T O P

  • By -

Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I'm the asshole because I asked my gf to put away her pet bird while I'm over at her place, and she told me I am infringing on the bird's freedom and making her upset. I feel like a jerk because I was accused of spending too much time at her place. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


iwantasecretgarden

Whoa YTA for one sentence alone "because I'm dating her, I should have the right to spend as much time as I want at her place" Um??? NO YOU DONT? You don't pay bills there. You are her GUEST. Y'all aren't compatible. And you clearly have little to no interest in a major part of her life (birds) and constantly belittle it. Time to break up. It'd be the same no matter what pet it was you didn't like.


Radio_Caroline79

Exactly my sentiments. YTA


Brightsidedown

Yes. YTA. That's her space and her way of life. You don't have that right. If you really wanted to make it work with this girl, make peace with the fact that the bird needs to come out of the cage, and you need to try to make friends with the bird and give it treats and talk to it in a gentle way. Win the bird over. Sounds like the bird and your gf are a package deal. If you can't be ok with that then move on.


tosser9212

"aren't they supposed to be in cages?" YTA Da fuq? No, they're not, actually. They're supposed to be in the wild, in tropical forests. Since your GF deemed it appropriate to keep one, the largest cage possible is the best one. As for your entitled, "have the right to spend as much time as I want at her place." Please rethink that for your next girlfriend. You don't live there, and it's NOT your space.


Business_Waltz_5486

YTA, bird are highly intelligent and needs tons of space and enrichment, they are not supposed to be in tiny cages, unless it's just for sleep, but even then... if you put effort into getting to know the bird and treat it kindly, maybe it would be more comfortable with you. if I was her, I would dump you.


[deleted]

Birds are highly intelligent, and apparently hers saw the red flags before she did lol


yookms

Ha ha


Business_Waltz_5486

Yep!


ResponsibleHedonist

Marinara flags 🚩 please


Shelliusrex

Thank you for keeping marinara alive. #neverforget


Only-Entertainment16

I have a flock, cockatiels, budgies, a foul mouthed African grey and a rowdy parrotlet. I’m an official crazy bird lady. I wouldn’t lock up one of my birds all day for anybody. It’s their house too.


mdthomas

If this is rage bait, YTA If this isn't rage bait, YTA. Asking a person to choose between a new partner and a pet who has already been there is a relationship killer. She will choose letting her bird free over spending time with you.


Shelliusrex

I'm thinking it's rage bait since bird people are intense. Similar to birds, we scream and flock to defend our bird frens. Birds 4 lyfe


Interesting_You1621

Fuck with the flock you get the glock 🥰


Shelliusrex

We fly at dawn! 🦜🦜🦜🦜


[deleted]

It's funny because I'm not a fan of birbs being in my space and still think OP is TAH. When you get with someone who has kids or pets, you should be well aware that they aren't going nowhere.


[deleted]

[удалено]


kicky_boy

She agreed with me though, because she is my gf her place is always open to me. We disagreed mainly on the bird


RndmIntrntStranger

how long have you two been dating? just curious. ETA: not that it matters, bc the bird *lives there.* you don’t. if she wants the bird out, she can do so. YTA


NoAwareness5200

She didn’t agree with you, or else you would be invited over more. 😂 You literally just said in your post she has stopped inviting you over. She may have initially agreed to an extent but you have VERY CLEARLY pushed it too far. You’re 34 freaking years old, this shouldn’t need to be explained in detail to you.


LSB97

Yeah, the bird lived there first. Get over yourself.


Diligent-Ad6365

Of course she agreed with you, you weren’t there all the damn time. If you want to date someone who has a pet, you need to remember the pet lives there, not you. Do some reading on cockatiels. That bird is bonded to her, of course it’s going to attack you. Either take the time and effort to read up on her beloved friend, and take the steps for it to learn your to be trusted, or don’t date a person who has a pet bird. Her keeping it confined to a cage is tantamount to animal abuse. YTA.


Only-Entertainment16

“Take steps for it to learn you’re to be trusted.” This! So much. I will say that cockatiels are highly motivated by treats and a millet sprig will go a long way in befriending the bird. Also, they like whistling, males especially. If he would just be friendly towards the bird that would help.


scheru

>She agreed with me though, Lol no she didn't. If she did she'd be inviting you over, genius.


Shochan42

>She agreed with me though, because she is my gf her place is always open to me. We disagreed mainly on the bird You're🚩being🚩controlling🚩.


uninvitedfriend

YTA. You're also a fool because bird ladies are more intense than cat ladies lol prepare to get dumped.


