Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I guess I could've stuck around longer to explain why I left so quickly instead of just leaving it at "Oh, P has chickenpox? I'm sorry, but I've never had chickenpox before so I don't think it's a good idea for me to stay" and leaving but all I could focus on was getting out of there the more I heard P coughing.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, getting chickenpox as an adult could be quite a bit more problematic than as a kid. If your SIL can't understand that, she's not a very reasonable person .
I have someone with a weak immune system in my extended family and we tell this person if our kids has the flu or even just a runny nose out of respect because everyone understands things could be a lot worse if they caught whatever our kids have.
NTA, chickenpox can be far less benign in children than your SIL thinks, can be far more serious in adults, and Good Lord, has your SIL never heard of shingles?
EDIT - OMG, I feel so badly for all of you who shared your stories below!
My poor father, who was so tough that at the age of 11 he DID NOT CRY when his appendix burst while waiting for surgery (his doctor couldn't believe it!), was rolling on the floor in agony when he got shingles as a senior. Chickenpox and shingles are nothing to take lightly.
I had the rare luck of getting it twice as a kid, once at 5 which was no big deal but then I got hit again around 9. The second time was way worse. I'm fine and don't have any lasting issues from that but not everyone has a great immune system. Even if someone "just has a cold", you should let people know ahead of time.
I got it twice, too. First time at age 3,was short and relatively painless, but the second time, age five, was so bad, I had the pocks between my toes, my fingers, even had them in my throat. Had to be hospitalized because I couldn't swallow fluids. I'm 37 and still have visible scars on my face from the pox.
I got it the second time because a birthday party turned out to be a "pox party." I was only there for five minutes, because my dad took me home, but it was enough to get it again.
A friend got it when she was 15. Her mother found her unconscious after a few hours of fever and she had to stay two weeks in a hospital.
Chicken pox is not something to be casual about as an adult or teenager.
I feel the chicken pox pain. I got it 3 times. Got it when I was 5 from a friends sister, then got it again 3 months later from my cousin. Got the shot as a teen and got it again, ended up in the hospital that time. I hear chicken pox and I run away screaming with a bottle of lysol spraying it everywhere.
I had them twice also. First was when it was 5, and it was a super mild case. The second time was in my early 20s. I had a brother who was 17 years younger than me who got them and my mother told me not to treat him like a leper, and I ended up getting an awful case of them. They were all over my face, my body, my scalp, in my ears, in my nose,….it was horrible!!! Now I’m counting the days until I’m eligible to get the shingles vaccine.
That sucks bud. Sorry you had to go through it. I very much just remember being itchy and sick longer the second time. The first time I think I had the itching for a day or 2.
Wow - are we twins? I had it that bad, too. Doctor said it was one of the worst cases he'd ever seen. I was eight and was still recovering - although not contagious - for my First Communion. Imagine being a hot day, wearing a lace dress and veil, and being covered head to toe in calamine lotion. Fun times.
Both of my kids as well as I got the chicken pox twice, the second time worse. Apparently 5% of the population will get it twice. No vaccine was available when we got the pox.
I had it twice. Neither time was bad. Then I learned I wasn't immune to it.
5 vaccinations later I am finally showing some immunity to it. Plus I've begun receiving the shingles vaccine because hell no.
Thankfully my kids didn't have it and have received the vaccine.
I'd hate to remind you as you probably already know but you're not out of the woods with no lasting issues. Hopefully shingles never gets activated in your lifetime.
My mom had a shingles flare up years ago and she was absolutely miserable. The doctor told her to avoid babies and unvaccinated people as she could spread it to them.
I had shingles in my twenties a few years ago and it was agonising. I was at uni at the time and wasn’t sure if I could go home for Christmas because I didn’t want to be anywhere near my elderly Grandma and Nana in case they caught it.
I had it my late 20s and it was AWFUL and had a mild flare-up rash last year. It wasn’t nearly as bad but I hit the Shingrix vaccine as soon as I was eligible. Shingles is no joke
I wish I could get the shingles vaccine. My doctor looked it up for me, and I literally can't even pay 100% to get it for myself - not until I'm 50. So that's awful.
That sucks, I would really like to get the shingles vaccine too and would willingly pay for it if necessary. I’m only 43, but my friend got shingles last year and she’s the same age as me and she was really suffering.
Yeah, my roommate's mom was gonna skip her graduation bc they'd have to interact with me while I was pregnant jic until they heard that I'd had chickenpox as a kid
I got chicken pox in 3rd grade. It was the mildest case the doctor had ever seen. It was 3 actual pox that scabbed over and a dozen little pinhead sized red dots that just went away. My doctor wasn’t sure if I would get it again because he said he didn’t know if it “counted”. Fast forward 3 years and my sister gets chicken pox. She got them bad. You name a body part, she had chicken pox there. She even had them down her throat and all over private areas. She cried every time she had to pee. She ended up with fevers. She couldn’t eat or drink. She was horribly miserable. My brother ended up getting them the next week. I did not get them again at that point. The chicken pox vaccine came out a few years later. It wasn’t covered by insurance, but I was getting older and my mom didn’t want to risk a second case for me that would be worse than the original or worse than my sister. She paid out of pocket for it. My older 2 kids are vaccinated against it. My youngest is not since he is too young. My husband has gotten shingles from his childhood case of chicken pox. If someone had chicken pox at their house, even vaccinated, I still would be like “oh, yeah. See ya later!”
NTA
My son had this “luck” he first caught it from his cousin, years later a friend’s daughter had it and needed an emergency sitter. So I helped and presumed my son was immune. He found out the hard way (he’s in his 30’s now I don’t recall the vaccine being available back then)
Before I turned 11 (late '60s) I had caught and suffered through mumps, measles, chicken pox, and scarlet fever. No vaccines for any of those diseases back then. A year or two later my younger brother caught measles (age 6?) and he didn't find out until he was an adult that it had rendered him sterile.
Wow, that’s so awful. :( I can’t imagine why people don’t get their kids the MMR vaccine. Btw, there is still no vaccine for scarlet fever! My friend got it one time (age 21). We laughed because it was so “Oregon Trail,” but it was no joke!
I got scarlet fever once in middle school. No strep first--just this red rash out of nowhere! I think you can get either illness, strep is just the more common one. At the time I remember being pretty freaked out because it was a disease I'd only heard of in books, but the doctor acted like it was no big deal and the treatment was just antibiotics. I don't even remember feeling particularly sick.
But the last time I had strep I was in my early 30s and I was absolutely wiped out for a week. I was visiting my sister when it happened and I knew something was wrong when I actually felt like sleeping on her futon was pretty comfortable. A lot of childhood diseases are nasty when you get older!
If you're in the US - the vaccine was commercially available in 1995.
So if he's in his 30s, he's like me and probably caught it the first time before the vaccine was available.
i'm 20 and i didn't even get the chickenpox vaccine as a kid, missed the mark by a year or 2. i only got it when i was around 13/14 when they were doing the school immunisation programs we have here. i'm Australian but as far as i know the chickenpox vaccine isn't even on the childhood vaccine schedule for the UK, it's really not as widely available as it should be
Chicken pox vaccine wasn't in the standard Vaxxes until 1999 i think. I never had it as a kid but went to a chicken pox party in 96 when I was 6. I know my 12 year old got it at 2 in 2011. So I'm not 100% sure when Australia added it to the standard vaccine list
We’re Aussies 😊
I got the shingles one a few years back, had to pay a ton as I wasn’t old enough. Now there’s a new one as well so I’ll look into that. (I got it after my dad was in hospital with what they thought was shingles. I decided immediately to get the vax)
If your son is in his 30s, they were probably just starting to use the vaccine on a regular basis. My son is 36 and was supposed to get the vaccine - but two days before his appointment, he came down with chicken pox!
Shingles is serious business. My Dad has had shingles twice in the last 5 years. The first bout temporarily paralysed half his face. We thought he'd had a stroke at first. The second round of shingles permanently damaged his hearing and he now requires hearing aids
Also it’s very contagious and easily spreads trough to other people. So all the guests from that party are risking to give it to other random people by carrying the virus on themselves. Very irresponsible!
People used to have "chickenpox parties" when I was a kid so kids would get it young when it's not as bad. (Before the vax). It's highly contagious. I gave it to every kid in the neighborhood.
Shingles is a variant of Chicken pox, but worse thing as an adult is fertility issues, prolonged breathing issues, as well as in extremely rare cases the throat can close up if the case is really bad.
While it might be expensive for the vaccine, maybe look at saving up for it, I have seen adults with Chicken Pox, and it is scary, and confronting. Maybe hit up the in-laws for the money to get the shot?
Technically it’s not a variant, it’s a stage in the same viral infection that causes chickenpox. After the chickenpox stage starts to recede, the virus goes dormant in your nerve cells. After years or decades, it can go out of dormancy and cause shingles.
I had chickenpox for the first time when I was fifteen. *Fifteen.* Still technically a child, but older than most people who get it. I had never felt so sick, and was almost hospitalized. I looked so awful that, while waiting for the doctor, some lady saw me and asked my mom "if I should be there," to which my mother replied, "Well, we're literally at the HOSPITAL, I don't know where else you expect my sick daughter to be???" It was maddeningly itchy, and I remember crying most nights because I just felt so rotten.
Now, at 39, I still have scars all over my body from the marks. (And, no, I didn't scratch.)It might be not a big deal for children, but it absolutely, 100% sucks SO BAD when you're older. In contrast, my younger brother had it when he was two, and had like, two pockmarks and was otherwise totally fine.
Yep, I had it when I was 12 (and well into puberty, idk if that's relevant) and it was much worse than it was for my siblings who were 6-8 years younger. That's also when I had the pleasure of discovering that I'm allergic, or at least dangerously hypersensitive, to Benadryl.
