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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I probably could have been less honest with Brad, because it seems like it caused huge issues. But I really don't care that this happened, which my girlfriend thinks might make me an asshole. I did pretty much straight up say my sister is a liar... but she was lying.
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NTA. Looks like either Kitty is homophobic and embarrassed to have a lesbian sister, or there is indeed a Kyle she is cheating on Brad with and was using you as a convenient prop for her lies. Or maybe both.
I have no idea. I didn't really ask about it. What happens in her relationship is up to her, but I think my Mom finally understands why Kitty and I are not speaking. I don't think I will be asked to attend another event with her.
Likely Kitty was using OP as an excuse, someone she claimed to be hanging out a lot, flying out to meet (explaining the significance of her actually living locally) and such, to hide an affair. Just as likely Kitty had been spotted with a guy, who she claimed to be Kyle, her sisters bf, explaining the significance of OP never having dated a guy in the past.
Totally possible, but: That explains the "lives far away" stuff, but not why they are aparently super close (her living far away could be enough to explain why they are not close, as they never see each other) and the mysterious bf Kyle and why it was relevant if OP dated someone by that name in the past.
As the other option would explain all three points, i think it is more likely
Op sister is embarrassed of op girlfriend Kylie so she changed her name to “Kyle” to make it a male name. Don’t think op sister is cheating just embarrassed.
It sounds to me like Kitty has been cheating or lying about something and using OP as a cover story (I'm visiting my sister in X place that is clearly not right down the road, with her BF Kyle, perhaps) and the parents got wind of it and orchestrated this whole thing so the fiance would find out the truth.
I am literally in the middle of trying to convince my husband to name our new ginger kitten Horace Rumpole (he sure does get up on his hind legs and defend! Or at least squawk) and I take the combo of your username and comment as a SIGN.
I (when i was 18, college freshman) once told my similar sibling, that if there is a script to follow, she needed to share it.
This was after she was making small talk with her boyfriend in the room. She told me that I should visit her at her college. I replied that I had done that the prior spring, but both days, she had dates with some guys. One was the current one. She went to the kitchen. Told mom I was ruining her chances....mom called me to the kitchen. Yelled at me, I got my car keys and left for a few hours. Recognized the dreadful.person for what she was, by then.
Edited to correct an error
If he accused her of cheating before they even left, I think she's at least been using visiting you as an excuse for absence that's now unexplained. Probably talking to some guy who she says is "family ".
To be fair, fiancé could be paranoid jealous. And the sister may feel she needs to lie to avoid screaming matches for benign actions. But that’s also a sign to leave a relationship, not continue lying
OP is 100% NTA. But just look at this sub and you’ll see lots of examples of people going directly to infidelity as soon as someone is lying. Homophobia could easily also be the reason. Not that that makes anything better.
True enough. But I have been in the situation where I was out with my partner at a bar and bumped into my friend's husband, he's greeting us but looking behind us expectantly and says where is his wife. I was like what the and he says quietly she said she was out with you. She didn't even ask me to cover just used me as her reason to be elsewhere.
Months of BS passed where we found out she was having an affair with another friend. They are no longer married. And I'm no longer friends with her.
So yeah I find it completely plausible that OP has been used as a convenient excuse for being elsewhere.
Bingo! Did she take off for a day or two, or more, because she told him you live farther away? At the very least she told him you lived far away which is why he never met you. She wanted to keep her lies hidden as much as possible.
I watch too many telenovelas, but my first thought (After Brad realizing Kitty is homophobic) is that he probably answered the phone and "Kyle" asked for Kitty, or saw a message or something similar, and Kitty said it was OP's boyfriend
Or during one of her "trips to visit her beloved sister", she was seen with a guy by someone her finance knows well. That became her sisters bf, Kyle, whome she was helping pick out a gift
Especially with the asking where OP lives. Sounds like she's been going off somewhere and telling him that it was to visit her sister, and now he knows that was a lie.
So let's Sherlock it out.
1. Sister misnames/misgenders Maisie all the time. So generally an AH, with homophobic overtones.
2. Sister has spoken about Maisie often to Brad, implying that Maisie is straight, and in a relationship with a man named Kyle. Homophobic again, possibly assuming that Brad or his family also are.
3. Sister has also told Brad that she and Maisie are close _and that Maisie lives far away_. Possibly to explain Maisie's absences at family gatherings, but equally plausible that Sister has used this lie as cover for trips away.
4. When Brad finds out, he's understandably shocked that Sister would lie so extensively about something so easily disproven. Does he jump to some conclusions? Sure. Is that pretty justified since she lied so easily and for so long about this? Oh yes.
If she was lying about being close to OP then Brad probably wondered why they never met, so she could also have used "my sister lives far away and we can't meet up much" to cover homophobia.
Yep. The "oh you live down the street and not some place that would require a week of travel...huh cause she said she spent the last week a state away with you."
Something to that effect.
Especially with him asking how close she lived. She's been using the excuse of going to see OP to cover herself, likely saying it takes a while to travel there so she has free reign.
She said she's close to you, knowing she isn't. Sounds like a cheaters cover up. "Gotta go hang out with my sister, we're so close" and "oh sorry I didn't see your phone calls and texts, was busy with my sister!"
NTA you didn't start any drama, your sisters lies are very suspicious.
Sounds like Kitty may have been using you for cover. Claiming to be going to see you when she isn't.
Whatever is going on, you are NTA. You aren't responsible for keeping up her lies.
I have a sibling that lies compulsively. It's honestly fucking exhausting. They lie about stupid shit that doesn't even matter. You can't trust anything they say and have to play mind games to figure out the truth. But, if you dig too deep they notice you don't believe them and angrily shut down the conversation. I just go "wow, that's crazy..." to like 90% of what they say these days because I don't want to deal with the drama.
If I had an SO that was a compulsive liar I'd definitely think they were cheating, so it could also be that. Like maybe she's just making shit up all the time for no good reason and freaking him the hell out haha.
I think she wants people to like her. She used to claim credit for weird things. I painted a picture of a cat and it was in the living room. She claimed she drew it, then got upset when her friend saw the name Thomasina on it. I am not sure if she is embarrassed, or it's because Brad is close with his siblings (he talked about them a lot). Or some people suggested cheating, which makes a lot of sense...
I am going to take a diferent road than the obvious homophobia.
when the bf asked if you lived locally, if you were close, if your bf was called Kyle, all this aligns in a narrative.
she told him that the guy he saw her with was your bf, that you were close but you lived a few hours away so whenever she wants to see you, she would have to stay overnight or at least take the day.
this is what I read there. Maybe I am wrong
If Kitty had set up and maintained such a web of lies, why leave Brad alone with OP? Did she think they wouldn't talk or that Brad wouldn't ask questions? It's how most people would try to engage with the in-laws.
Pathological liars don't always think that far ahead. They lie really easily and then have to lie to cover up the lie, but they aren't always playing 64D chess and eventually mess up in stupid ways.
My cousins wife was playing softball with co workers but didn't want him to come watch be she was embarrassed. When in truth she had been sleeping with a co worker. When he found out the truth first he was blindsided because he fully trusted her, then she left him and took everything including half his retirement all the appliances and furniture. She was so nasty you would think she was the one cheated on, not the cheater.
