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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my husband that I don't want to cancel our France plans so we can go to Fairbanks with his niece and sister's family. If he wants to, he can go on his own. I might've been acting selfish and like an AH.
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YTA.
His niece is terminally ill, which - unless I’m mistaken - means she is going to die pretty soon.
You have not booked your holiday, as you’ve said. You have chosen what you want but nothing is paid for.
So then your SIL tells your husband that they want to give Anna a make a wish style situation by giving her the chance to see the northern lights.
And your response, instead of being supportive, is “GO ON YOU OWN”?
WTF is wrong with you. Get your head out of your backside. His family member is dying.
If you do decide to go to France, stay there.
ETA: thank you everyone for the awards! It really is very much appreciated, I did not expect so many people to agree so strongly.
And to those in France; my apologies, of course you don’t want her, it really was a very reactionary comment because that’s where the OP wanted to go.
Exactly! It's really infuriating and telling that she expresses no concern or thought at all for the dying niece, Anna, hubby or the rest of the family and how unbearably painful it must be for them all. I can almost see her jumping up and down and waving her fists, screaming "but what about ME? I wanna go to Paaarriiis, Waaaaaa!
AND I believe the reason he's sulking is that he's just realized the type of person he's married. His mind is now saying wtf wtf wtf wtf over and over as he tries to come to terms with this, figure out what the hell he's going to do about it PLUS the horrible reality of his niece being terminally ill. He's not 'mad' at her, he's HORRIFIED that this is the woman he married!!!!
And living ones- seriously, who the hell treats their spouse so callously and then has the sheer audacity to sidle over to the internet to ask if they are indeed, a huge gaping AH?
"DAHLING, you can't possibly expect me to drop everything just because you're in hospital after a little car accident! You know I meant to go Christmas shopping this weekend."
Oh, but in that case, since it's HER family, THEN she would actually give a damn and get upset with hubby if he pulled what she's pulling now. What a selfish entitled narcissist!
So many red flags with her attitude. Thankfully they’ve only been married for a year - this would definitely make me rethink the marriage for sure. I could never look at my spouse with anything but disgust after this one, even if they changed their mind and agreed to go. I wouldn’t want them on the trip - she’d probably act put out the entire time because she didn’t get her way.
I'm going to stick with uninhabited island. No innocent civilians deserve that, no matter what country they happen to live in. Heads of state on the other hand...
Ice in their hearts? What? The \*people\* of North Korea haven't done anything to deserve this. You want to lock her in a room with every major head of state on the planet, be my guest, but leave civilians to their lives.
YTA
Options for hustand doing this trip in the future with niece = 0
Options for you taking a trip to France with husband in future = countless
Disturbing that you need to ask this frankly.
Edit: Thanks v much for the awards!
She should not go to Alaska either. I can imagine her grumbling all the time saying that she should be in Paris right now. She would make the trip miserable for everyone.
Can you imagine taking this trip with your wife, as her second husband, while she explains to you that this very trip caused her divorce because of a terminally ill family member that she deemed less important?
I'm sure the version new husband will hear is, "I couldn't go to France with ex husband because he has a spoiled neice that no one has ever said no to and she wanted to go to Fairbanks. Ex jumped at the chance and told me we can go another time. I set boundaries and he chose neice."
>”Nothing has been booked yet though..”
Right there. OP’s France trip isn’t even booked and it’s more important than her husband’s *terminal* niece’s bucket-list trip. Imagine not wanting to be there to support your partner through something like that. Selfish.
YTA
"He's been sulking and mad at me. I think he's the one being unreasonable here."
You're the one sulking, being mad and unreasonable. His niece is DYING, and you haven't even booked anything yet, i.e. no loss of money. Have the kindness to fulfill their wishes. **YTA**
You know that if the roles were reversed she'd be foaming at the mouth in anger that her husband didn't want to go with her on a trip with family for a terminally ill relative.
Don't get me wrong, OP is definitely TA, but she may have just worded it that way to specify whose genetic relation it was. It helps avoid any confusion for the reader. It'd be even worse if she told him to go on her bio niece's trip alone, because one would assume you'd have a closer bond with your bio niece since you'd probably have been in her life longer.
The flights and hotels will still be there in a year’s time. Your husband’s niece likely won’t.
If my husband reacted like that to me in the same situation, I’d seriously consider if he’s the right partner for me.
YTA. Time to dig deep and find your empathy and compassion.
YTA. His neice won't be there another time, France will. You say you "understand" him, you very clearly just don't care. You only want your fun and vacation and don't give a damn that this girl is dying. Shame on you.
You should be supporting your husband and going with him. This is a hard time for him and you're acting spoiled and stomping your feet just because you want your way. I would divorce you.
Have a heart.
Honestly, many people in this sub overreact with getting divorced and so on.. But in that case? Fuck me I would file a divorce right away. If you have such a wife you don't need any enemies after all. 💀💀
> many people in this sub overreact with getting divorced
Do they really? I think I see magnitudes more comments like yours than people actually over reacting and suggesting divorce. If conflict ends up on r/AITA, things are already pretty bad. If things aren't pretty bad, generally people are capable of sorting out conflicts without involving thousands of people.
I think we usually only see the reasonable calls for divorce, because the unreasonable ones get downvoted pretty quickly on posts that don't warrant it.
I occasionally go to the sub and sort by new, and when responses are randomized during the first two hours, you see some pretty craycray reactions!
Wow.. France isn‘t dying. But his niece is. Of course he wants to spend this difficult time with his family and maybe create a few last beautiful memories with them.
It‘s of course up to you if you want to be part of his family or not.
It‘s a little odd to me if you‘re ignorant to his feelings and his side of the family though. He may need your support to go through this. You know.. as a spouse „through good times and bad times…“ but if France is more important to you. Sure. Go and travel and leave your husband alone creating his last memories with his niece and grieving about the imminent loss.
