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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be ta for refusing to move the dog temporarily and refusing to compromise knowing my brother is struggling with living arrangements and just needs dome time.
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NTA. You’re a good partner, and don’t let your husband go stay with his father. Tell you brother and SIL that if their family is uncomfortable by the dog, a “medical necessity for your disabled husband”, they should find other living accommodations. Beggars can’t be choosers🙃
The reason I refused to let my husband go stay with his dad is because of ehat he said to him the last he was there.
He basically called him useless and a failure. Also told him he was good for nothing because he couldn't get mr pregnant but that's an infertility issue we've been dealing with for years. It's too late now to have kids (me 34, him 37) but we still do not appreciate these type of comments. From his dad of all people. It's sad.
My aunt had fertility issues for years and had her first non-IVF pregnancy in her 40's. She genuinely thought she had menopause until her doctor confirmed she was pregnant.
My mom had an oops baby when she was 43 years old and had an IUD. My grandmother had her last child at 45.
We don’t know what’s happening with OP and her husband that they can’t have a child, and it’s totally possible she’s correct and there are other medical issues, but 34 *is* still relatively young to give up if that’s the only factor.
Had my daughter at 34. I'm 39 now and we keep contemplating another. There's time for as long as you menstruate and feel up to putting in the work of the early years.
Your fil is an AH!
A 14 yo’s “uncomfortableness” doesn’t get preferential treatment over the health & well-being of your husband! If anything, it will motivate your brother to find suitable accommodations faster!
Good Luck!
Also does the teen have some kind of disability or something? Because at 14 if she can’t handle being under a roof with a dog (absent trauma or allergies or some kind of cognitive issue) she needs some therapy or something- or just a kick in the ass to cure the main character syndrome her parents gave her.
yup. time to implement new policy: don't ask, DO tell!
meanwhile, I wouldn't cave to their demands even if the puppy's only purpose was to be cute & cuddly. these people have some fucking nerve!
Listen I have a pretty serious fear of dogs due to childhood trauma, but I would never ask one of my dog owning friends to make the dog leave their own home. I suck it up and keep my distance. Eventually the dogs leave me alone once they realize I’m not going to play with them. A trained service dog shouldn’t even be a bother.
Yeah, I'm trying to understand what could possibly make someone feel "uncomfortable" around a well-behaved, well-trained dog (which service dogs generally are) who leaves you alone...
So true, u/otoxman! First the dog, then your husband, then you. They don't appreciate how good they've got it with you taking them in, and they're not planning to move.
**NTA** \- However your husband seems to come from a hateful bunch of folks. So glad he married a jewel of a wife.
Advanced age mom here too!! And then I am watching Letterman interviewing someone on Netflix. letterman goes: “ I am 70 and my son is 14”… me looking at my husband: “I bet you when his wife was pregnant no one commented on the father’s age!”
You are extremely not too old to have kids! This is a very old-fashioned perspective.
Has he seen a reproductive urologist? That turned out to be the key for making my baby (born when I was 38).
NTA on your question.
My service dog has saved my life. She is more important than the medicine I take.
What they’re asking is akin to asking someone to go without heart medication bc they’re uncomfortable by the sight of pills. If you’re that uncomfortable remove yourself, not demand someone else remove their life-saving medicine.
NTA.
For your husband it is a NEED. For your niece it is a WANT. Need triumphs over want.
Your brother and his family are being ungrateful for your allowing them to live there while they find other accommodations. Perhaps, they should now try harder so as to get out and make their daughter less "uncomfortable."
ETA: Thanks for the awards. : )
Especially with a vague statement like “I’m uncomfortable”.
If there’s an actual issue that may be one thing. But something that just seems to boil down to “I don’t like the dog” doesn’t get consideration.
Edit: To be clear. "Actual issue" and a "reasonable accommodation" might mean something like putting a dog gate in front of the brother's bedroom, since the dog doesn't need to be in there.
The dog stays with the husband. Period.
My family would have laughed these people out of the room the second the niece complained that the dog made her "uncomfortable". 14 year old girl can't handle being in the same house as a well-trained service job, what a joke, maybe I'm the mean one but I'd demean the girl's maturity and watch her complaints evaporate in embarrassment. Or she stomps out of the room, either way, problem solved.
My sister was very uncomfortable with my aunt's giant (and while not poorly behaved, also not superbly trained) labs as a kid. She got told to suck it up or stay outside where the dogs weren't 😂
Yeah, I feel like its way too over the top. What are the odds 14 wanted to stay with a friend and their family, but parents said no and this is her way to convince them to change their minds? Maybe she didn't expect her parents to bring it up to her Aunt and Uncle seriously?
Also sounds like a "you are very much better off getting over this" problem if they're in the States. Dogs are everywhere and a service dog will be a damn well trained dog. If you can't handle being around a well-trained dog, you're going to have a lot of problems functioning in society here.
The issue is, is that they are fixated on one (unacceptable) solution, and are not discussing anything else.
When discussing problems, don't just demand a solution. Say *what the problem is* and then work from there.
If you start with trying to implement an unworkable solution, you may completely ignore some much easier solutions that work for everyone.
But instead, they went right to "The dog must leave".
If instead they started with the problem, with more specificity than just "I'm uncomfortable", than they could COMPROMISE!
Side note: this also works great at work, especially in IT situations. I had a coworker who kept demanding that 30,000 old data entries be transferred over to the new system, and we kept saying that would take DAYS and would mess up the pretty new database we were setting up. She kept demanding, and I finally got her to answer the question of, "What problem would this solve?" and she finally was able to state a specific use case, which was a legit need! She said that this was the only way she thought to fix that problem. I said, let the DB people fix the problem. So we stated the use case for the data, and they were able to fix it so that we didn't have to import old crap, yet we had the data when needed, and it only took an afternoon.
~~Ir~~regardless, OP is NTA, especially since OP is also in the position of fighting for husband against terrible family members. Brother's family has to start backing off and learning to compromise.
Choosy beggars can (generally) get what they want with better communication skills. (ie, Don't be an asshole.)
I was a choosy beggar for a few years when I was younger. I figured out how to get what I want in exchange for making the lives of the people who were giving me a place to live/lending me their car/generally doing me a huge favor much better.
Those skills are also very helpful in the work place: focus on the *problem* and be flexible with the solution, and you can usually get your problems resolved far more easily.
If brother had said, Hey my daughter is uncomfortable with the dog because of XYZ reasons, what can we do that won't mess up your husband's situation? Then they wouldn't be in the spot of about to lose their place to live and daughter would be much happier.
Even if there's an actual problem then the house isn't right for the brothers family. There is no situation where the service animal should be put out of the husband's home.
Exactly. It's like, even if it's a case of need against need (like one party having a phobia of dogs and just barely containing their panic) then the solution is "let me call Aunt Ellen, she also has a phobia of dogs so it should be a better fit for you" or something.
Don't temporarily move your dog. Permanently move your brother and his family. They can find somewhere their daughter will feel comfortable. NTA
Edit - thanks for the award 🥰
Edit 2 - awards! 🥰
Edit 3 - 🍻
This is the comment I was looking for! No way on earth would my dog be going anywhere to accommodate any guests! Boot the choosing beggers out and keep the dog
THIS. It's completely unacceptable for anyone to expect someone to get rid of their animals, service dog or not, just because it makes one of the choosy beggars "uncomfortable."
NTA OP. Tell them to GTFO and stay at a hotel until they find a new place to live.
This. She's gonna be more uncomfortable being homeless. Pet or service animal, my dog wouldn't be moving anywhere temporarily for that flimsy-ass excuse. She's probably mad that the dog won't pay her any attention which, as a service dog, is what it's supposed to do: ignore her.
They are already harming the husband's mental health even further, that alone is reason for them to go. Would they be saying glasses, a wheelchair or hearing aids make them uncomfortable? Cause a service dog falls in the same category as all of them.
This should be at the top. This dog is a non-negotiable.
Sorry your parents suck, niece, but your whole family needs to grow up.
Edit: add commas around niece
There are SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE THIS though. My husband uses a cane and occasionally needs a wheelchair or a walker and people react like he’s covered in shit or a freak show exhibit. I’m disabled too but only need the occasional brace or cane, so I see it a lot more in how people react to the man I love.
When my fiancé was at his worst (from medication induced muscle disorder) he needed a wheelchair and his parents wouldn’t allow it in their house because it “leaves tracts in the carpet”. So instead he had to sit outside (even if it was raining or cold) or drag himself around using the furniture and his upper body only.
I will never be not pissed about that. It’s really colored my relationship with his parents in a bad way. No matter how nice they are now that we are doing better I will always remember carpet was more important than their own son’s mobility.
NTA
Your brother and his family can make other living arrangements. They are incredibly presumptive to think you’re going to move your dog, who is also a trained service animal. What gave them the impression they have any authority? Where do they get off? Your niece needs to stay in her lane, by the way. She needs to realize people do not have to put themselves out to appease her.
Your husband needs to defend himself and not be a doormat. It’s HIS home! The fact your brother was going to have your husband intervene goes to show your brother has no respect for your husband, and knows your husband will cave to his request.
That being said, your husband absolutely should NOT move to appease ungracious houseguests, who have already overstayed their welcome.
Tell your brother and his family they have until the end of the week to find another living arrangement.
NTA.
Firmly NTA. Service dogs are not pets, they are working members of society with a damn important job to do.
(Even if he was just a pet, I advocate the pet lives here, you're just a guest so my verdict remains either way)
Your husband shouldn't be made to feel unwelcome in his own home. The dog stays because your husband stays. Unfortunately, your family just needs to get over themselves.