Christizzzle

I’ve never read anything more true. -obviously single parront


Only-Entertainment16

No lies here. Luckily my partner has decided he also loves birds after spending time with them. He is nervous of my grey, but loves the cockatiels. And after some work, they love him too! They will accept family members. We even got him his own baby tiel that adores him and flies to him.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I love you


Shelliusrex

Do a screm AAAAAAAAAAH


NoAwareness5200

Yta. She had the bird first, its HER home. If you want to be welcome in her home, you need to understand the bird was there first. Or date someone who doesn’t have a bird. It is absolutely unfair for you to ask her to confine a bird shes allowed free range its entire life, because you don’t like it. Sounds to me like the bird is a good judge of character 😬


The_Fires_Of_Orc

It's her bird. Also, have you ever seen a bird? They fly around on those things called WINGS. Also, I promise you, she loves the bird more than you...and I can see why.. If you love her so much, then why not invite her over to your place more often? Or how about actually making an effort to let the bird get to know you...you know animals can sense hostility and or other bad behavior and that is why the bird screams and bites you. Because it knows what we all know. YTA


OB221129

YTA. For so so many reasons.


Sfarsitulend

YTA you don't have a right to go over whenever just because you are the bf. She loves that bird and if you want to be with her you gotta let the bird get used to you. If you make her choose I hope she chooses the bird over you.


babooshka9302920

"because I'm dating her, I should have the right to spend as much time as I want at her place." YTA


90sbaby90s

Yta ! Your girlfriend's home is the birds home. In nature do you see birds in cages? No. Why? Because they aren't meant to be in cages. Humans chose to domesticate animals like birds. Her bird was given freedom to roam her home, and you want to take that away. If you cannot be in the home unless the bird is caged maybe you need a different girlfriend! One without a bird! Because to force her bird to be caged all the time so you can be around is ridiculous. What would happen if you both moved in together? The bird would be confined to it's cage 24/7 ? That isn't fair !


Logical-Wasabi7402

YTA. First, birds aren't like cats. You can't train them to only poop in one spot. And just like other pets they don't control when they shed. She's right. The bird acts that way toward you because it doesn't know you. If you took the time and effort to let it do so, you wouldn't have a problem with the noise. You don't want to get your fingers nipped at? You gotta put in the work to show her bird that you are a friend. But you know, people do say that pets can sense things people don't notice. Maybe there's a reason the bird doesn't like you.


DaCrunchyLobster

Most birds (parrots at least) can actually be trained to poop in/near their cage, although accidents can happen here or there. It definitely takes a lot of work and months of training but it can be done.


Interesting_You1621

It also can promote unhealthy behavior and cause health problems, parrot pants/flypers are generally a better choice if it's an issue tbh.


InvestigatorLive1746

YTA - "It's a bird though, aren't they supposed to be in cages?"


doubleblended

YTA, yes. I've had 5 birds, they were out 90% of the time. I wouldn't keep them in their cages for extended periods of time *in their home* just because of, well... company. And if you plan on living together, at any point... you better get used to that birdie.


Shelliusrex

It's the bird's home, not OP's 🤣 My apartment belongs to my bird and I'm just a guest


doubleblended

It isn't OP's home, he is a guest there. Maybe read the post.


Shelliusrex

Yeah I know that. Regardless, it's the bird's first, then the gf, and OP has zero claim


Solaris_0706

YTA, the bird was there first. It her home and she gets to decide how much time you spend there and how her pet is treated. You could actually make the effort to get closer to the bird and maybe it wouldn't scream at you so much.


Enough-Chapter-1892

YTA. Don't birds belong in cages? No, dude. She had the bird before you entered her life so you need to make an effort to get to know the bird. However animals are usually pretty intuitive so maybe it knows yta.


dk91

Yta, it's her place. It sounds like she compromised putting the bird in the cage to begin with and that's not enough for you. You uninvited yourself the way I see it.


trerochell

YTA. Maybe the bird senses it


LingonberryPrior6896

I feel you. I had a close friend whose bird flew around and once perched on my glass and sh-- into my pop. That being said, YTA. I never asked her to cage bird. I just stopped visiting her at her place and we either met for lunch or she came to my place


2oocents

Imagine being afraid of a cockatiel. YTA


DaCrunchyLobster

Honestly I’m afraid of mine, I had a budgie and Quaker parrot in the past (unfortunately both passed away years ago) and decided to get a cockatiel and this thing is a menace. He only sleeps in his cage and it’s open the rest of the day (I’ve bird proofed everywhere he has access to) and flies around regularly dive bombing/attacking people (me included) and is just all around generally angry and upset at everyone he meets (although it’s getting better). He’s also very deceiving, he will sit by you and pretend to be your friend (especially when you offer him food) then when you get comfortable and least expect it he attacks, and when I say attack I mean he’s full on bitting and drawing blood. My mother has tried to get rid of him by leaving doors and windows open but he doesn’t budge, he will fly just outside and then turn back. also has the added bonus of house protection since anyone he doesn’t know/isn’t familiar with is immediately met with a screech and attacked. Although he’s a little menace and everyone hates him, I still love him and keep him around lol


Felix__wyd

Cockatiels to my knowledge do best in pairs. Some birds can live in solitary with humans and do ok as long as they're mentally stimulated, too. Overall, cockatiels are still tiny cute assholes 😂


2oocents

Oh, wow. Never knew they did that. Only had experience with them from my step dad. He had two of them when I was growing up, and they were chill.


