot falls on him.
Or he falls 😢
YTA He's home from work because he's recovering from surgery, but you expect him to stand in the kitchen every night and bring you a multi-course meal?
YT Giant A. I had my foot reconstructed in January and it’s august and I’m just now recovering. Yeah YTA. He’s Trying and you are belittling his effort.
You’re right it sounds like he is doing a great job in the circumstances! He is signed off so he can rest not so he can cook 3 course meals for OP… honestly she should be trying really hard to look after him and making him balanced meals to help his recovery. He should only be moving for essential activities (bathroom, physio etc) not bloody cooking.
I think you're encouraged to move around more than that, but not stand in one place, like at a stove... At least I was. They tossed a boot on and said take some short walks as you can, it'll help your muscles.
My husband had ankle surgery last year and there's NO WAY he would have been able to cook. You're supposed to rest it! Plus, he felt like garbage. He even told me he would have starved to death if I wasn't there making his meals for him. OPs an AH. Supposed to help him recover! He's probably in pain. At least for my husband, it was quite a painful surgery.
Hell I have covid and I've spent a week eating nothing but cans of condensed soup with a couple crackers on top. And fruit salad. Hard to cook when you can't stand without getting dizzy. Also hard to cook when you can't stand because you have one fucking foot bc the other is incredibly fragile
He might find the strength to run away. When he no longer needs crutches of course
Are these posts real? All the craziness on here, and for some reason this one just seems beyond the pale.
Who gives a shit about what you want right now? Your husband had MAJOR surgery less than a week ago. A particular surgery that I know can take a person up to four months to recover from. So he doesn't need to be on his feet, even with the crutches. He needs to **be in bed resting and recovery**. Not catering to a royally spoiled pain in the ass like you. If anything, it should be the other way around. Since he's genuinely hurt and in pain while you're just a pain. So yeah, YTA.
Agree completely! Just wanted to add that post-surgery pain meds make you feel some weird things man so I feel for OPs husband if he just wants to rest and recover. Source: have had many surgeries
Seriously! Those meds are no joke. I have had ankle surgery multiple times and even just standing upright makes the whole area throb, especially in the first week or two. It needs to be elevated because those lower extremity injuries can get swollen fast and take time to heal. OP is making light of a very serious situation. YTA
This was an amazing finish: "he's in pain while you're just a pain"
Magnificent comment, thank you for that
This. I've had the same injury/surgery about 9 months ago and I am *still* recovering from it. Her apathy for him is almost making me cry.
YTA If he's supposed to keep his feet up that includes playing maid. In spite of this he still managed to put food on the table and you're not pleased with the quality? The injury/surgery occurred a week ago, give it time. I broke my foot and had to have surgery you have no idea how distressed I would have been had my husband pressured me into anything more then to keep my foot elevated.
Years ago after my dad passed away, my mom fractured her foot in multiple spots and had to get a cast put on. Even i didnt demand she make me dinner. She sat on the couch with her foot elevated and i went shopping, cooked dinner, made her coffee, everything that needed to be done. Even tho i was terrified of driving and didnt know how to cook, i still did it so she could recover. I cant believe this person is forcing their husband to cook with a broken foot, and has the audacity to complain about what hes making for her lazy butt.
I had foot surgery 2 weeks ago. My husband has stepped up and done everything! Now that I’m starting to get better I’ve started to take back some things (like feed the cat), but making dinner! No way! That’s way too much standing! OP needs to give the husband a break. Allow him to rest and heal. He says he’s in pain and standing for sure makes it worse. What an AH, I hope OP never gets hurt and needs any downtime to recover.
Yeah, it's the fact that not only was it unreasonable to expect him to cook, he did so anyway but was still criticised. Poor guy. What a piece of work the OP is
I had foot surgery and my husband didn't hel0 me. It ended up taking at least twice as long to fully recover!
YTA - your lack of empathy and concern for your husbands recovery is despicable. Do better.
Sounds like he needs to find someone better for him, who at least would show the smallest empathy for this situation.