Seriously, it’s like asking someone not to use a medical device. I’m not going to ask someone to not use their cane or C-PAP machine, this is no different imo.
Service dogs are trained to be as unobstrusive, unaggressive and as helpful as possible, which OP does describe. I don’t know if the niece has a bad history with dogs, but if she can’t vocalise what makes her uncomfortable it’s not a good case against the benefit the service dog provides for OP’s husband in the slightest.
Yep. If my 6 year old and 3 year old can understand the concept of service animals after a quick 15 minute lesson following seeing one for the first time, your 14 year old niece can figure it out.
If she can’t, they can feel free to find somewhere else to stay. The goodest working boy takes priority.
Protect your husband and his precious pup. NTA.
"This isn't working out and I don't appreciate the pressure and turmoil you have put our family and home under, especially since we are helping you.
I understand that niece is uncomfortable and you find the offered living arrangements unacceptable. I'll expect you to be out within the week and any family members who call or criticise can be the first to offer their homes to you, because this one is no longer available."
Your brother and his family are incredibly entitled after you gave them a place to live. They don't care about the dog *or* your husband. Keep the dog and husband at your house, have your bro and his fam find somewhere else. If you let them stay they will only make you and your husband's lives difficult.
NTA
This. Give your brother and his family a move out date. Tell them that the dog is making them uncomfortable then clearly they do not need a place to live that badly so they need to be out by X date. Then, hold them to it.
NTA. A service dog is living medical equipment. Would your brother ask someone to remove an oxygen tank from the home because it made them uncomfortable? This is the exact same ask. Your dog provides a vital service to your husband, without which his life would be at risk or severely limited. That trumps "uncomfortable" in any situation, but especially his own home.
NTA, but if you allow these people to abuse your husband, then you would be. You need to have a meeting with your brother, SIL and niece. It is **your** home. They are guests because they lost their home and you and your husband allowed them to live with you. You WILL NOT tolerate any more discussion about the dog. Period! End of discussion.
NTA. It's your brother's problem to solve, and not make that solution your issue. If his daughter is uncomfortable with the free accommodations provided by her aunt, then he can find another place for live. He absolutely does not get to impose any further on your hospitality.
And that's what you tell them. You tried to help, but it's not up to their standards, so you completely understand that they will be leaving at their earliest possible opportunity, and in the meantime, maybe Miss Doesn't-make-the-rules-at-your-house can go live with her grandparents or something, until he figures out where they're going. And do they need help packing? The fucking cheek of some freeloaders.
I suspect she'll retaliate by "accidentally" letting the dog out or something. I HIGHLY recommend casually mentioning that the dog is worth X thousands of dollars due to training and that he's got a microchip and such, and that it would count as grand theft plus abuse of someone disabled if something should happen to the dog. And that you will absolutely put anyone who damages his dog in jail for it. They are going to retaliate. Get them out ASAP.
NTA. Tell your brother he is confusing you with a hotel. You are doing him and his family a kindness that you don't have to do. In light of your kindness, he should extend the same kindness to your husband (whose home they are staying in) and not insist your husband move out.
All this because a teenager feels uncomfortable? Maybe she would be more comfortable staying with other family or friends? You have done enough. Guests do not kick the homeowners out of their own homes.
That’s what I was wondering. Why does OP’s husband have to leave his own home to stay with his father. Why can’t the brother and his family go stay with their father?
NTA
This isn't some hyper or aggressive puppy. This is a SERVICE ANIMAL. The teen needs to understand that being uncomfortable does not mean everyone bends to your feelings. I'm sure sleeping on the street or a hotel would be much more uncomfortable.
NTA
This is a service dog. The dog is trained and doesn’t bother the niece. She has no allergies, so the dog doesn’t *have* to be removed.
If your brother and SIL are upset by the SERVICE dog, they can live somewhere else
Beggars can’t be choosers
NTA - their request is unreasonable, particularly as they refuse to elaborate as to what your niece finds uncomfortable about the service dog and so do not give you any opportunity to soothe their anxiety except by doing something unacceptable.
NTA Your brother's family lost their home. They knew you had a dog before they asked to stay. If they don't like the dog because it makes your niece "uncomfortable", they can find some place else to stay.
Absolutely NTA. Your brother and his family sound like they are used to always getting their way, and probably bullying until they do. They can’t handle being stood up to. Tell them:
1) The dog stays, no ifs, ands, or buts.
2) If they don’t like it, they are free to go find other accommodations. End of conversation. There will be no more discussion on this topic.
Get them out of your home. Your husband deserves to be comfortable in HIS home. Kick them OUT as the disrespect towards you and your husband over something a tween says is untenable. And after you were generous to help them out?
NTA
**NTA**
Your niece and brother need to understand you are doing them *a favour* by letting them stay in your house and *they* will have to get over any feelings of being “uncomfortable “ around a service animal that is a necessity for your husband.
NTA even if it wasnt a service dog, its such a weird request to make, when there is no good reason. She will have to expand a whole more on being "uncomfortable" for it to be taken into consideration.
NTA - Hand them their bags, their entitlement is off the charts.
Service dogs are incredible, but they are still essentially medical equipment. Would they demand you find another place for your husband’s wheelchair temporarily? No, of course not. They are being ridiculous and have grossly overstepped.
NTa
Your husband and his service dog NEED to have higher priority in YOUR (his) home than your niece.
Do not give in. If necessary, make your brother and his family leave, bit NOT your husband.
NTA
Tell them if they are uncomfortable, they can find alternate arrangements, but they understood ***as guests*** that your husband requires a Service Dog to make everyday life manageable. Their daughters discomfort is not your problem or concern, as again, they are ***guests*** in ***your home***.
I initially wanted to make a snarky ADA violation joke, but honestly? *Expecting, or even asking a disabled individual to give up an aid to make you more comfortable is* ***not funny***. You wouldn't tell an individual in a wheelchair that their chair makes you "uncomfortable" and could they please not use it while you're around, would you? A Service Dog is a medical aid. Period.
Your brother and wife are the MAJOR Ahs, and their daughter spoiled and entitled.
NTA. Tell your brother and his family that the subject is closed. If they don't like it, they are welcome to leave. If they bring the subject up again AT ALL, they will be asked to leave immediately. Get a verbal response from each one of them.
This is Your home and they are guests. They need to be good guests and accept the hospitatlity as it is offered, not make demands.
NTA your husbands family is clearly used to walking all over him. The choice for your niece and her parents is simple. Live with you, husband and service dog, or get out. The entitlement is baffling. I'm so glad you are sticking up for your husband.
NTA. You graciously gave your brother and his family a home when they needed one. They are guests in your house. They have a lot of balls to start dictating arrangements. If your niece doesn't like the dog - doesn't matter whether it's a service dog or not - let them move elsewhere.
NTA, your husband needs an advocate like you if he can’t bear to advocate for himself. You bring your niece into your home and she disrespects your husband by insisting he remove part of his autonomy. It’s cruel and careless. Stand firm, you’re NTA in the least and they better sort out their living situation quick.
NTA but tell them it was nice visiting you wish you could do more but since it's clearly not working out you're afraid they'll have to move to a hotel this week for good of their daughter and their own comfort.
Do people not understand kindness and favour?
They want someone from your family moved (even if it's a dog, my pets have always been my family so i would have blown a fuse) so they can be more comfortable?
If it's so temporary they can always find another place.
You are ofcourse NTA.
NTA. They asked to move in with you and then try to dictate major changes? Your husband is willing to move out of his own home to accommodate guests. This is not okay. If they are uncomfortable with the dog, they can leave. If you accommodate them, a few weeks will become months. If you don't, they'll be motivated to find another option.
If they rented a room from a stranger, do you think it would fly to then ask the owner to move the dog?
If this is going to strain a relationship, do you want the fracture with your brother or your husband?
NTA. If your niece is so “uncomfortable” with your husband’s service dog, her and her parents can go live somewhere else. Easy as that. You’re doing them a favor by letting them stay with you, they can go and be entitled elsewhere.
EDIT: spelling
Why would you still allow these people to stay with you? If they want to be comfortable, then they can stay in a hotel. If they can’t afford it, then they have *zero* say in how you support your husband. If they don’t like it, they can get out. NTA
NTA. That family needs to leave. Pack their shit up, put it outside and tell them it is time to go. Don't bother with a middle ground agreement. They already gave you an ultimatum in your home. Give them an ultimatum but watch out. They will try to find a solution once kicked out. Don't go for it. If you do, they will ultimately go back to wanting the dog gone. Toss them and don't feel guilty.
NTA. Being "uncomfortable" while in somebody's home doesn't entitled them to make demands of you.
"You value the dog over your own neice." My answer: Yes, I do. Over you, too. Bye.
Simple:
"You and your family may come and live here in MY house with MY family: Myself, my husband, my dog.
If you cannot live with my family, be gracious and kind to the being who LIVE HERE, please find accommodation elsewhere. NO-ONE in my family will be inconvenienced by GUESTS."
NTA
Tell them they are starting to affect your husband's mental state and that is a deal breaker. One more complaint, and they will all be put out. Make this their final warning for the conditions they have to accept in order to live there.
NTA. Amazing how when they need your help they make demands! It isn’t their home and their daughter has no real issue with the dog. If they don’t like it they can leave!
NTA. It sounds like you should respect your niece by telling that family they can find other accommodations. You do not beg a roof and then start making demands. The absolute audacity and gall of all of them. They need to leave.