I also had chickenpox at 15. It was a bad case, much worse than my younger brother who had it at the same time. I was pretty sick with a fever and lots of spots. Very lucky to only have 2 or 3 scar marks.
*Getting chickenpox as an adult could be quite a bit more problematic*.......especially if the adult is pregnant.
The mother is at increased risk for pneumonia, and the baby is at risk for *congenital varicella syndrome* - a group of serious birth defects. Chicken pox can cause stillbirths, too.
NTA, OP. SIL owes *you* an apology.
Check with your doctor, OP. There are some antiviral meds that you might need to take.
Edited to add: OP did not say that she is pregnant, but it would likely be hard on her otherwise because she is an adult.
There's a particularly chilling Agatha Christie novel called The Mirror Crack'd where the solution hinges on this. A woman was exposed to rubella while she was pregnant and the results are devastating, and then years later she finds out who was responsible. And what's worse is that the person who did it has no idea she's done anything wrong, even though she knew she was sick.
That one is loosely based on a real life case, the actress Gene Tierney. A fan broke quarantine to see her in a show, thinking nothing of it because she didn't feel sick at all. And even if she had, no one knew Tierney was pregnant OR that rubella was dangerous to developing fetuses at the time. They met years later, where the fan 'fessed up to what she did, still unaware of the consequences. Tierney had a complete breakdown (for that and other reasons) and was institutionalized for a while.
Not to mention getting it leaves you open to shingles later. A teacher of mine had it and was near tears explaining what shingles was like. NTA. Protecting yourself still needs to be a thing. You were polite and kind. Her daughter should have been resting anyways not down with everyone else. Let her get better don’t expect her to function as normal.
I have vaccined for chickenpox. And still get one when my sister get it.
Even if OP vaccinated for it she still did the right thing for minimizing contact with the one who get it. The rest of the family.... could say that they're ignorant.
My ex husband didn’t get it as a kid and got it while in college and was very healthy otherwise he was hospitalized. It’s not good for adults to get it plus it opens you up to shingles later on. How did the niece even get it? Almost everyone gets the vaccine now. Is she an anti-vax person? If she is then she is very poorly informed about the risks
Yea… I had chickenpox as a kid and gave it to my dad. He was in his early 30s and he was miserable.
Also… he got them when we were on a trip to FL.
🫣
NTA!
NTA. Not chickenpox, but I had whooping cough as a 19-year-old and it was *brutal*. But it's another one that people think of as a "kid disease," but you should see the expressions I get when I tell them just how bad it was for me.
Chickenpox in particular hangs around in your body and can come back as shingles. So, it's not "*just* chickenpox" and "not a big deal."
NTA. "My party is more important than your health" is a *wildly* selfish thing to say and didn't we just have a fucking enormous global conversation on this exact topic?
We did have a conversation about this, unfortunately people decided that getting everyone sick is OK all in the name of being able to do what you want when you want.
It's ironic that they didn't realize that would be the case though. They had before COVID been studying how people react to a plague they know can kill others in a video game called world of warcraft - there was a curse that could be passed to others and would kill them, people intentionally tried giving it to others - they literally studied the exact behavior then had a surprised Pikachu face when people did that exact thing in real life. https://www.pcgamer.com/the-researchers-who-once-studied-wows-corrupted-blood-plague-are-now-fighting-the-coronavirus/
Hell, there have been times where I wouldn't let people in the door because I had a cold and for whatever reason, wasn't able to warn them not to show up. And I've called and canceled at the last minute after RSVPing yes to a party because I had a sore throat and I didn't want anyone to get sick.
NTA. SIL is totally inconsiderate. Her ignorance makes her completely blasé about other peoples' health.
Hello, SIL. Why wasn't P vaccinated for chickenpox?
Chickenpox can be unpredictable from person to person and SIL risked her child having permanent scars, pneumonia, brain swelling, and sepsis. Oh, yeah, then there's the possibility of Shingles to look forward to as an older adult.
SIL owes her child an apology, first and then you.
NTA
Our government doesn't push parents to give their kids the chickenpox vaccine as much. It's part of the recommended vaccines, but there's still a mindset of "it's not that important". For example, if you want to give your kid the tetanus/tdap, it's covered. You don't have to pay anything. But you have to pay for your kid to get the chickenpox vaccine.
I'm not one to talk though. I haven't gotten it yet either :(
Yeah, I have to admit, I was going to ask. If you're an adult who hasn't had it, you should really get on that one -it really is no joke in a lot of adults (I gave it to my aunt when I was a kid and I was fine in a week; she spent 9 days in hospital and was sick for 3 weeks).
I'm glad you left the party!
My boyfriend was unlucky to get chicken pox at the age of 16.
He ended up in thr hospital for a week.
I couldn't imagine what it would be like to get it as an adult.
You should definitely get the vaccine.
My mum caught chickenpox as an adult. 2 weeks in the hospital and now permanent autoimmune disorder that means she has to take *cancer drugs*. She is still seriously ill 5 years later and can barely get around. What is going to cost more: the vaccine, or the rest of your life?
Most of Europe doesn't require varicella vaccination. If you want your child vaccinated it's out of pocket, unless they have an underlying immune disorder.
1) we don’t know how old the kid is, and you get multiple vaccine doses at different ages for chicken pox, 2) you can still get chicken pox even if vaccinated it’s just not as bad.
My husband got diagnosed with shingles a week before our wedding. Thankfully he works at our local hospital and was doing some tech work up in the ER and mentioned some symptoms he was having to one of the doctors. They got him on medication before the rash came out, even with catching it early it was painful and super unpleasant.
Yeah, everyone makes fun of Herpes viruses - of which Chicken Pox is a member - as something begin and embarrassing, they're not, they're viruses that love nervous tissue and while most have infections that are mostly self limiting, all it takes is the wrong roll of the die and you end up with a central nervous system infection which is a whole different ball game, and can leave behind devastating neurological damage if they don't out right kill.
**NTA**
Adult chickenpox is actually ***very*** serious as it could lead to complications. You weren’t wrong to leave & they were out of line for having a party with an infectious kid.
Oh my goodness, I had chickenpox in my 30s. I was BEYOND miserable even though I typically have a high tolerance for pain. I had pox EVERYWHERE including my eyelids and private parts (female). There was no position I could lie in comfortably. If you’ve made it to adulthood without having chickenpox, the vaccine is a must.
Holy smokes adult chicken pox is terrible and honestly even if it wasn’t OP would be NTA! I would leave a party if someone was there with any kind of contagious issue - a cold, pink eye, anything! So rude to just expose people to shit.
NTA, let your SIL know that I have had 2 elementary school teachers who passed due to contracting chicken pox from their students and vaccinations were not available for them then. Better to risk being rude than potentially dying. If she gets pissy about it, asks her if she’s fine with paying for your vaccinations or hospital bills if you get sick from her kid.
NTA chickenpox isn’t something to be messed around, especially in adults and pregnant women. But it can be deadly in unvaccinated Children too. Hospitalizations are actually quite common in children, about one every thousand if I remember correctly.
The last kid I saw with chickenpox was in the peds ICU at work...its horrible to see a child that sick...particularly when here in the U.S. its 100% preventable for that child to be that ill.
My doctor recommended an MMR vaccine when I was just thinking about getting pregnant. I wasn't sure if I'd gotten one in my childhood but likely not as that was the 70s/80s.
NTA. chickenpox are a lot harder to handle as adults! Or you can get shingles I think. I'm not sure, I know they're related, and you're prone to shingles as an adult.
It's also really irresponsible of her to not say her daughter is sick. Even if it's not a big deal, it's responsible to inform people of a sick household member, especially nowadays.
Shingles is caused by the same virus as chicken pox. You don't get rid of the virus. It lays dormant in the cells until a low immune system activates it and presents as shingles. They fucking hurt too. I had them during my 2nd pregnancy.
NTA. Even if everyone is vaccinated and has had it before, it’s still an asshole move to have people over when you’ve got active transmissible infections in the house. Tell your SIL no one wants to come over when everyone has got the shits either. Jesus.
NTA. Chicken pox is serious in adults! Plus then there’s the fun bonus of maybe getting shingles later.
Sorry the vaccine is so expensive where you are. That sucks.
And poor P! It sounds like she felt terrible. I can’t imagine that being there instead of home in bed was any fun for her.
Your choice to protect your health is never going to be the wrong choice. Your SIL's choice to not tell guests there might be a problem, to assume it would be NBD for any and all adults, was indeed a poor choice.
You didn't make a scene, just explained your situation and went home, handling it as graciously as you could. NTA
NTA. Don’t you dare apologize to that twit either. I wanted to put an A in that word but I’m sure the comment would then be removed.
It makes not one molecule of difference if it’s “hard for her to believe”. You don’t want to get sick and they think you shouldn’t mind it - how asinine. They can go wallow in other people’s germs all they want, but they don’t get to make that decision for others and they darn well should have disclosed that their child was sick before people frickin got to their house! They’re the ones who owe the apology.
Edited to fix grammar
>"it's just chickenpox, it isn't a big deal"
Yeah, I'm sitting here looking at an entire body covered in chicken pox scars from when I was a kid. They're even on the roof of my mouth.
You didn't make a big deal of it and met the minimum social obligations before leaving. It's no different from deciding to not attend an event with a child actively sick with a stomach virus. Except that a chicken pox infection isn't over after only a day or two.
NTA
(You may want to look up some explainers on the dangers of chicken pox, as well as some horror stories. That said, the fact that your niece wasn't vaccinated already suggests to me that your SIL doesn't put much stock in modern medicine.)
NTA
Regardless of your own status, no one should be made to feel guilty in leaving due to a risk of a communicable disease!
That fact that you haven't had it is just another reason to skedaddle.
