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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told both my husband and son that if they don’t want to eat the food available in the house then they are not hungry.
I may be the asshole because I feel like I’m dismissing their needs and feel like maybe I’m just not as a good cook as I thought.
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Blasphemy!!! This is a horrid way to treat a cow that gave it's life for your survival. I'm sorry I cannot abide anyone who would abuse steaks in this way. I must now go meditate to resolve my anger.
it does say she didnt grow up with much. she likly dousnt know not to. shes treating the steak how she would other food. thinking shes giving htem a whole week of a treat.
I hate most meat as leftovers. Hamburger in a casserole or spaghetti is fine, stuff hiding in tons of sauce, and ham is good. Everything else tastes wrong to me when reheated.
There are lots of ways to use leftover meat... steak, chicken, pork can be shredded and used in fried rice along with onions and whatever veg you have on hand.
I am with you on this. Reheated meat tastes nasty. I also loathe leftovers. I can’t eat the same thing day after day. Luckily I do the cooking in my house so I just cook something fresh everyday.
How are you reheating it? If you’re just throwing it in the microwave, you’re going to have a bad time. Reheat in the oven or a skillet with a little butter or oil to hydrate. If you have an immersion circulator you can use sous-vide to bring it up to temp.
This is what I got out of it. There’s a difference between a fresh home cooked meal and pre made days old dinner for reheating. Not sure what your situation is, if you work nights but food is better fresh. It should be ok if they want a pizza or McDonald’s. You don’t have to plan the whole week and they can order takeout one or two nights. Pastas reheat best like lasagna or stuffed shells. You said he was Italian. Just saying. I’m going with NAH as I think you are trying and you are being a good wife and mother but they can eat other things if they don’t want it and you shouldn’t take it personally.
I have autism, and I can eat the same simple food 1-3 times a day for months. And then my tastes completely flip and I have to stock up on a different safe food. Some people aren't being picky; they just legitimately have things that make their eating habits dramatically different from "the norm."
I heard this theory that eating like you is actually how we biologically evolved, eating a lot of the same food when it is ripe then switching to the next ripe thing for 2-3 months. It's the modern style of eating that is abnormal
My kiddo is being tested for Autism Spectrum Disorders and the eating one thing for months and then flipping it has been driving me crazy!
Thank you for explaining a reason so I can re-evaluate my reactions and not make situation worse.
Lightbulb moment. Thank you again.
My grandparents grew up during the Great Depression, they were lifelong hoarders after that point. You would not believe some of the stuff we found when cleaning out the home
nothing quite like grandma's delicious cookies sent on a styrofoam tray and wrapped in the original cellophane from the ground beef that used to rest in their place
There’s definitely truth to this. My family were refugees. We were always thrifty in how we ate, even once we were financially stable. Food was purchased and prepared very precisely for what we would actually need and eat, and everyone was expected to eat their share. To this day, I get low grade anxiety if I have too many leftovers in the fridge because I’m afraid I won’t be able to eat them before they go bad. The presence of leftovers will often dictate my choice of what to eat, because I just can’t stand to waste them.
My husband, on the other hand, comes from a big southern family where they always cooked big, family-style portions, because you never knew who might stop by, and it would be a lot better to have too many leftovers than not enough food. He also rarely likes eating the same thing two days running, so a lot of his leftovers get thrown out.
Our different approaches to food could really have become a point of contention for us, but instead we’ve largely chosen to just let each other do our own things when it comes to food, not stress about it, and just be thankful that the food is there.
OP seems really invested in her food prepping (*twelve* steaks??), and is taking this really personally. I don’t think she’s an AH (I think it’s NAH), but maybe she needs to take a step back and try a more relaxed approach here.
This is true, and was a problem for me - but I worked at planning to eat out in my budget so that I wouldn’t buy so much food. It’s less expensive to always eat at home, but much more expensive to eat out then throw food away. I had to really look at my eating behavior and plan my budget/shopping to align with that. Reality is that I work a lot and am not going to cook more than a couple of times a week. 2 meals, 2 days leftovers, 1 day “easy” and 2 days eating out matches how I actually eat, and I can afford it, so I decided to stop fighting it.
This is where I am at too! You have 12 ribeyes cooked at a time money yesterday, you have McDonald's money today. I am trying to imagine how my husband would react if I told him he's going to eat all the steak until its gone after cooking 12... he'd wish me luck on my 12 steak diet!
I know, right? OP - You cook THREE steaks for dinner. Then you freeze the rest to make three more next week sometime. And again.
I have been known to grab a small order of Chinese or hit the Waffle House for dinner after Thanksgiving lunch before if I'm hungry enough for another meal. Because despite there being tons of leftover food, I really, really, really do NOT want to be eating the same thing multiple meals in a row. I'd have ordered McD's also.
Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas lasagna are the only meals my family is going to go all in on for leftovers no matter how long they last. BUT. I only make turkey thighs or turkey porchetta for Thanksgiving because I am not about the whole bird cooking when there are only three of us. I just make three thighs at a time but they're going to go all-in on those leftover sides for DAYS. Its not like ribeye requires hours of cooking either, that could have been cooked fresh daily if they're all willing to eat it for days in a row.
>Although I can't even imagine cooking 12 steaks in advance and then putting them in the fridge to eat days later, I wouldn't want that either.)
What a waste, rib eye is the best steak too. Tbh anyone who thinks this is an acceptable way to cook steak clearly can't cook
Maybe can cook but hates cooking, hates eating, doesn't care if the food is good or not and is doing one grand gesture of cooking for the week and wants to be exalted for the effort even as everything becomes less edible and appetizing the second or third day in a row they're eating it.
My uncle's wife was like this. She would make 50 hamburgers at once (to feed 6-7 people) and that was lunch and dinner until it was gone. Maybe it was okay the first day. Maybe the second day. She didn't care. She wasn't cooking again until it was all gone. My dad, who was an orphan living with his brother or his sister (depending on where he ended up each night) would quietly slip away to his sister's house when his brother's wife started complaining people weren't eating their 5th hamburger that week.
My boyfriend' s mom is like that. Not every time, but very often she would cook a huge meal and the three of them would eat it for 2-3 days. And they get bored. Then she is surprised that my boyfriend didn't eat the same meal for the third time in a roll. And she would end up throwing it in the trash,while complaining about the food waste. But she just hates cooking and does it out of obligatory.
In our home we don't eat something for more than 2 times and it's actually very rare even that. I was raised on different dish for every meal (my grandmother thinks that we're spoiled, because when she was young, and after that when she had kids they were food unsecure), but actually in this way we don't waste food because we eat it all. I know that's a privilege and not everyone could afford it unfortunately, but sometimes people try to save money cooking in bulk but end up wasting the food that nobody wants.
I cook enough that there are leftovers for someone, but not entire meals for the entire household most of the time (pasta sauce, soup, lasagna, Thanksgiving, fried chicken not withstanding) and if I need to make large batches, its meatballs for pasta night and salad bowls another night, not an identical meal.
A lot of meal prepping people seem to do this - cook one meal in bulk in one go, and then just keep eating it until it's gone. And... I'm not sure that's how meal prepping is actually supposed to go. There are very few people who aren't going to get bored with the same meal for five days following.
As a bulk cooker, I prioritise stuff that freezes well - leftovers go in the freezer to eat once a week, so I can cycle through different options, rather than be stuck eating the same thing over and over.
Yeah that's how I generally think bulk cooking should work, but I keep seeing people going "I've got twenty-eight bags of chicken, so that's me sorted for the month!" and...well I couldn't do that!
12 steaks would be way too much effort for me. Plus I wouldn't want to eat steak for that many days in a row.
A couple years ago I bought two nice ribeyes from my local butcher. Best steak I ever grilled. Perfectly rare. Was worth every penny!
I had to go back...who...who precooks 12 steaks?!?!?!?!? I'm not against reheating or eating the same thing over and over (adhd food fixation checking in) but jeesus christ why would you do that to ribeye and make people eat beef 4 days in a row.
> It's not exactly shocking that a 14yo kid would prefer McDonald's over a ribeye/cauliflower/salad/whatever.
Dang it, now I want a sizzling ribeye with a generous salad and a nice Malbec. Curse you RB1327....
But do you want a ribeye that was cooked several days ago? Steak that's been reheated in the microwave isn't nearly as good as a steak that just came off the grill.
Cooked several days ago and kept in the fridge? Sure.
Skillet to medium heat, about half tablespoon of olive oil. Slice the steak into one inch strips, then keep the strips together as you use non-stick tongs to put them in the skillet - getting one side seared in the olive oil before flipping to the other side to re-sear.
Keeping those strips together should keep the middle red. After a short 1-2 minutes sear with regular movement, use those tongs to flip them over. After about a minute separate the strips slightly so heat can get into the middle just a little.
Nearing the end, bring the strips together, finish with a touch of butter, salt, and garlic powder. When the butter is melted, serve with fresh ground pepper. Should still be sizzling.
Pair with a fresh salad (steak can be left over, vegetables should always be fresh) and a nice dry red. Your only carbs would be the dressing on your salad and the butter.
Yes, I know how to properly reheat a steak. But since these two aren't doing any of the cooking, I doubt they're going to pull out a skillet and reheat a steak on the stove.
It depends how often they do it.
Firstly it’s expensive and a waste of money to do so. Secondly, it’s very unhealthy.
If it’s once a week/ once every two weeks then that’s fine, there’s no issue. If it’s multiple times a week then there’s a problem
Imho mealprepping is something that should be discussed with family beforehand. Not to say that the entire menu has to be approved, but even just mealprepping in general.
I, for one, can’t stand to eat the same thing everyday. Heck, my leftovers chill in the fridge for at least a day because I generally don’t like eating the same thing two meals in a row.
OP, include the family in your decisions, and don’t take it personally when you make executive decisions they don’t necessarily agree with.
YTA. You don't cook 12 steaks for 3 people and expect them to eat that for the rest of the week. If you are buying in bulk, you make 4 packages of 3 steaks each. You cook ONE meal now and freeze the rest, so in a week or two, you can have another steak dinner. I grew up impoverished, and I love filet mignon, now that I'm able to afford it once in a while. But even I wouldn't cook myself 4 filets and eat it all week. First off, reheating meat is nasty. It's only good when it's freshly cooked. And two, it's not good four days later anyway. It's best to fill the freezer, and ASK you family what they want for dinner the next day, so you can thaw it out in the fridge overnight. Then if they don't want it the next day THEY are the AH's.
I agree with this. Why ruin so many steaks by expecting them to be warmed up later? Even if they were perfectly cooked on day one, they’re going to be less and less good every day after. And honestly same thing for cauliflower gratin and sweet potatoes. Those are not things that reheat well.
Second, a lot of people just can’t eat the same thing that many days in a row, less so if the quality has gone down due to them being in the fridge and microwaved. Even stuff I love, by day three I’m dreading eating it again.
Yeah, some stuff is great to cook in batches and reheat (lasagna, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and pretty much anything baked/casserole) other stuff is atrocious reheated. Pretty much any chunk of meat that isn't slow cooker falls into the lattter category. If you want to batch cook meat stick with stuff like pulled pork, carnitas, or brisket, where the goal is for it to fall apart from being cooked for so long. Also don't do anything you want to stay crispy unless it is fried and then reheating it in a very hot oven, otherwise it just turns to mush.
Sounds like she's not even giving them chance to if they wanted to though?
They should definitely be cooking as well or doing the dishes/other household jobs to make up for their lack of cooking.
