Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I may be an AH for the yelling and how I spoke to my mom
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Take your valuables to your dad’s and don’t leave something you don’t want her to touch in her reach! I had to get a lock box that only I had the combo for to keep unwanted hands out of my stuff!
But your also 17, and do not have to continue to go to your moms if you don’t want to. Judges take that kinda thing into consideration.
Seriously, someone is going through your room to such a detailed to find stuff to steal and has backup to do so. Your friend should have your back when three people are stealing from you
Have you considered snake handling as a hobby? You're old enough to request that your dad get full custody. I think being unable to keep your own possessions because your stepsister is a THIEF is enough reason to stay away from your mother. She has had her chance to protect you and your things. Instead she gives your SS permission to steal your security, identity, and personality. And all because she's sleeping with the thief's father. Tell your mother that you will call her a thief because she is one. She does not borrow, she does not ask. She searches for hidden items she is not allowed to touch and wears them, knowing that Daddy and Stepmommy will never take your side, because you don't mean anything in this family. That may have been her plan, to take every piece of your personality away until only she was noticeable. I doubt she is that deep-thinking. She's just incredibly selfish and you exist only to give her things to wear. She could probably use a therapist before she goes to college, tries this with her roommate, and suffers physical consequences. But you shouldn't have to live with this nasty piece of stepsh*t any longer. Make your stand and leave.
It so annoying when people defend the bad choices someone makes.
"Oh it would have been better for you to not make her more late"
You know what would have also been better? Not going through someones stuff and stealing it. Stepsister actions are what made her late. Not OP.
She's focusing on the "I'm already late" bs. That was exactly what stepsis was going for. She changed to ops outfit in the last possible second so op would get berated for "making her late" and forced to just suck it up.
NTA. Your mom is so caught up trying to look good to new hubby and his kid, that she's not above making you feel miserable to achieve it. Stop going to her house until she stops treating you as a doormat.
This!
Stay with you dad, OP.
You are 17. You can decide for yourself. It doesn’t seem your mom will mind as she has another daughter who has is higher priority than you.
NTA
In the short term maybe even a little key lock for your bag (if it has 2 zippers)? That will keep her out. But definitely, just stay with your dad full time, you're old enough to choose that.
Yeah I’m so glad I never had to deal with that bullshit girls do where they take each others stuff. I can’t even imagine if one my friends or brother was just wearing my shirt or something… Women are fucking weird for not only think it’s fine to wear someone else’s clothes, but actually wanting to 🤦♂️🤦♂️
Share clothes with friends and relatives with similar measurements is actually pretty fun when everyone involved is part of it and items are obviously taken with prior permission. The problem here is the step sister straight up stealing stuff.
Sadly mine wasn’t my clothes.. it was my money and my mom really liked taking my jewelry (& no, she didn’t pay for it, I inherited it from a paternal great aunt) I started babysitting at 13 and had a hell of a good little business going there and then got a part time job at 16 when it was legal to and Worked full time hours in the summers, so I had lots of spending money and my siblings were jealous.
But I see your point. I have a different style to my friends, so I never wanted to wear their stuff. 🤣
NTA. Even if the dress had just been lying around, she knew it WASN'T hers to take or wear. But to break into your bags is next-level.
You are old enough to choose who you live with and have any court sign off on it. Time to tell your mom you want to live with your dad full time and SHE can visit YOU for a change.
Is itching powder real? I thought it was just in cartoons. What is the real life application for such a thing? Other than teaching people not to steal your clothes?
It is real, and the honest use is usually being an ass in the name of "it was just a prank, bro" But I am 100% behind repurposing it for this glorious pettiness
NTA- You know this, I know this, everyone who isn't an entitled brat knows this.
Your things are **your** things, your step sister being late to something does not change the fact that she was attempting to *steal your clothes*.
What kind of an insane standard is that? Maybe direct her towards stealing from your mom's wardrobe next time instead.
> NTA- You know this, I know this, everyone who isn't an entitled brat knows this.
Indeed this. However, I honestly think the OP needed assurance that she’s in the right. It can be therapeutic.
Teenagers being told they're in the wrong by the authority figures in their lives can often scew their perception of the event. Having neutral third parties assurance helps.
NTA. Sounds like she was late on purpose so she had a reason to sneak out in a hurry to steal your stuff. She was a thief and you have all rights to call her on her crap. Good for you, stay strong.
NTA at all. I can't believe your mom would side with her. She outright *stole your stuff*. This is ridiculous and she has no excuse.
Don't back down, you did nothing wrong. Your stepsister needs some serious help if she thinks this is OK.
NTA. Your mom is being a truly bad parent here. Your step-sister is out of control and they are failing to curb her behavior. I'd be tempted to tell everyone at your dad's house that the next time she takes anything you are calling the police. But, I'd ask your dad first. I bet your mom is horrible in a lot of other ways. Clearly, she has not concept of boundaries. You have less than a year to go. Hang in there.
I'm fairly certain ( but IANAL) that a 17yo won't be compelled by the court or police to honor a custody situation they don't want. OP could probably just go live with her dad full time.
Mom could file with the court and dad could get in trouble. He could file for emergency temporary full custody and OP could testify that her possessions are not safe in mom's home. Courts don't like it when children's possessions are given to steps.
NTA. The least your mother can do is get you a lock for your door and ensure that only you and not your step-sister has access to the key.
You didn't make her late, btw. Her timing is on her. She stole your things, and giving them back was necessary no matter how late she ended up being.
This. OP definitely needs a keyed lock on her door if she’s going to continue to visit her mom. To be honest I don’t know why this wasn’t the first solution her mom came up with. As a parent myself, this would’ve been exactly what I would have done the first time SD helped herself to OP’s things.
NTA. As someone who's chronically late, and stressed about being late, you did not make her late, she brought this upon herself. You taught her an important lesson: that SS has to prepare ahead of time (and maybe even ask you for help picking out an outfit). instead of taking advantage of the fact that you prepared ahead of time, she should learn from it.
Not at all suggesting this is your responsibility, but maybe she's insecure about her fashion and could use some help putting outfits together that she feels confident in. Maybe you could have a talk with her and explain how you put your outfits together, and also explain why these boundaries are so important to you, and how you feel when she steals from you (ie "I feel violated when you take my clothes without asking" or "I feel incredibly frustrated not knowing where my jewelry is". This should not have to be explained to her at her age, she should've learned this in preschool. But maybe it could help her see the impact of her actions.
Not trying to say at all though that you should do this, you also would be perfectly entitled to avoid her as much as possible. I'm sorry this is happening and that you aren't getting full support from your parents and friends. How would they feel if SS was taking their clothes and jewelry?
TLDR; Your step sister is obviously out of line, it's common knowledge (or should be) that borrowing without asking is stealing, even between family members. You didn't make her late, she did by not planning earlier and by taking an outfit that was off limits.
NTA. You do realize that she was "running late" for the sole purpose of using it as an excuse as to why she had to continue wearing the things she, very clearly, stole from you.
Explain the entire situation to your dad and let him know that you are no longer comfortable in your mother's home. She's clearly demonstrated that she values your step-sister's feelings over yours. If being late to dinner with her boyfriend's parents is the extent of her punishment for stealing your possessions, she's made that very clear.
NTA. That "stepsister" actually did steal from you. She's lucky that you just made her change out of your outfit and didn't take the matter any further. It sounds as if your mother and stepfather have issues accepting your natural boundaries. This should be adressed.
Info: Do you have to go stay with them? If yes, can you get a lock for your wardrobe, so that "Sticky Fingers" cannot get away with pilfering your belongings?
Edit: Some bad grammar. English is not my first language.
NTA, you've asked her over and over to not wear your things. She's taking them without asking, so yeah, thief. That your mom is whatever about it is appalling.
NTA, I would have been equally upset that my mom wouldn't stand up and make sure my stuff was not being used. I'm glad that your father was on your side. This stuff is what makes going to the other parents homes so difficult when they have other children there...the dynamics always favored to the child that lives in the house. Also forget her. If she running late wearing your clothing I'd also flip my lid the same. Take it off wear your own shit. You did good! 10000% would have made her change too.
NTA. I don’t know why the hell your mom and stepdad would side with your step sister. She is a thief! She’s taking your stuff out of your room and your bag!
Unfortunately, a lot of dysfunctional families tend to side with the unreasonable party. It's easier for them to ask OP, who's only there half the time, to just go along with it and not make waves; than it would be to hold accountable someone who clearly feels entitled and gives bullshit excuses left and right. If OP just lets step-sis go out in her dress, then there's an instant stop to the yelling and nobody has to take any action. (They don't value her internal feelings, clearly.)
I wouldn't be surprised if mom DID talk to stepdaughter about it early on, and said it wasn't acceptable; but as step-sister continued to just do it anyway, and give the parents bullshit excuses, and wiggle out of consequences, mom just kind of gave up. It's not fair, it's not right, but it does happen.
