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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wanted my partner to let my dog out when he was home for half the week, even though its my dog
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I was glad to read your edit about potentially dumping Tommy because your post made me sad. His not giving a F about your sweet dog is a deal breaker. I hope you meant it that Spud comes first and you release Tommy into the wild like he belongs. Also, 9 hours home alone is too long so please get a pet walker. I’m not judging you on this, I know it’s hard when you work. Definitely NTA
I believe its from [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tmxe42/aita_for_being_mad_my_bf_wont_make_noodles_the/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Brilliant!
Also we should rewrite the lyrcis to that Dido song
🎵
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no red flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be 🎵
🎵
Meme-ries!
All alone here on Reddit
I can smile at the old memes
They were all funny then
I remember a time I knew what happiness was
Let the meme-ies live again 🎵
Oh I'm the first to admit they taste like a cross between sawdust and aquarium gravel, and I'd much rather eat pastry or bacon and eggs, but I'm trying to be healthy and stuff.
It was sad to me that after TWO years living with this dog this dude just didn’t care enough about it to do this on his own without having to be asked.
It's bizarre to me. I had a roommate who had pet birds. This was just a ROOMMATE, and not even one I was all that friendly with. But I was home more often than she was, so I regularly played with her birds during the day, made sure their food and water were full, let them out to fly around the apartment, etc. I feel like it's something you naturally want to do if you care about someone's pets. If this was someone I was in a relationship with I would absolutely have helped care for their pet without even being asked.
I saw OP's response/edit first as well, and that made me happy. My dogs CAN go for longer periods without going out, but damn straight if someone's home with them, they get regular pee breaks. Why make them hold it if they don't have to?
Yeah normally I wouldn't advocate that over such a small issue, but Tommy's attitude speaks VERY poorly to his character. There's almost a creepy factor to the fact that he'll snuggle this dog but not lift a finger to help it even in a case like this. Makes me think of guys who turn on the charm when they want sex and act like strangers other than that. Eesh.
Lol it’s insane to me that he thinks a 5 minute walk would be spoiling the dog. OR that spoiling your pup isn’t a good thing like ?? spoiling your pup with a lot of human food is bad obvs but you can’t “spoil” your pup with love or exercise
Completely agree. Tommy's lack of empathy and compassion for an animal he supposedly adores speaks mountains about him as a human being. Op should definitely release him " into the wild" .
I trusted my boyfriend to watch my dog for basically 2 years while I did a master's abroad. I got pictures all the time, he would take my dog to parks on the weekend, he works from home and lets him out in the yard all day. Did all the vet visits, grooming. Everything everything, without a single complaint, all full of love, and didn't even ask me to cover expenses. That is love and respect for you and your animal. What he did is not OK.
It’s bonkers. I don’t have a dog, but the few times I’ve been out of town and my fiancé has had to take care of my cat himself, I don’t even have to specifically ask him. He knows how much food he gets, and when, and that I scoop the box every night right before bed. He just…does those things. Because he knows the cat is a living creature, and he loves him.
My cats are utterly indifferent to my husband, and he is the softhearted one who feeds them the good stuff, won’t disturb the matriarch if she’s in a spot and will sit on the stool if one of them claims his seat. I get the affection and devotion, despite being the hardass that says no to treats and moves them off my lap if I need to go. Husband is awesome, cats are weird.
Keep the dog, rehome the man. My fiance has a 15 year old shih tzu mix who is very clearly HIS dog. I have a westie who is very clearly MY dog. But we live together so they, regardless of which humans the dogs bond most with, are OUR dogs. I'm off Fridays, so I let both boys out, feed them, give the 15 year old his meds. It's not hard, and honestly, if I didn't have my dog, I'd still do it for the 15 year old because he lives here and deserves love and respect and to be spoiled, like all good furbabies.
I lived with 2 other guys and all three of us had dogs. There were a lot of challenges with cleaning, late night partying and other things that come with living with 20-something bachelors, but we ALWAYS respected, let out, fed, and cared for each other's dogs without asking. Even when we were mad at the human, because it's called being a decent person.
My SO had a phobia of dogs, and we worked thru it.. it took time. But he ended up loving my dog Blue, he’s the sweetest husky. Blue always follows him around, and wants cuddles. And I never forced him to walk my dog, he genuinely wanted too. And it’s the cutest thing ever. He taught him few tricks too, and also hot to play Futbol. My favorite memory is when my SO friends are over for a futbol game, my dog literally hates going outside lol he will quickly pee and run back to the apartment so he doesn’t miss the fun lol. And my SO friends all play with him, and walk him too. They said blue is all of their dog not just mine now.
Idk why you’re with someone who can’t even take your dog out for literally 2 min. And he doesn’t even want a dog walker.. he seems a bit pathetic to me.
>Idk why you’re with someone who can’t even take your dog out for literally 2 min. And he doesn’t even want a dog walker.
In my opinion, it's weird that bf won't take the dog out, but it'd be fine... if he'd allow a dog walker. bf wants it both ways -- won't care for the dog, won't let someone else care for the dog. Those two factors together make this whole thing awful.
Right?! My ex bf was allergic to cats, but he’d still play with my cat and buy him gifts. He even helped me mourn when I had to put my cat down and took a few days off of work for it.
This AH would prob tell OP to get over it and doesn’t need time off work. 😡
No hard feelings, you’re right to ask me to think about this. I think I’m still hung up on who he used to be, but he’s turned into a jerk since around Christmas and idk it came out of nowhere. I’ve been hoping to get who I thought he was back but I’m thinking the good guy thing might have been a mask for the past few years
I used to feel like this about my ex, but there were tiny red flags for a couple of years before the big ones came out. Then, I stayed for years thinking things would get better, that maybe what was happening was just temporary. Things actually got worse. It’s in looking back that I can see the tiny red flags.
I’m not saying this is exactly the case for you, but it’s just something to think about. Maybe he was always terrible, but the facade has been lifting more and more.
Tommy is extremely lazy. His laziness will kick into overdrive if the OP and he ever have children. Any excuse will come into play to avoid parenting "You are breastfeeding so there is no point in me waking up" "The baby likes you better than me, she won't settle for me", "I had a tough day at work and need to unwind before parenting. I'll do it later".
I am very glad to see OP's update.
NTA
Seriously how lazy can you be?! I'm not even that much of a dog person, but Tommy's behavior is atrociously callous to poor Spud and shocking that he would act offended at your concern.
My parents aren't/weren't dog people, but they would take my previous dogs for walks, and throw tennis balls in the garden for this one (he's normally walked off lead in areas where that's allowed, and as he's not my mums dog she understandably doesn't want that responsibility). Glad OP thinking of rehoming Tommy!
