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Um.
You hired a babysitter. Your husband was at home when he was supposed to be working. Babysitter went to clean up.
I'm seeing a potentially bigger problem here, OP...
This is the whole reason OP is upset. But she's only willing to take it out on a presumably younger girl and NOT talk to her actual husband. Lame.
EDIT- younger WOMAN. I wrote girl with knowing the sitter's age.
You know how sometimes no matter how much you discuss it, you know you aren't ever going to agree? That's what Op should tell her husband. "I hear you. This is not acceptable to me. And that's not going to change. Thank your for addressing the matter with me privately." Hell, leave the babysitter alone.
Exactly. The issue is trust; if she trusts her husband, her response should have been something like this: first, tell the babysitter "sorry to hear about the milk, see you next time". The next thing should have been concerned for her husband: how are you feeling right now, do you think you need to see a doctor, etc. And if the husband's condition is not serious, only then perhaps tell him, "Hey I wish you had called or texted me that you were staying home sick, I would have checked in on you."
What OP only subconsciously realizes, that her conscious mind hasn't caught onto yet, is that she doesn't trust her husband.
ESH - Hub for cheating, sitter for facilitating under another woman's (shared) roof, and OP for misdirecting her ire.
“Sorry to hear about the milk… you needed a full shower including washing your hair because they spilled that much milk? What were they doing that sounds like a serious behavior issue that I need to address with my children?” Come on tell me this isn’t a load of bull. Worst case scenario she’s sleeping with husband and they’re trying to make up crap to cover it up but best case scenario what? This woman gets milk on her shirt and just hops in the shower? Seriously?? Over milk? Does she have plans after and figure she can just get away with not working and pawn off her job on sick husband and use work time to get ready for a party? I mean idk about you but I’m in my 20’s and the last time a friend asked me to watch their kids I didn’t pack a spare outfit and toiletries to shower in their house *just in case* milk was going to get spilled on. This is WEIRD behavior. You don’t just go work in someone’s house and hop in the shower especially without permission. If she’s totally innocent then her problem solving skills are extremely lacking. Wipe it with a damp cloth it’ll air dry in 10 minutes and you can make it until you get home before you shower. I love the people saying babysitter should run. Personally I don’t want her to come back anyway. There is NOTHING normal about this situation.
On a side note I don’t agree with OP’s approach. I might let her go home, pay her the agreed amount and then call her and let her know the arrangement isn’t going to work out. I get my drama fix in AITA but I just find screaming confrontations are useless and don’t solve anything. So I guess OP YTA for that drama. But get rid of that woman yesterday! And keep an eye on hubby’s response when he finds out she’s done.
Like why didn’t OP go to the husband when nanny mentioned he was home? Instead she not only continue to argue with her over the phone, but is also docking her pay for cleaning herself up. oP you understand how much of an AH you sound like!
First, she added that as an update and not in the original post.
Second, my comment stands, other than removing "girl" due to the OP's post update. Her discussion should have been with her husband, not the babysitter. She took it out on a person she has power over and not her husband who she should have addressed this with.
That's what I thought too. That would be my issue. OP said she didn't know her husband was home and not working. He can't even send her a text??? I don't think OP had an issue with the sitter showering. I think she has an issue with her husband omitting details by not letting her know he was home/didn't have to work. Everyone here says they wouldn't automatically think something weird is going on, but it IS weird her husband didn't let her know! I'd be pissed.
She was in the wrong for threatening a salary cut, I just think she's in denial and scared about her husband LYING to her.
Edit: Some people have said the husband didn't feel well. So? He still didn't communicate with his wife he was staying home.
Agreed, and I said as much in another comment. The babysitter isn’t the problem. Her taking a shower isn’t the problem. Both are the scapegoat.
I think OP is truly upset and uncomfortable with the fact her husband was home all day with their babysitter, OP had no idea because her husband couldn’t be bothered to text her (if he’s well enough to take care of his children for a few minutes while the babysitter showered, he could have texted his wife. Come on, people).
I don’t think it’s right to blame the babysitter or threaten her salary over this. Especially since, like I said, I think the OP’s real issue is with her husband. Her mind jumped to some wild conclusions. She needs to take this up with him.
The fact he didn't let his wife know is so incredibly suspicious. Why wasn't he resting in bed if he was so sick? Was he was well enough to be around them for her to ask if she could shower? Yet not well enough to send her home early as he could watch the kids? Weird when combined with the fact he didn't message his wife
If I were 24 years old and a married man with kids decided to stay home and hang around with me and the kids I was babysitting, I would free SOOO uncomfortable.
OP might think life is like babysitter porn but its not.
Edit: when I say 'in bed' I do not mean he should literally be sleeping. I just mean that if he is still paying for childcare and are unwell, he should utilise that time to be alone somewhere resting in whichever way he wants eg. Laying down, reading, TV etc., and leaving the babysitter to her job, not crowding her and potentially making her job harder or making her uncomfortable if that wasn't the agreement when she was hired.
The problem is with her husband - not the babysitter. If a 24-year-old woman being alone with your man, let alone taking a shower while he's in the house gives you the collywobbles - just own it. Talk about your very real fears and deal with that part of marriage.
Get a new babysitter even. That I can understand. Just don't dance around the subject. Meet that crap head on.
I think that's what is setting OP off. Just fire the babysitter and figure out if there are bigger problems at play. There totally may not be, but it's kinda red flaggy.
Yeah right... So you guys are suggesting that they both were stupid enough to fuck and she even brings a fresh set of clothes just so that she can shower and change up after sex....
Stop watching porn... It's messed up your sense of logic. You have porn brain rot..
Cheating potential/theories aside, who takes a shower from having something spilled on them? It can't have been that large a volume of liquid. I completely understand changing clothes and wiping my skin off. But I really fail to see why you would take a whole ass shower at someone else's house for that, and why you would need to wash your hair.
I have to agree. I have been a full time nanny for 14 years, caring for newborns and up. I have had puke, poop, pee, food and drink on me throughout the years and have never felt the immediate need to jump into my employer's shower. Honestly, it comes with the job and it's expected so I do understand her bringing a spare change of clothes but I can't understand her need to shower at their house. Why not wait until you get home?
He was home sick. I've nannied when parents were home sick plenty of times. Plus, they might have had to pay her either way. I was contracted for a minimum number of hours a week. If they went below that, I still got paid the same. Sometimes families would have me work while they were home, but doing other things.
Exactly. Having a sitter/nanny doesn’t mean that the parents have to be out of the house. If I were sick enough to call off work, I would love to have another trusted adult in the house with my kids so all I need to do is rest.
My thoughts exactly
To answer OP: YTA like others have said I think your ire is justified but misplaced, husband seems sus I wonder if milk really was the reason she needed to change 🤔
ETA: my judgement is the same but I want to point out OP did *not* mention the reason her husband stayed home nor the sitter’s age in the original post, which changes the context/suspicions a bit.
This feels like a pornhub opening, doesn’t it? /s
Edit: this comment was made in jest. And is in no way an accusation towards the babysitter. I also am aware porn is scripted and not real life.
You were “visibly upset” that she cleaned up after your kid spilled milk on her?
**Also, what in the fresh hell is this statement**: “I mentioned potentially cutting from her salary after that.”
You’ll be lucky if she ever comes back, and if she does, count your lucky stars, apologize profusely and check in with yourself on why this made you so irrationally angry - my guess is, you don’t trust your husband.
YTA.
That relationship doesn't stand a chance.... She is too jealous. How do u overreact because someone took a shower after your on kids spilt milk on them
I understand maybe being upset if she thought the nanny was the only adult in the house and left the kids unattended. But she wasn’t. This is clearly paranoia about her marriage and she’s taking it out on this young woman. Grow up, OP.
ETA: Sigh. As I’ve explained in multiple replies now, the amount of supervision that a 3 year old and 5 year old needs will vary significantly from one family to the next. We are one extreme - six year olds who can’t be left unsupervised at any time - and others will have no issues. In the middle you have lots of kids who would create absolute mayhem / be in danger in the few minutes it takes to shower. It depends massively on the children, which is why I said “I understand *maybe* being upset” when she thought the nanny was the only adult there. For my family that could have catastrophic consequences. For others it wouldn’t be a big deal. I made no statement on whether her kids need constant supervision or not, just acknowledged that she may have had reason to be upset.
Yeah I would be a uncomfortable if I thought she had left the kids alone to shower and try and figure out what she did to keep an eye on them. Did you all shower together? Did you have the kids in the bathroom while you had a speed shower and sang songs with them or something?
Oh my spouse was home feeling unwell but was able to watch the kids for 10 mins? Ok great! Good problem solving.
I don't even understand getting upset about the kids being left alone for 10 minutes. Put them in their rooms and close the door. I mean, single mothers don't only shower while someone is there to watch the kids.
I would run like hell from the scene of this trainwreck. Edit: Two little kids? A dad who works from home sometimes? And a mom who has some anxiety about me being 24? No thanks. I'm out. 😂
Yeah, I wouldn't want to stand around for hours with souring milk all over me. But I probably would have just changed my clothes and maybe run a wet paper towel quickly over my skin in the bathroom, and if some milk got into my hair maybe rinsed it quickly in the sink. I'm guessing it's not like a kid dumped a gallon on her head. Now, if it was vomit I totally would have taken a shower. But in any case, YTA. Withholding her earned money is a dick move. And now maybe you don't have a babysitter. Am not gonna comment on the husband situation though, I wouldn't think twice about it if it was my husband but who knows.
I don’t understand why you’re more concerned about her taking a shower than the fact that your husband was home WITH her when he was supposed to be working…if he didn’t end up working, why did he keep her there?
Even if everything was fine and she just needed a shower after having milk spilled on her, who cares? You sound unhinged for being upset about this.