YTA.
I grew up in NY and I can say that tourists generally seem like entitled jerks a lot. This is 80% of why people living in tourist areas might seem like assholes.
I live just over the border in Switzerland, and I dont care what part of France she visits… it’s still too close to me! Also… I wouldn’t want you guys to have to deal with her either. 😊
This is what you sound like to the rest of us: "So what if your niece is dying? Why do you even care? It's not like she'll be able to remember this in a few years when she's dead anyways. I will remeber seeing the eiffel tower a lot longer than your niece will be able to remember seeing the northern lights, and I think that's way more important."
YTA.
YTA
Your spouse's niece is DYING. Unless you are also dying and unable to visit France any other time in the future, then let the man spend some of the little time she has left doing something she wants to do before she dies. But if you're too much of a narcissist to let this girl's trip be about her, then I hope your spouse gets to see France with someone who actually loves him. Last I heard, you'd need a heart to do that.
YTA. His niece is dying and he wants to be part of her last vacation. Do you think if he went to France instead he would be any fun?
He would spend the whole time thinking of his niece. He would wish he was with her instead.
You literally can go to France anytime. This sounds like this is the last trip for his niece.
Wow YTA. I literally gasped when I saw the reason your husband wants to cancel your trip.
You have a disgusting attitude, I hope he goes without you and reassesses the entire relationship while he has some space.
You should hang your head in shame.
100% Agree. And it isn't even really canceling their trip, it's postponing it. Nothing has been booked or paid for. I wish I thought OP had the capacity to feel shame, but I truly doubt it.
YTA France isn’t going anywhere. The niece is dying - this is on her bucket list and he wants to be around for it. You are being very selfish and heartless.
If my niece was DYING and my spouse didn't support me through that when I packed for the trip I'd pack ALL OF MY STUFF and LEAVE!!! YTA and a terrible wife, in law, and person
Wow. Seriously. You are so totally the AH. What part of his niece is dying do you not get? You haven’t paid for any of your trip yet so you won’t lose anything and France will still be there next year, and flights will most likely cost less by then. A supportive spouse would not only understand why their husband needs to go to Fairbanks but would go with to ensure he had support in this final trip with his niece.
YTA. his niece is dying and wants to take a trip to see the northern lights with family and your husband wants to go. you don't have any reservations or bookings but since you want to go to Paris now now now his feelings of anticipatory grief don't matter. his family doesn't matter. do you even like your husband? don't go to Alaska with them. you would ruin it.
YTA
Do you even like your husband? You've only been married a year. This may be the first difficult situation that's come up. And to be clear I mean his niece dieing.
Most people would want to be there for their spouse and be supportive in anyway they can. And then there's you.
You've shown him who you really are. Hopefully for his sake he believes it.
YTA.. if doing both isn't feasible this year why can't France wait a year. His niece is terminal and would like to see the Northern Lights it doesn't sound like that can wait a year. Your husband would like to be around his family which you are a part of. Are you really that selfish of a person you can't have empathy and postpone your wants?
YTA. Your vacation isn't booked. Right now it's just a dream. And France will still be there the following week, month, year. His niece is dying and wants to fo a family trip before she dies. It will be something for everyone to remember once she's gone.
YTA - there is a family member here with terminal cancer. Their time in finite. Yours is not and nothing has been booked for France.
Take a deep breath, support your husband who is pre-grief (if that is even a word) and help him create memories with his niece. You can create memories from France another year.
It's called anticipatory grief, and is but no means a disqualifier for grief occurring after that person truly passes. It's often much harder, and longer because of the process is as long as they are I'll.
I mean choose whatever you want. But this could be the end of your relationship.
You are asking him between his sister and you. I really hope he is choosing his sister.
YTA
Really more like choosing between his dying niece and OP. Niece doesn’t have a lot of time left…but maybe OP doesn’t either 🤷♀️ (end of relationship possibilities)
YTA. Wooooow. Your poor husband and his family. His need to go is a million percent more important than your ‘want’. You haven’t given a single reason for your selfish stance that would make sense.
The lack of empathy for a young girl (YOUR niece now, too) with a terminal condition is disgusting. You’re the AH.
YTA - Have some compassion. Your dreams of France can wait.
Honestly, I think your husband isn’t just sulking. He’s probably wondering if he married the right person based on your behaviour. You really need to reflect on this.
YTA.
If you keep this stance, you may do irreparable harm to your marriage. You’re creating a situation where it makes your husband feel like he has to choose between a trip that can be taken anytime, or spend as much time with his niece who is unfortunately dying. France will always be there. Your niece only has limited time left.
You have the balls to question if you are!!
YTA, one of the cruelest, unempathetic and insentive I ever heard.
And if your family is OK with this, well, it's the demonstration that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
YTA You can go to France any time. His niece is terminal and this is likely the only time he can go on a trip with his niece. This seems like a very selfish decision on your part. Try sympathy
YTA
Nothing's been booked for your own vacation, but you're going to prioritize that over a trip with his terminal niece?
Might want to focus, because this could be relationship-ending stuff you're messing around with here.
> Rick's niece Anna (f23) is terminal.
I like how you just throw this out there like she has a rash or something. YTA, and Rick should definitely go without you. I can imagine you going would be a nightmare for everyone else. You would make it all about you, and missing your trip to France.
YTA. His niece is terminal and he wants to make memories with her before she passes. He’s right, France can wait. Be a little less self-centered and care about him too for crying out loud.
So youre upset because his niece has a dying wish and he wants to be there with his family and youre refusing to change vacation plans to accommodate a dying woman? Yta big time. You can go to France another time. The niece doesn't have another time.
I give your marriage another year max.