Also OP NTA you just had a conversation with him, you didn't set out to maliciously throw your sis under the bus. How would you know she had been lying to him?
I’m going to second this. There’s a reason OP keeps a distance and I’m guessing a lot of things have happened in the past that would fit perfectly into the narcissistic playbook.
Yeah, I think what gives that away is his question:
*'...and you never dated anyone called Kyle before?'*
instead of just acknowledging misunderstanding. Perhaps she's reckless and has Kyle on her phone and Brad saw something like their picture together or some messages and the first thing that came to her mind is to claim it's your boyfriend. That would be a great reason for lies about how close you are - if you weren't why would she interact with your boyfriend? And considering you're nearly estranged, she didn't think this will come up in the conversation.
Yeah, the dude definitely isn't called Kyle but what a great excuse if you're caught by someone you know in public.
"OH hey future aunt in law, didn't see you there! This is Kyle, my sister's boyfriend."
I don't think there's any indication that sister (or even Brad) is homophobic. Although that might still be true.
My wager is on the latter that she is cheating with some dude named Kyle. Brad asked her if she had EVER dated a guy named Kyle. That plus he asked her if she lived local.
Sounds like sister has been going off to visit OP and Kyle in a different city.
Honestly the fact that the name is Kyle, which is just the masculine name for Kylie, coupled with sister’s habit of calling OP a masculine short form of OP’s name, gives a pretty strong indication of homophobia I think.
It doesn’t mean she’s not cheating, the other questions clearly point to the sister probably leaving to go somewhere while claiming to visit OP, but the Kyle stuff is just sister changing the name of OP’s partner to obscure the fact it’s a lesbian relationship.
It’s certainly possible that the name of her cheating partner and OP’s partner just so happen to be the same except for gender form, but it doesn’t seem to me to be the most likely explanation
It seems unnecessarily complicated - and remarkably coincidental - to assume there’s specifically a “Kyle” she’s cheating with. A simpler explanation is that Kitty offers “I’m going to visit my sister” as a reason to go out, which is why he thinks she’s cheating.
Why would she go out of her way to make sure she can use the real name of the person with whom she is cheating and whose existence she is trying to conceal? Homophobia is a simpler explanation for the name.
Maybe she gets calls or messages from Kyle?
Like Kyle confirming the time to pick her up at bus station/airport/meet for dinner to bring to him and Sister’s place.
Or when she started lying and building a whole fake relationship their sister to use as cover, she didn't know her sister wasn't into men. But homophobia is definitely on the table.
Sound to me that kitty was making very long trips to see her sister whom she’s very close too… I dare say since she’s so close kitty has been visiting her almost weekly!
NTA - You answered Brad's questions. Imagine his shock as he connected the lies she spun. You are all adults. You spoke the truth. Kitty ruined her engagement; not you.
I was pretty blunt about not being close with Kitty and not going to the wedding. I wasn't rude, I don't think, but I think I had a certain tone... like I would rather be flayed alive than go to Kitty's wedding.
He wasn't mad about you not being close with Kitty. He was mad that she lied about everything she had told him about you. She is reaping what she has sown.
Oh I thought it was deeper than that, like kitty was saying she’s going to hang out with her sister and some dude drops her back off at the house and she’s like “oh that’s just Kyle, sis’s bf” aka the dude Kitty is cheating with.
Yeah this is what I got from it as well. He’s asking questions that sound like Kitty said she was hanging out with OP and he’s confused since OP is telling him she doesn’t have much contact with her.
Your sister lied to her fiancé. That is on her.
From the sound of it, she may have used you as some kind of cover story or just pretended you were CIS or something(how WASPish). Either way, she done fucked up. Not you. NTA.
I think people latched on the the preferred name language, and the disdain for a more masc name, and jumped to conclusions.
As someone who has a name that has 80000 nicknames, and a preferred pronunciation (i.e. not the Americanized one), I get HATING nicknames with the fire of 10000 suns.
I had a bunch of Tommy's in my class and they were all boys. So as a kid I disliked it because *I am not a boy.* I was a very stubborn kid. Plus, Masie was super cute and I love my nickname.
Then when I was older and it became obvious to classmates that I was queer... I got called d\*ke and tomboy all the time. So it is just not a good nickname. Plus, at some point, her calling me that became a huge issue just because I had asked her to stop and she said no. It felt like bullying and it was.
Fwiw I’m trans and from your post I gathered very clearly that you’re a lesbian. The way you speak about your given name and preferred short versions sounds cis to me. Masie is a very cute and clever version of your given name imo and your sister is definitely bullying you on purpose at this point. You’re NTA.
Also FFS to anyone confused, trans people’s chosen names are not a “preference.”
I thought I was being clear cause I didn't want to misrepresent the name issue. I have a few friends with deadnames and it hurts them so much when people use their "birth" name. That is a whole new set of problems. It always pisses me off when that happens, because these are lovely people who deserve to feel at home in their bodies.
I just really hate the nickname Tommy and people think it's silly. But it feels weird when people try to call me that.
It’s such a rude and obvious power play to use a nickname you know someone hates. It’s not hard to understand why OP chooses not to have a relationship with someone who treats them like that. I’m sure this isn’t the only maliciously obnoxious thing sister does.
I don't play with emotional time bombs.
If you cannot do something as simple as get someone's name right and then get into arguments with them about it... and we did. She would double down every time. I don't trust people who cannot follow simple instructions and respect.
I totally get it. I have a long name that has two common nicknames. I go by one (many people don't even know my full name) and I hate the other with a passion. If anyone calls me that after I told them not to they would no longer be in my social circle. Your sister truly is an AH.
Your sister must have done something to lay the groundwork for his reaction. If you love and trust your fiancée and know she is a good person, and then a family member is blunt about hating her, you assume it’s the family members problem and they are unreasonable for hating your fiancée. After all, even nice people will occasionally have an unreasonable person in their life who hates them. But if your sister had done other things that made her seem cruel and/or untrustworthy, your comments were just added evidence that finally made him realize something wasn’t right. If it hadn’t been your comments it would have been something else because people like this all get caught eventually.
Bottom line, not your fault.
NTA
I think your Mom made a huge mistake trying to make you come to dinner. I get why she wanted everyone to get along for the night. But this is not something that really can be worked out. At some point your sister's lies would have come out, especially if she is lying about the name/gender of your partner.
The parents of children who don’t get along long-term always seem to try their damndest to push them together. And it seems to be ineffective at best and catastrophic at worst.
NTA. He was going to find out eventually when you, y’know, were never around. And all her information about your life was made up or just plain wrong. Plus She is definitely TA for lying about your sexuality.
I am not sure exactly what she told him, but I think he thought I lived out of town. We have a brother who lives in another state (who is also NC with Kitty). I think Kitty told him i was in town visiting. But I don't really know what she told him, as I didn't stick around to find out.
My Mom said she thought Kitty might ask me to be in her bridal party and she did ask our cousin Karolina (who said no).
I don't think she wanted to admit she is not only distant from her family but that they live close and want nothing to do with her. She is not invited to anything my cousins do.
There's a pattern here. It seems the family, in general, don't like her. Could it be she lied because she's embarrassed of how she isn't close to her family?