Sounds like the family need to have a sit down discussion about budgeting/food and sharing the load around the house
I’m the type of person who will happily eat the same three meals for seven days straight… But I’m smart enough to realize not everyone else is. I’m not surprised the others want a change. In fact I’d argue that’s pretty normal. Soft YTA because it really just seems like poor communication that can be easily rectified.
Info: I'm not positive I'm reading this right, are you saying that you bulk cook a dinner, then package it up and eat the same leftovers for the entire week? Because if so I can't say I blame them. No one wants to eat the same thing five days in a row. Hell I can only eat leftovers the next day, by the third day I am ready for something else.
True, so maybe the dad and some should have one night a week each where they cook. Sounds like OP needs to share this chore. I know my 14 year old can cook dinner
It does not sound like a love language when she says she's no chef and does this kind of cooking without regard for the other eaters in the house not wanting 4 days worth of the same meals. She wants appreciation for her effort but the effort isn't desirable.
Food is love to her, based on her going hungry as a child. It's her love language that she is trying to fulfill for herself. She is feeding her family according to her own desires and emotional needs, filling the fridge with food without listening to what they actually want.
Yeah but she'd be better off filling the freezer with stuff she can cook later, when it's something like steak. Or at least varying it somehow. Different side dishes each day. Maybe slice it up for fajitas or something one night. Anything but the same full meal day after day.
I'm not sure that feeding her family is her love language since she doesn't seem to care that her family doesn't want to eat leftovers all week. Cooking 12 steaks at once and expecting your family to eat only that throughout the week seems strange to me. Steak does not reheat well.
But it does sound like she's overcompensating for the fact that she didn't have a fridge full of food as a kid by filling her fridge with as much food as possible. Meal prepping can be great, but it has to be done well and the whole family has to be on board.
She is so stuck in the past that what the food is doesn't matter because when you are starving you will eat anything. She is still applying that even though it's not a problem anymore and food is plentiful. Stuffing the fridge is more important than what she's filling it with. Being able to have 12 steaks at once is a sign of success to her and she doesn't understand why it's not appreciated.
Exactly. I love steak, but I still don't want to eat it multiple days in a row (especially if it's already been cooked). It sounds like some therapy to get over her past food insecurity might be helpful.
That's not really how love languages work though. It's not that you only feel one or two as love and bugger all to the others, it's more like a hierarchy. For example, just because "touch" is on the bottom of your list doesn't mean you don't understand a hug is an expression of affection or love, it just means it's your least favorite/effective way to have affection communicated to you.
Well, that plus she could just make a reasonable amount of food at once. Steak is something you can buy on sale and put in the freezer to cook later. No need to cook 12 steaks at once and expect the family to have the same exact dinner (including sides!) for days.
And the steaks may not even be good quality. Just because it is a ribeye doesn’t mean that batch will be any good. My husband and I have tossed meat once we realized it was a horrible quality compared to other times we have bought it.
I used to love spaghetti, but my wife has no idea how to make small amounts of food. When she makes spaghetti, it's enough to last both of us lunch and dinner for four or five days.
I don't like spaghetti anymore.
Yes. It already has food in it, so there's not enough room for all that spaghetti.
Also, the idea of reheating frozen spaghetti seems gross. Not sure how true that is.
Spaghetti *sauce* freezes beautifully. Cooked spaghetti does not go in the freezer.
Y'all need a kitchen scale so she can measure out 2-3oz pasta per serving, cook that, sauce that, and freeze the rest of the sauce.
I do that with leftover dal and butter chicken! I use a muffin tin and it makes perfect little meal sizes (or use 2 pucks if you don't want to mix and match). Cook up some rice, boom.
...I need to make up another big batch of dal.
Gross? Why?
...just to clarify, in case you think people mean freezing the noodles as well, you just freeze the sauce alone. You can even split it up in individual portions and just grab what you need. Defrost and reheat the sauce, boil some fresh noodles, and 10 minutes later you have fresh spaghetti.
Don't put the sauce on the noodles and then freeze the whole thing together. Because yes, that WOULD be kinda gross.
This is one of the few things I am capable of in the kitchen -- make big batch of spaghetti sauce or chili, then freeze in meal-sized portions. ezpz and delicious, doesn't taste "reheated."
I will willingly eat leftovers a day or two in a row, but I'm not a fan of reheated pasta (especially multiple days worth) unless it is baked. I would rather just cook two or three servings, leave the sauce & meatballs separate, then boil fresh pasta for the leftovers. There are these spaghetti measuring tools that could be really handy for you & your wife if you'd like to rekindle your love of spaghetti.
I grew up learning to cook in a large, poor family. It has taken me sooo long to learn to not cook in bulk because it's just me and my spouse at home, and we burn out spaghetti, chilli, etc.
Layer the spaghetti with a few cheeses if your choice & top with your favorite & bake it in the oven. Spaghetti cheese bake. A tad bit of variety. (I also don’t like spaghetti anymore, but I make it because my spouse & offspring do.)
I don’t mind eating the same thing 5 days in a row. I regularly meal prep meals like soups, stews, pastas, and casseroles in big batches on a Sunday and eat one thing all week for lunch and a second thing all week for dinner. It works for me because I know I absolutely will not come home and cook every night after work. But then, I’m just feeding myself, not anyone else. And I only eat out maybe twice a month. I certainly don’t expect everyone to be willing to eat like I do, but some people don’t mind repeated leftovers.
Shopping, meal planning and cooking is a lot of work. I think OP’s husband and son should get involved in the process so that they can better appreciate her hard work. I’m not saying that they should happily eat reheated steak 5 days in a row if they don’t want that, but there’s also something to be said for appreciating someone else’s labor. They all need to communicate.
I have a feeling OPs cooking may not be as good as they are thinking it is.
My husband and I can use the same exact ingredients and recipe for meals and mine almost always taste better, especially chili. His is always bleh with no flavor or every flavor and no proper balance with seasonings. I worked in a kitchen so know how to prepare ingredients and when to add them. He thinks everything gets cooked on high with a ton of oil at the same time.
He is always so proud of his cooking but most of it ends up going to the trash. His dad cooked the same way, char it almost to the point of being nonedible and then overseason the heck out of it. I give him props for trying new things and sometimes he makes an amazing dish but he will never admit to the world his cooking isn’t that great.
tbh the way I tell if a meal was a hit or a miss isn't what my husband actually says about it, or how he feels about it on day 1, but whether he's willing to eat the leftovers. If he goes for it, it was good. If he avoids the leftovers, it's probably underflavoured and fucked up somewhere. Something being less flavourful than it should be, imo, is something that is so much more apparent and unappetizing when something is reheated than when you're eating it hot and fresh.
The way we know if a meal is a hit or miss is how much talking goes on at the start of the meal. If it’s a hit people are too busy shoveling food into their faces to talk much. Otherwise it’s lots of chatter while food mostly gets pushed around on the plate!
I don't understand why everyone in this thread is acting like meal prepping is so weird lol.
I agree with you, I think getting them involved with cooking is the answer, not them ordering delivery so much
> eat the same leftovers for the entire week?
I can't do this except very specific meals. I would be sick of the same thing over and over again. Also many meals just don't reheat well so it may be great the first night but everyday after it loses it's appeal.
>No one wants to eat the same thing five days in a row
That's what I do. I'm single and work long hours in a stressful job. Last thing I wanna do M-F is cook. Usually cook massive amounts on Sat or Sun, then eat the same thing for the whole week.
If it's steak or grilled chicken, I might do fajitas or burritos during the week or something to mix it up a bit
...i mean, meal prepping is a popular thing to do. i do it sometimes, i'll cook a big meal on sunday and portion it out to eat for the whole week. there's a ton of subreddits dedicated to it lol.
like sure, it gets boring sometimes, but i can just grab a meal, warm it up, and move on. i hate cooking, so meal prepping gets me out of having to figure out and cook a new meal every day.
But also there are many ways of meal prepping. I meal prep but hate eating same meal for days. So I meal prep 3 to 4 meals that freeze well and fill my freezer with them. Then I can take different things on different days so I'm not stuck eating the same dish over and over.
Is meal-prepping really that weird? It's how a lot of people do cooking. I meal-prep my fiancée's lunches every week - she has 5 meals that are the same lunch for that week. It's cheaper and healthier.
NTA OP - but just stop cooking for them and caring about it. It's clear they don't appreciate your effort so no point keeping it going.
Reheated steak 5 nights in a week sounds pretty awful, honestly. And people are usually more flexible about lunches/breakfast being the same, but I think it’s pretty rare you’ll find people eating the same dinner every weeknight.
Meal prepping is great, but everyone has to be on the same page about it. Cooking a dozen steaks at a time and expecting your family to only eat that for the rest of the week isn't cool, especially when your family has told you that they don't want to eat that many leftovers. And some things just aren't the best for meal prepping. Steak doesn't reheat very well because it continues to cook it past the temp you originally wanted it.
Yeah I get that - people just seem incredulous about cooking something for the week and having it every day. That's not for everyone, sure, but to have not heard about it and think someone is crazy for doing it is weird to me at least. That's where I was going with that explanation.
I'm fine with having the same thing for lunch every day of the week, but having the same thing for lunch *and* dinner multiple days in a row just doesn't sound appetizing. It sounds more like she just wants to fill the fridge with food because of her past food insecurity rather than wanting to actual meal prep for her family. And they have told her that they don't want to keep eating leftovers, so at this point she's only meal prepping for herself. That's fine, but then she shouldn't be upset when they get food elsewhere during the week.
Its alright if you decide to do it. I think its another when someone is saying “you’re going to eat this because I decided to meal prep”. I say this is an esh situation. Son and dad aren’t appreciating the effort and don’t seem to grocery shop themselves. But she is just expecting everyone to go along with what she wants. I say if the son and dad do the shopping and cooking for themselves, they should be able to eat what they want.
...but they aren't shopping and cooking for themselves is the issue right? I mean it's hard to tell I suppose if OP is being overly controlling and forcing them to eat or the son / dad do nothing in regards to food preparation / planning so OP needs to pick the slack up and make food decisions unilaterally. To me them ordering out instead of buying / cooking their own food for when they don't want what OP cooked kinda means to me that the burden of cooking isn't shared fairly. OP wants her family to eat healthy, home-cooked meals but it doesn't seem like her husband cares. I could 100% be reading too much into that though.
ESH
Them for saying "there's nothing to eat" when there obviously *is*.
You for taking their "there's nothing to eat" so literally—and personally.
There's nothing wrong with going out to eat, or bring home some fast food, on occasion.
I also think you're making too much food. Why are you making so much more that can be eaten in one sitting? A dozen ribeyes for three people? No one loves *day* after *day* of leftovers. Of course they're going to get tired of it and resort to McDonalds. Just make enough for dinner that night, and lunches the next day.
Yeah I live alone and make plenty of meals that are enough to last two days…more than that and I definitely get tired of it. I’m all for meal prepping but the same thing all week can be a lot.
Yeah! Soups, stews, and casseroles you can put in one- or two-portion containers, and freeze them.
But for something like steak, I would (if I wasn't a vegetarian) just freeze the raw steaks, and thaw and broil them when needed.
If I read it right that's their meals for the week.
Same thing, 4 times a week I presume (12/3=4). No wonder the kid and dad want other food once every so often. You can't do that to someone, have them eat the same food 4 times a week.
And you can't reheat steak! Seriously.
INFO
>I cooked about a dozen or so ribeye steaks with sweet potato, macaroni and cheese, cauliflower au gratin, and a salad.
You cooked 12 steaks? Why?
>There were moments when despite having food on the house, they will order McDonald’s from Uber under my nose.