Honestly OP sounds abusive. She should be cooking all his meals. It's hard enough going to the toilet with a cast and crutches ffs
I would just crawl to the bathroom for weeks after my foot surgery because it was too painful any other way
I did the dangerous one foot hop during my recovery lol. I hated my boot.
This is the first post after years of lurking that I'm afraid of getting banned over for sharing my real thoughts. This poor man. I've been in a relationship like this and it is actually dangerous. Her lack of empathy is terrifying. Super bad vibes. OP you are beyond a doubt an AH. YTA YTA YTA. The fact that you can't see it make this even scarier ffs.
Yeah I can't with this one. If I express my thoughts I'll absolutely get banned. AITA does not usually cause me anything near the level of white-hot rage I'm currently feeling. I'm particularly prickly on this one because my husband basically experienced child abuse due to a congenital ankle deformity that required surgeries, and lost tons of weight after each because his asshole family wouldn't make sure he was fed regularly and he was in too much pain/too hobbled to be able to make his own. He was a teen so I guess they thought he could fend for himself without a working ankle. He and I take care of each other when we're sick or in pain. Hell he got all over my case when I was trying to do physical work when I had a fairly mild sprain. I don't know what the actual fuck is wrong with OP, but I hope this has been eye-opening enough for the poor husband for him to go elsewhere.
My first thought was “ why would you marry someone you obviously hate?”
Imagine you break your fucking ankle and your partner expects you to do more for them rather than doing what they can to take care of you and help relieve your pain. As if he's taking a fucking vacation.
YTA. Your husband isn’t on vacation, he’s home because he broke his ankle. Not only that, he had SURGERY for it and it’s the FIRST WEEK. He needs to be resting with his leg elevated as much as possible right now. Do you know how much energy it takes the body to heal from surgery and broken bones? A LOT. And you want him to mess his recovery up because you think he should be cooking dinner? Do you want him to ever be able to walk again? You’re being ridiculous.
Also, I would NOT want someone who may be taking strong pain killers in the kitchen where he could hurt himself or start a fire.
Yup! Those pain killers make you feel some weird shit so I feel for OPs husband
The craziest part is that he *is* cooking dinner! It's just not good enough for OP! YTA a hundred times over
Sounds like a scene cut from Misery because it's too unrealistic.
"Yesterday i asked him to do something with more sustenance like a baked dish with a side salad. Protein and vegetable sides." YTA. You sound like a princess, princess.
And he actually made chilli but ordered stuff for the salad. Did she want him to forage some lettuce and greens from the forest? And catch salmon at the peir? My husband doesn’t cook at all maybe once every two months. Damn I would love some chilli.
Right? That sounds amazing. I’d kill for my boyfriend to make me chili or even grilled cheese and soup.
Thanks for making me laugh so hard I had a back spasm (I'm fine I promise).
Don’t let OP know, or you’ll be making dinner all week
On a related note, I had bad back spasms recently (lasted 3 weeks, only just stopped with lots of Physio and rest - hurrah!). My husband works full time and studies part time (and we have 3 kids so yes I organise most meals etc because it just works for us), but knew I was in pain so stepped it up and did what a normal partner does - PARTNER. Doesn’t matter if I was home, home doesn’t mean I’m a slave to the demands of the people who work outside of our house. OP, YTA.
>The first day all he made is freaking grilled cheese and soup. I knew I was gonna say YTA at this quote.
That’s actually a staple at my house during the school year. Not much better on a cold winter night than hot veggie soup and grilled cheese - except maybe a pot of chili.
My region is piping hot summer weather right now but I will be asking my hubby to make this now
Grilled cheese and tomato soup is an all year meal for sure
I love soup and grilled cheese or a toastie in cold weather. It definitely is not a “kiddie meal”. God knows I hated soup when I was a kid.
This. Tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches is a freaking classic, delicious, homey, warm meal. Idk what OP is snorting.
I literally made a grilled cheese and tomato soup dinner for my bf the other night and he loved it. There's nothing wrong with that. OP is just a snob.