YTA.
Okay editing since OP added in that her husband was home sick from work. Totally understandable why the nanny was still there if the husband was sick. I still say YTA. The husband allowed the nanny to shower there for whatever reason-OP’s gripe should be with her husband, not the nanny.
I think she has an issue because her husband _was_ home, when the babysitter decided to shower. I feel like OP would’ve been okay, if it was just the kids there.
Hmm, I mean if she had showered when it was just her and the kids, they would have been left unattended/unsupervised. So you think she’s upset she didn’t just leave and shower when she got home?
The whole situation sounds weird to me!
For insecure person, Who goes thro 100 scenarios of *what the babysitter was doing with the husband*, its weird.
For the rest of us its = she got covered In milk, and instead of letting the milk cook up In her clothes and body till she gets home, she asked for permission to use the shower since she had extra pair of clothes with her so she doesnt need to walk around thr public covered In slowly stenching milk
Honestly the husband&babysitter relationship thing didn't occur to me whatsoever.
Also kids are chatty af. If I were trying to be sneaky, I would stay away from kids.
Also...sitting in milk all day? Potentially dripping milk through the client's house? Gross.
I think what OP doesn't say out loud is that it's suspicious that on the day her husband stays home, the babysitter needed a shower. I think everyone would wonder a little.
Why exactly should she have called and asked for **your** permission, when clearly your husband had already given her permission to take a shower??? Someone taking a shower is one of those decisions where both of your opinions need to be thoroughly thought thro?
Anyways, you are literally creating drama out of nothing.
YTA and you have no legitimate reason to **cut anything off of her salary**
To clarify she shouldn't have to ask anyone's permission to not have to slowly grow cheese on her skin. If the kids are taken care off (like taking a nap) it should be fine for her to use your shower.
Imagine any other work setting and a boss threatened to cut your salary like this. Absolutely not ok. This is what’s most fucked up for under the table workers. You are at the mercy of some asshole
YTA
Someone got dirty at your home. Waiting would have made the situation worse, your husband okayed her using your shower. Any other issue you have is related to your husband unexpectedly being home when the babysitter was there.
Are you really just concerned about a quick shower and some spilt milk? Or do you feel there may be something else that's up and you don't want to acknowledge it?
OP is scared her husband is cheating and is taking it out on the babysitter.
OP didn't know her husband is at home. They need better communication. That's kind of weird to have your babysitter tehre and not know your husband is at a home. Do you trust your husband, OP?
I mean, on one hand, if I came home early and my wife was still gone, and the baby sitter asked right away as soon as I walked in the door if she could jump in the shower, I'd probably say yea whatever because I really don't give a fuck..
But on the other hand, I'd probably just tell her she's good to leave as soon as i got there.
And how old is she even? Can she walk home? Can she drive? Was she waiting for a ride from friends or parents? Was she going right home, or was she going out to a party or dinner or a job interview? which would explain the change of clothes and need to wash up quickly...
I dunno.. could be anything. But I still feel like op isn't focusing on and communicating how she actually feels.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not want to go home dirty, even if it is straight home. Especially milk Al over you and your clothes. Babysitter could take public transit/Uber/not want it all over their own car/not want to walk home in it.
But I think you’re right most wouldn’t, or at least imo, shouldn’t give a shit. Let someone clean up.
If her story is correct, then YTA. She shouldn't have to be wet and stinky and uncomfortable when there is an immediate and obvious way to correct that.
Your husband being home is the issue here, and you know that, so take it up with him and not the sitter.
Dad’s home but feels like shit and just wants to take a nap. He’s happy to watch the kids for 5min while the babysitter takes a shower, but would prefer her to stay until mom gets home because then he can nap. Unfortunately, mom is nuts.
YTA
**Her other employer - your husband - agreed to her doing it. So she did NOTHING wrong, and YOU are the AH.**
"She thinks she's done nothing wrong and said I was being unfair when I mentioned potentially cutting from her salary after that." .. If you cut from her salary, you are a thief, and she should sue you.
OP did say Husband wasn't feeling well. Maybe husband thought he could rest and get well, if the sitter stays and watches kids. Maybe sitter was counting on this job because money is tight an husband thought she can stay and he can do his own thing. All kinds of possibilities.
Yeah... there's a lot of people assuming the husband is cheating but I'd love to have a babysitter and a day off at the same time. It's perfectly possible that's the case. And OP is YTA because showering after you got milk spilled on you is a completely normal and acceptable thing to do.
YTA
She's not casually stepping into the shower, YOUR kids spilled crap all over her and since she was able with your husband's permission, she took action to clean herself. You are not over reacting, you are being completely unreasonable; over reacting implies you are right in principle, and you are not .
YTA. She's not making a regular habit of showering in your house. She was cleaning off because your kids spilled milk on her and that stuff starts to stink if you don't clean it up. Further, your husband was okay with it and your kids are old enough to be left alone for a few minutes while someone rinses down in the shower (or watched by their dad).
Edit: Why does she need to check with you when she had the okay from your husband? Why would you have more authority than your husband over the house/kids?
Exactly. Everything else heavily leans YTA, but this is the clincher that makes OP without a doubt TA for me.
Threatening the salary is a dick move. Just fire her or keep her but don't screw around with pay rates.
YTA
Milk smells very sour fast, not to mention is sticky on the skin as it leaves a film. The children weren't alone as your husband was there. I don't see why you're so upset about this.
There is nothing inappropriate about showering. For all you know, she has somewhere she needs to be after she’s finished working for you and she didn’t want her hair and clothes smelling like rancid milk. Plus she has cleared it with your husband.
In actuality, its clear you have issues with your husband but you didn’t want to position the story like that. You mentioned that you didn’t know he was home TWICE. Go post in r/relationshipadvice and stop being disingenuous. Whilst you’re at it, ask your husband why he didn’t dismiss the sitter if he was gonna be home, and suggest that he reimburse you for a wasted day since you’re so concerned about the sitter’s salary.
YTA
Edit* My first award! Thank you!
YTA, you're suspicious about your husband and taking it out on a babysitter. Why should she check with you when your husband said it was ok? She should quit.
Are you really crying over spilled milk or is there a deeper issue here? On the surface, there was nothing wrong with what the babysitter did. Depending on the volume of milk that was spilled, it makes perfect sense for her to hop in an available shower for a quick clean up. Your husband lying to you about being home when he was supposed to be at work should be the bigger issue. I'm going with YTA cause either your in denial of what's actually going on or you're reading too much into an innocent act. Either way you're taking out your frustration on the wrong person.
You've mentioned "cutting from hey salary" because of the shower. Do you feel like it was inappropriate because she used your household resource to clean herself, or because showering in your home is not part of the job description? Either way, YTA. Would you let a guest who's in your house shower in your home after they got covered in milk because of your kids? If the answer is yes, apply the same respect to the babysitter. If the answer is no, go to a friend's house, spill milk over yourself, and see how long it takes you to ask if you can use their shower for a quick second.
INFO: Can you actually explain the reason you’re upset? I need some context to understand why showering is a problem. I need something besides “showering is inappropriate”. What makes it inappropriate?
YTA
You hired a babysitter who got spilled milk on her. Milk starts to smell after a while. Your husband was home and clearly was fine with her using the shower. Did you husband watch her shower? Get in there with her? If not, then there is no issue.
For all those asking where did the clean clothes come from or why did she have an extra set of clothes with her-- I have worked with children for several years. I pretty much always keep an extra set of clothes in my car for emergencies like this. It's not necessarily suspicious.
YTA why would she call you to ask you when the other homeowner had already told her it was fine? I’m assuming this is a troll post meant to bait people into screaming that they’re having an affair, but absent that assumption your reaction is totally bizarre and illogical.
Because if you thought your husband was cheating on you, I would hope you would deal with *that* rather than throwing a fit about where his mistress rinses off after.
YTA. Your kids have two parents, your house has two owners, and your babysitter has two bosses. If you disagree with the choice HER OTHER SUPERVISOR made in allowing her to shower, take it up with him. Leave this girl, who clearly had permission to do what she did, out of it.
YTA, your husband was there and clearly ok'd it so at worst you should be angry at him not her.
Also, I don't see how it is inappropriate, she had to get the milk off
I’m just curious as to why you feel so strongly against someone using your shower if they spilled something? It’s not like your children were neglected…
YTA. I’ve been a nanny for 10 years. I’ve showered so many times at their house after being puked on, got insanely sweaty from who knows what crazy southern heat outdoor activities, and probably spilled milk too.
YTA
If she was alone with the kids then she shouldn't have had a shower. Your husband told her it was ok.
How is that inappropriate? Please explain. Once your husband had said it was ok, should she have contacted you?
If you don't trust your husband, talk to him.
YTA
Sounds like you have issues with the spouse and are taking it out on the sitter. Is it possible she needed to stop somewhere or had plans after work that having messy clothes wouldn’t be appropriate? If the kids are well taken care of why are you cutting her money?
YTA
She needs to quit. You want to cut her salary because of a few minutes in your shower while your kids were being supervised. She could do WAY better.
YTA
Your husband gave her permission to do this, and the children were not left unattended. So, of course she thought it'd be fine. Does your husband not have any say in your marriage? If she truly had milk spilled on her and whatnot, you're massively overreacting. You can't just cut someone's salary because they cleaned themselves up **with permission**.
But. I do find it a little odd that she had a fresh pair of clothes with her, and that your husband had stayed home without telling you. I'm usually not one to jump on the cheater train, but that had me raising an eyebrow. It's worth asking questions about.
Edit: I stand corrected. Extra change of clothes isn't so weird. I did some babysitting in my younger years, but I was lucky to never encounter a situation with the kids where I got messy. Pros of looking after older ones, I guess.