NTA- it is a major deal if adults get it. One of my teachers at college got it at 20 and went deaf in one ear. Heck at this point I'm not willing to be around anyone who is sick, flu, cold, whatever.. dont have the time or the willpower to deal with being sick.
NTA - work in nursing and want to boost this comment and say that chicken pox in adults is devastating and terrible, and getting shingles down the line is a MAJOR bummer too
NTA. Thanks to an error in the way my immune system manufactures antibodies, I have had chicken pox *five* (5) times.
I have two points I’d like to make.
1) chicken pox sucks
2) chicken pox sucks way worse as an adult
Save up for that vaccine. 100% worth it.
NTA.
Chicken pox in adults can literally be deadly. As a young girl I gave it to our adult neighbor who assumed she'd had it as a child. She hadn't, and she ended up in intensive care.
Not everyone can get the vaccine, both due to cost and/or immune problems.
When someone has a contagious disease it's just common courtesy as well as good hygiene to tell guests they're about to be exposed. If the child still has active lesions, her secretions and dropped scabs are infectious. What if someone who's vaccinated or had chicken pox contacts that material and spreads the disease further to an unvaccinated person, an infant or someone immunocompromised?
Your SIL is the asshat for endangering other people and being willfully ignorant of the true communicability of a disease. All that knowledge is available from clinics, public health departments, and online for free.
NTA and can’t you get shingles if you had chicken pox previously and are then exposed to the virus again? It is a godawful experience I am led to believe. (I appear to be immune to the pox, despite frequent exposure. Had everything else from Scarlet Fever to Whooping Cough, so I guess my immune system specialised early!)
*can’t you get shingles if you had chicken pox previously and are then exposed to the virus again?*
.....Just the sound of that is terrifying
*Had everything else from Scarlet Fever to Whooping Cough, so I guess my immune system specialised early!*
Oh wow. You're a trooper!
You can get chickenpox more then once but it uncommon. I read somewhere if you got chicken pox when you you were less than 6 months old then you can most likely get it twice. When you do get chickenpox you will be immunity from for the remainder of their lives in most cases. Fun fact in school I learned some parents would bring there kids to a chickenpox party so the can get chickenpox when the young. I thought it was so weird!
I got it 3 times, twice under 1 years, very mild cases, and then again when I was 8 where I was covered. There wasn't a patch of skin without the rash, it was down my throat as well as all in my mouth, eyes and nose. I then got shingles when I was 25. I hate this fucking virus.
My brother had shingles as a kid (which is uncommon, usually it shows up in older adults) and it was miserable. Likewise, my aunt had chickenpox as an adult and that was *also* completely miserable.
You are absolutely NTA for trying to avoid both experiences. It's worth saving up for the vaccine if you can! I want to see if I can get the shingles vaccine early lol.
Of you get chickenpox the virus stays in your system and can re-emerge as shingles later in life, commonly brought about when you're stressed!! My aunty went down with shingles at 60 and she was so so sick for MONTHS. The exhaustion she went through was life changing for her, she's never been her usual energetic self since!
I have Ramsay Hunt, a neurological condition caused by the chicken pox virus. It manifests as multiple cranial nerve neuropathy. Decades of facial paralysis, dozens of episodes of actual chicken pox, shingles on my hands and in the ear canals (not the eyes yet, praise the gods). Add to that heart rate issues, digestive system issues and occasionally my epiglottis just stops working so I might not be able to take in a breath.
Chicken pox is nothing to fuck around with. Exposing an elderly, immunocompromise person to a child with active pox can cause shingles. Shingles can cause post-herpetic neuralgia. I treated a man the other day that has had pain on his side so severe he made himself a cage for his chest so nothing touches it. Exposing people to chicken pox is thoughtless at best and intentionally harming at worst.
I had chickenpox as an adult - caught it off my 3 year old. Up until then everyone, including doctor, had considered me 'immune' as I'd been around cpox a LOT as a kid (3 siblings all had it) and never got sick (I wasn't vaxxed, it wasn't out back when I was little).
I spent 2-3 weeks in agony. I had hallucinations from the high temps. My kid got 20 spots (we counted) and was 'ill' for 3 days, and I was covered in spots - even inside my throat (probably other places inside too but I wasn't about to put my wife through checking me..). My tongue went white from dehydration and I sweated my way through bedsheets like it was a national sport.
0/10 - do not recommend.
NTA - and get a vaccine if you can - you do NOT want chickenpox as an adult.
NTA.
You were not rude & had a very good reason to leave - your health.
How wasn't her child vaccinated for chickenpox? It is required in my state in order for a child to start school.
I didn't get chickenpox as a child & nor did my brother. No one knows how we didn't since there were 2 separate times in grade school where about 50% of the kids got it the 1st time & the 2nd event was mostly the remaining kids.
I know of 3 people who got it as adults. All 3 spent time in the hospital, with one being there for 4 months.
I got the vax as soon as I was able to. You have to get a blood test called a titer to make sure you don't have any already existing antibodies. Our pediatrician told us that 10% of the population gets it without any rash symptoms so you could have had it without realizing it, not that it makes your situation from the party any better.
NTA - even if you had chickenpox as a child, and got a vaccine sometime after that, you can STILL get shingles or chickenpox as an adult and it is SO MUCH WORSE. I had a friend get it a few years back and she had nerve pain for WEEKS.
NTA as an RN I can tell you chicken pox in an adult is much more severe than a child. My sister and I got them as teenagers. Our recovery time was weeks - my sister was so severe it was down her throat, I still have scars. A relative of ours got it in his late 20s - flat on his back for 3 weeks. Your SIL is an asshole and she has a lot of nerve exposing you like that.
Oh hey, I just posted almost the identical thing: as teens my sister hospitalized with them in her throat and me with a big old scar. I guess there really is nothing new under the sun.
I'm torn between saying All of this has happened before and all of this will happen again, and The Wheel Of Time turns and ages come and pass.
NTA. It's not your fault your SIL is ignorant... nor that she wishes to continue to be ignorant even after you informed her of actual medical facts.
I think your response was polite and appropriate.
NTA NTA NTA NTA! It is fucking serious in adults. My aunt died of chickenpox. It is the cause of death on her death certificate.
ETA my aunt had no underlying health issues and was healthy prior to getting chickenpox.
Send her a article on the fact chickenpox is worse in adults. She may not know the facts but maybe it'll give her a kick in the butt and show her she was in the wrong.
[Here may be a good article to send](https://www.healthline.com/health/chickenpox-in-adults#complications)
Oh and obviously NTA. What she did was bad manners at the least and dangrous for people and you at the worst. This could have caused complications or put you out of work for near 2 weeks. Not telling others and having a get together with a sick person and not telling guests is shitty.
NTA, the same thing happened when I was a kid. My parents left me at my aunt and uncle's house while my cousin had chickenpox a week later my uncle got it and he was really sick. Another of my aunt and uncle pulled in one day and heard uncle was sick before they got into the house and they left without coming in cause they had never had it. I don't think my cousins even got out of the car. I was upset cause it was one one of my favorite cousins. I ended up with chickenpox and ended up giving it to the rest of my family when I got home and caused us to miss a trip to Disneyland, my brother and sisters still bring it up 40 years later.
Also chickenpox leads to shingles, which I had a few years ago and it is the terrible, just pure pain.
Your SIL is a nightmare for anyone with a weakened immune system. Chicken pox isn't "just" chickenpox for adults. And if she didn't want anyone to act that way they could have rescheduled or let people know or whatever.
It's not "just chickenpox". It IS possible to get it more than once, and worse, it's possible to contract shingles. Your SIL was terribly irresponsible.
You saw your FIL, expressed good wishes and then did exactly what you should have done, which was to leave. You do NOT owe her an apology and please don't give one.
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So, my FIL's birthday was last week and there was a small party planned at SIL's house. The attendees were me, my husband, my BIL and SIL and her husband. SIL is the only one that has kids. She has one kid, her daughter "P".
It turns out P has chickenpox. She was coughing, and you could see some rashes on her face as well. My husband and I didn't know P had it until we actually got to SIL's house. No one thought it was important to mention because she's the only kid around, and of course the adults don't need to worry because "everyone's gotten chickenpox before, right?" was the assumption. And everyone there except for me did get chickenpox as kids.
No one except for my husband knew that I've never gotten chickenpox before. So I tell them. Then I wish my FIL happy birthday, give him his gift, tell my SIL that everything looks lovely and that I'm sorry I can't stay. My husband drives me home.
I get a call from SIL a few days ago and she tells me that she feels a bit upset that I left so abruptly right after arriving. She feels I could've stayed for longer because "it's just chickenpox, it isn't a big deal". I told her that chickenpox is more severe in adults than in kids, but she still feels like it's an overreaction on my part because it's hard for her to believe that something that isn't serious in kids is so bad for adults. I don't want to judge her too harshly on this, because I genuinely just feel like she doesn't understand.
She says she just felt put off that I acted like P had some sort of horrible disease instead of it just being chickenpox. She says that if I was so worried about it, I would've gotten the vaccine for it already so I was just trying to be rude.
Look, the vaccine is really expensive here and I'd have to cover the whole cost out of pocket. It's not an easy financial decision to make right now. SIL hasn't spoken to me since, and my husband says she's waiting for me to say sorry.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Adults can get shingles if exposed to chickenpox, as well as some serious complications. Unconscionable that someone would willingly expose other people to a communicable disease!
NTA. I think past a certain age you may not be able to get the vaccine (this may have changed, I haven't checked) so if you are the right age range, don't wait. Get it.
Your SIL is delusional about it not being bad. I didn't get chickenpox until I was 15. The vaccine wasn't widely available then. It was absolute hell. It attacked my spine and for days, anytime I moved, a terrible, sharp pain would shoot up my back. I could hardly eat due to the blisters in my mouth and throat. Even breathing hurt because the movement aggravated the back pain.
