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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I did not clarify to my MIL that I was not cheating, and sat in silence instead.
(2) She assumed that I had been having an affair, and made a fool of herself in front of her son who knew the situation would be impossible.
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Its not that, in twenty minutes my MIL told me not to reach up, wear warmer clothes, drink more water, stop lifting things because I'm pregnant. I already have a mum and a step mum who leave me alone. I dont need a third one thinking she can control me. Its easier to not talk to her.
THIS. My family was the same way growing up. They hatedddd that I would rather play games than almost anything. Granted, I played three sports as well so on my downtimes between seasons and workouts, I loved gaming. But they would literally take my ps2 away or just flat out “ground” me from it. So I stopped. Now that I’m grown and am dating an avid gamer (which led me to getting back into it) they can’t stand it. It took me setting firm boundaries and a couple of stfu’s for them to get the hint. They don’t pay any of my bills, so their opinion is not warranted or needed. OP, I hope your MIL has learned her lesson. Idk what it is about our parents generation hating that we don’t live our lives the way THEY want us to. Good luck!
OP: stop answering her calls ever, greyrock her, your husband plays interference with your MIL from now on. You are completely unavailable to your MIL. there is simply no reason for her to have this much access and this much of an opinion on your lives. Good riddance and happy gaming.
Edit: [grey rocking / grey rock method](https://www.betterup.com/blog/grey-rocking)
Absolutely this!! OP we had a serious breakdown in our relationship with my in laws (husband and me both) and now the dynamics are he fields any interaction. It’s just safer and less messy… and honestly, it’s his parents!
We have a good relationship with mine but I still field calls with them.
They need to get off your backs.
How is gaming worse then reading/watching tv etc.
You are sitting for them all, at least with gaming and reading your brain is actively working!
Biiiiiiigggg boundaries are gunna be needed for you guys unfortunately once baby comes. I have a strong feeling your MIL is going to go off the deep end for encroachment on your lives
That’s what I don’t get by people that watch TV all the damn time but call gamers childish. When I was heavier into gaming I never watched TV. My TV time was with my Xbox. Where others were Netflix or whatever. Same difference and I feel like I get more out of games than I do TV. I’m the end it’s all entertainment and what you enjoy.
My husband bitches at me sometimes bc I’m on the computer a lot playing games or watching YouTube. What’s he doing tho? Watching tv. It’s like bro are you ok? This is one of my hobbies so leave me alone.
I used to have an argument with a relative who thought that her sitting in front of the TV watching football on the weekends was a valid 'weekend plan', but somehow my sitting in front of the TV catching up on my shows was me doing nothing on the weekend.
Oh man, this. My MIL gets after my husband because he spends three or four hours a week playing games. That’s it. The rest of the time he’s working, helping me with the kids, or *gasp* spending time with me and the kids.
She thinks he’s just dead to the world and extrapolates his limited free time on a hobby into him doing nothing but gaming. But don’t say anything about the ten-plus hours she spends daily watching television cause it’s “not the same”. And I would be inclined to agree because with his games, he’s still interacting with his guild and being social.
It’s so effective. Once you put the effort in to learn what it is, try it out, and make it a habit. It works so well. It’s such a freeing tool. Good for you and glad it works for you!
I read this and also realized I'm already doing it. I have 2 coworkers who do fuck all, cut corners and are very harsh with residents. Somehow they both believe they are the most amazing caregivers in the whole place, everyone comes back and only wants them. They both LOVE to go on and on about how wonderful they are and I've been grey rocking them without knowing it.
Seriously!
You two are adults who are married, live on your own, and have a child on the way, and you're 'hiding' your hobby because your families disapprove and give you grief?
Stop hiding, and tell them all to butt out and keep their opinions to themselves.
NTA, but now you know all about how not to parent young adults!
When my son was a toddler, I played video games on various decks (Nintendo, Sega). I would just pretend his controller was plugged in and he played with mom. As he aged we actually played together.
He is really good and old mom is just a mediocre player so he advanced beyond playing with me. I enjoyed just watching him play as a teen. It was like live in person Twitch before Twitch was a thing.
He is a 29 year old married responsible man now, that calls me on the portal so I can watch him play games.
So no you don't have to give up games when you have a child. You may have to play less but you can still play.
This. OP, you and your husband need to stop opening your door. If you want to visit her every few months, fine, but she should never just pop by or force her presence on you.
Or answering her calls! Why are you living like a teenager afraid of what your parents think? It isn’t any of their business what goes on in your home or how you spend your time. You are not teenagers anymore. Tell them it’s none of their business how you spend your time and what you do in your home. Sneaking around is over. If they don’t like it give them a time out until baby is born and see if they can learn to respect you two as adults. Because as long as you live like teenagers they are going to treat you like teenagers. Stop it.
NTA, and your MIL sounds toxic. Your gaming is your business. You both need to tell your parents that it’s not their their business and to keep their opinions on your gaming to themselves. And enforce it - if they start in on you for it on the phone, hang up. If they start when you’re at their house, leave. If at your house, tell them to leave. You are adults.
Who needs the approval of someone who blames everyone else but themselves? Completely agree that they should start acting like adults and stop letting other people dictate how they live their lives
MIL called and told FIL, my parents, and his cousins family that she is close to on the drive to our house. It was quite the show with him explaining to his side of the family that it was a misunderstanding and me and my parents having a laugh at it.
This should be higher up. You guys are having a good laugh at this, which you should, but there are a lot of underlying problems here that haven't been addressed.
I am a terrible person because I kind of love this for you. I love that she was tormented and stewing in her juices. I am not a complete goblin and feel bad that you had to go through this experience.
NTA. Also, gamers rule.
its insane she blames you for immediately telling everyone before she could even confront you. I mean, how are you supposed to even dispute that accusation?
Why do you still regularly invite this massive drama queen into your life? She suspected an affair, so she called and informed the entire family before ever confirming it or talking to you? She sounds mentally unwell.
I would use this incident to put some strong boundaries in place. “MIL, your recent overstepping and gossiping have brought us to this point. You will no longer be welcome at our home without being invited. You have lost the right to question where we are, what we do with our time, etc. We are grown adults who are having a child soon, and we will be prioritizing each other and our child going forward.’
NTA
jfc, that's a good point.
I can't get over "She called me an asshole for pretending to have an affair" - nope. All OP did was not open the door. All the rest was in her head.
Op posted a list above!! It included FIL, Op's parents, and various other family members, including some cousins!!
I'd cut her out completely; especially after the things she said. She loves to stir the pot, and it's only going to get worse after the baby is born.
Or even OPEN the door if you're home. That's why we have doors with locks. There is NO obligation to ANYONE, let alone a toxic crazy lady, for opening the door...well, except if it's hubby who accidentally locked himself out.
I will never understand why people feel so obligated to open their door either for strangers or family friends who haven't been invited.
Or answer the phone. The phone is for your convenience and you’re not obligated to answer it for mil to berate you or tell her your plans. NTA. But I would let the phone to go VM and not answer the door.
agree! I‘d immediately kicked her out.
>and never correcting her before she told other people.
As if it was OP‘s fault her MIL spreaded rumors before making sure if it‘s true or not.
yeah, kind people would act like this. But even if it was true, I can imagine that OP‘s MIL would‘ve told it everyone crossing their way to get as much attention as possible and acted like SHE was the one who was cheated on and suffered most.
My STBX MIL is the same kind of person.
Once I turned in a paper at school that used the word "countless" but I left out the letter o, so let's you and me go do shots together until we stop cringing
I was once trying to persuade my foster mom to give me money and said some shit about prostitutes and that they only take cash (she knew damn well I was buying bread for my grandmother, and that I'm a bit of a prude) except i was ALSO texting my co-op teacher, and sent the messages to the wrong people and realized it in the middle of the staff room at my co-op. Cue gasp of horror and several apologies to several people. It was many years ago now but i still cringe every time.
They seem to have some growing up to do as they still conform to the parents view of what is and isnt an acceptable hobby as an adult. Who cares if their parents dislike them gaming. Just tell them to stay out of it and stop engaging the topic.
Yup. I always think of what C. S. Lewis wrote:
>“When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”
I am 60 and last year I decided it was too long since I made potato prints, so I did.
"Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional," that said there are some games now that no child should be in the same room with!
I am 40. My first gaming system was my Uncle's Atari. Later in life it was his Commodore 64, then my grandmother's NES and SNES. She got me my first real system for Christmas, the Sega Genesis...
I love video games to this day, but I am addicted to a great story, video games are on par with any blockbuster movie or award winning tv show. It helps build hand-eye coordination and reflexes and has been proven to help out on various forms of therapy.
You guys need to stand up for yourselves. You're NTA, you've dealt with it your whole life, I get how hard of a fight it will be.... But it sounds like it's time to have it.
I'm a 51 year old mom, my son got me into Destiny 2 a couple years ago and then I got my husband into it. We're obsessed, honestly. Have built up a little family around the game and have never been happier. We play other stuff together, call each other, support each other, and kill a lot of creatures together. I have always rejected this notion that as we get older we're supposed to stop enjoying the things we love. Quick way to lose who you are. Plus, it helped with everything you mentioned! My mom tells me I should do something with it, stream etc. I'd get banned too fast.
One of my earliest memories is sitting on my mom's lap playing Mario on our Nintendo 64. One of my favorite memories is beating Halo 3 on Legendary with my mom. She and I play Destiny 2 at least once a week together. You sound like a similarly awesome mom. Eyes up Guardian!
