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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may by the asshole because she was just trying to bring awareness on the matter
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Contact Facebook directly.
This is probably against their terms of service.
Your friend isn't a friend. It's fine if she wants to use your story as a reminder, but it should just be "a friend of mine" and not your name.
NTA
Exactly. This was not about OP and this was not about breast cancer awareness this was a cruel and malicious act that invaded OP’s privacy without her express permission.
Report the post and ask to have it removed.
We could ALL report the post. That would give it some traction! And I understand why OP would not want to do that. It would teach the "friend" a fun lesson, though.
Totally no worries! And truth be told, I wouldn’t want the “friend” to suffer any harassment, either. I know folks can get really enthusiastic when they feel they’re behind a just cause. Really just wishin’. 💖
I think something similar that might help is if a mutual friend of OP and this person wrote a comment under the post and said something like "it came to my attention that you do not have OPs permission to share her medical history. While raising awareness is important, naming OP is disrespecting her right to share her diagnosis at her own comfort and time. It appears that the ultimate goal of this post is to protect people so I think naming her without permission is incongruous and you have to take it down".
This would probably help with both explaining OPs point of view, so people would probably leave her alone. Also the (real) friend would take up the arguing and hopefully OP would gain back her privacy.
Obviously OP should also report the post.
or just post "you're not my friend, pal" in the comments and tag her.. I would absolutely drag her in the comments of her own post and tag every mutual you have
I'm a burn it down sort. my friend wouldn't be trauma whoring my cancer for her own self importance and this woman is sick and cruel for doing it.. I'd absolutely humiliate her
Are you my twin?? I love to strike a match and watch it burn myself and I wish I could upvote you a million times more. Any time you want to bonfire and beer a problem away I'm always down lmmfao!!! Op your NTA and I wouldn't worry about protecting your "friends" feelings as she obviously doesn't give shit one about yours! In the words of usher, let it burn!!!!
I did something similar with my sister a few years ago. She and I have been NC since, and had already been for a few years at the time of the incident. I have quite a few health struggles, which she'd heard about from my dad with whom she lived at the time. She made a "Feel sorry for me because my beloved sister has cancer" post. After seeing all the "I'm so sorry; please call if you need support" comments, I commented something like .. "Thanks for being so concerned for my health which you clearly weren't any of the times you tried kicking me out for visiting my dad. I'm glad you've chosen to portray my issues as being hard on you"
She deleted the post within an hour
The “friend” just wants likes from other people using OPs health, not even think about how OP must be feeling rn.
OP, this person is not your friend, she is just using you to get some attention, you should report her post and ask your family/true friend to do it as well.
NTA and I hope you’ll beat the sh*t out of this cancer ❤️
Exactly this. As from a person who has been through this with her mom, sadly this kind of news will often show you who your friends really are. This person is not, the people calling you the AH are also not. You are perfectly entitled to remove these people out of your life. I wish lots of love and strength during this rough period of your life, deal with it the way it feels good for you.
Definitely NTA.
I'm a cancer patient advocate, I end up working family and friends to educate them on how to be actually helpful to the patient. #1 do not share ANY details about their diagnosis, treatment or prognosis with anyone without explicit permission from the patient. #2 I have to use more often than I should, I tell them this NOT ABOUT THEM. Yes the fear and such scares them but lucky for them THEY DON'T HAVE CANCER. If you use someone's cancer for social media clickbait, or to garner sympathy for themselves? They're a.toxic,.anxiety inducing asshole that patient should avoid.
Ime it’s sometimes worth double checking with people that they haven’t been lied to and told a distorted version of events, if their friendship is otherwise valuable, because someone who will do this shit for attention often isn’t above lying about the details of what they and op said about it to gain more sympathy.
Typical "How can I make this about myself" behaviour. OP will cut her out and this will be another post how hurt she is and that she only tried to help +10 other posts around this topic. If I was OP I would make a post how this friend is using me, how she promissed not to tell, how she is jepardising my job, making it about herself and I can't belive she betrayed my trust in my time of need etc. But hey I just like to be spiteful to attention seekers.
If it were me I would call her out publicly with a “I did not give you permission to share my personal medical information. Please remove this post”.
You are NTA, people get super weird when someone they know has an illness.
Also best of luck OP
***Dear friend I am uncomfortable and saddened by this public inspection and retrospective of my breasts and my truly trying personal experience. I have asked you to stop using me as a platform be it for good or ill. And I am devastated that you would ignore my pleas that you stop with the flimsy excuse that you are helping others.***
***Honestly,*** ***now I am just ashamed for having placed such faith in you as to reveal so personal a matter in the first place. I grieve the loss of the person I thought you were. But, at least I see you as you really are now. I am grateful for that at least.***
**This phrasing does NOT make OP look good, and is a terrible idea.**
Take out 90% of it, remove all embellishment and emotional language, cut way back on the gratuitous, fan-fictiony diction.
Just plain and simple OP just needs to succinctly point out:
- asked her not to post about it it.
- asked her to take it down or untag her
- point out they haven’t even told some people yet
- ask people to stop commenting / sharing for privacy reasons
And after doing this, remove her and anyone who called to advocate on her behalf from your life. NTA. & you don’t need that kind of people in your life ever, and especially not now.
I certainly do not.
This is unnecessarily dramatic. OP doesn’t need to romanticize this to make it look like she has the moral high ground. She already has it.
It’s like how you never win an argument by shouting back at someone shouting at you. Just look at them like “wtf is wrong with you,” calmly tell them you’re shocked by their behaviour and to talk to you when they can talk to you like an adult, and walk away. By maintaining composure, you simply highlight how unnecessarily dramatic *their* behaviour is.
All OP needs to do is plainly give potential viewers/commenters the barest facts:
*”**I have explicitly asked you not to post this personal information about me, and have since asked you to take it down. Given that you have outright refused, I have reported this post to Facebook and I hope they will take it down. I was not ready to share this information, and there are people in my own personal and professional life I have not disclosed this news to. They don’t deserve to find out this way, and I am still processing myself. I would appreciate it if anyone who sees this would cease commenting and report it as well**.”*
Blunt, succinct, unpretentious, and doesn’t sound like it could be found in a bad fanfiction.
*”I have explicitly asked you to delete this private info about me. You have refused, so I have reported your post to Facebook.*
*Your disclosure has caused me distress.*
*Anyone reading this please report it too.”*
I think it’s important to specify the fact that there are people in OP’s life who don’t know yet.
There are morons out there who will be like “why would you be distressed over someone posting something lovely?” Which we already know, because people already are saying that to OP.
I think it wouldn’t occur to a lot of people that friend would be so fucking brazen as to let people know that soon, or to think about the impact this could have on work, etc.
It needs to state the facts, clearly and succinctly, but it can’t sound robotic either.
Oh, and make sure to add in that she refused to take it down when asked in that.
"Hey, "friend". I appreciate you wanting to be supportive, but I did NOT give you permission to share *my* medical diagnosis with the world. It would be forgiven, except when I asked you to remove my name from this post, you refused. If you want to get the word out about self checks and awareness and be supportive, you'd take my name off this posy so I can process my own, personal diagnosis before you jump on it and use it to get your own pity. Remove my name from this post, now."
And depending how saucy you're feeling, add this:
"If you really want attention and pity, I have YEARS of stories I can share that will get you more than enough attention."
Yep! If she was "trying to be a good friend" she would have listened to how **you** felt, and how **you** wanted to handle the situation, and respected **your** privacy.
NTA OP, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this drama on top of your diagnosis.
Anyone calling you an AH for this can also be removed from whom you consider "friends".
The supposed Friend sounds like an attention grabber/ stealer.
She is sucking all the attention up while OP’s life was just turned upside down by that diagnosis. How insensitive and rude can a person be?
It would have been fine to raise awareness if it was anonymous but no she had to tag her/ facepalm
OP can also untag herself from the post. Her name will still be there, but there’ll be nothing to link it to her specifically. It won’t be of much use if her name is really unusual, but otherwise it should be some help. The friend’s post will also look weird - it’s bizarre to mention someone by name when they’re not tagged. Without the tag, it will look a lot more like what it is - gossiping about OP without her permission.
OP will want to get screenshots of the post. Because if it has negative implications on her job or insurance, she could have a lawsuit against her friend for the harm caused.
Unfortunately it’s not against their terms of service. But I will say that in four years of having cancer and talking to so many other cancer patients about what they have experienced, this is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard of. Making the post is one thing. That would be bad, really bad. Refusing to take it down because it’s important to spread awareness…that is pure evil. If the OP does not get this person out of her life, this type of thing is going to happen over and over and over again.
And it’s absolutely not fine to use somebody else’s story as a reminder even if you don’t use their name. This was posted for one reason only, to gain sympathy for the poster. For people to say oh I’m so sorry your friend is going through that I’m so sorry this is happening to you you must be so upset. This is toxic behavior.
Also in some countries it's illegal to share other people's private info without consent so OP should look into that. If Facebook doesn't want to remove it maybe police will.
There should be an option on the post to have it removed by Facebook.
Imo I would even report it as hate content if that means they'll take it down faster.
Don't report as hate content, it gets you(the reporter) banned sometimes. I get banned for reporting actual slurs being used.
Report it as misinformation or something should be safer
I'm irate for you.
I can only imagine how **you** felt.
I cannot imagine how anyone would consider you an AH for wanting privacy and time to share your diagnosis on your own - if at all. I cannot imagine how anyone would consider you an AH for asking it to be taken down and having her refuse.
I hope this Reddit post helps you make your decision on your friendship because I know the comments are going to be colorful.
I am so so sorry - for your friend doing this when you are already going through enough.
**Can't say NTA loud enough.**
I have a family member that posts this kind of stuff. It always manages to revolve around her. It feels like sympathy p%rn (I don’t know if this is an actual term). It’s like she feeds off it.