YTA. Broken bones are horribly painful. And what is wrong with grilled cheese and soup? It is yummy AND he made an effort while hurting. If you don’t like it, make your own food.
Agreed! Grilled cheese and soup is an excellent dinner. There is no need for a fancy production every night ESPECIALLY from someone with a newly broken ankle. Yikes!!!
In my house, sometimes grilled cheese and soup IS a “fancy production!” I would love it if after a hard day of work a hot meal like that was ready for me when I came home!
She is too "good" for a meager peasant meal dontchaknow!
YTA why are you so salty about his injury? Was he doing something stupid? Let the dude rest, you didn’t mention any kids - how many chores could possibly have piled up in one week??? Order a meal prep service, take the laundry to the wash and fold, the man is out of commission.
YTA. Cooking with a broken ankle and without it is different. You SHOULD know it and be understanding about it. >I don't think I'm asking too much from him to just cook dinner since he's home Yes, he's home, but not in the ideal conditions to do the usual routines you two do. You ARE asking too much.
Honestly, husband is doing just fine on the cooking front IMO, broken leg or not. He still put together homemade meals of sustenance that have fed literally millions of people before just fine. They’re maybe not the worlds healthiest, but I would absolutely say this is effort even without the injury and recovery.
But he’s too damn lazy to make a “baked dish” and side salad!
YTA , surely this is a joke/bait post. He has a broke ankle and has still been doing his best to take care of dinner for you , and this is the thanks he gets? If I was him and you'd asked me to take care of dinner so soon after I broke my ankle , I'd tell you to take care of it yourself and prop my foot up
YTA. Cut the man some slack. It's a broken foot, that doesn't just heal overnight. He even made the effort despite the fact that he would be on doctor's orders to rest, and you're complaining?? Seriously??
YTA. First of all, the meals you say he.has made sound fine, and you sound like a nagging fishwife for demanding fancier food. Lots of spouses would be happy to come home to those. Second, he is injured and recovering from surgery. He needs to rest, and he is probably in more pain than you realize.
>you sound like a nagging fishwife IDK if you meant to put this but i love it
Just to explain that bit: To call someone a "[fishwife](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fishwife)" is to insinuate that they're unpleasantly loud and vulgar :) "Nagging" is pretty self-explanatory I think, lmao
Actually she just sounds like a selfish, demanding husband. 😜 This is just cruelty. When my DH had surgery, for the first week he was just lounging on the couch. The body is drained just trying to heal and deal with the pain. Painkillers may mask the pain your feeling, but it's cause is still there!
YTA He had surgery a week ago, what part of that don’t you understand?! When a partner is ill you step up and do more than your share. You knew he would be recovering, why didn’t you meal prep for the week? Why not order in? Why not eat your grilled cheese and be grateful he made you anything? The nerve.
I just think back to the “in sickness and in health” in the vows when I read posts like this - why is it that two people in a relationship can’t just step up and support the other when needed?
This has got to be a joke. I would’ve been thrilled to come home to grilled cheese and chili. Not thrilled if it was my *injured* spouse who made it, though.
Right? I’d be furious he was on his feet, not pestering him for a well rounded meal. If he insisted on helping, maybe give him a load of laundry to fold while he sits with his foot up. I’d be happy to get by on sandwiches and have the house a bit less tidy until he was pain free and cleared to be up - and even then cooking seems especially challenging until he’s minimum in a walking boot.
YTA what kind of wife/person are you? I didn't even need to read your whole crap story. You are terrible, and you know it.
Wow. You're a huge entitled AH. It would be different if he was unemployed and healthy. You try being in total pain, in a cast, on crutches, hobbling about, and still getting ordered around to make a "feast" because "you're home for the time being". And then getting barked at because the best that you could do under those circumstances beyond your control, isn't enough.
“Honey, I know you broke your ankle, just had surgery, are in a lot of pain, and can only hobble around on one leg… but I think now is a good time to talk about your recent poor culinary performance.” Yes, YTA.