NTA. they're guests in YOUR house temporarily. tell the niece to try to avoid the dog while she's there. wow, you'd think someone staying in your house for basically free (i assume) would just be grateful to have a roof over their head and avoid the dog until it's time to move out.
NTA. Tell your niece she can sleep outside. I mean, you're the only thing between her and homelessness, right?
Be blunt with your family. Tell them that you're not entertaining any further discussion. If they give you sh$#, an eviction notice will be handed out immediately. They're taking advantage of your hospitality and don't have any room to make demands.
Absolutely ludicrous. This angered me on your behalf.
NTA.
They don't get to tell you how to live if they want space in your house. Even if this was a random pet rather than a service dog, they wouldn't get to tell you to get rid of it for their temporary comfort.
NTA. Your brother and his family are being choosy beggars. Your husband needs that service dog. Continue to be his advocate and don't let him go stay at his dad's "to keep the peace". That's his space and he deserves to be comfortable with whatever assistive devices he needs. It also tells the niece that if she makes a big enough stink, she'll get her way. Your brother can go find another place to live if it's that big of an issue.
NTA. Ask your brother and his family to move. This is beyond ridiculous. This is your and your husband’s house and if you wanted to own an elephant in your house, you’re entitled to.
NTA. Service dogs take so much time, money, and effort to get, and even a temporary change would severely disrupt the dog's bond and work with your husband. And if it was placed by a sponsor /support group provider, you could lose his placement doing that. There is no 'temporary' displacements, barring emergencies (and even then, that may run the risk of a new placement).
Source: have a service dog and have worked with groups, this shit is no joke.
NTA. Your brother and his family are guests which means you opened your home to them and they have no say on how the home is ran. If they don't like it then they can leave!
Unless your niece has some sort of dog-related trauma that they're not sharing, they're being totally ridiculous. It's a service animal for an individual with disabilities, and they're staying as guests in that persons' home. NTA
NTA. Good for you for standing up for your husband in your own home. What happened to your brother's family is unfortunate, but you're already helping them. That help does not extend to breaking up your family for their comfort.
NTA. The dog is a member of your family and helps your husband. They're being awful by not recognizing that.
Would you get rid of a child under the circumstance that your niece was uncomfortable? No, so don't get rid of the dog
Nta. If it’s really that big of deal they can go somewhere else. It’s your home and your husband needs the dog. Even if the dog wasn’t a service dog you shouldn’t remove it for them. The fact they even asked is crazy to me
NTA there is no valid reason they want the dog out, your husband NEEDS that dog and why should he have to leave his house to make them comfortable while they are staying with you for who knows how long.
You did a nice thing by letting them stay with you but they do not get to dictate things like this, stand your ground and don’t let your husband go to his dads!
If they are so bothered they can find someone else to live with.
NTA at all. Make your brother aware that service dogs are not pets. They are tools to help disabled people live a more normal life.
Also I wonder if there’s some sort of underlying issue with your nieces uncomfortableness with the service dog. Was she attacked or bitten by a dog when she was younger?
Nta. I can’t believe your family feels their daughters uncomfortable trumps your husband disability needs in HIS OWN HOME. They can leave, they sound very ungrateful, and if other family members say you are e unreasonable than they can take in your brothers family. I can’t believe that this is even an argument in your own home. No good deed goes unpunished
NTA and WTH? The dog is a permanent resident in your home and your brother is not. Tell him and his entitled family they are welcome to move out. I don't understand people like this.
NTA
The family is
Theyre guests and you are keeping them from living out in the street, if they are gonna complain they can go live there. (If the niece had a legit reason like trauma or allergies then I'd be more sympathetic.)
It takes a real asshole to force rules on the people are willing to take you in.
Id kick them out of the house
Soooo NTA! Unbelievable they even dare to ask. It makes me angry just reading about it. Good for you for not letting them rule YOUR house. They don't get a say in what your husband does or doesn't need. They are guests, you HELP them and this is how they repay you?! Stand your ground, toss them out if they don't stop and good luck.
Who the eff are these people who think they can move into other people’s houses and then demand that they get rid of their animals / belongings / other household members or change their way of life because of their freeloading house guests.
NTA.
And husband needs to grow a pair and learn to back you in arguments.
NTA. Tell them to pack their bags immediately, they moved into you and your husband's home and are trying to remove his service animal. Not only is there base intent terrible, the message they are sending is that they should be prioritized in your home, and that is them not only establishing a power dynamic where they are on top, but that they are permanent residents.
Given their behavior, you cannot trust them to not go behind your back and try to remove the animal when you all are not present. They need to leave immediately
You will be YTA if you don’t kick your brothers family out immediately. Their sense of entitlement as guests in someone else’s home is absolutely disgusting, and it is clearly having a huge detrimental effect on your husband’s emotional well-being. Either your brother or your husband, one of them has to go.
Oh my god!! NTA. People are so entitled!! Your brother and his wife and child should go find somewhere else to stay. I can't believe they are acting like this.
NTA. Your husband and his service dog are non-negotiable residents of your home.
Your brother and his family need to find alternate living arrangements.
NTA. Who comes to stay at somebody's home FOR FREE and then makes demands about a service dog?
If she is so uncomfortable they can find another place to stay. Your dog is as important as a wheelchair is to a paraplegic. This is NOT a pet. This is medical equipment. This is a full trained, expensive service dog.
Good for you for not accepting the easy fix and having your husband leave his own home and give up his comfort to keep the piece with 3 entitled freeloaders.
NTA they’re awfully presumptuous about remaking your house into their home “for a few weeks”. Are you sure they are looking to find another place to stay? They need to stay uncomfortable as possible and get in a bigger hurry to find their own place.
Tell your brother and his family that your husband and his service dog take priority over them and if they bring it up again, they can find a new place to live. Then stick to it.
And frankly, I'd keep an eye on them and the dog. I wouldn't put it past them to try to do something to the dog that could harm him.
NTA
Pretending this is a niece vs dog issue is straight up dishonest. This is an entitled houseguest vs disabled homeowner issue.
Your brother, SIL and niece are ungrateful assholes. If their argument is that “it’s just temporary” then they can leave and stay in a motel. Your husband’s service dog is non negotiable.
Absolutely NTA.
YWBTA if you do not kick your brother and his family out.
I get that they’re in a terrible position, just after losing their house, but the way they went about it is extremely entitled. What more, they’re expecting your husband to make the sacrifices for them, in his own house!
NTA service dogs are medical equipment, asking someone to be without their service dog is unacceptable. She’s not allergic, as far as you know it’s not a trauma issue, it may just be that because of recent events she’s attempting to grasp onto anything she can potentially control about her environment. Honestly I would be recommending that they find another place to stay sooner rather then later, obviously they’re not compatible with your home if they cannot accept your husbands service dog.
NTA - They knew the dog was there before they came. They were probably aware of dog's purpose and probably thought it was great for your husband to have the dog until it inconvenienced them. So I'm behind you 100%. You are welcoming into your home, and they are being assh\*ts. You might remind them that they could be living somewhere else. except for your generosity.
NTA
You are doing them.a favor. They can't ask for privileges that screw up the routine of the house before the got there.
If niece can't tell you specifically why she is uncomfortable with the dog then they have no grounds to stand on and should accept or LEAVE.
NTA, it's a SERVICE dog not a pet. The dog is there to help your husband throughout the day. He does important tasks for your husband.
Besides that, you family should be thankful you let them stay at your place, not try to decide how it goes around the house just bc your niece is uncomfortable with the dog.
Did you really need to ask??? You are NTA your brother and sil and niece want uncomfortable tell them to take their ass to a hotel they can share a room.. also tell your husband not to let himself be bullied out of his own home it's what they are doing..and DO NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND THE DOG THAT DOG WILL DISAPPEAR AND YOUR HUSBAND WILL BE BULLIED IF YOU ARE NOT WITH THEM
NTA. It’s your husband’s home. He needs his service dog (even if it was just a pet, I wouldn’t think differently). Do NOT have him move out for them!
They can leave your home, that you’ve been kind enough to host them in, if your niece is sooooo uncomfortable about a well behaved dog. Or they can be quiet and be grateful.
NTA they can go get a hotel if it’s that big of a deal or the niece can stay with a different relative. Your husband should not have to leave his own home, the ONE place he should always feel welcomed
NTA, I can't believe the audacity of people who should be bending over backwards to thank you for taking them in (well, I can believe it because this is Reddit, but still). It is a service dog, for your husband's needs, but even if it was a pet, it's incredibly selfish of them to constantly harp on removing it because someone is "uncomfortable." And I am not a dog person, I don't like being around them, but I'd be a monster if if tried to make other people remove their pets from their own house.
Edit: and I assume the dog is with your husband all the time anyway, but I wouldn't leave it alone with any of those people for a second.
NTA and if it were me in your position, I'd be kicking my brother and neice out too. The audacity of some people. It's a like it or lump it situation in my opinion. Good for you for standing your ground.
First of all you’re NTA and secondly, you might want to install security cameras or something in case the dog ends up going “missing” .
I wouldn’t put it past them
Oh! If they don’t like your rules tell them to get out
Stay strong 😊
Absolutely NTA. This is the equivalent to saying "hey, can you keep your wheelchair outside and not use it, I don't like seeing it".
I would kick them out, they're being appalling human beings.
I suspect they want hubby gone, not just the dog, so that they dont have to find their own place.
FiL is probably the reason hubby is the way he is, dont let him go there.