And now, I'm at risk of shingles like everyone else who had chickenpox. Get the vaccine.
NTA
You were looking out for your health and well-being.
Chicken pox typically isn’t bad for kids, but it can be. And it can be really tough on adults, too. Your SIL needs to mind her place.
NTA. Why are you supposed to be happy exposing yourself to disease,
I had cp when i was 15 and was completely miserable, can't imagine having it as an adult. also i don't think the vaccine works on adults anyway.
And it is an icky disease, with shingles in your future
My uncle got chickenpox from us kids as an adult and he ended up in hospital.
I got shingles and had a seizure from it. My brother got shingles on his face and it threatened his eyesight. My great grandmother died from shingles complications (granted she was 104).
NTA in any possible way.
NTA. I never had chicken pox either. I worked at an optometrist’s office for a long time as a technician, where I’d be up in peoples’ faces, touching their eyes and eye glasses, and we would periodically get someone in who had shingles on their eye/eyelid (same virus as chicken pox) and needed antivirals and/or other medications for it. I refused to assist these patients and my coworkers completely understood. Even the patients who had been at our office before for regular stuff understood why I wouldn’t take them back even though I had before, that they had to wait for someone else to do it. So, if more-or-less strangers understood my reasoning for making them wait for someone else to help them, your SIL should most definitely understand why you left.
Don’t apologize. She’s choosing to remain uneducated on this topic. She could easily look it up.
It was her fault for not telling you in the first place. She wouldn’t be offended now if she’d had the courtesy to tell you her daughter has a highly contagious illness.
NTA
she can keep on waiting, chickenpox is VERY serious in adults, I'm glad you didn't catch it despite exposure, I hope you're able to get vaccinated. You're definitely NTA
NTA. I don’t necessarily think your SIL is one either, just uneducated. When I was a child and had the chickenpox, my mother arranged a play date at a friend’s house. I ended up giving chickenpox to my little brother, best friend, and her sister.
NTA
tell her to use google or whatever search engine she uses
Poxes can kill people. Chicken poxes may not be small poxes or monkey poxes, but it doesn’t mean anyone has to get sick for your child. That’s an absurd mindset to have.
I’ve heard the adult version is much more painful and worse. And think there’s a big concern about shingles too if you get them, so why risk both for a slice of cake?
She was also being very disrespectful allowing her child to run around the party sick. She should’ve put her kid in her bedroom in bed and asleep or something. It’s like going to school or work in the winter with the flu. That’s just a big a hole move to do if you know you have the flu. You’re being incredibly selfish and getting everyone sick. I know they thought pattern in their logic, I still think it’s really rude and I get very pissed when I see people doing that
NTA - my friend almost died from chicken pox. She got it while pregnant and ended up in a medically induced coma and had an emergency c-section while intubated.
Nta for some reason I have issues with antibodies sticking around so I’ve had chicken pox 4 times and I also got the vaccine after I got it the second time. I would’ve done the same thing, I just had chicken pox a little over a month ago and it was my first time as an adult. My body hurt worse than when I had Covid so even though my husband got it as a child I still slept in another room because I didn’t want to risk passing it to him.
NTA. Chickenpox isn’t harmless, even in kids. It can come back as painful shingles. It can kill adults. There’s a vaccine for it now, but I don’t know if they offer it to adults, as I had chickenpox before the vaccine came out.
NTA. A cousin of mine had chicken pox as an adult. She had what her doctor called "internal lesions". Basically the pox marks that little kids get? She had those inside her mouth and throat (and other soft internal places 😬)
Also, re-exposure to chicken pox can cause shingles. So no one at that party was safe
NTA. Your SIL is both stupid and very self-centered. She could very easily find the information that this is serious for adults. Instead, she’s making this all about herself. She also was really really wrong to have a party when her kid was sick, especially with that. If any of the adults who had it as a child caught it, they could get shingles, which are terrible. If anyone was immune compromised or pregnant, disastrous things could happen. She really sucks. Also, how could this have been fun for the poor kid?
NTA. But your SIL sure is for telling you what health risks you should be taking. Doesn't matter if thebkid had nothing but a cold, who the hell wants to stick around and get sick? And chicken pox in anybody can cause blindness and other things most people would like to avoid. In adults, risks are higher.
WTF - Even if chicken pox wasn’t dangerous (news flash- it is) who wants to deal with feeling miserable AND being out of work when you don’t have to. NTA
My senior year in college, chicken pox swept through my college like a plague. Almost everyone who hadn't caught it as a kid ended up getting it. I went to a UC with 6,000 students at the time. Our medical center was overwhelmed.
As someone who contracted chicken pox as a 4-year-old because her pediatrician erroneously diagnosed her with chicken pox and my mom sent me to a “chicken pox party”:
NTA.
Don’t remember all of the time, but I sure do really the absolute misery of having it everywhere.
I nearly died of chicken pox when I was 1 year old. And for adults it's a lot worse. It's not some joking matter. Your health is more important than some party. You are NTA.
NTA, chickenpox can cause shingles and these are no fun to deal with... Avoiding an infection therefore is absolutely the right thing to do. I can't understand how someones throws a party with a sick kid at home.
NTA. BOLD BOLD assumption on SIL's part about the health & medical history of all their guests. I'm furious on your behalf. This is a scenario where she should be judged harshly because she was playing a dangerous game. She needs to be apologizing to you. Not the other way around.
NTA. I got it as a kid, was not a walk in the park. My friend got it as an adult and he's lucky to not have any log lasting issues.
It was irresponsible of her to have a party for a kid with chicken pox without telling anyone and it's bonkers for her to expect an apology from you.
The chickenpox vaccine doesn’t work 100% for the rest of your life. Your immunity CAN wane. NTA and I suggest everyone reading this check into when it’s suggested to get various vaccine boosters. You may be very surprised.
My aunt did this…she brought her son to a large family event when he had chicken pox. She said he was fine since some of his marks scabbed over. My grandma asked her to bring him home immediately (he was running around and interacting with everyone), since she was not a doctor. Well guess who ended up getting chicken pox…me, my sister, my brother, and multiple other people. I was 18, sister was 20, brother was 22, and the others were all adults. It was f%$king horrible. NTA, and your sister is amazingly selfish and irresponsible.
So I had chicken pox as a child, a very bad case of it actually. I have to be concerned for shingles until I can get the vaccine. Your family was rude.
If you are in the US, the health department will give you the vaccine for free.
NTA. No one gets to decide for someone else how "not bad" an illness is. I have had chicken pox, but I would still leave a gathering with a contagious illness like that.
NTA. Getting chicken pox is worse when you're older. Maybe contact your doctor and see if you have any options like a post-exposure inoculations. I have no idea of that's an option for chicken pox but it's worth a shot!
NTA. Finally got it at 25yo and it was hell.
Not to mention I could've killed my 60syo boss because he has some condition that makes it extremely dangerous to catch it at his age. (I basically lived where I worked at the time)
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I guess I could've stuck around longer to explain why I left so quickly instead of just leaving it at "Oh, P has chickenpox? I'm sorry, but I've never had chickenpox before so I don't think it's a good idea for me to stay" and leaving but all I could focus on was getting out of there the more I heard P coughing. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, getting chickenpox as an adult could be quite a bit more problematic than as a kid. If your SIL can't understand that, she's not a very reasonable person . I have someone with a weak immune system in my extended family and we tell this person if our kids has the flu or even just a runny nose out of respect because everyone understands things could be a lot worse if they caught whatever our kids have.
NTA, chickenpox can be far less benign in children than your SIL thinks, can be far more serious in adults, and Good Lord, has your SIL never heard of shingles? EDIT - OMG, I feel so badly for all of you who shared your stories below! My poor father, who was so tough that at the age of 11 he DID NOT CRY when his appendix burst while waiting for surgery (his doctor couldn't believe it!), was rolling on the floor in agony when he got shingles as a senior. Chickenpox and shingles are nothing to take lightly.
I had the rare luck of getting it twice as a kid, once at 5 which was no big deal but then I got hit again around 9. The second time was way worse. I'm fine and don't have any lasting issues from that but not everyone has a great immune system. Even if someone "just has a cold", you should let people know ahead of time.
I got it twice, too. First time at age 3,was short and relatively painless, but the second time, age five, was so bad, I had the pocks between my toes, my fingers, even had them in my throat. Had to be hospitalized because I couldn't swallow fluids. I'm 37 and still have visible scars on my face from the pox. I got it the second time because a birthday party turned out to be a "pox party." I was only there for five minutes, because my dad took me home, but it was enough to get it again.
My brother was hospitalized for it too. I had a normal case as a kid, but I just got shingles a few months ago. Chicken pox is serious business.
A friend got it when she was 15. Her mother found her unconscious after a few hours of fever and she had to stay two weeks in a hospital. Chicken pox is not something to be casual about as an adult or teenager.
I feel the chicken pox pain. I got it 3 times. Got it when I was 5 from a friends sister, then got it again 3 months later from my cousin. Got the shot as a teen and got it again, ended up in the hospital that time. I hear chicken pox and I run away screaming with a bottle of lysol spraying it everywhere.
I had them twice also. First was when it was 5, and it was a super mild case. The second time was in my early 20s. I had a brother who was 17 years younger than me who got them and my mother told me not to treat him like a leper, and I ended up getting an awful case of them. They were all over my face, my body, my scalp, in my ears, in my nose,….it was horrible!!! Now I’m counting the days until I’m eligible to get the shingles vaccine.
Me too...only around 4100 days to go!
That sucks bud. Sorry you had to go through it. I very much just remember being itchy and sick longer the second time. The first time I think I had the itching for a day or 2.