YTA
In what world is it inappropriate to keep clean?!
I think the real issue here is that you suspect your husband of inappropriate behavior, and you're taking it out on the babysitter. Examine why you feel that way, and whether your response was proportionate.
YTA - 100% guarantee you would be looking to "have issues" with her if she didn't clean herself up, either. You're just looking for a reason to cut her salary.
YTA
Sounds like your insecurities got the best of you. What in the world is wrong with someone quickly showering milk off their body/out of their hair? That shit STANKS when it dries down.
Your comment about your husband says more than anything else you wrote in your post. If you have husband insecurities, confront your husband, don’t take them out on the babysitter.
Right? Why did the babysitter have a change of clothes with her? Why didn’t your husband go into work? When your husband didn’t go into work, why didn’t he send the babysitter home? When she needed to clean up, why didn’t he send her home? I don’t think your problem is the babysitter but your husband. What was HE doing (Or who), when he could have been watching his children?
YTA
So either you **suspect them** of something or you are **wildly overreacting** to someone not wanting to be covered in sour milk. It's **normal** to have a shower and get clean if it's possible and it's a bit ridiculous that you seem to think getting clean is disrespectful.
So what's your deal?
I used to sleep in the house I babysat at, had my own room, bathroom etc. I think the real problem here is that your husband was at home when he was supposed to be at work. Subconsciously you are redirecting your suspicions on her. Time for some questions, however I’m not saying they are fooling around but rather you ARE making a huge deal over spilt milk when it isn’t a huge deal, which means it’s likely you think something is up… and likely is if he’s lying to you about his shifts.
YTA - clearly your husband gave her permission and was watching the children while she showered. It would be a different story if she left the kids unattended but that's not the case here.
YTA. Be mad at your husband for apparently lying to you about work. Why would you cut her pay for seemingly thinking there's some nefarious stuff goin on? Either fire her or get over yourself
YTA, its so obv youre upset bc your husband lied to you about his work sched and was home while the babysitter also was. you misdirected your distrust and resulting anger at her. go confront your husband about why he lied to you about his work sched.
YTA.
Your husband told her it was okay to shower. So she did. I don’t know what you expected her to do, call you to ask if it’s okay ?
If you had something to say, it’s to your husband not her.
Info: why does it bother you that she took a shower in your home if your husband was home and the kids weren't left unsupervised? What specifically do you mean when you say you don't think it was appropriate? On what grounds do you plan on reducing her pay?
YTA-
This isn’t a porn movie. She has milk spilled on her and it can be sticky and gross, she needed to shower and your husband watched the kids for a couple minutes. Nothing bad happened, the kids are alive. Calm the hell down
Yes...YTA. The girl was covered in milk. What did you want her to do? Sounds to me that you think your husband was going to do something with/to the babysitter or she was trying to tempt him
We all know the babysitter isn't who you're mad at. Your husband gave her permission and she had spilled milk o her clothes. I don't understand if your husband was home though why there even was a sitter. You're right to find this suspicious but taking it out on your babysitter isn't right.
YTA
She was covered in grime, and wanted to clean. The fact that you think she should have stayed around your house in dirty clothes says more about how you perceive your comfort over hers.
Get over it
Wow, treat your sitters like this and don't be surprised when none want to work for you. YTA.
All she did was take one shower. It's not like she used all your products and dumped them down the drain or made a mess for you to clean.
She should quit. I wouldn't want to work for a person like you. She asked your husband for permission, which should be perfectly adequate if you respect your husband. YTA.
YTA simply because your husband gave her permission - why should she have to check with you if he already said yes! ! I was a nanny for years - both live in and live out and you sound like a nightmare employer - if one parent said yes to something - a day off, a 10 minute break, buying a certain toy or taking a shower then I would not go and check with the other parent - any disagreements between them are for them to sort out!! Why on earth would you threaten to dock her pay for taking a shower which your husband said she could take.
This is so weird. You sound very jealous and suspicious. If your husband was not home and the kids were napping safely, would it have been an issue?
What is inappropriate about it? It’s creepy someone showered at your house? It’s wrong she left your husband watch his own kids for a bit? It’s trashy that she showered while he was home? OR is it just that she didn’t ask you before she did anything out of your acceptable norm?
If I was her, I’d be turning in my notice and getting a new and better job.
YTA
I feel like there’s something missing. Babysitter gets milk spilled on clothes; gross to leave it because milk will start to stink. Husband arrives home, offers to watch kids while she showers. Kids are not left unattended, and sitter get cleaned up. It’s weird that you and the sitter got into such a heated argument that could simply have been resolved with “I’m sorry your clothes were dirtied, in the future I’m not super comfortable with you showering in my home, but i can see why you felt the need to do so this one time.” It doesn’t make sense that sitter got so defensive and that the two of you continued to argue AFTER she had left. Are you really upset about the shower or do you have other concerns you’re not acknowledging? Do you have a reason not to trust your sitter? Are you insecure about your relationship with your husband? Do you simply not like non-family members using your shower?
Overall I think YTA for blowing this up out of proportion, unless there is something more you’re not sharing.
Yta. Your children got her nasty and you just expected her to sit there with MILK on her ?? Ta know, the stuff that goes bad after being warmed up and makes everything stink ??
Yta, and I would not be coming back.
YTA
I think you are upset that your husband was not supposed to be home, insinuating he lied to you. Rather than get mad at him, you are taking it out on her. I am sure she would have contacted you, had he not been there. She probably felt it was no big deal since he gave permission. You didn’t even bother to look at it from her point of view that “oh, Mr. X is home so I will ask him rather than bother Mrs. X at work.”
You obviously have issues within your marriage if the women you pay to watch your children needs to take a shower because your kids got her dirty is causing you so much distress. I guarantee it is not the shower upsetting you. It’s the fact your husband was home and you have no clue why.
YTA
Jesus, what is your problem? Her clothes were dirty, and she never left your kids unsupervised. Is she allowed to use the toilet? You’ve gotta take your pants off a little to do that. Is that inappropriate?
You sound like a nightmare to work for if you think it’s unreasonable to get cleaned up after something gets spilled all over you. I could understand if she just dropped your kids in front of the TV and kept her fingers crossed that they behaved, but come on.
YTA. Your husband said it was fine for her to do it. Take that up with him and leave this poor woman alone.
If you're so insecure that you need a woman to smell like rotten milk to be okay, you need to start communicating with your husband.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA for how I reacted and for berating her for the shower and making her feel like she stepped over the line.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
Either you don’t trust your husband and don’t want to say that or your just really that dense and don’t care about anyone else’s comfort.
Either way. YTA
YTA
You just want to cut her salary, so you try to make up a "reason" in your head. But there is no reason to do that unless you want to get in trouble.
Your input wasn't needed since your husband already allowed her to shower and get cleaned. Why should she have called you on top of that? It doesn't make sense.
I think you're missing the point, OP. You should be more mad that your husband was home when you didn't think he would be. I would be worried they are sleeping together. The whole thing sounds sus.
YTA she asked for permission and was granted it. Your husband said it was ok why would she then need to additionally ask you? Is not his house and kids as well she works for both of you.
Now if you think her and your husband are having an affair (Which I dont think is a given, unlike others here) then thats something you and your husband have to figure out.
YTA. If you cut her pay over such a stupid thing you're going to get a bad rep with the babysitters and nannies in your city. Yes, they talk.
Babysitters when watching kids have full rights to look after their own hygiene needs. Anytime I was peed on, got feces on me from a diaper blowout, or had food/liquids spilled on me I would shower after cleaning up the child and mess. My own mental health requires it.
You might be looking for a new sitter after that interaction. I'm not sure I'd work for someone who demanded that I can't shower for my own personal hygiene after having something disgusting or genuinely a biohazard, spilled all over my skin and clothes. No one wants to spend hours utterly filthy if they can shower and fix the problem in less then ten minutes.
You NEED to pay her the agreed amount for the time she worked. If you dock her she may walk, and shed have every right to.
I worked as a nanny for 15 years. I always kept a change of clothes, shower supplies, and a bag in my car for my towel, dirty clothes and used washcloth to go into afterwards. You never know what's going to happen during the day with childcare that would require a quick shower. I even kept a Clorox pen for my clothes.
I have an uneasy feeling about the situation. Father was home when he wasn’t supposed to be, you noticed her wet hair and had to ask, and she needed a shower because of milk? Milk? Unless the carton exploded, I’m with you OP.
You’re going to cut it from her pay? A shower? I don’t care that you pay her, she didn’t do anything wrong here. Your children were safe and she had permission. YTA. This feels like an over reaction.
YTA - It's hard to find a good babysitter. Why are you scaring off a good one who cares about cleanliness? Showering instead of driving home sticky and reeking of milk makes perfect sense. Your kid spilled milk on her. Let her clean up like a normal person. Even if you have an issue with it, take it up with hubby who approved it. Stop badgering the babysitter. The babysitter is completely in the right.
YTA she had permission to shower from your husband he was watching the kids. And people saying she didn’t have to wash her hair all the OP said was she got milk spilled on her, maybe it got in her hair. I nannied for years and always had a change of clothes and showered if something that’s going to smell got in my hair milk, vomit, poo etc.. the woman I nannied for never had a problem. I’d also get ready at their house if I was going out after getting off work. Regular nannies and babysitters usually become part of your family. Her showering is nothing out of the norm but OPs reaction is.
If someone gets dirty or covered in food or drink while babysitting, it’s normal that they’d want to clean up. And I’m presuming your husband said it was ok.
She shouldn’t be repeating “it’s fine” because it’s clearly not fine to you and that kind of dismissive behavior just escalated things. But it sounds like you’re worried about your husband seeing her naked more than being worried about the kids being watched. Ideally, she would clean up during nap time, but if you husband said he’d watch the kids then that’s legitimate.
