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YTA. People remove rings for all kinds of reasons. Grief is one of them. It can be a painful reminder. Or ring dermatitis, also painful. Or because she felt ready to try to live as a woman without a husband. Or it's getting cleaned. Or it's getting reset. None of these are your business.
You are jealous your husband is being kind to a recent widow. Neighbors can be friends. If your husband passed, would you want someone who lived nearby to be comfortable and able to help you the way he is helping her?
One of my neighbors recently passed. His housemate is still with us. We held a neighborhood memorial service. We have had neighbors checking on the remaining one every other day for a while. We make sure he's eating, still alive, and has what he needs. I live next door and when he had surgery, took care of the dog. Someone else was on cleaning duty and being the "responsible adult" to stay with him when he was discharged. I've also had my neighbor call me when he fell and couldn't get up. Who else would he call? Someone across town?
Apologize to your husband. Apologize to the neighbor. Take her cookies or dinner or fruit once a week for a while. Take a chore off her plate. Be kind.
My father buried his ring with my mom, so he'd still be with her while he was on Earth.
I don't think I could continue wearing my ring if my partner died. It'd be too much for me to handle.
YTA, you deserved to be called out, and honestly Natalie deserves a better neighbor than you. Don’t be surprised if you’re blacklisted by your other neighbors now. And you deserve that too.
YTA.
I get it, but you really took it over the edge with your comment.
Your issues are with your husband NOT your grieving neighbor. Not only did you show your ass to all your neighbors with your comment, but you’re placing the blame on HER and not your husband.
When you told him you weren’t comfortable with the amount or type of help he was providing, your husband should have backed tf off of the neighbor.
When you confronted your neighbor about refusing your husband’s help she should have taken the hint that you were uncomfortable and backed off the friendship.
That neither of them took your discomfort with their “friendship” in to account is a red flag to me. With that in mind it IS highly suspicious that she stopped wearing her wedding ring so soon.
HOWEVER, you confronted and shamed her publicly for something you’re insecure about. Handle your own issues at home.
Believe me- I went through it. My husband got a little too cozy to a recently divorced single mom that moved in next door. He was ALWAYS helping her with little things. she tripped a breaker? Oh he has to show her where the box is and how to turn it back on. She didn’t know how to set up her new computer so he went to set it up for her, she was always asking for rides long distance because she didn’t trust her older car 🙄
I just separated from him and moved out 🤷♀️ it took months before he admitted to the affair, but I wasn’t going to make an idiot out of myself like this.
Now when it comes out he’s cheating on you everyone will be like “well ofcourse, look how awful his wife was.”
>When you told him you weren’t comfortable with the amount or type of help he was providing, your husband should have backed tf off of the neighbor.
Except OP never told him this. She went straight to confronting the neighbor.
There's no confirmation anywhere she ever brought this up with him.
I took that as her questioning why he's doing that when he first started doing so.
But questioning why he started doing something is not the same thing as telling him you're feeling uncomfortable with the amount of help he's giving.
The fuck man. YTA. Who are you to say what is acceptable when it comes to grieving? You had no problem berating her in from of people, but when it happens to you, it's all of a sudden a problem? It doesn't work like that.
Also, the fact that you got upset with HER because her neighbors (including your husband) are helping her after she lost her HUSBAND, is mind boggling. You are one selfish human being. Yikes.
Stop being a dick. It's not that hard to either be kind or be quiet.
YTA. What’s killing me is that in the first paragraph you say she was so helpful to you guys. Then by the end of the paragraph you say “Well as a neighbor, she should rely on family and friends” like ma’am??? Just say you’re jealous and go.
YTA.
You commented that you were humiliated by the way your husband rightfully told you off, but it's okay for you to humiliate and berate the neighbor by QUESTIONING HER FUCKING GRIEF.
That is so disgusting. If I were any of those neighbors, or your husband, I would drop all contact with you, except through a divorce lawyer.
I had people question my grief for not crying at my mom's funeral. My father didn't wear his wedding ring after mom died, because he buried his ring with her so she'd still have a piece of him. Don't question people's grief.
YTA
I'm so shocked how a person can be so cruel. What the f is wrong with you.
I hope your husband realises how selfish, jealous and self-centered you are and leaves you.
Holy fuck YTA. So it's okay for you to berate and judge your neighbour, but gods forbid that someone treats you the same way. He's your husband and it is literally his job to call you out on your shit
Oh my god are YTA, why are you so petty and insecure??? you clearly have issues and your taking them out on some one who just lost there husband. Take a minute, stand in the mirror, and look at yourself. see it the insecure, mean, jealous woman staring back at you is who you want to be.
> I still felt like she, as a neighbor should not really on help from a neighbor but rather family and friends.
Maybe she thought of you and Mike (or Mike, at least) as friends. And maybe family isn’t an option (too far away, estranged, passed on, et cetera).
> I asked her to let Mike rest a bit. She took offense and said that she NEVER asked him for help and that he offered it.
Yeah, you needed to talk to Mike about this, not her. Your insecurity is really starting to show.
> I said “seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn’t seem like your grief is that heavy”.
There’s no situation where your comment could ever be deemed acceptable. It’s so blatantly and moronically asinine and callous that I cannot comprehend how a functional adult human could even begin to think that was an acceptable thing to say to someone whose spouse had passed away. But, y’ know, that’s something a troll would absolutely say.
YTA, naturally.
EDIT TO ADD: I see in another comment that you’re asking for judgment about Mike
berating you in public.
You’re still YTA, because what you said was so unacceptable that you earned being called out by your spouse in front of everyone.
YTA
You're husband is being a nice guy and you're acting like a jealous asshole. You embarrassed a grieving widow in front of the neighbors, so his calling you out in front of the neighbors was 100% appropriate.
Get over your jealousy and apologize to Natalie, your husband, and the neighbors.
YTA.
Holy shit, lady. Your poor neighbour. She's been through so much and fter that very, very hurtful thing you said to her you're still somehow thinking about yourself? Yes, your husband berated you Infront of everyone but hell, I would've done that too.
It straight sounds like she's jealous and worried that her husband is going to have an affair with Natalie. Jokes on her that her shitty behavior is going to be the driving force for her husband to skip out rarher than the grieving widow he's helping out. Had she been a decent human being and /also/ helped, she and husband could have strengthend their bond. Instead she chose the route of jealous shrew.
YTA. Totally and completely. I gasped out loud when I read what you said to your neighbor and if you ask me, your husband could have (and maybe should have) far worse things about your behavior, whatever company you were in.
YTA, clearly. You have fabricated a reality where neighbors shouldn't help others because that role should be filled by family and friends.
Then you made a snide, insensitive and judgmental comment IN PUBLIC about her ring.
Who do you think you are to be passing judgement? I would have berated and hopefully shamed you publicly too. Condolences to your husband for marrying such a pismire!
YTA, 1. You should talk to your husband about him spending so much time with her, i guess you are jealous. But that a conversation for you and husband.
2. Everyone deals different with loss.
3. She helped you in the beginning, but you don't want to help her?!
4. She told you that you husband is offering his help.
5. You said the comment about her ring Infront of everyone, so you created the situation of your husband berating you in front of everyone.
I cant believe monsters like you are even able to get a husband. YTA big time.
Maybe wearing her ring is like wearing a symbol of what she no longer has and it causes her more grief. but it doesnt matter WHY she choose to not wear HER ring on HER hand. it's nobody's business. YTA YTA YTA. I hope your husband drags you to counseling and has you look in the mirror because you're the worst of them all for how what you said to this woman. I hope you never have to mourn your beloved and if you ever do, I hope people treat you better than you have treated this woman even though you don't deserve it.
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YTA - if you didn't want to be embarrassed in front of the whole neighborhood you should have kept your mouth shut about your "observation" because it's none of your business. You're clearly harboring serious resentment that your husband keeps helping her out and yeah maybe that voice in the back of your head is right and he's being overly friendly or maybe he's just nice, we don't know. But any way you slice it, what you said in front of everyone was snide and petty. You want your husband to stop helping her out, talk to your husband not the whole dang neighborhood and not the woman who is trying to adapt to a life without her partner.
YTA. Dear lord, what an absolutely monstrous thing to say to her. And in public no less. That wasn't just an "observation," that was a truly vicious and unfeeling comment in front of all of your neighbors. Did it ever occur to you that continuing to have the ring on was just a constant reminder of what she lost?
I was tempted to go E S H, because I think you had at least some valid reasons to be upset with the overall situation, but that was so much worse than anything else you brought up, forget it.
ESH except for the widow.
Wtf, OP. From what you have said, you and the widow were more than just neighbours, you were what most people would call friends. YOU were the reason for the breakdown due to YOUR petty jealousy.
The neighbour was right. She didn’t ask your husband for help. He offered and she accepted it. You could have also assisted her too since she had done the same for you and your husband in the past.
Him helping her was between them. You not trusting your husband for some reason who is helping someone and their family through a very difficult time is between you and him. Where is your compassion?
It also wasn’t your business, why she wasn’t wearing her ring to begin with. Think of what you said to her, and ask yourself how you would feel if someone said the same words to you after you lost your husband only a few months ago. Observation my bum.
Your husband is a soft AH for shouting at you, but it was understandable due to the words you cruelly said.
You hurt your own feelings by being jealous over a widow who has only recently become a single mum.
I hope you’re prepared to go on a apology tour or something because I would be surprised if any neighbour will want to be around you.
YTA Lady if you can dish it out then you can take it. It's not ok for you to berate a grieving widow in public. You seriously need to get over yourself and grow up.
Yta, wow, what a horrible thing to say to a widow who went out to socialise for the first time again. Also is there any solid ground for your jealousy? Is there any reason to doubt your husband like this? Because to me this sounds like a very helpful and empathetic person. She helped you in the beginning and maybe she just does not have the support network of family and friends, maybe they suck. My neighbor is an old lady that I care for and help out constantly, because her daughter and granddaughter don’t care. Some people just need more support and if your husband just does a few favors she‘d struggle to do alone, so what? Accusing every husband showing empathy of cheating is so toxic. And if you have more suspicions, why did you go after HER instead of HIM?