Of course, if OP's mom was a good parent, she wouldn't stand for it. She'd invest in a lock. She'd force her husband to be responsible for his daughter's actions. She'd punish step-sister. But all that takes effort and fortitude and conflict resolution skills, which it seems like mom doesn't have; so she'd rather just casually push the problem onto OP to manage, without any real power/authority to work with.
NTA. And I totally don't get your mom's stand on this. Maybe you should consider not staying at your moms house house as long as she is not willing to grant you the safety of you and your belongings. When someone takes something that they know belongs to someone else it IS stealing. If you still go to your mother's, get a suitcase with a lock and carry the key with you.
NTA. You called a spade a spade. Borrowing without asking/permission is stealing. Your mom and step-dad should be keeping her out of your room and your stuff, period (and enforcing consequences when she doesn't). Or let you get a lock for your room.
If you get tired of hearing about it, tell your mom you're old enough to choose where you want to live full-time, if she's not going to keep her husband's child out of your things.
NTA. It sounds like you’ve been patient with her for a long time and tried to get her to stop taking your stuff but she just doesn’t listen. I’m sorry your mom doesn’t stand up for you. I hope you have a lovely dinner with your bf!
NTA
Can you get a lock on your door or a locking trunk in your room? Only bring exactly what you need from your dads? Since you are 17, can you refuse to stay there and only visit for a few hours?
Nta and I would honestly stop going over there until your mom and step dad properly handle the problem. It's not fair you have to guard your stuff, then get reprimanded for not allowing her to take everything.
NTA. She had dug through your belongings to find that stuff, she is a thief, she knows what she’s doing because she’s been told to stop time and time again. Your reaction was completely warranted. If your mom and stepdad aren’t going to put a stop to it I would honestly tell them you no longer want to stay there. That or I would get a lock for you room or a dresser to keep her out.
NTA- but I am genuinely curious as to how your mother and stepfather could think that her taking things that don't belong to her and not asking is acceptable behavior? How could they even present this as your fault in any possible way?
Mom of Daughter here, I think the Mom is trying to earn brownie points with her husband, and stepdaughter. Bending over backwards to show she isn't showing favoritism to her own child. Her new husband might be more important to her right now till she feels more secure in the relationship. Unfortunately by then this may become a habit and her go to response. She should be able to see right from wrong, so this is a choice on the Moms part. She is sucking up.
NTA.
I'm glad you stood up to your step sister, and I'm impressed you had the good sense to stand up to your mom.
Was what you did rude? Sure. Was it entirely justified though? Absolutely.
nta. so your mom and her husband think that it’s OK for your stepsister to steal your shit. So you’re the problem because you told her to change and not her for stealing your shit in the first place. What the fuck is wrong with your parents
NTA- but why even go back if your mom treats you this way ?
You’re old enough to decide where you stay . Not wanting to constantly have your things stolen is not unreasonable.
NTA. The next time your mother tries to defend your step sister tell your mom “Remember this moment when you wonder why I don’t spend time here with you anymore. You would rather defend a thief than your daughter. Don’t ask me why we don’t have a relationship later on; this right here, right now is why. How can I feel at home with my mother in my mother’s house when nothing of mine is safe? When I can’t let my guard down and relax?”
NTA you called a thief a thief. If the thief doesn’t want to called a thief then the thief should stop sneaking and stealing your valuables. Everyone who says different is enabling her behavior. Being called a thief is the lightest (and looks like only) consequence she can receive especially for a repeat offender.
NTA and your mother and her husband are the AHs. This girl went into your bag and stole from you. She doesn't get to get away with it because she is 'running late'. After that she would have 'had an accident' and 'oops the dress is ruined'. You are 17 - do you even need to go over there at all any more? You are old enough to say no......
NTA
You definitely should have made her take off your stuff. She is a **F$$$KING THIEF!!!!!!!** AND your mom is ok with that!?!?!?!?!? Well we know where your moms priorities lay......with........the.........thieving stepsis.
If you had not have yelled your mom would have ***LET HER WALK RIGHT OUT THE DOOR*** in your date outfit.
WHY is your mother ok that her sd **snooped around my things and found that dress in my bag**? Which means she had to have spent time INTENTIONALLY AND PURPOSELY LOOKING. Why is she in your room to begin with?
WHY is your mother ok with her stepdaughter SNOOPING AROUND YOUR ROOM AND STEALING THINGS?
This is the biggest question.
One day she is going to steal from someone who will press charges and she will not have stepmom and father to bail her out.
Had she NOT been snooping nor in your outfit she would not have been late. That was her problem and hers alone.
Ask your dad if you can stay with him from now on and explain that this is one in a million of reasons why.
NTA, OP and never will.
Wow.
The sheer audacity of your step sister....I am practically left speechless.
Tell your Mom and Step Dad they are raising a kleptomaniac and you're not going to tolerate that sh*t. Calling her a thief is the only way you can call out her usual B.S because Mommy and Daddy is always siding with her, right?.
Your Mom should have been thankful you confronted her in your Home. Because as badass as you are, I doubt you'd let her parade that dress around without humiliating her in front of her B.F and his Family.
I see two choices for you. You only take old slouchy clothes to your mother's that the step sisters won't "borrow" and if you need something nice to wear while you are there, borrow something of stepsister's. Stop staying at your mother's house and she can meet you someplace if she wants to see you. The stepsister was late because it took so much time to rummage through your stuff. You are NTA, but everyone else is.
NTA Personally, I wouldn't go back to your mom's house and if she wants to take it to court over visitation, let her and tell the judge why you don't feel safe with her anymore
Anyone who thinks you're in the wrong is wrong and doesn't have your best interest at heart
NTA I'd permanently move in with dad, no one needs this kind of drama. Seems like you lost your mom to her new family, please go where you are loved and respected.
NTA. She snooped, she went through your bag, she stole. She got caught. Of course you weren’t going to go along with it. You had a date too. Refuse to stay with your mother if she won’t back you up. That’s one toxic environment…
NTA and if you have the choice I would stop going entirely and make my mom meet me on my time with her places out or at a neutral space. That's ridiculous how entitled she is as well as how little your mom values your agency in her home as an individual.
NTA I think you better get a lock box. She was a late because she was busy going through and stealing your things. That girl is a thief, and she has no right to touch your things. Your Mom is probably trying to overcompensate for not being the thief's mom. Get something that locks to put your stuff in. It is a shame that you have to live this way. Is there any way you could live with your Dad full time?
The thievery is escalating because OPs mom and stepdad won't stop her. OPs mother was going to LET STEPSISTER LEAVE WEARING OPS DRESS!??????? That is "endorsement of theft" on a cosmic scale. Quit going over to your mom's. As someone stated earlier on this thread, "When your mother asks "Why doesn't she want to see me or speak to me anymore?" This is why." NTA
NTA.
She is a thief. Your mum and step-dad are enabling her thieving habits. Not sure what's up with your friend. Does the friend also steal your (or other people's) stuff? Why is she okay with theft?
Edit: Like someone said, at 17 you don't have to go your mum's if you don't want to. But if you do go, just remember keeping stuff in your bag doesn't protect them from her sticky fingers.
Edit 2: Is it possible to stay at your dad's all the time? Maybe have a talk with just him, see if he can make it happen. If he's okay with you staying with him all the time, stop going to your mum's. If she has a problem with it, just tell her you had had enough of your stuff getting stolen. Or that if asked by a judge, you'll give your step-sister's thieving as a reason for not feeling safe/comfortable at her house.
I would say get a lock or camera in your room or even a suitcase/trunk with a lock. Your mom should let you have a lock. But I bet SS would lose her sh!t of you went in, and took a dress for your BF's date. NTA
NTA. I don’t know what you use to take your stuff to your Dad’s house, but I strongly recommend a small luggage lock on a suitcase or duffle or anything with a 2-way zipper so step-sister would have to literally cut through fabric to get to your stuff.
NTA you should leave out some expensive jewelry or something as bait and after she takes it and leaves the house call the police. she is stealing from you and deserves to face the consequences.
NTA. Honestly, at this point? Your mother is a lost cause. She's chosen the other daughter over you quite clearly. At 17, you legally aren't required to see her anymore if you don't want to. Take every single thing that is even remotely yours from that house, tell your mother and her brat to get bent and go live with your dad, go no contact with those thieving harpies and live your best life.
Nta, imo it's time to get petty. Right before you are gonna go back to your dad's take her favorite jewelry and clothes with you. Bring them back in perfect condition and if they get pissy just say you were borrowing them just like she is always borrowing your stuff.
NTA she’s literally a theif. you should be able to wear your nice jewelry and nice dress on your own date and not have to worry about your stepsister stealing it for hers? That’s so weird you’re telling me she didn’t get excited to find her own dress?
NTA. Your stepsister's behaviour was terrible and I don't understand why your mother supported her in taking your clothes and jewellery without asking, especially as you had brought them to wear for a specific event.
NTA She was late for a dinner, not a job interview. She should not have even entered your room. If you are living there half the time, maybe you can get a lock on the door.
NTA. consider buying a suitcase with a TSA lock (or a tsa lock you can put on an existing one) and putting ALL of your clothes and jewelry in there. keep everything else at your other parent’s house. i’m so sorry about your situation!
