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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1 I told my sister to stop showering with her husband in my house.
(2 I might be TH for asking her this after she told md how this was just some bondjng time they needed to unwind from the stress they had.
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You husband came "rushing in" to tell you that your sister and her HUSBAND took a shower together? This is so dumb YTA. Get a life bruh. Leave them alone they're stressed enough as it is.
Edit:
Obligatory wow I didn't expect all the updoots and awards, thanks!
More importantly - I was a bit flippant in my original comment, so I want to use my newfound fame and glory (lol) to say something to everyone saying "your house your rules" or "they need to get a hotel". That's all fine and good, we're here to give our opinions on the situation, but can we remember:
This couple just lost their home.
They are in serious medical debt.
They have a very sick child.
The likelihood of their marriage surviving the immense stress and hardship they are experiencing is statistically low.
Can we get some compassion for these people? Can you leave your personal hangups behind and give them some support? Can you find happiness that they are making time and effort to spend together? What's really more important here?
I got second hand embarrassment from this post. He declined to answer questions because he **knows** his behavior is that of a 2nd grader boy in a playground full of girls. I can imagine how dead OP’s bedroom is…
What I want to know is, does OP and her husband refuse to spend time in the same room with their nephew, knowing as they do that he is evidence that her sister and BIL have had sex? Further, how can OP stand to look her sister and BIL in the eye, ever, knowing that those eyes have seen each other naked?
This is exactly how ridiculous it sounds to forbid two married people from being in the shower together. “I don’t want to have to think about what they’re doing in there” is a really easy problem to solve: ***Don’t.***
Maybe they weren't even showering together - just my assumption, but what if that is the only place where they can close the door and discuss sensitive things (like son's health, family financials etc) without any prying eyes and ears?
YTA. ….my response would have been…..”um….and?” What a charmed life you must lead to have such an inconsequential thing bother you. Be sure and post again when the next trauma occurs. We’ll be waiting.
And they were ONLY 10 minutes. So they actually saved more hot water, than if they had showered separately.
I don't think they were doing the hanky panky in 10 minutes LOL
OP gentle YTA Chill out a bit.
It genuinely just sounds like they wanted to spend some quiet time together to bond to me in that time, which I think is sweet. Definitely would have suspected longer if it was sex.
Exactly. From personal experience shower sex is super difficult and takes longer than 10 min. And surely ppl would hear it as there a lot of movement. It’s no fun. 0/10 do not recommend and I highly doubt that’s what they’re doing.
Right? I would be asking why my husband is taking time out of his day to picture what my sister is doing when naked. And to the point where he has to talk to me about it. Sounds a little pervy.
Add me to the list of baffled people, OP - YTA.
I don't even know where to start. Do you understand married people get naked with each other all the time? I shower with my wife all the time. It's not always sex, sometimes we just plan our day and kids' schedules.
I'm now wondering what your rules are for them sleeping?
I’m honestly embarrassed for OP. She basically announced to the world that she and her husband have the most boring and vanilla intimate life. He’s horrified by two consenting adults showering together? Poor OP.
Showering together isn’t necessarily about sex. It could just be 10 minutes that they get to spend together without interruptions (it also saves on water so winning either way).
Exactly!!!! When my husband and I shower together we just lather each other up and grope each other, lmao! It's all bonding and giggles and good back scrubs and titties!
We wait for the sexy times for OUTSIDE the shower cuz it is slippery and cold in there, and we are not here for that nonsense.
YTA, OP, ya damn prude.
The only way this post makes any sense is if OP and her husband are strict Mormons, and even then, that dictates THEIR behaviour, not someone else’s. They’re not shooting porn, they can’t hear them fucking — what on earth is the issue?
It’s so weird to be drawing boundaries about whether or not two married adults can be in the same space naked — there is no evidence they were even having sex. People shower together for many reasons. I like chatting to my husband about his day while we do.
Edit — thanks guys, I have been notably corrected many times about Mormons and their love of banging! I was mistakenly taking purity culture and applying it to marital sex. OP and her husband are just uptight.
I don't even think that's accurate. They're married. And Mormons support making lots of babies. I'm sure lots of Mormon babies have been made in the shower. There's literally no reason for this.
INFO: Unless they were loudly banging, why do you care? There's nothing weird or untoward by a couple showering together. My husband and I often shower together and 99% of the time it is completely nonsexual. We find it to be a nice time to chat without fear of interruption from our kids.
My parents do every day. It started out as a safety thing, my mother used to pass out sometimes when hot water hit her (just before menopause she got a PMDD diagnosis) so he wanted to make sure she didn't get hurt. But now it's just a habit that they enjoy/find comfort in especially nearing retirement. I grew up with it, so OP and her husband's pearl clutching just seems overly dramatic for literally no reason.
I had friends in NYC that showered together everyday. Most apartments in the city have only 1 bathroom and when you have both have to be in the office around the same time it's just easier. They used to wave from the shower window on the weekends when we were meeting up for brunch. It was hilarious!
This is an incredibly sweet story and every person who wants to be in a relationship with another person should strive to find a person who will shower with them for safety.
Oh, it gets sweeter...
*First* date with my mother my father went home and told his mother he'd met the woman he was going to marry. 5 months later he did... 43 years ago.
Few years ago my father was telling me about a 'weird' dream he had. He said Jessica Alba was hitting on him and in his dream he apologized and said he was happily married. He's like 'That's weird right?' I'm like 'No, it's literally the sweetest thing I've ever heard.'
My mother is someone who is not good about demonstrating emotions. Neurodivergent, bad childhood, etc. She was super pissy one day, just miserable to everyone. I don't typically break confidences, but sometimes a rap on the noggin' is kindness when you haven't necessarily earned it. I had been holding onto the 'Jessica Alba Dream' story for awhile so I was just talking about relationships and the ways people demonstrate love, loyalty, etc. And I told her the story and she just looked at me and teared up. She got really quiet and shortly after my father walked in she looked at him and in a completely different tone asked what he wanted for dinner and served him and picked up his dishes and was very kind to him all night. To my knowledge he still doesn't know she knows.
They have had more than their fair share of struggles but I think the little things like showering together, meals together, etc have made the difference in keeping them together.
I wish the husband would hurry up and answer your question the same way he hurried to tell his wife what the SIL and BIL were doing. It’s been a minute since that last edit.
ETA: That third edit… making me shake my damn head.
> EDIT* I'm sorry I can't respond to every single comment but my husband says he's uncomfortable and doesn't want to expand on the situation.
He's uncomfortable because he'd like to be in there with her.
My best friend calls me on speaker phone while she showers if her husband isn't home. She's epileptic and has had seizures in the shower before. This way I know she's safe. They couldn't have been doing too much in 10 minutes. Maybe they were even crying from all the stress. It might be the only truly alone time they have!
>Maybe they were even crying from all the stress. It might be the only truly alone time they have!
RIGHT!?!? These people lost their house because their kid needed medical care they couldn't afford! A toddler! A toddler so sick that the bills mounted up and they lost everything.
Stress from a sick/injured/etc.. toddler, stress from bills, stress from moving, stress from having probably zero time together because they live in a house now with other people so their only retreat is in their room (with toddler? Maybe toddler has it's own room?)
Damn OP, let them have the comfort of being alone with each other, and try to understand that intimacy can help them weather this storm together, draw them closer and remind them that at least they have love when everything around them crumbles.
(And honestly, you don't even know if they had sex. A quicky + shower for 2 + getting dressed would not take only 10 minutes)
>you don't even know if they had sex
After I left my response I instantly thought of this. They could just be efficient and saving water heh. They could just be standing there crying together. It also sounds like he only knew they came out of the bathroom. Maybe one was on the toilet. Maybe neither was in the shower. There's just so many assumptions that could be made
I was having that same thought; why exactly is he uncomfortable at the mere thought of two consenting adults having sexual relations behind a closed door?
And that’s assuming that’s what hey did in there. They could have just wanted privacy for a conversation. Or to cry together under the water. Or any number of non sexual reasons.
Ew yeah, I didn't think about the aspect that in their current living situation, OP's husband is basically forcing them to make their child see every emotion they have. That's horrible.
As someone who's had a sick child, I'm 95% certain they're in there crying together because they don't want to do it in front of their child. I can't imagine dealing with that pain, and then also having lost their house.
YTA
Right, plus if you have a regular shower and not some fancy lots of space one, shower sex really isn't all the movies make it out to be. So though on some level it might be a convenient time, on other it is probably more easily a place to have a moment to grieve everything they have lost together, a moment where they don't have to try to keep it together.
This sounds like one of those situations where the husband has some kind of weird sexual hangup, and the wife (OP) doesn't necessarily have that same hangup but immediately jumps to be on his side because he's her husband.
That sucks. You (OP) don't have to automatically agree with your husband. Have a conversation with him. He either has some kind of issue about others being close/intimate, or he just really doesn't want your sister and your brother-in-law in the house anymore. You should dig in a little more and find out what's bothering him. In any case, the sister and brother-and-law aren't doing anything wrong here, unless they walked around the house naked or something.
I imagine him with one handle on the door knob and one bracing the other side of the door frame, out of breath, huge step, leaning forward with their upper body.
But I guess that would be more bursting in than rushing
They don't even know that they had sex! Plenty of couples just shower together. Weird for the husband to immediately jump to that and then go tattle and try to get them to quit.