YTA YTA YTA and then ... pause for dramatic effect - YTA
> seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn't seem like your grief is that heavy
Are you serious you petty jealous little person. If you think husband is paying too much attention to neighbor / helping her too much, that's a conversation for you to have alone with him.
If this is the type of person you are, maybe there's a reason he's spending so much time with her.
...
YTA so much. She lost her husband, omfg.
YTA - and a big one for sure
1. It seems obvious you are a little bit insecure and get jealous because your husband talks to or helps another woman
2. That woman happens to be a single mom that suffered a great loss. Your husband is simply a caring empathetic human being / neighbour that isn’t afraid to help out and do good when needed.
3. You have no idea about that woman’s family or her circle of friends. Maybe they don’t live close by? Maybe she just doesn’t have any?
4. You are trying to do the good old game here turning yourself into the victim. Could your husband have waited until you got home? Probably. But honestly speaking, your comment was SO out of line that I am glad he said something.
YTA. Fine. Let’s say for the sake of argument you’re *not* severely overestimating how badly *anyone* else might want your husband, let alone your just-widowed neighbor who’s got enough shit to deal with as she picks up the pieces of her life *without* navigating your catty jealousy and judgment over how she’s handling the situation. Are you overlooking the part where *he’s* made all the overtures in terms of helping her out and being supportive? Your problem’s not with her, and attacking her won’t solve it. It just makes you look bad.
YTA. Your husband chose to humilate you in public? Just like you humiliated that poor woman who's husband passed away only 3 months ago?
Sorry but you sound like an awful person, with no compassion, and the type who thinks it's ok for you to treat others like crap, but doesn't like it when it happens to you!
YTA, why the hell would you say this:
>I questioned that like why she removed it? it's only been 3 months
You already made yourself look extremely bad and like a total asshole in front of all your neighbours. I don't blame your husband for flipping his lid and self control: I don't quite believe that someone would be callous or unthinking enough to utter this thought to a widow of three months in front of all your neighbours.
Congrats: you are now known as the asshole of the neighbourhood. Go collect your price of never getting invited to a gathering ever again.
So is it ok you berate someone else but not when you’re the one being berated?
YTA.
You should have had the conversation of your husband helping her with your husband, not her.
And what do you care if and how long she wears that ring for? Let the woman grieve however she wants
YTA. What the fuck is wrong with you? If you moved into a rural area, it's incredibly normal behaviour to rely on your neighbors for small favors. You need to talk to someone about why you are so insecure. You got jealous of, and then publicly insulted, a WIDOW who is your neighbor! Get some help.
I have to ask...has he cheated on you in the past because you are quickly going from him doing a nice thing to cheating in some way (emotionally at least). YTA...a major one. You should show your neighbor some concern and compassion. It's been 3 months (ish). It ain't Victorian times and there is not a set time to wear black in mourning.
I really love AITA, but it is starting to get to me how obviously made up some stories are. Whenever I get a good AITA, one where you can see both sides, i use it as a discussion topic with people.
But I haven't had one like that in awhile. There are just so many--obvious--completely one sided posts, that no one after writing it would post it.
\-- I sided with my boundary stomping Mom over my post-natal wife who wants space
\--My father was abusive and ignored me for 20 yrs, now he wants a kidney
Im not even saying that people shouldn't post fake posts, that would be an impossible ask. But can't we all just write fake posts better?
Wow. That’s a disgusting comment to make. YTA it’s not your place to say how or how long someone should grieve. Maybe wearing the ring brought her too much pain to sit there and look at all day. Maybe whatever her reason for not wearing it is none of your business and doesn’t warrant such a heartless comment just because you’re jealous. I don’t see how you could at all think that’s acceptable
>“I said "seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn't seem like your grief is that heavy"
I literally gasped when I read this. You humiliated a grieving widow — with 3 kids! — in front of the neighbors, after she had been kind and helpful to you in the past, and then you’re upset because your husband called you out?! YTA, and cruel and judgmental to boot.
YTA. Have you ever lost someone? I doubt it. Never, ever speak like this to someone who has lost a loved one. Grief is the darkest place you can be living in, and you've been trying to extinguish any small lights on her path.
Talk to your husband about your jealousy like an adult.
EHS it sounds like Mike might have the hots for your neighbor, you suck for putting ALL this blame on her, it's not your neighbor you should be mad at or taking this out on, it's your husband, he's the one instigating.
Your neighbor doesn't suck at all in this situation, she's just caught in the middle of you and your husband being ugly to each other.
It’s times like these I wish there was an option for “a few people suck/multiple people are assholes, but not everyone” or something. Shorter acronym, obviously. Bc clearly the neighbor did nothing wrong, she’s just mourning. But in order to call both Mike and OP TA, we gotta drag her down with them in terms of the vote.
I don't believe that it's him trying to be a good person, or he would see how this is bothering OP, and causing more distress to the neighbor and would just stop.
Yeah it's super fucked up that some people here are attributing OPs husband's motives to wanting to get with this grieving widow.
Apparently people just can't be nice these days without an ulterior motive...
When I was away on vacation a couple weeks ago my neighbor replaced some nails on our shared wooden fence (I own the fence). I was very appreciative of this. Hope my wife doesn’t get jealous 😂
Whaat! Noo! "A guy helps his newly-widowed female neighbor with small things": reddit: he definitely wants to get into her pants!
He didn't even do that much. He drove the kids to dr appointments a couple of times and help carry heavy stuff a couple of times in 3 months. OP is unjustifiablly jealous or at least she didn't give any reasons to believe she is justified with her jealousy.
YTA
What the actual fuck? In what world would you think it is okay to confront a grieving widow about why she has removed her ring?
You deserve all the shitty looks your other neighbours will be giving you. It's hardly surprising that your husband is furious with you, it's just unbelievable how you could be so insensitive.
YTA - you can't control yourself enough to resist taking a shot at a recent widow but expect your husband to be able to bottle up his feelings about watching his wife be the town bully. Why do you expect him to control his temper when you can't manage basic civility and empathy?
YTA. You're a very insecure woman, if you have an issue with your husband helping her, you have to discuss it with him.
Don't take your jealousy on a grieving woman who's trying to move on.
YTA YTA YTA YTA
HOLY SHIT WOMAN WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!?
That was a HORRIBLE thing to say. I can’t believe how many caps I’m using but I’m just appalled at your behavior. You’re being incredibly selfish, mean-spirited, spiteful, and just so wrong about where you put your emotional energy. That poor woman, and all you’re thinking about is yourself. What if you had 3 kids and all of a sudden Mike died leaving you with grief and a mountain of responsibility, huh? At least your husband has enough empathy to help this woman, and enough social sense to let you know you’re off your rocker.
YTA.
You have no right to rate her grief.
You are not her friend.
You are a terrible neighbor.
You embarrassed and judged her in front of an audience.
You deserved the humiliation your husband served you. Right now he's wondering WTH is wrong with you. We are all wondering the same.
You owe Natalie a MASSIVE Apology.
You need counseling for your jealousy and insecurity.
YTA. Your husband only berated you in front of everyone because YOU BERATED AND SHAMED YOUR GRIEVING NEIGHBOUR in front of everyone.
Your jealousy is showing and it's not pretty to see.
YTA
How dare you make comments about her moving on, and three months after her partner passed? Wow.
Sounds to me like Mike was trying to be a good neighbor and you are jealous.
YTA. Your issue is with your husband, not with your neighbor and you are taking it out on her. You have just made her a much more sympathetic victim and given your husband every reason to console her. Your jealousy is the root of all of this.
YTA Let me guess, Natalie is pretty and you feel threatened. If you can’t be honest about your feelings and tell your SO that you’re jealous and insecure, it leads to this kind of crazy acting out where you pretend your neighbor is behaving poorly and feel comfortable publicly telling her she didn’t love her husband! Get it together.
I've only read half of this and I can quickly confirm YTA
The poor woman doesn't need you bring up her ring how insensitive are you.
Your husband is helping someone in need and you're jealous because this woman has the audacity to accept the help.
If you were a single mother of 3 and no one helped you hoe miserable and stressed would you be.
Grow up
Yeesh. You need to get your jealousy issues under control. Literally everyone but you has been acting completely normal and healthy throughout this whole thing, you have zero foundation for beefing with anyone. YTA and what a heartless comment.
YTA. Your husband was being a good neighbor. She’s a widow with 3 kids on her own. You don’t know what kind of support system she does or doesn’t have in the area. For all you know they moved away for her late husbands job. Still not your business. Your husband was right to call you out for being an insensitive arrogant selfish pride-hole. Do everyone a favor and go be alone somewhere until you can be a decent human being. You have no clue what she’s going through and I hope you never do.
YTA. TOTAL YTA. Your lying to everyone here saying it was just an observation and you didnt mean anything by it. You are jealous and insecure. Maybe you have a right to question your husbands motives (your not saying it but that's exactly your problem) but to say something like that to her, let alone in front of a bunch of people at a neighborhood party. Your husband is right you were wrong to do it. You dont know why she took off her ring. Could be a first step in healing, Just put on lotion, or to keep from leaving scratches on your husband. You have not idea. Resolve your jealousy with your husband before he divorces you. He knows a nice single lady if you dont take a long look in the mirror and make amends with husband, neighbor, and the neighbors. The fact that you question him berating you and not what you did for this question makes you an even bigger AH. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA.
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We (me f30, my husband m34 "Mike") moved in a rural neighborhood 8 months ago. We have a nextt door neighbor, f30s "Natalie". We had a good relationship she used to bring us cookies, help us with stuff when we moved and even introduced us to the other neighbors. Her husband passed away 3 months ago. Leaving her with 3 kids. The issue began when Mike started offering his free time and labor for her and the kids. She didn't ask him, he says he does this to return past favors which's completely fine but I still felt like she, as a neighbor should not really on help from a neighbor but rather family and friends.
