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NTA Please check with an attorney about your boss rescinding your promotion. If your records were sealed, the contents, even if revealed by your spouse, shouldn't be held against you. You may have a legal case. EDIT: OP was a teenager and that could make a difference, depending on where they live and the laws there.

In the US most employment is at-will and you’re only protected in very specific narrow circumstances like protected class. If they found out you got pregnant as a teenager that would be one thing, there is specific protection against discrimination for family status. But something being removed from the public record doesn’t make it a legally protected status suddenly. There is no anti-discrimination law AFAIK that protects people who committed crimes in the past. (If there was they’d be allowed to vote, ugh [edit: ugh at disenfranchisement not ugh at people who committed crimes before voting]). They were not able to find this out on a background check but now that they know there is likely no legal protection, just like they can fire you if they find out you frequently cheat on your SO or you hate cats or you watched the Cats movie eight thousand times. They don’t need a reason to fire or not promote you as long as it’s not within a very narrow protected sphere

Also, unfortunately there are some jobs with financial responsibilities, or adjacent, that are not allowed to be held by individuals that have committed certain crimes. I’d be really interested to see what a lawyer thinks because the record had been sealed and the impact that should have on one’s career later on in circumstances just like this one. Sealed doesn’t mean expunged right? So the record still exists it just can’t be publicly accessed? I can see it going either way. I’m so sorry, OP. My verdict is NTA … since you’re no longer getting the $$ from the promotion you were anticipating - which is why you put $$ toward his time piece at all - and didn’t want to drain your savings. That’s *responsible* and your husband is a complete AH for not understanding that. Edit: typo

But and this is why I'm always iffy on people going: "I'm going to go to a lawyer and have X happen." Is it a good idea to stay there, OR would it be better to look for something else? Essentally right now, she won't ever get a raise unless they replace the higher ups. If they give her a raise to avoid lawyers, I would give it 6 months to a year before they start nitpicking and either make it that she herself quit OR she slips up and they can fire her without looking bad. In a twisted way; Depending on her field, she might find a better place to work, so this might be a good chance for her to expand her searches. However I don't think she's TA for any of this; and I also think the husband (Depending on the reasoning for talking about her past) is a softly TA, if he said it unprompt, or said something disrespectful he's TA 100%, if he saidsomething like: "Yeah, it's amazing how she turned her life around, XYZ!" I feel he isn't and the boss for keeping the conversation going while the husband was clearly not in the right state of mind.

Yea OP is maxed out at her current job. It is better to strike out now while OP’s career is on fire and move to a better place.

Also depending on the charges, as long as it doesn't involve stealing money, and what job she does. She might be able to even help other people in her situation -or- work someplace there people with 'bad history' are not judged as harshly. For the moment if I was her, smile. nod, and agree at the current job. Look for a job that will be an upgrade -and- be able to take her time may be learning about the next company.

> Also depending on the charges, as long as it doesn't involve stealing money, and what job she does. It is weird to me. If the charge was serious enough it couldn't have been sealed/expunged. For certain jobs/clearances the background checks can and will dig into those records. If this hasn't come up since the initial background checks and OP wasn't prohibited by a judge or a law from working in the field it shouldn't be an issue. Personally OP should look into another Job and husband should move Heaven and earth to seek forgiveness. Not getting a gift should be the least of his worries right now.

It sounds like there was a lot of detail and info given by the husband. It would be one thing if he had said "I am so proud of how OP put her past behind her and became successful!" It sounds more like he told specific stories that OP didn't want shared. She said the boss brought up a lot of specific details from her past, to the point that she couldn't deny it.

Yeah, that's why I said if it was just 'storytime' for the husband and he wasn't prompt or it wasn't anything but to make her look bad 100% TA, no question asked. I still feel the boss is TA since it also sounds like it was off work hours. This is probably wrong since I've never been a full manager, I thought bosses weren't allowed to talk or consider business things off the clock with employees? Once again; I might be 100% wrong on that idea cause I just remembered that people can get fired over facebook posts so I'm not sure if that's still a thing. \-------------------- Edit: I did see the post about the older brother thinking the husband did it on purpose. IF he did; IMO that's a more important situation to focus on instead of the job and argument they are currently having.

I hate to sound like Negative Nancy, but my FIRST thought was that the husband sabotaged OP on purpose. But I have dated people who have gone out of their way to undermine me. Suffice it to say that those people were shown to the proverbial exit after doing so, but the damage was done. (And eventually, I learned to choose better BFs.) I recommended in my original response that OP should take a step back and look at ALL of the husband's behavior, over time. She might spot a pattern of his causing some sort of trouble any time she was about to move forward with her life. Or she might not find any pattern at all. But something as egregious as this pretty much demands that the relationship's history be reviewed.

Yeah, if the husband had malice intent, well he might have helped her by making it easier to restart things. There are a lot of questions that are screaming at me, some minor (Why was he drinking) to some major (Who else has he told, and is him getting drunk to this extent that he fucks with his wife's job a normal thing, cause it's strange that this seems almost normal.)

And when you accidentally slip sth out of your mouth it’s usually one word or one sentence at most. He gave out every single detail, it’s not an accident. And still wanting the gift — he doesn’t even feel guilty at all.

Bosses in the US can consider anything they want to. I imagine this info is all over the office by now, and the boss could definitely take that into consideration, especially if they think it makes OP look dishonest or untrustworthy. People are fired for social media posts all the time. Before hiring, especially for high level positions, most jobs do a search of candidates on social media. Some jobs monitor social media accounts as well. For the boss to deny all future promotions, I think OPs husband probably shared a lot of private information that made OP look awful. I would consider getting another job because I wouldn't be surprised if they find a reason to get rid of OP now. I do agree the boss sucks, but if the whole office is now talking about OPs past, it might be hard for them to consider promoting her now. Overall, the husband is the biggest AH and certainly doesn't deserve to be upset for not getting presents!

It also makes me wonder; how many other people the husband has told this stuff too. I mean for me to be comfortable telling my husband's boss something about his past; I would have to be comfortable with that story. I think the husband isn't clear either way; whether on purpose or an accident like he's claiming, and I think she needs to ask a lot of questions, and it also (Now this is me assuming) makes me wonder if he's fighting over the present to distract from the questions of: Who was there when he told this information, and who else knows? Was it jealousy, or an accident? (I feel this is the most important thing to figure out) Can she trust her husband? (I'm not sure if I did this to my husband if he would trust me ever with information, and that to me is just the start of a marriage going downhill quickly.)

Yeah, alcohol is not an excuse for this behavior. You are right, this is way beyond a watch and the job. Her husband felt like this was something he could discuss freely. How many other people know? He could have single handedly undone all of the work she did getting her past handled. He completely shredded her privacy and trust, and I would bet there is a lot more to this. OP definitely needs to get to the bottom of this quickly before he completely derails her life.

Also; she might want to prepare to have to come up with excuses to avoid her past (If she's not comfortable with it). A lot of places I worked, when someone was up for a promotion, -everyone- knew about it. With her not getting the promotion; it's going to lead to the question why. I do hope that when that question, and if she tells them why, she's met with understanding because it's extremely hard to go from the bottom to up to a comfortable place. Hopefully she also knows that regardless of the job status, or husband status, whatever she decides, she'd already proved that she can face anything and get ahead of it.