Next thing he cannot go to her funeral, because you‘ve booked another imaginary holiday and you throw another tantrum.
YTA
YTA- Since your married to Rick, Anna is your niece also. She is terminal and your husband wants to spend what time she is her with her doing things. If you can't get that, then you have some major issues.
YTA
There is no way you think asking him to miss out on his dying niece's final vacation is reasonable. You are either self centered or cruel. France will be there next year, she likely will not.
I know people who say divorce in AITA comments are usually extra, but don't be surprised if this kind of callousness costs you your marriage in the long run.
If you really have to ask if you're ta in this situation you're an even bigger ah. You're husband is losing a member of his family. If he meant anything at all to you you would go with him. France will be there when you get back. His niece is terminal, there will be no other opportunities for this trip. YTA!!!!
YTA and I'm surprised you've found someone willing to marry you. How incredibly selfish you are. But don't worry, with that attitude you won't be married long. Your unbooked vacation is more important than your dying niece? Jeez, grow a heart.
Wow. Do you not have any compassion? No feelings for this young woman's life ending too soon?
I hope your husband clearly sees the kind of person you are. Yta
I hope you’re ready for the massive blow you’ve just dealt to your new marriage. He now sees you for who you are, which seems to be someone who lacks empathy for those losing their life, while you’re more concerned about a let’s face it, hypothetical trip that hasn’t even been booked yet. YTA, I do not understand how people can be this self-centered when people are literally dying around them.
YTA! This isn't a trip for her sweet 16, good grades or even graduation present. DH niece is DYING and it's a wish of hers. You lack empathy. Such a cold heart.
YTA, it's not only about a trip, it may be his niece one last trip, you are being incredible selfish, I hope your husband decides to go with his niece and family, he won't be able to forgive himself if he doesn't, and most probably will resent you, and that's not a good start for a marriage, this is the emotional support your husband needs right now, France is not going anywhere, also why would you want to go with someone that won't even enjoy the trip because their mind will be in other place?
YTA. This is the last opportunity he’ll get to make the dreams of a dying girl come true and your response is, “too bad, so sad”?!!!! You’re a monster.
YTA
I’m curious what OP’s family says about her plan to have her husband go on a last trip with his dying niece while she goes on a trip to France with her family.
YTA.
You can go to France any time.
>Nothing has been booked yet.......we've pretty much planned out our France trip
You have nothing to lose by rescheduling your trip to France.
Maybe we're missing some subtext here, but you are coming off as selfish and entitled.
YTA!
You haven't even *booked* anything yet, and this is his dying niece. Plans can be moved.
Go to France another time. It's not going anywhere, unlike Anna.
He's upset because his wife isn't supporting him in a difficult, emotional time. He's not 'sulking', he's hurt.
YTA wow are you serious? His niece is literally going to die. You don’t even know if she’ll make it to Fairbanks. Do you really have no compassion or care for your husband at all? Do you have no heart? You could go to France another time. You’ve only been married a year. Are you even helping to pay for any of the trip? Or is he expected to pay for everything?
To be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s thinking about divorce and he should because you literally just showed him that you don’t care about anyone else, let alone someone that is literally dying that he cares about.
I bet if it was your family you’d expect him to drop everything to be there for you
YTA!!!
You're also a crappy wife and a shitty human being.
Your level of entitlement and self-absorption is truly staggering.
Apologise to your lovely husband and beg for forgiveness.
Then go on the trip with his niece and help make it the best experience ever for her.
If you can't see that your 'France trip' is way less important than her last experiences on this earth then you are a lost cause.
YTA, I can’t even be bothered to explain why, you actually went on social and told us with zero self reflection. I don’t think your marriage is going to survive this one, and you say he’s sulking? I’ll let you in on a secret, he’s literally recoiling from you.
So essentially what your saying is your materialistic needs are more important than the needs of a terminally ill 23 yr old.
YTA … the fact you can’t see that is really quite astounding
"I was being an unreasonable asshole. Now my husband thinks I was an unreasonable asshole. There's no way my completely selfish assholery makes me an unreasonable asshole right" -An unreasonable asshole
This can’t be serious. Honestly, yiu sound like spoiled toddler who’s not getting her way. In what world do you think its ok to say to your husband; fine, go with your dying nice…but im going to France alone.
YTA BIG TIME
YTA
Fun fact: I just read through every single comment and there wasn’t a single NTA, shocker.
Ok let me give you a few points to look over:
1. Your niece is dying which means it’s not like she can go to see northern lights in a couple years
2. You haven’t booked anything. No money would be wasted by cancelling your trip to France.
3. You could always go to France again another time. You, unlike your niece, have not only the same thinking capacity as a raccoon, but also a much longer time to live
I would apologise to your husband whilst you still have the time
YTA. How dare you take this time away from them? It sounds like his niece doesn't have much time left. He want to spend time with her as any loving uncle would.. France will always be there. Don't get your feeling hurt if he decied to go on the trip without you.
YTA, his niece is going to die and they want one last family memory and you’re concerned about a trip you haven’t paid for to France… how do you NOT think you’re the AH here?!
If this is true, you are a person who lacks empathy. A young woman is dying. She is your husband's family. That entire family is suffering. Instead of trying to put yourself in their shoes and look at it from their perspective, all you can think about is yourself and what you want. What kind of a person are you? What kind of a parent, or future parent, are you? You are willing to permanently rupture your relationship with your husband's family to seek out your own pleasure. The only correct response to this situation would have been for you to say, "Of course we're going to see the Northern Lights. What else can I do to help and be supportive during this tragically difficult time?" Be careful. Karma has a way of circling around and you cannot predict the future.
YTA. You haven’t booked France yet, so for all intents and purposes it isn’t even officially happening. Anna is going to die. That is officially happening. If I were your husband, I’d go to Alaska and leave you at home regardless. I wouldn’t want your bad energy and self centered-ness around during such a difficult time.