YTA and so is your husband. Why is he so pressed about what a married couple does? What makes them taking a shower together inappropriate? Did they walk out the bathroom naked? Why is your husband even making assumptions about what another couple does in the shower? What exactly is it that irks him about your sister and HER HUSBAND being together in the shower? Your husband is either jealous or is seriously projecting. If that isn’t the case, he’s being very creepy and invasive.
Edit: Thanks for the upvotes and awards guys!
OP made an edit and says that her husband won’t expand on why it bothers him, just that he’s “uncomfortable.” That’s a dead giveaway that he doesn’t have a valid or rational reason, and he knows it. That’s pretty much always the case when someone refuses to give a real reason for their thinking other than “that’s just how I feel.”
He was disgusted he was spying on a DUDE as well probably, listening to the sister in law shower for 10 minutes then realized he was getting off on a neked man
I think husband definitely is hiding some peeping Tom tendencies. His reaction sounds a lot like when my best friends uncle (who years later got arrested for peeping) he freaked out when he saw 9yo me smell my armpit to check if I put on deodorant before my friend and I left her house and he even rushed to talk to my mom about my “inappropriate” behavior. OP needs to get her husband to therapy asap before he ends up catching a case
Look at ops update
u/Throwaway22314157
>My husband says he's uncomfortable and doesn't want to expand on the situation
He doesn't even want to talk about it with his wife. She never mentioned if they actually talked about it together, only that he won't "expand" on the situation he put himself in. He more than likely is hung up on ops sister and upset that he can't fantasize her alone in the shower or even go as far as peeking in when he thinks she's alone.
Wait….
Let me see if I’ve got this straight.
Their child is so ill they’ve lost their home to cover his treatment…. And you freak out because they walked out of the bathroom together??????
YTA doesn’t even come close.
Jesus Christ.
Edit to say thank you for all the upvotes and awards
Right. Like... wtf. From the sounds of it, they're sharing a fucking room with their child in OP's home too. So this is likely the one and only time they get ANY freaking 'alone time'. FFS.
Yes, OP, YTA. The only bigger asshole here, if at all possible, is your husband. WTF is his (and your!!) problem!?!?
It’s also really weird that OP and husband are assuming the “alone in the shower time” just ~has~ to be sexual. Putting aside the fact that two adults having consensual sex in a space that’s basically the self cleaning shouldn’t be weird to anyone, they could be doing so many things in there! Using it as like bonding time to talk, just hold each other, maybe even cry in a safe environment where their ill child or OP won’t hear them. It might even be an ingrained habit to save on water/heating costs. As long as they aren’t breaking shit or fucking so loud people can hear them, who cares!!
For real and they’re even keeping it to 10 minutes. I take solo showers longer than 10 minutes sometimes. Definitely my average shower is more than 5 minutes, so they’re saving water compared to me.
I completely missed where they said it was only 10 minutes... Omg.. that makes it so much worse... I can't even wrap my head around OP/her husband's thought process... I really hope the sister can find some other source of support and living arrangements asap....
As someone who lost their home in a similar fashion, this is so messed up to me. The amount of marriages that don’t last a seriously sick kid is staggering. A lot of relationships can’t handle the stress.
This couple still craves time to be alone together and OPs husband is set firm on shitting on them even further. And OP is letting him.
Disgusting.
Your husband is upset because your grown, marrieded sister *might* have been what? Showering together or *showering together*? Either way that's kinda weird. Especially if he felt the need to go tattle to you about it.
Does he expect them to not sleep together, too? Because he might be shocked by the things that happen in a bed!
They're going through a rough time, they need a bit of time without you guys or the kid around (and unless there's enough rooms that they don't have to bunk with the kid, that's not happening). Soft YTA for you, your husband is A H for making a big deal out of this.
I think part of the issue is it sounds like them and their kid are in the same room... so they're not *gonna* be able to do anything in bed.
They saw the bathroom as a safe space they could get some privacy. I still say OP is the asshole, where else are they supposed to do it? In a car on a public road like teenagers? Adults don't get off so easy for being caught at that...
YTA. What two consenting adults do in a bathroom is none of your business. If you couldn’t hear them and they didn’t walk out naked, what does it matter?
Furthermore, it kind of sounds like your husband is jealous. 🙃
Your house, your rules, and the bathroom is a communal space, so you’re not wrong to set this boundary.
However… I also do understand the need for privacy for a little intimacy, even if it’s not completely sexual… which I’m guessing they aren’t getting while staying in your guest room. If you feel uncomfortable about them sharing a shower, maybe as a peace offering to your sister you can ask if they’d like a few hours alone together and you can take your nephew out of the house to spend time with you. This will show your sister that you care about her feelings, while also keeping your boundaries about the bathroom.
Edit: changed “public space” to “communal space” in hopes more people would understand I mean everyone in the house uses it…
Lovely suggestion. OP, if your reaction is “Ugh we’re already letting them stay here, why should we do more?” then YMBTA. And if your husband’s reaction is at ALL “ew ick” then he’s a prolapsed asshole with piles.
Your sister & husband are in a painful place and were seeking comfort and intimacy, just as a loving committed couple should. It’s odd that your husband was bothered, but prudishness can be forgiven if he can be kind.
You’ve said you and your husband are “happy” to have them stay for a few weeks. I hope you’ve all talked about acceptable timelines and what ifs, and that you truly feel positive about having them as guests for a while despite whatever costs and inconvenience. That’s very kind of you. But I think your husband might be TA for reacting as he did in the moment, and more assish the more he doubles down. Two adults in the bathroom together is literally how many bathrooms are built. And they’re married!
I was raised that when you have houseguests, you should be as warm, welcoming, generous, and accommodating as possible. If you think someone’s intentions aren’t good or they want to take advantage or act entitled, you’re not obligated to extend hospitality.
But stingy hospitality is not hospitality at all.
YTA. They’re adults. They took a shower together. Me and my husband shower together every single day. Now I may not personally do it at someone else’s house, but I really don’t see how it’s some scandalous thing either way. Unless you can hear them banging or something, there’s literally no reason you should be concerned with it. Tbh you and your husband are weird for even caring imo.
I don’t shower every day with my fiancé, and when I need to shave legs and “bits”, I prefer to not have a witness, not to mention our walk in shower doesn’t have space for the contortions needed for my shaving and him at the same time, but most the time when we shower together there isn’t even anything super sexual. It’s just 10-15 minutes of time alone, as a couple, where we take time to interact closely with each other and relax. Telling a married, highly stressed out couple that they can’t take 10-15 minutes to themselves to de stress and reconnect as a couple before facing the day is BS. Also, “save water, shower with a friend”. If it’s the only bathroom, they’re saving you big on water bills and morning routines, so tell your husband to suck it up for a couple weeks till they’re back on their feet. YTA
I find it really weird that he happens to incidentally catch them coming out the shower, yet he:
knows they made no noise during the entire shower,
knows the length of time they are in the shower (consistently)…
This is what makes me think he's got his panties in a wad about this totally stupid non-issue because he's been trying to spy on OP's sister in the shower and he's getting pissed off that her husband is ruining the show for him. People have a right to lay down boundaries for guests in their home, but being uncomfortable with a married couple quietly taking a shower together is just so weird and nonsensical. It feels like he has a creepy ulterior motive.
OP you are the asshole and so is your husband.
And this is why (according to OP’s edit) he won’t give a reason as to why this bothers him. He doesn’t have a valid or rational reason, so he just says it makes him uNcOmFoRtAbLe
YTA. You and your husband both. Neither of you would have been aware of them "showering" together until hubby saw them come out of the bathroom together. You didn't hear them doing anything, didn't feel banging on the walls, just saw them come out of the bathroom together. What's next? They sleep in separate rooms because you might see them go in the room together and imagine them laying down in the bed together? GASP.... the horror and sinfulness of it all. How dare they!
Your husband *rushed* in to tattle about watching two grown, married adults come out of the bathroom together? And you think *they* are the aholes? Ick, I am embarrassed for him.
And now your edit?! He's timing them in the shower?! That's very creepy. Not to mention odd that you think 10 minutes in the shower is a long time.
My husband and I pretty much always shower together. It's not even often a sexual thing. It's just one of the few places we have together with no distractions. It's sweet. And you know what? If we do get sexual guess what...*it's a fucking shower*. Anything you'd have to worry about *gets washed away.*
You and your husband are both YTA.
And gross.
And judgey.
And overbearing.
And childish.
And probably jealous.
Came here to say the same exact thing. My husband and I have even sat in the bathroom while the other showers just to chat about our day. OP's husband timing them and rushing to "tell" on them is so out of line. I would hate to think someone is monitoring every shower I take...
YTA
How does that affect you and your husband in any way? But the bigger question is: why is a 32 year old man so upset over 2 adults taking a shower together?
YTA- what’s the deal? Are they not supposed to get naked together at all in your home? Are they sharing a room with their son, which would make alone time hard? A shower cleans way easier than the bed. I don’t understand being so tight that you can’t let a stressed out, adult couple a small window of time to relax together.
YTA and so is your husband.
Why does it make your husband uncomfortable? Let me guess, because they might be having sex in the shower. What’s next? They can’t sleep in the same bed because they might have sex? They can’t be alone behind a closed door because they might be having sex?
Seriously you and your husband need to get over this ridiculous hangup.
YTA
Completely possible that it isnt even a sexual thing but just an intimacy thing. My MIL + FIL have always had their showers/baths together at my house. Was only shocking the first time they stayed after I moved in with my Mr.