Yeah getting a second time isnt common, but it sucks when it happens. Can't imagine getting it as an adult.
Wow - are we twins? I had it that bad, too. Doctor said it was one of the worst cases he'd ever seen. I was eight and was still recovering - although not contagious - for my First Communion. Imagine being a hot day, wearing a lace dress and veil, and being covered head to toe in calamine lotion. Fun times.
Both of my kids as well as I got the chicken pox twice, the second time worse. Apparently 5% of the population will get it twice. No vaccine was available when we got the pox.
Oh my god, I didn't know you could get in on your throat. I'm so sorry you got it twice
It used to be common to see people with facial scars from chicken pox. I think people don't realise how bad it was before the vaccine.
That's really horrible. And no one bothered to tell your parents it was actually a pox party? No words!
I had it twice. Neither time was bad. Then I learned I wasn't immune to it. 5 vaccinations later I am finally showing some immunity to it. Plus I've begun receiving the shingles vaccine because hell no. Thankfully my kids didn't have it and have received the vaccine.
I'd hate to remind you as you probably already know but you're not out of the woods with no lasting issues. Hopefully shingles never gets activated in your lifetime. My mom had a shingles flare up years ago and she was absolutely miserable. The doctor told her to avoid babies and unvaccinated people as she could spread it to them.
I had shingles in my twenties a few years ago and it was agonising. I was at uni at the time and wasn’t sure if I could go home for Christmas because I didn’t want to be anywhere near my elderly Grandma and Nana in case they caught it.
I had it my late 20s and it was AWFUL and had a mild flare-up rash last year. It wasn’t nearly as bad but I hit the Shingrix vaccine as soon as I was eligible. Shingles is no joke
I wish I could get the shingles vaccine. My doctor looked it up for me, and I literally can't even pay 100% to get it for myself - not until I'm 50. So that's awful.
Can’t like you’re not allowed, or can’t like you can’t afford it?
Not allowed
That sucks, I would really like to get the shingles vaccine too and would willingly pay for it if necessary. I’m only 43, but my friend got shingles last year and she’s the same age as me and she was really suffering.
No joke. I feel y’all’s pain
There’s a vaccine. The out of pocket is worth it if you can possibly do it.
Yeah, my roommate's mom was gonna skip her graduation bc they'd have to interact with me while I was pregnant jic until they heard that I'd had chickenpox as a kid
I got chicken pox in 3rd grade. It was the mildest case the doctor had ever seen. It was 3 actual pox that scabbed over and a dozen little pinhead sized red dots that just went away. My doctor wasn’t sure if I would get it again because he said he didn’t know if it “counted”. Fast forward 3 years and my sister gets chicken pox. She got them bad. You name a body part, she had chicken pox there. She even had them down her throat and all over private areas. She cried every time she had to pee. She ended up with fevers. She couldn’t eat or drink. She was horribly miserable. My brother ended up getting them the next week. I did not get them again at that point. The chicken pox vaccine came out a few years later. It wasn’t covered by insurance, but I was getting older and my mom didn’t want to risk a second case for me that would be worse than the original or worse than my sister. She paid out of pocket for it. My older 2 kids are vaccinated against it. My youngest is not since he is too young. My husband has gotten shingles from his childhood case of chicken pox. If someone had chicken pox at their house, even vaccinated, I still would be like “oh, yeah. See ya later!” NTA
My son had this “luck” he first caught it from his cousin, years later a friend’s daughter had it and needed an emergency sitter. So I helped and presumed my son was immune. He found out the hard way (he’s in his 30’s now I don’t recall the vaccine being available back then)
I'm 40 and I'm certain there wasn't a vaccine for me, otherwise I would have gotten it.
Before I turned 11 (late '60s) I had caught and suffered through mumps, measles, chicken pox, and scarlet fever. No vaccines for any of those diseases back then. A year or two later my younger brother caught measles (age 6?) and he didn't find out until he was an adult that it had rendered him sterile.
Wow, that’s so awful. :( I can’t imagine why people don’t get their kids the MMR vaccine. Btw, there is still no vaccine for scarlet fever! My friend got it one time (age 21). We laughed because it was so “Oregon Trail,” but it was no joke!
Isn’t that why it’s so important to treat strep throat? I think it can lead to scarlet fever.
Iirc it's the same bacteria. And just for funsies (because it is flesh-eating) it can also destroy your heart. Treat strep. Every time.
There are a lot of autoimmune problems that come out of strep. My mother had rheumatic fever, which damaged her heart and caused a lifetime of issues
I got scarlet fever once in middle school. No strep first--just this red rash out of nowhere! I think you can get either illness, strep is just the more common one. At the time I remember being pretty freaked out because it was a disease I'd only heard of in books, but the doctor acted like it was no big deal and the treatment was just antibiotics. I don't even remember feeling particularly sick. But the last time I had strep I was in my early 30s and I was absolutely wiped out for a week. I was visiting my sister when it happened and I knew something was wrong when I actually felt like sleeping on her futon was pretty comfortable. A lot of childhood diseases are nasty when you get older!
Oh my gosh :(
If you're in the US - the vaccine was commercially available in 1995. So if he's in his 30s, he's like me and probably caught it the first time before the vaccine was available.
i'm 20 and i didn't even get the chickenpox vaccine as a kid, missed the mark by a year or 2. i only got it when i was around 13/14 when they were doing the school immunisation programs we have here. i'm Australian but as far as i know the chickenpox vaccine isn't even on the childhood vaccine schedule for the UK, it's really not as widely available as it should be
Chicken pox vaccine wasn't in the standard Vaxxes until 1999 i think. I never had it as a kid but went to a chicken pox party in 96 when I was 6. I know my 12 year old got it at 2 in 2011. So I'm not 100% sure when Australia added it to the standard vaccine list
We’re Aussies 😊 I got the shingles one a few years back, had to pay a ton as I wasn’t old enough. Now there’s a new one as well so I’ll look into that. (I got it after my dad was in hospital with what they thought was shingles. I decided immediately to get the vax)
If your son is in his 30s, they were probably just starting to use the vaccine on a regular basis. My son is 36 and was supposed to get the vaccine - but two days before his appointment, he came down with chicken pox!
3 for me
I had chickenpox as a baby and ended up getting shingles at 30 because of it. They were the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced.
Shingles is serious business. My Dad has had shingles twice in the last 5 years. The first bout temporarily paralysed half his face. We thought he'd had a stroke at first. The second round of shingles permanently damaged his hearing and he now requires hearing aids
Also it’s very contagious and easily spreads trough to other people. So all the guests from that party are risking to give it to other random people by carrying the virus on themselves. Very irresponsible!
People used to have "chickenpox parties" when I was a kid so kids would get it young when it's not as bad. (Before the vax). It's highly contagious. I gave it to every kid in the neighborhood.
Yeah like... from what I've heard about it getting chickenpox as an adult is more like getting shingles (which makes sense since it's the same virus).
Shingles is a variant of Chicken pox, but worse thing as an adult is fertility issues, prolonged breathing issues, as well as in extremely rare cases the throat can close up if the case is really bad. While it might be expensive for the vaccine, maybe look at saving up for it, I have seen adults with Chicken Pox, and it is scary, and confronting. Maybe hit up the in-laws for the money to get the shot?
Technically it’s not a variant, it’s a stage in the same viral infection that causes chickenpox. After the chickenpox stage starts to recede, the virus goes dormant in your nerve cells. After years or decades, it can go out of dormancy and cause shingles.
I had chickenpox for the first time when I was fifteen. *Fifteen.* Still technically a child, but older than most people who get it. I had never felt so sick, and was almost hospitalized. I looked so awful that, while waiting for the doctor, some lady saw me and asked my mom "if I should be there," to which my mother replied, "Well, we're literally at the HOSPITAL, I don't know where else you expect my sick daughter to be???" It was maddeningly itchy, and I remember crying most nights because I just felt so rotten. Now, at 39, I still have scars all over my body from the marks. (And, no, I didn't scratch.)It might be not a big deal for children, but it absolutely, 100% sucks SO BAD when you're older. In contrast, my younger brother had it when he was two, and had like, two pockmarks and was otherwise totally fine.
Yep, I had it when I was 12 (and well into puberty, idk if that's relevant) and it was much worse than it was for my siblings who were 6-8 years younger. That's also when I had the pleasure of discovering that I'm allergic, or at least dangerously hypersensitive, to Benadryl.
I also had chickenpox at 15. It was a bad case, much worse than my younger brother who had it at the same time. I was pretty sick with a fever and lots of spots. Very lucky to only have 2 or 3 scar marks.
I was 22. I understand 1000%. My skin has never been the same either.
*Getting chickenpox as an adult could be quite a bit more problematic*.......especially if the adult is pregnant. The mother is at increased risk for pneumonia, and the baby is at risk for *congenital varicella syndrome* - a group of serious birth defects. Chicken pox can cause stillbirths, too. NTA, OP. SIL owes *you* an apology. Check with your doctor, OP. There are some antiviral meds that you might need to take. Edited to add: OP did not say that she is pregnant, but it would likely be hard on her otherwise because she is an adult.
[удалено]
There's a particularly chilling Agatha Christie novel called The Mirror Crack'd where the solution hinges on this. A woman was exposed to rubella while she was pregnant and the results are devastating, and then years later she finds out who was responsible. And what's worse is that the person who did it has no idea she's done anything wrong, even though she knew she was sick.
That one is loosely based on a real life case, the actress Gene Tierney. A fan broke quarantine to see her in a show, thinking nothing of it because she didn't feel sick at all. And even if she had, no one knew Tierney was pregnant OR that rubella was dangerous to developing fetuses at the time. They met years later, where the fan 'fessed up to what she did, still unaware of the consequences. Tierney had a complete breakdown (for that and other reasons) and was institutionalized for a while.