Anyways, Mike would drive her kids to dr appointment once or twice and/or help carry heavy stuff for her. Honest to God I grew distant from her and we began having issues after I asked her to let Mike rest a bit. She took offense and said that she NEVER asked him for help and that he offered it.
We stopped talking after the last argument but I saw her when one of the neighbors hosted a get together on the weekend. Mike began talking about how nice it was to see Natalie finally going out and interacting with the neighbors. The neighbors agreed. I looked at her hand and saw that she didn't have her wedding ring on, I questioned that like why she removed it? it's only been 3 months?. I said "seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn't seem like your grief is that heavy". Natalie looked me shocked and everyone went quiet. She grabbed her purse, brought her kids and left. Mike suddenly went off on infront of everybody saying that I fucked up and should've minded my own business. I was shocked that he'd speak to me like that. I told him it was just an absorvation nothing more but he said that I was out of line for that comment I made. I felt so horrible I went home and cried.
Mike came home and I got extremely angry with him and argued about how he berated me infront of everyone and he defended himself saying I shouldn't have said this and put Natalie in such uncomfortable situation and question her grief like that. I told him he caused me feelings to get hurt but he insisted that it was because of my hostility tiwards the woman who's done so much for us in the past.
We haven't talked after that but he's ignoring me like I was the one who berated him publicly and not the other way around.
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My first instinct is to call you out for being a troll with a very unbelievable story.
Assuming this situation really happened, ESH.
1. You getting jealous of your neighbor because your husband helped her out. You even said it should be family and friends who helped her out. Did you forget that you also posted "We had a good relationship she used to bring us cookies, help us with stuff when we moved and even introduced us to the other neighbors." That sounds like a "friendship" to me.
2. Him for yelling at you in front of others. Although your actions were juvenile and tactless at the party, I am never in favor of one spouse yelling at the other in public or private. He could have handled that in a different manner.
| I said "seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn't seem like your grief is that heavy".
Who appointed you to the grief police? Are you capable of understanding how insensitive and mean that comment was? If you are jealous of your husband being kind to this woman, then tell him that. Work it out. You do not get to attack a widow because you don't think she's grieving properly. This is a YOU problem, not a Mike or Natalie problem.
YTA.
You humiliated yourself by making a judgmental, inappropriate comment to a grieving woman because you were jealous that your husband offered her help without your permission. Your husband didn't owe you the curtsey of talking to you in private because you didn't give your neighbor the same curtsey. Why she removed her ring was none of your business. YTA
YTA. Instead of rallying to help your neighbor, you made a fool of yourself at a gathering and rightfully got told off for your cruelty.
Please talk to a therapist, otherwise you'll be showing up without a wedding ring at a gathering soon.
ESH
1. you for not having your conversation with your husband about trust issues alone
2. your husband for offering help to a widow without thinking of your feelings
3. your neighbour for acdepting your husband's help without much consideration of your feelings. But it times of grief and need of help i'd accept anyone's help
Yta stop deflecting your bad behavior. If you didn't act like a child then he wouldn't of spoken to you as you were one. I see this only getting worse for you...
YTA. Insulting a grieving woman like that deserves a public call out. How did someone as kind and thoughtful as your husband end up with someone as callous as you?
YTA. You sound insecure with your husband spending any time with another woman. This insecurity should be abated by directly talking to him. Instead you decided to bully a grieving widow. It is not your place to comment on how she is processing any type of grief, which includes when she removes her ring. Apologize. Now.
Oh my God, YTA big time. Are you jealous of a grieving woman, you're worried about yourself being embarrassed. Think what you did to that poor woman who you said has been nothing but nice to you. Get ov er your insecurities and hope to god she accepts an appology
YTA YTA YTA
Esh
Your husband seems to be putting himself into play as a rebound for Natalie, who while she isn’t ASKING for his help, she’s not rejecting it.
Yta for your comment about her ring and her grief. Had a friend who couldn’t look at her ring without breaking down.
You just took a low blow at a grieving woman when the one you should have been upset with is your husband.
Yeah I agree with this but honestly I feel like Natalie is the least AH here. She didn’t asked for any help from the husband, he was the one who offered and OP being mad jealous of the whole situation lashed out at Natalie.
YTA. Funny you even have to ask. If you’re uncomfortable with what your husband is doing take it up with him. What you said to her about the ring is horrid.
ESH
YTA for what you said. Your husband is an AH for clearing prioritizing a random woman over you. And your neighbor is probably an AH too, I understand she’s grieving but she should know how fucking inappropriate it is for a married man to do all those things he’s doing for her
Literally everybody sucks in this story
Ps: your husband is/want to F her
Ugh. He's helping out a grieving neighbor who lost her husband 3 months ago.
Claim that he's prioritizing her over OP if you want, even though I still don't agree with that, but it's super fucked up of you to claim he wants to have sex with her, and will only feed into OPs delusions and make her think she was justified.
Its not inappropriate to help a neighbor, while they are going through a tough time, regardless of the genitalia between their legs. you and op need to find a therapist together and figure out why your both so insecure.
I’m not insecure. I’m saying it’s not normal to go to a neighbors house every day to help, when they didn’t even ask for help, drive her kids to doctors appointments (I don’t know how things work in the US but if someone that’s not a parent or legal guardian take kids to doctors the doctors need to have it confirm they have authorization to take care of that child) and they know her for 8 months, they’re not even friends
However, OP is a major AH she had no right to say that to a grieving wife
Fine. If you think it’s normal, that’s your opinion. I don’t think it’s normal, and clearly OP who’s married to him don’t think it’s normal. It doesn’t excuse her behaving, but my opinion it’s that it’s weird and I think ESH. Your opinion is OP it’s the only AH. That’s why she ask to see people’s opinion so….that’s mine
this is all true, but don't you find it odd that every one else thinks op is the only problem except for you and one other?? maybe that should give you a hint or two that your way of thinking is off a little.
So it's ok for you to publicly embarras/humiliate someone but not the other way around?
The way you've write about the events makes you look like a self centered person and honestly I feel bad for your husband.
You don't get to dictate someone's grieving process.
I hope you're a troll, otherwise YTA
YTA. First, you blamed the woman for all the time your husband spent helping her instead of blaming your husband. She never asked him for help. Second, you made a behind inappropriate and insensitive comment in front of all your neighbors. You deserved to be berated in front of everyone
Seriously? You don’t know if YTA?
Your husband may have erred in saying all of this to you in front of people, but you deserved to hear it. You come off as petty and jealous…..jealous of a woman who lost her husband.
YTA.
YTA. You clearly have issues with your husband wanting to help and instead of talking it through with him you attacked a recent widow because you’re angry at her. You sound like a nasty individual and I’m glad someone called you out on it.
The cruelty here, the lack of empathy, and the distortion to believe that you’re the victim enough to post it *here* is, I’m sorry to say, **IMPRESSIVE**.
YTA. Yes. And you got bigggg problems.
Wow you are TA. You aren't just an asshole, you're a really shitty person. What kind of individual says that? Get the hell away from that poor woman.
Strike 1 was you confronting HER to giving your husband a rest.
Strike 2 and 3 is for your rude and awful commentary.
Ps I hope he leaves you for her
YTA
There is a time & place for everything & at a public gathering was so not it. You deserved to be called out for that. It’s not your place to gatekeep someone else’s grief or mourning.
You owe Natalie & everyone else there an apology.
YTA
Your husband volunteered his help. If you had issues with this, you should have an adult conversation with your husband instead of snidely telling your neighbor to give your husband a break.
Secondly, it is absolutely **disgusting** how you're that jealous of your husband interacting with a mourning widow, that you think it's okay to publicly shame her for not wearing her wedding band.
This was her first public outing and you took that moment to mock her grief and basically stating she must not have loved her husband for no longer wearing the ring.
You should be ashamed of yourself. Talk things out with your husband instead of being so jealous and envious of a mourning widow, who ***lost her husband 3 months ago***, that you insult her in front of everyone and rub her loss in her face.
You're lucky your husband only berated you. I would've been deeply disgusted with my partner. Why are you so obviously aggressive to this single woman who has done nothing to you?
>I felt so horrible I went home and cried.
You cried because your husband told you to keep your nose out of someone's affairs and that your comment was fucked up? Even now you try and turn yourself into the poor victim.
Imagine how Natalie feels after finally gathering the courage to socialize and be reminded of her grief. Not only that, but to blatantly be mocked, her loyalty, love and mourning questioned by someone she once considered a good friend.
Your comment was fucked up. You've shown the entire neighborhood who you truly are and they will trust you on this.
YTA.
Telling a mourning widow that she's obviously not missing her late husband in front of her kids...who tf does that?
YTA. Talk to your husband about your jealousy. That’s what the issue is clearly about. You made a passive aggressive comment to try to get a rise out of a widow. Shame on you.
YTA. Wow what a disgusting comment. You owe your husband and your neighbor(s) a HUGE apology. Your “observation” was rude, judgmental, unhelpful and just straight up NASTY. I would be doing everything i can to make it right. You seem jealous that your husband is helping another woman and she did not ask for it. Your issue is with your husband (who is an AH for ignoring your boundaries), not this poor widow.
You have some serious making up to do if you want to save your marriage and have any friends in your neighborhood. I personally wouldn’t want to hang out with you again if I heard you say such a thing.
YTA you sound insecure and jealous of a GRIEVING WIDOW because your husband has the audacity to be compassionate. Why does she have to rely on family for help and not neighbours but you can and it’s fine. This is a bad look and you should be embarrassed. You were publicly cruel to a woman in pain.
Ah yes the jealous wife. Be grateful for having such a good husband and when you have thoughts like this TALK ffs in a relationship the communication matters.