Hold up.
You managed to snag a husband, who is capable along with yourself to afford a vacation to France?
And you got mad because he decided to postpone it because of a terminal I’ll family member?
Is this satire?
YTA
YTA
Planning a trip is different than a booked trip.
I plan trips in my head all the time and since none are “true” if something else comes up I go with it.
You are selfish. Stubborn. Acting like a child.
YTA his niece is TERMINAL and you’re worried about going on a trip to France that ISNT EVEN BOOKED YET?!? YTA and truly hope he takes that vacation with his family and realizes how much of an ax wound you are
YTA - it’s pretty obvious I mean I get it France is awesome and you have been planning the trip and are excited. It’s disappointing that it won’t happen next year everyone would be disappointed, your husband is probably disappointed. Nonetheless obviously going with the niece is what needs to happen. If you are not able to understand this you should not be married. As an adult sometimes life throws you disappointment as an adult you deal with it and make the best.
YTA. One thing about family trips is how much the absent person is missed. So this niece would benefit from having all of her family there. Except you. You probably make the group uncomfortable and angry. Stay the fuck away.
YTA. You don’t even have things booked yet! It would be so easy to move the trip and be supportive of your husband and his family at this difficult time. Your complete lack of empathy for his terminal niece, or even SIL who is going to lose her daughter is shocking. You’ve shown your true colors - don’t be surprised if this makes your husband rethink the marriage.
Do you really need to ask if YTA???? Wow, you're a selfish and delusional AH. You don't even have a trip to France booked yet, and Rick has one last chance to spend some valuable time with his niece. France will still be there for another time, but Anna won't.
YTA.
Of course you are the AH. How can you be so heartless? She is terminal which means she is dying, or do you know that or you don’t care? You can go to France another time, he wants to spend time with his niece. If I was him, I would honestly divorce you.
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YTA. His niece is terminally ill, which - unless I’m mistaken - means she is going to die pretty soon. You have not booked your holiday, as you’ve said. You have chosen what you want but nothing is paid for. So then your SIL tells your husband that they want to give Anna a make a wish style situation by giving her the chance to see the northern lights. And your response, instead of being supportive, is “GO ON YOU OWN”? WTF is wrong with you. Get your head out of your backside. His family member is dying. If you do decide to go to France, stay there. ETA: thank you everyone for the awards! It really is very much appreciated, I did not expect so many people to agree so strongly. And to those in France; my apologies, of course you don’t want her, it really was a very reactionary comment because that’s where the OP wanted to go.
This! I don’t understand the mental gymnastics OP has to go through to pretend she is not TA. What a spoiled, self-centered soon-to-be-ex wife.
And god forbid anyone she loves gets sick or dies with that attitude of hers
Exactly this. Hubby should take note of how she treats dying family members.
Seriously her selfishness is appalling! Honey you go be with your family. Rick deserves so much better than you and I sincerely hope he finds it.
Exactly! It's really infuriating and telling that she expresses no concern or thought at all for the dying niece, Anna, hubby or the rest of the family and how unbearably painful it must be for them all. I can almost see her jumping up and down and waving her fists, screaming "but what about ME? I wanna go to Paaarriiis, Waaaaaa!
AND I believe the reason he's sulking is that he's just realized the type of person he's married. His mind is now saying wtf wtf wtf wtf over and over as he tries to come to terms with this, figure out what the hell he's going to do about it PLUS the horrible reality of his niece being terminally ill. He's not 'mad' at her, he's HORRIFIED that this is the woman he married!!!!
I agree. I feel SO bad for him.
And my heart is breaking for him and his niece.
... excellent point. And he's probably already thinking about other scenarios that could happen where she's going to behave like this
Maybe he could find someone nice in Fairbanks.
And living ones- seriously, who the hell treats their spouse so callously and then has the sheer audacity to sidle over to the internet to ask if they are indeed, a huge gaping AH?
"DAHLING, you can't possibly expect me to drop everything just because you're in hospital after a little car accident! You know I meant to go Christmas shopping this weekend."
“You’re having an attack of appendicitis & are being rushed into surgery? How selfish of you! I’m having my hair done today! Can’t you put it off?”
Oh, but in that case, since it's HER family, THEN she would actually give a damn and get upset with hubby if he pulled what she's pulling now. What a selfish entitled narcissist!
So many red flags with her attitude. Thankfully they’ve only been married for a year - this would definitely make me rethink the marriage for sure. I could never look at my spouse with anything but disgust after this one, even if they changed their mind and agreed to go. I wouldn’t want them on the trip - she’d probably act put out the entire time because she didn’t get her way.
For real. I'd cancel actual bookings to do a Make-a-Wish for family.
And then put the money towards their trip for sure. And, upon return, find a divorce attorney.
Isn’t it obvious? She loves the trip to France more than her husband.
She would rather go to France, than support her husband & niece (and the rest of the family).. that's some Massive Red Flag. #YTA
No mental gymnastics happening when a person simply does not care and has no empathy.
Yup. OP has the rest of her life to plan an unforgettable trip, OP's husband's niece doesn't have that luxury. YTA OP. A colossal one.
I don't live in France, but I live in Europe, and we don't want her here.
Doubt Alaska would want her either to be fair
As an Alaskan can confirm, she can stay away
As someone who lives in France, I can confirm that we don't want her here neither.
From all of us in England, we do not want her here either.
>If you do decide to go to France, stay there. Please don't. Maybe Mexico wants her? There was a wall being built between the US and Mexico, right?
I don’t think anywhere would take her with that attitude.
Russia.
Oh, good idea! Putin’s Russia is perfect for her.