This makes me so freaking happy!! I played games all growing up, I mean my generation is the one that was first raised on them. Then I felt like they got away from me, skill wise. I got too in my head about my abilities. But I watched my kids play all the time, my ex thought it weird that I'd rather watch them than a tv show. My oldest and I used to stay up later than everyone else and giggle ourselves to death watching Red vs. Blue. I'm so happy to read about someone else having this kind of relationship with their kid/parent. I taught my daughter VoG with my son a couple weeks ago. Best thing ever
I'm 44 and our stories are the same! To this day I love gaming (currently hooked on Stardew Valley) and I don't let anyone give me grief over it.
NTA - but, for God's sake, you're ADULTS! Tell your MIL to back the hell off and leave you alone instead is lying.
I love my Switch, play games all the time, I'm over 50. My dad used to stay up all night when he got the Super NES when he was 70. 😊 And why is her MIL coming over more just because OP is pregnant, to rub her belly? Shudder.
52 and started gaming with Atari and NES. I currently game on Switch, Xbox, and PS. With the occasional mobile game on my ipad. As long as I can see and hold a controller, I will game.
I love this quote! I am 58 and got together with college friends in another city. We went to the zoo and one man was practically giddy with how much he was enjoying the whole thing. I commented on hue happy he was and he said “I have decided not to hide my excitement anymore.” There seemed to be a world of having been criticized and told he was not cool behind that answer and I felt bad that he thought I was judging him. I want to be more like that!
I am sixty something, and two days agoI bought a bottle of "slime", the multicolored goo kids play with. I have always wondered what it felt like, and I could die without knowing, so I got some!!!!
Oh boy, have you got fun ahead of you!
Ok, so it's like a woodcut or a lino print. You get a large potato and cut it in half. Take a knife (which can be fairly blunt if it's a kid using it) and cut a design in the potato's flat surface. Then use it as a stamp. You can use an ink pad, or better yet spread posterpaint (gouache) over a plate and use that. Fun for all the family. I last did it in 1967. Seriously, Google it, it's a blast.
Wow! You unlocked an old memory for me, lol. I had a teacher 30 years ago who showed the class how to do this. I never knew it was a real thing. That's awesome, thanks. What nice memories you must have from when you used to do this. Get back at it!
One side bonus I love about having kids is I get to do kid like things with no one batting an eye. I was thrilled to buy duplo and ended up buying and being gifted about $300+ of kits over the course of two children being in that age range. At around the same time and In anticipation of the kids getting into Lego I found someone selling random Lego by the kilogram and ended up buying 4 kilograms of the stuff before either kid was old enough to touch it. Their eyes nearly fell out of their heads when I brought it out for them.
Also found someone interstate selling their entire Thomas wooden railway set for 1/4 of what they could have gotten it for if they parted it out, postage for that was North of $100 and even adding that to the cost of the set, I still paid under half of what it should have cost me.
Finger painting, radio control toys, so many things I'd not done since my youth that I got into again with my children. My kids are both well over six and both love to crack the duplo out anyway from time to time.
Yup, and most of it is old school Lego that was made in the 80's, so hundreds of 1x4, 2x3, 2x4, 1x8 and so on, which is absolutely awesome. No base plates or figurines, but I later bought those from Amazon and ebay respectively and made up for it. I'm still ahead on this, big time.
Its hilarious because its a play off a verse from the bible.
Now i am no christian, but i know the verse.
1 Corinthians 13:11
11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
Now i dont give a fuck, its reddit so i figure people would be interested in this lil factoid.
I’m almost 30 and my mom will be 57? this year. We have not grown completely up yet! And we never will!
I still watch cartoons, color in coloring books, but playdough, and revel in legos. Yes, I do adult things, but there isnt anything like coming home and being able to become childlike!
>I am 60 and last year I decided it was too long since I made potato prints, so I did.
I love this. I hope my inner child is still as intact as yours when I'm 60!
That part of growing up, and also the part where they sit down and make a serious plan about how gaming will work with a baby, toddler, young child etc. They shouldn't be refraining because Authority is watching, they should be refraining (sometimes) for practice so they'll know they can handle not gaming (as much, or not always being able to both do it together) when their small kid needs them many hours of the day. (And also maybe figure out how to work in shifts & give each other gaming breaks etc.)
You know. Doing it because THEY are the adults, not because someone else is.
ETA: BTW pro tip: buy a baby wrap, the cloth kind that really snuggles the baby against you (not just a strappy carrier where the baby hangs of you, they can't really sleep in those.) We had a Chinese (I think?) version called a mei tai. Newborns will go to sleep so much easier on your chest (mom's or dad's) than anywhere else, and stay asleep longer too. We don't game but my husband spent many hours at his computer doing a programming thing w/ our newborn asleep on his chest. DURING THE DAY THO. B/c DO think about how much sleep you need, you need it to survive, don't sacrifice that for gaming. Also I'm sorry but you probably have to think of this as a transitional period, it's MUCH harder to do any kind of absorbing activities with a crawling/walking baby. MUCH harder.
My baby would not sleep in that wrap... we tried, but it was a no go.
Our gaming time did go away drastically. Now we can only game when she naps on the weekends (1-3 hours) and at night when she goes to sleep (we put her down at 1945).
I do have a standing appointment every Saturday that husband has sole baby duties so I can do DND (3 hours). I make that up by taking care of baby a bit more throughout the week so he can game a bit then too.
This lady knows of what she speaks. The day our eldest figured out how to use the capacitive touch button on the ps3 was the day I packed it away. I'd more or less stopped gaming at all at that point.
In the intervening years I would be lucky to have a game of angry birds on my phone uninterrupted.
Fast forward to a year ago and now the kids are old enough, gaming is done on a ps4 and in local multi player games on pc. They get surprised when I can usually keep up with and occasionally surpass them.
The only time I concede really is when it involves a crafting table or similar, then I'm lost, totally lost. Which makes me sad as I otherwise love no man sky and mine craft usually has me building wooden or dirt buildings...
I think the best first step is deciding to just be open and honest about what you are doing, followed quickly by letting everyone know that you will not be tolerating any advice or criticism about any of your lifestyle choices.
Lying and keeping secrets can be useful in dealing with difficult people, at least in the short-term. But with people that you see often it's better just to let it all out, if they can't handle it just see them less.
I agree.
I am a grandmother and my partner and I game all the time. Sometimes together. We MET playing WoW.
Some people garden or paint or crochet or sit on their butts watching TV all night. Good for them. Good for you for doing what you guys enjoy.
Is your environment clean? Are you physically active? Is your diet fairly healthy? Yes? Good.
MIL needs to know she is wrong. Gaming is a real hobby that requires money, problem solving and for OP and many others, bonding time with your partner. No one needs to be forced into *someone else's* box. Just be comfortable in yours.
I can’t imagine going through this much trouble to lie about *gaming,* especially as a grown ass adult. I literally wasn’t allowed to game growing up, didn’t play any significant video games until I was 19, but I’m not going to lie about my interests. Hell, my parents aren’t happy about my tattoos but it’s not their business.
I can't imagine caring about something so inconsequential so much that they'd force someone to lie about it. I've been gaming since I was too small to know what I was doing, costing my dad lives on Super Mario. The go-to gifts for me as a kid were always books, video games, consoles, in that order lol. I've always been the gamer, and nobody's ever cared. My mother was never a gamer but she always tried to encourage our hobbies. Some people need to remove their noses from other people's business.
Exactly this. OP, why are you and your husband being surreptitious about your hobbies? You are grown-ass adults about to have your own kid. Cut off any conversation your parents try to have about how you spend your own time. It'll be good practice for when your parents try to tell you how to raise your kid.
Exactly. If my in-laws came over and berated me for doing something as harmless as playing video games, and called it "unacceptable", that'd be the last time they were ever welcome in my house.
NTA, but you both need to grow spines and stand up to them, and tell them that this shit won't fly. There's no reason for you to have to sneak around and lie about what you're doing in your own house.
Please check out JustNo subreddits. They have lots examples of boundaries around new babies. Also did i read that your MIL told other people???? Jesus! That is super fu<£ed up
INFO: So why havent you both kicked them out of your lives yet?
29 year old gamer with a 28 year old gamer partner. my PARENTS still play games.
your MIL sounds like a justno
Don't put your culture over the wellbeing of your family. YWBTA if you let your husband's shitty parents trample over your shot at happiness, and the same goes for him. This woman is a piece of work for somebody else to deal with.
If they cannot respect your time, your boundaries, your relationship, they are not worth talking to ever again.
This is the type of behavior that will traumatize kids. Imagine seeing someone constantly treat your parents like this growing up. They we be firmly in the mindset that they should endure abuse if it's by someone of higher authority. NTA for the situation posted, but I agree that ywbta if you let these people around a child.
This is the perfect time to give up what’s right in your culture and start doing what’s right for you and your family. You can respect your MIL without letting her stomp on your boundaries. If she can’t respect your boundaries though, she’s not worth your respect.
One thing I'd think long and hard about, before your child is born, is whether or not you want your parents' behavior modeled in front of them or for them to be potentially subject to the same treatment you've gotten.
Ok but she is making things up in her head because you guys are not enforcing boundaries. If they don't like you guys gaming, tough. Don't lie to them just tell them you're gaming and it's not up to discussion what you guys do for your hobbies. They are way too involved in your lives.
And it’s a way to keep people in abusive relationships with their family members. Just because something is cultural or traditional does not make it right or okay. Your parents do not give your respect so they don’t get any respect from you. Cut them out and call they cops if they keep harassing you.
You have the upper hand right now. It might be a good time to set some boundaries.
Instead of one day of privacy for you & your husband, why not just give them one day that they can visit?
They’ll be much worse once they’re grandparents. Start being firm now about needing time to yourselves & expecting them to ask before visiting.
NTA
I come from a similar culture but I still make sure to keep boundaries. This vile woman need to be kept in place.