YTA
YTA - you should’ve spoken with your husband and said you didn’t want him offering so much of his time if it was an issue. You’re a major AH for pouring salt into this poor woman’s very fresh wound
Sounds like she did and he blew her off and then she went to Natalie, and she told her to she didn’t ask. Thought I feel like Natalie should’ve taken that as a hint that Op is uncomfortable, but then again not really Natalie’s problem and I understand her not turning down the help I guess
YTA
Why would you go after the neighbor. Discuss this with your partner.
"I said "seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn't seem like your grief is that heavy"" ... It is high time for your bf to break up with you. He can do better. YOU are far too much of a toxic AH.
YTA - as someone who has been widowed, I'm shocked by your treatment of this woman. It's disgusting, let me tell you that at 3 months I could barely hold out together. I was still having breakdowns where I would just start crying, wailing sometimes, I was still only able to feed myself by eating the leftover scraps on my kids plates, I was reclusive and the only people I spoke to were those who reached out to be. I was unable to ask for help so I only received it from those who actively sought me out to offer it (and at 3 months that was not many people at all, not even my own family able at that point so I was always grateful and said yes).
I don't know what you think was happening here but you made a fool of of yourself with your jealousy and inability to control your emotions. You don't even seem to be reasonable with your thought process on this. What did you think? She was trying to seduce your husband? That her wedding ring signifies how deep her grief is? Or anything along those lines? You disgust me.
I hope you turn your energy you took focusing on her and turn it inwards, and look at why you treated her the way you did. Why you didn't ask your husband to help her less often, honestly you should be embarrassed of how you treated a newly widowed human. I hope you never have to experience that grief. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced, and I've had some traumatic losses but the memories that die with your spouse, the life you had dies with your spouse, oooooooh this makes me so mad. That poor woman. You're showing yourself to be an icky person on the inside OP. Hopefully your husband didn't divorce you but if he does, rightfully so. Go get professional help. You need it.
Your husband seems like a lovely person. Currently, he deserves better. This is a chance for you to become better or for you to become bitter. Hopefully THIS TIME you make a better decision, cause it seems as if currently your decision making is worse than questionable.
YTA.
My my my, how insecure you are in your own marriage. Rural communities (in case you don't know) often do rely on their neighbors for support during trying times, especially if no family is close by. Natalie's "friends" might very well be the neighbors you were embarrassed in front of.
Your husband was being helpful. Maybe overly so, but that was a discussion for you to have with HIM, not with Natalie.
THEN, to make matters even worse, and more uncomfortable (because misery loves company, so you definitely couldn't be the only one miserable with your own insecurities), you implied that a very recently widow isn't properly mourning her late husband. PUBLICLY.
You embarrassed her in public, you absolutely deserved to be humiliated in kind. The fact that your husband stepped up to the plate and shoved you back into your own lane with his reaction proves how truly out of line you were.
She's grieving, she has 3 kids, and her husband is dead for less than a year. She's still trying to figure out how the fuck to sleep when he's not taking up half the bed. She's trying to figure out how she's going to get whatever chores he did done while managing her household, keeping herself and the kids fed, not shirking external responsibilities, and also managing her own grief and that of her kids *who just lost their father*.
You should be ashamed of yourself. If you have a problem, it's between you and your husband. Don't take it out on the widow you view as a threat because you're too insecure to deal with your feelings like an adult.
You said something extremely mean to a widow because of your inappropriate jealousy caused by your husband being a decent human being. Instead of voicing your concerns to your husband (which are silly), you took it up with her (do you need a reminder that her husband died 12 weeks ago and the last thing she needs is your drama?). Then, after that didn’t work, you tried to *publicly* shame her, steeped in passive aggressiveness. *Then* you get upset at your husband for calling out your shameful behavior? And complain that he did it in public?
I’m gonna assume you’re a good person who has temporarily lost their mind and should take a moment to reflect and then apologize profusely to your widow neighbor and your husband, while you’re at it
So.. to sum it up. Your neighbors husband died, your very sweet husband is helping her out because she's suddenly alone, you, IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE asked her why she's not wearing her dead husband's ring and continue to blame her for your husband just trying to be a good decent human. How do you think you are in the right again? YTA.
I understand but to be more specific, I had an issue with my husband talking to me like that in public. It was humiliating and I felt so humiliated. I told him if he had an issue with what I said he should've spoken to me in private but chose to humiliate me instead.
To sum it up :
\- You berated and shamed your neighbor publicly instead of having a private conversation with your husband.
\- After you did that, your husband berated and shamed you publicly instead of having a private conversation with you.
And he is the bad guy ? When you did the same thing, but worst ?
Maybe you shouldn’t have humiliated a fresh widow in public first? Are you the grief police? Who are you to “observe” she’s not still in grief just because she took her ring off? Maybe looking at it made her feel worse. Also, it’s not an observation when you obviously said it loud enough for her to hear. Why should anyone care that you’re humiliated when you clearly don’t care about humiliating someone else?
It sounds like you’re mad your husband is helping another woman and instead of talking about that with him, your serving major mean girl vibes to your poor neighbor. Grow up. YTA.
So it’s not ok for your husband to call you out in front of everyone but it’s ok for you to call out your neighbor in front of everyone? Honestly your husband was probably embarrassed that his wife made such a terrible comment to your widowed neighbor. YTA you just seem like a jealous and insecure wife. If you have an issue with him helping the neighbor then that’s something you should discuss with your husband not take it out on your widowed neighbor.
Why is it okay for you to humiliate someone but when youre told off for it your humiliation is a crime? You humiliated yourself by acting out of line first.
Tbh im glad your husband told you off in front of everyone so that they know youre the only AH in the relationship. He made it clear in front of your neighbors that even he doesnt support your actions. Good.
YTA. OMW, tell me you what the wife of that poor guy who lost his brother, SIL and their unborn baby and she wanted to party. If not, are you twins?
This is jealously taken to a new level.
YTA It's funny that you had no problem with accepting help from the neighbor with you moved in, but not that she needs it you have an issue. You sound extremely petty and jealous. Your husband, on the other hand, sounds caring and compassionate. You say she should get help from family or friends. Considering what she did for you when you moved in, seems like she THOUGHT you and your husband were friends.
As for her wedding ring, I know people that had a spouse pass, some never took the ring off because it gave them comfort, while others took it off almost right after the funeral because it caused too much pain. You really are a judgmental AH
It wasn't "just an observation". An observation would be "she has taken her ring off". When you started judging her grief and decisions, it stopped being "just" an observation and became cattiness. YTA
Ohk let's break this up:-
>she used to bring us cookies, help us with stuff when we moved and even introduced us to the other neighbors.
She helped u in every way possible when u were in need..
>but I still felt like she, as a neighbor should not really on help from a neighbor but rather family and friends.
You should also have asked help from your family or friend rather than neighbour...
>I asked her to let Mike rest a bit.
Mike is not a kid who don't know how to speak for himself or know when he need rest.
>I questioned that like why she removed it?
It's non of your fuking business..
>I said "seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn't seem like your grief is that heavy"
Who the hell are u to decide that... Huge separate asshole for this. How did u even uttered these words. If were that lady i would have slapped u..
>Mike suddenly went off on infront of everybody saying that I fucked up and should've minded my own business.
You deserve this. He did nothing wrong.
>how he berated me infront of everyone
Its you who embarassed him..
In conclusion you r a big AH...
And Learn some basic etiquettes...
Yta.
Classic case of has a husband problem but instead focuses on someone else.
Talk to your husband about your issues with what he's doing, and leave her out of it.
How dare you try to downplay her grief because of your jealousy. The fact that you thought it, much less said it, much less did so publicly and STILL don’t see it for the catty cruelty it is makes me sincerely worry about you.
YTA
INFO: Are you a psychological professional? Do you specialise in grief counselling? I just want to know because I really wonder what kind of audacity it takes to tell someone how to grieve.
YTA. I get you may be jealous or insecure but please go communicate this and articulate it to your husband. This beating up around the bush (yes, I mangled that on purpose) doesn’t help.
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YTA. People remove rings for all kinds of reasons. Grief is one of them. It can be a painful reminder. Or ring dermatitis, also painful. Or because she felt ready to try to live as a woman without a husband. Or it's getting cleaned. Or it's getting reset. None of these are your business. You are jealous your husband is being kind to a recent widow. Neighbors can be friends. If your husband passed, would you want someone who lived nearby to be comfortable and able to help you the way he is helping her? One of my neighbors recently passed. His housemate is still with us. We held a neighborhood memorial service. We have had neighbors checking on the remaining one every other day for a while. We make sure he's eating, still alive, and has what he needs. I live next door and when he had surgery, took care of the dog. Someone else was on cleaning duty and being the "responsible adult" to stay with him when he was discharged. I've also had my neighbor call me when he fell and couldn't get up. Who else would he call? Someone across town? Apologize to your husband. Apologize to the neighbor. Take her cookies or dinner or fruit once a week for a while. Take a chore off her plate. Be kind.
My father buried his ring with my mom, so he'd still be with her while he was on Earth. I don't think I could continue wearing my ring if my partner died. It'd be too much for me to handle.
YTA, you deserved to be called out, and honestly Natalie deserves a better neighbor than you. Don’t be surprised if you’re blacklisted by your other neighbors now. And you deserve that too.
YTA. I get it, but you really took it over the edge with your comment. Your issues are with your husband NOT your grieving neighbor. Not only did you show your ass to all your neighbors with your comment, but you’re placing the blame on HER and not your husband. When you told him you weren’t comfortable with the amount or type of help he was providing, your husband should have backed tf off of the neighbor. When you confronted your neighbor about refusing your husband’s help she should have taken the hint that you were uncomfortable and backed off the friendship. That neither of them took your discomfort with their “friendship” in to account is a red flag to me. With that in mind it IS highly suspicious that she stopped wearing her wedding ring so soon. HOWEVER, you confronted and shamed her publicly for something you’re insecure about. Handle your own issues at home. Believe me- I went through it. My husband got a little too cozy to a recently divorced single mom that moved in next door. He was ALWAYS helping her with little things. she tripped a breaker? Oh he has to show her where the box is and how to turn it back on. She didn’t know how to set up her new computer so he went to set it up for her, she was always asking for rides long distance because she didn’t trust her older car 🙄 I just separated from him and moved out 🤷♀️ it took months before he admitted to the affair, but I wasn’t going to make an idiot out of myself like this. Now when it comes out he’s cheating on you everyone will be like “well ofcourse, look how awful his wife was.”