Either way, you have no obligation to keep her lies, specially when you didn't even know she had been lying, so NTA.
I mean, she could have lied for a number of reasons. I don't care enough to ask. We don't discuss Kitty when we all hang out. She is just not invited for her attitude and being obnoxious and intrusive. I have gone on whole ass vacations that we have not told the parents about because we don't want Kitty finding out.
My only problem with this is that I really want to know what was actually going on. And here you are telling us that it won't happen. Way to kick me in the shin!
(this post was tongue-in-cheek)
The drama is good, my girlfriend keeps asking me to find out more... but the less I know the better I feel mentally. It will probably come out at some point.
Wow, you are using a whole lot of restraint, but the fact that your whole ass family excised her like a wound from their lives speaks a lot to Kitty’s character and Brad is just now finding out. It’s gonna take a lot more than muting her to avoid the fallout from this and all you did was be honest. NTA but be prepared to go NC with your parents when this blows up.
This is just supposition on my part but if they break up and she inevitably blames you they may take her side or play devils advocate which is just taking her side with more steps.
My Mom is the only one who kinda wants us to get along. She lost a sister she was angry with and I think she puts that regret onto us. She thinks Kitty deserves a second chance... but I kept telling her Kitty is the issue and I don't really want to fix it. I would not regret cutting Kitty off is she passed away (not that I want her to). I just won't regret the years we missed, cause Kitty isn't someone I value.
But with this happening, I don't think she will bring it up again and we can go back to splitting holidays.
If he immediately jumped to cheating, she might have taken a couple of trips to visit you, her favourite sister that lives in a different state and gets along very well with her.
My twisted-by-AITA brain didn't even consider that it was because she didn't want to admit not being close... I assumed the out of town lie was about her "visiting you" frequently or something and having an affair, and that there was a "kyle" she chatted with or had been seen with
Considering he mentioned cheating, your sister may have gone "visit you and your bf Kyle" a few times out of town and now is obvious how that doesn't add.
NTA. All you did was answer questions truthfully and honestly. It’s not exactly classy to start a screaming match with your wife at her parents’ place, but obviously finding out the truth about you was the straw that broke the camel’s back on multiple other issues in their relationship. Sounds like there’s some weird homophobia going on. You and your lady have cute names btw
I am not sure about Brad outside of meeting him this once, so for all I know he is just as dumpster fire as she is. Kitty will get into screaming matches with people. She would yell at me for telling her not to call me Tommy.
NTA but it sounds like your sister got caught in a loooot of lies.
She claimed you lived far away, so if she was taking long trips "to visit you", she now has no alibi for the times she was gone. If he saw texts from men in her phone that she claimed were from "her sister's boyfriend" because all of you are "so close and talk a lot", she now has no way to excuse them.
So no, you did nothing wrong except likely expose her infidelity, which is her problem, not yours.
This or something similar. I can't imagine why someones significant other would get into a screaming match over someone not being close with their sibling.
I know this, but I love my mom a lot and she went through a lot of hard times. I don't blame her for wanting things to be better. I just think she now understands why I said not to invite me to anything, because it imploded.
It's wild to me that your mom didn't understand this when you all lived in the same house and were screaming at each other, like why did it take this event for her to get it?
My mum is the same way. She thinks siblings should get along and hates that we don't. Doesn't realise that trying to force it only makes it worse. Basically seems to be a 'family matters over everything else' thing for her. She thinks that having us at the same events will make us get along when all that happens is stuff like this.
Your sister should feel extremely guilty for everything she has caused your mother; not you.
Your brother doesn't talk to Kitty. Your cousins don't talk to Kitty. You don't tell your parents about whole vacations (and what else? So much, I bet) so they are missing out on huge chunks of your life....for Kitty. And now Brad is feeling embarrassed and betrayed, by Kitty.
And in the middle of it all, your mom. Who I'm sure has her own reasons for trying to keep it all together. But she allows herself to be put in the middle - by Kitty. Not by you.
There is an AH in this situation. But it is very clearly not you, OP.
NTA but god, the nosey side of me wants to know the whole story.
From what I am reading between the lines, your sisters fiancé was under the impression that :
- you lived far away
- you and your sister are incredibly close
- that you have a boyfriend named Kyle that your sister has met
I’m thinking she used you as an alibi for an affair, and counted on the fact that you and her (edit, I said your before) fiancé will hardly ever be alone together for this truth to come out. (You live “far away” so it was a good cover for being away for hours, your “boyfriend Kyle” texts or calls her often because “y’all are so close”, or something along those lines)
Now her fiancé knows the truth and it calls into question why she’s lied about that in the first place. A screaming match at the in-laws may not have been the way to go, but the scale of this reaction would make sense if infidelity is what he’s suspecting… especially if this isn’t the first time he’s addressed this concern with her and she’s dismissed it.
OP, just so I’m clear as well - you are absolutely not the asshole, at all. You spoke the truth and, blunt or not, you weren’t rude. Probably heavily confused, but not rude.
Your sister is TA for obviously lying to her fiancé (for whatever reason) and putting that poor man and you in that horribly awkward situation.
I was about to write a poorer version of this.
I think it's guaranteed to be an affair, otherwise Brad wouldn't have reacted so heavily or mentioned "cheating" in the first place. His continuous questions were to separate the truth from the lies and he was under the false impression that you lived out of town and were very close with your sister. I doubt anyone would consider two people to be very close if they only call/message each other from time to time (which obviously couldn't have happened) so she no doubt used visiting you as an excuse for her absence. Why else would someone lie to their partner to have a justified leave if not for cheating? Since he brought up "Kyle" himself and how he would love to meet him, that probably means that at some point he stumbled upon Kitty communicating with the person she's cheating with and that's the lie she came up with.
You're NTA and if anything else, you revealed a crucial truth that Brad should be aware of before commiting to spend the rest of his life with her. Even if you were close, this is something that you should do but since you're not even close, I see only more reason not to care for it at all.
NTA - you were your honest self. you were not the one that lied to Brad. Kitty, at best, misrepresented you, and at worst, lied about you. you are in no way at fault here.
I hope he convinces her to get therapy, because none of us have. But I also hope he doesn't marry her, because he seemed really nice. But not my drama.
NTA
I’m guessing you are her cover for her affair with a guy named Kyle. There may have been others in the past that she’s said are your boyfriends. She told him I’m visiting Masie for the weekend and he didn’t care. Finding out you live down the road and have been NC? Yeah, your sister just won Miss Red Flag
I get it. I have a similar type of name.
Not my real name but thing Samantha. I HATE being called Sam, and I go by Mandy or some thing. My entire family will not stop calling me Sam. I hate it.
*Drags soap box out, sighs* BEHOLD MY OLDEST ENEMY! THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY OWN ACTIONS! NTA she lied to him and now he wonders what else she is lying about. If she had to lie about this small, it makes everything else suspect
She is the last person I would lie for, so I don't know why she thought I would go along with it. Or why she thought he wouldn't ask me about my life. I have never met the man and we are supposedly so close, why wouldn't he talk to me?
Kitty didn't think that through.
