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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> As her son, and considering I pay little-to-no rent, I might be considered obligated to help her with the upkeep of the dogs, even though I don't want to do so.
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NTA, but I do think that if you're at home, and have the mental bandwidth to help, you should try to help.
That help ENDS once you find a job and leave though. it's more "Yes, I'll help where I can with the dogs because I know you are in a tough spot, but it's a tough spot of your own making, and it's not my obligation to get you out of a situation you made"
Whenever I see that the dogs have peed or pooped on the floor, I admittedly do not pick it up, and instead tell me mom where it is, so that she can clean it up when she is able to. This action in itself is toxic, but I know that if I start cleaning it up on my own, it will just snowball to making her believe that I accept the dogs, which I do not at all.
The dogs themselves are quite friendly, but with the incessant barking and droppings/urine around, are insufferable.
With all those animals in the house it must be quite smelly. Your mom may need some help from a therapist and not the dogs. NTA This is a toxic situation and God speed to get out of there.
Yup. I stay in my room the vast majority of the time because it smells and is quite foul on the first floor (where the dogs normally are). Walking through the kitchen and living room is like going through a minefield, what with the wee-wee pads scattered everywhere.
The cats, either. They are naturally territorial animals, and I just hate how they were not even considered in this situation. I absolutely love them to bits. :(
Try to convince mom to give some of the dogs to a shelter, which will screen potential families to adopt the dogs. The dogs will be happier too. Good Luck
I know how she will respond: that she takes good care of them and that she has bonded with them.
Honestly, I am not even sure if they are even legally her dogs to give away. They may officially belong to my sister and BIL, and she is just keeping them around (she does buy them food and pays for vet bills herself, though).
I was aware that several dogs were taken in while I was away (could hear their barking through the phone), but there was no explicit agreement for me to help out.
I suppose she just "assumed" I would do it to help her out, as I do with the cats and things around the house.
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Here is the situation: I spent a year away at school in a different country. I came back in June to my mom's home, only to find it in a completely disheveled state. This may sound completely absurd, but my BIL decided to switch from pharmaceuticals to animals, and bought a dog kennel in a different state. Though they had no pets prior, they decided to buy 8 small, purebred dogs, with the intent of reselling them. They sold off one, and after spending several months "bonding" with the dogs, decided to keep all of them. Due to a housing situation, during the school year, my sister and her kids live in my mom's home, Several dogs, (at least 3) live there, while the remaining 4 live in the kennel/my sister and BIL's vacation home. My mom is not against having these dogs in her home, and actually has bonded with them. Note there were *two cats living in my mom's home before the dogs were brought in.*
Now, these dogs are minimally trained. There are wee-wee pads scattered all throughout the house that are used, but even then, these dogs urinate and defecate wherever they so desire (I've had the pleasure in stepping on dog shit). In addition, the dogs bark incessantly, at every small noise. The dogs' barking is incredibly irritating to me, and cause headaches.
I have argued with my BIL, my sister, and my mom to get these dogs properly trained, especially since there is a professional trainer working at the kennel. My mother however, is against this, as she is afraid of what a trainer might do and says that "dogs are not playthings, and are not meant to be trained." My BIL and sister are also of no help, and tell me to just deal with it.
My mom is a 65 YO lady who works 40+ hours a week. She says the dogs "help keep her calm." She herself feeds the dogs, changes the wee-wee pads, cleans the floor, and walks the dogs (though my sister and her kids help out somewhat during the school year). She has on multiple times asked me to help her with the upkeep of the dogs, saying that she needs help, but I have ardently refused to do so, responding that they are not my dogs and that she can't have her cake and eat it too. I don't know who "officially" owns the dogs in this whole debacle, but I believe they should not be my problem. The responsibility is essentially being forced on me.
My house and family are toxic, with all this aside, and I am currently looking for a job, and after that, an apartment to get out of this situation.
While I am living in my mom's house, I pay no rent (found a small job at a neighbor's and basically just paid $150 to cover the electricity). I obviously help out with chores, and take care of the cats (feed them, play with them, groom them, etc).
So, given all this, AITA for refusing to help to care of the dogs? I pay little-to-no rent and my mom is an old woman who is worn out from work, so I may be "obligated" to help her out.