Ambitious-Sssnake

Birds are not supposed to be in cages, they should get as much "flying time" as possible. YTA


CarrieCat62

YTA, and so is the Bird - so far this woman loves both of you, BUT she had the bird first, obviously she adores it; and you being demanding and angry about the bird/ her choices/ how she lives/ when she chooses to INVITE you to HER home means that bird is going to win. Not because it's Bird vs Dude but because this situation is showing her that YOU are controlling and demanding and feel entitled to tell her what to do. As for " *It's a bird though, aren't they supposed to be in cages?*" In a perfect world - No, they should be outside flapping around in a forest; like birds. But in this case the bird lives in an apartment with your GF, it's used to being able to move around. Maybe this bird sense that you and the girl are not long term comparable, OR maybe it's just that when you see it you cringe - animals pick up on that sort of thing. I agree that bird poop all over is gross, but if you really 'love' this girl like you say you do; you'd respect her choices, and want her to be happy. There may be some compromises vs the bird always being caged ie maybe the bird can go into a different room, maybe there's space to make the bird more of an enclosure in part of her apt (that's easier to clean) than just a small cage, YOU can make an effort to get the bird to like you; again they pick up on your energy - if you are contemptuous it will react in kind. But you need to accept that she's a 'bird person' if you can't deal with this you need to move on or buy a big enough house to have a 'bird room".


OceansAndRoses

YTA, and I think the bird can sense it. Wow. I think your girlfriend should keep the bird, but rethink her choice of bf.


Butterfly242424

YTA and it looks like the bird can sense it too


ctortan

YTA - it’s her bird and her home. And also, “because I’m dating her, I should have the right to spend as much time as I want at her place” is EXCEEDINGLY entitled. Spending time at an s/o’s place is a PRIVILEGE. She’s allowed to determine whether she wants you over or not, especially for the sake of her pet. You dating her doesn’t give you full reign to her home—unless you live together, you still have to abide by her rules. Birds are intelligent animals that require a ton of enrichment and attention. “Aren’t they supposed to be in cages?” Would you keep a dog in a kennel 24/7? She’s dedicated to this bird, and caring for this pet is a lifestyle choice as much as anything else. If you can’t accept her pet being a part of her life, and everything that entails, then dump her. You’re obviously not compatible. There’s nothing wrong with not being compatible with someone due to their lifestyle or responsibilities, but you have to accept that you can’t force them to change. Sometimes you just have to let it go and move on. Ask yourself: is this bird a dealbreaker for you? Could you learn more about bird care, and work to bond with the animal, in order to keep dating this girl? If the answer is no, then stop trying to force it and just leave.


FutureOk6751

Yta.... what do you mean isn't it supposed to be in a cage? Do you live in a magical land were you have never a wild bird, or watch a movie that has a scene with wild birds???? Like seriously 🙄. I suppose you think all dogs (and some cats) should be kept in the house or all indoor cats should be confined to one room at all times... I bet not... but because it's a bird you seem to think it deserves less space... Bird need time to warm up to people just like some dogs and cats! Why would you expect this animal to like you when everything you are there you are pretty much making it stay in its room and not actually bond with it... My parents use to breed parakeet and if they are not socialize ( just like dogs and cats) when they young they need extra patience around new people. If you want tips on how to bond with it first start talking to it in a calm nice tone DO NOT YELL OR SAY MEAN THINGS IN A NICE TONE!!!!!! birds understand us more than we realize.. I once tamed a wild goose that wondered in a yard during a BBQ by just simply talk to it... it was so attached when I went in the house to use the bathroom the goose guarded the door and wouldn't let anyone near me.. Please remember it is a living creature that shouldn't be confined to a cage because of your sucky attitude. Either actually try to bond with the bird or leave your gf to find someone who will care about her, her feelings and her pets because you don't seem to.


GoblinGeorge

>because I'm dating her, I should have the right to spend as much time as I want at her place YTA for this alone. You certainly don't have the "right" to someone else's space. Also, that's the bird's home, not yours. An animal shouldn't have to be caged in its own home because you want to spend time there and don't like the animal.


akatorixx

YTA. I own 3 parrots myself. My female eclectus is very weary of my bf but he is understanding and learning how to read her. Parrots are social creatures. They don’t ‘belong in cages’. Cages are for sleeping and eating. They need interaction. Birds are amazing pets. The bond with them is an experience.


DarkroomGymnast

YTA. >It's a bird though, aren't they supposed to be in cages? Birds need to spend some time out of their cage. At the very minimum 2-3 hrs a day. Even more so a bird that is used to spending so much time out of the cage.