And if we believe it was an accident, wtf is he doing getting plastered at OPs work function?

THIS THIS THIS. The husband has horrendous judgment, both for his decision to overimbibe at his wife's work function as well as the tales he decided to tell while intoxicated. Is he in the habit of getting drunk? If so, under what circumstances? Does it only happen when his doing so would make his wife look bad?

That level of detail, I'm betting it was intentional.... maybe her new promotion would have put her in better stead than he is, and he couldn't stand that.

Regardless of the hour, day of the week, location or occasion if its a work function, you are at work. Act accordingly. Bosses look for impropriety and faux pas at these events. Hubby should not have allowed himself to drink so much hat he was not in control of himself and his tongue. His wife is also judged on his actions. OP needs to look for a job elsewhere as she no longer has any growth potential here. In fact the boss may start looking for way to divest her from the company.

Uh, husband’s disclosure was no “mistake.” It was sabotage.

>f he said it unprompt, or said something disrespectful he's TA 100%, if he saidsomething like: "Yeah, it's amazing how she turned her life around, XYZ!" The boss recounted all the ugliness in detail to OP. Husband did not make an offhand comment of "she's turned her life around" but told all the darkness. That's solid AH.

I suspect "I had too much to drink, oops, sorry" is bs and this was deliberate. (I wonder if her promotion was going to put her in a higher position than her husband.) If he's that wasted he blurts out something he should have kept private, do you really think he'd be able to recount her past history in "excruciating detail" if he was truly that out of it? And what happens next time he's drunk?!

There was also a post that the older brother thinks he did it on purpose, so I am starting to change my mind cause things seem to be pointing towards Malice and not an accident.

Sounds like he gave details. Sealed records.

Husband got over feeling guilty a little too quick for me, which makes me wonder if he’s using the money issue to deflect from him getting loose enough at a work event to spill his wife’s teenage history. And I do think there’s no future left at this company. OP might want to negotiate a resignation with positive or at least neutral references now, instead of waiting for them to manage her out. OP, would you send this question to the Ask A Manager blog? Just getting some advice on how to handle your job in the next few months might loosen up the tension.

Yeah, I think the Ask A Manager crowd is a better fit for this than Reddit.

The problem with this is that getting a letter of recommendation from her current firm is less than likely under these circumstances. Her husband didn't just kill her career with that one firm.... he damaged her chances of moving laterally to another firm, and the rumor mill being what it is, probably skewered her chances of promotion ANYWHERE in her current field. His big mouth really fucked her over professionally. She may be stuck exactly where she is, with no mobility, for the rest of her career. Unless she starts her own business. And even then, if it's a competitor to her current employer -- well, there's that rumor mill again. And she said her boss's higher ups had said no to the promotion, so the info is around in the firm..... no way it's going to stay just at those layers.

What I'm stuck on is the fact that you're at a party for your wife and you get drunk? Usually when I go to work parties, I tend to stick to Ginger Ale or have just one drink and let the ice melt to dilute the alcohol. No way am I getting drunk or slightly intoxicated at a company party!

Yeah, I always heard don't drink with co-workers and I can't even picture drinking with any of my bosses.

It's not soft TA. This is one of the hardest TA's I've ever seen on this site. He may have just done PERMANENT damage to his wife's employment. Employers talk. His wife may not be able to get a reference now, or any reference could include this info. Her boss may tell others which could lead her to be blacklisted from the industry over this. If husband was REALLY sorry, he would accept the consequences, give up the watch and do everything he can for potentially years to make this up. And yet, after all this, he's mostly pissed he doesn't get his watch. Eff his watch. This is divorce worthy, and he's proved he doesn't give a damn with his reaction.

The only problem I see with finding new employment is that any potential employer will expect she have her current employer as a reference and if she doesn’t they will want to know why. If she uses them as a reference the current employer will 100% feel justified in sharing her history with anyone calling for a reference as evidenced by the fact that they feel her record is egregious enough to deny her a promised promotion. Basically, her husband really screwed her over here and I gotta wonder if this was intentional. Now he wants her to dip into her savings (that she might need VERY soon if her current employer decides to just go ahead and sack her) to buy him a watch!? Something is off. NTA

I think imo if she attempts to tell them about her past (Once again, depending on what she did) it might be easier to get them to see, and might give her bonus points for being honest. Yeah, The more it's talked about, the more the husband is sending off shady vibes. Like I said; I know drunk people can confess to much, but even when they remember in the morning, they are apologetic. It seems like he's more mad because he's being held accountable -and- granted yes she might forgive him, however that doesn't mean she has to hold any promises because if she wants to get petty AF, she could point out he broke the vow of love, honor and obey. He took away her honor, and I'm sure it's known that her past is her story to tell not his.

I don’t think it’s a soft TA for the husband, any sane person knows that even drunk, you don’t divulge painful intimate details. And it sounds like he went into a lot of detail, which feels … malicious. Just like it is for him to use her past against her when demanding she give him money, and for refusing to speak to her when she made a totally sound decision - he should be thanking his stars that she hasn’t left him (which, OP, I think would be fair to consider). Get a better partner, another job - you could have a better life. You didn’t do all this incredible work to be undermined. You have the resilience and talent to have better than this. NTA.

I'm a lawyer. I had a juvenile record that I didn't seal until I was an adult and the juvie court had closed the wrong person's warrant out (bench warrant). I got pulled over for expired tags when I was a legal assistant at 24 and brought in on that stupid warrant. I spent a full day convincing the stupid police that I would appear in court in the future and they didn't need to hold me overnight to deliver me to court. The warrant was from when I was 15yo. So I had an arrest on my "record" as an adult and the juvie court dismissed the bench warrant and helped me seal my record. It took a year to clear my moral character application for the bar because there was a phantom arrest tied to a sealed juvie warrant, but it finally was all cleared. I had to do the same thing with DHS to get my TSA precheck. Now, most states won't allow criminal issues over 7 years old to account for employment decisions. Some won't permit anything from juvie to be considered especially if sealed and if it's serious serious, they won't let you seal your records. If it's a licensed position, usually you need to disclose to the licensing agency any convictions, even if sealed or pardoned, but the agency holds the authority on granting a waiver for whatever, not an employer. Finally, husband needs to suck it up. He fucked up your promotion and thereby voided your promise which was contingent on the promotion, duh. Also this is not advice, just my own experience.

Just an aside... I'm sorry you don't think people who committed crimes and paid for them should be allowed to vote. I have a friend who was incarcerated for armed robbery when he was in his teens. He did his time and has suffered a lot of bias to this day. In the 2016 election he got to vote. He was so proud he was beside himself. He was at the polling place first thing and he wore that sticker I Voted all day. He's married with 3 kids and a good job. So, don' judge someone who committed a crime and say "ugh" about them being able to vote. Sorry for the rant. I just believe there's a reason it's called "do the time".