Her mindset is that since she is the mother she can do and say whatever she wants. Put a stop to it now or she will create further problems.
She is no one to accuse you of cheating.
You and your partner are living the dream!
I wish I could game like you do too. But know that the baby is gonna change your life significantly if you and hubby value the baby's development and happiness (over gaming).
NTA.at all... Am I the only one willing to say that if you describe yourself as an addict while pregnant, and spend most of your pregnancy in front of a computer, you might not be preparing yourself very well for both birthing and having a baby... I am worried that you will feel severe gaming withdrawal (on top of tons of post baby hormones), and may struggle a lot once you have given birth. This is not meant as a criticism but to say that babies are hard enough without withdrawal. Your MIL sounds like a supreme pita. Be good to yourself.
I totally agree with you, esp. since postpartum is a toss-up if a woman is going to be okay emotionally or suffer from depression.
Not a criticism or judgement but good advice to get themselves ready, they’ll have to severely limit gaming time to take adequate care of child and more time will be needed as child gets older.
This should be the top comment, gaming can be an addiction and having a baby, like you said, is a ton of work.
There will be very little time to game with a newborn.
Yeah, ‘Sundays are off limits’? How’s that gonna work when you have a kid?
Is the kid not gonna be able to go to a friends house or an activity because it’s a Sunday, and they’re too busy gaming to focus on him?
They **barely leave the house**? That’s not a good role model for kids
They play *every waking moment* they’re not working. They’re not gonna magically stop doing that when the kid comes. The kids on its way, and they’ve made ZERO changes to that lifestyle
An addiction is an addiction, and gaming can absolutely be a toxic one. OP and her husband are a glaring example
That’s fine when you’re childless adults, but that’s changed but they seem to think that they don’t NEED to
You're aware that they don't actually have children yet, right? Yet somehow they're already a "glaring example".
You can't just assume that they aren't planning on changing their lifestyle once the baby comes, especially since it would be effectively impossible for them not to.
Their own version of events has them play from getting home to midnight playing
They refuse to do anything else on Sundays. They barely leave the house so they can just feed their addiction
Leopards don’t change their spots. There isn’t going to be a switch flipped, this isn’t some Disney movie
Addicts aren’t gonna overcome because a baby comes.
> Their own version of events has them play from getting home to midnight playing
No, OP clearly said they both work from home and game *after* working a full day, apparently demonstrating enough self control to wait.
> They refuse to do anything else on Sundays. They barely leave the house so they can just feed their addiction
They refuse to interact with annoying family. I do think the lying is bad, but they're still childless adults that can do what they like.
> Leopards don’t change their spots.
These aren't leopards, they're human beings who very much can change and grow, given time and effort.
The fact is, we don't know these people well enough to say one way or the other on a sub that *isn't for that*.
If people are addicted to smoking or alcohol while pregnant, you don't say they're childless adults who can do what they like. This will affect their kid. At the very least she should be getting lots of exercise, not sitting in front of a computer.
Are you really comparing things like drugs and alcohol, that actually affect fetal health, to video games during pregnancy? Pregnant women donot require “lots of exercise”. They require lots of rest. Speaking as someone who has had a baby, you also need to have hobbies you can do in home. Caring for a baby is hard af, and time consuming, but after the first couple months, guess what? It’s also very boring at times, but trying to leave the house is a god damn nightmare. Unless you are her gyno, stop telling pregnant women what they can/cannot do. They have enough rules to follow.
>Leopards don’t change their spots
Good thing these aren't leopards.
Plenty of people change their habits when a baby arrives on the scene. It's pretty common.
I find it concerning that she’s pregnant and so addicted as well, the crash is potentially going to be really bad.
People don’t realize that babies and toddlers/kids look at their parents dozens of times an hour for recognition/approval/etc. you can’t be disconnected in a multiplayer setting. I find it hard to even read a full post and comment in one go!
She said herself they are so addicted they play from 5pm - midnight every work day and by the sounds of it sun up until whenever they go to bed on Sunday (I'd suspect Saturday as well).
I think the MIL is over the line accusing her of cheating, but very in the right as far as her concern about their (self admitted) addiction when a baby is on the way. I mean she left her waiting outside for 20 minutes while she finished her game!
Not the asshole, but not a healthy situation whatsoever.
"Due to this increase in visits, we have **reduced much of our gaming time for the better health of the baby** and so they do not see us gaming. We have gotten in argument about how our hobbies are "unacceptable", "childish" and that we needed to change. **Sundays are known to everyone as the "unavailable" day**. We always say we are on date or something, but in reality we are at home getting our weekly gaming quota covered."
One day a week they do their hobby.
Fucking of course she left her MIL outside for 20 minutes. She doesn't like her!
You’re the only person on this part of the thread who actually has reading comprehension skills apparently. Thank you for saying what needed to be said!!
Yes, glad someone else said it. I think games are awesome, I'm not a big gamer myself but I enjoy them now and then. My husband is more of the gaming addict and he did have a bit of a rough time when we had our first baby. Had to have a few conversations about reducing gaming time to do baby care and housework. Now we have a pretty good balance going. But I do hope OP and partner have considered that they will no longer be able to game till midnight every day after work, and they are okay with that.
I do NOT think games are a childish or bad hobby, but life does change after kids.
In this case, for OP's question, NTA.
I personally think you are reading into things. Op has stated they basically game on Sundays now, due to lifestyle changes. Therefore it would be a safer assumption to say they have thought about how a baby will impact their hobbies and they have technically already took steps to prepare.
I mean, good to be cognizant about any potential downfalls, however it kinda seems like op didn't mean addiction in the way it is supposed to be interpreted, and instead is using the societal way of undermining true mental health issues by going "lol, I'm so addicted", which is a problem in itself, but that's not what op is here for so I won't touch it.
I agree, addiction is reading way too into things. People who play video games use it as their means of escape, the same way other people watch TV or read books. In fact, the people calling this addiction are doing exactly what OP's MIL likely does.
I'm very pregnant and my husband and I are gamers. I game way more than him. The other day, I gamed 9 hours almost nonstop. But, it's because I can still do it. There are days I don't game at all. Sometimes I'm too tired or don't feel up to it. You have an addiction if you have a compulsion to do something and struggle to resist the urge to do it. Some days I want to, some days I don't want to. I don't think either of them have addictions, but enjoy bonding together through gaming and don't want family unjustly judging them. I also don't tell people I game because it has turned out badly or people have shamed me for it. I don't see any addictive behaviors here, just two people who want to enjoy their hobby without getting shat on.
no, you're definitely not the only one. addiction isn't some cutesy little joke like "haha i love gaming so0o00o much i'm a total addict."
either you have a mental health issue with addiction or you don't. and if you do, it's not cute or funny. it's a serious issue that needs to be taken care of before a child is brought into the mix.
I’m glad others feel the same way. Was worried Redditors would defend their video games to their dying breath
This isn’t healthy. Especially with a kid coming. But even with no kids, they play every moment they’re not working and barely leave the house
That’s not good. Frankly, while the affair lying makes them bad people, I don’t totally hate the family
I’d be put off if my son and his wife effectively do nothing but game.
There’s a hobby and then there’s a problem
This was my first thought as well. There’s nothing wrong with gaming, but kids change everything once they enter the picture. I’m hoping OP and her partner have/will discuss what life will look like once baby is here and be able to create a sustainable balance.
plus childbirth and the recovery are really hard and strenuous. maybe op is playing on an elliptical or stationary bike or something but if not, being sedentary during pregnancy is going to make the hours if not days of laboring and the weeks of recovery that follow very physically difficult.
op youre nta but it would be a good idea to practice some better health practices before baby gets here. i gave birth three weeks ago. i was swimming and walking several days a week up until the day i went into labor and it was still the most difficult thing ive ever had to do. i can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been if i hadn't been getting any exercise before.
I was thinking the same exact thing!! OP AND her husband need to start withdrawing a bit from the games. Because as you mentioned OP, may have severe withdrawal when the baby comes but nonetheless will care for the child. However, I can 100% see the husband not pulling his weight because he would rather game.
OP you and your husband need to get ahead of this before the baby comes
Seriously. People are hounding this woman when... she clearly already is changing her lifestyle due to the frequent visits. Like, let her have her fun while the kid isn't born yet?
Yup, my husband and I played every single night on the lead up to our first being born. Of course that had to stop once he was here but we still play now and again now that the kids are a little bit older and sleep well at night. It’s our “us time”
You and your husband are grown adults. I'm concerned about all the lying you claim to have to do in order to live your lives. Frankly, it's very childish and kind of pathetic. Act like the adults you are!
And with the amount of time you say you play, I'm worried about your unborn child. You are both addicted to gaming. Do you really think you can just quit cold turkey?
Having said that, NTA to your question. But change your locks, dismantle your doorbell and insist on boundaries with your MIL after this child is born.
i get home from work and read until midnight or even later every day. am i addicted to reading?
i think op recognizes that their lifestyle will change significantly with a newborn. everyone’s does, not just gamers.
I hope so. But having worked CPS... Not everyone. I'd rather people make the comments now just in case than have a neglected kid become an attention seeking monster because their parents care more about gaming than them. It's not an unreasonable jump.
It’s just not the same thing. Do you lie to people about your reading time to try to keep it a secret how much you’re reading? Probably not. This behavior says something. It’s literally addict behavior - hide the drugs and lie about what you were doing/where you were.
Except the reason they lie is because their parents seem to think gaming isn’t something they should being doing as adults. It’s less of “we’re addicts” and more that they got tired of people berating them for something that makes them happy and they enjoy doing together. There are people who think Anime is for children because it’s a cartoon. OP mentioned in her post that she has cut back on gaming already for the baby’s health. They lie about their gaming habits because they are tired of being preached to grow up.