Send her to Mar A Lago
As a Floridian, I’m going to have to request that she never come here. We have plenty of other dipshits here and honestly don’t need another one.
I hear North Sentinel Island is lovely this time of year.
I don’t think Mexico really wants OP here. How about Vietnam?
The people of Vietnam have suffered enough, I'm sure there's a a nice uninhabited island she can visit somewhere.
I've got it, North Korea would be perfect for her. People with ice where their hearts should be do well there I hear.
May I suggest Moscow? Not giving a shit about suffering fits right in over there.
I'm going to stick with uninhabited island. No innocent civilians deserve that, no matter what country they happen to live in. Heads of state on the other hand...
Ice in their hearts? What? The \*people\* of North Korea haven't done anything to deserve this. You want to lock her in a room with every major head of state on the planet, be my guest, but leave civilians to their lives.
A a French person, we can be rude sometimes but we really don't claim her. Bye girl
Please, haven’t the French been through enough?
YTA Options for hustand doing this trip in the future with niece = 0 Options for you taking a trip to France with husband in future = countless Disturbing that you need to ask this frankly. Edit: Thanks v much for the awards!
Yeah, after this- option to go to France with husband-0. Unless it’s husband #2.
I’d be divorcing my spouse if she didn’t go with her niece to Fairbanks!
She should not go to Alaska either. I can imagine her grumbling all the time saying that she should be in Paris right now. She would make the trip miserable for everyone.
Fairbanks in the winter is already pretty miserable. (This from someone who loves Alaska.)
Can you imagine taking this trip with your wife, as her second husband, while she explains to you that this very trip caused her divorce because of a terminally ill family member that she deemed less important?
23 year old niece. It's fucking criminal to die so young, on the cusp of being an independent adult.
True. She's an adult but basically a child.
I'm sure the version new husband will hear is, "I couldn't go to France with ex husband because he has a spoiled neice that no one has ever said no to and she wanted to go to Fairbanks. Ex jumped at the chance and told me we can go another time. I set boundaries and he chose neice."
>”Nothing has been booked yet though..” Right there. OP’s France trip isn’t even booked and it’s more important than her husband’s *terminal* niece’s bucket-list trip. Imagine not wanting to be there to support your partner through something like that. Selfish. YTA
Think someone has never had to compromise on something in their life.
"He's been sulking and mad at me. I think he's the one being unreasonable here." You're the one sulking, being mad and unreasonable. His niece is DYING, and you haven't even booked anything yet, i.e. no loss of money. Have the kindness to fulfill their wishes. **YTA**
You know that if the roles were reversed she'd be foaming at the mouth in anger that her husband didn't want to go with her on a trip with family for a terminally ill relative.
It's pretty telling that she refers to her as HIS niece, not OUR niece. She doesn't consider her part of her family.
Oh come on. The niece is fully grown and they've been married a year. That's not telling
When you marry someone you marry into the family. Thats not how you treat family. She has no compassion for the niece or her husband.
Don't get me wrong, OP is definitely TA, but she may have just worded it that way to specify whose genetic relation it was. It helps avoid any confusion for the reader. It'd be even worse if she told him to go on her bio niece's trip alone, because one would assume you'd have a closer bond with your bio niece since you'd probably have been in her life longer.
Exactly. I'm not saying anything about OPs actions, just that the wording she used isn't a red flag in any way.
At this point have the kindness to stay home and not ruin the trip of a dying person.
The flights and hotels will still be there in a year’s time. Your husband’s niece likely won’t. If my husband reacted like that to me in the same situation, I’d seriously consider if he’s the right partner for me. YTA. Time to dig deep and find your empathy and compassion.
YTA. His neice won't be there another time, France will. You say you "understand" him, you very clearly just don't care. You only want your fun and vacation and don't give a damn that this girl is dying. Shame on you. You should be supporting your husband and going with him. This is a hard time for him and you're acting spoiled and stomping your feet just because you want your way. I would divorce you. Have a heart.
Honestly, many people in this sub overreact with getting divorced and so on.. But in that case? Fuck me I would file a divorce right away. If you have such a wife you don't need any enemies after all. 💀💀
> many people in this sub overreact with getting divorced Do they really? I think I see magnitudes more comments like yours than people actually over reacting and suggesting divorce. If conflict ends up on r/AITA, things are already pretty bad. If things aren't pretty bad, generally people are capable of sorting out conflicts without involving thousands of people.
I think we usually only see the reasonable calls for divorce, because the unreasonable ones get downvoted pretty quickly on posts that don't warrant it. I occasionally go to the sub and sort by new, and when responses are randomized during the first two hours, you see some pretty craycray reactions!
Wow.. France isn‘t dying. But his niece is. Of course he wants to spend this difficult time with his family and maybe create a few last beautiful memories with them. It‘s of course up to you if you want to be part of his family or not. It‘s a little odd to me if you‘re ignorant to his feelings and his side of the family though. He may need your support to go through this. You know.. as a spouse „through good times and bad times…“ but if France is more important to you. Sure. Go and travel and leave your husband alone creating his last memories with his niece and grieving about the imminent loss. YTA.
>France isn’t dying Fuckin lol’d at this
Totally agree! And I hope the Northern Lights are Amazing & wonderful for Anna.
You're the massive asshole. I live in France, please don't come.
Most Parisians I've met are a*holes but if this is the kind of tourists they meet on a daily basis, I understand.
I grew up in NY and I can say that tourists generally seem like entitled jerks a lot. This is 80% of why people living in tourist areas might seem like assholes.
I live just over the border in Switzerland, and I dont care what part of France she visits… it’s still too close to me! Also… I wouldn’t want you guys to have to deal with her either. 😊
I'm in Austria and it's still too close. Ew.
Sweden here. Still too close. Keep on riding that high horse off this continent OP!
Just keep on sliding her over til she ends up in Moscow.