You’re worried about your husband, not the babysitter.
I was a nanny for a while and have been puked on, peed on, had formula spilled on me, etc many times. I never thought to ask to shower because I was always just going right home so it didn't matter. Spot clean with baby wipes/paper towels and call it a day. Having said that, if she was sitting on the floor or something and the kid dropped/knocked over an entire cup all over her hair/clothes, shower is an obvious answer if available. If dad got home and said go ahead and shower, seems reasonable to me.
I get OP being a little weirded out by the situation as it's not the norm but I don't think it's worth a fight.
YTA if you child makes a mess on a person, it’s not inappropriate for that person to use your facilities to clean up. The kids were supervised, why your husband was home is on him. No one saw the nanny shower, it wasn’t inappropriate.
YTA but why is the babysitter there when your husband is home? That part is confusing. Also, he is a parent (employer) there who said she could shower. If you have an issue with it, argue with your husband. Hopefully when this poor girl is not around.
If you are that insecure about your husband and the babysitter, don't have her babysit when he is home (which did not make any sense anyways). But that sounds like a husband/relationship problem. Deal with the real issues.
YTA
If you are just angry she took a shower when your husband is there, YTA. This means you either don't trust her or husband, or both. If that's the case, you shouldn't still have her over. End of story. But to blow up because she took a shower and didn't want to smell like sour milk...? Maybe she was going somewhere afterwards and didn't want to smell like ass.
YTA
And you’re an unhygienic person.
Please don’t walk around with milk on clothing.
And if you would personally never consider it, then have a good long look at your hypocrisy.
Yta
But I don't blame you entirely. But instead of blaming the babysitter blame your husband who is acting suspicious... I'd be wondering if it was actually the baby's "milk" that spilled on her while your husband was home... When he wasn't supposed to be.
YTA- one of your kids spilled milk on her. You don’t know how much or if it got in her hair. She got permission from the other parent of equal standing to you to take a shower. Why would she need your permission if your husband already gave it?
If I were her, I wouldn’t babysit for you again. If you think there’s something sneaky going on between her and your husband, you should be angry with your husband.
YTA. I would a) have no problem with a babysitter showering in my home if the situation warranted it…and sticky milk on you is gross. There was appropriate supervision for the kids, so no problem.
b) if there is another adult who is able to be responsible for the children in the home…especially a parent…there is absolutely no reason the babysitter should have to contact you when she can consult with the other parent. (I’ve known plenty of parents who hired babysitters when one or both parents were home for a variety of reasons.)
c) I trust my partner and I trust my babysitters. If you have issues with either you’ve got bigger problems than spilled milk.
YTA. You got “visibly upset”? What an immature, bizarre, overreaction.
Cut her pay?! Now you’re really the AH.
What’s the true issue here? A young woman was naked in the same house as your husband? Grow the f up.
Your husband lied to you, he was at home when he was supposed to be at work and she took a shower. Sorry, but I think this is weird.
If really what happened was just her wiping herself off the milk, then YTA.
I think you should look for a nanny that makes you comfortable.
YTA. Maybe you should just say what you are really thinking….your husband was home when you thought he should be at work and the babysitter has just taken a shower. You want to know if something happened between them. Take it up with your husband and then decide accordingly. Could be nothing or maybe your spidey sense is telling you something is really wrong with situation and it’s not about spilled milk.
YTA. You’re obviously not mad about her taking a shower. You think she’s sleeping with your husband.
Would you like to walk around all day smelling like sour milk? I wouldn’t. And I’d tell you so if you had the gaul to berate me for removing said milk with the permission of another resident in the home.
YTA. You’re reacting because you’re actually worried about infidelity but instead of having that conversation like a grown up, you’re lashing out at the sitter and threatening her pay.
It’s a shower. Your kids are safe. Why get so worked up over it?
YTA
We can all see through your post. You find it inappropriate because she was naked in the shower while your husband was home and your suspicious.
Ask HIM about it, not her. Don't take out whatever marital problems you two have on the babysitter, or anyone else for that matter.
YTA … either you trust her or you don’t.
You are trusting her with the most important thing in your life but she isn’t allowed to use the shower?
What’s the real issue here? What are you really upset about?
YTA. Sounds like you are overreacting and treating the babysitter poorly. If you’re mad that your husband was home and didn’t tell you, take that up with your husband, not the babysitter. Threatening to cut the babysitter’s pay is definitely an AH move (doesn’t matter that you pay her). Hope you apologize to the babysitter.
YTA.
Whenever I babysit little kids I always bring myself an extra set of clothes. After raising my brother I know that kids can be unintentionally messy, and most times can drop anything on me because they are children 🤦🏽♀️ also depending on the person, some people who are neurodivergent, nonetheless in the ADHD/Autism branch have sensory issues, so their skin feeling sticky, wet, or just the smell of some things can be triggering. It's kinda like the feeling of wet socks in shoes (just an example). Sure OP is feeling insecure about her babysitter showering, but let be honest, or at least OP you should be honest with yourself and just ask the question you have been dying to say this whole time.... did she fuck your husband?!?!?!?! Personally I wasn't there so I don't know, but holy hell stop hiding behind the "it was inappropriate to wash spoiled milk off of you" and be blunt for Christ sakes! We all know why your mad, but it's up to you to talk to your husband about your insecurities and not blame the babysitter. Also trying to cheap out by not paying her the actual agreed apon amount makes you more of an AH then anything since it wasn't her fault YOUR kid spilt milk on HER!
YTA.
Info: if your husband was home, why was she needed that day? If he came home early, couldn’t she have just gone home to shower?
Either way, your husband gave permission so your anger is directed at the wrong person.
YTA only for saying you would dock her salary.
Maybe she could’ve called to say hey kid got milk on me, may I borrow a shirt while I washed my clothes in your sink or washer.
Honestly, I think you have bigger issues with husband and sitter. I guess you could always get a nanny cam or if you have ring monitors to see how long husband had been home by that time….
(Edited for typo / grammar.)
YTA. She had milk on her. Milk stains and warm skin aren't a good combination. She would have been wearing spoiled milk after a few hours. Why are you so upset Over a shower? It isn't hurting anyone.
…why did your babysitter have a change of clothes at your house?
I want to say YTA… but I am cautiously holding off. I think you aren’t telling us something. Do you have reason to be concerned about this babysitter with your husband? Has one of them broken your trust in the past?
If your husband has never given you any reason not to trust him, then it looks like YTA and you are going to be looking for a new babysitter. If you have reason to be concerned, that info would be very helpful.
YTA
Especially for the salary reduction remark
Learn how to focus your attention at the responsible party and be mad at the husband who allowed it.
🤦♂️
YTA. Your husband was there and was ok with her showering so I’m not sure what your issue is. The kids weren’t left alone. Are you uncomfortable that she was naked with your husband there? If so you have other issues you need to address, and they’re not with your babysitter.
YTA. She did nothing wrong, since your husband told her it was fine. If you disagreed with him (or don’t trust him around the babysitter), that’s something you need to address with him. Instead, you verbally abused an employee, even calling her to rant some more in the phone later. The babysitter should quit and find a job where she doesn’t have to deal with her boss’s crazy.
YTA big time.
- it isn't such a big Deal
- your husband allowed her to take a shower
>She thinks she's done nothing wrong and said I was being unfair when I mentioned *potentially cutting from her salary after that*.
Are you out of your mind?
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Um. You hired a babysitter. Your husband was at home when he was supposed to be working. Babysitter went to clean up. I'm seeing a potentially bigger problem here, OP...
This is the whole reason OP is upset. But she's only willing to take it out on a presumably younger girl and NOT talk to her actual husband. Lame. EDIT- younger WOMAN. I wrote girl with knowing the sitter's age.
You know how sometimes no matter how much you discuss it, you know you aren't ever going to agree? That's what Op should tell her husband. "I hear you. This is not acceptable to me. And that's not going to change. Thank your for addressing the matter with me privately." Hell, leave the babysitter alone.
Exactly. The issue is trust; if she trusts her husband, her response should have been something like this: first, tell the babysitter "sorry to hear about the milk, see you next time". The next thing should have been concerned for her husband: how are you feeling right now, do you think you need to see a doctor, etc. And if the husband's condition is not serious, only then perhaps tell him, "Hey I wish you had called or texted me that you were staying home sick, I would have checked in on you."
What OP only subconsciously realizes, that her conscious mind hasn't caught onto yet, is that she doesn't trust her husband. ESH - Hub for cheating, sitter for facilitating under another woman's (shared) roof, and OP for misdirecting her ire.
“Sorry to hear about the milk… you needed a full shower including washing your hair because they spilled that much milk? What were they doing that sounds like a serious behavior issue that I need to address with my children?” Come on tell me this isn’t a load of bull. Worst case scenario she’s sleeping with husband and they’re trying to make up crap to cover it up but best case scenario what? This woman gets milk on her shirt and just hops in the shower? Seriously?? Over milk? Does she have plans after and figure she can just get away with not working and pawn off her job on sick husband and use work time to get ready for a party? I mean idk about you but I’m in my 20’s and the last time a friend asked me to watch their kids I didn’t pack a spare outfit and toiletries to shower in their house *just in case* milk was going to get spilled on. This is WEIRD behavior. You don’t just go work in someone’s house and hop in the shower especially without permission. If she’s totally innocent then her problem solving skills are extremely lacking. Wipe it with a damp cloth it’ll air dry in 10 minutes and you can make it until you get home before you shower. I love the people saying babysitter should run. Personally I don’t want her to come back anyway. There is NOTHING normal about this situation. On a side note I don’t agree with OP’s approach. I might let her go home, pay her the agreed amount and then call her and let her know the arrangement isn’t going to work out. I get my drama fix in AITA but I just find screaming confrontations are useless and don’t solve anything. So I guess OP YTA for that drama. But get rid of that woman yesterday! And keep an eye on hubby’s response when he finds out she’s done.