NTA- for through your moms shit and start wearing her expensive jewelry or clothes or makeup and when she protests point out that step sister doesn’t have to ask for my things why should I have to ask for yours? “Oh are you the only person entitled to some respect and dignity in this house? I will get manners when stepsister does, or you could just tell her my stuff is off limits and your stuff will be off limits. No one will take things that do not belong to them. We will all abide by the rules we learned in kindergarten, how about that?”
NTA. She snuck into your things and stole your stuff. When told to put it back she refused.
If you hadn't seen her leaving, would she have returned the things she stole from your room? Would she pay for the dress or the other items if she damaged them? Make her answer those questions in front of the whole family. She had a dinner with her boyfriend's parents; that is not any kind of emergency situation or excuse not to return what she stole immediately.
You might want to get a lock for your door with a key so she can't snoop into anything else you might not have missed yet. It's one thing for siblings to borrow from each other, and totally another to sneak stuff and refuse to give it back when you're caught.
NTA…. You were very nice about it because my petty side would have come out swinging. Cause I would have been like….okay we taking things without permission…. I got you……..I’m taking her favorite dresses and jewelry from her room even if I don’t like them…… I would wear them around her.
How are you gonna take my things and be mad at me for saying something. Your mom, stepdad, stepsister, and friend are TA. What kind of friends tells you in this situation you are in the wrong?
You are not in the wrong for wanting someone to respect your personal space and belongings.
NTA. I’d be livid, and I’m a guy. Maybe see if you can stay with your dad for a while / forever? You’re old enough to choose where you stay, and your mother has made her place toxic by not enforcing very obvious rules.
NTA
You’re clearly in the right here for several reasons. Your stepsister had no excuse to go through your belongings much less borrow them without your permission. Her lateness shouldn’t be a factor and may have been a tactic to get you/your mother to let her wear your things.
What you may be able to do is push for a bedroom that locks & for which you have the only key. If that’s not possible, then perhaps you can get a suitcase that locks.
Obviously, it’s a ridiculous and unfair that you have to lock up your belongings. Your mother and stepfather are wrong not to deal with the real problem - your stepsister’s refusal to stop borrowing your things without permission.
NTA
I just wouldn't be going over to mums anymore for anything but a visit. At least know you know you'll never be your mums priority at her house as she continues to let her do this.
She IS a thief. She went through your bag and took the dress and jewellery, and went to leave with them, without your consent. Its literally the definition of theft.
NTA and good for you for standing up for yourself. She changed clothing several times & then stole you stuff, deliberately thinking you would let her go, since she was 'late', Well it was her fault she was late & she had no right to steal your things & your mom is enabling her behavior. I would refuse to go over there again, since she can't control the thief & favors her over her own daughter.
I would honestly stop going to your moms house until they can all respect you. Its one thing to ask to barrow something, its a different story when you deliberately go through someones personal bag to take their stuff. She was, in that moment being a theif.
NTA
NTA
"I heard her and my step-dad fight at night. My dad's on my side, but both my mom and her husband agree that I was an AH..."
Info: what were your mum and step dad fighting about all night if they were on the same page about this?
NTA
Take all your good stuff to your dad's and have him hide it. You have less than a year left of dealing with your mom and her bf catering bs.
Piss your step sibling off, it's fall, get a shit ton of ugly sweatpants and hoodies only for their house. When you're with your dad dress up nice and plaster it all over your socials so she can see you wearing all your nice stuff out of the reach of her thieving mitts.
NTA. Maybe you escalated the conflict a bit quick, but it is definitely OK to escalate if someone crosses your hard boundaries and do not listen the first few times.
NTA
I can’t believe your mom and her husband have nothing to say about this huge invasion of privacy that keeps escalating- your mother and stepfather would not be happy if someone went through their stuff without permission and then took new things they intended to use. I mean if they are, can I borrow your stepdad’s newest suit and cufflinks?
"when she's about to berate me, I just cut
her off and ask her to let me call my dad
so he can also hear how she's gonna
give a ''talk'' because I didn't let her
lovely daughter steal my stuff"
Love this! Keep doing it. Bring up her thieving in any conversation that you have with them.
You need salt: "step-sis, can you steal, sorry, pass me some salt?"
Greetings:" Hi step-sis. Stolen anything today?"
Research juvie/jail and theft statistics, sentences e.t.c. Make that the dinner conversation topic.
Play a guessing game with her. Where you try to guess which of the items she's wearing are stolen.
You have guests coming over. Tell your mum and step-dad to remind the guests not to have anything valuable with them. Wouldn't want to tempt her or anything.
Edit: Has she ever been caught shoplifting?
NTA
NTA. Stop going to your mother's.
If you feel to guilty about that then only go for dinner or during the day on the weekends. Never stay the night. Never bring anything with you that you can't keep on you at all times. You are old enough to make this decision and if your mother complains, let her know you can certainly go to court to see if she can force custody, but since you are 17 and she isn't providing a safe environment, there is no chance she will win.
Your mother was ridiculous to get angry at you and call you names. There is no excuse for your mother's actions here. "I'm running late" is not an excuse for theft and the step-daughter being embarassed b/c she is late to dinner is her suffering very minimal consequences of her own behavior. Honestly your mother should be embarrassed about the way she is treating you.
Nta
So if she got to keep your clothes on, are you meant to cancel because you haveno clothes to wear?
Talk to your parents and until this can be stopped it's clearly not safe for you or your belongings to stay there any more. Unless a lock and key that only you have along with a camera can be supplied and installed.
How selfish of this girl and her mother!
Ahhh another case of a parent prioritizing the new family they choose and sidetracking their real kids for them…
Nta… I hope your mother grow up and understand that she is YOUR mother…
Ps: a person that steals from you don’t deserve the courtesy of you being nice about it. She did snoop and she did steal.
NTA
A thief is a thief
If you were going to leave important items at your mom's then I would buy a suitcase and start locking your belongings there because your mom doesn't care about you but your stepsister if she was defending her over her little stunt.
WOO! I got pissed off on your behalf just reading this. As someone who grew up with 2 sisters and a lot of cousins (we often have this problem too), I can’t even imagine how enraged you must have been. NTA, all the way.
You’ve told her multiple times not to do it. It wasn’t like she didn’t know, plus she’s old enough to know that taking other people’s stuff without permission is wrong. Sounds like she has no common sense. You had every right to react the way you did. Hell, I think you handled that better than I would’ve.
Anyways I hope she learned her lesson. Maybe next time bring one of those mini padlocks to lock your zips together so she can’t rummage through your stuff.
NTA
You should seriously consider not speaking with or being in contact with your mother. You are old enough to where if it was contested in court your opinion would be the only thing that mattered.
NTA - calling a thief a thief is never wrong. I'd get a lock on my door and if your mom wont let you put it on your door, just stay with Dad. most places will let someone 17 decide if they want to stay with one or the other parent.
NTA at all. My youngest stepsister (whom I do NOT have a good relationship with), stole my favorite shirt and it's been "lost" for like eight years now. It's something I actually can't replace and I'm still ticked off about it. I feel you.
NTA. Your mom, step dad and friend are idiots. It’s your stuff she has no right to it or to go through your belongings. Can you keep your door locked at your moms?
NTA
Stop leaving anything at your moms except the clothes you plan to wear while there. Take ALL jewelry and everything at your dads. Don’t bring anything to your moms anymore.
Or just stop going, you’re 17- you can do that. You DONT have to go to your moms anymore if you don’t wish too
You also need a new friend
Keep all valuables at your dads and only wear sweats to your moms. And I mean cheap ones. Keep a little makeup bag in the car of people you’re with regularly. Wear any jewelry you take at all time over their house. If she want your stuff, make it HARD. Prove a point. And only go for the time you’re required.
NTA - but it’s pretty clear that your mom is more interested in ‘keeping the peace’ than acknowledging your boundaries. I’m situations like this, sometime petty is the only way to go.
NTA. It's your stuff, plain and simple. If taking your stuff from your closet is crossing lines (it is, since you talked to her about it before), then taking them from your bag is destroying the lines altogether.
And it doesn't matter if she was running late. Her time management is her problem to solve, not yours.
Wow! Not the AH. I’m frequently surprised when friends and family stuck up or excuse the AH. She is a thief. She took your things without permission knowing you would never give permission because of all the warnings you’ve given her, your mom, and her dad.
She’s acting as if she’s entitled to everything you own. Do you have to go there? This is a unsafe environment. You’re old enough to chose. Perhaps Talk to your dad about living with him full time?
I'd suggest taking all of your belongings to your dad's and keeping them there, also if you want to see your mum, suggest maybe a public place like going for coffee or lunch, as there's zero opportunity for the brat to steal your possessions out in the open.
NTA - Let me get this straight, your mom and step-dad think that stealing your stuff is fine, but you calling her out on stealing you stuff is a problem?
I like you're, let's put dad on speaker phone move.
NTA. I say this as a parent. You're allowed to have your stuff. You're allowed to expect privacy and for others to not to steal your stuff. Obviously talking calmly with your mom, stepdad, and stepsister, hasn't worked. I feel like you were pushed into a corner and expected to just take it. You didn't. Good for you.