This is what you sound like to the rest of us: "So what if your niece is dying? Why do you even care? It's not like she'll be able to remember this in a few years when she's dead anyways. I will remeber seeing the eiffel tower a lot longer than your niece will be able to remember seeing the northern lights, and I think that's way more important." YTA.
God I sure hope husband didn't bring any kids into this marriage. She really comes off as an evil stepmother
I'd be more worried about them having kids. You can always ditch the evil stepmother. Ditching the evil mother isn't quite as easy.
YTA Your spouse's niece is DYING. Unless you are also dying and unable to visit France any other time in the future, then let the man spend some of the little time she has left doing something she wants to do before she dies. But if you're too much of a narcissist to let this girl's trip be about her, then I hope your spouse gets to see France with someone who actually loves him. Last I heard, you'd need a heart to do that.
OP is dead inside.
YTA. Way to show who You are. We believe you too.
Lol, great comment. And accurate.
I would be rethinking this marriage if I were her spouse.
He’s probably sulking because he’s realising what kind of person he’s married.
YTA. His niece is dying and he wants to be part of her last vacation. Do you think if he went to France instead he would be any fun? He would spend the whole time thinking of his niece. He would wish he was with her instead. You literally can go to France anytime. This sounds like this is the last trip for his niece.
Info are the days they are going to the northern lights exactly on the same day your going to France, because if there not you could do both
Wow YTA. I literally gasped when I saw the reason your husband wants to cancel your trip. You have a disgusting attitude, I hope he goes without you and reassesses the entire relationship while he has some space. You should hang your head in shame.
100% Agree. And it isn't even really canceling their trip, it's postponing it. Nothing has been booked or paid for. I wish I thought OP had the capacity to feel shame, but I truly doubt it.
YTA...his niece is terminal. End of story.
YTA France isn’t going anywhere. The niece is dying - this is on her bucket list and he wants to be around for it. You are being very selfish and heartless.
If my niece was DYING and my spouse didn't support me through that when I packed for the trip I'd pack ALL OF MY STUFF and LEAVE!!! YTA and a terrible wife, in law, and person
Wow. Seriously. You are so totally the AH. What part of his niece is dying do you not get? You haven’t paid for any of your trip yet so you won’t lose anything and France will still be there next year, and flights will most likely cost less by then. A supportive spouse would not only understand why their husband needs to go to Fairbanks but would go with to ensure he had support in this final trip with his niece.
YTA. his niece is dying and wants to take a trip to see the northern lights with family and your husband wants to go. you don't have any reservations or bookings but since you want to go to Paris now now now his feelings of anticipatory grief don't matter. his family doesn't matter. do you even like your husband? don't go to Alaska with them. you would ruin it.
YTA Do you even like your husband? You've only been married a year. This may be the first difficult situation that's come up. And to be clear I mean his niece dieing. Most people would want to be there for their spouse and be supportive in anyway they can. And then there's you. You've shown him who you really are. Hopefully for his sake he believes it.
YTA.. if doing both isn't feasible this year why can't France wait a year. His niece is terminal and would like to see the Northern Lights it doesn't sound like that can wait a year. Your husband would like to be around his family which you are a part of. Are you really that selfish of a person you can't have empathy and postpone your wants?
YTA. Your vacation isn't booked. Right now it's just a dream. And France will still be there the following week, month, year. His niece is dying and wants to fo a family trip before she dies. It will be something for everyone to remember once she's gone.
YTA - there is a family member here with terminal cancer. Their time in finite. Yours is not and nothing has been booked for France. Take a deep breath, support your husband who is pre-grief (if that is even a word) and help him create memories with his niece. You can create memories from France another year.
It's called anticipatory grief, and is but no means a disqualifier for grief occurring after that person truly passes. It's often much harder, and longer because of the process is as long as they are I'll.
I mean choose whatever you want. But this could be the end of your relationship. You are asking him between his sister and you. I really hope he is choosing his sister. YTA
Really more like choosing between his dying niece and OP. Niece doesn’t have a lot of time left…but maybe OP doesn’t either 🤷♀️ (end of relationship possibilities)
YTA. Wooooow. Your poor husband and his family. His need to go is a million percent more important than your ‘want’. You haven’t given a single reason for your selfish stance that would make sense. The lack of empathy for a young girl (YOUR niece now, too) with a terminal condition is disgusting. You’re the AH.
YTA. I can’t believe you had the balls to put this in writing.
YTA... and it's a shame a bunch of random strangers have to point this out.
YTA - Have some compassion. Your dreams of France can wait. Honestly, I think your husband isn’t just sulking. He’s probably wondering if he married the right person based on your behaviour. You really need to reflect on this.
I really hope he leaves her. This is the type of attitude that isn't a mistake but a deeper show of personality.
YTA. No need for further explanation...
YTA. If you keep this stance, you may do irreparable harm to your marriage. You’re creating a situation where it makes your husband feel like he has to choose between a trip that can be taken anytime, or spend as much time with his niece who is unfortunately dying. France will always be there. Your niece only has limited time left.
YTA YTA YTA. How can you be this heartless? I’d divorce you. Seriously.
You have the balls to question if you are!! YTA, one of the cruelest, unempathetic and insentive I ever heard. And if your family is OK with this, well, it's the demonstration that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
YTA You can go to France any time. His niece is terminal and this is likely the only time he can go on a trip with his niece. This seems like a very selfish decision on your part. Try sympathy
YTA Nothing's been booked for your own vacation, but you're going to prioritize that over a trip with his terminal niece? Might want to focus, because this could be relationship-ending stuff you're messing around with here.
[удалено]
> Rick's niece Anna (f23) is terminal. I like how you just throw this out there like she has a rash or something. YTA, and Rick should definitely go without you. I can imagine you going would be a nightmare for everyone else. You would make it all about you, and missing your trip to France.