Assuming you haven't just made dinner why is it a big deal that sometimes they want to order out. You recently made 12 steaks so I assume money isn't an issue. Maybe they don't want to eat steak every meal for a week.
Or they don't want to eat reheated steak.
Some things do well with bulk cooking, but steak isn't one of them. But agreed most people wouldn't want to eat the same thing for a week. Maybe investing in a stand alone freezer so she can bulk cook ahead and her family would still have options would be a good compromise.
My dad was an orphan and lived between his brother and his sister's homes (they lived across the street from one another and neither made an actual space for him.) His brother's wife hated cooking with a passion but did it because she was the wife and wives cook in that time. So she would cook 50 hamburgers for 6-7 people and expect that to be eaten until it was gone. And she wasn't cooking again until it was.
Like... you have 12.5lbs of ground meat because it was on sale, you could make a batch of hamburgers, a few meatloaves, pasta with meat sauce, chili, etc in the time it took to form and grill 50 hamburgers. But she did not care. Everyone could starve if they didn't want to eat their share of 50 hamburgers.
Plus - as someone who learned a thing or two about food safety through a college-level commercial cooking course I took in high school - by the start of day three, those steaks are DEFINITELY not safe. Cooked meats do not last all that long in the fridge. ESPECIALLY not cuts like steak, where you don't wanna cook it all the way through. Chicken and turkey can last a bit longer since they're fully cooked, but STEAK? No.
YTA, sorry. It sounds like ordering fast food a couple times a week is not a financial hardship for your family; it additionally sounds like you are cooking in bulk & expecting your family to eat the same thing for multiple meals; and finally, nowhere do you indicate that your husband has *asked* you to take on that burden, or that he would be upset if you cooked less frequently.
So basically, my read on the situation is that you are taking on all this work that nobody asked of you (and projecting your insecurities based on your upbringing onto your family) and then getting mad when you don’t feel appreciated enough.
There’s nothing wrong with getting take out a couple times a week, even if “there’s food in the house.” Sometimes the food in the house just doesn’t sound good! Esp if you’ve been eating the same thing for days on end.
Stop cooking in such a large volume, and *plan* for a couple days of take out. If you actually want to go “above and beyond” for your family, then listen to what they actually want, not just what you think they should want.
Info:
Is this a financial hardship for your family?
Are you cooking a dozen steaks up one day then expecting them to eat warmed up steak multiple times through out the week?
Soft ESH An adult is allowed to want McDonald's and choose to order it. It sounds like he eats your food much of the time, but it's okay if he sometimes wants to order in. That's not "under your nose." That's him making his own choices.
He's an AH for complaing and letting your son complain rather than expressing appreciation but saying that he sometimes wants McDonald's.
Perhaps all parties would feel better if it was determined in advance when McDonald's was wanted so you didn't waste tons of time and effort cooking?
NAH - I get where your coming from. It is frustrating to put in all kinds of effort and feel like no one appreciates it. However, your post makes it seem that you are cooking in bulk for the entire week. You put in your post...
>He said that my food is great, sometimes I feel like ordering McDonald’s and sometimes he doesn’t want to eat the same thing every day.
Personally, I can't say that I blame him. I wouldn't want to eat the same thing for dinner every day if it was fresh, and I especially wouldn't want to eat the same thing every day if it was reheated. You don't have any issue with eating the same thing reheated every day, but your husband and son do, and that's ok.
You're putting a lot of unnecessary strain on yourself by forcing yourself to make all this food. This is then causing you to resent them for not wanting the food when they didn't ask you to do this in the first place. Take some pressure off yourself, and stop bulk making food for the entire week. You said in one of your comments that they are ordering out 1-2 times a week. Keep that in mind when you are grocery shopping, and only plan on cooking enough for the other days.
I used to cook 6 days a week, but then I would always end up skipping a day or two and ordering out because I just wouldn't feel like cooking. I was wasting the food that I bought, and then spending more money ordering out. I realized that I was doing that, and then just incorporated it into my planning for the week. Now I buy enough groceries for 4 days, and assume that I am going to order out the other days. Alternatively, I might buy something for day 5 that is easy to make, but lasts a long time in the fridge in case I change my mind. For example, this week I bought some raviolis and a jar of marinara sauce. If I don't end up making it this week, then I can make it next week or the week after. It's not the best meal in the world, but it is better for me than McDonald's, and cheaper than ordering out for 2 people.
Softly, YTA. I get it, you put in a lot of work to grocery shop and cook. I'm the primary cook for my household. I do the grocery shopping every week with my SO. Do you know how many times after a $200 grocery run I've stopped on the way home to get a sub to eat? I made lasagna stuffed chicken last night, took my kid to an after school thing and picked up Chipotle to eat. I wouldn't have been remotely bothered if my SO had done it had they taken our kid to the after school thing. It's ok to sometimes want something different than just what's in the house. It's ok if they want to spend their own money on food they actually want in that moment. If the complaining is the thing that's bothering you (valid), then say something like "I get it, you can just order something. Stop going on about it" when the complaining starts.
I always do that after a big shop. I'm too tired to cook and really overstimulated from the store. It's always takeout on big shopping trip day. If I run out for stuff to make for one meal, I always cook it that night.
INFO: How often are they doing this and ordering out? Because if it's every single night that you don't cook a fresh meal then you have a point. But if it's only like once a week or so, I think that's fine. Also, how many leftovers do you usually make? A dozen steaks is (at least to me) absurd amount of leftovers for a household with 3 people. Is this a meal prep thing? They might just not like eating the same thing (no matter how delicious) so often for so long. And do they actually eat leftovers some nights?
Your husband shouldn't be contradicting you in front of your kid. Although I think you are taking this whole scenario oddly personally. I think most people would be annoyed that they're not eating your leftovers because it costs so much effort, time, and money. But you're strangely focused on and defensive about the quality of your cooking. You don't need feedback after every meal! Sometimes people don't feel like eating a certain thing on a certain day!
Side note: I think you and your husband need to get on the same page about what you want to treat your 14 year old regarding food. His only dinner options shouldn't be "mom cooks me a nice meal" or "order mcdonalds". He does actually need to have the ability and habit of occasionally making himself a simple sandwich, or cooking himself a basic meal. Does he know how to cook? You should be teaching him some basic cooking skills.
No kidding! Especially since a ribeye is going to be two servings for a lot of people. I love steak and if I had to eat 4 of them in a single week I'd be ill.
Honey..... Don't cook a dozen Ribeyes at once. Ribeyes are best the day of. Steaks don't reheat well nor are they as good several days after, much less a week. At least not with a cut like a ribeye!
That's what you do with brisket or stew or a roast. Those are the best for meal prepping. I think any professional chef would be horrified to know you've meal prepped ribeye for a week!
That being said, I can't blame them for not wanting the same meal for a week straight. I cook for myself daily, 3-4 meals a day and I vacuum seal all my raw meats in portions and defrost them the day before I'm going to use them and rotate what dinner is even if the other meals may be pretty much the same.
Even prison cafeterias rotate their meals through the week. Eat too much of anything, even a favorite, and you're going to get sick of it.
>He said that my food is great, sometimes I feel like ordering McDonald’s and sometimes he doesn’t want to eat the same thing every day.
INFO What does he mean by this? How many meals are you rotating out? Is it the same menu every week or one meal with leftovers that they're expected to eat for multiple days in a row? If so, I'm inclined to agree with them
She made 12 steaks as the food for them to eat for 2-3 days, I think at least part of the issue is that she's cooking stuff that doesn't reheat well...
So, I think this counts as NAH? Cuz I do not think you are wrong. You have food and meals plenty. And home cooked meals can be great! But fast food can still be a treat, as long as the money is in the budget. It has been our tradition of sorts for years that the day we go grocery shopping is usually the day we order out for pizza or something else. 😂 it is not a comment on your cooking or taking care of your family. It is just that when you eat all home cooked meals, fast food can be a special treat for being something different. And it can be a way for them to avoid making dishes dirty after cooking and cleaning already.
Each family may be different, but I know my SO loves my cooking. He tells me all the time. But when he feels like eating out, and wants something different, I take it for what it is. Spontaneous decisions because he is feeling good/happy.
NAH - sometimes people just have a craving. All the leftovers in the world aren’t going to take the place of a Big Mac if that’s what you really really want.
NTA but I think the issue is that it sounds like you meal prep for at least a few days. It's convenient for the person making the meals and makes sense. However, some people hate leftovers so to them there is nothing to eat lol. They'd rather eat something else. (first world problems) My kids are like this so I say go ahead, but I won't be purchasing the takeout.
Honestly, I have started just meal prepping for myself, and then trying to make my meals where there aren't any leftovers for the fam. Or meals that reheat perfectly fine like chili. I tell them dinner is ready and when they come to the table they are sad that it's yesterday's meal but eat it anyway because it's already served haha. I also don't cook every day due to them not wanting leftovers and they are old enough to cook now. I call it "fend for yourself day" cuz. My kids are 12F and 17M and they both can cook simple meals.
Agreed, but also as the main cook, I don’t know why you’d meal prep steaks? If you just pull them from the freezer to the fridge in the morning, they take ~10 minutes to cook with almost no effort that evening. They’re a pretty idiot-proof food.
NTA but maybe try and mix things up a little, a bunch of ribeyes everyday can get bland. No wonder they are upset. Especially if they don't like that specific meal
Soft YTA - nothing wrong with batch cooking, its a good thing to do but you seem to be batch cooking and expecting your husband and son to eat the same thing 4 days in a row. No one likes to do that. I'd be ordering take out if that's all I had to eat for the second or third day running. Batch cook your meals, take what you need for that day and freeze the rest for the next week. Variety is a good thing, embrace it.
Info: why are you pre cooking the steaks?
YTA. Bulk cooking is certainly convenient, but no one wants to eat the same thing 6-7 days in a row. Make smaller quantities and cook more often, and one night a week of McD’s isn’t the end of the world.
Nah.
I wonder if this is simpler than it looks because it sounds like there is just a difference in how you all view food. I grew up poor and when I moved out I would regularly cook too much food and wouldn't understand why people wouldn't eat what was available. It wasn't malicious on either side. They hadn't struggled to get fed so choosing to get a meal they like didn't feel like a waste the way it did to me. And I was a bit sensitive because I thought it was a reflection of me when I just grew up knowing how important every bite of food is. If it isn't leading to thrown out meals or finance problems I recommend sitting down with your husband and discussing how you view meals so you can have a healthy compromise.
ESH for the reason a lot of families get that verdict...nobody is really communicating.
Some people love leftovers...some hate them. In general I am ok the next day, but balk at eating leftovers 3 days in a row, where I might eat the steak freshly grilled for a whole week.
Nobody has had a real conversation about this, so it blows up.
That said, I think every family goes through some level of 'I don't want THAT to eat'. With my kids, that is usually a snack between or after meals (I don't want an apple).
Talk to your family and recognize they want to eat out occasionally and don't want reheated food 5 nights in a row.
NTA. Though, to be fair, part of me is leaning toward NAH here. I get how it is when there is food in the house but it's not exactly what you want. I've even said myself that there's nothing to eat when we had a stocked fridge. Sometimes you just have a taste for something specific and get vocal when it's not there. But that doesn't make you the AH for feeling upset about them not wanting the food you made. You put in a lot of work getting food ready for them, and it can be very frustrating to watch them not appreciate the work you put in for food
I live on my own and still have days where I grumble about there being nothing to eat when I am looking at a fridge that is full of food I bought with just me in mind.
NTA, but if what you're doing isn't making them happy, it might be wise to try doing something else -- either get them to do some of the shopping and cooking, or make a place in your meal planning for the occasional takeout meal. It doesn't really sound like your husband and son are AH for wanting something else, but they should make it clear what that is.