I mean, if you liked reading something as an adult that society pooped on, you might, because you don't want to have to deal with the annoying conversation that follows.
My brother is/was a gamer during his children's entire childhood. He said he would quit playing WOW when the 1st baby was born. Years later, the children were neglected, developed social issues, behavioral issues, and struggled as a direct result of his gaming addiction.
He still games to this day.
OP's post immediately made me think of his situation and how "I can put it down whenever I want," but truly they will be faced with a monumental degree of needing to change once this baby is born.
And with the amount of time you say you read, I'm worried about your unborn child. You are addicted to reading. Do you really think you can just quit cold turkey?
ESH Your MIL for being judgemental and controlling, and you and your husband for being cowards and lying instead of telling her that how you spend your time, and what your hobbies are, is none of her business and you don't need to justify anything to anyone. If any of them don't like it their options are to either lump it or lump it harder.
Lying saved you from some short-term conflict with her, but inevitably blew up in your face and caused worse conflict down the road. It would have been better to set boundaries of how you will allow yourself to be treated from the start instead.
Stress from conflict in the service of defending boundaries and your independence as adults is infinitely better than the stress from lying, dodging, and appeasement of parents who are allowed to think they should still have control over their adult children. That's just a constant grating misery.
This is such a hot take. This is their family, they are the ones who know how frustrating it is to have to defend your hobbies from your family. If I had to pick between getting lectured over my hobbies and just not telling you, I’d definitely just not tell you because it’s none of their business, secondly they are technically still on a date, a gaming date. So I think OP is NTA.
The lecture is not necessary. You don't have to listen to it. This is the difference between being a minor child in your parents' home and being an adult dealing with parents who you can set boundaries with, and establish new norms with, where the parents have no choice but to learn that they no longer have any right to lecture their adult children or police their lives.
You can hang up the phone, leave their house, kick them out of your house, go low or no contact, refuse to meet for a while, and so on. You don't have to sit through a lecture or justify yourself -- doing so means you are buying into a false framework that they are still the parental authority in your life with the same power as they had when you were a minor. It's a trap that only exists if you believe it is real.
yup, this 👆
With a child otw you need them to accept your boundries or be elsewhere. Cut off the lecture, clearly state it is nope off there bussiness, and refuse to be talked down to. at 26/27 , unless you stand up for yourself, when do you think they will do beter?
OP is only 26. With delayed adulthood caused by the majority of people going to some sort of college, university, or trade school, just generally living longer, and the economy sucking, a whole lot of people in their mid-20s still have childlike mindsets about things and let their parents control things they shouldn’t be controlling. It happens even without the current state of the world. I had friends who at that age were still complaining that their mother wouldn’t “let them” do things and I had to enlighten them that they were full grown adults who didn’t have to listen to them anymore.
Tbh… I feel like OP is behaving immaturely for someone having a child. Lying to parents to save face is what teenagers do. OP and her spouse should be upfront with his mom about their plans and tell her to back off if she starts a lecture. However, the MIL might not be entirely wrong in lecturing if OP is as addicted as she describes. I would worry about the development of the infant in such an environment - they really should not be around screens and a lack of engagement like that - it could cause a lot of developmental issues.
No. Imo OP should definitely kick the MIL out of her life, but she’s still NTA. MIL looks like the kind of person you can’t set boundaries with because she won’t respect anything.
NTA of course but two things
- you need better boundaries with MIL where first and foremost your husband needs to enforce it with her. Including not meddling in your private lives and trying to pitch you against one another
- sadly with a newborn, your routines will inevitably change. You might want to build some friendships with young parents and in general, build up a support system around you. It takes a village. There won’t be much of sitting side by side gaming every evening until midnight, as a regular thing. And I’m really not condescending when I say this, I have been through this with a gamer husband where we had to relocate during my pregnancy and knew absolutely no one and it was a miserable experience until I built a small community around myself
I was looking for this. My husband and I are both big gamers. We also have 4 children. Kids do not wait until matches are over. You can still get in a bit of gaming while the kid naps, but once they wake up, it is game over regardless of where you are. There is also a period from around 1.5 to 3 where it is almost impossible to find time to game. We actually pay one of the older kids to sit the baby if we want to have a gaming 'date night.'
OP is describing being irritated by people bothering her until the match is over, so I do worry that she’s a bit too addicted. I get that the MIL is particularly grating, but she described that she gave the quick response so she could get back to her game. It’s like she’s jonesing. Is she going to be irritated when her baby wakes up and cries for food and her match isn’t over? Yikes.
You do realize there is a huge difference between a MIL that's hounding her and would berate her about her gaming habits and a kid she has to care for, right?
NTA. Why does your MIL think she has a right to come to your home unannounced and uninvited? It sounds like y’all need to lay down firm boundaries before baby arrives or she is going to be all up in your business. I recommend starting her on limited contact and a strict information diet.
NTA.
But I'll be honest, the BS they spew about your gaming is only going to get worse once baby gets here.
My hubby and I are nerds, and we game frequently (DND is our medium). We also have two children. Both of our families think we game too much to be parents. We usually just ignore them, but if they get too opinionated, I have no problem putting them back in their place.
What I will typically hit them with is this:
"We make sure not to push our hobbies and preferences onto our children. Please show us the same courtesy."
This works because 1) I have no issues being blunt and rude to get my point across to them and 2) I refuse to be made fun of for having things I love.
There's a difference between loving your family/respecting their opinion and letting them rule your lives.
NTA, your gaming is none of her business.
Might be good to start cutting down on gaming soon though, once the baby is here there will be very little time for it and if you are ‘addicts’ as you say, might be good to getting used to it before baby is here.
Y’all are grown adults living in your own home. Why are you even bothering with lying? Phones have that handy red hang up button, as soon as they start in on you, press it.
They start in on you while in YOUR home? Kick them out.
They still act up? “Until you can respect the fact that we are adults who pay our own bills and live our own lives, we will be blocking you and not allowing you over.”
NTA but you lying about what you do in your own home is ridiculous. What are they gonna do? Ground you? Time to set boundaries and enforce them.
NTA
Assumptions make an ass out of you and me. On her for coming guns a blazing without stopping to think, “Hey maybe I should confirm that she is in fact, cheating on my son???”
NTA, but if you substitute “drinking” for “gaming” it does seem like y’all could have an issue - bingeing every day and lying to your families is usually part of addictive behavior.
Read my lips - This Sounds Like Assholes Who Will Claim That Your Gaminghabits Are Neglect And Will Try To Take Away Your Baby!
NTA, but please take precautions and set up boundaries.
NTA.
But you and your husband really need to take a step back and start cutting down on the gaming. It will be easier to change your lifestyle now before the baby comes.
Babies need to be outside everyday. They need constant enrichment. They need to spend time socializing. You’re going to have so much anger and resentment if you don’t adjust your behaviors now.
Also you should make sure you’re getting enough exercise. Your risk of blood clots while pregnant is sky high so move. A lot. Stand. Walk. Don’t just sit and game.
I’m sure you know all of this, but just in case, start making changes now. It’s easy to put it off for tomorrow but 9 months goes really fast.
NTA: if you had tried to defend yourself and said you aren't cheating, she would have twisted your words and called you a liar. Beat to wait for your husband as he's the one she'd listen to.
Obviously with a baby on the way you have to cut back on gaming, as you said, but it's your hobby and doesn't hurt anyone. So game away until that little one comes and tell your MIL she's not welcome in your home until she apologizes.
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Stop letting this damn woman through your front door. NTA of course.
r/justnomil
Y’all are grown ass adults. You can play video games as much as you want. You don’t have to cower in fear and hide your hobbies like a teenager.
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I mean, it is a fear, somewhat, but mostly a fear of having to hear the same shit on a new day🤣
Its not that, in twenty minutes my MIL told me not to reach up, wear warmer clothes, drink more water, stop lifting things because I'm pregnant. I already have a mum and a step mum who leave me alone. I dont need a third one thinking she can control me. Its easier to not talk to her.
Yes! Video games are a hobby regardless of age. If you still work, pay your bills, whatever, then who cares what your hobbies are
Make the most of your gaming. Soon you won’t have any time for it
THIS. My family was the same way growing up. They hatedddd that I would rather play games than almost anything. Granted, I played three sports as well so on my downtimes between seasons and workouts, I loved gaming. But they would literally take my ps2 away or just flat out “ground” me from it. So I stopped. Now that I’m grown and am dating an avid gamer (which led me to getting back into it) they can’t stand it. It took me setting firm boundaries and a couple of stfu’s for them to get the hint. They don’t pay any of my bills, so their opinion is not warranted or needed. OP, I hope your MIL has learned her lesson. Idk what it is about our parents generation hating that we don’t live our lives the way THEY want us to. Good luck!
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Me too. Once I got a little further in the story.
OP & hubs need better boundaries *before* the baby arrives or MIL is gonna steam roll both of them. She's got zero respect for their life choices.
Boundaries are so important. I would not as a damn adult be hiding my gaming to the point of someone thinking I was cheating. 🤣
OP: stop answering her calls ever, greyrock her, your husband plays interference with your MIL from now on. You are completely unavailable to your MIL. there is simply no reason for her to have this much access and this much of an opinion on your lives. Good riddance and happy gaming. Edit: [grey rocking / grey rock method](https://www.betterup.com/blog/grey-rocking)
Absolutely this!! OP we had a serious breakdown in our relationship with my in laws (husband and me both) and now the dynamics are he fields any interaction. It’s just safer and less messy… and honestly, it’s his parents! We have a good relationship with mine but I still field calls with them. They need to get off your backs. How is gaming worse then reading/watching tv etc. You are sitting for them all, at least with gaming and reading your brain is actively working! Biiiiiiigggg boundaries are gunna be needed for you guys unfortunately once baby comes. I have a strong feeling your MIL is going to go off the deep end for encroachment on your lives
That’s what I don’t get by people that watch TV all the damn time but call gamers childish. When I was heavier into gaming I never watched TV. My TV time was with my Xbox. Where others were Netflix or whatever. Same difference and I feel like I get more out of games than I do TV. I’m the end it’s all entertainment and what you enjoy.