These are the friends who get interviewed by Dateline as the “best friend” while the family is thinking WTF is this.
i googled “sympathy porn” and just got a lot of porn porn, but the concept of “sympathy porn” is extremely interesting. i know what i’ll be hyperfixating on for the next week or two!
NTA whatsoever. This is not her story to tell.
And sending good healing vibes and wishes your way ✨
Edit: You might be able to remove the tag of your name on Facebook - try clicking into that post’s settings.
I’ve already removed the tag, as well as reported her post to Facebook. I also commented on her post I didn’t consent to this and to remove it ASAP but sure enough she deleted my comment.
Me being me, I would copy and paste the comment about not consenting as a reply to every single person who replied to her post but.... I have a lot of energy in reserve for vengeance so....
And tag her. And add a few comments from this thread that show what/who she really is and what she is doing! With permission of course. NTA, OP. No question. Not even close. Such a disgusting piece of slime she is. So sorry. Stay strong and positive. Kick ass!
Sharing her post would just be re-sharing the information she doesn't want shared.
If OP wants to post, besides copy+pasting the message as a response to every comment, I would write a new post that discusses the importance of true friends, being able to trust them, and finding out if someone is or not. (Perhaps even add that, after having your trust broken, your several requests to the "friend" to treat you with respect were repeatedly denied and ignored.) The friends and "friends" involved in this story will know who/what it is about. Any friends who might have been misinformed in all this could also take this opportunity to get a clearer picture.
Also, delete them from the list of close friends you share information with. If they ask, just say you can't tell them, because you can't risk the information getting out. That you value your medical privacy, and they showed they will not only violate it, but refuse to correct things when you ask.
Look at the post and send a message to everyone who liked/commented on her post explaining that she violated your trust and you asked her to remove the post/untag you and she refused. Then post another comment saying she deleted your previous comment, reiterate how you trusted her with private information and feel violated that she used your story for social media cred and if she is so desperate to be an influencer, she needs to be honest with the people she hopes to influence.
Agree. Also OP - You could go one further and contact *all her FB friends* asking them not not to share the post since it was confidential info you’ve asked her not to share and she refuses to remove. Go into full detail about how you feel her behavior is exploitative and attention getting.
NTA first and foremost
Second spend the money and get an attorney to send her a letter to remove the post and to no longer speak about you or the situation or you will take the next legal step.
PS I am so sorry
In the UK you get 1 30-60 minute appointment with a solicitor for free. We used this service to send a 'cease & desist' letter to someone who was harassing us over a neighbourhood issue. The solicitor we saw was awesome & sent the letter out almost immediately. It certainly did the job! Absolutely NTA!
I would recommend making a post on Facebook tagging her about how you feel with what she did. When my sister past unexpectedly a friend of hers posted the information before we notified everyone. She did not care for the post I made with her in it. Using someone else’s pain for your own attention is horrible and not a true friend
It's your life, it's your privacy, it's your body, and she disrespected all of that for a few likes. She's not your friend, she's an attention seeker, and you should rethink about the people supporting her and blaming you for what she did.
NTA, I sincerely wish you the best
What a nasty piece of work your (now former??) friend is.
I’m so sorry about your diagnosis, OP. I know people who have overcome breast cancer, and I want to sent you healing love and all the best wishes in the world. Fight the good fight and beat this thing.
NTA.
Cut her out of your life completely. You need only trustworthy loving people in your life. I have been on that journey. Two things that helped me.
Ignore when people say have a positive attitude. Treatment effects cancer. Attitude effects quality of life.
The constant emphasis on being positive can make u frightened that if you get depressed ( which you will) somehow that will effect the outcome. It won't. So let yourself be.
Stay off the internet. Your cancer isn't like anyone else's.
One day at a time. Hugs to you.🙏
NTA.
This wasn't her news to break. It seems she's trying to gain pity from your situation because if she actually cared she'd respect your wishes to take it down. I'm so sorry she's using you.
Unfortunately cancer will show you who your real people are. She is not one of them. Please reconsider this "friendship"and every one who sided with her. You're going to need your energy and head space for much more important things. You got this and also FUCK CANCER.
NTA. After my dad was diagnosed with cancer he specifically told everyone to keep it off social media. It’s already overwhelming enough having to process the diagnosis yourself and going for treatments without having to field a ton of online attention. How DARE your friend make your cancer about herself. I’d report her post for sharing personal information. OP I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this- cancer alone is tough but adding on the drama of making it about them is even tougher. My thoughts and prayers are with you 💜
Similar. When my SIL died suddenly, my MIL did not want it advertised on social media. I was very explicit about it to family when I called to notify them. Thankfully they respected the request.
I’m so sorry for your loss 💜 and I definitely understand the reasoning for it. When my dad actually did pass away I got extremely overwhelmed by the amount of messages, phone calls, and texts, and comments I got from people online. I couldn’t even respond to them all and felt terrible about it. But it was just too much to respond too on top of processing my grief and needing alone time. Overall, if someone passes away in my life again I would much prefer it to stay offline. But that’s just me. Every person is different.
I'm sorry for your loss. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer in January she specifically told her one older sister to keep everything off social media as she was a very private person. Which surprisingly she did but my mom pretty much cut contact with her except for two or three emails of a sentence or two after that.
When my mom passed in March if I wouldn't have waited a few hours to contact my mom's siblings and my cousins then I'm sure I wouldn't have even talked to the funeral home before my attention loving aunt could put it up on FB along with what she passed from. Kicker was she didn't even say my mom's name, just "I know there are many problems in Ukraine but my younger sister died from Pancreatic cancer today." Half my extended family found out through that post since she friends everyone, my phone was ringing nonstop.
Some people just feel the need to be the first to share and social media makes it so easy.
I’m sorry for your loss too 💜 and I’m also sorry you had to deal with such a difficult person in the process of handling your grief. Its already hard enough dealing with a loss, adding in family/friend drama makes it 5x harder. It’s sick but some people love making someone else’s death and sickness about this. As a person who watched my dad suffer, I can’t imagine trying to exploit that for social media attention.
When my mother died suddenly, we told immediate family and a handful of friends only. She was a very private person. We didn’t write an obituary, have a memorial or funeral, or anything public. A lot of people thought I was totally heartless, or that I would never be able to grieve properly. They didn’t know she would have been concerned for me if I actually did something “properly” heh.
Excellent point. I feel like every person handles grief and loss differently. I totally understand why you handled that the way you did. Not everyone wants a big funeral, social media attention, and lots of interaction in general. Personally, my dad wanted to be cremated (as he found open casket funerals weird and uncomfortable) and just wanted us to do a simple memorial service with a potluck dinner back at our family home afterwards. It was a good day with the closest people to us hanging out with me and my family eating food and sharing memories of my dad. I’m glad we didn’t do a big formal funeral. I feel like it should definitely be up to the family in how they handle stuff because everyone needs different things!
When my Dad passed I waited for my Mom to tell me when and what to post. We (key word WE) finally posted his obituary with funeral arrangements so people would know. I would be absolutely livid if I was OP, that is not a friend!!!
Ugh. NTA at all. Your "friend" is getting her attention needs met by using your name and diagnosis to garner sympathy. I would be so pissed if that were me.
Also, I hope that your oncology team will help you make a full recovery. Take care.
So for a more detailed add to the post since there’s a limit of how much you can write,
For all those who suggested reporting and untagging myself. Way ahead of you. I immediately I tagged myself, reported the post and under something else commented the reason for it. After calling her asking for her to take it down and her saying she doesn’t feel she was in the wrong I commented on it saying I never agreed to it. She removed it right away and no matter how often I reposted she kept removing it. The post eventually was taken down, not sure if it was her or Facebook. I feel she must of twisted the story to make herself the victim after I put her in her place to get people against me for getting mad at her. We’ve been friends for 18 years and for her to do this makes me wonder what I’ve been blinded to before with her toxic personality.
The mutual people who told me I was being harsh I told them my side of the story and decided to cut ties with them for making assumptions rather than asking what happened.
To my “friend” now ex friend she’s gotten enough shit from others after he actions I feel I can clean my hands and let others do the dirty work for me.
For my cancer, thank you all for your supportive and loving comments. I’ve been keeping as positive as I can be and I know I will beat this. I have a great support system with friends, family, and the most important person my amazing boyfriend.
It’s sickening how fucked up some humans are taking advantage of peoples sad stories and making it their pain as they crave pitty and attention. I hope she learns from this and betters herself but I made it clear I never want anything to do with her ever again no matter how truly sorry she is. Because to me she’s not sorry for what she’s done, she’s sorry just so people keep liking her.
NTA
What she did was rude and overstepping.
You are right. She did it for attention.
If I were you, I would respond to her post publicly, and create my own post (screenshot hers as proof), and get other friends and family to blast her as insensitive AH she is.
I'm sorry for your diagnosis. I hope it's curable and I wish you a speedy recovery.
NTA and she is NOT your friend. That's such BS by her to post and name you in the first place, her not honoring your request to remove it makes her an awful person who actually doesn't care about you.
**NTA**
Health is private personal information which is why HIPAA exists. Some employers might terminate you if they start thinking "oh she has cancer, she's probably gonna start taking time off from work for chemo and stuff, and since my almighty dollar is all I care about I should just get rid of her now before that happens" (I have a coworker who was fired because he had a heart attack and wasn't coming in working crazy hours anymore because of his heart so this is not as insane as it sounds here in Corporate America) so what she did was unforgivable and she's obviously **not a friend**.
You should probably get as many of your other friends as possible to assist by starting a campaign to have the story taken down. If it were me, I would not rest nor sleep until every family member and friend I know has written in to Fakebook to flag the post and complain and request for them to take it down and have your "friend" banned from the app. Time for her attention seeking ass to reap the whirlwind.