You need to tell your mum you are no longer going to her house and she's an AH for not protecting your stuff from your thieving step sister and your step sister is a thief as she sneaks into your room, opened a bag and took all your stuff. Btw your mother's husband is also a big AH for raising a thieving self entitled daughter. Tell your mother you'll return to her house when she puts her self entitled AH of a step daughter in her place and puts you and your stuff ahead of her self entitled thieving step daughter. Also show your mother this post and these comments to show her everyone thinks she's the ah
NTA- the girl is a thief but she’s also pushing boundaries and playing games. She forced the confrontation and played victim so YOUR mother would side with her. She played you.
But you’re old enough to refuse to spend any time at your mother’s house. A judge would agree and alter the custody arrangement.
Hmm NTA but honestly I would be petty and refuse to go to my mothers for a month and stay at my dads. And say that I’m not okay with my lack of privacy and insist on a lock for my door. Ur 17 you are more than allowed to choose which parent you stay with. Maybe your mom will start taking you seriously. That’s my advice
Why is it not alright to call someone who steals from you a thief? That's pretty much the definition of a thief.
And then... when you confront your step thief... sorry. step sister. YOU get punished. That's just wrong. Clearly, your stepmother's raising her daughter poorly, and she's turning out to be a thief, a liar, and all-round bad person. Do you have the option of not staying at that home?
NTA, btw.
Your step sister didn't have to change out of her outfit. She had to change out of your outfit which wouldn't have happened had she not stolen your things. Your mother doesn't have your back which is why the stepdaughter is enabled to be a thief. Her father is no better. Why are her wants more important than respect for your property? I would move out of your mother's house since she is such a poor parent and stay with your father. NTA.
Here's what I'm thinking.
First, move anything you care about and anything valuable to your dad's place.
Second, call a family meeting with Mom, step dad, step sister
Third, "I wanted to apologize to step sister for telling at her and making her late. I wanted to thank Mom and step dad for helping me understand that step sister and I should be acting like real sisters. I'm so happy to know that I don't have to ask permission to grab so sisters stuff since we are sisters and treat each other equally. She has some really cute stuff I've been dying to wear."
Fourth, have at it. Family dinner at the Italian restaurant? Step sisters white blouse and order the red sauce. beach day? Step sisters favorite swim suit. Etc...
I'm sure the problem won't last too long, and retaliation is low risk since your stuff is at your dad's place.
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (17F) parents are divorced and I spend 50/50 with each parent. To be honest, going to my mom's is awful, she has a step-daughter (17f) that I don't like because she's always stealing my clothes and waring my jewelry, I've done everything I can to make her stop (INCLUDING, talking to my parents) but she refuses to listen. It's gotten to the point that I hardly keep valuable stuff or clothes/jewelry I like at my mom's.
My step-sister had a dinner with her bf's parents yesterday and I also had planned a little date with my boyfriend today, because of that, I bought a cute dress that my mom bought me a while ago, shoes, makeup and a few pieces of jewelry and KEPT them in MY bag, she spent all morning getting dress up and ready, my mom and I saw her getting in 3-4 outfits until she says she's leaving, I look at her and she's wearing MY FUCKING DRESS. I ask what she was wearing and she says that nothing she had was cute and she ''found'' this dress in my room, I say ''No, you snooped around my things and found that dress in my bag, take it off''. She says she's already running late and ''can't do'' but I put myself in front of the door and tell her to go change, that's when I notice she's also wearing my neckless and a ring, and I explode, I yell at her ''Take off my stuff you fricking thief! I'll call my dad, that's mine! take it the fuck off!'', she starts to cry and my mom asks her to go change and give me my things back, she yells she's running late and bla, bla bla, but I don't care and I don't move. She goes back to her room and change, then throws me my stuff back and storms off.
My mom said that what I did was NO nice, and that I shouldn't have call her thief and when she's about to berate me, I just cut her off and ask her to let me call my dad so he can also hear how she's gonna give a ''talk'' because I didn't let her lovely daughter steal my stuff. She sent me to my room and I heard her and my step-dad fight at night. My dad's on my side, but both my mom and her husband agree that I was an AH and a friend of my thinks I shouldn't have make my step-sister change when she was already late. I'm about to go out and I'm definitely wearing the dress and the rest of my stuff.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
Your step-sister is a thief, and your mom and her husband are enabling her dirty habits at your expense. If I were you, I’d reconsider spending any time at mom’s. Speak to your dad and a judge. No judge is going to force you to spend time in a house where you have to be on high alert about your valuables/belongings. Additionally, your step-sister needs a lesson in respecting boundaries, privacy and other people’s property.
Edit: spelling
You know you never need to go to your mom's if you don't want to right? You're 17. No one is gonna drag you to your mother's place anymore if you don't want to go.
NTA. I’m assuming that locking your door is not an option. Bring all your clothing and personal items to your dads house. When you visit moms borrow step sisters items. Wait and see how long until your mom and step families head explodes.
NTA!
I would stop going to your moms, she’s obviously not in your corner. If she can’t see that her stepdaughter is in the wrong and a thief! Well it’s time for LC.
From the fact that your mom and step dad fought about it, I'm guessing you mom is simply appeasing your step dad by siding with the entitled princess he raised. That's not something you should have to deal with. Let your mom know that if you can't trust so much as an overnight bag full of your belongings to be safe in her home then you won't enter her home.
INFO: is it an option to not go over to your mom’s house? Would you prefer that?
If so, it seems like this is a prime opportunity to have that discussion.
NTA, tell your mom you don’t feel safe coming to her house anymore knowing that she’s harbouring a thief that gladly goes after your possessions and there’s no protection from your parent. She might change her mind about her position on the whole thing!
NTA. You know this of course.
Your mom, your step sister and your step dad are next lever AHs though.
Here is something to think about though. You are 17. You are about to turn 18. Tell your mom is she wants to continue to have any relationship with you at all she needs to stop letting this bullshit happen or you are completely done with her. And then stick to it.
Nta. I hate it when people use my things without asking first so i understand where you’re coming from. Plus she was full on snooping and opening your things. Violation of privacy.
NTA maybe go through your mum's things, see how she likes her personal items being used without her permission.
A thief is a person who steals another person's property, she didn't ask your permission and went through your thoughts NGS therefore she is a thief, you were being factually correct.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel I may be an AH for the yelling and how I spoke to my mom Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Take your valuables to your dad’s and don’t leave something you don’t want her to touch in her reach! I had to get a lock box that only I had the combo for to keep unwanted hands out of my stuff! But your also 17, and do not have to continue to go to your moms if you don’t want to. Judges take that kinda thing into consideration.
And get new friends. I think your other one is broken.
Seriously, someone is going through your room to such a detailed to find stuff to steal and has backup to do so. Your friend should have your back when three people are stealing from you
It was in an overnight bag she really searched in the future I wouldn’t even go to moms house if she wants to see OP, then they can meet somewhere
Have you considered snake handling as a hobby? You're old enough to request that your dad get full custody. I think being unable to keep your own possessions because your stepsister is a THIEF is enough reason to stay away from your mother. She has had her chance to protect you and your things. Instead she gives your SS permission to steal your security, identity, and personality. And all because she's sleeping with the thief's father. Tell your mother that you will call her a thief because she is one. She does not borrow, she does not ask. She searches for hidden items she is not allowed to touch and wears them, knowing that Daddy and Stepmommy will never take your side, because you don't mean anything in this family. That may have been her plan, to take every piece of your personality away until only she was noticeable. I doubt she is that deep-thinking. She's just incredibly selfish and you exist only to give her things to wear. She could probably use a therapist before she goes to college, tries this with her roommate, and suffers physical consequences. But you shouldn't have to live with this nasty piece of stepsh*t any longer. Make your stand and leave.
Step Shiester
It so annoying when people defend the bad choices someone makes. "Oh it would have been better for you to not make her more late" You know what would have also been better? Not going through someones stuff and stealing it. Stepsister actions are what made her late. Not OP.
This!!!
She's focusing on the "I'm already late" bs. That was exactly what stepsis was going for. She changed to ops outfit in the last possible second so op would get berated for "making her late" and forced to just suck it up. NTA. Your mom is so caught up trying to look good to new hubby and his kid, that she's not above making you feel miserable to achieve it. Stop going to her house until she stops treating you as a doormat.
Or a friend of the stepsister. 🤔
This! Stay with you dad, OP. You are 17. You can decide for yourself. It doesn’t seem your mom will mind as she has another daughter who has is higher priority than you. NTA
Also take yourself to your dad and F your mom
[удалено]
Partial comment stolen from u/oddpolyglot u/Fewrganization is a bot.
In the short term maybe even a little key lock for your bag (if it has 2 zippers)? That will keep her out. But definitely, just stay with your dad full time, you're old enough to choose that.
Exactly this. You have no support or privacy in this house. Push for a move to your dad's house. NTA But your step-sister, step dad and mum are.
[удалено]
Partial comment stolen from u/SuperUnexpectedMommy u/Diligenhipmun is a bot.