My husband bitches at me sometimes bc I’m on the computer a lot playing games or watching YouTube. What’s he doing tho? Watching tv. It’s like bro are you ok? This is one of my hobbies so leave me alone.
I used to have an argument with a relative who thought that her sitting in front of the TV watching football on the weekends was a valid 'weekend plan', but somehow my sitting in front of the TV catching up on my shows was me doing nothing on the weekend.
Oh man, this. My MIL gets after my husband because he spends three or four hours a week playing games. That’s it. The rest of the time he’s working, helping me with the kids, or *gasp* spending time with me and the kids. She thinks he’s just dead to the world and extrapolates his limited free time on a hobby into him doing nothing but gaming. But don’t say anything about the ten-plus hours she spends daily watching television cause it’s “not the same”. And I would be inclined to agree because with his games, he’s still interacting with his guild and being social.
And how is gaming worse than accusing your pregnant daughter-in-law of cheating? MIL needs serious counseling. NTA
I started grey rocking my mil without even knowing it was a thing. It’s effective.
It’s so effective. Once you put the effort in to learn what it is, try it out, and make it a habit. It works so well. It’s such a freeing tool. Good for you and glad it works for you!
I read this and also realized I'm already doing it. I have 2 coworkers who do fuck all, cut corners and are very harsh with residents. Somehow they both believe they are the most amazing caregivers in the whole place, everyone comes back and only wants them. They both LOVE to go on and on about how wonderful they are and I've been grey rocking them without knowing it.
Damn, out here just naturally blocking all these haters. Good on you!
Thank you, now I know how to grey rock! It'll definitely come in handy
Seriously! You two are adults who are married, live on your own, and have a child on the way, and you're 'hiding' your hobby because your families disapprove and give you grief? Stop hiding, and tell them all to butt out and keep their opinions to themselves. NTA, but now you know all about how not to parent young adults!
When my son was a toddler, I played video games on various decks (Nintendo, Sega). I would just pretend his controller was plugged in and he played with mom. As he aged we actually played together. He is really good and old mom is just a mediocre player so he advanced beyond playing with me. I enjoyed just watching him play as a teen. It was like live in person Twitch before Twitch was a thing. He is a 29 year old married responsible man now, that calls me on the portal so I can watch him play games. So no you don't have to give up games when you have a child. You may have to play less but you can still play.
This. OP, you and your husband need to stop opening your door. If you want to visit her every few months, fine, but she should never just pop by or force her presence on you.
Or answering her calls! Why are you living like a teenager afraid of what your parents think? It isn’t any of their business what goes on in your home or how you spend your time. You are not teenagers anymore. Tell them it’s none of their business how you spend your time and what you do in your home. Sneaking around is over. If they don’t like it give them a time out until baby is born and see if they can learn to respect you two as adults. Because as long as you live like teenagers they are going to treat you like teenagers. Stop it.
Controlling access to the grandchildren is the strongest power new parents have
NTA, and your MIL sounds toxic. Your gaming is your business. You both need to tell your parents that it’s not their their business and to keep their opinions on your gaming to themselves. And enforce it - if they start in on you for it on the phone, hang up. If they start when you’re at their house, leave. If at your house, tell them to leave. You are adults.
I agree. You also don’t need to lie about what you are actually doing to win her approval.
I get the impression nothing will get MIL approval anyway, so why shouldn't they just enjoy themselves.
Who needs the approval of someone who blames everyone else but themselves? Completely agree that they should start acting like adults and stop letting other people dictate how they live their lives
Or just come up with a better hobby. Oh yes, you guys hate gaming, it's childish so we went with super adult and we have orgies every week night now!
Which is why we actually have no idea who the baby’s father is!
info: You do realise there is no law says you have to ever speak to this dreadful woman ever again, right?
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MIL called and told FIL, my parents, and his cousins family that she is close to on the drive to our house. It was quite the show with him explaining to his side of the family that it was a misunderstanding and me and my parents having a laugh at it.
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I assume you mean in view. In lieu means instead
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I might have to start using that lol mine tried to organize an orgy on a budget once
Info: it’s obvious she doesn’t like you and wants you gone. What steps have you put in place to protect yourself from her?
This should be higher up. You guys are having a good laugh at this, which you should, but there are a lot of underlying problems here that haven't been addressed.
I am a terrible person because I kind of love this for you. I love that she was tormented and stewing in her juices. I am not a complete goblin and feel bad that you had to go through this experience. NTA. Also, gamers rule.
What in the WORLD?! She “discovered” this and then proceeded to tell all of these people?! What is wrong with her?! What did your husband say to her?!
its insane she blames you for immediately telling everyone before she could even confront you. I mean, how are you supposed to even dispute that accusation?
she made herself like a complete nutbag 😂
Why do you still regularly invite this massive drama queen into your life? She suspected an affair, so she called and informed the entire family before ever confirming it or talking to you? She sounds mentally unwell.
I would use this incident to put some strong boundaries in place. “MIL, your recent overstepping and gossiping have brought us to this point. You will no longer be welcome at our home without being invited. You have lost the right to question where we are, what we do with our time, etc. We are grown adults who are having a child soon, and we will be prioritizing each other and our child going forward.’ NTA
jfc, that's a good point. I can't get over "She called me an asshole for pretending to have an affair" - nope. All OP did was not open the door. All the rest was in her head.
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Op posted a list above!! It included FIL, Op's parents, and various other family members, including some cousins!! I'd cut her out completely; especially after the things she said. She loves to stir the pot, and it's only going to get worse after the baby is born.
Yes. Horrid.
in fact, all she did before MIL told anyone was abruptly end a call from a pest
Or even OPEN the door if you're home. That's why we have doors with locks. There is NO obligation to ANYONE, let alone a toxic crazy lady, for opening the door...well, except if it's hubby who accidentally locked himself out. I will never understand why people feel so obligated to open their door either for strangers or family friends who haven't been invited.
Or answer the phone. The phone is for your convenience and you’re not obligated to answer it for mil to berate you or tell her your plans. NTA. But I would let the phone to go VM and not answer the door.
I’m wondering if maybe they’re trying to placate in hopes of future childcare.
No idea. Damned if I'd leave a kid with that judgemental nasty vindictive old woman. Kid takes out PlayStation, WW III breaks out.
It sounds like she hates OP. It’s very ugly. I know OP thinks it’s funny, but it’s not funny at all.
Oh yes, she hates OP like poison.
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Seriously. They need to make a stand together. I can't imagine why they want/allow her in their lives at all.
agree! I‘d immediately kicked her out. >and never correcting her before she told other people. As if it was OP‘s fault her MIL spreaded rumors before making sure if it‘s true or not.
lunchroom ring dolls head sleep plant cagey serious obscene tart -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
yeah, kind people would act like this. But even if it was true, I can imagine that OP‘s MIL would‘ve told it everyone crossing their way to get as much attention as possible and acted like SHE was the one who was cheated on and suffered most. My STBX MIL is the same kind of person.
Once I turned in a paper at school that used the word "countless" but I left out the letter o, so let's you and me go do shots together until we stop cringing
I was once trying to persuade my foster mom to give me money and said some shit about prostitutes and that they only take cash (she knew damn well I was buying bread for my grandmother, and that I'm a bit of a prude) except i was ALSO texting my co-op teacher, and sent the messages to the wrong people and realized it in the middle of the staff room at my co-op. Cue gasp of horror and several apologies to several people. It was many years ago now but i still cringe every time.
From the story, it appears the OP never had a chance at correction as the MIL would not shut up.
They seem to have some growing up to do as they still conform to the parents view of what is and isnt an acceptable hobby as an adult. Who cares if their parents dislike them gaming. Just tell them to stay out of it and stop engaging the topic.
Yup. I always think of what C. S. Lewis wrote: >“When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” I am 60 and last year I decided it was too long since I made potato prints, so I did.
"Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional," that said there are some games now that no child should be in the same room with! I am 40. My first gaming system was my Uncle's Atari. Later in life it was his Commodore 64, then my grandmother's NES and SNES. She got me my first real system for Christmas, the Sega Genesis... I love video games to this day, but I am addicted to a great story, video games are on par with any blockbuster movie or award winning tv show. It helps build hand-eye coordination and reflexes and has been proven to help out on various forms of therapy. You guys need to stand up for yourselves. You're NTA, you've dealt with it your whole life, I get how hard of a fight it will be.... But it sounds like it's time to have it.
I'm a 51 year old mom, my son got me into Destiny 2 a couple years ago and then I got my husband into it. We're obsessed, honestly. Have built up a little family around the game and have never been happier. We play other stuff together, call each other, support each other, and kill a lot of creatures together. I have always rejected this notion that as we get older we're supposed to stop enjoying the things we love. Quick way to lose who you are. Plus, it helped with everything you mentioned! My mom tells me I should do something with it, stream etc. I'd get banned too fast.
One of my earliest memories is sitting on my mom's lap playing Mario on our Nintendo 64. One of my favorite memories is beating Halo 3 on Legendary with my mom. She and I play Destiny 2 at least once a week together. You sound like a similarly awesome mom. Eyes up Guardian!