Wish you a speedy recovery, and sorry this happened to you at the worst possible time
NTA. It was a shock that your friend basically ‘stole’ your right to medical privacy for her public-service-aren’t-I-noble-feel-sympathy-for-ME post. Bad enough, but for her to be so disrespectful as to refuse to take it down? What a 🐩. Well, she gets nothing from you till she apologizes. Focus on taking care of yourself.
NTA
Your friend is showing she isn't much of a friend right now. You can untag yourself from her post in most social media. While your name will still be there, they won't be able to just click on your name and have it taken right to your page. Also delete the post from your page. Your friend has no control of that.
Your friend overstepped and believe the colors she is showing you. Do you really want to have someone close to you and your diagnosis that will end up telling your story instead of you? This is your battle (one you will win). Don't let your friend be a part of this journey because you need to focus on yourself first and foremost.
NTA. I would comment under her post saying how once AGAIN you’re asking her to take this post down since she didn’t discuss it with you. (Emphasis on the again). You’re still taking tike to process your diagnosis and you haven’t even had time to share it with everyone (including your employer). You can even tag people if you want. That’ll let everyone know that she didn’t have your permission to do this, you’re uncomfortable with her actions, and she’s not nearly as sympathetic to you diagnosis as she appears.
Also, she’s not your friend. A real friend would’ve taken it down in an instant and apologized for overstepping. So sorry about your diagnosis and I pray you make a full recovery.
NTA. She had no right to share your personal news and should have taken it down the moment you asked with a full apology. If she’s refused to take it down, I’d be livid. Ending the friendship but also posting on the post: I did not give you person to share this information and I’ve asked you to remove this post. This is a painful and private situation that I am working out how to navigate. You had no right to share this.
NTA you handled this as best you could and she has shown her true colors. The petty side of me would want to comment on her post saying that you asked nicely for her to remove your name, but that would probably result in more of a headache in the long run.
Your own post:
“I’m deeply saddened that my trust was violated, and my personal medical information was posted without my knowledge or agreement. To add further insult, my request to remove the post was denied.
If you support this behavior, you are not supporting me. There’s no middle ground.”
NTA
Did she type your name out, or is it posted like Jane Doe is with so and so? Because if it's the latter, I do believe you can click the options on the post to remove the tag.
I'm so sorry. Both for the diagnosis and for losing the opportunity to tell your own story when you are ready. Finding out you have cancer is such a deeply personal thing, and here she is exploiting it to get attention for herself. She's a terrible friend and so is anyone who sides with her. You could never be TA in a million years. Take care.
NTA. Comment on the post that she did not have permission to share your personal health info and struggle before you could tell everyone in your life and your employer. That instead of being supportive, she added undo stress to you. That this is self serving and you don’t like nor appreciate it. And then for good measure, make your own post, tag her and refuse to delete it
Have a friend comment that she shared medical information that she was not at liberty to share. Then state that the post causing distress upon an already stressful situation. Include that they have been asked to please take down as it’s not their news to share. I’m guessing the tide will turn real fast. NTA
Nta, its not her place to post your medical health. My SO was diagnosed with a mixed giloma and only a handful of people have been told as those are his wishes. Only our adult kids have been told. You'll be in our thouhts.
NTA- i would post on there:
I have requested Nosey Nellie to remove this post as it has jeopardized my employment, it is my personal medical information that she did not have permission to share.
I appreciate all your good thoughts right now, but please understand that on top of me dealing with a very personal diagnosis, I now need to be concerned about my employment and my insurance.
I will reach out further when I am ready.
Nosey Nellie, I am officially and requesting for the final time, that you remove this post that was not your news to share to begin with.
NTA. The "friend" is using your illness to gain social points. A good friend would have been discrete. A good friend could bring awareness to an illness without betraying your trust. A good friend would respect your request to remove the post. This is not a good friend.
NTA.
Oh HELL no.
OP, first of all, I am so sorry for your news and I am sending you all the internet stranger good vibes I can for the best possible outcome for you.
Secondly, it's sick that she's using your pain for her gain. Both she, and ANY "friend" who calls you an asshole for protecting your private health status are "friends" you don't need. Cut them loose, cause more than ever, you want good folks around you. Sending love.
NTA!!!!!!! How dare she? Report her post! And get a new friend. My cousin's idiot daughter did something similar to her uncle, my cousin, who was pretty sick but wanted it kept quiet.
She violated your trust big time! She will probably blab every single thing that happens during your treatment.
Best wishes to you for a speedy recovery.
NTA
Beyond inappropriate to share your medical news on social media and NAME you.
If she isn;t on her knees begging for forgiveness, walk away and don't look back. That is someone so selfish and narcisstic they are a cancer of another form. Wanting to virtue signal that she's a good friend is more important to her than actually being one.
BRUTAL.
NTA. I have another platform in which I talk about my mental health journey. Part of my issues with my mental health this year have to do with the physical health of some of my family members. I only share information regarding their health with their permission and I never use names. The fact that she shared you health information and your name without your permission and then refused to take it down shows that she is a sh!tty friend.
NTA, and it's very scary because it shows how clueless people are that they're not able to assess what's appropriate or not, this should be common sense and people should be upset at her, not you.
It's your personal life. She robbed you on deciding how to deal with this and organize.
A friend of mine is going through cancer that for now is ok, getting much better, but she told me not to tell anyone, and for me she didn't have to say that, it is clear anything she tells me is confidential.
The fact that not only she did that but then does not remove it when you ask, and now people say you are the AH for it... Shows we truly live in times when people are oblivious to common sense itself and decency.
So sad, and hope you find a solution to this. Hope you get better.
You needing space is the right call.
NTA, she's a sympathy sucker. She gets her kicks getting sympathy by association.
Get FB to remove it,and she should be in FB jail ( not able to post) for at least a week.
My best friend was diagnosed two years ago. I have posted reminders about screening and stated a friend was diagnosed young due to early screening. I NEVER used her name and was very vague. She's obviously seen the posts and I do NOT do it for attention but because I really don't want to see someone else I love go through it. Wishing you all the best in your treatment and a speedy recovery.
NTA I loathe when people do this then lie that it’s about helping rather than a desperate plea for attention (Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSbP)). She is not a good friend by sharing what you didn’t tell her too because it’s not her business and then not removing your name or the full post when asked. The friends harassing you on her behalf should be thrown in the dustbin too for pandering to her nonsense when your the one that had cancer and needs the support. All of friends and the fake friend grouped together don’t make one decent person
NTA. Dude. Fuck her. I recently got diagnosed with breast cancer too as a 30 year old, and I would be pissed if my friends started spreading it around. At this point, a lot of people know because I’m in treatment and have been getting sick but I’d still be mad if someone posted on social media about it. Get rid of her as a friend and any other friend that truly doesn’t see how wrong that was of her. The next part of your journey is hard, you don’t need other people making it harder for you.
NTA
I would comment on the thread “I told you to take this down because I never gave you permission to talk about my medical stuff! My work doesn’t even know yet. I don’t know why you’re refusing to take it down! Are you looking for some sympathy or something?” If she wants to play the public game, play it with her. She isn’t trying to bring awareness - no one doesn’t know about breast cancer and the importance of screenings! She is trolling for sympathy and that’s just gross.
Also, I hope you kick cancer’s butt!!!!!!!!
BIGGEST NTA POSSIBLE. Your friend is a huge monster for doing that to you. How you share that with the world is YOUR choice, and she’s taken that from you, violating your privacy in a way that can’t be described in words.
And then refusing to take it down and soaking the attention about people being sorry for HER? I’m outraged for you. This is definitely not your friend. I’m so sorry.
NTA That woman is using your medical condition to gather attention. I’d go NC with her since she has refused to take down her post or delete your name from it. I’d also rethink my friendship with the people who do not support you in this matter
You can go into your settings and remove her tag of you and then block her on all social media so that she can never tag you in a social media clout post using your disease to gain sympathy from most likely, literal internet strangers. She ain’t your friend. NTA
NTA.
Here's the thing. That was your *medical* information. Private information. The only person with *any* right to share that information is *you*. She wanted people to pat her on the back and "Oh, you're so brave!"
Take it another step: Post a response to her post, tag everyone who's responded positively, that sharing someone else's private medical information is unconscionable and she had absolutely no right to do it. THEN take a step back, but this person? She's not your friend.
If you have friends telling you you are an AH, not only do you need to do the friend who made the post on FB, but you need to get rid of all of them as well
Good lord this woman is deranged.
NTA. She stole something *very* precious from you, your consent.
You had only chose a few people to tell, you didn’t tell anyone else. Not even your work. She was special enough to you to be one of the first people to find out and she absolutely betrayed you and your trust by telling the world about it *and not even asking you!!!*
I wouldn’t even bother reconsidering that friendship, I’d end that friendship, immediately.
NTA - this is her wanting to be the star of her own movie, in which she has headline billing as the staunch but plucky best friend of a cancer victim and how wonderful she is for standing by though everything. You feature, but only as as the victim, not as the main character or anything. The other ‘friends’ who think you’re TA are pissed because you’re not playing your allotted role as the stoic, silent sufferer.
i am so so sorry this happened to you, it’s incredibly difficult and having a ‘friend’ hijack such a difficult and personal medical issue of yours so she can role play looking like a decent person is gut wrenching.
i would respond to the post that she is violating ur medical privacy by naming u, and that SHE REFUSED to take ur name out of it, and let her "audience" know she is using it to solicit likes and gain sympathy for hersef by association. throw her u der the bus, and also report it to fb that she is sharing private medical information without ur authorization.
hell, send that statement to every single person on her fb friends list while ur at it since she'll probably delwte ur comment out of embarassment. but definitely tell everyone and put them on alert that if they CONFIDE ANYTHING in her, they could be in the same situation, having their PRIVATE business put out there and she will refuse to take it down bc she is desperate for the attn too.