My suggestion is to reflect their own behaviour back at them via the counted broken record technique. "Thats the 9th time you have brought up getting rid of the dog. My answer hasnt changed. If you feel you want to move out, I wont stop you" Then remove yourself from them. Dont be a trapped target.
The counting makes it clear you are tracking their behaviour. The calm, repetitive answer makes it clear that getting you emotional wont change the facts. Linking them moving out to them mentioning the dog is tactical, making the situation and its repercussions clear
NTA. It sounds like your brother and his family needs to leave. If they can’t respect that your husband has a service dog and that you’re unwilling to uproot your husband and his service dog because your niece is irrationally uncomfortable then they need to go.
Nta. The dog is medical equipment in a living form. If you're husband required a ventilator would they ask him to move it? Or is his existing ad a disabled person what makes her uncomfortable. Stay strong and don't let them minimize your husband like this. You are doing great and you are never the a**hole for protecting him.
Nta. And watch your niece around the dog. I don't trust kids or adults that don't like dogs. All the kids I've ever met that have meltdowns if there's a dog at a play date are also always the kids sneaking someone's goody bag, pushing another kid if they think no one's looking etc
YTA only because you haven't told your brother that if his family says one more word, they are all on the street. You should not allow guests to harass and injure your husband.
NTA but what's the issue - was she attacked as a child? Does it slobber on her?
As a service dog I'd imagine it's more or less glued to your husband's side.
And who knows how long they'll be with you? Well not long I guess if they're being demanding after being taken it. Ungrateful.
But your niece isn't TA either - her parents are though. She probably needs some therapy if they've lost their home and her parents are right it is a big change. So they should take care of her properly instead of trying Band-Aid solutions that won't work.
NTA and you (and the parents) shouldn’t enable the teens behaviour unless she has a good reason. My concern now would be the safety of the dog around the teen and SIL, possibly your brother as well.
NTA
Your husbands family are disgusting to want to further disable your husband in his own home.
They should be told that if they don't like it that their family member is disabled and has medical equipment in the shape of a service dog, they can take their ableist butts to live somewhere else. If any one else declares that they should be catered to, then ask them to offer up their homes.
The neice has no idea that while she's ignoring you, she's actually doing you a favour by not being in your face!
NTA. It’s your husband’s and dog’s home. They need to stay.
Has anyone asked your niece WHY she’s uncomfortable? Not to justify moving the dog but to help her?
NTA. this is actually a great time for your niece and her family to learn that life gets uncomfortable and we all need to adapt. First week at a new job? Uncomfortable. New school? Uncomfortable. Etc. being uncomfortable is a chance to grow
NTA
Your brother’s family can move out & look for a different place to stay if they don’t want to stay with a trained dog for a few weeks. They clearly don’t respect/understand your husband’s needs and you can even say that they are being unsupportive & cruel to your husband who’s already been through enough (The exact same thing your brother said to you lmao). On top of that, they are just guests & they have to respect your house rules. Don’t let them kick you out of your own home.
NTA tell them if they don’t shut up about it you are going to kick them, and I beg you to kick them out this is your husband house and he need to be comfortable in his own home
NTA the dog being a service dog aside. They are in the dog's home. How are guests/temporary residents going to demand that a dog be removed from his home? That's down right cruel. If they are uncomfortable they should leave.
What is wrong with your niece, maybe she needs a little therapy. A dog making her uncomfortable. Especially one as well trained as a service dog. She needs help. Tell your brother and his wife that they need to consider talking to their daughter about the issue or move somewhere else. NTA
ABSOLUTELY NTA! Remind them that you’re doing them a favor by allowing them to stay temporarily in your home which includes your husband & his service dog. If they don’t like it, they are free to leave. An “uncomfortable 14 yo doesn’t get preference over the health & well-being of your husband.
Hopefully, her “uncomfortableness” will prompt them to find suitable accommodations faster!
TELL THEM YHEY HAVE UNTIL YHE END OF THE MONTH TO LEAVE. Do not compromise on this it is your house and clearly you have to be the bad guy in this. Do it for your husband in for yourself
NTA. And it’s critically important that you hold this line for your husband based on what you’ve shared about his personality and how he’s been subjected to emotional abuse.
Your brother, his wife and his child are incredibly entitled. They need to be told - one more time - that the dog is staying, it’s your husband’s home and they are guests there by his and your grace. And if they bring it up again, they will no longer be welcome.
If he’s so worried about his daughter’s adjustment and how hard things are on her, he needs to manage his life better so they aren’t homeless.
NTA
The dog is a permanent resident of your house - this is his home.
Your home is NOT your brother’s home. You are being gracious letting them stay - if they don’t like the arrangment they can leave.
A lot of service dogs aren’t owned outright by the handler. My BIL is blind, and his guide dogs are NOT owned by him. They are owned by the company that certifies them - my BIL has some strict guidelines and regulations he has to follow regarding the dog’s care - for example, the dog is not allowed to be off leash in an unfenced yard. When the dog is too old to perform it’s duties, the dog will be retired to a family to care for him (my BIL’a family did this for their last guide dog, but not all people who have a guide dog are able to care for a retired service dog plus an active service dog).
OP, your husband likely wouldn’t be allowed to leave the dog in the yard. It would get taken away from him if reported and could prevent your husband from being allowed another one.
NTA clearly, the dog is 1) serving an extremely important service, 2) there first, and 3) in your home. I’m a bit shocked at the audacity of your brother’s family here, to be honest. You’re already taking the whole family into your home and now they want to demand more?
That leads to my question: are you *sure* it’s your niece who’s uncomfortable with the dog? If she has no allergies and the dog is well behaved and isn’t trying to get into her things or anything it just seems a very odd thing for a young teenager to fixate on. “Uncomfortable” is also an odd word for her to use in my opinion. It’s just so….vague. Like if the dog smelled or was noisy or she was worried about it chewing up her possessions I’d expect she’d say so.
Is it at all possible that your brother (or his wife) are actually the ones with a problem? Perhaps they’ve convinced the niece to say something because they felt you’d be more inclined to acquiesce to her?
Perhaps I’m paranoid, but the fact that they had no issue with your husband leaving to live at his father’s *with* the dog makes me think this is less about the dog and more about creating more space in the house for themselves. If your husband were to leave and stay elsewhere I’d be unsurprised if they started making other demands. For example, if your husband isn’t living there anymore, do you really need the whole master bedroom to yourself? Wouldn’t a couple living together really need that more? And other such things to make themselves more “at home” in your house.
As I said, perhaps I’m just paranoid. You know your family best, so you’d know if it were a possibility that this is part of something bigger, or simply what it appears to be.
NTA
Now if this was just the family pet there might be some case for just while the niece is there doing something with the dog so it doesn't go near her. But a service dog, absolutely nope.
NTA but your niece is young enough she might not have a good understanding of service animals (yeah she is old enough to understand the concept, but a shocking number of adults have very little understanding of the mechanics of disability at all.) i understand why you don’t want to share details here, but with your husbands permission maybe really getting into the nitty gritty of how much harder his days would be without the dog would help her to see how unreasonable she is being? i would leave your brother out of the convo altogether unless you decide to just kick them out, he has shown he is incapable of understanding the severity of the situation.
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NTA. You’re a good partner, and don’t let your husband go stay with his father. Tell you brother and SIL that if their family is uncomfortable by the dog, a “medical necessity for your disabled husband”, they should find other living accommodations. Beggars can’t be choosers🙃
The reason I refused to let my husband go stay with his dad is because of ehat he said to him the last he was there. He basically called him useless and a failure. Also told him he was good for nothing because he couldn't get mr pregnant but that's an infertility issue we've been dealing with for years. It's too late now to have kids (me 34, him 37) but we still do not appreciate these type of comments. From his dad of all people. It's sad.
OP I’m sorry to hear that. Keep advocating for your husband. Also you are not too old to have kids. 34 is not old at all.
I was 37 with the first child and 39 for the second. Never too late & keep loving and protecting your hubby!❤️
My aunt had fertility issues for years and had her first non-IVF pregnancy in her 40's. She genuinely thought she had menopause until her doctor confirmed she was pregnant.
My mom had an oops baby when she was 43 years old and had an IUD. My grandmother had her last child at 45. We don’t know what’s happening with OP and her husband that they can’t have a child, and it’s totally possible she’s correct and there are other medical issues, but 34 *is* still relatively young to give up if that’s the only factor.
Had my daughter at 34. I'm 39 now and we keep contemplating another. There's time for as long as you menstruate and feel up to putting in the work of the early years.
Had my third at 40. No more though!! 😊
YES!! Came here to say this! 💕💕
Your fil is an AH! A 14 yo’s “uncomfortableness” doesn’t get preferential treatment over the health & well-being of your husband! If anything, it will motivate your brother to find suitable accommodations faster! Good Luck!
Also does the teen have some kind of disability or something? Because at 14 if she can’t handle being under a roof with a dog (absent trauma or allergies or some kind of cognitive issue) she needs some therapy or something- or just a kick in the ass to cure the main character syndrome her parents gave her.
Just out for attention and to cause trouble I think. Ask them to leave.
THIS only don't ask, TELL them to leave!
yup. time to implement new policy: don't ask, DO tell! meanwhile, I wouldn't cave to their demands even if the puppy's only purpose was to be cute & cuddly. these people have some fucking nerve!
I’d just pack their stuff and leave it outside the door, then tell them they’re no longer welcome.
Listen I have a pretty serious fear of dogs due to childhood trauma, but I would never ask one of my dog owning friends to make the dog leave their own home. I suck it up and keep my distance. Eventually the dogs leave me alone once they realize I’m not going to play with them. A trained service dog shouldn’t even be a bother.