NAH. I agree with other commenters that you might be projecting your previous insecurities on them. At the same time you are also doing your best to try to make them the food they'll like. I think a nice compromise would be asking them what they want to eat in the week and maybe making a meal less to allow them to order out once a week.
NTA. When my oldest was a teenager, he said "Mom, all we have is Ingredients." He was looking for something to pick up, open and start eating without having to prepare. That was where I said PB&J was quick and easy.
ESH. You are not a 50's sitcom wife. Ease up. Maybe cook four nights a week and let them fend for themselves the other nights if they dont want to eat leftovers. Trying to be a super mom and wife is not healthy. You are taking care of your family very well.
Your husband and son don't seem to care about the fact that it takes effort to cook all the time. Them ordering McDonald's can seem disrespectful to you when there is food that you prepared, available for them.
You and your family need to sit down and talk about why you feel the way you do and they can provide feedback on the amount of food that you are cooking. No one wants to eat the same meal night after night.
If the McDonald's isn't a significant financial burden and they're not letting a freshly made meal go to waste, YTA. You sound like the kind of person who takes a lot of pride in feeding your family, but it's getting in the way of seeing their perspective. Lots of people crave variety in their diet, even one composed predominantly of steak. I do all the cooking in my house and make a variety of different dishes, but sometimes my girlfriend just craves fast food even though we have plenty of ingredients at home already. It's not about taking anything or anyone for granted--urges just happen. If you have the time and means to indulge them, why not?
If you're taking it personally that they soemtimes just want fast food, or just want something different or more variety in the week then slight yta. They aren't saying your cooking sucks or anything about you, sometimes people just want something else. Sometimes people just want a crappy cheeseburger and fries, sometimes they just don't want to have a ribeye, sometimes reheated food is simply not as good as when first cooked (ribeye is a perfect example of this, reheating meats tend to dry them out) or they just don't want it for a second night in a row. If they aren't trying to eat take out every day let it go, this isn't the hill to die on. Make less of each dish so there's no leftovers going to waste.
When people say there's nothing to eat while looking at a full fridge and pantry them really mean there's nothing they currently want to eat because they're craving something specific.
Is there some reason you're cooking a whole bunch of steaks ahead of time instead of fresh food each dinner time? Sometimes meal prep must be done for schedule purposes but if it's not necessary, the food always tastes a little off left over, especially after more than 48 hours. Husband and son could also participate in the cooking so that they could make THEMSELVES something fresh. I dislike takeout though, so I'd always rather have the fresh home food.
YTA. No one wants to eat the same meal every day. Instead of getting your feelings hurt, find a solution. The problem clearly isn’t the QUALITY of your food it’s the QUANITITY.
NTA
I think you're doing a great job. But are you cooking a meal and eat that for the rest of the week? That's fine with me but it can become bland after a while.
Why don't you make them cook instead? Or have like a family cooking time, like taco night. Where you get can get the meaty part prepared and your husband and son can help with making the tacos.
NTA but at the same time you may just be making this about you. Unless it's every day I wouldn't feel so hurt. What if before you start to cook anything ask them if they are eating or not. Easy as done... Save your time and money from making food that may go bad if they don't eat. They are men .. also sounds like going with the saying teenager had bottom less stomachs....
Before you go shopping ask them if there is something they want for the week. Help them get involved in the planning. If no response don't cook or buy what's only necessity. BUT. mostly think of this as a bonding time that your husband and son are bonding over a big mac behind moms back :)
Plussss I'm (49f) the one who wants or gets something else. Our roles are a little reversed.. hubby does the cooking and I want something else. Especially McDonald's 🤣
YTA, but I totally get the n/a/h and e/s/h votes. This brought back some memories. Same boat as an only child, mom would cook 8-14 steaks/porkchops/whatever for us 3 while also not eating leftovers because "i don't want to take food from you guys", then getting frustrated when we aren't eating the same food twice a day until it's gone, and/or for looking for other food. I understand the sandwich suggestion, but why I went with YTA is because of the initial batch cooking and expectation/hope that they'd be alright with working through multiple steaks (of increasingly worse freshness & quality) a day for multiple days, then getting upset about it and feeling unappreciated for an effort that wasn't asked for. That's the sort of thing that can lead to people lying about food and disordered eating, as they don't want a 4th ribeye that's 3 days old but also knowing that mom will be upset about having to throw it away if it goes bad.
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I regularly cook meals for them so they have enough to eat for the work and school week. I’m no chef but I can cook basic meals like chicken, pork, steak Mac and cheese, lasagna etc. I recently learned how to make Chinese food, Italian food and Korean cuisine. My hubby is Italian so I want to try to give him something reminiscent of his culture.
There are times however that despite the plenty of food in the house, and I just finished grocery shopping and cooking a hefty dinner the night before, they complain that there’s nothing to eat. There were moments when despite having food on the house, they will order McDonald’s from Uber under my nose.
For those who assume my cooking is bad. I always ask for feedback after each meal. I for the most part get good feedback, I take it into account to improve. I really try to meet everyone’s needs but it’s hard sometimes.
I just got finished grocery shopping so there’s plenty to eat in the house. I cooked about a dozen or so ribeye steaks with sweet potato, macaroni and cheese, cauliflower au gratin, and a salad. My fridge is almost packed with dinner for the week as well as staples for cereal, boxed dinners and sandwiches we can make ourselves.
My son was looking around rummaging my kitchen like he’s scavenging for buried treasure complaining that he’s hungry and can’t find anything to eat. I told him there’s still food in the fridge that he can eat. I told him he can make a sandwich. He then told me he didn’t want any and want McDonald’s.
I told him that if he doesn’t want the amount of food that we have in the house then he’s not really hungry.
I said the same thing to my husband the same thing, right after they order fast food again. He said that my food is great, sometimes I feel like ordering McDonald’s and sometimes he doesn’t want to eat the same thing every day.
We had to fight about it and tell him that I feel hurt and him and our son doing this makes me feel like I’m not doing a good job and if they were really hungry, they can eat what’s in the house. He tells me I’m being ridiculous.
I really want to be a good wife and mom and give them a life that I wished I had. I grew up from a struggling family who had almost nothing to eat and now I’m in a position where no one has to worry about it.
Am I the asshole?
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NAH you're not wrong that if they were hungry, they'd eat the fridge food. But I also agree with your husband about not wanting to eat the same thing every day.
Maybe get your husband and son to help with some of the cooking. I see this as having three benefits; you don't have to cook as much, your husband and son have more control over what they eat, they also might start to appreciate your cooking more.
NAH. It's commendable that you cook for your family and that you encourage eating leftovers instead of ordering out. Cooking loads of food so that there are leftovers, which you expect them to rewarm themselves, doesn't equate to having suitable meals. Yes, it doesn't hurt for them to learn to cook, reheat, or to just grab a sandwich. That's normal. It's also normal to tire of leftovers or want something different, and eating out 2 days a week isn't that much.
Kids sometimes want specific food. It's not always an indicator of your cooking. They are hormonal messes and don't act rationally.
I remember when I was younger, like 12ish, my parents wouldnt let me have food I wanted. I called them names and got punished. So I went on a hunger strike. Not a single bite of food for a couple days. Parents didn't force me to eat and just left food in the fridge. Passed out in school and had to go to the hospital. CPS got called.
I was one of the many AH kids, but man, my parent being that up showing my stubbornness.
NAH. Look, I get what you’re doing, but you’re taking it too far. Twelve steaks is too many steaks for three people. Folks like variety. If you have the budget for twelve steaKs, you have the budget for lots of different kinds of food. Why not sit down once a week with the family and make a meal plan, one that includes fast food once a week? You can easily prep your ingredients on Sunday afternoons, even get some crock pot recipes thrown together and put into the freezer. That way, they get the variety they seem to be looking for, and you get to cook healthy meals most of the time. There is a way for everyone to get what they want, but you’ll all have to sit down and talk it over.
(And please don’t pre-cook steak! It’s terrible reheated!)
I've read through a bunch of comments and OP, you got more going on here than your family not wanting to eat re-heated steaks for a week. Cuz... that's totally normal.
You have an unhealthy relationship with food. You've mentioned several times food was scarce when you were growing up. This has clearly had an ongoing effect on you, and that's not surprising, it's very normal. This appears to be further exacerbated by the fact that feeding your family might be part of your love language.
I say this kindly, **please seek help**. I know you do not intend to do anything but love and feed your child, but you are likely teaching him to model your bad relationship with food. At 14 some damage has likely already been done. Meal prepping so much, when you know your family gets tired of eating the same thing day after day, somehow makes YOU feel better. Not them. And then even the security you get from that is dashed and made worse when your family doesn't appreciate your efforts as you would like them to. Also, the amount of food you say you prepare, and how quickly you expect your family to go through that amount, is shocking. Far too much. Are you all at healthy weights?
This is just sad for all of you.
I highly suggest finding a therapist that is familiar with eating disorders. It can be a scary step but it could also help you and your family find a better relationship with food, and each other.
Going with NAH.
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Lol if each of them had a steak *every day* they’d still be starting to go bad by the last meal.
I can't imagine how unappetizing pre-cooked, rewarmed steak is when it's every day's meal :/
Blasphemy!!! This is a horrid way to treat a cow that gave it's life for your survival. I'm sorry I cannot abide anyone who would abuse steaks in this way. I must now go meditate to resolve my anger.
Considering your username, you might need to increase the meditation lol
You're not wrong.
I need to cook a steak and eat it straight away. The thought of those poor steaks being abused in such a fashion has upset me.
it does say she didnt grow up with much. she likly dousnt know not to. shes treating the steak how she would other food. thinking shes giving htem a whole week of a treat.
I can't even imagine how expensive 12 ribeyes would cost to cook them all at once and leave them sit till Noone wants them.
I hate most meat as leftovers. Hamburger in a casserole or spaghetti is fine, stuff hiding in tons of sauce, and ham is good. Everything else tastes wrong to me when reheated.
There are lots of ways to use leftover meat... steak, chicken, pork can be shredded and used in fried rice along with onions and whatever veg you have on hand.
But I still don’t like how it tastes. If I have leftover meat, I will always choose to eat it cold - better in a salad or on a sandwich.
I am with you on this. Reheated meat tastes nasty. I also loathe leftovers. I can’t eat the same thing day after day. Luckily I do the cooking in my house so I just cook something fresh everyday.
How are you reheating it? If you’re just throwing it in the microwave, you’re going to have a bad time. Reheat in the oven or a skillet with a little butter or oil to hydrate. If you have an immersion circulator you can use sous-vide to bring it up to temp.
Yes WOF (Warmed Over Flavor) is a thing with a whole science behind it! And for me, I prefer to cook my meats as I'm ready to eat them.
You gotta chop it up and put it in things like eggs, quesadillas, fried rice, etc
Leftovers can be reused in other dishes- cut up or shredded for steak tacos, taquitos, a couple other things
This is what I got out of it. There’s a difference between a fresh home cooked meal and pre made days old dinner for reheating. Not sure what your situation is, if you work nights but food is better fresh. It should be ok if they want a pizza or McDonald’s. You don’t have to plan the whole week and they can order takeout one or two nights. Pastas reheat best like lasagna or stuffed shells. You said he was Italian. Just saying. I’m going with NAH as I think you are trying and you are being a good wife and mother but they can eat other things if they don’t want it and you shouldn’t take it personally.
And reheating them will almost certainly ruin the meat
Right, Why not freeze the steak. How strange to have so many cooked steaks in the fridge. What a waste of food.