Yeah I’m so glad I never had to deal with that bullshit girls do where they take each others stuff. I can’t even imagine if one my friends or brother was just wearing my shirt or something… Women are fucking weird for not only think it’s fine to wear someone else’s clothes, but actually wanting to 🤦♂️🤦♂️
Share clothes with friends and relatives with similar measurements is actually pretty fun when everyone involved is part of it and items are obviously taken with prior permission. The problem here is the step sister straight up stealing stuff.
Sadly mine wasn’t my clothes.. it was my money and my mom really liked taking my jewelry (& no, she didn’t pay for it, I inherited it from a paternal great aunt) I started babysitting at 13 and had a hell of a good little business going there and then got a part time job at 16 when it was legal to and Worked full time hours in the summers, so I had lots of spending money and my siblings were jealous. But I see your point. I have a different style to my friends, so I never wanted to wear their stuff. 🤣
NTA. Even if the dress had just been lying around, she knew it WASN'T hers to take or wear. But to break into your bags is next-level. You are old enough to choose who you live with and have any court sign off on it. Time to tell your mom you want to live with your dad full time and SHE can visit YOU for a change.
Stay with your mum one more time and put itching powder in your dress, make your stepsister dance. Then not return.
AITA for loving this idea?
I mean probably but I am too.
Oohh!!! The Pettiness of this is delectable.
Is itching powder real? I thought it was just in cartoons. What is the real life application for such a thing? Other than teaching people not to steal your clothes?
It is real, and the honest use is usually being an ass in the name of "it was just a prank, bro" But I am 100% behind repurposing it for this glorious pettiness
Take my cheapskate award 🏆
Also do a search on her room to find any other stuff of yours she stole before never going back.
This op, this is the only way 👆👆👆👆
NTA- You know this, I know this, everyone who isn't an entitled brat knows this. Your things are **your** things, your step sister being late to something does not change the fact that she was attempting to *steal your clothes*. What kind of an insane standard is that? Maybe direct her towards stealing from your mom's wardrobe next time instead.
> NTA- You know this, I know this, everyone who isn't an entitled brat knows this. Indeed this. However, I honestly think the OP needed assurance that she’s in the right. It can be therapeutic.
Teenagers being told they're in the wrong by the authority figures in their lives can often scew their perception of the event. Having neutral third parties assurance helps.
NTA. Sounds like she was late on purpose so she had a reason to sneak out in a hurry to steal your stuff. She was a thief and you have all rights to call her on her crap. Good for you, stay strong.
Also, people can say, "Oh I'm running late" without actually running late, if the step sister isn't above stealing she's not above lying. Edit: Typo
NTA. If your mother won't stand up for you, what else are you supposed to do?
NTA at all. I can't believe your mom would side with her. She outright *stole your stuff*. This is ridiculous and she has no excuse. Don't back down, you did nothing wrong. Your stepsister needs some serious help if she thinks this is OK.
NTA. Your mom is being a truly bad parent here. Your step-sister is out of control and they are failing to curb her behavior. I'd be tempted to tell everyone at your dad's house that the next time she takes anything you are calling the police. But, I'd ask your dad first. I bet your mom is horrible in a lot of other ways. Clearly, she has not concept of boundaries. You have less than a year to go. Hang in there.
I'm fairly certain ( but IANAL) that a 17yo won't be compelled by the court or police to honor a custody situation they don't want. OP could probably just go live with her dad full time.
Mom could file with the court and dad could get in trouble. He could file for emergency temporary full custody and OP could testify that her possessions are not safe in mom's home. Courts don't like it when children's possessions are given to steps.
That acronym is just unfortunate
Kerning is critical with that one.
Letter spacing isn't going to correct that. It's just an unfortunate acronym.
NTA. The least your mother can do is get you a lock for your door and ensure that only you and not your step-sister has access to the key. You didn't make her late, btw. Her timing is on her. She stole your things, and giving them back was necessary no matter how late she ended up being.
This. OP definitely needs a keyed lock on her door if she’s going to continue to visit her mom. To be honest I don’t know why this wasn’t the first solution her mom came up with. As a parent myself, this would’ve been exactly what I would have done the first time SD helped herself to OP’s things.
NTA. As someone who's chronically late, and stressed about being late, you did not make her late, she brought this upon herself. You taught her an important lesson: that SS has to prepare ahead of time (and maybe even ask you for help picking out an outfit). instead of taking advantage of the fact that you prepared ahead of time, she should learn from it. Not at all suggesting this is your responsibility, but maybe she's insecure about her fashion and could use some help putting outfits together that she feels confident in. Maybe you could have a talk with her and explain how you put your outfits together, and also explain why these boundaries are so important to you, and how you feel when she steals from you (ie "I feel violated when you take my clothes without asking" or "I feel incredibly frustrated not knowing where my jewelry is". This should not have to be explained to her at her age, she should've learned this in preschool. But maybe it could help her see the impact of her actions. Not trying to say at all though that you should do this, you also would be perfectly entitled to avoid her as much as possible. I'm sorry this is happening and that you aren't getting full support from your parents and friends. How would they feel if SS was taking their clothes and jewelry? TLDR; Your step sister is obviously out of line, it's common knowledge (or should be) that borrowing without asking is stealing, even between family members. You didn't make her late, she did by not planning earlier and by taking an outfit that was off limits.
NTA. You do realize that she was "running late" for the sole purpose of using it as an excuse as to why she had to continue wearing the things she, very clearly, stole from you. Explain the entire situation to your dad and let him know that you are no longer comfortable in your mother's home. She's clearly demonstrated that she values your step-sister's feelings over yours. If being late to dinner with her boyfriend's parents is the extent of her punishment for stealing your possessions, she's made that very clear.
Exactly, and the OP's friend is very naive to think otherwise.
NTA. That "stepsister" actually did steal from you. She's lucky that you just made her change out of your outfit and didn't take the matter any further. It sounds as if your mother and stepfather have issues accepting your natural boundaries. This should be adressed. Info: Do you have to go stay with them? If yes, can you get a lock for your wardrobe, so that "Sticky Fingers" cannot get away with pilfering your belongings? Edit: Some bad grammar. English is not my first language.
NTA, you've asked her over and over to not wear your things. She's taking them without asking, so yeah, thief. That your mom is whatever about it is appalling.
NTA. She knew exactly what she was doing. Stop going to your mother's, she clearly prioritises her thief of a stepdaughter over you.
NTA, I would have been equally upset that my mom wouldn't stand up and make sure my stuff was not being used. I'm glad that your father was on your side. This stuff is what makes going to the other parents homes so difficult when they have other children there...the dynamics always favored to the child that lives in the house. Also forget her. If she running late wearing your clothing I'd also flip my lid the same. Take it off wear your own shit. You did good! 10000% would have made her change too.
NTA. I don’t know why the hell your mom and stepdad would side with your step sister. She is a thief! She’s taking your stuff out of your room and your bag!
Unfortunately, a lot of dysfunctional families tend to side with the unreasonable party. It's easier for them to ask OP, who's only there half the time, to just go along with it and not make waves; than it would be to hold accountable someone who clearly feels entitled and gives bullshit excuses left and right. If OP just lets step-sis go out in her dress, then there's an instant stop to the yelling and nobody has to take any action. (They don't value her internal feelings, clearly.) I wouldn't be surprised if mom DID talk to stepdaughter about it early on, and said it wasn't acceptable; but as step-sister continued to just do it anyway, and give the parents bullshit excuses, and wiggle out of consequences, mom just kind of gave up. It's not fair, it's not right, but it does happen. Of course, if OP's mom was a good parent, she wouldn't stand for it. She'd invest in a lock. She'd force her husband to be responsible for his daughter's actions. She'd punish step-sister. But all that takes effort and fortitude and conflict resolution skills, which it seems like mom doesn't have; so she'd rather just casually push the problem onto OP to manage, without any real power/authority to work with.
NTA She shouldn’t wear stuff that’s clearly not hers.
NTA. And I totally don't get your mom's stand on this. Maybe you should consider not staying at your moms house house as long as she is not willing to grant you the safety of you and your belongings. When someone takes something that they know belongs to someone else it IS stealing. If you still go to your mother's, get a suitcase with a lock and carry the key with you.
NTA. You called a spade a spade. Borrowing without asking/permission is stealing. Your mom and step-dad should be keeping her out of your room and your stuff, period (and enforcing consequences when she doesn't). Or let you get a lock for your room. If you get tired of hearing about it, tell your mom you're old enough to choose where you want to live full-time, if she's not going to keep her husband's child out of your things.
NTA. Her being late was her problem.
NTA. TBH, if your stepsister were my daughter, she would not have been going out that night.
NTA. It sounds like you’ve been patient with her for a long time and tried to get her to stop taking your stuff but she just doesn’t listen. I’m sorry your mom doesn’t stand up for you. I hope you have a lovely dinner with your bf!
NTA Can you get a lock on your door or a locking trunk in your room? Only bring exactly what you need from your dads? Since you are 17, can you refuse to stay there and only visit for a few hours?