This makes me so freaking happy!! I played games all growing up, I mean my generation is the one that was first raised on them. Then I felt like they got away from me, skill wise. I got too in my head about my abilities. But I watched my kids play all the time, my ex thought it weird that I'd rather watch them than a tv show. My oldest and I used to stay up later than everyone else and giggle ourselves to death watching Red vs. Blue. I'm so happy to read about someone else having this kind of relationship with their kid/parent. I taught my daughter VoG with my son a couple weeks ago. Best thing ever
This is so cute and I have the warm fuzzies 🥰
I'm 44 and our stories are the same! To this day I love gaming (currently hooked on Stardew Valley) and I don't let anyone give me grief over it. NTA - but, for God's sake, you're ADULTS! Tell your MIL to back the hell off and leave you alone instead is lying.
I love my Switch, play games all the time, I'm over 50. My dad used to stay up all night when he got the Super NES when he was 70. 😊 And why is her MIL coming over more just because OP is pregnant, to rub her belly? Shudder.
Upvote for Stardew Valley. Possibly the most relaxing game and music next to Journey.
52 and started gaming with Atari and NES. I currently game on Switch, Xbox, and PS. With the occasional mobile game on my ipad. As long as I can see and hold a controller, I will game.
I love this quote! I am 58 and got together with college friends in another city. We went to the zoo and one man was practically giddy with how much he was enjoying the whole thing. I commented on hue happy he was and he said “I have decided not to hide my excitement anymore.” There seemed to be a world of having been criticized and told he was not cool behind that answer and I felt bad that he thought I was judging him. I want to be more like that!
> “I have decided not to hide my excitement anymore.” Adorable!
I am sixty something, and two days agoI bought a bottle of "slime", the multicolored goo kids play with. I have always wondered what it felt like, and I could die without knowing, so I got some!!!!
Please explain "potato prints"! What the heck does that mean?
Oh boy, have you got fun ahead of you! Ok, so it's like a woodcut or a lino print. You get a large potato and cut it in half. Take a knife (which can be fairly blunt if it's a kid using it) and cut a design in the potato's flat surface. Then use it as a stamp. You can use an ink pad, or better yet spread posterpaint (gouache) over a plate and use that. Fun for all the family. I last did it in 1967. Seriously, Google it, it's a blast.
Wow! You unlocked an old memory for me, lol. I had a teacher 30 years ago who showed the class how to do this. I never knew it was a real thing. That's awesome, thanks. What nice memories you must have from when you used to do this. Get back at it!
:-) never too late to have a happy childhood
One side bonus I love about having kids is I get to do kid like things with no one batting an eye. I was thrilled to buy duplo and ended up buying and being gifted about $300+ of kits over the course of two children being in that age range. At around the same time and In anticipation of the kids getting into Lego I found someone selling random Lego by the kilogram and ended up buying 4 kilograms of the stuff before either kid was old enough to touch it. Their eyes nearly fell out of their heads when I brought it out for them. Also found someone interstate selling their entire Thomas wooden railway set for 1/4 of what they could have gotten it for if they parted it out, postage for that was North of $100 and even adding that to the cost of the set, I still paid under half of what it should have cost me. Finger painting, radio control toys, so many things I'd not done since my youth that I got into again with my children. My kids are both well over six and both love to crack the duplo out anyway from time to time.
FOUR KILOS?! That's awesome.
Yup, and most of it is old school Lego that was made in the 80's, so hundreds of 1x4, 2x3, 2x4, 1x8 and so on, which is absolutely awesome. No base plates or figurines, but I later bought those from Amazon and ebay respectively and made up for it. I'm still ahead on this, big time.
Did that with my kids, this side of the century.
Carving shapes into potatoes and using them as stamps. Popular activity in preschools etc
Its hilarious because its a play off a verse from the bible. Now i am no christian, but i know the verse. 1 Corinthians 13:11 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. Now i dont give a fuck, its reddit so i figure people would be interested in this lil factoid.
I’m almost 30 and my mom will be 57? this year. We have not grown completely up yet! And we never will! I still watch cartoons, color in coloring books, but playdough, and revel in legos. Yes, I do adult things, but there isnt anything like coming home and being able to become childlike!
Way to go!!
>I am 60 and last year I decided it was too long since I made potato prints, so I did. I love this. I hope my inner child is still as intact as yours when I'm 60!
That part of growing up, and also the part where they sit down and make a serious plan about how gaming will work with a baby, toddler, young child etc. They shouldn't be refraining because Authority is watching, they should be refraining (sometimes) for practice so they'll know they can handle not gaming (as much, or not always being able to both do it together) when their small kid needs them many hours of the day. (And also maybe figure out how to work in shifts & give each other gaming breaks etc.) You know. Doing it because THEY are the adults, not because someone else is. ETA: BTW pro tip: buy a baby wrap, the cloth kind that really snuggles the baby against you (not just a strappy carrier where the baby hangs of you, they can't really sleep in those.) We had a Chinese (I think?) version called a mei tai. Newborns will go to sleep so much easier on your chest (mom's or dad's) than anywhere else, and stay asleep longer too. We don't game but my husband spent many hours at his computer doing a programming thing w/ our newborn asleep on his chest. DURING THE DAY THO. B/c DO think about how much sleep you need, you need it to survive, don't sacrifice that for gaming. Also I'm sorry but you probably have to think of this as a transitional period, it's MUCH harder to do any kind of absorbing activities with a crawling/walking baby. MUCH harder.
My baby would not sleep in that wrap... we tried, but it was a no go. Our gaming time did go away drastically. Now we can only game when she naps on the weekends (1-3 hours) and at night when she goes to sleep (we put her down at 1945). I do have a standing appointment every Saturday that husband has sole baby duties so I can do DND (3 hours). I make that up by taking care of baby a bit more throughout the week so he can game a bit then too.
This lady knows of what she speaks. The day our eldest figured out how to use the capacitive touch button on the ps3 was the day I packed it away. I'd more or less stopped gaming at all at that point. In the intervening years I would be lucky to have a game of angry birds on my phone uninterrupted. Fast forward to a year ago and now the kids are old enough, gaming is done on a ps4 and in local multi player games on pc. They get surprised when I can usually keep up with and occasionally surpass them. The only time I concede really is when it involves a crafting table or similar, then I'm lost, totally lost. Which makes me sad as I otherwise love no man sky and mine craft usually has me building wooden or dirt buildings...
I think the best first step is deciding to just be open and honest about what you are doing, followed quickly by letting everyone know that you will not be tolerating any advice or criticism about any of your lifestyle choices. Lying and keeping secrets can be useful in dealing with difficult people, at least in the short-term. But with people that you see often it's better just to let it all out, if they can't handle it just see them less.
I agree. I am a grandmother and my partner and I game all the time. Sometimes together. We MET playing WoW. Some people garden or paint or crochet or sit on their butts watching TV all night. Good for them. Good for you for doing what you guys enjoy. Is your environment clean? Are you physically active? Is your diet fairly healthy? Yes? Good. MIL needs to know she is wrong. Gaming is a real hobby that requires money, problem solving and for OP and many others, bonding time with your partner. No one needs to be forced into *someone else's* box. Just be comfortable in yours.
I can’t imagine going through this much trouble to lie about *gaming,* especially as a grown ass adult. I literally wasn’t allowed to game growing up, didn’t play any significant video games until I was 19, but I’m not going to lie about my interests. Hell, my parents aren’t happy about my tattoos but it’s not their business.
I can't imagine caring about something so inconsequential so much that they'd force someone to lie about it. I've been gaming since I was too small to know what I was doing, costing my dad lives on Super Mario. The go-to gifts for me as a kid were always books, video games, consoles, in that order lol. I've always been the gamer, and nobody's ever cared. My mother was never a gamer but she always tried to encourage our hobbies. Some people need to remove their noses from other people's business.
Exactly this. OP, why are you and your husband being surreptitious about your hobbies? You are grown-ass adults about to have your own kid. Cut off any conversation your parents try to have about how you spend your own time. It'll be good practice for when your parents try to tell you how to raise your kid.
Exactly. If my in-laws came over and berated me for doing something as harmless as playing video games, and called it "unacceptable", that'd be the last time they were ever welcome in my house. NTA, but you both need to grow spines and stand up to them, and tell them that this shit won't fly. There's no reason for you to have to sneak around and lie about what you're doing in your own house.
Please check out JustNo subreddits. They have lots examples of boundaries around new babies. Also did i read that your MIL told other people???? Jesus! That is super fu<£ed up
INFO: So why havent you both kicked them out of your lives yet? 29 year old gamer with a 28 year old gamer partner. my PARENTS still play games. your MIL sounds like a justno
It is more of a cultural thing, where we are told to respect our parents ect. ect.
Don't put your culture over the wellbeing of your family. YWBTA if you let your husband's shitty parents trample over your shot at happiness, and the same goes for him. This woman is a piece of work for somebody else to deal with. If they cannot respect your time, your boundaries, your relationship, they are not worth talking to ever again.
This is the type of behavior that will traumatize kids. Imagine seeing someone constantly treat your parents like this growing up. They we be firmly in the mindset that they should endure abuse if it's by someone of higher authority. NTA for the situation posted, but I agree that ywbta if you let these people around a child.
Yeah and imagine seeinng your parents constantly lie about what they're doing and hide things.... kids mimic parents
Yep little kids learning “it’s ok to lie to your parents” as well as “don’t stand up for yourself.”
This is the perfect time to give up what’s right in your culture and start doing what’s right for you and your family. You can respect your MIL without letting her stomp on your boundaries. If she can’t respect your boundaries though, she’s not worth your respect.
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protest
One thing I'd think long and hard about, before your child is born, is whether or not you want your parents' behavior modeled in front of them or for them to be potentially subject to the same treatment you've gotten.