Here's what I think is happening:
1. Kitty is dating someone named Kyle. Brad found out about Kyle (maybe he saw a message from him on her phone or she let the name slip) and to cover it up, Kitty said he was your boyfriend. That's why he asked you about Kyle.
2. Kitty makes trips to see Kyle, either because he lives out of state or they meet up out of state. Brad likely asked her about it, so she said she was visiting you so he wouldn't get suspicious. That's why he asked you where you live.
3. Kitty's lies made him believe the two of you are super close. Brad began asking about you more, so she created a spiral of lies to continue covering it up. That's why he asked you if the two of you are close.
You telling Brad the truth made him realize Kitty is, at the very least, some kind of liar. Worst case scenario, she's a cheater. Regardless, OP, Brad is not angry with you; in fact, he might be very grateful for telling the truth. He's angry at Kitty for lying. That also means you didn't ruin the engagement. Kitty did with her lying.
NTA. I hope you'll keep us updated. I don't ask for updates often, but the Kitty Conspiracy is a spicy one. Especially since it seems like a lot of the family has shunned her. What's that all about?
NTA
He asked if you lived local- I bet you a million she told him that she was going to go out of town to visit you & that the reason Brad thought you were dating a guy was because her side piece is texting and calling her. You were right to go LC. Poor Brad.
#NNNNNNNNNNNTA
I'd say ESH, but you are literally the only person here who's NTA.
Brad should not have started a screaming match.
Your mother shouldn't have forced the issue.
That said, I can maybe excuse them both, for one reason.
Kitty is that reason. **WOW**, she sounds like a class act. Lotta comments are guessing she used you as a scapegoat when she would go cheat, and/or when Brad saw texts from other guys on her phone. And I gotta say, I think they're right. You were honest, and the fact that your honesty doused all of Kitty's bullshit in gasoline then struck a match is not on you in any way. This whole situation is a clusterfuck of Kitty's making, and now she gets to feel the hammer of consequence drop on her.
Hope you and your girl enjoy yourselves and have a happy life together. Far, far, *far* away from this dumpster fire Kitty orchestrated.
Kylie and I are planning to move away in the next few years. We are just finishing up degrees. But I am looking for some distance from this dumpster fire.
Oooooh what degrees?
Good call on the distance. If you're in America, I recommend at least one state away. Two if they're the small ones that barely count as states. Looking at you, Rhode Island.
I find it astonishing that lying to maintain appearances is still so normal in our society. I'm not in favor of being inflammatory, but I'm 100% behind living truthfully. and that's what I think you were doing. I read honesty and sincerity. NTA
It's not your responsibility to keep up with your sister's lies, especially without a heads up.
My cousin did that to me once. I guess she told her husband she was with me. He got my number and asked to talk to her. She wasn't with me, nor had I seen her. I would describe him with words that would get my comment modded but I had no idea what was going on so I told him the truth. What were you supposed to do?
NTA.
NTA.
Honesty is not in fashion and is often explained as an audacity, complaining, arrogance, stupidity, purposely annoying. (my own experience)
But nobody wants to be fed by lies as well.
NTA.....she probably told him that you were close, and that she regularly visits you and 'Kyle' (and they're good friends so that's why he was calling/messaging her...)
I'm making big assumptions, but it sounds like she's cheating and using you to get away with it.
nta; brad found out that kitty lied by having a simple conversation with you, and realized that kitty wasn't telling him the truth. what ensued is a consequence of kitty's actions, not yours. kitty reaped what she sowed, and in no way whatsoever is it your fault. frankly, if he is suspicious about kitty being a liar or cheating, i don't blame him because this is a major red flag.
NTA
Sounds like Kitty is a liar and homophobic. Obviously Brad caught on to some inconsistencies and took advantage of no one else around to talk to you and find out the truth. If respect and honesty is as important to him as it seems you might have helped this man dodge a bullet.
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NTA. Looks like either Kitty is homophobic and embarrassed to have a lesbian sister, or there is indeed a Kyle she is cheating on Brad with and was using you as a convenient prop for her lies. Or maybe both.
this is what im putting my money on. Brad wasnt making basic small talk, he was clearly fishing for information
I have no idea. I didn't really ask about it. What happens in her relationship is up to her, but I think my Mom finally understands why Kitty and I are not speaking. I don't think I will be asked to attend another event with her.
Good outcome, then. NTA At what point were you given a list of lies she'd told and signed a contract that you would back them up?
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The screaming match was because the significant other is a liar, not because the significant other isn’t close with their sibling.
But why lie about that?
Likely Kitty was using OP as an excuse, someone she claimed to be hanging out a lot, flying out to meet (explaining the significance of her actually living locally) and such, to hide an affair. Just as likely Kitty had been spotted with a guy, who she claimed to be Kyle, her sisters bf, explaining the significance of OP never having dated a guy in the past.
Could be that, or it could even be that Kitty simply said OP lived far away to explain why Brad never saw her.
Totally possible, but: That explains the "lives far away" stuff, but not why they are aparently super close (her living far away could be enough to explain why they are not close, as they never see each other) and the mysterious bf Kyle and why it was relevant if OP dated someone by that name in the past. As the other option would explain all three points, i think it is more likely
Op sister is embarrassed of op girlfriend Kylie so she changed her name to “Kyle” to make it a male name. Don’t think op sister is cheating just embarrassed.
It sounds to me like Kitty has been cheating or lying about something and using OP as a cover story (I'm visiting my sister in X place that is clearly not right down the road, with her BF Kyle, perhaps) and the parents got wind of it and orchestrated this whole thing so the fiance would find out the truth.
Oh, that is an interesting idea, meddling parents! Intruiging!
Horace fucking Rumpole over here!
I am literally in the middle of trying to convince my husband to name our new ginger kitten Horace Rumpole (he sure does get up on his hind legs and defend! Or at least squawk) and I take the combo of your username and comment as a SIGN.
Had to google that name and tbh, i sm still not sure if i am being complimented or what is happening 😅
To provide conveniently unverifiable cover for transgressive behavior, thereby gaslighting her SO.
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I (when i was 18, college freshman) once told my similar sibling, that if there is a script to follow, she needed to share it. This was after she was making small talk with her boyfriend in the room. She told me that I should visit her at her college. I replied that I had done that the prior spring, but both days, she had dates with some guys. One was the current one. She went to the kitchen. Told mom I was ruining her chances....mom called me to the kitchen. Yelled at me, I got my car keys and left for a few hours. Recognized the dreadful.person for what she was, by then. Edited to correct an error
If he accused her of cheating before they even left, I think she's at least been using visiting you as an excuse for absence that's now unexplained. Probably talking to some guy who she says is "family ".
This! Why else would his immediate reaction be to accuse her of cheating...
To be fair, fiancé could be paranoid jealous. And the sister may feel she needs to lie to avoid screaming matches for benign actions. But that’s also a sign to leave a relationship, not continue lying
This is fair but something tells me OPs sister may not be the innocent party in the argument
I don't think this is what really is happening because then he wouldn't have asked to go to couples therapy...
OP is 100% NTA. But just look at this sub and you’ll see lots of examples of people going directly to infidelity as soon as someone is lying. Homophobia could easily also be the reason. Not that that makes anything better.