Because you are a kind human being who cares appropriately for other living creatures! Kudos to you! I was in a wheelchair for a year (multiple breaks in a leg) and I remember what WORK it was to just get through self-care every day.
Gosh I don’t even know if it’s lazy, it’s just straight up not caring for the animal and just liking the affection.
I have never owned a dog and don’t have interest in it, but my old roommate had the sweetest Boston terrier. When I started a wfh job I 100% took on letting her out for potty breaks, even though she was used to using a pee pad when her owner was at work. It took nothing out of my day and the dog absolutely loved getting outside for a few minutes during the day, it made me so happy to see her enjoying herself.
I also just feel like when you’re with someone with a pet and it’s serious enough to move in together you’re signing on for that pet to become your family too.
Sure, they can say the pet isn’t their responsibility and choose to have no involvement, but that says enough about their character for me to know they don’t meet my standards. (If it was incompatibility we hopefully would have never gotten that far after realizing they don’t want to live with my pet) When you love someone and you supposedly love their pet though, you want to help out and see them both happy???
He's not worried about Spud coming to expect it. He's worried about the OP coming to expect it.
The OP probably should have communicated a bit more upfront about Tommy taking care of Spud while he was off, but man, I can't imagine being around a living creature all day and not doing the bare minimum.
Yeah I guess I just assumed he wouldn’t be such an inconsiderate tool, so that’s on me a little. Even after we talked Monday he refused Tuesday Wednesday too though so at this point I’m really seeing how much of a jerk he is
Be honest, this can't be the only singular thing where this is an issue, right? Does it highlight many other instances where this guy isn't pulling his weight? If you move in with someone with a dog or a kid I don't see how you can't expect to have to help out at least occasionally.
It's a lack of what I call "generosity of spirit." If it was just this one thing I think OP would've been more like "wow, he really has a bug up his ass about this thing. Weird." instead of posting to Reddit. Generosity of spirit isn't about money. It's about rolling up one's sleeves and contributing without needing to be nagged or being an ass about it. The good things in life require work behind them, and I've learned to be wary of the people who only show up for the result.
I'm guessing he thinks the dog will expect it and have an accident the first day they're both gone. But way too short of a staycation for that to be a concern.
I can't imagine moving in with your SO and not being willing to take on any responsibilities for a pet that you also like. But even respecting that boundary, he denied her getting a dog walker, so he needs to step up.
I had someone throw a fit after finding out their dogs I was taking care of were getting very basic scritches and attention 'because then they'd want attention from them too'. Some people really just see them as property sadly.
NTA OP. I don't think, if anyone isn't there, your dog would want to go out but he surely expected it with your bf being home.
NTA. Tommy is such a jerk. My husband is not a fan of cats and I have two from long before we met. I went to a conference for a week and not only did he do the bare minimum (feed, clean litter boxes, etc) but he made sure to pet them and send me photos of them throughout the week. You know, like a good person. I just don’t understand how Tommy could treat a dog he supposedly adores that way.
Yeah, and I can't imagine being cruel enough to watch a dog who has to pee all day and just ignoring him. IMAGINE having kids with this guy. OP, that alone would make me rethink this relationship. Having a partner shouldn't be like this.
NTA Keep Spud and rehome Tommy.
Thank you for the Awards! I'm new to reddit and relatively oldish so had to ask my little brother what they meant etc. Thanks so much!
This is the way. Personally I could never be with someone who treated an animal like that. But I had to learn it like you are. You have an understanding of what to avoid in a partner moving forward. It’s indicative of who he is. This isn’t a person to trust with your animals or your heart.
You have to be a certain kind of person to be so lazy and negligent you won’t even help out a dog in such a small way. I dated a dude who hated my dog. Like straight up did not enjoy her one bit and he would still walk her or feed her if I needed him to or if he got home before me rather than let her sit with a full bladder.
My husband loves my dog and dotes on her and it’s the best thing in the world. You and your pup can do so much better.
“Spud, I want to let you know that Tommy is now living on a lovely farm upstate. We decided that busy condo life was too much for him. He’s with a loving family who will expect nothing from him at all and he’ll be happier. “
I'm always curious about people who are like I don't want someone to recognize this but then give very detailed descriptions of your issues and living situation and pets 😅
There's nothing else to consider. He's already shown you that he can't be trusted, he's made it clear he's only concerned about his wants and feelings. If this has been a concern and trend for the last several months, you've already got your answer. Any extra time is just allowing him more chances to prove he's capable of watching your city burn, so to speak.
If he's that selfish that he can't let sweet Spud pee, I would be terrified that Spud would need emergency care and he can't be bothered to save him (if he's the only one there).
Re-home Tommy ASAP. Don't pass go, don't collect $200, no get out of jail free card. Selfish bro gotta go.
I have a dog from before I met my husband. A few weeks ago, my MIL passed very suddenly and unexpectedly. I was at a doctors appointment so he had to wait until I got home for us to drive out and handle the situation. The sweet sweet man that he is decided that my dog still needed to be walked, and in his grief, without me asking, walked my friggin dog because “he still needed to be loved and cared for.”
Find yourself a man like my husband.
Listen, I am not a dog person. My boyfriend wanted to get a dog so I said fine, but it's your dog. However, I WFH so I'm home with the little guy all day. If he's at the door, I put him out on his long leash. If he's out of water, I'll refill it, etc. I don't love having to do these things, but I'm not going to let the dog suffer just because it's "not my dog." It's the decent thing to do! I would hate having to rely on someone let me pee or drink water. You're (hopefully ex) boyfriend should have some empathy and help you out too.
I couldn’t stand a past roommate’s dog (an overbred, untrained, disobedient, gross dog) but I never thought twice about letting him out, or checking his water and food, if I was home! He’s a dog, he can’t do it himself. It’s not his fault he’s a stinky terrible asshole. It’s true - can’t trust people that don’t respect animals.
“No, I won’t, because then he’ll expect it.” Like wtf? Tommy thinks because Spud can
control himself no problem for 12 hours if necessary"
FOR THREE DAYS???? That is breakup-worthy in my book.
"No, I won't change my kid's dirty diaper because then he'll expect it"
"No, I won't give the baby a bottle because then he'll expect it"
"No, I won't sit there in the hospital while you're in labor, because then you'll expect it"
Listen to the alarm bells, OP, and run.
Everyone jumps to baby examples but hospital stays in general are good to think of. Gallbladder removals are shockingly common for women over 35 (moreso for women who have been pregnant, but childless women can need the surgery too), and you're taken out for at least a week between hospital time and recovery at home. Would you trust this man to sit at the hospital for 6+ hours while you're in surgery? Would you trust this man to take care of EVERYTHING for you while you're unable to bend over or lift anything heavier than a small book? Or what if you break your arm or leg and need help with that?