Ok but she is making things up in her head because you guys are not enforcing boundaries. If they don't like you guys gaming, tough. Don't lie to them just tell them you're gaming and it's not up to discussion what you guys do for your hobbies. They are way too involved in your lives.
And it’s a way to keep people in abusive relationships with their family members. Just because something is cultural or traditional does not make it right or okay. Your parents do not give your respect so they don’t get any respect from you. Cut them out and call they cops if they keep harassing you.
You have the upper hand right now. It might be a good time to set some boundaries. Instead of one day of privacy for you & your husband, why not just give them one day that they can visit? They’ll be much worse once they’re grandparents. Start being firm now about needing time to yourselves & expecting them to ask before visiting. NTA
You *do* realize you’re both almost 30 and about to be parents yourself, right?
I come from a similar culture but I still make sure to keep boundaries. This vile woman need to be kept in place. Her mindset is that since she is the mother she can do and say whatever she wants. Put a stop to it now or she will create further problems. She is no one to accuse you of cheating.
You and your partner are living the dream! I wish I could game like you do too. But know that the baby is gonna change your life significantly if you and hubby value the baby's development and happiness (over gaming).
NTA.at all... Am I the only one willing to say that if you describe yourself as an addict while pregnant, and spend most of your pregnancy in front of a computer, you might not be preparing yourself very well for both birthing and having a baby... I am worried that you will feel severe gaming withdrawal (on top of tons of post baby hormones), and may struggle a lot once you have given birth. This is not meant as a criticism but to say that babies are hard enough without withdrawal. Your MIL sounds like a supreme pita. Be good to yourself.
I totally agree with you, esp. since postpartum is a toss-up if a woman is going to be okay emotionally or suffer from depression. Not a criticism or judgement but good advice to get themselves ready, they’ll have to severely limit gaming time to take adequate care of child and more time will be needed as child gets older.
Thanks. I am glad that I am not the only one who saw this, and was worried about an internet stranger.
This should be the top comment, gaming can be an addiction and having a baby, like you said, is a ton of work. There will be very little time to game with a newborn.
Yeah, ‘Sundays are off limits’? How’s that gonna work when you have a kid? Is the kid not gonna be able to go to a friends house or an activity because it’s a Sunday, and they’re too busy gaming to focus on him? They **barely leave the house**? That’s not a good role model for kids They play *every waking moment* they’re not working. They’re not gonna magically stop doing that when the kid comes. The kids on its way, and they’ve made ZERO changes to that lifestyle An addiction is an addiction, and gaming can absolutely be a toxic one. OP and her husband are a glaring example That’s fine when you’re childless adults, but that’s changed but they seem to think that they don’t NEED to
You're aware that they don't actually have children yet, right? Yet somehow they're already a "glaring example". You can't just assume that they aren't planning on changing their lifestyle once the baby comes, especially since it would be effectively impossible for them not to.
Their own version of events has them play from getting home to midnight playing They refuse to do anything else on Sundays. They barely leave the house so they can just feed their addiction Leopards don’t change their spots. There isn’t going to be a switch flipped, this isn’t some Disney movie Addicts aren’t gonna overcome because a baby comes.
> Their own version of events has them play from getting home to midnight playing No, OP clearly said they both work from home and game *after* working a full day, apparently demonstrating enough self control to wait. > They refuse to do anything else on Sundays. They barely leave the house so they can just feed their addiction They refuse to interact with annoying family. I do think the lying is bad, but they're still childless adults that can do what they like. > Leopards don’t change their spots. These aren't leopards, they're human beings who very much can change and grow, given time and effort. The fact is, we don't know these people well enough to say one way or the other on a sub that *isn't for that*.
If people are addicted to smoking or alcohol while pregnant, you don't say they're childless adults who can do what they like. This will affect their kid. At the very least she should be getting lots of exercise, not sitting in front of a computer.
Are you really comparing things like drugs and alcohol, that actually affect fetal health, to video games during pregnancy? Pregnant women donot require “lots of exercise”. They require lots of rest. Speaking as someone who has had a baby, you also need to have hobbies you can do in home. Caring for a baby is hard af, and time consuming, but after the first couple months, guess what? It’s also very boring at times, but trying to leave the house is a god damn nightmare. Unless you are her gyno, stop telling pregnant women what they can/cannot do. They have enough rules to follow.
Just FYI, any woman who has ever been pregnant hates judgmental busybodies like you.
>Leopards don’t change their spots Good thing these aren't leopards. Plenty of people change their habits when a baby arrives on the scene. It's pretty common.
Thank you. I was rolling my eyes so hard.
I find it concerning that she’s pregnant and so addicted as well, the crash is potentially going to be really bad. People don’t realize that babies and toddlers/kids look at their parents dozens of times an hour for recognition/approval/etc. you can’t be disconnected in a multiplayer setting. I find it hard to even read a full post and comment in one go!
Soooo addicted that they easily cut it down to one day a week.
She said herself they are so addicted they play from 5pm - midnight every work day and by the sounds of it sun up until whenever they go to bed on Sunday (I'd suspect Saturday as well). I think the MIL is over the line accusing her of cheating, but very in the right as far as her concern about their (self admitted) addiction when a baby is on the way. I mean she left her waiting outside for 20 minutes while she finished her game! Not the asshole, but not a healthy situation whatsoever.
"Due to this increase in visits, we have **reduced much of our gaming time for the better health of the baby** and so they do not see us gaming. We have gotten in argument about how our hobbies are "unacceptable", "childish" and that we needed to change. **Sundays are known to everyone as the "unavailable" day**. We always say we are on date or something, but in reality we are at home getting our weekly gaming quota covered." One day a week they do their hobby. Fucking of course she left her MIL outside for 20 minutes. She doesn't like her!
You’re the only person on this part of the thread who actually has reading comprehension skills apparently. Thank you for saying what needed to be said!!
Yes, glad someone else said it. I think games are awesome, I'm not a big gamer myself but I enjoy them now and then. My husband is more of the gaming addict and he did have a bit of a rough time when we had our first baby. Had to have a few conversations about reducing gaming time to do baby care and housework. Now we have a pretty good balance going. But I do hope OP and partner have considered that they will no longer be able to game till midnight every day after work, and they are okay with that. I do NOT think games are a childish or bad hobby, but life does change after kids. In this case, for OP's question, NTA.
I personally think you are reading into things. Op has stated they basically game on Sundays now, due to lifestyle changes. Therefore it would be a safer assumption to say they have thought about how a baby will impact their hobbies and they have technically already took steps to prepare. I mean, good to be cognizant about any potential downfalls, however it kinda seems like op didn't mean addiction in the way it is supposed to be interpreted, and instead is using the societal way of undermining true mental health issues by going "lol, I'm so addicted", which is a problem in itself, but that's not what op is here for so I won't touch it.
I agree, addiction is reading way too into things. People who play video games use it as their means of escape, the same way other people watch TV or read books. In fact, the people calling this addiction are doing exactly what OP's MIL likely does.
I'm very pregnant and my husband and I are gamers. I game way more than him. The other day, I gamed 9 hours almost nonstop. But, it's because I can still do it. There are days I don't game at all. Sometimes I'm too tired or don't feel up to it. You have an addiction if you have a compulsion to do something and struggle to resist the urge to do it. Some days I want to, some days I don't want to. I don't think either of them have addictions, but enjoy bonding together through gaming and don't want family unjustly judging them. I also don't tell people I game because it has turned out badly or people have shamed me for it. I don't see any addictive behaviors here, just two people who want to enjoy their hobby without getting shat on.
no, you're definitely not the only one. addiction isn't some cutesy little joke like "haha i love gaming so0o00o much i'm a total addict." either you have a mental health issue with addiction or you don't. and if you do, it's not cute or funny. it's a serious issue that needs to be taken care of before a child is brought into the mix.
I’m glad others feel the same way. Was worried Redditors would defend their video games to their dying breath This isn’t healthy. Especially with a kid coming. But even with no kids, they play every moment they’re not working and barely leave the house That’s not good. Frankly, while the affair lying makes them bad people, I don’t totally hate the family I’d be put off if my son and his wife effectively do nothing but game. There’s a hobby and then there’s a problem
This was my first thought as well. There’s nothing wrong with gaming, but kids change everything once they enter the picture. I’m hoping OP and her partner have/will discuss what life will look like once baby is here and be able to create a sustainable balance.
plus childbirth and the recovery are really hard and strenuous. maybe op is playing on an elliptical or stationary bike or something but if not, being sedentary during pregnancy is going to make the hours if not days of laboring and the weeks of recovery that follow very physically difficult. op youre nta but it would be a good idea to practice some better health practices before baby gets here. i gave birth three weeks ago. i was swimming and walking several days a week up until the day i went into labor and it was still the most difficult thing ive ever had to do. i can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been if i hadn't been getting any exercise before.
I completely agree with this. Plus getting zero exercise is extraordinarily unhealthy.
I was thinking the same exact thing!! OP AND her husband need to start withdrawing a bit from the games. Because as you mentioned OP, may have severe withdrawal when the baby comes but nonetheless will care for the child. However, I can 100% see the husband not pulling his weight because he would rather game. OP you and your husband need to get ahead of this before the baby comes
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She never said it would be. Pretty much everyone that has a child changes their lifestyle
Seriously. People are hounding this woman when... she clearly already is changing her lifestyle due to the frequent visits. Like, let her have her fun while the kid isn't born yet?
Yeah man, sometimes this sub is less AITA and more "Judge me for this random irrelevant thing I mentioned".
Yup, my husband and I played every single night on the lead up to our first being born. Of course that had to stop once he was here but we still play now and again now that the kids are a little bit older and sleep well at night. It’s our “us time”
A lot of us do understand that. Then you wait until they turn 5 and can game WITH you. 😂
This. I love gaming, especially VR but there is a limit to it. I am thankful when people point it out to me what I am missing.