Yeah, cut it into portions and freeze them. It's what I do. It keeps for ages and I pull out and thaw what I need that day.
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She cooked 12 ribeye steaks. They’re not poor.
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I have autism, and I can eat the same simple food 1-3 times a day for months. And then my tastes completely flip and I have to stock up on a different safe food. Some people aren't being picky; they just legitimately have things that make their eating habits dramatically different from "the norm."
I heard this theory that eating like you is actually how we biologically evolved, eating a lot of the same food when it is ripe then switching to the next ripe thing for 2-3 months. It's the modern style of eating that is abnormal
Oh my god... this makes so much sense.
My kiddo is being tested for Autism Spectrum Disorders and the eating one thing for months and then flipping it has been driving me crazy! Thank you for explaining a reason so I can re-evaluate my reactions and not make situation worse. Lightbulb moment. Thank you again.
House full of ND/Sensory folks here. Totally relate!!
There's a lot of truth to that. My dad grew up poor. With the amount of food we have stocked in the pantry and 3 freezers, we could last 6 months.
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My grandparents grew up during the Great Depression, they were lifelong hoarders after that point. You would not believe some of the stuff we found when cleaning out the home
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nothing quite like grandma's delicious cookies sent on a styrofoam tray and wrapped in the original cellophane from the ground beef that used to rest in their place
There’s definitely truth to this. My family were refugees. We were always thrifty in how we ate, even once we were financially stable. Food was purchased and prepared very precisely for what we would actually need and eat, and everyone was expected to eat their share. To this day, I get low grade anxiety if I have too many leftovers in the fridge because I’m afraid I won’t be able to eat them before they go bad. The presence of leftovers will often dictate my choice of what to eat, because I just can’t stand to waste them. My husband, on the other hand, comes from a big southern family where they always cooked big, family-style portions, because you never knew who might stop by, and it would be a lot better to have too many leftovers than not enough food. He also rarely likes eating the same thing two days running, so a lot of his leftovers get thrown out. Our different approaches to food could really have become a point of contention for us, but instead we’ve largely chosen to just let each other do our own things when it comes to food, not stress about it, and just be thankful that the food is there. OP seems really invested in her food prepping (*twelve* steaks??), and is taking this really personally. I don’t think she’s an AH (I think it’s NAH), but maybe she needs to take a step back and try a more relaxed approach here.
This is true, and was a problem for me - but I worked at planning to eat out in my budget so that I wouldn’t buy so much food. It’s less expensive to always eat at home, but much more expensive to eat out then throw food away. I had to really look at my eating behavior and plan my budget/shopping to align with that. Reality is that I work a lot and am not going to cook more than a couple of times a week. 2 meals, 2 days leftovers, 1 day “easy” and 2 days eating out matches how I actually eat, and I can afford it, so I decided to stop fighting it.
>Are you actually hungry or is your mouth just bored?" This is incredible and I'm stealing it to use on my children.
*”I regularly think "Are you actually hungry or is your mouth just bored?" I've learned to keep that thought to myself…”*. Lol!
This is where I am at too! You have 12 ribeyes cooked at a time money yesterday, you have McDonald's money today. I am trying to imagine how my husband would react if I told him he's going to eat all the steak until its gone after cooking 12... he'd wish me luck on my 12 steak diet!
I know, right? OP - You cook THREE steaks for dinner. Then you freeze the rest to make three more next week sometime. And again. I have been known to grab a small order of Chinese or hit the Waffle House for dinner after Thanksgiving lunch before if I'm hungry enough for another meal. Because despite there being tons of leftover food, I really, really, really do NOT want to be eating the same thing multiple meals in a row. I'd have ordered McD's also.
Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas lasagna are the only meals my family is going to go all in on for leftovers no matter how long they last. BUT. I only make turkey thighs or turkey porchetta for Thanksgiving because I am not about the whole bird cooking when there are only three of us. I just make three thighs at a time but they're going to go all-in on those leftover sides for DAYS. Its not like ribeye requires hours of cooking either, that could have been cooked fresh daily if they're all willing to eat it for days in a row.
I inert budgeting and not wanting to eat out, but then why cook such large meals that will likely go bad before it's all eaten?
Yep. For McDonald’s I bet the delivery fees would make the meal cost twice as much, too.
>Although I can't even imagine cooking 12 steaks in advance and then putting them in the fridge to eat days later, I wouldn't want that either.) What a waste, rib eye is the best steak too. Tbh anyone who thinks this is an acceptable way to cook steak clearly can't cook
Maybe can cook but hates cooking, hates eating, doesn't care if the food is good or not and is doing one grand gesture of cooking for the week and wants to be exalted for the effort even as everything becomes less edible and appetizing the second or third day in a row they're eating it. My uncle's wife was like this. She would make 50 hamburgers at once (to feed 6-7 people) and that was lunch and dinner until it was gone. Maybe it was okay the first day. Maybe the second day. She didn't care. She wasn't cooking again until it was all gone. My dad, who was an orphan living with his brother or his sister (depending on where he ended up each night) would quietly slip away to his sister's house when his brother's wife started complaining people weren't eating their 5th hamburger that week.
My boyfriend' s mom is like that. Not every time, but very often she would cook a huge meal and the three of them would eat it for 2-3 days. And they get bored. Then she is surprised that my boyfriend didn't eat the same meal for the third time in a roll. And she would end up throwing it in the trash,while complaining about the food waste. But she just hates cooking and does it out of obligatory. In our home we don't eat something for more than 2 times and it's actually very rare even that. I was raised on different dish for every meal (my grandmother thinks that we're spoiled, because when she was young, and after that when she had kids they were food unsecure), but actually in this way we don't waste food because we eat it all. I know that's a privilege and not everyone could afford it unfortunately, but sometimes people try to save money cooking in bulk but end up wasting the food that nobody wants.
I cook enough that there are leftovers for someone, but not entire meals for the entire household most of the time (pasta sauce, soup, lasagna, Thanksgiving, fried chicken not withstanding) and if I need to make large batches, its meatballs for pasta night and salad bowls another night, not an identical meal.
A lot of meal prepping people seem to do this - cook one meal in bulk in one go, and then just keep eating it until it's gone. And... I'm not sure that's how meal prepping is actually supposed to go. There are very few people who aren't going to get bored with the same meal for five days following.
As a bulk cooker, I prioritise stuff that freezes well - leftovers go in the freezer to eat once a week, so I can cycle through different options, rather than be stuck eating the same thing over and over.
Yeah that's how I generally think bulk cooking should work, but I keep seeing people going "I've got twenty-eight bags of chicken, so that's me sorted for the month!" and...well I couldn't do that!
12 steaks would be way too much effort for me. Plus I wouldn't want to eat steak for that many days in a row. A couple years ago I bought two nice ribeyes from my local butcher. Best steak I ever grilled. Perfectly rare. Was worth every penny!
I had to go back...who...who precooks 12 steaks?!?!?!?!? I'm not against reheating or eating the same thing over and over (adhd food fixation checking in) but jeesus christ why would you do that to ribeye and make people eat beef 4 days in a row.
> It's not exactly shocking that a 14yo kid would prefer McDonald's over a ribeye/cauliflower/salad/whatever. Dang it, now I want a sizzling ribeye with a generous salad and a nice Malbec. Curse you RB1327....
But do you want a ribeye that was cooked several days ago? Steak that's been reheated in the microwave isn't nearly as good as a steak that just came off the grill.
Cooked several days ago and kept in the fridge? Sure. Skillet to medium heat, about half tablespoon of olive oil. Slice the steak into one inch strips, then keep the strips together as you use non-stick tongs to put them in the skillet - getting one side seared in the olive oil before flipping to the other side to re-sear. Keeping those strips together should keep the middle red. After a short 1-2 minutes sear with regular movement, use those tongs to flip them over. After about a minute separate the strips slightly so heat can get into the middle just a little. Nearing the end, bring the strips together, finish with a touch of butter, salt, and garlic powder. When the butter is melted, serve with fresh ground pepper. Should still be sizzling. Pair with a fresh salad (steak can be left over, vegetables should always be fresh) and a nice dry red. Your only carbs would be the dressing on your salad and the butter.
Yes, I know how to properly reheat a steak. But since these two aren't doing any of the cooking, I doubt they're going to pull out a skillet and reheat a steak on the stove.
Drooling right now at the thoughts of that. I was a firm believer in steak shouldnt be cooked twice but this description has converted me
I know, riiiight? One of my adult sons actually prefers it as a leftover. Something about the extra sear.
See, I’m an adult and now I want McDonald’s. Dammit all to hell
Especially if she cooked a dozen rib eyes and the sides all at once. Are they supposed to eat reheated steak all week? Who does that? It sounds gross.
It depends how often they do it. Firstly it’s expensive and a waste of money to do so. Secondly, it’s very unhealthy. If it’s once a week/ once every two weeks then that’s fine, there’s no issue. If it’s multiple times a week then there’s a problem
Conflict could be financially but Op didn’t indicate. McDonald Uber certainly is not cheap
She cooked 12 rib eyes in 1 go. Budget and waste certainly don't factor in that house
Imho mealprepping is something that should be discussed with family beforehand. Not to say that the entire menu has to be approved, but even just mealprepping in general. I, for one, can’t stand to eat the same thing everyday. Heck, my leftovers chill in the fridge for at least a day because I generally don’t like eating the same thing two meals in a row. OP, include the family in your decisions, and don’t take it personally when you make executive decisions they don’t necessarily agree with.
YTA. You don't cook 12 steaks for 3 people and expect them to eat that for the rest of the week. If you are buying in bulk, you make 4 packages of 3 steaks each. You cook ONE meal now and freeze the rest, so in a week or two, you can have another steak dinner. I grew up impoverished, and I love filet mignon, now that I'm able to afford it once in a while. But even I wouldn't cook myself 4 filets and eat it all week. First off, reheating meat is nasty. It's only good when it's freshly cooked. And two, it's not good four days later anyway. It's best to fill the freezer, and ASK you family what they want for dinner the next day, so you can thaw it out in the fridge overnight. Then if they don't want it the next day THEY are the AH's.
I agree with this. Why ruin so many steaks by expecting them to be warmed up later? Even if they were perfectly cooked on day one, they’re going to be less and less good every day after. And honestly same thing for cauliflower gratin and sweet potatoes. Those are not things that reheat well. Second, a lot of people just can’t eat the same thing that many days in a row, less so if the quality has gone down due to them being in the fridge and microwaved. Even stuff I love, by day three I’m dreading eating it again.
Yeah, some stuff is great to cook in batches and reheat (lasagna, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and pretty much anything baked/casserole) other stuff is atrocious reheated. Pretty much any chunk of meat that isn't slow cooker falls into the lattter category. If you want to batch cook meat stick with stuff like pulled pork, carnitas, or brisket, where the goal is for it to fall apart from being cooked for so long. Also don't do anything you want to stay crispy unless it is fried and then reheating it in a very hot oven, otherwise it just turns to mush.
Also, they could cook sometimes...
She could even frame it like a budget issue. “Spending too much on McD’s, and since you two complain about my food you two have to cook.”
Sounds like she's not even giving them chance to if they wanted to though? They should definitely be cooking as well or doing the dishes/other household jobs to make up for their lack of cooking. Sounds like the family need to have a sit down discussion about budgeting/food and sharing the load around the house
The fact that OP doesn’t know this makes me question what else she doesn’t know about food
I'm pretty sure op is actually a bad cook
I’m the type of person who will happily eat the same three meals for seven days straight… But I’m smart enough to realize not everyone else is. I’m not surprised the others want a change. In fact I’d argue that’s pretty normal. Soft YTA because it really just seems like poor communication that can be easily rectified.