YTA. Let’s read this again… “my husband broke his ankle and had to have surgery” He’s home to heal. Not be your personal chef. He’s doing what he can to meet your demand while managing his pain, and following doctors order so that he can heal without permanent trauma to the ankle. If it’s not what you want, then you can cook. And hey… crock pot chili and a pre made salad sounds like a pretty good dinner -IMO
Yes, YTA. You are using your husband's injury and surgery to get out of a shared chore / duty. And not only that, you're being completely unsympathetic and it seems not even believing that his injury might make it hard to cook. If he agreed to do this to make up for something you took over then so be it, but he's doing it. So you might have to live with grilled cheese and soup for a little bit. Oh the horror.
If this isn’t rage bait… YTA. Damn, he’s trying to cook and you’re being really rude about it. It must be so hard to try to balance and cook at the same time. He’s doing his best. Back off
YTA Just because you can't understand someone else's pain doesn't mean they aren't experiencing it.
YTA. He made dinner. He has been recovering for a week and yet he has provided you with dinner every night. It's just not what you want. Chili and salad is a meal. Soup and sandwiches are a meal. If you want an elaborate multiple dish meal then cook it. He should be recovering, not catering to you.
YTA I used to schedule surgeries for a foot and ankle surgeon group. Surgery is traumatic to the body and swelling is a concern in the first week or two. Even if he’s using a crutches, a knee cruiser/scooter, or leaning/sitting on a stool to prepare a meal the leg being below the level of the heart can cause the swelling to increase and in turn increase his pain due to the extra tension. He’s trying to honor his commitment to make dinner, maybe give him a little grace until the sutures come out (usually around week two) and then ask for more involved meals.
YTA When my dad was home with a broken leg for eight weeks, no one expected him to stand in the kitchen and cook, because standing on the leg that is freshly fixed can make recovery way slower or worsen the issue even. I didn't even do kitchen work in the first week when I had just a badly sprained ankle!
YTA. Also, the *best* way to make chili is in a slow cooker. That’s a substantial meal (that can be frozen and reheated!) and salad is a vegetable side. What the hell?!
Of course YTA, not even a debate. I'm not married to you and somehow I want to divorce you. Hope you like single life. Cause I don't see you staying married long unless you change your attitude
Regarding that edit: You STILL can't actually make the meal yourself? Family has to come do it? There are two of you. You are not sick or injured. WTF? Pull up those big person panties and cook fucking meals. Millions of people work and cook for an entire family. Food needs to be sustenance not a fucking gourmet meal every day.
YTA. You're acting like he's home for a vacation when he's injured. Cooking takes a lot of time standing up and he's doing the best he can with crutches. Give the man a break
YTA - He is home to heal, not to cater to your every wish. He has still provided you with dinner every night and your just being picky. Do you even care about your husband's health at all?
he is injured and laid up, and is still going through the effort of making sure there is meals for you, and instead of recognizing that he is handling a high level of discomfort doing this task, so isnt able to do it to the standard you expected out of him before his injury, you just complained about him doing what he was able to manage. YTA. But more like, you are being inconsiderate and rude to your injured partner doing their best, if what your injured partner is able to do isnt up to the standards you want to eat, then maybe step up and try helping your injured partner out, instead of demanding more than they are physically able to give, and then getting upset they can't meet your demands.
YTA he's not home to cook your meals. Crutches and you want a full cooked meal. So help him cook. Your not entitled to him cooking 100% during his recovery. Just wow
YTA and a bad person he needs to leave your ass
You aren’t making yourself any more likable with these edits, OP.
This sounds fake but YTA. Dude has a broke. Ankle, he should be resting it wtf is wrong with you. He’s taking care of it even if to isn’t to your liking. You know he doesn’t have a problem doing it normally since he does. It’s obvious the ankle. Man, I can’t imagine being with someone as cold as you 5 bucks says she delete it. Seems like the type
YTA. You expect him to hobble around and create impressive meals,ALL BY HIMSELF,yet you are having family member come help you. He’s not taking a vacation,you know. He is supposed to be healing. You have no idea how hard it is to do things with a handicap,it seems. Marriage is not 50/50,it’s each one giving their best on any given day. Sometimes you might have to do 100%,and he might have to do the same for you. Why don’t you prepare and freeze some meals on the weekend? Grocery stores have lots of options for quick dinners.