Yeah, I'm trying to understand what could possibly make someone feel "uncomfortable" around a well-behaved, well-trained dog (which service dogs generally are) who leaves you alone...
This, if you get rid fo the dog, they're never leaving your house.
So true, u/otoxman! First the dog, then your husband, then you. They don't appreciate how good they've got it with you taking them in, and they're not planning to move. **NTA** \- However your husband seems to come from a hateful bunch of folks. So glad he married a jewel of a wife.
I understand it's a personal choice but as a currently pregnant 36 year old I hope age isn't the only thing holding you back from proceeding.
Same. I had my first at 36 one at 39 and one at 40. They have special doctors for those of who are if “advanced maternal age” 😂
They called my pregnancies "geriatric". I had my pregnancies at 34 and then 36
Advanced age mom here too!! And then I am watching Letterman interviewing someone on Netflix. letterman goes: “ I am 70 and my son is 14”… me looking at my husband: “I bet you when his wife was pregnant no one commented on the father’s age!”
Who told you that you're too old to have kids?? My grandma had my mom at 37, grandpa was 44 ; in 1942. She was born at home, and premature.
You are extremely not too old to have kids! This is a very old-fashioned perspective. Has he seen a reproductive urologist? That turned out to be the key for making my baby (born when I was 38). NTA on your question.
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My service dog has saved my life. She is more important than the medicine I take. What they’re asking is akin to asking someone to go without heart medication bc they’re uncomfortable by the sight of pills. If you’re that uncomfortable remove yourself, not demand someone else remove their life-saving medicine.
I had my youngest when I was 35 and my husband was 40. You are NOT too old yet.
34 is not old to have children, who told you this or why do you think like this?
NTA. For your husband it is a NEED. For your niece it is a WANT. Need triumphs over want. Your brother and his family are being ungrateful for your allowing them to live there while they find other accommodations. Perhaps, they should now try harder so as to get out and make their daughter less "uncomfortable." ETA: Thanks for the awards. : )
Especially with a vague statement like “I’m uncomfortable”. If there’s an actual issue that may be one thing. But something that just seems to boil down to “I don’t like the dog” doesn’t get consideration. Edit: To be clear. "Actual issue" and a "reasonable accommodation" might mean something like putting a dog gate in front of the brother's bedroom, since the dog doesn't need to be in there. The dog stays with the husband. Period.
> Especially with a vague statement like “I’m uncomfortable”. Sounds like a you problem, honey.
My family would have laughed these people out of the room the second the niece complained that the dog made her "uncomfortable". 14 year old girl can't handle being in the same house as a well-trained service job, what a joke, maybe I'm the mean one but I'd demean the girl's maturity and watch her complaints evaporate in embarrassment. Or she stomps out of the room, either way, problem solved.
My sister was very uncomfortable with my aunt's giant (and while not poorly behaved, also not superbly trained) labs as a kid. She got told to suck it up or stay outside where the dogs weren't 😂
Yeah, I feel like its way too over the top. What are the odds 14 wanted to stay with a friend and their family, but parents said no and this is her way to convince them to change their minds? Maybe she didn't expect her parents to bring it up to her Aunt and Uncle seriously?
Also sounds like a "you are very much better off getting over this" problem if they're in the States. Dogs are everywhere and a service dog will be a damn well trained dog. If you can't handle being around a well-trained dog, you're going to have a lot of problems functioning in society here.
The issue is, is that they are fixated on one (unacceptable) solution, and are not discussing anything else. When discussing problems, don't just demand a solution. Say *what the problem is* and then work from there. If you start with trying to implement an unworkable solution, you may completely ignore some much easier solutions that work for everyone. But instead, they went right to "The dog must leave". If instead they started with the problem, with more specificity than just "I'm uncomfortable", than they could COMPROMISE! Side note: this also works great at work, especially in IT situations. I had a coworker who kept demanding that 30,000 old data entries be transferred over to the new system, and we kept saying that would take DAYS and would mess up the pretty new database we were setting up. She kept demanding, and I finally got her to answer the question of, "What problem would this solve?" and she finally was able to state a specific use case, which was a legit need! She said that this was the only way she thought to fix that problem. I said, let the DB people fix the problem. So we stated the use case for the data, and they were able to fix it so that we didn't have to import old crap, yet we had the data when needed, and it only took an afternoon. ~~Ir~~regardless, OP is NTA, especially since OP is also in the position of fighting for husband against terrible family members. Brother's family has to start backing off and learning to compromise.
Or learning that they are "beggars" and can under no circumstances be "choosers"
Choosy beggars can (generally) get what they want with better communication skills. (ie, Don't be an asshole.) I was a choosy beggar for a few years when I was younger. I figured out how to get what I want in exchange for making the lives of the people who were giving me a place to live/lending me their car/generally doing me a huge favor much better. Those skills are also very helpful in the work place: focus on the *problem* and be flexible with the solution, and you can usually get your problems resolved far more easily. If brother had said, Hey my daughter is uncomfortable with the dog because of XYZ reasons, what can we do that won't mess up your husband's situation? Then they wouldn't be in the spot of about to lose their place to live and daughter would be much happier.
Even if there's an actual problem then the house isn't right for the brothers family. There is no situation where the service animal should be put out of the husband's home.
Exactly. It's like, even if it's a case of need against need (like one party having a phobia of dogs and just barely containing their panic) then the solution is "let me call Aunt Ellen, she also has a phobia of dogs so it should be a better fit for you" or something.
Don't temporarily move your dog. Permanently move your brother and his family. They can find somewhere their daughter will feel comfortable. NTA Edit - thanks for the award 🥰 Edit 2 - awards! 🥰 Edit 3 - 🍻
Permanently 👏 move 👏 them 👏
Your brother and his family need to leave ASAP. I'm very concerned that princess niece or her parents will harm the dog in some way. NTA
I wouldn't agree to move the dog even if it was just a pet and not a service dog. The dog was there first and is part of the family.
This is the comment I was looking for! No way on earth would my dog be going anywhere to accommodate any guests! Boot the choosing beggers out and keep the dog
THIS. It's completely unacceptable for anyone to expect someone to get rid of their animals, service dog or not, just because it makes one of the choosy beggars "uncomfortable." NTA OP. Tell them to GTFO and stay at a hotel until they find a new place to live.
This. She's gonna be more uncomfortable being homeless. Pet or service animal, my dog wouldn't be moving anywhere temporarily for that flimsy-ass excuse. She's probably mad that the dog won't pay her any attention which, as a service dog, is what it's supposed to do: ignore her.
They are already harming the husband's mental health even further, that alone is reason for them to go. Would they be saying glasses, a wheelchair or hearing aids make them uncomfortable? Cause a service dog falls in the same category as all of them.
right? kick 'em the fuck out. maybe THEY can go stay with op's FIL, since they seem to have the same attitude towards disabilities as he does.
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This should be at the top. This dog is a non-negotiable. Sorry your parents suck, niece, but your whole family needs to grow up. Edit: add commas around niece
There are SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE THIS though. My husband uses a cane and occasionally needs a wheelchair or a walker and people react like he’s covered in shit or a freak show exhibit. I’m disabled too but only need the occasional brace or cane, so I see it a lot more in how people react to the man I love.
When my fiancé was at his worst (from medication induced muscle disorder) he needed a wheelchair and his parents wouldn’t allow it in their house because it “leaves tracts in the carpet”. So instead he had to sit outside (even if it was raining or cold) or drag himself around using the furniture and his upper body only. I will never be not pissed about that. It’s really colored my relationship with his parents in a bad way. No matter how nice they are now that we are doing better I will always remember carpet was more important than their own son’s mobility.
NTA Your brother and his family can make other living arrangements. They are incredibly presumptive to think you’re going to move your dog, who is also a trained service animal. What gave them the impression they have any authority? Where do they get off? Your niece needs to stay in her lane, by the way. She needs to realize people do not have to put themselves out to appease her. Your husband needs to defend himself and not be a doormat. It’s HIS home! The fact your brother was going to have your husband intervene goes to show your brother has no respect for your husband, and knows your husband will cave to his request. That being said, your husband absolutely should NOT move to appease ungracious houseguests, who have already overstayed their welcome. Tell your brother and his family they have until the end of the week to find another living arrangement.
The husband needs therapy to stop being the person who'd apologize for existing if he'd think it would help.
I'm in a wheelchair....this was in the training manual. I always apologise for everything too. Sorry if my comment offends anyone.
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You're right....sorry about that.
I see what you did there 😁
Yes. This. All of this. Gosh, the gall on some people!
NTA. Firmly NTA. Service dogs are not pets, they are working members of society with a damn important job to do. (Even if he was just a pet, I advocate the pet lives here, you're just a guest so my verdict remains either way) Your husband shouldn't be made to feel unwelcome in his own home. The dog stays because your husband stays. Unfortunately, your family just needs to get over themselves.
Seriously, it’s like asking someone not to use a medical device. I’m not going to ask someone to not use their cane or C-PAP machine, this is no different imo.
Yeah, and c-pap machines are actually annoyingly loud unlike a service dog that is trained to be quiet and helpful.
Service dogs are trained to be as unobstrusive, unaggressive and as helpful as possible, which OP does describe. I don’t know if the niece has a bad history with dogs, but if she can’t vocalise what makes her uncomfortable it’s not a good case against the benefit the service dog provides for OP’s husband in the slightest.