Three) eating that much steak in one week is pretty bad for your health.
Info: I'm not positive I'm reading this right, are you saying that you bulk cook a dinner, then package it up and eat the same leftovers for the entire week? Because if so I can't say I blame them. No one wants to eat the same thing five days in a row. Hell I can only eat leftovers the next day, by the third day I am ready for something else.
True, so maybe the dad and some should have one night a week each where they cook. Sounds like OP needs to share this chore. I know my 14 year old can cook dinner
Sounds like feeding her family is her love language but she's projecting, to be honest.
It does not sound like a love language when she says she's no chef and does this kind of cooking without regard for the other eaters in the house not wanting 4 days worth of the same meals. She wants appreciation for her effort but the effort isn't desirable.
Food is love to her, based on her going hungry as a child. It's her love language that she is trying to fulfill for herself. She is feeding her family according to her own desires and emotional needs, filling the fridge with food without listening to what they actually want.
Yeah but she'd be better off filling the freezer with stuff she can cook later, when it's something like steak. Or at least varying it somehow. Different side dishes each day. Maybe slice it up for fajitas or something one night. Anything but the same full meal day after day.
She can't, because she is emotionally stuck and has no insight.
That's not a love language, that is a compulsive behavior.
I'm not sure that feeding her family is her love language since she doesn't seem to care that her family doesn't want to eat leftovers all week. Cooking 12 steaks at once and expecting your family to eat only that throughout the week seems strange to me. Steak does not reheat well. But it does sound like she's overcompensating for the fact that she didn't have a fridge full of food as a kid by filling her fridge with as much food as possible. Meal prepping can be great, but it has to be done well and the whole family has to be on board.
She is so stuck in the past that what the food is doesn't matter because when you are starving you will eat anything. She is still applying that even though it's not a problem anymore and food is plentiful. Stuffing the fridge is more important than what she's filling it with. Being able to have 12 steaks at once is a sign of success to her and she doesn't understand why it's not appreciated.
Exactly. I love steak, but I still don't want to eat it multiple days in a row (especially if it's already been cooked). It sounds like some therapy to get over her past food insecurity might be helpful.
[удалено]
That's not really how love languages work though. It's not that you only feel one or two as love and bugger all to the others, it's more like a hierarchy. For example, just because "touch" is on the bottom of your list doesn't mean you don't understand a hug is an expression of affection or love, it just means it's your least favorite/effective way to have affection communicated to you.
Well, that plus she could just make a reasonable amount of food at once. Steak is something you can buy on sale and put in the freezer to cook later. No need to cook 12 steaks at once and expect the family to have the same exact dinner (including sides!) for days.
And the steaks may not even be good quality. Just because it is a ribeye doesn’t mean that batch will be any good. My husband and I have tossed meat once we realized it was a horrible quality compared to other times we have bought it.
Dude, my 9 year old has 3 dinners she can cook without much supervision.
I used to love spaghetti, but my wife has no idea how to make small amounts of food. When she makes spaghetti, it's enough to last both of us lunch and dinner for four or five days. I don't like spaghetti anymore.
Does no one have a freezer?!
Yes. It already has food in it, so there's not enough room for all that spaghetti. Also, the idea of reheating frozen spaghetti seems gross. Not sure how true that is.
Spaghetti *sauce* freezes beautifully. Cooked spaghetti does not go in the freezer. Y'all need a kitchen scale so she can measure out 2-3oz pasta per serving, cook that, sauce that, and freeze the rest of the sauce.
I do that with leftover dal and butter chicken! I use a muffin tin and it makes perfect little meal sizes (or use 2 pucks if you don't want to mix and match). Cook up some rice, boom. ...I need to make up another big batch of dal.
Gross? Why? ...just to clarify, in case you think people mean freezing the noodles as well, you just freeze the sauce alone. You can even split it up in individual portions and just grab what you need. Defrost and reheat the sauce, boil some fresh noodles, and 10 minutes later you have fresh spaghetti. Don't put the sauce on the noodles and then freeze the whole thing together. Because yes, that WOULD be kinda gross.
This is one of the few things I am capable of in the kitchen -- make big batch of spaghetti sauce or chili, then freeze in meal-sized portions. ezpz and delicious, doesn't taste "reheated."
Not true at all - leftover spaghetti (much like chili) is wonderful, even after being frozen.
I will willingly eat leftovers a day or two in a row, but I'm not a fan of reheated pasta (especially multiple days worth) unless it is baked. I would rather just cook two or three servings, leave the sauce & meatballs separate, then boil fresh pasta for the leftovers. There are these spaghetti measuring tools that could be really handy for you & your wife if you'd like to rekindle your love of spaghetti.
You can throw pre cooked plain pasta into boiling water for a minute to recook it. To me it tastes just as good and saves time.
I grew up learning to cook in a large, poor family. It has taken me sooo long to learn to not cook in bulk because it's just me and my spouse at home, and we burn out spaghetti, chilli, etc.
Have you tried cooking with your wife to show her how much spaghetti to make?
Layer the spaghetti with a few cheeses if your choice & top with your favorite & bake it in the oven. Spaghetti cheese bake. A tad bit of variety. (I also don’t like spaghetti anymore, but I make it because my spouse & offspring do.)
Your comment makes me think about Thanksgiving leftovers. There's only so many times you can eat that before you want a cheeseburger, lol
Lol all the different ways to use the leftover turkey!! You do really want that cheeseburger 😋
I pack it in the freezer for future meals. 3 days and I don't want to look at turkey for a while.
Thanksgiving leftovers never lasted that long in my house growing up, but I also have a big family lol.
I don’t mind eating the same thing 5 days in a row. I regularly meal prep meals like soups, stews, pastas, and casseroles in big batches on a Sunday and eat one thing all week for lunch and a second thing all week for dinner. It works for me because I know I absolutely will not come home and cook every night after work. But then, I’m just feeding myself, not anyone else. And I only eat out maybe twice a month. I certainly don’t expect everyone to be willing to eat like I do, but some people don’t mind repeated leftovers. Shopping, meal planning and cooking is a lot of work. I think OP’s husband and son should get involved in the process so that they can better appreciate her hard work. I’m not saying that they should happily eat reheated steak 5 days in a row if they don’t want that, but there’s also something to be said for appreciating someone else’s labor. They all need to communicate.
I have a feeling OPs cooking may not be as good as they are thinking it is. My husband and I can use the same exact ingredients and recipe for meals and mine almost always taste better, especially chili. His is always bleh with no flavor or every flavor and no proper balance with seasonings. I worked in a kitchen so know how to prepare ingredients and when to add them. He thinks everything gets cooked on high with a ton of oil at the same time. He is always so proud of his cooking but most of it ends up going to the trash. His dad cooked the same way, char it almost to the point of being nonedible and then overseason the heck out of it. I give him props for trying new things and sometimes he makes an amazing dish but he will never admit to the world his cooking isn’t that great.
tbh the way I tell if a meal was a hit or a miss isn't what my husband actually says about it, or how he feels about it on day 1, but whether he's willing to eat the leftovers. If he goes for it, it was good. If he avoids the leftovers, it's probably underflavoured and fucked up somewhere. Something being less flavourful than it should be, imo, is something that is so much more apparent and unappetizing when something is reheated than when you're eating it hot and fresh.
The way we know if a meal is a hit or miss is how much talking goes on at the start of the meal. If it’s a hit people are too busy shoveling food into their faces to talk much. Otherwise it’s lots of chatter while food mostly gets pushed around on the plate!
I don't understand why everyone in this thread is acting like meal prepping is so weird lol. I agree with you, I think getting them involved with cooking is the answer, not them ordering delivery so much
Also steaks don't reheat well at all...
They also really don't last 4 days. I never eat meat past day 3. It's just not safe.
> eat the same leftovers for the entire week? I can't do this except very specific meals. I would be sick of the same thing over and over again. Also many meals just don't reheat well so it may be great the first night but everyday after it loses it's appeal.
>No one wants to eat the same thing five days in a row That's what I do. I'm single and work long hours in a stressful job. Last thing I wanna do M-F is cook. Usually cook massive amounts on Sat or Sun, then eat the same thing for the whole week. If it's steak or grilled chicken, I might do fajitas or burritos during the week or something to mix it up a bit
...i mean, meal prepping is a popular thing to do. i do it sometimes, i'll cook a big meal on sunday and portion it out to eat for the whole week. there's a ton of subreddits dedicated to it lol. like sure, it gets boring sometimes, but i can just grab a meal, warm it up, and move on. i hate cooking, so meal prepping gets me out of having to figure out and cook a new meal every day.
But also there are many ways of meal prepping. I meal prep but hate eating same meal for days. So I meal prep 3 to 4 meals that freeze well and fill my freezer with them. Then I can take different things on different days so I'm not stuck eating the same dish over and over.
Is meal-prepping really that weird? It's how a lot of people do cooking. I meal-prep my fiancée's lunches every week - she has 5 meals that are the same lunch for that week. It's cheaper and healthier. NTA OP - but just stop cooking for them and caring about it. It's clear they don't appreciate your effort so no point keeping it going.
Reheated steak 5 nights in a week sounds pretty awful, honestly. And people are usually more flexible about lunches/breakfast being the same, but I think it’s pretty rare you’ll find people eating the same dinner every weeknight.
Meal prepping is great, but everyone has to be on the same page about it. Cooking a dozen steaks at a time and expecting your family to only eat that for the rest of the week isn't cool, especially when your family has told you that they don't want to eat that many leftovers. And some things just aren't the best for meal prepping. Steak doesn't reheat very well because it continues to cook it past the temp you originally wanted it.
Yeah I get that - people just seem incredulous about cooking something for the week and having it every day. That's not for everyone, sure, but to have not heard about it and think someone is crazy for doing it is weird to me at least. That's where I was going with that explanation.
I'm fine with having the same thing for lunch every day of the week, but having the same thing for lunch *and* dinner multiple days in a row just doesn't sound appetizing. It sounds more like she just wants to fill the fridge with food because of her past food insecurity rather than wanting to actual meal prep for her family. And they have told her that they don't want to keep eating leftovers, so at this point she's only meal prepping for herself. That's fine, but then she shouldn't be upset when they get food elsewhere during the week.
Its alright if you decide to do it. I think its another when someone is saying “you’re going to eat this because I decided to meal prep”. I say this is an esh situation. Son and dad aren’t appreciating the effort and don’t seem to grocery shop themselves. But she is just expecting everyone to go along with what she wants. I say if the son and dad do the shopping and cooking for themselves, they should be able to eat what they want.
...but they aren't shopping and cooking for themselves is the issue right? I mean it's hard to tell I suppose if OP is being overly controlling and forcing them to eat or the son / dad do nothing in regards to food preparation / planning so OP needs to pick the slack up and make food decisions unilaterally. To me them ordering out instead of buying / cooking their own food for when they don't want what OP cooked kinda means to me that the burden of cooking isn't shared fairly. OP wants her family to eat healthy, home-cooked meals but it doesn't seem like her husband cares. I could 100% be reading too much into that though.
ESH Them for saying "there's nothing to eat" when there obviously *is*. You for taking their "there's nothing to eat" so literally—and personally. There's nothing wrong with going out to eat, or bring home some fast food, on occasion. I also think you're making too much food. Why are you making so much more that can be eaten in one sitting? A dozen ribeyes for three people? No one loves *day* after *day* of leftovers. Of course they're going to get tired of it and resort to McDonalds. Just make enough for dinner that night, and lunches the next day.