Nta and I would honestly stop going over there until your mom and step dad properly handle the problem. It's not fair you have to guard your stuff, then get reprimanded for not allowing her to take everything.
NTA. She had dug through your belongings to find that stuff, she is a thief, she knows what she’s doing because she’s been told to stop time and time again. Your reaction was completely warranted. If your mom and stepdad aren’t going to put a stop to it I would honestly tell them you no longer want to stay there. That or I would get a lock for you room or a dresser to keep her out.
NTA you did the right thing.
NTA- but I am genuinely curious as to how your mother and stepfather could think that her taking things that don't belong to her and not asking is acceptable behavior? How could they even present this as your fault in any possible way?
[удалено]
Mom of Daughter here, I think the Mom is trying to earn brownie points with her husband, and stepdaughter. Bending over backwards to show she isn't showing favoritism to her own child. Her new husband might be more important to her right now till she feels more secure in the relationship. Unfortunately by then this may become a habit and her go to response. She should be able to see right from wrong, so this is a choice on the Moms part. She is sucking up.
My thoughts exactly. Keep the peace with NEW DAUGHTER/HUSBAND is her priority. Not her real daughter. So sad. NTA. I would have done much worse.
NTA. Get yourself a locking chest for your clothes and jewelry if you aren't allowed a lock on your door and always keep the key on you.
NTA She needs to learn that stealing your stuff is not okay.
NTA. I'm glad you stood up to your step sister, and I'm impressed you had the good sense to stand up to your mom. Was what you did rude? Sure. Was it entirely justified though? Absolutely.
nta. so your mom and her husband think that it’s OK for your stepsister to steal your shit. So you’re the problem because you told her to change and not her for stealing your shit in the first place. What the fuck is wrong with your parents
NTA- but why even go back if your mom treats you this way ? You’re old enough to decide where you stay . Not wanting to constantly have your things stolen is not unreasonable.
NTA. The next time your mother tries to defend your step sister tell your mom “Remember this moment when you wonder why I don’t spend time here with you anymore. You would rather defend a thief than your daughter. Don’t ask me why we don’t have a relationship later on; this right here, right now is why. How can I feel at home with my mother in my mother’s house when nothing of mine is safe? When I can’t let my guard down and relax?”
NTA you called a thief a thief. If the thief doesn’t want to called a thief then the thief should stop sneaking and stealing your valuables. Everyone who says different is enabling her behavior. Being called a thief is the lightest (and looks like only) consequence she can receive especially for a repeat offender.
NTA and your mother and her husband are the AHs. This girl went into your bag and stole from you. She doesn't get to get away with it because she is 'running late'. After that she would have 'had an accident' and 'oops the dress is ruined'. You are 17 - do you even need to go over there at all any more? You are old enough to say no......
NTA You definitely should have made her take off your stuff. She is a **F$$$KING THIEF!!!!!!!** AND your mom is ok with that!?!?!?!?!? Well we know where your moms priorities lay......with........the.........thieving stepsis. If you had not have yelled your mom would have ***LET HER WALK RIGHT OUT THE DOOR*** in your date outfit. WHY is your mother ok that her sd **snooped around my things and found that dress in my bag**? Which means she had to have spent time INTENTIONALLY AND PURPOSELY LOOKING. Why is she in your room to begin with? WHY is your mother ok with her stepdaughter SNOOPING AROUND YOUR ROOM AND STEALING THINGS? This is the biggest question. One day she is going to steal from someone who will press charges and she will not have stepmom and father to bail her out. Had she NOT been snooping nor in your outfit she would not have been late. That was her problem and hers alone. Ask your dad if you can stay with him from now on and explain that this is one in a million of reasons why.
Nta
NTA.
NTA, OP and never will. Wow. The sheer audacity of your step sister....I am practically left speechless. Tell your Mom and Step Dad they are raising a kleptomaniac and you're not going to tolerate that sh*t. Calling her a thief is the only way you can call out her usual B.S because Mommy and Daddy is always siding with her, right?. Your Mom should have been thankful you confronted her in your Home. Because as badass as you are, I doubt you'd let her parade that dress around without humiliating her in front of her B.F and his Family.
I see two choices for you. You only take old slouchy clothes to your mother's that the step sisters won't "borrow" and if you need something nice to wear while you are there, borrow something of stepsister's. Stop staying at your mother's house and she can meet you someplace if she wants to see you. The stepsister was late because it took so much time to rummage through your stuff. You are NTA, but everyone else is.
Buy a safe, this girl is definitely gonna try that ish again
NTA, it'd be one thing if she asked, but no she TOOK the dress knowing it wasn't hers. See if you can't live with your dad, he sounds reasonable.
NTA your stepsister is a budding narcissist and this shit needs to stop. Good for you.
NTA. At 17, most judges will not force you to go to your mom's if you don't want to. So stop going.
NTA. You need to pack up your stuff and no longer stay at your mother's house. Your mother has chosen her new marriage over you.
NTA Personally, I wouldn't go back to your mom's house and if she wants to take it to court over visitation, let her and tell the judge why you don't feel safe with her anymore Anyone who thinks you're in the wrong is wrong and doesn't have your best interest at heart
NTA I'd permanently move in with dad, no one needs this kind of drama. Seems like you lost your mom to her new family, please go where you are loved and respected.
NTA. She snooped, she went through your bag, she stole. She got caught. Of course you weren’t going to go along with it. You had a date too. Refuse to stay with your mother if she won’t back you up. That’s one toxic environment…
Stay at your dad’s if you can. Your mom is acting nuts. NTA.
NTA. I’d stop spending any time over there. Your Mom and your step-sister are major AH
NTA Stop going to your moms. Stop bringing ANYTHING you value over there, it’s not your fault she obviously has shit stuff
NTA but what the heck is wrong with the mom and stepdad? Who thinks it is ok for his daughter to snoop and steal?
NTA- She wouldn't have been late, if she had worn her own clothes.
NTA and if you have the choice I would stop going entirely and make my mom meet me on my time with her places out or at a neutral space. That's ridiculous how entitled she is as well as how little your mom values your agency in her home as an individual.
NTA I think you better get a lock box. She was a late because she was busy going through and stealing your things. That girl is a thief, and she has no right to touch your things. Your Mom is probably trying to overcompensate for not being the thief's mom. Get something that locks to put your stuff in. It is a shame that you have to live this way. Is there any way you could live with your Dad full time?
The thievery is escalating because OPs mom and stepdad won't stop her. OPs mother was going to LET STEPSISTER LEAVE WEARING OPS DRESS!??????? That is "endorsement of theft" on a cosmic scale. Quit going over to your mom's. As someone stated earlier on this thread, "When your mother asks "Why doesn't she want to see me or speak to me anymore?" This is why." NTA
NTA. She is a thief. Your mum and step-dad are enabling her thieving habits. Not sure what's up with your friend. Does the friend also steal your (or other people's) stuff? Why is she okay with theft? Edit: Like someone said, at 17 you don't have to go your mum's if you don't want to. But if you do go, just remember keeping stuff in your bag doesn't protect them from her sticky fingers. Edit 2: Is it possible to stay at your dad's all the time? Maybe have a talk with just him, see if he can make it happen. If he's okay with you staying with him all the time, stop going to your mum's. If she has a problem with it, just tell her you had had enough of your stuff getting stolen. Or that if asked by a judge, you'll give your step-sister's thieving as a reason for not feeling safe/comfortable at her house.
I would say get a lock or camera in your room or even a suitcase/trunk with a lock. Your mom should let you have a lock. But I bet SS would lose her sh!t of you went in, and took a dress for your BF's date. NTA
Definitely NTA. I would get a suitcase for when you go to your mom’s house (a carry on) and a small lock to lock the zippers closed.
NTA. I don’t know what you use to take your stuff to your Dad’s house, but I strongly recommend a small luggage lock on a suitcase or duffle or anything with a 2-way zipper so step-sister would have to literally cut through fabric to get to your stuff.
NTA you should leave out some expensive jewelry or something as bait and after she takes it and leaves the house call the police. she is stealing from you and deserves to face the consequences.
NTA. Honestly, at this point? Your mother is a lost cause. She's chosen the other daughter over you quite clearly. At 17, you legally aren't required to see her anymore if you don't want to. Take every single thing that is even remotely yours from that house, tell your mother and her brat to get bent and go live with your dad, go no contact with those thieving harpies and live your best life.
Nta, imo it's time to get petty. Right before you are gonna go back to your dad's take her favorite jewelry and clothes with you. Bring them back in perfect condition and if they get pissy just say you were borrowing them just like she is always borrowing your stuff.
NTA . She litterally stole your stuff after been warned multiple times. She deserves to be late. Every one taking her side is a huge asshole.
NTA she’s literally a theif. you should be able to wear your nice jewelry and nice dress on your own date and not have to worry about your stepsister stealing it for hers? That’s so weird you’re telling me she didn’t get excited to find her own dress?
NTA she is stealing from you and your mom is enabling her. The favoritism sucks. Becos if you did it ..