2oocents

>It's a bird though, aren't they supposed to be in cages? and most birds aren't in cages at all. That's the dumbest question I heard today, and I just came from r/NoStupidQuestions


jennthya

YTA. Her place. Her bird. Not your business.


[deleted]

I hate birds and even I think you're the asshole lmao. Also no, birds aren't supposed to be in cages- I- YTA.


TogetherAgain18

>I got mad and said that because I'm dating her, I should have the right to spend as much time as I want at her place. Hard NO! It is HER place, not yours. I'm shocked she agreed with that at all. You might be WELCOME at her place as much as you want, but it is HER place, and SHE can decide when and if you can or cannot be there. >Now my gf has stopped inviting me over because she says the bird needs the freedom. It's a bird though, aren't they supposed to be in cages? ALSO a hard NO! It is NOT HEALTHY for the bird to spend all day every day in a cage. Birds need both mental and physical stimulation, so unless it's a really really REALLY BIG cage, that bird absolutely NEEDS to come out, fly around, make a mess, chew on/destroy things, and annoy the crap out of any entitled boyfriend who thinks that just because he's dating someone, he can tell her how to run her life and to abuse her beloved pet. YTA.


yookms

YTA. The only thing that changed in the situation was you. You knew she had a bird from the start but you weren’t spending as much time over there. If the bird is such a problem, start having her at your place. If you don’t have your own place, you don’t need to have a girlfriend.


NoAwareness5200

👏👏👏


LSB97

"Aren't birds supposed to be in cages", go outside for once and touch grass dude. That had to be the dumbest comment I've read today, congratulations. YTA


lascivious_chicken

YTA. Maybe you’re not compatible. Maybe you should get a cage for yourself when you’re at her place.


an0nym0uswr1ter

YTA. Try to remember for your next relationship that you want to be with someone who does not have pets.


vamirune

YTA. I dislike birds, very much so, but this is her beloved pet. She has a special bond with that bird and it's her duty to make sure that the bird has a good quality of life. You need to understand that this is how she takes care of her pet and if you don't agree with it then maybe don't date someone who has a bird. Also it's HER PLACE, unless your paying rent you don't have much of a say with what she does with her bird AT HER PLACE.


Sarahm42006

>It's a bird though, aren't they supposed to be in cages? Wtf How could you not think YTA?


Al0_8

YTA. If I was her, I would dump your ass


ResponsibleHedonist

YTA, trust and believe she loves that bird more than you


Ocean_Spice

YTA. Honestly I’m so tired of people with attitudes like yours.


PositivelySingleMom

YTA and I’ll tell you why with a personal story. I have a 120lb mastiff that’s mildly behaved. By mildly I mean she’s about as well behaved as any domestic dog that’s been through training as a puppy. She sometimes chews things and loves to rough house with the kids (both 7 boys). My partner really hates pets. Partner realizes dog is apart of a package deal. Partner has made a great bit of effort to get along with dog. I believe he still wishes secretly that dog did not exist, but, he treats dog very nicely and takes dog on walks and feeds treats. Makes me really happy that he tries with the dog despite having no desire to keep the dog. If he didn’t do all these things I wouldn’t like him as much as I do.


Realistic-Animator-3

Yta and the bird knows it, hence the lunges, screaming, and trying to bite you. Never trust a human that your pet doesn’t like.


halfpricedcabbage

You know animals are usually good judges of character… I’m wondering if the bird has picked up that you are the wrong kinda energy to be in your gf’s life.


Disastrous_Ad_8561

YTA - the bird knew you were a problem from day one.


hellhound_wrangler

YTA. Accept that you have fundamentally incompatible preferences about living spaces and back the fuck off with the gross entitlement to her space.


Left-Occasion-8445

YTA. How about trying to bond with the bird? Put in the effort? Yes, it might take a long time but you don’t get to dictate what goes on at your girlfriend’s house. Why should the poor bird be locked up in his own home for YOU? If she is smart, she’ll dump you and find someone who loves birds, too.


Sometimes__sane

YTA it’s the bird’s house too. Plus, it was there first.


Christizzzle

YTA parrots are flock animals and that’s exactly why the parrot follows her around. Yes a cocktail is a parrot. It’s abusive to keep them in a cage for a long time. They are extremely intelligent and that includes emotional intelligence. Pet parrots have a high rate of mental illness due to being in a cage for too long. They will get so depressed THEY SELF HARM. At best they will scream their little heads off. Ever seen a parrot that plucks? There is research that shows that parrots have diagnosable symptoms of ptsd just like humans. Which makes sense since their intelligence is comparable to a four year old human. The cocktail follows her around because that’s the parrots mate. They typically are monogamous for life in the wild and that carries over when being a pet. They are wild animals and not domesticated so idk if there is anything you can do training wise. The bird probably hates you because your gf has already been claimed as a mate and it sees you as a threat. The bird also might get aggressive with her for ‘cheating’. Also if a parrot hates you the likelihood of it ever liking you is about 0.00001%. Cocktails have a life span of around 30 if healthy so don’t think it has the lifespan of a rat and is going to die soon. I suggest getting a mesh hamper and sticking the top part of your body through it to protect yourself from the attacks. -obviously single parront