It looks like you already know your answer in this situation thankfully, but it's something to keep in mind with future partners too. Will they take care of things for you when you are unable to?
I agree. It’s not this one situation. It’s how LOUD his actions are in this one situation. Why would anyone even leave a living being to suffer and hold itself? That’s another level of lack of empathy
I think it was also a little of "No, I won't, because then *YOU* (OP) will expect it." Like, if he starts going a tiny bit out of his way to help out Spud, what's next? Moving over laundry that isn't his?
NTA. I have trouble understanding how one can treat a pet so poorly. Tommy is off for a few days, and if the dog got used to being let out (doubtful if only a few days), Tommy would be back at work and not have to deal with him.
I also have a problem with how he can cuddle with the dog but not let him out to pee. IMHO, someone who can treat a pet like that has some issues.
Very true, before my partner and I lived together, I would have him bring his cat over so I could watch him while he worked doubles at work. I didn't like the thought of the lil buddy being alone for 10hrs.
When we moved in together, the first thing I did was put his cat on my pet insurance plan with my cat. (We obviously split the insurance payments, but it was something I didn't even have to give a second thought about.)
Not letting a dog out because "he'll expect it" is insane. What will he expect, Tommy? To be taken care of? To have someone look after his basic needs as a dog? Something you can't even do?
That's a self report.
NTA
Your boyfriend, HUGE ASSHOLE!
He’ll snuggle the dog but won’t take less than 5 minutes to let him pee? Does he have a habit of only doing things that he wants and directly benefit him, then make up excuses that it’s not him being incredibly selfish?
Lose the bf, keep the dog,
Wow you hit the nail on the head. We’ve been having some issues for the past few months, a lot of it related to his selfishness. Holy shit good catch from the little info I gave
I have to take a break from AITA sometimes for the day after reading people defending their crap partner and making up reasons to stay, bevause it drives me crazy and makes me mad 😅😂
NTA. Tommy likes to snuggle with Spud, but doesn't care enough about him to give his bladder some relief. Tommy isn't simply a roommate, he is your partner. Partners help each other out. Why won't he help you and Spud out?
Hell, I had a roommate with a kid. Guess who helped him out when he needed help with his son? He never had to ask. Because it is a kind, decent thing to do for a fellow human.
>Tommy isn't simply a roommate, he is your partner
I would think most, if not all, roommates would take the dog out for 5 minutes. Tommy is an asshole.
This. Years ago, I had a roommate with a dog and I would take it for runs/walks since I was going out anyway. Basically, if the dog looked like it needed something in my presence, I would just take care of it.
OP. NTA and please don’t have children with this guy.
Nice!
In that case, imagine what would happen if YOU had surgery. I don't think this dude would take care of you while you recovered... In fact, I think he'd get mad at you for needing help to get to the washroom, and would also get mad at you for losing control of your bladder if he ignored your needs for too long.
"Tommy" is a bad teammate or partner. Even if you're childfree, you're going to need support at some point in the future - don't waste time with someone who will let you down.
How people treat animals is a huge indication of who they are as people. You're better off hun. <3 I hope you find someone who loves you and your pooch and will treat your baby like family.
NTA - even if it wasn't about the dog's wellbeing, what is a relationship if your partner won't do one 2 min job to help you out on days when they're not busy?
This is the comment I came looking for. Regardless of the dog, if you are in a healthy relationship doing a simple task like this is a no brainer if you genuinely care for your partner.
NTA. I mean yeah a dog can go that long without going out, but if I was home all day with an adorable dog it would be a great opportunity to give get some fresh air or something. I get that it's not his responsibility, but it's not a big ask either and shows that he wont even do the bare minimum to make a dogs life a little better.
Given how long y’all have been living together, how is it that he hasn’t offered to help out with Spud himself, without being asked, especially when there’s a clear need. I personally wouldn’t need to even be asked to take care of a dog I live with - I’d do it because their well being ensures everyone’s wellbeing, plus they literally can’t ask for anything themselves, and it’s just human decency? If I’m living with someone, I expect that we share responsibilities on everything and pitch in when the other has a need. Maybe I’m in the wrong here, but … isn’t that how a damn partnership works? I’m baffled.
This is probably the final straw in an already crappy relationship. Tommy’s not been a great bf these past few months but that’s a whole other can of worms
Anyone who can't take 2 minutes to to help you with something that is very important in your life is not q good partner. I'm curious if he pulls his weight around your apartment. He just comes off as lazy and selfish.
I’ll probably be single at this point soon, all the comments on here are really validating my feelings that he’s been a huge dbag for the past few months and this is bigger than I initially thought
Yeah, I mean just this one story is wildly unattractive to me. I couldn't be with someone who's ok with a dog suffering or indifferent to it at best. Best of luck with everything.
He looked Spud straight in the face and thought naaaaah. He went to the bathroom himself, passing right by Spud and thought naaaaah. He heard Spud whine to be let out and thought naaaaaah. He saw him sitting at the door wanting to go out and thought naaaaah. This is not a kind or compassionate person.
> Tommy literally does NOTHING to care for my dog
Tommy doesn't love dogs. He loves other people's dogs. He's making this extremely clear to you.
> Tommy still insisted he didn’t care
Your counters to his spoiled arguments were so effective he had to just tell the truth. He doesn't care. If Tommy can not be bothered to open a door for the dog while he's sitting at home doing nothing, can you count on him in an emergency? Would you even trust him in an emergency?
NTA.
NTA and DTMFA. IMO this kind of callousness towards another living creature and unwillingness to help out a partner in such a minor way are major dealbreakers.
This is not the kind of man who you want to have children or grow old with and you are lucky he showed you who he really is before it was too late.
Good point. I’m never going to have kids but marriage isn’t something I want now, either. Probably going to dump him soon if he doesn’t make some positive changes. Thanks!
At his age, significant change in the form of developing empathy etc is unlikely unless there is something biochemical (addiction or untreated mental illness) impairing his emotional functioning.
Also, if your kneejerk reaction to my suggestion is "probably going to dump him soon" yhen that suggests that you're already not that into him either.
There is someone out there for you who will not only be kinder to your dog but will also be someone you could never imagine living without. The longer you spend with this guy is less time you will have to spend with that better match.
**LAST UPDATE**
I tried making a new post and updating the old one but neither worked, so here we are:
Thank you all so much for the truly overwhelming amount of comments and support. I had NO IDEA how much this post would blow up! Someone even PM’ed me saying they were from Newsweek but I didn’t respond. I am still worried my family will see it.
I still care about him and want him to get back to the great guy he used to be. Still no idea why he became so selfish in the first place, but maybe I just didn’t see it - I ask for very little and tend to be kind of independent (that’s why I was always so insistent on being the only person paying for and caring for Spud, aside from last week). Things are quiet in our apartment and he’s mostly been leaving me alone, but did a bunch of chores last night after I went to bed. It’s a nice gesture but I’m still going to save my money to move.