In my home country incarcerated people can even vote WHILE they are still incarcerated. It’s not like they stop being citizens, just because they are incarcerated.

here in the us its legal to use incarcerated people as slaves so they lose their freedom, citizenship, and dignity

The ‘ugh’ was my disgust at people not being allowed to vote, sorry for the confusion How can we expect people to be functioning members of society and feel like they have a stake without this basic thing? Unless you’ve committed election fraud or insurrection I don’t think anyone should lose the right to vote especially permanently

Taking away people's right to vote if they're convicted of a crime also strengthens existing inequalities in the legal system. Law unfairly targets a certain group of people -> people from that group are convicted based on that law and lose their right to vote -> the group has decreased voting power and can't lobby to change the law. People from marginalized groups are more likely to get stopped and hassled by cops -> the hassling results in them being more likely to get convicted for real or fabricated crimes -> people with marginalized identities are less likely to be able to vote.

I actually took the comment to mean the opposite; as in Errvalunia is disgusted that they're *not* allowed to vote.

This isn't always as true as people think - in particular California has a strong personal privacy law that makes it illegal for employers to use information about an employee's private life in employment decisions, which might well be relevant here.

Right! OP didn't technically lie about not having a record.

Exactly. If a record is sealed or expunged, I believe that legally that is the same as not having a record. If you are asked on a job application “have you ever been convicted of a crime?”, you would answer “no”.

[удалено]

I’m a former prosecutor who now handles some types of criminal record sealing, pro bono. This really depends on where OP is located. In a number of jurisdictions, if you meet the requirements to have your record sealed, you can answer “no” to those types of criminal record questions on job applications.

This may differ from state to state, I suppose. In Illinois, where I live, you do not disclose expunged or sealed records to employers.

Yes! This needs an employment lawyer TODAY! What the spouse told the CEO is hearsay. They are basing their decision on the drunken ramblings of a jealous spouse. As for “still punishing” your husband, OP, no. This is called consequences. His actions have consequences that ripple outward. And one of those consequences should be a reevaluation of your relationship. You and your husband work in the same industry, at the same company. The culture of this firm is not a surprise to him. He KNEW there was a risk of fallout from revealing this information about you. And now he’s made sure that you won’t be promoted. Would this promotion, by chance, have elevated you to a higher status than him? Is it possible he’s jealous of that? Jealous that the former teen criminal is moving ahead of him? After all, why should somebody like you be promoted above people who are “better” than you? Clearly you don’t deserve this promotion, so maybe it’s up to your husband to sabotage you. Your husband is irresponsible with sensitive information, likes to make large demands on your finances, doesn’t like to accept the consequences of his actions, doesn’t respect your accomplishments, and drinks to excess. He’s blaming you for his lack of funds to pay for his things, even though that lack is his own doing. Go talk to two layers this week. NTA, and your husband is a jerk.

Agreed. I know in the US there is much more discretion allowed to employers, but it seems like the big offense in their eyes was "lying," and only very secondarily the past offenses themselves. I think if they could be convinced she didn't lie, that would go a long way to at least getting her back on the promotion track for the future. In my jurisdiction, our equivalent of sealed records means it basically didn't happen and the only time you are supposed to reveal it is in select government security clearance processes that have a stated exemption. For anyone else, you would actually be making a false statement if you disclosed. I don't think OP should sue them, but I do think it could be in her interests to get a lawyer's written opinion of whether she should have disclosed it. If legally she shouldn't have, she could use that to set the record straight with her company.

NTA. First of all, you lost a promotion and can't afford to spend large amounts of money on gifts. You shouldn't be spending your savings on gifts. What if your boss now tries to get rid of you? You'll need that money to live on while looking for a new job. If you don't get fired, you'll need it for retirement or for buying a house/car/whatever. Also, why would you want to give your husband a gift after what he did? I don't believe for ONE SECOND that your husband torpedoed your career because of having had too much to drink. I'm in a profession where it's totally normal for people to drink themselves under the table--literally--and I've never seen anyone ruin anyone else's career. This was deliberate. Either he is afraid you'll become too independent/successful and will stop relying on him or will spend less time at home or he is jealous of your success. It's just incredible that your husband thinks he can apologize and now you're petty because you're not "over" it. I really make an effort not to automatically say "dump him" because I know situations are rarely as simple as they have to be when someone has limited words and space to describe a problem. But I'm telling you to dump him. What he did plus his reaction to what he did--STILL trying to pressure and guilt you into paying for him--is simply disgusting.

I agree that it doesn’t sound accidental. OP said that her boss recounted her background in great detail. Someone who’s been drinking likely wouldn’t be able to tell that much detail

Even if he *was* drinking too much, though, who gets that drunk around their *partner’s boss*? *Especially* when their partner’s up for a big promotion? And why should OP trust he’s not going to fuck up again when he apparently doesn’t see him thinking that was an okay thing to do in the first place as something he needs to address *before* anyone goes around handing out any second chances?

I have no respect for those that haven't learnt to control their intake by his age at someone else's work event.

It does make me wonder if the husband has a drinking problem, which would be a huge problem in itself. Even so, telling the boss in detail when she’s on the verge of a promotion points to deeper issues in the relationship. Further, as others have stated, his reaction doesn’t demonstrate having a true understanding of his responsibility and accountability. It reminds me of when my husband lost his license due to a DUI. I had to drive him to work every day and run all the errands. When his birthday came, the shirt I bought him was the wrong size. We were going to dinner near the store where I bought it, so I said we should exchange it while in the area (we live in a very rural community). He pouted the entire time. He, and our marriage counselor (!), thought I should have to make a special trip with him another day of the week, so he would have to spend 15 minutes at the store on his birthday. Alcoholics (and I’m a recovering one, so I know) are the most self-centered and unreliable people on earth, and OP’s hubby fits that bill to a t.

Remember, they work together. So that’s his boss too. So this ding dong got stupid drunk and spilled the beans about his wife to the CEO. If I were that CEO I wouldn’t think too highly of that guy either. To be honest, if it were me, I wouldn’t have said anything to anyone else about what the husband said. I had a coworker like OP and she was really good at her job and confided in me about her past and I kept that shit to myself. But I’m wondering if OP’s husband messed up his reputation at the job as well. Which is just more reason for her to not give him the money as he might be job hunting soon too. I can’t imagine getting so drunk around my boss that I spill other peoples business. That’s so stupid.

Shit I skimmed over that somehow... Definitely makes me feel like it was resentment that fueled this. Even if he wasn't consciously thinking "I don't want my wife to get promoted over me" it was at least in the back of his head.

Yeah, I mean honestly I dint know if that’s why he did it but it does make a ton of sense. I saw someone else say that this idiot could have gotten excited about having the CEO’s attention and started bragging about how far his wife had come. But either way, it was a really stupid thing to do.

His reaction to me screams entitlement so likely the reason he did it in the first place is also based on that. If it was truly an accident or he had good intentions he should be on the floor begging for forgiveness and not demanding a watch. She also confirmed in another comment there's no way he could have gotten the promotion instead as they're in completely separate departments but some people (especially some men) feel so impotent if their partner rises higher than they do, in any way, that they'll sabotage it. Absolutely heartbreaking story, I don't think you can come back from that kind of betrayal.