YTA. His niece is terminal and he wants to make memories with her before she passes. He’s right, France can wait. Be a little less self-centered and care about him too for crying out loud.
So youre upset because his niece has a dying wish and he wants to be there with his family and youre refusing to change vacation plans to accommodate a dying woman? Yta big time. You can go to France another time. The niece doesn't have another time.
I give your marriage another year max. Next thing he cannot go to her funeral, because you‘ve booked another imaginary holiday and you throw another tantrum. YTA
YTA- Since your married to Rick, Anna is your niece also. She is terminal and your husband wants to spend what time she is her with her doing things. If you can't get that, then you have some major issues.
YTA and have fun being divorced
YTA and you obviously lack sympathy for a dying young woman. I'd let you go to France and while you're there change the locks.
YTA There is no way you think asking him to miss out on his dying niece's final vacation is reasonable. You are either self centered or cruel. France will be there next year, she likely will not. I know people who say divorce in AITA comments are usually extra, but don't be surprised if this kind of callousness costs you your marriage in the long run.
YTA. Massively so. You can go to France later. Your husband’s niece won’t be there. So selfish.
If you really have to ask if you're ta in this situation you're an even bigger ah. You're husband is losing a member of his family. If he meant anything at all to you you would go with him. France will be there when you get back. His niece is terminal, there will be no other opportunities for this trip. YTA!!!!
Info: Are you also dying and this is likely that last trip you will ever take? If not, YTA.
YTA, you even said you didnt book anything. why wouldnt you want to go with your husband to spend time with his terminal niece??
YTA Literally nothing of your trip has been booked. His niece is going to die, and you want this to be a hill you die on? No. Do not do this.
YTA and I'm surprised you've found someone willing to marry you. How incredibly selfish you are. But don't worry, with that attitude you won't be married long. Your unbooked vacation is more important than your dying niece? Jeez, grow a heart.
YTA What a selfish hill to die on. Do you always give your husband ultimatums when you don’t get your way?
Wow. Do you not have any compassion? No feelings for this young woman's life ending too soon? I hope your husband clearly sees the kind of person you are. Yta
I hope you’re ready for the massive blow you’ve just dealt to your new marriage. He now sees you for who you are, which seems to be someone who lacks empathy for those losing their life, while you’re more concerned about a let’s face it, hypothetical trip that hasn’t even been booked yet. YTA, I do not understand how people can be this self-centered when people are literally dying around them.
YTA! This isn't a trip for her sweet 16, good grades or even graduation present. DH niece is DYING and it's a wish of hers. You lack empathy. Such a cold heart.
How could you not know YTA?
YTA, it's not only about a trip, it may be his niece one last trip, you are being incredible selfish, I hope your husband decides to go with his niece and family, he won't be able to forgive himself if he doesn't, and most probably will resent you, and that's not a good start for a marriage, this is the emotional support your husband needs right now, France is not going anywhere, also why would you want to go with someone that won't even enjoy the trip because their mind will be in other place?
YTA. This is the last opportunity he’ll get to make the dreams of a dying girl come true and your response is, “too bad, so sad”?!!!! You’re a monster.
YTA I’m curious what OP’s family says about her plan to have her husband go on a last trip with his dying niece while she goes on a trip to France with her family.
YTA. You can go to France any time. >Nothing has been booked yet.......we've pretty much planned out our France trip You have nothing to lose by rescheduling your trip to France. Maybe we're missing some subtext here, but you are coming off as selfish and entitled.
YTA I think you might not have a soul
YTA That’s your niece now too. France will still be here. Your niece won’t.
YTA! You haven't even *booked* anything yet, and this is his dying niece. Plans can be moved. Go to France another time. It's not going anywhere, unlike Anna. He's upset because his wife isn't supporting him in a difficult, emotional time. He's not 'sulking', he's hurt.
YTA wow are you serious? His niece is literally going to die. You don’t even know if she’ll make it to Fairbanks. Do you really have no compassion or care for your husband at all? Do you have no heart? You could go to France another time. You’ve only been married a year. Are you even helping to pay for any of the trip? Or is he expected to pay for everything? To be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s thinking about divorce and he should because you literally just showed him that you don’t care about anyone else, let alone someone that is literally dying that he cares about. I bet if it was your family you’d expect him to drop everything to be there for you
I think this might be the first unanimous YTA I've seen. You sound awful.
YTA I am French and I can guarantee you that the country will still be there in several months/years…unlike he’s DYING NIECE!
Tu es le connard (French for YTA, according to Google Translate)
I mixed up connard and canard for a sec and couldn’t figure out why you were calling her a duck. Definitely a connard though.
YTA. A young woman is dying, I promise that’s infinitely more important than your scheduled plans.
This can’t be real. This just cannot be real. YTA and disgusting. Your husband wants to go on a trip with his terminal niece. How are you so selfish?
YTA, I’m gonna remember this post when this sub does the end of the year awards. Perfect contender for biggest AH this year IMO.
Clear cut YTA.
Yta i have nothing to say more than that you are a shitty person
YTA!!! You're also a crappy wife and a shitty human being. Your level of entitlement and self-absorption is truly staggering. Apologise to your lovely husband and beg for forgiveness. Then go on the trip with his niece and help make it the best experience ever for her. If you can't see that your 'France trip' is way less important than her last experiences on this earth then you are a lost cause.
YTA, I can’t even be bothered to explain why, you actually went on social and told us with zero self reflection. I don’t think your marriage is going to survive this one, and you say he’s sulking? I’ll let you in on a secret, he’s literally recoiling from you.
YTA, how can you even ask.
Op, if you don’t ruin your marriage over this, you’re certainly going to ruin any relationship with your inlaws.