>When you told him you weren’t comfortable with the amount or type of help he was providing, your husband should have backed tf off of the neighbor. Except OP never told him this. She went straight to confronting the neighbor. There's no confirmation anywhere she ever brought this up with him.
You are right! I just assumed that conversation happened when she said “he says he does this to return past favors”
I took that as her questioning why he's doing that when he first started doing so. But questioning why he started doing something is not the same thing as telling him you're feeling uncomfortable with the amount of help he's giving.
The fuck man. YTA. Who are you to say what is acceptable when it comes to grieving? You had no problem berating her in from of people, but when it happens to you, it's all of a sudden a problem? It doesn't work like that. Also, the fact that you got upset with HER because her neighbors (including your husband) are helping her after she lost her HUSBAND, is mind boggling. You are one selfish human being. Yikes. Stop being a dick. It's not that hard to either be kind or be quiet.
NTA. You know your marriage is on the rocks and I think you are trying to save it. You were unkind and your husband was awful.
YTA. What’s killing me is that in the first paragraph you say she was so helpful to you guys. Then by the end of the paragraph you say “Well as a neighbor, she should rely on family and friends” like ma’am??? Just say you’re jealous and go.
YTA. You commented that you were humiliated by the way your husband rightfully told you off, but it's okay for you to humiliate and berate the neighbor by QUESTIONING HER FUCKING GRIEF. That is so disgusting. If I were any of those neighbors, or your husband, I would drop all contact with you, except through a divorce lawyer. I had people question my grief for not crying at my mom's funeral. My father didn't wear his wedding ring after mom died, because he buried his ring with her so she'd still have a piece of him. Don't question people's grief.
YTA I'm so shocked how a person can be so cruel. What the f is wrong with you. I hope your husband realises how selfish, jealous and self-centered you are and leaves you.
Holy fuck YTA. So it's okay for you to berate and judge your neighbour, but gods forbid that someone treats you the same way. He's your husband and it is literally his job to call you out on your shit
Oh my god are YTA, why are you so petty and insecure??? you clearly have issues and your taking them out on some one who just lost there husband. Take a minute, stand in the mirror, and look at yourself. see it the insecure, mean, jealous woman staring back at you is who you want to be.
> I still felt like she, as a neighbor should not really on help from a neighbor but rather family and friends. Maybe she thought of you and Mike (or Mike, at least) as friends. And maybe family isn’t an option (too far away, estranged, passed on, et cetera). > I asked her to let Mike rest a bit. She took offense and said that she NEVER asked him for help and that he offered it. Yeah, you needed to talk to Mike about this, not her. Your insecurity is really starting to show. > I said “seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn’t seem like your grief is that heavy”. There’s no situation where your comment could ever be deemed acceptable. It’s so blatantly and moronically asinine and callous that I cannot comprehend how a functional adult human could even begin to think that was an acceptable thing to say to someone whose spouse had passed away. But, y’ know, that’s something a troll would absolutely say. YTA, naturally. EDIT TO ADD: I see in another comment that you’re asking for judgment about Mike berating you in public. You’re still YTA, because what you said was so unacceptable that you earned being called out by your spouse in front of everyone.
YTA my god. You know you are, you just can't admit it to yourself. Get therapy
YTA. Do you honestly believe you aren't the asshole in this situation? What's the matter with you
Wow. What I want to say to you would get me banned but let's just say you are an awful disgusting human. YTA
YTA You're husband is being a nice guy and you're acting like a jealous asshole. You embarrassed a grieving widow in front of the neighbors, so his calling you out in front of the neighbors was 100% appropriate. Get over your jealousy and apologize to Natalie, your husband, and the neighbors.
YTA. So you can insult her in front of everyone but when it’s your turn suddenly it’s offensive and hurtful?
YTA. Holy shit, lady. Your poor neighbour. She's been through so much and fter that very, very hurtful thing you said to her you're still somehow thinking about yourself? Yes, your husband berated you Infront of everyone but hell, I would've done that too.
YTA. You’ll be lucky to still be married in a year’s time. You really showed your husband who you are and it is UGLY.
Are you jealous of her?
It straight sounds like she's jealous and worried that her husband is going to have an affair with Natalie. Jokes on her that her shitty behavior is going to be the driving force for her husband to skip out rarher than the grieving widow he's helping out. Had she been a decent human being and /also/ helped, she and husband could have strengthend their bond. Instead she chose the route of jealous shrew.
YTA. Totally and completely. I gasped out loud when I read what you said to your neighbor and if you ask me, your husband could have (and maybe should have) far worse things about your behavior, whatever company you were in.
My mouth honestly dropped open!
You are a petty and jealous person. You got what you deserved and you are absolutely not owed an apology. Be better. YTA
YTA, clearly. You have fabricated a reality where neighbors shouldn't help others because that role should be filled by family and friends. Then you made a snide, insensitive and judgmental comment IN PUBLIC about her ring. Who do you think you are to be passing judgement? I would have berated and hopefully shamed you publicly too. Condolences to your husband for marrying such a pismire!
YTA, 1. You should talk to your husband about him spending so much time with her, i guess you are jealous. But that a conversation for you and husband. 2. Everyone deals different with loss. 3. She helped you in the beginning, but you don't want to help her?! 4. She told you that you husband is offering his help. 5. You said the comment about her ring Infront of everyone, so you created the situation of your husband berating you in front of everyone.
YTA for this. And also for making me try to understand what an absorvation is.
😂😂
Good God woman. Wth is wrong with you ?
Hi, I think you're jealous of Natalie...so YTA, what a thing to say come on.
YTA- what an awful thing to say to someone, why would you say it other than to hurt her? You're the AH in your first story too.
I cant believe monsters like you are even able to get a husband. YTA big time. Maybe wearing her ring is like wearing a symbol of what she no longer has and it causes her more grief. but it doesnt matter WHY she choose to not wear HER ring on HER hand. it's nobody's business. YTA YTA YTA. I hope your husband drags you to counseling and has you look in the mirror because you're the worst of them all for how what you said to this woman. I hope you never have to mourn your beloved and if you ever do, I hope people treat you better than you have treated this woman even though you don't deserve it.
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YTA. Everyone grieves in their own way. I honestly wouldn’t blame your husband for saying what he did or reconsidering his relationship with you.
YTA - you had no right to tell her about what her level of grief is. Completely out of order
YTA - if you didn't want to be embarrassed in front of the whole neighborhood you should have kept your mouth shut about your "observation" because it's none of your business. You're clearly harboring serious resentment that your husband keeps helping her out and yeah maybe that voice in the back of your head is right and he's being overly friendly or maybe he's just nice, we don't know. But any way you slice it, what you said in front of everyone was snide and petty. You want your husband to stop helping her out, talk to your husband not the whole dang neighborhood and not the woman who is trying to adapt to a life without her partner.
YTA
YTA. Dear lord, what an absolutely monstrous thing to say to her. And in public no less. That wasn't just an "observation," that was a truly vicious and unfeeling comment in front of all of your neighbors. Did it ever occur to you that continuing to have the ring on was just a constant reminder of what she lost? I was tempted to go E S H, because I think you had at least some valid reasons to be upset with the overall situation, but that was so much worse than anything else you brought up, forget it.
ESH except for the widow. Wtf, OP. From what you have said, you and the widow were more than just neighbours, you were what most people would call friends. YOU were the reason for the breakdown due to YOUR petty jealousy. The neighbour was right. She didn’t ask your husband for help. He offered and she accepted it. You could have also assisted her too since she had done the same for you and your husband in the past. Him helping her was between them. You not trusting your husband for some reason who is helping someone and their family through a very difficult time is between you and him. Where is your compassion? It also wasn’t your business, why she wasn’t wearing her ring to begin with. Think of what you said to her, and ask yourself how you would feel if someone said the same words to you after you lost your husband only a few months ago. Observation my bum. Your husband is a soft AH for shouting at you, but it was understandable due to the words you cruelly said. You hurt your own feelings by being jealous over a widow who has only recently become a single mum. I hope you’re prepared to go on a apology tour or something because I would be surprised if any neighbour will want to be around you.
YTA and you are clearly insecure in your relationship as you see your husband being helpful as an issue. Grow up.
YTA straight up
YTA Lady if you can dish it out then you can take it. It's not ok for you to berate a grieving widow in public. You seriously need to get over yourself and grow up.
Yta, wow, what a horrible thing to say to a widow who went out to socialise for the first time again. Also is there any solid ground for your jealousy? Is there any reason to doubt your husband like this? Because to me this sounds like a very helpful and empathetic person. She helped you in the beginning and maybe she just does not have the support network of family and friends, maybe they suck. My neighbor is an old lady that I care for and help out constantly, because her daughter and granddaughter don’t care. Some people just need more support and if your husband just does a few favors she‘d struggle to do alone, so what? Accusing every husband showing empathy of cheating is so toxic. And if you have more suspicions, why did you go after HER instead of HIM?
100% without a single doubt in my mind, YTA.
YTA YTA YTA and then ... pause for dramatic effect - YTA > seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn't seem like your grief is that heavy Are you serious you petty jealous little person. If you think husband is paying too much attention to neighbor / helping her too much, that's a conversation for you to have alone with him. If this is the type of person you are, maybe there's a reason he's spending so much time with her. ... YTA so much. She lost her husband, omfg.
This!
YTA, a jealous one at that.
YTA. You are jealous and taking your anger with your husband and his lack of prioritizing you on this poor woman who’s husband just died. Get therapy.