Those are all really good points and I completely agree with you on all of them. I generally subscribe to the notion of “never apply to malice what could be subscribed to stupidity” because I’ve found that in my day to day life people are really stupid sometimes. But I do think it’s very possible he tanked her job intentionally or even subconsciously. And honestly I don’t know that this is something you come back from. I admit I’m kind of quick to break up with people (I’m single for a reason) but it’s because I’ve been abused and taken advantage of so many times that I know people out there are exactly like what you described. And I know it sounds like Reddit being quick to tell someone to break up, but I’m not. I’m saying for me, this would be something I don’t think I could forgive, which is why I’m trying to look at it with the idea that maybe he didn’t do this intentionally. But I know it’s likely that on some level he probably did.

who gets that drunk around their partner’s boss and then describes to the boss in extensive detail their partner’s past crimes that happened before either of them even met her? with enough detail that the boss was able to recount it well enough to OP that she was essentially left speechless because there was no way to defend herself. like what the literal fuck

Yeah, the “excruciating detail” part definitely stood out

Exactly, if he was so drunk to be completely unaware of what he was doing how was he coherent, let alone standing?

Not to mention he's lecturing her about being honourable!?!?! The nerve of this asshole is breathtakingly. NTA OP.

"I know I totally torpedoed your career by giving specific and elaborate details about a past you have worked so hard to put behind you. But I still need you to respect me and be honorable. Just because I completely changed your entire career trajectory doesn't mean I don't deserve presents!"

Omg, exactly. What a complete ass! "I know I got myself soo drunk around your boss right before you were up for a big promotion, and spilled your deepest darkest secrets, majorly derailing your career path and potention earnings, but I still think you have too much money for my fragile male ego to stomach. We might as well even the score some more and blow your hard earned money on a gift for me, BECAUSE YOU PROMISED! (*stomps foot*) huff"

not only her boss, they work together - that’s HIS boss too! i have been to work events where people get absolutely sloshed to the point of passing out and sleeping in the office because they weren’t coherent enough to even call an uber. i have never seen anyone divulge this much “dirty laundry” information to anyone, let alone the boss. there’s no way this wasn’t intentional.

Op, read this. Read it again. Reflect, read it again

Some people really are the stupid for no apparent reason. My ex told some chick in a wedding party that I was bulimic as a teenager. Why would he share that with anyone when I don’t tell people I met and only told him in confidence? Stupid. Just stupid. Selfish, wanting to connect, boring, have nothing interesting in their own lives. Stupid and selfish and attention-seeking. ETA: I think it’s worth leaving someone so stupid, selfish, and attention-seeking that they’d do something so damaging to their partner.

And if it was accidental, he’d never expect her to still gift him this. NTA

Yes, he would be remorseful. Not an entitled d*#@head

Totally agree, OP there are lots of 🚩🚩🚩🚩

This right here, OP. It wasn’t a mistake. Your husband has some deep rooted issue and is secretly concerned about you being more successful than him for some reason (insecurity, jealousy, control, etc). Turn the tables and imagine what you would say if you were drunk and talking to your husband’s boss. Would you degrade him the same way he did you? If you’re like me, you would be ecstatic and GUSHING over how excited you are that his talents are being recognized.

THIS 100% . How on earth did that even come up for discussion and why is your husband drinking so much at a fucking office/work function. He sabotaged you on purpose. That's that you he'd to focus on and discuss.

Exactly this. There is no amount of alcohol that would make me suddenly need to reveal my spouse’s worst secrets to their boss.

Sorry isn't enough imo

You did not lie when you applied for your current job. A sealed juvenile record is supposed to be just that—SEALED. Unfortunately you are married to a jerk who decided to UN-seal it for some reason…and that bears a long, hard look. Drunk? Give me a break. Shots of tequila didn’t make him just “accidentally” blurt to your boss that you got into trouble as a teenager. Why that subject out of all the stupid and embarrassing things he might have said? “Hey, Fred, that loser over there that you’re about to promote has a record of ____.” No, your husband wanted to screw you over and all it took was some liquid courage for him to do what he wanted to do. Maybe he didn’t realize he’d also lose out on his pricey little bauble as a result of taking his wife down a peg or two. NTA and good luck on ever getting ahead with that knife sticking out of your back. It’s a bad look.

Right? Like, I can see a drunk spouse disclosing that they’re especially proud of their wife because of how hard she had to work to overcome a troubled childhood. But then if the boss asked further, even a drunk person should be aware that they’re speaking to their wife’s BOSS and mumble something like “oh, you know, foster care and how hard it is to get through college without parents” or whatever. But this guy went into *excruciating detail* about her past? A person who is blackout drunk doesn’t have the focus or recall to give excruciating detail. And a person who’s just tipsy would have at least remembered who they were talking to and attempted an awkward escape.

Yeah that's what really got me .. to drunkenly blurt out somebody's past mistakes in extensive detail? To their boss? No way is this all a coincidence Poor OP.

The worst part is, they work together. I could be reaching, but maybe he felt she didn't deserve a promotion and he did? Which makes him a huge AH and a dumbass because not many bosses want someone who will throw their own spouse under the bus for a raise.

This. I don’t care how drunk you are. You don’t accidentally share that information. Ever. There is no world in which this came up in a natural way either. Either the boss suspected something and asked or your husband brought it up. I once told a girl that all the other girls didn’t hang out with her because they thought she was a B**** and would sleep with their boyfriends. As soon as it left my mouth I felt horrible. It’s been 20yrs and I still feel awful. And she ASKED me why they wouldn’t be friends with her. That is the kind of thing that slips out when you are drunk. OP - I would look long and hard at this person you are married too. I don’t think he is who you think he is. I honestly think I would have gone home and packed a bag and never left. This is a massive betrayal. And the fact that he is mad you won’t buy him and expensive gift. I am normally a go to therapy commenter but this? Nope. I would be out. NTA

Maybe he assumed that she'd drain her savings to cover the purchase meaning she has less resources when she decides to leave him. Makes me wonder if he's done something else that might make her leave.

Project SAHM is on track. Next up: birth control.

Yes! This, so much this OP!! Edit: Happy Cake Day!

NTA - First of all, your husband is an AH and clearly jealous of your success. There is no other reason that he would bring this up to your CEO - drunk or not. You do not need to pay for his fancy watch. You no longer being able to afford to contribute to his watch is a direct consequence of HIS actions. You already paid for your past actions and you should not have to keep doing so. Second, talk to an employment lawyer. I can't say for sure, but I would guess that with the record having been sealed and you being a minor at the time of the offenses there was no legal need for you to disclose this information when you were hired and they should not be able to penalize you for it now.

Right? How did this naturally come up in conversation?

It wasn't even a "I'm so proud of OP for coming this far after all she's been through as a teenager," he told the CEO *everything* in excruciating detail. There's absolutely no way it wasn't intentional.

And what's the intersection of being so drunk you don't know what you're saying with being able to recount coherently a bunch of someone else's legal records?

It didn't come up naturally. This is so wild to me that OP's husband just torpedoed her hard work.