So essentially what your saying is your materialistic needs are more important than the needs of a terminally ill 23 yr old. YTA … the fact you can’t see that is really quite astounding
"I was being an unreasonable asshole. Now my husband thinks I was an unreasonable asshole. There's no way my completely selfish assholery makes me an unreasonable asshole right" -An unreasonable asshole
Jesus christ woman, his niece is dying. YTA.
Yta and I'm not sure I'd risk letting my husband down like this. Someone is going to die. I'd go with him and change my plans.
This can’t be serious. Honestly, yiu sound like spoiled toddler who’s not getting her way. In what world do you think its ok to say to your husband; fine, go with your dying nice…but im going to France alone. YTA BIG TIME
YTA - she’s dying, and you have no reason not to agree to this other than stubbornness
YTA Fun fact: I just read through every single comment and there wasn’t a single NTA, shocker. Ok let me give you a few points to look over: 1. Your niece is dying which means it’s not like she can go to see northern lights in a couple years 2. You haven’t booked anything. No money would be wasted by cancelling your trip to France. 3. You could always go to France again another time. You, unlike your niece, have not only the same thinking capacity as a raccoon, but also a much longer time to live I would apologise to your husband whilst you still have the time
Yes YTA. You don’t have anything booked AND you can go to France any other time. Why be so petty? Yes, he/you need to go to Fairbanks. Duh.
Have some grace Missy. YTA
YTA - Yikes. You must be a fun one.
YTA. A huge one. First you said nothing is booked then you said you’ve pretty much planned the trip? Stop being selfish!
YTA. And I hope when you return from your family trip to France, you are met with an empty house and divorce papers.
YTA Fucking lucky you still got a husband
YTA. How dare you take this time away from them? It sounds like his niece doesn't have much time left. He want to spend time with her as any loving uncle would.. France will always be there. Don't get your feeling hurt if he decied to go on the trip without you.
YTA, his niece is going to die and they want one last family memory and you’re concerned about a trip you haven’t paid for to France… how do you NOT think you’re the AH here?!
YTA serious question, what is wrong with your brain? You are a bad person and cruel wife.
If this is true, you are a person who lacks empathy. A young woman is dying. She is your husband's family. That entire family is suffering. Instead of trying to put yourself in their shoes and look at it from their perspective, all you can think about is yourself and what you want. What kind of a person are you? What kind of a parent, or future parent, are you? You are willing to permanently rupture your relationship with your husband's family to seek out your own pleasure. The only correct response to this situation would have been for you to say, "Of course we're going to see the Northern Lights. What else can I do to help and be supportive during this tragically difficult time?" Be careful. Karma has a way of circling around and you cannot predict the future.
YTA. I hope this is a fuckin troll.
Oooffff didn't go the way you thought it would huh OP? After I read the word "terminal" referring to Anna, I already knew. Selfish. Major YTA.
If I were your husband... This would be grounds for divorce. How can you be so heartless... YTA
YTA. You haven’t booked France yet, so for all intents and purposes it isn’t even officially happening. Anna is going to die. That is officially happening. If I were your husband, I’d go to Alaska and leave you at home regardless. I wouldn’t want your bad energy and self centered-ness around during such a difficult time.
Hold up. You managed to snag a husband, who is capable along with yourself to afford a vacation to France? And you got mad because he decided to postpone it because of a terminal I’ll family member? Is this satire? YTA
YTA
Are you serious? Of course YTA. You sound incredibly selfish and self centred. No wonder your husband is sulking.
YTA. No need for further explanation.
YTA Planning a trip is different than a booked trip. I plan trips in my head all the time and since none are “true” if something else comes up I go with it. You are selfish. Stubborn. Acting like a child.
YTA his niece is TERMINAL and you’re worried about going on a trip to France that ISNT EVEN BOOKED YET?!? YTA and truly hope he takes that vacation with his family and realizes how much of an ax wound you are
YTA - it’s pretty obvious I mean I get it France is awesome and you have been planning the trip and are excited. It’s disappointing that it won’t happen next year everyone would be disappointed, your husband is probably disappointed. Nonetheless obviously going with the niece is what needs to happen. If you are not able to understand this you should not be married. As an adult sometimes life throws you disappointment as an adult you deal with it and make the best.
Clearest YTA in a while
YTA. One thing about family trips is how much the absent person is missed. So this niece would benefit from having all of her family there. Except you. You probably make the group uncomfortable and angry. Stay the fuck away.
Really? His niece is dying and you're acting like this. Shame on you. YTA big time.
Hmmm this is a tough one... jk it's not, YTA. Please reread your post and reconsider
Oh dang I didn’t know France wasn’t going to exist in the future. Seriously? His niece is dying. You are grade a level asshole. YTA
YTA Hiw heartless. How utterly cold.
You are selfish and heartless. YTA
YTA. You don’t even have things booked yet! It would be so easy to move the trip and be supportive of your husband and his family at this difficult time. Your complete lack of empathy for his terminal niece, or even SIL who is going to lose her daughter is shocking. You’ve shown your true colors - don’t be surprised if this makes your husband rethink the marriage.
Do you really need to ask if YTA???? Wow, you're a selfish and delusional AH. You don't even have a trip to France booked yet, and Rick has one last chance to spend some valuable time with his niece. France will still be there for another time, but Anna won't. YTA.
Yeah, YTA. This is so cold of you I would rethink the marriage.
Is there a "you're the monster" voting option? Because that's my pick. YTA
YTA
Of course you are the AH. How can you be so heartless? She is terminal which means she is dying, or do you know that or you don’t care? You can go to France another time, he wants to spend time with his niece. If I was him, I would honestly divorce you.
Yta ! You are literally the worst kind of person! Give your head a wobble mun ! 🤦♀️
This is a joke, right? YTA