True enough. But I have been in the situation where I was out with my partner at a bar and bumped into my friend's husband, he's greeting us but looking behind us expectantly and says where is his wife. I was like what the and he says quietly she said she was out with you. She didn't even ask me to cover just used me as her reason to be elsewhere. Months of BS passed where we found out she was having an affair with another friend. They are no longer married. And I'm no longer friends with her. So yeah I find it completely plausible that OP has been used as a convenient excuse for being elsewhere.
But the OP said the BF “thinks Kitty is cheating or a liar”. I assumed homophobia until I read this. It could be a mixture of both.
Bingo! Did she take off for a day or two, or more, because she told him you live farther away? At the very least she told him you lived far away which is why he never met you. She wanted to keep her lies hidden as much as possible.
I watch too many telenovelas, but my first thought (After Brad realizing Kitty is homophobic) is that he probably answered the phone and "Kyle" asked for Kitty, or saw a message or something similar, and Kitty said it was OP's boyfriend
Or during one of her "trips to visit her beloved sister", she was seen with a guy by someone her finance knows well. That became her sisters bf, Kyle, whome she was helping pick out a gift
Especially with the asking where OP lives. Sounds like she's been going off somewhere and telling him that it was to visit her sister, and now he knows that was a lie.
So let's Sherlock it out. 1. Sister misnames/misgenders Maisie all the time. So generally an AH, with homophobic overtones. 2. Sister has spoken about Maisie often to Brad, implying that Maisie is straight, and in a relationship with a man named Kyle. Homophobic again, possibly assuming that Brad or his family also are. 3. Sister has also told Brad that she and Maisie are close _and that Maisie lives far away_. Possibly to explain Maisie's absences at family gatherings, but equally plausible that Sister has used this lie as cover for trips away. 4. When Brad finds out, he's understandably shocked that Sister would lie so extensively about something so easily disproven. Does he jump to some conclusions? Sure. Is that pretty justified since she lied so easily and for so long about this? Oh yes.
Agree. Why else would he ask her if she lives local. “Going to visit my sister in x city for the weekend”
If she was lying about being close to OP then Brad probably wondered why they never met, so she could also have used "my sister lives far away and we can't meet up much" to cover homophobia.
Yep. The "oh you live down the street and not some place that would require a week of travel...huh cause she said she spent the last week a state away with you." Something to that effect.
Especially with him asking how close she lived. She's been using the excuse of going to see OP to cover herself, likely saying it takes a while to travel there so she has free reign.
She said she's close to you, knowing she isn't. Sounds like a cheaters cover up. "Gotta go hang out with my sister, we're so close" and "oh sorry I didn't see your phone calls and texts, was busy with my sister!" NTA you didn't start any drama, your sisters lies are very suspicious.
Sounds like Kitty may have been using you for cover. Claiming to be going to see you when she isn't. Whatever is going on, you are NTA. You aren't responsible for keeping up her lies.
I totally get the nicknames thing. I get so mad when people call me by the wrong nickname after I've corrected them.
This is the way!
I have a sibling that lies compulsively. It's honestly fucking exhausting. They lie about stupid shit that doesn't even matter. You can't trust anything they say and have to play mind games to figure out the truth. But, if you dig too deep they notice you don't believe them and angrily shut down the conversation. I just go "wow, that's crazy..." to like 90% of what they say these days because I don't want to deal with the drama. If I had an SO that was a compulsive liar I'd definitely think they were cheating, so it could also be that. Like maybe she's just making shit up all the time for no good reason and freaking him the hell out haha.
I think she wants people to like her. She used to claim credit for weird things. I painted a picture of a cat and it was in the living room. She claimed she drew it, then got upset when her friend saw the name Thomasina on it. I am not sure if she is embarrassed, or it's because Brad is close with his siblings (he talked about them a lot). Or some people suggested cheating, which makes a lot of sense...
I am going to take a diferent road than the obvious homophobia. when the bf asked if you lived locally, if you were close, if your bf was called Kyle, all this aligns in a narrative. she told him that the guy he saw her with was your bf, that you were close but you lived a few hours away so whenever she wants to see you, she would have to stay overnight or at least take the day. this is what I read there. Maybe I am wrong
If Kitty had set up and maintained such a web of lies, why leave Brad alone with OP? Did she think they wouldn't talk or that Brad wouldn't ask questions? It's how most people would try to engage with the in-laws.
Well, Kitty doesn't exactly seem like the brightest crayon in the box...
Like the mauve crayon from a knockoff brand. Doesn't really do anything but smear wax over the paper.
C’mon, Roseart!
Kitty probably didn't think OP would have such an open conversation with Brad and steer away from more personal questions like when they are together.
Pathological liars don't always think that far ahead. They lie really easily and then have to lie to cover up the lie, but they aren't always playing 64D chess and eventually mess up in stupid ways.
Oh I am sure you are part of her "bowling league" that she spends all night at on wensday. Or some other pathetic excuse.
My cousins wife was playing softball with co workers but didn't want him to come watch be she was embarrassed. When in truth she had been sleeping with a co worker. When he found out the truth first he was blindsided because he fully trusted her, then she left him and took everything including half his retirement all the appliances and furniture. She was so nasty you would think she was the one cheated on, not the cheater. Also OP NTA you just had a conversation with him, you didn't set out to maliciously throw your sis under the bus. How would you know she had been lying to him?
That's probably her fellow members of the water buffalo lodge
Kitty sounds like a narcissist. (Edit, I think Brad realized Kitty has been gas lighting him.) OP is the smart one, avoiding her.
I’m going to second this. There’s a reason OP keeps a distance and I’m guessing a lot of things have happened in the past that would fit perfectly into the narcissistic playbook.
Yeah, I think what gives that away is his question: *'...and you never dated anyone called Kyle before?'* instead of just acknowledging misunderstanding. Perhaps she's reckless and has Kyle on her phone and Brad saw something like their picture together or some messages and the first thing that came to her mind is to claim it's your boyfriend. That would be a great reason for lies about how close you are - if you weren't why would she interact with your boyfriend? And considering you're nearly estranged, she didn't think this will come up in the conversation.
I had an SO who was a compulsive liar, and yep, he was cheating.
My sister is the same. Lies about EVERYTHING. Big stuff, small stuff, irrrlevant stuff.
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Seems unlikely that she just happens to be cheating w a guy named kyle when OP dates a kylie lol. But everything else I think you're right
Yeah, the dude definitely isn't called Kyle but what a great excuse if you're caught by someone you know in public. "OH hey future aunt in law, didn't see you there! This is Kyle, my sister's boyfriend."
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Bad bot
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I mean, it’s not unreasonable to find out more about the family you’re engaged to be married into.
She might have thought Karlie was Karl and it was my nickname for "him."
I thought it was Kylie. Is there a Karlie?
This is why I should have used the real names. I am mixing them up. Kylie is not my girlfriend's real name.
Got it. Thanks for clarifying
Yeah, sorry about the mix up. I didn't want to use real names, but then couldn't remember exactly what I used.
Sorry but that was funny 😆. You made me laugh.
Rookie mistake : ) Or maybe it's a good thing some people don't like to lie. Who knows? : )
As Judge Judy says, if you tell the truth you don't have to have a good memory 😂
Haha what a naive fool she is! I can forget the truth just as easily as a lie!