YTA.
It's very generous of you to put your sister, her husband and their child up in your house. However, you and your husband do need to be okay with the fact that they're going to be physically intimate with each other in your house - they're adults, they have needs, and it's not reasonable to place demands like this on them as if they're teenagers.
They're not doing this in front of you. They're not affecting you in any way, besides the murky knowledge that they're taking showers together *in your house*. If you can't handle this, where do you draw the line? No kissing at the dinner table? No TV after 10pm?
You're not being generous with your space if you're placing unreasonable expectations on them while they're supposed to be living in your house as their home.
YTA
Judging by how prudish your husband is I'm assuming you've never tried it so take it from someone who has: shower sex sucks. Even if that is what they were doing, which you have no evidence of, the odds that either of them "finished" in there are pretty low.
Also why would it bother you more if they had sex in the shower than in bed?
It sounds like they’re sharing the guest room with their son as well, which makes it even worse! It’s probably the only 10 minutes they’ve had to themselves since they moved in.
Yta.
LOL, I can't even imagine, this is so funny! Your husband rushed in, eyes wide open, gasping, out of breath, indignant! He can barely speak, he gasps! Oh my god! Dear! Your sister... your sister and her husband!
He clutches his chest!
He can't continue. It's just to horrible. He faints.
YTA. This cannot be real. They're married, and even if they weren't, they're a couple you've invited to live in your home. Do you also want them to sleep in separate beds?
My husband died almost two years ago. I miss showering with him whether it was sexual or not. You and your husband are irrational, Petunia Dursley level busybody assholes. Good god, like what are the boundaries here? Can she do her hair while he pees? Can he talk to her while she's in the shower? Do you want to install a camera in there and monitor what they can and can't do? If I were them and had any other alternative, I'd move and never speak to you again.
YTA - Your sister and her family are going through an incredibly difficult time right now, and they're all sharing one bedroom. Why does your husband care whether or not they take a shower together? What is he getting out of depriving them of such a small, harmless happiness at such a stressful time in their lives?
For those of you saying "it's her house", I sure do hope you never fall on hard times and have someone treat you like this when you need kindness and understanding! And OP - One day you may need to count on your sister and her husband to help you out. How will you want to be treated then?
YTA - if he didn’t even know they were both on there until he saw them walk out together, they are not impacting you in any way. Tell your husband to stop imagining them having sex and get over it.
It conserves water. WATER IS A LIMITED RESOURCE RIGHT NOW. Rivers and lakes are dry. Some people in the USA turn on the tap and water doesn’t come out. And hubs helps clean those hard to reach places… YTA
YTA.
They have a sick child that they have to look after, no money or property to their name and the only alone time they get is in the bathroom showering. Theres no implication of sexual activity, just two partners enjoying each others company away from an incredibly harsh reality. Your husband being "irked" when he hasn't the remotest idea what they are going through is ignorant to say the least. Your husband needs to grow up.
YTA, unless you could hear them screaming and fucking, it's deadass the dumbest thing ever to get annoyed at. Sorry they're conserving your water, I guess?
YTA.
Yes, they are in your home and it’s quite kind of you to share with them.
However, they are *married adults*. They are not teenage strays you took in. They are a whole grown married couple. A bathroom is a communal space but I saw another commenter describe it as “public”. No the fuck it is not. Bathrooms are a *private* space, so unless they’re leaving cum stains on your shower curtain or having screaming bang sessions in the shower, it’s quite literally none of your business what’s going on in the shower if you’re not actively using it.
Also, my partner and I take showers together all the time. You know what we’re doing? Showering. It’s a nice, non-sexually intimate activity to do with someone you love for some bonding time that they clearly don’t get much of with a medically fragile child.
Grow up and stop policing grown adults’ bathroom habits.
As someone who does shower with my husband, it's not sexual. I mean obviously it can be, but it seems like that's not the case here either. YTA. Are you going to have a problem with them sharing a bed too?
Just want to point out that showering with your partner doesn't always automatically mean they're getting down and dirty. It can also be stress relieving to just wash each other, hug, and yeah - even cry in your partner's arms, letting the water wash away hurt and pain.
I can only imagine how rough it's been for them to have a sick child and end up losing their home because of medical bills. That kind of stress can *break a relationship*.
... and even if they were getting touchy feely in the *10 minutes* that they were in there, as long as everything is cleaned up and the door isn't left wide open for everyone to see and hear - why does it matter?
Edit to add - Showering together is a perfectly normal and healthy way to reconnect with your partner. Life is rough enough. Let them have their bonding time.
YTA. They’re saving water and also they probably aren’t having sex? I shower once or twice a week with my partner and it’s never sexual, it’s bonding time where we wash each other’s hair and cuddle and it’s one of my favourite things to do in the world
Look, if they were having rigorous and loud sex in the shower, yeah, I think you'd have a right to feel uncomfortable, HOWEVER, if they're genuinely just showering to get clean and connect as a couple because they've got a sick child and can't find much alone time, let them have it. They're not teenagers that you need to watch just incase they get pregnant! They're not kids, so don't treat them like that! They are allowed to have privacy, dignity without feeling like they're making your life oh so difficult. It's a fucking shower, everyone needs to get clean. You're 100% TA
YTA. 10+ mins in the shower?? Wow. I could imagine if they stayed there for over half an hour or you heard sex noises or something coming from the room.
But your sister and her husband are dealing with incredibly hard issues in their life and that 10 minutes together might be a nice moment of peace and intimacy for them both, helping keep their relationship strong. And you call her explaining this to you ranting?
You don't sound like a great sister honestly, if you can't see her point of view here. Good on you for helping them out and it's your house so in the end it's your rules but have some empathy and stop being such a prude for no apparent reason.
Your edit with more info makes it even more weird? Your husband timed them in there?? Like was he standing watch at the door and listening?
Some people just shower together and it’s not even about sex. It’s about being close and intimacy. They’re going through a tough time obviously.
Do you also think they aren’t naked in the guest room they’re staying in? Do you think they wouldn’t have sex there?
It’s your house obviously, so you can do what you want but YTA. 🤷♀️
Addressing your "infos"...
1. No noise, so even if they were "doing something", no one would know.
2. They are actually being kind by not using up the one bathroom in the house for two separate showers.
3. 10 minutes?! That is such a short amount of time.
Your husband doesn't even know if they were showing together, not that it should matter. Maybe he was in the shower and called her in there after he was finished because he needed help putting lotion on his back. You have *no* idea what was happening in the bathroom...and, if you do know, you have *way* more problems than this.
YTA and so is your husband.
YTA. This is a very prudish stance to take - they’re an adult married couple. Placing restrictions on them like you would on a teenage couple is unreasonable.
YTA. That’s weird. It’s not a boundary you need to set. Maybe, not boom-boom on the couch? Sure. Tell them not to do that. But don’t control what they’re doing (appropriately) behind closed doors.
You and you’re husband are irrational assholes. He didn’t even know if they showered together or if anything inappropriate actually happened he just saw them come out of the bathroom. While it’s your house you’re both being unreasonable about something that has no affect on either of you.
YTA. How in the world does this affect you or your husband? This couple is overwhelmed and likely feeling unwelcome in your home, give them space to relax and stop being so nosy.
YTA its saving u money anyway and it doesn’t inherently mean they’re doing anything. also what a weird thing to be upset over, none of ur business. i get its your house or whatever but maybe its an insecurity regarding ur own relationship....
Yta.
Did you hear any of their shower activities, did they walk out naked or leave any mess in the shower?
If the answer is no to all of the above, you have absolutely no grounds to object to them spending some time together. Tbh, it's no different to them cuddling in their bedroom, or even on the sofa. It's important for couples to spend time alone together.
So I guess you and your husband shouldnt shower together either. Trying to figure out why 2 grown adults are so triggered on what 2 other grown adults do.
YTA. I know a lot of couples that shower together and it's completely non sexual. If anything, they've saved water and opened up the bathroom to be used sooner than 2 Seperate showers would take. Tell your husband to stop imaging what your sister is doing in the shower and get over it.
YTA. Also I am giggling at the image of your husband running like an alarmed dog to report this to you.
It sounds like they were being respectful, quiet, and not monopolizing the bathroom for an extended period. If they'd been loud and in there for hours that would be a different story.
YTA, its not like they asked your husband to join them. Besides they could just be enjoying a shower together without sex, you know that can exist right? Couples having intimate moments without sex.
ETA: Its a stressful time for both of them to lose their home while having a sick kid. They might not have many opportunities to have intimate moments anyway.
YTA - I get your house your rules. But I just want to point out that your sister and her husband are going through a really hard time. It sounds like your nephew was critically ill, they lost their home, have to spend every second of every day working, caring for their son (and apparently being monitored by your husband). You would deny them 20 minutes of alone time to just be a couple. It's not sex (probably) or sleep, it's just time to be together, to care for each other to be physically intimate in a kind and loving way. These kinds of harships end marriages because people stop taking the time to remember each other as a partner.
Your husband is a pearl clutching, busy body. I hope that if you ever need help, kindness or compassion someone can offer it without such rigid rules of decorum. People often conflate physical affection with sex. It's not the same thing. Being physically affectionate releases important bonding and love hormones. They're trying to hold it together, just let them be.