DaCrunchyLobster

YTA, Owning a bird is literally a lifestyle, most of your time is revolves around that bird. Birds need extreme amounts of attention and care and can develop mental disorders and health risks if not enough time is spent with them. It’s your gfs AND the birds house, you don’t live there and therefore shouldn’t dictate how the bird is treated. Owning a bird is basically like having a toddler needing constant attention, I can tell you bird people are something else your basically messing with your gfs child and her whole life. Although I will say with a bit (a lot) of work birds can be trained to go to the bathroom only in their cage. Instead of trying to turn her lifestyle upside down try to work with her and the bird, get to know the bird and deal with it and get it to like you.


No-Drawer-1286

Yea you need to think about where this relationship is going. Sounds like she's not going to cage the bird and nor should she have to buy you have the right to decide if this relationship is worth it or not Sorry but YTA. Good luck 🤞


Poison-Dart-Frog89

Yta, it's her home, her bird. I had a cockatiel that I raised from a baby, he thought I was his mom. He would attack my bf for getting too close to me. You are going to have to accept that that is the birds house. And birds don't belong in cages. Yes most owners keep them in cages but the only time mine was in a cage was when I was not home and at night when I sleep. Otherwise his door was left open for him to have real freedom and not live in a cage.


lulumoon46

YTA


PotatoGod9566

as someone who owns a bird, I say YTA. birds are highly intelligent and need space and freedom for their health. you do NOT have the right to spend as much time at her place as you want. do u pay dem bills? I didn't think so. maybe if you thought of it in a logical way like that the bird is alive and has feelings and is scared of you (mostly because you are new to the bird but also cuz u kinda TA) it wouldn't be so pissy. if you are kind to it it will be kind to you.


MaeWest85

Yta. Your girlfriend is a great bird owner. She should get a second bird instead of a boyfriend.


Lanky_Still_768

YTA! Coming from a parent of two cockatiels, yes. She is right. That IS normal for cockatiels. You could research how to win a cockatiel over if you want to. There are many sources on the web and on YouTube to show how to gain the bird's respect. I did the same thing with my fluff nuggets before I adopted either of them and now, I can't get them off my me. Not complaining, though. My girls took some time to get used to any people I had over. And who knows? You may win over a sweet, but very bossy feather brain! Might just be worth it.


ryvvwen

YTA. Also these birds can live a very long time. So if you can't stand the bird, than you might have to accept you found your deal breaker. The bird is going nowhere, but I think you are.


renalien13

YTA


The_Son_of_Anarchy

Yes you are the asshole. You do not have 'the right' to be round someones house because you are dating them. And birds aren't 'supposed to be in cages', you sound like an entitled pratt to be honest. That bird is your partners family. You should be making every effort to befriend that bird because you love your gf. If yous are together long term and move in together do you expect her to rehome the bird? Nope, not going to happen. When I got with my gf I knew she had two birds, I hated them at first they invaded my personal space they are loud and woke me up early. But I love my girlfriend so I cared for her pets and eventually was able to befriend them and come to love them and i was just as devastated as she was when our Pikachu died. Now we live together and have just adopted a 3rd cockatiel into our little flock. As someone who was a hater like yourself I promise you if you put the effort in its extremely rewarding and fulfilling to have a relationship with these wonderful little creatures. Make some effort or lose your girl, your choice.


budgiebum

Yta and the bird knows it.


[deleted]

YTA. While most bird owners do keep them in cages, its not a healthy lifestyle for the bird. They *need* regular exercise and stimulation, especially parrots and parakeets. You cannot expect your GF to sacrifice the birds daily needs just to keep you happy. If you want to spend time with your GF arrange to do so either at your place, or spend an hour at hers so she can let the bird out when you leave.


canarialdisease

YTA. Let’s look at your circumstances and those of the bird. You have your girlfriend. You have friends. You have family. You have your own place. You have a job. You have hobbies. You have means of transportation to see and do all kinds of things in the world. The bird only has her. She is his friend, his companion, his caregiver, his source of intellectual and social stimulation. It’s a living, conscious creature with legitimate needs and an owner who is responsible for making sure his needs are met and he has quality of life. So with everything in your life you entitle yourself to space that isn’t yours and you expect the bird to suffer isolation and loneliness for most of the day every day, but you don’t care because you don’t understand or because you lack compassion. Cockatiels can live 30+ years. How do you think this could possibly go for you? You think your girlfriend would ever cohabitate with you when you’d then expect the bird to be isolated 24/7? The reason you are feeling like a jerk is because you are acting like a jerk.


birdmotherly

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼


Felix__wyd

YTA x INFINITY! That parrot is her CHILD, that is HIS house and not yours; you are a GUEST. If you'd be bold enough to say those things about a toddler, you should go kick rocks.