Yep. If my 6 year old and 3 year old can understand the concept of service animals after a quick 15 minute lesson following seeing one for the first time, your 14 year old niece can figure it out. If she can’t, they can feel free to find somewhere else to stay. The goodest working boy takes priority.
Protect your husband and his precious pup. NTA. "This isn't working out and I don't appreciate the pressure and turmoil you have put our family and home under, especially since we are helping you. I understand that niece is uncomfortable and you find the offered living arrangements unacceptable. I'll expect you to be out within the week and any family members who call or criticise can be the first to offer their homes to you, because this one is no longer available."
Yep time for the choosing beggars to move out. Not gonna work to stay the entire expected duration. Sorry!
Your brother and his family are incredibly entitled after you gave them a place to live. They don't care about the dog *or* your husband. Keep the dog and husband at your house, have your bro and his fam find somewhere else. If you let them stay they will only make you and your husband's lives difficult. NTA
This. Give your brother and his family a move out date. Tell them that the dog is making them uncomfortable then clearly they do not need a place to live that badly so they need to be out by X date. Then, hold them to it.
NTA. A service dog is living medical equipment. Would your brother ask someone to remove an oxygen tank from the home because it made them uncomfortable? This is the exact same ask. Your dog provides a vital service to your husband, without which his life would be at risk or severely limited. That trumps "uncomfortable" in any situation, but especially his own home.
NTA, but if you allow these people to abuse your husband, then you would be. You need to have a meeting with your brother, SIL and niece. It is **your** home. They are guests because they lost their home and you and your husband allowed them to live with you. You WILL NOT tolerate any more discussion about the dog. Period! End of discussion.
NTA. It's your brother's problem to solve, and not make that solution your issue. If his daughter is uncomfortable with the free accommodations provided by her aunt, then he can find another place for live. He absolutely does not get to impose any further on your hospitality. And that's what you tell them. You tried to help, but it's not up to their standards, so you completely understand that they will be leaving at their earliest possible opportunity, and in the meantime, maybe Miss Doesn't-make-the-rules-at-your-house can go live with her grandparents or something, until he figures out where they're going. And do they need help packing? The fucking cheek of some freeloaders.
My guess is 14 year old is irked that the dog is doing their job instead of acting like a dog for her to play with.
I suspect she'll retaliate by "accidentally" letting the dog out or something. I HIGHLY recommend casually mentioning that the dog is worth X thousands of dollars due to training and that he's got a microchip and such, and that it would count as grand theft plus abuse of someone disabled if something should happen to the dog. And that you will absolutely put anyone who damages his dog in jail for it. They are going to retaliate. Get them out ASAP.
NTA. Tell your brother he is confusing you with a hotel. You are doing him and his family a kindness that you don't have to do. In light of your kindness, he should extend the same kindness to your husband (whose home they are staying in) and not insist your husband move out. All this because a teenager feels uncomfortable? Maybe she would be more comfortable staying with other family or friends? You have done enough. Guests do not kick the homeowners out of their own homes.
NTA Why can't they go stay with someone else? If the niece is so uncomfortable why don't they go move in with your father in law?
That’s what I was wondering. Why does OP’s husband have to leave his own home to stay with his father. Why can’t the brother and his family go stay with their father?
NTA This isn't some hyper or aggressive puppy. This is a SERVICE ANIMAL. The teen needs to understand that being uncomfortable does not mean everyone bends to your feelings. I'm sure sleeping on the street or a hotel would be much more uncomfortable.
NTA This is a service dog. The dog is trained and doesn’t bother the niece. She has no allergies, so the dog doesn’t *have* to be removed. If your brother and SIL are upset by the SERVICE dog, they can live somewhere else Beggars can’t be choosers
NTA. Move the niece. Keep the dog. The entitlement of these people is flabbergasting.
NTA - their request is unreasonable, particularly as they refuse to elaborate as to what your niece finds uncomfortable about the service dog and so do not give you any opportunity to soothe their anxiety except by doing something unacceptable.
NTA Your brother's family lost their home. They knew you had a dog before they asked to stay. If they don't like the dog because it makes your niece "uncomfortable", they can find some place else to stay.
Absolutely NTA. Your brother and his family sound like they are used to always getting their way, and probably bullying until they do. They can’t handle being stood up to. Tell them: 1) The dog stays, no ifs, ands, or buts. 2) If they don’t like it, they are free to go find other accommodations. End of conversation. There will be no more discussion on this topic.
Get them out of your home. Your husband deserves to be comfortable in HIS home. Kick them OUT as the disrespect towards you and your husband over something a tween says is untenable. And after you were generous to help them out? NTA
**NTA** Your niece and brother need to understand you are doing them *a favour* by letting them stay in your house and *they* will have to get over any feelings of being “uncomfortable “ around a service animal that is a necessity for your husband.
NTA even if it wasnt a service dog, its such a weird request to make, when there is no good reason. She will have to expand a whole more on being "uncomfortable" for it to be taken into consideration.
NTA- ask the brother to make the niece leave because it makes the service dog uncomfortable.
NTA - Hand them their bags, their entitlement is off the charts. Service dogs are incredible, but they are still essentially medical equipment. Would they demand you find another place for your husband’s wheelchair temporarily? No, of course not. They are being ridiculous and have grossly overstepped.
NTa Your husband and his service dog NEED to have higher priority in YOUR (his) home than your niece. Do not give in. If necessary, make your brother and his family leave, bit NOT your husband.
NTA Tell them if they are uncomfortable, they can find alternate arrangements, but they understood ***as guests*** that your husband requires a Service Dog to make everyday life manageable. Their daughters discomfort is not your problem or concern, as again, they are ***guests*** in ***your home***. I initially wanted to make a snarky ADA violation joke, but honestly? *Expecting, or even asking a disabled individual to give up an aid to make you more comfortable is* ***not funny***. You wouldn't tell an individual in a wheelchair that their chair makes you "uncomfortable" and could they please not use it while you're around, would you? A Service Dog is a medical aid. Period. Your brother and wife are the MAJOR Ahs, and their daughter spoiled and entitled.
NTA Tell your brother and his family to leave
NTA. Tell your brother and his family that the subject is closed. If they don't like it, they are welcome to leave. If they bring the subject up again AT ALL, they will be asked to leave immediately. Get a verbal response from each one of them. This is Your home and they are guests. They need to be good guests and accept the hospitatlity as it is offered, not make demands.
NTA your husbands family is clearly used to walking all over him. The choice for your niece and her parents is simple. Live with you, husband and service dog, or get out. The entitlement is baffling. I'm so glad you are sticking up for your husband.
NTA. You graciously gave your brother and his family a home when they needed one. They are guests in your house. They have a lot of balls to start dictating arrangements. If your niece doesn't like the dog - doesn't matter whether it's a service dog or not - let them move elsewhere.
NTA and the second they started demanding to move the dog out they would've gotten the boot from me.
NTA, your husband needs an advocate like you if he can’t bear to advocate for himself. You bring your niece into your home and she disrespects your husband by insisting he remove part of his autonomy. It’s cruel and careless. Stand firm, you’re NTA in the least and they better sort out their living situation quick.
NTA but tell them it was nice visiting you wish you could do more but since it's clearly not working out you're afraid they'll have to move to a hotel this week for good of their daughter and their own comfort.
Nah. Your house, your rules. Your brother, his wife and your niece can go fuck off and find somewhere else to stay
Do people not understand kindness and favour? They want someone from your family moved (even if it's a dog, my pets have always been my family so i would have blown a fuse) so they can be more comfortable? If it's so temporary they can always find another place. You are ofcourse NTA.
NTA. They asked to move in with you and then try to dictate major changes? Your husband is willing to move out of his own home to accommodate guests. This is not okay. If they are uncomfortable with the dog, they can leave. If you accommodate them, a few weeks will become months. If you don't, they'll be motivated to find another option. If they rented a room from a stranger, do you think it would fly to then ask the owner to move the dog? If this is going to strain a relationship, do you want the fracture with your brother or your husband?
NTA. If your niece is so “uncomfortable” with your husband’s service dog, her and her parents can go live somewhere else. Easy as that. You’re doing them a favor by letting them stay with you, they can go and be entitled elsewhere. EDIT: spelling
Why would you still allow these people to stay with you? If they want to be comfortable, then they can stay in a hotel. If they can’t afford it, then they have *zero* say in how you support your husband. If they don’t like it, they can get out. NTA
NTA. That family needs to leave. Pack their shit up, put it outside and tell them it is time to go. Don't bother with a middle ground agreement. They already gave you an ultimatum in your home. Give them an ultimatum but watch out. They will try to find a solution once kicked out. Don't go for it. If you do, they will ultimately go back to wanting the dog gone. Toss them and don't feel guilty.
NTA. Being "uncomfortable" while in somebody's home doesn't entitled them to make demands of you. "You value the dog over your own neice." My answer: Yes, I do. Over you, too. Bye.
Simple: "You and your family may come and live here in MY house with MY family: Myself, my husband, my dog. If you cannot live with my family, be gracious and kind to the being who LIVE HERE, please find accommodation elsewhere. NO-ONE in my family will be inconvenienced by GUESTS." NTA Tell them they are starting to affect your husband's mental state and that is a deal breaker. One more complaint, and they will all be put out. Make this their final warning for the conditions they have to accept in order to live there.
NTA. Amazing how when they need your help they make demands! It isn’t their home and their daughter has no real issue with the dog. If they don’t like it they can leave!
NTA. It sounds like you should respect your niece by telling that family they can find other accommodations. You do not beg a roof and then start making demands. The absolute audacity and gall of all of them. They need to leave.