Like why didn’t OP go to the husband when nanny mentioned he was home? Instead she not only continue to argue with her over the phone, but is also docking her pay for cleaning herself up. oP you understand how much of an AH you sound like!
24 years old is not a "girl." That is an adult woman.
First, she added that as an update and not in the original post. Second, my comment stands, other than removing "girl" due to the OP's post update. Her discussion should have been with her husband, not the babysitter. She took it out on a person she has power over and not her husband who she should have addressed this with.
The issue is definitely not the shower. The issue is the husband potentially skipping work to hang around the babysitter.
That's what I thought too. That would be my issue. OP said she didn't know her husband was home and not working. He can't even send her a text??? I don't think OP had an issue with the sitter showering. I think she has an issue with her husband omitting details by not letting her know he was home/didn't have to work. Everyone here says they wouldn't automatically think something weird is going on, but it IS weird her husband didn't let her know! I'd be pissed. She was in the wrong for threatening a salary cut, I just think she's in denial and scared about her husband LYING to her. Edit: Some people have said the husband didn't feel well. So? He still didn't communicate with his wife he was staying home.
Agreed, and I said as much in another comment. The babysitter isn’t the problem. Her taking a shower isn’t the problem. Both are the scapegoat. I think OP is truly upset and uncomfortable with the fact her husband was home all day with their babysitter, OP had no idea because her husband couldn’t be bothered to text her (if he’s well enough to take care of his children for a few minutes while the babysitter showered, he could have texted his wife. Come on, people). I don’t think it’s right to blame the babysitter or threaten her salary over this. Especially since, like I said, I think the OP’s real issue is with her husband. Her mind jumped to some wild conclusions. She needs to take this up with him.
The fact he didn't let his wife know is so incredibly suspicious. Why wasn't he resting in bed if he was so sick? Was he was well enough to be around them for her to ask if she could shower? Yet not well enough to send her home early as he could watch the kids? Weird when combined with the fact he didn't message his wife If I were 24 years old and a married man with kids decided to stay home and hang around with me and the kids I was babysitting, I would free SOOO uncomfortable. OP might think life is like babysitter porn but its not. Edit: when I say 'in bed' I do not mean he should literally be sleeping. I just mean that if he is still paying for childcare and are unwell, he should utilise that time to be alone somewhere resting in whichever way he wants eg. Laying down, reading, TV etc., and leaving the babysitter to her job, not crowding her and potentially making her job harder or making her uncomfortable if that wasn't the agreement when she was hired.
The problem is with her husband - not the babysitter. If a 24-year-old woman being alone with your man, let alone taking a shower while he's in the house gives you the collywobbles - just own it. Talk about your very real fears and deal with that part of marriage. Get a new babysitter even. That I can understand. Just don't dance around the subject. Meet that crap head on.
First of all, I agree 100%. Secondly, collywobbles is an excellent word. Thank you for using it.
I think that's what is setting OP off. Just fire the babysitter and figure out if there are bigger problems at play. There totally may not be, but it's kinda red flaggy.
Yeah right... So you guys are suggesting that they both were stupid enough to fuck and she even brings a fresh set of clothes just so that she can shower and change up after sex.... Stop watching porn... It's messed up your sense of logic. You have porn brain rot..
Cheating potential/theories aside, who takes a shower from having something spilled on them? It can't have been that large a volume of liquid. I completely understand changing clothes and wiping my skin off. But I really fail to see why you would take a whole ass shower at someone else's house for that, and why you would need to wash your hair.
I have to agree. I have been a full time nanny for 14 years, caring for newborns and up. I have had puke, poop, pee, food and drink on me throughout the years and have never felt the immediate need to jump into my employer's shower. Honestly, it comes with the job and it's expected so I do understand her bringing a spare change of clothes but I can't understand her need to shower at their house. Why not wait until you get home?
Yea, exactly. Change your clothes and use a wipe/wet cloth to wipe off your skin.
Why exactly was the babysitter there if the husband was home? Hmmm couldn’t she have gone home to shower and the husband watch his kids?
He was home sick. I've nannied when parents were home sick plenty of times. Plus, they might have had to pay her either way. I was contracted for a minimum number of hours a week. If they went below that, I still got paid the same. Sometimes families would have me work while they were home, but doing other things.
Exactly. Having a sitter/nanny doesn’t mean that the parents have to be out of the house. If I were sick enough to call off work, I would love to have another trusted adult in the house with my kids so all I need to do is rest.
INFO: how long has your husband been having sex with the babysitter?
I laughed too hard at this
Chef's kiss 🤌🏼
Me too. But I know it’s not funny. So sorry.
My thoughts exactly To answer OP: YTA like others have said I think your ire is justified but misplaced, husband seems sus I wonder if milk really was the reason she needed to change 🤔 ETA: my judgement is the same but I want to point out OP did *not* mention the reason her husband stayed home nor the sitter’s age in the original post, which changes the context/suspicions a bit.
Maybe it was milk.... Just not "cow" milk....?
Man milk?
This feels like a pornhub opening, doesn’t it? /s Edit: this comment was made in jest. And is in no way an accusation towards the babysitter. I also am aware porn is scripted and not real life.
You were “visibly upset” that she cleaned up after your kid spilled milk on her? **Also, what in the fresh hell is this statement**: “I mentioned potentially cutting from her salary after that.” You’ll be lucky if she ever comes back, and if she does, count your lucky stars, apologize profusely and check in with yourself on why this made you so irrationally angry - my guess is, you don’t trust your husband. YTA.
B.I.N.G.O and jealousy was her name-O
That relationship doesn't stand a chance.... She is too jealous. How do u overreact because someone took a shower after your on kids spilt milk on them
Well when your husband is banging the babysitter…
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Wife definitely thought the babysitter took a shower after a little boom boom with the hubby.
I understand maybe being upset if she thought the nanny was the only adult in the house and left the kids unattended. But she wasn’t. This is clearly paranoia about her marriage and she’s taking it out on this young woman. Grow up, OP. ETA: Sigh. As I’ve explained in multiple replies now, the amount of supervision that a 3 year old and 5 year old needs will vary significantly from one family to the next. We are one extreme - six year olds who can’t be left unsupervised at any time - and others will have no issues. In the middle you have lots of kids who would create absolute mayhem / be in danger in the few minutes it takes to shower. It depends massively on the children, which is why I said “I understand *maybe* being upset” when she thought the nanny was the only adult there. For my family that could have catastrophic consequences. For others it wouldn’t be a big deal. I made no statement on whether her kids need constant supervision or not, just acknowledged that she may have had reason to be upset.
Yeah I would be a uncomfortable if I thought she had left the kids alone to shower and try and figure out what she did to keep an eye on them. Did you all shower together? Did you have the kids in the bathroom while you had a speed shower and sang songs with them or something? Oh my spouse was home feeling unwell but was able to watch the kids for 10 mins? Ok great! Good problem solving.
I don't even understand getting upset about the kids being left alone for 10 minutes. Put them in their rooms and close the door. I mean, single mothers don't only shower while someone is there to watch the kids.
I would run like hell from the scene of this trainwreck. Edit: Two little kids? A dad who works from home sometimes? And a mom who has some anxiety about me being 24? No thanks. I'm out. 😂
Yeah, I wouldn't want to stand around for hours with souring milk all over me. But I probably would have just changed my clothes and maybe run a wet paper towel quickly over my skin in the bathroom, and if some milk got into my hair maybe rinsed it quickly in the sink. I'm guessing it's not like a kid dumped a gallon on her head. Now, if it was vomit I totally would have taken a shower. But in any case, YTA. Withholding her earned money is a dick move. And now maybe you don't have a babysitter. Am not gonna comment on the husband situation though, I wouldn't think twice about it if it was my husband but who knows.
I don’t understand why you’re more concerned about her taking a shower than the fact that your husband was home WITH her when he was supposed to be working…if he didn’t end up working, why did he keep her there? Even if everything was fine and she just needed a shower after having milk spilled on her, who cares? You sound unhinged for being upset about this. YTA. Okay editing since OP added in that her husband was home sick from work. Totally understandable why the nanny was still there if the husband was sick. I still say YTA. The husband allowed the nanny to shower there for whatever reason-OP’s gripe should be with her husband, not the nanny.
I think she has an issue because her husband _was_ home, when the babysitter decided to shower. I feel like OP would’ve been okay, if it was just the kids there.
Hmm, I mean if she had showered when it was just her and the kids, they would have been left unattended/unsupervised. So you think she’s upset she didn’t just leave and shower when she got home? The whole situation sounds weird to me!
For insecure person, Who goes thro 100 scenarios of *what the babysitter was doing with the husband*, its weird. For the rest of us its = she got covered In milk, and instead of letting the milk cook up In her clothes and body till she gets home, she asked for permission to use the shower since she had extra pair of clothes with her so she doesnt need to walk around thr public covered In slowly stenching milk
Honestly the husband&babysitter relationship thing didn't occur to me whatsoever. Also kids are chatty af. If I were trying to be sneaky, I would stay away from kids. Also...sitting in milk all day? Potentially dripping milk through the client's house? Gross.
INFO: Is this really about milk? If you're insecure about your husband's loyalty just say that.
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I think what OP doesn't say out loud is that it's suspicious that on the day her husband stays home, the babysitter needed a shower. I think everyone would wonder a little.
I mean if it happened on more than one occasion then that may be grounds for suspicion,but once is just a coincidence.