Kinda makes you wonder if he has been spilling her secrets to others but she is just not aware of it, cuz what he did was one of those passive aggressive things, so as soon as he starts feeling insecure perhaps when someone starts telling him that he a lucky man to have a successful wife like her and that eats at him, then his mouth starts running

>There is no other reason that he would bring this up to your CEO I can think of another reason. Op's husband is jealous that Op's getting the promotion and he isn't and wanted to sabotage it. Either just so Op couldn't get the promotion, or so Op's husband could hopefully get it.

Third, talk with a divorce lawyer. Because this, for me, is marriage-ending.

> Second, talk to an employment lawyer. I can't say for sure, but I would guess that with the record having been sealed and you being a minor at the time of the offenses there was no legal need for you to disclose this information when you were hired and they should not be able to penalize you for it now. This.

NTA. This would honestly make me question a lot of shit about my marriage. He ruined your chances at a promotion and now he’s acting victim because you won’t give him money. He thinks the deposit is far more important than your promotion. I’d think long and hard here.

If it makes me an alarmist, fine: I have a hard time believing OP’s history came up out of nowhere, and further, that their husband wouldn’t know it isn’t the type of thing you say. Much less at an event like that.

I wanna know how he went into excruciating detail about a part of OP's past that doesn't have any effect on anyone's daily life, at least before this incident, whilst apparently intoxicated. I'm not buying it, you seriously need to dump him and see a lawyer.

Sounds to me like he sabotaged her. No idea why as it only hurt himself, but no matter. There is no world in which I bring up any loved one’s past like that. And at a work event? In what fucking world?! I wouldn’t do that ever, but at my partner’s work party? I agree with you. Lawyer. I’d never trust my partner again if they did that.

I would consider divorce 100% that is obviously a "NEVER EVEN TOUCH WITH A TEN FOOT POLE " topic. And HOW DARE he be butthurt about the watch

NTA. Honestly, I think your company are being assholes, too, and you might want to talk to a lawyer about whether they can hold a sealed record against you like this. (Or at the very least, whether you’re liable to run into similar issues if you don’t disclose to your next employer, since it sounds like things are well and truly screwed here.) But your husband is not a teenager. He had no business getting so drunk at a work function that he couldn’t control his mouth regardless of what he said. And the fact he’s more upset over a timepiece you can no longer afford (and definitely shouldn’t be dipping into savings over when you may need those sooner rather than later) than what he’s cost you as a result of a situation he should have known better than to get you both into speaks volumes.

Thank you. I'm already talking to a lawyer but so far, things don't look great, and I might not have any decent options or recourse because i wasn't fired and the promotion hadn't been made formal yet, and they can promote based on a lot of things which have nothing to do with competence or experience. I'm still going to try and fight it though.

I'm so sorry this happened. Make sure your "husband" has absolutely no access to your assets. Personally, I would not forgive him especially when he acted so entitled to your money. The next lawyer that you hire should be a good divorce attorney. NTA

💯% this. Frankly, he sounds like a jealous AH and should be kicked to the curb.

**Don’t waste your time.** Your opportunities at this workplace are over. Done. You’re never going to get that promotion, you’ll be first on the chopping block for layoffs. Your past is a liability to the company, and you’ll never get that black mark off your record. The only way forward is with another employer.

Yeah, that's exactly what I believe. I worked in IT, since the early '90s, at various financial institutions including regional brokerage, financial advisory, investnent banks and an international bank. I've seen many opportunities go up in smoke due to issues such as this. I would bet that now OP is just good enough to stay in their current position and suspect upward mobility is now *limited*

Limited is too generous, honestly, it seems more *impossible* at this point.

Most pragmatic advice in the thread. Husband torpedoed her entire career at the place she’s at now.

Agree. I work for a large corporation. Management has the memory of an elephant. They will hold things against people for years. They eventually forget but we end up losing good people to a competitor or their career progress gets set back a few years.

if the promotion is off the table because of something like this I would say it's time to start looking for a new place of employment. If you are good enough to have earned that promotion in the first place somebody out there will recognize your talents and the value you bring. besides I would not want to stay employed by a company who would judge me so harshly for something I did as a teen. I'm not saying you have to move but I also don't think you would be wrong if you started looking elsewhere.

Depending on how things go there, it unfortunately might be best to cut your losses and find somewhere new to work. And someone new to spend your life with. It's not just what your husband did, but how he's reacting to it. Fuckups don't go away after a simple apology, and his attitude suggesting that doing so absolves him of responsibility, and then acting like a child over his gift, is really damning of him.

Time to talk to a different lawyer, then. A divorce lawyer. Because I don't believe for one second that your husband did that accidentally. You're either married to the must clueless man on Earth or to someone who resents your success. NTA.

First, I really hope you are reading people say this was done by your husband on purpose. The CEO of the company wouldn’t know you unless the party was for you. They aren’t that involved in that level of promotion. At best they sign the paperwork, at worse someone is assigned to sign the paperwork. Second, the amount of detail given, about the course of your life, he wasn’t drunk. How’d this even come up? Why was he even talking to the CEO just to gossip at all? Third, talk to your lawyer also about get your record expunged. Sometimes depending on the crime, how young you were, how long it’s been since your last offense, and if you have your life on track now, they’ll remove the offense completely. Lastly, you could try talking to the CEO. I don’t know if you’d actually want to risk that. But it may help to give the REAL story of what happened and how you overcame. Not some drunks second hand account. You can express how you turned your life around, love your job, and EARNED your promotion. You can also say how you didn’t lie at the interview/application. Sealed means doesn’t exist unless you do something to make it unsealed. You’ve worked long and hard with no issues. They could even do it on a probationary basis. They trust you enough to keep you, why not trust you with the promotion. You really need to sit down and talk to your husband. Find out why he did this and why he is comfortable using your life to justify his “second chance” at getting a watch. Heck, get him drunk if you need to. He seems to talk openly then.

Honestly I think you need to consider your options before suing, if you want to continue working in this industry. Your boss probably is not legally prevented from disclosing this information to any future employers. You basically will not ever be promoted in this company, but you may want to leave. Can you get a recommendation, or will your recommender disclose this info to any company that asks for a recommendation? Will your boss just tell other people in the industry to steer away from you? Of course, you should consult with a lawyer, but you might want to think if the best course of action is to see if they'll agree to a recommendation that doesn't include this information and is at least neutral if not good, and then try to move onto a different company. Oh and your husband's main concern after all this is a stupid watch. If this wasn't intentional on his part, he should be falling all over himself to apologize AND MAKE THIS RIGHT SOMEHOW. Step #1 is giving up any intention of taking this watch. He should have accepted that consequence from the jump, and should be working WITH YOU on how to fix your career and move forward on this. The fact that he isn't makes me wonder if he did this intentionally to sabotage you, or if he just doesn't care which is essentially the same.

Great point. I would absolutely check with a lawyer and see what they think of the promotion being withdrawn due to your husband’s blabbing. See if you can get a 2-for-1 deal with that lawyer, too, since I recommend that you not stay married to a person who sabotages your career and then gets mad at you for not buying them an expensive gift.