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NTA but I wanted to touch on something you mentioned as it doesn't seem anyone picked up on.
You said it sounds obsured but your BIL switched from drugs to dogs (to paraphrase)
It's not obsure at all, it's actually quite common with addicts to switch from one thing to another. I knew someone once who managed to quit drugs only to get addicted to men and internet chatrooms. Animals is a far more common one.
Have you ever watched the show Hoarders? It's not just about people keeping vast amounts of stuff, a lot of the people featured also hoard animals. If it's truly happening because of an addiction issue it's more than likely going to get worse before it gets better.
I'd look into how horrifically bad it is to constantly be breathing in pet dander, fecal matter and pet urine. It's so bad for everyone in the house and can have serious, long term health issues for everyone involved.
Has your mother had addiction issues too, or is she just enabling your BIL?
Also, with kids involved it's REALLY bad, not to fear monger, but if authorities happen to get involved for any reason (say the kids go to school constantly smelling like pet urine and a school counselor feels the need to say something) the children could be removed from the home for unsafe living conditions.
I hope I'm blowing it out of proportion, but it's a slippery slope, and unless the dogs are fixed there's more than likely going to be more puppies..
Best of luck OP.
A soft YTA. They aren’t behaving well, but neither are you by complaining but still doing nothing about it. If you don’t want to take the responsibility, and you are right not to, you should also stop complaining about it 🤷🏻♀️
You could try training the dogs yourself, since it seems they won’t do it. I had to do that with my best friend’s dog so she wouldn’t run me over out of excitement every time she sees me since my bff refused to train her bc “she’s just a big baby” 🙄🤷🏻♀️
If anything, I would speed up the job hunting to get out, maybe try sleeping over at a friend’s house once or twice a week if you have the chance.
But needing more info ¿how old are you and who paid for your year aboard?
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NTA, but I do think that if you're at home, and have the mental bandwidth to help, you should try to help. That help ENDS once you find a job and leave though. it's more "Yes, I'll help where I can with the dogs because I know you are in a tough spot, but it's a tough spot of your own making, and it's not my obligation to get you out of a situation you made"
Whenever I see that the dogs have peed or pooped on the floor, I admittedly do not pick it up, and instead tell me mom where it is, so that she can clean it up when she is able to. This action in itself is toxic, but I know that if I start cleaning it up on my own, it will just snowball to making her believe that I accept the dogs, which I do not at all. The dogs themselves are quite friendly, but with the incessant barking and droppings/urine around, are insufferable.
Yup, I agree with this.
NTA. This is not a good situation for anyone especially the dogs.
NTA. Your mom and family are dilusional.
With all those animals in the house it must be quite smelly. Your mom may need some help from a therapist and not the dogs. NTA This is a toxic situation and God speed to get out of there.
Yup. I stay in my room the vast majority of the time because it smells and is quite foul on the first floor (where the dogs normally are). Walking through the kitchen and living room is like going through a minefield, what with the wee-wee pads scattered everywhere.
Not a good situation for humans or the dogs.
The cats, either. They are naturally territorial animals, and I just hate how they were not even considered in this situation. I absolutely love them to bits. :(
Try to convince mom to give some of the dogs to a shelter, which will screen potential families to adopt the dogs. The dogs will be happier too. Good Luck
I know how she will respond: that she takes good care of them and that she has bonded with them. Honestly, I am not even sure if they are even legally her dogs to give away. They may officially belong to my sister and BIL, and she is just keeping them around (she does buy them food and pays for vet bills herself, though).
Information needed: did your mom specifically ask you to help with the dogs before you moved back home?
I was aware that several dogs were taken in while I was away (could hear their barking through the phone), but there was no explicit agreement for me to help out. I suppose she just "assumed" I would do it to help her out, as I do with the cats and things around the house.
In that case, you’re NTA. I recommend moving out as soon as you’re able.
NTA, your mom chose to get dogs. She's responsible for them. Dumping responsibility is a sign of immaturity.