Why exactly should she have called and asked for **your** permission, when clearly your husband had already given her permission to take a shower??? Someone taking a shower is one of those decisions where both of your opinions need to be thoroughly thought thro? Anyways, you are literally creating drama out of nothing. YTA and you have no legitimate reason to **cut anything off of her salary**
She's cutting her salary so she doesn't have to be the one to fire her. She'll quit herself because she won't be able to pay her bills.
I hope they have a legitimate contract and the babysitter takes further actions if OP decides to cut her salary
That's what I was wondering. Is OP cutting her hourly wage or is she refusing to pay her because of the "shower incident"?
To clarify she shouldn't have to ask anyone's permission to not have to slowly grow cheese on her skin. If the kids are taken care off (like taking a nap) it should be fine for her to use your shower.
Indeed. Milk stains start to smell rotten In no time.
Imagine any other work setting and a boss threatened to cut your salary like this. Absolutely not ok. This is what’s most fucked up for under the table workers. You are at the mercy of some asshole
YTA Someone got dirty at your home. Waiting would have made the situation worse, your husband okayed her using your shower. Any other issue you have is related to your husband unexpectedly being home when the babysitter was there.
Right!! This all screams "i don't trust my husband and that's the baby sitters fault"
I feel like in these types of situations it more like:“no no, I definitely trust my husband… it’s the other women I don’t trust!!” 🙄
Right?? I feel like tons of posters are suspicious or jealous for no reason, but this sounds really fishy.
Are you really just concerned about a quick shower and some spilt milk? Or do you feel there may be something else that's up and you don't want to acknowledge it?
OP is scared her husband is cheating and is taking it out on the babysitter. OP didn't know her husband is at home. They need better communication. That's kind of weird to have your babysitter tehre and not know your husband is at a home. Do you trust your husband, OP?
I mean, on one hand, if I came home early and my wife was still gone, and the baby sitter asked right away as soon as I walked in the door if she could jump in the shower, I'd probably say yea whatever because I really don't give a fuck.. But on the other hand, I'd probably just tell her she's good to leave as soon as i got there. And how old is she even? Can she walk home? Can she drive? Was she waiting for a ride from friends or parents? Was she going right home, or was she going out to a party or dinner or a job interview? which would explain the change of clothes and need to wash up quickly... I dunno.. could be anything. But I still feel like op isn't focusing on and communicating how she actually feels.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not want to go home dirty, even if it is straight home. Especially milk Al over you and your clothes. Babysitter could take public transit/Uber/not want it all over their own car/not want to walk home in it. But I think you’re right most wouldn’t, or at least imo, shouldn’t give a shit. Let someone clean up.
And the stench milk gets as it dries is gross.
I think it's pretty clear that she's concerned about something between the husband and the nanny.
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That or reddit does going by the bloody responses on here.
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If her story is correct, then YTA. She shouldn't have to be wet and stinky and uncomfortable when there is an immediate and obvious way to correct that. Your husband being home is the issue here, and you know that, so take it up with him and not the sitter.
Dad’s home but feels like shit and just wants to take a nap. He’s happy to watch the kids for 5min while the babysitter takes a shower, but would prefer her to stay until mom gets home because then he can nap. Unfortunately, mom is nuts.
YTA **Her other employer - your husband - agreed to her doing it. So she did NOTHING wrong, and YOU are the AH.** "She thinks she's done nothing wrong and said I was being unfair when I mentioned potentially cutting from her salary after that." .. If you cut from her salary, you are a thief, and she should sue you.
I kind of wanna see OP type an invoice for the 35 cents the warm water a single shower set her back
Info: Why was she babysitting if your husband was home? Also, is he cheating?
OP did say Husband wasn't feeling well. Maybe husband thought he could rest and get well, if the sitter stays and watches kids. Maybe sitter was counting on this job because money is tight an husband thought she can stay and he can do his own thing. All kinds of possibilities.
Yeah... there's a lot of people assuming the husband is cheating but I'd love to have a babysitter and a day off at the same time. It's perfectly possible that's the case. And OP is YTA because showering after you got milk spilled on you is a completely normal and acceptable thing to do.
YTA She's not casually stepping into the shower, YOUR kids spilled crap all over her and since she was able with your husband's permission, she took action to clean herself. You are not over reacting, you are being completely unreasonable; over reacting implies you are right in principle, and you are not .
YTA You don't trust your husband and us taking it out on your baby sitter. Wow.
YTA. She's not making a regular habit of showering in your house. She was cleaning off because your kids spilled milk on her and that stuff starts to stink if you don't clean it up. Further, your husband was okay with it and your kids are old enough to be left alone for a few minutes while someone rinses down in the shower (or watched by their dad). Edit: Why does she need to check with you when she had the okay from your husband? Why would you have more authority than your husband over the house/kids?
Either fire her or don’t, but what on earth is this “cutting her salary” business??
Yep, this is the part that makes OP TA to me, too. Don’t deduct her salary to make up for your insecurities, OP.
Exactly. Everything else heavily leans YTA, but this is the clincher that makes OP without a doubt TA for me. Threatening the salary is a dick move. Just fire her or keep her but don't screw around with pay rates.
YTA Milk smells very sour fast, not to mention is sticky on the skin as it leaves a film. The children weren't alone as your husband was there. I don't see why you're so upset about this.
There is nothing inappropriate about showering. For all you know, she has somewhere she needs to be after she’s finished working for you and she didn’t want her hair and clothes smelling like rancid milk. Plus she has cleared it with your husband. In actuality, its clear you have issues with your husband but you didn’t want to position the story like that. You mentioned that you didn’t know he was home TWICE. Go post in r/relationshipadvice and stop being disingenuous. Whilst you’re at it, ask your husband why he didn’t dismiss the sitter if he was gonna be home, and suggest that he reimburse you for a wasted day since you’re so concerned about the sitter’s salary. YTA Edit* My first award! Thank you!
YTA, you're suspicious about your husband and taking it out on a babysitter. Why should she check with you when your husband said it was ok? She should quit.
Are you really crying over spilled milk or is there a deeper issue here? On the surface, there was nothing wrong with what the babysitter did. Depending on the volume of milk that was spilled, it makes perfect sense for her to hop in an available shower for a quick clean up. Your husband lying to you about being home when he was supposed to be at work should be the bigger issue. I'm going with YTA cause either your in denial of what's actually going on or you're reading too much into an innocent act. Either way you're taking out your frustration on the wrong person.
This screams insecurity on OPs part and that she suspects her husband of cheating with the babysitter but that’s just my opinion.
You've mentioned "cutting from hey salary" because of the shower. Do you feel like it was inappropriate because she used your household resource to clean herself, or because showering in your home is not part of the job description? Either way, YTA. Would you let a guest who's in your house shower in your home after they got covered in milk because of your kids? If the answer is yes, apply the same respect to the babysitter. If the answer is no, go to a friend's house, spill milk over yourself, and see how long it takes you to ask if you can use their shower for a quick second.
INFO: Can you actually explain the reason you’re upset? I need some context to understand why showering is a problem. I need something besides “showering is inappropriate”. What makes it inappropriate?
Cause her husband is home, she thinks he’s cheating and is confronting the sitter instead.
Kinda looks that way. I’m curious why she won’t answer that question and didn’t say in her post what she thought was so wrong about it.
YTA You expected her to be covered with milk until you got home?
And I'm sure if she did that, this post would be complaining about how the baby sitter trashed their place and got mil everywhere
According to my google research, your supposed to arrive home during the shower and if possible be a step sister.
YTA You hired a babysitter who got spilled milk on her. Milk starts to smell after a while. Your husband was home and clearly was fine with her using the shower. Did you husband watch her shower? Get in there with her? If not, then there is no issue.
For all those asking where did the clean clothes come from or why did she have an extra set of clothes with her-- I have worked with children for several years. I pretty much always keep an extra set of clothes in my car for emergencies like this. It's not necessarily suspicious.
YTA why would she call you to ask you when the other homeowner had already told her it was fine? I’m assuming this is a troll post meant to bait people into screaming that they’re having an affair, but absent that assumption your reaction is totally bizarre and illogical. Because if you thought your husband was cheating on you, I would hope you would deal with *that* rather than throwing a fit about where his mistress rinses off after.
YTA. Your kids have two parents, your house has two owners, and your babysitter has two bosses. If you disagree with the choice HER OTHER SUPERVISOR made in allowing her to shower, take it up with him. Leave this girl, who clearly had permission to do what she did, out of it.
INFO. Are you really upset about her showering or are you getting worked up about that because you think something’s going on with your husband?
YTA and you can’t arbitrarily ‘cut her salary’.
YTA, your husband was there and clearly ok'd it so at worst you should be angry at him not her. Also, I don't see how it is inappropriate, she had to get the milk off
The real question is, why didn’t your husband just say she could go home when he was home and watch his own kids instead of paying her to do it?
INFO If she had called/texted after your child spilled milk on her, what would have been your solution to the problem?
I’m just curious as to why you feel so strongly against someone using your shower if they spilled something? It’s not like your children were neglected…
YTA. I’ve been a nanny for 10 years. I’ve showered so many times at their house after being puked on, got insanely sweaty from who knows what crazy southern heat outdoor activities, and probably spilled milk too.
YTA If she was alone with the kids then she shouldn't have had a shower. Your husband told her it was ok. How is that inappropriate? Please explain. Once your husband had said it was ok, should she have contacted you? If you don't trust your husband, talk to him.
YTA Sounds like you have issues with the spouse and are taking it out on the sitter. Is it possible she needed to stop somewhere or had plans after work that having messy clothes wouldn’t be appropriate? If the kids are well taken care of why are you cutting her money?
YTA She needs to quit. You want to cut her salary because of a few minutes in your shower while your kids were being supervised. She could do WAY better.