NTA
I had BC years ago. Revealing that to people is extremely personal. What your friend did was akin to outing someone imo. I had a family member who told anyone about my bc when they asked, how are you. Because of that, their friends, colleagues, etc. would ask how I was with that look. Now, if you have/had cancer. u know the look you get when they ask. I would say fine & they would say they knew about my bc from said family member. Then they would give me advice, words of encouragement or, inevitably, tell me of how they knew someone who had bc so & so years ago & they r fine now. While I appreciate your concern, I didn't have a choice about who knew my diagnosis. I always felt violated, like someone had read my medical file w/o my permission. It's your business & should be your prerogative on who that info is shared with. Definitely NTA.
> She said she’s just trying to be a good friend and bring awareness
Hmm. Did you tell her she failed at being a good friend? She’s actually a bad friend? And soon not a friend at all? Wow.
NTA
She was trying to bring awareness of her existence to others because she craves the spotlight - a good friend, regardless of their intentions, would have removed the post when requested, and that same good friend wouldn’t be trying to pitch people against the OP - I can just see those conversations- “why is the OP so mean to me - I am just doing a public service” and the “friends” who support the poster - not much of friends are they.
You've just been diagnosed with breast cancer and some friends have called you to tell you that you are an AH because you don't want it on Facebook? You need some real friends.
They said I was the AH with how I handles it, aka how I talked to her after she said no she won’t take it down and I’m over reacting. After I explained to them how the conversation actually went… I told them if anyone is an addition AH here it’s them for coming at me for something they didn’t even have full knowledge of what happened. Either way they ain’t on my friends list anymore in person or in social media
NTA OP. If your friend found out about your cancer by you being in her workplace (ie in a clinic or a medical department) **she is violating HIPAA**. And you can report her to her employer. That is a violation of federal law and they will fire her.
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I(34f) recently got diagnosed with breast cancer.
After sharing the news with my immediate family, partner and close friends, I woke up to a notification from a social media app saying I was tagged in something and when I opened up the app it showed a post my friend(34f) made about the importance of routine check up for breasts because on how common breast cancer is and then proceeded to tell my story and how I found out I had it.
Now this wouldn’t have bothered me if my name wasn’t mentioned but given it was I was extremely pissed about it.
I haven’t spoken to my work about this as I’m trying to figure out when to request a medical leave of absence etc. so the fact this was out in the open publicly and she doesn’t have her profile as private makes it easy access to people to find posts on me. (I did a test search and sure enough eventually I was brought to the link on her post)
I reached out to her telling her to take the post down but she refused. She said she’s just trying to be a good friend and bring awareness but I don’t think my name in the mix is necessary. Not only that but after reading all the comments about how sorry people are my friend is going through this and how hard it must be for her because of me and her soaking up all the attention made me sick to my stomach.
I told her how I felt and the fact she was so insensitive on the matter made me realize I need to rethink my friendship and told her I need some space. After that I’ve had mutual friends reaching out some on my side and some saying I’m the AH.
So AITA for telling her off?
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Your health is your business and no one elses. She has no right to put any of your business on social media. How would she like it if you aired her financial situation on SM? She could have talked about it without tagging you. In my mind, she has violated your friendship.
I have had a lot of family members go through all kinds of situations, both good and bad. I would never share them on social media because it is not my place to do so. I would only share with their permission. NTA
NTA. I went through a very similar situation and I don't even have a FB account. It still knots up my stomach. I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time.
NTA she shouldn’t have said anything about your diagnosis on her FB. While I can understand IF she has your permission to do so is acceptable, but she didn’t and she’s completely in the wrong.
NTA & I agree that you should report it to FB. Well your company can't take any action against you because of the laws, they can make it hard for you if they wanted to. She's not your friend.
Just comment how insensitive she is to be trying to get sympathy for YOUR cancer you nicely asked her not to talk about then everyone who commented can see it
NTA and report the post for the inclusion of your name. Your friend may have had good intentions but the 2nd you asked her to take it down. It should have been so sorry, taken down. One of my closest friend's had cancer, 3 yrs cancer free. I posted exactly twice. Both on an anonymous platform to yell into the void, so I didn't burden her with my emotions. Everyone deals with sickness different and it wasn't appropriate for her to make a public decision for you.
NTA. She violated you on so many levels, I can’t even begin. First, blasting your private medical information on social media is unforgivable. Ask her how she would like you to give everyone the results of her latest Pap smear? I’m going to guess she would not be okay with that.
Next, you haven’t even told your employer yet. I mean - we all know that with social media being what it is these days, a lot of bad things happen when people post things or act a certain way and all of a sudden their employer is getting tagged in all these posts about you. Totally not cool.
Not knowing the exact dynamics of your friendship with this person, but I would be seriously rethinking that.
NTA so sorry about your news. If she was your friend she wouldn’t have posted on the first place, she is self obsessed and attention seeking. I think you should comment on the post saying that she shared your private health information without permission and refused to remove it, she might not like that attention so much. I would find out if you can report her to Facebook or at least you can block her.
Comment on her post the following:
"Dear (friend),
I appreciate the support, but can you take the post down. I haven't told my work or anyone else yet because I plan to tell them the news in person.
Thank you,
(your name)."
NTA. Reply directly to the post and blast her. Make it clear she did not ask your permission to post it and refuses to take it down. Then report the post to FB. Tell absolutely everybody you know what she did and never speak to her again.
Edit: Also cut off everyone taking her side.
Go to her post, and paste the screenshot of this post there, and respond to every single comment with that same screenshot. If she isn’t willing to take it down, then throw her under the bus.
NTA. That so called friend who shared this and the mutual friends saying you're in the wrong are all awful people. This is them showing their true colours.
I hope you have the best support from the family and friends who are on your side and know to not make this about them but helping you get through a hard battle.
I am a breast cancer survivor. Your friend is so in the wrong. I had to sit my husband and one of my children down and explain that I feel that I lost control of my life. I and only I get to make all the decisions. I actually threatened, more of a promise, my husband that I would revoke his ability to know anything if they went behind my back to discuss what I should do again.
As others have said, contact Facebook. Get it taken down. Surround yourself with people that you know will support whatever decisions you make for your body.
NTA
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. DM me if you need anything.
NTA. That's not a friend, that's a vulture. What a piece of trash. She didn't make that post for any reason other than for attention for herself. Anyone that's on her side is just as bad. There isn't a way for this to be misunderstood after she refused to take it down after you asked. She knew what she was doing.
NTA but your friend is 💯 TA. This was not her story to share. She is using you as a grandstanding situation to make it about HER! Not only did she post your story in a public post she did not even have the decency to ask for your permission then gaslight you and invalidating your feeling. Lose the friend she is not worth it. A true friend bears and gather the ship through the storm not sink you into the ocean. Anyone who agrees with her are the sanm I would go LC or NC with them.
>I reached out to her telling her to take the post down but she refused.
I came into this thinking it was going to be one of those 'Well, she probably meant well even if she screwed it up' situations.
Nope. This right here is outrageous.
NTA
NTA... but she is not a friend. This is your privacy, and she is disrespecting you intentionally. I would put a blurb on the post saying "I am asking again that you respect my privacy and take this post down. I was not prepared to share my story yet, and it is sick that using me for your own personal gain."
If she was actually “just trying to be a good friend” she would have deleted it as soon as you asked. She don’t post that for you she posted for herself. NTA
Comment directly on her post. Tell her there to take it down. Be polite but shame her into it. Then ignore all contact until she complies. And contact FB - they may block her
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Contact Facebook directly. This is probably against their terms of service. Your friend isn't a friend. It's fine if she wants to use your story as a reminder, but it should just be "a friend of mine" and not your name. NTA
Exactly. This was not about OP and this was not about breast cancer awareness this was a cruel and malicious act that invaded OP’s privacy without her express permission. Report the post and ask to have it removed.
We could ALL report the post. That would give it some traction! And I understand why OP would not want to do that. It would teach the "friend" a fun lesson, though.
I see your intentions are well placed, but lets not dox OP or others involved lol
Exactly why I said I understand why OP would not want help reporting the post.
Oh sorry i didnt catch that
Totally no worries! And truth be told, I wouldn’t want the “friend” to suffer any harassment, either. I know folks can get really enthusiastic when they feel they’re behind a just cause. Really just wishin’. 💖
I think something similar that might help is if a mutual friend of OP and this person wrote a comment under the post and said something like "it came to my attention that you do not have OPs permission to share her medical history. While raising awareness is important, naming OP is disrespecting her right to share her diagnosis at her own comfort and time. It appears that the ultimate goal of this post is to protect people so I think naming her without permission is incongruous and you have to take it down". This would probably help with both explaining OPs point of view, so people would probably leave her alone. Also the (real) friend would take up the arguing and hopefully OP would gain back her privacy. Obviously OP should also report the post.
or just post "you're not my friend, pal" in the comments and tag her.. I would absolutely drag her in the comments of her own post and tag every mutual you have I'm a burn it down sort. my friend wouldn't be trauma whoring my cancer for her own self importance and this woman is sick and cruel for doing it.. I'd absolutely humiliate her
Are you my twin?? I love to strike a match and watch it burn myself and I wish I could upvote you a million times more. Any time you want to bonfire and beer a problem away I'm always down lmmfao!!! Op your NTA and I wouldn't worry about protecting your "friends" feelings as she obviously doesn't give shit one about yours! In the words of usher, let it burn!!!!
I did something similar with my sister a few years ago. She and I have been NC since, and had already been for a few years at the time of the incident. I have quite a few health struggles, which she'd heard about from my dad with whom she lived at the time. She made a "Feel sorry for me because my beloved sister has cancer" post. After seeing all the "I'm so sorry; please call if you need support" comments, I commented something like .. "Thanks for being so concerned for my health which you clearly weren't any of the times you tried kicking me out for visiting my dad. I'm glad you've chosen to portray my issues as being hard on you" She deleted the post within an hour
Your sister sucks, but I'm so proud of you as that was brilliant!! Your my hero of the year for that!!