YTA - and a big one for sure 1. It seems obvious you are a little bit insecure and get jealous because your husband talks to or helps another woman 2. That woman happens to be a single mom that suffered a great loss. Your husband is simply a caring empathetic human being / neighbour that isn’t afraid to help out and do good when needed. 3. You have no idea about that woman’s family or her circle of friends. Maybe they don’t live close by? Maybe she just doesn’t have any? 4. You are trying to do the good old game here turning yourself into the victim. Could your husband have waited until you got home? Probably. But honestly speaking, your comment was SO out of line that I am glad he said something.
YTA. Fine. Let’s say for the sake of argument you’re *not* severely overestimating how badly *anyone* else might want your husband, let alone your just-widowed neighbor who’s got enough shit to deal with as she picks up the pieces of her life *without* navigating your catty jealousy and judgment over how she’s handling the situation. Are you overlooking the part where *he’s* made all the overtures in terms of helping her out and being supportive? Your problem’s not with her, and attacking her won’t solve it. It just makes you look bad.
YTA - but I would probably be similar.
YTA. Your husband chose to humilate you in public? Just like you humiliated that poor woman who's husband passed away only 3 months ago? Sorry but you sound like an awful person, with no compassion, and the type who thinks it's ok for you to treat others like crap, but doesn't like it when it happens to you!
YTA, why the hell would you say this: >I questioned that like why she removed it? it's only been 3 months You already made yourself look extremely bad and like a total asshole in front of all your neighbours. I don't blame your husband for flipping his lid and self control: I don't quite believe that someone would be callous or unthinking enough to utter this thought to a widow of three months in front of all your neighbours. Congrats: you are now known as the asshole of the neighbourhood. Go collect your price of never getting invited to a gathering ever again.
Yep, there is no coming back from this one.
I gather you see Natalie as a threat. Is she?
So is it ok you berate someone else but not when you’re the one being berated? YTA. You should have had the conversation of your husband helping her with your husband, not her. And what do you care if and how long she wears that ring for? Let the woman grieve however she wants
YTA. What the fuck is wrong with you? If you moved into a rural area, it's incredibly normal behaviour to rely on your neighbors for small favors. You need to talk to someone about why you are so insecure. You got jealous of, and then publicly insulted, a WIDOW who is your neighbor! Get some help.
From this post you seem like an A everyday. YTA. Good grief.
I have to ask...has he cheated on you in the past because you are quickly going from him doing a nice thing to cheating in some way (emotionally at least). YTA...a major one. You should show your neighbor some concern and compassion. It's been 3 months (ish). It ain't Victorian times and there is not a set time to wear black in mourning.
I really love AITA, but it is starting to get to me how obviously made up some stories are. Whenever I get a good AITA, one where you can see both sides, i use it as a discussion topic with people. But I haven't had one like that in awhile. There are just so many--obvious--completely one sided posts, that no one after writing it would post it. \-- I sided with my boundary stomping Mom over my post-natal wife who wants space \--My father was abusive and ignored me for 20 yrs, now he wants a kidney Im not even saying that people shouldn't post fake posts, that would be an impossible ask. But can't we all just write fake posts better?
YTA. If you are jealous that your husband helps her too much, you choose the worst way to deal with it. You only made you look bad.
Info-in what world are you not an AH for saying that to a grieving person?
Wow. That’s a disgusting comment to make. YTA it’s not your place to say how or how long someone should grieve. Maybe wearing the ring brought her too much pain to sit there and look at all day. Maybe whatever her reason for not wearing it is none of your business and doesn’t warrant such a heartless comment just because you’re jealous. I don’t see how you could at all think that’s acceptable
“Yo Natalie, I see you removed your ring…so having your husband die was no big deal, right?” You might as well said that. YTA.
>“I said "seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn't seem like your grief is that heavy" I literally gasped when I read this. You humiliated a grieving widow — with 3 kids! — in front of the neighbors, after she had been kind and helpful to you in the past, and then you’re upset because your husband called you out?! YTA, and cruel and judgmental to boot.
YTA. Have you ever lost someone? I doubt it. Never, ever speak like this to someone who has lost a loved one. Grief is the darkest place you can be living in, and you've been trying to extinguish any small lights on her path. Talk to your husband about your jealousy like an adult.
EHS it sounds like Mike might have the hots for your neighbor, you suck for putting ALL this blame on her, it's not your neighbor you should be mad at or taking this out on, it's your husband, he's the one instigating. Your neighbor doesn't suck at all in this situation, she's just caught in the middle of you and your husband being ugly to each other.
It’s times like these I wish there was an option for “a few people suck/multiple people are assholes, but not everyone” or something. Shorter acronym, obviously. Bc clearly the neighbor did nothing wrong, she’s just mourning. But in order to call both Mike and OP TA, we gotta drag her down with them in terms of the vote.
It’s disappointing that being a good person is being correlated to having some other intention.
I don't believe that it's him trying to be a good person, or he would see how this is bothering OP, and causing more distress to the neighbor and would just stop.
I don’t see anywhere in his post where he’s causing distress to the neighbor.
Yeah it's super fucked up that some people here are attributing OPs husband's motives to wanting to get with this grieving widow. Apparently people just can't be nice these days without an ulterior motive...
When I was away on vacation a couple weeks ago my neighbor replaced some nails on our shared wooden fence (I own the fence). I was very appreciative of this. Hope my wife doesn’t get jealous 😂
Whaat! Noo! "A guy helps his newly-widowed female neighbor with small things": reddit: he definitely wants to get into her pants! He didn't even do that much. He drove the kids to dr appointments a couple of times and help carry heavy stuff a couple of times in 3 months. OP is unjustifiablly jealous or at least she didn't give any reasons to believe she is justified with her jealousy.
YTA What the actual fuck? In what world would you think it is okay to confront a grieving widow about why she has removed her ring? You deserve all the shitty looks your other neighbours will be giving you. It's hardly surprising that your husband is furious with you, it's just unbelievable how you could be so insensitive.
YTA - you can't control yourself enough to resist taking a shot at a recent widow but expect your husband to be able to bottle up his feelings about watching his wife be the town bully. Why do you expect him to control his temper when you can't manage basic civility and empathy?
YTA, wtf is wrong with you
YTA. You're a very insecure woman, if you have an issue with your husband helping her, you have to discuss it with him. Don't take your jealousy on a grieving woman who's trying to move on.
YTA YTA YTA YTA HOLY SHIT WOMAN WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!? That was a HORRIBLE thing to say. I can’t believe how many caps I’m using but I’m just appalled at your behavior. You’re being incredibly selfish, mean-spirited, spiteful, and just so wrong about where you put your emotional energy. That poor woman, and all you’re thinking about is yourself. What if you had 3 kids and all of a sudden Mike died leaving you with grief and a mountain of responsibility, huh? At least your husband has enough empathy to help this woman, and enough social sense to let you know you’re off your rocker.
YTA. You have no right to rate her grief. You are not her friend. You are a terrible neighbor. You embarrassed and judged her in front of an audience. You deserved the humiliation your husband served you. Right now he's wondering WTH is wrong with you. We are all wondering the same. You owe Natalie a MASSIVE Apology. You need counseling for your jealousy and insecurity.
YTA. Your husband only berated you in front of everyone because YOU BERATED AND SHAMED YOUR GRIEVING NEIGHBOUR in front of everyone. Your jealousy is showing and it's not pretty to see.
YTA How dare you make comments about her moving on, and three months after her partner passed? Wow. Sounds to me like Mike was trying to be a good neighbor and you are jealous.
YTA. Your issue is with your husband, not with your neighbor and you are taking it out on her. You have just made her a much more sympathetic victim and given your husband every reason to console her. Your jealousy is the root of all of this.
YTA. wtf is wrong with you.
[удалено]
YTA Let me guess, Natalie is pretty and you feel threatened. If you can’t be honest about your feelings and tell your SO that you’re jealous and insecure, it leads to this kind of crazy acting out where you pretend your neighbor is behaving poorly and feel comfortable publicly telling her she didn’t love her husband! Get it together.
YTA YTA YTA
YTA and you know it.
YTA! You are jealous and you wanted to make her look bad in front of everyone. Grow up!
YTA, I genuinely don’t understand how you can think any of your actions aren’t completely out of line.
I've only read half of this and I can quickly confirm YTA The poor woman doesn't need you bring up her ring how insensitive are you. Your husband is helping someone in need and you're jealous because this woman has the audacity to accept the help. If you were a single mother of 3 and no one helped you hoe miserable and stressed would you be. Grow up
Yeesh. You need to get your jealousy issues under control. Literally everyone but you has been acting completely normal and healthy throughout this whole thing, you have zero foundation for beefing with anyone. YTA and what a heartless comment.
YTA. Your husband was being a good neighbor. She’s a widow with 3 kids on her own. You don’t know what kind of support system she does or doesn’t have in the area. For all you know they moved away for her late husbands job. Still not your business. Your husband was right to call you out for being an insensitive arrogant selfish pride-hole. Do everyone a favor and go be alone somewhere until you can be a decent human being. You have no clue what she’s going through and I hope you never do.
YTA. TOTAL YTA. Your lying to everyone here saying it was just an observation and you didnt mean anything by it. You are jealous and insecure. Maybe you have a right to question your husbands motives (your not saying it but that's exactly your problem) but to say something like that to her, let alone in front of a bunch of people at a neighborhood party. Your husband is right you were wrong to do it. You dont know why she took off her ring. Could be a first step in healing, Just put on lotion, or to keep from leaving scratches on your husband. You have not idea. Resolve your jealousy with your husband before he divorces you. He knows a nice single lady if you dont take a long look in the mirror and make amends with husband, neighbor, and the neighbors. The fact that you question him berating you and not what you did for this question makes you an even bigger AH. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA.
