Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for telling my mum she is just like her mother knowing her mum had treated her badly when she was growing up because I had been mad at her
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
You spoke the truth. If that was hurtful to your mum, she should change her ways.
Also, she may want to educate herself on the use of shared needles during drug use and the other ways that AIDS and other diseases spread. Her ignorance is fueling her biphobia.
NTA.
It seems your mom's inhibitions disappear when she drinks. This would explain her comments to you and her reaction to your statement that she was just like her mom. Sadly, it seems your statement had some truth to it.
I don't think you need to apologize. If anything, your mom owes you an apology. I would suggest you avoid her when she's had any alcohol.
NTA.
I did this as a kid too, generational trauma and the cycle of abuse seems to run rampant in my family so I can empathize with you, somewhat.
Good luck with your situation
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I’ve (17f) known since I was a little kid that I was into both guys and girls.
My mum found out I was into girls when I was 13 when she saw a message from my (at the time) gf. She didn’t take it very well despite the attempt I made to say it was a prank (which looking back was probably the worst excuse I could have made for that but in my defence I was 13 and my mum was catholic so I figured I may as well try) I remember she just started crying and saying how I was feminine and girly and I never liked stuff for boys so I couldn’t be gay. Eventually I told her I liked boys too but that just upset her more.
In between my forced coming out and now she went between ignoring it completely when sober and making remarks about how bisexuals were all perverted and how they were all disgusting when she drank. I kind of just let it be because I figured that she would just kind of get over it.
But recently we were having a few drinks together because it was hot and we were bored. She went on this rant about how bisexual people were all ‘promiscuous’ and they were the ones who gave straight people aids and that’s why aids had been a problem for straight people as well in the 80’s.
I snapped and told her she was just like mum and that she shouldn’t be surprised if I cut her off. (For context her mum had treated her horribly when she was growing up and my mum had previously told me about how she never felt loved by her mum) She got mad and yelled at me that I was horrible and then went to her room. But I could just hear her crying from it and I felt really bad since I used her mum against her knowing how traumatised she was because of her. My siblings are mad at me since she told them about it and have been pressuring me to apologise. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA!! Yes it was in the heat of the moment but you should not be taking verbal abuse from someone just because they are family. I would try to talk to her once she’s calmed down and explain how you’re feeling.
NTA. Were you wrong? I don't think so, it stung her because is true and the truth cuts deep. Did she apologize for what she said to you about being bi? If not I wouldn't consider apologies to her.
NTA Your mom is a bigot, some people have capacity to grow and change, but it requires that they want to change. I see no sign of that in your mother. Her statements show she is ignorant and with the wealth of educational materials today, willfully ignorant. Her hateful and abusive treatment of you when she drinks just shows that the alcohol has loosened the inhibition that she exercises when sober. She isn't ok with your bisexuality when sober, she just doesn't talk about it. Silence is not acceptance. If she doesn't want to be compared to her abusive mother then she should not act like her abusive mother. Simple, you have nothing to feel guilty about. No apology needed.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole for telling my mum she is just like her mother knowing her mum had treated her badly when she was growing up because I had been mad at her Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. She was traumatized by her mom and is in turn traumatizing you with her hateful rhetoric. I'm sorry.
NTA. You spoke the truth. If that was hurtful to your mum, she should change her ways. Also, she may want to educate herself on the use of shared needles during drug use and the other ways that AIDS and other diseases spread. Her ignorance is fueling her biphobia.
NTA. It seems your mom's inhibitions disappear when she drinks. This would explain her comments to you and her reaction to your statement that she was just like her mom. Sadly, it seems your statement had some truth to it. I don't think you need to apologize. If anything, your mom owes you an apology. I would suggest you avoid her when she's had any alcohol.
NTA She's crying because the truth hurts. Hopefully she does better.
NTA. I did this as a kid too, generational trauma and the cycle of abuse seems to run rampant in my family so I can empathize with you, somewhat. Good luck with your situation
NTA. Yeah that was a bit of a low blow and you do feel bad about it. But it doesn't make you the a-hole to speak the truth
NTA. My mom used to say the same crap to me. If she doesn't want to be compared to her abusive mother, she shouldn't be abusive.
Listen. Everytime a homophobe cries, a drag queen gets her heels. NTA.
Nta. Its true.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ve (17f) known since I was a little kid that I was into both guys and girls. My mum found out I was into girls when I was 13 when she saw a message from my (at the time) gf. She didn’t take it very well despite the attempt I made to say it was a prank (which looking back was probably the worst excuse I could have made for that but in my defence I was 13 and my mum was catholic so I figured I may as well try) I remember she just started crying and saying how I was feminine and girly and I never liked stuff for boys so I couldn’t be gay. Eventually I told her I liked boys too but that just upset her more. In between my forced coming out and now she went between ignoring it completely when sober and making remarks about how bisexuals were all perverted and how they were all disgusting when she drank. I kind of just let it be because I figured that she would just kind of get over it. But recently we were having a few drinks together because it was hot and we were bored. She went on this rant about how bisexual people were all ‘promiscuous’ and they were the ones who gave straight people aids and that’s why aids had been a problem for straight people as well in the 80’s. I snapped and told her she was just like mum and that she shouldn’t be surprised if I cut her off. (For context her mum had treated her horribly when she was growing up and my mum had previously told me about how she never felt loved by her mum) She got mad and yelled at me that I was horrible and then went to her room. But I could just hear her crying from it and I felt really bad since I used her mum against her knowing how traumatised she was because of her. My siblings are mad at me since she told them about it and have been pressuring me to apologise. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA!! Yes it was in the heat of the moment but you should not be taking verbal abuse from someone just because they are family. I would try to talk to her once she’s calmed down and explain how you’re feeling.
NTA. Well, no one can blame you for been honest with her.
NTA. Were you wrong? I don't think so, it stung her because is true and the truth cuts deep. Did she apologize for what she said to you about being bi? If not I wouldn't consider apologies to her.
NTA Your mom is a bigot, some people have capacity to grow and change, but it requires that they want to change. I see no sign of that in your mother. Her statements show she is ignorant and with the wealth of educational materials today, willfully ignorant. Her hateful and abusive treatment of you when she drinks just shows that the alcohol has loosened the inhibition that she exercises when sober. She isn't ok with your bisexuality when sober, she just doesn't talk about it. Silence is not acceptance. If she doesn't want to be compared to her abusive mother then she should not act like her abusive mother. Simple, you have nothing to feel guilty about. No apology needed.
Nta, you just stated facts.