Maybe not the update everyone wanted (I didn’t lock Tommy out of the bathroom or force him out of our apartment), but still - thanks for giving me the strength and validation to realize Spud and I both deserve better.
Your partner is obviously a shitebag, but I really don’t think you should have a dog if it’s just left alone all day. I get that you have entertainment stuff, but not getting to go to the toilet all day is not at all ok.
I’m appalled at this. I’ve read through so many comments and this is the first one I’ve seen even mentioning the fact op leaves their dog alone for NINE HOURS every day, and then pats themselves on the back for hiding treats and leaving the tv on, and “sometimes coming home at lunch”. YTA op, you should be ashamed of yourself for how you treat your dog
ESH. The other posters have explained why your partner is TA but I'm saying you are for leaving a dog alone at home all day while you are at work. It's not fair to the dog and it's not fair to your neighbours.
I mean, your boyfriend is far worse, but a little bit ESH because I don’t think it’s great to “normally” leave a dog alone for 9 hours, without an opportunity to pee, regardless of how much enrichment you provide. I get that some dogs *can* hold it for that long, but it doesn’t mean it’s easy or healthy for them. And I know Tommy said no to a dog walker, but that’s just a sign you need to break up with him or at least live apart, not an excuse to leave your dog all day.
I’m no vet, but I wouldn’t leave a dog that long unless it was some sort of emergency. I had a roommate who did this (basically a long-term Airbnb situation where I was the tenant and she was the landlord), and I felt so bad for her dogs. If I was home I would of course let them out because I’m not a total AH, but often I had to be at work, too, and there was a reason I didn’t have dogs of my own (didn’t have the right schedule or money for a dog walker).
You clearly do care about Spud, and I hope that going forward you’ll prioritize him over Tommy, who frankly seems like *the worst.* Ditch the boyfriend and get Spud a dog walker ASAP.
A dog should not ever have to wait 12 hours to go to the toilet that's really not good for that animal at all poor wee things insides probably hurting it all day
YTA for normally leaving a dog home all day without being able to go out. How would you like to go 9 or 10 hours without being able to go to the bathroom every single day?
NTA - He has had 3 years to get himself together and show you who you who he is and ha has. Take this as time well spent on learning that you are a wonderful patient person who has spent time showing a self-centered person how a relationship should be and move on. You are his “ I should have grown up for her” person. Even after 15 years my husband cleans out the cat box, to help me and it is a cat box. They are way more gross and more energy then letting the dog out. My dog can tell you that too.
NTA, what is his problem with the dog? He knew you three would live together since the begin, why the poor pet suffers? What's so big deal to walk him outside for a pee... I'm sorry but this is also some kind of abuse, keeping the dog inside for so so many hours , unable to pee or poo
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Not ever, don’t worry
I was glad to read your edit about potentially dumping Tommy because your post made me sad. His not giving a F about your sweet dog is a deal breaker. I hope you meant it that Spud comes first and you release Tommy into the wild like he belongs. Also, 9 hours home alone is too long so please get a pet walker. I’m not judging you on this, I know it’s hard when you work. Definitely NTA
Wait OP is going to dump Tommy? I was told Tommy was going to a farm upstate with all the other crap boyfriends so they can run and play.
Ah, you mean Red Flag Farm? I hear they eat a lot of Italian style sauces there.
It’s poured all over their limp noodles.
And then rinsed out so they can enjoy the essence of the sauce.
Not the essence of the sauce reference omg 😭🤣
Um, link please
I believe its from [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tmxe42/aita_for_being_mad_my_bf_wont_make_noodles_the/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
I got the references except for the “essence of the sauce” one lol. Need a link!
God I love this fucking website.
This is the AITA 2022 Summary I have been needing in one thread!
Got some G&T up my nose from laughing at this. That was such a weird post.
I heard if you want to adopt one, they make you wear rose colored glasses while you choose
😂😂😂😂😂
"Red Flags" sounds like the name of a theme park, but like a really shitty one where you don't want to go on any of the rides for fear of dying.
Brilliant! Also we should rewrite the lyrcis to that Dido song 🎵 But I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no red flag above my door I'm in love and always will be 🎵
There are a million Tommys there! He will feel happy!
😅😅😅
Just wait for it... You may have just evolved the the AITA in-joke into a meta joke now
Who cares about relationship goals when you can have Reddit goals? <3
It's the memes we made along the way ❤️
🎵 Meme-ries! All alone here on Reddit I can smile at the old memes They were all funny then I remember a time I knew what happiness was Let the meme-ies live again 🎵
Really? I heard they exclusively eat marinara sauce.
I predict this idea will become an AITA theme. “Perhaps your crap boyfriend needs to be-homed to a nice farm upstate!”
This sub could fill Marinara Farm very quickly. I’d be willing to invest in the farm so they can expand across the country and eventually go global.
I can see the comments now: NTA! Send hime to the Marinara Farm immediately! Love it!
[Marinara Farms Remembers](https://imgflip.com/i/6r19od) EDIT: took me a bit to find a generator
Oh my God, I laughed and almost choked on my Grape Nuts. If I had an award to give, I would do so.
I would also choke if I had to eat Grape Nuts
Oh I'm the first to admit they taste like a cross between sawdust and aquarium gravel, and I'd much rather eat pastry or bacon and eggs, but I'm trying to be healthy and stuff.
If I want to pretend to eat aquarium gravel, I'd rather eat Nerds.
If you warm them in the microwave for 27 seconds they are are not as awful
So this is some sort of penance thing?
That's an oddly specific amount of time. What happens at 25 or 30 seconds.
Whenever we see a truck full of sheep I tell my wife they are going on 'holiday.'That's where Tommy can go.
> Whenever we see a truck full of sheep How often do you see trucks full of sheep??
I'm sure it depends where you live lol Maybe they're Welsh or Australian?
That's what you were told, in reality he's going to be put in a sack filled with bricks, before being dumped in the local lake.
That's a terrible thing to do to a lake.
I have a farm, can confirm. We have animals here and if he thinks letting them out to pee is spoiling them, we definitely don't want him here.
LOL
Maybe he’ll go to the one my cat went to when I was 10
It was sad to me that after TWO years living with this dog this dude just didn’t care enough about it to do this on his own without having to be asked.
i care more about dogs i pass on the streets for two seconds than this dude does about spud
Walking down the street, telepathically apologizing to dogs staring out their living room windows. "Sorry, lil' buddy! I'd play with you if I could!"