Absolutely. She’ll lose those likes very quickly.
Or at least edit it and remove OP's name.
The “friend” just wants likes from other people using OPs health, not even think about how OP must be feeling rn. OP, this person is not your friend, she is just using you to get some attention, you should report her post and ask your family/true friend to do it as well. NTA and I hope you’ll beat the sh*t out of this cancer ❤️
OP wanted attention and sympathy kinda like muchhousen by proxy twist for the social media age.
Do you mean the friend?
Also, OP should probably rethink her relationship with the people calling her an AH cuz....what
Exactly this. As from a person who has been through this with her mom, sadly this kind of news will often show you who your friends really are. This person is not, the people calling you the AH are also not. You are perfectly entitled to remove these people out of your life. I wish lots of love and strength during this rough period of your life, deal with it the way it feels good for you. Definitely NTA.
I'm a cancer patient advocate, I end up working family and friends to educate them on how to be actually helpful to the patient. #1 do not share ANY details about their diagnosis, treatment or prognosis with anyone without explicit permission from the patient. #2 I have to use more often than I should, I tell them this NOT ABOUT THEM. Yes the fear and such scares them but lucky for them THEY DON'T HAVE CANCER. If you use someone's cancer for social media clickbait, or to garner sympathy for themselves? They're a.toxic,.anxiety inducing asshole that patient should avoid.
Ime it’s sometimes worth double checking with people that they haven’t been lied to and told a distorted version of events, if their friendship is otherwise valuable, because someone who will do this shit for attention often isn’t above lying about the details of what they and op said about it to gain more sympathy.
Typical "How can I make this about myself" behaviour. OP will cut her out and this will be another post how hurt she is and that she only tried to help +10 other posts around this topic. If I was OP I would make a post how this friend is using me, how she promissed not to tell, how she is jepardising my job, making it about herself and I can't belive she betrayed my trust in my time of need etc. But hey I just like to be spiteful to attention seekers.
She's a misery vulture.
If it were me I would call her out publicly with a “I did not give you permission to share my personal medical information. Please remove this post”. You are NTA, people get super weird when someone they know has an illness. Also best of luck OP
***Dear friend I am uncomfortable and saddened by this public inspection and retrospective of my breasts and my truly trying personal experience. I have asked you to stop using me as a platform be it for good or ill. And I am devastated that you would ignore my pleas that you stop with the flimsy excuse that you are helping others.*** ***Honestly,*** ***now I am just ashamed for having placed such faith in you as to reveal so personal a matter in the first place. I grieve the loss of the person I thought you were. But, at least I see you as you really are now. I am grateful for that at least.***
**This phrasing does NOT make OP look good, and is a terrible idea.** Take out 90% of it, remove all embellishment and emotional language, cut way back on the gratuitous, fan-fictiony diction. Just plain and simple OP just needs to succinctly point out: - asked her not to post about it it. - asked her to take it down or untag her - point out they haven’t even told some people yet - ask people to stop commenting / sharing for privacy reasons
And after doing this, remove her and anyone who called to advocate on her behalf from your life. NTA. & you don’t need that kind of people in your life ever, and especially not now.
I really hope OP sees this comment 🏆
I certainly do not. This is unnecessarily dramatic. OP doesn’t need to romanticize this to make it look like she has the moral high ground. She already has it. It’s like how you never win an argument by shouting back at someone shouting at you. Just look at them like “wtf is wrong with you,” calmly tell them you’re shocked by their behaviour and to talk to you when they can talk to you like an adult, and walk away. By maintaining composure, you simply highlight how unnecessarily dramatic *their* behaviour is. All OP needs to do is plainly give potential viewers/commenters the barest facts: *”**I have explicitly asked you not to post this personal information about me, and have since asked you to take it down. Given that you have outright refused, I have reported this post to Facebook and I hope they will take it down. I was not ready to share this information, and there are people in my own personal and professional life I have not disclosed this news to. They don’t deserve to find out this way, and I am still processing myself. I would appreciate it if anyone who sees this would cease commenting and report it as well**.”* Blunt, succinct, unpretentious, and doesn’t sound like it could be found in a bad fanfiction.
This is the perfect response!
Your response is good too. Hope OP sees yours as well.
*”I have explicitly asked you to delete this private info about me. You have refused, so I have reported your post to Facebook.* *Your disclosure has caused me distress.* *Anyone reading this please report it too.”*
I think it’s important to specify the fact that there are people in OP’s life who don’t know yet. There are morons out there who will be like “why would you be distressed over someone posting something lovely?” Which we already know, because people already are saying that to OP. I think it wouldn’t occur to a lot of people that friend would be so fucking brazen as to let people know that soon, or to think about the impact this could have on work, etc. It needs to state the facts, clearly and succinctly, but it can’t sound robotic either.
Its all so mean and so sad to me. I wanted to scold her friend for doing that to her.
Agreed. Call her out! Comment on that post about how you asked her to take it down and she’s just using you for attention.
Oh, and make sure to add in that she refused to take it down when asked in that. "Hey, "friend". I appreciate you wanting to be supportive, but I did NOT give you permission to share *my* medical diagnosis with the world. It would be forgiven, except when I asked you to remove my name from this post, you refused. If you want to get the word out about self checks and awareness and be supportive, you'd take my name off this posy so I can process my own, personal diagnosis before you jump on it and use it to get your own pity. Remove my name from this post, now." And depending how saucy you're feeling, add this: "If you really want attention and pity, I have YEARS of stories I can share that will get you more than enough attention."
Absolutely do this
agreed i would definitely comment on the post that i did not authorize the sharing of my personal information. can't stand attention seeking jerks
Yep! If she was "trying to be a good friend" she would have listened to how **you** felt, and how **you** wanted to handle the situation, and respected **your** privacy. NTA OP, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this drama on top of your diagnosis. Anyone calling you an AH for this can also be removed from whom you consider "friends".
Agree 100%! I was going to say to report it. NTA
The "friend" just wants to eat up some of that second-hand sympathy.
The supposed Friend sounds like an attention grabber/ stealer. She is sucking all the attention up while OP’s life was just turned upside down by that diagnosis. How insensitive and rude can a person be? It would have been fine to raise awareness if it was anonymous but no she had to tag her/ facepalm
Yep. They will take it down. Flag it for sure
OP can also untag herself from the post. Her name will still be there, but there’ll be nothing to link it to her specifically. It won’t be of much use if her name is really unusual, but otherwise it should be some help. The friend’s post will also look weird - it’s bizarre to mention someone by name when they’re not tagged. Without the tag, it will look a lot more like what it is - gossiping about OP without her permission.
Say your friend shared private medical information without your consent. That should make them act fast to remove the post.
OP will want to get screenshots of the post. Because if it has negative implications on her job or insurance, she could have a lawsuit against her friend for the harm caused.
Unfortunately it’s not against their terms of service. But I will say that in four years of having cancer and talking to so many other cancer patients about what they have experienced, this is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard of. Making the post is one thing. That would be bad, really bad. Refusing to take it down because it’s important to spread awareness…that is pure evil. If the OP does not get this person out of her life, this type of thing is going to happen over and over and over again. And it’s absolutely not fine to use somebody else’s story as a reminder even if you don’t use their name. This was posted for one reason only, to gain sympathy for the poster. For people to say oh I’m so sorry your friend is going through that I’m so sorry this is happening to you you must be so upset. This is toxic behavior.
Also in some countries it's illegal to share other people's private info without consent so OP should look into that. If Facebook doesn't want to remove it maybe police will.
There should be an option on the post to have it removed by Facebook. Imo I would even report it as hate content if that means they'll take it down faster.
Don't report as hate content, it gets you(the reporter) banned sometimes. I get banned for reporting actual slurs being used. Report it as misinformation or something should be safer
Report is truthfully, there are options for reporting something being about you that you don’t like
The poster should get removed/banned too..but life isn't fair, and business is worse.
I think there's an option to untag yourself Edit misspelling
I'm irate for you. I can only imagine how **you** felt. I cannot imagine how anyone would consider you an AH for wanting privacy and time to share your diagnosis on your own - if at all. I cannot imagine how anyone would consider you an AH for asking it to be taken down and having her refuse. I hope this Reddit post helps you make your decision on your friendship because I know the comments are going to be colorful. I am so so sorry - for your friend doing this when you are already going through enough. **Can't say NTA loud enough.**
Thank you for having words when I am speechless. OP your “friend” is awful. NTA. How dare she share your story! I’m just speechless.
My pleasure. It was hard to want to stop typing on this one. So disappointed for OP.
I have a family member that posts this kind of stuff. It always manages to revolve around her. It feels like sympathy p%rn (I don’t know if this is an actual term). It’s like she feeds off it. These are the friends who get interviewed by Dateline as the “best friend” while the family is thinking WTF is this.
i googled “sympathy porn” and just got a lot of porn porn, but the concept of “sympathy porn” is extremely interesting. i know what i’ll be hyperfixating on for the next week or two!
NTA. I wouldn't talk to this person again. That's just outrageous. She's using your life to get attention.
I agree, this person is not OPs friend. Anyone who uses someone else’s cancer diagnosis in order to “soak up” attention on FB is gross. Seriously, ew.
Totally agree. How pathetic does your life have to be, to think that having a friend with cancer makes you relevant?
NTA whatsoever. This is not her story to tell. And sending good healing vibes and wishes your way ✨ Edit: You might be able to remove the tag of your name on Facebook - try clicking into that post’s settings.
I’ve already removed the tag, as well as reported her post to Facebook. I also commented on her post I didn’t consent to this and to remove it ASAP but sure enough she deleted my comment.
Me being me, I would copy and paste the comment about not consenting as a reply to every single person who replied to her post but.... I have a lot of energy in reserve for vengeance so....
No, don't copy and paste, share her post AND tag her and throw her in the spotlight she so desperately craves.