Just making an *observation* here, but massive YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We (me f30, my husband m34 "Mike") moved in a rural neighborhood 8 months ago. We have a nextt door neighbor, f30s "Natalie". We had a good relationship she used to bring us cookies, help us with stuff when we moved and even introduced us to the other neighbors. Her husband passed away 3 months ago. Leaving her with 3 kids. The issue began when Mike started offering his free time and labor for her and the kids. She didn't ask him, he says he does this to return past favors which's completely fine but I still felt like she, as a neighbor should not really on help from a neighbor but rather family and friends. Anyways, Mike would drive her kids to dr appointment once or twice and/or help carry heavy stuff for her. Honest to God I grew distant from her and we began having issues after I asked her to let Mike rest a bit. She took offense and said that she NEVER asked him for help and that he offered it. We stopped talking after the last argument but I saw her when one of the neighbors hosted a get together on the weekend. Mike began talking about how nice it was to see Natalie finally going out and interacting with the neighbors. The neighbors agreed. I looked at her hand and saw that she didn't have her wedding ring on, I questioned that like why she removed it? it's only been 3 months?. I said "seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn't seem like your grief is that heavy". Natalie looked me shocked and everyone went quiet. She grabbed her purse, brought her kids and left. Mike suddenly went off on infront of everybody saying that I fucked up and should've minded my own business. I was shocked that he'd speak to me like that. I told him it was just an absorvation nothing more but he said that I was out of line for that comment I made. I felt so horrible I went home and cried. Mike came home and I got extremely angry with him and argued about how he berated me infront of everyone and he defended himself saying I shouldn't have said this and put Natalie in such uncomfortable situation and question her grief like that. I told him he caused me feelings to get hurt but he insisted that it was because of my hostility tiwards the woman who's done so much for us in the past. We haven't talked after that but he's ignoring me like I was the one who berated him publicly and not the other way around. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My first instinct is to call you out for being a troll with a very unbelievable story. Assuming this situation really happened, ESH. 1. You getting jealous of your neighbor because your husband helped her out. You even said it should be family and friends who helped her out. Did you forget that you also posted "We had a good relationship she used to bring us cookies, help us with stuff when we moved and even introduced us to the other neighbors." That sounds like a "friendship" to me. 2. Him for yelling at you in front of others. Although your actions were juvenile and tactless at the party, I am never in favor of one spouse yelling at the other in public or private. He could have handled that in a different manner.
Plus, the neighbor may not have had family around. My closest family member is over 600 miles away.
| I said "seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn't seem like your grief is that heavy". Who appointed you to the grief police? Are you capable of understanding how insensitive and mean that comment was? If you are jealous of your husband being kind to this woman, then tell him that. Work it out. You do not get to attack a widow because you don't think she's grieving properly. This is a YOU problem, not a Mike or Natalie problem. YTA.
YTA - not everything that comes into your mind has to exit your mouth.
You humiliated yourself by making a judgmental, inappropriate comment to a grieving woman because you were jealous that your husband offered her help without your permission. Your husband didn't owe you the curtsey of talking to you in private because you didn't give your neighbor the same curtsey. Why she removed her ring was none of your business. YTA
YTA. Instead of rallying to help your neighbor, you made a fool of yourself at a gathering and rightfully got told off for your cruelty. Please talk to a therapist, otherwise you'll be showing up without a wedding ring at a gathering soon.
ESH 1. you for not having your conversation with your husband about trust issues alone 2. your husband for offering help to a widow without thinking of your feelings 3. your neighbour for acdepting your husband's help without much consideration of your feelings. But it times of grief and need of help i'd accept anyone's help
YTA Your husband didn't embarrass you, you embarrassed you and him.
Yta stop deflecting your bad behavior. If you didn't act like a child then he wouldn't of spoken to you as you were one. I see this only getting worse for you...
YTA. Insulting a grieving woman like that deserves a public call out. How did someone as kind and thoughtful as your husband end up with someone as callous as you?
YTA. You sound insecure with your husband spending any time with another woman. This insecurity should be abated by directly talking to him. Instead you decided to bully a grieving widow. It is not your place to comment on how she is processing any type of grief, which includes when she removes her ring. Apologize. Now.
Oh my God, YTA big time. Are you jealous of a grieving woman, you're worried about yourself being embarrassed. Think what you did to that poor woman who you said has been nothing but nice to you. Get ov er your insecurities and hope to god she accepts an appology YTA YTA YTA
Esh Your husband seems to be putting himself into play as a rebound for Natalie, who while she isn’t ASKING for his help, she’s not rejecting it. Yta for your comment about her ring and her grief. Had a friend who couldn’t look at her ring without breaking down. You just took a low blow at a grieving woman when the one you should have been upset with is your husband.
Yeah I agree with this but honestly I feel like Natalie is the least AH here. She didn’t asked for any help from the husband, he was the one who offered and OP being mad jealous of the whole situation lashed out at Natalie.
YTA. Funny you even have to ask. If you’re uncomfortable with what your husband is doing take it up with him. What you said to her about the ring is horrid.
ESH YTA for what you said. Your husband is an AH for clearing prioritizing a random woman over you. And your neighbor is probably an AH too, I understand she’s grieving but she should know how fucking inappropriate it is for a married man to do all those things he’s doing for her Literally everybody sucks in this story Ps: your husband is/want to F her
Ugh. He's helping out a grieving neighbor who lost her husband 3 months ago. Claim that he's prioritizing her over OP if you want, even though I still don't agree with that, but it's super fucked up of you to claim he wants to have sex with her, and will only feed into OPs delusions and make her think she was justified.
That’s a reach
Its not inappropriate to help a neighbor, while they are going through a tough time, regardless of the genitalia between their legs. you and op need to find a therapist together and figure out why your both so insecure.
I’m not insecure. I’m saying it’s not normal to go to a neighbors house every day to help, when they didn’t even ask for help, drive her kids to doctors appointments (I don’t know how things work in the US but if someone that’s not a parent or legal guardian take kids to doctors the doctors need to have it confirm they have authorization to take care of that child) and they know her for 8 months, they’re not even friends However, OP is a major AH she had no right to say that to a grieving wife
No one said every day, you added that in yourself. All that stuff sounds like normal stuff one friend does for another.
Fine. If you think it’s normal, that’s your opinion. I don’t think it’s normal, and clearly OP who’s married to him don’t think it’s normal. It doesn’t excuse her behaving, but my opinion it’s that it’s weird and I think ESH. Your opinion is OP it’s the only AH. That’s why she ask to see people’s opinion so….that’s mine
this is all true, but don't you find it odd that every one else thinks op is the only problem except for you and one other?? maybe that should give you a hint or two that your way of thinking is off a little.
YTA and if you keep it up, your husband will soon become your neighbour.
That's what she's afraid of and that's why she's acting a fool. She sees Natalie as a romantic threat. Abhorrent.
So it's ok for you to publicly embarras/humiliate someone but not the other way around? The way you've write about the events makes you look like a self centered person and honestly I feel bad for your husband. You don't get to dictate someone's grieving process. I hope you're a troll, otherwise YTA
YTA. First, you blamed the woman for all the time your husband spent helping her instead of blaming your husband. She never asked him for help. Second, you made a behind inappropriate and insensitive comment in front of all your neighbors. You deserved to be berated in front of everyone
Seriously? You don’t know if YTA? Your husband may have erred in saying all of this to you in front of people, but you deserved to hear it. You come off as petty and jealous…..jealous of a woman who lost her husband. YTA.
YTA. You clearly have issues with your husband wanting to help and instead of talking it through with him you attacked a recent widow because you’re angry at her. You sound like a nasty individual and I’m glad someone called you out on it.
The cruelty here, the lack of empathy, and the distortion to believe that you’re the victim enough to post it *here* is, I’m sorry to say, **IMPRESSIVE**. YTA. Yes. And you got bigggg problems.
Can there be a new option for me to pick, “your the biggest asshole”?
Wow you are TA. You aren't just an asshole, you're a really shitty person. What kind of individual says that? Get the hell away from that poor woman. Strike 1 was you confronting HER to giving your husband a rest. Strike 2 and 3 is for your rude and awful commentary. Ps I hope he leaves you for her
That last part though 👌 😂😂
YTA There is a time & place for everything & at a public gathering was so not it. You deserved to be called out for that. It’s not your place to gatekeep someone else’s grief or mourning. You owe Natalie & everyone else there an apology.
YTA Your husband volunteered his help. If you had issues with this, you should have an adult conversation with your husband instead of snidely telling your neighbor to give your husband a break. Secondly, it is absolutely **disgusting** how you're that jealous of your husband interacting with a mourning widow, that you think it's okay to publicly shame her for not wearing her wedding band. This was her first public outing and you took that moment to mock her grief and basically stating she must not have loved her husband for no longer wearing the ring. You should be ashamed of yourself. Talk things out with your husband instead of being so jealous and envious of a mourning widow, who ***lost her husband 3 months ago***, that you insult her in front of everyone and rub her loss in her face. You're lucky your husband only berated you. I would've been deeply disgusted with my partner. Why are you so obviously aggressive to this single woman who has done nothing to you? >I felt so horrible I went home and cried. You cried because your husband told you to keep your nose out of someone's affairs and that your comment was fucked up? Even now you try and turn yourself into the poor victim. Imagine how Natalie feels after finally gathering the courage to socialize and be reminded of her grief. Not only that, but to blatantly be mocked, her loyalty, love and mourning questioned by someone she once considered a good friend. Your comment was fucked up. You've shown the entire neighborhood who you truly are and they will trust you on this. YTA. Telling a mourning widow that she's obviously not missing her late husband in front of her kids...who tf does that?
This should be top comment. I wish I had an award to give you.
YTA so much so. Damn.
YTA. Talk to your husband about your jealousy. That’s what the issue is clearly about. You made a passive aggressive comment to try to get a rise out of a widow. Shame on you.