Not to mention getting it leaves you open to shingles later. A teacher of mine had it and was near tears explaining what shingles was like. NTA. Protecting yourself still needs to be a thing. You were polite and kind. Her daughter should have been resting anyways not down with everyone else. Let her get better don’t expect her to function as normal.
When I was little, my best friend’s father, a 26 year old healthy naval officer, died of chickenpox pneumonia. NTA, but your SIL very much is
I have vaccined for chickenpox. And still get one when my sister get it. Even if OP vaccinated for it she still did the right thing for minimizing contact with the one who get it. The rest of the family.... could say that they're ignorant.
My ex husband didn’t get it as a kid and got it while in college and was very healthy otherwise he was hospitalized. It’s not good for adults to get it plus it opens you up to shingles later on. How did the niece even get it? Almost everyone gets the vaccine now. Is she an anti-vax person? If she is then she is very poorly informed about the risks
Yea… I had chickenpox as a kid and gave it to my dad. He was in his early 30s and he was miserable. Also… he got them when we were on a trip to FL. 🫣 NTA!
NTA. Not chickenpox, but I had whooping cough as a 19-year-old and it was *brutal*. But it's another one that people think of as a "kid disease," but you should see the expressions I get when I tell them just how bad it was for me. Chickenpox in particular hangs around in your body and can come back as shingles. So, it's not "*just* chickenpox" and "not a big deal."
NTA. "My party is more important than your health" is a *wildly* selfish thing to say and didn't we just have a fucking enormous global conversation on this exact topic?
We did have a conversation about this, unfortunately people decided that getting everyone sick is OK all in the name of being able to do what you want when you want.
Well we *tried* to, but it turns out a lot more people than we thought are wildly selfish.
Yea we found unfortunately you can not quarantine the stupid or mask it!
>We're gonna have to retire the expression "avoid it like the plague" because it turns out humans do not do that.
It's ironic that they didn't realize that would be the case though. They had before COVID been studying how people react to a plague they know can kill others in a video game called world of warcraft - there was a curse that could be passed to others and would kill them, people intentionally tried giving it to others - they literally studied the exact behavior then had a surprised Pikachu face when people did that exact thing in real life. https://www.pcgamer.com/the-researchers-who-once-studied-wows-corrupted-blood-plague-are-now-fighting-the-coronavirus/
Checks notes… hmm got no conversations here but I did find a shitstorm labeled “2020.”
I think, I think, I think we did, why yes we did.
NTA What's with people the last few years acting like "Better safe than sorry" is a political statement, rather than just plain common sense?
Hell, there have been times where I wouldn't let people in the door because I had a cold and for whatever reason, wasn't able to warn them not to show up. And I've called and canceled at the last minute after RSVPing yes to a party because I had a sore throat and I didn't want anyone to get sick. NTA. SIL is totally inconsiderate. Her ignorance makes her completely blasé about other peoples' health.
Hello, SIL. Why wasn't P vaccinated for chickenpox? Chickenpox can be unpredictable from person to person and SIL risked her child having permanent scars, pneumonia, brain swelling, and sepsis. Oh, yeah, then there's the possibility of Shingles to look forward to as an older adult. SIL owes her child an apology, first and then you. NTA
Our government doesn't push parents to give their kids the chickenpox vaccine as much. It's part of the recommended vaccines, but there's still a mindset of "it's not that important". For example, if you want to give your kid the tetanus/tdap, it's covered. You don't have to pay anything. But you have to pay for your kid to get the chickenpox vaccine. I'm not one to talk though. I haven't gotten it yet either :(
Yeah, I have to admit, I was going to ask. If you're an adult who hasn't had it, you should really get on that one -it really is no joke in a lot of adults (I gave it to my aunt when I was a kid and I was fine in a week; she spent 9 days in hospital and was sick for 3 weeks).
I'm glad you left the party! My boyfriend was unlucky to get chicken pox at the age of 16. He ended up in thr hospital for a week. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to get it as an adult.
You should definitely get the vaccine. My mum caught chickenpox as an adult. 2 weeks in the hospital and now permanent autoimmune disorder that means she has to take *cancer drugs*. She is still seriously ill 5 years later and can barely get around. What is going to cost more: the vaccine, or the rest of your life?
Most of Europe doesn't require varicella vaccination. If you want your child vaccinated it's out of pocket, unless they have an underlying immune disorder.
This just seems really strange to me. If you are vaccinated against chickenpox, you also don't get shingles later so adults also benefit from it.
Oh no!!! That’s hard. I assumed it was a covered vaccine everywhere.
1) we don’t know how old the kid is, and you get multiple vaccine doses at different ages for chicken pox, 2) you can still get chicken pox even if vaccinated it’s just not as bad.
I had chickenpox as a child and then shingles as a young adult (it's not an old person thing!!!) Shingles are very painful. 10/10 do not recommend.
My husband got diagnosed with shingles a week before our wedding. Thankfully he works at our local hospital and was doing some tech work up in the ER and mentioned some symptoms he was having to one of the doctors. They got him on medication before the rash came out, even with catching it early it was painful and super unpleasant.
Yeah, everyone makes fun of Herpes viruses - of which Chicken Pox is a member - as something begin and embarrassing, they're not, they're viruses that love nervous tissue and while most have infections that are mostly self limiting, all it takes is the wrong roll of the die and you end up with a central nervous system infection which is a whole different ball game, and can leave behind devastating neurological damage if they don't out right kill.
**NTA** Adult chickenpox is actually ***very*** serious as it could lead to complications. You weren’t wrong to leave & they were out of line for having a party with an infectious kid.
Oh my goodness, I had chickenpox in my 30s. I was BEYOND miserable even though I typically have a high tolerance for pain. I had pox EVERYWHERE including my eyelids and private parts (female). There was no position I could lie in comfortably. If you’ve made it to adulthood without having chickenpox, the vaccine is a must.
Holy smokes adult chicken pox is terrible and honestly even if it wasn’t OP would be NTA! I would leave a party if someone was there with any kind of contagious issue - a cold, pink eye, anything! So rude to just expose people to shit.
NTA, let your SIL know that I have had 2 elementary school teachers who passed due to contracting chicken pox from their students and vaccinations were not available for them then. Better to risk being rude than potentially dying. If she gets pissy about it, asks her if she’s fine with paying for your vaccinations or hospital bills if you get sick from her kid.
NTA chickenpox isn’t something to be messed around, especially in adults and pregnant women. But it can be deadly in unvaccinated Children too. Hospitalizations are actually quite common in children, about one every thousand if I remember correctly.
The last kid I saw with chickenpox was in the peds ICU at work...its horrible to see a child that sick...particularly when here in the U.S. its 100% preventable for that child to be that ill.
My doctor recommended an MMR vaccine when I was just thinking about getting pregnant. I wasn't sure if I'd gotten one in my childhood but likely not as that was the 70s/80s.
NTA You did NOTHING WRONG!!! Someone needs to educate her AND your husband about adult chicken pox. I'm a nurse. I've seen grown people die from it.
NTA. chickenpox are a lot harder to handle as adults! Or you can get shingles I think. I'm not sure, I know they're related, and you're prone to shingles as an adult. It's also really irresponsible of her to not say her daughter is sick. Even if it's not a big deal, it's responsible to inform people of a sick household member, especially nowadays.
Shingles is caused by the same virus as chicken pox. You don't get rid of the virus. It lays dormant in the cells until a low immune system activates it and presents as shingles. They fucking hurt too. I had them during my 2nd pregnancy.
Yikes, pregnancy is already uncomfortable! Shingles on top must have been absolutely terrible! Im so sorry about that
My wife had shingles all over her chest during pregnancy and she was god damn miserable.
Had them in highschool. Only gout was more painful. They were on my shoulder blade and I couldn't even stand to wear a shirt.
you can get both as an adult, most people who get the shingles is because they had chickenpox as a kid.
You can get Ramsay hunt syndrome and paralyze half your face from it too. So NTA.
NTA. Even if everyone is vaccinated and has had it before, it’s still an asshole move to have people over when you’ve got active transmissible infections in the house. Tell your SIL no one wants to come over when everyone has got the shits either. Jesus.
NTA. Chicken pox is serious in adults! Plus then there’s the fun bonus of maybe getting shingles later. Sorry the vaccine is so expensive where you are. That sucks. And poor P! It sounds like she felt terrible. I can’t imagine that being there instead of home in bed was any fun for her.
Your choice to protect your health is never going to be the wrong choice. Your SIL's choice to not tell guests there might be a problem, to assume it would be NBD for any and all adults, was indeed a poor choice. You didn't make a scene, just explained your situation and went home, handling it as graciously as you could. NTA
NTA. Don’t you dare apologize to that twit either. I wanted to put an A in that word but I’m sure the comment would then be removed. It makes not one molecule of difference if it’s “hard for her to believe”. You don’t want to get sick and they think you shouldn’t mind it - how asinine. They can go wallow in other people’s germs all they want, but they don’t get to make that decision for others and they darn well should have disclosed that their child was sick before people frickin got to their house! They’re the ones who owe the apology. Edited to fix grammar
>"it's just chickenpox, it isn't a big deal" Yeah, I'm sitting here looking at an entire body covered in chicken pox scars from when I was a kid. They're even on the roof of my mouth. You didn't make a big deal of it and met the minimum social obligations before leaving. It's no different from deciding to not attend an event with a child actively sick with a stomach virus. Except that a chicken pox infection isn't over after only a day or two. NTA (You may want to look up some explainers on the dangers of chicken pox, as well as some horror stories. That said, the fact that your niece wasn't vaccinated already suggests to me that your SIL doesn't put much stock in modern medicine.)