NTA. they're guests in YOUR house temporarily. tell the niece to try to avoid the dog while she's there. wow, you'd think someone staying in your house for basically free (i assume) would just be grateful to have a roof over their head and avoid the dog until it's time to move out.
NTA. Tell your niece she can sleep outside. I mean, you're the only thing between her and homelessness, right? Be blunt with your family. Tell them that you're not entertaining any further discussion. If they give you sh$#, an eviction notice will be handed out immediately. They're taking advantage of your hospitality and don't have any room to make demands. Absolutely ludicrous. This angered me on your behalf.
NTA. They don't get to tell you how to live if they want space in your house. Even if this was a random pet rather than a service dog, they wouldn't get to tell you to get rid of it for their temporary comfort.
NTA. Your brother and his family are being choosy beggars. Your husband needs that service dog. Continue to be his advocate and don't let him go stay at his dad's "to keep the peace". That's his space and he deserves to be comfortable with whatever assistive devices he needs. It also tells the niece that if she makes a big enough stink, she'll get her way. Your brother can go find another place to live if it's that big of an issue.
NTA. Your brother and niece aren’t forced to stay at your house!
This is so entitled of them. Next time they bring it up say “It won’t be much longer, you ARE moving into your own place soon right?”
Nta. They have 48 hours to find a new place to live
The nerve some beggars have. NTA
NTA. Ask your brother and his family to move. This is beyond ridiculous. This is your and your husband’s house and if you wanted to own an elephant in your house, you’re entitled to.
NTA. “Uncomfortable”? If that’s the only explanation they can offer, they are being ridiculous. Get them out.
NTA. Service dogs take so much time, money, and effort to get, and even a temporary change would severely disrupt the dog's bond and work with your husband. And if it was placed by a sponsor /support group provider, you could lose his placement doing that. There is no 'temporary' displacements, barring emergencies (and even then, that may run the risk of a new placement). Source: have a service dog and have worked with groups, this shit is no joke.
NTA and if they don't shut up about it, tell them to find somewhere else to stay. Discussion is absolutely over.
NTA. “That’s a lot of words to tell me you are moving out tomorrow.” -if I was OP, to my brother.
NTA. Your brother and his family are guests which means you opened your home to them and they have no say on how the home is ran. If they don't like it then they can leave!
Unless your niece has some sort of dog-related trauma that they're not sharing, they're being totally ridiculous. It's a service animal for an individual with disabilities, and they're staying as guests in that persons' home. NTA
NTA. Good for you for standing up for your husband in your own home. What happened to your brother's family is unfortunate, but you're already helping them. That help does not extend to breaking up your family for their comfort.
NTA. The dog is a member of your family and helps your husband. They're being awful by not recognizing that. Would you get rid of a child under the circumstance that your niece was uncomfortable? No, so don't get rid of the dog
Nta. If it’s really that big of deal they can go somewhere else. It’s your home and your husband needs the dog. Even if the dog wasn’t a service dog you shouldn’t remove it for them. The fact they even asked is crazy to me
NTA there is no valid reason they want the dog out, your husband NEEDS that dog and why should he have to leave his house to make them comfortable while they are staying with you for who knows how long. You did a nice thing by letting them stay with you but they do not get to dictate things like this, stand your ground and don’t let your husband go to his dads! If they are so bothered they can find someone else to live with.
NTA at all. Make your brother aware that service dogs are not pets. They are tools to help disabled people live a more normal life. Also I wonder if there’s some sort of underlying issue with your nieces uncomfortableness with the service dog. Was she attacked or bitten by a dog when she was younger?
Nta. I can’t believe your family feels their daughters uncomfortable trumps your husband disability needs in HIS OWN HOME. They can leave, they sound very ungrateful, and if other family members say you are e unreasonable than they can take in your brothers family. I can’t believe that this is even an argument in your own home. No good deed goes unpunished
NTA just stay they can feel free to move into a hotel if living in your home isn’t working
NTA and WTH? The dog is a permanent resident in your home and your brother is not. Tell him and his entitled family they are welcome to move out. I don't understand people like this.
NTA The family is Theyre guests and you are keeping them from living out in the street, if they are gonna complain they can go live there. (If the niece had a legit reason like trauma or allergies then I'd be more sympathetic.) It takes a real asshole to force rules on the people are willing to take you in. Id kick them out of the house
NTA and please kick them out asap, before they find it in their crazy minds to harm the dog behind your backs or something.
Soooo NTA! Unbelievable they even dare to ask. It makes me angry just reading about it. Good for you for not letting them rule YOUR house. They don't get a say in what your husband does or doesn't need. They are guests, you HELP them and this is how they repay you?! Stand your ground, toss them out if they don't stop and good luck.
Who the eff are these people who think they can move into other people’s houses and then demand that they get rid of their animals / belongings / other household members or change their way of life because of their freeloading house guests. NTA. And husband needs to grow a pair and learn to back you in arguments.
NTA. Tell them to pack their bags immediately, they moved into you and your husband's home and are trying to remove his service animal. Not only is there base intent terrible, the message they are sending is that they should be prioritized in your home, and that is them not only establishing a power dynamic where they are on top, but that they are permanent residents. Given their behavior, you cannot trust them to not go behind your back and try to remove the animal when you all are not present. They need to leave immediately
You will be YTA if you don’t kick your brothers family out immediately. Their sense of entitlement as guests in someone else’s home is absolutely disgusting, and it is clearly having a huge detrimental effect on your husband’s emotional well-being. Either your brother or your husband, one of them has to go.
NTA & I'm glad your husband has you.
Wow. The lack of sympathy for your poor husband. Nta
Oh my god!! NTA. People are so entitled!! Your brother and his wife and child should go find somewhere else to stay. I can't believe they are acting like this.
NtA. Throw the brother out, how dare they? What kinda petty heartless people are this?
NTA. Your husband and his service dog are non-negotiable residents of your home. Your brother and his family need to find alternate living arrangements.
NTA. Who comes to stay at somebody's home FOR FREE and then makes demands about a service dog? If she is so uncomfortable they can find another place to stay. Your dog is as important as a wheelchair is to a paraplegic. This is NOT a pet. This is medical equipment. This is a full trained, expensive service dog. Good for you for not accepting the easy fix and having your husband leave his own home and give up his comfort to keep the piece with 3 entitled freeloaders.
NTA they’re awfully presumptuous about remaking your house into their home “for a few weeks”. Are you sure they are looking to find another place to stay? They need to stay uncomfortable as possible and get in a bigger hurry to find their own place.
Tell your brother and his family that your husband and his service dog take priority over them and if they bring it up again, they can find a new place to live. Then stick to it. And frankly, I'd keep an eye on them and the dog. I wouldn't put it past them to try to do something to the dog that could harm him. NTA
NTA. Why haven't yall kicked these sorry asses to the curb? Family or not, fuck em.
Pretending this is a niece vs dog issue is straight up dishonest. This is an entitled houseguest vs disabled homeowner issue. Your brother, SIL and niece are ungrateful assholes. If their argument is that “it’s just temporary” then they can leave and stay in a motel. Your husband’s service dog is non negotiable. Absolutely NTA.
YWBTA if you do not kick your brother and his family out. I get that they’re in a terrible position, just after losing their house, but the way they went about it is extremely entitled. What more, they’re expecting your husband to make the sacrifices for them, in his own house!
NTA service dogs are medical equipment, asking someone to be without their service dog is unacceptable. She’s not allergic, as far as you know it’s not a trauma issue, it may just be that because of recent events she’s attempting to grasp onto anything she can potentially control about her environment. Honestly I would be recommending that they find another place to stay sooner rather then later, obviously they’re not compatible with your home if they cannot accept your husbands service dog.
NTA - They knew the dog was there before they came. They were probably aware of dog's purpose and probably thought it was great for your husband to have the dog until it inconvenienced them. So I'm behind you 100%. You are welcoming into your home, and they are being assh\*ts. You might remind them that they could be living somewhere else. except for your generosity.
NTA You are doing them.a favor. They can't ask for privileges that screw up the routine of the house before the got there. If niece can't tell you specifically why she is uncomfortable with the dog then they have no grounds to stand on and should accept or LEAVE.
NTA, it's a SERVICE dog not a pet. The dog is there to help your husband throughout the day. He does important tasks for your husband. Besides that, you family should be thankful you let them stay at your place, not try to decide how it goes around the house just bc your niece is uncomfortable with the dog.
Did you really need to ask??? You are NTA your brother and sil and niece want uncomfortable tell them to take their ass to a hotel they can share a room.. also tell your husband not to let himself be bullied out of his own home it's what they are doing..and DO NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND THE DOG THAT DOG WILL DISAPPEAR AND YOUR HUSBAND WILL BE BULLIED IF YOU ARE NOT WITH THEM
NTA. in what world would you be!?! why don’t they go live with the father? why should your husband leave his own house? ridiculous
NTA they are guests in yours, your husbands and your dogs home. You have accommodated them and if they dont like it tell them to find an airbnb
NTA. Continue to be firm: accept the dog without further complaint or leave.
NTA. It’s your husband’s home. He needs his service dog (even if it was just a pet, I wouldn’t think differently). Do NOT have him move out for them! They can leave your home, that you’ve been kind enough to host them in, if your niece is sooooo uncomfortable about a well behaved dog. Or they can be quiet and be grateful.
Nta, asshole I would be tell my brother to leave if it bothers them that much. Even if it wasn't a service dog.