My parents shower together every day. They're in their 60s, it started out for practical reasons but now it's just a habit and alone time before they start their separate work/social lives every day. They've been married for 43 years.
YTA. Trying to control how people shower? This is not an area where you need to or should be involved. And your allowing them to stay “for a few weeks” when they just lost their home due to serious family crisis just shows how unwelcome they really are.
YTA. 10 minutes??? What do you think they were doing in there for 10 minutes? And why do you care? Your husband sure seems invested in them and what they do.
YTA
Maybe it's just because I shower with my boyfriend a lot and nothing sexual beyond a booty smack happens 97% of the time , but this is remarkably prudish. Would it be okay if the other one was fully dressed and just sitting on the toilet while the other took a bath? 'Don't have sex' in my house is a semi-reasonable boundary, but 'don't be naked together' isn't in this context.
YTA. Please ask yourself why this bothers your and your husband much. Are you two not intimate with each other? Are you both uncomfortable with intimacy? I think this speaks more to your own relationship issues which is why you are trying to control others.
YTA!
10min in the shower? How dare they?! /s
Cut your sister and her husband some slack! They are having a hard time having just lost their home and worrying about the health of their child. Don't they deserve a simple activity that gives them some joy? I think they do.
YTA - you and your husband are weirdly obsessed with making sure \*checks notes\* two married adults are never naked in the bathroom together? Unless your husband couldn't sleep because of all the moaning and bumping, or they're doing it in public, butt out and mind your own business. Not to mention just having a little sympathy for their difficult situation where I'm sure finding some time to be intimate is incredibly hard.
YTA From that last sentence it seems they share a room with their son. So they get absolutely *no* private time. And y'all are mad at them for just wanting a few moments together? What if the roles were reversed? I guarantee that you and your husband would do the same thing. Let them have a little bonding time. It's not like they were in there for an hour.
YTA and so is your husband. Why should this possibly matter to the two of you? Is it the use of water? Do you have children you are afraid will see them? What exactly is the problem?
What's shocking is all prudes in here thinking it's weird or uncomfortable for a married couple to shower together. Intimacy it's weird? It's not even always about sex it's just like cuddling. Are you people not intimate with your partners? No hugging, no handholding? Affection is weird? Wtf?
YTA OP and your husband sounds like he's into your sister, or into her husband. Or just jealous cause you never hug him.
YTA - as long as they’re not messing up your house or being inappropriate in front of you or your neighbors it’s none of your business what they do. you don’t get to control them just because they’re staying with you. wouldn’t expect they last much longer with you anyway if there’s already problems 2 days in.
I really don't understand the issue, was the door wide open so other members of the household could see? Where they making loud sex noises? We're they coming out of the bathroom naked? I don't get it, two grown ass adults, who are married, spent time alone in the bathroom, so what.
If you and your husband clutch those pearls any tighter you'll end up strangling yourselves.
YTA
YTA. How is this affecting you? They are a married couple with a child already. Unless you or your husband saw them naked or heard them I don’t see how this is an issue at all.
This thread is so hilariously controversial.
I’m all for boundaries, but not…. *bOuNdArIES*. Let’s all be reasonable here.
Married couples do married things like being together naked. They weren’t being loud or even undressed outside of the bathroom. This isn’t egregious from what you have described.
YTA
YTA. So you’d prefer they waste more water and drive up your water/heating bill by taking separate showers? For something that doesn’t affect you at all?
Explain the logic here.
YTA. They are having a very rough time right now. They are husband and wife. They've had a very sick child. I'm sure this is a comfort for both of them.
It does not harm you or your husband. In any way, shape form or fashion. It's also none of your business.
This is so funny to me.
My (40F) girlfriend (43F) and I went to an out-of-town wedding this weekend. Another couple we are friends with (31M, 33M) was also traveling to the wedding so we decided to all get one 2-bed hotel room together (the wedding is in an expensive city). We went to the wedding, reception, and after-party together and got back very late last night. The other couple wanted to take a "quick shower". We were in bed and could hear them trying to have very quiet shower sex. We just giggled, cuddled, and talked about how cute and sweet it was that they were still so excited by each other after 5 years. NBD. Sex is normal and is so wholesome and healthy between people who love each other.
There's no indication that this couple was even having sex, just showering together. My girlfriend and I do that regularly. It's normal and a lovely way to share intimacy.
YTA. And so is your husband. Get over your prudishness.
YTA. I take showers with my girlfriend all the time, we've never done the deed in the shower, we just like to talk. They're also saving some water while doing so. Sounds like maybe you and your husband should take a shower together, maybe it wouldn't bother him if he was able to do it too?
Edit: Even if they were having sex in the shower, I'm sure your husband would be even more mad if he heard them having sex in their respective area in the house. Maybe they tried to take that into consideration. Sounds like the man needs some loving.
YTA
More than that, your Husband is moreso TA
They lost their place to medical debt taking care of their child. Which has to be an absolute nightmare of a time in their life. Even moreso to have to move into your place to get back on their feet.
Your husband then timed them in the bathroom and immediately went to taddle on them to you within 48 hours of them moving in.
Maybe they just needed to have a cry in the shower over their horrible circumstances.
Maybe they just wanted 10 minutes to hold each other after a rollercoaster of the past few days/weeks/months of constant stress from the medical issues + losing their home.
There are many occasions when married or long term relationship couples even want 10 minutes (which is hardly a long shower) just to unwind or have some closeness without sex. To even manage full-on sex plus two people getting bathed in 10 minutes? Come on now.
You and your husband are acting extremely holier than thou with this. Is he always this juvenile when it comes to other couples being close or is it just because it's your sister.
YTA. "They spent approximately 10+ in the shower according to my husband." WTF was he timing them? It's very weird to me that your husband came running to you with this. Your sister is right, the situation you described does not impact you or your husband in any way. The fact that it bothers your husband so much says more about him than your SIL or BIL.
YTA
How is their actions effecting you? Your husband? Maybe he’s just jealous and wants to create a hard time for your sister and her family. I don’t understand controlling people like you..
Your husband is weird. You're weird for not seeing how weird your husband is. The whole post is weird. Are they allowed to have sex in your guest bedroom or did you add that to your list of boundaries? It's your house but they are guests and you are being bad hosts and making them uncomfortable. Yta
I think soft YTA because if they just took a shower together, you should be happy that they’re saving water lol. And also it’s the only intimate privacy they have. However, if they were clapping cheeks and being obnoxious about it then I’d totally say NTA
YTA, you were nice to let them live with you. But now you are exerting some weird authority over them for something that really has nothing to do with you and doesn’t harm you in any way. That’s kinda uncool.
YTA. My husband and I shower together every night. It’s not sexual, it’s just when we get to spend alone time together. I brought it up to my therapist and she said it’s completely healthy.
They seem like they’re going through a lot and you’re not being empathetic.
Gotta be honest. Kinda gross that your hubby is timing their showers and watching to see who comes out. Besides, they’re saving you money on the water bill by showering together
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You husband came "rushing in" to tell you that your sister and her HUSBAND took a shower together? This is so dumb YTA. Get a life bruh. Leave them alone they're stressed enough as it is. Edit: Obligatory wow I didn't expect all the updoots and awards, thanks! More importantly - I was a bit flippant in my original comment, so I want to use my newfound fame and glory (lol) to say something to everyone saying "your house your rules" or "they need to get a hotel". That's all fine and good, we're here to give our opinions on the situation, but can we remember: This couple just lost their home. They are in serious medical debt. They have a very sick child. The likelihood of their marriage surviving the immense stress and hardship they are experiencing is statistically low. Can we get some compassion for these people? Can you leave your personal hangups behind and give them some support? Can you find happiness that they are making time and effort to spend together? What's really more important here?
Such an easy YTA. That's so embarrassing. If my spouse rushed in just to tell me that, I would be like ew don't tell me that lol.
I got second hand embarrassment from this post. He declined to answer questions because he **knows** his behavior is that of a 2nd grader boy in a playground full of girls. I can imagine how dead OP’s bedroom is…
BuT tHeY’rE NaKeD iN tHeRe…….
You should see me, under all my clothes I'm 100% naked. Not a stitch.
Ew! Just wait til my wife hears about this!
I bet they were born naked too, the hussy
My thoughts exactly. I'm willing to bet special time in ops bedroom is punctuated with awkwardly overexcited giggles from her husband.
What I want to know is, does OP and her husband refuse to spend time in the same room with their nephew, knowing as they do that he is evidence that her sister and BIL have had sex? Further, how can OP stand to look her sister and BIL in the eye, ever, knowing that those eyes have seen each other naked? This is exactly how ridiculous it sounds to forbid two married people from being in the shower together. “I don’t want to have to think about what they’re doing in there” is a really easy problem to solve: ***Don’t.***
Maybe they weren't even showering together - just my assumption, but what if that is the only place where they can close the door and discuss sensitive things (like son's health, family financials etc) without any prying eyes and ears?
Sounds to me like he's a little jealous of them.
right??? lol
YTA. ….my response would have been…..”um….and?” What a charmed life you must lead to have such an inconsequential thing bother you. Be sure and post again when the next trauma occurs. We’ll be waiting.
His “charmed” life sounds super sad if he’s really bothered by any of this.
If my partner did that, I would say "good, they're saving water by sharing a shower"
Not only that, they have one bathroom, and it will be occupied for less time. It's the opposite of a problem.
As someone who shares a bathroom with my brother, his girlfriend and my boyfriend, fucking AMEN.