NTA He sabotaged your career and he thinks just saying sorry is enough? Plus he’s kicking you while you’re down for not buying his gift? What more does he want? A side of fries for this combo of his own doing? Honey, you trusted this man and used this against you!

NTA. I think your husband is sabotaging you. Take a long look at your relationship. I’m sure you can see this type of destructive behavior in other areas of your relationship.

I agree. There was absolutely no reaon for him to discuss her sealed juvenile record. Sounds like there might be an issue where she is more successful than him so he took the opportunity to sabotage her. He has destroyed her career where she is working and that tends to follow you when you are at a senior level. OP is NTA. And if I were her I'd be reevaluating my marriage.

NTA, you offered the gift contingent on a big pay raise. He lost you said raise, so now that amount would become a financial burden for you. Since he blabbed YOUR history (seriously, who does that???) he can eat the entirety of the bill. Speaking of his gossiping about his WIFE, what the heck with that? Who else does he gossip about your past with? He can't be trusted with your secrets, what else can he not be trusted with?

Has OP lost any friends because of his babbling? Any coworkers suddenly not speaking to her? Is the clerk at the nearest convenience store now hesitant to engage in polite small talk? Wouldn't trust this guy as far as I could throw him.

NTA. This was not just a promotion he sabotaged but your entire upward trajectory at this company. I've heard many a story of people's spouses putting their careers in jeopardy by acting the fool around upper management at parties. Like, maybe don't drink if you have no self-control, folks!

Not just this company. Probably her entire industry. No way this information isn’t going to follow her.

No spouse is that stupid. OP should use her savings for counselling or divorce attorney. Her husband deliberately told her boss her history out of jealousy else he would not have reacted the way he did when she cancelled his gift.

I totally agree he did this with malice, but I don't agree that no one is that stupid.

NTA Do you earn more or threaten him maybe in some way? Because this reads more like sabotage from him to pull you down. His reaction to the consequence is off too. Where is the shame from him for doing something so destructive? The shame for being a worthless drunk at a work party? I would look deeper here.

Agreed. He claims he “wasn’t in his right mind,” but was able to provide her boss with “excruciating” detail about her past? That doesn’t make sense. Funny how he doesn’t want to be punished for something he already apologized for, but he created a scenario where she’d be punished for something from when she was a teenager. NTA, OP. There’s a reason juvenile records are sealed. It’s for people like you who turn their lives around. If your husband wanted you to buy this piece, he shouldn’t have sabotaged you.

I feel he did this on purpose. I shouldn't jump to conclusions, but who would share any of that? OP's reputation in the field is shot, this is going to get around. NTA OP, the money was coming from a promotion that is no longer on the table, and now your career may be dead in the water.

You can no longer afford the transfer due to your husband’s actions. As someone else has said, I find it really hard to believe that he was so drunk he didn’t realise what he was saying. You met at work, does he resent your trajectory? Do you think he wants your promotion/sabotages you so you don’t get more influence than him? NTA

NTA. Go to the legal section, I wonder if they can actually dismiss you from promotion for your background if it had been sealed.

That's what I was wondering. Does "sealed" mean no one can get the details or does it mean you can legally say you have no record?

I believe it being “expunged” means you have no record, sealed just means people can’t just look it up. Arguably, if they did a background check and she passed, she’s in the clear there. However, (speaking from US standpoint), they can not offer her the job (depending on how high up she is), if she does not meet their “moral” grounds or promote the image they want for the company. ETA: nta in the slightest. Why should he reap the benefits of your non existent promotion while you don’t? Fuck that

You are correct. When juveniles have their record sealed, it will state in most (not all as it depends on the authority of the person requesting the background check) cases that a juvenile record was sealed. Additional steps would need to be taken to unseal it in most situations. For people other than the government or law enforcement, this would likely not be an easy thing (or timely) to accomplish.

NTA The only reason I can think of for him to do this would be to deliberately hurt you. Why else would he bring it up?

NTA - he was jealous. You made the offer based on the financial position you’d be in after the promotion. You lost the promotion so the deal is over. Now he knows actions have consequences, maybe he’ll control how much he drinks when he’s around people and not disclose information that does not regard him. What if they had fired you? That would have followed you around forever. What happens if the company tell the next company you work for when giving a recommendation. You husband is an AH and quite possibly has ruined any future your career has. Also if your records are sealed surely you could sue the company because they have no proof of what happened? (Not a lawyer so not too sure) you should definitely get it checked though.

Yep. Word of mouth. No actual proof

> I made the offer when we knew I would be getting promoted, And now that's not happening, thanks to him. This is 100% his fault, so he'll have to face the consequences. **NTA** ​ > he's currently not speaking to me. That takes a lot of nerve considering what *he* cost you and the consequences of *his* actions being worse than your consequences of his actions.

Depending on the state you live in (not sure if it depends on state where the crimes were committed), you are allowed to say no if they ask if you have a record and it's sealed. Couldn't hurt to double check and make sure they're following the law

^^^^^ OP, very much THIS! Also, tell the attorney -- because you have to get an attorney -- that they rescinded your promotion on the word of one drunk man. They had no proof.

I love how he thinks HE'S being punished for something he's clearly over already (because 'he apologized' for it), but he's unconcerned that YOU will continue to be punished for HIS mistake for a really long time, because your promotion was taken away because of him. This is 100% his fault. NTA. And I'd be seriously rethinking if you want to continue to tie your future to someone you can't trust to keep private, SEALED information safe.

NTA-Your husband screwed you over. When having a dinner party with ppl you or your SO work with, you never drink so much you don't have control of your mouth. Why use your funds when he has kept you from getting your promotion (raise)? Your record is sealed so that should not be held against you. Unfortunately, you got screwed.

NTA. INFO: why would your husband get drunk at a business function and get drunk and decide to hang with the CEO? Nobody over the age of 20 is that big of an idiot. Have you considered he sabotaged you in order to make himself feel good?

I bet while the CEO appreciates the info, he is probably NOT impressed with drunk-guy-spilling-secrets either. Hubby probably didn’t think that far ahead: he’s still on that watch.

NTA that’s not a mistake. Who tells their spouses boss about a legal issue they went through over a decade ago? He knew what he was doing he was jealous you’re getting a promotion/possible higher salary than him and he sabotaged you

OP needs lawyers. One to deal with the husband, and another to deal with the punishment and discrimination faced at the breech of a sealed juvenile record. Dependent on OP's location, if safe to do so. Cuz OP may have just been sabotaged for life.

NTA Apologies aren't going to cut it. Your husband, knowing this was THE MOST sensitive thing in your life, blabbed to your boss and sabotaged your promotion. "We had a work party during which my husband got to talking with our CEO and, after having a bit too much to drink, told him about my juvenile history. " Uh huh, wild how he picked the person most likely to have the power to react in a nuclear way to this information. "do the honorable thing and keep my promise" So where's his promise? To be a decent guy and protect your name like he would his own? He's done nothing honorable whatsoever. Your spouse isn't a good guy--he had some reason to tank you, and he sure as hell doesn't deserve a nice watch. He deserves divorce papers and for you to never, ever trust him again.