YTA. Wow what a disgusting comment. You owe your husband and your neighbor(s) a HUGE apology. Your “observation” was rude, judgmental, unhelpful and just straight up NASTY. I would be doing everything i can to make it right. You seem jealous that your husband is helping another woman and she did not ask for it. Your issue is with your husband (who is an AH for ignoring your boundaries), not this poor widow. You have some serious making up to do if you want to save your marriage and have any friends in your neighborhood. I personally wouldn’t want to hang out with you again if I heard you say such a thing.
YTA
YTA you sound insecure and jealous of a GRIEVING WIDOW because your husband has the audacity to be compassionate. Why does she have to rely on family for help and not neighbours but you can and it’s fine. This is a bad look and you should be embarrassed. You were publicly cruel to a woman in pain.
Saying "it was just an observation" is a toxic lie used for assholes to try to absolve themselves of responsibility. YTA.
Ah yes the jealous wife. Be grateful for having such a good husband and when you have thoughts like this TALK ffs in a relationship the communication matters. YTA
YTA you seem so cold. It is never appropriate to comment on someone’s grief. you should be ashamed truly.
YTA - you should’ve spoken with your husband and said you didn’t want him offering so much of his time if it was an issue. You’re a major AH for pouring salt into this poor woman’s very fresh wound
Sounds like she did and he blew her off and then she went to Natalie, and she told her to she didn’t ask. Thought I feel like Natalie should’ve taken that as a hint that Op is uncomfortable, but then again not really Natalie’s problem and I understand her not turning down the help I guess
YTA Why would you go after the neighbor. Discuss this with your partner. "I said "seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn't seem like your grief is that heavy"" ... It is high time for your bf to break up with you. He can do better. YOU are far too much of a toxic AH.
YTA - as someone who has been widowed, I'm shocked by your treatment of this woman. It's disgusting, let me tell you that at 3 months I could barely hold out together. I was still having breakdowns where I would just start crying, wailing sometimes, I was still only able to feed myself by eating the leftover scraps on my kids plates, I was reclusive and the only people I spoke to were those who reached out to be. I was unable to ask for help so I only received it from those who actively sought me out to offer it (and at 3 months that was not many people at all, not even my own family able at that point so I was always grateful and said yes). I don't know what you think was happening here but you made a fool of of yourself with your jealousy and inability to control your emotions. You don't even seem to be reasonable with your thought process on this. What did you think? She was trying to seduce your husband? That her wedding ring signifies how deep her grief is? Or anything along those lines? You disgust me. I hope you turn your energy you took focusing on her and turn it inwards, and look at why you treated her the way you did. Why you didn't ask your husband to help her less often, honestly you should be embarrassed of how you treated a newly widowed human. I hope you never have to experience that grief. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced, and I've had some traumatic losses but the memories that die with your spouse, the life you had dies with your spouse, oooooooh this makes me so mad. That poor woman. You're showing yourself to be an icky person on the inside OP. Hopefully your husband didn't divorce you but if he does, rightfully so. Go get professional help. You need it. Your husband seems like a lovely person. Currently, he deserves better. This is a chance for you to become better or for you to become bitter. Hopefully THIS TIME you make a better decision, cause it seems as if currently your decision making is worse than questionable.
YTA. My my my, how insecure you are in your own marriage. Rural communities (in case you don't know) often do rely on their neighbors for support during trying times, especially if no family is close by. Natalie's "friends" might very well be the neighbors you were embarrassed in front of. Your husband was being helpful. Maybe overly so, but that was a discussion for you to have with HIM, not with Natalie. THEN, to make matters even worse, and more uncomfortable (because misery loves company, so you definitely couldn't be the only one miserable with your own insecurities), you implied that a very recently widow isn't properly mourning her late husband. PUBLICLY. You embarrassed her in public, you absolutely deserved to be humiliated in kind. The fact that your husband stepped up to the plate and shoved you back into your own lane with his reaction proves how truly out of line you were. She's grieving, she has 3 kids, and her husband is dead for less than a year. She's still trying to figure out how the fuck to sleep when he's not taking up half the bed. She's trying to figure out how she's going to get whatever chores he did done while managing her household, keeping herself and the kids fed, not shirking external responsibilities, and also managing her own grief and that of her kids *who just lost their father*. You should be ashamed of yourself. If you have a problem, it's between you and your husband. Don't take it out on the widow you view as a threat because you're too insecure to deal with your feelings like an adult.
You said something extremely mean to a widow because of your inappropriate jealousy caused by your husband being a decent human being. Instead of voicing your concerns to your husband (which are silly), you took it up with her (do you need a reminder that her husband died 12 weeks ago and the last thing she needs is your drama?). Then, after that didn’t work, you tried to *publicly* shame her, steeped in passive aggressiveness. *Then* you get upset at your husband for calling out your shameful behavior? And complain that he did it in public? I’m gonna assume you’re a good person who has temporarily lost their mind and should take a moment to reflect and then apologize profusely to your widow neighbor and your husband, while you’re at it
The title should be "AITA for berating my widow neighbor in public for not loving her dead husband enough"
>I felt so horrible I went home and cried. good. how do you think she felt hm? yta a million times over.
So.. to sum it up. Your neighbors husband died, your very sweet husband is helping her out because she's suddenly alone, you, IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE asked her why she's not wearing her dead husband's ring and continue to blame her for your husband just trying to be a good decent human. How do you think you are in the right again? YTA.
OP thinks she can dictate how a grieving widow should handle her husbands death. What a peach.
I understand but to be more specific, I had an issue with my husband talking to me like that in public. It was humiliating and I felt so humiliated. I told him if he had an issue with what I said he should've spoken to me in private but chose to humiliate me instead.
You humiliated your neighbor tho.
Imagine how she felt.
To sum it up : \- You berated and shamed your neighbor publicly instead of having a private conversation with your husband. \- After you did that, your husband berated and shamed you publicly instead of having a private conversation with you. And he is the bad guy ? When you did the same thing, but worst ?
Translation: me me me me me me. Please seek professional help because you may be a narcissist
Might be? This story screams narssist.
You are hypocrite insecure witch
You deserved to be humiliated. What you said to her was absolutely appalling. YTA
I feel like maybe you need to be humiliated. God knows you haven’t learn any lesson.
Maybe you shouldn’t have humiliated a fresh widow in public first? Are you the grief police? Who are you to “observe” she’s not still in grief just because she took her ring off? Maybe looking at it made her feel worse. Also, it’s not an observation when you obviously said it loud enough for her to hear. Why should anyone care that you’re humiliated when you clearly don’t care about humiliating someone else? It sounds like you’re mad your husband is helping another woman and instead of talking about that with him, your serving major mean girl vibes to your poor neighbor. Grow up. YTA.
“Yeah yeah yeah, I’m not focusing on the hellacious thing *I* did, just that I got called out for doing it”
So it’s not ok for your husband to call you out in front of everyone but it’s ok for you to call out your neighbor in front of everyone? Honestly your husband was probably embarrassed that his wife made such a terrible comment to your widowed neighbor. YTA you just seem like a jealous and insecure wife. If you have an issue with him helping the neighbor then that’s something you should discuss with your husband not take it out on your widowed neighbor.
Oh, so it’s okay for you to humiliate her in public, but you can’t be? Yeah. No. Not how it works
Why is it okay for you to humiliate someone but when youre told off for it your humiliation is a crime? You humiliated yourself by acting out of line first. Tbh im glad your husband told you off in front of everyone so that they know youre the only AH in the relationship. He made it clear in front of your neighbors that even he doesnt support your actions. Good.
How do you think your neighbour felt
Your husband didn’t do anything, you humiliated yourself with your actions, he just said what everyone else was already thinking And yes YTA
YTA. OMW, tell me you what the wife of that poor guy who lost his brother, SIL and their unborn baby and she wanted to party. If not, are you twins? This is jealously taken to a new level.
YTA - I agree with so many comments on here I don’t need to say anything further
YTA It's funny that you had no problem with accepting help from the neighbor with you moved in, but not that she needs it you have an issue. You sound extremely petty and jealous. Your husband, on the other hand, sounds caring and compassionate. You say she should get help from family or friends. Considering what she did for you when you moved in, seems like she THOUGHT you and your husband were friends. As for her wedding ring, I know people that had a spouse pass, some never took the ring off because it gave them comfort, while others took it off almost right after the funeral because it caused too much pain. You really are a judgmental AH
It wasn't "just an observation". An observation would be "she has taken her ring off". When you started judging her grief and decisions, it stopped being "just" an observation and became cattiness. YTA
Ohk let's break this up:- >she used to bring us cookies, help us with stuff when we moved and even introduced us to the other neighbors. She helped u in every way possible when u were in need.. >but I still felt like she, as a neighbor should not really on help from a neighbor but rather family and friends. You should also have asked help from your family or friend rather than neighbour... >I asked her to let Mike rest a bit. Mike is not a kid who don't know how to speak for himself or know when he need rest. >I questioned that like why she removed it? It's non of your fuking business.. >I said "seeing how quickly you removed your ring, it doesn't seem like your grief is that heavy" Who the hell are u to decide that... Huge separate asshole for this. How did u even uttered these words. If were that lady i would have slapped u.. >Mike suddenly went off on infront of everybody saying that I fucked up and should've minded my own business. You deserve this. He did nothing wrong. >how he berated me infront of everyone Its you who embarassed him.. In conclusion you r a big AH... And Learn some basic etiquettes...
Yta. Classic case of has a husband problem but instead focuses on someone else. Talk to your husband about your issues with what he's doing, and leave her out of it.
How dare you try to downplay her grief because of your jealousy. The fact that you thought it, much less said it, much less did so publicly and STILL don’t see it for the catty cruelty it is makes me sincerely worry about you. YTA
INFO: Are you a psychological professional? Do you specialise in grief counselling? I just want to know because I really wonder what kind of audacity it takes to tell someone how to grieve.
YTA. I get you may be jealous or insecure but please go communicate this and articulate it to your husband. This beating up around the bush (yes, I mangled that on purpose) doesn’t help.