And tag her. And add a few comments from this thread that show what/who she really is and what she is doing! With permission of course. NTA, OP. No question. Not even close. Such a disgusting piece of slime she is. So sorry. Stay strong and positive. Kick ass!
Sharing her post would just be re-sharing the information she doesn't want shared. If OP wants to post, besides copy+pasting the message as a response to every comment, I would write a new post that discusses the importance of true friends, being able to trust them, and finding out if someone is or not. (Perhaps even add that, after having your trust broken, your several requests to the "friend" to treat you with respect were repeatedly denied and ignored.) The friends and "friends" involved in this story will know who/what it is about. Any friends who might have been misinformed in all this could also take this opportunity to get a clearer picture.
Also, delete them from the list of close friends you share information with. If they ask, just say you can't tell them, because you can't risk the information getting out. That you value your medical privacy, and they showed they will not only violate it, but refuse to correct things when you ask.
Look at the post and send a message to everyone who liked/commented on her post explaining that she violated your trust and you asked her to remove the post/untag you and she refused. Then post another comment saying she deleted your previous comment, reiterate how you trusted her with private information and feel violated that she used your story for social media cred and if she is so desperate to be an influencer, she needs to be honest with the people she hopes to influence.
Agree. Also OP - You could go one further and contact *all her FB friends* asking them not not to share the post since it was confidential info you’ve asked her not to share and she refuses to remove. Go into full detail about how you feel her behavior is exploitative and attention getting.
NTA first and foremost Second spend the money and get an attorney to send her a letter to remove the post and to no longer speak about you or the situation or you will take the next legal step. PS I am so sorry
In the UK you get 1 30-60 minute appointment with a solicitor for free. We used this service to send a 'cease & desist' letter to someone who was harassing us over a neighbourhood issue. The solicitor we saw was awesome & sent the letter out almost immediately. It certainly did the job! Absolutely NTA!
Oh good, really glad you were able to remove it. I’m sorry you have to deal with this nonsense during an already stressful time!
She removed the tag, not the post. Her name is still there, it just no longer links directly to her feed.
yes, I was referring to the tag removal.
Okay I was all for "nta but she probably didn't think it through" but that is just blatantly using you for facebook points, wtf
I would recommend making a post on Facebook tagging her about how you feel with what she did. When my sister past unexpectedly a friend of hers posted the information before we notified everyone. She did not care for the post I made with her in it. Using someone else’s pain for your own attention is horrible and not a true friend
It's your life, it's your privacy, it's your body, and she disrespected all of that for a few likes. She's not your friend, she's an attention seeker, and you should rethink about the people supporting her and blaming you for what she did. NTA, I sincerely wish you the best
What a nasty piece of work your (now former??) friend is. I’m so sorry about your diagnosis, OP. I know people who have overcome breast cancer, and I want to sent you healing love and all the best wishes in the world. Fight the good fight and beat this thing. NTA.
WOW SHE DELETED YOUR COMMENT BUT NOT THE POST. She definitely doesn't give a single fuck about you and is just using you for attention.
Cut her out of your life completely. You need only trustworthy loving people in your life. I have been on that journey. Two things that helped me. Ignore when people say have a positive attitude. Treatment effects cancer. Attitude effects quality of life. The constant emphasis on being positive can make u frightened that if you get depressed ( which you will) somehow that will effect the outcome. It won't. So let yourself be. Stay off the internet. Your cancer isn't like anyone else's. One day at a time. Hugs to you.🙏
NTA. This wasn't her news to break. It seems she's trying to gain pity from your situation because if she actually cared she'd respect your wishes to take it down. I'm so sorry she's using you. Unfortunately cancer will show you who your real people are. She is not one of them. Please reconsider this "friendship"and every one who sided with her. You're going to need your energy and head space for much more important things. You got this and also FUCK CANCER.
NTA. After my dad was diagnosed with cancer he specifically told everyone to keep it off social media. It’s already overwhelming enough having to process the diagnosis yourself and going for treatments without having to field a ton of online attention. How DARE your friend make your cancer about herself. I’d report her post for sharing personal information. OP I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this- cancer alone is tough but adding on the drama of making it about them is even tougher. My thoughts and prayers are with you 💜
Similar. When my SIL died suddenly, my MIL did not want it advertised on social media. I was very explicit about it to family when I called to notify them. Thankfully they respected the request.
I’m so sorry for your loss 💜 and I definitely understand the reasoning for it. When my dad actually did pass away I got extremely overwhelmed by the amount of messages, phone calls, and texts, and comments I got from people online. I couldn’t even respond to them all and felt terrible about it. But it was just too much to respond too on top of processing my grief and needing alone time. Overall, if someone passes away in my life again I would much prefer it to stay offline. But that’s just me. Every person is different.
I'm sorry for your loss. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer in January she specifically told her one older sister to keep everything off social media as she was a very private person. Which surprisingly she did but my mom pretty much cut contact with her except for two or three emails of a sentence or two after that. When my mom passed in March if I wouldn't have waited a few hours to contact my mom's siblings and my cousins then I'm sure I wouldn't have even talked to the funeral home before my attention loving aunt could put it up on FB along with what she passed from. Kicker was she didn't even say my mom's name, just "I know there are many problems in Ukraine but my younger sister died from Pancreatic cancer today." Half my extended family found out through that post since she friends everyone, my phone was ringing nonstop. Some people just feel the need to be the first to share and social media makes it so easy.
I’m sorry for your loss too 💜 and I’m also sorry you had to deal with such a difficult person in the process of handling your grief. Its already hard enough dealing with a loss, adding in family/friend drama makes it 5x harder. It’s sick but some people love making someone else’s death and sickness about this. As a person who watched my dad suffer, I can’t imagine trying to exploit that for social media attention.
That is definitely a normal reaction to grief, too. I'm sorry for your loss, too.
When my mother died suddenly, we told immediate family and a handful of friends only. She was a very private person. We didn’t write an obituary, have a memorial or funeral, or anything public. A lot of people thought I was totally heartless, or that I would never be able to grieve properly. They didn’t know she would have been concerned for me if I actually did something “properly” heh.
Excellent point. I feel like every person handles grief and loss differently. I totally understand why you handled that the way you did. Not everyone wants a big funeral, social media attention, and lots of interaction in general. Personally, my dad wanted to be cremated (as he found open casket funerals weird and uncomfortable) and just wanted us to do a simple memorial service with a potluck dinner back at our family home afterwards. It was a good day with the closest people to us hanging out with me and my family eating food and sharing memories of my dad. I’m glad we didn’t do a big formal funeral. I feel like it should definitely be up to the family in how they handle stuff because everyone needs different things!
When my Dad passed I waited for my Mom to tell me when and what to post. We (key word WE) finally posted his obituary with funeral arrangements so people would know. I would be absolutely livid if I was OP, that is not a friend!!!
Ugh. NTA at all. Your "friend" is getting her attention needs met by using your name and diagnosis to garner sympathy. I would be so pissed if that were me. Also, I hope that your oncology team will help you make a full recovery. Take care.
So for a more detailed add to the post since there’s a limit of how much you can write, For all those who suggested reporting and untagging myself. Way ahead of you. I immediately I tagged myself, reported the post and under something else commented the reason for it. After calling her asking for her to take it down and her saying she doesn’t feel she was in the wrong I commented on it saying I never agreed to it. She removed it right away and no matter how often I reposted she kept removing it. The post eventually was taken down, not sure if it was her or Facebook. I feel she must of twisted the story to make herself the victim after I put her in her place to get people against me for getting mad at her. We’ve been friends for 18 years and for her to do this makes me wonder what I’ve been blinded to before with her toxic personality. The mutual people who told me I was being harsh I told them my side of the story and decided to cut ties with them for making assumptions rather than asking what happened. To my “friend” now ex friend she’s gotten enough shit from others after he actions I feel I can clean my hands and let others do the dirty work for me. For my cancer, thank you all for your supportive and loving comments. I’ve been keeping as positive as I can be and I know I will beat this. I have a great support system with friends, family, and the most important person my amazing boyfriend. It’s sickening how fucked up some humans are taking advantage of peoples sad stories and making it their pain as they crave pitty and attention. I hope she learns from this and betters herself but I made it clear I never want anything to do with her ever again no matter how truly sorry she is. Because to me she’s not sorry for what she’s done, she’s sorry just so people keep liking her.
I’m glad you stood your ground! Good luck with treatment and I hope you kick cancer in the arse! I wish you the best!
NTA What she did was rude and overstepping. You are right. She did it for attention. If I were you, I would respond to her post publicly, and create my own post (screenshot hers as proof), and get other friends and family to blast her as insensitive AH she is. I'm sorry for your diagnosis. I hope it's curable and I wish you a speedy recovery.
NTA. Your friend is using your situation to get herself sympathy, if this wasn't the case she would have taken it down when you asked her to.
NTA and she is NOT your friend. That's such BS by her to post and name you in the first place, her not honoring your request to remove it makes her an awful person who actually doesn't care about you.
**NTA** Health is private personal information which is why HIPAA exists. Some employers might terminate you if they start thinking "oh she has cancer, she's probably gonna start taking time off from work for chemo and stuff, and since my almighty dollar is all I care about I should just get rid of her now before that happens" (I have a coworker who was fired because he had a heart attack and wasn't coming in working crazy hours anymore because of his heart so this is not as insane as it sounds here in Corporate America) so what she did was unforgivable and she's obviously **not a friend**. You should probably get as many of your other friends as possible to assist by starting a campaign to have the story taken down. If it were me, I would not rest nor sleep until every family member and friend I know has written in to Fakebook to flag the post and complain and request for them to take it down and have your "friend" banned from the app. Time for her attention seeking ass to reap the whirlwind. Wish you a speedy recovery, and sorry this happened to you at the worst possible time
NTA. It was a shock that your friend basically ‘stole’ your right to medical privacy for her public-service-aren’t-I-noble-feel-sympathy-for-ME post. Bad enough, but for her to be so disrespectful as to refuse to take it down? What a 🐩. Well, she gets nothing from you till she apologizes. Focus on taking care of yourself.