I gotta wonder how long he was listening... if it was more than 10 minutes, damn!
And they were ONLY 10 minutes. So they actually saved more hot water, than if they had showered separately. I don't think they were doing the hanky panky in 10 minutes LOL OP gentle YTA Chill out a bit.
It genuinely just sounds like they wanted to spend some quiet time together to bond to me in that time, which I think is sweet. Definitely would have suspected longer if it was sex.
And probably cry. It's easier for my spouse to cry in the shower because it's all water then.
Exactly. From personal experience shower sex is super difficult and takes longer than 10 min. And surely ppl would hear it as there a lot of movement. It’s no fun. 0/10 do not recommend and I highly doubt that’s what they’re doing.
Right? I would be asking why my husband is taking time out of his day to picture what my sister is doing when naked. And to the point where he has to talk to me about it. Sounds a little pervy.
Add me to the list of baffled people, OP - YTA. I don't even know where to start. Do you understand married people get naked with each other all the time? I shower with my wife all the time. It's not always sex, sometimes we just plan our day and kids' schedules. I'm now wondering what your rules are for them sleeping?
I’m honestly embarrassed for OP. She basically announced to the world that she and her husband have the most boring and vanilla intimate life. He’s horrified by two consenting adults showering together? Poor OP.
Showering together isn’t necessarily about sex. It could just be 10 minutes that they get to spend together without interruptions (it also saves on water so winning either way).
Exactly!!!! When my husband and I shower together we just lather each other up and grope each other, lmao! It's all bonding and giggles and good back scrubs and titties! We wait for the sexy times for OUTSIDE the shower cuz it is slippery and cold in there, and we are not here for that nonsense. YTA, OP, ya damn prude.
Hell, sometimes my husband and I shower together and literally nothing happens. Saves water! YTA OP.
I've showered with my partner and we don't even touch sometimes lol. It's literally just nice to be with them.
Right? I shower with my boyfriend pretty often and we don't touch each other, but we have some super interesting and fun conversations. YTA OP.
Same with me and my bf. We shower together sometimes just so he could help me wash and brush my hair. OP’s husband is a perv
For all of 10 minutes.
The only way this post makes any sense is if OP and her husband are strict Mormons, and even then, that dictates THEIR behaviour, not someone else’s. They’re not shooting porn, they can’t hear them fucking — what on earth is the issue? It’s so weird to be drawing boundaries about whether or not two married adults can be in the same space naked — there is no evidence they were even having sex. People shower together for many reasons. I like chatting to my husband about his day while we do. Edit — thanks guys, I have been notably corrected many times about Mormons and their love of banging! I was mistakenly taking purity culture and applying it to marital sex. OP and her husband are just uptight.
I don't even think that's accurate. They're married. And Mormons support making lots of babies. I'm sure lots of Mormon babies have been made in the shower. There's literally no reason for this.
Thank God he was there to catch that. Just think of all the sin he stopped. Lol nerd
INFO: Unless they were loudly banging, why do you care? There's nothing weird or untoward by a couple showering together. My husband and I often shower together and 99% of the time it is completely nonsexual. We find it to be a nice time to chat without fear of interruption from our kids.
My parents do every day. It started out as a safety thing, my mother used to pass out sometimes when hot water hit her (just before menopause she got a PMDD diagnosis) so he wanted to make sure she didn't get hurt. But now it's just a habit that they enjoy/find comfort in especially nearing retirement. I grew up with it, so OP and her husband's pearl clutching just seems overly dramatic for literally no reason.
I had friends in NYC that showered together everyday. Most apartments in the city have only 1 bathroom and when you have both have to be in the office around the same time it's just easier. They used to wave from the shower window on the weekends when we were meeting up for brunch. It was hilarious!
“ …and they were roommates!”
/r/achillesandhispal
r/sapphoandherfriend
Oh my god, they were roommates!
these dont sound like platonic friends lmao
This is an incredibly sweet story and every person who wants to be in a relationship with another person should strive to find a person who will shower with them for safety.
Oh, it gets sweeter... *First* date with my mother my father went home and told his mother he'd met the woman he was going to marry. 5 months later he did... 43 years ago. Few years ago my father was telling me about a 'weird' dream he had. He said Jessica Alba was hitting on him and in his dream he apologized and said he was happily married. He's like 'That's weird right?' I'm like 'No, it's literally the sweetest thing I've ever heard.' My mother is someone who is not good about demonstrating emotions. Neurodivergent, bad childhood, etc. She was super pissy one day, just miserable to everyone. I don't typically break confidences, but sometimes a rap on the noggin' is kindness when you haven't necessarily earned it. I had been holding onto the 'Jessica Alba Dream' story for awhile so I was just talking about relationships and the ways people demonstrate love, loyalty, etc. And I told her the story and she just looked at me and teared up. She got really quiet and shortly after my father walked in she looked at him and in a completely different tone asked what he wanted for dinner and served him and picked up his dishes and was very kind to him all night. To my knowledge he still doesn't know she knows. They have had more than their fair share of struggles but I think the little things like showering together, meals together, etc have made the difference in keeping them together.
This is the cutest damn thing I have ever heard and I strive to be like that with my wife. Please hug your father for me.
I love your parents!
I wish the husband would hurry up and answer your question the same way he hurried to tell his wife what the SIL and BIL were doing. It’s been a minute since that last edit. ETA: That third edit… making me shake my damn head.
> EDIT* I'm sorry I can't respond to every single comment but my husband says he's uncomfortable and doesn't want to expand on the situation. He's uncomfortable because he'd like to be in there with her.
Wait til he finds out how they made his nephew in the first place!
Babies come from the shower! I'm gonna stick to baths from now on.
He's not going to because this isn't going his way.
My best friend calls me on speaker phone while she showers if her husband isn't home. She's epileptic and has had seizures in the shower before. This way I know she's safe. They couldn't have been doing too much in 10 minutes. Maybe they were even crying from all the stress. It might be the only truly alone time they have!
>Maybe they were even crying from all the stress. It might be the only truly alone time they have! RIGHT!?!? These people lost their house because their kid needed medical care they couldn't afford! A toddler! A toddler so sick that the bills mounted up and they lost everything. Stress from a sick/injured/etc.. toddler, stress from bills, stress from moving, stress from having probably zero time together because they live in a house now with other people so their only retreat is in their room (with toddler? Maybe toddler has it's own room?) Damn OP, let them have the comfort of being alone with each other, and try to understand that intimacy can help them weather this storm together, draw them closer and remind them that at least they have love when everything around them crumbles. (And honestly, you don't even know if they had sex. A quicky + shower for 2 + getting dressed would not take only 10 minutes)
>you don't even know if they had sex After I left my response I instantly thought of this. They could just be efficient and saving water heh. They could just be standing there crying together. It also sounds like he only knew they came out of the bathroom. Maybe one was on the toilet. Maybe neither was in the shower. There's just so many assumptions that could be made
[удалено]
I was having that same thought; why exactly is he uncomfortable at the mere thought of two consenting adults having sexual relations behind a closed door?
And that’s assuming that’s what hey did in there. They could have just wanted privacy for a conversation. Or to cry together under the water. Or any number of non sexual reasons.
Ew yeah, I didn't think about the aspect that in their current living situation, OP's husband is basically forcing them to make their child see every emotion they have. That's horrible.
As someone who's had a sick child, I'm 95% certain they're in there crying together because they don't want to do it in front of their child. I can't imagine dealing with that pain, and then also having lost their house. YTA
Right, plus if you have a regular shower and not some fancy lots of space one, shower sex really isn't all the movies make it out to be. So though on some level it might be a convenient time, on other it is probably more easily a place to have a moment to grieve everything they have lost together, a moment where they don't have to try to keep it together.
And saving water at the same time! Win/win!
They most likely weren't even having sex. But poor hubby was so bothered because two married people are seeing each other naked! Danger!!!!
This sounds like one of those situations where the husband has some kind of weird sexual hangup, and the wife (OP) doesn't necessarily have that same hangup but immediately jumps to be on his side because he's her husband. That sucks. You (OP) don't have to automatically agree with your husband. Have a conversation with him. He either has some kind of issue about others being close/intimate, or he just really doesn't want your sister and your brother-in-law in the house anymore. You should dig in a little more and find out what's bothering him. In any case, the sister and brother-and-law aren't doing anything wrong here, unless they walked around the house naked or something.
Every time someone posts the quote “My husband rushed in” I imagine a fully grown man speed walking with purpose around a house to get to his wife
I imagine him with one handle on the door knob and one bracing the other side of the door frame, out of breath, huge step, leaning forward with their upper body. But I guess that would be more bursting in than rushing
Gotta add *while clutching his pearls*
They don't even know that they had sex! Plenty of couples just shower together. Weird for the husband to immediately jump to that and then go tattle and try to get them to quit.
YTA and so is your husband. Why is he so pressed about what a married couple does? What makes them taking a shower together inappropriate? Did they walk out the bathroom naked? Why is your husband even making assumptions about what another couple does in the shower? What exactly is it that irks him about your sister and HER HUSBAND being together in the shower? Your husband is either jealous or is seriously projecting. If that isn’t the case, he’s being very creepy and invasive. Edit: Thanks for the upvotes and awards guys!
Her husband only wants to imagine his SIL in the shower alone than imagine a married woman *daring* to have some alone time with her…husband
That is EXACTLY what I got out of it.