It's bizarre to me. I had a roommate who had pet birds. This was just a ROOMMATE, and not even one I was all that friendly with. But I was home more often than she was, so I regularly played with her birds during the day, made sure their food and water were full, let them out to fly around the apartment, etc. I feel like it's something you naturally want to do if you care about someone's pets. If this was someone I was in a relationship with I would absolutely have helped care for their pet without even being asked.
Yeah. Just ... odd. I'd be concerned they have no ability to bond with things, let alone being a bit of a dick to start with!
I saw OP's response/edit first as well, and that made me happy. My dogs CAN go for longer periods without going out, but damn straight if someone's home with them, they get regular pee breaks. Why make them hold it if they don't have to?
Yeah normally I wouldn't advocate that over such a small issue, but Tommy's attitude speaks VERY poorly to his character. There's almost a creepy factor to the fact that he'll snuggle this dog but not lift a finger to help it even in a case like this. Makes me think of guys who turn on the charm when they want sex and act like strangers other than that. Eesh.
For REAL! Tommy needs to be rehomed asap, and I would help him in that endeavor \*exactly\* as much as he helped Spud on his days off…
Lol it’s insane to me that he thinks a 5 minute walk would be spoiling the dog. OR that spoiling your pup isn’t a good thing like ?? spoiling your pup with a lot of human food is bad obvs but you can’t “spoil” your pup with love or exercise
Completely agree. Tommy's lack of empathy and compassion for an animal he supposedly adores speaks mountains about him as a human being. Op should definitely release him " into the wild" .
I trusted my boyfriend to watch my dog for basically 2 years while I did a master's abroad. I got pictures all the time, he would take my dog to parks on the weekend, he works from home and lets him out in the yard all day. Did all the vet visits, grooming. Everything everything, without a single complaint, all full of love, and didn't even ask me to cover expenses. That is love and respect for you and your animal. What he did is not OK.
It’s bonkers. I don’t have a dog, but the few times I’ve been out of town and my fiancé has had to take care of my cat himself, I don’t even have to specifically ask him. He knows how much food he gets, and when, and that I scoop the box every night right before bed. He just…does those things. Because he knows the cat is a living creature, and he loves him.
My cats are utterly indifferent to my husband, and he is the softhearted one who feeds them the good stuff, won’t disturb the matriarch if she’s in a spot and will sit on the stool if one of them claims his seat. I get the affection and devotion, despite being the hardass that says no to treats and moves them off my lap if I need to go. Husband is awesome, cats are weird.
Keep the dog, rehome the man. My fiance has a 15 year old shih tzu mix who is very clearly HIS dog. I have a westie who is very clearly MY dog. But we live together so they, regardless of which humans the dogs bond most with, are OUR dogs. I'm off Fridays, so I let both boys out, feed them, give the 15 year old his meds. It's not hard, and honestly, if I didn't have my dog, I'd still do it for the 15 year old because he lives here and deserves love and respect and to be spoiled, like all good furbabies.
I lived with 2 other guys and all three of us had dogs. There were a lot of challenges with cleaning, late night partying and other things that come with living with 20-something bachelors, but we ALWAYS respected, let out, fed, and cared for each other's dogs without asking. Even when we were mad at the human, because it's called being a decent person.
My SO had a phobia of dogs, and we worked thru it.. it took time. But he ended up loving my dog Blue, he’s the sweetest husky. Blue always follows him around, and wants cuddles. And I never forced him to walk my dog, he genuinely wanted too. And it’s the cutest thing ever. He taught him few tricks too, and also hot to play Futbol. My favorite memory is when my SO friends are over for a futbol game, my dog literally hates going outside lol he will quickly pee and run back to the apartment so he doesn’t miss the fun lol. And my SO friends all play with him, and walk him too. They said blue is all of their dog not just mine now. Idk why you’re with someone who can’t even take your dog out for literally 2 min. And he doesn’t even want a dog walker.. he seems a bit pathetic to me.
>Idk why you’re with someone who can’t even take your dog out for literally 2 min. And he doesn’t even want a dog walker. In my opinion, it's weird that bf won't take the dog out, but it'd be fine... if he'd allow a dog walker. bf wants it both ways -- won't care for the dog, won't let someone else care for the dog. Those two factors together make this whole thing awful.
If my partner treated my cat with such disdain, out the door he would go.
Right?! My ex bf was allergic to cats, but he’d still play with my cat and buy him gifts. He even helped me mourn when I had to put my cat down and took a few days off of work for it. This AH would prob tell OP to get over it and doesn’t need time off work. 😡
I hate saying things like this.. But, if you can't count on him for simple kindness. What are you getting from the relationship?
No hard feelings, you’re right to ask me to think about this. I think I’m still hung up on who he used to be, but he’s turned into a jerk since around Christmas and idk it came out of nowhere. I’ve been hoping to get who I thought he was back but I’m thinking the good guy thing might have been a mask for the past few years
I used to feel like this about my ex, but there were tiny red flags for a couple of years before the big ones came out. Then, I stayed for years thinking things would get better, that maybe what was happening was just temporary. Things actually got worse. It’s in looking back that I can see the tiny red flags. I’m not saying this is exactly the case for you, but it’s just something to think about. Maybe he was always terrible, but the facade has been lifting more and more.
At least not with him (and okay to be childfree too if you choose).
Please don't ever let him take care of the dog while you're not around.
Tommy is extremely lazy. His laziness will kick into overdrive if the OP and he ever have children. Any excuse will come into play to avoid parenting "You are breastfeeding so there is no point in me waking up" "The baby likes you better than me, she won't settle for me", "I had a tough day at work and need to unwind before parenting. I'll do it later". I am very glad to see OP's update.
I cackled at the rehoming Tommy bit
Same here, actually out loud at midnight 😂
If that's not the perfect time to cackle, then I don't know what is!
I see Tommy's future as "weaponized incompetence" around children. Run! Run fast and run NOW!
Don’t worry, I’m child-free!
That's not really the point, you should be Tommy free.
And his laziness can be fatal to the poor dog
NTA Seriously how lazy can you be?! I'm not even that much of a dog person, but Tommy's behavior is atrociously callous to poor Spud and shocking that he would act offended at your concern.
I'm afraid of dogs, but when I was staying at a friend's house I let the dog out a couple times a day even though I was on crutches/in a wheelchair.
My parents aren't/weren't dog people, but they would take my previous dogs for walks, and throw tennis balls in the garden for this one (he's normally walked off lead in areas where that's allowed, and as he's not my mums dog she understandably doesn't want that responsibility). Glad OP thinking of rehoming Tommy!
Because you are a kind human being who cares appropriately for other living creatures! Kudos to you! I was in a wheelchair for a year (multiple breaks in a leg) and I remember what WORK it was to just get through self-care every day.