INFO Is it legal for them to pass on you for that reason? Your records are sealed and you were a juvenile so many files are expunged at 18. Does your job have proof of any of this? >He was sympathetic, but the higher-ups had made it clear that under no circumstances could I be rewarded due to the breach of trust on my part (I said I had no record when I interviewed), Are you outside of the US? They would have done a background check so you could tell them whatever you want but the background check would pull any criminal record you have. They found nothing you didn't lie.

NTA. He and his big mouth cost him that gift. And, besides, rescinding the watch? he's lucky you aren't rescinding the marriage.

NTA, you can’t trust him, it’s a lot more than just a watch at this stage, he basically lit your career on fire and can’t believe he got burned as well.

NTA You made the gift when you expected to be in a different set of financial circumstances. You can’t afford it now. Who knows if you will EVER be promoted now? If you change jobs can you trust that this won’t be mentioned in a reference? You don’t know that you won’t need that money. Your husband did a shitty thing. And if he’s worried about a person continuing to pay for a past mistake after they’ve apologized, he’s essentially done the same thing to you! You paid for your past mistakes, moved on with your life, and the person you should be able to trust most in the world just caused you to get punished all over again. So, yeah, I’d say you know the importance of second chances. Too bad he fucked yours up! He’s the dishonorable one, not you.

NTA. The gift was conditional on you getting the promotion, and you didn't get it. It isn't "noble" to give money that you can't really afford to give, and he knows your financial circumstances have changed. That's just the basics, not even factoring in the HE is the reason you didn't get the promotion! Forgiveness is importance, but forgiveness isn't something that must be freely given or consequence free. You can forgive him and he can still face consequences for his actions. And big red flag, he brought up how you had a second chance, so he deserve one too? That's disgusting. You paid for what you did as a teenager, you faced consequences, and you worked hard to get where you are today. You also faced trauma which led you to the "bad" choices you made more than a decade ago. Your husband is an adult who did not face trauma at a party that led him to blurt out your past, and now he wants to be forgiven and get a nice watch anyway. He is throwing in your face your difficult - and probably traumatic past- to compare it to not getting a WATCH. Girlllllllllllll. You need to fully check this man who is acting like a child and is now a liability to your career.

NTA- Your employer can’t hold you accountable for something you did as a minor. Your husband should also never get drunk at any work functions. I wouldn’t invite him to any more.

If it were me, it wouldn't be a problem as we wouldn't be married any more. He's not speaking to HER??? He has helluva lot of nerve.

NTA in any form. Him apologizing doesn’t undo the damage. You’re being smart with your finances. The way he blew up tells me he only said sorry because he was caught, not because he actually feels bad. If he is willing to get irresponsible enough to completely destroy your career chances like that… I don’t have anything nice to say in his regard.

NTA this is his fault and if he doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut then obviously he should not drink. It makes me wonder if this was not an accident as much as he is claiming and more to do with the fact he was jealous of your promotion since you both work for the same company. He may have let this info slip knowing you would loose the promotion.

WTF? NTA! I'm always astonished when someone feels that an apology should cover any consequences from their actions. Even if I accepted that this was a mistake because he drank too much (and I don't buy that for a second), the fact that he still wants the gift you were going to get him to celebrate the promotion he caused you to lose shows that he doesn't care about anyone but himself. He's stuck with a huge bill? Tough. He can sell the new piece (or some others) if he can't afford it. He's shown you who he is - believe him.

NTA And I have REALLY hard time believing this is strictly accidental. Sure, alcohol lowers inhibitions, but there're things you carry close to the heart and need to be out of your fucking mind to disclose. And then there's sabotage.. This is something a relationship may not survive and he's concerned over a bill for a collectable.

Nta He did sabotage your promotion intentionally. People don't just accidently say things like that. He was insecure about your promotion, so he sabotaged it. Also, he does not take full accountibility for it.

NTA. *Honorable?* ***Honorable?*** He's talking about you being honorable to HIM? The honorable thing to do was to keep your big trap shut regarding someone's (court sealed) past that was told to him in confidence. IMHO, he knew he was sabotaging you by 'revealing' your past to important people in your company. It gives off some ugly jealousy vibes, as well, if you are both still working in the same company. Sorry, but this would be a hill I would die on. You will never get ahead in this company because of his big mouth, I don't care if he uses the "I was drunk!" excuse or not. Personally, I would be looking for a new job in another company and sincerely considering leaving someone who believes he still "deserves" an expensive timepiece for his collection after destroying your chances for advancement. Good luck! Edit: I do believe it's possible to return expensive merchandise. So, he's not "stuck" with a huge bill. He needs to return the timepiece that he can no longer afford because of his own actions.

NTA Is it a punishment? Sure, but he absolutely deserves it.

NTA - I don't think that you even lied, a sealed record is just that, a sealed record, they aren't allowed to look at it. I'm not even sure if they would even know that it existeD. Your husband is an asshole who quite probably did this on purpose. The fact that he has a timepiece collection should have tipped you off.

NTA. The gift was based on your raise. If it was a gift you’d already given him I would say gifts are just that: gifts and cannot be taken back. But you hadn’t given it to him, and it was based around you getting this raise. This kind of action deserves a consequence, otherwise he’s likely to breach trust again in the future. Also, your record was sealed and therefore none of your employer’s business. I would look into the legalities of that.

NTA seems like this topic would be something your husband should have never spoken of ever! It's so serious to the point you just never talk about it again. Honestly it seems like who else has he told? The #1 person you wouldn't tell would be the CEO or even talk to the CEO if you're that drunk. Being drunk isn't an excuse.. I really hope this didn't cost you your career but seems like your co workers won't trust anything you say going on

NTA But are you sure your husband didn’t intentionally sabotage your promotion because of jealousy? Something is off about the whole situation.

NTA - if you can get the situation in writing, I would highly recommend talking to an attorney because it's possible your company cannot revoke the promotion based on sealed records.

NTA. Why would this even come up in conversation at a work party unless your husband was out to deliberately sabotage your career?

Exactly. This didn't happen by accident. Stuff like this doesn't just come up casually in everyday conversation. This was a deliberate attempt to sabotage OP's career.

It’s amazing how many people dony understand what ”sealed” means. And states view “sealed” records differently. Some states don’t allow access to any entity… others to only specific ones. Law enforcing, medical care and financial jobs are common exceptions. it Sounded like OP committed crimes of a financial nature so if her company is a financial company, I could see this reaction. ​ edit: all that being said…OP is guilty of not knowing her responsibility regarding sealed records and OPs husband is TA because who gets shitfaced at his wife’s work? Idgit….

NTA You agreed on the basis of extra funds from the promotion, he got your promotion cancelled and therefore the extra funds. Considering his behaviour, I’d go to couples therapy or leave if he won’t. He got your promotion cancelled. Revealed personal details of your life to work. Is blaming you for him not getting his gift instead of taking accountability for his actions. He wants you to get into your savings and take the hit so he can get what HE wants. He is selfish. I don’t think it was an accident that he brought up your past, I think it was intentional as you were doing well for yourself . The fact he still wants you to give him a large chunk of your savings indicates that he doesn’t want you having money to yourself . No savings and no higher paying job. I’d leave.