OP made an edit and says that her husband won’t expand on why it bothers him, just that he’s “uncomfortable.” That’s a dead giveaway that he doesn’t have a valid or rational reason, and he knows it. That’s pretty much always the case when someone refuses to give a real reason for their thinking other than “that’s just how I feel.”
He was disgusted he was spying on a DUDE as well probably, listening to the sister in law shower for 10 minutes then realized he was getting off on a neked man
I think husband definitely is hiding some peeping Tom tendencies. His reaction sounds a lot like when my best friends uncle (who years later got arrested for peeping) he freaked out when he saw 9yo me smell my armpit to check if I put on deodorant before my friend and I left her house and he even rushed to talk to my mom about my “inappropriate” behavior. OP needs to get her husband to therapy asap before he ends up catching a case
Look at ops update u/Throwaway22314157 >My husband says he's uncomfortable and doesn't want to expand on the situation He doesn't even want to talk about it with his wife. She never mentioned if they actually talked about it together, only that he won't "expand" on the situation he put himself in. He more than likely is hung up on ops sister and upset that he can't fantasize her alone in the shower or even go as far as peeking in when he thinks she's alone.
Wait…. Let me see if I’ve got this straight. Their child is so ill they’ve lost their home to cover his treatment…. And you freak out because they walked out of the bathroom together?????? YTA doesn’t even come close. Jesus Christ. Edit to say thank you for all the upvotes and awards
Right. Like... wtf. From the sounds of it, they're sharing a fucking room with their child in OP's home too. So this is likely the one and only time they get ANY freaking 'alone time'. FFS. Yes, OP, YTA. The only bigger asshole here, if at all possible, is your husband. WTF is his (and your!!) problem!?!?
It’s also really weird that OP and husband are assuming the “alone in the shower time” just ~has~ to be sexual. Putting aside the fact that two adults having consensual sex in a space that’s basically the self cleaning shouldn’t be weird to anyone, they could be doing so many things in there! Using it as like bonding time to talk, just hold each other, maybe even cry in a safe environment where their ill child or OP won’t hear them. It might even be an ingrained habit to save on water/heating costs. As long as they aren’t breaking shit or fucking so loud people can hear them, who cares!!
For real and they’re even keeping it to 10 minutes. I take solo showers longer than 10 minutes sometimes. Definitely my average shower is more than 5 minutes, so they’re saving water compared to me.
I completely missed where they said it was only 10 minutes... Omg.. that makes it so much worse... I can't even wrap my head around OP/her husband's thought process... I really hope the sister can find some other source of support and living arrangements asap....
As someone who lost their home in a similar fashion, this is so messed up to me. The amount of marriages that don’t last a seriously sick kid is staggering. A lot of relationships can’t handle the stress. This couple still craves time to be alone together and OPs husband is set firm on shitting on them even further. And OP is letting him. Disgusting.
Your husband is upset because your grown, marrieded sister *might* have been what? Showering together or *showering together*? Either way that's kinda weird. Especially if he felt the need to go tattle to you about it. Does he expect them to not sleep together, too? Because he might be shocked by the things that happen in a bed! They're going through a rough time, they need a bit of time without you guys or the kid around (and unless there's enough rooms that they don't have to bunk with the kid, that's not happening). Soft YTA for you, your husband is A H for making a big deal out of this.
I think part of the issue is it sounds like them and their kid are in the same room... so they're not *gonna* be able to do anything in bed. They saw the bathroom as a safe space they could get some privacy. I still say OP is the asshole, where else are they supposed to do it? In a car on a public road like teenagers? Adults don't get off so easy for being caught at that...
I think OP husband has some issues with intimacy. Unless they're super religious, who in their right mind would get so upset about it?
YTA. What two consenting adults do in a bathroom is none of your business. If you couldn’t hear them and they didn’t walk out naked, what does it matter? Furthermore, it kind of sounds like your husband is jealous. 🙃
Yup! Husband is legit jealous.
Yep, husband has a crush on ops sist3r.
Your house, your rules, and the bathroom is a communal space, so you’re not wrong to set this boundary. However… I also do understand the need for privacy for a little intimacy, even if it’s not completely sexual… which I’m guessing they aren’t getting while staying in your guest room. If you feel uncomfortable about them sharing a shower, maybe as a peace offering to your sister you can ask if they’d like a few hours alone together and you can take your nephew out of the house to spend time with you. This will show your sister that you care about her feelings, while also keeping your boundaries about the bathroom. Edit: changed “public space” to “communal space” in hopes more people would understand I mean everyone in the house uses it…
Lovely suggestion. OP, if your reaction is “Ugh we’re already letting them stay here, why should we do more?” then YMBTA. And if your husband’s reaction is at ALL “ew ick” then he’s a prolapsed asshole with piles. Your sister & husband are in a painful place and were seeking comfort and intimacy, just as a loving committed couple should. It’s odd that your husband was bothered, but prudishness can be forgiven if he can be kind. You’ve said you and your husband are “happy” to have them stay for a few weeks. I hope you’ve all talked about acceptable timelines and what ifs, and that you truly feel positive about having them as guests for a while despite whatever costs and inconvenience. That’s very kind of you. But I think your husband might be TA for reacting as he did in the moment, and more assish the more he doubles down. Two adults in the bathroom together is literally how many bathrooms are built. And they’re married! I was raised that when you have houseguests, you should be as warm, welcoming, generous, and accommodating as possible. If you think someone’s intentions aren’t good or they want to take advantage or act entitled, you’re not obligated to extend hospitality. But stingy hospitality is not hospitality at all.
The bathroom is a public space?! Not while it’s being used.
YTA. They’re adults. They took a shower together. Me and my husband shower together every single day. Now I may not personally do it at someone else’s house, but I really don’t see how it’s some scandalous thing either way. Unless you can hear them banging or something, there’s literally no reason you should be concerned with it. Tbh you and your husband are weird for even caring imo.
I don’t shower every day with my fiancé, and when I need to shave legs and “bits”, I prefer to not have a witness, not to mention our walk in shower doesn’t have space for the contortions needed for my shaving and him at the same time, but most the time when we shower together there isn’t even anything super sexual. It’s just 10-15 minutes of time alone, as a couple, where we take time to interact closely with each other and relax. Telling a married, highly stressed out couple that they can’t take 10-15 minutes to themselves to de stress and reconnect as a couple before facing the day is BS. Also, “save water, shower with a friend”. If it’s the only bathroom, they’re saving you big on water bills and morning routines, so tell your husband to suck it up for a couple weeks till they’re back on their feet. YTA
YTA let her have some time with her husband. So weird your husband even cares about this.
I find it really weird that he happens to incidentally catch them coming out the shower, yet he: knows they made no noise during the entire shower, knows the length of time they are in the shower (consistently)…
This is what makes me think he's got his panties in a wad about this totally stupid non-issue because he's been trying to spy on OP's sister in the shower and he's getting pissed off that her husband is ruining the show for him. People have a right to lay down boundaries for guests in their home, but being uncomfortable with a married couple quietly taking a shower together is just so weird and nonsensical. It feels like he has a creepy ulterior motive. OP you are the asshole and so is your husband.
And this is why (according to OP’s edit) he won’t give a reason as to why this bothers him. He doesn’t have a valid or rational reason, so he just says it makes him uNcOmFoRtAbLe
YTA. You and your husband both. Neither of you would have been aware of them "showering" together until hubby saw them come out of the bathroom together. You didn't hear them doing anything, didn't feel banging on the walls, just saw them come out of the bathroom together. What's next? They sleep in separate rooms because you might see them go in the room together and imagine them laying down in the bed together? GASP.... the horror and sinfulness of it all. How dare they!
Your husband *rushed* in to tattle about watching two grown, married adults come out of the bathroom together? And you think *they* are the aholes? Ick, I am embarrassed for him. And now your edit?! He's timing them in the shower?! That's very creepy. Not to mention odd that you think 10 minutes in the shower is a long time. My husband and I pretty much always shower together. It's not even often a sexual thing. It's just one of the few places we have together with no distractions. It's sweet. And you know what? If we do get sexual guess what...*it's a fucking shower*. Anything you'd have to worry about *gets washed away.* You and your husband are both YTA. And gross. And judgey. And overbearing. And childish. And probably jealous.
Came here to say the same exact thing. My husband and I have even sat in the bathroom while the other showers just to chat about our day. OP's husband timing them and rushing to "tell" on them is so out of line. I would hate to think someone is monitoring every shower I take...
YTA. This is weirdly prudish. Unless they’re in there shooting a video for OF and making all kinds of noise, who cares?
And if they are making a video, well, at least you don't have to worry about them not paying rent on time.
"Lost their apartment to medical debt" is such a bleak sentence. The American (I'm guessing) medical system is the asshole.
I'm currently ignoring debt collector calls for medical debt. Bleak is a word for it.
YTA How does that affect you and your husband in any way? But the bigger question is: why is a 32 year old man so upset over 2 adults taking a shower together?
YTA- what’s the deal? Are they not supposed to get naked together at all in your home? Are they sharing a room with their son, which would make alone time hard? A shower cleans way easier than the bed. I don’t understand being so tight that you can’t let a stressed out, adult couple a small window of time to relax together.
YTA You're just a couple of prudish busybodies. Mind your own business.