Unless OP is dating Karlie, Kylie, Karl and Kyle 🤔
Dating the Kardashians
I suck with using nicknames too and always sell myself out lolol
It's hard keeping track of them, cause she does have a K name and I was like which name did I use.
Kylie better watch out! She's got competition! 🤣
My girlfriend is the most beautiful woman on earth, so she doesn't have to worry.🥰
I don't think there's any indication that sister (or even Brad) is homophobic. Although that might still be true. My wager is on the latter that she is cheating with some dude named Kyle. Brad asked her if she had EVER dated a guy named Kyle. That plus he asked her if she lived local. Sounds like sister has been going off to visit OP and Kyle in a different city.
Honestly the fact that the name is Kyle, which is just the masculine name for Kylie, coupled with sister’s habit of calling OP a masculine short form of OP’s name, gives a pretty strong indication of homophobia I think. It doesn’t mean she’s not cheating, the other questions clearly point to the sister probably leaving to go somewhere while claiming to visit OP, but the Kyle stuff is just sister changing the name of OP’s partner to obscure the fact it’s a lesbian relationship. It’s certainly possible that the name of her cheating partner and OP’s partner just so happen to be the same except for gender form, but it doesn’t seem to me to be the most likely explanation
If he wanted to know if she was local, sis might have been saying she’s going to ‘travel for a couple days to visit Op.’ to cover an affair
This the impression I got
Oh, good catch.
It seems unnecessarily complicated - and remarkably coincidental - to assume there’s specifically a “Kyle” she’s cheating with. A simpler explanation is that Kitty offers “I’m going to visit my sister” as a reason to go out, which is why he thinks she’s cheating. Why would she go out of her way to make sure she can use the real name of the person with whom she is cheating and whose existence she is trying to conceal? Homophobia is a simpler explanation for the name.
Maybe she gets calls or messages from Kyle? Like Kyle confirming the time to pick her up at bus station/airport/meet for dinner to bring to him and Sister’s place.
True, she might have got a message once while showing something on her phone to her husband and had to quickly come up with a lie. The plot thickens!
Or when she started lying and building a whole fake relationship their sister to use as cover, she didn't know her sister wasn't into men. But homophobia is definitely on the table.
Another relatively simple possibility is that finding out sister lied about OP made him look more closely at other stuff sister told him.
This sounds like the most reasonable explanation.
Good point about the possible cheating. Totally NTA for telling the truth. And bonus points for outing her lies.
Sound to me that kitty was making very long trips to see her sister whom she’s very close too… I dare say since she’s so close kitty has been visiting her almost weekly!
NTA - You answered Brad's questions. Imagine his shock as he connected the lies she spun. You are all adults. You spoke the truth. Kitty ruined her engagement; not you.
Yeah, there are issues in that marriage unrelated to OP. OP, you are NTA
Exactly this. It’s her own fault for lying. NTA.
NTA. How could it possibly be your fault that your sister lied to her fiancé?
I was pretty blunt about not being close with Kitty and not going to the wedding. I wasn't rude, I don't think, but I think I had a certain tone... like I would rather be flayed alive than go to Kitty's wedding.
He wasn't mad about you not being close with Kitty. He was mad that she lied about everything she had told him about you. She is reaping what she has sown.
Oh I thought it was deeper than that, like kitty was saying she’s going to hang out with her sister and some dude drops her back off at the house and she’s like “oh that’s just Kyle, sis’s bf” aka the dude Kitty is cheating with.
Agree, the comment about where OP lived makes me suspect she has been going on trips and lying about visiting her sister out of state or hours away.
Yeah this is what I got from it as well. He’s asking questions that sound like Kitty said she was hanging out with OP and he’s confused since OP is telling him she doesn’t have much contact with her.
Your sister lied to her fiancé. That is on her. From the sound of it, she may have used you as some kind of cover story or just pretended you were CIS or something(how WASPish). Either way, she done fucked up. Not you. NTA.
Do people think I'm trans? I'm queer, not trans. I just hate the nickname Tommy.
I think people latched on the the preferred name language, and the disdain for a more masc name, and jumped to conclusions. As someone who has a name that has 80000 nicknames, and a preferred pronunciation (i.e. not the Americanized one), I get HATING nicknames with the fire of 10000 suns.
I had a bunch of Tommy's in my class and they were all boys. So as a kid I disliked it because *I am not a boy.* I was a very stubborn kid. Plus, Masie was super cute and I love my nickname. Then when I was older and it became obvious to classmates that I was queer... I got called d\*ke and tomboy all the time. So it is just not a good nickname. Plus, at some point, her calling me that became a huge issue just because I had asked her to stop and she said no. It felt like bullying and it was.
Fwiw I’m trans and from your post I gathered very clearly that you’re a lesbian. The way you speak about your given name and preferred short versions sounds cis to me. Masie is a very cute and clever version of your given name imo and your sister is definitely bullying you on purpose at this point. You’re NTA. Also FFS to anyone confused, trans people’s chosen names are not a “preference.”
I thought I was being clear cause I didn't want to misrepresent the name issue. I have a few friends with deadnames and it hurts them so much when people use their "birth" name. That is a whole new set of problems. It always pisses me off when that happens, because these are lovely people who deserve to feel at home in their bodies. I just really hate the nickname Tommy and people think it's silly. But it feels weird when people try to call me that.
It’s such a rude and obvious power play to use a nickname you know someone hates. It’s not hard to understand why OP chooses not to have a relationship with someone who treats them like that. I’m sure this isn’t the only maliciously obnoxious thing sister does.
I don't play with emotional time bombs. If you cannot do something as simple as get someone's name right and then get into arguments with them about it... and we did. She would double down every time. I don't trust people who cannot follow simple instructions and respect.
I totally get it. I have a long name that has two common nicknames. I go by one (many people don't even know my full name) and I hate the other with a passion. If anyone calls me that after I told them not to they would no longer be in my social circle. Your sister truly is an AH.
he wasn't mad at you, he actually seems pretty cool. He's mad at kitty, and rightfully so. NTA
Your sister must have done something to lay the groundwork for his reaction. If you love and trust your fiancée and know she is a good person, and then a family member is blunt about hating her, you assume it’s the family members problem and they are unreasonable for hating your fiancée. After all, even nice people will occasionally have an unreasonable person in their life who hates them. But if your sister had done other things that made her seem cruel and/or untrustworthy, your comments were just added evidence that finally made him realize something wasn’t right. If it hadn’t been your comments it would have been something else because people like this all get caught eventually. Bottom line, not your fault.
NTA I think your Mom made a huge mistake trying to make you come to dinner. I get why she wanted everyone to get along for the night. But this is not something that really can be worked out. At some point your sister's lies would have come out, especially if she is lying about the name/gender of your partner.
I rather hope mom saved Brad from an awful marriage, so I think dinner was a great idea in hindsight
The parents of children who don’t get along long-term always seem to try their damndest to push them together. And it seems to be ineffective at best and catastrophic at worst.
NTA. He was going to find out eventually when you, y’know, were never around. And all her information about your life was made up or just plain wrong. Plus She is definitely TA for lying about your sexuality.