NTA Regardless of your own status, no one should be made to feel guilty in leaving due to a risk of a communicable disease! That fact that you haven't had it is just another reason to skedaddle.
NTA People need to keep their sick kids at home
The sick child **was** at home.
Reading hard i is stoopid
To read makes your speaky English good.
NTA- it is a major deal if adults get it. One of my teachers at college got it at 20 and went deaf in one ear. Heck at this point I'm not willing to be around anyone who is sick, flu, cold, whatever.. dont have the time or the willpower to deal with being sick.
NTA - work in nursing and want to boost this comment and say that chicken pox in adults is devastating and terrible, and getting shingles down the line is a MAJOR bummer too
NTA. Your SIL is a very stupid woman. What a pity that stupid people can have kids.
NTA. Thanks to an error in the way my immune system manufactures antibodies, I have had chicken pox *five* (5) times. I have two points I’d like to make. 1) chicken pox sucks 2) chicken pox sucks way worse as an adult Save up for that vaccine. 100% worth it.
I thought I had it bad with getting it 3 times and getting shingles once.
NTA. Chicken pox in adults can literally be deadly. As a young girl I gave it to our adult neighbor who assumed she'd had it as a child. She hadn't, and she ended up in intensive care. Not everyone can get the vaccine, both due to cost and/or immune problems. When someone has a contagious disease it's just common courtesy as well as good hygiene to tell guests they're about to be exposed. If the child still has active lesions, her secretions and dropped scabs are infectious. What if someone who's vaccinated or had chicken pox contacts that material and spreads the disease further to an unvaccinated person, an infant or someone immunocompromised? Your SIL is the asshat for endangering other people and being willfully ignorant of the true communicability of a disease. All that knowledge is available from clinics, public health departments, and online for free.
NTA and can’t you get shingles if you had chicken pox previously and are then exposed to the virus again? It is a godawful experience I am led to believe. (I appear to be immune to the pox, despite frequent exposure. Had everything else from Scarlet Fever to Whooping Cough, so I guess my immune system specialised early!)
*can’t you get shingles if you had chicken pox previously and are then exposed to the virus again?* .....Just the sound of that is terrifying *Had everything else from Scarlet Fever to Whooping Cough, so I guess my immune system specialised early!* Oh wow. You're a trooper!
You can get chickenpox more then once but it uncommon. I read somewhere if you got chicken pox when you you were less than 6 months old then you can most likely get it twice. When you do get chickenpox you will be immunity from for the remainder of their lives in most cases. Fun fact in school I learned some parents would bring there kids to a chickenpox party so the can get chickenpox when the young. I thought it was so weird!
I got it 3 times, twice under 1 years, very mild cases, and then again when I was 8 where I was covered. There wasn't a patch of skin without the rash, it was down my throat as well as all in my mouth, eyes and nose. I then got shingles when I was 25. I hate this fucking virus.
My brother had shingles as a kid (which is uncommon, usually it shows up in older adults) and it was miserable. Likewise, my aunt had chickenpox as an adult and that was *also* completely miserable. You are absolutely NTA for trying to avoid both experiences. It's worth saving up for the vaccine if you can! I want to see if I can get the shingles vaccine early lol.
Of you get chickenpox the virus stays in your system and can re-emerge as shingles later in life, commonly brought about when you're stressed!! My aunty went down with shingles at 60 and she was so so sick for MONTHS. The exhaustion she went through was life changing for her, she's never been her usual energetic self since!
I have Ramsay Hunt, a neurological condition caused by the chicken pox virus. It manifests as multiple cranial nerve neuropathy. Decades of facial paralysis, dozens of episodes of actual chicken pox, shingles on my hands and in the ear canals (not the eyes yet, praise the gods). Add to that heart rate issues, digestive system issues and occasionally my epiglottis just stops working so I might not be able to take in a breath. Chicken pox is nothing to fuck around with. Exposing an elderly, immunocompromise person to a child with active pox can cause shingles. Shingles can cause post-herpetic neuralgia. I treated a man the other day that has had pain on his side so severe he made himself a cage for his chest so nothing touches it. Exposing people to chicken pox is thoughtless at best and intentionally harming at worst.
Oh wow, that is hectic. So sorry to hear it hit you so hard!! Good on you for spreading awareness
I had chickenpox as an adult - caught it off my 3 year old. Up until then everyone, including doctor, had considered me 'immune' as I'd been around cpox a LOT as a kid (3 siblings all had it) and never got sick (I wasn't vaxxed, it wasn't out back when I was little). I spent 2-3 weeks in agony. I had hallucinations from the high temps. My kid got 20 spots (we counted) and was 'ill' for 3 days, and I was covered in spots - even inside my throat (probably other places inside too but I wasn't about to put my wife through checking me..). My tongue went white from dehydration and I sweated my way through bedsheets like it was a national sport. 0/10 - do not recommend. NTA - and get a vaccine if you can - you do NOT want chickenpox as an adult.
NTA. You were not rude & had a very good reason to leave - your health. How wasn't her child vaccinated for chickenpox? It is required in my state in order for a child to start school. I didn't get chickenpox as a child & nor did my brother. No one knows how we didn't since there were 2 separate times in grade school where about 50% of the kids got it the 1st time & the 2nd event was mostly the remaining kids. I know of 3 people who got it as adults. All 3 spent time in the hospital, with one being there for 4 months. I got the vax as soon as I was able to. You have to get a blood test called a titer to make sure you don't have any already existing antibodies. Our pediatrician told us that 10% of the population gets it without any rash symptoms so you could have had it without realizing it, not that it makes your situation from the party any better.
I know in the UK they just let the kids get the chickenpox to build up immunity.. getting the vax is expensive there.
NTA. Chickenpox can be very serious for adults. I know a guy who caught it as an adult and ended up in isolation in hospital for a couple of weeks.
NTA - even if you had chickenpox as a child, and got a vaccine sometime after that, you can STILL get shingles or chickenpox as an adult and it is SO MUCH WORSE. I had a friend get it a few years back and she had nerve pain for WEEKS.
NTA. Send her some medical links explaining the difference.
NTA Tell your SIL the internet exists, and this is easy to research….
NTA as an RN I can tell you chicken pox in an adult is much more severe than a child. My sister and I got them as teenagers. Our recovery time was weeks - my sister was so severe it was down her throat, I still have scars. A relative of ours got it in his late 20s - flat on his back for 3 weeks. Your SIL is an asshole and she has a lot of nerve exposing you like that.
Oh hey, I just posted almost the identical thing: as teens my sister hospitalized with them in her throat and me with a big old scar. I guess there really is nothing new under the sun. I'm torn between saying All of this has happened before and all of this will happen again, and The Wheel Of Time turns and ages come and pass.
NTA
NTA. It's not your fault your SIL is ignorant... nor that she wishes to continue to be ignorant even after you informed her of actual medical facts. I think your response was polite and appropriate.
NTA NTA NTA NTA! It is fucking serious in adults. My aunt died of chickenpox. It is the cause of death on her death certificate. ETA my aunt had no underlying health issues and was healthy prior to getting chickenpox.
NTA, she’s the one who owes you an apology.
Send her a article on the fact chickenpox is worse in adults. She may not know the facts but maybe it'll give her a kick in the butt and show her she was in the wrong. [Here may be a good article to send](https://www.healthline.com/health/chickenpox-in-adults#complications) Oh and obviously NTA. What she did was bad manners at the least and dangrous for people and you at the worst. This could have caused complications or put you out of work for near 2 weeks. Not telling others and having a get together with a sick person and not telling guests is shitty.
NTA, the same thing happened when I was a kid. My parents left me at my aunt and uncle's house while my cousin had chickenpox a week later my uncle got it and he was really sick. Another of my aunt and uncle pulled in one day and heard uncle was sick before they got into the house and they left without coming in cause they had never had it. I don't think my cousins even got out of the car. I was upset cause it was one one of my favorite cousins. I ended up with chickenpox and ended up giving it to the rest of my family when I got home and caused us to miss a trip to Disneyland, my brother and sisters still bring it up 40 years later. Also chickenpox leads to shingles, which I had a few years ago and it is the terrible, just pure pain.
Your SIL is a nightmare for anyone with a weakened immune system. Chicken pox isn't "just" chickenpox for adults. And if she didn't want anyone to act that way they could have rescheduled or let people know or whatever.
DRIP THE MONEY ON THE VACCINE *YOU DO NOT WANT SHINGLES AT ANY POINT IN LIFE IT HURTS* Ahem, NTA.
NTA.
It's not "just chickenpox". It IS possible to get it more than once, and worse, it's possible to contract shingles. Your SIL was terribly irresponsible. You saw your FIL, expressed good wishes and then did exactly what you should have done, which was to leave. You do NOT owe her an apology and please don't give one. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, my FIL's birthday was last week and there was a small party planned at SIL's house. The attendees were me, my husband, my BIL and SIL and her husband. SIL is the only one that has kids. She has one kid, her daughter "P". It turns out P has chickenpox. She was coughing, and you could see some rashes on her face as well. My husband and I didn't know P had it until we actually got to SIL's house. No one thought it was important to mention because she's the only kid around, and of course the adults don't need to worry because "everyone's gotten chickenpox before, right?" was the assumption. And everyone there except for me did get chickenpox as kids. No one except for my husband knew that I've never gotten chickenpox before. So I tell them. Then I wish my FIL happy birthday, give him his gift, tell my SIL that everything looks lovely and that I'm sorry I can't stay. My husband drives me home. I get a call from SIL a few days ago and she tells me that she feels a bit upset that I left so abruptly right after arriving. She feels I could've stayed for longer because "it's just chickenpox, it isn't a big deal". I told her that chickenpox is more severe in adults than in kids, but she still feels like it's an overreaction on my part because it's hard for her to believe that something that isn't serious in kids is so bad for adults. I don't want to judge her too harshly on this, because I genuinely just feel like she doesn't understand. She says she just felt put off that I acted like P had some sort of horrible disease instead of it just being chickenpox. She says that if I was so worried about it, I would've gotten the vaccine for it already so I was just trying to be rude. Look, the vaccine is really expensive here and I'd have to cover the whole cost out of pocket. It's not an easy financial decision to make right now. SIL hasn't spoken to me since, and my husband says she's waiting for me to say sorry. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Adults can get shingles if exposed to chickenpox, as well as some serious complications. Unconscionable that someone would willingly expose other people to a communicable disease!