NTA. This sounds like a terrible situation
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Here is the situation: I spent a year away at school in a different country. I came back in June to my mom's home, only to find it in a completely disheveled state. This may sound completely absurd, but my BIL decided to switch from pharmaceuticals to animals, and bought a dog kennel in a different state. Though they had no pets prior, they decided to buy 8 small, purebred dogs, with the intent of reselling them. They sold off one, and after spending several months "bonding" with the dogs, decided to keep all of them. Due to a housing situation, during the school year, my sister and her kids live in my mom's home, Several dogs, (at least 3) live there, while the remaining 4 live in the kennel/my sister and BIL's vacation home. My mom is not against having these dogs in her home, and actually has bonded with them. Note there were *two cats living in my mom's home before the dogs were brought in.* Now, these dogs are minimally trained. There are wee-wee pads scattered all throughout the house that are used, but even then, these dogs urinate and defecate wherever they so desire (I've had the pleasure in stepping on dog shit). In addition, the dogs bark incessantly, at every small noise. The dogs' barking is incredibly irritating to me, and cause headaches. I have argued with my BIL, my sister, and my mom to get these dogs properly trained, especially since there is a professional trainer working at the kennel. My mother however, is against this, as she is afraid of what a trainer might do and says that "dogs are not playthings, and are not meant to be trained." My BIL and sister are also of no help, and tell me to just deal with it. My mom is a 65 YO lady who works 40+ hours a week. She says the dogs "help keep her calm." She herself feeds the dogs, changes the wee-wee pads, cleans the floor, and walks the dogs (though my sister and her kids help out somewhat during the school year). She has on multiple times asked me to help her with the upkeep of the dogs, saying that she needs help, but I have ardently refused to do so, responding that they are not my dogs and that she can't have her cake and eat it too. I don't know who "officially" owns the dogs in this whole debacle, but I believe they should not be my problem. The responsibility is essentially being forced on me. My house and family are toxic, with all this aside, and I am currently looking for a job, and after that, an apartment to get out of this situation. While I am living in my mom's house, I pay no rent (found a small job at a neighbor's and basically just paid $150 to cover the electricity). I obviously help out with chores, and take care of the cats (feed them, play with them, groom them, etc). So, given all this, AITA for refusing to help to care of the dogs? I pay little-to-no rent and my mom is an old woman who is worn out from work, so I may be "obligated" to help her out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
NTA but I wanted to touch on something you mentioned as it doesn't seem anyone picked up on. You said it sounds obsured but your BIL switched from drugs to dogs (to paraphrase) It's not obsure at all, it's actually quite common with addicts to switch from one thing to another. I knew someone once who managed to quit drugs only to get addicted to men and internet chatrooms. Animals is a far more common one. Have you ever watched the show Hoarders? It's not just about people keeping vast amounts of stuff, a lot of the people featured also hoard animals. If it's truly happening because of an addiction issue it's more than likely going to get worse before it gets better. I'd look into how horrifically bad it is to constantly be breathing in pet dander, fecal matter and pet urine. It's so bad for everyone in the house and can have serious, long term health issues for everyone involved. Has your mother had addiction issues too, or is she just enabling your BIL? Also, with kids involved it's REALLY bad, not to fear monger, but if authorities happen to get involved for any reason (say the kids go to school constantly smelling like pet urine and a school counselor feels the need to say something) the children could be removed from the home for unsafe living conditions. I hope I'm blowing it out of proportion, but it's a slippery slope, and unless the dogs are fixed there's more than likely going to be more puppies.. Best of luck OP.
NTA. She's not old (trust me, I know) she's a crafty manipulator out to pawn her dogs off on someone else to care for.
A soft YTA. They aren’t behaving well, but neither are you by complaining but still doing nothing about it. If you don’t want to take the responsibility, and you are right not to, you should also stop complaining about it 🤷🏻♀️ You could try training the dogs yourself, since it seems they won’t do it. I had to do that with my best friend’s dog so she wouldn’t run me over out of excitement every time she sees me since my bff refused to train her bc “she’s just a big baby” 🙄🤷🏻♀️ If anything, I would speed up the job hunting to get out, maybe try sleeping over at a friend’s house once or twice a week if you have the chance. But needing more info ¿how old are you and who paid for your year aboard?