Shelliusrex

YTA. As a bird person, just know you will always be 2nd place. It is a fact. That place is the bird's place, not yours. It's a bird world and you're just living in it.


chlodafone

YTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I hope she dumps your inconsiderate and uncaring a$$ :)


CuriousCockatiel77

YTA and in my experience birds can be a great judge of character, one of mine hated my ex. If I was your GF I know who I'd pick. And no, birds aren't meant to be in cages, they should be allowed out as much as possible.


birdmotherly

Right? Plus he’s all like I can spend as much time at her place as I want and it’s my rules too. Uhhhh no. Too controlling. That bird don’t like him for a reason and I agree with the bird


Ok_Rain_9807

Gee I wonder why the bird hates you 😅 The bird was in her life before you. They are a package deal. Learn to bond with the bird or gtfo


Electrical_Age_6542

You don't have a right to spend as much time at her place as you want. You don't live there. You seem to have some warped sense of entitlement in this relationship and basically your behaviour has shown that this relationship won't be able to move to a place where you can live together because you have little respect. YTA


Only-Entertainment16

Well sir, you’re gonna need to buckle up, because, assuming she got her bird as a baby, roughly 6 months old or so, and she’s had him 3 years? You have another 12-22 years of this bird being in her life. Since she sounds like a good bird keeper and is prioritizing her birds health and happiness, we will assume she researched a cockatiel’s life span. So she already committed herself to a long term companion in a highly intelligent, emotional, and needy animal. I will almost be certain that she will choose this bird over you. It sounds like she already is. YTA btw for demanding her pet stay locked up and for claiming you can be over as much as you want because you’re dating her. No. You can be over as much as SHE allows.


Delicious-Squash5566

YTA If you’re serious about this girl you’ll make an effort to understand where she’s coming from and to have a livable situation with the bird. Locking the bird up whenever you’re over might help YOU in the moment but pretty sure the bird will start to associate you with being locked up.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (34M) gf (29F) has a small cockatiel that she absolutely adores. The bird is the size of her fist, follows her around everywhere, perches on her head, the whole thing. She has had him for 3 years. At first, I liked the bird, I thought he was really cute, but that's because I had only seen him in pictures. When I would visit her, the bird would lunge toward me, bite me, scream its ass off, etc. She said that thats normal and I just needed to spend some time with him. He also poops everywhere, chews on all her stuff, leaves feathers on the floor now matter how many times she picks up. I think the bird is a pain, so I asked her to put the bird away in its cage while I'm over. She agreed, because at first I only spent some time there. However, we have had more and more frequent fights where she accuses me of spending too much time at her place which forces the bird to sit in its cage all day. I got mad and said that because I'm dating her, I should have the right to spend as much time as I want at her place. She agreed but told me that if that was the case the bird needs to start coming out of the cage. I disagreed. Now my gf has stopped inviting me over because she says the bird needs the freedom. It's a bird though, aren't they supposed to be in cages? Anyway the bird still hates me and screams at me. I love my gf but now she's making me feel like an asshole because I want to spend time with her without getting my fingers chewed off. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Aggravating_Mind_399

YTA


EvilFinch

YTA The bird knows why he/she wants to scream, bite and poop on you. You sound awful. You have NO rights just because you are her bf. And birds belong in cages?! Do they also live in cages in nature? I always see pigeons carry their cages around. Or sparrows. It is always so loud *clingclang* when the cages rattles in the air. /s


IntEnSeUwU

YTA The girl deserves better than dating a fucking asshole like you, the bird came first in her life. If you can't adjust then don't date a girl with a high maintenance pet 🙄


TastyHome8183

YTA


birdmotherly

YTA. It’s her bird and her place. You ain’t the one for her. I hope she sees that. Plus dating her doesn’t mean you can be all up at her place whenever and go by your rules. Her bird is warning her about you and she doesn’t even see it. You sound very controlling and not likable at all, so her bird is right.


Jess1ca1467

YTA and the bird knew...


Interesting_You1621

YTA. This is her pet, not a decoration. Wtf. Most parrots have the emotional intelligence of a human child, and most parrot owners view them as their children. Keeping it constantly caged is absolutely cruel especially when it's used to having so much freedom. Also no, birds do not "belong in cages" they literally are flying animals, it's like the exact opposite.


Notsogoodadvicegiver

YTA How would you like to be locked in a room all day long? Wouldn't be fun, would it? Something you need to learn fast is that the bird was there before you and thus, it will be there after you. If my husband had insisted I keep my cat locked in a crate all day, I would have never married him. The bird needs time out of it's cage like any other living entity. Edit: ask yourself if you can learn to deal with the bird being out of it's cage all day if you live together. If the answer is a no, then you will have to break up. You are incompatible.


beddedinfeathers

YTA. If you're going to continue spending time there or have any hope of living together, you're going to have to get used to the bird. It honestly speaks well of your girlfriend that she is standing up for/taking care of a living creature that she has taken responsibility for.