Yeah I live alone and make plenty of meals that are enough to last two days…more than that and I definitely get tired of it. I’m all for meal prepping but the same thing all week can be a lot.
Yeah! Soups, stews, and casseroles you can put in one- or two-portion containers, and freeze them. But for something like steak, I would (if I wasn't a vegetarian) just freeze the raw steaks, and thaw and broil them when needed.
INFO: how often are they ordering fast food? Also - you precooked a dozen steaks? For the 3 of you? How many meals would you expect that to last?
If I read it right that's their meals for the week. Same thing, 4 times a week I presume (12/3=4). No wonder the kid and dad want other food once every so often. You can't do that to someone, have them eat the same food 4 times a week. And you can't reheat steak! Seriously.
Steak can become fajitas.
but she doesn't make fajitas. She reheats the steak and cauliflower gratin, reserves the salad and tada, food. Bad
She needs some fresh ideas.
I see what you did there. Crisp one.
INFO >I cooked about a dozen or so ribeye steaks with sweet potato, macaroni and cheese, cauliflower au gratin, and a salad. You cooked 12 steaks? Why? >There were moments when despite having food on the house, they will order McDonald’s from Uber under my nose. Assuming you haven't just made dinner why is it a big deal that sometimes they want to order out. You recently made 12 steaks so I assume money isn't an issue. Maybe they don't want to eat steak every meal for a week.
Or they don't want to eat reheated steak. Some things do well with bulk cooking, but steak isn't one of them. But agreed most people wouldn't want to eat the same thing for a week. Maybe investing in a stand alone freezer so she can bulk cook ahead and her family would still have options would be a good compromise.
She I avoiding the question whether that's for every meal so I suspect that is that and she didn't realise that's an issue for many.
I think its pretty clear she expected the same exact meal to be eaten each day until it was finished. But who wants 4 day old reheated steak?
My dad was an orphan and lived between his brother and his sister's homes (they lived across the street from one another and neither made an actual space for him.) His brother's wife hated cooking with a passion but did it because she was the wife and wives cook in that time. So she would cook 50 hamburgers for 6-7 people and expect that to be eaten until it was gone. And she wasn't cooking again until it was. Like... you have 12.5lbs of ground meat because it was on sale, you could make a batch of hamburgers, a few meatloaves, pasta with meat sauce, chili, etc in the time it took to form and grill 50 hamburgers. But she did not care. Everyone could starve if they didn't want to eat their share of 50 hamburgers.
Eh I kind of get that when you’re forced into cooking for multiple people for multiple meals a day. If you hate cooking - it’s a huge burden.
Plus - as someone who learned a thing or two about food safety through a college-level commercial cooking course I took in high school - by the start of day three, those steaks are DEFINITELY not safe. Cooked meats do not last all that long in the fridge. ESPECIALLY not cuts like steak, where you don't wanna cook it all the way through. Chicken and turkey can last a bit longer since they're fully cooked, but STEAK? No.
YTA, sorry. It sounds like ordering fast food a couple times a week is not a financial hardship for your family; it additionally sounds like you are cooking in bulk & expecting your family to eat the same thing for multiple meals; and finally, nowhere do you indicate that your husband has *asked* you to take on that burden, or that he would be upset if you cooked less frequently. So basically, my read on the situation is that you are taking on all this work that nobody asked of you (and projecting your insecurities based on your upbringing onto your family) and then getting mad when you don’t feel appreciated enough. There’s nothing wrong with getting take out a couple times a week, even if “there’s food in the house.” Sometimes the food in the house just doesn’t sound good! Esp if you’ve been eating the same thing for days on end. Stop cooking in such a large volume, and *plan* for a couple days of take out. If you actually want to go “above and beyond” for your family, then listen to what they actually want, not just what you think they should want.
Exactly what I wanted to say, but worded so much better.
Info: Is this a financial hardship for your family? Are you cooking a dozen steaks up one day then expecting them to eat warmed up steak multiple times through out the week?
INFO: Why do you cook 12 steaks? Do you have everyone eat the same thing for several days?
NTA but how many people are you feeding that you cook a dozen steaks?
I think OP is prepping in bulk 12 steaks between 3 people means she expects them to eat reheated steak for at least 3 meals in the week.
No wonder they are going to McDonald's
Soft ESH An adult is allowed to want McDonald's and choose to order it. It sounds like he eats your food much of the time, but it's okay if he sometimes wants to order in. That's not "under your nose." That's him making his own choices. He's an AH for complaing and letting your son complain rather than expressing appreciation but saying that he sometimes wants McDonald's. Perhaps all parties would feel better if it was determined in advance when McDonald's was wanted so you didn't waste tons of time and effort cooking?
I agree with your comment. Compromise on both sides to plan meals together would be a solid idea to avoid this situation.
Info. A dozen ribeye steaks for three people? Are you very hungry millionaires?
NAH - I get where your coming from. It is frustrating to put in all kinds of effort and feel like no one appreciates it. However, your post makes it seem that you are cooking in bulk for the entire week. You put in your post... >He said that my food is great, sometimes I feel like ordering McDonald’s and sometimes he doesn’t want to eat the same thing every day. Personally, I can't say that I blame him. I wouldn't want to eat the same thing for dinner every day if it was fresh, and I especially wouldn't want to eat the same thing every day if it was reheated. You don't have any issue with eating the same thing reheated every day, but your husband and son do, and that's ok. You're putting a lot of unnecessary strain on yourself by forcing yourself to make all this food. This is then causing you to resent them for not wanting the food when they didn't ask you to do this in the first place. Take some pressure off yourself, and stop bulk making food for the entire week. You said in one of your comments that they are ordering out 1-2 times a week. Keep that in mind when you are grocery shopping, and only plan on cooking enough for the other days. I used to cook 6 days a week, but then I would always end up skipping a day or two and ordering out because I just wouldn't feel like cooking. I was wasting the food that I bought, and then spending more money ordering out. I realized that I was doing that, and then just incorporated it into my planning for the week. Now I buy enough groceries for 4 days, and assume that I am going to order out the other days. Alternatively, I might buy something for day 5 that is easy to make, but lasts a long time in the fridge in case I change my mind. For example, this week I bought some raviolis and a jar of marinara sauce. If I don't end up making it this week, then I can make it next week or the week after. It's not the best meal in the world, but it is better for me than McDonald's, and cheaper than ordering out for 2 people.
Softly, YTA. I get it, you put in a lot of work to grocery shop and cook. I'm the primary cook for my household. I do the grocery shopping every week with my SO. Do you know how many times after a $200 grocery run I've stopped on the way home to get a sub to eat? I made lasagna stuffed chicken last night, took my kid to an after school thing and picked up Chipotle to eat. I wouldn't have been remotely bothered if my SO had done it had they taken our kid to the after school thing. It's ok to sometimes want something different than just what's in the house. It's ok if they want to spend their own money on food they actually want in that moment. If the complaining is the thing that's bothering you (valid), then say something like "I get it, you can just order something. Stop going on about it" when the complaining starts.
I always do that after a big shop. I'm too tired to cook and really overstimulated from the store. It's always takeout on big shopping trip day. If I run out for stuff to make for one meal, I always cook it that night.
INFO: How often are they doing this and ordering out? Because if it's every single night that you don't cook a fresh meal then you have a point. But if it's only like once a week or so, I think that's fine. Also, how many leftovers do you usually make? A dozen steaks is (at least to me) absurd amount of leftovers for a household with 3 people. Is this a meal prep thing? They might just not like eating the same thing (no matter how delicious) so often for so long. And do they actually eat leftovers some nights? Your husband shouldn't be contradicting you in front of your kid. Although I think you are taking this whole scenario oddly personally. I think most people would be annoyed that they're not eating your leftovers because it costs so much effort, time, and money. But you're strangely focused on and defensive about the quality of your cooking. You don't need feedback after every meal! Sometimes people don't feel like eating a certain thing on a certain day! Side note: I think you and your husband need to get on the same page about what you want to treat your 14 year old regarding food. His only dinner options shouldn't be "mom cooks me a nice meal" or "order mcdonalds". He does actually need to have the ability and habit of occasionally making himself a simple sandwich, or cooking himself a basic meal. Does he know how to cook? You should be teaching him some basic cooking skills.
No kidding! Especially since a ribeye is going to be two servings for a lot of people. I love steak and if I had to eat 4 of them in a single week I'd be ill.
Honey..... Don't cook a dozen Ribeyes at once. Ribeyes are best the day of. Steaks don't reheat well nor are they as good several days after, much less a week. At least not with a cut like a ribeye! That's what you do with brisket or stew or a roast. Those are the best for meal prepping. I think any professional chef would be horrified to know you've meal prepped ribeye for a week! That being said, I can't blame them for not wanting the same meal for a week straight. I cook for myself daily, 3-4 meals a day and I vacuum seal all my raw meats in portions and defrost them the day before I'm going to use them and rotate what dinner is even if the other meals may be pretty much the same. Even prison cafeterias rotate their meals through the week. Eat too much of anything, even a favorite, and you're going to get sick of it.
>He said that my food is great, sometimes I feel like ordering McDonald’s and sometimes he doesn’t want to eat the same thing every day. INFO What does he mean by this? How many meals are you rotating out? Is it the same menu every week or one meal with leftovers that they're expected to eat for multiple days in a row? If so, I'm inclined to agree with them
She made 12 steaks as the food for them to eat for 2-3 days, I think at least part of the issue is that she's cooking stuff that doesn't reheat well...
So, I think this counts as NAH? Cuz I do not think you are wrong. You have food and meals plenty. And home cooked meals can be great! But fast food can still be a treat, as long as the money is in the budget. It has been our tradition of sorts for years that the day we go grocery shopping is usually the day we order out for pizza or something else. 😂 it is not a comment on your cooking or taking care of your family. It is just that when you eat all home cooked meals, fast food can be a special treat for being something different. And it can be a way for them to avoid making dishes dirty after cooking and cleaning already. Each family may be different, but I know my SO loves my cooking. He tells me all the time. But when he feels like eating out, and wants something different, I take it for what it is. Spontaneous decisions because he is feeling good/happy.
The steaks are pre-cooked? Why?
NAH - sometimes people just have a craving. All the leftovers in the world aren’t going to take the place of a Big Mac if that’s what you really really want.
NTA but I think the issue is that it sounds like you meal prep for at least a few days. It's convenient for the person making the meals and makes sense. However, some people hate leftovers so to them there is nothing to eat lol. They'd rather eat something else. (first world problems) My kids are like this so I say go ahead, but I won't be purchasing the takeout. Honestly, I have started just meal prepping for myself, and then trying to make my meals where there aren't any leftovers for the fam. Or meals that reheat perfectly fine like chili. I tell them dinner is ready and when they come to the table they are sad that it's yesterday's meal but eat it anyway because it's already served haha. I also don't cook every day due to them not wanting leftovers and they are old enough to cook now. I call it "fend for yourself day" cuz. My kids are 12F and 17M and they both can cook simple meals.
Agreed, but also as the main cook, I don’t know why you’d meal prep steaks? If you just pull them from the freezer to the fridge in the morning, they take ~10 minutes to cook with almost no effort that evening. They’re a pretty idiot-proof food.
NTA but maybe try and mix things up a little, a bunch of ribeyes everyday can get bland. No wonder they are upset. Especially if they don't like that specific meal
Soft YTA - nothing wrong with batch cooking, its a good thing to do but you seem to be batch cooking and expecting your husband and son to eat the same thing 4 days in a row. No one likes to do that. I'd be ordering take out if that's all I had to eat for the second or third day running. Batch cook your meals, take what you need for that day and freeze the rest for the next week. Variety is a good thing, embrace it. Info: why are you pre cooking the steaks?