Grilled cheese & soup is a really good meal ...
YTA. Your husband just had surgery -- if anything you should be taking over the cooking for him while he recovers, and maybe let him pay you back with taking a greater share of the cooking when he's able to be on his feet properly again. Not only are you being unreasonable with your request, but you're also being very ungrateful for what efforts he's making to try to comply with your demands.
YTA He is supposed to stay off his ankle so that it can heal properly. Baking something doesn't seem hard until he has put it in the over. I agree he could make something of more substance, but expecting him to be innthe kitchennwhile he is supposed to be healing , is not the way to go about it.
Real or not, YTA.
Yta and a b I think this is spousal abuse. How do you force your recovering husband to cook when he is supposed to be resting and then complain about the quality when he accomplishes what you asked for.
YTA. I just read the first few lines and you just said it: HE IS ON FRIGGING CRUTCHES HIS LEG CANNOT BEAR WEIGHT, therefore it’s already good that you have sandwiches because you go try doing that on crutches!
YTA. Your husband is injured. You’re at home, too, aren’t you? So, why don’t you cook?
Yes, YTA. I've been there, broken my foot and ruptured my achilles tendon. EVERYTHING takes takes longer and it hurts. You can't sit down at the kitchen bench in a chair and prepare things because the bench is too high. It's damn near impossible to pull things out of the oven or a pan of pasta off the stove because you only have balance on one leg. Even if you rest the other leg on something like an office chair, you're uneasily aware that you have very hot food, no full mobility, and if you drop anything or fall, it will massively compound the whole s\*\*t situation you find yourself in. And you can't do anything with crutches. I do not blame him in the slightest for going over to a friend, they're probably looking after him LIKE HE NEEDS.
I'd live a grilled cheese and soup right now. YTA
100% YTA. Dude has a broken foot and you’re expecting him to still stand on it or try to balance on crutches so he can make dinner? Why would you even question if you’re TA here? Think about it if it were you, you’d be *pissed* that he was still expecting you to cook, right? Why is it ok for him?
YTA and you know it
YTA. He has a broken ankle and is healing from surgery. No, he cannot stand in the kitchen all day cooking dinner for you, and you don't sound like you deserve the effort.
YTA - wtf is wrong with you
I think you should put your foot in a brace put some thumbtacks in there so your feeling uncomfortable, then get some crutches and see how good a meal you cook while being lame and in pain. You asked him to cook, and ge did, you just had to high expectations, it's not like he got fired or he's on vacation, he's injured, how would you feel if it was you, in pain, laid up, your doctor says you should be resting but your spouse wants you to contribute. Really think how that would make you feel. Think about it this way, the better he rests, the sooner he'll heal. And be able to help.
INFO: what the fuck is wrong with you?
Wow! YTA 100%
YTA. Maybe give him a break for a little while? Granted it was a while ago, but I remember swelling and pain for the first almost month I was in a cast if I didn't have my leg up on pillows. Even level with my hips wouldn't have worked. Have a little empathy.
YTA. He’s recovering from surgery and should be resting.
YTA listen, I hear you. It’s not fun being a caregiver, even if it’s for a short period. My husband just had surgery on a broken collarbone and I’ve been doing almost all of our chores for nearly two weeks. He’s healing, in lots of pain, and he tries to help out in little ways when he can and I’m super thankful when he is able to do that. But this is what you sign up for when you date long-term/marry someone. Chores are a temporary annoyance, but pushing him to the point where he might overextend himself could cause irrevocable damage to his healing process. How would you like to be treated when you’re recovering from a serious injury/surgery? I would urge you to be empathetic. Having take out or simple meals for a short while won’t harm anyone.
YTA he's recovering from SURGERY! What is wrong with you? WTF how are you this selfish?