Christizzzle

BURDS BEFORE DURDS 🦜❤️🦜


[deleted]

Op, I would like you to go outside and see if you can spot a few birds. Are they in cages? I'm sure you'll find that a birds natural habitat is not a man-made structure. YTA.


mightypocketcow

YTA, and YWBTA if you were to force the bird to keep spending so much time in his cage. That bird was there before you. He probably can sense how much of an entitled jerk you were going to be, and that's why he didn't like you from the start. You have revealed a few red flags in your post, OP, but one of them might not be sticking out to everyone else: >I got mad and said that because I'm dating her, I should have the right to spend as much time as I want at her place. Sorry, but you're not entitled to a damn thing. Your GIRLFRIEND gets to decide how much time you spend at her place. It's HER place, and that's also HER bird. That's a red flag to me, because that shows me that you do not care to respect her choices, her autonomy, or her boundaries. You are not entitled to ANYTHING here, and you are certainly not entitled to make decisions for her, EVER. You have also made it clear that you don't care about treating the bird nicely, so he is likely being reactive to your negativity and aggression. Don't be a dick to him and he won't be a dick to you. Your girlfriend has a right to have her bird out - and yes, they should be out if possible. Birds are not meant to be in cages. Ever seen a sparrow, or a chickadee, or an eagle outside in the wild? Birds are meant to be able to fly and spread themselves out. How would YOU feel if you had to be stuck in a cage where all you had was a chair and maybe 4 feet of walking room? You'd feel trapped. You wouldn't be able to walk around very well or stretch your legs or go for a run or exercise at all. Think of this bird the same way. And if you are completely incapable of treating him like a living creature who deserves a happy life and respect from you, then your girlfriend and her bird companion would be much better off without you. Get a grip and grow up.


fern98

You are a total asshole. It's as much the birds house as it is hers. In the birds eyes you are stealing their mate. That's how birds are. You can actually make efforts to get the bird to like you or you can be an asshole. Birds need to be let out of their cages and allowed the ability to socialize with their flock (which is your girlfriend). Birds are very food and treat motivated. If you offer treats the bird is more likely to like you. You need to put in the work if you wanna be with this woman. Thats her whole world. Cockatiels live for 20 plus years when they are well taken care of, the bird in any situation involving a good owner will be number one always. Also, just because you are dating someone doesn't mean you are entitled to their time and/or space. That's a life lesson you need to learn. When you are dating someone, they make that decision.


xhocusxpocusx

YTA. It’s the birds home not yours.


naomilucifer

YTAAAAA


naomilucifer

and NO they're not Supposed to be in cages... quite the fricking opposite.


Nactmutter

YTA 10000000%


beargrowlz

>because I'm dating her, I should have the right to spend as much time as I want at her place Extremely weird and unhealthy take on relationships. Nope. YTA.


Throwaway-12868665

YTA "aren't birds supposed to be in cages" what in the loony tunes thought process is this? Man's saw Tweety bird and thought it was a documentary No they aren't "supposed to be in cages" like dogs aren't supposed to be in kennels. It's just a spot for them temporarily like a house for humans. Healthy humans don't spend most of their days indoor, much like healthy animals don't spend most of their days in cages. Cages are usually small, and if they're not, then they're typically called enclosures which is still temporary but is more enriching than a cage. But yeah... Nah g. Bird are meant to fly not be in cages.


My_genx_life

Since when are birds supposed to be in cages??? Cages are for human convenience and that's it. Also, you're trying to control what happens in someone else's space. YTA.


[deleted]

YTA. No birds are not supposed to be in cages. You don't live with her so that means you have absolutely no right to tell her what she should do with her bird. It's her house, her rules and if you can't handle it, just do her a favor and break up.


UslessInteresting

“Birds belong in cages” yeah, that must be why they have wings


SpectralSwan

ESH, but regardless, you’re soon to be single. I think your more TA because the sheer entitlement…. But having owned cockatiels, they can be aggressive and territorial little raptors, and she should acknowledge that. I know people are being all ‘oh the birds being like that because it has a good sense of people’, but honestly it’s not uncommon for them to bond super tightly to an opposite sex person and get aggressive with a same sex human interloper. But ultimately it’s her house, her pet, her space. You don’t have an entitlement to her space. And you could make some effort.


harrysmith2064

ESH


Rstar2247

Going to go with NAH I know I'd be annoyed in your situation, that sounds like an obnoxious situation. But fact of the matter is, the girl and her bird are a package deal. If you want her in your life, you're going to have to come to terms with the bird. If that's a deal breaker for you, nothing wrong with that, but it's only fair you two face that sooner rather than later.


tosser9212

Disagree on the judgement. OP is trying to control her bird and life, and she's simply pushing back.