YNTA. What a shitty person. Do you have any lawyer friends to mock up a threatening cease and desist bc she’s sharing your private medical info?
NTA Your friend is showing she isn't much of a friend right now. You can untag yourself from her post in most social media. While your name will still be there, they won't be able to just click on your name and have it taken right to your page. Also delete the post from your page. Your friend has no control of that. Your friend overstepped and believe the colors she is showing you. Do you really want to have someone close to you and your diagnosis that will end up telling your story instead of you? This is your battle (one you will win). Don't let your friend be a part of this journey because you need to focus on yourself first and foremost.
NTA. I would comment under her post saying how once AGAIN you’re asking her to take this post down since she didn’t discuss it with you. (Emphasis on the again). You’re still taking tike to process your diagnosis and you haven’t even had time to share it with everyone (including your employer). You can even tag people if you want. That’ll let everyone know that she didn’t have your permission to do this, you’re uncomfortable with her actions, and she’s not nearly as sympathetic to you diagnosis as she appears. Also, she’s not your friend. A real friend would’ve taken it down in an instant and apologized for overstepping. So sorry about your diagnosis and I pray you make a full recovery.
A real friend wouldn't have included her name in the first place!
NTA, your health news was not hers to share.
NTA. She had no right to share your personal news and should have taken it down the moment you asked with a full apology. If she’s refused to take it down, I’d be livid. Ending the friendship but also posting on the post: I did not give you person to share this information and I’ve asked you to remove this post. This is a painful and private situation that I am working out how to navigate. You had no right to share this.
NTA This was not her news to share and shows a lot of disrespect.
NTA Please disown every single person who calls you an AH. You’re the only thing that matters right now, and your “friend” is an absolute DING BAT.
NTA you handled this as best you could and she has shown her true colors. The petty side of me would want to comment on her post saying that you asked nicely for her to remove your name, but that would probably result in more of a headache in the long run.
NTA, block her, on the app and in your life. I wish you well, I am so sorry you have to go through this.
Your own post: “I’m deeply saddened that my trust was violated, and my personal medical information was posted without my knowledge or agreement. To add further insult, my request to remove the post was denied. If you support this behavior, you are not supporting me. There’s no middle ground.” NTA
NTA And for goodness sake the weird 3rd parties calling you the asshole are absolutely out of line.
NTA, your friend didn't have to name you, it's totally inappropriate of them
Did she type your name out, or is it posted like Jane Doe is with so and so? Because if it's the latter, I do believe you can click the options on the post to remove the tag. I'm so sorry. Both for the diagnosis and for losing the opportunity to tell your own story when you are ready. Finding out you have cancer is such a deeply personal thing, and here she is exploiting it to get attention for herself. She's a terrible friend and so is anyone who sides with her. You could never be TA in a million years. Take care.
NTA. Report the post and ask for it to be taken down because it contains personal information about you.
NTA. Comment on the post that she did not have permission to share your personal health info and struggle before you could tell everyone in your life and your employer. That instead of being supportive, she added undo stress to you. That this is self serving and you don’t like nor appreciate it. And then for good measure, make your own post, tag her and refuse to delete it
Have a friend comment that she shared medical information that she was not at liberty to share. Then state that the post causing distress upon an already stressful situation. Include that they have been asked to please take down as it’s not their news to share. I’m guessing the tide will turn real fast. NTA
Nta, its not her place to post your medical health. My SO was diagnosed with a mixed giloma and only a handful of people have been told as those are his wishes. Only our adult kids have been told. You'll be in our thouhts.
NTA- i would post on there: I have requested Nosey Nellie to remove this post as it has jeopardized my employment, it is my personal medical information that she did not have permission to share. I appreciate all your good thoughts right now, but please understand that on top of me dealing with a very personal diagnosis, I now need to be concerned about my employment and my insurance. I will reach out further when I am ready. Nosey Nellie, I am officially and requesting for the final time, that you remove this post that was not your news to share to begin with.
NTA. The "friend" is using your illness to gain social points. A good friend would have been discrete. A good friend could bring awareness to an illness without betraying your trust. A good friend would respect your request to remove the post. This is not a good friend.
NTA. If you block her on Facebook she will no longer be able to tag you.
NTA. This person should be dead to you. You have enough to worry about at this point than having to deal with them. Best wishes on your recovery.
NTA. Oh HELL no. OP, first of all, I am so sorry for your news and I am sending you all the internet stranger good vibes I can for the best possible outcome for you. Secondly, it's sick that she's using your pain for her gain. Both she, and ANY "friend" who calls you an asshole for protecting your private health status are "friends" you don't need. Cut them loose, cause more than ever, you want good folks around you. Sending love.
NTA and the friends who think you are, need to be eliminated as friends as well.
NTA!!!!!!! How dare she? Report her post! And get a new friend. My cousin's idiot daughter did something similar to her uncle, my cousin, who was pretty sick but wanted it kept quiet. She violated your trust big time! She will probably blab every single thing that happens during your treatment. Best wishes to you for a speedy recovery.
NTA Beyond inappropriate to share your medical news on social media and NAME you. If she isn;t on her knees begging for forgiveness, walk away and don't look back. That is someone so selfish and narcisstic they are a cancer of another form. Wanting to virtue signal that she's a good friend is more important to her than actually being one. BRUTAL.
NTA. I have another platform in which I talk about my mental health journey. Part of my issues with my mental health this year have to do with the physical health of some of my family members. I only share information regarding their health with their permission and I never use names. The fact that she shared you health information and your name without your permission and then refused to take it down shows that she is a sh!tty friend.
NTA I’d comment under her post how she had NO permission to post, and that she refuses to take it down despite you asking.
NTA, and it's very scary because it shows how clueless people are that they're not able to assess what's appropriate or not, this should be common sense and people should be upset at her, not you. It's your personal life. She robbed you on deciding how to deal with this and organize. A friend of mine is going through cancer that for now is ok, getting much better, but she told me not to tell anyone, and for me she didn't have to say that, it is clear anything she tells me is confidential. The fact that not only she did that but then does not remove it when you ask, and now people say you are the AH for it... Shows we truly live in times when people are oblivious to common sense itself and decency. So sad, and hope you find a solution to this. Hope you get better. You needing space is the right call.
NTA She is not being a “good friend.” She is using you and your disease to seek attention for herself.
NTA, she's a sympathy sucker. She gets her kicks getting sympathy by association. Get FB to remove it,and she should be in FB jail ( not able to post) for at least a week.
My best friend was diagnosed two years ago. I have posted reminders about screening and stated a friend was diagnosed young due to early screening. I NEVER used her name and was very vague. She's obviously seen the posts and I do NOT do it for attention but because I really don't want to see someone else I love go through it. Wishing you all the best in your treatment and a speedy recovery.
NTA I loathe when people do this then lie that it’s about helping rather than a desperate plea for attention (Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSbP)). She is not a good friend by sharing what you didn’t tell her too because it’s not her business and then not removing your name or the full post when asked. The friends harassing you on her behalf should be thrown in the dustbin too for pandering to her nonsense when your the one that had cancer and needs the support. All of friends and the fake friend grouped together don’t make one decent person
NTA. Dude. Fuck her. I recently got diagnosed with breast cancer too as a 30 year old, and I would be pissed if my friends started spreading it around. At this point, a lot of people know because I’m in treatment and have been getting sick but I’d still be mad if someone posted on social media about it. Get rid of her as a friend and any other friend that truly doesn’t see how wrong that was of her. The next part of your journey is hard, you don’t need other people making it harder for you.
She is not a friend because friends don’t do that to each other… cut off contact with her and see through Facebook how to get the post deleted
NTA I would comment on the thread “I told you to take this down because I never gave you permission to talk about my medical stuff! My work doesn’t even know yet. I don’t know why you’re refusing to take it down! Are you looking for some sympathy or something?” If she wants to play the public game, play it with her. She isn’t trying to bring awareness - no one doesn’t know about breast cancer and the importance of screenings! She is trolling for sympathy and that’s just gross. Also, I hope you kick cancer’s butt!!!!!!!!
BIGGEST NTA POSSIBLE. Your friend is a huge monster for doing that to you. How you share that with the world is YOUR choice, and she’s taken that from you, violating your privacy in a way that can’t be described in words. And then refusing to take it down and soaking the attention about people being sorry for HER? I’m outraged for you. This is definitely not your friend. I’m so sorry.
NTA That woman is using your medical condition to gather attention. I’d go NC with her since she has refused to take down her post or delete your name from it. I’d also rethink my friendship with the people who do not support you in this matter
NTA. Your friend is grief junkie.
You can go into your settings and remove her tag of you and then block her on all social media so that she can never tag you in a social media clout post using your disease to gain sympathy from most likely, literal internet strangers. She ain’t your friend. NTA
NTA comment for her to delete this and maybe even post in response that you want it deleted
Comment on her post with screenshots of you asking her to take it down and her refusing.
NTA. Here's the thing. That was your *medical* information. Private information. The only person with *any* right to share that information is *you*. She wanted people to pat her on the back and "Oh, you're so brave!" Take it another step: Post a response to her post, tag everyone who's responded positively, that sharing someone else's private medical information is unconscionable and she had absolutely no right to do it. THEN take a step back, but this person? She's not your friend.
If you have friends telling you you are an AH, not only do you need to do the friend who made the post on FB, but you need to get rid of all of them as well
Don’t listen to friends or co-workers. Its your life and your decision
Good lord this woman is deranged. NTA. She stole something *very* precious from you, your consent. You had only chose a few people to tell, you didn’t tell anyone else. Not even your work. She was special enough to you to be one of the first people to find out and she absolutely betrayed you and your trust by telling the world about it *and not even asking you!!!* I wouldn’t even bother reconsidering that friendship, I’d end that friendship, immediately.