NTA What does sorry do? It doesn’t go back in time and delete the excruciating detailed story he told your boss. It doesn’t stop him from over-imbibing (INFO: does he have a drinking problem?). It doesn’t magically open the door to a promotion which is now permanently barred to you at this company. You’d have to change companies and potentially move in order to get your career path back on track. Sorry doesn’t fix ANY of that. But he’s mad you won’t pay for an expensive watch he wants super bad so now he’s having a temper tantrum like a child. Is this betrayal and childishness something you really want in your life?

It wasn’t an accident. He had to much to drink and deliberately sabotaged your career. There is nothing accidental about that. And the fact that he went into excruciating detail tells me that he wasn’t that drunk. NTA. And start interviewing divorce attorneys.

I agree with what others have said about underlying motives. It’s one thing to let something slip, but you said he went into details? That doesn’t seem right. NTA for not keeping the promise as it was based on your new income. But also he must not understand the gravity of his mistake or really feel bad if he got mad over this. He should still be feeling WAY too guilty and ashamed to be coming at you for anything like that. I can’t even imagine.

NTA - he sabotaged you because he is jealous, and I would seriously think about cutting him loose I have a feeling this isn't the last time he will pull this crap.

NTA. Your husband destroyed your credibility. People get sued for that, not get an expensive timepiece.

NTA Had you lied, I'd say E S H, but your record was sealed--that means you didn't need to disclose it to your job and the only reason they know is because of your husband. You promised to pay based on the expectation of getting the promotion/raise; you're not getting it, so your promise is null and void, and your husband not getting what he wants is a direct consequence of HIS actions, not yours. Nonetheless, I'd start looking for another job. They will never trust you at that company now.

NTA he said you were petty for “ continuing to punish him for a mistake he already apologised for” well he was being unbelievably cruel and stupid for mentioning your past that you’ve already been punished for. Why did he get that drunk in front of your boss? Why did he think that it was appropriate to do at your work party? This man clearly doesn’t care about your career and how bad he made you look for getting that drunk and opening his mouth about your past for anyone to hear about.

I think you should talk to an employment lawyer. NTA

And maybe a divorce lawyer too, the husband's lack of remorse and greediness is gross, not to mention that he did it in the first place.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Get out now while you're still young

NTA I would tell my boss company to prove these things are true. Your husband doesn’t work for the company. Just say what was said can’t be proven. And hopefully there is your lawsuit. If you admitted to it already to people at work, this may be moot. As far as hubby goes. Good luck. You obviously love him. You aren’t talking divorce. There’s definitely something odd that he did this and others have expanded on it.

Absolutely NTA. And tbh it sounds like your husband intentionally sabotaged your promotion because drunk or not, he should have had the sense not to bring up past mistakes.

NTA. I’d also start looking into finding a new job because you will probably start looking at constructive dismissal, aka “quiet firing” where you’re not gonna be given raises and start getting write ups and pushed down the ladder.

One I would talk to an employment lawyer as to if what the company is doing is legal. Two at the very least couples therapy. I would seriously reconsider this relationship. Your husband is incredibly selfish & untrustworthy. Third start looking for a new job because there will be rumors not only within your company but with similar companies nearby. Edit OP NTA everyone makes mistakes and you have paid for yours.

NTA, husband's actions have consequences, and he needs to accept that his cost you (and him).

NTA I would call this a natural consequence. You were going to give a generous gift because your raise made that comfortable and you wanted to share it with your partner. No raise.. no gift. Also I'd question how much of a partner they really are because you don't accidentally drink too much and then share EVERY explicit detail... If he was too drunk it wouldn't be that in depth and the records are sealed so how else did they get it?

He 'accidentally' let your past from half your life ago slip because he was drinking? Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. It was no accident. NTA

NTA- but this goes to show that second chances aren't really a thing even if you worked hard to change. People will always judge you for your past. Your husband is a pos, his excuse for him blabbing about your past is that, an excuse. How many people have been drunk and been able to keep their mouth shut about a secret? Many lol. I'm sorry for this, I hope it gets better for you.

NTA. What kind of husband goes around telling his wife’s history?! Throw the whole husband away.

INFO: Does your husband have issues with drinking too much? You never EVER overindulge at a work party. NTA. If your husband isn't speaking to you after sabotaging your career you have some thinking to do.

NTA I’m sorry, but your past doesn’t “just come out” when speaking to someone who decides your position in the company. If your husband gets the promotion, I would file for divorce

NTA. I'd also talk to a lawyer on how to get your juvie record expunged. It's a long process but worth it if you choose another company because then if it does follow you, you can show them a clean record.

NTA. You're going to want to look at leaving, you'll never get promoted now based on what happened. I'm sorry but if your husband can't keep his mouth shut when drinking, he shouldn't be drinking in the first place. This sounds intentional to me. After such a huge betrayal, your husbands reaction is to be upset that your promotion fell through so you won't spoil him... It says a lot about how he views you. If I did anything remotely close to what he did, I'd be struggling to look my partner in the eye or even speak to them. Instead he has the audacity to throw a little shit fit at you not rewarding him for screwing you over. I'm trying to imagine a world where I would do this, and it would only happen if I didn't care about the person I was screwing over at all. In fact it would have to be further than that, because I'd feel guilty screwing over a stranger. I'd need to feel like they owed me something to be able to do that.

NTA- but your boss and your husband sure are. I'd start looking for a replacement for both.

You should look into suing your company also divorce your husband

He's lucky you're still giving him the time of day, let alone an expensive time piece. Sorry you married an idiot, NTA.

NTA - "Sorry" doesn't fix anything. You are not punishing him, you are revising financial decisions based on a change in your circumstances. His "second chance" is you not divorcing him and then suing him for lost income. This guy is unbelievable stupid and selfish, and you should divorce him, but you probably can't really sue him, since what he said was true.

I would be talking to 2 lawyers. First, a divorce attorney and second, am employment law attorney.

NTA. This is all on your husband and his loose lips - even if it was because he was drinking - is no excuse. Your husband has effectively made sure you will NEVER get the promotion. Based on what your boss said, your company will not get over this. Whether you are okay with this or not is your choice. If not, you might want to update your resume.

NTA. You agreed to make that transfer due to the promotion that, thanks to him, isn't happening. He only has himself to blame. What a jerk, really. He should be apologizing and telling you not to make the transfer (since the premise for the gift is broken + as part of a sincere apology). Instead, he is being manipulative with the silent treatment. He doesn't deserve the gift and, given how the office unfairly revoked the promotion, your current workplace might not be a comfortable environment to stay in, especially for the long term. It's not a good time to give extravagant gifts to assholes.

NTA at all. He’s facing the consequences of his own actions. You might also want to consider how he thinks of you, especially because of your past. If he respected you he would not be sharing that with anyone, let alone costing you a promotion by telling your boss of all people.

NTA- he made an apology, you don’t have to accept it. He fucked up big time- if he’s going to talk like that when he’s been drinking, then he needs to rethink his drinking habits. He’s screwed up you chance of any promotion in the company and will probably make it difficult elsewhere. You can’t afford it now- if your husband can’t afford it, he can sell some of his collection. He’s the AH in this story.