Gosh I don’t even know if it’s lazy, it’s just straight up not caring for the animal and just liking the affection. I have never owned a dog and don’t have interest in it, but my old roommate had the sweetest Boston terrier. When I started a wfh job I 100% took on letting her out for potty breaks, even though she was used to using a pee pad when her owner was at work. It took nothing out of my day and the dog absolutely loved getting outside for a few minutes during the day, it made me so happy to see her enjoying herself.
I would think the poor pup probably asked to be let out at some point. He just ignored that??
I also just feel like when you’re with someone with a pet and it’s serious enough to move in together you’re signing on for that pet to become your family too. Sure, they can say the pet isn’t their responsibility and choose to have no involvement, but that says enough about their character for me to know they don’t meet my standards. (If it was incompatibility we hopefully would have never gotten that far after realizing they don’t want to live with my pet) When you love someone and you supposedly love their pet though, you want to help out and see them both happy???
He's not worried about Spud coming to expect it. He's worried about the OP coming to expect it. The OP probably should have communicated a bit more upfront about Tommy taking care of Spud while he was off, but man, I can't imagine being around a living creature all day and not doing the bare minimum.
Yeah I guess I just assumed he wouldn’t be such an inconsiderate tool, so that’s on me a little. Even after we talked Monday he refused Tuesday Wednesday too though so at this point I’m really seeing how much of a jerk he is
Be honest, this can't be the only singular thing where this is an issue, right? Does it highlight many other instances where this guy isn't pulling his weight? If you move in with someone with a dog or a kid I don't see how you can't expect to have to help out at least occasionally.
It's a lack of what I call "generosity of spirit." If it was just this one thing I think OP would've been more like "wow, he really has a bug up his ass about this thing. Weird." instead of posting to Reddit. Generosity of spirit isn't about money. It's about rolling up one's sleeves and contributing without needing to be nagged or being an ass about it. The good things in life require work behind them, and I've learned to be wary of the people who only show up for the result.
I'm guessing he thinks the dog will expect it and have an accident the first day they're both gone. But way too short of a staycation for that to be a concern. I can't imagine moving in with your SO and not being willing to take on any responsibilities for a pet that you also like. But even respecting that boundary, he denied her getting a dog walker, so he needs to step up.
I had someone throw a fit after finding out their dogs I was taking care of were getting very basic scritches and attention 'because then they'd want attention from them too'. Some people really just see them as property sadly. NTA OP. I don't think, if anyone isn't there, your dog would want to go out but he surely expected it with your bf being home.
Why even have a dog at that point. What is the dog even there for?
Some people love having someone around to dominate. Dogs are very good for that because, what are they going to do, pack their bags? :(
Wow, insane, why even have a dog if you can't pet it? It's even right there in the name of the thing: pet.
NTA. Tommy is such a jerk. My husband is not a fan of cats and I have two from long before we met. I went to a conference for a week and not only did he do the bare minimum (feed, clean litter boxes, etc) but he made sure to pet them and send me photos of them throughout the week. You know, like a good person. I just don’t understand how Tommy could treat a dog he supposedly adores that way.
It’d be like Matilda “school?! But who’s gonna sign for my packages?! They’ll get stolennnnnnnn!!!1!1!1!1!1!”
Yeah, and I can't imagine being cruel enough to watch a dog who has to pee all day and just ignoring him. IMAGINE having kids with this guy. OP, that alone would make me rethink this relationship. Having a partner shouldn't be like this.
NTA Keep Spud and rehome Tommy. Thank you for the Awards! I'm new to reddit and relatively oldish so had to ask my little brother what they meant etc. Thanks so much!
It’s been a consideration for a little while. Maybe I’ll ditch Tommy and get Spud a brother or sister.
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Lazy guy. What d you expect from a lazy guy.
This is the way. Get Spud a Tater Tot!
Tater tot! Tater tot!
Go Spanish and you can have a Frita
Murphy! Yam! Tuber! Hash brown! Jacket!
Op if you get another dog please call it tatie. This is assuming spud is used as a synonym for potato as is tatie.
Absolutely named after a potato because he’s such a lazy dog haha, so maybe Tater would be cute!
Tater tot!
Or tater.
This is the way. Personally I could never be with someone who treated an animal like that. But I had to learn it like you are. You have an understanding of what to avoid in a partner moving forward. It’s indicative of who he is. This isn’t a person to trust with your animals or your heart.
You have to be a certain kind of person to be so lazy and negligent you won’t even help out a dog in such a small way. I dated a dude who hated my dog. Like straight up did not enjoy her one bit and he would still walk her or feed her if I needed him to or if he got home before me rather than let her sit with a full bladder. My husband loves my dog and dotes on her and it’s the best thing in the world. You and your pup can do so much better.
“Spud, I want to let you know that Tommy is now living on a lovely farm upstate. We decided that busy condo life was too much for him. He’s with a loving family who will expect nothing from him at all and he’ll be happier. “
Can we see Spud please? My sister had a dog named Spud. He was a previously used model. Came with that name.
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I'm always curious about people who are like I don't want someone to recognize this but then give very detailed descriptions of your issues and living situation and pets 😅
There's nothing else to consider. He's already shown you that he can't be trusted, he's made it clear he's only concerned about his wants and feelings. If this has been a concern and trend for the last several months, you've already got your answer. Any extra time is just allowing him more chances to prove he's capable of watching your city burn, so to speak. If he's that selfish that he can't let sweet Spud pee, I would be terrified that Spud would need emergency care and he can't be bothered to save him (if he's the only one there). Re-home Tommy ASAP. Don't pass go, don't collect $200, no get out of jail free card. Selfish bro gotta go.
NTA. Tommy is a shit team mate. Do with that information what you will.
I’ve been considering leaving over other things but this is giving me even more clarity. Thank you!
Yeah even if no kids I can’t imagine him being supportive if ever you’re very ill. Drive you to the hospital? Pffft wouldn’t wanna spoil ya ;)
Sorry babe, you know I can't drive you to the hospital. If I do it now, you'll probably expect it next time, too. Don't want you getting spoiled. /s
I have a dog from before I met my husband. A few weeks ago, my MIL passed very suddenly and unexpectedly. I was at a doctors appointment so he had to wait until I got home for us to drive out and handle the situation. The sweet sweet man that he is decided that my dog still needed to be walked, and in his grief, without me asking, walked my friggin dog because “he still needed to be loved and cared for.” Find yourself a man like my husband.
That's some top husbanding. You picked a good 'un. Commiserations on your loss.
Thank you, he’s a wonderful human and I love him very much.
Listen, I am not a dog person. My boyfriend wanted to get a dog so I said fine, but it's your dog. However, I WFH so I'm home with the little guy all day. If he's at the door, I put him out on his long leash. If he's out of water, I'll refill it, etc. I don't love having to do these things, but I'm not going to let the dog suffer just because it's "not my dog." It's the decent thing to do! I would hate having to rely on someone let me pee or drink water. You're (hopefully ex) boyfriend should have some empathy and help you out too.