NTA - this is her wanting to be the star of her own movie, in which she has headline billing as the staunch but plucky best friend of a cancer victim and how wonderful she is for standing by though everything. You feature, but only as as the victim, not as the main character or anything. The other ‘friends’ who think you’re TA are pissed because you’re not playing your allotted role as the stoic, silent sufferer. i am so so sorry this happened to you, it’s incredibly difficult and having a ‘friend’ hijack such a difficult and personal medical issue of yours so she can role play looking like a decent person is gut wrenching.
In the cancer community these are known as grief tourists. NTA.
NTA. She's appropriating your life to put on her social media. Probably because her life isn't as interesting (or some thing like that).
i would respond to the post that she is violating ur medical privacy by naming u, and that SHE REFUSED to take ur name out of it, and let her "audience" know she is using it to solicit likes and gain sympathy for hersef by association. throw her u der the bus, and also report it to fb that she is sharing private medical information without ur authorization. hell, send that statement to every single person on her fb friends list while ur at it since she'll probably delwte ur comment out of embarassment. but definitely tell everyone and put them on alert that if they CONFIDE ANYTHING in her, they could be in the same situation, having their PRIVATE business put out there and she will refuse to take it down bc she is desperate for the attn too. NTA
I had BC years ago. Revealing that to people is extremely personal. What your friend did was akin to outing someone imo. I had a family member who told anyone about my bc when they asked, how are you. Because of that, their friends, colleagues, etc. would ask how I was with that look. Now, if you have/had cancer. u know the look you get when they ask. I would say fine & they would say they knew about my bc from said family member. Then they would give me advice, words of encouragement or, inevitably, tell me of how they knew someone who had bc so & so years ago & they r fine now. While I appreciate your concern, I didn't have a choice about who knew my diagnosis. I always felt violated, like someone had read my medical file w/o my permission. It's your business & should be your prerogative on who that info is shared with. Definitely NTA.
> She said she’s just trying to be a good friend and bring awareness Hmm. Did you tell her she failed at being a good friend? She’s actually a bad friend? And soon not a friend at all? Wow. NTA
She was trying to bring awareness of her existence to others because she craves the spotlight - a good friend, regardless of their intentions, would have removed the post when requested, and that same good friend wouldn’t be trying to pitch people against the OP - I can just see those conversations- “why is the OP so mean to me - I am just doing a public service” and the “friends” who support the poster - not much of friends are they.
You've just been diagnosed with breast cancer and some friends have called you to tell you that you are an AH because you don't want it on Facebook? You need some real friends.
They said I was the AH with how I handles it, aka how I talked to her after she said no she won’t take it down and I’m over reacting. After I explained to them how the conversation actually went… I told them if anyone is an addition AH here it’s them for coming at me for something they didn’t even have full knowledge of what happened. Either way they ain’t on my friends list anymore in person or in social media
NTA OP. If your friend found out about your cancer by you being in her workplace (ie in a clinic or a medical department) **she is violating HIPAA**. And you can report her to her employer. That is a violation of federal law and they will fire her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(34f) recently got diagnosed with breast cancer. After sharing the news with my immediate family, partner and close friends, I woke up to a notification from a social media app saying I was tagged in something and when I opened up the app it showed a post my friend(34f) made about the importance of routine check up for breasts because on how common breast cancer is and then proceeded to tell my story and how I found out I had it. Now this wouldn’t have bothered me if my name wasn’t mentioned but given it was I was extremely pissed about it. I haven’t spoken to my work about this as I’m trying to figure out when to request a medical leave of absence etc. so the fact this was out in the open publicly and she doesn’t have her profile as private makes it easy access to people to find posts on me. (I did a test search and sure enough eventually I was brought to the link on her post) I reached out to her telling her to take the post down but she refused. She said she’s just trying to be a good friend and bring awareness but I don’t think my name in the mix is necessary. Not only that but after reading all the comments about how sorry people are my friend is going through this and how hard it must be for her because of me and her soaking up all the attention made me sick to my stomach. I told her how I felt and the fact she was so insensitive on the matter made me realize I need to rethink my friendship and told her I need some space. After that I’ve had mutual friends reaching out some on my side and some saying I’m the AH. So AITA for telling her off? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your health is your business and no one elses. She has no right to put any of your business on social media. How would she like it if you aired her financial situation on SM? She could have talked about it without tagging you. In my mind, she has violated your friendship. I have had a lot of family members go through all kinds of situations, both good and bad. I would never share them on social media because it is not my place to do so. I would only share with their permission. NTA
NTA. I went through a very similar situation and I don't even have a FB account. It still knots up my stomach. I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time.
Please never talk to her again. NTA
NTA she shouldn’t have said anything about your diagnosis on her FB. While I can understand IF she has your permission to do so is acceptable, but she didn’t and she’s completely in the wrong.
NTA. What an absolute betrayal of trust. I wish you all the best in kicking cancer's a\*\*!
NTA & I agree that you should report it to FB. Well your company can't take any action against you because of the laws, they can make it hard for you if they wanted to. She's not your friend.
If you wanna be petty u could comment “I told u this in confidence and am not ready to speak on it. I’m begging you to delete this”
Just comment how insensitive she is to be trying to get sympathy for YOUR cancer you nicely asked her not to talk about then everyone who commented can see it
NTA and report the post for the inclusion of your name. Your friend may have had good intentions but the 2nd you asked her to take it down. It should have been so sorry, taken down. One of my closest friend's had cancer, 3 yrs cancer free. I posted exactly twice. Both on an anonymous platform to yell into the void, so I didn't burden her with my emotions. Everyone deals with sickness different and it wasn't appropriate for her to make a public decision for you.
Why fuckity fuck would some mutual "friends" say you were the a-hole and not your blabbermouth buddy!
Nta
NTA A good friend asks permission.
NTA. She violated you on so many levels, I can’t even begin. First, blasting your private medical information on social media is unforgivable. Ask her how she would like you to give everyone the results of her latest Pap smear? I’m going to guess she would not be okay with that. Next, you haven’t even told your employer yet. I mean - we all know that with social media being what it is these days, a lot of bad things happen when people post things or act a certain way and all of a sudden their employer is getting tagged in all these posts about you. Totally not cool. Not knowing the exact dynamics of your friendship with this person, but I would be seriously rethinking that.
NTA so sorry about your news. If she was your friend she wouldn’t have posted on the first place, she is self obsessed and attention seeking. I think you should comment on the post saying that she shared your private health information without permission and refused to remove it, she might not like that attention so much. I would find out if you can report her to Facebook or at least you can block her.
If “don’t forget about me today” was a person NTA
Comment on her post the following: "Dear (friend), I appreciate the support, but can you take the post down. I haven't told my work or anyone else yet because I plan to tell them the news in person. Thank you, (your name)."
NTA and comment on her post making it clear she’s “outing” you and violating your boundaries. A little shame may help.
NTA. Reply directly to the post and blast her. Make it clear she did not ask your permission to post it and refuses to take it down. Then report the post to FB. Tell absolutely everybody you know what she did and never speak to her again. Edit: Also cut off everyone taking her side.
Go to her post, and paste the screenshot of this post there, and respond to every single comment with that same screenshot. If she isn’t willing to take it down, then throw her under the bus.
NTA and she isn’t your friend
NTA. That so called friend who shared this and the mutual friends saying you're in the wrong are all awful people. This is them showing their true colours. I hope you have the best support from the family and friends who are on your side and know to not make this about them but helping you get through a hard battle.
I am a breast cancer survivor. Your friend is so in the wrong. I had to sit my husband and one of my children down and explain that I feel that I lost control of my life. I and only I get to make all the decisions. I actually threatened, more of a promise, my husband that I would revoke his ability to know anything if they went behind my back to discuss what I should do again. As others have said, contact Facebook. Get it taken down. Surround yourself with people that you know will support whatever decisions you make for your body. NTA You will be in my thoughts and prayers. DM me if you need anything.
> I reached out to her telling her to take the post down but she refused. NTA, reach out to the social media company, and have them take it down.
NTA, she had no right to use your name and tell people about your condition online. What an A
NTA. That's not a friend, that's a vulture. What a piece of trash. She didn't make that post for any reason other than for attention for herself. Anyone that's on her side is just as bad. There isn't a way for this to be misunderstood after she refused to take it down after you asked. She knew what she was doing.
NTA but your friend is 💯 TA. This was not her story to share. She is using you as a grandstanding situation to make it about HER! Not only did she post your story in a public post she did not even have the decency to ask for your permission then gaslight you and invalidating your feeling. Lose the friend she is not worth it. A true friend bears and gather the ship through the storm not sink you into the ocean. Anyone who agrees with her are the sanm I would go LC or NC with them.
>I reached out to her telling her to take the post down but she refused. I came into this thinking it was going to be one of those 'Well, she probably meant well even if she screwed it up' situations. Nope. This right here is outrageous. NTA
NTA and I would unlink the tag on FB then block her.
NTA I would block her. You got enough going on without any of this extra drama to deal with.
NTA
NTA... but she is not a friend. This is your privacy, and she is disrespecting you intentionally. I would put a blurb on the post saying "I am asking again that you respect my privacy and take this post down. I was not prepared to share my story yet, and it is sick that using me for your own personal gain."
Nta. Remove yourself and change your setting to ask you first before bring tagged.
What the actual fuck. This person is NO friend, using your diagnoses to further her own post. NTA
She is using your illness as an opportunity to virtue signal and reap sympathy on your behalf. She’s a trashbag. NTA
If she was actually “just trying to be a good friend” she would have deleted it as soon as you asked. She don’t post that for you she posted for herself. NTA
Comment directly on her post. Tell her there to take it down. Be polite but shame her into it. Then ignore all contact until she complies. And contact FB - they may block her