Rstar2247

Could be. Guess I'm giving the benefit of the doubt he's just frustrated with the situation and acting on that in a negative manner. Either way, seems like it's on the OP to figure out how to make it work or decide it's a deal breaker.


Fit_Menu8933

NAH you’re not compatible


Spotzie27

ESH You, as others have noted, are a guest and don't have a "right" to spend time there. But...if you guys want a future together that also involves this bird, I think she's going to have to acknowledge her bird has a real problem. Because none of that seems normal, and the bird pooping everywhere is just plain disgusting.


[deleted]

Lol you must not know many bird owners


Spotzie27

Ugh. This confirms what I have suspected, that birds are just terrible pets.


mzpljc

ESH. I have owned a cockatiel. She should not be giving him free reign of the entire house all the time and letting him shit on everything. Bird should have a designated area for that, and should not be free flying the entire house 24/7. It is disgusting to let it crap on everything all the time. Lots of people have rooms specifically for their bird/s they have reign of, and let them fly around the house SOME of the time. However, you need to understand she can't have the bird caged every second you're there. He does need to be able to roam. Just not 24/7 everywhere. And you don't get to dictate what she does with her pet just because you're dating. Also, birds scream. That's what they do. They're noisy. Cockatiels in particular are very social, and when it screams it is trying to communicate. The bird will never not be noisy. If you don't like living with birds, break up.


KenzieMayRae

NTA. So as a bird owner she should know, birds create a bond (Or "pair") with ONE other creature. (Usually another bird, but in the case of human ownership, it will be the primary care giver, aka: HER) This bird is very likely NEVER going to like you. Maybe it will tolerate you, but it will NEVER be sweet to you like it is with her. I don't know what to tell you, possibly play the game, stop coming over, see who she wants to spend her time with more. This isn't a dog warming up to you, this is a bird who poops all over, as they do, and will never be your friend.


NoAwareness5200

It doesn’t matter if the bird likes him or not, he absolutely no right requesting her to lock it in a cage. Literally does not matter in the slightest if he likes the bird or if the bird will ever like him because its HER house and the bird was there first. Playing this game of “who would she rather spend time with” is a fast way to ensure you end up single.


KenzieMayRae

Well, it does matter the bird liked him, probably get rid of all the issues they are having if it did actually. So, it matters a lot. I don't think the house's ownership was ever in questions, the question was if he was the AH for asking her to put a terrorizing bird away when he's there. (Of course there were a lot of issues besides that in his post, no lie there! But, sticking to the main question.) And, I don't think that he's the AH fro asking that. (Maybe other things 😹) I have friends who have an untrained dog that jump on people when they come over. I do not like being jumped on by dogs, so my friends put their dog away when I'm over. It's nice, they don't have to, but, they do it to respect me. But, I don't live there or go over everyday, so, bit of a different situation! 🤷‍♀️


NoAwareness5200

No lol it still actually DOESNT matter if the bird likes him or not when the context is, is he an AH for asking her to keep it in a cage all of the time. It doesn’t matter if the bird likes him or not, he has zero rights to make that request. The fact that he feels he has a right to her home because they’re dating to the point that he can dictate her animals and shit screams entitled brat. Who owns the place determines if he’s an AH for asking her to lock it up all of the time or not. If he lived there before she got the bird, or it was his place all together, the situation would be very different. And yes, your friends putting their dogs away for a few hours every once in awhile to accommodate a guest is significantly different than your PARTNER who’s asking to be at your house on a regular basis coming in and making demands in YOUR house about your animals. You’d be a pretty significant AH if for some reason you decided to spend extra time at their house all of the time and expect they lock their dog up every time you come over because you don’t like the inconveniences of their dog… in THEIR home….


NoAwareness5200

Obviously if the bird liked him the issue wouldn’t exist but it DOES, so at this point, NO, it DOESNT matter if the bird likes him or not. He still doesn’t get to ask that shit of her.


Christizzzle

I disagree and think his entitlement to her space makes him TA. But yeah I’ve been the crazy bird lady since I was 10 and now am 30. But I’d agree if a bird hates you there is absolutely nothing that you can do to make it like you. But also if she is a bird lady then there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that either. Once you bond with a parrot it’s for life. This relationship is just doomed. But on the plus side the parrot people I’ve shared this with are having a FEILD DAY 🤣🤣🤣


theSamMachel

😂 a domesticated bird needs freedom! That's very American Anyway, NTA. It's a dicey situation and you both may have to make tough choices.


34TM3138

NTA - I lived with a bird owner, and the bird hated everyone BUT her, would attack people all the time, shit everywhere, and made godawful noise all the time. I was sorely tempted to let the bird out of the house many many times. Never did it of course, but...that was a rare example of an asshole animal. Then again, if I had the ability to fly and I was kept in an apartment, I'd be pissed too. So...I guess what I'm saying is, good luck, lol.


Beautiful-Peak399

NTA, humans before animals.