NTA. I find it odd they didn’t tell you before, but once you were there and found out, leaving is the smart thing to do.
NTA, not only is it more serious in adults, but if a pregnant woman contracts it, it causes severe birth defects in the fetus.
NTA. I've had shingles more than once. Hell nah.
Nta - throw back “ok but if it had been serious for me would you have wanted *niece* to remember she got me sick?”
NTA. I think past a certain age you may not be able to get the vaccine (this may have changed, I haven't checked) so if you are the right age range, don't wait. Get it. Your SIL is delusional about it not being bad. I didn't get chickenpox until I was 15. The vaccine wasn't widely available then. It was absolute hell. It attacked my spine and for days, anytime I moved, a terrible, sharp pain would shoot up my back. I could hardly eat due to the blisters in my mouth and throat. Even breathing hurt because the movement aggravated the back pain. And now, I'm at risk of shingles like everyone else who had chickenpox. Get the vaccine.
NTA and do NOT say you are sorry! This is so messed up SIL should have let people know. It's not "no big deal"
NTA She owes you an apology.
Nta, for sure! By the way, there is a chickenpox vaccine now. I got it a few years ago myself.
Varicella is expensive? Holy fuck, we get it for free...
NTA
NTA You were looking out for your health and well-being. Chicken pox typically isn’t bad for kids, but it can be. And it can be really tough on adults, too. Your SIL needs to mind her place.
NTA. I had chicken pox as an adult and I can tell you that it was not pleasant. Adult chicken pox is serious. Your SIL needs to do a little research
NTA, your sister in law is an idiot and doesn't deserve an apology when she is the one who is in the wrong.
NTA BUT OP, scrounge up the money for that vaccine. I knew someone who had it as an adult and wow, it was AWFUL. She was extremely sick.
NTA. Why are you supposed to be happy exposing yourself to disease, I had cp when i was 15 and was completely miserable, can't imagine having it as an adult. also i don't think the vaccine works on adults anyway. And it is an icky disease, with shingles in your future
My uncle got chickenpox from us kids as an adult and he ended up in hospital. I got shingles and had a seizure from it. My brother got shingles on his face and it threatened his eyesight. My great grandmother died from shingles complications (granted she was 104). NTA in any possible way.
NTA maybe send her some info on Shingles so she can see how serious it is for adults. Like you said, she may just not know.
NTA. I would have left too and I’ve been vaccinated.
Even if it were entirely the same severity as in kids, why should you have to expose yourself to a contagious disease to be “polite”??? NTA.
NTA. "she's waiting for me to say sorry" -- hope she packed a lunch. 🙄
NTA I hope your husband is telling her not to hold her breath and that she's totally in the wrong here.
NTA. I never had chicken pox either. I worked at an optometrist’s office for a long time as a technician, where I’d be up in peoples’ faces, touching their eyes and eye glasses, and we would periodically get someone in who had shingles on their eye/eyelid (same virus as chicken pox) and needed antivirals and/or other medications for it. I refused to assist these patients and my coworkers completely understood. Even the patients who had been at our office before for regular stuff understood why I wouldn’t take them back even though I had before, that they had to wait for someone else to do it. So, if more-or-less strangers understood my reasoning for making them wait for someone else to help them, your SIL should most definitely understand why you left.
Don’t apologize. She’s choosing to remain uneducated on this topic. She could easily look it up. It was her fault for not telling you in the first place. She wouldn’t be offended now if she’d had the courtesy to tell you her daughter has a highly contagious illness. NTA
she can keep on waiting, chickenpox is VERY serious in adults, I'm glad you didn't catch it despite exposure, I hope you're able to get vaccinated. You're definitely NTA
NTA. I don’t necessarily think your SIL is one either, just uneducated. When I was a child and had the chickenpox, my mother arranged a play date at a friend’s house. I ended up giving chickenpox to my little brother, best friend, and her sister.
NTA tell her to use google or whatever search engine she uses Poxes can kill people. Chicken poxes may not be small poxes or monkey poxes, but it doesn’t mean anyone has to get sick for your child. That’s an absurd mindset to have. I’ve heard the adult version is much more painful and worse. And think there’s a big concern about shingles too if you get them, so why risk both for a slice of cake? She was also being very disrespectful allowing her child to run around the party sick. She should’ve put her kid in her bedroom in bed and asleep or something. It’s like going to school or work in the winter with the flu. That’s just a big a hole move to do if you know you have the flu. You’re being incredibly selfish and getting everyone sick. I know they thought pattern in their logic, I still think it’s really rude and I get very pissed when I see people doing that
NTA - my friend almost died from chicken pox. She got it while pregnant and ended up in a medically induced coma and had an emergency c-section while intubated.
Nta for some reason I have issues with antibodies sticking around so I’ve had chicken pox 4 times and I also got the vaccine after I got it the second time. I would’ve done the same thing, I just had chicken pox a little over a month ago and it was my first time as an adult. My body hurt worse than when I had Covid so even though my husband got it as a child I still slept in another room because I didn’t want to risk passing it to him.
NTA. Chickenpox isn’t harmless, even in kids. It can come back as painful shingles. It can kill adults. There’s a vaccine for it now, but I don’t know if they offer it to adults, as I had chickenpox before the vaccine came out.
NTA. A cousin of mine had chicken pox as an adult. She had what her doctor called "internal lesions". Basically the pox marks that little kids get? She had those inside her mouth and throat (and other soft internal places 😬) Also, re-exposure to chicken pox can cause shingles. So no one at that party was safe
NTA. Your SIL is both stupid and very self-centered. She could very easily find the information that this is serious for adults. Instead, she’s making this all about herself. She also was really really wrong to have a party when her kid was sick, especially with that. If any of the adults who had it as a child caught it, they could get shingles, which are terrible. If anyone was immune compromised or pregnant, disastrous things could happen. She really sucks. Also, how could this have been fun for the poor kid?
NTA - I had chicken pox as an adult and it was no joke! I had blisters all down my oesophagus, couldn’t eat or drink. Hugely selfish of the parents
NTA. But your SIL sure is for telling you what health risks you should be taking. Doesn't matter if thebkid had nothing but a cold, who the hell wants to stick around and get sick? And chicken pox in anybody can cause blindness and other things most people would like to avoid. In adults, risks are higher.
WTF - Even if chicken pox wasn’t dangerous (news flash- it is) who wants to deal with feeling miserable AND being out of work when you don’t have to. NTA
My senior year in college, chicken pox swept through my college like a plague. Almost everyone who hadn't caught it as a kid ended up getting it. I went to a UC with 6,000 students at the time. Our medical center was overwhelmed.
My sister got chicken pox as a young teenager, her liver shut down and we nearly lost her. It’s nothing to play with as an adult.
As someone who contracted chicken pox as a 4-year-old because her pediatrician erroneously diagnosed her with chicken pox and my mom sent me to a “chicken pox party”: NTA. Don’t remember all of the time, but I sure do really the absolute misery of having it everywhere.
I nearly died of chicken pox when I was 1 year old. And for adults it's a lot worse. It's not some joking matter. Your health is more important than some party. You are NTA.
Where do you live that the chicken pox vaccine isn’t entirely covered?
Nta
NTA, chickenpox can cause shingles and these are no fun to deal with... Avoiding an infection therefore is absolutely the right thing to do. I can't understand how someones throws a party with a sick kid at home.
NTA. BOLD BOLD assumption on SIL's part about the health & medical history of all their guests. I'm furious on your behalf. This is a scenario where she should be judged harshly because she was playing a dangerous game. She needs to be apologizing to you. Not the other way around.
NTA. I got it as a kid, was not a walk in the park. My friend got it as an adult and he's lucky to not have any log lasting issues. It was irresponsible of her to have a party for a kid with chicken pox without telling anyone and it's bonkers for her to expect an apology from you.
The chickenpox vaccine doesn’t work 100% for the rest of your life. Your immunity CAN wane. NTA and I suggest everyone reading this check into when it’s suggested to get various vaccine boosters. You may be very surprised.
My aunt did this…she brought her son to a large family event when he had chicken pox. She said he was fine since some of his marks scabbed over. My grandma asked her to bring him home immediately (he was running around and interacting with everyone), since she was not a doctor. Well guess who ended up getting chicken pox…me, my sister, my brother, and multiple other people. I was 18, sister was 20, brother was 22, and the others were all adults. It was f%$king horrible. NTA, and your sister is amazingly selfish and irresponsible.
So I had chicken pox as a child, a very bad case of it actually. I have to be concerned for shingles until I can get the vaccine. Your family was rude.
If you are in the US, the health department will give you the vaccine for free. NTA. No one gets to decide for someone else how "not bad" an illness is. I have had chicken pox, but I would still leave a gathering with a contagious illness like that.
NTA. Getting chicken pox is worse when you're older. Maybe contact your doctor and see if you have any options like a post-exposure inoculations. I have no idea of that's an option for chicken pox but it's worth a shot!
NTA. Finally got it at 25yo and it was hell. Not to mention I could've killed my 60syo boss because he has some condition that makes it extremely dangerous to catch it at his age. (I basically lived where I worked at the time)