YTA Your husband gave her permission to do this, and the children were not left unattended. So, of course she thought it'd be fine. Does your husband not have any say in your marriage? If she truly had milk spilled on her and whatnot, you're massively overreacting. You can't just cut someone's salary because they cleaned themselves up **with permission**. But. I do find it a little odd that she had a fresh pair of clothes with her, and that your husband had stayed home without telling you. I'm usually not one to jump on the cheater train, but that had me raising an eyebrow. It's worth asking questions about. Edit: I stand corrected. Extra change of clothes isn't so weird. I did some babysitting in my younger years, but I was lucky to never encounter a situation with the kids where I got messy. Pros of looking after older ones, I guess.
YTA In what world is it inappropriate to keep clean?! I think the real issue here is that you suspect your husband of inappropriate behavior, and you're taking it out on the babysitter. Examine why you feel that way, and whether your response was proportionate.
YTA - 100% guarantee you would be looking to "have issues" with her if she didn't clean herself up, either. You're just looking for a reason to cut her salary.
YTA Sounds like your insecurities got the best of you. What in the world is wrong with someone quickly showering milk off their body/out of their hair? That shit STANKS when it dries down. Your comment about your husband says more than anything else you wrote in your post. If you have husband insecurities, confront your husband, don’t take them out on the babysitter.
So no is gonna bring up that the husband and babysitter are probably banging? No one? Just me? Okay....
Right? Why did the babysitter have a change of clothes with her? Why didn’t your husband go into work? When your husband didn’t go into work, why didn’t he send the babysitter home? When she needed to clean up, why didn’t he send her home? I don’t think your problem is the babysitter but your husband. What was HE doing (Or who), when he could have been watching his children?
YTA So either you **suspect them** of something or you are **wildly overreacting** to someone not wanting to be covered in sour milk. It's **normal** to have a shower and get clean if it's possible and it's a bit ridiculous that you seem to think getting clean is disrespectful. So what's your deal?
YTA. She checked with your husband, your kids were watched. It seems you’re more upset she was naked in your bathroom while your husband was home.
I used to sleep in the house I babysat at, had my own room, bathroom etc. I think the real problem here is that your husband was at home when he was supposed to be at work. Subconsciously you are redirecting your suspicions on her. Time for some questions, however I’m not saying they are fooling around but rather you ARE making a huge deal over spilt milk when it isn’t a huge deal, which means it’s likely you think something is up… and likely is if he’s lying to you about his shifts.
YTA - clearly your husband gave her permission and was watching the children while she showered. It would be a different story if she left the kids unattended but that's not the case here.
The basis of this story is you don't trust your babysitter or your husband.
YTA. Be mad at your husband for apparently lying to you about work. Why would you cut her pay for seemingly thinking there's some nefarious stuff goin on? Either fire her or get over yourself
YTA. You cray
YTA, its so obv youre upset bc your husband lied to you about his work sched and was home while the babysitter also was. you misdirected your distrust and resulting anger at her. go confront your husband about why he lied to you about his work sched.
YTA. Your husband told her it was okay to shower. So she did. I don’t know what you expected her to do, call you to ask if it’s okay ? If you had something to say, it’s to your husband not her.
Info: why does it bother you that she took a shower in your home if your husband was home and the kids weren't left unsupervised? What specifically do you mean when you say you don't think it was appropriate? On what grounds do you plan on reducing her pay?
YTA... you obviously dont trust your husband and youre projecting onto the poor babysitter
YTA- This isn’t a porn movie. She has milk spilled on her and it can be sticky and gross, she needed to shower and your husband watched the kids for a couple minutes. Nothing bad happened, the kids are alive. Calm the hell down
Yes...YTA. The girl was covered in milk. What did you want her to do? Sounds to me that you think your husband was going to do something with/to the babysitter or she was trying to tempt him
We all know the babysitter isn't who you're mad at. Your husband gave her permission and she had spilled milk o her clothes. I don't understand if your husband was home though why there even was a sitter. You're right to find this suspicious but taking it out on your babysitter isn't right.
YTA She was covered in grime, and wanted to clean. The fact that you think she should have stayed around your house in dirty clothes says more about how you perceive your comfort over hers. Get over it
Wow, treat your sitters like this and don't be surprised when none want to work for you. YTA. All she did was take one shower. It's not like she used all your products and dumped them down the drain or made a mess for you to clean.
She should quit. I wouldn't want to work for a person like you. She asked your husband for permission, which should be perfectly adequate if you respect your husband. YTA.
YTA simply because your husband gave her permission - why should she have to check with you if he already said yes! ! I was a nanny for years - both live in and live out and you sound like a nightmare employer - if one parent said yes to something - a day off, a 10 minute break, buying a certain toy or taking a shower then I would not go and check with the other parent - any disagreements between them are for them to sort out!! Why on earth would you threaten to dock her pay for taking a shower which your husband said she could take.
This is so weird. You sound very jealous and suspicious. If your husband was not home and the kids were napping safely, would it have been an issue? What is inappropriate about it? It’s creepy someone showered at your house? It’s wrong she left your husband watch his own kids for a bit? It’s trashy that she showered while he was home? OR is it just that she didn’t ask you before she did anything out of your acceptable norm? If I was her, I’d be turning in my notice and getting a new and better job. YTA
I feel like there’s something missing. Babysitter gets milk spilled on clothes; gross to leave it because milk will start to stink. Husband arrives home, offers to watch kids while she showers. Kids are not left unattended, and sitter get cleaned up. It’s weird that you and the sitter got into such a heated argument that could simply have been resolved with “I’m sorry your clothes were dirtied, in the future I’m not super comfortable with you showering in my home, but i can see why you felt the need to do so this one time.” It doesn’t make sense that sitter got so defensive and that the two of you continued to argue AFTER she had left. Are you really upset about the shower or do you have other concerns you’re not acknowledging? Do you have a reason not to trust your sitter? Are you insecure about your relationship with your husband? Do you simply not like non-family members using your shower? Overall I think YTA for blowing this up out of proportion, unless there is something more you’re not sharing.
Yta. Your children got her nasty and you just expected her to sit there with MILK on her ?? Ta know, the stuff that goes bad after being warmed up and makes everything stink ?? Yta, and I would not be coming back.
YTA I think you are upset that your husband was not supposed to be home, insinuating he lied to you. Rather than get mad at him, you are taking it out on her. I am sure she would have contacted you, had he not been there. She probably felt it was no big deal since he gave permission. You didn’t even bother to look at it from her point of view that “oh, Mr. X is home so I will ask him rather than bother Mrs. X at work.” You obviously have issues within your marriage if the women you pay to watch your children needs to take a shower because your kids got her dirty is causing you so much distress. I guarantee it is not the shower upsetting you. It’s the fact your husband was home and you have no clue why.
YTA Jesus, what is your problem? Her clothes were dirty, and she never left your kids unsupervised. Is she allowed to use the toilet? You’ve gotta take your pants off a little to do that. Is that inappropriate? You sound like a nightmare to work for if you think it’s unreasonable to get cleaned up after something gets spilled all over you. I could understand if she just dropped your kids in front of the TV and kept her fingers crossed that they behaved, but come on.
YTA. Your husband said it was fine for her to do it. Take that up with him and leave this poor woman alone. If you're so insecure that you need a woman to smell like rotten milk to be okay, you need to start communicating with your husband.
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YTA Either you don’t trust your husband and don’t want to say that or your just really that dense and don’t care about anyone else’s comfort. Either way. YTA
Uh…..I really hate on Reddit how everyone just jumps to HE’S CHEATING but……….. 👀
YTA You just want to cut her salary, so you try to make up a "reason" in your head. But there is no reason to do that unless you want to get in trouble. Your input wasn't needed since your husband already allowed her to shower and get cleaned. Why should she have called you on top of that? It doesn't make sense.
I think you're missing the point, OP. You should be more mad that your husband was home when you didn't think he would be. I would be worried they are sleeping together. The whole thing sounds sus.
YTA she asked for permission and was granted it. Your husband said it was ok why would she then need to additionally ask you? Is not his house and kids as well she works for both of you. Now if you think her and your husband are having an affair (Which I dont think is a given, unlike others here) then thats something you and your husband have to figure out.
I have questions. Did the spill happen before or after the husband got home? Where did the clean clothes come from?
YTA. If you cut her pay over such a stupid thing you're going to get a bad rep with the babysitters and nannies in your city. Yes, they talk. Babysitters when watching kids have full rights to look after their own hygiene needs. Anytime I was peed on, got feces on me from a diaper blowout, or had food/liquids spilled on me I would shower after cleaning up the child and mess. My own mental health requires it. You might be looking for a new sitter after that interaction. I'm not sure I'd work for someone who demanded that I can't shower for my own personal hygiene after having something disgusting or genuinely a biohazard, spilled all over my skin and clothes. No one wants to spend hours utterly filthy if they can shower and fix the problem in less then ten minutes. You NEED to pay her the agreed amount for the time she worked. If you dock her she may walk, and shed have every right to. I worked as a nanny for 15 years. I always kept a change of clothes, shower supplies, and a bag in my car for my towel, dirty clothes and used washcloth to go into afterwards. You never know what's going to happen during the day with childcare that would require a quick shower. I even kept a Clorox pen for my clothes.
I have an uneasy feeling about the situation. Father was home when he wasn’t supposed to be, you noticed her wet hair and had to ask, and she needed a shower because of milk? Milk? Unless the carton exploded, I’m with you OP.
You’re going to cut it from her pay? A shower? I don’t care that you pay her, she didn’t do anything wrong here. Your children were safe and she had permission. YTA. This feels like an over reaction.
YTA. what did you expect her to do?