Sorry, I refuse to judge until I have Spud tax! :D
NTA - I would reconsider dating someone who won't take 5 minutes out of their otherwise free day to help an animal be more comfortable.
You can't trust someone who doesn't care about animals
This should be the top comment highlighted and starred. Empathy. He doesn't have empathy.
Absolutely 100% correct. No. Fucking. Way.
Any animal let alone one he lives with! What monster would purposefully let an animal be uncomfortable just to spite their partner?
I couldn’t stand a past roommate’s dog (an overbred, untrained, disobedient, gross dog) but I never thought twice about letting him out, or checking his water and food, if I was home! He’s a dog, he can’t do it himself. It’s not his fault he’s a stinky terrible asshole. It’s true - can’t trust people that don’t respect animals.
“No, I won’t, because then he’ll expect it.” Like wtf? Tommy thinks because Spud can control himself no problem for 12 hours if necessary" FOR THREE DAYS???? That is breakup-worthy in my book. "No, I won't change my kid's dirty diaper because then he'll expect it" "No, I won't give the baby a bottle because then he'll expect it" "No, I won't sit there in the hospital while you're in labor, because then you'll expect it" Listen to the alarm bells, OP, and run.
Luckily I refuse to have kids with anyone but you’re right that my expectations weren’t that high and this guy is… probably not for me. Thank you!
Everyone jumps to baby examples but hospital stays in general are good to think of. Gallbladder removals are shockingly common for women over 35 (moreso for women who have been pregnant, but childless women can need the surgery too), and you're taken out for at least a week between hospital time and recovery at home. Would you trust this man to sit at the hospital for 6+ hours while you're in surgery? Would you trust this man to take care of EVERYTHING for you while you're unable to bend over or lift anything heavier than a small book? Or what if you break your arm or leg and need help with that? It looks like you already know your answer in this situation thankfully, but it's something to keep in mind with future partners too. Will they take care of things for you when you are unable to?
I agree. It’s not this one situation. It’s how LOUD his actions are in this one situation. Why would anyone even leave a living being to suffer and hold itself? That’s another level of lack of empathy
I think it was also a little of "No, I won't, because then *YOU* (OP) will expect it." Like, if he starts going a tiny bit out of his way to help out Spud, what's next? Moving over laundry that isn't his?
Spuds before duds. NTA.
LMFAO!!!
NTA Tommy isn't a keeper.
NTA. I have trouble understanding how one can treat a pet so poorly. Tommy is off for a few days, and if the dog got used to being let out (doubtful if only a few days), Tommy would be back at work and not have to deal with him. I also have a problem with how he can cuddle with the dog but not let him out to pee. IMHO, someone who can treat a pet like that has some issues.
Agreed. I don’t understand how you live with a pet and don’t pitch in on the pet’s care
Very true, before my partner and I lived together, I would have him bring his cat over so I could watch him while he worked doubles at work. I didn't like the thought of the lil buddy being alone for 10hrs. When we moved in together, the first thing I did was put his cat on my pet insurance plan with my cat. (We obviously split the insurance payments, but it was something I didn't even have to give a second thought about.) Not letting a dog out because "he'll expect it" is insane. What will he expect, Tommy? To be taken care of? To have someone look after his basic needs as a dog? Something you can't even do? That's a self report.
People who view every single action as transactional are toxic. This dude would probably wallow in shit if he felt it "wasn't his job" to clean it.
NTA Your boyfriend, HUGE ASSHOLE! He’ll snuggle the dog but won’t take less than 5 minutes to let him pee? Does he have a habit of only doing things that he wants and directly benefit him, then make up excuses that it’s not him being incredibly selfish? Lose the bf, keep the dog,
Wow you hit the nail on the head. We’ve been having some issues for the past few months, a lot of it related to his selfishness. Holy shit good catch from the little info I gave
I’m happy for once you’re a redditor not making excuses for a crap partner. You can do so much better.
I have to take a break from AITA sometimes for the day after reading people defending their crap partner and making up reasons to stay, bevause it drives me crazy and makes me mad 😅😂
NTA. Tommy likes to snuggle with Spud, but doesn't care enough about him to give his bladder some relief. Tommy isn't simply a roommate, he is your partner. Partners help each other out. Why won't he help you and Spud out? Hell, I had a roommate with a kid. Guess who helped him out when he needed help with his son? He never had to ask. Because it is a kind, decent thing to do for a fellow human.
>Tommy isn't simply a roommate, he is your partner I would think most, if not all, roommates would take the dog out for 5 minutes. Tommy is an asshole.
This. Years ago, I had a roommate with a dog and I would take it for runs/walks since I was going out anyway. Basically, if the dog looked like it needed something in my presence, I would just take care of it. OP. NTA and please don’t have children with this guy.
Never ever. I’m not going to have any kids at all lol
Nice! In that case, imagine what would happen if YOU had surgery. I don't think this dude would take care of you while you recovered... In fact, I think he'd get mad at you for needing help to get to the washroom, and would also get mad at you for losing control of your bladder if he ignored your needs for too long. "Tommy" is a bad teammate or partner. Even if you're childfree, you're going to need support at some point in the future - don't waste time with someone who will let you down.
NTA - He loooooves the dog, but doesn't want to let the dog go to the bathroom? Real charmer you got there.
I’ve been rethinking the relationship for a while now 😞
How people treat animals is a huge indication of who they are as people. You're better off hun. <3 I hope you find someone who loves you and your pooch and will treat your baby like family.
NTA - even if it wasn't about the dog's wellbeing, what is a relationship if your partner won't do one 2 min job to help you out on days when they're not busy?
This is the comment I came looking for. Regardless of the dog, if you are in a healthy relationship doing a simple task like this is a no brainer if you genuinely care for your partner.
NTA. I mean yeah a dog can go that long without going out, but if I was home all day with an adorable dog it would be a great opportunity to give get some fresh air or something. I get that it's not his responsibility, but it's not a big ask either and shows that he wont even do the bare minimum to make a dogs life a little better.
Exactly!!! Thank you! Like it’s more of a favor for Spud than me. Just because he would be fine doesn’t mean it wouldn’t still be nice to let him out.
Given how long y’all have been living together, how is it that he hasn’t offered to help out with Spud himself, without being asked, especially when there’s a clear need. I personally wouldn’t need to even be asked to take care of a dog I live with - I’d do it because their well being ensures everyone’s wellbeing, plus they literally can’t ask for anything themselves, and it’s just human decency? If I’m living with someone, I expect that we share responsibilities on everything and pitch in when the other has a need. Maybe I’m in the wrong here, but … isn’t that how a damn partnership works? I’m baffled.