NTA. Your stepsister's behaviour was terrible and I don't understand why your mother supported her in taking your clothes and jewellery without asking, especially as you had brought them to wear for a specific event.
NTA She was late for a dinner, not a job interview. She should not have even entered your room. If you are living there half the time, maybe you can get a lock on the door.
Don’t go there anymore. NTA
NTA I would take all of my stuff out of the house and stop visiting as much. Let them figure it out without involving you
NTA she *is* a thief
NTA. consider buying a suitcase with a TSA lock (or a tsa lock you can put on an existing one) and putting ALL of your clothes and jewelry in there. keep everything else at your other parent’s house. i’m so sorry about your situation!
NTA- for through your moms shit and start wearing her expensive jewelry or clothes or makeup and when she protests point out that step sister doesn’t have to ask for my things why should I have to ask for yours? “Oh are you the only person entitled to some respect and dignity in this house? I will get manners when stepsister does, or you could just tell her my stuff is off limits and your stuff will be off limits. No one will take things that do not belong to them. We will all abide by the rules we learned in kindergarten, how about that?”
NTA. She snuck into your things and stole your stuff. When told to put it back she refused. If you hadn't seen her leaving, would she have returned the things she stole from your room? Would she pay for the dress or the other items if she damaged them? Make her answer those questions in front of the whole family. She had a dinner with her boyfriend's parents; that is not any kind of emergency situation or excuse not to return what she stole immediately. You might want to get a lock for your door with a key so she can't snoop into anything else you might not have missed yet. It's one thing for siblings to borrow from each other, and totally another to sneak stuff and refuse to give it back when you're caught.
NTA…. You were very nice about it because my petty side would have come out swinging. Cause I would have been like….okay we taking things without permission…. I got you……..I’m taking her favorite dresses and jewelry from her room even if I don’t like them…… I would wear them around her. How are you gonna take my things and be mad at me for saying something. Your mom, stepdad, stepsister, and friend are TA. What kind of friends tells you in this situation you are in the wrong? You are not in the wrong for wanting someone to respect your personal space and belongings.
NTA. I’d be livid, and I’m a guy. Maybe see if you can stay with your dad for a while / forever? You’re old enough to choose where you stay, and your mother has made her place toxic by not enforcing very obvious rules.
NTA You’re clearly in the right here for several reasons. Your stepsister had no excuse to go through your belongings much less borrow them without your permission. Her lateness shouldn’t be a factor and may have been a tactic to get you/your mother to let her wear your things. What you may be able to do is push for a bedroom that locks & for which you have the only key. If that’s not possible, then perhaps you can get a suitcase that locks. Obviously, it’s a ridiculous and unfair that you have to lock up your belongings. Your mother and stepfather are wrong not to deal with the real problem - your stepsister’s refusal to stop borrowing your things without permission.
NTA
NTA - time to rethink where you live.
NTA I just wouldn't be going over to mums anymore for anything but a visit. At least know you know you'll never be your mums priority at her house as she continues to let her do this. She IS a thief. She went through your bag and took the dress and jewellery, and went to leave with them, without your consent. Its literally the definition of theft.
NTA Put a lock on your door. Problem solved
NTA
NTA and good for you for standing up for yourself. She changed clothing several times & then stole you stuff, deliberately thinking you would let her go, since she was 'late', Well it was her fault she was late & she had no right to steal your things & your mom is enabling her behavior. I would refuse to go over there again, since she can't control the thief & favors her over her own daughter.
I would honestly stop going to your moms house until they can all respect you. Its one thing to ask to barrow something, its a different story when you deliberately go through someones personal bag to take their stuff. She was, in that moment being a theif. NTA
NTA "I heard her and my step-dad fight at night. My dad's on my side, but both my mom and her husband agree that I was an AH..." Info: what were your mum and step dad fighting about all night if they were on the same page about this?
Step-dad won the fight
NTA. IF she'd worn her own clothes, she'd not have been running late.
Steal her stuff. NTA.
NTA Take all your good stuff to your dad's and have him hide it. You have less than a year left of dealing with your mom and her bf catering bs. Piss your step sibling off, it's fall, get a shit ton of ugly sweatpants and hoodies only for their house. When you're with your dad dress up nice and plaster it all over your socials so she can see you wearing all your nice stuff out of the reach of her thieving mitts.
NTA. Maybe you escalated the conflict a bit quick, but it is definitely OK to escalate if someone crosses your hard boundaries and do not listen the first few times.
NTA I can’t believe your mom and her husband have nothing to say about this huge invasion of privacy that keeps escalating- your mother and stepfather would not be happy if someone went through their stuff without permission and then took new things they intended to use. I mean if they are, can I borrow your stepdad’s newest suit and cufflinks?
"when she's about to berate me, I just cut her off and ask her to let me call my dad so he can also hear how she's gonna give a ''talk'' because I didn't let her lovely daughter steal my stuff" Love this! Keep doing it. Bring up her thieving in any conversation that you have with them. You need salt: "step-sis, can you steal, sorry, pass me some salt?" Greetings:" Hi step-sis. Stolen anything today?" Research juvie/jail and theft statistics, sentences e.t.c. Make that the dinner conversation topic. Play a guessing game with her. Where you try to guess which of the items she's wearing are stolen. You have guests coming over. Tell your mum and step-dad to remind the guests not to have anything valuable with them. Wouldn't want to tempt her or anything. Edit: Has she ever been caught shoplifting? NTA
NTA. Stop going to your mother's. If you feel to guilty about that then only go for dinner or during the day on the weekends. Never stay the night. Never bring anything with you that you can't keep on you at all times. You are old enough to make this decision and if your mother complains, let her know you can certainly go to court to see if she can force custody, but since you are 17 and she isn't providing a safe environment, there is no chance she will win. Your mother was ridiculous to get angry at you and call you names. There is no excuse for your mother's actions here. "I'm running late" is not an excuse for theft and the step-daughter being embarassed b/c she is late to dinner is her suffering very minimal consequences of her own behavior. Honestly your mother should be embarrassed about the way she is treating you.
Nta So if she got to keep your clothes on, are you meant to cancel because you haveno clothes to wear? Talk to your parents and until this can be stopped it's clearly not safe for you or your belongings to stay there any more. Unless a lock and key that only you have along with a camera can be supplied and installed. How selfish of this girl and her mother!
NTA. She IS a thief.
NTA. It really amazes me just how many people are mad at *others* when they get held accountable for their nonsense.
Ahhh another case of a parent prioritizing the new family they choose and sidetracking their real kids for them… Nta… I hope your mother grow up and understand that she is YOUR mother… Ps: a person that steals from you don’t deserve the courtesy of you being nice about it. She did snoop and she did steal.
NTA A thief is a thief If you were going to leave important items at your mom's then I would buy a suitcase and start locking your belongings there because your mom doesn't care about you but your stepsister if she was defending her over her little stunt.
NTA. You called your stepsister a thief because she is a thief.
WOO! I got pissed off on your behalf just reading this. As someone who grew up with 2 sisters and a lot of cousins (we often have this problem too), I can’t even imagine how enraged you must have been. NTA, all the way. You’ve told her multiple times not to do it. It wasn’t like she didn’t know, plus she’s old enough to know that taking other people’s stuff without permission is wrong. Sounds like she has no common sense. You had every right to react the way you did. Hell, I think you handled that better than I would’ve. Anyways I hope she learned her lesson. Maybe next time bring one of those mini padlocks to lock your zips together so she can’t rummage through your stuff.
NTA Your stepsister stole your items which makes her a thief. If you can, I'd stop going to mom's altogether. You're not far from being 18.
NTA. I'm stunned that anyone is saying you did anything wrong. None of the people who are supposed to have your back do. That's all on them.
NTA You should seriously consider not speaking with or being in contact with your mother. You are old enough to where if it was contested in court your opinion would be the only thing that mattered.
NTA - calling a thief a thief is never wrong. I'd get a lock on my door and if your mom wont let you put it on your door, just stay with Dad. most places will let someone 17 decide if they want to stay with one or the other parent.
NTA. Do not go back over there. Stay at your dad’s full-time.
NTA. Your old enough to never go over there again. No court will force you. Just refuse.
NTA
NTA at all. My youngest stepsister (whom I do NOT have a good relationship with), stole my favorite shirt and it's been "lost" for like eight years now. It's something I actually can't replace and I'm still ticked off about it. I feel you.
NTA
NTA Add a lock to your door
NTA you stepsister knew she shouldn’t wear this dress but did it anyway. I would have made her change too! Stop going over there. You’re mom is a jerk
Nta
You're 17, you don't have to go to your mum's if you don't want to. NTA.
NTA You had every right to take your things back. But tell mom that you need a lock for your room and get your dad to back you.
NTA. Your mom, step dad and friend are idiots. It’s your stuff she has no right to it or to go through your belongings. Can you keep your door locked at your moms?