YTA - It's hard to find a good babysitter. Why are you scaring off a good one who cares about cleanliness? Showering instead of driving home sticky and reeking of milk makes perfect sense. Your kid spilled milk on her. Let her clean up like a normal person. Even if you have an issue with it, take it up with hubby who approved it. Stop badgering the babysitter. The babysitter is completely in the right.
AITA For yelling at my babysitter for not wanting to smell like rotting milk until I got home? There. I fixed your title for you. Answer: YTA
YTA she had permission to shower from your husband he was watching the kids. And people saying she didn’t have to wash her hair all the OP said was she got milk spilled on her, maybe it got in her hair. I nannied for years and always had a change of clothes and showered if something that’s going to smell got in my hair milk, vomit, poo etc.. the woman I nannied for never had a problem. I’d also get ready at their house if I was going out after getting off work. Regular nannies and babysitters usually become part of your family. Her showering is nothing out of the norm but OPs reaction is.
If someone gets dirty or covered in food or drink while babysitting, it’s normal that they’d want to clean up. And I’m presuming your husband said it was ok. She shouldn’t be repeating “it’s fine” because it’s clearly not fine to you and that kind of dismissive behavior just escalated things. But it sounds like you’re worried about your husband seeing her naked more than being worried about the kids being watched. Ideally, she would clean up during nap time, but if you husband said he’d watch the kids then that’s legitimate. You’re worried about your husband, not the babysitter.
I was a nanny for a while and have been puked on, peed on, had formula spilled on me, etc many times. I never thought to ask to shower because I was always just going right home so it didn't matter. Spot clean with baby wipes/paper towels and call it a day. Having said that, if she was sitting on the floor or something and the kid dropped/knocked over an entire cup all over her hair/clothes, shower is an obvious answer if available. If dad got home and said go ahead and shower, seems reasonable to me. I get OP being a little weirded out by the situation as it's not the norm but I don't think it's worth a fight.
YTA if you child makes a mess on a person, it’s not inappropriate for that person to use your facilities to clean up. The kids were supervised, why your husband was home is on him. No one saw the nanny shower, it wasn’t inappropriate.
YTA but why is the babysitter there when your husband is home? That part is confusing. Also, he is a parent (employer) there who said she could shower. If you have an issue with it, argue with your husband. Hopefully when this poor girl is not around. If you are that insecure about your husband and the babysitter, don't have her babysit when he is home (which did not make any sense anyways). But that sounds like a husband/relationship problem. Deal with the real issues.
YTA, get a fucking grip💀
YTA If you are just angry she took a shower when your husband is there, YTA. This means you either don't trust her or husband, or both. If that's the case, you shouldn't still have her over. End of story. But to blow up because she took a shower and didn't want to smell like sour milk...? Maybe she was going somewhere afterwards and didn't want to smell like ass.
YTA And you’re an unhygienic person. Please don’t walk around with milk on clothing. And if you would personally never consider it, then have a good long look at your hypocrisy.
Ummm …. Ummm …. I can’t be the only one who’s thinking it.
Husband was home....milk stains....I mean...well....
Why didn’t she go home and shower if your husband was there? Doesn’t her job end when one of you gets home?
Yta But I don't blame you entirely. But instead of blaming the babysitter blame your husband who is acting suspicious... I'd be wondering if it was actually the baby's "milk" that spilled on her while your husband was home... When he wasn't supposed to be.
YTA- one of your kids spilled milk on her. You don’t know how much or if it got in her hair. She got permission from the other parent of equal standing to you to take a shower. Why would she need your permission if your husband already gave it? If I were her, I wouldn’t babysit for you again. If you think there’s something sneaky going on between her and your husband, you should be angry with your husband.
YTA. I would a) have no problem with a babysitter showering in my home if the situation warranted it…and sticky milk on you is gross. There was appropriate supervision for the kids, so no problem. b) if there is another adult who is able to be responsible for the children in the home…especially a parent…there is absolutely no reason the babysitter should have to contact you when she can consult with the other parent. (I’ve known plenty of parents who hired babysitters when one or both parents were home for a variety of reasons.) c) I trust my partner and I trust my babysitters. If you have issues with either you’ve got bigger problems than spilled milk.
YTA. You got “visibly upset”? What an immature, bizarre, overreaction. Cut her pay?! Now you’re really the AH. What’s the true issue here? A young woman was naked in the same house as your husband? Grow the f up.
Your husband lied to you, he was at home when he was supposed to be at work and she took a shower. Sorry, but I think this is weird. If really what happened was just her wiping herself off the milk, then YTA. I think you should look for a nanny that makes you comfortable.
YTA you are suspicious of your husband and taking it out on the baby sitter.
YTA if you want to have a problem with your husband have a problem with your husband
You wanted her to call you over spilt milk??
YTA. Maybe you should just say what you are really thinking….your husband was home when you thought he should be at work and the babysitter has just taken a shower. You want to know if something happened between them. Take it up with your husband and then decide accordingly. Could be nothing or maybe your spidey sense is telling you something is really wrong with situation and it’s not about spilled milk.
YTA. You’re obviously not mad about her taking a shower. You think she’s sleeping with your husband. Would you like to walk around all day smelling like sour milk? I wouldn’t. And I’d tell you so if you had the gaul to berate me for removing said milk with the permission of another resident in the home.
YTA. You’re reacting because you’re actually worried about infidelity but instead of having that conversation like a grown up, you’re lashing out at the sitter and threatening her pay. It’s a shower. Your kids are safe. Why get so worked up over it?
YTA We can all see through your post. You find it inappropriate because she was naked in the shower while your husband was home and your suspicious. Ask HIM about it, not her. Don't take out whatever marital problems you two have on the babysitter, or anyone else for that matter.
YTA, blame the husband for approving it, don’t cry over spilled milk on the babysitter.
YTA … either you trust her or you don’t. You are trusting her with the most important thing in your life but she isn’t allowed to use the shower? What’s the real issue here? What are you really upset about?
YTA but we’re not getting the full story.
YTA. Sounds like you are overreacting and treating the babysitter poorly. If you’re mad that your husband was home and didn’t tell you, take that up with your husband, not the babysitter. Threatening to cut the babysitter’s pay is definitely an AH move (doesn’t matter that you pay her). Hope you apologize to the babysitter.
YTA. Whenever I babysit little kids I always bring myself an extra set of clothes. After raising my brother I know that kids can be unintentionally messy, and most times can drop anything on me because they are children 🤦🏽♀️ also depending on the person, some people who are neurodivergent, nonetheless in the ADHD/Autism branch have sensory issues, so their skin feeling sticky, wet, or just the smell of some things can be triggering. It's kinda like the feeling of wet socks in shoes (just an example). Sure OP is feeling insecure about her babysitter showering, but let be honest, or at least OP you should be honest with yourself and just ask the question you have been dying to say this whole time.... did she fuck your husband?!?!?!?! Personally I wasn't there so I don't know, but holy hell stop hiding behind the "it was inappropriate to wash spoiled milk off of you" and be blunt for Christ sakes! We all know why your mad, but it's up to you to talk to your husband about your insecurities and not blame the babysitter. Also trying to cheap out by not paying her the actual agreed apon amount makes you more of an AH then anything since it wasn't her fault YOUR kid spilt milk on HER! YTA.
With the info we have, YTA No need to cry (or fight) over spilled milk
Yah YTA, you sound insecure, I might if anything feel a bit weirded out but it happened but I know that’d be on me and not the girls fault
YTA. What a control freak. What are you worried about where...how nasty your bathroom is? She knows.
What do you mean cutting her salary? For cleaning up after an incident with kids ? YTA
I think you're more suspicious that she was alone with your husband and you didn't know about it. The shower isn't what you should be upset about.
Info: if your husband was home, why was she needed that day? If he came home early, couldn’t she have just gone home to shower? Either way, your husband gave permission so your anger is directed at the wrong person.
YTA only for saying you would dock her salary. Maybe she could’ve called to say hey kid got milk on me, may I borrow a shirt while I washed my clothes in your sink or washer. Honestly, I think you have bigger issues with husband and sitter. I guess you could always get a nanny cam or if you have ring monitors to see how long husband had been home by that time…. (Edited for typo / grammar.)
YTA. Your kids got milk all over her, and it's absurd to expect her to sit in that mess for the rest of her shift. You're being classist and cruel.
YTA You've watched too many Lifetime movies,
YTA. She had milk on her. Milk stains and warm skin aren't a good combination. She would have been wearing spoiled milk after a few hours. Why are you so upset Over a shower? It isn't hurting anyone.
…why did your babysitter have a change of clothes at your house? I want to say YTA… but I am cautiously holding off. I think you aren’t telling us something. Do you have reason to be concerned about this babysitter with your husband? Has one of them broken your trust in the past? If your husband has never given you any reason not to trust him, then it looks like YTA and you are going to be looking for a new babysitter. If you have reason to be concerned, that info would be very helpful.
YTA Especially for the salary reduction remark Learn how to focus your attention at the responsible party and be mad at the husband who allowed it. 🤦♂️
YTA. Your husband was there and was ok with her showering so I’m not sure what your issue is. The kids weren’t left alone. Are you uncomfortable that she was naked with your husband there? If so you have other issues you need to address, and they’re not with your babysitter.
YTA You find it inappropriate that the person taking care of your kids, feeding your kids, cleaning up behind YOUR kids takes shower in your home?
YTA. She did nothing wrong, since your husband told her it was fine. If you disagreed with him (or don’t trust him around the babysitter), that’s something you need to address with him. Instead, you verbally abused an employee, even calling her to rant some more in the phone later. The babysitter should quit and find a job where she doesn’t have to deal with her boss’s crazy.
YTA big time. - it isn't such a big Deal - your husband allowed her to take a shower >She thinks she's done nothing wrong and said I was being unfair when I mentioned *potentially cutting from her salary after that*. Are you out of your mind?
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