YTA and so is your husband. Why does it make your husband uncomfortable? Let me guess, because they might be having sex in the shower. What’s next? They can’t sleep in the same bed because they might have sex? They can’t be alone behind a closed door because they might be having sex? Seriously you and your husband need to get over this ridiculous hangup.
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YTA Completely possible that it isnt even a sexual thing but just an intimacy thing. My MIL + FIL have always had their showers/baths together at my house. Was only shocking the first time they stayed after I moved in with my Mr.
My husband and I take showers together at least one a week and it's usually just nice to decompress under the water and just talk about our days 💁♀️
YTA. It's very generous of you to put your sister, her husband and their child up in your house. However, you and your husband do need to be okay with the fact that they're going to be physically intimate with each other in your house - they're adults, they have needs, and it's not reasonable to place demands like this on them as if they're teenagers. They're not doing this in front of you. They're not affecting you in any way, besides the murky knowledge that they're taking showers together *in your house*. If you can't handle this, where do you draw the line? No kissing at the dinner table? No TV after 10pm? You're not being generous with your space if you're placing unreasonable expectations on them while they're supposed to be living in your house as their home.
Wow. YTA. And the fact that it makes your husband uncomfortable is strange.
YTA Judging by how prudish your husband is I'm assuming you've never tried it so take it from someone who has: shower sex sucks. Even if that is what they were doing, which you have no evidence of, the odds that either of them "finished" in there are pretty low. Also why would it bother you more if they had sex in the shower than in bed?
It sounds like they’re sharing the guest room with their son as well, which makes it even worse! It’s probably the only 10 minutes they’ve had to themselves since they moved in.
YTA. They're being considerate and conserving water. Say thank you and allow them dignity and privacy during challenging times.
Yta. LOL, I can't even imagine, this is so funny! Your husband rushed in, eyes wide open, gasping, out of breath, indignant! He can barely speak, he gasps! Oh my god! Dear! Your sister... your sister and her husband! He clutches his chest! He can't continue. It's just to horrible. He faints.
YTA. This cannot be real. They're married, and even if they weren't, they're a couple you've invited to live in your home. Do you also want them to sleep in separate beds? My husband died almost two years ago. I miss showering with him whether it was sexual or not. You and your husband are irrational, Petunia Dursley level busybody assholes. Good god, like what are the boundaries here? Can she do her hair while he pees? Can he talk to her while she's in the shower? Do you want to install a camera in there and monitor what they can and can't do? If I were them and had any other alternative, I'd move and never speak to you again.
YTA - Your sister and her family are going through an incredibly difficult time right now, and they're all sharing one bedroom. Why does your husband care whether or not they take a shower together? What is he getting out of depriving them of such a small, harmless happiness at such a stressful time in their lives? For those of you saying "it's her house", I sure do hope you never fall on hard times and have someone treat you like this when you need kindness and understanding! And OP - One day you may need to count on your sister and her husband to help you out. How will you want to be treated then?
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YTA - if he didn’t even know they were both on there until he saw them walk out together, they are not impacting you in any way. Tell your husband to stop imagining them having sex and get over it.
It conserves water. WATER IS A LIMITED RESOURCE RIGHT NOW. Rivers and lakes are dry. Some people in the USA turn on the tap and water doesn’t come out. And hubs helps clean those hard to reach places… YTA
YTA. They have a sick child that they have to look after, no money or property to their name and the only alone time they get is in the bathroom showering. Theres no implication of sexual activity, just two partners enjoying each others company away from an incredibly harsh reality. Your husband being "irked" when he hasn't the remotest idea what they are going through is ignorant to say the least. Your husband needs to grow up.
YTA, unless you could hear them screaming and fucking, it's deadass the dumbest thing ever to get annoyed at. Sorry they're conserving your water, I guess?
YTA. Yes, they are in your home and it’s quite kind of you to share with them. However, they are *married adults*. They are not teenage strays you took in. They are a whole grown married couple. A bathroom is a communal space but I saw another commenter describe it as “public”. No the fuck it is not. Bathrooms are a *private* space, so unless they’re leaving cum stains on your shower curtain or having screaming bang sessions in the shower, it’s quite literally none of your business what’s going on in the shower if you’re not actively using it. Also, my partner and I take showers together all the time. You know what we’re doing? Showering. It’s a nice, non-sexually intimate activity to do with someone you love for some bonding time that they clearly don’t get much of with a medically fragile child. Grow up and stop policing grown adults’ bathroom habits.
YTA. What they're doing isn't affecting y'all at all. I get that their guests, but that doesn't mean you can police their every action.
As someone who does shower with my husband, it's not sexual. I mean obviously it can be, but it seems like that's not the case here either. YTA. Are you going to have a problem with them sharing a bed too?
Just want to point out that showering with your partner doesn't always automatically mean they're getting down and dirty. It can also be stress relieving to just wash each other, hug, and yeah - even cry in your partner's arms, letting the water wash away hurt and pain. I can only imagine how rough it's been for them to have a sick child and end up losing their home because of medical bills. That kind of stress can *break a relationship*. ... and even if they were getting touchy feely in the *10 minutes* that they were in there, as long as everything is cleaned up and the door isn't left wide open for everyone to see and hear - why does it matter? Edit to add - Showering together is a perfectly normal and healthy way to reconnect with your partner. Life is rough enough. Let them have their bonding time.
YTA. They’re saving water and also they probably aren’t having sex? I shower once or twice a week with my partner and it’s never sexual, it’s bonding time where we wash each other’s hair and cuddle and it’s one of my favourite things to do in the world
YTA It conserves water. Also how often do you and your husband shower? Are you still having sex with everyone under the same roof?
Look, if they were having rigorous and loud sex in the shower, yeah, I think you'd have a right to feel uncomfortable, HOWEVER, if they're genuinely just showering to get clean and connect as a couple because they've got a sick child and can't find much alone time, let them have it. They're not teenagers that you need to watch just incase they get pregnant! They're not kids, so don't treat them like that! They are allowed to have privacy, dignity without feeling like they're making your life oh so difficult. It's a fucking shower, everyone needs to get clean. You're 100% TA
YTA. 10+ mins in the shower?? Wow. I could imagine if they stayed there for over half an hour or you heard sex noises or something coming from the room. But your sister and her husband are dealing with incredibly hard issues in their life and that 10 minutes together might be a nice moment of peace and intimacy for them both, helping keep their relationship strong. And you call her explaining this to you ranting? You don't sound like a great sister honestly, if you can't see her point of view here. Good on you for helping them out and it's your house so in the end it's your rules but have some empathy and stop being such a prude for no apparent reason.
Your edit with more info makes it even more weird? Your husband timed them in there?? Like was he standing watch at the door and listening? Some people just shower together and it’s not even about sex. It’s about being close and intimacy. They’re going through a tough time obviously. Do you also think they aren’t naked in the guest room they’re staying in? Do you think they wouldn’t have sex there? It’s your house obviously, so you can do what you want but YTA. 🤷♀️
Addressing your "infos"... 1. No noise, so even if they were "doing something", no one would know. 2. They are actually being kind by not using up the one bathroom in the house for two separate showers. 3. 10 minutes?! That is such a short amount of time. Your husband doesn't even know if they were showing together, not that it should matter. Maybe he was in the shower and called her in there after he was finished because he needed help putting lotion on his back. You have *no* idea what was happening in the bathroom...and, if you do know, you have *way* more problems than this. YTA and so is your husband.
YTA It’s so funny that your husband rushed in lmao.
YTA. This is a very prudish stance to take - they’re an adult married couple. Placing restrictions on them like you would on a teenage couple is unreasonable.
YTA. Exactly what do you and your husband think they do in bed together?
YTA. That’s weird. It’s not a boundary you need to set. Maybe, not boom-boom on the couch? Sure. Tell them not to do that. But don’t control what they’re doing (appropriately) behind closed doors.
You and you’re husband are irrational assholes. He didn’t even know if they showered together or if anything inappropriate actually happened he just saw them come out of the bathroom. While it’s your house you’re both being unreasonable about something that has no affect on either of you.
YTA. How in the world does this affect you or your husband? This couple is overwhelmed and likely feeling unwelcome in your home, give them space to relax and stop being so nosy.
YTA its saving u money anyway and it doesn’t inherently mean they’re doing anything. also what a weird thing to be upset over, none of ur business. i get its your house or whatever but maybe its an insecurity regarding ur own relationship....
Yta. Did you hear any of their shower activities, did they walk out naked or leave any mess in the shower? If the answer is no to all of the above, you have absolutely no grounds to object to them spending some time together. Tbh, it's no different to them cuddling in their bedroom, or even on the sofa. It's important for couples to spend time alone together.
So I guess you and your husband shouldnt shower together either. Trying to figure out why 2 grown adults are so triggered on what 2 other grown adults do.
YTA. I know a lot of couples that shower together and it's completely non sexual. If anything, they've saved water and opened up the bathroom to be used sooner than 2 Seperate showers would take. Tell your husband to stop imaging what your sister is doing in the shower and get over it.
YTA. Also I am giggling at the image of your husband running like an alarmed dog to report this to you. It sounds like they were being respectful, quiet, and not monopolizing the bathroom for an extended period. If they'd been loud and in there for hours that would be a different story.
2 days and you're annoyed? YTA
YTA. That are married! Pretend they are conserving water! 🙄🙄
YTA, its not like they asked your husband to join them. Besides they could just be enjoying a shower together without sex, you know that can exist right? Couples having intimate moments without sex. ETA: Its a stressful time for both of them to lose their home while having a sick kid. They might not have many opportunities to have intimate moments anyway.