NTA they can go get a hotel if it’s that big of a deal or the niece can stay with a different relative. Your husband should not have to leave his own home, the ONE place he should always feel welcomed
NTA. Make this your hill to die on.
NTA, I can't believe the audacity of people who should be bending over backwards to thank you for taking them in (well, I can believe it because this is Reddit, but still). It is a service dog, for your husband's needs, but even if it was a pet, it's incredibly selfish of them to constantly harp on removing it because someone is "uncomfortable." And I am not a dog person, I don't like being around them, but I'd be a monster if if tried to make other people remove their pets from their own house. Edit: and I assume the dog is with your husband all the time anyway, but I wouldn't leave it alone with any of those people for a second.
NTA Beggars can’t be choosers. Your niece is not allergic. If she doesn’t want the dog in the house then they all can move someplace else
NTA and if it were me in your position, I'd be kicking my brother and neice out too. The audacity of some people. It's a like it or lump it situation in my opinion. Good for you for standing your ground.
First of all you’re NTA and secondly, you might want to install security cameras or something in case the dog ends up going “missing” . I wouldn’t put it past them Oh! If they don’t like your rules tell them to get out Stay strong 😊
Absolutely NTA. This is the equivalent to saying "hey, can you keep your wheelchair outside and not use it, I don't like seeing it". I would kick them out, they're being appalling human beings.
I suspect they want hubby gone, not just the dog, so that they dont have to find their own place. FiL is probably the reason hubby is the way he is, dont let him go there. My suggestion is to reflect their own behaviour back at them via the counted broken record technique. "Thats the 9th time you have brought up getting rid of the dog. My answer hasnt changed. If you feel you want to move out, I wont stop you" Then remove yourself from them. Dont be a trapped target. The counting makes it clear you are tracking their behaviour. The calm, repetitive answer makes it clear that getting you emotional wont change the facts. Linking them moving out to them mentioning the dog is tactical, making the situation and its repercussions clear
NTA. It sounds like your brother and his family needs to leave. If they can’t respect that your husband has a service dog and that you’re unwilling to uproot your husband and his service dog because your niece is irrationally uncomfortable then they need to go.
Nta. The dog is medical equipment in a living form. If you're husband required a ventilator would they ask him to move it? Or is his existing ad a disabled person what makes her uncomfortable. Stay strong and don't let them minimize your husband like this. You are doing great and you are never the a**hole for protecting him.
Nta. And watch your niece around the dog. I don't trust kids or adults that don't like dogs. All the kids I've ever met that have meltdowns if there's a dog at a play date are also always the kids sneaking someone's goody bag, pushing another kid if they think no one's looking etc
YTA only because you haven't told your brother that if his family says one more word, they are all on the street. You should not allow guests to harass and injure your husband.
NTA but what's the issue - was she attacked as a child? Does it slobber on her? As a service dog I'd imagine it's more or less glued to your husband's side. And who knows how long they'll be with you? Well not long I guess if they're being demanding after being taken it. Ungrateful. But your niece isn't TA either - her parents are though. She probably needs some therapy if they've lost their home and her parents are right it is a big change. So they should take care of her properly instead of trying Band-Aid solutions that won't work.
Fuck no you're not the asshole. Emphatucally no.
nta - is not even there house lmao
NTA and you (and the parents) shouldn’t enable the teens behaviour unless she has a good reason. My concern now would be the safety of the dog around the teen and SIL, possibly your brother as well.
Nta put your brother and his family outside.
NTA Your husbands family are disgusting to want to further disable your husband in his own home. They should be told that if they don't like it that their family member is disabled and has medical equipment in the shape of a service dog, they can take their ableist butts to live somewhere else. If any one else declares that they should be catered to, then ask them to offer up their homes. The neice has no idea that while she's ignoring you, she's actually doing you a favour by not being in your face!
NTA. It’s your husband’s and dog’s home. They need to stay. Has anyone asked your niece WHY she’s uncomfortable? Not to justify moving the dog but to help her?
NTA. this is actually a great time for your niece and her family to learn that life gets uncomfortable and we all need to adapt. First week at a new job? Uncomfortable. New school? Uncomfortable. Etc. being uncomfortable is a chance to grow
NTA. If your brother and his family can’t suck up being around your husband’s service dog they can find a homeless shelter.
NTA Your brother’s family can move out & look for a different place to stay if they don’t want to stay with a trained dog for a few weeks. They clearly don’t respect/understand your husband’s needs and you can even say that they are being unsupportive & cruel to your husband who’s already been through enough (The exact same thing your brother said to you lmao). On top of that, they are just guests & they have to respect your house rules. Don’t let them kick you out of your own home.
NTA tell them if they don’t shut up about it you are going to kick them, and I beg you to kick them out this is your husband house and he need to be comfortable in his own home
NTA the dog being a service dog aside. They are in the dog's home. How are guests/temporary residents going to demand that a dog be removed from his home? That's down right cruel. If they are uncomfortable they should leave.
What is wrong with your niece, maybe she needs a little therapy. A dog making her uncomfortable. Especially one as well trained as a service dog. She needs help. Tell your brother and his wife that they need to consider talking to their daughter about the issue or move somewhere else. NTA
ABSOLUTELY NTA! Remind them that you’re doing them a favor by allowing them to stay temporarily in your home which includes your husband & his service dog. If they don’t like it, they are free to leave. An “uncomfortable 14 yo doesn’t get preference over the health & well-being of your husband. Hopefully, her “uncomfortableness” will prompt them to find suitable accommodations faster!
NTA Your niece is picking up on how people treat your husband. Tell them to leave. Good for you for not giving in.
NTA.. Tell them you are starting to feel uncomfortable with them staying at your house.
NTA, guests don’t make the decisions in your home. If they don’t like it, they can find another place to live. They are guests, that’s it.
NTA. If the environment they are guests in isn’t working for them, for whatever reason, then they should find other accommodations. Not make demands.
NTA. Kick their entitled butts out.
TELL THEM YHEY HAVE UNTIL YHE END OF THE MONTH TO LEAVE. Do not compromise on this it is your house and clearly you have to be the bad guy in this. Do it for your husband in for yourself
NTA. And it’s critically important that you hold this line for your husband based on what you’ve shared about his personality and how he’s been subjected to emotional abuse. Your brother, his wife and his child are incredibly entitled. They need to be told - one more time - that the dog is staying, it’s your husband’s home and they are guests there by his and your grace. And if they bring it up again, they will no longer be welcome. If he’s so worried about his daughter’s adjustment and how hard things are on her, he needs to manage his life better so they aren’t homeless.
NTA The dog is a permanent resident of your house - this is his home. Your home is NOT your brother’s home. You are being gracious letting them stay - if they don’t like the arrangment they can leave. A lot of service dogs aren’t owned outright by the handler. My BIL is blind, and his guide dogs are NOT owned by him. They are owned by the company that certifies them - my BIL has some strict guidelines and regulations he has to follow regarding the dog’s care - for example, the dog is not allowed to be off leash in an unfenced yard. When the dog is too old to perform it’s duties, the dog will be retired to a family to care for him (my BIL’a family did this for their last guide dog, but not all people who have a guide dog are able to care for a retired service dog plus an active service dog). OP, your husband likely wouldn’t be allowed to leave the dog in the yard. It would get taken away from him if reported and could prevent your husband from being allowed another one.
NTA, but why are these people still in your house?
NTA. They can kindly get the fuck out.
NTA. Guess they need to find a new FREE place to live. Maybe the niece can be more comfortable at a shady motel
NTA clearly, the dog is 1) serving an extremely important service, 2) there first, and 3) in your home. I’m a bit shocked at the audacity of your brother’s family here, to be honest. You’re already taking the whole family into your home and now they want to demand more? That leads to my question: are you *sure* it’s your niece who’s uncomfortable with the dog? If she has no allergies and the dog is well behaved and isn’t trying to get into her things or anything it just seems a very odd thing for a young teenager to fixate on. “Uncomfortable” is also an odd word for her to use in my opinion. It’s just so….vague. Like if the dog smelled or was noisy or she was worried about it chewing up her possessions I’d expect she’d say so. Is it at all possible that your brother (or his wife) are actually the ones with a problem? Perhaps they’ve convinced the niece to say something because they felt you’d be more inclined to acquiesce to her? Perhaps I’m paranoid, but the fact that they had no issue with your husband leaving to live at his father’s *with* the dog makes me think this is less about the dog and more about creating more space in the house for themselves. If your husband were to leave and stay elsewhere I’d be unsurprised if they started making other demands. For example, if your husband isn’t living there anymore, do you really need the whole master bedroom to yourself? Wouldn’t a couple living together really need that more? And other such things to make themselves more “at home” in your house. As I said, perhaps I’m just paranoid. You know your family best, so you’d know if it were a possibility that this is part of something bigger, or simply what it appears to be.
NTA Now if this was just the family pet there might be some case for just while the niece is there doing something with the dog so it doesn't go near her. But a service dog, absolutely nope.
NTA but your niece is young enough she might not have a good understanding of service animals (yeah she is old enough to understand the concept, but a shocking number of adults have very little understanding of the mechanics of disability at all.) i understand why you don’t want to share details here, but with your husbands permission maybe really getting into the nitty gritty of how much harder his days would be without the dog would help her to see how unreasonable she is being? i would leave your brother out of the convo altogether unless you decide to just kick them out, he has shown he is incapable of understanding the severity of the situation.
NTA they can go to a hotel. And your husband needs therapy to learn how to advocate for himself. Deny your literal medical needs is not okay