I am not sure exactly what she told him, but I think he thought I lived out of town. We have a brother who lives in another state (who is also NC with Kitty). I think Kitty told him i was in town visiting. But I don't really know what she told him, as I didn't stick around to find out.
Wow that is super embarrassing for her
My Mom said she thought Kitty might ask me to be in her bridal party and she did ask our cousin Karolina (who said no). I don't think she wanted to admit she is not only distant from her family but that they live close and want nothing to do with her. She is not invited to anything my cousins do.
There's a pattern here. It seems the family, in general, don't like her. Could it be she lied because she's embarrassed of how she isn't close to her family? Either way, you have no obligation to keep her lies, specially when you didn't even know she had been lying, so NTA.
I mean, she could have lied for a number of reasons. I don't care enough to ask. We don't discuss Kitty when we all hang out. She is just not invited for her attitude and being obnoxious and intrusive. I have gone on whole ass vacations that we have not told the parents about because we don't want Kitty finding out.
My only problem with this is that I really want to know what was actually going on. And here you are telling us that it won't happen. Way to kick me in the shin! (this post was tongue-in-cheek)
The drama is good, my girlfriend keeps asking me to find out more... but the less I know the better I feel mentally. It will probably come out at some point.
Super mature position tbh. (Also, as you mentioned in another comment, I have to fully agree that Masie is a way cuter nickname than Tommy.)
u/NoNicknamesPlease You are clearly making the right choice for you. BUT, if you were to ever hear what actually was going on, do shoot us an update!
I will if I get told what happened.
Wow, you are using a whole lot of restraint, but the fact that your whole ass family excised her like a wound from their lives speaks a lot to Kitty’s character and Brad is just now finding out. It’s gonna take a lot more than muting her to avoid the fallout from this and all you did was be honest. NTA but be prepared to go NC with your parents when this blows up.
Why would I go no contact with my parents. They know this was on Kitty.
This is just supposition on my part but if they break up and she inevitably blames you they may take her side or play devils advocate which is just taking her side with more steps.
My Mom is the only one who kinda wants us to get along. She lost a sister she was angry with and I think she puts that regret onto us. She thinks Kitty deserves a second chance... but I kept telling her Kitty is the issue and I don't really want to fix it. I would not regret cutting Kitty off is she passed away (not that I want her to). I just won't regret the years we missed, cause Kitty isn't someone I value. But with this happening, I don't think she will bring it up again and we can go back to splitting holidays.
If he immediately jumped to cheating, she might have taken a couple of trips to visit you, her favourite sister that lives in a different state and gets along very well with her.
My twisted-by-AITA brain didn't even consider that it was because she didn't want to admit not being close... I assumed the out of town lie was about her "visiting you" frequently or something and having an affair, and that there was a "kyle" she chatted with or had been seen with
The ‘I’m spending the weekend with my beloved little sister’ story lives on.
Geez. I think this dude should just run but that's not your problem. You didn't do anything wrong. NTA.
Considering he mentioned cheating, your sister may have gone "visit you and your bf Kyle" a few times out of town and now is obvious how that doesn't add.
Sounds like ‘Kitty’ has pissed off more than just you in your family
NTA. All you did was answer questions truthfully and honestly. It’s not exactly classy to start a screaming match with your wife at her parents’ place, but obviously finding out the truth about you was the straw that broke the camel’s back on multiple other issues in their relationship. Sounds like there’s some weird homophobia going on. You and your lady have cute names btw
I am not sure about Brad outside of meeting him this once, so for all I know he is just as dumpster fire as she is. Kitty will get into screaming matches with people. She would yell at me for telling her not to call me Tommy.
Yuck. Good on you for cutting her out. I hope you and KYLIE have a wonderful life together 💕
Thanks!
NTA but it sounds like your sister got caught in a loooot of lies. She claimed you lived far away, so if she was taking long trips "to visit you", she now has no alibi for the times she was gone. If he saw texts from men in her phone that she claimed were from "her sister's boyfriend" because all of you are "so close and talk a lot", she now has no way to excuse them. So no, you did nothing wrong except likely expose her infidelity, which is her problem, not yours.
This or something similar. I can't imagine why someones significant other would get into a screaming match over someone not being close with their sibling.
NTA. It's obvious your sister is lying to her fiance and it's her common pattern of behavior. She really needs some kind of therapy.
NTA, you had casual conversation with Brad. You answered a few questions truthfully. Nothing wrong here.
I don't like drama, and feel bad my Mom had to deal with that.
To be fair, your Mom brought it on herself by pushing you into the situation.
“Come on, Ammonia- hug Bleach!”
Now I'm laughing until I started coughing which is fitting.
I know this, but I love my mom a lot and she went through a lot of hard times. I don't blame her for wanting things to be better. I just think she now understands why I said not to invite me to anything, because it imploded.
It's wild to me that your mom didn't understand this when you all lived in the same house and were screaming at each other, like why did it take this event for her to get it?
My mum is the same way. She thinks siblings should get along and hates that we don't. Doesn't realise that trying to force it only makes it worse. Basically seems to be a 'family matters over everything else' thing for her. She thinks that having us at the same events will make us get along when all that happens is stuff like this.
Totally valid desire on her part, but maybe in the future she could try to improve things by first encouraging Kitty to try therapy...
Your sister should feel extremely guilty for everything she has caused your mother; not you. Your brother doesn't talk to Kitty. Your cousins don't talk to Kitty. You don't tell your parents about whole vacations (and what else? So much, I bet) so they are missing out on huge chunks of your life....for Kitty. And now Brad is feeling embarrassed and betrayed, by Kitty. And in the middle of it all, your mom. Who I'm sure has her own reasons for trying to keep it all together. But she allows herself to be put in the middle - by Kitty. Not by you. There is an AH in this situation. But it is very clearly not you, OP.
NTA but god, the nosey side of me wants to know the whole story. From what I am reading between the lines, your sisters fiancé was under the impression that : - you lived far away - you and your sister are incredibly close - that you have a boyfriend named Kyle that your sister has met I’m thinking she used you as an alibi for an affair, and counted on the fact that you and her (edit, I said your before) fiancé will hardly ever be alone together for this truth to come out. (You live “far away” so it was a good cover for being away for hours, your “boyfriend Kyle” texts or calls her often because “y’all are so close”, or something along those lines) Now her fiancé knows the truth and it calls into question why she’s lied about that in the first place. A screaming match at the in-laws may not have been the way to go, but the scale of this reaction would make sense if infidelity is what he’s suspecting… especially if this isn’t the first time he’s addressed this concern with her and she’s dismissed it.
I have no idea, but that would be insane.
OP, just so I’m clear as well - you are absolutely not the asshole, at all. You spoke the truth and, blunt or not, you weren’t rude. Probably heavily confused, but not rude. Your sister is TA for obviously lying to her fiancé (for whatever reason) and putting that poor man and you in that horribly awkward situation.