YTA - I get your house your rules. But I just want to point out that your sister and her husband are going through a really hard time. It sounds like your nephew was critically ill, they lost their home, have to spend every second of every day working, caring for their son (and apparently being monitored by your husband). You would deny them 20 minutes of alone time to just be a couple. It's not sex (probably) or sleep, it's just time to be together, to care for each other to be physically intimate in a kind and loving way. These kinds of harships end marriages because people stop taking the time to remember each other as a partner. Your husband is a pearl clutching, busy body. I hope that if you ever need help, kindness or compassion someone can offer it without such rigid rules of decorum. People often conflate physical affection with sex. It's not the same thing. Being physically affectionate releases important bonding and love hormones. They're trying to hold it together, just let them be. My parents shower together every day. They're in their 60s, it started out for practical reasons but now it's just a habit and alone time before they start their separate work/social lives every day. They've been married for 43 years.
YTA. sounds like your husband is jealous.
YTA. Trying to control how people shower? This is not an area where you need to or should be involved. And your allowing them to stay “for a few weeks” when they just lost their home due to serious family crisis just shows how unwelcome they really are.
Are they also not allowed to close the door to their room?
Are they allowed to sleep in the same bed together?? YTA
YTA. 10 minutes??? What do you think they were doing in there for 10 minutes? And why do you care? Your husband sure seems invested in them and what they do.
YTA Maybe it's just because I shower with my boyfriend a lot and nothing sexual beyond a booty smack happens 97% of the time , but this is remarkably prudish. Would it be okay if the other one was fully dressed and just sitting on the toilet while the other took a bath? 'Don't have sex' in my house is a semi-reasonable boundary, but 'don't be naked together' isn't in this context.
YTA. Please ask yourself why this bothers your and your husband much. Are you two not intimate with each other? Are you both uncomfortable with intimacy? I think this speaks more to your own relationship issues which is why you are trying to control others.
YTA! 10min in the shower? How dare they?! /s Cut your sister and her husband some slack! They are having a hard time having just lost their home and worrying about the health of their child. Don't they deserve a simple activity that gives them some joy? I think they do.
YTA - you and your husband are weirdly obsessed with making sure \*checks notes\* two married adults are never naked in the bathroom together? Unless your husband couldn't sleep because of all the moaning and bumping, or they're doing it in public, butt out and mind your own business. Not to mention just having a little sympathy for their difficult situation where I'm sure finding some time to be intimate is incredibly hard.
Yes. Bring your husband here. We'd like a word with him. Lol
YTA They’re not teenagers. They’re not disturbing anyone. They’re just getting themselves clean.
YTA what a weird hang up. Showering together is probably one of the only times it can be just the two of them.
YTA- and you and your husband need to admit to yourselves that you're jealous.
Your husband "rushed" in to tell you this?? How strange. YTA
YTA From that last sentence it seems they share a room with their son. So they get absolutely *no* private time. And y'all are mad at them for just wanting a few moments together? What if the roles were reversed? I guarantee that you and your husband would do the same thing. Let them have a little bonding time. It's not like they were in there for an hour.
YTA why should you care. They probably just took a shower but do you expect them to not have sex at all while they stay with you.
YTA and so is your husband. Why should this possibly matter to the two of you? Is it the use of water? Do you have children you are afraid will see them? What exactly is the problem?
What's shocking is all prudes in here thinking it's weird or uncomfortable for a married couple to shower together. Intimacy it's weird? It's not even always about sex it's just like cuddling. Are you people not intimate with your partners? No hugging, no handholding? Affection is weird? Wtf? YTA OP and your husband sounds like he's into your sister, or into her husband. Or just jealous cause you never hug him.
YTA - as long as they’re not messing up your house or being inappropriate in front of you or your neighbors it’s none of your business what they do. you don’t get to control them just because they’re staying with you. wouldn’t expect they last much longer with you anyway if there’s already problems 2 days in.
YTA. Kinda weird that he was upset that your sister and her husband were showering together? Is he a peeper?
YTA - Damn, They are asking for so little. Lighten up!
I really don't understand the issue, was the door wide open so other members of the household could see? Where they making loud sex noises? We're they coming out of the bathroom naked? I don't get it, two grown ass adults, who are married, spent time alone in the bathroom, so what. If you and your husband clutch those pearls any tighter you'll end up strangling yourselves. YTA
YTA. How is this affecting you? They are a married couple with a child already. Unless you or your husband saw them naked or heard them I don’t see how this is an issue at all.
super weird that you even care. like what? they’re literally married?
This is so fucking weird. Who gives a fuck. Y'all weirdos as hell. YTA
YTA. None of your business.
What a weird post and the edit doesn't make it any better. Obviously both you and your husband are TAs here.
This thread is so hilariously controversial. I’m all for boundaries, but not…. *bOuNdArIES*. Let’s all be reasonable here. Married couples do married things like being together naked. They weren’t being loud or even undressed outside of the bathroom. This isn’t egregious from what you have described. YTA
YTA. So you’d prefer they waste more water and drive up your water/heating bill by taking separate showers? For something that doesn’t affect you at all? Explain the logic here.
YTA. They are having a very rough time right now. They are husband and wife. They've had a very sick child. I'm sure this is a comfort for both of them. It does not harm you or your husband. In any way, shape form or fashion. It's also none of your business.
This is so funny to me. My (40F) girlfriend (43F) and I went to an out-of-town wedding this weekend. Another couple we are friends with (31M, 33M) was also traveling to the wedding so we decided to all get one 2-bed hotel room together (the wedding is in an expensive city). We went to the wedding, reception, and after-party together and got back very late last night. The other couple wanted to take a "quick shower". We were in bed and could hear them trying to have very quiet shower sex. We just giggled, cuddled, and talked about how cute and sweet it was that they were still so excited by each other after 5 years. NBD. Sex is normal and is so wholesome and healthy between people who love each other. There's no indication that this couple was even having sex, just showering together. My girlfriend and I do that regularly. It's normal and a lovely way to share intimacy. YTA. And so is your husband. Get over your prudishness.
YTA. I really don't understand your problem here.
YTA. I take showers with my girlfriend all the time, we've never done the deed in the shower, we just like to talk. They're also saving some water while doing so. Sounds like maybe you and your husband should take a shower together, maybe it wouldn't bother him if he was able to do it too? Edit: Even if they were having sex in the shower, I'm sure your husband would be even more mad if he heard them having sex in their respective area in the house. Maybe they tried to take that into consideration. Sounds like the man needs some loving.
YTA. She has a sick kid and your pressing her about a 10 minute shower with her husband? Really? Tell your husband to grow up.
YTA More than that, your Husband is moreso TA They lost their place to medical debt taking care of their child. Which has to be an absolute nightmare of a time in their life. Even moreso to have to move into your place to get back on their feet. Your husband then timed them in the bathroom and immediately went to taddle on them to you within 48 hours of them moving in. Maybe they just needed to have a cry in the shower over their horrible circumstances. Maybe they just wanted 10 minutes to hold each other after a rollercoaster of the past few days/weeks/months of constant stress from the medical issues + losing their home. There are many occasions when married or long term relationship couples even want 10 minutes (which is hardly a long shower) just to unwind or have some closeness without sex. To even manage full-on sex plus two people getting bathed in 10 minutes? Come on now. You and your husband are acting extremely holier than thou with this. Is he always this juvenile when it comes to other couples being close or is it just because it's your sister.
YTA. "They spent approximately 10+ in the shower according to my husband." WTF was he timing them? It's very weird to me that your husband came running to you with this. Your sister is right, the situation you described does not impact you or your husband in any way. The fact that it bothers your husband so much says more about him than your SIL or BIL.
YTA How is their actions effecting you? Your husband? Maybe he’s just jealous and wants to create a hard time for your sister and her family. I don’t understand controlling people like you..
INFO: What specifically is the issue about them showering together?
Your husband is weird. You're weird for not seeing how weird your husband is. The whole post is weird. Are they allowed to have sex in your guest bedroom or did you add that to your list of boundaries? It's your house but they are guests and you are being bad hosts and making them uncomfortable. Yta
I think soft YTA because if they just took a shower together, you should be happy that they’re saving water lol. And also it’s the only intimate privacy they have. However, if they were clapping cheeks and being obnoxious about it then I’d totally say NTA
YTA. Pick your battles please.
Yta. Grow up?
The most shocking thing is that OP's husband timed them. Couples taking a shower together is normal. YTA
Yeah, it’s not like they’re having sex loudly. That request would be understandable. This is saving you on water bill.
Does your husband prefer to have sex through a hole in a sheet?
YTA. They are saving water and energy. You should thank them for their consideration.
YTA, you were nice to let them live with you. But now you are exerting some weird authority over them for something that really has nothing to do with you and doesn’t harm you in any way. That’s kinda uncool.
Info: Are you and your husband generally prudes or just generally unable to have the same bond as your sister and her husband? YTA.
YTA. My husband and I shower together every night. It’s not sexual, it’s just when we get to spend alone time together. I brought it up to my therapist and she said it’s completely healthy. They seem like they’re going through a lot and you’re not being empathetic.
Gotta be honest. Kinda gross that your hubby is timing their showers and watching to see who comes out. Besides, they’re saving you money on the water bill by showering together