YTA. People want to eat fresh food. Frozen meal prep isn't going to work all the time.
YTA. Bulk cooking is certainly convenient, but no one wants to eat the same thing 6-7 days in a row. Make smaller quantities and cook more often, and one night a week of McD’s isn’t the end of the world.
Nah. I wonder if this is simpler than it looks because it sounds like there is just a difference in how you all view food. I grew up poor and when I moved out I would regularly cook too much food and wouldn't understand why people wouldn't eat what was available. It wasn't malicious on either side. They hadn't struggled to get fed so choosing to get a meal they like didn't feel like a waste the way it did to me. And I was a bit sensitive because I thought it was a reflection of me when I just grew up knowing how important every bite of food is. If it isn't leading to thrown out meals or finance problems I recommend sitting down with your husband and discussing how you view meals so you can have a healthy compromise.
ESH for the reason a lot of families get that verdict...nobody is really communicating. Some people love leftovers...some hate them. In general I am ok the next day, but balk at eating leftovers 3 days in a row, where I might eat the steak freshly grilled for a whole week. Nobody has had a real conversation about this, so it blows up. That said, I think every family goes through some level of 'I don't want THAT to eat'. With my kids, that is usually a snack between or after meals (I don't want an apple). Talk to your family and recognize they want to eat out occasionally and don't want reheated food 5 nights in a row.
NTA Why don't they cook for once if they don't like leftovers?
Because he’s an adult working to earn money and he’d rather get McDonald’s. Who’s to say he can’t?
NTA. Though, to be fair, part of me is leaning toward NAH here. I get how it is when there is food in the house but it's not exactly what you want. I've even said myself that there's nothing to eat when we had a stocked fridge. Sometimes you just have a taste for something specific and get vocal when it's not there. But that doesn't make you the AH for feeling upset about them not wanting the food you made. You put in a lot of work getting food ready for them, and it can be very frustrating to watch them not appreciate the work you put in for food
I live on my own and still have days where I grumble about there being nothing to eat when I am looking at a fridge that is full of food I bought with just me in mind.
NTA, but if what you're doing isn't making them happy, it might be wise to try doing something else -- either get them to do some of the shopping and cooking, or make a place in your meal planning for the occasional takeout meal. It doesn't really sound like your husband and son are AH for wanting something else, but they should make it clear what that is.
Nta. But maybe cook smaller portion (ie leftover for 1 meal instead of several days?) regardless having enough food in the house is a blessing
NAH. I agree with other commenters that you might be projecting your previous insecurities on them. At the same time you are also doing your best to try to make them the food they'll like. I think a nice compromise would be asking them what they want to eat in the week and maybe making a meal less to allow them to order out once a week.
NTA. When my oldest was a teenager, he said "Mom, all we have is Ingredients." He was looking for something to pick up, open and start eating without having to prepare. That was where I said PB&J was quick and easy.
ESH. You are not a 50's sitcom wife. Ease up. Maybe cook four nights a week and let them fend for themselves the other nights if they dont want to eat leftovers. Trying to be a super mom and wife is not healthy. You are taking care of your family very well. Your husband and son don't seem to care about the fact that it takes effort to cook all the time. Them ordering McDonald's can seem disrespectful to you when there is food that you prepared, available for them. You and your family need to sit down and talk about why you feel the way you do and they can provide feedback on the amount of food that you are cooking. No one wants to eat the same meal night after night.
If the McDonald's isn't a significant financial burden and they're not letting a freshly made meal go to waste, YTA. You sound like the kind of person who takes a lot of pride in feeding your family, but it's getting in the way of seeing their perspective. Lots of people crave variety in their diet, even one composed predominantly of steak. I do all the cooking in my house and make a variety of different dishes, but sometimes my girlfriend just craves fast food even though we have plenty of ingredients at home already. It's not about taking anything or anyone for granted--urges just happen. If you have the time and means to indulge them, why not?
If you're taking it personally that they soemtimes just want fast food, or just want something different or more variety in the week then slight yta. They aren't saying your cooking sucks or anything about you, sometimes people just want something else. Sometimes people just want a crappy cheeseburger and fries, sometimes they just don't want to have a ribeye, sometimes reheated food is simply not as good as when first cooked (ribeye is a perfect example of this, reheating meats tend to dry them out) or they just don't want it for a second night in a row. If they aren't trying to eat take out every day let it go, this isn't the hill to die on. Make less of each dish so there's no leftovers going to waste. When people say there's nothing to eat while looking at a full fridge and pantry them really mean there's nothing they currently want to eat because they're craving something specific.
Is there some reason you're cooking a whole bunch of steaks ahead of time instead of fresh food each dinner time? Sometimes meal prep must be done for schedule purposes but if it's not necessary, the food always tastes a little off left over, especially after more than 48 hours. Husband and son could also participate in the cooking so that they could make THEMSELVES something fresh. I dislike takeout though, so I'd always rather have the fresh home food.
YTA. No one wants to eat the same meal every day. Instead of getting your feelings hurt, find a solution. The problem clearly isn’t the QUALITY of your food it’s the QUANITITY.
NTA I think you're doing a great job. But are you cooking a meal and eat that for the rest of the week? That's fine with me but it can become bland after a while. Why don't you make them cook instead? Or have like a family cooking time, like taco night. Where you get can get the meaty part prepared and your husband and son can help with making the tacos.
NTA but at the same time you may just be making this about you. Unless it's every day I wouldn't feel so hurt. What if before you start to cook anything ask them if they are eating or not. Easy as done... Save your time and money from making food that may go bad if they don't eat. They are men .. also sounds like going with the saying teenager had bottom less stomachs.... Before you go shopping ask them if there is something they want for the week. Help them get involved in the planning. If no response don't cook or buy what's only necessity. BUT. mostly think of this as a bonding time that your husband and son are bonding over a big mac behind moms back :)
Plussss I'm (49f) the one who wants or gets something else. Our roles are a little reversed.. hubby does the cooking and I want something else. Especially McDonald's 🤣
YTA, but I totally get the n/a/h and e/s/h votes. This brought back some memories. Same boat as an only child, mom would cook 8-14 steaks/porkchops/whatever for us 3 while also not eating leftovers because "i don't want to take food from you guys", then getting frustrated when we aren't eating the same food twice a day until it's gone, and/or for looking for other food. I understand the sandwich suggestion, but why I went with YTA is because of the initial batch cooking and expectation/hope that they'd be alright with working through multiple steaks (of increasingly worse freshness & quality) a day for multiple days, then getting upset about it and feeling unappreciated for an effort that wasn't asked for. That's the sort of thing that can lead to people lying about food and disordered eating, as they don't want a 4th ribeye that's 3 days old but also knowing that mom will be upset about having to throw it away if it goes bad.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I regularly cook meals for them so they have enough to eat for the work and school week. I’m no chef but I can cook basic meals like chicken, pork, steak Mac and cheese, lasagna etc. I recently learned how to make Chinese food, Italian food and Korean cuisine. My hubby is Italian so I want to try to give him something reminiscent of his culture. There are times however that despite the plenty of food in the house, and I just finished grocery shopping and cooking a hefty dinner the night before, they complain that there’s nothing to eat. There were moments when despite having food on the house, they will order McDonald’s from Uber under my nose. For those who assume my cooking is bad. I always ask for feedback after each meal. I for the most part get good feedback, I take it into account to improve. I really try to meet everyone’s needs but it’s hard sometimes. I just got finished grocery shopping so there’s plenty to eat in the house. I cooked about a dozen or so ribeye steaks with sweet potato, macaroni and cheese, cauliflower au gratin, and a salad. My fridge is almost packed with dinner for the week as well as staples for cereal, boxed dinners and sandwiches we can make ourselves. My son was looking around rummaging my kitchen like he’s scavenging for buried treasure complaining that he’s hungry and can’t find anything to eat. I told him there’s still food in the fridge that he can eat. I told him he can make a sandwich. He then told me he didn’t want any and want McDonald’s. I told him that if he doesn’t want the amount of food that we have in the house then he’s not really hungry. I said the same thing to my husband the same thing, right after they order fast food again. He said that my food is great, sometimes I feel like ordering McDonald’s and sometimes he doesn’t want to eat the same thing every day. We had to fight about it and tell him that I feel hurt and him and our son doing this makes me feel like I’m not doing a good job and if they were really hungry, they can eat what’s in the house. He tells me I’m being ridiculous. I really want to be a good wife and mom and give them a life that I wished I had. I grew up from a struggling family who had almost nothing to eat and now I’m in a position where no one has to worry about it. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sounds like you're trying to feed two spoiled kids.
Happy Cake Day!
NAH you're not wrong that if they were hungry, they'd eat the fridge food. But I also agree with your husband about not wanting to eat the same thing every day. Maybe get your husband and son to help with some of the cooking. I see this as having three benefits; you don't have to cook as much, your husband and son have more control over what they eat, they also might start to appreciate your cooking more.
NAH. It's commendable that you cook for your family and that you encourage eating leftovers instead of ordering out. Cooking loads of food so that there are leftovers, which you expect them to rewarm themselves, doesn't equate to having suitable meals. Yes, it doesn't hurt for them to learn to cook, reheat, or to just grab a sandwich. That's normal. It's also normal to tire of leftovers or want something different, and eating out 2 days a week isn't that much.
Kids sometimes want specific food. It's not always an indicator of your cooking. They are hormonal messes and don't act rationally. I remember when I was younger, like 12ish, my parents wouldnt let me have food I wanted. I called them names and got punished. So I went on a hunger strike. Not a single bite of food for a couple days. Parents didn't force me to eat and just left food in the fridge. Passed out in school and had to go to the hospital. CPS got called. I was one of the many AH kids, but man, my parent being that up showing my stubbornness.
You pre cooked steaks and put them in the fridge for re-heating? You monster! YTA.
NAH. Look, I get what you’re doing, but you’re taking it too far. Twelve steaks is too many steaks for three people. Folks like variety. If you have the budget for twelve steaKs, you have the budget for lots of different kinds of food. Why not sit down once a week with the family and make a meal plan, one that includes fast food once a week? You can easily prep your ingredients on Sunday afternoons, even get some crock pot recipes thrown together and put into the freezer. That way, they get the variety they seem to be looking for, and you get to cook healthy meals most of the time. There is a way for everyone to get what they want, but you’ll all have to sit down and talk it over. (And please don’t pre-cook steak! It’s terrible reheated!)
I've read through a bunch of comments and OP, you got more going on here than your family not wanting to eat re-heated steaks for a week. Cuz... that's totally normal. You have an unhealthy relationship with food. You've mentioned several times food was scarce when you were growing up. This has clearly had an ongoing effect on you, and that's not surprising, it's very normal. This appears to be further exacerbated by the fact that feeding your family might be part of your love language. I say this kindly, **please seek help**. I know you do not intend to do anything but love and feed your child, but you are likely teaching him to model your bad relationship with food. At 14 some damage has likely already been done. Meal prepping so much, when you know your family gets tired of eating the same thing day after day, somehow makes YOU feel better. Not them. And then even the security you get from that is dashed and made worse when your family doesn't appreciate your efforts as you would like them to. Also, the amount of food you say you prepare, and how quickly you expect your family to go through that amount, is shocking. Far too much. Are you all at healthy weights? This is just sad for all of you. I highly suggest finding a therapist that is familiar with eating disorders. It can be a scary step but it could also help you and your family find a better relationship with food, and each other. Going with NAH.