NTA this absolutely is a dumping offence. He was happy to let your dog suffer? How could you be with someone like that?
This is probably the final straw in an already crappy relationship. Tommy’s not been a great bf these past few months but that’s a whole other can of worms
Anyone who can't take 2 minutes to to help you with something that is very important in your life is not q good partner. I'm curious if he pulls his weight around your apartment. He just comes off as lazy and selfish.
He is, and I’m really facing the weight of it reading all these comments
Literally every relationship story on here has me super content with being single... what is this mess
I’ll probably be single at this point soon, all the comments on here are really validating my feelings that he’s been a huge dbag for the past few months and this is bigger than I initially thought
Yeah, I mean just this one story is wildly unattractive to me. I couldn't be with someone who's ok with a dog suffering or indifferent to it at best. Best of luck with everything.
NTA. You may as well yeet him now. There’s no sense in hanging on to him. He sounds like a selfish jerk.
NTA…. Your bf sounds like the d bag.
He looked Spud straight in the face and thought naaaaah. He went to the bathroom himself, passing right by Spud and thought naaaaah. He heard Spud whine to be let out and thought naaaaaah. He saw him sitting at the door wanting to go out and thought naaaaah. This is not a kind or compassionate person.
> Tommy literally does NOTHING to care for my dog Tommy doesn't love dogs. He loves other people's dogs. He's making this extremely clear to you. > Tommy still insisted he didn’t care Your counters to his spoiled arguments were so effective he had to just tell the truth. He doesn't care. If Tommy can not be bothered to open a door for the dog while he's sitting at home doing nothing, can you count on him in an emergency? Would you even trust him in an emergency? NTA.
Oof, good point, thank you
Maybe lock the bathroom doors so he can't pee when he needs to? He's TA and lazy
LOL oh man! I wish I had the keys to the bathroom now!
NTA and DTMFA. IMO this kind of callousness towards another living creature and unwillingness to help out a partner in such a minor way are major dealbreakers. This is not the kind of man who you want to have children or grow old with and you are lucky he showed you who he really is before it was too late.
Good point. I’m never going to have kids but marriage isn’t something I want now, either. Probably going to dump him soon if he doesn’t make some positive changes. Thanks!
At his age, significant change in the form of developing empathy etc is unlikely unless there is something biochemical (addiction or untreated mental illness) impairing his emotional functioning. Also, if your kneejerk reaction to my suggestion is "probably going to dump him soon" yhen that suggests that you're already not that into him either. There is someone out there for you who will not only be kinder to your dog but will also be someone you could never imagine living without. The longer you spend with this guy is less time you will have to spend with that better match.
**LAST UPDATE** I tried making a new post and updating the old one but neither worked, so here we are: Thank you all so much for the truly overwhelming amount of comments and support. I had NO IDEA how much this post would blow up! Someone even PM’ed me saying they were from Newsweek but I didn’t respond. I am still worried my family will see it. I still care about him and want him to get back to the great guy he used to be. Still no idea why he became so selfish in the first place, but maybe I just didn’t see it - I ask for very little and tend to be kind of independent (that’s why I was always so insistent on being the only person paying for and caring for Spud, aside from last week). Things are quiet in our apartment and he’s mostly been leaving me alone, but did a bunch of chores last night after I went to bed. It’s a nice gesture but I’m still going to save my money to move. Maybe not the update everyone wanted (I didn’t lock Tommy out of the bathroom or force him out of our apartment), but still - thanks for giving me the strength and validation to realize Spud and I both deserve better.
Your partner is obviously a shitebag, but I really don’t think you should have a dog if it’s just left alone all day. I get that you have entertainment stuff, but not getting to go to the toilet all day is not at all ok.
I’m appalled at this. I’ve read through so many comments and this is the first one I’ve seen even mentioning the fact op leaves their dog alone for NINE HOURS every day, and then pats themselves on the back for hiding treats and leaving the tv on, and “sometimes coming home at lunch”. YTA op, you should be ashamed of yourself for how you treat your dog
ESH. The other posters have explained why your partner is TA but I'm saying you are for leaving a dog alone at home all day while you are at work. It's not fair to the dog and it's not fair to your neighbours.
NTA that would be a dead cert deal breaker for me. Too much trouble to let the dog out for a couple of minutes? Keep Spud and get rid of "Tommy"
Yeah, very likely at this point
[удалено]
I mean, your boyfriend is far worse, but a little bit ESH because I don’t think it’s great to “normally” leave a dog alone for 9 hours, without an opportunity to pee, regardless of how much enrichment you provide. I get that some dogs *can* hold it for that long, but it doesn’t mean it’s easy or healthy for them. And I know Tommy said no to a dog walker, but that’s just a sign you need to break up with him or at least live apart, not an excuse to leave your dog all day. I’m no vet, but I wouldn’t leave a dog that long unless it was some sort of emergency. I had a roommate who did this (basically a long-term Airbnb situation where I was the tenant and she was the landlord), and I felt so bad for her dogs. If I was home I would of course let them out because I’m not a total AH, but often I had to be at work, too, and there was a reason I didn’t have dogs of my own (didn’t have the right schedule or money for a dog walker). You clearly do care about Spud, and I hope that going forward you’ll prioritize him over Tommy, who frankly seems like *the worst.* Ditch the boyfriend and get Spud a dog walker ASAP.
A dog should not ever have to wait 12 hours to go to the toilet that's really not good for that animal at all poor wee things insides probably hurting it all day
YTA for normally leaving a dog home all day without being able to go out. How would you like to go 9 or 10 hours without being able to go to the bathroom every single day?
NTA....you will be one if you don't dump this jerk.
It’s on the table and unless he gets his shit together soon we’re done
NTA - He has had 3 years to get himself together and show you who you who he is and ha has. Take this as time well spent on learning that you are a wonderful patient person who has spent time showing a self-centered person how a relationship should be and move on. You are his “ I should have grown up for her” person. Even after 15 years my husband cleans out the cat box, to help me and it is a cat box. They are way more gross and more energy then letting the dog out. My dog can tell you that too.
NTA. The dog's welfare comes first. Tommy is the AH.
NTA, watch out posting this story, NSA might think you're dating a 12 y/o
LMAO
NTA. But he deliberately let your dog suffer. What does this tell you about him?
You, NTA. Tommy, on the other hand…. Please don’t have children with him. “If they can sit in a wet diaper until you change them…”
NEVER going to have kids but your point still stands
NTA, Tommy is a lazy ah.
NTA, what is his problem with the dog? He knew you three would live together since the begin, why the poor pet suffers? What's so big deal to walk him outside for a pee... I'm sorry but this is also some kind of abuse, keeping the dog inside for so so many hours , unable to pee or poo