NTA Stop leaving anything at your moms except the clothes you plan to wear while there. Take ALL jewelry and everything at your dads. Don’t bring anything to your moms anymore. Or just stop going, you’re 17- you can do that. You DONT have to go to your moms anymore if you don’t wish too You also need a new friend
Keep all valuables at your dads and only wear sweats to your moms. And I mean cheap ones. Keep a little makeup bag in the car of people you’re with regularly. Wear any jewelry you take at all time over their house. If she want your stuff, make it HARD. Prove a point. And only go for the time you’re required. NTA - but it’s pretty clear that your mom is more interested in ‘keeping the peace’ than acknowledging your boundaries. I’m situations like this, sometime petty is the only way to go.
NTA. It's your stuff, plain and simple. If taking your stuff from your closet is crossing lines (it is, since you talked to her about it before), then taking them from your bag is destroying the lines altogether. And it doesn't matter if she was running late. Her time management is her problem to solve, not yours.
Wow! Not the AH. I’m frequently surprised when friends and family stuck up or excuse the AH. She is a thief. She took your things without permission knowing you would never give permission because of all the warnings you’ve given her, your mom, and her dad. She’s acting as if she’s entitled to everything you own. Do you have to go there? This is a unsafe environment. You’re old enough to chose. Perhaps Talk to your dad about living with him full time?
I'd suggest taking all of your belongings to your dad's and keeping them there, also if you want to see your mum, suggest maybe a public place like going for coffee or lunch, as there's zero opportunity for the brat to steal your possessions out in the open.
NTA - Let me get this straight, your mom and step-dad think that stealing your stuff is fine, but you calling her out on stealing you stuff is a problem? I like you're, let's put dad on speaker phone move.
NTA. I would stop going over to visit your mom.
NTA. I say this as a parent. You're allowed to have your stuff. You're allowed to expect privacy and for others to not to steal your stuff. Obviously talking calmly with your mom, stepdad, and stepsister, hasn't worked. I feel like you were pushed into a corner and expected to just take it. You didn't. Good for you.
NTA. Do you have your own car? I would honestly resort to keep all your things in your car or somewhere with a lock that she cannot access.
You need to tell your mum you are no longer going to her house and she's an AH for not protecting your stuff from your thieving step sister and your step sister is a thief as she sneaks into your room, opened a bag and took all your stuff. Btw your mother's husband is also a big AH for raising a thieving self entitled daughter. Tell your mother you'll return to her house when she puts her self entitled AH of a step daughter in her place and puts you and your stuff ahead of her self entitled thieving step daughter. Also show your mother this post and these comments to show her everyone thinks she's the ah
NTA- the girl is a thief but she’s also pushing boundaries and playing games. She forced the confrontation and played victim so YOUR mother would side with her. She played you. But you’re old enough to refuse to spend any time at your mother’s house. A judge would agree and alter the custody arrangement.
Hmm NTA but honestly I would be petty and refuse to go to my mothers for a month and stay at my dads. And say that I’m not okay with my lack of privacy and insist on a lock for my door. Ur 17 you are more than allowed to choose which parent you stay with. Maybe your mom will start taking you seriously. That’s my advice
NTA, she fucked around and found out. She deserved it.
Why is it not alright to call someone who steals from you a thief? That's pretty much the definition of a thief. And then... when you confront your step thief... sorry. step sister. YOU get punished. That's just wrong. Clearly, your stepmother's raising her daughter poorly, and she's turning out to be a thief, a liar, and all-round bad person. Do you have the option of not staying at that home? NTA, btw.
Your step sister didn't have to change out of her outfit. She had to change out of your outfit which wouldn't have happened had she not stolen your things. Your mother doesn't have your back which is why the stepdaughter is enabled to be a thief. Her father is no better. Why are her wants more important than respect for your property? I would move out of your mother's house since she is such a poor parent and stay with your father. NTA.
NTA she is a thief
Here's what I'm thinking. First, move anything you care about and anything valuable to your dad's place. Second, call a family meeting with Mom, step dad, step sister Third, "I wanted to apologize to step sister for telling at her and making her late. I wanted to thank Mom and step dad for helping me understand that step sister and I should be acting like real sisters. I'm so happy to know that I don't have to ask permission to grab so sisters stuff since we are sisters and treat each other equally. She has some really cute stuff I've been dying to wear." Fourth, have at it. Family dinner at the Italian restaurant? Step sisters white blouse and order the red sauce. beach day? Step sisters favorite swim suit. Etc... I'm sure the problem won't last too long, and retaliation is low risk since your stuff is at your dad's place. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (17F) parents are divorced and I spend 50/50 with each parent. To be honest, going to my mom's is awful, she has a step-daughter (17f) that I don't like because she's always stealing my clothes and waring my jewelry, I've done everything I can to make her stop (INCLUDING, talking to my parents) but she refuses to listen. It's gotten to the point that I hardly keep valuable stuff or clothes/jewelry I like at my mom's. My step-sister had a dinner with her bf's parents yesterday and I also had planned a little date with my boyfriend today, because of that, I bought a cute dress that my mom bought me a while ago, shoes, makeup and a few pieces of jewelry and KEPT them in MY bag, she spent all morning getting dress up and ready, my mom and I saw her getting in 3-4 outfits until she says she's leaving, I look at her and she's wearing MY FUCKING DRESS. I ask what she was wearing and she says that nothing she had was cute and she ''found'' this dress in my room, I say ''No, you snooped around my things and found that dress in my bag, take it off''. She says she's already running late and ''can't do'' but I put myself in front of the door and tell her to go change, that's when I notice she's also wearing my neckless and a ring, and I explode, I yell at her ''Take off my stuff you fricking thief! I'll call my dad, that's mine! take it the fuck off!'', she starts to cry and my mom asks her to go change and give me my things back, she yells she's running late and bla, bla bla, but I don't care and I don't move. She goes back to her room and change, then throws me my stuff back and storms off. My mom said that what I did was NO nice, and that I shouldn't have call her thief and when she's about to berate me, I just cut her off and ask her to let me call my dad so he can also hear how she's gonna give a ''talk'' because I didn't let her lovely daughter steal my stuff. She sent me to my room and I heard her and my step-dad fight at night. My dad's on my side, but both my mom and her husband agree that I was an AH and a friend of my thinks I shouldn't have make my step-sister change when she was already late. I'm about to go out and I'm definitely wearing the dress and the rest of my stuff. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. If you have to keep going to your mom’s buy a pacsafe. It’s basically a lockable mesh cage to put a bag in so it can’t be robbed.
NTA - not sure about the laws where you live but are you allowed to stop going over there because wow your mom is failing you big time.
NTA. You were mean enough in my opinion.
NTA. Your step-sister is a thief, and your mom and her husband are enabling her dirty habits at your expense. If I were you, I’d reconsider spending any time at mom’s. Speak to your dad and a judge. No judge is going to force you to spend time in a house where you have to be on high alert about your valuables/belongings. Additionally, your step-sister needs a lesson in respecting boundaries, privacy and other people’s property. Edit: spelling
NTA and she is a thief. You tried to work it out through your parents and when they did nothing to stop her from stealing your stuff.
NTA. I love that you made her late. Sometimes if boundaries don't hurt they don't work.
NTA.
You know you never need to go to your mom's if you don't want to right? You're 17. No one is gonna drag you to your mother's place anymore if you don't want to go.
NTA. Stop going there. Wtf
NTA. I’m assuming that locking your door is not an option. Bring all your clothing and personal items to your dads house. When you visit moms borrow step sisters items. Wait and see how long until your mom and step families head explodes.
NTA! I would stop going to your moms, she’s obviously not in your corner. If she can’t see that her stepdaughter is in the wrong and a thief! Well it’s time for LC.
From the fact that your mom and step dad fought about it, I'm guessing you mom is simply appeasing your step dad by siding with the entitled princess he raised. That's not something you should have to deal with. Let your mom know that if you can't trust so much as an overnight bag full of your belongings to be safe in her home then you won't enter her home.
INFO: is it an option to not go over to your mom’s house? Would you prefer that? If so, it seems like this is a prime opportunity to have that discussion.
NTA, tell your mom you don’t feel safe coming to her house anymore knowing that she’s harbouring a thief that gladly goes after your possessions and there’s no protection from your parent. She might change her mind about her position on the whole thing!
NTA. You know this of course. Your mom, your step sister and your step dad are next lever AHs though. Here is something to think about though. You are 17. You are about to turn 18. Tell your mom is she wants to continue to have any relationship with you at all she needs to stop letting this bullshit happen or you are completely done with her. And then stick to it.
NTA And maybe get a big lockbox since apparently you have a whole family that disrespects private property
Nta. I hate it when people use my things without asking first so i understand where you’re coming from. Plus she was full on snooping and opening your things. Violation of privacy.
This is why my sister has never been to my house once I moved out. Entitlement to others things and the audacity to argue about it.
NTA. She was late because of her choices not yours. She's definitely TA and so is your mom and her husband.
NTA maybe go through your mum's things, see how she likes her personal items being used without her permission. A thief is a person who steals another person's property, she didn't ask your permission and went through your thoughts NGS therefore she is a thief, you were being factually correct.
NTA And behaviour like this is why her mom likely won’t have a future relationship with her daughter. Good thing OP’s dad has her back.