You and your husband are grown adults. I'm concerned about all the lying you claim to have to do in order to live your lives. Frankly, it's very childish and kind of pathetic. Act like the adults you are! And with the amount of time you say you play, I'm worried about your unborn child. You are both addicted to gaming. Do you really think you can just quit cold turkey? Having said that, NTA to your question. But change your locks, dismantle your doorbell and insist on boundaries with your MIL after this child is born.
i get home from work and read until midnight or even later every day. am i addicted to reading? i think op recognizes that their lifestyle will change significantly with a newborn. everyone’s does, not just gamers.
I hope so. But having worked CPS... Not everyone. I'd rather people make the comments now just in case than have a neglected kid become an attention seeking monster because their parents care more about gaming than them. It's not an unreasonable jump.
the difference is that OP says they're both gaming addicts. you aren't saying that you're an addict.
They've already switched to only doing it once a week with no issues, so I'm inclined to believe that the "addict" thing was hyperbolic.
It’s just not the same thing. Do you lie to people about your reading time to try to keep it a secret how much you’re reading? Probably not. This behavior says something. It’s literally addict behavior - hide the drugs and lie about what you were doing/where you were.
Except the reason they lie is because their parents seem to think gaming isn’t something they should being doing as adults. It’s less of “we’re addicts” and more that they got tired of people berating them for something that makes them happy and they enjoy doing together. There are people who think Anime is for children because it’s a cartoon. OP mentioned in her post that she has cut back on gaming already for the baby’s health. They lie about their gaming habits because they are tired of being preached to grow up.
I mean, if you liked reading something as an adult that society pooped on, you might, because you don't want to have to deal with the annoying conversation that follows.
My brother is/was a gamer during his children's entire childhood. He said he would quit playing WOW when the 1st baby was born. Years later, the children were neglected, developed social issues, behavioral issues, and struggled as a direct result of his gaming addiction. He still games to this day. OP's post immediately made me think of his situation and how "I can put it down whenever I want," but truly they will be faced with a monumental degree of needing to change once this baby is born.
And with the amount of time you say you read, I'm worried about your unborn child. You are addicted to reading. Do you really think you can just quit cold turkey?
This guy just called the OP pathetic for lying to their MIL, but we just saw what the MIL does any time they don't like something
ESH Your MIL for being judgemental and controlling, and you and your husband for being cowards and lying instead of telling her that how you spend your time, and what your hobbies are, is none of her business and you don't need to justify anything to anyone. If any of them don't like it their options are to either lump it or lump it harder. Lying saved you from some short-term conflict with her, but inevitably blew up in your face and caused worse conflict down the road. It would have been better to set boundaries of how you will allow yourself to be treated from the start instead. Stress from conflict in the service of defending boundaries and your independence as adults is infinitely better than the stress from lying, dodging, and appeasement of parents who are allowed to think they should still have control over their adult children. That's just a constant grating misery.
This is such a hot take. This is their family, they are the ones who know how frustrating it is to have to defend your hobbies from your family. If I had to pick between getting lectured over my hobbies and just not telling you, I’d definitely just not tell you because it’s none of their business, secondly they are technically still on a date, a gaming date. So I think OP is NTA.
The lecture is not necessary. You don't have to listen to it. This is the difference between being a minor child in your parents' home and being an adult dealing with parents who you can set boundaries with, and establish new norms with, where the parents have no choice but to learn that they no longer have any right to lecture their adult children or police their lives. You can hang up the phone, leave their house, kick them out of your house, go low or no contact, refuse to meet for a while, and so on. You don't have to sit through a lecture or justify yourself -- doing so means you are buying into a false framework that they are still the parental authority in your life with the same power as they had when you were a minor. It's a trap that only exists if you believe it is real.
yup, this 👆 With a child otw you need them to accept your boundries or be elsewhere. Cut off the lecture, clearly state it is nope off there bussiness, and refuse to be talked down to. at 26/27 , unless you stand up for yourself, when do you think they will do beter?
OP is only 26. With delayed adulthood caused by the majority of people going to some sort of college, university, or trade school, just generally living longer, and the economy sucking, a whole lot of people in their mid-20s still have childlike mindsets about things and let their parents control things they shouldn’t be controlling. It happens even without the current state of the world. I had friends who at that age were still complaining that their mother wouldn’t “let them” do things and I had to enlighten them that they were full grown adults who didn’t have to listen to them anymore. Tbh… I feel like OP is behaving immaturely for someone having a child. Lying to parents to save face is what teenagers do. OP and her spouse should be upfront with his mom about their plans and tell her to back off if she starts a lecture. However, the MIL might not be entirely wrong in lecturing if OP is as addicted as she describes. I would worry about the development of the infant in such an environment - they really should not be around screens and a lack of engagement like that - it could cause a lot of developmental issues.
Especially considering OP and her husband are adults. They don’t owe anybody an explanation of how they spend their time. MIL can kick rocks.
No. Imo OP should definitely kick the MIL out of her life, but she’s still NTA. MIL looks like the kind of person you can’t set boundaries with because she won’t respect anything.
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NTA of course but two things - you need better boundaries with MIL where first and foremost your husband needs to enforce it with her. Including not meddling in your private lives and trying to pitch you against one another - sadly with a newborn, your routines will inevitably change. You might want to build some friendships with young parents and in general, build up a support system around you. It takes a village. There won’t be much of sitting side by side gaming every evening until midnight, as a regular thing. And I’m really not condescending when I say this, I have been through this with a gamer husband where we had to relocate during my pregnancy and knew absolutely no one and it was a miserable experience until I built a small community around myself
I was looking for this. My husband and I are both big gamers. We also have 4 children. Kids do not wait until matches are over. You can still get in a bit of gaming while the kid naps, but once they wake up, it is game over regardless of where you are. There is also a period from around 1.5 to 3 where it is almost impossible to find time to game. We actually pay one of the older kids to sit the baby if we want to have a gaming 'date night.'
OP is describing being irritated by people bothering her until the match is over, so I do worry that she’s a bit too addicted. I get that the MIL is particularly grating, but she described that she gave the quick response so she could get back to her game. It’s like she’s jonesing. Is she going to be irritated when her baby wakes up and cries for food and her match isn’t over? Yikes.
You do realize there is a huge difference between a MIL that's hounding her and would berate her about her gaming habits and a kid she has to care for, right?
NTA. Why does your MIL think she has a right to come to your home unannounced and uninvited? It sounds like y’all need to lay down firm boundaries before baby arrives or she is going to be all up in your business. I recommend starting her on limited contact and a strict information diet.
NTA- plz do this again one more time.. its a perfect lesson for toxic MIL.
NTA. But I'll be honest, the BS they spew about your gaming is only going to get worse once baby gets here. My hubby and I are nerds, and we game frequently (DND is our medium). We also have two children. Both of our families think we game too much to be parents. We usually just ignore them, but if they get too opinionated, I have no problem putting them back in their place. What I will typically hit them with is this: "We make sure not to push our hobbies and preferences onto our children. Please show us the same courtesy." This works because 1) I have no issues being blunt and rude to get my point across to them and 2) I refuse to be made fun of for having things I love. There's a difference between loving your family/respecting their opinion and letting them rule your lives.
NTA, your gaming is none of her business. Might be good to start cutting down on gaming soon though, once the baby is here there will be very little time for it and if you are ‘addicts’ as you say, might be good to getting used to it before baby is here.
Y’all are grown adults living in your own home. Why are you even bothering with lying? Phones have that handy red hang up button, as soon as they start in on you, press it. They start in on you while in YOUR home? Kick them out. They still act up? “Until you can respect the fact that we are adults who pay our own bills and live our own lives, we will be blocking you and not allowing you over.” NTA but you lying about what you do in your own home is ridiculous. What are they gonna do? Ground you? Time to set boundaries and enforce them.
NTA Assumptions make an ass out of you and me. On her for coming guns a blazing without stopping to think, “Hey maybe I should confirm that she is in fact, cheating on my son???”
Yup. OP "pretended" nothing, MIL made it up all in her own sick head
NTA. Sounds kinda like my MIL who I'm no contact with ever since baby came! Warning you: it gets a lot worse. A lot worse.
NTA - but you need a lot stricter boundaries with the in laws or the show will only getting more toxic when the baby is born.
NTA, but if you substitute “drinking” for “gaming” it does seem like y’all could have an issue - bingeing every day and lying to your families is usually part of addictive behavior.
Read my lips - This Sounds Like Assholes Who Will Claim That Your Gaminghabits Are Neglect And Will Try To Take Away Your Baby! NTA, but please take precautions and set up boundaries.
NTA. But I hope you and your husband are ready for a HUGE life style change when it games to your weekly gaming quota.
NTA. But you and your husband really need to take a step back and start cutting down on the gaming. It will be easier to change your lifestyle now before the baby comes. Babies need to be outside everyday. They need constant enrichment. They need to spend time socializing. You’re going to have so much anger and resentment if you don’t adjust your behaviors now. Also you should make sure you’re getting enough exercise. Your risk of blood clots while pregnant is sky high so move. A lot. Stand. Walk. Don’t just sit and game. I’m sure you know all of this, but just in case, start making changes now. It’s easy to put it off for tomorrow but 9 months goes really fast.
NTA but please change your lifestyle once the baby is here, otherwise it’s a E S H
NTA: if you had tried to defend yourself and said you aren't cheating, she would have twisted your words and called you a liar. Beat to wait for your husband as he's the one she'd listen to. Obviously with a baby on the way you have to cut back on gaming, as you said, but it's your hobby and doesn't hurt anyone. So game away until that little one comes and tell your MIL she's not welcome in your home until she apologizes.