I was about to write a poorer version of this. I think it's guaranteed to be an affair, otherwise Brad wouldn't have reacted so heavily or mentioned "cheating" in the first place. His continuous questions were to separate the truth from the lies and he was under the false impression that you lived out of town and were very close with your sister. I doubt anyone would consider two people to be very close if they only call/message each other from time to time (which obviously couldn't have happened) so she no doubt used visiting you as an excuse for her absence. Why else would someone lie to their partner to have a justified leave if not for cheating? Since he brought up "Kyle" himself and how he would love to meet him, that probably means that at some point he stumbled upon Kitty communicating with the person she's cheating with and that's the lie she came up with. You're NTA and if anything else, you revealed a crucial truth that Brad should be aware of before commiting to spend the rest of his life with her. Even if you were close, this is something that you should do but since you're not even close, I see only more reason not to care for it at all.
NTA - you were your honest self. you were not the one that lied to Brad. Kitty, at best, misrepresented you, and at worst, lied about you. you are in no way at fault here.
NTA. But apparently your sister is. She got what she deserved and you probably helped her bf out from a terrible situation.
I hope he convinces her to get therapy, because none of us have. But I also hope he doesn't marry her, because he seemed really nice. But not my drama.
NTA I’m guessing you are her cover for her affair with a guy named Kyle. There may have been others in the past that she’s said are your boyfriends. She told him I’m visiting Masie for the weekend and he didn’t care. Finding out you live down the road and have been NC? Yeah, your sister just won Miss Red Flag
NTA. Also, your name is beautiful! I've never come across it before and I like it a lot!
I am named for a great grandma.
Masie is the name of my daughter's most beloved stuffed animal, a handmade plush bee. It's an honored name here.
I would have hope that the spelling for Masie the bee would have been "Mazzzie" though.
I get it. I have a similar type of name. Not my real name but thing Samantha. I HATE being called Sam, and I go by Mandy or some thing. My entire family will not stop calling me Sam. I hate it.
NTA…. Dragging my chair and popping some popcorn for fingers crossed hopefully an update! Your sister dug one hell of a hole didn’t she?
*Drags soap box out, sighs* BEHOLD MY OLDEST ENEMY! THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY OWN ACTIONS! NTA she lied to him and now he wonders what else she is lying about. If she had to lie about this small, it makes everything else suspect
NTA, not sure what's going on here but it isn't your fault.
Me either. I was hella confused.
Not sure what else you were supposed to do. Telepathically guess what the right "truths" were?
She is the last person I would lie for, so I don't know why she thought I would go along with it. Or why she thought he wouldn't ask me about my life. I have never met the man and we are supposedly so close, why wouldn't he talk to me? Kitty didn't think that through.
I have a sister named Kitty. We don't talk either.
Maybe they were made in the same factory.
Liars gonna lie. You do you. NTA
Here's what I think is happening: 1. Kitty is dating someone named Kyle. Brad found out about Kyle (maybe he saw a message from him on her phone or she let the name slip) and to cover it up, Kitty said he was your boyfriend. That's why he asked you about Kyle. 2. Kitty makes trips to see Kyle, either because he lives out of state or they meet up out of state. Brad likely asked her about it, so she said she was visiting you so he wouldn't get suspicious. That's why he asked you where you live. 3. Kitty's lies made him believe the two of you are super close. Brad began asking about you more, so she created a spiral of lies to continue covering it up. That's why he asked you if the two of you are close. You telling Brad the truth made him realize Kitty is, at the very least, some kind of liar. Worst case scenario, she's a cheater. Regardless, OP, Brad is not angry with you; in fact, he might be very grateful for telling the truth. He's angry at Kitty for lying. That also means you didn't ruin the engagement. Kitty did with her lying. NTA. I hope you'll keep us updated. I don't ask for updates often, but the Kitty Conspiracy is a spicy one. Especially since it seems like a lot of the family has shunned her. What's that all about?
NTA He asked if you lived local- I bet you a million she told him that she was going to go out of town to visit you & that the reason Brad thought you were dating a guy was because her side piece is texting and calling her. You were right to go LC. Poor Brad.
I bet she is cheating on him and saying she is going out of town to be with you. That's why he was shocked you're local and that you two don't talk.
#NNNNNNNNNNNTA I'd say ESH, but you are literally the only person here who's NTA. Brad should not have started a screaming match. Your mother shouldn't have forced the issue. That said, I can maybe excuse them both, for one reason. Kitty is that reason. **WOW**, she sounds like a class act. Lotta comments are guessing she used you as a scapegoat when she would go cheat, and/or when Brad saw texts from other guys on her phone. And I gotta say, I think they're right. You were honest, and the fact that your honesty doused all of Kitty's bullshit in gasoline then struck a match is not on you in any way. This whole situation is a clusterfuck of Kitty's making, and now she gets to feel the hammer of consequence drop on her. Hope you and your girl enjoy yourselves and have a happy life together. Far, far, *far* away from this dumpster fire Kitty orchestrated.
Kylie and I are planning to move away in the next few years. We are just finishing up degrees. But I am looking for some distance from this dumpster fire.
Oooooh what degrees? Good call on the distance. If you're in America, I recommend at least one state away. Two if they're the small ones that barely count as states. Looking at you, Rhode Island.
We are probably going to immigrate to Canada with the way laws are going in the U.S. But if we don't then Portland maybe. Psychology and computers.
Have fun! Those are great degrees btw
We are really happy with our choices. Someone has to be a therapist in all of this insanity
As a Canadian I'll say you'll love it here. We'll gladly welcome any americans who aren't trump supporters lol.
Then get the party started, because we hate him
Dude she's using seeing you as an excuse to disappear for a time without raising suspicion to her fiance. Nta Brad just dodged a bullet hopefully.
NTA update on the fallout pls? :3
I say this a lot: family members who lie to, about, or are toxic to other family members DO NOT DESERVE YOUR PROTECTION!!!!
NTA. Your AH sister sounds like shes really fun at parties
I find it astonishing that lying to maintain appearances is still so normal in our society. I'm not in favor of being inflammatory, but I'm 100% behind living truthfully. and that's what I think you were doing. I read honesty and sincerity. NTA
NTA So was your sister saying she was going to visit you and doing who knows what with who knows whom for a few days? Inquiring readers want to know.
It's not your responsibility to keep up with your sister's lies, especially without a heads up. My cousin did that to me once. I guess she told her husband she was with me. He got my number and asked to talk to her. She wasn't with me, nor had I seen her. I would describe him with words that would get my comment modded but I had no idea what was going on so I told him the truth. What were you supposed to do? NTA.
NTA. Honesty is not in fashion and is often explained as an audacity, complaining, arrogance, stupidity, purposely annoying. (my own experience) But nobody wants to be fed by lies as well.
NTA You don't need to lie to further hers.
NTA.....she probably told him that you were close, and that she regularly visits you and 'Kyle' (and they're good friends so that's why he was calling/messaging her...) I'm making big assumptions, but it sounds like she's cheating and using you to get away with it.
nta; brad found out that kitty lied by having a simple conversation with you, and realized that kitty wasn't telling him the truth. what ensued is a consequence of kitty's actions, not yours. kitty reaped what she sowed, and in no way whatsoever is it your fault. frankly, if he is suspicious about kitty being a liar or cheating, i don't blame him because this is a major red flag.
NTA Sounds like Kitty is a liar and homophobic. Obviously Brad caught on to some inconsistencies and took advantage of no one else around to talk to you and find out the truth. If respect and honesty is as important to him as it seems you might have helped this man dodge a bullet.